Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 62. Judd Apatow

Episode Date: August 3, 2015

Writer, producer, director and unabashed "Amazing Colossal Podcast" fan Judd Apatow took time out from his busy "Trainwreck" press tour to stop by Gilbert's apartment and entertain the boys with stories about everyone from Jack Nicholson to Albert Brooks to 100-year-old character actor Norman Lloyd. Also, Judd writes the Grammys for Garry Shandling, gets a letter from Andy Kaufman, "stalks" Steve Martin and pitches a movie to the Rolling Stones. PLUS: Mel Blanc! Sammy Shore! Jimmy Durante hides out! The brilliance of "Broadcast News"! Gilbert wishes Lon Chaney, Jr. well! And "The Last Days in Fred Silverman's Bunker"! If you've got a car and a license, put 'em both to work for you and start earning serious, life-changing money today. Sign up to drive with Uber. Visit http://www.DriveWithUber.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get ready to go all out for less. Hey, you like making great money, right? You sound like Chico Marx. Yeah. Hey, you like a great money. Hey, boss. Well, you got to get the book with horses in it. And then you get the book with the writers.

You're picking a subpar Marx Brothers movie. Yes. Yes, we all like making good money, Gil. What's your point? Oh, I have none. Okay. Okay. Here's a really cool opportunity I had to share with you. Uh-huh. Driving with Uber.

Uber's that popular smartphone app that connects riders with drivers. Ah, yes. I take an Uber a bunch. I love them, and in chatting with the different drivers, some of them have really interesting stories to say as to why they drive with Uber. Now, that's unusual because you usually don't like it when people talk to you. I usually go, shut up. I'm in show business, and I'm above you.

No. They love being their own boss. Yeah, I love being my own boss. Then I can make a joke that offends me and fire myself. Absolutely. And cut out the middleman. And that still may happen. Also, I hear they make great money.

They do. They do. It's easy to start. All you need is a car and a license. Now, you have one of those things. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

It's one of them around here i don't know what and driving with uber is is great if you need flexibility or if you're a parent like you are yes yeah because you're working around the family schedule and stuff or students right that's right they can make money in between classes it's true now's the prime time to cash in driving with Uber people. You'll thank me, you'll thank Gilbert for telling you guys how to get paid every week. And Gilbert himself could be getting into your car. In fact, he probably will be because he doesn't have a license. Yes, yes.

I could be getting in your car. I don't know if that's a drawback. Maybe I should say, hey, I promise I won't get into your car. That's even better. And then more people will sign up. That's even more appealing. Now, you've got a car and you've got a license. Not you, Gil, but the people I'm talking to.

Put them both to work for you and start earning serious, life-changing money today. You sign up to drive with Uber. Visit drivewithuber.com. That's drivewithber.com that's drive with uber.com so gill you're a celebrity you're a famous person you need protection yes yes because a lot of people see my show and want me dead afterwards including some collaborators yes well i want to tell you about a security camera that's going to change your life, Foscam. If you're tired of not knowing what's happening

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We're talking to somebody who understands basic technology. Yeah, but like a three-year-old would have to explain it. A three-year-old needs personal security. And they're like small and versatile with a super wide viewing angle. That's true. With HD 720, as we said, 720p video feed resolution. Also up to 26 feet of night vision. Motion detection alerts go right to your phone via text or email.

So Dara could see them and alert you. Optional cloud service, Gil, for secure storage of your recordings off-site two-way audio and a 60 second setup it's very easy to set this camera up it's like basically my kids would have to operate it and tell me if someone's uh coming after what are children for the foscam c1 security camera is 69.99 and you can get 10 off per camera if you use the code GILCAST, G-I-L-C-A-S-T-1. Your purchase will also get you a lifetime support and 30-day money-back guarantee and a one-year warranty on every purchase. It's a great deal. Just go to www.foscam.us slash C1,

and you'll be linked to the C1 Amazon page, where you can use the code GILCAST. That code is G-I-L-C-A-S-T-1, and get $10 off each C1 that you buy. That's Foscam, F-O-S-C-A-M dot U-S slash, the letter C and the number one. Foscam, watch what you love anywhere. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried.

This is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our guest today is a writer, producer, director, and comedian who is responsible for some of the most successful and profitable movies of the last 15 years, including the 40-year-old virgin like Superbad, Anchorman, Pineapple Express, and Bridesmaids. Television credits include everything from The Ben Stiller Show to Freaks and Geeks to the award-winning HBO series Girls. I'm running out of room on this card already. I'm running out of room on this card already. His new book is called Sick in the Head, Conversations About a Life and Comedy. We're proud to say he's a fan of this very podcast.

Please welcome a genuine show business mogul and the second youngest guest we've ever had on the show. The other one before that was 80. Ladies and gentlemen, Judd Apatow. I know, I was thinking that it's weird that I'm on this show due to youth, and I was like, how's my career going?

Usually it's a look back. This is like getting on the Joe Franklin show, basically. Right at the end. But I am a big fan, and I like to listen to podcasts before I go to bed, and a lot of times I like to go to sleep to podcasts.

It's like having friends in my ear, but you laugh too loud, and so it doesn't really work. So I'll listen to you for a bit, and then I have to switch to, like, you know, On Point on NPR or something where they're talking about Afghanistan to actually fall asleep. But you can't go to sleep with Danny Bonaduce telling a blowjob story. No, you can't. You can't. It gets you too excited.

Yes. Now, am I mistaken? Someone said, with your movie Trainwreck, this is the first publicity you're doing for it. This is the first interview I've done. I didn't get on any of the shows.

It's such a massive campaign and it started with sticking the head beforehand. There is it's such a massive campaign, and it started with a kick in the head beforehand. And there is a moment where people are like, seriously, you need to stop doing press at this point. But when you're doing a movie with a new star like Amy, and you're up against Marvel movies and all

the giant movies of the summer, you have to do a crazy amount of press. Because I feel like if I do 20 interviews, most people see one. And then there's a small amount of press because I feel like if I do 20 interviews, most people see one. And then there's like a small amount of comedy fans who see a lot and get irritated. But for the most part, people will have heard or seen one thing. Now, we were talking before you got here, Frank, and I, that in your book, you say that some comedian wanted to see your dick. That's true. And he's not going to tell us see your dick. That's true.

And he's not going to tell us who it is. That's true. And it wasn't Gilbert. I interviewed this one comedian, and we were in a restaurant in the village, and I go downstairs. There was like a basement bathroom. And then suddenly he's at the stall next to me. And then he turns and goes, let me see your dick.

And I was like, what? I'm 16 years old. And no one had ever seen it at that point. And he's like, come on, let me see it. And I'm like, why? And he's like, I have a bet with another comedian that I can get you to show it to me. I just want to win the bet. And I don't know if I've rewritten history, but in my head, I think he may have also said,

and there's another section to the bet, but I'm not sure if I just assumed that. And I go, no, what are you talking about? No. Which is amazing because I love comedians so much. It's amazing I didn't just blow him right there. I'm really proud of myself as a young person that I didn't people please him by showing him it. Now, please tell us who it was. Well, you obviously could figure it out in like five minutes.

But I can't say it, although... Oh, we'll tell us later off the mic. ...that person probably is doing time somewhere. But it isn't a long journey for you to figure it out, Gilbert. Let's just say that. Is it Gallagher? Or Gallagher 2? You're going to hit my balls with a mallet. Was it Yakov Smirnoff?

I can guarantee you it was not Yakov or Gallagher. Was it Jackie Vernon? He's like, this is me in the car. And here's us picking up a hitchhiker. And here's me hitchhiking. Here's some slides of your penis. How many people do Jackie Vernon judge? When I used to go to the Laugh Factory in 1985

when I first moved to California, he was still doing stand-up at the Laugh Factory. He used to do the slideshow, right? He used to have the clicker? Here's a slide of me going in the Lincoln Tunnel. Here's a slide two days later of me leaving the Lincoln Tunnel.

I'll contemporize it a little bit for our guests, for our listeners. He was the voice of Frosty the Snowman. Oh, yes. Jackie Vernon. Yes. I did not know that. Yes. A little worthless trivia.

So when he asked to see her. Are we going to do an hour on it? Yes, yes. Did he go, can I see your penis? Well, then it would have been you. Would have been. Let's talk about Norman Lloyd. We'll talk a lot about Trainwreck, but let's talk about, is he 100, 101?

He's 100. He's 101, I believe, in October or November. And I was talking to Ed O'Neill, and Ed O'Neill from Modern Family and many great things said, you need to meet Norman. He lives down the street from me, and at the time he was 99, and he said he's so sharp and so funny, you gotta go out to lunch with him one day.

