Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 61. Michael Oliver

Episode Date: July 27, 2015

To mark the 25th anniversary of the release of the cult classic black comedy "Problem Child" (July 27, 1990), Gilbert and Frank reached out to Junior himself, former child star Michael Oliver, to talk about his memories of co-stars John Ritter and Jack Warden, his battles with the film's producers and his struggles to lead a normal life off-screen. Also, Gilbert carries the "Problem Child" torch, PETA protests the movie's ad campaign, and Michael turns his back on showbiz. PLUS: "Drexel's Class"! Macaulay Culkin! "The Munsters Today"! The Beach Boys get into the act! And Gilbert "plays" Robert Redford! If you've got a car and a license, put 'em both to work for you and start earning serious, life-changing money today. Sign up to drive with Uber. Visit http://www.DriveWithUber.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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what they call cult movies. And two of those that are major in the cult movie title are Problem Child and Problem Child 2. And the actual Problem Child was played by a very young actor named Michael Oliver. I wanted Michael to come on the show and talk about those old days, but he blew me off. And I thought, the kid from Problem Child won't talk to me? What the hell's the matter with him? But I shamed him into doing it. So today on the show, my former co-star and friend, Michael Oliver. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast.

I'm here with my co-host Frank Santo Padre and you know just about every day someone will come up to me and they'll say oh I you know what picture I loved when I was a kid problem child one and problem child two Problem Child 1 and Problem Child 2. And then the next thing they always ask me is, what ever happened to that kid that played Junior? Well, wonder no more, because we have him with us right now. My old co-star from Problem Child 1 and 2, Junior Healy himself, Michael Oliver. Michael, hello. Top of the day to you, sir.

Michael, thanks for doing the show. We appreciate it. Oh, it's a pleasure. It's exciting. I mean, I haven't spoken to this guy, well, at any length since, how long has it been, Gilbert? 1990, 91? Yeah, it was... This is very weird.

I was on Dr. Drew's radio show. Oh, Lovelines. Yeah, I guess I was talking about premature ejaculation or something. And I get a call from an adult. And this adult voice says, Hi, this is Michael Oliver from Problem Child. I love it.

Well, I had to. Go ahead. Oh, I just had to make the call. I mean, like I said, I hadn't spoken to or heard from you in well over a decade, maybe two. I thought, hell, give him a call, see if I get through. And lucky enough, I did. Awesome. Did you tell them when you called,

this is Michael Oliver from Gilbert's Old Coal Store, put me through? Yeah, yeah. Funny enough, I mean, to what I understand, people trying to call into that show, like, nobody ever gets through. So I guess it was fortuitous but i was able to that's great now can we get first of all to how you got the part in problem child oh man i got lucky yeah that's really all it comes down to. I mean, okay, so I don't know, a couple hundred auditions

when I was a kid, just kind of raised into it. Landed a spot for a Chevron commercial and the casting agent who was casting Problem Child at the time, Valerie McCaffrey,

saw the commercial, called the ad agency, tracked me down. A couple weeks later, it was contracted. Yeah, and I remember you... Oh, go ahead. But basically, it was... She had been trying to cast it for a while, was unsuccessful with it, and I guess I had a look. They said you looked like Oiate in those days that's

doing doing some internet research they said there was a resemblance between you and our young ron howard michael i'm flattered i've never heard that oh yeah and one kid who went up for the part uh was uh from eventually wound up doing Home Alone. Oh, Macaulay Culkin. Yeah. Could have been the problem child. Yeah. Do you remember any of your lines from the Chevron commercial? None of them specifically, but it was basically teenage girl going out on a date.

Mom says you have to bring younger brother. Younger brother is me. teenage girl going out on a date mom says you have to bring younger brother younger brother's meet younger brother ends up stealing boyfriend's attention by talking about all the amazing properties of chevron gas there you go so you are basically like a problem child in that i don't know i I guess Problem Child, not quite. But an annoyance. It'll be a 30-second spot. Yeah. Annoyance.

