Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 92. George Schlatter

Episode Date: February 29, 2016

Gilbert and Frank put in a call to one of their favorite showbiz raconteurs, legendary producer and "Laugh-In" creator George Schlatter, who shares his memories of working with everyone from Dino to Groucho as well as creating the short-lived fiasco "Turn-On." Also, George praises Jack Benny, parties with Ol' Blue Eyes, remembers Redd Foxx and (inadvertently) helps get Richard Nixon elected. PLUS: Herkie Styles! Digby Wolfe! The brilliance of Arte Johnson! The madness of Shecky Greene! And the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again.

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Thank you, Steve. Be just like Steve and get rewarded for supporting our podcast. Head over to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. Go to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. Go to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. That's patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Gilbert Gottfried. As always, thank you for your generosity. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre. It's not every day that you get to speak to a genuine showbiz legend, but our guest this week is more than qualifies. He's a writer,

producer, and director who's created hundreds of hours of memorable television series and specials working with talent like Judy Garland, Doris Day, Jackie Gleason, Red Fox, Shirley Temple, Sammy Davis Jr., Jonathan Winters, Ray Charles, Jerry Lewis, Richard to Harrison Ford and Dustin Hoffman and created the American Comedy Awards for five seasons. He served as executive producer of one of the groundbreaking shows in the history of network television. Rowan and Martin's laughing. Please welcome a television icon, a five-time Emmy winner, Emmy winner and the only man to work with both President Ford and Nipsey Russell, our friend George Slaughter. George.

Hello. Yeah. Yeah. Who was found dead in his Los Angeles home this afternoon. his Los Angeles home this afternoon. Nobody, when I met you, nobody ever thought we would die of natural causes, but now it looks like one of us might make it.

Oh, God. That was the longest. I knew I was nervous. I was nervous when I said I would do this. Now I'm terrified. Thanks for doing it, George. Gilbert, I knew it was a mistake. I mean, you are funnier, faster, and louder than I can ever be,

and I won't be able to deal with you, but I'll try. Thanks for doing the show, George. We appreciate it. Well, wait, wait. You don't know how it's going to go yet. The last guy to thank me for doing the show, George. We appreciate it. Wait, wait. You don't know how it's going to go yet. The last guy to thank me for doing the show was canceled. Gilbert, how are you, my darling? Hi, how are you?

I'm better talking to you. Yes. Frank tells me you're a fan of mine. I am a huge fan of yours. I may be lonely, but I am devoted. It's a small, loyal group. You know, when I first met him, we did the first American Comedy Awards, right? Yes.

And Armie Archer was going to be in front of the Palladium introducing the show and explaining it. Because Armie was a revered columnist in Hollywood, Hollywood variety. Sure. We had Gilbert go out, and as Armie was explaining the show, Gilbert was explaining the show to Armie. Now, you can imagine what that was, because Armie didn't know what to expect. It was hysterical. So Gilbert and I have been enemies ever since.

What I remember about that with Armie Archer, he was like a typical straight entertainment reporter. Oh, yeah. And I just took over and I started improvising. And I wouldn't even let him speak. I just, like, started talking anything that popped into my head. And afterwards, people were saying how funny it was. And Army Archid was bragging, see see people don't know how funny i can be

absolutely true absolutely true and army just stood there in shock this was what 25 30 years ago or something you know and and you weren't as well known then as you are now so army didn't know what to expect. It was hysterical. But we've had a few adventures since then, you know? I remember one of the comedy awards you had me on. I had to, like, when they called out my name, they put knee bands on me, like... Knee pads? Knee pads. They put knee bands on me like... Knee pads? Knee pads.

They put knee pads on me and in over my tuxedo. And I had to crawl on all fours underneath the stage and sneak into the podium that would have me inside it. That's right. Yeah. And you came up out of the floor. Yes. I couldn't crawl like that nowadays. No.

Well, you've crawled enough since then. I've had more laughs with this guy, Frank. I mean, I really have. I'm a big, big fan. Me too. Me too, George. I'm still trying to recover from some of the material he does on the roast. Because I'm George C. Ford, you know what I mean?

Little cocker. But here's what happened. One, at the last comedy awards I did, they gave me this thing to say about, it was a whole bit about wearing red ribbons. That's when Hollywood was at its most obnoxious and embarrassing stage of, look, we're going to cure AIDS through us wearing red ribbons. That's right. And I did it, and it bombed. And I didn't write it or anything.

It just bombed. And no one't write it or anything. It just bombed. And no one, they never had me back after that. I think we were canceled after that. I mean. Because of that. You've gotten me in more trouble more times. But I loved it, you know. But I will tell you, when I said I was going to do this, I said yes,

and I hung up and I said, what did I do? I mean, I know, you know, you are a daunting experience, Gilbert. That he is. But I've gotten in trouble. Every time I do an interview, I get in trouble. I did one with Neil Cavuto, and he asked me about the Janet Jackson wardrobe incident. You remember when the thing fell? Oh, absolutely.

Wardrobe malfunction. That's right. That's right. Wardrobe malfunction. And I said, thereby having made Janet Jackson's right breast the most famous move on television since Rush Limbaugh. Well, there we go. And he said, why did you do that?

So I've got to be more careful with you because you're dangerous. Now, I'm going to jump up ahead in your career. But as far as getting into trouble, you followed Laugh-In with another show that you wanted to be edgier. Tell us about that one. Well, Laugh-In was a huge hit.

And I'm arrogant now, but if you can imagine me with a 50 share, I was really elegant. I was arrogant. So I said, we're going to do something that really is progressive with a 50 share, I was really elegant, arrogant. So I said, we're going to do something that really is progressive. And we sold the show for $13,000, and then when they saw the pilot, they upped it to $18,000. It was a real adventure.

It pushed the envelope in every direction that it could be. And the guy in Cleveland wanted to keep Peyton Place. So he called ABC, wanted to keep Peyton Place. He was some brain-dead station owner that called all the affiliates and said, when this thing comes on the air, let's just cancel it. So they started canceling the show when it went on the air. And it was on for 15 minutes, the shortest series ever on television. And by the time it got to California, it had already been canceled.

Nobody had seen it. And Tim Conway was hosting it. And it was, but it still remains today one of the funniest things that anybody ever did. It was all synthesized sound. There was no audience.

It was all sound effects. And it was, you know, computers. It was great. A show called Turn On. We didn't even say the title. We had Chuck McCann on the show, George, and he told us he's still not recovered. He's got a lot to recover from, Chuck.

