Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Colin Quinn

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

Comedian, actor, writer and lifelong New Yorker Colin Quinn (finally!) joins Gilbert and Frank for a hilarious conversation about vanishing Manhattan, mobsters with podcasts, awkward celebrity encounters, the gritty cinema of Sidney Lumet and Martin Scorsese and his new one-person show, "Colin Quinn: The Last Best Hope." Also, Rod Steiger holds a grudge, Pat Cooper blows his stack, Kate Winslet shops at a bodega and Colin remembers the late, great Norm MacDonald. PLUS: Michael V. Gazzo! "The Panic in Needle Park"! The comedy stylings of Jan Murray! In praise of Steve Buscemi! Norman Lloyd hangs with Babe Ruth! And the boys deconstruct "Titanic," "The Departed" and "The Godfather: Part III"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino. Where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre.

Our guest this week is a producer, actor, author, director, Emmy-nominated writer, actor, author, director, Emmy-nominated writer, and one of the most prolific and admired comedians of his generation. You've seen him in popular TV shows like Remote Control, the much-beloved and greatly missed Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, The Larry Sanders Show, Girls, and Saturday Night Live, as well as hit movies like Who's the Man, Grown Ups, Grown Ups 2, A Night at the Roxbury, and Trainwreck. He's also written and starred in several critically acclaimed one-person shows and television specials, including An Irish Wake and Unconstitutional, as well as Long Story Short and The New York Story, both directed by his old friend Jerry Seinfeld. And 2019's Red State, Blue State, drawing phrase from The New Yorker, The Hollywood Reporter, and The New York Times, which affectionately described him as a barstool philosopher.

described him as a barstool philosopher. He's also the author of, named one of NPR's favorite books of 2020. His newest show, Colin Quinn, The Last Best Hope, will run from November 2nd to the 20th at the Lucille Lortel Theater in New York before heading out on a national tour in December. Frank and I are thrilled to welcome to the show a fellow diehard New Yorker, an artist of multiple talents, and one of the world's funniest human beings, and a man who claims that he personally ruined Robert De Niro's 60th birthday, our old friend Colin Quinn. Jesus, that was interminable. I hope you guys are going to cut that.

The long intros have become a running gag. I'm sure the fans really appreciate them. They do. Yes. It doubles as an obituary. Welcome, Colin, finally. Thanks, Frank. Thanks, Gilbert.

Good to see you. You too. Now, how did you ruin Robert De Niro's birthday? Oh, that's an old story. But I mean, I it was on it was in 2004. It was the 60th birthday party. And his wife asked me to go up and do a De Niro impression because I did a mediocre De Niro impression. But so I turned it into a Ralph Cramden moment was like I'm gonna make this my time with Scorsese De Niro this is gonna be my move to start getting in with them so I wrote this whole long elaborate 15 minute show 20 minutes really and it was all stuff I'd never done on stage which is amateur mistake number one and so I had all my notes laid out,

and I went on to his birthday party. She wanted me to do a one-minute thing. I did 20 minutes and bombed so badly that 12 years later, Jim Norton and me were in the street, and he goes to De Niro, and his wife will pass by. He goes, we're talking with him for a minute, laughing. He goes, remember when he bombed at your birthday and both their faces darkened with pain and hate.

It was that bad. And there was a followup with Robin Williams. No, I went out. Robin Williams was one of the guests, right? The night that night. and he came outside afterwards because i just walked out stunned as you do after a nice bomb and i walk into the rain outside stunned but happened to be out of that room that hated me

and he came out he goes oh my god he goes i i saw you get up there and i was like what's colin quinn what's he saying in the mic? He goes, suddenly you just started talking to a microphone. It wasn't set up like a show. And that was my fault too. And then he goes, I couldn't believe it. And I go, I know. And we go into this whole conversation.

And then I had a new cashmere sweater that I was bringing to another show. And it was raining. And it fell into the gutter and a cab ran it over and he just started crying with laughter. Bad night. Was Scorsese in attendance?

No. Everybody else was. Irwin Winkler, all the big producers, you know, Jane Rosenthal, all the important people except only Scorsese wasn't there, but apparently it hasn't affected our relationship either way, because I've never met him. I see.

Supposedly, Gilbert is his favorite comedian. Really? What do we make of this, Gilbert? Yes, and you could tell by all the Scorsese films I've been in. I know. I was going to say, if he's your favorite comedian, what's going on here? Yeah, I don't know how many times on this show alone

someone has said, oh, and I know Martin Scorsese and he loves Gilbert Gottfried. Yeah. And I can't get a ticket to a Scorsese. Well, Gilbert was the guy that everybody always ran into see in comedy. Yeah. You know what I mean?

When I was in comedy, when we worked at Catch, everybody went in because Gilbert was always ahead of the curve as far as his material. It was always, you should excuse the term, meta before anybody else. Meta before meta was a thing. That's right. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you guys actually remember meeting? You don't have a specific memory of that, do you? No. Yeah. No, neither do I. Wasn't Gilbert the guy who got the check spot, Colin, a lot? Attached? In those days?

Well, Gilbert, you said that you'd put you on to clear the room. Yeah. Sometimes when they wanted the room cleared uh they they'd get me up there because they'd know i'd like just do whatever popped into my head yeah lose the crowd and they don't pay the checks quickly and go well gil gilbert was the master of brain driving home the point so like so but it was really funny so it was like people would appreciate it now like i said it was kind of ahead of its time like the first time i saw him get up with water i go that's good water and then he goes jews announce everything and then he just started announcing

things for 20 minutes and it was really funny i remember that bit yeah but a lot of the crowd a lot of the crowd was a little behind at that time and they caught up. You know what I mean? But he was, you know, I say he's still ahead of his times, but right now I'm still doing jokes about Bonanza. Gabe Kaplan about 15 years ago.

I saw him and he did a became in Mrs. Miller. I love it. I love it. I love it. McCabe and Mrs. Miller just turned 50 this year. Yeah. Good films of 1971.

We had Gabe here a couple of weeks ago and he did tell, I know you knew that he knew Jack Ruby. Oh, I love that. He told a couple of Jack Ruby stories. The greatest. Yeah, yeah. Jack Ruby got pissed off because Gabe used the word tits in the carousel club. Yeah.

Yeah, and it was a classy place. Yeah, that's exactly. Well, those guys, oh, yeah, they would never curse like that. Exactly. That was for when, you know. I want to go back to Scorsese, Colin, because I know that you're obsessed with goodfellas and i think it's amusing that you say that people start stop following you

on twitter at some point because you're constantly you're constantly quoting goodfellas dialogue well no no that that was not what people stop fault i mean a lot of people stop following on twitter just because i was like very repetitive and very you know i see whatever whatever i am on twitter but yeah i used to do a whole goodfellas thing where you have everybody weighing in with good because I was like very repetitive and very, you know, whatever, whatever I am on Twitter. But yeah, I used to do a whole good fellas thing where, you know, everybody weighing in with good fellas quotes for everything that was going on. That was a long time ago. I mean, but, uh, but the truth is I've evolved like everybody else in the world.

I've evolved now about good fellas where my favorite, I feel like, and I know this is heresy to say, and I hesitate to say it, I like Mean Streets better. Wow. Geez. See, I haven't seen Mean Streets for a while now. I love Mean Streets. Mean Streets is the first place I ever heard the word Mama Luke. Yeah, right.

And I'm Italian. So you've evolved on me like Obama did on gay marriage. On gay marriage. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, because I remember Harvey Keitel is in Main Street. Harvey Keitel's in it, but there's also all these side characters that are great actors, Richard Romanis and a couple other people,

and they're so funny. Everybody in it is really funny. Every line of dialogue is hilarious. And I remember there's a part in Main Street where they're waiting at a red light. And De Niro says, what's this, a coffee and cake light? Yes. Yes.

Okay, but one Scorsese film you have not come around on, or it seems to be... Most Scorsese films. Is that true? Yeah. Because Alex told me you like After Hours. I like it. I don't love it.

Okay. King of Comedy? Love it. Okay, that's why. Yeah, Gilbert and I were asked to introduce that at Film Forum a couple of years ago, which was kind of surreal. Of course. What about Casino?

