Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 76. Jim Norton LIVE @ NYCC Super Week

Episode Date: November 9, 2015

This week, Gilbert and Frank travel to Littlefield's in Brooklyn for a live, Super Week/NY Comic Con-themed episode with comic and radio host Jim Norton, who holds court on topics ranging from his friendship with Sherman (George Jefferson) Hemsley to his love of Jack Klugman to his admiration for "Midnight Cowboy" and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." Also, the boys break down celebrity conspiracy theories, sing the praises of actor Frank McRae and compare Louis CK's first sitcom to the groundbreaking shows of Norman Lear. PLUS: Moms Mabley! Iron Balls McGinty! Sammy Davis plugs "Skidoo"! Paul Lynde disses KISS! And Gilbert stakes out the Playboy mansion! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You see, it's kind of a pun on the last name. Ah, never mind. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and welcome to the third live episode of Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast, and they said it would never work. Actually, I was the one who said that, but... I'm here at Littlefield in Brooklyn with my co-host Frank Santopadre, and our guest this week is a comedian, actor, radio host, and two-time best-selling author. You've seen him everywhere from Jimmy Kimmel Live

to the Jerry Seinfeld documentary Comedian to Louis C.K.'s Emmy-winning series Louie. And you can hear him every day as one half of the Opie and Jim Norton show on Sirius XM. Please welcome a man who once said, I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle. The shy, demure, and always politically correct, Jim Norton. Thank you. Oh, how lovely.

Can I start by saying what a delight it is to be here? And it's funny, you mentioned Seinfeld's comedian. I was in that for about a half a second because Jerry shot that at the Comedy Cellar. And I'm only in the credits because one time he's talking to Sherrod Small in the hallway and I happen to be in the background. You can catch me probably a half a second on film. But Jerry didn't interview me.

Yeah, well, I was your most powerful appearance. Really, I felt it launched me. I would get recognized at airports. People would just look at me real quick. Hey, wasn't that you that I saw? Now, I've been reading some of these notes, and they more than bother me. Yes. When it's too disgusting for me, it's saying a lot.

What is Monster Rain? We're starting there, huh? Yeah. It was a game. It was the name of my HBO special in 2007. And it was a game I would play as a young kid when I was six or seven. My friends and I would be in Edison, New Jersey. And one of us would yell,

monster rain. And we would pretend that it was like monster rain falling down. So to get away from the monster rain, we would hide under a porch, and then while we were under the porch, we would suck each other's dicks. It was one of those things where I think that we were just looking for an excuse to suck each other's dicks.

And we didn't know how to say that because there was a lot of shame around it. So we were like, let's hide from the fictional monster rain. And while we're under here, you might as well blow me and I'll blow you. And miraculously, the rain cleared up as soon as we were done sucking. Yep. I feel like we're doing the DVD extras from The Woodsman. No, it was... I didn't even get erections at that age. No?

No. A problem that has persisted throughout my life. No, it was... It felt really good, but I didn't get hard. My one friend, the first time I ever saw an erection was my friend who was like a year older than me. He was one of the guys that we would blow each other. And he had an erection. I didn't know what it was, but I just knew that his was reacting differently than mine.

Oh, here's a cute story. My one neighbor around the street used to make me blow him. I think that he was a bully. I was scared of him. Now, was this the, whatchamacallit, the Devil's Creek? No, but that's the same stuff. That's another one? Yeah, that's anotheracallit, the Devil's Creek? No, but that's the same. That's another one? Yeah, that's another one. Oh, my God. Yeah, there's a long list of dicks and a long list of locations.

Sorry for interrupting. Oh, that's okay. Yeah. So the one kid who had Budweiser shorts, and I always remember it smelled like mothballs. It's true. I always associated mothballs with him making me get more. I don't say making me. I can't say I was.

Dr. Drew told me I was molested, but I'm like, no, I kind of enjoyed it. I'd be bullshitting. I wasn't a victim. I was like, no, don't. I kind of. What was the Devil's Creek? Devil's Creek is in Edison, New Jersey. It's just a little place with woods and a creek.

And that was a kid. We had the name for Devil's Creek. And it was just where you'd go with your friends if the porch was booked. And, you know, you wanted to blow each other maybe. It wasn't gay, though. We've just set a record for how quickly I've lost control of the show. Yeah. Well, don't feel bad.

We're going to talk about X-Men 94 to honor Comic-Con. I feel like there's nothing to build. No, it's kind of hard. So tell me about your childhood blowjobs. Where do you go from there? Well, I just like making people laugh. Well, because we're at Comic-Con, you were in Spider-Man for what, 20 seconds? I had one line.

I played, it was funny, I played, in the credits it lists me as surly truck driver, and fans were quick to point out that's STD. Which... Which... I improvised the line. I didn't even get to meet Sam Raimi, I didn't get to meet Tobey Maguire. It was a second unit shoot, we did it in Queens. And I had to play a man on the line. I didn't even get to meet Sam Raimi. I didn't get to meet Tobey Maguire. It was a second unit shoot. We did it in Queens. I had to play a man on the street. I was

loading boxes into a truck. They were saying, what do you think of Spider-Man? Everybody was saying nice stuff. In the audition, I bad-mouthed him. I thought he sucked. They kind of liked that, so they had me do it. They had me improv a lot of stuff for 45 minutes, but they only kept that one line. I'm happy I just made it into the film. I didn't

even know I was going to make it into the movie until it was actually released. Well, just to get the Comic-Con stuff in. We'll keep trying. Always good. We talked about backstage that, Gilbert, you did play two Superman villains. Well, one

and one Superboy villain. Oh, what was one? A bucking horse? I was in the Superman cartoon where Tim Daly was Superman. I was Miss Yes Big Lick. Anybody remember this? Three people. I never knew how to say his name, by the way. Yeah, no one does.