And I heard Tim Conway said in an interview that they were waiting. They were going to have their big opening party for Turn On. And it never aired. So it was their opening and farewell party at the same time. Tom always tells that story, the little cocker. He always tells that, and I adore him, you know. You and he are two of my favorite people. And why, I do not know.

You're a suspect's judge of character, George. Chuck told us there was a sketch with a nun on her hands and knees taking... Chuck's got a big mouth. It was a vending machine. Right. And in the vending machine, you saw the thing that said the so-and-so-so-and-then-had-the-pill. And a nun came out and put a quarter in the vending machine, and the pill didn't come out. And she went crazy, pounding on the machine, trying to get that pill, you know.

This was in the early days of birth control. Wow. And why, I do not know. I don't, but it was funny. It was really, really funny. But Conway, Conway still, Conway, all he has to do is look at me and I'm just on the floor, you know?

So now Gilbert, what are you doing? You're doing this thing, how often, every night or every week or what? Every week. What's a week? Not enough to make it worth my while. But he gets to meet all his showbiz heroes, George. We did.

You had Chuck McCann. Yeah. Trust me, Gilbert, you can do better than this. I mean, you had a hazard and it never was. You've got to think up, up, up. I mean, come on, Gilbert. You're a star. I mean, go get Soopie Sales for Christ. You don't have to

settle for this guy, Chevy Chase. I think we lost Soupy. Herky Spiles you can get. After the race you did on Roseanne, I mean, you're Roseanne. Oh, well, you the things you said to that woman.

Oh, my favorite was, wait though, was Donald Trump. And you said something about Trigger's tail and Trump's hair. What do they have alike? Both of them sit on top of an asshole. It was something like that about Trump. But it was just wonderful. I almost fell off the chair.

I said, there's a tax rap. If Trump ever wins the election, you know, you'll never settle that rap. Tell him the joke you did about Cloris Leachman at the roast. No. About her breasts. Oh, I said. I know. Yeah, he knows it.

You know it? No, go ahead. Go ahead. Defend the audience. What audience? Can I stop now? I said on one of the rows, Cloris Leachman was there, and I said, Cloris Leachman is so old, her breasts have signs that say,

whites and colored only. That pretty much could offend everyone, I think. Oh, and I saw the one you did with Lisa Lampley. Oh, Lisa Lampanelli. Oh, I said. Lampanelli? Yeah. She's got a mouth that flushes.

Jeez. Oh, yeah. And that, because she's into black guys. Right. So I said, yes. Famously. Why would any black person want to get inside anything the size of a slave ship? I saw the show. I saw the show.

I saw the show. I mean, it was unforgivable. She is, you know, she's seriously got a mouth problem, you know. You're tasteful compared to some of those people. Yeah, I try to avoid that type of tasteless material. George, let's talk about some of the old days. I mean, let's go. Jesus Christ, I am the old days.

What do you want to talk about? Let's not mention Trixie. Go ahead. Trixie? I just want to talk about when you were a kid. You sang in the opera, which I didn't know about you. Yeah. St. Louis Municipal Opera.

Can you sing any for us now? Now? Yes. Only during a rectal exam. And I get no team members. That's in the Holy Pond. By the way, that's a later in life. You'll know when you get there, Gilbert.

You little cocker, you. Gilbert, cheer up. Now, who else you have on this thing? Is it? Does anybody see this? I hear it. I do. Well, it's pretty popular, George.

We were just named the best podcast of the year by the Village Voice. How many people voted? Nine. Nine? That's all right. Gilbert's always been one of my favorites, and I know what it is.

He is just the best. He is. He's a genius. And I'll tell you this, I was very nervous about doing this thing. Because I always say something, what was it? I met Bill O'Reilly, and he said, you're George Flanagan. He said, I used to laugh at your show. I said, you're Bill O'Reilly, I still laugh at you're George Flannery. He said, I used to laugh at your show. I said, you're Bill O'Reilly, I still laugh at yours.

Nice. So this is going better than a lot of the time. I'll tell you who we had on the show, George. We had Shecky on. But Shecky, great. Shecky is a very, very funny guy. He is. He's an animal. He can bench press a jeep, this guy,

so don't fool around with him. Well, I was at some show, and it was at the Friars Club, and I went on, and I, what, surprised, was talking, doing some dirty stuff. You? Yeah, surprisingly. And I found out that Shecky, who was supposed to follow me, And I found out that Shecky, who was supposed to follow me, walked out, and he was screaming at them, saying, I'm not following that.

And he was threatening to punch Freddie Roman and Stewie Stone. Punching Freddie is not a bad idea. What happened with you and Cherky? So he, and then he was going on radio shows saying, you know, I never heard language like that, and I was in the Navy, and I'm not following. On which side? Cherky Green. Cherky Green is a famous story on Frank Sinatra saved his life. Did you hear this? Oh, yeah. Tell us. Oh, yeah.

Tell us. Oh, yeah. He had said something bad about Frank Sinatra, and a bunch of guys met him in the alley, and they were beating up on him. And Frank walked over and said, that's enough. He saved his life. But Shecky's a funny guy. He truly is. Oh, he's definitely funny, but he's got a reputation of being more than slightly out of his mind.

Yes. They don't put you on the cover of the Mental Health Monthly, you know. I mean, you know, the psychiatrists of America don't point to you with pride. You know. The psychiatrists of America don't point to you with pride. You know. I mean, when I met you, there was a chance you were going to wind up in silly city in a rubber room wearing a canvas coat. So don't lie and knock Shelly for being a little out of center.

You don't smoke or drink or anything, do you? He doesn't. No. He has a glass of wine every now and then. The only thing about you that I don't like. He has a little vino every now and then, George. But very little. No, I don't get drunk or anything. Very rarely. Dean said about not drinking, the bad thing

about not drinking is every day when you get up, that's as good as you're going to feel all day. Dean had some of the great drunk jokes ever. Dean didn't drink as much as Frank. Frank drank more than Dean. Tell us. Yeah. I heard that one time Joey Bishop took a sip out of Dean Martin's glass of scotch,

and it turned out to be apple juice. Yeah, oh, yeah. Dean didn't drink that much. Frank drank a lot more than Dean. You know, I mean, Frank would hit the bottle pretty good, but Dean had the reputation for drinking. In the old, old, old days

he drank a lot, but in the beginning of it, he drank apple juice, that's it. One night I was working with Dean with Martin and Lewis, and Jerry got sick and didn't show up. And so Dean came out on stage, sang eight bars of Bye Bye Blackbird, right? Took a bow, hit his head on the microphone, and fell down. He got up and took a bow and fell down again.

