Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 99. Mark Hudson

Episode Date: April 18, 2016

In one of our wildest episodes to date, musician, songwriter, producer and comedian Mark Hudson joins Gilbert and Frank to talk about some of the showbiz legends he's worked with, from Steven Tyler to Margaret Hamilton to Ringo Starr to Captain Kangaroo. Also, the Hudson Brothers meet the Osmond Brothers, Ed Wynn steps out of character, Elton John takes a dip and Mark remembers his old friend Harry Nilsson. PLUS: Tito Jackson! Rod Hull and his Emu! The REAL Fifth Beatle! The Hudsons "pay homage" to Herman's Hermits! And Mr. Green Jeans goes loco! This episode is sponsored by Seeso. Comedy’s experiencing a serious renaissance right now, and Seeso is a comedy streaming service tailor-made for comedy-lovers and nerds, with thousands of hours of the best comedy, 24/7/365. Go to http://Seeso.com and start watching all the comedy you can stream for free. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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19 plus. Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connexontario.ca. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White,

Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. We're here once again at Nutmeg Post with our engineer, Frank Furtarosa. Thank you, Frankie. Lots of Irish people.

Hey, can you shut up, please? Let me give an introduction. Can you shut up, please? Sorry. Sorry. Let me give an introduction. We don't get a lot of true renaissance men on this podcast, but we're excited to be joined by one this week. songwriter, record producer, actor, and comedian who's worked with a long list of musical icons, including Cher, Harry Nielsen, Carole King, Celine Dion, Ozzy Osbourne, Joe Walsh, Burt Bacharach, Bon Jovi, and Hanson, to name a few. He co-wrote Aerosmith's Grammy-winning single, Livin' on the Edge, and produced no less than nine albums for the legendary Ringo Starr. Among his many musical accomplishments, he's worked alongside everyone from Andy Griffith to John Candy to Joan Rivers to our former podcast guest, Julie Newmar. For almost 20 years, along with siblings Bill and

Brett, he was a member of the music and comedy group known as the Hudson Brothers, recording top 40 records and starring in two CBS variety shows, the Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show. Welcome a man who says he will continue to write music until he's an accepted member of the Jackson Five because he always wanted to be close to Tito, the multi-talented Mark Hudson. Thank you. What an introduction.

Yeah. We try. No, but you know what? My life is so cloudy from all the drugs and humor and Joey Hetherton that I don't remember a lot. But, Gilbert, you brought all that up. The first thing it reminded me of is I have a small Jackson 5 story. Okay. Okay.

Go for it, buddy. True story. This is going to be an easy one. I think. I never shut up. So in California, I have a studio at Village Recorder, and I find out that Jermaine Jackson is making his first solo album for Motown. He was married to Barry Gordy's daughter.

And my brothers and I, we knew the Jacksons from the television series. It was like the Hudson Brothers, the Osmonds, the Jacksons. We knew them all. Tito, Frito, Muhammad, Shecky. We knew the whole family. The whole family. Shecky. Yeah, Shecky Jackson.

The whole family. Shecky. Yeah, Shecky Jackson. And so I figured, God, you know, I said my brother was using my studio to write a script, and I said, Jermaine's downstairs making a record. Let's go say hello. Okay, great. So we walk into the studio.

Now, the studio protocol, if someone's at the board and they're listening to a song, you always wait in the back. It's like in the middle of a joke. You shut up, and then when the joke's over, you can approach. You wait for the song to a song, you always wait in the back. It's like in the middle of a joke. You shut up and then when the joke's over, you can approach. You wait for the song to be over, you can approach. So we're standing in the back and there's Jermaine and there's Tito standing next to him. And Tito is sort of the brother that was always in trouble. He'd always be selling toasters or something from his car.

He was always in trouble. I don't know why. But a sweet guy, sweet kid. So the song is over with and we're about to go go, and all of a sudden, Jermaine goes, All right, Tito. This is going to be the most quiet record Motown ever put out in their life. My first record for Barry Gordy. Every time the kick drum goes boom, I want you to hit the mutt.

Then un-mutt, boom-boom, and mutt. And Tito goes, Yeah, I got you. Un-mutt, boom-boom, mutt. Un-butt, mutt. And I look at my brother and go, is he saying mutt he was i think he is he was okay boom on mutt mutt boom boom i got it mutt boom boom and i go that's weird so we walk forward we go jermaine hey mark brett and they hug us and as i'm hugging jermaine i look down at the at the console and the mute button had been pressed so much that the E had rubbed off the thing.

So he was hitting the mutt. Good place to start. No. Good place to start. No. And so from this day forth, every record I've ever made, from Aerosmith to Ozzy Osbourne, we always go, hit the mutt. And the mutt is the mute button because of Jermaine Jackson. I love it.

Now we'll start saying it here with Frank. Yeah, just hit the mutt. Any dealings with Michael? No, we knew Michael, too. It's an interesting thing because he was a sweet, lovely, talented guy. You know, I think his turmoil was he was like a young boy that wanted to go outside and play. But he was actually singing, and their dad was really keeping it together, like, you know, a professional father, like moms do with actors. He never got a chance to be a kid. So when you think Neverland and all that stuff was really his chance to go,

wow, now I get to. I get to play. But nobody more talented ever in my life have I met someone. So you don't think there was any diddling around? No, you know, I don't. In all honesty, I met someone. So you don't think there was any diddling around? No, you know, I don't. I mean, in all honesty, I don't. I actually think he was this guy that loved life and he loved children. And I've never seen him be mean or rude to anybody.

And I knew guys on the inside. Kenny Ortega, the director, choreographer. I knew all of these guys. And everybody said that he just was a sweet sweet heart so he was just trying to manufacture a childhood that's what that's what i think and i think all the others said you know once the once the industry can get to you they're all going to point their finger and say that you did this and you said that and you were over there if you were there and you actually saw joey in the corner you don't really know what happened. Hit the mutt.

See, this already, you pissed me off. Because before the bikes were on, you were telling us stories that this show was created for. I understand that, Gilbert, but as long as people are still alive, I don't want us to go down to it. I know, I would say names, but there was shit in them. We'll do a director's cut. Our stories rely on celebrities and shit.

But I could always do the Diana Ross if you really wanted to know. And dildos and everything. Have them tell the Diana Ross story. Yeah, because we're all big Supremes fans here. Oh, who isn't? It'll take the show right to the top. Start off with a Jackson 5 right into the show.

Let's keep going. Yeah. So, I've reached a point in my life now where if I'm remembering everything that truly happened to me, now that I'm old enough, I'm not afraid to say it. As long as I don't hurt anyone's feelings or hurt myself, then I'm as dangerous as anyone wants to be. Hudson Brothers, signed to Rocket Records, Elton John's label. Yeah. Bernie Toppin was our producer.

Okay. Now. We had just hit TV. Which actually destroyed our record career, but made us instantly famous because of millions of people. Cher used to have a party every Tuesday in Los Angeles at a skating rink. And everyone would show up. Mac Davis, Joan Rivers, Shields and Yarnell. Ken Berry.

What references? No, but all the 70s humans. Joan Rivers Shields and Yarnell you know Ken Berry what references no but like all the 70s humans Eric Estrada you know Guacamole his brother Captain of Tennille

they all would show up and big roller skating parties and they'd be skating around and stuff okay now Elton John had just finished the movie

Tommy where he played the pinball wizard and Bally put out a pinball machine with where he played the pinball wizard. And Bally put out a pinball machine with Elton as the pinball wizard. And Cher rented a hundred of them. So my brothers and I at this point, once again, young, cute, stuffed pants, ready to go. We could walk into a party in slow motion.

You like the right stuff when you see the astronauts? Except we knew how to do it, but in real time. And no one gave a fuck. But we were doing it anyway because we just thought it looked good that we were in slow motion. So we're walking into the party. And the three of us all at once, we were pretty cute. We were like the godfather minus Fredo. Walking in.

And all of a sudden we see this lineup of people and Cher is going around, oh, Margaeryl, Margaeryl. And she's skating by with Mac Davis. All of a sudden, directly in front of us is Diana Ross. And she has this tight, beautiful blue dress onto the floor. Her afro with a little glitter in it. Her ghetto onion was sticking out. It was just, she was gorgeous. She was gorgeous.

So, we're walking, and she turns, and she looks at me. Now, out of the three brothers, my brother Bill, gorgeous, ended up marrying Goldie Hawn. My younger brother Brett was the brother on the cover of 16 Magazine and Tiger Beat. He was the teeny bopper, I looked. Yeah, and I was just well-endowed and talented. So she points at me and goes, you, and we kind of look around, and she's pointing at me, and she goes,

want to come watch me play pinball? Yeah. I couldn't believe it. So we kind of sashay over to where she is. A crowd of people come around, some paparazzi. And the next thing you know, it was so crowded, I get pushed next to her flick hand. So she's playing the game, but she's flicking my penis. Diana Ross.

