Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Bernie Kopell Encore

Episode Date: September 22, 2025

September marks the 50th anniversary of the debut of Mel Brooks' short-lived Robin Hood spoof "When Things Were Rotten," starring beloved character actors Dick Gautier and Bernie Kopell. Back in 2016, Bernie joined Gilbert and Frank to talk about that series, as well as his six decades in show business, working with legends Steve Allen, Jack Benny and Phil Silvers and his signature roles on "Get Smart" and "The Love Boat." Also, Charles Boyer apologizes, Raymond Burr takes a seat, Sid Caesar surrounds himself with comedy geniuses and Bernie "gifts" Harvey Korman with a bidet. PLUS: Jose' Jimenez! The world’s slowest agent! Louis Armstrong hails a cab! Jonathan Winters lays down the law! In praise of Dick Van Dyke (and Mary Tyler Moore)! And a surprise guest calls in to the show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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hi this is hi this is gilbert godfrey's amazing colossal podcast I'm here with my co-hosts Frank Santo Padre, and we're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Ferd Rosa. Our guest this week is one of the most prolific and recognized character actors of the last six decades. You know him from dozens of TV appearances, including Bewitch. That girl, Alfred Hitchcock, presents, the Beverly Hillbillies, the Yod couple, the Mary Tyler Moore Show, the six million dollar man, the Bob Newhart.

Show, Saturday Night Live. My name is Earl, Arrested Development and Scrubs, to just name a few. In his 50-plus years in show business, he shared the stage and screen with Jack Benny, Bill Silvers, Lucille Ball, Danny Kay, Lee J. Cobb, Steve Allen, Lana Turner, Daris Day, Sid Cesar, Gene Kelly and Tunga the Chip. And let's see, did we leave anything out? Only his turn as Alan A. Dale in Melbrook's cult series when things were rotten. His unforgettable portrayal of the nefarious Sigfried on the iconic spy comedy Get Smart.

And his nine memorable seasons has the lady killing. Dr. Adam Bricker on the wildly popular series The Love Boat. Please welcome to the show of Fursonile actor who's played everything from a Puerto Rican dentist to a German submarine captain. One of our favorite performers, the pride of Erasmus High, Bernie Capel. Gilbert, could you save a little of that for my memorial?

I'd appreciate that. Welcome, Bernie. Holy moly. That was just, what a, that was, I'm awed. I'm awed. You left out some of the tennis things I've done. You want to tell us about it? Oh, yes.

Back in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, the beginning of the 90s, The big companies had some excess money that's dried up since then. And they sent people on television out all over the world for pro-celeb tennis tournaments. And it was just lovely. Well, back in 1991, my partner at Stanford University in Northern California was Billy Jean King. Wow. Now, there's a stadium named after her in New York for the U.S. Open. She surprised me.

Every time we want to point, and I was so intimidated, I said, my God, this is Billy Jean King. I better, I better do my best tennis. Every time we want a point, she came over to me and gave me a tremendous, delicious kiss on the lips. That was not amusing. That was just very sensual. And I enjoyed that. She's an iconic. woman. She's campaigned for years for

the same money for women. Oh, equal pay, yeah. And she got that stadium in New York. Yeah. And oddly enough, she keeps the same last name as the husband she divorced. Oh, that's interesting. You may find that, you may find that amusing. She gave you a kiss every time after a game. Every time we want a point. Every time we want to point. Now when I played with

some other people, Bruce Jenner, he never gave me a kiss. You're a pretty serious tennis player, Bernie. Yes, I am. Yes, I got into it kind of late and I thoroughly enjoyed it. And you mentioned James Francis a little bit earlier.

Yeah, we did before we turned the mics on. Yeah, he got me into celeb tennis. A wonderful man, a wonderful man. He had a great voice. He had talent. He had all the things that you would require as a leading man actor. Unfortunately, his wife left him, and it knocked him off his equilibrium.

And he went bye-bye. Too bad. Yeah, he had a short career, but he was terrific. He was wonderful. And a great athlete. as well, and a great friend. He was the best man at my first wedding. My second, I'm sorry, my second wedding.

And this was James Francis. James Francisco, yes. Yeah, I remember he used to be on TV a lot. No, yeah. Longstreet. Yeah, he was a blind cop. Yeah, blind detective. Oh, he's in a lot of great stuff. He was, he was in movies.

He did something opposite Paul Newman. It was a wonderful, wonderful actor. Oh, yeah, and he's in Planet of the Apes. Yes, yes, with Charlton Heston. Yes. And I wonder, was he also in the Lee-J-Cobb death of a salesman? No. No?

Bernie was in one version of that. You were? Yes, I was. You know, people think of me, if they think of me at all, as a comedic actor with all the things I've done. But this was a, this was the CBS special, 1966. with Lee Jacob Mildred Dunnick of the original cast and George Siegel and Jimmy Farentino as the boys. And I played the boss's son who realizes that Lee Jacob, Willie Lohman, is no longer competent to represent the company.

And I have to let him go. And so I let him go. But when he said, you can't fire me. He had such power as an actor. I felt that my body would be damaged just standing next to him. Wow. People have the same feeling about you, Kelly. They do.

When I was in Funky Monkey, they said that about me. I know. Funky. That was that scene, that famous scene where he goes, promises were made across this desk. Yes, yes. He was, at one point, of course, Mildred Donick and Lee J. Kamb were in the original cast back in the 40s. And they had a wonderful relationship, and he would like to do little digs. He said to her during rehearsal, we rehearsed it here in L.A.

She said to him, Mildred Donick said to Lee Kahn, Lee, why is it that whenever I rehearse and go through my, lines and I get to where I like it. Why is it that my acting comes out exactly the same? And when you approach your role, it's always full of nuance and differences. Why is that, Lee? And he said, because you're a lousy actress, Millie. No, they loved each other.

And he just had that. He even said to me one time, he said, You were acquainted with the sea? I said, why do you ask? He said, but I noticed you were fishing for your lines. Oh, I like that. Not hilarious, but, you know, passable. And so you say when you were working with Lee J. Cobb, you got chills.

I got chills. I got chills and spilkes. Working with Lee J. Com. He was such a powerful actor. And unfortunately, he didn't know, you know, like Mel Brooks would say. He didn't know from a checkbook. He bet too much. And when he was hospitalized at the end, Frank Sinatra, one of my great heroes, paid his hospital bills.

Oh, they were in that, oh, what was that movie they were in together? Come, go blow your horn? I think it may be. Yeah, Lee J. Cobb played Frank's father. Yes, yes. He was just a phenomenal, phenomenal actor. So Frank Sinatra paid Lee Jacobs Hospital bills. Yeah.