He did nothing but falls for 15 minutes. He sang eight bars and did 15 minutes of falls. He was one of the funniest people you ever met in your life. He was much funnier than Jerry, actually, many times. Oh, yeah, people say that. And you work with Jerry, too. Yes, yes. I had great fun with Jerry.

The thing is, they take time to tell those stories. You don't have time for that because otherwise they won't invite me back. How do I work that out? We got time. Oh, we definitely have time. I was promised that there was a Mrs. Gottfried that was going to place this call. Now here I am, the two-closet queen, and no Mrs. Gottfried. I said, come on.

I was promised. Come on, dude. She's sitting right here, George. Is she there? She's right next to me. I think, oh, wait a minute. I think best I may be Chet. We should have fellowship.

You do know what you're into, don't you, my darling? Sweet, sweet woman. Nobody deserves that. Let me ask you, do you have any children? Unfortunately, yes. A boy or a girl or something else? Yeah. What?

What do you have? I have... Let me ask you. What? I have a little boy and a little girl. Do they know what you do for a living? I don't know what you do for a living. I barely know. Mrs. Gottfried must be a wonderful person. She is. She's a saint, George.

She must be a saint. She must be a patient person. Chances are she's church people. Tell George what the teacher, what Max said to the teacher. My son, when he was like about three years old, he was in preschool. And we went to visit the teacher. And the teacher said, well, he doesn't pay attention in class. And he's always trying to be funny. And so I couldn't reprimand him on that.

And then she said to him one, she said, uh, where did you learn how to be funny? And he goes from my daddy and she goes, uh, Oh, your daddy's funny.

And he goes, he's funny at home, not at work. Oh, isn't that wonderful? Isn't that wonderful? Oh, is he three and a half? Yeah, yeah, he was. Give me a number. That kid's got his own show.

He's a, but I said, this is a, did you just have the one? The what? He's got a boy and a girl. No, a boy and a girl. Oh, who have the one? The what? He's got a boy and a girl. No, a boy and a girl. Now, who's the girl? Well, my boy right now is six, and my girl is eight. Okay. That's good.

You spread it out pretty good. You didn't have any more than that? No. Why, did you find out what was causing it, or what? Did you start the theory? What is that? I didn't know about more than that? No. Why, did you find out what was causing it or what? Did you start the theory? What is that? I didn't know about condoms at the time. Yes.

You knew about it. You didn't know where to put them. You thought they were shower caps, you silly guy. The hell did you know? George, you want to talk about your career or what? No, I want to talk about Gilbert's career. My career is pretty much over, you know. I'm ready for the home.

But Gilbert is still alive. He's got a six-year-old, for crying out loud. I know. It's shocking. He finally figured out what that thing was for. And it's very encouraging. Mrs. Gilbert, on the other hand, has got a serious...

Yeah. She's got some serious work ahead of her. She does. She's got issues. Tell us about... Can you tell us about Jerry Lewis? Yeah, tell us about working with Jerry. It was an adventure.

Jerry did... Actually, well, Jerry did everything. You know, I mean, he staged, he directed, he lighted, he did everything in the world. He was one of the most talented people in the world. He was a piece of work. It was fun to work with. Dean actually was more fun because Jerry had to be out in front. Dean was a counterpunch.

You'd say something and Dean would come up with a topper. When they were together, did you ever see something and then Dean would come up with a topper, you know? But when they were together, did you ever see that act on television or anything, Gilbert? I've seen bits and pieces. Oh, how'd you get out? Google it. Get on and see what they did. They did so much business in the Copacabana,

which at that point was run by some galons, you know? They were so packed that they couldn't work. They worked in the band. The whole act from up inside the band was a saxophone. I heard Martin and Lewis. It was like an experience just to witness them. Like people left there, they were dazed by what they had just seen.

You never knew what was going to happen for sure, you know. And it worked. It was magic. It really was magic. And what do you, do you think Jerry and Dean ever got along? Well, they were brothers until then one day. Jerry did the whole act. Jerry staged everything.

He said, we'll do this, we'll take this movie, we'll do this, catch this thing, that song. And then one day Dean said, I did the whole act. Jerry staged everything. He said, we'll do this. We'll take this movie. We'll do this sketch. We'll take that song. And then one day, Dean said, I don't think so. And he went, what? He said, I don't think so. Jerry said, wait a minute.

We've been looking like this for years. What do you mean you don't think so? Dean said, that's not what I want. I'm not going to do that. Jerry said, well, if I can't, if we're going to change it now, then we ought to probably split up. And Dean said, that's it. And that was the end of the act. That was the way they broke up.

But Jerry, Jerry, Jerry was something to handle. Because he staged it. He choreographed it. He lit it. He's the ultimate technician as far as comedy and as far as show business is concerned. And you actually produced... He's a counterpuncher, you know. You produced one of the telethons with Jerry, George?

Yeah. What was that like? Well, it was... What happened was, they told me they wanted to do the anniversary telethon. And I said, well, why? They said, well, he'll do anything you say. I said, no, guys, this is a trap. It's not going to happen. No, no, no. They said, look, he'll do anything you say. I said, no, guys, this is a trap. It's not going to happen.

No, no, no. They said, look, Jerry said he wants you to do the show. Anything you want him to do, that's what he'll do. So I sit down with Jerry, and I said, Jerry, I think these people are trying to get rid of you, and they're going to put you in a cage with me, and we're going to eat each other up. So I said, I don't want to do that. Jerry said, no, I mean it. I'll do anything you say.

So, okay. So he's perfect. I mean, up until we got on stage, everything was, what do you want? I'll do it. What do you say? What do you want? So we get on stage, and now he starts to turn into the animal, you know? I want to do this.

I don't want to do that. Wait a minute. Where's the light? Where's the stand? Whatever. And so I walked over, and I took his hand, and I put it right on my lap. And he went, what was that? What are you doing? I said, I just thought if you were going to act like one, you ought to feel what one feels like.

And now, everybody in the building ran and hid. And so, that's what we did for the rest of the whole, all night long. He said he wanted to make it. He said he had to go to the bathroom, so I threw a trash barrel out. I did stuff to him all night long, and it was great. I had a delightful time with him. And I didn't do the next one, but I did that one.