There you go. You were eight years old, Michael, when you got the audition for Problem Child. Once you got in front of the casting agent there, what happened? Once you got in front of the people. Seven. Yeah, seven. Actually turned eight in the middle of people. Seven. Yeah, seven. Actually turned eight in the middle of filming

Problem Child. So the whole I'll be eight in two weeks wasn't too far off. But, you know, that's pushing my memory's limits right there. I recall

a lot of celebrating in our house, but not a whole lot past that. I mean, in those days, there were so many auditions that they all kind of ran together. So was your mother like a stage mother? Oh, yeah. I remember you saying in one interview, truth be told, I was a seven-year-old with a perfect look. Yep.

Well, let me ask you this. Coming from the role of the casting agent or the casting director, you've been trying to do this for several months, nobody fits, and you're just getting frustrated with it and you see a 30 second spot now really how much of a showcase for acting talent did that i mean gilbert they dubbed over my voice and put my quick glasses on oh yeah in the commercial in the commercial yeah can we find this commercial me um i don't know i haven't god i haven't seen it since wonder if it's on youtube somewhere might be might exist on the web somewhere so what was it like when you first arrived on the set of a major motion picture you know it's an interesting question

because when you're that young everything is exciting especially if the people around you are excited i mean people ask me what it was like growing up in showbiz and i have no basis for comparison i asked them what it was like growing up normal so it was just this is life this is what we do i had no idea what you know typical elementary school after school sports those things were like i just knew what it was like being on the set and um do you remember anything about John Ritter? He was a sweetheart. Yeah. I remember he got me a radio-controlled car right after we met.

That was the big thing. That's nice. And he was just always, he was really nice to me on the set. And I think he kind of knew that I was very new to all of it. Because he really kind of took me under his wing and showed me around and said, this is what you do and don't want to do. Real good guy. I mean, it's a pity he's no longer around because I would have loved to reconnect with him. Damn shame.

At seven, were you aware of his celebrity, Michael? Were you aware of Gilbert? I mean, were you aware of his celebrity, Michael? Were you aware of Gilbert? I mean, were you aware of the celebrity of any of these people that you were co-starring with? Well, sure. But if there's a time period where your stars struck, for me it passed really quick just because everyone was really nice. They were good people.

So it wasn't, this is someone I see on TV. It was more, this person is cool. This is someone I like hanging out with. End of story. What do you remember about Jack Warden? The great Jack Warden. Oh, yeah. I remember at one point

on the set of Problem Child 2, he ad-libbed in the word damn. Was he nice to you, Michael? Oh, he was awesome. He was awesome. He always played such crusty characters.

Well, that's a true actor right there. I mean, someone who can convince you that that's so natural and then flip it off like a switch and be a total sweetheart. And what do you remember about another major star, the great Gilbert Gottfried? I'd be curious to know when you guys first met on the set. Oh, man. He's nuts.

I got a good one for you, and I don't even know if I can even try to do any kind of Gilbert Gottfried impersonation. Oh, you did in the movie. Oh, go for it. Yeah. Okay, story time.

Check this out. We did a music video with the Beach Boys after the filming of Problem Child 1. And that was filmed on one of the universal back lots. I don't remember whereabouts it was. But this back lot had a huge parking lot that had been built to accommodate all of the cars and somewhere along the line some family that owned a house on the land where this parking lot was supposed to be built decided they didn't want to sell the house so they kept the house and Universal built this parking lot around this house with a little driveway and everything.

And it just sat there right in the middle of this Universal backlog. It was the weirdest bloody thing. They weren't going to move. No. Come hell, high water, or Universal, they were staying right there. And I was not present for this. My dad was apparently my dad and gilbert took a walk and found this house and because they'd heard stories about it i don't know

but they found this house they were walking past it and gilbert kind of looks at my dad quietly says wouldn't it be great if we ran through that house screaming with hatchets? As you do. And for the love of Christ, I wish I could have seen the look on my dad's face for that. That's great.