Diana Ross, yeah. Now, the scary thing is I didn't move. I wouldn't move. I just was like, oh, oh, oh. And it didn't feel good. I think she bruised me, but I wasn't going to leave the fact that this icon was flicking my beef. You need the story. She was flicking my beef bub.

But no, I would never get that close to her in any other way. She didn't even know that it happened. But my brothers looked down and they saw that my inch was growing. Like, oh, oh, oh. Next thing you know, 21 minutes, I let it happen. Until the pain became so great that I moved away. And from that day forth, Diana Ross, in my diary, flicked my penis for 21 minutes. Is that acceptable? Gil, I think that happened with you and Margaret Dumont.

Yes. No, Marie Dressler. Oh, God. Wow. Which brings us to someone who I hope didn't flick your penis, Groucho Marx. No. My brothers and I, obviously, growing up, Marx Brothers, Three Stooges, the Ritz Brothers, it was that whole thing about physical comedy, musical comedy.

And that to us was our comedic Beatles. And we were in a drugstore with our manager looking down on a thing and there standing. And it's amazing to me, too, because so many of the most famous people in the world are never surrounded by an entourage of people rubbing their necks. He was just there, groucho Marx, like looking at stuff. And we had to meet him. We had to. And we walk up and he sees us and he smiles, but he has that sort of cynical cockiness that stayed with him to the day he died. And he goes, yeah, what can I do you for?

Hi, we're the Hudson Brothers. He goes, I know you're that musical aggravation. Great. I can't even believe that's the thing that he ended up saying to us. And there he was. And we talked for a moment. And it was sort of and obviously, you know, my my great uncle was Ed Wynn. And obviously, you know, my great uncle was Ed Wynn.

And so I always would play that. Whenever I was around any sort of comedic icon, I would always play that card. And, of course, he knew him. And that all of a sudden makes him feel safer that we're not stalkers about to kidnap him or anything like that. But he was absolutely wonderful and had not lost his sense of timing, which obviously is the key to any of it, is when to let it come out. And he knew it then, and he was in his 80s or something. I'll never forget it. The glasses and must...

He was Groucho. How cool. Now, I heard a story about one of the Hudson brothers who was asked to watch the bathroom. Oh, it's Brett's story. Yeah. Brett tells a story that he was asked to watch the bathroom oh it's brett's story yeah to to that brett brett tells a story that he was asked to stand guard while groucho went oh no no he did he did he did no that's true it was not me groucho had to drain his inch and and and he just said to he picked

brett he was at a party yeah yeah at a party he just said, because the party, Abe Hock was the manager. And he always would throw these great parties where you would see Led Zeppelin, and then sitting over there would be Elizabeth Taylor. And then sitting over there would be someone from MASH. I mean, it was not, and Groucho knew Abe Hock, the manager. And he wanted to go to the bathroom, and he just said, you. And he didn't really remember us from the first time we met him but it was you come and stand guard and my brother brett got up stood

in front of the door boom while groucho drained it and you know it's kind of a hudson brother thing i did it with ravi shankar at george harrison's house wow no you know we were at george harrison's house and it was about to be the the big concert for him at Albert Hall. George had already passed away, and it was Thanksgiving Day. We were all at the house, and Ravi Shankar was there, and he goes, I need to dream at Papa Dom. And so he asked if I could take him. So we went arm in arm and went into George's bathroom, and I stood guard. Oh, Lord.

And obviously, at that point in his life Ravi had a rumbling prostate because it took like a week and a half but it was worth it you guys met everybody and we'd be remiss since we're talking about parties if we didn't ask you about what you were telling us about outside the Led Zeppelin story yeah well my brother

and I just got signed to Rocket Records and we had no money and we were at Abe Hawk's house that was Elton John's label Elton John's label was Rocket Records and we had no money. And we were at Abe Hawke's house. That was Elton John's label. Elton John's label was Rocket Records. And Elton had just signed us, but we were broke. And the owner of the house said, I'll invite you to my party if you guys could take

the wallpaper down in the dining room. Wait, but you're on the record label? At this point you're being asked to take the wallpaper down. So we can go to this huge Hollywood party. So we take down the wall. We got stuff stuck on our face, but we did it. Why not? And there was this party, and we're sitting on the couch.

Remember, we were young and green and so impressed by everybody. Jackie D. Shannon shows up, and there she was. Elizabeth Taylor shows up. The most beautiful eyes you could ever look at. Then Elton shows up with his manager John Reed in a pink satin suit

with a pink afro. And he looks at us and gives us a wave because he had just signed us and moves off into the other room. And we're just like looking around and see who we could see next. Three Italian boys from Oregon. Oh, yeah.

Eyes wide open. Yeah, Joey Bag of Donuts. We're like, what the hell is going on? And then all of a sudden, like the door opens and Led Zeppelin walks in. And if ever you know when you can look at someone and they look like a star, these guys walked in and they looked the part. like a star. These guys walked in and they looked the part, the swagger, the hair, the vest, the sort of smell of oud. It was just weird. They walk in and we were going,

geez, it's Led Zeppelin. It's Led Zeppelin. And they go to the bar and they would drink. They wouldn't have drinks like, hey, I'm having my mint julep. They would be downing like bottles of whiskey and scotch, but like we would do a 7-Eleven. John Bonham looks down. He sees Elton in the dining room flamboyantly talking to someone. And Bonham looks at Plant and goes, hey, look, it's the poof, which is British slang for homosexual. And they go, oh, yeah, yeah. And then Bonham goes, let's set him on fire. And we went, what?

He goes, let's set him on fire. And they took out their bicks, put it on high and went and huge flames go and they start walking slowly towards the dining room and Elton sees them coming out. I don't think they were smiling and we go, this has got to be a joke. They must know each other. They get closer and closer and Elton goes, they chase him. Now it's like the three stooges. You see Elton go through a room. Led Zeppelin go through a room.

Elton up steps. They go up steps. He ended up jumping in the pool. Elton with his suit and his wig and everything. So they wouldn't. And they laughed and they walked out. Incredible. And that to me is going like, there's rock and roll.

There it is. There it is. And in the same time, wait, I hate to interrupt. Okay. No, no, no. You make it easy on us, Sparks. You know the group Sparks? Yeah.

The brother, he kind of had like the bad Hitler mustache with curly hair, and then the other good looking one. Right. My brothers and I beat them up three times in London. When we were assigned to Rocket Records, there was a place called the Pizza Express where you could go and get like an American pizza. And we were in there sitting down and we look over and we see the guy

that looks like Charlie Chapman and the brother and they're staring at us and we knew who they were and went, oh yeah, there they are. He goes, you think you guys are going to make it? Well, you're not. We're brothers too and we're better. And we looked at each other like, what the fuck is what's up with that?

And we would go between Gandhi and Gotti. And the Gandhi part was very peace and love. But the Gotti part, it was very Corleone. And so we look at him again. And the one with the little Hitler mustache gives us the finger. And that was it. We walk over to the table and we look at them. And because our timing was so great, we all waited for the right move.

And then in one motion, it was their heads going against the pizza. And we beat them up. That's a hell of a story. I haven't thought about sparks in years. They got sparks out of us, I'll tell you. Bastards. Now, you had like an early manager. Mr. Bailey.

I guess so. Yeah, and that was – the Mr. Bailey story was kind of weird because he was this real large sort of ugly man, father of three ugly children. And it was just – he was just a horrible guy. But something about him was, this won't work on the radio, but he was a de-esser. He was a dick spotter. This won't translate over the air, but I'm going to look at Gilbert now, like pretend Gilbert's me and you're my brother Brett. Okay.

And you won't see this at home, but you'll understand. Okay. He would go, all right, boys, we're going on stage at eight. He's looking like a Harpo gookie. Yeah, he's making the Harpo face

with his tongue sticking out and he's staring directly at my dick. And the same thing back. And that's what he was known as. For those people who are blind. Who are visually impaired.

Okay, so the weird part about it was we never knew. Nothing about him seemed that it was anything scary. Because I was not the attractive brother either. The other brothers had this... Diana Ross liked me. Outside of that, and because I was not the attractive brother either, you know, the other brothers had this,

I was, you know, Diana Ross liked me. Outside of that, it was downhill. And, I used to love comic books. I'd read,

you know, The Flash and Batman. And I'm sitting there reading away and all of a sudden, I mean, and we always had connecting rooms

because the brothers never really were apart. It just was that Italian thing we always were watching out. Remind me to tell you about Meryl Osmond's teeth. Okay. As soon as I'm done with this. From the Osmond brothers. Yes, which I still have.

Okay. I don't think we can cover this in one show, you guys. No, I don't think so. Okay, so I'm reading the comic, and all of a sudden, you know, that sort of sixth sense that an Italian has, I felt that someone was watching me. And I slowly look over my comic book, which I'm doing now in the room, which you can't see. And then I see that face, Mr. Bailey, staring. Okay. Can I tell the audience, look on the internet for the Harpo Googie face.