I still talk to him. He's a good guy. What's next? Listen, once you recover from this this interview what is next in your career after this it's not over Gilbert you can recover from this I'm going to call Mrs. Gilbert tomorrow and explain

our relationship I'll leave out the kissing and all that but I'll explain to her where it happened after this interview I'll be doing her where it happened. You know? After this interview, I'll be doing dinner theater or something. No, you won't. You'll be doing dinner theater as a waiter. George, we're going to wind up jumping

all over the place here, but tell Gilbert the Red Fox story that you told me in D.C. Red Fox, the first time Red Fox ever got on television, they wouldn't let him on. I said, look, I'll edit it. Let him just come on and do what he does. And he came on with Slappy White and interviewed Slappy as the world's,

as the first American, African-American vice president. And he interviewed him. Imagine now, this is a long time ago, you know? And he said, why are you only hiring black people? He said, you know, white people owe me money.

You know, it was just all of that. It was great. But Red was, Red owned a club where we used to be the Slade Brothers, and he was up there,

and he was, Red Fox on stage made Gilbert Gottfried sound like the Pope. I mean, it was just, it was just, I mean, you couldn't believe.

He invented new four-letter words, you know. And so when he was up on stage, he was doing his act, and there was a guy sitting in the audience that kept interrupting him and doing the jokes. When Red would do a joke, he'd top it. And Red would, to set up, the guy would do the punchline. And Red kept getting madder and madder but the audience was hysterical it was really really funny

you know when Red got off so he came down stood there at the table the guy looked down and said hey man you are one funny dude

you are a funny dude everything I said you said something funnier than what I said you are one funny dude the guy's looking up at him and finally

said hey wait a minute you're peeing on my table and I stood there peeing on the guy's table. Then had the guy thrown out into the traffic, you know. But Ray was a tough guy. He was a great laugh with him. Gilbert, I want to know, listen, I want to know more about you. What are you doing?

This thing you do once a week, right? You do Mrs. Gilbert maybe twice a week. And you do Frank once a little bit once in a while. At least. Just to keep the swelling down. What else is going on? We're being roasted on our own show, Gil. What? I said we're being roasted on our own

show. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history. Thornton Prince was a ladies' man. To get revenge, his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken. He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. At Miele, our partner is the planet. Our appliances use less water and

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in making an impact today for a better tomorrow. Visit Miele.ca to learn more. You've seen roasts that had the, you know, the un-televised roasts with, like, Jack Benny and George Burns, Groucho Marx. Yes. What do you remember of those?

Oh, they were, they were, well, I can't tell you about the first roast I saw with Jack Benny, but it was just unbelievable. He was on at the very end, and he stood there and he said, well, you know, and everybody was just there because everything had been said and everything had been done. And he then said, well, he said, the only two words left for me that haven't been used so far this evening. And then he let fly with two piggies, right? And the audience just gasped. I said, it was Jack Benny, for God's sake.

Everybody, the roasts were fun. But the roasts, by today's standards, the roasts were church choir. You know, it was a sermonette. I mean, Sarah Shulman alone. standards the rosewood church choir you know it was a sermonette i mean uh sarah shillerman alone you know but uh and gilbert gilbert had dropped a few f-bombs in the ones that i've seen you know what you guys said about b-r-3 please now come on well that was jeff ross Can't pin that one on Gil. Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross.

He's still alive. Yeah. We had him on the show. Oh, and before the show ends, how did laughing come about? An accident. It was an accident. It was an accident it was an accident they promised if I did one more Grammy Awards

that they would let me do one show my way with no questions or no interference and I did so I got this group of people who I'd seen over time and we went in and just started taping and we taped a huge amount of material and anybody I saw

I liked them and I hired them Goldie saw, I liked them, and I hired them. Goldie and Lily and all of them, and I hired them. And Philip Wilson was in the first six shows. And we just did, and we played. We came on stage, and we had a script, but then we would play. And anything that worked, we would do it again. And then eventually, a woman by the name of Carolyn Raskin, who was genius, cut away everything that wasn't laughing.

And the network was very nervous about it and scared of putting it on the air. And I said, why? They said, well, this doesn't make sense. I said, right. And they said, well, what kind of television is this? I said, the newest thing on the continent. They call it Comedy Verte. And the network said, Comedy Verte? What is that?

I said, see, that's what it is. I just made it up. You were just bullshitting in a meeting. I was just in a meeting. I said, they call it Comedy Verte. And I said, it's the biggest thing in Europe. They said, hey, Erwin, did you hear about Comedy Verte? Yeah, it's bigger than Europe.

He didn't know what the hell it was. And so they didn't have anything else to put on the air. And Rowan and Martin were splitting up because it wasn't going that well. And they came on and did the show. And then they went to Reno and took a job so they didn't have to be in town when it aired because nobody thought it was going to work. It was just, at that point, imagine now 50 years ago, it was pretty far out. And we put sensors in the home, and they were tearing their hair out,

but it was an accident. I mean, it was just something that was, and they put it on opposite Lucy, which was the number one show, because they had to put it on there. They had to put something in there, and they didn't have anything else that could go on the air,

so we put that on, and by the fourth show, Sammy Davis come on and did Here Come the Judge. Oh, yeah. We got to ask you about it. The morning after he did Here Come the Judge. The morning after he did Here Come the Judge, when the Supreme Court justices walked into the chambers, somebody in the back

of the room said, Here Come the Judge. The whole courtroom cracked up. The only laugh they ever got in the Supreme Court. But then it took off and then it was just too hot. I remember back then when homosexuality wasn't really discussed on TV. Alan Seuss sang a song called You Don't Have to Be Happy to Be Gay.

That's right. That's right. Alan Seuss, who I love, but he was no Viking. But we didn't do gay jokes. We just did that flamboyance, you know? Alan Seuss was hysterical. God, he was funny. Funny man.

They were in a Western sketch. They said, I'll have a bourbon. I'll have a bourbon. And Alan came in and said, I'll have a bourbon, I'll have a bourbon. And Alan came in and said, I'll have a frozen daiquiri. Well, you didn't have to say gay, you just did that performance. Today, you know, I don't know. I just wonder where it's going to go. Have we taken the edge off?

Is it possible to be funny now without the F-bomb, without all of that stuff? I think it is. We never now without the F-bomb, without all of that stuff? I think it is. We never did on laughing. We talked a lot about the Farkle family. Look that up in your fucking wagon. Oh, the Farkle family. And we gave the fickle flying figure of fate. So we used a lot of Fs, but we didn't put them together that way.

Where did the fickle finger of fate come from, George? It was always the threat that we were going to do something. Where did the fickle finger of fate come from, George? It was always the threat that we were going to do something. Where did the fickle finger of fate originate? Where did that idea come from? It was something the censors cut. And they said we couldn't do it. And so I said, well, they should get an award for that.