Frank Sinatra, I'm so pleased. When I worked with Frank Sinatra, I was so pleased and grateful that he liked me. And to quote Don Rickles, talking to Mr. Sinatra, the chairman of the board, he said, Frank, you're looking a little down. Hit somebody. You'll feel about it. When did you work with Frank? Well, back in 85, I fronted the Desert Princess, you know, having to do with Princess and the Love Boat, and I fronted this hotel, the Desert Princess, and Barbara Sinatra called me and she said, Bernie, we'd like to do a telethon benefiting the abused children of the Coachella Valley, and we'd like to use your hotel, like my hotel. It was not my hotel. and Frank will be there

and Sammy will be there and Bob Hope will be there and this was almost too much for me I said oh boy and she said will you co-mc it I said I would be delighted so just a week before that we were having one of these

pro-celeb events tennis events and we always had a gala on Saturday night so somebody said you know I think Sinatra's going to be there I think Sinatra's going to be there. I think he's going to come and check it out.

So I said, oh, my goodness, I hope I can say something that pleases him because you've got to please this guy. So I remembered something that a television commentator had said, why is Frank Sinatra always in the company of kings and princes and popes and heads of state? Because even those people need someone to look up to. Wow. Your laughs are fine, but they're a little delayed. That might be the connection, Bernie.

Now, I also want to ask you because just recently, well, obviously, you were on Get Smart and you played the evil chaos agent Ziegfried. And so just recently, Dick Gordier, who played Jaime the Robot, passed away. Why do you remember about Dick Gordier? Dick Gaultier, number one, was a very handsome guy. And he played Bertie on Broadway. Well, Conrad Bertie, yeah, he was the original. He was the original.

And I was under the impression that they passed him by in the film. That wasn't the case. Dick had this thing, God love him, of whatever they made him an offer. He said, they're insulting me. He could have done the movie. They came to him with some kind of an offer. I don't know what it was, but he said, they're insulting me.

And then when we did get smart again, they made him an offer, and he said, no, they're insulting me. I said, Dick, this is an opportunity to work. It's always fun to work. It's more fun to work than not to work. You know, you'll be with us. You'll be with me. We can have some laughs.

He said, no, I will not work for that money. so I finally persuaded him and afterwards he said you know I'm so glad I did that we had fun it was great he had some kind of a fixation where he should have been offered more money interesting where that came from what about when when did you guys first meet did you meet on get smart did you have history before that well yeah well he did uh yeah we met on get smart but he also did a number of love boats a very handsome guy oh yeah with he had something I resented also a full head of hair. It just annoyed me, no end.

And he was terrific at playing dead pan, like when he was Jaime the robot. You take one shot of Novakane in your cheek, and that does it. That's the secret. Yeah. You guys also did when things were rotten together. We had, I was telling you before we turned the mics on, we had Norman Steinberg here a couple of months ago.

We had, I mean, when things were rotten, I had assumed because Mel Brooks had said to me, after Get Smart, you made a lot of money for me, kid, talking to me. I said, gee, I made a lot of money for Mel Brooks, gee, that's so great. So I assumed, erroneously, when things were rotten came up, that he would just come to me for one of the roles, one of Robin Hood's men. Not, not. It did not happen. They cast Charlie Callis in the role of Alan Adale.

Then Charlie Callis found, Charlie Callis was doing Vegas for $16,000 a week. Big, big money, big fat money. And when he found out that he would be getting, I think, $2,225 for when things were rotten, he said unprintably, that. And so he fell out and Mel pulled me in. And that's how I got that. But it was great fun. And we had four standing sets at Paramount.

Four sets, we had the Bonanza set, an indoor stream, an indoor forest. And we had another set that was the interior of the palace. We had another set that was an exterior of the palace. We had four standing sets at Paramount. They said, so Dickie Van Patton, when we started out at number one, number one, and that was number two, and it kept getting lower and lower and so Dick Van Patten says to me, he says, Bernie, they can't take this off. This is Mel Brooks for free on television.

They can't take it off. We got four standing sets. It's great. This will go on for me. I said, well, the numbers are decreasing. It's not looking that good. He said, oh, come on. He said, I'll make you a bet.

Dick Van Patten bet on everything. I bet on nothing because I didn't start out in a very high way. I came out and I drove a taxi. I tried to sell Kirby vacuum cleaners. I was a blue chip stock boy. It was a while before I got going.

So Dick says, okay, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll tell you what I'll do. He was always very excited about betting. He said, if they take it off, I will give you $3,000, but if they keep it on, all you'll have to give me is $1,000. They took it off.

I could have been a rich man to. And now back to the show. Now, Bernie, we have a surprise. Back when you were the evil German officer Ziegfried, if you remember, there was a beautiful, sexy lady spy named Agent 99. I love your setup. And we have the still beautiful and still sexy Miss Barbara Felden on the phone. Barbara, can you hear me?

Hi, Barbara Felden is the most independent, intelligent, actress, human being I have ever met in my life. I adore her. I have adored her for 40. seven years now. I love you, Barbara. It is mutual, as you know, and as I've often said. You're having a good time, chatting about the old days? I'm having a wonderful time, and Gilbert is being very, I don't know how to put it, he sort of lays out the lines in a very, I wouldn't say a ponderous way,

but in a very definitive, definitive way, like you're not going to miss a syllable. Barbara had to be the nicest guest. Barbara, it's Frank. How are you? Hi, Frank. How are you doing? We're great. You were by far the nicest guest we've had out of 150.

Out question. Barbara invited us up to her house. She put up with us. And she made lemonade. She had like her sausage. Homemade cookies. Cookies, everything. I misunderstood.

I thought that Darry said that she brought lemonade and cookies to the studio, I guess not. In her house, she received us in her home. This is how brilliant and independent Barbara is. I call it. We talk all the time.

So I called her one day. She said, Bernie, I have to call you back. Why is that? Because I have a string quartet playing in my living room. How many people? How many people do that? Barbara Felden

does it? Now, I've talked to Barbara about you and you about Barbara, and I mean, the two of you seem to be in love with each other. I am in love. Well, Bernie, first of all, Bernie was, like, there are favorites that you have on a show, on any show, and Bernie, he was not only my favorite, but he was everybody's favorite. He and Buck Henry, I think, were the most, the most, the most. warmly adored people on the show. I mean, other people were very nice, but they were like very occupied, preoccupied.

But Bernie, I remember clearly standing on the set while we're waiting endlessly for the lighting to happen and him teaching me how to jump rope. There you go. Well, it was a beginning. Yeah, that was the beginning, jumping rope. Yes. Yes.

Why did I have to share that with Buck Henry? I thought I would be all by myself with all that praise. Well, yeah. Well, no, the Buck's, you've got to admit. Hugable, right? He was brilliant. Not everybody knows this. You know, people talk about, oh, Mel Brooks, Mel Brooks.

Mel Brooks was more interested in film at that time, a silent movie. So he was there just peripherally every once in a while. But Buck Henry really took over the head writing in the first two years, and he was absolutely brilliant. And then he sort of graduated with the graduate. Yeah. Yeah, he went on to really, well, you know, I was going to say he went on to bigger things. But I think that I spoke to him recently, and I said I had just been to an autograph show. and somebody had come up to me and had talked about what the show meant when they were going through this terrible crisis in their lives.

