Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 9. Joe Franklin

Episode Date: July 28, 2014

Before Paar, Carson, Letterman, Leno and Fallon there was Joe Franklin. The talk show legend and showbiz historian is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the host of the longest running talk show in history (43 years and 300,000 guests, give or take) and often credited with inventing the format itself. Gilbert and Frank dropped in on Joe's infamously cluttered (an understatement!) Times Square office to nosh on chicken salad, dodge falling stacks of collectibles and ask the "King of Nostalgia" about his memories of Charlie Chaplin, Woody Allen, Buster Keaton, Frank Sinatra, Barbra Streisand and John Lennon (to name but a few). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. You know, I remember God knows how many years ago this was that when I'd be watching TV late at night, after a certain hour when everybody else was asleep, a show would come on called the

Joe Franklin Show. And he was a very peculiar guy with a love of Hollywood and show business. And he's someone you find out has interviewed Marilyn Monroe, Jane Mansfield, Bing Crosby, Bill Cosby, Eddie Cantor, Barbara Streisand. He's written 23 books about old Hollywood. He's been called the king of nostalgia. So, we had to get him on this show because he's interviewed everyone. I think on one of his shows, he had both James Dean and Al Pacino. He's had the weirdest combinations of major stars, some of them while they were still working as waiters.

So ladies and gentlemen, Joe Franklin. This is the Amazing Colossal Podcast. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. My co-host is Frank Santopadre. Hey, Gilbert. And we're here. Hey, stop talking when I'm trying to do a show here. Now, we're here with the former host of a great show that all of us remember, Joe Franklin's Memory Lane. And so we're here, of course, with Joe Franklin in the theater community in Times Square. I got to tell you, last night I was hosting, you know, I do a lot of special events, speaking engagements. I was at a nursing home and I saw a man in the front row sleeping.

So I said to his wife, I says, what's this all about? She says, my husband is sleeping. I said, well, do me a favor, wake him up. She said, no, you put him to sleep. You wake him up. I didn't mean to come on. So this happened last night. So it's on my mind right now, you know.

But I'm very honored to be with my friend Gilbert Gottfried. I go way back and admire Gilbert and Frank. It's my pleasure to meet you. And it's a lot of fun we're going to have here today, right? Now, where did we meet? We met originally, I think, you were doing a TV pilot once. It took place in a restaurant, I think it was, and I was

one of your guests. And then later on, I did a TV special on Channel 9. I think it was my 40th anniversary in TV, and you and I did a scene in my catacombs in my office building in the basement, and a funny scene in the elevator. We've got great, great memories,

and it's nice to reminisce. Now, where in your new office, how you were able to... For those of you who have never seen Joe Franklin's office, if you've ever imagined the absolute worst, most frightening episode of Hoarders, you know, where like someone's got sleeps on a mountain of rats and old newspapers and rotted food.

And that that place, the most scariest episode of Hoarders looks like Martha Stewart. Well, I got you. There's no rats or episode bugs. It's pretty spotless. Rats would be scared to go on your show. I'm kidding. But it's an accumulation of, you know what happens? People move to Florida, and they're fans of mine. So instead of selling their stuff to the Salvation Army or a junkyard somewhere,

their old phonograph records, the old 78s, or their old motion picture lobby cards or the song sheets or the photographs of Jack Benny and Bob Hope and Eddie Carter. They give it to me. So I never learned how to say no. It piles up. And after a while, it becomes beyond category. And I know the order of most of the disorder in my office. And it's a pretty neat office. I've been photographed by some of the top magazines all over the world. I don't even want to be photographed anymore because people see those pictures, they come and they bother me in my office, you know, so I tell them,

don't come here anymore. The office is now off property, off the point where I want any more visitors. But I appreciate the plug. I'm glad you like the decor in my office. It's frightening. It's early days Salvation Army, right? Is it true you have 50,000 movie stills, Joe, 170,000 magazines,

and 200,000 pieces of sheet music? Maybe more. That's an item that came out in the Daily News a little while ago. I guess I've got maybe a million of everything by now. It's uncountable, uncategorical. You can't organize a collection like that, but it's mine, and I'll live with it until my last day on Earth.

And I'm enjoying it. Good. Good. Frank and I kept looking up at the shelves, going, if one thing slips over a quarter of an inch, we're both dead. Well, I lost about nine people so far this year. I love that he offered you an egg salad sandwich, too, as soon as you walked into the room.

Yes. Could I have the last half? But I did invent the talk show. I was telling somebody the other day, I was a protege of a man, remember him? Named Martin Block on the Make Believe Ballroom. Anybody? And I was his record picker. He got me my own little radio show.

And I get a call one day from Channel 7. Channel 7. I was on Channel 7 for the first 13 years. And they said, Joe, if we give you an hour a day, what kind of a show might you do? See, TV was only on the other end from 5 o'clock until sermon.

There was no daytime TV. They said, Joe, we're considering lighting you up on the day. If we give you an hour a day, what kind of a show might you do. See, TV was only on the air then from 5 o'clock until sermonette. There was no daytime TV. They said, Joe, we're considering lighting you up in the day. If we gave you an hour a day, what kind of a show might you do? I said, I might do a show of people talking, nose to nose, eyeball to eyeball, just talking. He said, Joe, you're out of your mind. You can't do a talk show on television. You've got to give them vision. You've got to give them Salisbury, Baggy Pants,

Prattville, Burlesque. You can't do it. So I said, well, rock and roll was coming in. I said, I might do is you have kids dancing to records. They'd show you nuts again. Who's going to watch kids dance to records? Who comes along? Dick Clark becomes a multi-billionaire. And I defied them.