Casino, it was okay. I mean, Sharon Stone was great, but it was just, I don't like the fact that everybody goes, first of all, Chicago accents are annoying. If you're going to make a mob movie, it's got to be New York. Even the Sopranos, you notice they all have New York accents. They don't have a Jersey. None of them do a Jersey accent.

It's all New York. That's not their accent out there. Sure, that's a good point. Kevin Pollak told us, by the way, that Pesci was pissed off at Rickles through the whole shoot. Oh, the casino? Yeah, he did not appreciate Rickles' sense of humor. De Niro laughed at everything Rickles said, and apparently Pesci was antagonistic.

Yeah, like Rickles was saying about Pesci, I'm going to get on them and ride them like a Shetland pony. Yeah. Was not appreciative of Don Rickles. Well, yeah. According to Kevin, who was there. Yeah, but you have to figure Joe Pesci, all his life, was short and people made little remarks.

And then suddenly he's a movie star. This is the pinnacle of his career. Right. He's done. This is the pinnacle of his career. Everybody's like, Mr. Pesci, we're ready for you. Whenever you're done with your. Don't make your trailer. Please take your time.

And he's finally forgotten all the little slights and insults since he was a kid. Sure. And then he walks on the set, and this bastard starts to... You work with Pesci on SNL and De Niro in that sketch. No, only for two seconds. That Jim Brewer sketch. Yeah, I was only for a minute.

I didn't really talk to the people. You didn't? No. What do you think of the Scorsese films, if you could rate them after Casino? I mean, even before Casino. Most of his movies, they're just not for me. You know what I mean?

And I hate Gangs of New York. casino i was not most of his movies they're just not for me you know what i mean and i hate uh gangs of new york and i hated uh that one that won the best picture the boston one the departed yeah departed was shit and yeah i mean we're gonna send this episode to scorsese to get him to do the show by the way the ir The Irishman was the worst. Yeah, I saw you tweeting about the Irishman. The worst. Yeah. I said it was like a travelogue. What did you say?

They cut out, they left in the best parts about the checking into hotels. Yeah, they kept in all the exciting parts of checking into hotels. And driving. And driving. Yeah. And what accent was Daniel Day-Lewis doing in there?

In Gangs of New York? Yeah. That was insane. Yeah. That's supposed to be like Americana, you know? What do you think of Departed? I hate it. Oh, you hated it.

You just mentioned that. I hated Departed. Yeah, but there were good scenes in Departed. Good scenes. But as a movie, I hated Departed. Yeah, but there were good scenes in Departed. Good scenes. But as a movie, I hated it. The original Chinese film it's based on is quite good, actually. I bet it is. Yeah, actually.

And what about The Aviator? I never saw that one. I couldn't sit through a movie called The Aviator. Fair enough. Now, you're a mob guy, and I'm talking to Alex, and he's saying that, you know, like us, you like films from the 70s. You particularly like films set in New York in the 70s, as we do. French Connection turned 50 last week.

Yeah. There's a movie. That was a great one. Do you guys think there's ever been a better American, not just for film, film actor than Hackman? Better American film actor? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's amazing, you know.

And the only reason, I would never even think he was that amazing, except I saw him in that movie, you know, Unforgiven. Uh-huh. And he was so good as an evil prick in that movie. I was like, wow. Because it's hard for me to notice. Because I feel like I like old school actors that are big. Like everybody criticizes Al Pacino.

And he does get a little big. But I like Peter O'Toole. Like I like, you know what I mean? Like the lion in winter. Sure. And he's flailing around. And he's just funny. By the way, who was that comedian that used to do

a Peter O'Toole impression at catch? Oh my God. It was a great impression. Mmm. You got me stuck. I can't remember. There was some guy, I don't know who it was. You know what's funny? I think Alan Arkin said

that instead of playing everything quiet, he says a lot of actors make that mistake. And he said, real life is big. That's great, yeah. How about The Heart is a Lonely Hunter? Oh, he's great in that. Yes.

With Chuck McCann. Yes. What other mob movies do you go in for? Do you like Miller's Crossing? Oh, I love it. Speaking of big yeah miller's crossing yeah everybody's stylized and they're all great operatic yeah john palito yeah the late palito everybody here's how great it is everybody's great and then john totoro comes last and out and everybody else has to play catch-up. That's how good he is. It's true.

And Finney. Albert Finney's great. Gabriel Byrne, a Martian gay heart. I mean, everybody's great. Steve Boucher, everybody's great in it. And you like State of Grace, too. I saw you in an interview talking about that one. Well, I like Gary Oldman in it.

I thought it was kind of a weird movie, but I felt like it had potential. But no, I didn't like it as a whole movie. So Oldman. We'll forgive Oldman. Oldman in this. I thought it was kind of a weird movie, but I felt like it had potential. But no, I didn't like it as a whole movie. I thought it was just a little bit of a piece. So Oldman. We'll forgive Oldman. Oldman was amazing. Why, he's anti-Semitic? No, he made a statement a couple years ago. I thought Gilbert was going to bring it up.

I think he made one of those Jews run Hollywood kind of statements. But you can't criticize English anti-Semitism. I don't know why. You know what I mean? That's interesting. Why is that? Well, in the Irish community, you can criticize them for being British,

but not for being anti-Semitism. Okay. Fair enough. And aside from Coppola's daughter, name all the things that are wrong with Godfather 3. But Godfather 3, the same things that are wrong with The Departed. It's like you can't bite off this much and not chew it. These guys bite off this stuff, and then they can't even.

Like Godfather 3, it's the perfect plot, which is the Vatican. But people are so stupid when they make movies. They're like, we have to make sure that people are invested in the personal love story between this one. And it's like, you've got the Vatican, a true story about the Vatican. A major guy in the Vatican, Sindona, was washing money for the mob. He was laundering money for the mob. That's enough for a movie. Relax on the love story,

you fucking idiots. You know what I mean? And it's just like, they're like, no, you gotta have the love story. Like, when you're as big as Francis Ford Coppola making Godfather 3,

can't you tell the studio, hey, hey, hey, you were wrong about part one, just back the fuck off. Instead, he's like, well, every arc on page 82, the love story, what the fuck is happening? So instead, they make this bullshit.

I felt the same way about Titanic. The sinking of the Titanic wasn't story enough to come up with a love story. Yeah. Put it in the center of it. The worst part of Titanic is the two leads. I fucking hate them. By the way,

she gave me the evil I once had a bodega. Kate Winslet did? Yeah. Do tell. Not that I was just at a bodega. And I was with this girl who was working on a show. And she's there. And then she turned around and Kate Winslet starts staring at me like this. And my friend goes, she goes,

she was waiting for you to turn around so she could give the evil eye. So I'm all on board with that. And by the way, you've heard Greg Giraldo's joke about Titanic. He goes, that was a beautiful movie. Girls love it. He goes, they didn't cut if he had lived 25 years later. He goes, cut to that couple 25 years later if he didn't die.

It's like, get in the boat, Rose! We miss Greg. I always thought I wanted to make a different ending for Titanic, where he does live. And all of a sudden, this whole thing of, know she hates uh rich being rich right high society and loves the working class and i thought you know show it show the two of them uh survive and get off the boat yeah and live in some rat infested walk up with walk-up without running water, without a toilet in a building. And she works at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory.

Oh, my God, what a reference. You are a New York historian. Here's two New York films. Here's two gritty New York films that just turned 50. Clute and The Panic in Needle Park. Oh, yeah. There you go, and The Panic in Needle Park. Oh, yeah. There you go, Billy. Panic in Needle Park is an amazing film.

It's set on 72nd Street. It's this beautifully shot thing with these great actors, this dramatic heroine thing, and it's still boring. I don't know how they pulled it off. It's not that good. Now now which do you like better godfather one or two oh the same i don't know they're both great i like them both yeah colin was was doing a pagoda dialogue before we before we actually yeah my son well my yeah go. My favorite part is at the beginning of Godfather 2 when they're changed.

They're living in Lake Tahoe. And then Frank Pantangeli just does one thing that makes me go, oh, he's from the old neighborhood. He drinks water out of the hose. That's great. A great moment of authenticity. He was great.