That's great. That's great. Now, when we were... Go ahead. Well, I was just going to say, that's the kind of nuts that people like to have around because it just keeps things, I don't know, crazy. Did anyone warn you about him, Michael? Did anybody say,

we're going to introduce you to Gilbert Gottfried and give you a little background? Or it just sort of threw you to the wolves no i was wolves okay now it's funny with problem child is that nobody expected any success of that movie. I remember hearing from I would hear there was talk from Universal that someone said if this movie even

breaks even we'll be dancing in the streets. Really? Oh yeah. And they said we're going to treat this movie like a wounded soldier. We're going to make a run for it and save our own asses. And I remember after it was over, after we were through filming, John Ritter, I said it's my last day of filming, and John Ritter looked at me sadly and said, well, you know, you know the way it is.

You do whatever they give you, and then you hope for the best, and that's all you can do. There's nothing you can do. So it was a genuine surprise that this thing made seven, eight times its budget. Yeah, it was insane. That amazes me. I had never heard that. I didn't figure that there was any kind of, you know,

take the dog out back with the shotgun mentality going on. Oh, there was. It was like poison the dog first and then shoot it. You know, Michael, I have to ask you. So you're seven years old when you get this film. And do they give a seven-year-old actor a script to read, or was it just given to your parents and your parents made the decision, oh, he's fine with this?

You know, he'll demolish a house with a bulldozer and suck up tropical fish into a vacuum cleaner. It's not a problem. How did it go? Did they sit down and explain it to you? I think it's a good thing I was raised the way I was because, like I said, yeah, my mom, stage mother, totally. But also the type of parent who really expected and encouraged a certain kind of intelligence out of their kids. So when my mom got her hands on the script, she asked me if I wanted to read it first, and there you go.

How about that? I was allowed any media I wanted. Like, violence wasn't an issue, because every now and then she would just look at me and she'd say, are you sure this is what you want to watch? Yes. Okay, well, is any of this real? No. Well, okay, then we're cool. And I'm really grateful for that. I mean, she did a lot to really help me understand the difference between what was going on in the film and what wasn't. By just allowing me to, I don't know, be exposed to it and learn on my own. Also who was in that movie, a totally unknown comic actor by the name of Michael Richards.

Ah, yes. Oh, yeah. I haven't heard much from him lately. Michael played the bow tie killer. Yep. Do you remember any... You know, I think we ran into him on some backlog or another. I was out for an audition, and this is after...

God, I don't even remember when this was, but it was many, many years ago. And I was coming out of an audition. We went to the commissary to get some food, ran into him there, and it was just shoot the shit for a few minutes. How the hell have you been? What are you up to? He said, well, I'm just leaving this callback for this TV series. I feel really good about it. Jerry Seinfeld's in it.

Oh, okay, well, awesome, man. Break a leg. That's the last thing I heard from him. Did he ever get the part? Obviously. Obviously. obviously and then I remember like the movie

that no one was hoping anything for all of a sudden they started showing trailers for the film in theaters and people started going nuts over the trailers and then

everybody was in shock, well, especially Universal, going, oh, my God, is this actually going to be a hit? And then from there, you started to do other TV shows. Yeah, a lot of guest spots, a lot of typecast. I mean, from that point forward i was problem child oh you were from after the second film between the first film and the second film or just after the second film no um right away just just right after the release of the first now what are some of the TV shows that you remember doing?

Let's see. Guest spots on Drexel's Class with Dabney Coleman. Monsters Today. That one was fun. Monsters Today. Oh, who was Herman? Was that John Shuck? I don't remember. I remember that John Shuck? I don't remember.

I remember either John Shuck or Edward Herman. Edward Herman played him. That's right. From Gilmore Girls. Do you have any recollection of that? And I think Robert Morse was Grandpa. I believe Robert Morse was Grandpa. You're right.

And I'm having a memory of Lee Merriweather as Lily. I could have dreamt that. I think that could be true. Does any of that ring true, Michael? Honestly, I'm bad enough with names that I've been introduced a half hour ago. You also did a show starring a man who was a friend of Gilbert's and mine, Richard Jenney, a show called Platypus Man. Yeah, Platypus Man.