I did what I think was the first pure, organic, from the bones TV talk show. And I did it for 43 years. I did it 13 years on Channel 7, about 30 years on Channel 9. And my singer was Barbra Streisand. I've had Ronald Reagan five times. I had Richard Nixon twice. I had Charlie Chaplin twice. Bing Crosby twice. Frank Sinatra

twice. I had Cary Grant. I had John Wayne. Everybody except Greta Garbo. I had everybody. Everybody that ever lived. I had a half a million guests. And it's staggering. I still can't believe it. I watched my old videos when I was young and handsome, and I say, boy, I never looked that good. You know, it's funny because this show, The Amazing Colossal Podcast, it's about mostly

honoring old Hollywood and showbiz and everything. So you definitely had an influence. I've written 23 books, most of them about old Hollywood. My last book sold 75,000 copies, and they're all in my house. Some of them are in your office, too. Right, right. My last book is now in its third printing. The first two printings were blurred. Now, what was Charlie chaplin like to talk well

chaplin told me something he told me many many he told me most of all he told me about people who spend hours analyzing his films with a microscope they they spend half a lifetime analyzing all the implications all the freudian shadings and all the you know just to make it simplistic every time he kicks the fat man in the behind, he's supposed to be knocking the establishment, you know what I'm saying. But he swore to me, he had nothing in mind ever, except to make people laugh. They're analyzing their scrutiny, what wasn't

there in the first place, you know, so basically all he had was to make people laugh and they analyzed those movies year after year, and it's so phony, so fake, because there's nothing to analyze, you know, so he was in a wheelchair. He was called back after being sort of in exile for a long time, and he was a great man, Charlie Chaplin,

as was Ronald Reagan, as was everybody. Bill Cosby is one of the nice... Bill Cosby always comes back. Many stars don't come back. You know, I gave the first exposure ever to, I guess, to Gilbert Gottfried. He came back. Most people are sorry gave the first exposure ever to, I guess, to Gilbert Gottfried. He came back. Most people are sorry you did that.

That's right. They resent the fact. They don't want to be reminded of the days when they were broke. But the ones who come back include Al Pacino and Bill Cosby and Connie Francis. You interviewed Charlie Chaplin and Al Pacino. At least four times each. Yeah. I mean, how many people can say that?

Not many, not many. And Buster Keaton and Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts was my ankle aid for a while. Buster Keaton was one of my dearest friends. And I've had many, many, I gave the first exposure to Eddie Murphy, to Billy Crystal. Billy Crystal impersonated me for two years on Saturday Night Live. Oh, yeah.

First time I saw Billy Crystal as me, you know what I said? I said, Billy, one of us is lousy. Now, this was obviously pre-Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts. That's right. She was 18 years old. I said to her, Julia, you're going to make it someday because your eyes, your lips, your nose, your mouth, they all match. She blushed, but she, as you say, pretty woman. She did quite well.

And what was Al Pacino talking about? Al was on the same panel with a young man named James Dean. Wow. Who became a late lamented Hollywood superstar If he had lived he would have been another Marlon Brando I'm sure So Al Pacino and James Dean On one panel One time I had Boris Karloff, Pia Laurie and Vincent Price on one panel

Oh man I specialized in that And even though I had all the superstars you'd be amazed people not mainly but many many times wish that I would have more of the old timers that are fading out they come on my show for the last glow in the spotlight you know what I'm saying

after they do the Joe Franklin show they're going to go back into total obscurity so I had the super I was known as I had what they call an eclectic mix I would have Ronald Reagan on with the dancing dentist I'd have Margaret Mead on With Amanda Whistler to his nose

Now this was something Always weird about your show That used to fascinate me You'd have them all sitting around They would be like a dentist there And a house painter And a lounge singer and you try to get them into a conversation together and you'd be saying stuff like well uh

well ted here's the singer and so if this singer wanted to get his house painted i guess he'd go to you and if the painter broke his tooth then then you, a dentist, would fix it. And it was very strange. I was the quintessential clearinghouse in that sense. I brought many, many people together. Many times if I was a little bit tired, I would let somebody else. I'd just walk off the set and let somebody else do my show for 15 minutes. And I came back.

And then you also, when you'd have a singer on the show it wasn't like like the tonight show where they'd come out grab the mic and sing they'd stay on panel sit look uncomfortable and their record would be played and it worked it worked you know people don't realize you're held on tv by the ratings and i i held my ratings for 43 years. It's like in a supermarket. If the certain super suds don't sell, it gets kicked out into the street and into the mud. So I didn't get kicked out for 43 years. Then by that time, I

retired. Did I say retired or retarded? I retired. 51 to 93, right? Joe Franklin show. That's right. 1951, you're right. Long, long time. Long, long time. Long time, and it's a question now that I've got people after me to bring it back, to bring it back

the way it was, the original Joe Franklin radio, TV show, I mean, which I don't want to, I don't think I've got the energy or the stamina to do that five times a week anymore, but I'll, I'm on Bloomberg Radio every day, you know, this week I'm interviewing Neil Sedaka, Olivia Newton-John, Paul Anker,

and Sidney Lauper. I get good guests. I want to have Mr. Godfrey on there one day soon, but it's... He's a tough cat, Joe. He's a tough cat. He wants too much money. Too much money, right.

Now, I'm still fascinated by the al pacino and james dean that but i remember too when these singers when their record would play they'd like kind of bounce their head uncomfortably they wouldn't mouth the words and then the other guests would kind of like uncomfortably lean over to them and you could see their mouth out, oh, this is good. It was kind of non-professional, but it worked. Many people copied my style, so I created that style of having the singer sit there and smile

while this record was playing and it worked out fine. Which stars were you like most bowled over by meeting? I would say Bing Crosby. I love Bing. I always thought of Bing as being what you might call, that's a great question. I would say I thought of Bing as being mechanically reproduced. I thought of Bing on radio, on records, on TV, on movies.

But when he walked toward me, flesh and blood, Bing Crosby. I think I melted. I did my best. And you know something ironic? Bing, the most romantic balladeer in history, was not that romantic in his private life. He would tell the songwriters, don't put the word I love you twice

in one song. He would say, I don't want to say I love you twice in one song. He'd rather be out with the boys hunting and shooting. He was normally very cranky, very moody, but that day with me, he was so good. He could have been an old-time boy. I think maybe he was showing off to his young wife, Catherine Grant. She was on the panel, but that day with me, he was so, could have been an old-time Vaudeville, I think maybe he was showing off to his young wife, Catherine Grant, she was on the panel

with him that day, remember Cathy Grant? Sure. So, but I've had them all. My policy was kind of open, I had certain guests, I didn't have to book, they were welcome to walk in any time they wanted. So Bing Crosby was the one, or one of the people that you went, oh my

God, I'm talking to Bing Crosby. I would say the one, the one. You can tell by looking at me, I was so in awe. I couldn't even talk sometimes, you know, but I love Bing Crosby. Now, Bing Crosby, his second marriage was supposed to be like, they say, an improvement on the first one. Well, the first one was Dixie Lee, who I think drank a little bit. And the second one was Catherine Grant, who he really loved.