Googie, the Googie. The Googie face. Yeah. And it's the Harpo Googie face. Googie with a K. But looking. Googie. Googie.

Yeah, because he was the cigar roll. That's right. Yes, that's right. And Harpo, imagine that face staring directly at your cock. A lascivious, a more lascivious Harpo. Yes. Another Harpo we know and love. No, a leering.

Sort of the other. A predatory Harpo. Dara is taking a picture. And we will post it. Oh, God. Oh, God. You're not seeing the visuals that we're doing now. So anyway, so there he was.

And because I was the least attractive brother, it threw me like, why is Mr. Bailey de-essing me? And then he dove on me. And he was like big dove on me like and i screamed and then run in the room grabbed my feet and pulled me out from under mr bailey and then we physically threatened him like death and that was was the beginning of us knowing what... And look, he could have been whatever he wanted to be, was okay with me, but just not with me or my brothers. Was this the same manager when you guys were... Before you were the Hudson brothers, you were the New Yorkers.

Yeah, the New Yorkers. He was the manager. He was the manager. Yeah, he was the one. Is he the guy that absconded with the money? Yeah, he took everything. Yeah. He took everything. It doesn't seem like...

He's someone untrustworthy. No, he was... Yeah, but took everything. He took everything. It doesn't seem like it. He's someone untrustworthy. No, but you know what? Yeah, but Gilbert, the scary thing. I would trust him with my safety. Me too. No, but the weird thing is he knows. The guy was dragging him across the room by your feet. Yeah, but you know, the early days, if you watch vinyl now and on the TV show,

we would sign anything if someone liked us the early things of rock and roll it's like they really want me they really want me and so they'll go out of your way to say okay yeah he really wanted oh yeah yeah yeah i just think he wanted me because maybe the other two rejected him so here's their choice you guys had some success. You were the New Yorkers. You had a couple of records. You had Mr. Kirby. We did. And we also were on a – in those days in the 60s, the huge concerts, the headliner was Herman's Hermits.

Yeah, I saw Brett talking about that. You've got a lovely daughter. Yeah, sure. Peter Noon's still around. Yeah, I know him and we're buddies now. Under him was The Who. In other words, The Who weren't the headliner. Herman's Hermits was the headliner.

The Who, The Seeds, The Blues Magoos, and way, way down on the list, like the third band from the bottom, was us, the New Yorkers, because we had regional hits. We thought it would be great in homage to Herman if we did a Herman and the Hermits medley, which would be like me going on stage, Gilbert, and telling all of your jokes before you get there. But I'm thinking in my head that I'm doing it in honor for you, that you're going to love me. Oh, you must really like me. We virtually stole his act. Wow. And we got fired that night.

But it followed us. Even after we became the Hudson Brothers and we were famous, we got thrown off a tour from Seals and Crofts because we introduced them as Arts and Crafts. Because we didn't care. It was just a strange sense of humor. Here you are, Diamond Girl. Here they are.

Arts and Crafts. That was it. Summer breeze. We were frisbeed off that fucking tour. You guys, and Buffalo Springfield you toured with, and the Supremes, and everybody. Imagine that full circle with Diana. There she was as a Supreme, not knowing that I existed. Next thing you know, penis lick.

So I'm trying to get the chronology of the park you went you you're on a couple of record labels yeah and then finally you make it to to elton's new label rocket i remember kiki d being being signed to rock yeah i got the music in me flashback yeah and uh and uh neil sadaka and neil sadaka's come back in my heart yeah neil sadaka's comeback record sadaka's back and so when does i when does, I'm just trying to move gradually through this, and when does, So You Are a Star was before the TV show? It was, and So You Are a Star was Casablanca, which was Neil Bogart. And in that, in the early 70s, the act signed Kiss, Donna Summer, Parliament, the Hudson Brothers.

And we were like the first band on that thing and that was just like what you think satin jackets cocaine it was it was all of that kind of stuff and so you are a star when when Bill like was having a crush on Goldie he was like so over the moon about it that i you know me and my own john lennon this i i wrote this so you are a star we happen to have a guitar hand was it's a it's a pretend one but that's okay so you are a star okay nobody knows you like i do You've got to love only me Very beatily. You've got to feel only me Nobody knows you

Nobody shows you the way that I do Very beatily. Neil Bogart flipped for it and said, that's great. Let's make it a single. And it was the demo. So it wasn't really like we went in like professionals. It was when I wrote the song, we went into the studio one night and put it down and it became a top 20 record. Now the big joke is cut to 30 years later. I'm producing Ringo, and we're mixing his album, Dave Gilmour from Pink Floyd, on his houseboat. And I'm back there at the piano, and so you love a star? And Ringo goes, hey, Mark, that's very Beatles-y.

And I went, yeah, I know, that's what all the reviews said. Like, Rolling Stones had the best kinetic pop since the beatles and this huge compliment and he goes let's do it for your mom so i have a version now that's on my solo album of me doing so you are a star with ringo star that's great playing the drums when it was beetle influenced i mean it goes to show you how the circle goes you know it's like you're trying to sound like john no you know what it's interesting because ringo got mad at me once i was singing background on one of his records mark stop sounding like john you bastard i said i can't i'm just sounding like me the fact that it it is i'm sorry so i keep singing because it's the only thing i know either i go when i sing high it's

more mccartney when i'm lower it's more lennon it's just my influence and what i am so there was so you are a star and and when was Rendezvous? Rendezvous was afterwards. At that point, we were on Rocket Records, and we were drunk with members of the Beach Boys, Carl Wilson and Bruce Johnson, at Shay J's, this bar where pirates would go and sod us on the floor and people's teeth. It was a weird place. And all of a sudden, I said, I love the word Rendezvous.

I don't know how to make it into a song. Now, this was the one, and I haven't heard this for years, but that was, I wanna take you on a rendezvous. That's the one. Oh, rendezvous. Rendezvous. Rendezvous.

Why don't you take me on a rendezvous? Written by Bruce Johnson. By Bruce Johnson. Where I write the songs. Just to hear your version. Maybe we'll have you do a duet at the end. If I do the remake, you're in. We performed with the Beach Boys, Gilbert.

But you know what the weird thing was? They were great guys. And we went in that night, drunk, into the studio and cut the song right there. Now, him and another top 20 hit for us. But the bigger thing, when we connected to one of the Russian satellite, CNN played Rendezvous as that song when they connected. And that's when it makes a difference to me, that kind of stuff. That's cool. Of course, Gilbert, you remember that song.

Sure. Yeah. difference to me that kind of stuff that's cool of course gilbert you remember that song yeah i'm expected to sing on every episode you've done great you've done great we'll tell you later the songs that he pulls out of thin air mark so at what point you got a couple of hits now and at what point does does uh is it chris beard and Alan Bly who see you guys and decide these guys need a TV show? In fact, they saw us at that party when Led Zeppelin tried to turn – Chasing Elton. Yeah, and the guy sat down next to me. And I was just talking to him like we're talking. And he went, wow, you're really, really funny. And my brother Brett sat down.

He went, who's that? And I went, it's my brother. And then more funny. And I went, it's my brother. And then more funny, my brother Bill, who had just read the Howard Hughes book that was written by his accountant about how to be a zillionaire. And my brother Bill was sort of obsessed with that. And he sat down and started quoting the book. Chris Beard goes, you guys are brothers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're signed to Elton and the guy in the pool. And he goes, I produce sunny and share. I want you to come down, meet my partner. Now we had never done television in our life and we only had one suit. We had a blue velvet suit and we would take turn.

One brother wear the pants, one, the coat, one, the vest. And we'd always play like Jen to see who got stuck with just the vest. And so we did that, went down there and met his partner, his partner, Alan Bly. Alan Bly. Yeah, and Chris

Beard went back to laughing. No, I know. Yeah, it's mother's brothers. Yeah, all of that. And the worst part about it was they asked us to do a screen test and we didn't know anything about camera work at all. So we're in front of the camera, and the way TV was, if you remember, the 70s variety, they'd go like,

did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got fired? And then you'd have to look to camera three and go, he couldn't control his pupils. So you'd always have camera cuts that you'd have to make. We knew nothing. We'd look this way, and the camera would shoot the back of our head. We started arguing. Soon as we started arguing, we did it in our brotherly, funny way.

And when they saw that, that's when they went, there it is. And who was the executive that gave you guys the summer? Freddie Silverman. How about that, Gil? Oh, God. Freddie Silverman. And it's funny. If you look up, anyone at home looks up the Hudson Brothers, even by 70 standards.

I know. I know. And yet, it has its moments. No, but that was the part that was sickening. Yeah. Is the fact that, you know, at that point, we were already on the road. Yeah. So we knew when the audience wasn't working, we knew how to make them laugh.

