Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Christmas 2020 with Mario Cantone

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

Friend and fan favorite Mario Cantone returns for GGACP's annual holiday episode and a funny and festive conversation about awkward child actors, depressing Christmas carols, holiday-themed horror films, the musical talents of Leslie Bricusse and Jerry Herman and the 50th anniversary of Rankin/Bass' "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town." Also, Mickey Mouse meets Scrooge, Katharine Hepburn tugs on St. Nick's beard, Cyrano de Bergerac warbles a seasonal ditty and Mario (finally) discovers the legend of Cesar Romero. PLUS: Tattoo sings! Ed Norton swings! "Christmas at SeaWorld"! Saluting Paul Coker! And Bob Hope and Marie Osmond holiday in Saudi Arabia! (Produced & edited by John Murray. Special thanks to Jerry Dixon. In loving memory of Mike McPadden). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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BMO ETFs presents Views from the Desk, a show all about markets and investing with ETFs. New episodes every Thursday morning. morning. The following program is brought to you in living color. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Well, it's the most wonderful time of the year again, and for the 47th year in a row. It feels like 47 years. I'm so friggin' tired of this shit. We're not even in the same room.

You're in Florida with the rest of the old Jews. I wish that state would just snap off like a brittle dick and just sink into the ocean. Florida, the meth lab of the United States. Oh, the worst. How's your governor? That asshole.

Yeah, everyone die of COVID. Enjoy yourselves. Is Marco Rubio coming over for fucking Hanukkah? Merry Christmas. Go ahead. Yeah, I mean, so what? What am I? What slur are you going to use now?

That fucking faggot. I knew you were going to say that, you old dead Jew. You know, I always said to my younger Jewish friends that moved to Florida too early, I'd say, you're too young a Jew to move there. Guess what? It's way past your fucking time to move there, you old fuck. You should have been there

20 years ago. Are you walking around in your puffy down jacket looking like a fucking homeless man on the beach? Why don't you put on a white dress and twirl around like Baby Jane Hudson? Would you like some strawberry ice cream, Blanche? Let's get strawberry.

Blanche! You mean all this time we could have been friends. That would be me and you on the beach. After I tried to murder you. I'd love it. I'd like to run a car right into your fucking legs. Whatever happened to baby Jewel?

That's right. Whatever. Next year. And can you do that confession that Joan Crawford makes to her at the end? Oh, Jane, Jane, I have to tell you something. No, I don't want to hear it. Jo Jane, I have to tell you, I was the one in that car. I was the one that tried to kill you.

I don't want to hear it. No, Jane, it was me. You mean all this time we could have been friends. Lange! All right, that's it. Let him get through the intro. Go ahead, Gil. What's next? Okay, he's a. Let him get through the intro. Go ahead, Gil. What's that?

Okay, he's a what? Gil, plot ahead. He's a... He's a... He's a cocksucker. Yes, which you never had the pleasure of experiencing, you fucking homeless Jewish motherfucker. I'm pretty sure that's not what's written on the page.

He's a cocksucker and a good one, and you are a menorah-lighting piece of shit. I hope you burn your fingers and you drip wax all over your saggy balls. Blanche, you left your balls on the beach. He's a Tony-comminated actor. He's a what? A live performer.

And one of the funniest stand-up comedians of his generation. Of my generation? I'd say of any generation. That's right. It's written there. No, I'm kidding. I don't even know. Go.

He's appeared in dozens of movies and TV series and numerous off-Broadway and Broadway productions, but not The Lion King. No, I did not do The Lion King. I did the workshop, and you know I refuse to do it. I'm not painting my face green, strapping the puppet on my fucking ass like a dildo. You know, like a strap-on that you use with your wife all the time because you can't get it up, and you like it in the ass. So she has to put it on, and then you go at it, and that's it. This is so Christmassy already. It's so Christmassy.

Okay, so I didn't do the diet Lion King. Alright, what's next? And he's currently appearing in the new movie from Universal Pictures All My Life. Yes. Which will be on demand on December 23rd.

Do you think he tried not to have gas during burping? And you got Ajita. You're like fucking regurgitating acid reflux. I mean, really? Yes. It's called All My Life. It's a universal picture. Yes.

Go ahead. So do you do that? Movies are dead now. Yeah, but I did it in November in in new orleans but i mean i mean movie theaters oh yeah i i know and you know what's up they released this december 3rd they released it in november in the uk in the movies who's going and they released it in the theaters here december 3rd i'm like what theaters who's going to the mall? Where are movies open? But anyway, it is available on demand December 23rd. Okay, all my life.

It's a good movie, and it's a true story. It's kind of like, yeah, it's about a couple, and they fall in love. It's a very love story in a way. We will look for it. All right, Gil. That's good. And we're all thrilled to welcome back for our annual Christmas extravaganza. Fresh from his two-week engagement at Joseph and Mary's Comedy Manger in downtown Bethlehem.

Yes, I breastfed the baby in the manger because Mary was made of plastic and they needed the milk. The man who put the hoe in ho-ho-ho. How do you know that? And you put the Jew in Jew-Jew-Jew. And our very own Sugar Plum Fairy. Oh, that's a good one. I like that. I love being a Sugar Plum Fairy.

Here, let me pop one out of my ass for you. Oh, wait, it's the Benoit balls I left in there last night from you. And they're Christmas colored. And look, there's eight candles at the end of it. The one and only Mario Kento. I'm so glad to be here. I really am. I'm out of gas already.

Because we need a little Christmas right this very minute. We do. Need a little Christmas staring at your penis. Oh, we need a little Christmas. All right, go ahead. And we lost Jerry Herman last year. I know. The great Jerry Herman.

I worked with Jerry Herman. What a talent. I did a workshop of the musical Dear World, which was originally done with Angela Lansbury on Broadway. And it didn't run too long, but it's a beautiful score. And guess what? It was Chita Rivera, Madeline Kahn, who I worked with, who I was dying, Audra McDonald, Michael C. Hall, Alfred Molina. I wanted to be in the room so bad that I played the deaf mute. Wow. Yeah. I signed everything that Arda sang to, and I just used my beautiful eyes because as Norma Desmond

would say, we didn't need words. Then we had faces. How was Jerry Herman to work with? Oh, he was lovely. Oh, I'm such a fan. And another Jewish man who wrote a Christmas song, Gilbert. I'm such a fan. And another Jewish man who wrote a Christmas song, Gilbert. Yeah, Gil. Yes. What's with all that? Yeah, all the great Christmas songs were written by Jews. And they wrote the best ones.

They really did. You know, and some of them were gay and Jewish. So there's a two, two, two mints and one right there. You know, I was going to do this later in the show, but since we bring it up, Gilbert, this is a recurring theme on the Christmas show that you like to point out Christmas songs written by Jews. I was talking to our friend John Murray, who's on with us, audio producer John Murray. Hello, John. Hello, John. Here's a quick list. Gil and Mario, of course, you'll remember and you'll recognize some of these names. The Christmas Song written by...

Mel Torme. Mel Torme and Robert Wells, both Jewish fellas. Mel, the son of Russian immigrants. Both Jewish guys. Johnny Marks. He wrote everything. From Mount Vernon, New York. Gilbert Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

He wrote... Holly Jolly Christmas. Holly Jolly Christmas. Silver and Gold. Run, Rudolph, Run. I love that. Kelly Clarkson's version of that is magnificent. reindeer he wrote uh holly jolly christmas holly jolly christmas silver and gold run rudolph run he i love that kelly clarkson's version of that is magnificent yep yep a new yorker uh and let's see who else we have on this list we need a little christmas you just mentioned jerry herman yep we lost last year sammy khan and jules stein let it snow let Let It Snow? Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful. And since we have no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Shall we? I will. Nice. Nicely done. Along with the Christmas song, I believe that was written during a heat wave. And they wrote one of my favorites, too, the Christmas Waltz. Oh, which I love. Sinatra does a great version of that. Jay Livingston

and Ray Evans, both Jewish fellows. Gilbert wrote Silver Bells for Dino. I love that. They wrote that for Dino, huh? Well, I think they wrote it for Bing. But Dino had a hit with it. They also wrote the themes for Mr. Ed and Bonanza.

Those Christmas songs, Frank? Yes. And let's see, Edward Pola, George Weil wrote It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. I love that song. It's the most wonderful time of the year. And there are many, many more. But last but not least, Irving Berlin and White Christmas,

and Mario's favorite, I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm. I've got my love to keep me warm. I sang that as Judy on your show. You did. Gilbert, that's your point about the Jews and Christmas right there. So have the Gentiles ever written

a good Christmas song? A handful. Yeah, Well, a handful. Yeah, there's a handful. But look, you know, the Jews and the gays, they knew how to write. I hate to tell you. But, you know, I'm sure Kander and Ebb wrote a Christmas song somewhere. Somewhere along the line. Or Henry Mancini.

And Barbra Streisand did one of the great Christmas albums of all time. That's correct. And she's Jewish. That's correct. And she's Jewish. That's correct. But Barbara loves to, you know, I love to design my barn with lots of tree and tinsel and lights. And James, my husband, comes over and we do a lot of, I like candles and lights. And I love barns. And I love when my secretary Renata makes kale

crisps. She puts them in the oven and drizzles them with olive oil and lemon, and they're just delicious. Renata, make me some kale crisps right now as I'm talking to my friend Gilbert Guthrie. James, James, why does your son hate me?