Every scene with him was great. He was great. He was great. He was a playwright. Yeah, he wrote Hat Full of Rain. Michael Godsoe, Hat Full of Rain. I love the scene with Robert Duvall in prison where he's telling him to kill himself. Yes.

It's an amazing scene. It's great. It's a great scene. Now, speaking of mafiosos, I went to see you last night in the Comedy Cellar Extension. What do they call that place? The Fat Black Pussycat? The Fat Black Pussycat, yeah. Charming little space.

You have a bit about now mafioso guys have podcasts? Oh, yeah. Did I miss something? Which mafioso? Like 10 of them. Do they? Sammy the Bull has one. No shit. Oh, yeah. A lot of 10 of them. Do they? Sammy, Sammy the Bull has one. No shit.

Oh, yeah, a lot of guys have them. Yeah. Gilbert, we got to get on this. Yes. Yeah. No, they're very popular. And they have New York. Believe me, if you can get Sammy the Bull or Michael Franchese on your podcast,

those guys will be telling great stories. They're both like, they have stories. I'm actually related. Michael is adopted, but I'm actually related to the old man, to Sonny. Really? Yeah, he's my grandmother's first cousin. Oh, my God. You can probably get him on the show.

There you go. Gilbert, you want to? No, Sonny died, but we could. I'm saying you get Michael. Sonny was like 100. See, and people would say it's offensive to think that every Italian is somehow connected to the mob. And it's true. Each one is connected to the mob.

Gil, you're not a distant cousin of Louis Lepke? Each one is connected to the mom. Gilly, you're not a distant cousin of Louis Lepke? Also, I know you're a fan. Talking to Brazil, I know you're a Lumet fan, speaking of New York films. Oh, my God, of course. Who doesn't like Sidney Lumet? I mean, he had some great ones.

We talk about him all the time here. Well, one of the most as you know probably is q a yeah nolte q a oh my god nolte and uh armand de santi yeah it's a good one and lewis oh my god there's so many great performances that charles dutton yeah yeah we had tree williams here we did a lot of talk about prince in the city oh prince of the city. Oh, Prince of the City, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Prince of the City, it was great, but there was something off about it. I can't figure it out, but there was something weird about that movie. It's about an hour and a half too long, but it's good.

Maybe that's what it was. But it's good. Yeah. Oh, I love it. It's got Jerry Orbach and all those great New York actors. I know. Jerry Orbach's great in that movie, by the way. Yeah.

He turns the guy's desk over and kicks him in the balls. Yeah. Tell me. Tell me. Go ahead, Gil. The porn broker. It's another one. Oh, the best.

Yeah, really good. How about when he goes, tell me how you do it, Mr. Nassiman? And he goes, how do we do it? He explains to the porter, we can give the worst room. We take a, I cut it in half and you don't eat lunch. And then you, oh, what a monologue. Yes. Now, you've got to like Steiger, because I know you love,

the film just went out of my head, On the Waterfront. On the Waterfront. Oh, man. Yeah. Another great one. They shot that in Hoboken, you know. Have you heard Gilbert's Rod Steiger? No.

My dear Miss Birchfield, you have made this an extremely tedious afternoon with your constant search for an answer. Now I ask you, please stay out of my life. Oh, I love it. Was she the social worker? Oh, yes, yes.

Geraldine Fitzgerald. Very good. Oh, my God. And what did Steiger say after Brando screwed him on On the Waterfront, Gilbert? When he wouldn't do the two-shot with him? You remember? He was pissed off. I forget. What did he say? front Gilbert when he wouldn't do the when he wouldn't do the two shot with him you remember he was pissed off I forget what did he you do that impression you know the bit where you say I didn't speak to him oh I did I met Steiger and I spoke to him briefly and I asked him about

because when they did the two shotshot, Brando went home. So when it was time for Steiger's close-up, he's playing it off some, you know, whatever. And he goes, I didn't speak to him for 20 years after that. Wow. He was right. Yeah, yeah. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning.

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Please play responsibly. There's a part in the porn broker where he's talking to Geraldine Fitzgerald and he's looking out over the balcony and he goes, Today is an anniversary. I didn't die. Everything I loved was taken away from me and I did not die. Unbelievable. By the way, you know, it's another great movie.

Rod Saga, No Way to Treat a Lady. Oh, we talk about it. We did a whole episode about that movie with Lee Remick. Yes. And Morris was the cop. And remember, his mother, and it was like, that was what made it great. He's the Jewish cop. His mother harasses him.

And Rod Steiger's got mother issues, so he's killing everybody. It reminds me. Ah, the best. We tried like hell to get Siegel on this show. We couldn't get him. Yeah. He would have been a great guest. Well, I hate to break it to you.

I'll tell you why. Anyway. No, I'm kidding. Okay. I hate to break it to you. I'll tell you why. Anyway. No, I'm kidding.

And you know, Steiger was having fun. Because he's such a ham. Yes. Oh, he says, the Irish guy, then the German. You have strudel. Yeah. You have strudel. Well, he was taking parts in those days that allowed him to overact like the love yes yeah but i'm saying these are the performance sorry they're drilling right that's what i have

these are the parts we'll work with my my block has more con ed it's crazy it's one little block and it's always there's always either con ed it's always blocked if you can't drive at this block ever where are you in the east village no no downtown by the financial district oh i see a lot going on down there let me shout out two actors that did this podcast that also acted with you because it gives me a chance to bring up one of my favorite colin projects and that's cop show oh which i loved and i'm going to tell our listeners to find it. It's on YouTube on Colin's channel. You worked with, well, three people, but I'll mention two great actors, Buscemi and the late Danny Aiello.

Yes, Danny Aiello, yeah. Yeah, both who did this show. You look like you're having a blast doing that show. I had so much fun. I had so much fun. And Buscemi is the greatest. He's the best guy. He's like such a great guy. Everybody consistently just much fun. And Buscemi is the greatest. He's the best guy.

He's like such a great guy. Everybody consistently just loves him. You know what I mean? He's just a nice guy. For such a talented actor, he's like a humble. Like some people don't have a personality of showbiz. You know what I mean? He's one of those.

Oh, he's down to earth. Gilbert screwed him on a cab fare years ago. Yes, he did. Here's the story. Steve was trying his hand at stand-up. Gilbert was already established as a stand-up. They got into a cab together. Steve assumed that Gilbert, as the established, successful comic, had the cab.

Right. He was mistaken. Shows how fucking stupid Bushem is. Well, you should know, Gilbert's famous for not taking cabs. He's famous for taking the bus to his letterman spot. Yeah. I want to tell our listeners why Gilbert was late to the George Takei recording that we did at the Friars Club. Darra showed up without him.

George Takei was sitting there waiting to be recorded. I said, where's Gilbert? And Darra said he insisted on taking the bus. He didn't want to waste the transfer. True story. The third guy we had on this show who does wonderful work on Cop Show is the legendary Pat Cooper. Oh, my God. Squally Caputo. What the hell was that like?

He's the greatest. I mean, you know what it's like. Yeah. He is. He's that guy where you don't, it doesn't matter if he's trying to be funny or he's dead serious. It's so funny. Yeah.

When he's serious, he just goes, and if you go, ha ha, he goes, I'm not kidding right now. You're like, okay. But it's so funny. And when he was on the podcast, he was one of those guests where we could have left and gone out to dinner and come back. He is the greatest. And people don't realize he's 6'4". Yeah.

He's intimidating, even if he was 5'8". I know. I'm saying he's six foot four yeah he's intimidating even if he was five eight yeah i know i'm saying he used to because everyone like would worship like johnny carson and stuff and he always would say what's johnny carson what is he god yeah he's one of those guys you never say anything nice about owning these peers around because he'll fucking let you have it did did that premise did cop show grow out of the fact that you were never asked to do law and order yeah because because it's a parody of a it's it's a behind should explain it's a behind the scenes satire about about the making of a police procedural like Law & Order. And you dial in all these wonderful New York actors to be on it. Yeah.