He had four kids with each wife. And I think that his memory will endure. You know, Ben Crosby was number one at the box office for about four years in a row. Going My Way and Bells of St. Mary's and all those. And one of my other favorites is Mickey Rooney, who's 93. Mickey Rooney is 93. And Sir Lawrence Olivier told me on my show that Mickey Rooney is 93 and Sir Lawrence Olivier told me on my show that Mickey Rooney is the greatest actor that ever lived.

Olivier said that. Remember seeing the human comedy where Mickey Rooney is a telegram boy and has to bring the telegram to her mother that her son was killed in the war. That scene is one of the old time. Well, Sammy Davis Jr. in an interview, they called him

the greatest entertainer of all time. I'll go along with that. I'll go along with that as well. Sammy Davis said he thinks the greatest entertainer of all time was Mickey Rooney. Isn't that nice?

Yeah. Sammy was great. I had Sammy on my show many times. One time, I had Georgie Jess, but I didn't have Georgie Jess. Oh my God, yes. What would Georgie say if he was. One time, I had Georgie Jess, but I don't know if Georgie Jess... Oh, my God, yes. What would Georgie say if he was here right now?

What would Georgie say? Well, hello, Mama. Mama, this is Georgie. From the money every week. Yeah, she... Hey, did you get that parrot I sent you? What? You ate the parrot? But that parrot spoke ten languages.

Oh, he should have said something. Why did he say something like that? And Mama, how's your eyesight doing? What, you have spots behind you before your eyes? Well, why didn't you put your glasses on? Oh, now you see the spots clearer. That's funny. He was so great.

You got him down, Pat. the spots clearer. That's funny. He was so great. You got him down, Pat. One time Jessel arrived late during my live show. These were live days before tape. And Professor Irwin Corey said, Joe, I'll bet that George

is at the hospital now awaiting the birth of his next wife. He was famous for marrying young women. One time Jessel was on with Cardinal Spellman. Remember Cardinal Spellman? Yes. Jessel said to us to quote the Bible.

So Cardinal Spellman said, George, I didn't realize you were such a keen, avid, ardent student of the Bible. So he says, well, I'll tell you one thing, Jessel. When I was a young man, your highness, you call me your highness in Vaudeville, going from city to city, in between gigs, I would sit in my hotel room at night and I would study the Gideon Bible until the hooker got there. I've got a million to those. Oh, tell us, you told a funny Groucho Marx story. Well, we're on the air.

We've got to be careful. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, not on this show. It's not radio. It's just for the Internet. You can yeah. Yeah, no, not on this show. It's not radio. It's just for the internet. You can tell it. And if it's me hosting, no one's listening. No, they're listening.

The show was a dear friend of mine. He was just the best, as was Eddie Cantor. Now, you mentioned the world's greatest entertainers. I would say Al Jolson was the greatest of all time. He was the first man to make a talking, singing picture. of all time. He was the first man to make a talking, singing picture. Now, wasn't Georgie Jessel offered the jazz singer before Al Jolson? You know your history. Georgie Jessel played the jazz singer on Broadway for three years, three sold out years. And when Warner Brothers decided to try sound movies, they offered the part to Georgie Jessel, and Jessel said, I want $10,000

in cash. Now, you know what? Warner Bros. did not have $10,000 in cash, so they called Jolson to take it on a risk, on a stock basis. If the picture made money, he'd make money. So Jolson made $14 million because he took the chance. And Jessel said,

when I make a mistake, I make a big one. Speaking of Jolson, Joe, I've been doing a little research about you. You said, did you really follow Al Jolson around New York when you were a kid? I think I introduced him on some of the stages

with a fellow named William B. William B. Williams. Sure, make-believe ballroom. That's the guy. I introduced him on about nine or ten Lowe's Theater stages when he was plugging a movie called Jolson Sings Again.

With Larry Parks. Larry Parks, exactly. And Barbara Hale was... And the greatest part about that movie is when Larry Parks as Jolson meets Larry Parks as Larry Parks. Great sequence. Great.

And the voice track, for those that are a little bit young, the voice track was sung by Al Jolson himself. Larry Parks did the pantomiming, but he did his own dialogue, of course, his own voice, but when it came to singing, it was Larry, it was Jolson's voice all the way. It was, they say, the most thrilling, most electrifying voice in the whole history of show business. I'll go along with that.

Tell us about those days, about following Jolson around New York. You sold jokes to Eddie Cantor when you were a teenager. Yeah, I sold jokes to Eddie. Eddie was my eye-letter. He was the apostle of pep. He was the medicine. He was the medication that we needed during the Depression days, the early 1930s, when people didn't have a dime.

They were lined up on street corners selling apples. He was the ray of brightness, the ray of sunshine that people needed. I guess he was my favorite. My first Broadway show I ever saw in my life was called Banjo Eyes with Eddie Cantor. I used to wait outside the stage to go and get his autograph. And later on, I wound up writing his radio show. And I wrote the radio shows for Kate Smith,

a show called Kate Smith Sings, which I used to go to houses. She would teach me how to sing God Bless America. And I chose the records for Paul Whiteman, chose the records on the radio for Tommy Dorsey, for Duke Ellington. I was known as the number one record picker of all time, and I got my own show, and that was fun.

Martin Block told me, he got me my own show. He said, Joe, don't compete with me. How can anybody compete with Martin Block? He was the king, he got the highest ratings in the history of radio., Joe, don't compete with me. How can anybody compete with Martin Blunk? He was the king. He got the highest ratings in the history of radio. So it was not to compete with him. I'd go to an old junk shop and I'd buy five old records

for five cents. Eddie Cantor and Harry Richmond, George M. Cohen, Georgie Jessel play them on the radio and say, ladies and gentlemen,

here's a record worth $500. I'd pick up those crazy and I'd go back to the store the next day, put down five pennies, take five records The dealer would say, hey, come here, kid I said, what do you mean?