And I told Buck that he did things that were, like, more prestigious in terms of how they think of things in Hollywood, like movies as opposed to TV. And I said, but there is nothing you should be more proud of than the contribution that you know. made to people's lives of what it meant to them and how it helped them through crises and so forth. But, of course, when you're making something, you don't have any idea of that because the audience is, you know, out of sight and you don't know, you know, where they're watching you or who they are or anything. Sure.

It's just lovely, lovely to hear that. Well, obviously, that's why we do this podcast. We feel that way about both of you guys as well. Well, that's very kind of. I got to throw this in. Just about a month ago, I did Hawaii 5-0 in Hawaii. I played a concentration camp survivor, which is very unusual for me because people think of me as a comedic actor. Now, this was certainly not funny.

It was a very, very heavy emotional piece about my time in Auschwitz. with my brother and my sister. And one night, just to tell you what this was, the, the Onter Shah Fuhrer in charge of our barracks dragged us out of the barracks. He held a gun to my head, and he made me to choose which one of them, my brother or my sister, would live. If I didn't choose, all three of us would be shot. So I chose.

and the guy eventually escaped when the Russians came and he lived the rest of his life in Hawaii. And that set up the story. So anyway, Chai McBride, you know, he is black actor, brilliant, very, very big guy, marvelous, marvelous actor. My shooting was the first of the day. He didn't come in. He was not called in until much later in the day.

Anyway, when I came in at 7.15, he walked in. He said, Mr. Coppell, I have never done this before, but I'm doing it now. He said, my family and I couldn't wait until you played Siegfried on Get Smart. We sat around the TV and laughed our faces off, and he gave me a big hug. And that kind of thing makes you feel so good, the respect of a contemporary, well, not quite, he's much younger than I am. Then again, so is Methuselah. But that's okay.

It was so sweet. When Bernie would do SIGFRIETs, it would just, everybody would just stop what they were doing to watch because it was such a transformation. He was, the energy was so brilliant, the concept of it, the slyness of it, the twinkle in Siegfried's eye. It was just a marvelous character. And I think that, I mean, of all characters on Getsmart aside from the three principles, Siegfried is the most beloved and the most remembered. And Leonard Stern, Bernie, just saw you in something and just out of the blue offered you the part.

Ask you if you can do a German accent? I was doing a play in a little teeny theater, 158 seat theater, a theater in the round, playing a Russian immigrant selling a fruit fluter, a misnamed kitchen utensil, door to door in the freezing buffalo winters. and it just clicked with people. So many people who came to see it were sons or daughters of immigrants and they came back again and again and again because I guess I had a resonance with immigrants. And Leonard Stern came to see it. He was certainly overdressed for the occasion.

It was like a little dumpy theater. And he came backstage, very tall man. and his head was almost scraping the ceiling. And he said, Bernie Coppell, we're going to work together. And within three years, he created the Siegfried character for me. And we were great, great friends. He was my mentor, my dear friend, for 47 years.

So that began the whole thing. Can we hear some of Ziegfried? Don't be ridiculous. Why would I do such a thing? What is with you? Oof. Do you? Okay, I'll do it.

Go ahead. I did it. Oh, you did it already. I thought you were going to do the submarine scene. Oh, the submarine scene. Oh, golly. We were chasing the six fleets, and we were trying to get them in range to shoot a torpedo at them.

and they were dropping depth bombs very close to us. And they dropped one that is very, very close. Boom, boom. And the guys begin to panic, and I say to them, You will not panic until I give to order to panic. And then another huge depth bomb came. And I said, prepare to panic. Barbara, we know you got to run and you're on a tight schedule.

You leave us. Did you, do you have a memory, a specific memory of working with Bernie? One moment? I know it's tough and it's a long time ago. Aside, you mean actually in the script, 99? Yeah. Anything come to mind or off camera? Well, just that it was so hard for us to keep a straight face when we were doing scenes with him.

Because it was like some act of nature that was happening in front of us in terms of acting. And the thing, the only regret I have about Bernie's career is that he didn't get, that was a chance to show the extraordinary imagination he could bring to a character and, or maybe I've just missed those performances, but I mean, he's a marvelous actor and in everything he's done. but the audacity, his capacity for that audacity, was just dazzling, and he's brilliant. I mean, he's just an absolutely brilliant actor. And, you know, you touched Bernie here because while you were talking, he was mouthing the word, wow. He was quelling, I believe, was the word.

Yeah, yes. I don't quell that often, but Barbara just makes me quell. And even though, even though sometimes I get spilkas, she makes me, she makes me, well, just the, just the, the everything about Barbara, her independence, her huge intelligence, and she wrote a book, she is so different from most actresses. And I've asked her, I said, Barbara, would you like to have another series? She said, no, no. I said, they pay, she says, yeah, you sit around so long. I said, they're paying you while you're sitting around. I said, no, I love it here in New York.

I read my poetry at the Y. And I live the life that I love. And she wrote a book, Living Alone and Loving It. So that is just, actresses I know would kill for another series, even for a guest shot on a series, even to pass by a studio. Yeah, I heard with Barbara, they all. offered her like a small scene in the current like get smart movie that came out. Oh, the Karel.

Yes. And they said, you know, pay you this much money. You know, you're there for like an hour or so. She didn't want to do it. And then they called her back and said, look, you don't even have to act. Come by, say hello to the cash. And she still didn't want to do it. I asked Barbara about that.

I said, wouldn't, wouldn't that be fun for you? She said, why would I do that? And that stopped me cold. And I said, I knew why I did it because with my background, with it cab driving and all of that stuff, I could use the, they paid me very nicely. And it was fun to meet the director, Pete Siegel, and to spend some time with Steve. Karell, and it got my insurance going for another year. So I like that. I have two little kids to send through school.

But Barbara's just so amazingly independent. She knows what pleases her. And I would say a lot of human beings don't know what pleases them, what makes them happy, what they love to do, what they love not to do. This is one of the reasons I adore this brilliant. Brilliant woman. Bernie, this is your interview. This is supposed to be focused on you.

It was till you got on. Barbara, this is a thrill for Gilbert and me. We're sitting here talking to Agent 99 and Sigfried, and we're pinching ourselves. And also, I like, to hear the two of you talk, like the two of us can just go home and let you do the rest of the show. That's it. Barbara's got to go, but Barbara, before you do,

Dude, you have to wish Gilbert a happy birthday. Oh, my gosh, it's your birthday. Yes. Happy birthday to you. Do you want me to go on? Oh, yes. I thought he'd like that. Happy birthday, dear Gilbert.

Happy birthday to you. And many more. Oh, yes. Siegfried and Agent 99, singing me happy birthday. Now, Barbara, before I let you go, you have to say one thing to me as my gift. Just give me an OMAX. Oh, Max. Barbara, you're the greatest.

Thanks for taking the time for this. She turned me on when I was a little kid and she turns me on to this day with. You too? Big hugs to all of you. and happy birthday to you, Gilly. That's so sweet. This is your birthday. What a present.

Yeah. Oh, well, you mean me? The whole experience. Barbara, thanks for chiming in. Oh, thank you so much, Barbara. Thank you so much for being a part of this. I truly, truly appreciate it, Barbara. We all love you here.