So I took him out to lunch, and afterwards, I kept saying to my producer, Barry Mendel, should we put him in the movie? And we just didn't know if you could fly a 99 year man And when we had lunch with him he was so sharp and hysterical and then afterwards we walked

him to his car and he drove himself and I wanted to see how he drove and he drove really well and on the way to see him drive off, he told us a story about watching Babe Ruth play baseball. Oh, my God. That's how you know it's a little scary for him to get in the car. But I was also impressed that his car was not in a simple place to get to. And he fully remembered how to find it.

So after a few months I said to Norman, can you do this? Could you go to New York? And he's like, of course I can do it. So he flies to New York by himself. You would think someone would attend him. The whole thing's solo.

I go and call him the next day and I said, how did it go Norman? Everything okay? And he said, everything went perfectly although it took me three hours to figure out how to shut the lights in the room. Hilarious. Now this is a man that worked with everybody.

He worked with Chaplin and Buster Keaton. And Hitchcock and Savitzer. Oh sure, everybody. And he is so funny and he turned 100 and it's so funny. And he turned 100. And it's almost a year since he turned 100. He seems sharper and even stronger than ever. We did a show at the Wiltern Theater promoting Trainwreck where we all did stand-up.

And I had him come out and introduce one of the comedians. And he was riotously funny. And, in fact, in the movie, I don't know if the joke even works that he's so old because he doesn't look old. Right. It's weird with Colin. I saw the movie Friday. It's weird with him and Colin in the same senior center. Exactly.

The same recovery center or retirement center. But he's a great guy and so fun. There's a great video online of Method Man explaining the concept of the Wu-Tang Clan to Norman. Now, what was the show he was in? St. Elsewhere. Yeah, and he was also in Dead Poets Society. He's in a million things.

And this leads me to my next question. Was it Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton who asked you to see your face? Well, it was Chaplin, but he did it in a more sentimental way. You'll have to hook us up with Norman for the show, because he'll be our fourth youngest guest. Oh, my God.

He's incredible. And what's fun about Norman is you wonder if he's just running the same 20 stories. But then I took him out to lunch the day before we started shooting Trainwreck. I called Mike Nichols, and I said, let's go's go out to lunch i'm going to bring a surprise and i brought norman to lunch because i thought that they would have things they could talk about that other people wouldn't remember and they talked for three hours wow and what was wild i got really tired and they didn't. Wow. Like, I was exhausted and running out of gas and just sugar crashing, and they were just going and going.

It was pretty fantastic. He's perfect for us, Norman Lloyd. Oh, my God. Because before we turned the mics on, I was saying to Judd, we've had now four guests that have worked with Keaton. Oh, it's insane. Paul Dooley. Sure. James Caron, the great character actor.

And who was he? Frankie Avalon in a beach bingo movie. Oh, that's right. Well, Norman played tennis every week or multiple times a week with Chaplin. So if you ask Norman about what Chaplin thought about anything from that period, he knows. Like, what did Chaplin

think of the Red Scare? What did Chaplin think about this? And he remembers just his basic viewpoint on things. We've got to call him up. Other things about Trainwreck I wanted to ask you about. And tell us how it came together, because you heard Amy on Howard Stern. I was driving to work.

I heard Amy, and she was telling stories about her relationships and a lot of stories about her dad who has MS. And they were really dark stories. And she told them in a really warm, hilarious way. And it sounded like a very interesting relationship. And I just sat in the car, you know, when you sit in the car and you don't get out because something so interesting. And I thought, oh, she's a storyteller. Like I seen her stand up, and she's really funny. But when she tells a really long story, she's very gifted. So I asked her if she ever thought about writing a movie, and that led to Trainwreck. You know, Gilbert, most of my scouting happens over the radio. You know, I'll listen to, like, Fibber, Mickey, and Molly, and try to book them.

And they're like, they're dead. Yeah. That's our problem. You listen to the shadow. I'm looking for new comedians. See, now I've done Howard Stern 15,000 times. Never once. I never called you.

I never called you. I can't even get a Chuckles Comedy Club. Chuckles and Mignola? Yes. That's the first place I ever did stand-up was Chuckles in Mineola. Joe Bolster was hosting. I know it well. And that's where I used to do it, Chuckles and the Governors in Eastside.

But Chuckles was the first place. Okay, this brings me to my other most important topic, me. Yes. When was the first time you saw me? I used to go see you in the city, but I definitely saw you at Caroline's twice in around 84, 85. We used to go to Caroline's to see you. The old Caroline's in Hell's Kitchen. Oh, yeah.

And I remember I went with like 10 people and we all came into the city to see you. And it was unbelievably great. It was one of the great shows. And Caroline's was the only place that would let underage people in to see the show. They still do. Because it was a supper club. And so I remember I saw Seinfeld there. I saw Pee Wee Herman do a stand-up act.

It was the only tour he ever did as a stand-up. And everybody, Charles Fleischer, Howie Mandel, that was my favorite place to go. You know what I remember about a story about Pee Wee Herman at Caroline's when it was on it was like in the 20s at one point and you had to walk across the club. I hate those when you gotta walk to go to the men's room.

You gotta squeeze through the audience and you know he couldn't keep his head down and just hide because he's got like you see you see Pee Wee Herman from 10 miles away. So he used to keep a jar with him

in the dressing room to pee in. That's an old Saturday Night Live technique, which is all those writers pee in jars. They're working. Wolf Weibel used to be under the table during Update, handing jokes up so he couldn't go to the bathroom

but I was always a giant fan Gilbert and followed your career very closely always and I remember when you were on Saturday Night Live and being fascinated by the new cast and then the Alan Thicke show oh yeah oh my gosh you with Alan Thicke show. I remember you

with Alan Thicke. That was an incredible interview with Alan Thicke. He was riotously funny. He was giving us the bum's rush. He had to go. But he's genuinely really, really funny. And I was very excited about that show. Right when I went to college, I was 85, right?

Oh, yes. I used to watch that. No, no. My show? Alan Vick. Thick of the Night. Yeah, that would be about 85. Belzer was on there with him. So what went wrong with that show? Everything. He talked about it like he wasn't good, but yet he's

so funny talking about it not being good. You think, well, why weren't you like that on the show? He was very funny on the podcast, but boy, everything that could be wrong with a TV show was wrong with Nick at the night. He was self-deprecating on the podcast. Maybe he should have done a little more of that on the show. It reminded me of an interview I just watched with George Bush.

And now that he's not the president, he's kind of funny and cool. Like he dropped all the effort to present himself, and he's actually really engaging to listen to in a way that he wasn't. I always thought that with Bob Dole. When he was running for president, he was the mean old man

down the street. Then when he wasn't running, when he lost the election, he was popping up on sitcoms and Saturday Night Live and he said, hey hey I like this guy Nick Obama is the only one who's funny now yeah

so was it Obama who wanted to see your dick it was not I can guarantee you he's going to keep coming back to it it's now going to be a runner speaking of Eastside Comedy Club we'll come back to Trainwreck later but Eastside Comedy Club was your mom got a job there and that was your was uh your entree a little bit into uh yeah my parents uh because you were

comedy you were a comedy buff as a kid you were so obsessive yeah my parents had separated and my parents owned this restaurant on long island called raisins restaurants and uh and syosset or woodbury and rick messina the manager of Tim Allen and Drew Carey. He was the bartender. And then when my parents got separated, he ran the East Side Comedy Club and the East End Comedy Club in Southampton. And my mom got a job as the hostess one summer, which I always think is weird because what do you pay the hostess to seat people in a comedy club? This was an adult woman. What could he have paid her? And my family, for a while,

we were very upper middle class. And now I think my mom took that job just to amuse me because I loved comedy because he could not have given her more than 50 bucks or 75 bucks to do that. I remember the Eastside Comedy Club. Yeah, Eastside was great. Then I became a

dishwasher there. Jerry Cooney used to come in. You could tell everyone in the club was coked out of their minds. I'm like 16, 15 years old. Long Island celebrities. All the Long Island celebrities were just completely out of their minds. And I'm like 16, 15 years old. Long Island celebrities. Yeah, all the Long Island celebrities

were just completely out of their minds. And it was Bob Nelson and Rob Bartlett and Jim Myers. And then Eddie Murphy still was coming in at 21 at that time. Eddie Murphy, was he still in a comedy team? No, that was after he did the identical triplets with Bob Nelson.

But Bob Nelson used to tear down the house in that place. And he did the Identical Triplets with Bob Nelson. But Bob Nelson used to tear down the house in that place. And he did a show once a week. And he did a bit where he would turn on the radio and he would do improvs based on the song on the radio. And it was pretty magnificent as a kid to watch him do that. But I wanted to watch comedians and I was a dishwasher. And then I realized, oh, I can't see the show. I'm in the kitchen. So I switched and became a busboy

just so I could watch the show. And then all the money I made, I had to spend on the cab to get home. But I just wanted to be there, so I didn't care. So you basically broke even. I broke even. Did they at least let you eat people's leftovers? Exactly, yeah. And so that's when I realized, Did they at least let you eat people's leftovers? Exactly.