He said, come here, I heard something on the radio I said, these records are worth $500 So I inadvertently, single-handedly Created the rare record market By making those stupid claims on the radio So I've got a lot of memories like that Do you remember Georgie Jessel's biggest hit? My Mother's Eyes.

One bright and shining light That taught me wrong from right I found in my mother's eyes He'd write it down, then came the recitation. He would say, and if I were hung from the highest tree, I know those tears would come up to me, my mother's. And if I were drowned in the deepest sea, I know those tears would come down to me, my mother's. And if I would drown in the deepest sea, I know whose tears would come down to me, my mother's.

So the world may call you failure, the stakes may grind you small, but in the eyes of your mother, you're as big and as great as them all. He was so poignant, so electric. Georgie Jessel. You just gave me a chill there with that one. I love Georgie Jessel. Let me ask you about some of the other guests, famous guests on the Franklin show. What about the Ramones?

They loved me. They would sit home all night and watch me. I think they were on, not with, but they were on the same day I taped them as I taped the Jay Giles Band. Sure, sure. I've seen them on your show. Jay Giles Band were in town for one day and David Letterman offered them

$75,000 to go on his show that one day. And they came on my show for nothing. He said, Joe, we watch you every night on the road. We love you. We think you're real. They had two gold, two platinum records at that time. One was called Freeze Frame. One was called...

Centerfold. Centerfold. You're a great. And they gave me one of those records. They gave me one of the platinum records on my show. It's a big record. Yeah, right. And they did the whole routine live

with Martin Payne coming down from the ceiling. I still got Martin Payne on my jacket from 35, 40 years ago. And Frank and I were just talking. He says you've had some interesting women. Well, I wrote a book with Marilyn Monroe. I wrote a famous book with Marilyn Monroe. I didn't do any hinky-dinky, any hanky-panky.

Hinky-dinky. Hinky-dinky is even better. Sounds dirtier. We met on a radio show called Luncheon at Sardi's. I was sitting there between Marilyn Monroe and Molly Peacock. Remember the name Molly Peacock? Oh, my God, yes. And I got friendly with Marilyn.

We spent two weeks writing her book, which sold at one time for $10,000. Because the publisher died the same week when it came out. So not that many copies got into the public's hands. And now you can buy a copy and have $500 or $1,000 if the spine is pretty good. But I was very close with Jane Mansfield. Again, no hinky-dinky. Your website says dalliances. But I was very close with Jane Mansfield. Again, no hinky-dinky, but I was like... Your website says dalliances.

Yeah, not sure they made that up. Okay. What about Veronica Lake? She was my anchor lady. She was dead broke. I gave her $100 every time she was on my show. She was, you know, in 1944, Veronica Lake was the highest-salary lady in movies.

She got $10,000 a week in 1944. It was like half a million today. But through improper management and husbands who took advantage, she wound up penniless. She lived at the Hotel Martha Washington as a waitress in that hotel, by the way. And every time she was on my show, I gave her $100, and she was still very attractive and very glamorous. She died at the age of 53.

It's very sad, I think, for Veronica Lake. One time I heard on the radio Al Jones say, I'm coming to New York. I'm going to be living at the Hotel Martha Washington. So you know what I did? I waited out in front of Martha Washington for a whole week, and this is what I found out. I found out it was a ladies' hotel.

He just said that as a joke. I was waiting for her. He never showed up. It was just like an inside joke, but I didn't know it was an inside joke. I've got great memories like that. Now, Veronica Lake was known for her hair. The peekaboo hairdo, right? Yeah, it hit half of her face.

That's right. Later on, the government kind of banned it because the women were getting it caught in the machinery when they were doing their defense work. I think of Sullivan's Travels when I think of Veronica Lake. That's the one. Many pictures like that. So they put an end to that haircut, to Veronica Lake, which every woman wanted because she was a sex symbol. Think of those movies she made with Alan Ladd. Was she in This Gun for Hire?

This Gun for Hire, The Glass Key, you know your stuff. She was a beautiful lady in her day to day. And they would get their hair caught in machineries? That's right. That's the reason that the government banned it. They said no more hairdos like that for anybody. That was big headline news in those days. Big news.

We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. Now, what were some of the saddest celebs you've run into who were former stars? Well, I had so many that committed suicide after taping my show. Remember Gig Young? Oh, yes.

We were talking about him recently. Taped a show with me, committed suicide the next day. Remember Gig Young? Oh, yes. We were talking about him recently. He taped a show with me, committed suicide the next day. Remember a comedian named Jackie Cannon? The famous Jackie Cannon's joke room he committed suicide. He was very famous. I had a few like that, but most of them were, I was known as a great clearinghouse. People would meet on my show,

and they'd wind up either having dates or getting married. I have to tell you, my fiance's mother was on my show. They'd wind up either having dates or getting married. I have to tell you, my fiancé's mother was on your show. What's her name? Imagine you remember. Carol Sturben. She's a craft and decorating author. She was on your show in the 80s. She had a book? She did, indeed. Several books.

Oh, I'd have to look that up. I'd have to check with her. What's her name again? Carol Sturben. Maybe I'll find the old video someday. I'll give it to her as a souvenir. That would be fantastic. A lot of 28,000 shows only save about 500 videos.

They would tape over it to save money. I think Johnny Carson has the same problem. They would tape over his old shows to save money. I think Carson's first show is not available for that reason. The first one with Groucho. I wish I had that.

I was invited. Remember when Tiny Tim was married on the Johnny Carson show? Sure. I was invited to that wedding. Miss Vicki. Miss Vicki. I couldn't go. You know why?

I couldn't find a formal shopping bag. We were going to ask you about Tiny Tim. Speaking of. He was a dear, dear friend. We would sit in the back of the limousine on the way to different events, and we'd sing the old songs together. I missed Tiny Tim. He was probably the most recognizable man that ever lived.