Any memory of that at all? Richard Jenney was awesome. That guy, okay. He is the kind of dude where you don't see him for a few years, you run into him, he gives you a hug, and it's like it's not a formality. Yeah. A legit friend. Make sense?

See, that's the difference between Richard Cheney and me. I can meet somebody at a party and run into him five minutes later, and I don't know who it is. That's me. Same here. I think that was our relationship for about a decade. Yeah. We did a few shows where I couldn't pronounce Frank's last name.

I would just fuck up his name in each introduction. But we actually met working on a show with Richard Jenney. Oh, yeah? Interestingly enough. Caroline's Comedy Hour. Yeah, a show called Caroline's Comedy Hour. I was writing on that show, and Gilbert came on to play Robert Redford in a spoof of the movie Indecent Proposal.

Oh, God. So Richard Jenny played a role in all of our lives. Yeah. Now, so you... Yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go ahead. All I was going to say is that it's a good thing he did, because he's a good dude. And what do you remember about the Munsters? That was so much fun. I remember being very ADD and being surrounded by a set of sci-fi stuff to tinker with and then be told, leave that shit alone, it's a hot set. That's about all.

What was the name of that Munsters again? We could have Dara, our crack staff, Dara Gottfried is here, and we'll look that up for us. What was the name of that one? That was the Munsters Today? Yep. Because there was a new Munsters,ill with john shuck yeah as grandpa there was one i think i think linda lavin was directing jesus i remember eddie izzard playing grandpa a few years ago oh my god

they brought it back again now so then as i to everyone, after the success of Problem Child, they come up with Problem Child 2. Yep. And so we're all back. Okay, and now, you know, I won't get into too much detail, Okay, and now, you know, I won't get into too much detail, but then there was like a lawsuit between your family and the producers. Yeah, that was unpleasant. Yeah. The basic gist of it is, and you'll have to bear with me because my understanding of it was limited them. Yeah. And that coupled with poor memory leaves a lot of holes.

So I'll give you the best I've got as far as recollection. Basically, our contract was to be paid largely or primarily out of what are called net points. And net points were an unknown thing at the time when the original contract was negotiated. So we didn't realize what it was, what it was all about. After the filming of Problem Child 1, my mom did a little bit more research, found out about what was going on. You know, there were other stories in the news. I want to say Eddie Murphy was involved in a lawsuit regarding the exact same thing.

And he coined the term monkey points, saying you don't get monkey shit from them. And the idea is that if I tell you I'm going to be paying you, you know, $20 out of gross and $50 out of net, well, net is what's left over after everyone else has been paid. So if I do my numbers right, I don't have to pay you anymore. I just give you the $20 out of gross and we're done. I was in, and called gross. And the renegotiation took several days.

Now, of course, these renegotiations had to wait until the executive producers were willing to, I don't know, open Ted renegotiation, Ted renegotiation, then push the production schedule back, which of course made it look like we were holding a gun to their heads when we had just been sitting on our, our asses waiting for the renegotiations in the first place. Really messy. Anyway, long story short. But yeah, long story short, it was just a really

nasty scene. I feel like I was pretty badly taken advantage of. But at the end of the day, looking back at all of it, I'm actually really grateful for it because I feel like if that hadn't all gone down, I'd be a snot-nosed kid with a portion and a bunch of fake friends.

I've had to see the top. I've had to see the bottom. And I'm grateful for all of it. And also, you never really know what would have happened with or without the lawsuit, because so many child stars, they hit 11, and they're already considered washed up. They say, oh, you're not a little kid anymore. But then after that,

after Universal wins, then career-wise, I guess that scared people away in the business. Yeah. Well, I think it was a mutual breakup between me and the industry. I'm not going to say one side dumped the other because at that point, I was kind of done with it anyway.

I was getting old enough to where I could really start to understand the impact of my decisions. And the decision was always mine to begin with. Again, my mom really encouraging about all of it, made sure I was informed. And then I started to realize that I think I want a normal life. So now I work my ass off. I have a nine to five quiet existence. I'm happy with it. Good for you.