But then television tried to make it like, well, golly, here's a song for our mom. And we were like rock and roll musicians. Straightened our hair, capped our teeth, stuffed our pants, put us in Bob Mackie suits. Right. And Bob Mackie. And we're kind of going, what the fuck is going on? But all of a sudden we'd walk out into the street and we were just barraged with it was like immediate everything. But it cross collateralized our musical career because we had just started making the music really make sense because they had busted the Partridge family for not being real. They'd busted the monkeys for not being real. But we were real. We just got thrown in the other way in the television.

So it canceled itself out. I mean, and that's why by the time I ended up writing Living on the Edge was sort of my big payback. That was sort of my fuck you. I was talented even then and you guys didn't know it. Now, Donny Osmond always was angry at the fact that he was like, you know, did the Donny and Marie show, and he felt it hurt him. Just saw him two days ago. Yeah.

Said he wants to do the podcast, by the way. Oh, yes. Great. Not to interrupt. Thanks for telling me now. And he's a good kid, too. I wasn't going to tell you on the show. No, he's a great guy.

I used to work for him. He is a good guy. I wrote a talk show for him years ago. But that leads me into my Osmond story. Now, I'm telling you, I'm sorry. It's my fucking life. Okay, so we were with Bernie Taupin living in his place, and we needed a place in L.A. because we were about to start making the record.

Now, remember, we kind of knew the Jacksons, the Osmonds, that family thing was around. So the Osmond family rented us their three-story apartment right next to the Mormon Tabernacle

Church in Los Angeles. Now, I know it sounds weird. It's already good. Yeah, but it gets better. And my brother, Brett, he was the youngest brother, and he had a crush on Marie. I'm sure he was like stabbing his bacon, thinking about her every other night. Stabbing his bacon. Yes, and before we moved there, we were in our other apartment, and they would always show up in skinny ties trying to convert us into Mormonism.

And we would throw grapes at them from our window. I want to beg for forgiveness now. We just would throw grapes at them. The Hudson brothers were flinging grapes out a window at the Osmond brothers. We just, get out of here. Merle, Sterl, Shecky, whatever they were. Get out of here. Zeppel. Zepo.

You're Mormon. Zepo, come on. But because my brothers and I had this sort of honor among thieves. If one brother really liked a girl, the other two would politely back off. It was really sort of a beautiful thing. Brett loved Marie. Okay. So we rent their three-story apartment. It's going to be the three of us

and Bernie Topper and his wife, Maxine. We're going to come and stay there too when they were- Tiny dancer. Yeah. Tiny dancer. So Bill, older brother, he was like the older brother and he always sounded like Clint Eastwood. You know, I get the first pick of the rooms because I'm the older brother. What? He was in Alan's room, the oldest Osmond brother. He was in the basement. This big

oak sunken dark room that Alan had. Marie was on the third floor in a pink canopy bed and Brett stayed there stripping his wire thinking of Marie whenever he could. He doesn't run out of metaphors.

I love it. whenever he could. He doesn't run out of metaphors. I love it. Whenever he could. So he was stabbing his bacon and stripping his wire. I was thinking of Marie. And Bill was staying in Alan's room, the big room of Alan. Now, I was going through sort of a Goldilocks period, and I couldn't get comfortable. I tried Alan's bed.

I was trying all the beds of the other Osmonds, and I couldn't find one. In the living room, there was a painting. What do they call it? A Murphy bed? Yeah. And the bed came out of the wall, and it was right where the TV was, right around the shag carpet into the kitchen. I thought, this is great. Brett could buff his bishop.

Bill would be downstairs. I could go get some coffee. I could watch. Wait, wait, wait. What was that? He buffed his bishop. He buffed his bishop? Okay.

All right. And I'd be happy. So I found my bed. Now, this can't be taken wrong but my family Italian and as you know there's a lot of

ethnic families that are very very bigoted they are I got uncles you know what I mean and I don't understand this but most of my life

my Italian family we had so many friends that were black and we loved them but my family being this guinea Italian thing had this sort of thing and they always thought that we were going to be kidnapped

by nevides which is black people and we didn't know why he's like what are you talking about my best friends were playing music with him no no they're coming again so we had this thing ingrained in us What are you talking about? They're my best friends. We're playing music with them. No. No. They're coming again.

Okay. So we had this thing ingrained in us since we were toddlers about black people taking us. They never said where. They just were taking. Black people are going to kidnap you. And just take us. Okay. And just take us. They never said where.

They weren't going to kill us. They were just taking us. And it ended up like that. Okay. So one night we say goodnight to each other. I go to bed. I'm sleeping. Morning comes.

I go to get out of bed. I take one step out and this excruciating pain shoots through my foot like I'm being stabbed. I scream. And I hear my brothers from each room go, the name of this. And they grab equipment thinking that I was being taken. Running up the steps, down the steps to protect me from this thing that I don't know what it is. They thought black people were kidnapping you. They were kidnapping me.

In the Osmond House? In the Osmond House. That's what they thought. I don't know. Wow. Yeah, I know. I know. And so I'm on the bed going, oh, and Bill goes, what's the matter?

And he has a bat and Brother Brett has a spoon, whatever they were. And they were going the Negroes? Oh, no, they were just going to go, who's ever coming to get you, they got to go through us. But we never knew what it, see, the thing is, we never knew what it meant. Ever. Okay. So I go, oh, God, my foot. And my brother Bill gets on his older brother.

What's the matter, Mark? Let me look. And lifts up my foot, and stuck in my foot were Meryl's teeth, Meryl Osmond's retainer, all of the wires with some choppers were stuck in the ball of my foot. Yes. In fact, I might even have a picture of it here, which I will share with you guys. I'll have to find it.

But I was like, oh, oh, and he went like, oh. And he pulled out the teeth and on the thing it says Merrill's retainer. And because of the shag carpet, he must have lost them one night when he was stabbing his bacon. I don't really know. And I had his teeth stuck in my foot. You stepped on Osman Brothers' teeth in the middle of the night. Yes, and then worse than that, on the show, we used to do the Mike Douglas show, because Mike Douglas loved us. Yeah.

And we would co-host, and we would always go to Philadelphia, and da-da-da. And one day, we're co-hosting the show, and Donnie and Marie were the guests. And Brett was just like, you know, he had like tent pants because Marie was going to be close to him. And I had Merrill's teeth. And I like that tent pants. I had Merrill's teeth. And we're doing

the show and, well, Brett, you're here with Marie. And there was that kibitz of, oh, Marie and Brett, oh, Marie and Brett. He goes, Mark, what's going on? And I said, well, not much, but I brought Meryl's teeth. And my brother looked at me like, no, don't do it. Don't do it. And in my pocket, I pull out Meryl's choppers and show them on the Mike Douglas show.

And I still have them to this day, which I will share with you guys when we're finished. You must. I didn't mean to digress. No, no. Believe me. I hope Donnie will still do the show.. No, no. It's all right. Believe me. I hope Donnie will still do the show. He'll do it.

He's great. We've seen it. He'll do it. He's great. Let's just go back quickly to the Hudson Brothers. No, I just wanted to... Gilbert and I

watched the show and you made an interesting point that they were... Chris Beard and Alan Bly really pushed you guys to be extra wacky on the show. And even though I was 11 years old, I always had a feeling these guys are more irreverent than this.

We were so much more irreverent. You could tell. And you know, it's really weird because John Lennon actually watched our Saturday morning show. And he used to call us the kings of Saturday morning, which I thought was really, really interesting. The razzle dazzle. Because we were getting away with stuff. We would do stuff that you have to go back and look at. Not unusual to me, hung like a dinosaur.

It's really not unusual. No one knew. You said that on the Razzle Dazzle Show? Oh, yeah. We also did Mr. Sandman, Bring Me a Dream, I Need Some Uppers. We were doing stuff that nobody knew. And we'd have our hands around a big, we were doing stuff. Those came out on DVD.

They came out in a box set. Which we have nothing to do with, by the way. I wonder if that stuff's still intact. The ownership of that, you know, in the old days, you signed to CBS. It wasn't like you got residuals or anything. But we were so much more than that and that was our biggest struggle was to try to make some

of that happen when we weren't allowed to be that. And be taken seriously as musicians. Yeah, you're right. And because they were busting all the guys for not being real, they said we weren't real. But in fact, we were real just doing very mediocre to bad comedy on television with Andy Griffith and Danny Thomas. on television with Andy Griffiths and Danny Thomas. So you confirm that Danny Thomas watched it. Make room for daddy, that's all I know.

The Andy Griffith clip is online with you guys. Oh, great. But I don't think the Danny Thomas clip. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history. Thornton Prince was a ladies' man. To get revenge,

his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken. He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken. Hot chicken in the window. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. And I just want you to know that we have discussed, before we ever met you, before Jackie Martling said you guys should talk to Mark Hudson.

Yeah. We have discussed Rod Hull and his emu on this show. Now, he was amazing. Now, describe the act. Okay. He was an Australian man. A weird guy. And strange.