Sorry. I love Barbra Streisand. I really do. Gilbert, I did not prepare a list of Gentiles who wrote great Christmas songs. No. But I'm sure there are many. Yeah, I'm sure there are, too. I mean, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. Let's talk about an anniversary. Let's talk about the 50th anniversary. Can you believe this? No. We've talked on something we've talked about on this show many a time. Rankin Bass's Santa Claus is Coming to come into town oh my husband hates that one why does he hate it because he hates the kids my husband hates children actors he hates child stuff remember that commercial that used to be before the movies with a little kid was like call 777 film to get

you to get the time of the movie and the kids kid's on the phone. It's a little girl. And she goes, Daddy, the movie starts at 7. And my husband would go, she's terrible. He hates children actors. He'll look at her. He's terrible. He'll shut it off. He hates it.

So the kids in it who are like, you know, Fred Astaire's like, and let me tell you how Santa came down the chimney. And then he tells them, and then they're like, oh, that's how Santa's reigned. Oh, yeah, that's true. It's like, all right, but I do love that special. The Burgermeister. I love the gay sidekick. The Burgermeister, Meisterburger. I was going to ask you, why does there seem to be a flamboyantly gay character in every Rankin-Bass Christmas special?

Because there has to be. There's Billy DeWolf. There's Professor Hinkle in Frosty the Snowman. Absolutely. There's the Burgermeister's lieutenant. Oh, yeah. Burgermeister. In Rudolph, we've got Hermie and we've got Yukon, who's a gay bear, as you've pointed out.

Oh, he's a gay bear. That one's a gay bear. He's walking around with poodles and chihuahuas. He's like the guys in Chelsea. There's a big man with little dogs. I mean, you know. Oh, yeah, he's a big gay bear. What is that about?

Big gay bears? No, all the recurring gay. There's also the Charlie in the box. The Charlie in the box. He's the gayest one. Rudolph. Oh, crack me harder. Yeah, he's wicked gay.

And even King Moonraiser is like, you must be here on the outermost. He's got this weird, lispy, strange thing. There's something going on there. And the sidekick of the Burgermeister is my favorite because he's really gay. And he's like thin, thin, thin like like the 1964 homosexual would be on the streets of, you know, very thin, not built, just like thin. And, you know, and he's just like, sire, look, you know, he's really, we found toys, toys in the streets. Oh, he's so gay. I love him. He's my favorite one. I love this special. And I love Mickey Rooney, who's played Santa twice.

Rooney's great in that. He has a great – He's wonderful in it. He's one of his finest hours. He's so good in it. And his wife – and then there's Jessica, who's got the tits of Dolly Parton. Jessica. And her song is very Streisand. I think they kind of did like a Streisand thing with her. What is the name of that number? I really like that.

I forget it too. My world is beginning today yes in front of the fountain yes and it's very strising she's got the nails yeah and she's got the nails like strising and the sound is like strising the voice of the pitch of it oh yeah yeah i just thought how let's name all the people who've been eeneezer's crew. Okay. Wow. Yeah. There you go. Reginald Owen.

You're going to do them in order? Yes, I'm trying to. Reginald Owen, right? Sure. Alistair Sim. Alistair Sim. This may not be in order. Frederick March.

Frederick March? Did it where? Yes, in a TV movie that I sent to Gilbert. Gilbert, did you get that email with Frederick March and Basil Rathbone? Yes. Yeah, in the 50s. I bet he was really good. He was. I'll send it to you.

Is it on Kinescope where you can't fucking see it? No, no. I think they shot it in color. I think it was a U.S.-U.K. production in the 50s. Oh, I'd love to see that. I'll send it to you. I would love to see that. Who else?

Well, my favorite, Albert Finney in Scrooge. He's my favorite one. Right. George C. Scott. George C. Scott is brilliant. He's great. He's my favorite non-musical one. Well, you know.

And I know you like Magoo. Jim Backus did it. Yes. He's great. No, I love him. He's great in it. I just hate the special. Yeah.

Is, well, Michael Caine. Yeah, with the Muppets. Oh, with the Muppets. the muppets does that really count um yeah mickey mouse did it if we're gonna go in that route mickey mouse mickey was cratchit patrick stewart oh yes patrick's very good john very good patrick stewart yeah i saw him do that live uh yeah out in purchase he does all the all of the characters he the show. He's brilliant. And speaking of Jews, Henry Winkler. That's right. That's right.

Henry Winkler did it. What about Rich Little? Yeah, he did it with – Didn't he do the whole thing with – I think he did. Yeah. I think he did all the different characters. And I just saw one on Hulu that was on FX.

And it was a series. It's brand new. It was on FX and it was a series. It's brand new. It was last year. It was a series. And who was the guy who played him? The guy from, I think it's the guy from, shit, Strictly Ballroom? No. What's his name?

I forget. But it was a series and they put it all together and it's a two-hour and 53-minute non-musical, a Christmas carol. And I got to tell you, I shut it off after 10 minutes. I'm like this. They've added too much dialogue. This is too long. I have no patience.

What about the what about the Mathau character in this? Guy Pearce. It was Guy Pearce that did it. Guy Pearce. Oh, the Mathau one. Yeah. That's the animated one. Yeah.

But is he playing Ebenezer? Yes, he is. OK. He's not playing bob cratchit right they did like a mini uh christmas carol on one of the odd couple episodes written by our friend ron friedman wow yes yes indeed yes yes indeed who was scrooge in it was it oscar or felix it was oscar well you could go either way with that. Felix comes back as the ghost of Christmas past. Oh, it's Marley.

Okay. Covered in chains. The one I'm going to send you has Basil Rathbone as Marley. Wow. And Alec Guinness as Marley in the Finney version is excellent. Alec Guinness, that whole thing, Damien Evans and Kenneth Moore, it's such a good, it's just that score by Leslie Brickus. I mean, how do you-

Leslie Brickus, still with us. Leslie Brickus wrote movie musicals. You can't try them out. I mean, you can edit them, but you know, a musical takes, you know, five to 10 years to develop to go to Broadway. He kind of hit it right on the nose a few times with Scrooge, Willy Wonka. Sure. I even like Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

Some of the songs from Dr. Doolittle, like Talk to the Animals. Dr. Doolrooge, Willy Wonka. Sure. I even like Goodbye, Mr. Chips. Some of the songs from Dr. Dolittle, like Talk to the Animals. Dr. Dolittle. Oh, it's great. Yeah. He also wrote some Bond themes. He wrote Goldfinger. Goldfinger. He's the man, the man with the maddest tongue.

I knew that was coming. Don't give too much. I opened for Shirley Bassey at Carnegiegie hall at night did you yes i did what was she like what is what she's still around lovely i did three ron delz just said uh he loved me he's like what do you want to do you want to go he was a great promoter he's still around now we had him here you know ron he's like he's nuts out of his fucking mind. He's completely nuts. When I first met, it was even pre, like the night before the podcast, I met Ron Delsner

and it somehow came out in the first three seconds that he produced Groucho's Carnegie Hall show. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he mentioned, he goes, you know that woman he used to be with, that Erin, that woman he used to be with,

that Erin Fleming, she used to blow him. Oh, he'll tell you anything. Yeah, yeah. He goes, she used to blow Groucho. And what? Oh, fuck. The composer. Oh, Marvin Hamlisch. And he goes, and Marvin Handler

had a shot at her. Oh my God. The late Aaron Fleming. I just threw up in my mouth with the image of that is horrifying. Any any Ron him no getting blown. Do I have to see

that in my mind? Leslie Brickus Mario still with us at 89 he is also wrote you only live twice speaking of bond themes oh yes and he wrote and he had a big hit with candy man the candy man can who can take a sunrise yeah i love that song sammy davis had a big hit with that yes see yes yes that i like sammy's version much better than in the movie where they just talk it well yeah yeah the kid the the man that does the candy man and that is kind of speak singing yes kind of like nelly yeah he speaks singing and i love nelly he also wrote what kind of fool am i for his friend anthonyley. Yes, he did. Great career. We should see if we can track him down. What a strange voice.

And he had that spastic hand movement. Yes. It went along with the flatulence of his vocal cords also. He and Joe Cocker should have toured together, Gilbert. Oh, my God. Spastic singers. Gilbert, oh, by the way, that one I'm sending you, Mario, with Rathbone. Yes.

Is scored by Bernard Herrmann. Oh, my God. I can't wait to see this. Yes, yes, yes. Psycho. Yes, yes, yes. Gilbert, is Alistair Sim your favorite of the Scrooges? I think it is.

We've established that. Yeah. I think that would be We've established that. Yeah. I think, I think that would be the best of them, but the others were great. The Finney movie is good. Just turned 50, by the way,

speaking of anniversary. This is the, and it's, and you know what? TCM usually plays it every year. They're not even playing it this year. It's 50th anniversary. Why aren't they playing it?

Yes. What the hell is wrong with people? I don't see it anywhere. And it's, I shouldn't say this, but it's free. It's free on YouTube. I don't want to playing it? Yes. What the hell is wrong with people? I don't see it anywhere. I shouldn't say this, but it's free on YouTube. I don't want to see it on YouTube. It's not a real network. I want to see it on a good TV HD.