What do you do, Michael? Right now, tech support. Good for you. So, yeah, it's a lot of fun. After getting back, I'm sorry, with the lawsuit and losing that, now you started, your family started running out of money. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So what happened then? Well, I think a lot of it had to do with the lawsuit. I don't want to get into details. Yeah. No, that's fine. But suffice to say that after all that, I mean, after the impact on morale that that left our family with,

everything kind of took a downturn. We ended up staying with some friends for a while, slowly dusted ourselves off and got back up. But I want to say it was a good couple of years that we were just completely busted up. So you had lost your house. Oh, yeah. That was a seven-story house in Hacienda Heights with a canyon for a backyard and an observation tower.

Wow. Nice place. Yep. But so you how did you find out you had lost it? I mean, did your mother just come to you one day and. Well, they they fought tooth and nail to keep the place. But it wasn't meant to be. So essentially it was just normal life, day to day,

and then suddenly that all gets broken up and grab your shit. We're going to stay with some friends. Okay. And lucky you had all these friends who are willing to take you in definitely i've always surrounded myself with good people my family have always surrounded themselves with good people if it weren't for the people in our lives i have no idea where i'd be

oh god and michael lawsuit aside i mean you been acting, it sounds like you wanted a normal life. You'd been acting, what, since you were six at that point? Yeah, to a take. So you didn't, and I'm going to assume from what you told us at the beginning of the interview, that you were what? You were homeschooled, you were getting tutors on the set, you really weren't having any semblance of a normal childhood. Yeah, and I'm not going to say that one is better than the other. They're just very different. And the grass is always greener.

When you're a kid and you're watching the sitcom about the child star or child actor and you wonder what that life is like, I was sitting on the opposite side of the fence wondering the same. Interesting. That's really all it is. And how many child stars are driven nutty from the whole experience? Most of them. So you kind of lucked out there that you didn't go on a killing spree like later in life.

We've talked to a couple of child stars. There's still time. There's still time. You're young. We've talked to a couple of different ones on the show. Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees, I don't know if you know, was a child star, Michael. I'm not familiar.

Yeah, and he left the business for a while, and he tried to have a normal life. His parents wanted him to have a normal life. We also talked to Butch Patrick from the original Eddie Munster, who went to hell and back. And wild man himself, Danny Bonaduce. And Danny Bonaduce. How could I forget Danny? Oh, my God.

A child star who really went to hell and back and made something of himself. And Danny Bonaduce said something that I always loved. He said, people say it's bad to be a child star. And he goes, being a child star is great. It's the greatest thing in the world. The worst part of it is being a former child star. Oh, I don't know about that. I don't have any

problem with it. It's a great icebreaker and party. Michael, you were starting to tell us about your friends shaming you into doing the podcast, which we think is fun. Yeah, because I remember I called you, and I

didn't get a call back. He was blowing you off. Yeah. And I thought... I'd like to apologize for that. That was legit not blowing you off. That was just a whole bunch of other crazy crap going on and everything kind of got backburned.

So, my apologies. And I... I remember we... Yeah, go buddy of mine yeah go ahead no go ahead well a buddy of mine is um a big fan of yours and he's just been giving me grief about it and that was when i finally went back to facebook and looked up old messages and thought, wait a minute, I got a message from Gilbert and Sarah. How old was that? Several months. Oh, fuck.

And I messaged back apologizing profusely and saying, no, no, I'm interested. I'm just a dumbass. I remember we also met when we were doing the, oh, well, we already talked about that. Love lives. I remember, yeah, I remember John Stamos was on the music video. He was playing drums. Yeah, that was his first gig drumming for for the Beast Boys if I recall correctly and I remember I was I was talking to um uh Larry Karaszewski and Scott Alexander

who created Problem Child and yeah I I remembered this and this is my favorite thing about how movies get censored on TV, and that was in Problem Child 2. One of the women brings John Ritter a pie to welcome him to the neighborhood, and then they're supposed to be going on a date. And you say to John Ritter, oh, I remember her. Her pie gave us the runs. Yep, and I remember the dub, too. Yeah, the network. Do you remember what it was dubbed to?