Yeah. It's a bunch of concepts. Say it again. I say it Miss Yes Piglick. Others is Mixel Pickle. Yeah, there's an X and a P and an L and a T and a K. It's a hard name to say. And the other one, I was in

about two or three episodes of the Superboy series where I was Nicknack. Oh, okay. I thought you meant the one starring Jared Fogle. This is a good thing to ask you about. You guys did a show last week together. Yes.

How many people heard Jim and Gilbert on the Jim and Opie show? Thank you. You two in the first row. Yeah. They were the only people. And you guys were talking about Moms Mabley. Yes, we were.

How's that for a turn? Well, it was odd. I never expected to talk about Moms Mabley with Gilbert Godfrey for 20 minutes. But it was quite funny, and you did quite the impression of her. For 20 minutes. But it was quite funny, and you did quite the impression of her. She was this old black comedian who would show up, usually on the Merv Griffin show, in like tattered clothes and a big hat. And she'd go,

Hello, Merv. Hello, awful creature. And she would sing, I remember. Yeah, yeah. She famously sang Abraham, Martin, and John. Oh, yeah.

That was her big hit. Well, a big hit by... They let her sing it on the Merv Griffin show. Anybody here see my old friend Martin? And then it was Abraham and John. It was all these people that have been shot to death.

It was a fun song. Does anybody remember Moms Mabley? Good. Two people, four people. All right. Whoopi Goldberg did a great documentary on her. She produced it. She did.

It was very interesting. Indeed, she did. And she wasn't filthy. You always thought of her as a dirty comic. Like, oh, Moms was dirty. But she was only double entendre dirty and a wink dirty. It wasn't dirty by what we talk about today. Not the first ten minutes of this podcast.

Yeah, like Gilbert. You ever suck a dick when you were five? You know, it wasn't. Gil, what was Shamus of the... Tell us about Moms to Rain. What was Shamus of the Shul, which you were talking about on the show? This was one of Mom's Maybellines. The song only I remember.

And this she sang. Well, he couldn't read and he couldn't write, but he was nobody's fool. That's why he could never be the Shamus of the shul. What does that mean, the Shamus of the shul? I don't know, but I got emails from people saying, will Gilbert sing at the show? Of course he will. Because he does on every show. I wanted to cover that.

He has a delightful voice. He should be singing. Yeah, he does. He does. She had no teeth, right? Moms Maybelline? No teeth. I hope not, because there's no excuse for talking like that if she did.

That would be unacceptable if she had teeth. She was gay, too, I think, which I didn't know. Moms Mabley? I believe so, yeah. Yeah, I was in shock. Yeah, I mean, it's... Yeah, fair enough. Seeing her like that, you probably shouldn't be shocked with that outfit.

But it was like, well, I guess, you know, back then it was hard to be. But she was pretty out about it, too. They said she wasn't shy. Not on stage, but I guess, you know, backstage. Does Jim know? Jim listens to the show, but does he know about the Cesar Romero story, which recurs on this podcast? Are you? We talk about this every episode. We're going to get applause break, by the way.

Thank you. Is that the glass coffee table? No. No, no. It was Danny Thomas. Oh, okay. Totally different. Cesar Romero used to, you know, he was, you know, a big Latin lover and song and dance man in the movies,

and most notably the Joker on the Batman series. the Joker on the Batman series. And what he was into, according to legend, was he'd gather up his boy toys and he would drop his pants and underwear and they would fling orange wedges at his ass. Some say tangerine. That's the only argument I've had is what citrus fruit. No one ever argued, no, he didn't have fruit flung at his head.

It was just whether it was orange or tangerine. No one even said grape or anything. It was always a citrus fruit. Yeah, I've heard that from... I heard you talking about that one time, but I don't understand that fetish at all. I really don't. I mean, I'm a weirdo, and I don't get why you would orange peel a stone on your hiney.

We asked Frankie Avalon, who worked with Cesar Romero in a movie called Skidoo, and he didn't deny it, interestingly. Had he heard it, or he just said, I can't deny that? He said, I can neither confirm or deny it. Lee Merriweather, who worked with Cesar in the Batman movie, she was a little more shocked by it. She said, Gilbert, neither confirm or deny it. Lee Merriweather, who worked with Caesar in the Batman movie, she was a little more shocked by it. She said, Gilbert, you're very naughty. Did you talk about Burt Ward's dick? I heard Burt Ward had a giant dick in Batman,

and they had to wear two pairs of shorts to cover it. He wrote a book about it. Yeah, I heard that story. He probably started that rumor. He did. You think so? That's a great rumor to have. Have you seen Burt Ward's dick, sir? I've seen Burt Ward's dick, and you, sir, are no Burt Ward's dick.

Yeah. I just brought up the Cesar Romero thing because it had a Comic-Con theme. Did Comic-Con want you to keep it kind of Comic-Con friendly? Nah, we just wanted to get a little... Yeah, good mention. It's a good event. Okay, now, what is your theory, then? The Jews! Oh, sorry. Sorry, I let you finish. I apologize.

Jews. Sorry. I let you finish. I apologize. That's too easy an answer. On Steve, not Steve Reeves. Yes. George Reeves.

George Reeves' death. Do you think there's anything more than what the news said? I don't know enough about it. What was the movie, Hollywoodland, they made about it? I didn't see it, so I honestly don't know enough about it. I do think he is dead. I do believe that. But no, I don't know. Why do they think he was killed?

I can't answer that. Well, I mean, conspiracy theories start on everything. They really do. I can get why you might think. I don't really believe in most of them. But if you want to say 9-11 or you want to say the moon landing conspiracy theories stalled on everything. They really do. And like, I could get why you might think, you know, I don't really believe in most of them. But if you want to say 9-11

or you want to say the moon landing or you want to say JFK, okay, but like, who the fuck would conspire to kill George Reeves? I don't understand why. Like,

that's a weird one to believe in. The whole fucking government was in on it, man. For what? Now, you were, oh, one of our guests one time said to us that the government killed Lenny Bruce,

which I thought was a little... Yeah. Yeah. Heroin killed Lenny Bruce. Yeah. The government. Which guest said that? One that went not airing.