That's how I want to see it. I have it on Blu-ray. I don't need any of these freaking networks. It's good. The songs are good. I'm sure the Flintstones must have done it Christmas. I think they did. Yeah, but you know. Well, I mean, are we going to count

Bill Murray? Yes, you have to. He wasn't playing Ebenezer, technically. Yeah, but it's a Scrooge story. And what about Susan Lucci in Ebby on Lifetime? Oh, that was... Forget it. She's Ebby and she's a very, you know, high

maintenance girl and, you know, the ghosts come to see her. And there's one part where I don't know what happens, and she just goes, oh, oh, no, call an ambulance. Well, if you're going to bring that up, we're going to bring up Marlo Thomas' remake of It's a Wonderful Life. Oh, there's that, too. That's right. And I think Vanessa Williams did one, too. I think she did. She was like a high-powered TV executive or something like that.

So we'll recommend Finney Scrooge to our listeners. Yes, and Alistair Sim is the other one. And George C. Scott. Those are my favorites. George C. Scott, excellent. And I saw Campbell Scott do the Broadway version of it last year, which was beautifully directed. And my friend LaChanze was in it. She sang in it.

It's not really a musical. But it's brilliantly directed. And it was LaChanze was in it. She sang in it. It's not really a musical. It's kind of, but it's brilliantly directed. And it was Campbell Scott playing Scrooge. And I'm telling you, it was one of the best things on Broadway. Talented guy, Campbell Scott. He really is. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor.

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for all things baseball. BetMGM.com for T's and C's. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Spring is here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days

delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope. But a box van? Happily, yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. I just remembered a few months ago, pre-COVID and everything, I was talking to you on the phone,

and the name Grayson Hall, was that her name, Grayson from Dark Shadows? We were talking about Grayson Hall and Dark Shadows. It wasn't pre-COVID it was during COVID that you called during COVID yes yes it was you and your wife called it was so sweet I was so surprised because usually you're you know you're you're laying under the sand on the beach somewhere with your head out scaring people. I think that was your Halloween twist this year. But anyway, yeah, we were talking about Grayson Hall.

On Dark Shadows, there was Grayson Hall. Oh, yeah. She used to do a thing. Well, the way she would clasp her hands together when she was being dramatic. And it was always, she'd always sound like she just got through running. You know, it was like, oh, it was horrible.

It was a werewolf. And when she entered a room, it was like she was having an orgasm. She'd be like, bottom of my stomach. having an orgasm. She'd be like, bottom of my side. I can't go up those stairs again. I just,

where's Quentin? You know, like she was really, she was, and I just watched those movies. They showed both of them on TCM, House of Dark Shadows and the other one. One of them was with Jonathan Fried

and then one of them was with David Selby who plays plays david selby and it was kate jackson in her first acting role wow on film yeah wow and she was very good we love we love to find any excuse to talk about dark shadows and and then uh what what the fuck's his name uh the producer of dark shadow dan curtis yeah dan curtis he also did like i think jekyll and hyde with um well he did dracula with jack palace yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and of course and the night stalker and then he did a frankenstein i think was he behind the michael sarazin frankenstein it could be could be check that check that i love michael mich Michael Sarazin Frankenstein? It could be. Could be. I have to check that. Check that. I love Michael Sarazin.

Yeah, the late Michael Sarazin. Speaking of Rankin-Bass. He died? How about I didn't even know that? Lost him a few years ago. Oh, he was so wonderful. What was that movie he did, The Resurrection of Peter Proud? Yes, sure. Speaking of George C. Scott, he's in a terrific comedy with George C. Scott called The Flim Flam Man.

Oh, yes. Made by Erwin Kirschner. But going back to Frankenstein. And for Pete's sake with Barbara Sveinstein. Going back to Rankin-Bass, Paul Ekstrom wants to know, did Mario, or Mario as his husband calls it, secretly purchase any of the puppets at the recent Rankin-Bass auction? No. Do you realize that we're all out of work?

I'm not going to buy a puppet. I know I love this stuff. But, you know, I'm not going to buy a puppet. I know I love this stuff. But, you know, I'm not going to buy a puppet. I have beautiful ornaments on my tree that we just put up. It's gorgeous.

And we have some nice, we got, you know, the Bergermeister and we have Rudolph and Hermie and the Abominus. Yeah, they made some great ornaments.

Beautiful. But the real puppets, you know, you're going to get those puppets and then what? Well, they're also $150,000 and $250,000 each i i thought they would have gone for more i'm surprised they didn't go for more they really are and and getting back to what we were discussing already uh michael sarazin was in that movie with his uh then or future girlfriend j Jacqueline Bissett. Which one is that?

And also Anthony Franciosa. Anthony Franciosa. Shelly Winters loved Anthony Franciosa. I'll fuck him till he dies. What was the name of that one? What year are we talking about gill it was like the 60s oh my god i don't know yeah tony oh and also um um uh bob crane and not bob crane uh uh oh are you thinking of the sweet ride the sweet ride yeah it's a surfer movie

and and i love it i looked that up I did not have that at my fingertips. What the fuck's his name? Gilligan. Bob Denver. Bob Denver. Bob Denver is in it, too. Yeah. I love a surfing movie.

I love Big Wednesday. That's a good one. And it's a long one, and it's really interesting and good. Busey is, like, beautiful in it, if you can believe it. And Jan Michael Vincent, who, of course, I had pictures of him on my wall right next to my bed for a little nighttime jack off with it. So, you know, poor guy, he was beautiful. He was at a rough couple of years. Oh, God, what happens to people? He said in one later interview that if he had died back then, he could have been like remembered like james steen well let's not go that far perhaps he could have been remembered like one of the great gay porn

stars but james steen i don't think so he wasn't that good i loved you michael vincent but he wasn't a great actor you know what's so funny he didn't even want to be an actor. They found him on the beach. Like they found Lana Turner at Schwab's. Right. Where are these people? Or Fabian sitting on his stoop. Well, you couldn't miss those ears. Right.

But there he was. He was a beautiful kid, Fabian. Turn me loose. Was Fabian a moe? No. Oh, my God, no. Fabian Forte. He's still with us, Gil.

He can sue us for that. No, Iian Forte. He's still with us, Gil. He can sue us for that. No, I don't think. He's still with us. Well, we clarified that he's not. No, he's not. Turn me loose. Turn me loose. He was singing that about, you know, diving into a vagina, not, you know, sucking a dog.

It's been a while for Gilbert. I want to call out the great Paul Coker, who is 92, I believe, or 91, the designer of those Rankin-Bass cartoons. And he's still around. Yes, and he illustrated my first Mad Magazine piece. He's a nice man. Wow. And he's still with us, so we want to give him a shout out. And Jules is still with us, too.

Jules Bass. And Jules, are you talking to Jules? I haven't spoken to Jules in so long. You know, when people get older, I'm afraid. I don't know what the situation is. Jules Bass. And Jules, are you talking to Jules? I haven't spoken to Jules in so long. You know, people get older, I'm afraid. I don't know what the situation is. Jules is 95. When I met him, he was in incredible shape and thin and he looked great. He worked out all the

time. That's how I met him. I met him at the gym. And, you know, gave him all my that section from Laugh Whore, from the line cut, because they had cut some of it, all the rank and bass stuff, and he loved it. And he said to me, you know then when they were doing the live action you should play the the snow miser i was like well can you put in a good word for me because i don't do that shit anymore yeah too bad i'm sorry i didn't i didn't get maury laws on the show or i mean romeo muller we lost a long time

yeah but but uh also keenan wins good in that oh. Oh, yes. As the winter warlock. Yes, he is. And Gilbert Paul Freese. Oh. Who we love to talk about. Now, who does the, well, he does the Bergermeister, right? Right. I think he does both characters.

I think he does the sidekick as well. He does the sidekick too. Yeah. He's got range. Oh, what a range. He was great. He was brilliant. He was brilliant. He did the voice of the Cyclops in the movie The Cyclops.

Very good, Gilly. Yeah. Where he's like. He did that? If you go to the Haunted Mansion in Disney World, you can still hear Paul Freese. He's still doing that spooky voice that welcomes you to the Haunted Mansion. Oh, wow. At least as of this recording.

Who knows? Do you know who does the voice of the woman in the crystal ball? What the fuck is that, Gilbert? Note Gilbert's professionalism. He's got his phone on. You're supposed to shut it off. Put it on. Do not disturb, you piece of shit.

Oh, jeez. Oh, my God. We'll fix it in the draw. It's Fabian calling, Gil. Yeah, turn me loose. It is. We'll fix it in the mix. It's Fabian calling, Gil. Yeah, turn me loose. It is. You got it? What did you just do?

You just put it up your ass. I saw that. He did. I just saw you, like, sit on it. See, now I can enjoy the rest of the year. Yes, you can. Wait, what were we just saying before we were rudely interrupted by a phone that was not on? I think we were talking about Rankin-Bass or Jules.

I know, all right. Or something like that. Here's some other anniversaries to make us feel old. Jose Feliciano's Feliz Navidad, John and Gilbert, is 50 years old. I love that song. Oh, Merry Christmas, Darling by the Carpenters, 50 years old. I love that song. Oh, Merry Christmas Darling by the Carpenters 50 years old. Beautiful song. And Gene Autry's recording

of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is 70. Well, that was a big one. Little did I know he stuffed Trigger and hated homosexuals, but still I played the song. We're getting old. Oh, we sure are. It's awful. We're getting old. Oh, we sure are. It's awful.