And me, you, all of you. Okay. Yeah, but me more than anybody else here. Don't listen to those schmendricks. How about that? Bye-bye, Barbara. Okay, bye. We love you.

Bye, Barbara. Thank you. What a kick, huh? Oh, that was lovely. Just lovely. To just have a little get-together like that from Get Smart is just wonderful. Truly, truly. I'm a little bit sad

or very sad that Don Adams is not alive anymore You know he was a Marine Yeah sure Don Adams was a Marine And the bullets didn't kill him But the fa cacta cigarettes did

Wow He smoked Yeah Because everybody smoked in those days Yeah In some of the beginning segments He's smoking a cigarette And that's a diabolical thing

thing it kills people so many people of that era were dying of cancer and it was like especially show business everybody smoked remember arthur godfrey sure we talk about him a lot on this show arthur godfrey was busy with lipton tea and chesterfield cigarettes chesterfield cigarettes and he pushed him by him by the carton buy him by the carton and he probably caused more people to have health issues than anybody else in the world. Okay, so coming to Love Boat, Arthur Godfrey, with one lung remaining, played a part on Love Boat. And there was some kind of a mix-up.

He had to walk up the stairs and walk down the stairs. Now, that's very difficult to do when you only have one functioning lung. And I thought, well, I guess he's being paid back paid back for persuading people to smoke cigarettes. Oh, he's an anti-Semite anyway. Yeah. Yeah, he hated the Jews of the Godfrey.

I loved Jews so much, I had them for parents. Bernie, since you bring up Don Adams, let's talk a little bit about him. And you said he was very welcoming to you. Yes. Not all stars of comedy shows were welcoming. I don't want to mention any names, Danny Kay. But I got a big laugh. Because my first five years was nothing but a Latino.

So I was playing a Latino. And I got a big laugh. And, you know, some, I don't want to upset your listeners. But instead of appreciating the fact, like Jack Benny, Jack Benny played the straight man to everybody else. Dennis Day, Rochester, or Don Blank. Don Wilson. Mel Blanks.

And Jack Benny was such a prince of a man. And he understood that whoever gets the laugh on the Jack Benny show makes the Jack Benny show better. He understood that. it was not the same way with a certain aforementioned young man. So eventually, I think he didn't like me getting laughs and eventually I was dumped. Danny Kay, you mean? Danny, yeah, Danny Kay.

Conversely, Steve Allen, you know, I did 30 shows with Steve back in 64. Steve would laugh in the middle of one of his own sketches. So at one point, I said, Steve, after it was over, I said, Steve, that was not that particularly funny. What were you laughing about? He said, you should hear the show going on in my head. Wow. And he was a delicious human being.

And so when I got to Don, I said, oh, boy, you know, if God is good, I'll be welcomed here because it was not always the case. he welcomed me he was responsive to my to my work and I was so grateful that the guy when you're the head of a show you are concerned with

will they watch the show well how are my numbers be will I be picked up for next year how are the ratings how are the ratings do they like me and all of these issues I remember working with with Tally Savalas who turned out of

Telly Savalas did a loveboat later on. But when I did his show, Cojack, I said, okay, we have this scene sitting at a table. He's talking to me. I'm talking to him. I said, the guy never, he never looked at me. I said, what the heck? This is not very gracious.

I looked behind me, and there were two guys with cue cards. Oh. You know, is it acting or is it getting into the can? And the similar thing happened with Raymond Burr. I did his show. And I said, he's in a wheelchair, Ironside. He's in a wheelchair. What is that?

So he was sort of very casual while they're setting up. And he said, I told the network. I said, I'll do it. But I will not stand up and walk around anymore because I don't want to. It just bothers my back. And I like to sit. So they said, they didn't know what to do. They said, okay, we'll have it in the script that you were shot in the back

and you're semi-paralyzed and you have to be in the wheel. She said, that's great. That is great. You're kidding. That's where Ironside came from. Why would I kid you after all we meant to exactly? Come on. He just didn't want to walk around.

He wanted to sit. He wanted to sit. He sat in the wheelchair. Not only that, but I was saying to myself, he should be sort of going over the scene while I had this scene so I'm hearing they wheel in a teleprompter

so for the whole scene he's sitting in the wheelchair and he's reading his parts I said and then afterwards he said you know I sort of I really stuck my foot in it I said well why is that how did you

stick your foot into it. He says, well, I demanded to be seated and not having to learn the lines, but I have to look up whenever I talk to an actor or an actress and it's damaging my eyes. I said, I'm so sorry that you have this problem, that you cause yourself. But later on, when he did a love boat, he was giddy, he was fun. Oh, I remember that episode. Because he didn't have the issue of the pressure of all the stuff that when you're when you lead in a show he didn't have the pressure. I remember when Raymond Burr popped up on a Jack Benny show as Perry Mason and he was hysterical on that. Oh, he had a great sense of humor. Once he didn't have to worry about all these things that I previously mentioned. No, he was a delightful guy. And he had, I just can't

get over it. He was ready to do the show, but he didn't want to walk or move around or learn his lines. I always said to him, some acting, wow, this is really something. Well, he did a lot of standing on Perry

Mason. Yes. You got to stand at them. So, Bernie, I guess the point you're making about Don is that it was his show and he didn't have to be so accommodating to you and so generous to you, but he was. He was loving.

Don Adams was loving and sweet. And I even said to him one time, I said, is this anything I'm doing bothering you? He said, no, you set me up. He said you set me up. And I came in one day without the makeup just to see what was happening. And he looked at me, gave me a very odd look. And he said, a nice Jewish boy. Is this on?

Very funny, man. He said, yeah, that's what he said. It's like a lot of stars. Yes. A lot of stars are very insecure. So if they hear someone else get a laugh or they feel like someone's look or it's better looking, they start to panic. I never had that problem killing. I was never better looking than anybody.

Matter of fact, Jim Drury, the guy who played the Virginian. Oh, yeah, your old friend. Okay. We were all friends. We were classmates at NYU. Going to be great to Shakespearean actors. As soon as he went to Hollywood, of course, all the girls at NYU said, Hollywood, because they looked at a perfect profile, a nice, deep, bass baritone voice. He went to Hollywood and zap, as soon as he went out there, he started working with Elvis Presley, ride the high country with Marriott Hartley.

so Jim is now I just get out of the Navy and I talk to Jim all the time he talked to me one day he said he said Bernie I got an agent for you and I said this was magic words magic words got an agent for you someone who's going to push for me I go out there go out to Hollywood and I'm very nervous and I have my 8 by 10 and my little very skimpy resume and I show it to his agent, and the agent looks at it in a very judgmental way, looks at my picture, looks at me, and he said, did Jim tell you I'd be your agent?

How can I be your agent? He said, you're not handsome enough to be a leading man. You're not ugly enough to be a heavy. What can I do with her? He said, sorry, and I was dismissed. But one day, I was at the rain check. The rain check was an actor's hangout. And Bobby Morris, who was a commercial casting director,

she comes to me and she said, Bernie, have you ever thought about doing commercials? I said, no, Bobby. I never have. She said, well, you look like anybody. And right away, this opened up a whole new world for me, because looking like anybody gives you more opportunities. Interesting. looked like a leading man or a heavy.