Oh, that one. Okay. Ooh. Yeah. Director's cut one day. It had nothing to do with the Lenny Bruce thing. But there were – I had never heard that.

I would love to believe it because as a comedian, it would be so cool to think that like, oh, this maverick – and he truly was a maverick comedian. But no, I think he just was a fucking drug addict. Yeah. It's sad to just think of it ended that way. Just over just. Well, it's kind of like Marilyn Monroe. The same thing.

She was doing drugs and taking pills every night. Yeah. Although she was kind of hooking up with RFK and JFK. Yeah. And gangsters. Yeah. The whole thing was. Hers was a more believable conspiracy.

You know what I mean? Because back then, to be basically on a fucking shish kebab between the Kennedy brothers, that was really big news. Oh, yeah. That was a lot bigger than Lenny Bruce, you know what I mean? Or, you know, Cesar Romero. And what was the fight you got in with Jesse Ventura? I was over – we had interviewed Jesse three times, and the first time he and I – it was over 9-11 conspiracy stuff.

And we had kind of like not gotten along to all the first time. But then the second time we had him on, I really got along great with him because I don't think he's dumb. I just – and the last time we got into a very nasty argument about it. And there's video of it up online, but when you look at the video, it looks like I'm just being a dick to Jesse. But that's only because back then we didn't have a camera running all the time. Opie would tape

it, and Opie's OCD, so he would never delete shit, so he was running out of film. So every time it started to get, like, heated, then he would start taping again. So you're kind of picking it up a few lines into the argument each time. But if you listen to the audio, he was being a complete dick to me. And I was just responding and we got it very nasty. I thought he was going to smack me in the face at one point.

I really thought Jesse the body was going to fucking punch me. But it's in that moment you can't back off. You're like, I'm just going to get my fucking jaw broken. It would be a great story. Didn't happen though well that's his whole brand is conspiracy theories i mean that's what that's that's what he's marketing yeah but jesse's slippery though because he'll say things like like you know uh well what do you think your president knew um i don't know i'm just asking the question like he

doesn't like a follow-up question so if you ask him a follow-up question he gets kind of like aggressive and and nasty to you, you know. But yeah, he's just one of the, I think people like the idea of conspiracy. I think they're comfortable. It's like a cool thing to explore. I was a JFK conspiracy guy

for years. I get the appeal of it. Belzer's a big conspiracy guy too. He wrote a book. Yeah, and I like Richard a lot, but I don't agree with him on that. Vincent Bugliosi's book really turned me around on that.

I just simply believe what he said. Yeah. I kind of think with, hear weird stories and then another story, I always go with the more boring one. Yeah. Because that's usually the true story. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

They talked about it. They plotted and they built a trap. Or he was texting and he got hit by a bus. Yeah. That's what happened. It usually is the simpler way. Yeah, it's kind of like the whole, and they did it in The Godfather, where Frank Sinatra wanted the part in the movie.

They didn't want him, and he got the mob after the studio head. And then I heard they originally offered it to Eli Wallach. Oh, this is from Here to Eternity. Yeah. Yeah. They offered it to Eli Wallach, and he was doing a play or a movie that he couldn't get out of, and their next choice was Frank Sinatra.

So they made it into the movie like the mob went after him. I haven't seen The Godfather. Let's talk a little Godfather because we had Johnny Russo on our show. How old is he now? He's got to be 50. He's in his 70s. But you should book him. i would love to interview him you don't find the guys from the godfather we've interviewed robert duvall and james khan who were great james khan was fucking awesome and uh i would love to interview anybody from that movie

but so many of them are dead now this eight pagoda is still alive yeah i guess he oh yeah talia shire yeah as i'm talking i'm realizing they're all alive, except for fucking Clemenza and Brando. The whole cast is doing well. When did Al Pacino die? I should really shut my fucking face. And Luca! Luca's dead. I think Luca Brozzi's dead. He was in The Jerk.

I think he played Iron Balls McGinty. No, you know who played Iron Balls McGinty? Carl Gottlieb, who wrote who wrote uh who wrote the jaws he wrote jaws oh okay but he was in that scene he is okay yeah i think he also co-wrote the jerk with steve martin who carl gottlieb okay but luca brazzi was in that scene i don't know i'm can someone google that please i'm humiliated you may have stumped me i'm almost positive the guy who played luca brazzi was in the jerk what was con like on the show con was very interesting he was

a friend of mine rob cullen uh had done a show with him so he kind of told him that we he was like rob was the showrunner and he told uh james that uh you know he and i were good friends so he came on he was very very nice he's a lot of energy he's just a fucking guy like he's one of those guys who'll just talk about anything and he doesn't give a shit because he's fucking James Caan and he knows he's James Caan. So he's awesome. He's not afraid to talk about anything. With James Caan, when he split up with his wife to get over his broken heart, he moved into the Playboy Mansion. And I heard that, so he was living there for, I think, like at least a year. And he used to have his son.

He'd sit in his room, and he'd point to his son like, oh, that redhead over there by the pool. And, you know, she'll think he's really cute. And he'd go over and say, I'm James Caan's son, and he'd like to meet you. And that's, his son was basically getting pussy for him. Well, I for one want to say, that's no way to grieve a relationship. That's hiding from your feelings.

I've never been to the Playboy Mansion. I know a girl who was a Playboy bunny, and she tried to get me invited, but I guess I had a home enough clout. They were like, no, we're booked. I was like, I'm humiliated. Bet you a lot of sex goes on there. I was there once, I think. You never told me that.

You went to the Playboy Mansion? Yeah. What happened? Some costume, nighttime costume, whatever their parties are. And, I mean, there were painted naked girls. That I liked. But I went into the grotto, which I thought somebody said the grotto's over there, and I thought, oh, this is going to be Dante's

Inferno. Yeah. And nothing was going on. But instead, you got tired. Yeah. You woke up and Cosby was sucking your toes. Yeah. And he was sucking my toes, going, I was last

in the world, and you know, I said, and you don't really get a who. I don't think I will leave. But I heard at the Playboy Mansion, those parties at one time were orgies going on. They probably were. But then AIDS came. I think AIDS fucked up a lot.