We're getting old. You guys want to take a whack at a quiz? Yes. John, are we ready for this? Yes, we are. We do this every year on the Christmas show. We pick obscure, very obscure, little-known singers of Christmas songs, and we try to get Mario Mariuch and Gilbert

to recognize them or to guess them. I've given up all hope on Gilbert, by the way, because he couldn't recognize Richard Kine's voice when you're... Oh, God. Yes, that's true. Not good.

You know? So many people sound like Richard Kine. It could have been Bjerko doing Richard Kine. It's so true. Old age ain't no place for sissies, as Betty Davis would say, and you are a sissy, and that's why it's no place for you. So, Johnny, if we have these queued up, Maestro John Murray, audio producer extraordinaire,

let's see if you guys or our listeners playing at home can guess We have these queued up. Maestro John Murray. All right. Audio producer extraordinaire. Let's see if you guys or our listeners playing at home can guess these Christmas singers in a segment we like to call You'll Be Sorry. I can name that tune in three notes. Okay. Here you go. Okay. Here's the first one. Snow. Snow means a north wind blowing cold. Another log on the fire to keep out the chill

it's walter brennan snow wow he's good that's walter brennan yeah he got it very good i named that song in three notes i said it gill your favorite racist walter bnan. Yes, Walter Brennan. A major bigot. I heard he was a son of a bitch, too. Yeah, hated blacks and Jews. Wow. Well, I guess he was from Massachusetts, you know. That's why he was doing White Christmas. He was a Yankee from Massachusetts.

The B-side of this, and I don't know why Walter Brennan was recording a Christmas record, the B-side was Henry had a Merry Christmas. How about that? By Walter Brennan. By Walter Brennan. The B side was Henry had a Merry Christmas. How about that? By Walter Brennan. Yeah, there you go, God. That story by Schnickelman who wrote the comedians. Oh, Cliff Nesteroff. This is a Christmas show, by the way, Gilbert.

Yes. He told us. Just a reminder. He told us that they went in, I guess, on whatever show or movie. I guess he was working on the real McCoys. Yeah, and they went in. They said Martin Luther King was just shot. And Walter Brennan went into a little dance, a little happy dance. Oh, my God.

So he. Thanks for the uplifting fucking Christmas. That's so beautiful. I always, I always do. People make fun of me because. Yeah, like Gino. Yes. Yes.

Because it'll always be. There'll be like a big laugh and I'll go, you know, his wife and children were killed in the fire. You're a delight. He is. As long as there's chestnuts roasting on that fire, Gilbert, you can bring it up. I've got three Oscar winners

on this song list, by the way. Okay. That was one of them. Walter Brennan had three Oscars himself. The next one is one of Gilbert's absolute favorite performers. Wait, Walter Brennan had three Oscars himself. The next one is one of Gilbert's absolute favorite performers. Wait, Walter Brennan had three Oscars? He won Oscars for, I believe, The Westerner, maybe Come Blow Your Horn.

That is the perfect example of rewarding bad behavior. Maybe I have the wrong movie, but he has three. Wow. The next one is a song called Christmas is for Children. The year is 1967. Christmas is for children, aren't you feeling young? Christmas is for children, faces all aglow. Faces all aglow.

Gilbert. Waiting for St. Nick to come down the chimney. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Soon the waiting's over. This is an Oscar winner? No, this is not an Oscar winner. This is a guy who was famous for playing the ukulele. Oh.

Well, it's not Tiny Tim. Gilbert, a famous anti-Semite. Oh, that helps. I'm going to call it. It's Arthur Godfrey. Arthur Godfrey. Major League Anti-Semite. Now, he was Mer Griffin's sidekick. Is that true? No, Arthur Treacher was Mer Griffin's sidekick, is that true? No, Arthur Treacher was Mer Griffin's sidekick.

Arthur Treacher. Yeah. Arthur Godfrey had his own name. On the B-side is a rare recording of him firing Julius La Rosa. Julius La Rosa on the B-side? He fired Julius La Rosa on the air, Arthur Godfrey. Yes! Famously.

He was a scumbag. Yeah. This is from the LP All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth from 1967. Gilbert, I decided to start with two anti-Semites because it is the holiday season. Of course. And I wanted to lure you. I wanted to draw you into the game as early as possible and keep your attention. The next one is a little harder, believe it or not.

But this is also a person, not an anti-Semite or a racist as far as I know. And yes, this is a Christmas episode, folks. He was a closeted homosexual, right? This next singer was embroiled in scandal. Wow. Sally Arbuckle. Go ahead. No, the song is simply called Snow.

John? Oh, this is Kevin Spacey. Well, no, obviously, was it a cocaine scandal? It's a she. Oh. Scandal, huh? Snow. Fells to fields we used to know.

She needs to speak up. And the little park where we would go. It sleeps... It's Claudette Colbert. No, no, Claudette. You're warm. Oh, is it Lange? That's it. Lange. Claudine Lange. Claudine Lange. No, no. Claudette. You're warm. Oh, is it Laundier? That's it.

Laundier. Who shot the skier? Claudine Laundier. Claudine Laundier. That's it. Nice. That's what I was thinking. Wow.

Wow, that was impressive. You both got it at the same time. And I think I've seen her sing on a special, and I was like, why is she singing? It's like Marlena Dietrich singing. It's not worth it. I remember when Saturday Night Live did that great show. Oh, yes. Yeah. The Claudine Laundier ski invitation. I remember when Saturday Night Live did that great show. Oh, yes. Yeah.

The Claudine Lange ski invitation. I remember. Yeah. It was like skiers going and you'd hear a shot. And they just flipped out. And they'd go, uh-oh, Claudine Lange accidentally shot. I was like, Claudine Colbert. Yeah.

She shot a bunch of skiers. Extra points for the name of her skier boyfriend that she shot it was spider wasn't it yes spider savage yeah you guys you guys are disturbingly good that was from 1968 i was going to give you the hint and say she was married to a guy who sang a lot of christmas tunes but you got it you both got it she's married to andy williams right she was yeah uh okay we're gonna go all the way back to 1954 for this one. This is March of the Toys, and this is an Oscar winner. Okay.

For Best Actor. Here we go. Not known as a singer. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! They're winding up the soldiers and they're beating on the drums A-boom, a-boom, a-boom and a-ra-da-da-ta-ta-tums

And all the toys are ready just as soon as Santa comes For the March of the Christmas Toy The lion plays the tuba and the tiger plays the flute A-oompa, oompa, oompa and a-rooty-tooty-toot And Santa Claus is smiling as the elephants salute He sounds a little light. We give up? Yeah. He was married to an iconic, beloved singer.

He was married to Rosemary Clooney. Oh, so that was Jose Ferrer. That was Jose Ferrer. That was Jose Ferrer. That makes sense. I should have known that because he sang in The Little Drummer Boy. Look at that. He sang when the goose is riding high, that song in The Little Drummer Boy, the Rankin Bass special, which is my favorite one.

There you go. He sang that. I should have known. How about that, Gil? Also almost cast as the Joker in the 1960s Batman series, Jose Ferrer. But he was beaten out by Cesar Romero. Yeah.

You bet. The B-side of that single, by the way, is Rosemary Clooney. And you know what Cesar Romero is into? What? Okay. Oh, no. What was he into? It's Christmas.

There is a Santa Claus. Add a little Christmas flavor to it. What was Cesar Romero into Christmas. I have to. There is a Santa Claus. Add a little Christmas flavor to it. What was Cesar Romero? Cesar Romero used to like to gather himself with boy toys. Sweet. And then he'd stand there, pull down his pants and underwear, and they would fling orange wedges at his ass. Well, don't you do that with your stuffed animals, Gilbert?

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And he stood ankle deep in eggnog. Isn't that right, Gil? Well, on Christmas. Wait, so they flung orange slices at his ass? Wedges, not slices. Wedges, yes, at his ass. Get it right.

Wedges, not slices. At his ass. Get it right. And I don't know when he woke up one day and thought, ah, this is what I want. Yeah, this is a zesty sexual experience. The only argument I've ever gotten on it was some people saying, no, it was tangerine.

It was some kind of citrus. Yeah, maybe it was mandarin oranges. Who knows? That was flung at his ass. That sounds fun. I think I'm going to try that. And COVID is over. But I could do it if they all wear masks. I'll see.

Here's one more, boys. You got that in. I can't believe we've never told that story to Mario on this show. Oh, my God. In all the time he's been here. This is another Oscar winner for Best Actor. Guess this Christmas singer. Oh, God.

And away we go. What year? 1951. Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse The stockings were hung by the chimney with care In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nestled all snuggled in beds while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads.

Then Mama in the kerchief and I in my cap had just settled down for a long winter's nap. When out on the lawn there arose such a cloud, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. But what to my wondering eyes should appear but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. With a little old driver so lively and quick. Gilbert, this is a TV icon. Dick Van Dyke. No, you're warm. I gave you the wrong year.

It's 1954. He won an Oscar in 1975 for starring in a movie called Harry and Tonto. Oh, my God. It's Art Carney. Art Carney. Art Carney. Oh, my. Art Carney's a swinging rapper.

How about that? He's really in the pocket on that, too. How about that? And the B-side was Santa and the Doodly Bop. Also by Art Carney. By art carney i just watched it doesn't sound like him no it doesn't and i just watched that movie he's so brilliant in it it's him it's him okay it it's you know you're so used to hearing art carney in the norton character yes absolutely right, right.