And so that's when I realized, oh, it would be great to talk to them. I wanted to talk to them. And I hated that I couldn't talk to them. So there was a radio station in my high school. And I said, oh, maybe I could do a show where I interview comedians. And this is before podcasting or the internet. And I interviewed 45 comics in 1983, 84 84 and it was all before people made it so it was leno and seinfeld and riser and uh you're like the young cameron crow and say anything exactly anything excuse me and almost famous going around the tape recorder

and i wanted to talk to all of them i talked to almost all the original saturday night live writers and john candy and lorenzo Music. I interviewed Lorenzo Music. Remember him? Yeah. Carl the doorman. Yes. With what's-her-name Rhoda. That's right.

I was talking to this woman the other day, and she said my dad was Lorenzo Music. Wow. And, yeah. I mean, not many people were hunting down Guido Sarducci in those days. But there were no other comedy nerds. There was no one at the school

who even knew what I was talking about. There was so little interest in comedy, even though Saturday Night Live was popular, there was no one at school who thought that was a cool thing to do. I was just this weird kid taking three-hour train rides to meet Al Yankovic.

And some of those interviews from the 80s are in the book. Yeah, so the book, I always talked about putting them out. I didn't know if they were that interesting. And then I said, well, maybe if I take some of the old interviews and then combine them with just times I've been interviewed or I've been on panels and then did just a few new ones. And then I started enjoying doing the new ones.

So I did like Louis and Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart and Lena Dunham. And I put it together and the book has just sold like crazy. I think because it's not just about comedy. All these people talk about how they live their lives and what their journey has been like. So it's an oddly emotional book. And it's the book I wished existed when I was 15 because there weren't any good comedy books back in the day. There was like that book Comic Lives and that was about

it. There was Lenny Bruce's biography Ladies and Gentlemen, Lenny Bruce. What was that book that was out that guy wrote? The Larry Wilde book? Yes. Oh, Larry Wilde. That shows how few books. There were like three books. There weren't even how-to comedy writing books.

There was nothing. And so that's why I interviewed comedians. And back then, you know, Seinfeld, maybe he was 27 years old. No one wanted to talk to them. So it wasn't hard to get to them because they weren't doing any interviews because they were just club comics for the most part. It's interesting in the book, too, because it's like a time capsule. You're interviewing Shandling in 84. And he's saying things like,

I think I'm going to do a sitcom and play myself. Yeah, and Seinfeld, too. And Leno's talking about how he's not that interested in acting. Right, right, right. And the funny thing is that people say, can you put out the audio of them? But the audio is just me with my voice having not cracked and a huge Long Island accent.

So it's like, so how do you want a joke? No, I don't want to touch your penis. Why do you want me to let you see my penis? Now, but you do say in the book that Seinfeld said to you, hey, can I see your dick? It's coming. And Jay Leno said to you, Tell me you read somewhere that you have a dick. Can you show it to me?

No, wait, Judd doesn't Leno himself. You've done Leno on television. Am I right? I've done Leno a few times on The Critic. I did Leno. Yeah, The Critic. Oh. We hear something about Leno.

We'll put you on the spot. You know, I separate the money. I don't spend the money from the time. I just spend the road money. And Leno was always the nicest to me. I interviewed him when I was 16. I think I interviewed him twice and then when I started making movies

and doing TV he would have me on the Tonight Show all the time even when I wasn't doing stand-up and it was just so nice to me and Leslie the entire run he could not have been greater to us

and I think it's that's what's really fun I met him when I was a kid and I did the Tonight Show once with him and Robin Williams and it was just an amazing thing and tonight I'm doing a stand-up on the tonight show with Jimmy Fallon and that's the first time I've done stand-up on the tonight show wow so I'm 47 and I finally got there. You finally made The Tonight Show. Exactly. It's funny. Why did... It always struck me as odd how many people make Jay Leno into a big villain.

I don't get that at all. I think it's because I worked at the Larry Sanders show. And what happened when we were doing the show was everything about Johnny getting pushed out back then and all the politics of who would replace Johnny Dave or Jay and then all the politics of who was going to take the 1230 slot and Gary was offered the 1230 slots and so we always knew that no matter how anyone behaved behind the scenes all their reps were trying to get them these jobs and if you want like johnny's job on some level you're signaling maybe johnny should leave now like everyone is trying to move into the better position so it always felt like i don't know jay probably wants his job and if he gets pushed out he's not thrilled

and if he can get back in, he probably would like to, and that anyone who acts like it's a gentleman's game is either incorrect or not thinking it through, because it's not a gentleman's game it is a bloodbath

and that is why the Larry Sanders show was so interesting, and even right now, I'm sure it's a bloodbath, and that is why the Larry Sanders show was so interesting. And even right now, I'm sure it's a bloodbath for who's going to follow this guy and follow that guy. And even though everyone loves each other, and I think now all the talk show hosts really do respect each other, it's a war to survive. And I think that's fine. And it doesn't seem that fair that Leno somehow is cast as a villain. And I think he's an interesting player and his choices are fascinating.

But in their own way, everyone is making a move. Yeah, it was always made like Leno was pushing the other people out. Well, the book The Late Show tells the story of Jay hiding in the closet. It's a famous story.

We've all hid in the closet at some point. I remember me and Ben Stiller, we pitched a movie to the Rolling Stones. They wanted to do a concert film that had comedy in between the songs. It's on one of my cards here. After the pitch, we left

the room, and then Ben stayed with his ear to the door, wanting to listen to the debate. And I kept saying to Ben, like, we're going to get murdered by Keith Richards if he gets up to take a piss right now. So we've all hid in closets. And there's that story that's been around for a while that Jerry Lewis would forget his attache case. I totally believe that. That's the best book ever. King of Comedy about Jerry Lewis is almost as good as Don Felder from the Eagles

autobiography. That's a great one. It's so easy to do now with an iPhone. You could just press record. Everyone must be terrified. Even if you meet the president, you could have press record on your phone. You can't really say anything anywhere without getting in trouble.

Yeah, they said that Jerry Lewis would hide a tape recorder in the attache case. If this was the old days, I would have had the person asking to see my dick and balls on audio. You beat me too. Let's talk a little bit about Gary since you You beat me too. Yeah. Let's talk a little bit about Gary since you brought up the Larry Sanders show.

And he's, in addition to a friend, he's also a mentor of sorts. Of course. No, he's the mentor. I met Gary when I was really young. I was doing stand-up. And early on, I thought, oh, you can make money and pay your rent if you sell jokes to other people. And no one really wanted to do that. Everybody wanted to be a star. So like Gilbert, you wouldn't have like written jokes for money for somebody else. But I thought, you know,

I'm not even that good yet. So if I could make 300 bucks a week selling jokes to George Wallace and Jeff Dunham and Peanut, I'm going to do it. Jeff Dunham and Peanut. And so I was writing jokes for different people and I started writing jokes for Tom Arnold and at one point I wrote Roseanne Barr's

act with her, which was really me typing while she came up with amazing jokes. But anyway, Gary Shandling called and asked if I would write the Grammys for him, right when the first Gulf War started. So those war starts, I'm write the Grammys for him right when the first Gulf War started. So this war starts. I'm at the Dallas Improv with Kevin Rooney.

Kevin Rooney. I get a call, the great Kevin Rooney. Big talent. Who was also a big mentor to me when I was doing stand-up. He really took the time to help me and give me advice. I like Kevin. He's a funny guy. And so I stayed up all night writing Gary jokes for the Grammys.

I must have written 50, 60, 100 jokes in a night. And I sent them to Gary because I wanted to be irreplaceable. I wanted him to say, oh, I have to have this guy. And Gary didn't know anything about music. I mean, it was comical. He was about to host the Grammys. He knew nothing. One of the jokes I wrote him was a lot of people ask why I'm hosting the

Grammys. Like, what do I have to do with music? Well, my girlfriend used to do the guy in Uriah Heep. So then Gary took all my jokes and used almost none of the punchlines, but he used the setups. And then he would write a way better joke every single time. And then he let write a way better joke every single time.

And then he let me come to New York, and I was just a kid. And then I wrote the Grammys for him again. And then when we did the Ben Stiller show, he was one of the guest stars on the pilot. Him and Roseanne and Tom did sketches in the pilot. And I always thought that's why our show got picked up, because we had these great guest stars. And when we got canceled, he asked me to write for the Larry Sanders show. And he taught you a couple of things about writing, you say in the book. Everything about writing.