This is how moronically I thought in those days. So I started doing commercials going out to get commercials. And right away, I started clicking. My first one was a Ford commercial. And then I did it for all the beers, all the, even cigarettes. I'm so sorry and God forgive me for doing cigarettes. but I made up for the cigarette thing because in the 80s

I had a campaign on television for a product called Sig Arrest which was an anti-smoking thing so maybe I persuaded some people not to smoke with cigarette Let's hope so. Your early career is particularly interesting Bernie you're a Jewish kid from Ocean Parkway

here in Brooklyn and you went and you went up getting cast as Latinos How did that happen? Almost exclusively. How would that happen? I'll tell you how it happened. It was a very peculiar situation. Okay, so I had this agent.

I had this agent who was very slow. He was so slow. He would send me up for parts that had already been cast. That's how slow this guy was. So one day, and I parked my taxi in the parking lot of CBS Television City on Fairfax. And I go in to see Marilyn Budge. And this was a career-changing thing for me.

And I come there and she looks at me and she makes a sad face and she said, I'm so sorry, Mr. Coppell. But the part that you're up for has already been cast. And I said, okay, that's fine. And I'm about to leave. For some reason, I have no idea why she said this.

There were five guys coming in who could have been Juan or Jesus. or Chico or Pablo. She said, while you're here, would you like to read for Pablo? And I got so pissed. I just was beside myself with frustration and anger. And I said, okay, okay, I will read for Pablo. I had no idea how to do it.

I said, okay, Jack Parr has this piano player called Jose Melis. And Bill Dana has this character called Oh, Jimenez. Jose Jimenez. Jose. You say Jimenez. Jimenez. Yeah, my name, Jose Jimenez.

Very good. Very nasal, but very nice. It was very good. So I am saying, how do I do it? How do I do it? And I'm trying to remember these guys. How do they do that? I walk in, I will take up the precious time of this producer, Buzz Blair.

I'll never forget his name. And I nail it. I got the part. So for three months of my life, I'm playing Pablo threatening blind ladies and being mean. And so the director, Herb Kenweth, very flamboyant guy. And I put, in the middle of the night, I put together this little routine. I said, okay, I will have the personality, a combined personality of Pablo and Herb Kenweth. and I made up this little routine

and that got me going that just got me going as someone who did a Latino accent clearly because they pay writers a lot of money I did it clearly understandably and I got to laugh

on all these shows favorite Martian flying none oh yeah yeah you were the Puerto Rican dentist that's right a Puerto Rican dentist and I was opposite alexandro Ray that's right my mother

My Brooklyn mother said, Bernard, it's nice that you've got a job, but you're talking funny. Why are you? I said, Mom, let me put it this way. They're sending me checks, and the checks are clearing. She said, oh, this is great. Can you do one of those Latino characters for us, Bernie? What I did under Jack Benny's, I'll just give you a piece of this. Oh, I remember the Benny bit. I'm the least important part of this act.

My brother is the fastest human being in the world. I'm going to a shoot at him. And he with his amazing agility and grace will dodge the bullet. Of course. And then my brother comes out and he has a ballet costume with a cape and he's standing in front of a cutout of a human form. And I say, May I have a drum roll, please?

And I shoot at him and he goes through this amazing jerky movement and he dodges the bullet. And Jack sticks his finger in the hole that the bullet made, that, you know, was made by a prop man. He's pulling a little thing out. And Jack says, into the camera, amazing. And I say, okay, now I'm going to shoot. two bullets into my brother

and he will again, dodge all of the bullets. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. That was only two. Remember? I'm sorry, that was too many. So he gets out of the way again and Jack puts his finger into the two holes and he said, incredible.

And I said, and now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to empty my six cons in the direction of my brother and he will again dodge all of the bullets. And they're bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. He does this insane movements. And he stands there at attention for a moment and then he falls down dead. And Jack walks up to the body, supposedly.

And he had this sense of timing like nobody in the world had, looks over the body, and then he looks into the camera. And he says, well, I guess they just weren't. ready for the big time. And he was such a prince. He was such a prince. He said, when we were rehearsing, he said,

how come you know your lines so well, you son of a bitch? I said, because, Mr. Benny, I just, I couldn't dream of messing up working with you. And he did adjust you like this. He said, oh, come, come on. Like, please. know, I don't deserve that kind of praise.

I have not heard one bad thing about Jack Benny. No. And you never will. You never will, Gilly, because he was just that confident in his ability. He surrounded himself with funny people and funny, hilarious writers. And he was, he carried it off like to the manor born. And his name was actually Benny Kubelski from Waukegan, Illinois. Oh, sure.

His parents brought him up to be a concert violinist. He was not that good, but he used the violin comedically. I think we've interviewed close to 25 or 30 people on this show who've worked with Benny and nothing but praise. Well, he deserved that and more. He deserved it more. Also, getting back to Don Adams for a second, from what I heard, it looked like Don Adams, like Midlife Crisis hit him really bad. I started having a fair and all that stuff.

Well, let me put it this way. Don had a very short attention span with wives. He sort of bounced around with the ladies. And Dorothy, one of my favorite of his wives, stuck by him as he was sort of sniffing around, as a bee would sniff around the ladies. I don't know if I put that. in a nice way.

But he was, he married a number of times and he had a number of kids. But he said to me when I had my first kid, my little Adam, I brought him on the, we were doing a commercial for an insurance company or something.

I brought, I brought my little, he was about 18 months old now, he's six foot two and he's going to UC Santa Barbara. And Don said, looking at the baby, he said, enjoy him now because when he gets to be a teenager, he'll turn on you. And Adam never turned on him.

I got another one and another 14-year-old, and he's insane about baseball. He's a very good little jock, little Joshua. I just said one last question about your skill at playing Latinos. Do I have this right, that Harvey Corman, you were. so good at it that Harvey Corman thought you were Mexican? Harvey Corman played a detective on the brighter day, which was the soap.

Right. Where you were Pablo. Where I was Pablo. By the way, you're not allowed to do that anymore unless you are actual Mexican or Puerto Rican or Cuban. And I salute that. I applauded that people took a very firm stand about that. Harvey Corman, this is before

the marvelous thing happened to Harvey. Everything was caca with him. He was trying to sell, he was trying to sell inside an encyclopedia Britannicas out of his trunk. He had this beat-up old Chevy. No. So when he comes on the show, he's an ill-fitting hat. He had the frayed collar. And I felt bad for the guy. Not only that, but he has this, he has this part. He's, he's a detective. And he has to, he has to ask everybody all these questions. So we do the first one. We do the first 15-minute segment.

And then Herb Kenwood said, okay, let's do the second one. Harvey Carver said, second? What second? He only thought there was one. Everything was stopped. And Corman was feeling, you know, he had that cotton mouse thing.