You'd walk in the streets with Tiny Tim. They'd climb aboard and just be near him. They would block the sidewalks to see Tiny Tim. He was a big star once on Laugh-In. I think he made $50,000 a week, and he was very wealthy. But his manager ran away with all the money. Oh, so that's another story. Those things happen in show business, right?

I remember watching that, watching Laugh-In as a kid. That's right. And Dick Martin was standing there with Tiny Tim, and Tiny Tim is singing tiptoe through the tulips, and Dick Martin is staring at him incredulously, and then after that, forget it, he was all over

the place on the radio, on TV. Gigantic. Rowan and Martin, right? Yes. Sure? No, that's what happens. Now, Jerry Lewis has been on your show, hasn't he? Jerry was a very dear friend of mine. One day, I said, Jerry Lewis has been on your show, hasn't he? Jerry was a very dear friend of mine. One day I said, Jerry, how's Dean Martin? He said, no wonder they call you the Nostalgia Kid.

He took a swing at me, right? Later on, we made up. I was on 10 o'clock in the morning, and sometimes they don't want to get up that early in the morning, but the movie studio says, you want to sell tickets for your movies? You've got to make the rounds of the talk show. So very belligerently, very unhappily, they made the rounds. Rosemary Clo to sell tickets for your movies, you got to make the rounds of the talk show. So very belligerently, very, you know, unhappily,

they made the rounds. Rosemary Clooney went there. I said, you know, Miss Clooney, I said, I saw Jose Ferrer

last night in Man of La Mancha. She says, you know, we're not married anymore, Charlie. I said, first of all,

my name isn't Charlie. You know, I just wanted to point out that I didn't know you were such a good singer. She gets up, she walks, she says,

goodbye, Charlie, walks off the set. Just walks off. Later on, he came out, she was going through a good singer. She gets up, she walks, she says, goodbye, Charlie, walks off the set. Just walks off. Later on, he came out, she was going through a nervous break. She wrote a famous book about her nervous breakdown at that period, so she apologized to me later on. She said I was very nervous that day. I accepted her apology, Rosemary Clooney,

but you've got to live with these people and enjoy them, and the main thing I always say is get the book plug out of the way. Plug the book fast, otherwise they're going to get nervous. You're not going to plug the book. So if you plug the book fast or the movie, they'll be more in detail. They'll forget they're on TV, and they'll give you a good interview. And I never rehearsed in agreement. Nowadays, you watch a TV show, and someone says, how do you feel?

It's on a teleprompter. Fine. But when I did it, having dinner in a restaurant, a TV show. How do you feel? It's not going to tell a problem. Fine. You know, those days. But when I did it, having dinner in a restaurant, you know, rehearsing your dialogue before the dinner, just have your dialogue.

I did the same thing. I did not read the books. I just came on the air and spoke to them and ad-libbed it and it worked. It clicked for all those years. You can't knock that,

right? T. Gilbert, right? No, I watched it all the time. So did I. Yeah, that was so much fun when that came on. It was a way of life, and I tried to speak in clear, distinct English. I had a cab driver.

I have at least one cab driver a month who does not want to take my money. They say, Joe, I learned English watching you on TV. That's nice. I wanted to be my guest. I always make him take the money. But once I gave him a nickel tip because he thought I was Jackie Mason. You go around saying Jackie Mason is very cheap. That's what I figured.

But I get Merv Griffin once in a while. But nine out of ten, I get Joe Franklin. Speaking of English as a second language, tell us about Salvador Dali appearing on the show. He just liked me. He liked me. One time we had lunch together in the Hotel Desartes after my show, Salvador Dali and me and two others, and the check came, the check for about four people for a beautiful lunch was $9. So I said to the waitress, I said,

how about instead of me paying the $9, I get Mr. Dali to sign his autograph on the back of his check. He said, I'll go talk to the boss. He came out and said, the boss okays it. So he signed it and I met a man about a year ago who sold that check on eBay for about maybe $15,000.

That was the autograph of Salvador Dali. That's a fond memory of things. I had John Lennon on three, every time I had John Lennon on once, we'd have Yoko on three times. He wanted to show Yoko that she could exist. That was the deal, huh? That was the deal.

Three Yokos for one John. Exactly. John Lennon sent me many, many thank you letters, which was like a dope I sold to Charles Hamilton, the autograph man. I wish I still had those letters, but I've got nice memories of knowing John Lennon. He was the best. What was John Lennon like to talk to? The most ordinary, non-actory, non... Just so real.

Just like anybody in the street. Just a nice, nice guy. I miss him very much. What about the Jackson Five? Well, one of the cutest kids of all time was Michael Jackson at the age of five when he was on with the Jackson family. He was adorable. I had him on several times when he was on with the Jackson family. He was adorable.

I had him on several times when he was five years old. He was so electric, so dignified and handsome. Kind of a sad ending, but he was a beautiful guest. I had so many beautiful guests. So many famous actresses. You had Myrna Loy. You had Veronica Lake. You had Hedy Lamarr. You had Ginger Rogers. You had Fred Astaire. You had Myrna Loy. You had Veronica Lake. You had Hedy Lamarr.

You had Ginger Rogers. You had Fred Astaire. Fred Astaire was his favorite dancing partner. And he danced with everybody. You know what he said to me? Gene Kelly. Didn't want to offend any of the ladies. But I've got all those great memories.

I'm not going to quit until I get it right. Still enjoying it. Now, there were a few people who used to just autograph stuff. I mean, like a check. I heard it happen with Jimmy Stewart and people like that

where they would write a check and no one would ever cash the check. That's true. People do that with my checks. Yeah. And I collect all checks as part of my memorabilia archives. I got checks by Rudy Valli, who was my very best friend of all time, Rudy Valli. Remember the vagabond lover, Rudy Valli? What a great man he was.

He wanted to play the role of Patton so badly. He wrote a famous letter to Daryl Levzani. He wanted to play Patton. But I think George Scott got the part, right? Yeah, and ran with it. He did very well, yeah, but I've got autographed checks from... I remember Rudy Valli playing a Batman villain on the old Adam West Batman series in the 60s.

It was the first time I ever saw Rudy Valli. That's right. I've got autographed checks. Wait, was he the crooner? He played Lord Fogg. He played a Brit with a monocle. And he could dispense knockout gas. I can't believe I'm saying this.