And it's a little Larry Sanders-esque in the sense that you're playing yourself as kind of a clueless, self-absorbed celebrity. Sure. Yeah, it's got Larry Sanders' influence for sure. Very smart. But thanks. Yeah yeah it was uh right that's what it was that i was never asked to be on law and order which is an insult by the way gilbert were you ever asked to be on law and order was he ever on law and order i i did i don't want

to rub it in your face i i did two law and orders oh boy You should see the look on Colin's face right now, listeners. He's holding his head. Like, not dealing with the... He's like Brando saying the horror of the horror. I love that you injected an Uta Hagen character into the Instacop show. Because I studied at HB Studios with Bill Hickey. Oh,

great. Played Gilbert's uncle, Bill Hickey. Oh, he's perfect for Gilbert's uncle. Yes, that was on Wings. He was so funny. He used to sit in acting class back in the early 80s.

Sit in acting class, smoke, and give notes, and his clothes, by the time he was done with class, would be covered in ashes, like volcanic ash. He'd smoke two packs of cigarettes in like three hours and just sit there and smoke and talk, and his clothes would be covered in ashes every time. Great, in Pritzy's honor. Oh, great, great.

And remember on Wings, he Pritzy's honor. Oh, great. I remember on Wings he has a line, he's talking, I'm his nephew, and he talks about me and he goes, he's a nice young man, but he's got such an annoying voice. That's a great

Bill Hickey impression, by the way want to have to recommend cop show to our listeners because it's a lot of fun it's great to see keith robinson again yeah and our friend peter gross and peter gross is amazing really funny guy and what you did there because it drives me nuts too is substitute words for curse words on these yes yes yeah pat was like fuming over even though that was the joke pat was so mad about it also the good thing about pat is even if it's the joke he's still mad he gets the joke but he's still mad about it in real life even though he's he's always mad he's twice as mad as everybody else because of that. And by the way, I think Bill Hickey was in No Way to Treat a Lady, if I'm not mistaken.

He might have been. That's good. Oh, he could have been like whatchamacallit, a snitch or something. Yes. Yeah. Why do you say this is – I'm going to use this as a segue, the word snitch. Why do you think this is the golden age of snitching oh because of social media uh-huh because there's no repercussions for just saying whatever you want so everybody's just it's a constant everybody on social media is all days

going please watch this person please watch that stop this person it's's insane. They're all snitches. And it's like in the old days, you were a snitch. They found out you were. And then you were in a lot of trouble. Snitches get stitches. Yes. They used to say. No, snitches get development deals. Gilbert, with the Aflac thing, did Aflac just discover it on their own or were you ratted out by people on social?

Ratted out. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I found out I was fired. I didn't find out from them. I saw on the Internet. It's nobody. But what he said, Frank, you're saying, did you do you think Aflac found out or somebody? Yeah. Call them somebody on social media. Raise raise that red flag. Frank is saying, did you, do you think Aflac found out or somebody called them? Somebody on social media raised that red flag. Oh, I'm sure. And I also think Aflac was more than pleased to go, hey, we could get somebody cheaper and we'll make a whole campaign out of it too. Right, right.

Yeah. pain out of it too right right yeah well one time they offered me some pizza commercial like 10 12 years ago not good money but it was i forget who it was it was a big pizza they had money you know but they offered my they said we wanted to do i was like that i'm not doing that it's no money whatever they got a guy that did me everybody just come over you go hey i did that pizza thing yes yes oh shit well like like shit. Well, like, with Affleck, the guy they got said in an interview, he said,

well, before I recorded, I listened to a lot of the original commercials. And I thought, oh, so you stole my identity. Yeah. This quick question from a listener, Colin. Let's see.

Adam Palmer wants to know, I love Colin Quinn. How the hell did he wind up in Crocodile Dundee 2? Oh, well, that's another great famous story. What happened was, I mean, I got one line in that story, in that movie. But what I did was, this is how deluded I was. It's like 1988. I knew Gilbert. And I went and I rewrote.

I read the script. Somehow they gave a guy who was basically an extra a copy of the script, me, which is why we shouldn't do it. It's dangerous. I read the script. It was set in New York. I go, this isn't a real New York movie. I'll make it a New York movie.

Nobody asked me to. I'm an extra with one line. I rewrote the whole script and handed it in to the director. Wow. Nobody asked me. And luckily, he was Australian, so he was probably like,

yeah, we got a stalker. But by the way, I wish I had a copy of that script. I rewrote the whole script. Guess who is now the sidekick leading Paul Hogan around New York? Me. Nice work.

Talk about a loser. You still writing the occasional screenplay, Colin? Yeah, I have a lot of screenplays. What gets me about Crocodile Dundee is like after a while you go no it's not just he's australian he's a fucking idiot that he doesn't know everything's a mystery to him but also you have to understand his it was he gave a fresh perspective in a world of high tech he was really back to it was back to nature man you know what i mean yes you call him an idiot but it was refreshing that suddenly this guy you know he's at a restaurant the snooty guy it was the 80s it was so it was sort of like wall street for you know for idiots

so like the guy with the slick back hair and then paul hogan goes excuse me i think i looked you in the way and he hits him and knocks him out in his chair so it's really it was it was an indictment of uh 80s greed and and corporate america speaking of legendary actors here's another one for you colin andrew lapocha our friend any stories about working with the late great norm Norman Lloyd in Trainwreck? Now, this is a guy that worked with Chaplin and Hitchcock. Yeah, yeah. And Judd, we had Judd on the show, and he was telling us that Norman was driving himself to the set at whatever the hell he was, 97? Amazing. Yeah.

I mean, he lived to be 100. Yeah, 100. And someone else said he showed up, he had to take a plane there, and he took a plane by himself. He was like 100. He got on the plane. It's crazy. And he knew Babe Ruth.

Oh, because you got that Babe Ruth dialogue in the movie. Yeah, that was based on him just talking about Babe being. But when I was talking to him, it was the weirdest, because I think he was 100 by then or 99. He might have been. But he was so lucid, it was the weirdest because he, I think he was a hundred by then or 99. He might've been, but he was so lucid. It was crazy. You know what I mean? It was just everything you would say to him. It wasn't like talking to somebody where you're like, Hey, he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he understood everything. It was crazy.

It was crazy. What a legend. We tried to get him. We tried to get him. His people told us, nah, he's done enough of these things. Yeah. I guess he has all those. plus it's always probably hitchcock and then you know the other one uh limelight yeah yeah we work with chaplin and keaton yeah oh i just remembered something when we had steve buscemi on in the middle of the interview he he said to me, do you know anything about my career? I'll tell you what he said. He said, I'm so flattered that Gilbert has only a passing knowledge of my career. Well, yeah, but you knew like the Coen Brothers movie.

You know, you know the importance ones with him, right? What does he want? He's had a long career. He can't be there for all of it. know don't defend him colin i'm defending i'm defending gilbert i know that's what i mean he was he was woefully unprepared yeah gilbert at least you can put a list of his stuff in front of you i mean plus he's been in everything yeah yeah gilbert g Gilman probably slipped up and goes, so you did work with Scorsese?

And he's like, yes, I did. Okay, this is a long time ago, Colin, but I love doing research on you, and I went back to 95 to watch the Great Sanders episode where you played Cully, Rip Tord's son, and you got scenes with this guy who's another iconic actor. Any memories? Rip. Oh, Rip Torn's son. And you got scenes with this guy who's another iconic actor. Any memories? Rip.

Oh, Rip, yeah. Any memories at all of doing that? I know you were young. Well, Rip Torn was, yeah, no, I wasn't that young. But Rip Torn was so, like, I'm playing his son. Yeah. So he's coincidentally. His ne'er-do-well son.

Yeah, and his son was on the set that week. And his son's, like, this nice guy. And he's like, yeah His ne'er-do-well son. Yeah, and his son was on the set that week. And his son's like this nice guy. And he's like, yeah, we had a rough time, me and my father. He's telling me. So it's like a research. You know, I'm playing this role. It was really. He's like, we had a really rough relationship.