I was going to give you a hint, Gilbert, and say he played a Santa on a famous Twilight Zone episode. Oh, that's right. He was that drunken Santa. Now, Mr. Cantone, we're going to use this as a segue. What? What are we doing? We're going into one of your lovely tunes.

Oh, yes. Well, guess what? It's the 50th anniversary of this tune, as you said. It is. Yes. You want to tell us a little bit about this? Well, you know, last year, oh, not last year, I actually, our COVID episode, which this is too.

Oh, yes, which we did back in May. In May, I sang a Cass Elliott mashup of Make Your Own Kind of Music into the song Different, written by – Our pal Charlie Fox. Charlie Fox and Gimbel, Norman Gimbel, right?

Norman Gimbel, yeah. They wrote it for the movie Puff and Stuff, and she played Witch Hazel and she sang Different. So I mashed them up and we did it last year. So if you haven't heard that, it's a good episode. That episode's a good episode too. But anyway, yeah, I wanted to do another Mama Cass song, another Cass Elliott song. And I thought with all the shit that's going on,

finally the election's over. There's a little bit of hope and hopefully it's going to be better. So yeah, so I said, I'm going to do this song, which is called New World Coming. By Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil. Cynthia Weil. There's a new world coming. And it's just around the bend. There's a new world coming this one's coming to an end there's a new voice calling you can hear it if you try and it's growing stronger with each day that passes by.

There's a brand new morning rising sweet and clear and free. There's a new day dawning that belongs to you and me. There's a new world coming, the one we've had visions of. Coming in peace, coming in joy, coming in love. Yes, a new world's coming, the one we've had visions of. Coming in peace. Coming in joy. Coming in love. Coming in love. Coming in love.

Wonderful. Were you awake during that, Gilbert? Wonderful. Were you awake during that, Gilbert? Wonderful. Were you awake during that brilliant rendition? Or did you glaze over thinking about your taxes? You know that song? Mama Cass had a hit with that in 1970, 50 years ago. Wow. 50 years ago. Now, so Mama Cass actually died of a heart attack.

Yes, we know. And it was horrible what they said about her, that she choked on a sandwich. That's terrible. How did that originate? She died in Harry Nielsen's guest house. And I think they said that there was, from room service, there was a ham sandwich in the room. Yeah. So they put the two together and said, oh, oh, she choked that in my hamster.

They said it right away. They didn't even wait a few years. Talk about too soon. Urban Hollywood myth. You know, she was really a wonderful talent. She was one of the great sinners.

And a sense of humor, too, about herself. Yeah, she was very funny. She didn't take herself seriously. Yeah, she was great.

Her voice was gorgeous and it was just, you know, such ease to it and she just kind of flew up those scales. She was gorgeous. Huge loss. I mean, she would have had a much longer, much bigger career.

We had John Sebastian here a couple of weeks ago who was close to her and in the mugwumps with her. And I think he misses her greatly still. How old was she? Probably not even. Was she in her 30s? I don't know. I don't think so. They all died at 27 yeah she may

have been one of them that was the magic number yeah that was uh joplin yes yeah a huge amy whitehouse amy whitehouse was 27 27 wow that is the magic number it is for rock stars to die of uh overdose 27 i don't know what happened to you unfortunately you're still here but still Magic number for rock stars to die of overdoses. 27. I don't know what happened to you. Unfortunately, you're still here. But still. She was 32.

She was 32? Yeah, I just looked it up. She was young. She was 32. An enormous, enormous talent. Gilbert, we should get Michelle Phillips here on the show and talk about Cass. We'll do that. We'll do a music episode if we can book her.

That's a beautiful number and an interesting choice for you. I mean, obviously not a Christmas song, but it's timely. It is. I mean, we are all looking forward to the future. We have some reason to breathe and be hopeful. And I picked that not knowing it was 50 years. So I love that we do our little anniversary things. Absolutely. Absolutely. I have some questions do our little anniversary things. Absolutely. Absolutely.

I have some questions for you. Christmas related questions. All right. From listeners. Keeping things moving. We like to work listeners into the show. We have listeners? Oh, sure.

It's shocking. At least 30. Perry Shields. What are Mario's and Gilbert's opinion of March of the Wooden Soldiers with Laurel and Hardy? Okay, I just watched it last night. Wow. I never liked Laurel and Hardy. I don't get it.

But I did watch it, and it's bizarre. It is bizarre. The villain is spooky. Yes. I find with Laurel and Hardy, I can watch clips of them in different bits. That's funny and fun to watch. But full-length Laurel and Hardy movies are always eerie to me. Eerie? Why eerie?

I don't know. The timing of it or the look of it, there's something I always found there. Full-length movies, it would make great horror it, there's something I always found in their full-length movies. It would make great horror films. Interesting. I will say Way Out West and Sons of the Desert are both

terrific. Yeah, are they? Very funny. I never saw... To me, like Albin and Costello's the one that I love. They're the two for me. But this, yeah, and also I found, you know, the three little pigs are in the March of the Wooden Soldiers. And when they come out of the

house, they're playing Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, which was a Disney, written for a Disney short. And I was just shocked that they did that. Interesting. Well, now if you're not a Laurel and Hardy fan, why did you dial up March of the Wooden Soul? Because I had, you know, I have Turner Classic movies on 24 seven. Right. Like the rest of the elderly. Right. Like, like I do. Yeah.

And I just was, we was on and I'm so pissed that that's the star of the month this year is Laurel and Hardy. Interesting. I'm like, that's a waste. Really? We have to put up with them for a month. So, so not, neither of you is a big fan of March of the Wooden Soul. No.

Or them. No, no. How about the, how about Babes in Toyland with Tommy Kirk and Ray Bolger? The one with the Disney. You mean Tommy Sands. Tommy Sands, excuse me. And Ray Bolger. Yeah.

And Annette Funicello. It's colorful. It's not great either. Yeah, it's not great. I remember years ago they would show on TV like a show that would have clips of Laurel and Hardy. And it would be filled in by that, what's that song, that their theme song. Oh, yeah.

What is the name of that thing? Da-da- to be screaming into their devices. Here's another question. Yeah, but I remember on that show, they would play clips of Laurel and Hardy, and they'd play that thing in between to fill up time. But the clips I always enjoyed, but the movies are generally— So you're saying they can't really hold a movie together for you? Yeah. I think it's called Dance of the Cuckoos. Yeah.

Well, they can't hold them. Oh, yeah. I think you're right. Do they like each other? Who cares? Move on. Andrew LaPosha, I want to hear Mario's take on the song The Christmas Shoes.

Okay, I watched that. The song makes me want to throw up. It's horrible, and I watched it a little while ago. I watched it too. And it's just this kid trying to buy shoes for his mother.

His mother is dying and he wants to buy her special Christmas shoes so she will be pretty for Jesus. First of all, it's depressing. And you never really know

if the mother dies or not, which eventually you know she's gonna. So, you know. But he's getting her shoes so she can be buried in the shoes i believe so right yeah yeah it's very sad it's very sad that's like something i would bring up exactly you remember blind man of the bleachers this song makes blind man and the bleachers gilbert sound like sound like wake me up before you go go it's so depressing It's the most depressing song.

It's Blind Man of the Bleachers. Do you know that one, Mario? No, I do not. Don't have a gun nearby if that song. We're going to send you Blind Man of the Bleachers. Well, okay, please do. Can't wait. You know, it's like the little match girl, too.

It's depressing. Very sad. Oh, and Mario, I just thought of this because she sang a Christmas song. Can you do a Mariah Carey? No. No? No, I cannot. That seems like it would be so much up your alley.

How about McDonald Carey? I could do Michael McDonald. Michael McDonald Carey. Right. No. These are the days of your life. That's good. That's good. Right. No. These are the days of your life. That's good. That's good.

Yeah. I can't do more. I carry, but I just watched your Christmas special. And I also watched Carrie Underwood's Christmas special. And I have to tell you, Carrie Underwood's Christmas special is so magnificent. It's just her pretty much for 53 minutes.

Her. I mean, I always thought she was a very good singer, but she is singing like for me, like I've never heard it before in my life. It's thrilling. Her Oh Holy Night was tear inducing. Then she sings a song with John Legend called Hallelujah. Not the Cohen one, but he wrote a song called Hallelujah with Toby Gatt, who he wrote all of me with.

And I texted him, too, and said, John, that song is gorgeous. And the two of them were incredible together. And he said that she is a flawless singer and she was perfect every take. I'm telling you, it's one of the best Christmas specials I've ever seen of a singer. And I watched Dolly Parton's, which made me cry. Oh, that was good. She just sits there and talks to the audience. And nothing's really scripted.

She probably has bullet points and ideas about what she wants to say about each song. And it's like she's talking to you. It's very moving. And she gets very choked up about her mother at one point. And she still sings her ass off. And she's 75 years old. It's incredible. She was amazing.

That's a great Christmas special, too. Yeah, that was good. We watched it. And Kelly Clarkson's Wrapped in Red, one of my favorite Christmas albums ever. Love that song. And that special is amazing. I sang that song. I sang Wrapped in Red in Florida in one of my concerts and I sang it with my Christmas show with Jerry a few years back. I love her. Let's give Jerry Dixon, by the way, a shout out. Your husband who was playing, accompanying you on that wonderful track. Yep. And he'll do, play a little bit more later. Do a little bit more late, coming up later. Yep. And he'll play a little bit more later. A little bit more coming up later.