There was a place in the city called, what was the big? Plato's Retreat? Yes. Plato's Retreat. That was on Broadway, right? They closed that in the 80s. What's that? They closed that one a long time ago.

They did, but I think they used to have bathhouses and all these sex clubs. And I think AIDS probably shut down so much of that stuff. So that probably changed the whole vibe at the Playboy Mansion for a while. You're talking about the heyday of the – like the Robert Culp era. Oh, yeah. With the neighborhood jackets. And Sammy Davis. Yeah, when they were doing Playboy After Dark.

Oh, that show. That show was great. Moms Maybelline was on that show too. Oh, yeah. Sammy Davis. Hello, you have come. Oh, yeah, he was. Hello, you have my...

Jim, let's talk about a couple other movies that Eric Nagel, E-Rock, on the show, your producer, told me. So I'm not responsible. He told me you like these movies. Midnight Cowboy? I do. Anybody here seen Midnight Cowboy? Anything? You know, Gilbert does a great John MacGyver from Midnight Cowboy.

This Joe don't have a strong back. You're gonna need in this business, Joe Buck. Get out of these. Get out of these and pray, Joe Buck. That's good. Almost as good as the Cosby.

That's awesome. Who else does John MacGyver? Well, the kids like the John MacGyver. They do. And a Hollywood story was that they offered originally the part of Joe Buck to the actor John Philip Law. Who was that? Oh, from Barbarella. Yeah.

Yeah. Handsome blonde guy back then, and he turned it down because he was offered a part in Skidoo. Back to Skidoo. With Otto Preminger was directing.

It had Groucho Marx and Jackie Gleason and Carol Channing and Frankie Avalon. Oh, Frank Gorshin and Cesar Romero's in it. Yes. Yeah, everybody. But you've got to figure it probably made sense. You know, you could play a male hooker or you could work with this legendary director and all these legendary comedians.

Yeah, do you want to hang out with Jackie Gleason and Groucho, or do you want some 18-year-old boy to blow you in a movie theater? Yeah, I don't... Yeah, yeah. That was a great scene, if anybody saw it. I don't mean great like it was hot. It was really like, oh, uncomfortable. You guys remember that scene?

Am I talking... Okay, three people saw that fucking movie. So you really have no idea why I'm referencing an 18-year-old boy blowing John Voight? Does anybody know... Such a good film. You know what the movies could do? No. Oh, we have to lend it to you. Yeah, I would like to see it. It's god-awful. You have no idea why I'm referencing an 18-year-old boy blowing John Voight? Does anybody know Skidoo? You know the movie Skidoo? No. Oh, we have to lend it to you.

Yeah, I would like to see it. It's god awful. And I saw a trailer for it where Sammy Davis talks about the movie, and he's not in it. Yeah. What does he say? Well, I saw half of it. He's in the trailer, and it's Sammy at his worst, you know.

When it was so ridiculously 60s, he's got the Nehru jacket and the peace sign and the cigarette, and he goes, you know, he starts going like, skadoo, it's crazy, daddy. I never heard of that movie.

It's real groovy. And it's like, it just, oh, God. If you guys haven't seen Skidoo, please get your hands on it. It's arguably the worst movie ever made. Harry Nielsen, the great Harry Nielsen, sings the credits. That's a highlight. How about this? If you haven't seen it, see Midnight Cowboy first.

Yeah, see Midnight Cowboy. You have to do. First X movie, I think it was the only X movie to win the Oscar for Best Picture. Correct, 1969. It was X because there was a little bit of nudity in it. It's Dustin Hoffman. It's the best thing he ever did. If you've never seen it, it's where that famous, I'm walking here.

They reference that in Forrest Gump, and that's for Midnight Cowboy. John Boyd is awesome. Hoffman's awesome. It's a great movie. I'm boring everyone, including myself. Now, what about Kiss of Death? I heard you guys talking about it on the show with Richard Widmark.

Yeah, you know where I first heard of that? It's if anyone saw Bad Boys with Sean Penn. There's a scene where they're all watching in Juvie Hall. It's a black and white film where a guy, this laughing psychopath, pushes an old lady down the steps in a wheelchair and all the kids and the boys all cheer.

And that's from the movie Kiss of Death where he plays a real sociopath. And you know, it's a great movie from the 40s. A gangster who's released from jail and he's got this psychopath after him. So good. And Used Cars with our favorite Al Lewis.

Oh, yeah, and Kurt Russell and Jack Warden. Who's seen Used Cars? Two people. You know who's in that too? Frank McRae, who's one of my favorite. You know Frank McRae? He's in 1941. He's a black actor.

He played Eddie Murphy's chief. I'm sorry, Nick Nolte's chief in 48 Hours. I called him a piece of shit. I called him a nigga. That guy was fucking awesome. That was that time period in movies, I guess during the 80s, when you had a screaming black police captain. Every movie had that. Black police captain.

Yes. Every movie had that. Yeah, he was so fucking good. So good in that. And he's like, he's one of those guys that nobody knows who he is, but watch Used Cars. He's awesome. It's a funny movie, too, but it's one of those movies that no one has ever seen. It's not like a Caddyshack or a classic comedy that people go like, yeah, I heard about that.

Used Cars just flies under the radar. Are there movies you go back to that you loved and now you go, what the hell did I like about this? Sure. Comedy doesn't hold up as well, although that one does for me just because I enjoy the film so much. I'm trying to think if there's anything...

I loved Jaws when I was a kid. I loved E.T. and now I kind of Star Wars so I kind of get why I like those movies I think I always had decent Salem's Lot, the Stephen King book I watch it, it doesn't hold up for me like it used to as far as being scary

but I still kind of get why it fucking frightened me as a boy it was terrifying, right? who's the guy that was in that? he was always in the David Soul? It was terrifying, right? Who was the guy that was in that? He was always in the... David... David Soule?