He felt so bad. He had to learn the lines quickly. I felt bad. for the guy. So I took him across the street after it was over, and he told me this sad story. He said, I was cast in Manasha Skulnick's play. Manasha Skulnick was one of the comedians in the Yiddish Art Theater. And after the first rehearsal, I was fired. I said, why were you fired? You seem like a competent actor. He said, Manasha Skulnick's... guard dog wife was watching the rehearsal.

And she said, after the first rehearsal, she said, Banasha, if this common stays in the play, nobody's going to see your face. They said, why is that? Because you're very short and he's very tall and you've been looking up the whole time. They'll see maybe a piece of your chin and maybe your neck.

They wouldn't see your face. Harvey was let go and they brought in Norman Fell who was shorter than Harvey and that's what happened so Carmen was great we would spend so much time

together at his place playing ferocious ping pong drinking vodka and listening to Mel Brooks and and Carl Reiner and Carl Reiner's 2000-year man, which today, this is, you know, 60 years later, and I'm still laughing.

We just had Carl on the show. Oh, he's amazing. The gym. So Harvey, was he a happy guy off camera? I hear mixed things. I spoke at Harvey's Memorial. He was a very conflicted man because we have this very strange something in the, in our tribe. and that is if something good happens,

and I think this happened in the Staitles, in the little Jewish communities, if something good happens, you mustn't accentuated, you mustn't verbalize it because if you do, God will get upset and come and hurt you. This is a very insane concept.

So Harvey was conflicted. that way, because he got the Danny Kaye show, he got the Burnett show, and he fought it. He fought that success. So I think eventually, hopefully he straightened it all out, but this is something that that stays with some people, and they just can't, they can't get over it. Because I remember Dick Van Dyke in an interview said he had to, oh, he was hired by the Carabinet show, Dick Van Dyke, but he said, but then I had to follow Harvey Corman, who was the greatest second banana in the world. Yes, Harvey was brilliant. At Harvey's

memorial, I said, at the end of my little talk, I said, you know, this conversation rages on and on. Who is the best second banana in the world? Is it Carl or is it, or is it Harvey? And then I said, we'll never get a straight answer out of this, but Harvey had better legs. You want to see a great comic performance. I mean, his performance in Blazing Saddles, as good as everybody else in that movie is, he's second to no one.

Yeah, well, Mel said, Mel said it was hard to keep a straight face with Harvey. Okay, so I've got to tell you one more thing about Harvey. year after year I would send Harvey or send Harvey a case of vodka because as I said we played ping pong we listened to 2,000 year old man and we drank vodka so at one point Harvey said he said Bernie he said I really appreciate the the case of vodka that's very nice but how about something warm and personal I really would prefer something something like that so I thought and I thought and I see something in the paper American being day, I said, hmm, that seems to be warm and personal, so I'll send him, I'll send him one

of that, you know, squirting into your place. So I bought one and I sent it to his home and I was expecting a huge laugh and, oh, thank you, that's marvelous. Nothing. Nothing happened. So I called the company. I said, hello, American B-Day. I sent Harvey Corman.

He said, oh, yeah, and I was very upsetting. Our man delivered it, and Harvey asked him, what is this about, this big package? And he told Harvey what it was about, and Harvey threw him out because he was very attached to his rituals. His toy toy, toy rituals. So we went back to the vodka, okay? So he had a certain way to have his bowel movements and he wouldn't change him. Yes. This is sort of an after movement.

I remember Bill Maher was talking. This was a couple of weeks ago. Bill Maher says, why do they emboss toilet paper? I mean, after all, look what you do with it. Exactly. What's the difference if it's embossed or not? Let's ask you about another funny person, Dick Sean. Dick Sean.

Okay, Dick Sean does a love boat, and he's hanging out behind the camera, and he's watching me, and I'm doing this kissing scene with this lovely, beautiful lady, Rebecca Holden. It's kissing, more kissing, more kissing, a talking, a little bit of talking, more kissing, more kissing, a little less talking, more kissing. And so I come off and Dick Sean says, Now I know what Love Boat is.

I said, what is that? It's a porno flick done by Disney. That is perfect. It only went so far, okay? What was he like? Dick Sean. If you've seen the second greatest entertainer in the whole wide world, he moved in a balletic way, but in a masculine, balletic way,

and he had a delivery that was so unique. And he did this thing with a banana, but you know how he died? He died after Act 1. He lied down, surrounded by a whole bunch of newspapers because it has something to do with newspapers. And he didn't go away for the intermission. He stayed there, and so you expected him to get up.

He did this performance near San Diego. He didn't get up. He died on stage. And some people would think that it would be a wonderful thing. Not me. I don't want to die on stage. I don't want to die anyplace. I hope I'm not dying right now.

Every once in a while, you schmendricks are laughing. And now you also work with Sid Caesar. Yeah, yes. Sid was brilliant, but I remember Larry Gelmart said he can't add lib, hello. He could do anything with any accent with a French, Italian, Japanese, this and that. But when it came to Sid doing something as himself, he apparently was incapable of doing that. And that's how he was. but he was a genius given a character with an accent. Yeah, I heard from a few people, they said he didn't exist in real life if he wasn't a character.

It's true. That's true. It's very, very peculiar. But he was surrounded by the most incredibly incredible geniuses in our business, Neil Simon, Danny Simon. Well, Gelbart himself. Gelbart. Yeah, Mel Tolkien.

Gelbard, Mel Tolkien. Larry Gelbart's father was a barber. Sure. And he's a barber. And Larry said about his home, he said this was a literature-free home we lived in. There were no books. his father just thought

he you know his father was a guy who did haircuts for Kirk Douglas for Bert Lancaster and he would let you you'd come into the barbershop and you sit there and he said

let me tell you the latest joke I heard and he would tell you a joke but there were no books in the house and how did Larry become such a literate ingenious man to write all these brilliant plays and and to

to have created mesh. It just came to him. He said, I think I'd like to read some books. Oh, he was selling jokes as a 15-year-old. That's right. Yeah. He and Woody Allen. Yeah.

But, you know, you never know where people are going to end up. And you worked with Phil Silvers. I worked with Phil Silvers. And I guess at one point I wasn't talking loud enough or fast enough. And he said, don't, he said, don't give me any of the Secret Service acting. I said, okay, I'll talk louder and I'll talk faster.

But he was a brilliant man. And he did the show that finally got Love Boat on. He played an old guy, and he had recently had a minor stroke. And I thought this, why are they doing a story like this? he had a love affair with Audra Lindley. And she would have liked some kind of a commitment from him. And he wouldn't give her one because he felt it would be unfair

because he knew he was dying to get a commitment, to give a commitment, to get a commitment. So one of the actresses, Pat Harrington was a little upset because his wife was spending a lot of time with me and it turned out that I found out that she was pregnant. They'd been looking to be pregnant for a long time.

And at the same time, I came on and I said that the Phil Silver's character had passed away. Now, I wondered, why did they do this in a show that's supposed to be light and comedic? It worked perfectly because you had a connection with this very sweet older man who dies, and at the same time he dies, the lady gets pregnant, and it's sort of a spiritual thing, if I can be serious for a minute. And some people say, oh, yeah, well, he died, and his soul went into the baby.