So we said, well, let's give them an award. The flying fickle finger of fate. The friendly flying fickle finger of fate. I friendly flying fickle finger of freight. I made a little statue, but we had to put wings on the statue so they didn't confuse which digit it was, you know. And when we were on the air, we were on the air about three weeks and we were canceled in Seattle.

The guy said, we're not going to put up with this. So the network said, well, what are you going to do now? And I said, I'm going to Seattle and do a tribute to that station. So they said, what? So the guys were on the plane, and the station said, no, no, no, forget it. We're going to put it back on the air. The idea of us doing a tribute to them for having the good taste to cancel that trash. And from there on, nobody ever threatened to cancel it. What I remember is Dan Rowan always reminded me, he was definitely influenced by Dean Martin.

Oh, sure. Yeah. He would have the cigarette and the drink and his whole cadence was Dean Martin. Oh, yeah, it was. And Dan, well, the two of them did one of the funniest nightclub acts you've ever seen. You know, that drunk heckler they did was great. But they never talked offstage. They never talked. From the time they would finish the act, they would walk offstage.

They never talked to each other again until they walked out on stage for the next gig. They just did not get along that well. Interesting. Why did you happen to pick them to host the show, George? Because the network, at that point, the idea of having a variety show without a Dean Martin or a Dinah Shore or Judy Garland or somebody,

just they said, well, who's going to introduce things? So we went to Ron and Martin and Timex would accept them. But they had just done a summer show. It was a very funny nightclub act. Very funny nightclub act. But they were not like stars, you know. And so we put them on and they were very funny nightclub act but they were not like stars you know

and so we put them on and they were in tuxedos and they were older than the rest than the rest of the cast of wackos and they were kind of straight Dan was straight

and Dick was brain dead you know so they they that worked in the comedy the crazy worked around them

and it worked and they they were so then we would do we worked. And they were, so then we would do, we would do, when they were on stage, they would do improvisation and they would do charades

and whatever, right? And they would talk endlessly. And so we had to find some way to get it cut because that's what they did. So that's when I, I was in the men's room. Gary Owens came into the men's room

and said, by the acoustics in here. I said, whoa, Gary, say later that same evening. I said, just say it. I said, put your thumb in your ear and say, meanwhile, back at the farm. And I said, that's what I want you to do. I want you to be the announcer so we could cut to Gary. And he would say later that same evening,

then we could go cut out all the junk and they'd pick it up and say, let's go to the party. Yeah, for people who don't remember it, it's like Gary Owens was that real classic old-time announcer. Sure, he did a lot of voiceover work, too. And he put his hand against his ear, and it was the most exaggerated, like, and in beautiful downtown Burbank. He was great. He was standing against his ear, and it was the most exaggerated, like, and in beautiful downtown Burbank. He was great.

He was great. We just lost him. And Gary had a day job, and nobody else was working. Gary had a day job, so he would do all of his stuff early in the morning before anybody got there so he could still get to the radio station. So he was apart from the rest of the cast. But that was another accident that just worked for us, you know. And Artie Johnson was selling suits at Carol's and Goldie had been a go-go dancer.

Judy Kahn had been married to Burt Reynolds. Now, Judy Kahn, she was, like, funny and cute and sexy and everything. Oh, yeah, she was great. And then it seemed like after laughing, just her life kind of fell apart. Right. So what happened? Artificial stimulants. I mean, Judy put everything up her nose, put her knee, you know,

and she just lost control a little bit. But a lot put her knee, you know, and she just, she lost control a little bit. Like, but a lot of them have, you know. There's some on the air now that are right on the edge, you know, that drugs and so forth. See, you look like you're drugged, but you're not. You look and sound like you're higher than the satellites, you know. You're in control. The rest of them thought they were straight and they were moonshot, you know? But you're in control. The rest of them thought they were straight and they were moonshot, you know?

But I would swear, I really thought when I first met you, I said, this guy's got something. He's got to have scar marks. I mean, I thought, you know, you're really, really in orbit. He is. He is.

And I became a fan, and now that I know there is a Mrs. Gottfried, I think, well, you know, there is a Jesus. You know. I think my favorite, when I used to watch Laugh-In, was Artie Johnson. Oh, yeah. So tell us about Artie. Artie was a brilliant, brilliant actor. But he came in, and he did all of these characters.

My goal was to put him with Danny Kaye, to put him with Jonathan Winters, to put him with the classic comedians and see where they could go. He stood there with Danny Kaye one day and it was just hysterical. Bob Hope one time came out before the show was on the air and he hadn't seen Artie yet. And he came on and he was plugging his own special. And Artie went out there as the German.

He said, Mr. Hope, every Christmas we're waiting for you in the bunker. And Hope turned around and he became the Bob Hope he thought he was. He said, well, you're standing in a foxhole. What are you, smoking? No wonder you're in the airport. Hope did one-liners with Artie, and Artie and Hope stood there for maybe six or seven minutes trading one-liners unscripted, and that's what we heard.

Artie was brilliant. He was brilliant. He was a pretty good dancer to a singer. Did he bring all those characters, George, like Tyrone and the German? They were not written by writers? What happened was we were going so fast that people would miss the laughs. And you had to put something in there to bridge the laughs because we were losing a lot of jokes to the laughs. So we took Tyrone and we put him in that outfit and put him in the men's room.

And he was writing graffiti on the wall of the men's room. He didn't have words because that would interfere with the next sketch. So he stood there and he said, what do I say? I said, you just, you know. And so he would write words and then he would move his hand and you never knew what the words were. And so finally one day,

Ruth Buzzy did that little character, you know, the girl with the hairnet? Gladys, yeah. And I sent her out to, a lot of stuff would just happen on stage. So I sent Artie out

and I said, Artie, go with me. He sat down next to her and he said, good afternoon, my dear. And she, and he said, do you believe in the hereafter? And she said, yes. He said, well, you know what I'm here after.

And she hit him a shot with her purse and decked him, you know. And from then on, he used to say that he was always trying to get to her. He was always humming, you know,, do you believe in the hereafter? So, I mean, that exploded. Because then the do you believe in the hereafter took off. And then I always remember those sketches. He'd sit down on a bench, say something really, like, dirty. It wasn't dirty.

You thought it was dirty. It would hint. Suggestive, yeah. It wasn't dirty. You thought it was dirty. It would hint. Suggestive, yeah. It would hint. Yeah. And especially the way he said it made it sound even dirtier. And that growl. Yeah.

And then she... The thing was, Gilbert, the only thing, and this is what bothered me a little bit over what they're doing on television today, there was the promise, there was the threat, there was the possibility that we were going to say something dirty. But we never really did. Yes. The only time when Judy's wig flew off and she was there and she said, I've never been bald before, that kind of made us think.