Yeah, and he did it. He does everything. He decorates the house. A transcendent talent. Jerry Dixon decorates the house. He plays the piano. He writes songs. He runs a theater.

And he does a lot for me. And he puts up with your craziness. Yes, he does. And he does way too much for me. So thumbs down to the Christmas shoes. Yeah, done. But we will send you Blind Man and the Bleachers. Ray Garten, do Mario or Gilbert have a strong opinion about Christmas horror movies?

There are enough of them to discuss, but my favorite is Bob Clark's 74 movie, Black Christmas. You know, I was looking at those the other day on Hulu has a whole section of Christmas horror movies. I don't think I've ever seen Black Christmas. No, I don't think I've ever seen it. It's sort of an early slasher movie. There was one of those, I think it was one of those that has a bunch of stories. I think it's with Joan Collins.

I think it's Tales from the Crypt, the movie, the first movie. And Joan Collins is in it, and there's a murderous Santa Claus trying to get in the house. I barely remember that. Yeah, when they used to do horror anthologies and release them to theaters in the 70s,

something that's long gone. Tales from the Crypt, yeah. Or like Dr. Terror's House of Horrors. Well, there was also The Torture Garden. Oh, yes. There were a bunch of them. There were two Stephen King ones. How's the drip blood?

Well, the Stephen King ones were in the 80s, I believe. There was Creepshow. Yeah. And Cat's Eye. Yes. Yeah, there's probably another one. I'm forgetting. Were those Christmas?

Did those take place on Christmas? No, not Christmas related. Gilbert, he says he's also fond of a newer Christmas horror movie called Krampus. Krampus? I saw that on Hulu, too. I haven't seen the movie, though. It's good. I'll watch it. John, do you have an opinion on Christmas horror movies?

I'm turning into Joe Franklin. No, I mean Christmas. I don't watch horror movies on Christmas. See, John, I agree with you. Unless you consider Christmas Carol as a horror movie. It is in a way. It is in a way. It definitely is. And so is It's a movie it is in a way yeah it is in a way it definitely is and so so is it's a wonderful life in a way yes i want to watch christmas things that i i don't want to

watch christmas horror movies i love horror movies but i don't want to watch horror on christmas here's something that i think you know the christmas carol got right that so many other movies fuck up. In there, when he's brought back in time or forward in time, he's a ghost, and he's observing everything around him. I hate these movies where it goes, I'll show you what you'd be like if you had won that basketball. And then all of a sudden he'll be in an office and i'll go ah well mr president and he'll go i'm the president and you go well

if this was your life you would know that you've really deconstructed this gilbert yeah that's yeah it's like when ornate or a beautiful woman walks in goes you're my wife and it's like no that's uh so you're saying because the ghosts show them it makes more sense yeah and and he's a ghost or an angel in the case of uh capra yeah he's a ghost and he's observing it he's not part he's not there. Well, he's not a ghost. He's just not visible while the ghosts are taking him, the spirit's name. You must be clear. You just said that Ebenezer Scrooge was a ghost.

I'm like, what the fuck is he talking about? There was that fucking movie with, oh, what's his name? Nicolas Cage. Oh, Family Man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there it's like, what am I doing in this house? And you go, well, you're in this house because you live here and you'd know that if this was your life.

Well, that's great, Gil. But when are you leaving Florida? Because it's time to get out. Frank Gepetti. Season's greetings to Mario, Dara, Gilbert, and Frank. Thank you for once again making Christmas a little warmer and more tolerable. Mario, I bought my daughter that Disney illustrated book from the 70s that you raved about. She is only 16 months old, so it will be a great centerpiece for some good father-daughter time.

Does that mean anything to you? The Disney illustrated book. I wonder which one to you? The Disney Illustrated book. I wonder which one he's talking about. There's many. Merry Christmas, he says. He needs to be specific. I'll hook you guys up. Does he live in Florida, too?

I mean, what the fuck? We need specificity. Is Iago in it? That's all I need to know. That's all you know. So you get a residual. Maybe. Robert Bollick says,

I wonder if Gilbert could do on this Christmas show a little David Brenner or Alan Thicke, two impressions we don't get to hear much of on the podcast. Okay, David Brenner. It was the night before Christmas. It's like, how many times are you there the night before? It's not Christmas. It's not Christmas.

This is the night before Christmas. It's like 24 hours before Christmas. And some Alan Thicke? And Alan Thicke. Oh, his theme song that he wrote and sung. Mama don't leave the light on. I'm on the road tonight. Everyone needs a dream to hold on.

I'm going to make it on my own. Running in the thick of the night. Under the city lights. Running in. You know, we should, Mario, you should get, you should look up Alan Thicke singing. Oh, God, that rock and roll song? Yes. What was that thing? What the fuck? Where they're all in spandex. Yeah, hot pants are totally hot.

Oh, oh. Yeah. Something hot. Oh, fuck. Yeah. This is Alan Thicke from Growing Pains? Yes. And from, more importantly, Thick of the Night.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's right. He had a talk show. Oh, my God. What the fuck was the name of that? Somebody- I don't know.

Oh, God. because he was right around sweaty and hot yeah that's what you made me and he's there surrounded by you know women no no gay guys gay boy they'll send send you the video in spandex. By the way, speaking of horrible, horrifying videos, did you watch the Bob Hope Jack Frost? I did that Bob Hope thing. And, you know, it seems like his wife is the ringleader on that because she's there. Yeah, she's behind. I mean, really, she's like, you're going to do this because we need the fucking money.

And I think it's her revenge on all the times she fucked around on her oh yeah she's like in his it's like and he's he and what about when the and that little kid that wipes out one of the dances wipes out no one even gives a shit like really where were the child labor laws back then and and and then and then two of the kids have to get him up and get him over to his next spot at the end of it. It's horrifying. He's a corpse. He's a corpse.

And then they dress him up to be even more of a corpse. Yeah, with a pointed hat. With icicles. Awful. And when he's sitting on the snow mound in that white outfit, it all bunches up. It looks like he just got yanked out of a cryogenic chamber.

It's awful. And now his voice was like this high pitch, like, he became like that, Bob Hope. It was terrible. Yeah, it is high-pitched. It's very strange. If you go to the YouTube page for it and you read the comments, they all say Gilbert and Frank sent me here. I saw that.

That's very funny. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Meet our summer collection of grillable faves that come on sticks, in spirals with bite-sized bursts of flavor and more. From pork belly bites full of barbecue flavor to skewer sensations that will keep the grill going for dessert. Make this your best summer yet with PC. Pandora. Be love. What, be love.

What does be love mean to you? I definitely would say my be love role model is for sure my sister. Unconditional, infinite love. Something that is never ending that you know is always there. Never questioned. No matter if you fall off a cliff,

she's there to catch you, you know? Be love. Shop now at Pandora.net. Speaking of impressions, since Gilbert favored us with a little Alan Thicke and David Brenner, do you gentlemen want to attempt a little movie dialogue, a little Christmas movie dialogue? Okay. What do we think?

I think, I think. Okay. What do we think? I think I got to put Shelly Winters to bed because I'm no longer the star of the month. I was the star of the month at TCM last month, and now they got Laurel and Hardy, those two fucking fat bastards. I don't know what they replaced me with. Did you see me in Bloody Mama with Mama Dearest? Oh, yeah.

He was adorable. I knew he was great. And the three boys that played my sons, I fucked every one of them. Thank you, Shelly. Thank you, Shelly. And didn't you see me in Cleopatra Jones where I played Mama, Mommy? I was a lesbian in that one. I was mean to all the boys, and I stroked all the ladies' cheeks

and their face because I was a lesbian. I was ahead of my time. I was a lesbian. Okay. Good to see you, Shelly. Last we saw, you were climbing a Christmas tree. I wasn't. You know, I was Mrs. Plastic and walking to Snowman the Sequel,

and I had to sing, and I don't know a fucking thing about singing. Claudine Lange and Rosé Ferrer, they all sang I never sang a quick book but why don't you get Claudine Lange to play Mrs. Claus and Mrs. Plastic

Okay. Alright, we're going to do... Now, Shelley Winters would always talk about how she and Marilyn Monroe were the two hot blondes. Well, I looked like Marilyn before I got the white one. I looked like Marilyn. I love that she'd say that. It was like, you're typical.

Oh, my God. My ribs hurt. When was she ever hot looking? You fucking piece of shit. I was hot. I fuck everybody. I fuck Lauren Bacall, too. No, that's not true.

I love Lauren Bacall, my favorite. If I was a woman who loved holidays, I would sit at her knees. We could do a whole episode with you And Lauren McCall stories Lauren McCall another Jew I think her name was Pinsky There you go My friends called me Betty McCall And I love cat food

That's what I like to promote Cat food Fancy feast You're going to love it and so are your pussy all right we're gonna do i can't breathe i love christmas parties i go to every christmas party i possibly can because bogey used to come with me and he wasn't an alcoholic he just loved to drink i love applause we're gonna do starring my handsome co-star harry guadino i said to her didn't he die harry guadino she was like he died what are you talking about he's dead hilarious we're gonna do a scene

from miracle on 34th street oh okay we're gonna do two scenes from miracle on 34th street kind of uh wedged together a match a mash-, as the kids like to call it. And this is, Gilbert, do you have your page? Oh, yes. This is Jerry Seinfeld as Kris Kringle. And as the young Natalie Woods character, Susie, we have Miss Catherine Hepburn. All right. So here we go.