Her pie gave us a rash. Yes. So it was changed from diarrhea to syphilis. You know, I never really thought about that. Leave it to you, Gilbert. Yeah. It went from the pastry she cooked gave us diarrhea to her pussy gave us gonorrhea. Oh, God.

And that was the network cleaning it up. And Scott and Larry told us, Michael, that it was a very different film originally. I mean, their script was a very different, darker, hipper comedy. It was based on a true story. Based on an L.A. Times article and a true story. What? Yeah. No, I didn't know about that. They had told us that they had read a New York Times article about this kid who was adopted who was horrible, where after a while the parents left town to get away from him because they were terrified.

When you get to your computer, Michael, go to Wikipedia. Just put Problem Child into Wikipedia because somebody added Scott and Larry's version of the events. The podcast interview that we did with them is referenced. It was based on an LA Times article. It was a darker – the way Scott explained it to us is that they were trying to send up films like Look Who's Talking, films where children, beautiful, cute little children would come into parents' lives and teach them how to love. Oh, yes. And then it became something entirely different,

which is why Scott famously cried at the screening. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I do know that the original script, at least the original script for Problem Child 2, had a few things that had they gone to screen would have been, I don't know, how well received.

For example, the dog, Nippy, instead of being hypnotized, gets frozen solid. And instead of being woken with a can of dog food is literally jump-started off of a van battery with one prod in mouth the other prod under the tail now that is so weird because then later that they use that gag there There's something about marriage. Yeah. Yeah. The jumpstart, the dog, the dog's heart. Interesting.

Yeah, but you got to realize that at this time, comedy was a lot more teen than it's become. I mean, it's a generational thing. So you look at something like that and try to skip it back a couple decades, and it's a very different story. I mean, hell, there's the cardboard stand-up advertisements that they put in movie theaters i want to say problem child one had one of those

with junior sitting on top of a washing machine and the cat spinning around yes and pita flipped out over this even though it was never any reference to anything that happened in the film. And there were all kinds of outcries over this. And me personally, I was raised in a PETA household. I'm the type of person where if a bug is in the house, I will catch it and put it outside. I don't like, I have total respect for all living things. Me too, Michael. Good for you. for all living things. Me too, Michael. Good for you. Yeah, I'm not about to do anything that could be misconstrued as encouraging, causing suffering.

I remember that. Because those cardboard things. The standee. Yeah. That's what they call them. And they had an electric thing that would turn the cat, a cartoon cat, around in the dryer. And, yeah, they went nuts over that. I want to say they changed it to show Ben spinning around in it.

Yes. And I guess that's more acceptable somehow. They took the cat out and put Jack Warden in. Michael, can you? No, no. Little Ben. Oh, Little Ben. Little Ben. Little Ben. Not Big Ben. Michael can you little Ben little Ben

not big Ben this is a question I'm sure you've been asked a hundred times and I'm going to ask it again do you find yourself watching the films when they're on today do you get together with friends do you find it awkward to watch them or is it pleasant memories I avoid it like the plague.

Well, that's honest. Well, yeah, I mean, ask any performer what it's like reviewing their own performance, especially with friends or family around. They go wide-eyed and pale. Every time I come into Gilbert's house, he's watching a Gilbert Gottfried movie. But I know that feeling of like everybody, everybody who hears themselves on tape or sees pictures of themselves, they go, no, no, that's not the way I sound. That's not how I look.

Exactly. But more so even than that, coming from any kind of performance art, you become so self-conscious. You start overanalyzing so severely. I think... You can't stand to subject yourself to some flaw that you're going to see that nobody else is ever going to notice.

It's still going to drive you nuts. I once heard that the actor Harry Dean Stanton said he gives his greatest performances on the drive home from the movie. And it is. I love that. After you're through, it's just like when you have an argument with someone and after you're through you go oh that's what i should have said and it's the same thing with acting you always go oh why did i do it that way yeah so so no problem child screening parties over the years in your house?