And the story behind it's weird, too. And strange. And the story behind it's weird, too. And he had like a safari jacket with a fake arm, and his arm was up an emu's face and neck, and the emu body was attached to the thing. So he never let any of us know what the bird was going to do. Even though we knew what the comedy bit was, we never knew who he was going to attack, when or where. And I'm telling you, not being dramatic, violently clutched your head and choked. Like, really.

It wasn't like, oh, we're doing slapstick. He was beating the shit out of us with the bird. But we loved him. And at that point, you know, you're younger and you can take pratfalls. We were looking forward to see, what's he going to do this time? And it was funnier than it could be. Yeah, I urge our listeners to check out, if you can find anything, Rod Hall and his emu. And his emu.

And also, we point out that Bob Einstein was a writer on that show. Yeah, Cos Johnson. Yeah. All of them. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Yeah, all of them. All those young guys were doing it then.

Now, so it would always break into a fight. No matter what. The email would go crazy. Right, right. Now, and what happened to Hull? One day, we had finished doing a bit, and he'd beaten us up and knocked us over stuff. And it was time for lunch, and we walked, walking toward our dressing room, and we hear Rod going, You fucking bastard! I told you!

And he's like screaming. I thought he was yelling at his agent. As we slowly pass through the door, the emu, Limp, was in a chair, and Rod Hall is yelling at the bird. You fucking bastard! was in a chair, and Rod Hall is yelling at the bird. You're fucking bad. He's yelling at the bird. But without his arm in it. This is beyond Twilight. No, he's yelling at the bird, and we looked at it and did one of those Macaulay Culkin,

and got the hell out because he really believed. Maybe, you know what? I think that's probably why it was so incredible is because he actually really did believe that it was the real thing. He thought it was a real emu and it was really attacking him. And you know what? A lot of great comedy is like that way anyway if you actually break it down. I did this show called Offshore Television where I was a guy that broke through the airwaves.

Yeah, the thing with John Candy. With John Candy and all these great people in it. I wrote a bit called Battle of the Islands between Gilligan and Hervé Villachez that I thought was going to be really funny and nobody got it. And Bob Denver was on it. Yeah, Bob Denver and Hervé. And Bob Denver's sitting at the beach and he goes, a three-hour tour. Yeah, I've been here for 27 years. What a tour.

Then you hear, this is my island. It is not your island. He looks over, and it's fucking Herve in the white suit. And they get into an argument over whose island it is. Now, I'm thinking this is comedy. And this is where I'm screwed up. I'm thinking this is comedy gold. The big payoff was you see a plane in the sky go, and a voice going, I think I found a survivor.

It's a guy in a red T-shirt holding on to a white lunchbox. The white lunchbox was Herve. But it was vapor. Like no crickets. No one thought. No one got it at all. Unbelievable. Nobody.

And the show, obviously. I remember the show. It was out there. How did this guy Hull die? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how he died. He died rather young.

Yeah. I think so. Maybe 60. 63 or something. I'm going to have to research it. Give Mark a little Herbie Villechess. Oh. Oh, come on.

But first. We'll look up Rod Hull. Can our research team look up the death of Rod Hull? Paul's working on it. Yeah. He was very, very, very funny man. Give Mark a flashback. Yeah, give me one.

Okay. The plan! The plan! Mr. Rock! Mr. Rock! The plan! That's good. Did you hear the story about when he actually committed suicide?

Do you know that one? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I heard his insides were normal sized insides. Yeah. But his rib, his skeleton

and body were tiny. So he had, you know, normal sized organs like lungs and heart and liver and everything. And it was all pushy. He was in constant pain. God.

Is that why he did it? Because I had heard a story that he actually, you know, took a gun and he missed. I'd heard that, too. And did you hear that they heard him shouting, the pain, the pain. I don't know. I'm sorry, Mrs. Villachess. Oh, God. They're egging me on.

Oh, Lord. I apologize. So what happened? Oh, wait. Go ahead. Wait, somebody's coming in. We have information on Rod Hall. We have a Rod Hall. Is that what we're looking for? That's the guy. I think we have an answer. We have information on Ron Hull. We have a Ron Hull.

Is that what we're looking for? That's the guy. Ron Hull and his emu. The emu's still with us. Oh, okay. Gilbert is putting on his glasses to determine the fate of Ron Hull. Okay. Thank you, Paul. On the 17th of March, 1999, Hulk climbed onto the roof of his house in Winchester near Rye to adjust his television aerial.

final football match between Internationale and Manchester United at the stand zero. In an attempt to improve reception, he slipped from the roof and fell through the adjoining greenhouse. Greenhouse. The 63-year-old entertainer suffered severe skull fracture and chest injuries. He was pronounced dead on arrival at Conquest Hospital in Hastings. Following an inquest, the East Sussex coroner Alan Craze recorded a verdict of accidental death. Wow. Whoa. I was not expecting that one. I wouldn't expect any other death from him. Wow.

Wow. You know what, though? With you reading that, Gilbert, I think you could do a series of children books. About celebrity, tragic celebrity deaths? No, that would be great. As told to John. As told to Toddler. As told to.

How did Captain Kangaroo. And I got a Captain Kangaroo story. Oh, I saw a picture of you with Captain Kangaroo. You did. Yeah. Okay. Hit us. Am I talking too much? No, Captain Kangaroo. You did. Yeah. Okay. Hit us. Am I talking too much?

No, no, no. That's the show of stories. My brothers and I loved doing bad TV on purpose. We really had no, it was our career, but we really had no reverence. If everyone would have known us for what we really were like, we would have been the Marx Brothers. It really was that irreverent. We would always do bad television shows.

Like we did the Brady Bunch variety show. Yep. But we did stuff that was bad on purpose. Oh, yeah. The Joe Franklin show, whenever he would have us on. You did the Joe Franklin show? Oh, yeah, yeah. He did this show.

Oh, did he really? Yeah. We just wanted to do it because he was like a dead guy talking. Really? Yeah. We just wanted to do it because he was like a dead guy talking. Oh, God. Sorry, Joe.

We love you, Joe. And we wanted to do Captain Kangaroo. I mean, we all grew up Captain Kangaroo. Who wouldn't want to do Captain Kangaroo? And at that point, the Muppets had already brought on Sylvester Stallone and Liza Minnelli and all these big stars started doing the Muppets. So the captain started to follow suit with that. He asked the Hudson Brothers to be on the show. And we went, yeah, you kidding?

They send us a script with the captain. It was great. And he signed our scripts. And there he was. And he had that voice. You know, the captain's voice was. And we grew up with him. So we walk on the set. And he signed our scripts. And there he was. And he had that voice. You know, the captain's voice was. And we grew up with him. So we walk on the set.

And there's the clock. And there's the Indian guy. Now, at this point, though, Mr. Green Jeans had gone south. He had his own Easter egg hunt. He didn't know. He didn't know what was going on. At this point, he was in trouble. And I'll get to him in a second. But the idea was, remember little bunny, the little stuff, bunny goes missing. And the captain goes, well, Bunny's gone missing. I think I'll call the detectives.

Taraday, Holiday, and Christmas Day. And we'd do the thing from the Three Stooges, and we'd show up looking like detectives. And we'd walk around the whole place asking the clock and looking for Bunny. And there was the captain with the white wig and the military sort of hat with the buttons and that beautiful voice. And it was really mind-boggling, right? Welcome to Mr. Green Jeans. And he's supposed to say, Mr. Green Jeans, have you seen the Bunny?

And he goes, no, boys, last time she was over there. So, Gilbert, you be me and say, Mr. Green Jeans, have you seen the bunny? Go ahead. Okay. Mr. Green Jeans, have you seen the bunny? Cleveland. And we looked around like, what? What?

Okay, ask one more question. And remember, we were good at ad-libbing. So when he was like, no, I don't think she's in Cleveland. I think she's somewhere here. Go ahead. Okay, we don't think he's in Cleveland. We think he may be here. Macaroni and cheese.

And it was completely... Just non-sequitur. Non-sequitur. And so they walked up and said, Mr. Green Jeans, just point. Yeah, Thursday. And he'd point. But that was like a first shocking thing to us. Because...

Mr. Green Jeans was always this sort of like the guy that would be in a painting. But he just was not with us anymore. Wow. So we do the whole show. We actually find the bunny. Everything is good in kangaroo land. And as you know, in New York City, because nothing is spread out, the stage would be on the fourth floor. Makeup would be on the fifth floor.

Costumes, sex, dressing room. You go up and down to get to where you are. We meet the bunny, and she was an NYU student. Cute girl and great. We get up and we go, Captain, can we take a picture? In fact, in my studio, I still have my picture of Mr. Green Jeans. And all he said was, what? Perfect.

He wrote it. It's on my wall. And the captain. And the captain. He did it too. So he goes, boys, why don't we come up to the dressing room and let's have a cup of coffee and talk about things. Okay, Captain. Now remember, my brothers and I grew up without a father.

So he left us when I was like five and a half years old. So all of the TV dads, Mr. Brady, another de-esser, all these guys, they, yes indeed. They all were our dads. Robert Young. They were all to us. That was like, who wouldn't want a dad like Mr. Cleaver? Right. Right? And it was the captain.