No, the guy who was in the Clint Eastwood movies. Oh, David Soule. Starstein Hutch. This is the chance. Don't give up on us, baby. Don't make the wrong seem right. The future isn't just one night. It's written in the moonlight.

Suspended on the stars. We can change ours. Don't give up on us, baby. Don't give up on us, baby Let's give it one more try Can't we get a last one by The angel and the dreamer Who sometimes plays the fool Don't give up on us, I know we can still come through.

Beautiful. Oh, he's got a voice like an angel. You don't know how many requests we get for Gilbert to sing on each show. The Gilbert Gottfried Amazing Colossal Podcast Producer of the Month is DFA Records. Thank you, DFA Records. Be just like DFA Records and get rewarded for supporting our podcast. Head over to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. For a set amount each month, you can get some colossal benefits, such as access to new podcast episodes before anyone else, early access to tickets to live podcast tapings, exclusive video hangouts, and just added, I will record a personalized roast of you and only you so you can share with your friends me telling you what a schmuck you are.

Well, I don't have to join Patreon for that. And you don't have to pay me either because you are a schmuck. That I do for free. I want no money. That's my, I just speak the truth. I'm so blessed. You are a schmuck. So go to patreon. com slash Gilbert Gottfried.

Thank you for your generosity. And thank you, DFA Records. What about Cuckoo's Nest and The Shining? You're a big Nicholson guy. Yeah, I mean, just because I do a really good impression of them in my act. No, I'm kidding. It's like the hackiest thing no i i cuckoo's nest is probably i think i prefer that to the godfather really yeah it might be my favorite movie of all time i think one i think it's the best movie godfather was great but it doesn't make me cry and cuckoo's nest is fucking just tragic

great film and the shining also great uh well that's fucking kidding you know i just i just Tragic. Great film. And The Shining? Also great. Well, that's fucking kid. You know, I just like the... We all wanted to jerk off to the tub scene. Yeah. Of course. That was without saying. But the kid, Danny Lloyd, never went anywhere.

Like, you never saw him again in a movie. It's amazing how some... Like, you know who else never got really famous? The guy, the 13-year-old kid who was on Golden Pond. Oh, yeah. With Jane Fonda, Dabney Coleman, Katharine Hepburn, Henry Fonda. Yeah. And the 13-year-old, Billy.

And he's co-starring in a triple Oscar winner. And then you never see him again. He might have done one other thing. It's weird. You get the right role at that age, and it might just ruin you. And in a movie like that, you figure him and particularly his parents were going, here he is, a movie, Henry Fonda, Catherine Hepburn, and Jane Fonda. I mean, how could you be anything but a major league star? Yeah, well, they said that they actually cut the scene that he said.

Like, there's one scene where I don't know if you saw it, but where he fucks Catherine Hepburn on a rock. Not under a porch. Oh, oh, put your dick in me. Here, now stick it in my ass. Here, let me play with your hairless balls. Don't go so hard, Billy. I'm going to drop the bologna sandwiches. Norm's going to see us and have a heart attack, Billy.

Oh, God. But it's weird. I forget his name. Oh, Henry, you don't blow him. You're going senile. All of a sudden, I realized my Catherine Hepburn was turning into Paul Lynn. That's okay. Paul Lynn's...

I just want to do poppers and suck a dick. That's all. I don't know what's happening to me. And speaking of Paul Lynn, thanks for the segue, Gil. That's what he would do, poppers. He's a good boy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

There's a documentary about Paul Lynn and a tell-all book that you guys have to check out. You're a Paul Lynn fan. You were as a kid. Here's what I know about Paul Lynn. He was obviously the center square for anybody over fucking 58. And I was pissed at him as a kid because I remember – I'm a big Kiss fan from childhood. And the Paul Lynn Halloween special came on and Kiss performed. This was probably like 1977 or 78.

It was terrible. They performed Detroit Rock City and King of the Nighttime World and Beth. But he kind of was snotty to them. Like he made fun of Gene. I'll never forget that, being so fucking angry that this piece of shit was making fun. Like he said something to Gene Simmons. Why don't you go down in your elevator shoes? And the whole crowd laughed.

I was like, fuck you. I heard, see, when I was on Hollywood Squares, one of the producers there also produced the original and he said like during lunch time everybody would eat lunch together and they would have fun and they'd talk and joke with each other

all the guests got along and Paul Lynn would be bombed out of his skull and he was extremely And Paul Lynn would be bombed out of his skull. And he was extremely anti-Semitic. And he would sit there and go, Oh, those fucking Jews. They're the reason I don't have a career. And now because it's a staple on every episode,

you have to tell the rest of the Paul Lynn. This is like Billy Joel doing Piano Man. It's a crowd pleaser. Paul Lynn, see I heard it was some barn uh but then i heard i heard it was what's his name the game show guy uh peter marshall peter marshall we've heard four versions yeah and i think peter marshall was with him and they went into uh the dressing room of, like, I guess the solid gold dancers.

Or the gold diggers. The gold digger. Yeah. Yeah. And they went in the dressing room and Pauline goes, this place smells like cunt. I think. It always delivers. Had you heard that one, Jim?

I had not. You're a lucky man. What a great tagline. I didn't see that coming at all. That's phenomenal. Yeah, I didn't know that coming at all. That's phenomenal. Yeah, I didn't know he was gay either as a kid. Isn't it weird how you don't know people are gay? We've joked about that on Liberace.

Yeah, Charles Nelson Reilly. Yeah. Who? Charles Nelson Reilly when you were a kid. There were all of these guys like that that you thought were eccentric. Yeah. You never thought in terms of gay. That you thought were eccentric. Yeah.

You never thought in terms of gay. You'd have them, all these like flamingly gay actors with a wife and kids. Yeah. In these TV shows and movies. Or eyeing a pretty girl when she walked by. And you said, oh, they're eccentric. Yeah. And then the ones who you don't suspect either. Like Robert Reed from the Brady Bunch.

I mean, who knew? Sorry to make it sad. As long as we're talking about old TV. And what about Jack Klugman? I understand you have a particular fondness for Jack Klugman. I do like Jack. And the show Quincy. Who doesn't like Quincy?