Very seldom. I mean, every now and then I'll catch it playing on Telemundo dubbed in Spanish. That's a riot. You can watch it in Spanish. Oh, yeah, just because it's so odd. Junior, no! I'd like to see Gilbert dubbed in Spanish. I've watched that. I love seeing myself in Spanish.

I've seen Aladdin in Spanish. And, see, Problem Child 3, which no one ever saw. Oh, yeah. I was the only person. You're the only link to all the Problem Child. You're also in the animated series. Yeah, so Problem Child 3, I was the only link to Problem Child 1 and 2.

And a different John Ritter wasn't there. You weren't there. Nobody. Yeah. No, Yami Yazbek, Lorraine Newman, nobody. And then in the cartoon, I was also the only link to the movies because they had Jonathan Harris from Lost in Space

in Jack Warden's part. I love it. So I guess then you're more Problem Child than I am. I really am. Congratulations. I can pass on the mantle. Well, I'll tell you something. And if there was a Problem Shell web series

he'd be in that too damn it oh yeah no doubt oh you impersonated me in the orphanage scene yeah I remember that because you said maybe if I

move my arms like this and talk this way, people think I know what I'm talking about. Yep. Can you say that for me now as Gilbert Gottfried? He's making you work, Michael. Now I'm on the spot. Okay okay so you have performance anxiety here here's a question a little bit here's a question i want to this is how showbiz i'm not anymore that's great oh that's that's honest Here's something I want to know, Michael. When you left adolescence and you started dating,

how many dates would you go on before you would spring it on the young lady that you were junior and problem child? Did you keep it from them? Oh, right. Did it come up right out of the gate? Right out of the gate. Did this help or hinder your chance of having sex with them? Well, again, no basis for comparison, but given my track record, I'd say it helped.

Good stuff. Good stuff. Okay, see, now this is funny because you're one of those stories that, you know, like before you had called me and told me that you were around and working in computers, I thought, oh, God, I could easily see Michael Oliver in that true Hollywood story, like he hits rock bottom and now he's living out in the streets until his overdose. But you, when you had the beginning of that, you had the stardom, you did hit rock bottom, and you dug yourself out and are working and have a roof over your head, have meals.

You know, this is really a nice story you turned into. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. I mean, I've got the same stress as anyone else does that everyone's worrying about money I'm no exception I've got my own things I have to pay for it life is normal and to say that it's not stress-free is fine and well like I said I've seen the top, I've seen the bottom. I know what both extremes are like.

And, you know, honestly, if someone told me that I could go back to where I was before the lawsuit, I'd deny it. I'd decline. I'd say no. One of the things that I learned really young is how precious privacy is. I mean, picture going out to see a movie with your friends and getting recognized and people not understanding that, you know, you just want to go see a movie. It's flattering and it's awesome when people give you that recognition

but you can't say it doesn't get old. So I'm happy that I can introduce myself as PC. That's what my friends call me. And people ask what it stands for. I say it stands for whatever you want it to stand for and then they say, oh, politically correct.

I say, not fucking likely. And they say, oh, personal computer. I say, not fucking likely. And they say, oh, personal computer. Okay, yeah, there you go. But the whole problem child history, the reason I'm so open about it is because, yeah, it's a huge part of who I am, but it's not something that I try to ride on. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You may be our most well-adjusted guest ever, Michael. Well, if I'm following Danny Bonaduce. Take it. I guess there's some perspective there. It's so nice because a lot of people, if they hear you're not in showbiz, that means, oh, that's horrible. Like, oh, this person's not in showbiz. But here you are.

You're leading a decent, normal life, and you're content and you're happy. Damn straight. Yeah. Good for you, Michael. It's been great talking to you michael uh likewise this has been gilbert gottfried's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host frank santo padre and we have been talking to the problem child himself junior healy michael oliver thank you so much michael thanks michael it's a great

you got a great story thank you and it's been a pleasure guys take care buddy thank you if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Slicing, driving friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me,

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