People forget he was a writer, by the way. You know, Gil, that he wrote Sanford and Son. Welcome back, Cotter. No, he's the best. And if you can imagine sitting in a room with Gary while he's going through a script saying what's wrong with it, every lesson you would ever want to learn about storytelling would happen if you paid attention to why he liked or didn't like a script or a joke in a script.

And I just paid very close attention. What do you remember in particular? Like stuff that he taught you as far as just making a cohesive show? I remember he was dating Linda Doucette, who was on the show, and then they were writing an episode about her getting

asked to be in Playboy. That Hugh Hefner was on the Larry Sanders show, and he asked Hank's assistant to be in Playboy. And then as a result of that, Hugh hefner was on the larry sander show and he asked hank's assistant to be in playboy and then as a result of that you hefner asked gary's girlfriend to be in playboy while gary was dating her so like the show as it was being written and happened started happening in life like the blurred realities would happen all the time or dana carvey did a like a sketch that was kind of mean-spirited where he did an impression of gary and he did this really like whiny gary character on saturday night live

and he called gary and was apologizing and gary said you know what don't worry about it let's just do it on the show and then gary wrote or had written by the staff this hilarious episode about Dana Carvey guest hosting and doing this mocking impression of Gary, of Larry. And that's one thing I learned, is the closer you get to the truth, the better the comedy is. And Gary was always coming up with the great original

stories, but when things would happen in the office, or problems with the actors, or problems with anybody, it would weave into the show and i think after the show ended i did freaks and geeks and it made me realize oh all these little weird things that happen to us are really interesting and i learned that from watching gary take moments from his life and finding a way to turn that the more personal the more universal that would yeah absolutely well you always said it's about getting to the truth and the core

of people. And there was a psychic once who was on the show, and I asked her to come to the office so we could write an episode about what happens when a psychic goes on the Larry Sanders show. And so how we wrote it is we had her come to the office and talk to us,

and based on how we freaked out, that would become the roots of a story about how everyone at the show freaks out and that's how he approached a lot of the show i i think larry david used to tell his writers on seinfeld uh just keep a diary of stuff that happens to you during the day. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. But Gary was so funny. I mean, when you would sit with him and he would just sit with a pen punching it up, you've just never

seen anything like it. It really was stunning, the runs he would go on just in his house on the weekends fixing scenes. And a scene that might be the funniest scene ever on the show, you watch Gary rewrite in like 50 seconds. It just came to him.

And he's the best. We both love him. We wish he was working more. We wish he was doing more stuff. He comes and does stand-up. I do these shows at Largo all the time. He comes and does stand-up. And he's as funny as ever.

Now, I think there's a quote from you that you said, your way of dealing with life is by not dealing with it. Or that was your way until you had kids. Well, that's true. I mean, my parents weren't religious, and they didn't believe in God, but they never talked about it ever. They never mentioned spirituality. Once I asked to get bar mitzvahed, and they said, you just want the money. And that was it. But it was true, right?

So I didn't go to Hebrew school. I do a lot of charity work and I always say, my parents never discussed charity. The concept that you would want to give to other people and take care of other people was never mentioned in our home. All they ever said was, no one said life was fair. There was a lot of like, we're getting fucked, why

would we help anybody else? That stuck with me. I'm always digging out of that spiritual black hole when your family gives you nothing. I wish they hypnotized me into believing something at this point.

Did your dad leave a book about divorce on the coffee table? That was just a crazy story where my parents I wish they hypnotized me into believing something at this point. And I'm trying to like... Did your dad leave a book about divorce on the coffee table? That was just a crazy story where my parents got divorced and it was very toxic. And then one day I saw a book in the house and it was called Growing Up Divorced. And I read it. It was all about the power dynamics between the husband and his wife and the children and how everyone feels in an ugly divorce. And I never talked to my dad about it.

And then like two years ago or three years ago, I mentioned it to him. He's like, oh, yeah, I left that out for you. I hope you'd read it. I'm like, yeah, but you never asked me if I read it. So you left it out. You didn't follow up. And luckily, I read it. But you didn't know that I read it.

I mean, maybe I just tossed it back on the coffee table. So he wouldn't even go that far to say, read this. Oh, absolutely. Or to go, hey, remember a month ago I left that book out? Do you want to talk about your emotions? I mean, I didn't go to a therapist. Nobody helped me through it. But that became, oddly, the fuel for me wanting to work.

That's why I interviewed the comedians. Well, the dedication in your book is, and from mom and dad, your support and the mental health issues you gave me made all of this possible. Exactly, because I was scared to get a job. And I thought, I'm going to start early. If I try to be a comedian starting at 14 or 15,

if it takes me 10 years, I'm 25. And I used to think that all the time. Like, it's going to take a while. I'm just going to start early. But that was just a panic at being broke. Well, he started super early. I mean, he's 15. Did you?

First time I got up on a stage, I was 15. At which club? See, now this is weird. I thought it was the bitter end. My sister says it was somewhere else. My father's place. Yes. My father's place in Roslyn.

Oh, jeez. I love it. And how soon were you in the city? Oh, God. Well, I lived in Brooklyn. Yeah. And, you know, my sister had found out that there was some club that you could just write your name down and go on and so yeah just so like 1617 we would catch rising star working yeah no I first started with all the other places like the improv shitty little

place hips oh yeah oh yeah tips and she's my first job one of my first job. One of my first jobs was at Pips. And I was going to be the opening act and emcee of a show where, and to me, these were big stars. This was like being with Bob Hope and Jack Benny. Lenny Schultz. Yeah, no, no, I wish. It was Carl Waxman. Oh, wow, yeah. And Adam Keefe.

I don't know Adam Keefe. He was most famous for, he was an impressionist, and the highest he ever got was in some, I don't know, potato chip commercial where he was doing a James Cagney imitation. Both of those names are new on me. So what year were you working? What years was that? Yeah.

Oh, God. I think it was like the, you know, like it was maybe still 69 when I first got up on the stage. And when did people think you were funny? Never. Last week. But boy, I remember Catch. I passed the audition there when they opened the place. And they had the stage on the other side of the room. And I remember going to the improv every night when Times Square was a fucking shithouse.

Oh, it was terrifying back then. Oh, sure. I remember people chasing me down at 8th Avenue. Like, it was really a terrifying place. Yeah, I mean, I would walk from there to 6th and 42nd to get on their lovely subway back then. to 6th and 42nd to get on their lovely subway back then. The Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast producer of the month for August is Kate Jones. Thank you, Kate.

Be just like Kate and get rewarded for supporting our podcast, head over to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. For a small amount each month, you can get some colossal benefits, such as access to new podcast episodes before anyone else, exclusive video hangouts, shoutouts from me on Twitter. I will even read something that you send me, and it'll sound just like this. Go to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried.

That's Patreon. P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Gilbert Gottfried. We thank you for your generosity. So were you there when Pryor was working out a lot in those days? No, not Pryor. I remember... Robert Klein, was he still in the clubs or already out of the clubs? Klein would maybe pop in.

But the people who I'd see pop in rarely, but I remember Gabe Kaplan before he was famous. Was he funny? Like honestly, because I've never seen his act. But yet he was gigantic. So was he a killer in the clubs? I remember he would go up on stage and he'd talk about being

in school and there was a guy named Horseshack. Yeah, that all came out of his act. The sweat hog stuff. And that Yeah, that all came out of his act. The sweat hog stuff. And that, boy, that gave me a cold mind for him. Horshack did not like being called Horshack. Yeah. Because I did a sketch with him on a Tom Arnold special, and it was a sensitive area.

He didn't, you know, there are certain people, they own that stuff, and they just have fun with it, and other people really do not dig you calling them Horshack. And he was of that school. and they just have fun with it and other people really do not dig you calling them horsehack. And he was of that school. I heard Jimmy Walker gets really angry if you ask him to say dynamite. Exactly. Because now it's been like 40 years

and you've got to be like, I cannot believe I'm still being asked to do it. I think about that sometimes. Like we did the Ben Stiller show in 1992 and people don't really ask about it. But if they asked about it every day, I could see how you'd get irritated at some point. So take us back, since we're talking about stand-up, and we're talking about your mom being a hostess at Eastside,

and now you transition from dishwasher to busboy. How do you get on stage for the first time? Well, after doing all the interviews right as senior year of high school ended, I started trying to do the open mic nights. And I would go on at Governor's and John Mulrooney would host. I remember John Mulrooney. And his whole thing was very violent crowd work. I mean, he would really rile them up and attack them.