A coroner who plays by Lugman. I do like Jack. And the show Quincy. Who doesn't like Quincy? A coroner who plays by his own rules. Very realistic. Reminds me of a few coroners I know. I love the flat-ass girl at the beginning of Quincy. Do you guys remember that? And the cues rubbing that fucking girl in her awful ass. The charming coroner and the members-only jacket. We got to get to the bottom of it, Sam.

But it's like shows like Quincy, I think, paved the way for like law and order and all the top shows we have now. Yeah, I think so too. Because back then it was original. Quincy lasted like six or seven years. I mean, that wasn't like a one and done thing. That was like a show that did quite well. And yeah, I think that people like that and Canon and all those fucking shows. Yeah, those Quinn Martin shows. The Rockford Files. Yeah. I love the Rockford Files. What I remember about all those shows, like the cop shows, like same with Starsky and Hutch and Chips and all these things.

and Hutch and Chips and all these things. They always, they would solve the murder, arrest the guy, have a commercial, and then come back for a funny ending. Yeah. Yeah. It would end like,

like when they're in the middle of doing something. Well, I don't know, she throws his hat up. Fucking freeze frame shitty ending. Yeah, you're right. They would always come back for some kind of a funny, like quirky. Horribly unfunny funny endings. Terrible endings.

They were never funny. You know this show? I remember I was disappointed in it as a kid. But I would kind of watch it and sort of like some of them. But now I see them in reruns and I think they all totally suck.

And that's Night Gallery. I don't remember Night Gallery. Yeah, that's a show you really want to love. Yeah. And it's just not very good. Rod Serling's follow-up to the Twilight Zone where he was in a haunted art gallery. Everything that's wrong with 70s television is in night galleries. Oh, really?

There's a good Vincent Price episode. Oh, yeah. He's the teacher. Yeah, he's the college professor. And he goes, Run for your lives. The tingler is loose in the theater. This looks like a tingler crowd. What else did you watch, Jim, growing up?

I know you were influenced by some of the Norman Lear shows. We talked about Maude. I just like the theme song for Maude because it's such a... Literally nothing gets stuck in your head faster than the fucking Maude theme song. And Betsy Ross got it all sung, and then there's Maude fucking,

it will never leave. And yeah, I love All in the Family. Of course, all the, I think Taxi is the most underrated show ever. It's a great one. Awesome. I mean, people know it, but I think it's because everyone talks

like the honeymooners, but you know, a lot of TV was shit back then too. You know, I think we have better TV now than we had back then. I mean overall. The comedies maybe not as much. But there's better dramas now than there were then. I think. It's fucking awesome.

I mean in the last 15 years you've had The Sopranos, The Wire, fucking Game of Thrones. Oh, Mad Men, yeah. Yeah, I never watched Mad Men. I watched like two episodes. I couldn't get into it. But those shows like the Norman Lear and shows like that, I mean, he would put on great shows, but sometimes him and also even the lesser sitcoms would do this

when they'd have their important episode that would end without music. Yeah. Yeah. That's to let you know the very special episode yeah just the credits quietly on the so you can think about what you just saw yeah like the edith getting raped episode did not end with anything but just yeah yeah well she did did she get raped or no miss don't be it's okay it worked out It was just a move. I will not hear Gene Stapleton's name bandied about. Or like when the kids from different strokes got raped by a child.

Here's what happened. They didn't get raped. Fucking Dudley and his shitty judgment. Oh, look, it's Mr. Carlson. I love you on WKRP in Cincinnati. Let's watch the cat porn. You can jerk me off in the tub while blabbermouth fucking liverless Arnold

goes and tells his white stepfather. Cock blocker, Philip Drummond. Oh, God. That hurt his career. Gordon Jump. He was the Maytag repairman. Was he? Yeah. Do I have the right actor? Yes. Gordon Jump from WKRP. Gordon Clap and Gordon Jump. He was the Maytag repairman. Was he? Yeah. Do I have the right actor? Yes. Gordon Jump from WKRP. There's Gordon Clap and Gordon Jump. I always mix them up. Yeah,

he's the one that tried to fuck Dudley. Ah, that one. Gordon Jump. Another guest we had on the show was actor James Caron. Yeah. You guys know James Caron? He, if you saw him. Who is it? You know him right away. He's the guy that, he's the realtor that sells the family, the house and poltergeist. He, but you'd recognize him right away. He's the realtor that sells the family of the house in Poltergeist. But you'd recognize him right away. You grew up in the tri-state area. He was the Pathmark guy. Oh, yeah.

I was just going to say the Pathmark guy. He's in everything. James Caron. He's in every sitcom and every movie. He was on The Jeffersons as a white supremacist. And they were trying to kill him when he got out of the studio. Yeah. Yeah, because they didn't stop to think, oh, this could be an actor.

Well, if he's a white supremacist, then it must be in the real life. He had to hide behind Wheezy. And then, to save his life and career, they posed him with his arms around George and Wheezy Jefferson and sent the photo to magazines. And they wanted, hey, it's just a show, folks. It's not really like that. Wow. Yeah.

I became friends with Sherman, uh sherman hemsley it was really we met somewhere and then we just started corresponding and we hung out i took him to the comedy cellar one night from because he would he would perform he would do stand-up and uh he did it at caroline's it was kind of sad um because it was like a half sold room and when he walks up he of course the sh Sherman Hemsley, we're moving on up, and he walks out to the theme music, and I was like, oh, no. I heard, I once worked with a director

who directed a bunch of Jefferson's episodes, and one time he said he was, he went out to lunch outside the studio, and when he was walking back to the studio, a limo came by and and he hears uh sherman helmsley's voice go hey you need a ride back to the studio and he goes

okay and when they opened up the door a smoke was billowing out because he was like there with doing smoking God knows what and doing hits and getting completely stoned like freebasing and he goes the director said what are you doing this for now? We're shooting

today and Sherman Hemsley goes I gotta kiss her twice in this episode laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

laughter well there were the rumors about him yeah yeah oh yes yeah there were the rumors if you want to say someone might be like yeah there were the rumors which i had never heard until i had heard rumors that that cup he was living with a couple and there was some weird sherman helmsley yeah yeah or hemsley hemsley and when he died didn't they fight over his money and his body or something didn't get buried because his family was fucking fighting over his money? I don't know. Got the KCK some treatment, huh?