So like, it's. And then Rip's going to be like, yes. I was not the father to him. I should have been. So like in the middle of the scene, we're doing. Wow. It's like, yeah, it was really deep. And, uh, and, uh, yeah. But Rip was like, you know, I mean, he was such a,

he's such a down to earth. Like he wasn't like, you don't know how to act. Cause I did not act, but he was just like, yeah. Like he's just like, goes right into it. His son's right there off stage. So while I'm doing the son, the son's going, that's just how he was into it his son's right there off stage so while i'm doing the sun and the sun's going that's just how he was with me it was really weird it was great you underestimate yourself you more than held your own with him do you regret not staying in touch

with gary after that gary shanley yeah yeah yeah i mean i i mean gary would stay in touch like he would send me an email once in a while. He was just a great guy. You know what I mean? But yeah, I should have been more cherished that more. But you know how it is. Yeah. We both knew him a little bit, but probably not as well as you. But Judd and Mike Bonfiglio made that great documentary for HBO.

Yes. figlio made that great documentary for hbo yes i have a thing where um and i always i'm always amazed at people i know other comics where they're like they're friends with i'll go oh yeah i had dinner with mick jagger as usual every uh or and and they know i've got who No, I've just known comedians and stuff who are friends with major celebs. And I know a couple of times in my life where a celebrity has given me their phone number and told me to call him. And I never do it because I'm always scared. I'm always scared. It's like how a girl gives you her number and she's so excited when she gives you a number and then you call her and it's like,

hi, it's Gilbert. And it's like, yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah. No, I feel the same way. I mean, I mean, I, I, i feel like i've never tried to reach out to celebrities it was it definitely feels weird to me yeah i don't i don't i don't like the fact that our peers become friends with these people it annoys me and it infuriates me and it bugs me too so i agree with you anytime any comedian goes oh i'm hanging out with this one i go shut up who cares yeah that shit you're a comedian and really the good thing about comedians is they always miss hanging out with other comedians even if they're hanging out with mick jagger they kind of wish they were hanging out with other comedians yeah we're more

fun you know mick jagger mick jagger i mean i hate this to be a scorsese bashing session but mick jagger martin scorsese like these guys they're geniuses in their world but if they start talking about comedy we're like oh they don't know what the hell they're saying so much for you being scorsese's favorite comic gil yes you know good point that was the conceit of this show colin like you know the green kitchen in the old days, you know, after the late shows at catch. Yes. That was the idea. A bunch of guys get together at two in the morning after the club closes at four, whatever the hell you guys got together and sat around or the or the Carnegie Deli scene in Broadway.

Danny Rose. That's right. That was the idea. Let's get fun people, comics and sit around and just and just bullshit about, you know, the old days. Yeah. You know who you guys should get on? I don't know if he's still alive. Norman Fell.

When I was on Remote Control. He's gone. Long gone. When I was on MTV on Remote Control, we had Norman Fell on one episode. And they brought him on because it was a game show about the old TV show. Sure. And they wanted to go to Ken Ober and go, well, Kenny, you know you're a little. So Norman Feld, that was it. Norman Feld shows up and his writer, it says, I want my check.

Before I go on, I want my check and a cold six-pack of beer before I go on. I want him in my dressing room. And it's like 10 in the morning. He comes in, opens a beer, drinks the beer, puts his check in his pocket, comes out, goes, you know, Ken. And then the director goes, could you do it a little bigger? And he looks at him like, yeah, I guess you should. Do it again, Ken.

And then goes back to his dressing room. One more beer and leaves. Wow. But he was a nice guy. He was a nice guy. Yeah. Norman Fell I met, and he's one of the people who gave me his phone number. Perfect timing.

He's one of the guys he didn't stay in touch with. Yes. He's a guy you should have kept in touch with. I know. He's one of the guys he didn't stay in touch with. Yes. He's a guy you should have kept in touch with. I know. He's your type of guy. It's not Mick Jagger. It's Norman Felt. He's got all the stories. Norman Felt, I would have loved to have spoken,

but I kept thinking, oh, I'm going to call him and I'll go, yeah, what do you want? And two other people who gave me their numbers are George Carlin and Jonathan Winters. And I never called either one. Well, you know, the funniest thing about George Carlin, you know Joe DeRosa? I know Joe.

Yes. Funny comic. He used to have a tattoo that said, keep kicking him at K-K-I-T-N. Keep kicking him in the nuts. And everybody goes, where'd you get that tattoo? And he goes, I got it because George Colin talked to me. And he goes, you have any advice? He goes, just keep kicking him in the nuts.

Keep kicking him in the nuts. And so he got that tattoo. So he talked about it on a show. And then people called in and going, Joe, that was his goodbye to everybody. That was his goodbye to everybody that's was he's just so joe they're just abusing him so he got the tattoo changed well i remember being on a plane before i had ever met him and i was walking down the aisle and I saw George Carlin was on like about two uh rolls down for me and I thought well I don't want to bother

him and I'm sitting there and then at the when it's getting toward the uh oh no it's like when they're taking off George Carlin is walking down the aisle, and he comes right up to me, and I thought, oh, my God, Carlin wants to talk to me. And he said, yeah, I have to read some stuff, and I got to work, and then I'm going to take a nap, so I can't talk to you. And he walked away.

It's like he went out of his way to tell me to go fuck myself. What a tribute. It's hilarious. Listener David Carnegie points out that you guys were both there when the block at Morningside Heights was dedicated in George's name. Oh. Yes. And I'm going to pay you a compliment, Colinin i hope it doesn't embarrass you but seeing you

last night you know not a lot of people are doing that kind of social commentary in their comedy and and this kind of philosophizing that that george was doing certainly in the in the later years i i think i think what you're doing is is good i really do oh my god thank you so much it's the ultimate compliment i realize i've been around i've seen a lot of comics yeah and uh i i love what you're doing and and putting things into a historical context which he did yeah yeah i love doing that you don't see it you don't see it a lot which is my my uh my clumsy segue into uh into talking about the one man shows but specifically i want to talk about new york story because you're a lifelong New Yorker, so are we.

I love what you had to say about the Italians. And I love what you... What is this thing about the Jews, too? They were the only people who willingly went out of their way to get the TB test? Yeah, Ellis Island. They're the only people. Everybody else was trying not to get it.

Like, oh, they'll send me back home. I hope I don't have TB. The Jews are like, excuse me, you missed this whole row. I don't know what this is, but it's something. You're a doctor. This guy's supposed to be a doctor. It's so funny. I like this, too, that New York, know it's a city that gilbert and i love obviously we both grew up here we we lament the changes to it yes uh you describe it accurately i think the

city born of misery and complaint yeah yeah i mean that's and the negativity makes the city funny right like all the people that came here were dissatisfied with something in their old country. To come here, they must have had a negative attitude from the beginning. They're not coming here because they were happy people. So that's who ended up here, you know? I miss what you're talking about, too, in the show.

I miss the German delis. You know, I'm up here on the Upper East Side. Germantown is really gone. I know. You know, those Greek... You're talking about the Greek coffee shop owners, you got that great bit where they're throwing you out as they're seating you? Yes. Could you do a little bit of that for so long? I can't remember. Oh, you can't remember it. It's wonderful. But it's disappearing. In New York, there used to be just great junk stores. These stores that had like, it was no rhyme or reason.

There was clothes, there was food, there was tools. And you'd always wind up buying stuff because you go, well, I don't need it, but it's so cheap. buying stuff because you go, well, I don't need it, but it's so cheap. Yeah, well, it was just the one place around here they closed because of COVID was an odd lot. Remember odd lot store? Sure, absolutely.

Right there on Chambers Street. Now it's gone. Yeah, there was odd lot and job lot. Yep. And there was Weber's John's Bargain Store. Oh, God. Oh, Robbins was another one. Do you spend any time in Queens, like Ozone Park, Woodhaven? That's where I'm from.

Oh. You remember John's Bargain Store on Woodhaven Boulevard? Hey. Lewis of Woodhaven mean anything to you? Gilbert, just the fact that we're talking about these Italians saying they're not mobbed, he's from Ozone Park. Yeah, all right. Fregatti country.

I apologize. Yeah. I love this, too. You're talking about the subway then and now. You're saying you get on the subway now. There's a beautiful poem. You know? Yes.

You get on the subway in 1970. There's a poster. It's chain snatching season. Yeah. So tuck your stuff in, too. Tuck your stuff in. In the 80s, even, yeah. In the 80s.