So he would get the crowd to feel like they could insult him and then he would just decimate them. Which was the worst environment to then go on next. It was a terrible environment but ultimately okay. And so I did that and then I got accepted to go to USC film school and I would

I started booking shows around LA as a way to get stage time. And Sammy Shore opened a club in Marina Del Rey. Sammy's by the Shore, which is in the back of this Casola's Fish House. Father of Pauly. And he asked me to book the shows there. And so it was like on the weekends or Thursday through Sunday. And I would just host every show.

And that's how I got stage time. It was from Sammy, who was really good to me. I remember opening night, Orson Bean came in. Oh, wow. And was hysterical. And everyone would go into that club. It was just the back of a fish house, but kind of set up decently.

And then I got a job at Comic Relief when it first started. So I had heard, oh, they're going to do the live aid for comedians and i was in college and i called them up and i said i will do anything you called smuda i called uh just anybody would answer the phone and then four months later they called me and said yes we need help and so i was there at uh the first four or five comic reliefs, I would just work in the office. And my job was to get a poster signed by everyone in the show.

Actually, like 50 posters. And I had an excuse to walk up to everybody. You know, Dick Van Dyke and Carl Reiner and P.B. Herman was at the first one and Harold Ramis and Jerry Lewis. Oh, wow. And I always remember I was following Jerry Lewis to get him to sign the posters,

and there was like 20 camera people that wanted a picture with him, and he was walking to the area to take pictures, and one camera guy just wiped out really painfully hard, and Jerry Lewis looks at him and goes, you're supposed to fall, pause, then get up. You got to wait for the laugh. But so I wasn't, I would produce local comic relief benefits.

I would call clubs around the country and ask them to donate a Monday night to comic relief. But for about four years while I was trying to be a comedian, I had this job that paid me a few hundred bucks a week to help raise money for the homeless. And then at some point, I got in at the improv in L.A. and started working there. Now, when you wrote, when you interviewed all these comics was there, did you find a link between all the comedians that made

them similar well I just I was about comedians the way people were about baseball I just was a fan of certain people so I really would track you or track Seinfeld and Michael Keaton I remember always being Seinfeld and Michael Keaton.

I remember always being aware, like, I love this Michael Keaton guy. And Andy Kaufman, oh, my God, he's on taxi. And I was from Long Island, so I felt connected to everyone because so many people were from New York and Long Island. And I was like, I'm kind of like these guys. Like, I should be able to do this. They're all from Massapequa or Minneapolis. So many comics from Long Island. I should be able to do this. They're all from Massapequa or Mideola or something. Yeah, so, but people

were very nice and I appreciated it and I think that's one thing I took from the interviews. I interviewed Martin Short in 1984 and he was so nice to me that I remember thinking, oh, this is how you behave as a human being. Like this, it was like a model. I would just think,

no one's ever been that cool to me. There's no reason why like a model. I would just think, no one's ever been that cool to me. There's no reason why he should be. I'm just this like idiot kid with an enormous tape recorder from the AV squad. Ramis too, right? Yeah. Ramis was so nice. And Ramis, I knew he wrote jokes for comics. He used to write for Rodney and he wrote jokes for Playboy magazine and slowly he performed at Second City and then wrote movies and then directed movies. And I thought, oh, that seems like the career path. So I did learn major lessons from talking to these people.

I remember Michael O'Donoghue I interviewed from Saturday Night Live. And he just came back from running Saturday Night night live in around at about in 83 and he had just left and he was mad because he wanted to run the show into the ground you know he he wanted it to go down like a burning viking ship and and he got in trouble and ultimately fired for writing a script about fred silverman and it was the last days of fredman, the head of NBC. So he had, in the sketch, Fred Silverman dressed as Hitler trying to think of shows that would save

his job. And all the shows were like a game show called Look Up Her Dress. And we ask her a question, and if she gets it wrong, we look up her dress. And he wrote it, and it was 40 pages, and they didn't even shoot it. And he wrote it, and it was 40 pages, and they didn't even shoot it.

And he got fired just for writing it. And so that was a really fun interview. Yeah, the interview's in the book. It's a fun one. Yeah, that's a great one. When he came back, and the truth to that, I'd heard that he wanted to be called Reich Marshal. That's what he wanted his title to be when he came back.

There was one I didn't use, which was Harry Shearer, right when he left Saturday Night Live. I did an interview with him be when he came back. There was one I didn't use, which was Harry Shearer, right when he left Saturday Night Live. I did an interview with him right when he left. And it was a great, angry interview about how he felt about it. And so I tried to take as many lessons as I could from it. And the response to the book has been like how I felt when I was 15.

People are just tweeting me and just saying like, oh, this is life-changing. So that's what I like about the book has been like how I felt when I was 15. People are just tweeting me and just saying like, oh, this is life-changing. So that's what I like about the book. It's also how to be a nice person because I think these are all people that we look up to just for how they live. Well, that's the most inspirational part of the book. There are a couple of recurring motifs. One is how many

people say they went into comedy to get laid. It comes up a lot. I did not. I never even thought about that. That was a big mistake on my part. I quickly learned my lesson. I've always wanted to ask you that. I mean, you're obviously

born to this and a born performer in your way, but that was never even a small motivation for you? I had heard that I've been hearing for years that there are certain cities you go to where comedians are rock stars and every girl

wants to fuck you and I'm still waiting to find that city. Jim Carrey, back in the early 90s used to say to me you always love any city in America where you got laid. It doesn't matter if it's a good city or a bad city. You're like, Des Moines, Iowa, that is an amazing town.

That's funny. But the psychology comes up a lot in the book of these guys. And the Ramis chapter is fascinating because he was a Buddhist, and you've dabbled a little bit yourself, and he's talking about his life philosophy, which I loved. Life is ridiculous, so why not be a good guy? Yes, and that was a big thing for me to hear from Harold. That interview is, I did interview him when I was 16.

But the one in the book, I interviewed him at the Austin Film Festival one year. And he was a very rabbinical type of guy he liked to talk about life and he was very uh very smart and and he yeah he had a simple philosophy i don't think he believed in god and he just thought all right well if god doesn't exist i can just be like an asshole or i can just be a nice guy i guess i'd rather be a nice guy. And that's about it. And then he saw life in those simple terms. Like, what can I do that would be positive? And when we did year one with him, I mean, everyone was there just to listen to him. Because he was the guy that would tell you the great Belushi story and would tell you the great Bill Murray story every day.

And so it was just a gift to sit at dinner with him. I like that one. The James Brooks interviews I think are really great. And the Mike Nichols interview and Larry Gelbart. I like a lot of the legends. I just remembered a Michael O'Donoghue

story after my season which failed miserably. You guys just crossed paths because he came in and Piscopo was still there, Piscopo and Eddie. I failed. My season failed miserably. And so then they brought in Michael O'Donohue back to beat the new cast into shape.

And I heard his big thing was he brought in a bunch of spray paint cans and told them to do graffiti all over the office because we're rebels. And I thought, oh, yeah, this is going to help. It's in Judd's book. He also famously told off every cast member. Just going to dress them down. I think there was a section in the interview I didn't use where he listed everyone in the cast and why he thought they were terrible. And it was so mean I didn't even put it in the book. But he went through, for me, a child and listed why he hated everybody on the show.

But he was also very sweet to me. And he wrote Scrooged. And he did write Scrooged. And he wrote Scrooged. And he did write Scrooged. But one thing we have in common is when I was a kid, I was obsessed with writing celebrities and getting autographs. And so I would sit in my room, and there would be these books you can get in LA of just the address for ABC or whatever.

And I would just every night write a dozen letters just to see who would respond. And I remember I got Paul Lynn's autograph. Oh, wow. And then I sent him another letter just to see if he would send me another one. Well, a young boy writing to him. And then every time I would get the autograph, I would send another letter. And I would always get, so I have tons of Paul Lynch autographs.

And I remember I wrote Andy Kaufman when I was a kid, and he sent an autographed picture, and clearly he wrote it in his own hand. To Judd, thank you very much, Andy Kaufman. And then on the back of the 8x10, he wrote a letter. Nobody did that ever. He already gave me the autograph, but on the back, he just wrote, Dear Judd, thank you so much for a letter. Nobody did that, ever. He already gave me the autograph. On the back, he just wrote, Dear Judd, thank you so much for the letter. I really appreciate you liking me.

From your friend, Andy Kaufman. And it was the sweetest thing that anybody ever did that whole time. He signed both sides of the photo. Yeah, because I showed you in my house, I wrote a get well card to lon cheney jr and i got a wolfman picture back with this name how old were you when you did that oh my god i was a kid and i the only fan letter you ever sent uh yeah well it was that one i was always a big lon cheney and i i got it in famous monsters of Filmland. They said he was sick.