Yeah, that's right, yeah. Speaking of 70s TV, you played the neighbor on Louis C.K.'s other cable series, Lucky Louie. Yes. You played Rich the Neighbor. On HBO.

For people to remember it. Now, your performance, was I have this right? Your performance was an homage to a certain beloved character actor? Right down to the sweater? Who were they saying it was? I'll tell you.

Mr. Roper? Oh, no. Who told you that? E-Rock. Oh, E-Rock's a fat dope. No, I didn't pick the clothing. I wound up wearing the sweater. Yeah, if you didn't see it,

Lucky Louie was a live audience sitcom that Louie did in 2006. And it was really weird when we shot 13 episodes, but the audience we shot in front of, none of them had ever seen the show because they didn't air until all of them were shot. So every week the crowd had no idea who any of us were. So they didn't understand our character, but it was still a great, great thing to do. And he made the set look really shitty, like as far as he wanted it to look like a honeymooner set. And he would scream at the wardrobe people if they tried to make his wife

look too hot. He's like, I want it to look like fucking real people. And the critics didn't like it. It got a lot of viewers. Like we went up every week in views, but the critics didn't like it. So they canceled it after one season. One of the criticisms were the laughs were so good in the show that they thought that the laughs were being mixed in too loud. I'll never forget reading that. And Louis didn't sweeten anything in that show. Like if something fucking bombed or got like a ha ha, that's what stayed. We might do a second take, try a different line, but he did not sweeten anything in that show to make it better. Was it an attempt to do a little bit of Norman Lear to capture a little bit of the spirit of those 70s shows? Yeah, he wanted it to feel like an old school show.

He wanted it to feel kind of bare bones, regular people, not overly made up. I mean that's how I got hired. And that's – you know what I mean? And that's why we had the clothes we had and Rick Shapiro. And a guy named Jerry Minor was in that who was really, really fucking funny and Laura Keitlinger. I forget who played Jerry's wife. And the little girl was Kelly Gould, played Lucy.

Emma Stone did an episode of that. That's where I met Emma Stone. She played the other neighbor's cunty, screaming daughter and she was great. You immediately knew she was going to be really, really famous. So I hit on her. In... I didn't. immediately knew she was going to be really, really famous. So I hit on her. I didn't tease her.

In the credits at the end, she's known as the cunty screaming daughter. Well, I'm sure she would agree to that. That's what she was doing. Ma, shut up! And then she, like, offers Louis a blowjob. She did. I mean, in the show, not in real life. In the show, that was the thing. It was like she was louis louis and pam were married and then oh mike haggerty who

played the another one of the friends mike is fucking great and uh he was in carlin sitcom too mike mike and laura keitlinger were married and that was their daughter i think and she came over to louis and pam's and she offered louis a blow job. That was the push of the episode. Like she was troubled. I don't remember what happened. I know he didn't do it, but I don't remember how the episode ended. Mr. Gottfried, would you like to throw this out just to the audience for some questions or some song requests? They've been very patient. All right.

Anybody got anything they want to ask about the show or Gil or Jim? Don't be shy. The only dumb question is the one you don't ask. Am I right or wrong? Or Wheezy? I like with this crowd, when they do applaud, it's like at most three people on any given thing. It's like you'll say,

hey, remember that show? And it's like ... We're asking such... It's not like we're saying, did you ever see E.T. with a whole crowd? It's always like, do you guys ever see that one episode of the Rockford Files? We dive pretty deep.

Did we talk enough about Comic-Con, by the way? Yeah, no. Anybody got anything they want to ask us? Helps the show. Sir. Oh, he'll do it. Wait, let's start with this gentleman. Sure.

Can you go to the bathroom? Without being mocked? Or you could take your shit on him. I don't like that that's the thing they all clapped at together. What was that? We had a request here Was it Georgie Jessel? One bright and shining light

That caught me wrong from right I found in my mother's eyes Those safari tales she told the streets all paved with

coal I'm found in my mother's eyes just

like a wandering sparrow a lonely soul I

walked a straight and narrow till I reached my goal one bright undying light

that took me wrong from right I found in my mother's eyes. Heart-tucking. This gentleman right here, yeah. The most famous ass that I ate?

I'm probably not to say because she's married to the president. No, I have not hooked up with many famous people at all. I guess Brie Olsen, she's a porn girl, has the most famous ass I've ever eaten. I would have to say Brie Olsen. Or Mia Isabella. She's a tranny porn star, but it's probably, I think Brie is more famous than Mia. Now, you went over to someone's house to get jerked off. Jesus, can you narrow that down a little bit more?

Was it a paid person or was it my family for Christmas? I can narrow it down. The way I can narrow it down is you left before getting jerked off. She was holding a screwdriver or something. This is a story. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was a a screwdriver or something. This is a story. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was a weird one, man.

This was the weird one. No, this one really scared me. I went to this. It was like a back page. This was years ago when the magazines were still good. And I was on second. You know, you'd up like Screw Magazine or whatever that had the sex ads. And I opened, it was on 2nd Avenue somewhere, like in the 90s or whatever. And it was just a massage ad.

So I went over there and the girl answered. And I had to use the bathroom. It was like a railroad apartment. It was really fucking dark. And I had to use the bathroom. But there was like moldy water in the tub. And like all these, like, you know, Burger King wrappers and garbage in the tub. And there was fruit flies all over.

And I'm like, there's something that felt really, really wrong. And the apartment was very dark. And she and I were just sitting there. And she's like, you got the money? And I'm like, yeah. So I gave her the money. And then she went over to the door. And she communicated with somebody.