You know, do you remember a bookstore called Cinemabilia? You're a movie guy. No, where's that? There was an old bookstore in the village that specialized in movie books and books about cinema. It was a Samuel French kind of place. I mean, that's what I miss, the old funky record stores. Me too.

Walking around last night when I came to see you in the club, you know, Bleecker Street looks like a shadow of itself. I know. They used to be dollar movie theaters. Of course. Yes. And so that way, if the movie was a piece of shit, you'd go, eh, all right, it was a dollar.

Right. It was like third-run houses right that's right and bleaker street used to have do you remember this place zito's bakery that sounds familiar that does all it sounds familiar big loaves of bread it was the right well there was the old butcher shop on Bleeker Street that had been there forever. And I just the name of it just went out of my head. And Bleeker Bob's Records. I remember when I first lived, I grew up in Brooklyn. And when we first moved to Manhattan, we were living on Avenue A. And people would say to me, you know, what are you crazy? Right. Of course. Yeah. Because it was like back then, you know, what are you, crazy? Right, of course.

Yeah, because it was like back then, you know, they called it Alphabet City and you took your life in your hands there. Absolutely. You were living in those buildings. And what year was that? That, oh, I forget. It was years ago. I remember it was shitty.

Anyway, where you lived was bad. Like, if you walked, because I lived on 10th Street between A and B in 1981. Yeah. And if you walked below 7th Street and you lived below 7th Street, it was 10 times worse. Yeah. Where you lived. If you were walking to the old improv, you were taking your life in your own hands, Gil. Are you still?

Yeah. For sure. I cannot believe. I cannot believe. Oh, a billion times going to the improv that I wasn't stabbed to death because that was, that's when Times Square was Times Square.

That's right. That's right. Oh, my God. I miss, too, the, you know, these coffee shops you're talking about. It's happening slowly and subtly. But the Blarney Stones have gone away. All gone.

The Greek coffee shops are going away. I mean, we could go back to the automatic. We really want to be overly sentimental about this. But the flavor, the ethnic flavor. I'm saying things that have been said a lot. But the ethnic flavor of these neighborhoods. To say nothing of what's happened in Little Italy and Chinatown, which have been said a lot. But the ethnic flavor of these neighborhoods, to say nothing of what's happened to Little Italy and Chinatown, which have been shrunk.

Yes. That's the identity of the city, to say nothing of the bookstores and the record stores. And that's something about watching movies, particularly from the 70s. Yeah, comes alive again. Where you could look at New York. Like I always liked another

Sidney Lumet film Bye Bye Braverman where it's got these helicopter shots about all over Brooklyn. Well it's all Ocean the whole movie takes place on Ocean Parkland. That's right.

And the greatest cast, I mean Well, it's all Ocean. The whole movie takes place on Ocean Parkway. That's right. Yes. Yeah. And the greatest cast. I mean, George Segal, Sorrell Book, Jack Gordon. Yeah. And Godfrey Cambridge. Godfrey Cambridge. Godfrey Cambridge. I heard you didn't like Godfrey Cambridge in that one, Colin.

I heard a rumor. What's that? I heard a rumor you thought Godfrey Cambridge was weak in that picture. Well, I did. How did you know that? I know a lot of things. Yeah, I did feel like that was a- I hear things, Joey.

I feel like that part was written, was over the top. Yeah, I agree with you. I agree with you. Oh, and Jack, oh, Joseph Wiseman. Yes. Oh, my God. The Jewish Bond. Yeah.

I didn't think it was a great movie, but I did love the Ocean Parkway shots. Yeah. Because I used to live on it. I went to PS 179, which was on East 7th Avenue C and Ocean Parkway when I was a little kid. Gilbert's right, though. You watch these movies from the 60s and the 70s, these New York movies. I'm watching Serpico, and there's a cigarette machine on the subway platform. Yes, yes.

You're seeing these things that come back. It's a disappearing New York. Thank God these films exist. Yes, exactly. You described the old New York. I love this line, too. You'd walk out the door, and the pimps were lined up like city bikes in Times Square.

Yeah, outside Port Authority. Yeah, yeah. I remember walking to the improv. I'd hear like walking down one block a hundred times, going out, going out. Yeah, that was all the hookers, that big line, going out. Well, that was all the hookers, that big line, going out. Well, I'm actually trying to get my sister, my friend's sister,

to write a book because she was an undercover. Wow. She was a girl from New York, New York accent, but she had the whitest blonde hair. She looked like she was from, she stepped off the Minnesota Strip, as it's called. She looked like she stepped off the, and they have her in Port Authority, and they have a report authority,

and she was a little girl with blonde hair who looked 15 years old. She looked like the perfect victim. And the pimps would swoop down on her, and she was wired, and then they'd come in and get them, you know? Wow. Wow.

That's very cool. But of course, you know, after two months, everybody knows who she is. You can't, you can only, You can't pull that off forever. That's a problem. She was getting, you know what I mean? When they all know her on a first-name basis. Right.

They're like, oh, I recognize that girl. But she looked like central casting of the girl from Iowa or whatever, you know? Gilbert, go ahead. Oh. Go ahead. Oh. Go ahead, you go. You had a much more successful period on Saturday Night Live than me. In some ways it was, in some ways it wasn't, but go ahead, yes. No, no, I'm just saying, describe your memories.

Well, I mean, that's really kind of a very very vague unprofessional question and i can't believe there's nothing specific even if even if it was a it's about a few year period even if it was about one day and you said to somebody even if it was about one hour you were talking about and you said to somebody describe your memories, that would still make no, that would still become the most, you know, intangible statement anyone's ever made. He's taking a Jungian approach, Colin.

That's what he's doing. I like that. That's what he's doing. Well, we'll ask you specifics then. Shapes. I see shapes. I have a fondness for Lenny the doing. Well, we'll ask you specifics then. Shapes. I see shapes. I have a fondness for Lenny the Lion. Oh, thanks.

And also a lion with father issues. Yes, yeah. I always like that you see yourself standing over a bloody carcass. You catch your reflection in the watering hole. Is this how people really see me? in the watering hole. Is this how people really see me? Yeah. I had fun those first couple of years to answer Gilbert. I had so much fun doing that kind of stuff.

But then the last couple of years, I should have left. I should have gone. You know what I mean? But, I mean, the first couple of years just playing around was fun. Well, you said you liked the read-throughs best. That was the highlight of the week. I loved read-throughs. Yeah, I really did.

I mean, yeah. I also heard you say you should have stayed a writer. Do you mean that? On that show, yeah, I should have. But this is impossible because here's the kind of research Frank does, Gilbert. These are the last two things he's asked me, and I'm not imagining it. They're just things I've thought in my head in the past month. I swear to God.

I swear to God. There's no way I've said that anywhere except maybe one person. This is insane. Well, you and I have crossed paths a lot over the years. Maybe you said this to me. No, this is only the past month. Backstage in the view. The past two things you've said, I've only thought in my head in the past month.

I swear to God, maybe I said it to one person. That's hilarious. Oh, God, I love it. I find it hard to believe there was one jewish writer there when you got there yeah only one jewish writer hugh fink that was it hugh fink funny guy yeah funny good good violin player gilbert by the way on the subject of snl i love you on the subject of snl g Gil, somebody found a writer who was on your season. I lost track of the name, who said he definitely, definitely made sure that you were cast as a corpse. Yes, yes.

This shows the horrible, I didn't like the writers writers the writers didn't like me and they one time were doing a funeral sketch where they cast me as the corpse was it barry blaustein it could have been something i don't know they said they were pissed off because you kept coming up with ideas and then saying you know what i'll save that for my act i could see that that's what i would do that's a problem being a stand-up you always think that way i think that way i'll keep i'll keep this one uh on the subject of snl and it's it's it's sweet when you took over for norman we have gilbert and i haven't said anything gilbert i don't know have you spoken publicly since Norm passed about him, Gil? I think I don't know. We haven't said anything on this show, which which we we would we would like to do now.