If you laughed at that, I will smack the hell out of both of you. That, I'm going to look that one up. I don't remember that episode. That sounds great. That was a third pilot that got us on the air because we did the first pilot. And we always, there was always a problem with not having, the proper lady cruise director and the lady captain. The first cruise director, her main claim to fame,

was she could do bird calls. So she would greet people, say, hello, welcome aboard. Okay, that's not so funny. Maybe the next thing that comes out of me will be. So we had the next one in the, in the second pilot, we had this very lovely girl

who had beautiful extremities and she did foot inserts and she did hand inserts in commercials. And she was really not interested in being Julie McCoy. So it was a great thing in the third pilot.

How many pilots do you think people are allowed to do? But because of Aaron Spelling's juice, they allowed them to two, three pilots and we finally got Lauren Tweez, who was a perfect cruise director. I would ask you who your favorite all-time loveboat guest star was, but I think I know.

I think it was Juliet Proust. Oh, my God, Juliet Proust. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I did a little homework, Bernie. Yes, well, congratulations. It's about time. He listens to the show. So anyway, anyway, okay,

Juliet Prouds, I get this great script. The script is, okay, so this wife of mine, I also had a very short attention span with wives. We were divorced because we were very hot together, but we had annoying habits that prevented us from being really, really comfortable. Anyway, Juliet Proust. So I gave her 500 bucks. I said, yeah, you take care of. She gave it to a butcher's cousin, and he went away with the money, and we were still married. I said, oh, come on.

So she comes on a brilliant, brilliant segment. Julianne Prowse, I'd had a crush on her forever. You know, she'd gone with Sinatra, my great hero, Sinatra. And we had scenes in bed. And just before the, just before the, we did this. scene. We had a scene in bed with Juliette Proust, I was so intimidated and at the same time turned on, but intimidated. And I said, oh, my God, I hope my hairpiece doesn't fall off for this. And I hope I'm okay. I'll remember what I'm supposed to say. She starts telling me

an anecdote about Charles Boyer. I said, why is she telling me a story now? I'm trying to remember what I'm supposed to be doing. She said, you know, Charles Boyer had a scene with very beautiful lady, and they said to a, you know, sweetheart, now there's 50 people around the sound department, the camera department. He said, we have a very beautiful love scene together, and possibly if perchance I get during this scene aroused, forgive me, please. If, on the other hand, I don't get aroused, forgive me, please. But she had, I mean, oh, Jesus, she was so beautiful.

My favorite thing about Juliette Prowse is she could honestly introduce herself as an African-American. Oh, she grew up in South Africa. I think she was born in India. Oh, yeah? Yeah, but I think she was raised in South Africa. I'll double check. Oh, and there's someone else on the love boat who I'm sharing a birthday with today. Gavin McLeod. Happy birthday, Gavin McLeod.

No kidding. I love that. Gavin, Gavin, we were the old, the old, I can't say it on this, but they had the young and the old, I met Gavin on McCall's Navy. I was playing a major who was a very, very by the numbers kind of a guy. And Gavin had just done this film with Carrie Grant. I can't think of the name of it right now. So getting on McHale's Navy, he thought this would be a great opportunity. It wasn't. And he was very upset.

Gavin had this weight problem. He gained and lost the same 50 pounds again and again and again. He said, you know what they do to me, Bernie? He said, we connected on McCail's Navy. He said, you know what they're doing to me. It's so humiliating. they put me in a place on the universal back lot to block the black tower

because of my girths and I didn't give me anything to say and they just placed them there so people wouldn't see the black tower he was so depressed I felt so bad for him and then he got to marry Tyler Moore show and then in the third pilot he got to be Captain Stubing

so the both of us who are I mean, just veteran, veteran actors. So we get into makeup at 7.15 in the morning, having a free cup of coffee. And Gavin would look at me, I'd look at him, and I'd say, we got a job. We got a job. And we were so thrilled with that.

And it stayed that way. My attitude is gratitude. I always felt that way, even getting my first check in the biz because going through the taxi driving and the Kirby vacuum cleaner stuff and the blue chip stamp stuff. Yeah, people don't know this about you, that you drove a cab, that Satchmo was one of your passengers.

I never knew where I was. I never knew where I was. I had this trick. I'd say, excuse me, what's your favorite, route to get to the destination. And invariably, people would say, oh, yeah, you go this and you go that and you go there. So anyway, I picked up Satchmo, Louis Armstrong at the Nicarbocker Hotel. And he's sitting in the back with his manager, and I heard the word malice.

He had just done a tour of the South, and he was so negatively impressed with all the malice against black people that was going on there. And when he got to his destination, I said, what a privilege and a delight to have you in my taxi. And he gave me a 15-cent tip. Now, that may seem odd to you, but the older that people were, the worst tippers they were.

Because money was worth more in those days. Interesting. Well, he's probably fascinating. from your reaction. I just want to get back to the love boat for a second. Did you get a lot of love letters from women and, if I may say, also naughty photos sometimes? Is that true?

I look, Frank, I cannot discuss this in a public forum. I see. I'm happily married now. and my wife is very strong and I value my life and pretty soon I'll be allowed to get off the couch so I don't want to mess that up I don't know

Bernie you've done so much stuff and I've got almost 20 cards here and we could keep going but tell us what you remember about making the loved one the loved one with an all-star cast Jonathan Winters and Rod Steiger and...

Jonathan Witters played two parts in that, and he was using a lot of energy. Oh, yes. So we had a girl by the name of Angenet Comer, who was on the show. She was a little too self-assertive to please everybody, so, you know, you always have your own chair with your name on it,

and she had her own chair, and she had her feet up on Jonathan Witter's chair. And he came by, he's just done an exhausting scene, and he said, Angenet, please get your feet off of my chair. And she didn't move. I said, Angenet, please get your feet off my chair. And again, she didn't get her feet off the chair. And he said, I cannot say the dirty word here.

He said, you see these hands, they're very small, but they're very strong. You get your feet off that chair, or I will rip your... and she finally got her feet off the chair. Can I say what she said? Go ahead. Did he say, I'm going to rip your tits off? Precisely. Yeah, listen, Frank, I was not annoyed that you got a bigger laugh than me with that.

I just want to tell you. your laugh. And I remember, I just have to say, and I noticed this, you popped up in the sweet life of Zach and Cody. That was like a Disney kids film. Yes. That was the only time my kids said, Daddy's on television. But what struck me about it was you were playing an old man in a home and you had to put on a character as an old man. You had to do an old man voice because you don't come across as old. That really impressed me. I'm so pleased that that impressed you, you know, it's not easy to impress you.

But maybe I overdid the old man thing too much, but I enjoyed it. I enjoy, I, you know, like I say, my attitude. is gratitude. One of the things that impressed me gigantically was my father was not easy with me. I say this very diplomatically. He was very, very rough. And he through his actions and his words, he gave me the impression that I could never make a living. Except if maybe somebody, he could bribe somebody and make them pretend that they gave me some

money just by way of a bribe. So when I got this part of the 49th cousin at the Players Ring Theater, very tiny, tiny theater, I would get these checks. The first time I made any kind of money because I had just joined equity, I would get these checks. I cleared $33.35 a week. And this to me was so heavenly because it went against this impression that I had from my father

that I could never make a living. And the 33 was, this is perforated, and I could feel the made little bumps on the checks. And I said, oh, boy, I'm making a living. I'm making a living. So much of my money went to pay for tickets for casting people for, for producers, for directors. And I hadn't, I had hardly anything left. So I had these very, very scary conversations with my friends.