Let's try this. Well, young lady, what's your name? Susan Walker. What's yours? Mine? Chris Kringle. I'm Santa Claus. Oh, you don't believe me. Uh-uh. Uh, do you? No, I, no, uh-uh.

You see, my mother, my mother's Mrs. Walker, the lady who hired you. Oh? But I must say, you're the best looking one I've ever seen. Really? Your beard doesn't have one of those things that go over your ears. Well, that's because it's real. Just like I'm really Santa Claus. Oh, go ahead. Pull it. Ouch!

Now, what would you like me to bring you for Christmas? Nothing, thank you. Oh, come on. You must want something. Whatever I want, my mother will you for Christmas. Nothing, thank you. Oh, come on. You must want something. Whatever I want, my mother will get for me. If it's sensible and doesn't cost too much, of course. Later that day. Hello there.

Good to see you again. It's nice to see you. I'll bet you're in the first grade. Second. Second grade? It's a to see you. I'll bet you're in the first grade. Second! Second grade? It's a progressive school. Oh, it's a progressive school.

This dress is very cute. Where did you get such a lovely outfit? Here at Macy's. We get 10% off. Now about your school. What's the name of the teacher? Mrs. Haley. Mrs. Haley, what else do you do besides read and play games? We have rest periods for one half hour. I don't suppose you care for that, huh?

No, we're not allowed to talk or anything. Tuesday, Chester Richards kept talking all the time. My, that was bad, huh? Mrs. Ailey made him rest all alone for nearly an hour.

All right, goodbye. Goodbye, young lady. Hope to see you again. All right. Goodbye. Goodbye, young lady. Hope to see you again. Thank you. I hope so, too. Bye. Goodbye. That was disturbing.

Yeah, that was. But it's such a perfect role for Hepburn because she's such a, you know, know-it-all. And she would go to a progressive school. Nice job, Jerry. All right.

One last quiz. And then we're going to sing our way out of this moment. Now, Katrin Hepburn, she got away with being a dyke without people finding out? No one ever knew, except I wore pants when everyone else was wearing dresses. I looked like a lesbian. But before lesbians even knew what the look was. Don't you know that Gilbert Gottfried? She was like a case of like how Paul Lynn, you know, he wasn't gay. He was eccentric.

Yeah, but he was. Yeah, but he was. Like Edwin Everett Horton was eccentric. And Catherine Hepburn was tough and independent. Oh, but he was like Edwin Everett Horton was eccentric. And Porter Hall. Catherine Hepburn was tough and independent. Oh yeah. She didn't fuck around. She really didn't. Gilbert met her. Well, I know you did.

I used to do work the concessions in Broadhurst Theatre. And that's where you told me that. That's where I did The Tempest. I did The Tempest with Patrick Stewart at the Broadhurst Theatre. That's where you told me that. That's where I did The Tempest. I did The Tempest with Patrick Stewart at the Broadhurst Theater. I worked in a pit of sand.

There you go. A pit of sand. There you go. Slinging 400-year-old jokes. Okay, this is a quick quiz before we turn back to music and take it all home. All right. This is, are these Christmas specials fake or real oh god it's another are they real christmas specials or did your your co-host just pull them out of his ass hey what

have you pulled out of your ass mario that's me i told you the um eight candles from the manure that you stuck up my ass last night this is called noel or no way oh but then then it was your turn and exactly try to control yourself gil all right all right dean martin's christmas at sea world noel or no way noel i think i i think it's real well you guys are good it's a real Christmas at SeaWorld. Noel or No Way? Noel. I think... Gilbert, you think it's real? You guys are good. It's a real special.

Yeah. With Lynn Anderson, Buck Owens, and Charlie Callis from 1981. And Orca, the turkey whale. Bob Hope's Christmas Cheer from Saudi Arabia. Real or fake? Noel or no way? I'm going to say no way also. It's real.

1991 with Angelina, Dolores, Marie Osmond, and the Poirot sisters. I got to get a copy of that one. How did they get Marie Osmond to Saudi Arabia? They love Mormons in Saudi Arabia. Oh, my God. They didn't have Myron Cohen in that special. I think he threatened to leave the Pointer Sisters in Saudi Arabia. Yeah, Bob.

Here's another one. To get these hot girls, hot actresses to fuck him when they bring him on the Vietnam tours. He used to threaten that they take off and leave them in Vietnam. Oh, my. If they didn't fuck him. Says somebody who was on the show. I just pictured the Pointer Sisters singing to some chic. Bet you got a chick on the side.

Bet you got a chick on the side. Sure, you know a chick. I know you got a chick on the side. Bet you got a chick on the side. Sure you know a chick. I know you got a chick on the side. Here's another one. Deck the Halls. Christmas with Monty Hall and family. No. I'm going to say...

No. No, I pulled that one out of my ass. It sounded crazy enough. See, after the bar book in Saudi Arabia, I thought, well, Monty Hall sounds like all bets are off. What did you say, with family? Yeah, that means

his daughter, Joanna Gleeson, who I know very well and I think is a brilliant Broadway star, she would have been on it. I had a feeling. An insider here. Yeah, you know. I worked with Monty Hall. I did an eBay thing with him. I did an eBay, like, let's make a dear. An insider here. Yeah, you know. I worked with Monty Hall. I did an eBay thing with him. I did an eBay, like, let's make a deer corporate gig with him. Yeah, he was very nice.

Lived to a ripe old age, Monty Hall. Yeah. We should have gotten him on here. Frosty's Global Warming Adventure. No. Is that real? No way. It's fake.

I think I'll go along and say it's fake, but it could be. Okay, very good. I thought that one was obvious. Oh, kiddo. Coming around the bend. Linda Lavin's Old Fashioned Hanukkah. I'm going to take a guess. No, I'm going to say no, because it's too dewy to put on TV.

Mario. I'm going to say no. John, what do you think? I'm going to say no. John, what do you think? I'm going to say no. It's fake. I made it up. Oh, God. Thank God.

I know her, too, and I love her, but I don't think she ever did a Christmas special. I mean, a lot of them special. Two more. Hulk Hogan presents a WrestleMania Christmas. Yeah, I'll go with a yes on that one John yeah sounds real to me I must be good at this because I made it up oh

well that's one okay yeah and last but not least uh Father Christmas and his magic sack see that sounds so fucking insane.

Who was in it? You're not giving us any detail. No, that would be too much information. That sounds so fucking insane. That I'm gonna say yes. No. Mario says no way. John?

No way. No, it is made up, but I will tell you the truth. It was based on a Smurfs episode called The Magic Sack of Mr. Nicholas. Oh. Oh, okay. So there you go. Well. So it wasn't that far off from reality.

All right. So we lost one. You guys did very well. Thanks. Yes. Yes. Well, Gilbert, you did better than Gilbert did. I did.

I always do. You lost, too. You thought Bob Hope's Christmas cheer from Saudi Arabia was fake. Yeah. See, this is the thing. I lost, too, or he lost, too? I lost, too. Collectively.

Oh, yeah. So we tied. Yeah, you tied. Well, that means I'm going to have to follow him home with my tap shoes and kill him on a wharf and grab that penmanship medal. It was mine! the medal was mine I've got the prettiest mother I've got the nicest mother mother what would you give me for a basket

full of kisses I'd give you a basket full of hugs that's the bad scene with Patty McCormick and Patty McCormick I met at the TCM festival when I introduced a couple of movies there. And she came over to me. She was like, I want to meet you.

And I was like, you've got – I flipped out. We talked about this. She's still around. She's still around. Yeah. She's Italian. Her name was Patty Russo. Love it.

She's Italian. We should get Patty McCormick. You know who's still around and very vocal on Facebook is Mamie Van Doren. Oh. I know she is. She's my friend. Oh, she is? She's my friend on Facebook. She's been tr and very vocal on Facebook is Mamie Van Doren. Oh. I know she is. She's my friend. Oh, she is? She's my friend on Facebook.

She's been trashing Bob Hope on Facebook. I love her. And she's still kind of like hot. I love her. Has she been trashing Bob Hope? Yeah, she's been trashing Bob Hope on Facebook. She's out there. She's unhinged.

All right. It's what the fans have been waiting for and what they've waited all year for. What have they waiting for and what they've waited all year for what have they waited for they have waited for a duet between mr canton and mr gottfried do you have the song lyrics yes gilbert mr canton mariuch yes i do okay john are we ready to try this one oh this is gonna be good yes yeah it's mr villa chas hervey villa chas and miss davis and miss betty davis chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost nipping at your nose. Yuletide carols

being sung by a choir and folks dressed up like Eskimos. Everybody knows. And turkey and some mistletoe. And to make the season bright. Tiny touch, sweet eyes will not glow.

We'll find it hard to sleep tonight. They know that Santa's on his way. He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh And every mother's child is gonna spy To see if Ranger really know how to fly And same of the ring You did see the planes It's time of the week. You need simple plates. Two kids. From one to ninety-two.

Although it's been said many times, many ways. Merry Christmas to you. Feliz Navidad. It's not Christmas till we get post-stroke Betty. It was just fantastic using that with Mr. Village. He's quite a tiny talent. He really is. Totally and utterly impossible.