Okay. So we get in the elevator. Bung! He presses the 11th floor and the door closes. And all of a sudden he goes, I have a fucking headache. And that was the first sort of, Captain? Puts his hand on his wig and goes, takes off his wig. And we're going like, no, no, Captain.

Unbuttons his thing and his girdle goes, boing. And out comes his stomach. And then he goes, you boys see the tits on Miss Kitty? No, no, no. We don't want to know, Miss Bunny. No, Captain. Captain. It was everything you didn't want to know.

There he was. Captain Kangaroo. The hair, the tummy. This is disheartening. The tits on the bunny. No. No. No.

The tits on the bunny. On the bunny. Popkishin, ladies and gentlemen. Bob Keeshan. Wow. Oh, my God. And you know what's really weird? This show's taking an ugly turn.

No, but he didn't do anything that crossed any line. Right. He took off his wig and his girdle, and he just made a comment like any guy would. Of course. The boobies on the bunny. Not from the captain. Please. No.

And Mr. Green James was kind of painful, too. We didn't want to make fun of him or anything. It just was sort of like so non-sequitur. He was, wow. So we could talk a lot about the Hudson Brothers show, and we'll do it another time. We can. We'll do the next time with Chucky Margolis,

which I loved as a kid, and all of that stuff. But what happened after you did the five summer replacement shows, do I have this right? And then you did the Razzle Dazzle show. And this is something that the audience, who aren't old enough to remember, it was very popular to have

summer replacement shows. Yes, it was like Tony Orlando, Bobby Gentry. Starland Vocal Band had one with David Letterman on it. They would be like shows that were popular, and during the summer, they'd go on vacation. And they would have a replacement show. And at that point, we were already regulars on the Sonny and Cher Show with Bobby Vann and Murray Freeman King, who, by the way, admittedly was the only

black man that had no rhythm. No, he virtually would say that. He goes, I don't sing. I don't dance. Oh, come on. And he clapped on the one and three. I worked a good job in the city. No!

You can't do that. We lost Freeman. No, did we? Freeman passed, and Billy Van. Oh, was that? Yeah. Billy Van also passed.

I did a lot of research on these guys. Wow. But Murray Langston, the unknown comic, still with us and active on Facebook. I'm still in touch

with Murray. We've got to have him on. Very funny. The unknown comic. Yeah. So what happened? And then you did the Razzle Dazzle show on Saturday morning.

And then what? Everything, the TV kind of stopped in 74, 75? No, it stopped for a little bit because we still started playing every place. And then once Vegas happened, we were still so horribly irreverent that we would last only for a period of time and then get fired, which I can actually tell you a – who's the one that married David Frost? Diana Carroll? Oh, yeah, Diana Carroll. Yeah.

We opened for her. At this point, we were drunk and bored. And all the band members, they were all like Italian guys with hair on their nose. On their nose on their nose and we would sit there and we do you know we do our center and it just was and she'd always come out being so professional that she was great and and like we can never get ourselves to be professional like real professionals like you know midnight and the kittens are sleeping and they're staring at a spot in the sky where there's no audience.

I didn't get that. That was like bad performing to me. So she used to do a medley on rain. She was, rain, rain. Strange, isn't it? Like raining tears. And she did this whole speech. Sings a song.

Raindrops keep falling on this head. And she does an entire everything, right? And she goes, rainy days and Mondays. Always get me. And tinsel rain behind her. And she'd slowly sit on her stool and go, down. And the crowd would go crazy.

Wow. And we're watching. Star for entertainment. What the hell? What is this? What is this? So, one night, we're fucked up.

And we go, let's have some fun with Diana Gill. And we're thinking that we're always going to be forgiven. Like, it's like us with each other. No matter what we would do, it's all for the good of the laugh and the fun. It was not really like that in real life. So my brother Brett gets a whoopee cushion, takes her stool, opens it, and re-tacks it.

And she comes out with an opening song in the band. She goes, how about those zany Hudson brothers? Aren't they something? Oh, the sharks have. Goes in the back of her mouth. And then she goes, take it, guys. And my brothers and I paid $100 to three guys in the band. And we stood up.

Don't play horns. Horns. And she's with her back looking at us like, you fucking assholes. And she goes, aren't they zany? And we run off, knowing that she's pissed. Okay. So she's thinking that that was the only bit. The Monday song wasn't until the end.

So, and we knew all that. See, that's, if there would have been a reality show, if they would have followed us then, we would have been the Marksmen because it was our real life. So it gets to that, you know, how about the rain? Sometimes it's good. It feeds the plants. Sometimes it takes care of your broken heart. Raindrops keep falling on this head.

And the crowd's really into it like this. Gets all the way to the end, and the three of us are on the side of the stage waiting. And she's standing up. And she goes, rainy days and Mondays. Always. Always cried. Gets me down she sits and goes

and blows an air biscuit and she jumps back up and she looks and she goes I'll tear your fucking hearts out and she ran after us and we're running like through the

I'll fucking kill you she's gonna kill us. Incredible. Okay. But we ended up, see, but in those days you didn't realize the power of the Vegas thing, which is all, you know, Joey Bag of Donuts and Johnny Boy Maruca. We got called upstairs. Uh-huh.

And we were told on no terms the mistake that we made, like what could happen to us. You have to go apologize to Miss Carol or else. And we were like, okay. Because we always crossed the line all to the point where we became like bodily fluids and functions. And we had to go apologize to her. And that was like, she wanted to kill us, wanted to have us fired,

all that sort of stuff. But to us, we were really just having fun. That's all it really was. One more. Go ahead. We get to California. We're a young band

and we had no place to live. So we would go and try to get a record We'd go to try to meet people Because we were like cute And we were all like funny And it was like this thing And we'd always flirt with the secretary

And one of us would end up with her And he would sleep with her And the other two would sleep on the floor So we had a place to stay So we get a phone call I needed brothers, man And Kenny Rogers in the first edition

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in we knew it was Kenny Rogers in the first edition and we also knew they had a girl in the band

with huge eyelashes and like childbearing lips and we thought ooh let's go see if we can get in that he asked if he had a good harmony band,

and the three of us could harmonize. You know what was great about the Bee Gees and the Osmonds, a lot of the family bands, once you start singing, the harmony just comes out, and it's great. We go to Torrance, and there's Kenny Rogers. And he had like the Elvis. He wasn't country yet. No, something's burning.

Yeah, he was a rock and roll guy. And he had like Elvis glasses, but he had blue eyes, one blue Oh, something's burning. Yeah, he was a rock and roll guy. And he had like Elvis glasses, but he had blue eyes. One blue east, one blue west. We took his glasses off, he was like Streisand. I think the lens drew his eye in or whatever. But once he took them off, it was just like

like a Jerry Lewis thing. And so we sang all night harmony just double tracking all night and remember we were broke so we do the you know hello hello hello with our hands out waiting to see what we're gonna get paid he gave us eight dollars each and said here, go buy yourself some meat. To this day, I don't know what that meant. Go buy yourself some meat. He didn't say a burger. He didn't say, you know, some fish.

It was some meat. Disturbing. Disturbing. Yeah. Now when I hear that song in the Big Lebowski, I'll always think of this story. You see, there you go. These are some cards that came from Jackie. Did you guys do The Wizard of Oz

with Margaret Hamilton? We did. And that was a claim. The original witch. The original witch. They asked us to do The Wizard of Oz at the Muny Opera

in St. Louis, which is that whole circuit, like 10,000 people and they're all paid to go. And Margaret Hamilton was the witch. Like, the real witch. And she was old, but as soon as she went, I'll get you, my pretty.

There it was. Now, another one of those things where we crossed the line. Dorothy, her name was Karen Wyman, a New York Jewish girl, kind of Broadway. Sing just like Judy Garland, but her accent was like, look out, a twister. There's a twister over there. Sorceress. Sorceress.

He wants a hug. Well, just give him one. And no matter how hard she tried, she was this other thing. I've been waiting so long. Just send me back to Kansas. Okay. Okay. So... So we

were the three idiots, right? I was the lion. And I nailed it. Good, Bert Larkin. No, no, that was great. That was good. I was the lion. The king. That was me.

Brother Bill was the tin man. Well, golly, I need a heart. And Brett was the Scarecrow with all the things. We wait for the last night. And Margaret Hamilton loved us because she saw that we were idiots. And she came from an era at MGM where idiots were popular. So she looked at us like, oh, those guys. And we had such a great time with her.

It's the last show. 10,000 people. Muni Opera, St. Louis. And she never could get rid of... When she sang, it was heaven. When she talked, it was Hebronomics. Where are we going? Not

Dorothy-like. So she's saying, oh, I'm going to miss you most of all. And she gives this guy a hug. She goes, I'm really going to miss you. And at the same time, we all said, we'll pray for your New York accent. And she told us,

I'll fucking kill you. And we all were mic'd. I'm going to fucking kill you. And this is Dorothy. I'm going to fucking kill you. And we're running around the stage as she's trying to murder us. It made the newspapers or whatever. We're running around. And it was so great.