It was six months before they found out we're bald. George, did everyone you hired bring their own bits? Did Henry Gibson come with the poems? Did Lily Tomlin? Henry Gibson came with the poem. And Lily? Goldie was just an adorable little girl. Nobody ever auditioned. It's not like now.

Nobody auditioned. They would show up. I would hire them, and they would come in and just start working. And Goldie was just so adorable. But she had been a go-go dancer. just start working. And Goldie was just so adorable. But she had been a go-go dancer. And so I wanted to see her face because she'd turn and look at whoever was talking to her

and you wouldn't see the face. So I gave her an introduction of Dan and I said, just do this. And so she looked at it and she screwed it up. It was just a mess, but it was adorable, right? So we're doing it again and the director of the sch, but it was adorable, right? So I said,

we'll do it again, and the director, the schmuck, said, cut, cut, cut. I said, never ever say cut to this woman again, I will kill you.

So I said, all right, we'll do it again, we'll do it again. So I said to Goldie, I said to Goldie, just look at the cards. And by then,

I knew what I wanted her to do was that mistake, and I had the cue card boy invert all of the words, so they did not make sense. And Goldie looked at the wrong words and put them in the right order and i said no no no no what are you doing to me but from then on goldie never got to rehearse anything never yeah because what you look forward to when goldie was there is how she'd start like she'd it. She'd mess up the line and then start giggling like a hyena.

Part of the reason for that, Gilbert, was Ruth Buzzy would stand there next to the camera and go. And Goldie would hear that. And all Ruth had to do was put her hand up to her mouth and Goldie would lose it. If Goldie was trying to do it right, then Goldie would go, Goldie. And once Goldie started to laugh, forget about it, the whole world laughed,

you know. Louie worked as a stand-up. Louie worked in clubs and reviews and whatever. But what we did was dress them. You know,

we put them in clothes and costumes and their own set. Edith Ann had her own set and Ernestine had her own set. What we did was make the voice character into a real person. Goldie always played Goldie. No matter whatever happened, it was Goldie.

But Lily would play in one show. She'd do 15 different characters because we were taping it Stop and Go, you know? Oh, and Joanne Worley. Oi. Incoming, you know, Joanne. All you have to do is say a name. I mean, she was just funny. She was gold and real buzzy.

Brought those characters in. And Joanne brought characters in. And it was just a wonderful utopian experience. Not like this, because that got on the air. I'm not too sure any of this is ever going to be heard by anybody other than maybe Mrs. Godley. She's going to say, now, Gilbert, see? See how it feels to fail? Children, watch your father die.

I remember on one of the comedy awards where I did a whole bit about deliverance. And the whole bit was, did they ever show Ned Beatty page 87? That's right. That's right.

We had censors running around saying, look at page 87. Gilbert still makes them nervous. You know, now you can say anything, right? But Gilbert still makes them nervous. They were petrified of you. You know, they would say, what's he going to say?

And then the other thing, the other thing with Artie, is they never knew what Artie was saying because a lot of it was double talk. And so they would send linguists in to figure out what Artie had said. Gilbert, they knew what Artie was saying because a lot of it was double talk. And so they would send linguists in to figure out what Artie had said. Gilbert, they knew what he said. They just weren't sure what he meant. Let me ask you, how long have you been married, do you know?

He doesn't know, George. He has no idea. Almost nine years? He had to look at his wife for the answer. Did you have to look at your watch to figure this out? Nine years? That's a good woman. I'm serious.

I would like a family picture. 20 years? Put it on the wall. Sign it with something naughty or rude or just, you know, yours in Christ. Whatever you want to put on there. Yours in Christ. And I want to put it on the wall. Because I want people to know that I know you.

Darren just wrote on a napkin, George, that they've been together almost 20. So there you go. Really? Yeah. Yes. It took you that long to figure it out? Or what? Conner into it? Or what caught her into it or what happened

a historic event on laughing was was i just don't want this no no i don't answer personal questions an unhistorical event on laughing was basically i think basically, I think, helping get Richard Nixon nominated. I mean, yeah, elected, rather. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Paul Keyes was the closest man to Richard Nixon. And we had to do something for the first show of the second season. I said, Paul, why don't we see if we can get Nixon? And so we went over to CBS

where we were doing a press conference, and Paul said, Mr. Nixon, would you just say this socket to me? He said, you know the show? He said, yes, yes, I know the show. And so he said, socket to me. He said, oh, Mr. Nixon, no, no, just turn to the camera and smile. Socket to me. He said, take two. And held up three fingers, that butt.

And so then we got six takes and finally got it. He did it and we went back to the NBC, put it on the air. The network wasn't going to let us do it because of equal time. I said, there's nobody running for the presidency that wants equal time

saying socket to me except this putt. So it went on the air and then I realized what I'd done because we made him into a nice guy, which he was not. But I've had to live with that. I remember his rendition of it was, shock it to me. That's right. He went on the air. He called the office, and I answered the phone.

I said, hello. They said, Paul Keyes. I said, who's calling? They said, the president. I said, yeah, this is Petula Clark. I said, Paul. Somebody's on the phone. He said, who is it?

He said, it's the president. So Paul got on the phone. He said, it is him. I said, oh, my God. So he said, well, talk to him. So, you know, you're talking to the president of the United States. I said, well, Mr. President. I said, congratulations.

He said, tell me, is Crazy Effing George your God-given name, right? And when you hear the president say that and call me by the name they used on the stage, right, because everything was CFG, CFG, CFG. And I wish I'd had a tape on that. It was crazy effing, George. God given, what a putz. Anyway. Didn't you have a tape?

Didn't you keep the tape, George? But you said that Paul Keyes stole it? Paul Keyes stole the outtakes. Yeah. We had the tape of him saying it, but the six takes that it took us to get it, Paul left with that. The bastard.

He and B.B. were both, all those guys used to go down to the Caribbean in a yacht. There were like five or six guys and no women. Hello. You're kind of wondering, you know. But anyhow, I don't think Nixon was gay. I don't think he was anything. It was just, you know,

but then, but we were. You know what happened? I had a great time. I really enjoyed myself. It was, we got away with things that nobody

ever had done before and I think it really left a mark and I'm proud of the contribution. Yeah. You know, and I was okay

up until Gilbert did the Comedy Awards. It's TV history. By the time my career started, dude, just crashed. Oh, and tell us about Jack Benny. Well, Benny, Benny, Benny was hysterical. I mean, Benny was a sweet one.