And then I got an address on Jimmy Durante when he was sick. And then he sent you an autograph back. Yes. Oh, that was the best. I mean, I had everybody. And sometimes they'd be fake, you know, and you could tell it was like an auto-pan or something. Steve Martin had a great autograph

that he used to send, which is he had a letter, and it would have blank spaces where the whole thing would be typed, but every once in a while a word would be filled in to make it seem personal. Typed deer, and then there would be a line

and then in someone's handwriting it said Judd. And it was like thank you so much for being such a fan. I really need more fans like you in and someone would write in, Woodbury. P.S. Remember that weekend we spent in Rio

looking at the girls. Didn't he famously used to give out a card that says, congratulations, you've had an encounter with Steve Martin? No, that's a genius thing to do. Yeah, he said there's no need for a photo or autograph. You've just met. I had that happen.

I met Mel Blanc at the Magic Castle. Oh, wow. And I was a little kid, and he just had the pre-written autograph photo in his pocket. He had a stack with him. And Sandy Duncan was there that day, too. I was like 10 years old. I remember walking up to Phil Silvers at a screening of 1941.

That was always the most fun. You still have them? I am just a total hoarder. I have every little scrap of paper. Every autograph. Every Joyce DeWitt autograph is carefully counted. She was prominently featured in Gilbert's Act. Oh, yeah.

I just remembered a Jimmy Durante story. A friend of mine, he, you know, in Jimmy Durante's later years, he became a total recluse. And no one knew where he was. No one ever saw him. And my friend found out where he lived and knocked on his door, and he goes, Who is it?

And he goes, I'd like to speak to Jimmy Durante. And from the other side of the door, he hears, He ain't home. I had a funny one like that where I was with a friend and we were driving motorcycles up on Mulholland in 1985 or 86

and we knew that's where Nicholson and Marlon Brando lived so we just stopped there because there's a view of the valley. And then a little crappy car pulled up to the gate. And you hear a girl go, hey, Jack, I'm here. And then through the box, you hear Nicholson's voice go, you can't come in unless you take your pants off. Wow. And she's like, come on, Jack, open the gate.

And then he finally opened the gate. And we thought, what were the chances that we would hear something like that? Well, and speaking of autographs, since we're talking about Steve Martin, tell the Steve Martin story from the book when you found out where he lived when you were a kid. I mean, I was 12 years years old and I knew where he lived

so I'd visit my grandmother and I would always say let's pass by Steve Martin's house. He had this incredible white block house with no windows, right? No windows, but on the inside it was all lights but from the street it just looked like a block of white. And so we're driving by one day and he's outside of his house

so I grab a pen and a piece of paper, and I run out. And I said, hey, Mr. Martin, can I have your autograph? And he said, no, I'm sorry. I can't sign autographs at my house, which is a completely reasonable request. Like, if someone walked up to my house, I would call the cops at this point. Then I'd be terrified that everyone was going to come. Like, I totally get it. But at the time, I didn't get it at all.

So I said, well, can you sign it in the street? And he said, no, I'm sorry. I'm like, I won't tell anyone where you live. He's like, no, I really can't because then a lot of people will come over. All very reasonable requests. And I was so upset. And I went home and I grabbed the legal pad and I wrote him this really long diatribe. Dear Mr. Martin, you are the funniest man in the world,

but you treat your fans like crap. You wouldn't live in that house if I didn't buy your records and your tapes and your book. And if you do not send me an apology, I'm going to send your address to Homes of the Stars, and you're going to have tour buses passing by 24 hours a day. And then I put it in his mailbox just to be extra stalkery like i know where you live i don't even need a stamp uh and then i didn't think about it but i really was kind of devastating because i was so little that i didn't understand and about three or four months

later i get a something in the mail from steve martin I open it up, and it's a book of cruel shoes, this great humor book he wrote at the time. And it said, to Judd, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was speaking to the Judd Apatow. And he underlined the, and that was 35 years ago. And I always say now that I think the impact of it was that I thought, I must have made him laugh with that crazy letter. Because he didn't say, screw that guy.

Because I was trying to be funny. And I thought, oh, my God, I must have made him laugh. And I think it gave me some confidence to be in comedy. Because the guy that I loved more than anybody by far thought it was worth the time to send me this thing. And then he's so funny about it because it's the most irritating story. Everyone always asks me about it. And so I always tell it. But I feel bad.

And I had a meeting with him once. And someone made me tell the story. And then afterwards they said, Steve, do you remember it that way? And he says actually in my memory I knocked on Judd's door and then we did a photo shoot for Vanity Fair

where he has a tour bus outside of my house and I'm in a bathrobe complaining and so that was one of the great moments ever was getting to take the photo with him because he's still the greatest of all time. You memorized those albums, didn't you?

I mean, beyond memorization, they were just in my neurons. We used to go to South Carolina or North Carolina on vacation. It was a 14-hour drive and we would just run Let's Get Small and Wild and Crazy Guy the entire time. I didn't even know why it was funny. I just knew my whole family

would laugh really hard at every single line in those records. And then The Jerk came out and we were like, and now he's made the best movie of all time, which completely holds up. Yeah, I find it interesting in the book, you ask him about The Jerk and a couple of things. One is he agrees that it holds

up, but he can't watch it. I understand that. It's very hard to watch anything you do. I mean, it is... I get that. There's a lot of things. One is he agrees that it holds up but he can't watch it. I understand that. It's very hard to watch anything you do. I mean, it is... I get that. There's a lot of things of mine that I won't seek out to watch. But also his book, Born Standing Up, is probably the best book ever written about comedy.

It really is... It really captures all of it and it's a great story and beautifully written. And he was nice enough to do an interview for the book. I don't know if I handled that interview well, because I was just so excited and nervous that I don't know if I got to everything I wanted to get to, but he was very, very nice to me, and I think it's a great interview. What goes through your mind when you watch one of your movies?

After the fact? Yeah. You know, sometimes I watch it and I really laugh, and other times I watch and go, was I crazy? Why did I think anyone would understand what I'm talking about here? Because every movie happens in

that moment of your life. You're trying to express something that you're feeling right then, and then ten years later, you don't feel that way anymore. So, you know know when we did funny people um i was writing it when my mom had cancer and i was noticing that when she thought she was going to die she seemed much happier than when the doctors would say oh the new medication is working and then she'd get very neurotic and have all these worries about life again but when she

thought life was about to end, she was super loose and funny and just seemed at peace in a way she never was in life. So I started writing about that. And then she died before we shot the movie. So I was very traumatized while we were making the movie and just expressing all those emotions.

So then it becomes hard to watch later because it's just so personal to a specific feeling that i had at the time where you were and it brings back every movie has to do that too it has to bring back that time about movies that i know like when you watch a movie you go oh god when i was doing that scene i was in a really lousy mood that wasn't yeah sure there's certain scenes that are the funniest scene in the movie and it was the worst day and you didn't even think you

had it or you just shot it and it just seemed like oh this is going to be terrible and then there's other scenes you remember oh shooting that was the most fun ever like shooting the drunk driving sequence with my wife Leslie we shot it over three or four days we just laughed every second everything she was doing was killing us.

Everything Steve Carell was doing, being terrified of her as the drunk driver, seemed so funny. But then other days, you just barely get through it. You know, it's funny what you were saying about your mother, because I remember hearing that when people finally decide they're going to commit suicide, they're usually at their calmest and happiest. Yeah.

Like they've made a decision. Sure, yeah. I think there's something to it. And I always wonder, I mean, here's the thing. You make a movie, you never can watch it and know how other people feel when they watch it because you've thought about it so much and so all the ideas in a movie like funny people which are so important to me i'll never know unless people tell me if it affected them even the ideas about you know a comedian who was so obsessed with succeeding that he really never developed the ability to have normal friendships

and normal relationships, which was based on a lot of people that we all know who you see just struggle. We thought about Rodney a lot. Oh, yeah. Because we all loved Rodney so much, but Rodney would go on stage

at like two in the morning in a bathrobe and he'd say to the crowd, you know, sometimes life makes perfect sense and then you come. You know? And it was so dark and the crowd was like, why isn't he doing the normal jokes?

And I thought that was an interesting thing to explore. You know, a young comedian dealing with this guy and his life isn't working out. Because there's very few movies about comedy that are any good. And so I thought, oh, it'd be nice to try to capture that. It's hard to think of any.

There was that one that got everything wrong was the Tom Hanks one. Oh, Punchline. Punchline. But you know what's so funny? Everyone was so mad because in that movie, all the comedians had lockers. Yes. Right? Right.