She got a hold of me on Facebook last year. And I answered her back. And she goes, you know, I've never forgiven you. And I said, yeah, that was decades ago. We would never do anything like that now. Hilarious. And I said, yeah, that was decades ago. We would never do anything like that now. Hilarious. No, no, no, we wouldn't.

And I said, you know, do you still have the bad accent? Do you still do hard Gs? Going, talking. So my brother Brett and I actually wrote a sketch once about the hard G family. And it was a husband and wife sitting at the counter going, honey, yes, Honey, yes darling, I'm worried about our son Greg. What? What's going on?

He's lost his G. No! That's impossible! So he called down his son and he goes, Hey, what's going on? Hey mom, what's happening? What's happening? He goes, Son, you want keys to the car? And he goes, yes, I'll be going. And the G was always delayed.

And we tried to make it work. It was an oil painting. That's pretty smart. You don't know until you try. Yeah, right. Oh, and tell us about Ed Wynn. Ed Wynn, my great uncle. And first do an imitation. Okay, well, I mean, Wynn. Ed Wynn, my great uncle.

And first do an imitation of him. I hear that you do a pretty good one, too. He was so funny, but he was that in real life, too. It's so interesting when you see an actor or somebody, and they're nothing like what they are when you see them on screen. He was

exactly, so what's going on, boys? We want to have some fun. You just want to sit here and shoot the shit. Now, there's a story that not too many people know about Ed. He got a chance to play for Al Capone. I think late 20s or whenever. Chicago.

Curtain opens up. All the mob is sitting there. Al Capone. And on the stage is a stand-up microphone and a huge bun made from a deli, like huge. Nothing. Five minutes, nothing. Ten minutes, nothing.

You hear people getting uncomfortable, like, you know, what's going on? All of a sudden, hands go through the thing, Ten minutes, nothing. You hear people getting uncomfortable. Like, what's going on? All of a sudden, hands go through the thing like this. Open it up, and it's Ed Wynn. And he steps out and goes to the microphone. Excuse me for stepping out of my role. And he left.

There it is. Wow. Excuse me for stepping out of my role. No. Comedy. He was your great uncle. My great uncle. So Keenan Wynn was your uncle.

And that's why he was in all of our film shorts and our movies and all that. Yeah, hysterical. And the Bounty Brothers. So Keenan Wynn's? Keenan Wynn was my... Wow. Yeah. On your dad's side? My dad.

He's a pretty talented... My dad's side. My dad's sister. Pretty talented family when you think about it. Obviously, Kate Hudson, my niece, who's lovely and talented. Her brother, Oliver, my nephew, who's on TV. He was on Nashville on a bunch of shows and a good-looking guy. My daughter, Sarah, wrote Dark Horse for Katy Perry.

Wow. As a writer. So all of this thing has kept going. My cousin, Keenan Wynn's grandchild, is on Broadway here doing Beautiful. Wasn't Tracy Keenan Wynn? And Tracy, he wrote Logger's Yard. Yeah, we're TV, yeah. Yeah, so the family

just goes on and on and on. Yeah, she's pretty damn good and almost famous. Oh, she's great. And beautiful human, too. How do you like, Gilbert, that Kate Hudson has the same blood as Ed Wynn?

That's scary. That's a bad idea. In my mind. You want to talk a little bit about music. You've done so much wonderful stuff. Tell us about,

before we get on to you producing for Ringo and all of that stuff, tell us a little bit about Harry you've done so much wonderful stuff tell us yeah tell us about before we get on to you producing for ringo and all of that stuff tell us a little bit about harry nielsen because he's come up on the show the hudson brothers did uh i guess the lord must be in new york city i love that one harry nielsen song that he had written for midnight cowboy that didn't get picked up and we cut it and we met him and we became friends and then later on we became like great friends and i produced his last album before he died and he was remarkable you know and and obviously a drinker and and troubled, like most artists are. But we finished the record, and he died the next night after he finished the last vocal.

And his wife, Una, called me and said, will you come and speak at the funeral? And I kind of had this thing that I said, I don't even want to go to my own funeral, let alone someone else's. I just didn't want to ever, you never see the guy again. It's just a whack. And she goes, please, Mark, no one has known him better than you in the last five years of his life than you. So I said, okay. I said, all right. So there I was speaking at a funeral for the first time in my life. And there was Harry in the coffin. And in the audience, Paul Williams, George Harrison, Jimmy Webb, every Van Dyke Parks, every great songwriter you'd ever want to see was in the audience because Harry Nilsson was one of them. And I started telling stories about when I went through my divorce and I was living in my studio. Harry would call me every day

and go, I love you. And I could hear in his voice that he really did and it was really the only thing that I had that made me feel like I was loved. One day he goes, Marky, I want to take you out to Hamburger Hamlet. Let's go. And he picks me up

and he gives me this book that says 272 of the world's stupidest things ever said. Signs it to me. We're sitting at the Hamburger Hamlet. You could still smoke then. And the waitress comes up and he's telling a story that a video that he did with Ringo. And the girl's taking our order and she goes, Ringo, you mean Ringo the beetle? Ringo star? Ringo? You mean Ringo the Beetle? Ringo Star? Oh, my God. Ringo the Beetle? You mean Ringo the Beetle? Harry looks at her, grabs my book, crosses off 72 and puts 73 of the stupidest things ever said. And so I tell that at the funeral and everyone breaks up because the people there knew him and loved him for that.

Cut to, we're putting Harry into the earth. Everyone's standing around and they start to lower him. And George Harrison goes, fuck you. And there's a moment of what? Everyone looks around and he goes, fuck you. And we're thinking, uh-oh, maybe something happened. And then George goes, it's my favorite song you ever did. You're breaking my heart. Yeah, sure.

You're tearing it apart, so fuck you. It's a great one. So we sang that song as we lowered Harry into the earth. Well, the documentary's great. Thank you. It's really good. Yeah. And that's for as much as they could say.

It's so interesting. Those of us that know more more you only say so much and then the other stuff either gets held on to your own heart and people know him i mean laypersons would know only the song from midnight cowboy which he didn't write no and from uh without you but the guy had just a body of work people let me tell you about my best friend me and my arrow. Jump in the fire. Jump in the fire.

I'm in the coconut. Yeah. All Harry Nilsson. The whole soundtrack to the Popeye movie. Yeah. Just a great talent. Talented, talented guy. And a beautiful human, too, on top of it.

Did you hang with the vampires? Were you one of them? Oh, yeah. I was one of them. Yeah. Now, that cartoon, where that came from, that Harry Nilsson. The Point. The Point.

Oh, The Point, yeah. Wasn't it? They changed the voiceover, guys. Yes. Once it was Dustin Hoffman. Dustin Hoffman, then Ringo. Then Ringo, yeah. Yeah, I think Dustin Hoffman was under contract, and there was like a period in which he could do it, and then it stopped.

You know, why stuff like that happens, I still never know. I mean, if I'm going to do a voiceover for you, here's my voice. Use it. But I guess that's the business part that we're all not good at. Of course. I'm certainly not. No, nor I. And you knew John Lennon.

I did. That was the last weekend. Once again, we were signed to Elton John's label. John was very friendly with Elton in L.A. And everyone in L.A. is very groovy, you know. It's like, I like New York because no one doesn't tell the truth. You know, it's, I don't like you. Or I do like you.

So we were there, and everyone's outside, all the Californians going, there's a Beatle upstairs, and, you know. But they've broken up. It was like 1972 or something like that. And I went, what Beatle? And they went, you know, John, the one with the glasses. And I run upstairs, and sitting in a corner,

by himself, is John Lennon, with a drink, smoking a cigarette. By himself. And maniac man, I walk up to him and go like, John, my name is Mark Hudson. We're signing the Elton's label and you're the Walrus, but I want to be the Walrus. And you have Yoko. I'm dating a black girl named Coco. It's really close.

Coco, Yoko, Yoko, Coco. And he's like looking at me and I'm just talking a mile a minute. And he goes, sit down. And I sit down next to him. And he goes, okay, you can ask me one Beatle question every time we're together. He goes, you ask me two, I'll punch you in the fucking head. So I got to ask, every time I was with him, I got to ask a Beatle question. And even though it was the last weekend, he was very sad because he wanted to come home.

He wanted to come back to Yoko. They call it the weekend, but it was actually like 17 months or something. Yeah, and he was very, very hurt. And whenever an artist gets hurt, we take it out and drinking and being horrible.

But he was always... Elton would take us to clubs that were very, very strange. It was like everyone had hair. You know when you have a beard and you use the same attachment that does your hair and your beard? That kind of G.I. Joe. Oh, yeah. Ken doll sort of thing.