You both knew him well, but the bartender speech when when you took over and obviously it was a very awkward period for you. Oh, God. To be stepping into that role and also a friend's job. Yes. Yeah. It was like it was like we lived in the same building too. Did he ever say anything to you about that? Did he ever give you a blessing? He was so – no. But he was so classy in not saying anything. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. So that's all. You have that great – Steve, what can I get you? Yeah. The bartender piece. But, yeah, that was, you know, yeah. I wish it would have stayed the way it was.

But, you know, it is what it is. But, yeah, Norman said. He's so funny. He was so distinctively funny. Nobody liked him, really. No. No, he had his own thing. You know what I mean?

He was just very, well, like Gilbert, I mean, they just have their own, they march to their own drummer, even in a business where everybody marches to their own drummer. They both have that, you know, idiosyncratic thing where they just be like, this is how I am, and that's

it, and it's great, but you know, you have to tune to their frequency. You know, it's not like you can just, you know. You know what's funny about that first update you did? Here's Norm being fired, as we all know, by Don Ulmeier. Right. Because of cutting too close to the bone with the OJ jokes. When, in fact, he was doing a public service by telling those OJ jokes.

And I'm watching you do your first update. There's an OJ joke. It's like the third joke. Yeah. You shook his hand once, OJ? OJ, yeah. Getting out of a car? Or he was getting out of a limo?

He was getting out of a limo in the middle of the afternoon. And I have no psychic energy. I've never had those kinds of things, you know? But for whatever reason, this was in an afternoon. He's getting out of limo with a girl. It's spring break.

It's packed with people. It's Florida. And they're like, Hey, do you want to meet OJ? Oh yeah. OJ. Great. It's running back of all time. You know, great child, charming movie star.

I shake his hand. He shakes my hand. He's not even looking at me. He's looking past me. He shakes my hand. He's not even looking at me. He's looking past me. He shakes my hand. And it felt like a jolt of evil. I swear to God. It's like the Dead Zone.

That's what it was like. That's what it was like. And I was like, that was weird OJ. I love OJ. That was weird energy, you know? Wow. So you picked up on something. I feel like I did, you know?

Of course, in retrospect. But I remember telling people at the time. Oh, I remember meeting O.J. at a party years ago. And it turns out he was a fan. Uh-oh. And he did an imitation of me. And to this day, I wish I had like that on film. Of course. It would be like Charles Manson doing an imitation.

Yeah. Yeah. I was also fond of going back to your SNL bits. Colin Quinn explains the New York Times. Yeah, yeah. That was a good one. was and the saint pat's editorial and and uh joe blow you you you look like you were having fun and the best the best stuff is you and norm together that's right that's right there's obviously an affection that comes across on the screen yes yeah and that was the that was the early days of it it was great i'm sorry we never managed to get him here.

We tried it for whatever reason. He was as elusive as you. He's more elusive. He's like, I'd love to do it. I'd love to. You're like, oh, good. How about next week? Yes, what day?

And you're like, okay. He's like, all right, call him and we'll set it up. Next week is perfect because I'm doing this. You're like, hey, I'll see Norm. Years later, what happened? What? I thought I was going to come on your show. What happened?

It's like, oh, Jesus, Norm. Well, like you say, march to his own drum. Yeah. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. Here's something from your book, from the coloring book, Colin Comedian Solves Race Relations. Why does you say your restlessness makes you secretly Jewish?

I've always felt like I have a Jewish streak to me because you know, I mean I mean my, well like when I was a little kid, I used to watch the original version when I was like 12 of Can You Top This? Oh yeah. And that was, yeah. And I was just like, I wanted

to be Jan Murray. I loved Jan Murray so much. And just the open shirt and the chains and the tan and the three pack a day habit and the you know what i mean the cups sure and i just and i met jan murray by the way and he was could not have blown me off harder i go jan didn't jerry do you a solid by connecting you with yeah and then jerry years later got jan to make a tape right that's for me and jane spent the whole time complimenting jerry and goes i'm sure you're a friend of his jerry you are fantastic he spent the whole time doing jerry

hilarious uh i remember can you top this, Gil? Oh, yes. I remember Maury Amsterdam was the fixture on that show. Maury Amsterdam hit Stu Gillis. Oh, Stu Gillum. Stu Gillum. Yeah. And then Marty Allen would come on sometimes.

Marty Allen. And then Jan Murray. And they go to Jan. And Jan was impressed because he was like the cool guy in the show. The rest of them like, you know, trying to be funny. And then Jan is fucking smoking. It's daytime TV. And his joke was always like whatever the premise was.

The joke has to be about sausages. So the other two would start out with a sky walks into a sausage store or sausage goes up. And then Jan's joke is always like a lady is on her honeymoon. And he wouldn't mention, he wouldn't mention sausage till the end because he was like, I remember Jan seeing Jan Murray on car 54. Where are you? Sure.

He used to host the telethon. How do you say that? The Chabad telethon, Gilbert? Oh, yes, yes. How do you say that word? I think that's how I would say it. Me being a mafioso, I don't know how to say these Jewish words. I love the bit in long story short.

I have to go back to another one of your one-person shows. I love the bit in long story short. I have to go back to another one of your one-person shows. And please, to our listeners, find these on Netflix. You can find them online. That great bit about little Wayne, when you're talking about how the culture has changed, you're talking about how people who don't have democracy in the world, they want the nice democracy from 1960. They don't want our current democracy and then you talk about tony bennett tony bennett comes out

you talk about entertainer wars and tony bennett's threatening to bust a cap and melt or may's ass right right right i also learned about you from watching that show that you have a secret desire to play a white teacher in a movie about an inner city school right but you come in and you save the day yeah with like yo teacher and i'm like well because it was right after i started writing after then michelle pfeiffer playing like that dangerous yeah she's she's teaching them bob dylan lyrics like the white guy the white idiot that wrote that movie is like bob dylan there's nothing those kids would hate more than bob dylan lyrics they learn the new Christy minstrels. Yeah. Did you get any blowback?

You have that wonderful joke in Long Story Short. Also, congratulations on the Ray Liotta impersonation, which we were talking about before we put the mic down. For our listeners who haven't seen this wonderful bit Colin does, he does a Ray Liotta, a pretty good impression, by the way. Oh, thanks. A Goodfellas-type narration of the Roman Empire, which you must see. But it was a glorious time for Rome, you know. It was the beginning of the mob.

They all had that Ray Liotta swagger, you know. See, Caesar couldn't have been more than 28 or 29 at the time, but he was already a legend. He started out doing hits for the legions. You see, hits never bothered Caesar. But what Caesar liked to do, what Caesar really liked to do was steal. He was the kind of guy that rooted for the lions in the gladiator fights. Hundreds of guys depended upon Caesar, and he got a piece of everything they made. It was tribute, just like in the old country. And all they got from Caesar was protection against

other guys who were trying to rip them off. And that's all the Roman Empire was, the police department for guys that couldn't go to the other empires. You see, Caesar had it down to a system. He'd have the tribunes invade a province. Then when the consul came to Caesar, Caesar'd make him a partner. Now the guy's got Caesar for a partner. Any problems, he can come to Caesar. Slaves revolt, come to Caesar. Vandals invade, you come to Caesar. Chariot drivers want to go on strike, you come to Caesar.

But now the guy's got to pay Caesar every month, no matter what. Crops failed, fuck you, pay me. Plague of locusts? Fuck you, pay me. God gets mad, kills the firstborn son in every family? Fuck you, pay me. And then finally, when there was nothing left and they'd squeezed every last dime out, somebody lit a match and they burned Rome down for the insurance money. But I want to talk about a joke like, guys go into the confession booth to reveal their deepest erotic thoughts

to some guy who may have a justin bieber poster up in the rectory did you i mean and now you're one of the few comics doing that kind of material um say you know jet really poking religion in the eye did you get blowback no you kidding me the catholic church they give anyone uh these days they you know they're like it's been they're low-hanging fruit at this point they're hiding they're laying low no no pun intended of course yeah right you know what's funny where it just brings back saying ray leota like uh goodfellas was all from a story of Henry Hill. Yeah. Yeah.

And so much of that movie is him going like, oh, and the other guys, like, work this guy over and cut his throat. Right. And I stood by and I was shocked. And I didn't know what to do. Good point. You mean because it's told from his point of view? Yes. Yeah, right.