And he loved the show. But it was just so fast, you know, that it bothered him. But he came on the show many times, and he would say, keep it moving, keep it moving, keep it moving, and he was very slow. Everything was going right. I was like, keep it moving, keep it moving. Keep it moving. How? We did that.

We had great fun with Phil Silver. Dr. Billy Graham came on the show, and he said the family that watches Laughing Together really needs to pray together. I remember that. So we had great fun with him. We had great fun with Barry Goldwater. He said America is a country where any boy can grow up to be president, any boy but me.

we got people to do the show that never did variety shows. Nixon was the first presidential candidate to go on a comedy show. We didn't know how funny he was until we got into the war. We should mention some of the writers, because there were legendary comedy writers on the show,

George, and Alan Bly, and Chris Beard, and and a very young Lorne Michaels and Hart Pomerantz. Yeah. And we should mention Digby Wolfe. Digby Wolfe had more to do with laughing, maybe, than anybody. He had been in England with The Goon Show and with The Running, Jumping, Standing and Still. That's right. And Ronnie Corbett. Huh? And Ronnie Corbett. Yeah, he worked with all those guys. Ronnie Corbing, Standing, and Still. That's right. And Ronnie Corbett. Huh?

And Ronnie Corbett. Yeah, he worked with all those guys. Ronnie Corbett. The two Ronnies. That's right. Ronnie Corbett. And Digby was an elegant. He played guitar and did English madrigals and opened for the Beatles.

So nobody ever heard his act. Everybody was just screaming, you know. But he was a piece of work. And all of the people, he brought the political aspect to life, because I didn't really care, you know. But he brought in the political intelligence and the observational comedy and so forth that balanced the crazy, you know. Didn't he ever run in in his own country? Didn't he have to leave the country in a hurry?

You ran up a lot, didn't you? Yeah, I do a little research. What do you like this, Gil? You hired a writer that reads. There's a new idea. Actually, he left South Africa in the back of a pickup truck covered with a tarpaulin for taking on the government. And then they came to get him in the middle of the night in Australia. He was a huge government. And then they came to get him in the middle of the night

in Australia. He was a huge star in Australia. They came to get him in the middle of the night and they got him and put him on a boat because he attacked the Prime Minister. But he was a funny boy. He was a... And I didn't know what to do

for Digby, so the first Christmas I gave him six lessons with Ponzo Segura. And he was thrilled, thrilled. Then for Digby, so the first Christmas, I gave him six lessons with Ponzo Segura. And he was fucking thrilled, thrilled. Then I said to Segura, I said, he was nice, he was glad to get the lessons, but he said, why would he take lessons from a little old man he could probably beat? And Segura said, he said that? I said, yeah. So now Segura gives him a lesson.

Every ball is three inches too far out of his reach. And in the first 35 minutes, he was purple. Then he figured out what I'd done to him. Oh, and tell us, you hung out with the Rat Pack. Yes. Well, tell us about meeting Frank the first time. I mean, you were a young agent. Do we have that right?

Yeah. Geez, you know, you did more research. You know, I've got to be careful. I don't know what else you know. I may have to tell you. I know a lot about you, George. You were an agent at MCA, right, when you met Frank? No, I had been at MCA.

Is that wrong? What happened was I was in a mail room at MCA. And I was delivering mail down the end of the hall to Larry Barnett, who was head of the Van and Act department. And the whole building came alive because Sinatra had just walked in. And I'm in Barnett's

office with this stack of stuff that I was delivering and I had on

a light gay gray gabardine suit with oxblood shoes and argyle

socks and a flowered tie which was not the dress for MCA

everybody wore black except me and Frank came in what do you do he would

sign the contract once a year and then he'd leave because he never paid commission,

but just by representing Frank Sinatra, they sold everything else they had. So he looked at the contracts, and they handed him the contracts, and he looked at the contracts, and he said, did you read these? I said, yeah. He said, are they okay? I said, yeah, yeah. I mean, I was 17 years old, and he signed the contract and handed them to me. And then he said, I've got ties older than this guy.

And he left. And everybody in the room thought I must have been a made guy. They thought I was a mustache, a wise guy. Because Sinatra gave me the contract. And from then on, we worked together a lot. And he and Barbara. And he was a thrilling part of our lives. My bladder, my kidneys, and my vital organs would be in better shape

if it had not been for him because he did love a beverage. We would sit there and just get fried. He never wanted anybody to go to bed. He's 100 years old now. Yeah, this year. We've been trying to get Nancy to do the show. You've been trying to get Nancy to do the show? Yeah, because it was Frank's

100th year. And what did she say? Well, we're still chasing her. I heard that Dean Martin was the only... Go to Tina. Tina will give you something better. Oh, really? And Frank Jr. will go to a market opening, so

call Bob Finkelstein and he'll get you Frank Jr. or Tina. Nancy's not real good, but Nancy, yeah, give it a shot. Well, she was the one that worked with Elvis and had the hit record. We thought maybe she'd have a little more to talk about, but we'll take your advice.

Who worked with Elvis? Nancy did. Really? Yeah, she's in, what was it, Speedway? She's in an Elvis movie. Tina, well, Tina, because Gilbert can't, you know, because now that I know he's married, you can't go around Tina, because that'll... You'll get in trouble with that. It might...

It might... Stop laughing when you get around Tina, you know. You say, thank you, Tina. I'd like my dick back. You know, because she's a nutbuster, Tina. But I love her. Wait, Tina! Tell us! Wait a minute. Don, Tina. Tell us.

Wait a minute. Don't rush through this one. There's Tina Sinatra. Gilbert, Gilbert, cheer up. Go ahead. You little cocker. So what? What did he say about Tina? I do love him.

I could kiss him right in the mouth. When you're in New York, we'll arrange it, George. Well, what time is it there for, Christy? It's 10 o'clock. You ought to be done by now, anyhow. But go ahead. He wants to know about Tina now. Don't go to bed.

You'll do something naughty to Mrs. Gilbert. Before you know it, you're going to have another comic book around the house. So go ahead, Gilbert. Don't touch that woman anymore. I think two is enough. Okay. Now what are you going to say before we run?

Tell us more about Tina. She is gorgeous. She is gorgeous. And I call her the Pita, which stands for P-I-T-A, pain in the ass.

And she's gorgeous and she's bright as hell and she's a, but she's bright as hell, but she's a handful. You know, she's a handful, but she's an adventure. I love her. I love the whole family. I love Nancy,

you know, Mrs. Sinatra, Big Nancy, and Frank Jr. Frank Jr. is a very talented young man. We'll ask Frank and Tina to do the show. Now, you delivered the eulogy at Sinatra's funeral, George? Where'd you get this stuff? It was like Barbara said, would I do a eulogy?