Knockout gas from a Meerschaum pipe. Rudy Valli in his heyday, gentlemen, was more famous than any three people you can think of today combined. He was the number one singer in the entire history of the world. One day, he picked up the phone in his house in California. He heard his wife, Faye Webb, saying, you know, I'm going to poison Rudy tonight. That made the headlines. That made front pages all over the world for months and months and months. And he got rid of his wife, of course. But he was the best. He was a little on the frugal side, right? But that was Rudy Valli. Famous. Wasn't he on your show over 90 times? Maybe 110 times.

And Otto Preminger, too, over 90 times. Many times. Oh, yeah. Eddie Fisher. Remember Eddie Fisher? Sure. Eddie Fisher was the only man in history that sold 22 records in a row, that each one sold a million.

There wasn't one out of those 22 in a row that didn't sell a million at least. Shows you how famous leading people forgot Eddie Fisher by now. And Eddie Fisher's a sad case because he was so popular. Sad ending, right? Yeah. And then he was like forgotten about. Oh, he was, well, tell us about the whole love triangle. He was married to everybody.

He was married to Connie Stevens, Debbie Reynolds, Elizabeth Taylor, many, many more wives. I think he had eight wives. At the end, it was an Oriental woman who died and left him

many, many millions of dollars at the end. So he did okay, but who left who to marry who? I think he was married to Debbie Reynolds, who was America's sweetheart.

She certainly was, right. You couldn't hurt her. And then he started having an affair with Elizabeth Taylor. That's right. And that made him, America hated him. Yeah, they kind of resented that.

You're right. And then Elizabeth Taylor started having an affair with Richard Burton. She was married to Richard Burton twice, you know that, right? She made the movie that sort of bankrupt 20th Century Fox.

Oh, Cleopatra. Cleopatra, right. And Hello Dolly with Barbara Streisand sort of bankrupted the company the second time, right? But the movie musicals, they're kind of passe. Now you don't see many movies. Today you see very strange kind of movies. I miss the old ones where they had long scenes,

just people sitting nose to nose talking over a breakfast table or something. But you don't get that anymore. It's a little slimy today, right? But you can't knock what pays the rent, right? Well, there's like that long street in L.A. that used to, like of hotels and businesses now, that all used to belong to 20th century Fox. And I think after Cleopatra, they had to sell a lot of it. Right, right.

There were certain stars that owned much property. Fred McMurray. Remember the name of Fred? Oh, yeah, yeah. Double indemnity. He owned double indemnity. He owned one-third of Beverly Hills. Gene Autry.

Remember the cowboy? Oh, yeah. He owned everything. Gene Autry owned airports and schools and radio stations. Bought half of Orange County, Gene Autry. Oh, my God. I love Gene Autry singing, by the way. And then...

Bob Hope. Bob Hope was very, very wealthy. I love Bob Hope. I miss Bob Hope emceeing the Academy Awards. I miss Johnny Carson emceeing the Academy Awards. You know, it's a little different today. How'd you like Lady the other night? Ellen DeGeneres?

Did you watch any of the Academy Awards? The Academy Awards put me to sleep pretty quick. What did you think of it? Half and half, half and half. John Travolta mixed up on a certain name. Oh, yes. Dean Menzel's name, yeah. It was embarrassing, huh?

Yeah. That one will be in his obituary now. Tell us, going back to the Joe Franklin show, talk a little bit about Martin Paint and Hoffman's Beverages, which became so identified with the show. When I started with Martin Paint as a sponsor, they had one store. Then when they went off my show, they had

400 stores. So you built that brand. I built them up. Oh my God, did I build them up. They went out of business when... Who were some of the other chains that got so big? I forget the names. What's big today? Whatever it is, they had many, many great years thanks to Joe Franklin. And Nabisco shredded wheat.

There was one time I had on my desk 28 products on TV. You don't see live products on desks anymore. I had 28 live products. Castro Convertible and Imperial Margarine and Bertolt Yellow. All on one desk. Wasn't it also Nu Nu Nuco Margarine? I had two margarines at one time. An imperial margarine.

I defied the laws of gravity. So you had two margarines competing with each other on your show. I go back to the days when you could advertise cigarettes on TV. One time I said, nine out of ten doctors who tried camels went back to women.

And I was taken off the air by the censors for two weeks off the air. So one time I said, my sponsor was Stop and Shop. I said, Stop and Shop is merging with A&P. They're going to call it

now Stop and P. Forget it, I was taken off the air for... So, you know, but I pioneered a lot of Howard Stern material. Howard will tell you that. Howard used to follow me

in the streets. Joe Franklin would follow me in the streets. I think that a little of me rubbed off on him, you know. I was one of the first bad boys on TV, but I did it with a sweet, kind, innocent, lovable, kissable baby face, and I got away with it, you know. People would say, I'd make a strong point, an acid point,

that only a certain Mike Wallace or somebody like Alan Burke could make. Did Joe Franklin really say that? He couldn't have said that. He looks too nice to have said that. I did say it, but I got away with it by being so young and innocent looking and lovable, you know? I don't think of Joe Franklin as a bad boy. Do you, Gilbert? What do you remember about making Ghostbusters?

Because Harold Ramis passed recently. Oh, Harold Ramis was a dear friend of mine. I'm in the pivotal scene where they... I say, have you seen... It was Fresley lately. It was a classic line. And I still get residuals on that. You do.

It's amazing. I got one check the other day for about nine cents. I've got you beat. I have a check on my wall for nine cents. I've got you beat. I have a check on my wall for a penny. A penny, right? What movie? What? What movie was that?

That one was Mom and Dad Save the World. Now, what does it cost them to mail that letter? Yes. Yeah, the paper it's printed on costs more than the chart. Was John Lovitz in that one? Ah, yes. John Lovitz. I saw that.

Jeffrey Jones. Sure, Jeffrey Jones from Beetlejuice. Oh, what's her name? I think that woman who was in Young Frankenstein. Terry Garr? Terry Garr. Yeah. And Kathy Ireland.