Not in the pocket at all. Back phrasing with the worst of them. Just awful. back phrasing with the worst of them. Just awful. Gilbert Gottfried is absolutely, let me say Gilbert, when it comes to comedy, joking, roasting,

musicality, podcast, voiceover work, acting in motion pictures. Acting on television. Wife swapping. Whatever it is you do, you are truly the worst I have ever seen in the history of show business. The worst. Whenever I watch, whenever I hear about Betty Davids, it's frozen in my mind how she would come on the Merv Griffin show post-stroke in a miniskirt.

No, that was not the Merv. It was Johnny Carson and David Letterman. She'd wear a miniskirt. Oh, the Carson stuff. Oh, the second time she wore a miniskirt. The first time she wore on Carson... No, her second time actually on Carson. But it was the first time she was post-stroke. She had on a red dress,

and it was designed by Nolan Miller. No, I must stand up one more time. Not because I want more applause, but because I want to show everyone that Nolan Miller made this dress for me for a French award I got in Paris. The Des Artistes

de la Rangée Vendrede Award. And then the second time she wore a mini skirt, was designed by Patrick Kelly. And the one on Letterman was also a miniskirt designed by Patrick Kelly. It had buttons all over it and a hat with big buttons just all over it. Do you remember what they did to her on Letterman?

They did a bit a couple of days later. They had a dummy dressed in the same dress. And they hit it with a baseball bat. That's horrible. No. I will never, ever like David Letterman again. I hope I'm not remembering it incorrectly. And Mario, do you take sides in the fight between Betty Davis and Joan Crawford?

No, I see both sides, but I have to tell you, I don't know if you saw a feud with Susan Sarandon and Jessica Lange. I know Jessica Lange a little bit. I met her a few times in New Orleans, and we were on the same plane coming back after I had spoken to her in New Orleans about her doing Long Day's Journey on Broadway, which she was amazing in. But on the plane, when we were coming back, I told her how brilliant she was and she really was. She was magnificent. And she said, you know, I didn't know a lot about her. And she said, and it was probably my favorite role I've ever played, she said to me. She was perfect.

But I think that, look, Davis was jealous of her looks and Crawford was jealous of Davis's talent. I mean, as an actress and the range she had and how unvain she was, how she was able to be unvain. Yet, you know, there's that line in the show where she says, you know,

what's it like being the most talented one in the room? Crawford says to Davis and then Davis says, which is like to be the most beautiful one of them. And I think Crawford says it's not enough. You know, it's but I see both sides of it. But I do have to say, hush, hush, sweet Charlotte. She was fired because Betty Davis didn't want her there. Betty Davis, as much as I loved her, it was mean. She was mean.

And Crawford was mean to her kids, but she was nice to everybody else. Interesting. You know, she would give everybody gifts on the set, always. And at the end, she would say to the crew, bless you. And Betty Davis would come on the set the next morning before Crawford. She's like, is bless you here yet? Where's bless you? See, Betty Davis always struck me as like a mean bitch in that feud.

Yeah, she was tough on her. But it goes way back. There's a great book by Sean Constantine called Davis and Crawford. And it's about, it's a biography and it parallels their lives. And then it does it individually, chapter to chapter, and then they come together half through the book. And it's really well done, and it explains it all. But, yeah, she was mean.

She got her fired from Posh, Our Sweet Charlotte. She didn't want to do it. We had Bruce Stern on the show, and he said he was there. Family plot. He was there when Joan Crawford came in at the read-through, The family plot. He was there when Joan Crawford came in at the read-through, and she saw, oh, I'm forgetting the name again, the other actress.

Of who? Olivia de Havilland. She said, oh, Olivia, what are you doing here? And Betty Davis says, she's doing your part. We fired you. Really? That really happened? Yes. And I thought, that?

That's mean. That's not in the feud. That's not in the movie. I don't remember reading that in the book, but that's if Bruce Dern said it, he was there. Bruce Dern was extremely attractive when he was very, very young. Terrific actor. Wonderful, wonderful actor. We were blessed to have him and his

friend, Mr. mr fonda on this podcast gilbert yes uh we have to thank some people okay this has been this has been a crazy year we didn't know if we were going to be able to even do the show when sirius put the padlock on the door during lockdown and we kept it going somehow uh with the uh, dependable help of that man in the picture right there, Mr. John Murray, our audio producer. Thank you, John. Thank you, John. Saved many an episode.

But it takes more than a village to do this show. So we're going to thank some people real quickly and then we'll wrap up. And a special guest is going to take us out with a song. So we have to thank Dara, my wife Genevieve. We have to thank the wonderfully talented Mr. Jerry Dixon. My husband. We're going to thank Josh Chambers, Greg Pair, Mike McPadden, and John Seals, Matt Brousseau, Matthew Milligan, John Murray, our audio producer,

we already thanked, but we can't thank him enough. Seth Saltzman, Joe McGinty, John Fodiatis, Jonathan Tesler, Aristotle Acevedo, Jason Smith, all the people at Starburns, Brian Baldinger and Lan Romo, all the people at Sirius, Jason Shibairo, Jack Vaughn, Dan Spaventa, Stephen Varley, the invaluable

Gino Salamone, who Gilbert refuses to thank or mention. Our spirit guide, Richard Kind, Bill Porricelli, Steve Hanna jeff abraham danny deraney aj fewerman winston simone andy slater mark macho allens why bell mark malkoff charlie kotchman andrew buss michael jensen uh everybody at all the listener societies jackie martling and all the fans and all the supporters who got us through this. If I left your name out, we will put it up on social media.

We're extremely thankful. It's hard to do this. It's hard to do it still. Harder to do it still under lockdown with everybody in their home. There have been many adventures. Right, Gil? Oh, my God. Right, John?

Yeah. Oh, boy. But we are so grateful to everybody for getting us through it and continuing to, and all the people who support us on Patreon, extra special thanks. Ah, now, Mr. Gottfried, we have a special guest in the room. Speaking of Hollywood icons, we were talking about Miss Crawford and Miss Davis. Miss Garland. Hello, everybody. It's me judy garland

it's so good to see you so alert gilbert you're so on top of things your memory is just incomparable the way you just spit out those old time references that you are be actually becoming one of them before our eyes. But I want to sing a song that I sang here, I think, the first year I did this with you. I believe you did. I did. But I think the lyrics that I ended up singing for this song are very relevant to what's going on this year and how horrible it's been. It really has been horrible.

Tough year. Awful tough. Everything's closing, and you can't go out and dine. I love to dine, and I like to drink. And I can't even have a shrimp cocktail or a clams casino in a nice Italian restaurant, which I love. But Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, which I sang in Meet Me in St. Louis, was written by Hugh Martin and Mr. Blaine.

What was his first name? Ralph Blaine. Ralph Blaine, who wrote the lyrics. And, you know, the lyrics of the original song, when I'm singing it to little Margaret O'Brien in the window, were some very morbid lyrics. And have yourself a merry little Christmas. It may be your last was an original line, which next year we may all be living in the past. And I thought, well, that's morbid.

all be living in the past. And I thought, well, that's morbid. The little girl's going to jump out the window and have yourself a merry little Christmas. Pop that champagne cork. Next year, we may all be living in New York, which is not a bad thing right now since the rest of the country is just spiking and we're doing rather well, I think. And then it goes on to no good times like the olden days. Happy golden days of yore. Faithful friends who were dear to us will be near to us no more. That means you're never going to see anybody again. Where are they going? I don't know.

And then it says, but at least we all will be together if the Lord allows, which you couldn't. That was a little too religious. And then from now on, we'll have to muddle through somehow. The rest is the same. And then I said to Mr. Blaine, I said, you have to change these horrible lyrics. Margaret O'Brien may slice herself one of the dolls that she buried in the backyard. So he changed them. And he changed them to lyrics that I approved and I thought were just marvelous.

And they were sad, but they were hopeful. And that's what this, the one I ended up singing in the picture is. These are the lyrics. And of course, later, Frank Sinatra had them changed to an even more happy, joyful lyric, which I don't like because it's, no one wants to hang a star on the highest bough. At my age, you'll fall off the ladder and break a hip. So these are the lyrics from the picture. Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light. Let your heart be light Next year all our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas Make the yuletide gay Next year all our troubles Will be miles away Once again as in olden days Happy golden days of yore Faithful friends who are dear to us Will be near to us once more Once more Someday soon

We all Will be together If the fates Allow Until then We'll have to muddle Through Somehow

And have yourself a merry little Christmas now Everybody have yourself a merry little Christmas now Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas, Mr. Cantone. Thank you so much. This was really fun.

This was wonderful. Merry Christmas. Another fun one. Merry Christmas, Mr. Guthrie. Merry Christmas, Mr. Cantone. Thank you so much. This was really fun. This was wonderful. Merry Christmas. Another fun one. Merry Christmas, Mr. Guthrie. Merry Christmas, Mr. Don't plunder it. And Mr. Murray. John.

I can't believe we've done another one of these. We love you, man. I can't either. I love you guys, too. Merry Christmas. We're grateful to you from the bottom of our hearts. Merry Christmas to everybody listening and everybody who supported us. And Happy New Year, Happy Holidays,

Happy Kwanzaa, Happy all of it. Whatever you celebrate, happy times to you. And don't forget, when disciplining your children, discipline mixed with love is the best recipe. I had a great time.

Merry Christmas, Mario. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, everything. This was fun. Merry Christmas. This was fun. Merry Christmas. Happy Christmas. Bye. Bye-bye. We love you guys. We love you all. That was great. Excellent. © transcript Emily Beynon