And it drove everyone crazy. Like, we don't get a locker. Yeah. And it drove everyone crazy. Like, we don't get a locker. So we go to the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach, which is one of the main clubs I always worked at, a great comedy club in California,

to scout it, to shoot there. And when we get there, we see there's a whole wall of lockers. Oh, shit! That's funny. What about something like This Is 40? I mean, is that hard for you to watch for another reason because there's so much personal stuff in there well you know some of that stuff is just a time capsule to me so my daughter's 17 now my other daughter's 12 so the fact that they're in all these movies from the time they're very little i'm so happy that they exist and I can see how they talked and how

they behaved. So in a lot of ways it's just very expensive home movies. Right, I was just going to say. Sometimes on the DVDs I'll take all the raw footage and all the outtakes and I'll make like a 10 minute montage of my kids and I know no one on earth wants to see it but now it's digitally protected

somehow and when I'm older I can watch those things and I really like working with them because Leslie and my kids are really funny they're very funny in the movie for anybody that hasn't seen this we met at The View and I was telling you and Leslie how natural I thought they both were

yeah they're really great and Maude was on Girls this year and Iris is on this show Love that we're doing for Netflix so hopefully we'll see if they want to do it or don't want to do it, but they're really fun to do it with. Those are actually easy

times to do those things. Now, if you'll tell this story. Okay. When I first brought you into the apartment, I was showing you some life masks I have of, you know, Lon Chaney, Bela Gomes. Oh, I can't tell this story. I know I can't tell this story.

That one gets me in trouble. Well then, can you at least tell me who has to see your dick? There's got to be a given tape. I think I got it figured out. Do you? Yeah, but I'm going to... I'll say, no matter what you say,

I'm going to say, that's not him. But say it again and I'll... Was there an animated series based on his life? No. Who's that? No. Well, that's... I know exactly.

You know where I'm going? He didn't succeed to that level. Okay, never mind. Because I don't succeed to that level. Okay. Never mind. Because I don't want to incriminate anybody unfairly. So if he didn't succeed to that level, you should have at least shown him your dick. You would have had at least that. Yes.

Now, we were talking before that in your book, you were talking to Albert Brooks. Yes. And he had a great Jack Benny story. He did. I think you – I could read it if you want me to because I can't remember it. It's when they were on The Tonight Show together. I don't know if you've heard. Someone showed me these letters that Jack Benny wrote with this famous producer.

And they would like kind of trade jokes back and forth. And in this letter, they were talking about new shows and how television was changing. And Jack Benny wrote in his letter, yeah, I love this new show, My Mother the Cunt. But it's wild that it was typed and signed Jack Benny. Because all those guys were so clean but privately filthy. And I laughed. Sorry. I'll read it.

It's just a little bit about how Albert Brooks was on The Tonight Show with Benny. And it's actually kind of a sweet story. Let me see he says um albert brooks is talking about um how he did this uh this bit uh he took a live frog i put it through all these elephant tricks and every time he did a trick i threw a peanut at him and the last trick i said i call this the trick find the nut boy i gave the peanut to somebody on stage i walked over over and gave it to Doc Severinsen. The elephant will find the peanut. I took this frog. I threw this huge black cloth over him. The one I said I used to blindfold the elephant.

And this black rag started hopping all over the place. So it eventually hopped over to Doc Severinsen. It actually found him. I don't know what the hell the frog was going to do. So after the bit, I sit down at the panel and Jack Benny was on. It was always that last two minutes where Johnny was asking people,

thank you for coming. What do you have coming up? And during the last commercial, Jack Benny leaned over to Johnny Carson and said, when we get back, ask me where I'm going to be, will you? So they came back. Johnny said, I want to thank Albert. Jack, where are you going to be performing? And Jack Benny said, never mind about me.

This is the funniest kid I've ever seen. And it was this profound thing like, oh, that's how you lead your life. Be generous and you can be the best person who ever lived. Wow. It's a nice story. I have never heard a bad thing about Jack Benny. People love him more than anybody. Wall to wall, he's

probably the most beloved person. Everybody that we've had on the show that had any dealings with him at all just said how generous he was to other performers. You see people's faces warm up who've worked with him. And in comedy, it's so hard because a guy like Jack Benny, he's making decisions constantly that affect people.

He had to fire people. He had to decide this script was good or this actor or actress was good or needed to be fired. And so it's always very weird that you can navigate running shows and big operations and not have disgruntled people in your

past. The other cool thing in the Albert Brooks interview is that I never knew he hung out with Harry Nielsen and John Lennon, two of the Hollywood vampires. And he talked about them going to a record store, buying all the Albert Brooks records, and then driving down Sunset Boulevard and just throwing them at people on the streets.

I mean, it was great just to get Albert to do the interview. He's hilarious. The Juke Art and the whole thing in This Is 40 is so funny. I mean, when we did This Is 40, Albert, every night before we shot a scene, he would email me incredible lines that were way better than anything I wrote. And just that was just a dream

because he really is an incredibly funny person but also a brilliant actor. This is, I think, one of the great actors of all time. And if you look at that sequence in Broadcast News where he has a big confrontation with Holly Hunter, I mean, to me,

I don't think it gets better than that. It's wonderful. Where he says Tom is the devil while being a very nice guy. It's a wonderful scene. It's a wonderful movie that people don't talk about. It's a perfect movie.

Now, were you friends with Andy Kaufman in those days? I never spoke to him. I remember he would come in. I remember him going up on stage, and he did, you know, 100 bottles of beer on the wall, and just the entire from 100 to 1. But, yeah, no, I never spoke to him. I remember Freddie Prinze. Really? I never spoke to him. I remember Freddie Prinze.

Really? I never spoke to him either. He was already known back then. When did you start talking to people? Did you hear the Steve Buscemi episode? Steve Buscemi was trying out stand-up. Gilbert was successful at that point.

Steve Buscemi was nobody. They getup. Gilbert was successful at that point. Steve Buscemi was nobody. They get in a cab together, and Steve's thinking, well, he's a successful comic. He's going to pick up the cab. And Gilbert never went into his pocket. And I didn't even talk to him. You didn't talk to him the entire ride. So I'm no Jack Benny.

No. No. Now, years ago, this is a connection we have. Years ago, I was watching TV, and I was switching around. I can't watch anything for longer than five minutes. And George of the Jungle was on. That's true. Yes.

And your wife, Leslie Mann, was in it. And I remember I thought, oh, she's like skinny, cute, and funny. And this is absolutely true. I remember saying, boy, I could see myself fucking her. That's both a compliment and terrible. I'm both outraged and I'll tell her she'd love to know. How do you think you think she would? Would she be excited about that?

Yeah, I mean, send the kids out of town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to tell her with the kids there. You know that bird you love from that movie? Hilarious. I thought that bird would be my selling point. Tell us about working with Leslie. I mean, and what it's like.

I mean, I'm reading in the book how she makes contributions. Well, she's so funny and so smart. And, you know, as a woman in Hollywood, there's so few good scripts. There's probably more now. But when I first met Leslie in the mid-'90s, you know, every woman in a movie was just there to be wanted by a guy. And they were just getting guys from point A to point B. And so we used to talk a lot about just how weak all these parts were.

And it had a big influence on me. I did a pass on The Wedding Singer, just to polish. And I remember thinking, I want to see how good I can make this Drew Barrymore part. And it was... Ignore that ringing phone. Oh, that's fine. It was a challenge to try to

change that. And so over the years, Leslie and I have collaborated on all these movies and she's really tough on them. She's funny. And she asks really hard questions about these relationships and how they work and how we can have balance.

And she's been a real partner. And then I think it inspired me to want to work with Lena Dunham and Amy Schumer and Chris Edwig and Annie Mumolo because there are some brilliant women. And I think now you see a lot more opportunities, which is great. I mean, because what Amy Schumer does in Trainwreck is unbelievable. She's an amazing writer and actress. And we shouldn't have one trainwreck. We should have 50 trainwrecks. I mean, you're sort of like becoming a George Cukor of comedy, in a way.

Well, I like... I mean, a woman's director, a little bit. Well, you know, here's the funny thing. And producer. There's so many areas in comedy that are burnt out, and you feel like, oh, that vein has been used up, that type of story has been told. And oddly, because there hasn't been

anywhere near enough female stories, when you start writing in that area, it's all fresh. And so, you know lena can write five seasons of girls and you you think i haven't seen any of this before because there's not a hundred shows like it especially in a reverent movie like bridesmaids that that people aren't used to comedy like that really edgy comedy sure coming from women because i look back and go don't you wish there were 10 brilliant Gilda Radner movies that we could all go back and look at?