And you got one cent. One cent. And a check. One cent. Isn't that amazing? What about Broadway Danny Rose? Joe, you were one cent. One cent. And a check. One cent. Amazing. What about Broadway Danny Rose? Joe, you were in that one too. Woody Allen. Woody Allen was the genius of all time. In fact, when you make a Woody Allen

movie, as far as I know, there's no script. He just tells you to go out there and he gives you the rough idea of what you're going to say and I said it and that was a classic. I'm in a movie called 29th Street with Frank Langella is that his name, and it was the big fellow.

I can't think of his name right now. I'm in a lot of movies. I've made movies with Buster Crabbe. Buster Crabbe. The projectionist. There's a name. Now, Buster Crabbe, can you say what he actually got rich for? He was a swimmer.

Swimming coach. And he was Flash Gordon. And Buck Rogers. Yeah, and Buck Rogers. Now, but what was the thing he got really made his money off of? Selling swimming pools or? No, I think it was like he found this like rubber and he got someone to sew it into a T-shirt. And these were basically girdles for men.

Nothing wrong with that. Yeah. I can use one. I can use one. And he would sell it on late night TV, and I heard he made more from that than any movie. I made an infomercial. Remember the name Nolan Ryan? Of course.

Great sportsman. Yeah, Hall of Fame pitcher. I went out to Texas to make an infomercial with Nolan Ryan. And, you know, he's a Christian scientist. And he also, like Gene Rodgers, he owns everything. He said, Joe, mention anything you want, but don't mention money. You know, he didn't want to mention money. So during the interview, I said, these are the days, Joe, mention anything you want, but don't mention money. You know, he didn't want to mention money. So during the interview, I said, these are the days, Nolan, when baseball starts making gigantic salaries.

He said, what do you mean? I was the first guy to make a million dollars. We got there through a devious route, you might say, right? I love those infomercials. Now, what was Boris Karloff like meeting? The exact opposite of a horror actor A horror play It was kind and gentle and low

He made a lot of children's albums Telling stories for kids He just became the victim of I think he got the part once When Lon Chaney got sick And they gave the part to Boris Karloff But he was On the same panel with Bela Lugosi and

Peter Lorre on one panel. Wow. And who walks in? Vincent Price the same day sucking an ice cream cone, wearing short pants. I forgot that. Now what was Bela Lugosi like? He was

a little scary. A little scary. A little scary. Love to see those episodes on DVD. I wish they were available. I got great, every band leader on, Glenn Miller, Sammy Kaye, and Harry James, and Benny Goodman, I had them all on. People always ask me, what's my advice for being a talk show host I say Don't leave your wallet in the dressing room Don't bump into the furniture

Lie on the backing resume Tell some little lies on the backing resume To make yourself more important I think talk shows are here to stay If you read the paper Every day is a new talk show in the house Every single day And they come and go

They come overnight But it's here to stay I invented a talk show in the house, right? Every single day. And they come and go. They come overnight, right? But they, it's here to stay. I invented a talk show. I'm very proud about that. There was a special that A&E plays now, and then called It's Only Talk, and it shows me on there. It's telling how I invented the talk show,

which is something I'm a little bit proud of, you know? And it's, I'm part of the culture. You are. When you say you watch them, you sit and watch them sometimes. What are you watching? Are you watching them on VHS? I only watch my own show. You are. When you say you watch them, you sit and watch them sometimes. What are you watching? Are you watching them on VHS? I only watch my own show.

Yeah, that's what I mean. But what format do you have? Probably VHS. You've never actually transferred any of them over to the... Very few. Very, very few. I'm kind of non-technical. If I gave you a list of things I've never done in my life, you'd cry.

I don't know. I never had a driver's license. I mean, I drove when I was a kid. You and me both. Really? I never had a driver's license. I never went to a beach. I never had my feet in the sand, per se. You know what I'm saying? I never went to a horse race. I never played cards. About 20 things like that I've never done. I was on TV three times a day and radio all night. three times a day, and radio all night. Never had time to do anything. And now, Lugosi, I heard, couldn't speak English.

Had a lot of trouble with English. You're right, you're right. Well, that was part of an era when sound came in and many of the big, big stars were foreigners who could not speak English. And a man with a good, remember the name of it all, Conrad Nagel? Know the name. Conrad Nagel had a great,

he once told me he made five movies at one time going from set to set with the words on a blackboard. You read the words, now you never know

what the plot was. And every movie came out great. That's what you call being a professional, right? You read it off the blackboard. Five movies at one time. Every one came out

just the way it was meant to be presented to the public. And I think with Lugosi's lack of knowledge in English gave him that strange delivery. Let me hear a little bit about Lugosi. Welcome, Joe. It's a pleasure being on your show. You may kiss my ring. That's what you say. He was great.

Listen to them, children of the night. What music they make. And how was he buried? In his? In his cape. That's right. In his Dracula cape. That's the way. Now, what about Peter Lorre? Same his cape. That's right. In his Dracula cape. That's the way.

Now, what about Peter Lorre? Same thing. Very, very scary. I used to go around town with Claude Rains. Remember the name of Claude Rains? Of course. He had very poor vision. I used to help him cross the streets.

The Invisible Man. Great, great star. I think of him in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington as Jimmy Stewart's mentor. That's right. Senator Payne. That's the guy. And he was the crooked French general in Casablanca. Of course.

Sure. Let's not forget the variety shows. Ed Sullivan, Walter Winchley. Hollywood was a place where they shoot pictures instead of actors. It was great. And Ed Sullivan, of course. It was the national Sunday night habit. Everybody was on that show.

Alan King and Buddy Hackett. They're all gone now. And the Beatles, of course. And so many people tried to emulate the Ed Sullivan format. It just didn't work. Rosie O'Donnell and Larry King and Dick Clark and maybe 10 more, they all tried to do a one-hour variety show. It just didn't click without Ed Sullivan.

It also, now when they try variety, it looks like a parody of variety. You're right. Like they're looking down on it. Very non-inspired, you're right, yeah. Very amateurish. But TV is here to stay. It's really changed the world.

When I was young, somebody said to me, Joe, someday they're going to show red when they do a commercial for Campbell's Tomatoes. You're out of your mind. You're never going to see the red for tomatoes. Look what happened now, right? Today without Technicolor, there'd be no TV. So it's, who knows what's to come, right? Now, were there people you hated, famous people you hated?