And it was a really weird feeling. Have you ever felt like you're being looked at? Because I couldn't see the back of the apartment. It was pitch black. And we're sitting there and I just felt like there's somebody else is in this apartment. Like we're not alone in this apartment. Something is going to happen. It was a terrible instinct premonition.

And I got truly frightened. And I'm like, I have to go. I told her I didn't feel well. And she was holding a screwdriver in her hand. And I just left. And I guess if you're trying to rob somebody and they hand you their money and leave, I'm like, I have to go. I told her I didn't feel well and she was holding a screwdriver in her hand and I just left. And I guess if you're trying to rob somebody and they hand you their money and leave, you're like... But I remember I saw Colin Quinn that night and...

And... And I felt worse. I remember talking to Colin about it and I was really shaking. It was like one of those weird moments you have in life where nothing terrible happened, but I knew something fucking horrible was about to happen.

I think they were just going to rob me, but I left that place. Not a really funny story, but it's a true one. That's sex addiction. Not all smiles, folks. Anything else? Any other requests? Right here, this gentleman on the aisle.

Can we hear some Groucho? You're talking about young Groucho? Young vibrant Groucho? No, I didn't think so Old Groucho You know, usually We were filming As a night of the opera

And back then in my day film was something where you take a camera and you would film something and that was called filming now they also

had photographs but the photographs didn't move. So if it looked like the photographs were moving, you would call them moving pictures, because the pictures were moving. it. And back then in my day, when a picture was something that was either a photograph or a drawing. When a drawing was

something, back in my day, you'd have a pencil. Oh my God, that is perfect. That was that Oh, my God. That is perfect. Oh, God. That was that time period when he was going on like Dick Cavett and stuff, and it was like I was saddened and fascinated at the same time.

Did Cosby interview him? Oh, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. Cosby did an interview with him in the 70s. And I remember Groucho saying in that interview, I feel like a little dizzy. That water you gave me tasted funny. And I feel like I'm passing out.

And Cosby said, Well, Groucho, I'm going to turn you over and I'm going to fuck you. And there's nothing you can do about it. Well, back in my day, when you'd fuck someone, you didn't drug them first. Well, I'm drugging you, and I'm going to fuck you after you're unconscious.

Oh, let's try two more. There's somebody over here. Well, back in my day, unconscious meant you were unconscious. Right here, this waving hand here. We lost sight of that. That's nice language. What's the worst superhero film you've ever seen? Schindler's List. Anything else? But this brings up Catwoman.

Do you remember that? Oh, Catwoman. That's a good one. Howie Berry Catwoman. Yeah. Howie Berry? Not great. Do you remember that? Oh, Catwoman. That's a good one. Halle Berry Catwoman. Yeah. Halle Berry? Not great. Who was the Batman?

That was Michael Keaton or it was? What? Was Michael Keaton in that or no? No. No. No Batman in that one. Oh, she did her own movie as well. Yeah, with Sharon Stone.

Oh, right. That was frighteningly bad. I don't remember it, to be honest with you. What was the one where they had Catwoman and the Batman? Michelle Pfeiffer. She was good, yeah. Yeah. What's that?

The what? Oh, the body was off. Oh, the volume. I don't remember. I did see it, but I apologize. As you're talking about volume, I'm like, what? Huh? No.

I remember liking her better in Scarface with her polluted womb than I did as the Catwoman. Last one. Oh, I'm sorry. I'd started with this fella. 23 years ago, we saw a set that you did, Jersey Shore. It was the funniest stand-up set I've ever seen in my life. And how come you've never been funny since then? Was I stoned that I thought you actually had an act?

I still do that. He still does it. Yeah. What makes you think he retired then? Yeah. One thing you got to know about me, I still go out there and say, hey, how many of you watch Bonanza. Fat lady in a hula hoop. Doesn't it end with you, somebody screaming fat lady in a hula hoop?

Yeah, but if you don't have the whole beginning. All right. Yeah. And you know, I'm not one to take over someone's time. Oh, you go right ahead. To do my own thing. You go right ahead. One bonus one right here and that'll be it. I love a good bonus question.

Gilbert or Jim? Yeah. But it's okay if Jim does it. I hope not Gilbert, but if Jim Norton likes to suck dick and get shit on, I'm fine with that. I didn't, by the way, I didn't mean to talk about sucking dick. I should have just said holding it in my mouth for a while. I was holding it for a friend.

So it was, it was kind of like a breath lozenge. Yeah, I wasn't like moving. That'd be fucking gay. No. No. I just popped it in. Ah. Was there a remainder to that question?

Yes. Well, now you have to realize, sir, that's what gay is? Then did you stop or did you then keep doing that? Well, now you have to realize, sir, there's still a lot of transgendered friends. And why should I be bigoted against them? So, yeah. What am I supposed to do? Just get blown and not return the favor? That would be discourteous.

Don't you like the same stuff you did when you were a kid? That's why if I'm out with a trans girl, and I think I should suck her dick, because I'm afraid of getting old. So if I deny what I liked when I was a kid, then now I'm growing up. But if I'm like, oh, I'm like, ah, you're still a boy at heart. Oh, God. You've gone long.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. Well, since the show can't get any more intellectual, I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. Thank you, guys, for coming out.

Thank you guys for coming out Thank you I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre Thank you And our pal A guy who likes to get shit pissed on And will suck your dick If you come to his show

In a dress You can hear him on And we'll suck your dick if you come to his show. In a dress. You can hear him on Opie and Jim Norton. And his website is JimNorton.com now? It's not Eat a Bullet? No, Eat a Bullet. JimNorton.com, a Cyber Squad hat, so I finally got it back. So just if you want any tour dates or whatever, I'm out on the road a lot.

So JimNorton.com, all my dates are there. And I hope you come out to the shows. Thanks, Jim. Thank you for having me. This was a lot of fun. a lot so JimNorton.com all my dates are there and I hope you come out to the shows thanks Jim thank you for having me this was a lot of fun thank you Jim Norton thank you Littlefield thank you guys