I said, I think I got to ask for a raise. I got to ask for something more. So I said, will they fire me? I don't know what, I said. I finally got up enough courage to do it. I said, can I suppose I could get a $10 raise? And I got it. I could have asked for more, but I got that $10 raise.

But it was so, it meant so much to me going against my father's concepts of, of me being of no value. So I discovered I was worthy. And that, that was a very great ego, ego building thing in my, in my young life being in my mid-20s. Did he, did he get to, may I ask? your dad get to stick around to see any of your success? Only with the Jack Benny show when my father had a brain tumor who had eventually killed him. And he was just so against me having a career because he was determined that I could never make a living in anything but the jewelry business that I detested because it was it was predicated on deceit, deceit in every possible way. So, but when I did the Jack Benny show in 72, I had an 8 by 10 picture of Jack Benny and myself.

And Jack was looking at me and I was being very self-assertive. And so at this part of his life, he'd already had one brain operation. And he held up the picture of Jack Benny and myself. And he couldn't speak clearly at the time. and he said, my son, my son. So he saw just that little piece of success, but he never lived to see my larger success, and he never saw, he had something,

sometimes he was just in wonder of a tomato. He opened up a tomato and there were the seeds. He says, isn't that amazing? Look, seeds that planted in the ground will make new tomatoes and new seeds. It's a lingering sadness that my father never got to see the seed of his seed, my sons. Well, you accomplished a lot. It's a great body of work, Bernie, and a lot to be proud of. Well, I'm glad I got a chance to express some of this, and you guys were very good at

pulling it out of me, even you, Gilly. We barely scratched the service. If I can get back to what I was saying before. Yeah. And it was the Zach and Cody episode. And what impressed me so much was the fact that you had to pretend you are an old man. because you don't come across. He's very energetic.

Yeah, you have loads of energy and you look young. And the idea that you had to put on a performance to be an older guy. That's acting, kid. Yeah. That's acting. No, I'm just so thrilled with how my life has worked out and continues to be working out. I have a beautiful wife, very powerful. very strong

other one across and two amazing kids how old are your kids now Adam is 19 he's at UC Santa Barbara and Joshi is 14 just a heck of a baseball player

that's great and I was 64 when I had my first kid of course Katrina may have had something to do with that but I'm just lucky and my attitude is gratitude I never stopped thinking that way. Do you think back when you think, oh, geez, look at me. I've worked with Sinatra and I've worked with Lee J. Cobb and Rod Steiger and all of these people.

Do you think back to the hardscrabble days of driving that cab and thinking it was never going to happen? Frank, I am lucky enough to have a balance. I never thought of any other way when I am so lucky that I'm being, I'm being, I'm, I'm being given an opportunity to make a living in doing what I love to do. I love to do this, and it always makes me happy and pays a few bills as well. Well, you've made a lot of other people happy, so thank you, Bernie. And it's like Frank was saying, I mean, we could talk to you so much longer before we get to all the stuff you've done. I just want to throw in one small performance that's terrific.

And it's not a big part. It's an episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show with you playing Mary's boyfriend, Tony Kramer. Okay. Going back to the Dick Van Dyck show, the first time I got to see Mary Tyler Moore in person. Before that, there was a show called Richard Diamond. Oh, sure. All you saw of her were her legs. I don't know if you guys are old enough to remember that,

but a pair of legs that God made of just perfection, gorgeous. And you saw these legs, and she's the secretary. So on the Dick Van Dyke show, I did that, and I was a Mexican divorce lawyer. Of course, I mean, it's how logical that is. So Carl gives her a little bit of choreography, and she gets to do a little figure eight around, and she's wearing shorts,

graces adios. And so he gives us sort of a figure A to do around this little table, and she does it with dancer's perfection. And Carl is looking at her, and he says, Mary, do it again. He said, Carl, I did it exactly as you answer, he said, do it again, just for me. Wow.

Yeah. So she did it again. I mean, just stunning, stunning. I'm coming back to Dick Van Dyck. So I work with Dick three times. So the last time, one was this, early 70s, CBS says to Dick. He was always perceived as being television gold. so CBS comes to him.

He said, Dick, we'd like you to do this show. He said, guys, thank you very much. But he says, I'm in Carefree, Arizona, and I'm relaxing here. I don't want to come back to Hollywood. They offer more money. He says, guys, I appreciate it, and I certainly feel flattered,

but I'm staying in Carefree. So they put their heads together, and they come back to him. And they said, Dick, what if we build you a studio and carefree? Okay. They built him a studio in Carefree, Arizona. So I get to play an Arizona Highway Patrol, and he's supposed to be the host of a television show.

And he wants to illustrate that if you drink and drive, it diminishes your capacity. So I'm very, very straight. in this, and I'm in my highway patrol uniform, and I'm illustrating the damage that drinking and driving can do. And this gives him an opportunity to do his brilliant drunk routine. So we do the show, and the audience is plodzing. They're just falling down because he is so brilliant, physical comedian, verbal comedian.

The guy can do anything. So this is the third time I work on me and he says, okay, Bernie, you want to drink? I said, with you? Absolutely, and I'm visualizing going to some exclusive spot and carefree.

Maybe there's only one there. This is going to be so great. So we stop at the prop room and I figured, well, okay, so he's going to pick up something and then we're going to go on to this lovely, exclusive place. The prop room was his destination.

His destination. There's bare beams in there, and he goes into the fridge, and he gets out a bottle of Jim Beam or whatever it was. We sit and we got schnockered in the crop room. So Harvey Corman, about two months later, calls me, and he said, I just directed the Dick Van Dyck Show. You'll never guess what happened. I said, I know what happened.

You got schnockered in the prop room. I said, how did you know? I said, because the same thing happened with me. there is so much burning so much you've done we didn't get to talk about uh lancelot link and uh night gallery and a million other things but we'll have you back i'd be very happy to come back there's so much we didn't get to love american style and we didn't get to a lot of stuff but this is 60 year career here yeah you guys were wonderful even even you gilly It's your birthday, so he's cutting you some slack.

No, Frank was magnificent, and you were barely acceptable. Oh, Bernie. So I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. and first of all, happy birthday, uh, Gavin McLeod. Yes. Uh, thank. Happy birthday, Gilbert Gottfried.

Yes. And thank you to the lovely Barbara Felton, Agent 99 for calling in. And thank you, thank you, thank you, Bernie Capelle. Happy birthday, you silly guy. Oh, thank you, Bernie. Bernie, this was a great, a great treat for us. Thank you so much. Frank, thank you, Frank.

My pleasure. It won't hurt anymore It's an open smile On a friendly shore It's love Welcome aboard, it's love