I don't think so. A couple that were a little jealous of me. But listen, I forgive them. I forget them. And it's a way of life. The nice ones more than compensated for that, right? Yeah. Was there anybody you wanted to get?

Was there a dream guest that you couldn't get your hands on? Only Greta Garbo. She wouldn't come on. She wouldn't go anywhere. I think she made a movie in the early 40s called Two-Faced Woman. She went to see them. She said, I've made enough faces. And she quit.

Wasn't she living in Sutton Place for years? I was with her in her apartment. I was very close with Greta Garbo. We used to meet in Greta Garbo film retrospectives. And we'd meet in the streets. And I had lunch with her at a restaurant, a store called Nutrition Center. She would always go in health food stores. And she left her shoes there one day, which I took home with me.

I sold them on eBay many years ago. You do know about eBay. Yeah, yeah. But most of the stuff I sell upstairs, I'm so emotionally attached, I don't want to sell my things. I want to keep them and go down with them someday. Gilbert and I were sitting in that office, and there's got to be a small fortune in that room if you can manage it, if you can inventory everything. I enjoy it. I enjoy it.

We were considering robbing the place. There's a lot of stuff in there. I'll give you a key. Come in any midnight you want. It's all yours. Like any one album out of the piles of a trillion, I think you could retire on.

Some of them are rare. I got albums that sell for $2,000, $3,000, $4, I think you could retire on. Some of them are rare. I got albums that sell for $2,000, $3,000, $4,000, $5,000. I got an album, the film score of the famous C-drama. It's, I guess, a rare one. The old 78s, the old 33s are rare in many cases. Oh, Kane Mutiny Court Martial. Kane Mutiny Court Martial.

That soundtrack is very rare. Isn't that the name of the movie? Kane Mutiny Court Martial. Kane Mutiny with Bogart. Right, right, right. And Fred McMurray. Right, famous, yeah. And Van Johnson? Van Johnson.

Oh, he was great. What movie was that? Oh, that movie was fabulous. Oh, and Jose Ferrer. I love Van Johnson. Van Johnson used to wear red socks all the time. Van Johnson was a good friend of mine, yeah. He was hard of hearing.

A lot of stars are hard of hearing nowadays. Pat Cooper isn't here the way he used to do it. No. But he's a funny guy. He yells, he screams. He's on our list of people to interview. You're going to interview him? Oh, yeah, sure.

He'd be a sensational guest. I love Pat Cooper. And so has this program heard all over the world? Is that the way it works? Absolutely. It's heard in Gilbert's house. That's right. Now, this is funny, because we were talking about all the different talk shows.

And I make jokes about your show a lot, but your show outlasted. Everybody. Everybody. There were 550 talk show hosts came and went during my tenure. 550 talk shows came and went. That's a lot of people. It's stunning. It's got to mean something, right?

It's got to mean something. Even? It's got to mean something. Even Dick Cavett, he was on your show. Several times. Yeah, right. I mean, I love Dick. I was on a show one night. You know what happened on the same show? Somebody died.

The editor of Prevention Magazine. Oh, yes. What was the name? Rodale. Rodale, right, right. He died right after me or before me. Of course, I died on TV every night for all those years. I died myself every night, right?

But I invented a lot of things. I invented dirty, stupid dog tricks or pet tricks. There was an article in the New York Magazine. I invented what so many talk shows are doing nowadays. So you can't knock it. I was never able to go super-duper national, but I had the chance. I had people who said, Amy Jo, why don't you take your show out of the category? I didn't want to go national. I wanted to keep it local the way it was, and it did quite well. I was the first show to be on cable. I think it was a company called Eastern Microwave. There

was no such thing as cable. There was a was a company called Eastern Microwave. There was no such thing as cable. There was a company in Jersey called Eastern Microwave. All of a sudden I started to get mail from Alaska, from Italy, from Puerto Rico. So I was the, I was stunned to get that mail from far away because I was seeing mail in New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Connecticut.

So I was the first man on cable TV and I was always bigger than broadcast TV, bigger than terrestrial TV. So it's just another thing I'm quite proud of. Now, what about Jack Benny? My all-time favorite. I mean, with Eddie Cantor, Jack Benny was known for being frugal. He got that way because his first sponsor was Canada Dry Ginger Ale,

and the gimmick was he would go around collecting the cans and get them for five cents back on every can. That would make him famous. The singers were Donald Novus and Kenny Baker, and he had good singers in his heyday. I loved Jack Benny.

He died quite young. He had stomach cancer, but I loved Jack Benny. George Burns, of course. George Burns was a dear friend. He would talk to George on the phone. He would say,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. He came in person. He'd light up like an electric train. He saved his energy for the time when he performed, you know? Now, you know Sid Caesar also. Very different. I had to hold his hand once. We were showing a Sid Caesar documentary.

He was very nervous. He had terrible scoliosis of the back or something. Terrible pain. But he was a great, great entertainer. Great star. With Imogene Kolkhoff. Imogene Kolkhoff. Oh, yeah. Show of shows. Howard Morris. Yes. I think his writers included Woody Allen, right?

Carl Reiner. Carl Reiner. Mel Brooks. Mel Tolkien. Yes. Neil Simon. Larry Gilbert. What a cast What a crew of writers Huh So there's not much

More I can say Except I've enjoyed this Hope you're going to Invite me back And Oh we definitely will What do you think Of the idea of having

Joe rap the show The way he used to Rap the old Joe Franklin Yes Yes That's a great idea Ladies and gentlemen Do me a favor.

Don't ever leave me, please. I'll get insecure. Don't leave me. Don't ever leave me. I'll be back tomorrow with more of the same. Until then, I'll make a toast. I'll say it's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. May you live as long as you want.

May you never want as long as you live. Or as Al Jolson said on one New Year's Eve, I said, Al, what's your toast? He says, here's to our wives and sweethearts. May they never meet. Joe Franklin, ladies and gentlemen. I can't top that. Please invite me back.

We will. I enjoyed this. Thank you. Thanks, buddy.