Like an edger. Yeah, he'd take us to clubs with guys in hot pants and their names were like Spartacus and Erectus. It's scary. Scary. Scary. Scary clubs and stuff. If you drop your keys, kick them back to your car. Ba-da-boom.

And Lennon would be sitting there and he'd hear a song because he was about music all the time. When will I see you again? And he went, I fucking love this song. He goes, come on, Hudson, let's go have a dance.

And the three brothers and John Lennon go to the dance floor. And there we are dancing with a beetle surrounded by Spartacus, Erectus, and butt floss. Just all at once. Weird. No, weird but beautiful. Yeah. You know, he actually needed friends then because everyone was a fan. And even though I was like the biggest fan

i kind of held back a little bit because i didn't want to cross that line and have him go oh no he's one of them you met all four beatles and you worked with three yeah pretty good not bad not bad not bad kid from italian kid no yeah you know portland oregon and it was weird because my mom took us to see the beatles you know i was a young young boy. And we were on the dole because no father. And she worked her butt off and got us tickets to go see the Beatles. And at this point, it was my first and only homosexual experience. When I saw them play, every part of me was moist. Here comes lunch.

I don't know what it was. I saw this. Whatever that is, I want some of that. And that's what drove me into getting into music. And you wound up producing, which we said at the intro, nine Ringo records, nine Ringo albums. Yeah. Yeah. And that, and that's, and you know, not everything from George Martin on down, you know, rest his soul. He was a much greater loss than any of us can think about because we always, we always see the act, but we never see, once again, the Wizard of Oz, the man behind the curtain. I should say we're recording this on March 16th right after George Pest. Right.

Yeah. Right. Well, it's just like he will not be forgotten because he was more than the Beatles. His orchestrations and everything that he brought to contemporary music beyond the Beatles was incredible. Oh, the Goons. I know. And he was a lovely guy. It was weird because on the Vertical Man record, he did two string charts.

And I'm sitting in the studio and I'm the producer. But standing right next to me is the greatest producer of all ever, as in George Martin. And the cellos are – the song was called King of Broken Hearts. And George Harrison had played a slide guitar. It was like beautiful. But the cellos did this descending, and it was wrong. And he looked at me over his, he goes, Mark, you look befuddled. You look stymied.

You look confused. Is everything all right? you look befuddled you look you look stymied you look confused is everything alright and I went well I was hoping that that the cell I was afraid to say it to him because he is the guy

he's George Martin and I went I wish that they could be I wish they sounded more like and he looked over his glasses and said Walrusy and I went

yes Walrusy and he went out and changed the position of the microphones and the orchestra became and there it was it's just like i'm really really fortunate yeah besides being with you mama luke's yeah my my life has been pretty good that is a good word do you think the beatles could have

existed without ge Martin. No. No. I think what ended up happening, I think the organic talent was there, but I think what they didn't know was the musical part that he brought to them. They were like a rock band, and all of a sudden he started doing harpsichord parts and started doing string arrangements and started doing all this other stuff that they didn't know. But, you know, later on when I got to know him, he would be talking and he would say, in the end I was learning from them,

which is a great sign of a great producer. He knew when all of a sudden they knew what they were doing. So he sat back and watched them do everything, the experimenting, all that stuff stuff and that's the sign of a great producer so he was like in in all those years like the invisible beetle oh yeah everything all the rain in fact uh let me take you down Fields, they cut four times and went on holiday. And George Martin put it together with the backwards tape and all this stuff. He put it together while they were on holiday.

And then obviously they brought it back and they tweaked stuff like you knew that they would. He was the fifth Beatle. No question about it. We have barely scratched the surface and we've been in here, what, almost two hours, Frankie? Close to one and a half. I apologize. I'm sorry, you guys.

Once I know that I'm safe, I start talking beyond what I should. No, Mark, it's a treat. There's so much stuff that we didn't cover. You still haven't told us about who shit and all the thing around? I don't cover. You still haven't told us about who shit and who was being ruined? I don't remember. I'm sorry, Dylan.

I blacked out after the smell of curry. You've come back with us another time and talked about all kinds of Brian Wilson. And we talked about Ozzy. Ozzy, Aerosmith, you name it. And Aerosmith. And you were in a Martin Balsam movie with Liam Demarest. Oh, my God. Wow. And I mean, we do deep research. He was great. And Aliceerosmith. And you were in a Martin Balsam movie with William Demarest. Oh, my God.

Wow. And I mean, we do deep research. He was great. And Alice Cooper we could talk about. There's a whole bunch of stuff. A whole bunch of stuff. And then stuff that you don't even know. Well, we'll have to do it again. And hopefully, next time you're back, those people you told us about will be dead.

And you'll be able to tell them stories. Every story. I wanted to plug your album, The Artist, which is fun. Thank you. And Happy is a fun song and really catchy. And so many people in the video. I don't know if you've seen the video. Yes, I did.

Robert Downey and all these people turning up. I saw Gary Oldman. President Clinton. I shot everybody, too, because I direct my own videos. So take us out with something. I will. Tell us what you want to plug. Oh, I don't know when this is coming out. Probably about three weeks. Oh, tell us what you want to pluck. Okay, oh, I'm actually,

I don't know when this is coming out. Probably about three weeks. Okay, so April 18th, I do a show at the Iridium here in New York, 51st and Broadway, the Iridium, Monday on the Hudson. I do one Monday each month.

Well, we'll get it out before the 18th. Okay, if you can. And then just come and see me, and if not, like I tell the first story about being Italian. My grandfather, Giuseppe Salerno, would put me on his lap. I was a toddler. He'd bounce me on his lap. Ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-na-oh-ki-jo-ki-pe-le-pe-ta-n-bu-sh-ba-ka-ba. And I didn't realize until I was 18 he was telling me to go fuck

myself. Nice. Now, should I do the rap and then have him play? Yeah, why don't you? I just want to ask you one thing about the Iridium. You have guest stars with you? Yes, are you kidding? You had Joey Mullen from Badfinger.

Yes, and Buster Poindexter. Okay. Earl Slick from Lennon's Band. Oh, God, Badfinger's another thing. We didn't get to talk about Badfinger. The next time, we have a reason to have you back. I live in the city. Okay. And if I didn't scare you, I can always come back.

So April 18th. April 18th at the Iridium. And the website? Oh, not the website. Connectpal.com slash Jackie's Joke Hunt. Okay. Is a podcast. Okay, good.

You're doing a podcast. With Jackie. Bless your heart. You want to plug your own website? Why not? Okay, go. No, no, no. You don't want to do that? No, I don't have one. Okay. Is a podcast. Okay, good. You're doing a podcast. With Jackie. Bless your heart. You want to plug your own website? Why not? Okay, go. No, no, no. You don't want to do that?

No, I don't have one. Okay. All right. Wow. Okay, let me just wrap the show and then you'll play out with the song. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre, here at Nutmeg Post with our engineer, Frank Ferdarosa, and a guy who's done everything. Yes, he has. Music, comedy, and has seen some very beautiful celebrity shit in a living room. Most importantly. And he saw

Mr. Green Jeans lose it. Yes. He saw Mr. Green Jeans lose it. And he watched his brother stab the bacon. So, ladies and gentlemen, Mark Hudson.

Thank you, Mark. You're very, very welcome. It's been a ride. Let me make sure this is on. Yeah, it's good enough. Okay, so. Okay. Something's wrong with the world today.

I don't know what it is. Something's wrong with the world today. Don't know what it is. Something's wrong with our eyes. I'm seeing things in a different way. And God knows it ain't his. Sure ain't no surprise. Yeah, we're living on the edge. And Stephen goes Stop, stop I've never seen a mouth that big in my life

It was a Puerto Rican family having lunch on his tongue John Lennon's in the room John Lennon's in the room And he felt it So I then do the song It becomes a huge hit. It wins a Grammy. It pays for my divorce, my penis extension, and other things in my life.

But the song, I'll just kind of do a piece because it actually makes more sense now than when I originally wrote it. Something's wrong with the world today I don't know what it is There's something wrong with our eyes Seeing things in a different way And God knows it ain't His But sure ain't no surprise

we're living on the edge you can't stop yourself from falling living on the edge you can't help yourself at all living on the edge you can't stop yourself

from falling living on the edge, you can't stop yourself from falling. Living on the edge, yeah. Tell me what you think about your situation. Complications, aggravations are getting to you. Yeah, yeah. If Chicken Little tells you that the sky is falling, even if it wasn't, would you still come crawling back again?

I bet you would, my friend Again and again and again and again There's something right with the world today And everybody knows it's wrong You can let it go You got to know that i'm gonna be hanging on go buy some meat living on the edge you can't help yourself from falling living on the edge you can't help yourself you can't help yourself

you can't help yourself you never never never gonna help yourself you can't help yourself from A bad version of Living on the Edge. Thank all two of you. You sound like a Hudson Brother audience. Two people clapping. And that was Mark Hudson. Yep. Thank you, Mark.

Peace and love. You're the best. If I don't see you again, so what?