But the material wasn't there. However the system worked, it certainly didn't support the Jane Curtin, Lorraine Newman, Gilda Radner movies. 10 brilliant Lily Tomlin movies. Or the Andrew Martin, Catherine O'Hara movies

we would have liked to have in the early 80s. I mean, all those people went on to do a lot of amazing things, but I think the system was much more difficult to navigate and they didn't go to those people

and say, here, write a script. What are your visions? And I think they do that a little more now. And now that Trainwreck did well, you just hope it's another signal. This is a giant market, because they only chase the money so you go oh there's a market there just like there's a superhero market there's a great female driven movie market and we should you know they only do it because they want to tap it for money so you just hope the incentive is there now for gilbert

to make the best female-driven comedy. Because no one has a more female-friendly act than Gilbert. You want to wrap it up? You have anything else you want to ask this man? Yeah. Do you think your wife would make out with me and then give me a hand release afterwards? Who's the director in that film? Or is this

a project? Are you pitching a movie right now? I want to ask you about upcoming projects before we jump. You're doing a film with Key and Peele? Yes, me and Key and Peele are writing a movie together and I'm excited to get that done

at some point. I mean, they're really incredible and funny and brilliant and obviously the next step for them will be to do in movies what Amy has just done. Can you tell us anything about the Pee Wee Project? The Pee Wee Project? Well, I really encourage him to do something in the tradition

of Pee Wee's Big Adventure and he really wrote a hilarious movie with paul russ this guy john lee who who's done a lot of amazing stuff um uh like a heart she holler and uh adult swim productions and it's really out there and super funny and i think what people hope he's gonna do he has just done it's weird Pee Wee Herman in so many interviews

has said he auditioned for Saturday Night Live in what year? for the same season I was oh in 1980 wow and he said when he saw me there he thought that meant well I definitely don't have this because we're both like kind of character comics. Oh, interesting.

Because that's before Pee Wee even took off. Yeah. That was a few years later. He didn't have that whole persona. He hadn't done it yet. He was still Paul Reubens. There's so many people who didn't get Saturday Night Live. Just the other day, me and my daughters, I don't know

why they wanted to, but my 12-year-old wanted to go on YouTube and watch all the Saturday Night Live auditions. Oh, jeez. And they have Jim Carrey's audition and my daughter was livid afterwards. She's like, how do you not give that guy

Saturday Night Live? And then other people's auditions were up who got the show, and some who were very successful. And she's like, they got out over Jim? What did you do? 11 episodes? Oh, yeah. And Judd remembers them. Judd is one of the few comedy

geeks who would remember them. Oh, this is frightening. With Denny Dillon. Denny Dillon was very funny. And also Gail Mathias was very funny. She did one of the first Valley Girl characters. That's the first time anyone ever heard a Valley Girl.

Charles Rockett I thought was really funny. Christine Eversol went on to have a career. She wasn't mine. Who was the third girl? I got it. It was Danitja Vance? No, she came later. Oh, wow.

Judd, think. Give me the first letter of her. A. A-R. I don't have it. She's blonde. No. What's her name? Ann Risley. Yes, I remember. AR. I don't have it. I can see her in my... She's blonde. No. And I can see her.

What's her name? Ann Risley. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I remember, but... And, well, of course, Eddie Murphy. Was Tony Rosado on that? No, no. He came later. I think he came with Eversol later.

Rosado? Yeah. Who I heard went nutty. I hear he's back. I just... Here's what a comedy nerd I am. I've read all the Tony Rosato articles. That's serious.

I literally went down the Tony Rosato rabbit hole the other day and tracked some of his obstacles, and I hear he's doing well now. But he was super funny. Is it true you used to transcribe SNL episodes or Twilight Zone episodes? Well, both. But Saturday Night Live,

before you could record things on your VCR, your Betamax, the only way to remember it, I would record it with an audio recorder. And then sometimes I would transcribe a sketch just to understand what it was.

Like, what did I just see? How does it work? But I did have them on audio for a little while. And you never knew, I didn't understand how reruns worked. So if Steve Martin was on Saturday Night Live, I thought, if I miss it, I will never see it again for the rest of my life. And that's not

what anything is like now. But back then, you'd be in a panic if you missed something. So I used to try to track them. Now, what do you remember from my season? This fascinates me. That's something I can't watch. What is the main sketch you remember? Okay, well, one that was truly horrible.

It wasn't the worst sketch. It was just one of those where you scratch your heads and go, okay, what is the fucking point here? Yeah. It was called Jack the Stripper. Oh, that's online. That's on YouTube. You can see it.

Yeah, that's a bad one. Now, here's my question. Because when you go back and look at the writers, there was a lot of legendary people on that season and on the next season. Who screwed it up? I don't know. Is it Gene Dominion picking the sketches? Or is it, like, who is the person

that doesn't know what to do with you? I don't know, but I remember some truly hard, and also back then, I didn't realize at read-throughs, when I'd hear something, and I'd hear everyone cracking up, I used to think, oh, well, this means I don't get it. I don't understand why this is funny. Yeah. And now, you know, people go in a read-through, hi, everybody, and everyone's laughing and pounding the table.

Who was the head writer? Do you remember who you dealt with? Was it Bob Tischler? No, he came with, he probably came with Ebersole. Did you have any writers you especially liked trying to write with? No, it got so bad at one point that they wrote me

into a sketch as a corpse. It was a funeral scene. Didn't you and Denny Dillon play an elderly Jewish couple? Yes, the Waxmans. Leo and... I forget. Malcolm McDowell was in the Jack the Ripper sketch.

Oh, yes. But you're doing a Cockney accent. Was there one sketch that you thought killed and I'm really getting it? No. No. When it ended, were you saying that you were fired mid-season? Yeah, I was

fired. They had just begun work on the very last episode. It was going to be with Graham Chapman. Oh, yes. I have a good Graham Chapman story. Oh, okay. Just when I was in college, he was a speaker at USC, and I was in charge of the speaker's committee,

and me and a friend hung out with him and his associate, or whatever that meant, and we smoked pot all night with him. I was like 18 years old, and he told us stories for what felt like hours and he talked to us like we were on the same level as him and we were just two kids we meant nothing and he told us stories about going to whorehouses with Keith Moon. And every story had Paul McCartney or, you know, somebody incredible in it.

And was a complete gentleman and the nicest man I'd ever met. And it was maybe the best night of my entire college experience. But I always remembered, wow, he seemed as interested in our stupid college life as we were in the brothel with Keith Moon story. And then I was trying to get a job working for him on a, he was doing a thing called the dangerous men's club or something. It was these guys

they would, you know, ride like a bed down a very steep ski hill. It was like the original Jackass. Him and a bunch of guys would do incredibly dangerous things and he was going to make a movie. Him and a bunch of guys would do incredibly dangerous things and he was going to make a movie about it and then he got sick and passed away.

Top that, Gilbert. Well, that was a very funny story. Tell us real quick, and we'll go about Jim Henson, what Jim Henson told you because obviously, I read it in the interview with you and Leslie in the book. It helped you make the transition from performing to writing? obviously, I read it in the interview with you and Leslie in the book. It helped you make the transition from

performing to writing? Well, I always knew that I wasn't as funny as a comedian as my friends like Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler and then all of our friends like Rob Schneider and Drake Sather and David Spade. They were just really interesting as comics. And

I auditioned to host a show with Adam Sandler that Jim Henson was producing back in 1990 or something. And he wanted a couple of comedians to travel across country with their own video cameras and videotape each other. It was right when America's Funniest Videos started and that was the craze, like home video. So I get a call that I didn't get it,

but Jim Henson wants to buy all my ideas for the show. And then they said, he doesn't want you on the show because he thinks you lack warmth. And I thought, this is a guy who can make like two ping pong balls into a magical warm creature, but he doesn't think it's possible to do with me.

And I tell this story and I say, you know, it's like if Mr. Rogers said you don't deserve love. But then I thought, is there any chance that this actually happened? Like, did Jim Henson literally sit with a casting director and just say, don't forget to call Judd.

I want to get some feedback. Can you tell him that he lacks warmth? I don't think he would say that. I would help you learn to read. But it was one of the reasons why I stopped performing was these kind of things

kept happening that were so brutal. But Sandler didn't get the job either or David Spade or Rob Schneider. We all auditioned for it. But it certainly really was painful. Well, I guess...

We like to end the show with a painful story when we can. Okay. Tell us real quick about the book, where the book of the proceeds go to. Sick of the Head goes to 826, which is a charity that provides free tutoring and literacy services to kids. And when I sold it, I said, said okay then we'll give all the money to

those guys and i really didn't think they would sell it for much and then they sold it for a shitload of money and it was too late to say okay how about five percent of the proceeds and then it was on the new york times bestseller list for the first month. I think it still is on it. And so it really has turned into a miscalculation of charitable giving. Your parents would be so ashamed. I know. And the movie is Trainwreck.

Yes, the movie is Trainwreck, which is doing well, thank God. Okay, so this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And we've been talking to writer, producer, and filmmaker and comedian Judd Apatow. Thank you. Thank you, sir. Thanks, Judd.

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