And I said, Barbara, no. So she said, please. And so I said, as long as I don't have to follow Gregory Peck, right? You guessed it. There goes Gregory Peck. She said, we need something funny. I said, what a great idea. This is something funny at Frank's funeral.

What a good idea. And so I did a eulogy. And, of course, when I got up there, I looked around and I was panic-stricken, you know. And they had Cardinal McIntyre, right? And I said, when I got up on stage, I said, thank you, Your Honor. I didn't know what to call a cardinal.

I said, Jolene, it was your honor. You don't call a cardinal your honor. Your wife, Jolene. My friends liked it. It was funny. I'll say it again. It was a funny eulogy. Tell us one funny story about Frank that a lot of people might not know.

On stage, it was two different relationships. One, when we were working together, it was ice. It was just all business, all one take, go, get, but then after we were working together, it all became like a play. It was a child. And we had great times on stage. We had great times on stage. We had great times backstage. We did some shows together that were just awesome.

But then we'd go out to dinner, and we'd go out to dinner, and he'd like to have a beverage. So we were sitting there one night with Irving Lazar and Frank and Irving. Do you know who Irving Lazar was? Swifty. Yeah, Swifty. And they got into a beef, and Irving was in a wheelchair. And Frank says, all right, Swifty, we'll settle this.

Let's go outside. And Lazar said, Frank, you're probably the only guy I can still beat. Anyhow, so Swifty got in the wheelchair, and he's gone now. We're sitting there, and we had a white Rolls Royce, and Frank had a white Rolls Royce. And so we're there at about 2.15, 2.20, and we go outside, and the cars were parked one behind the other out in front of La Dolce Vita. And we get in the car, and I'm driving the car, and Barbara's driving the car behind us. And as we're getting ready to go I'm driving the car, and Barbara's driving the car behind us. And as we're getting ready to go, Frank says to Barbara, push him.

Barbara says, Frank, which is, push him. But her Rolls Royce is pushing our Rolls Royce. We're now going through down Santa Monica Boulevard at Wilshire with a white Rolls Royce pushing my white Rolls Royce. And push him. So I said, this is it. Now, I'm in the middle of Santa Monica Boulevard in Wilshire, and I stopped the car, and I told him, he says, what are you doing? I said, I'm going to go back and talk to that drunk.

He said, look, it's 2.30 in the morning. There are two white Rolls Royces being driven by two drunks. Somebody's going to go to jail. Now, who do you think that's going to be? So I got back in the car, and then he tried to push me all the way home. But little things like that, he got a kick out of it. He was a child.

He was basically a delightful, at times, little boy who was awesome. Don't fool around. You better know what you're doing. You better show up ready to play. So, buddy, I miss him. And Sammy, you were close to Sammy too. Yeah. Sammy, yeah.

The stories about Sammy are... Sammy was coming to see me when he drove in from Vegas and had the eye accident. And he went into the hospital and Sammy made a comeback.

He was at Zeros. He's sitting at the hospital. When Sammy made a comeback, he was at Zeros. He's sitting at the corner. He did a 30-foot knee slide onto the stage. When he arrived, it was the moment the entire town was waiting for. You know, like, God, Sammy. And when he did his knee slide, he wound up at the corner of the stage, and there was Frank and Jeff Chandler and Dean playing cards. It absolutely cracked Sammy up. We weren't paying any attention to him at all.

I heard when Sammy Davis was in a coma, Jeff Chandler put a Star of David in his hand. Yeah. And Sammy was like clutching it while he was in a coma. And that's like the first thing he saw when he woke up out of the coma. And that's what made him convert to Judaism. Okay. But Sammy, when he came out of the coma, he only had one eye. So I don't know whether I can swear to this story or not, you know?

If I only had one eye, you'd put a star of David in my hand, I'll probably get up out of bed, too. I'll think, my God, what happened? Where's Jesus? Okay, so let's hit upon... Are you guys ready? Is this ever going to air? Yeah, well, in a couple of weeks, George. Yeah, we'll edit it together. It won't last that long.

Have you ever worked with Groucho Marx? Yes. Oh, tell us about Groucho. I was doing a Bill Cosby series. Hello. Hi, Bill. Come on in. We'll have a little pill.

And I called up Groucho to do the show. I said, Mr. Marks, he said, that's my name. I said, my name is George Slaughter. He said, that's your problem. I'm producing the Bill Cosby show. He said, now you've got a real problem. I said, you know who he is? I'd never heard of him.

I said, we would like for you to do the show. He said, I'm not available. How much do you pay? That was a conversation with Groucho. Everything was a joke. He did the show, and it was funny. It was his last

appearance. He just ripped Cosby up. He took his cigars. I've never met a man I didn't like, but in your case, I'll make an exception. And he was just, he was a Cosby. I mean, Cosby could not deal with Groucho. Well, nobody could. He was really funny.

And he was like, he was Gilbert with a mustache. George, real quick, could we ask you about a couple of other people you work with real quick, and then we'll let you go? Yeah, isn't it time you take your wife to dinner? Just stay away from her now, okay? Could we ask you about a couple of other people you work with real quick, and then we'll let you go? Yeah, isn't it time you take your wife to dinner? Just stay away from her now. She just wrote on a napkin, by the way, that Sammy Davis once asked out her mother. Did you know that, Gil? He asked out Dana's mother?

Dara. Dara's mother. Yeah. And how'd it go? How'd it go? She was underage. She was underage. She didn't go. Oh, she was underage.

Okay. Tell us about Paul Newman. He was just a lovely, beautiful man. I did a thing one night for Paul Newman and Frank Sinatra. I did an event in my honor where we raised money for the Scott Newman Foundation and for the Sinatra Hospital in Palm Springs, which Frank built with Barbara, a place for sexually abused children. Clint Cosby never heard about that. Okay, Julian, I'll be right there.

Two minutes. Two minutes. We heard that. I got be right there. Two minutes. Two minutes. We heard that. Okay, I got to go. I'm late. Okay? I'll pay you next time. Gilbert?

Yeah, well, tell us the Borges story next time. I got to go. George, thanks for doing this. Okay, send me a tape of this. Well, yeah, I really want to know it because, I mean, I'm going to have to remember what I said because some of it was true. All right. Okay. So this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre.

And the guy who I did a eulogy for, George Slaughter, the great George Slaughter. Let me tape this. I'm going to send it to my lawyers. We will, buddy. Thank you. And come see us when you're in New York, okay? Will do. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.