But Gilbert said he's always the guy that's like, oh, my God, what are you guys, crazy? Yes. Meanwhile, the whole movie takes place within 10 blocks of Frank's childhood home. That's right. Believe me, I knew those guys. Yeah, I believe it.

When they're going through the bar and it's Mickey Eyes and Johnny Two Times. Yeah. Yeah. My dad used to hang out with a guy named, what the hell, what do they call that? They called him Dead Eye. Oh, my God.

And I think he was a button man. Oh, God. I never asked because I was eight. Did you ever go to Don Pepe's? Oh, I know Don Pepe's. Yeah. You know the Cross Bay Theater was in Queens? Yeah, of course.

Cross Bay Boulevard? Yeah. That whole area was mobbed up. Oh, yeah. Still. My favorite line in Main Street is Frank Vinson when he's picking on Joe Pesci. And he's about to take a shot of whiskey. And right before he does it, he goes, now get your fucking shine box.

Right. It's great. Right. It's great. You wonder where Pelleggi got all that stuff. I mean, it must have been through extensive interviews with these guys. No, it was with Henry Hill. The whole book was based.

So that was Henry's account. Yeah. That was based. So that was Henry's account. Yeah. That was all. They said, Pileggi talks about how he was writing a book in the intro to the book where he goes, suddenly I'm talking to this guy who's like a nobody and he has an encyclopedic memory of everything everybody did and said. That's why he was such a find for them. He remembered everything.

It's a hell of a movie. And he was a fly on for them he remembered everything it's a it's a it's a hell of a movie and he was a fly on the wall yeah it's a great movie no i i was just thinking like when i saw goodfellas i thought you know in uh in the godfather it's there's something really glamorous about being a guy right right and then when I saw Goodfellas, I thought, wow, these are scumbags. Right, right. They're just doing corny jokes and, you know what I mean, dressed like idiots. Yeah, right, exactly.

You know, we had Winkler. We had Erwin Winkler here on the show. Oh, you did? Yeah, I'll send it to you. He's an interesting guy. He wrote a book a couple years ago. We'll send you the book. Of course, Gilbert gets these people on who've had legendary careers,

and all he likes to do is talk about their flops. So he kept bragging Irwin Wickler. Well, what about they shoot horses, don't they? Which is a great movie, by the way. I like that movie. It's a great movie. Didn't make any money. Irwin told us that like five minutes into the test screenings,

into the audience screenings, with the Pesci's knife and Billy Batts in the trunk, they had walkouts. 20 people got up and walked the hell out of the place. They were panicked. Well, that sound, that squishing sound when they're stabbing them. You remember that, Gil? Oh, yeah.

Said they walked out of the theater? Yeah. Have you met these guys? I know you work with Pesci and De Niro. Have you met Ray Liotta? Has he heard you do the theater? Yeah. Have you met these guys? I know you work with Pesci and De Niro. Have you met Ray Liotta? Has he heard you do the impression? No, I haven't met any of them. No feedback? No, but I don't really want to know.

They're all movie people. I'm in stand-up, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's a stand-up question, and maybe this relates to my people as well, or connects to my people. What is the story from the early stand-up days which ends up in you hiding on the floor of a car and a bunch of guys looking for you with bats? Oh, no, that was in North Tonawanda.

Yeah. That was where I was up there and I was doing a gig. And the guy before me killed so hard, so hard doing music. And he's the middle act. And I mean, it was the perfect venue for a music act. And he was doing this. He was killing it. I mean, you know, music changes the whole vibe in a comedy club. And then I went up and did my act. And in two minutes, they're booing. I start giving them the finger, cursing them out, you know, in their town. And then it just turned uglier and uglier. Finally, I'm offstage, and the owner's fuming.

And I have to hide on the floor of his car to drive out. They're looking for me with bats. And then I had to sit in my hotel all night and just hope they wouldn't know where I was or just be that interested in coming to get me. Wow. There you go. There's the glamour of the stand-up life.

Yeah. Gil, you never had a gig that bad. Oh, I've had horrible. No, when they went wilding. Now, oh, here's another thing. Well, I think without question, you've gotten laid a lot more on the road than I have. Well, I mean, when I was on MTV, I used to be in the game. without question you've gotten laid a lot more on the road than i have well i mean i'm not not when i was on mtv i used to be in the game but but mostly in stand-up you know it is you it's not

we're not the we're not rock stars let's put it that way because i've always heard from my entire career people saying to me oh there are certain towns where comics go in and they're like rock stars. Women throw them. And I'm thinking, I'm still waiting to find that town. Yeah, I don't know what town to talk about. There's a nice little bit of satire in, I think it's in Long Story Short. A little social commentary on your part where you're talking about women's choices and men you know the joke that i'm i'm referring yes yes should she date the guy that runs google or the guy with the neck tattoo of the handgun right right

yeah what are you trying to say there exactly i'm trying to say they're they're torn by they're torn between their desire and their you know their practical sense of like yes this is the long the long and the short you know what i mean like the long view and the short view it's fascinating what do you mean when you said uh and i saw you again you said this last night you said new york city is over like what we just talked about this whole show yeah it's still the streets have almost looked the same yeah but there's just like you said there's no german deli no there's no baloney store there's no uh there's no uh candy store kind of no there's no lunch we could go get an egg cream. A counter. A soda counter. New York, like we knew it, is gone.

Because in the old days, even in the 80s, but definitely in the 70s, in all these communities, they had all these communities that the mayor and candidates would have to go to and deal with people. And there were neighborhoods full of people that we knew that were like,

we're part of New York too. And those days are old. I agree. The flooding of the subway was the last straw for you. Yes. What's happening now too is old coffee shops are getting bought up by other people and, and they get advertised as, oh, we're just a little New York coffee shop. But meanwhile, an egg cream is like $30. Right, right, right.

Where the hell can you get an egg cream in Manhattan anymore? You know, Eisenberg's closed. Did you know Eisenberg's, Colin? You're the Flatiron District? No. And that's another one. It got bought by someone by someone and you know it's going to be like now lines around the block like hey we're just an old jewish deli well they'll try to sell it as retro yes yes exactly yeah well colin says it in in the new york story you said you used to what every

store you walked into was like a different country that's right that's right yeah yeah it's it's gone sure it is it's gone i got one or two more uh questions what i want to plug the new show uh you're gonna you're gonna do it at the lucille the lucel. Yes. We're going to put this show up in time to plug that show. On Christopher Street, the Lucille Lortel. And when we were growing up, that was the go-to gay joke about your friends. You go, what are you going to go to, Christopher Street? And everybody would laugh. Yes.

Back in the day. That was. And that was one of those you could do on tv and and go oh yeah he lives on christopher street oh and the other thing the other one was oh i went to my hairdresser bruce bruce was the name uh you meant the guy who was gay. Bruce. Yes. Oh, God. It's 2021.

What's the thing you said in the show you couldn't say back then? I saw your mother in Times Square. What does that mean? I saw your mother on 42nd Street. Yeah, I saw your mother on 42nd Street. Right. That was the biggest insult. Now people are like, yeah, she works for the New York Times.

Yeah. That was the biggest insult. Now people are like, yeah, she works for the New York Times. Yeah. Let me ask you just quickly about Hermie on Girls. And because I know you so long, I got emotional when Hermie bought the farm. Yeah. Lying on the couch watching the Equalizer marathon.

Right. I love that character. And what a well-written show. Yeah. Yeah. Girls. She's brilliant. Why did you say of Hermie, the character, that he had the potential to be a sociopath? Do you remember saying this?

No. Okay. But I'll believe it. If I said it, I must have had a reason at the time. He was a hard character to get a beat on. You know, was he benevolent? Was he a bullshit artist? Was he manipulative?

I think he was, yeah, I think he was a powder keg. You know, you could see from his apartment, he had a little Unabomber personality. Yes. That's a good analogy. I want to tell you, since we started by talking about great actors, and you've known Gilbert forever, but you probably don't know that he lost parts.

Tell the two people that we talk about on this show, Gilbert, that you lost parts to. One time I was up for a part in Dick Tracy, and everyone, you know, of course, the typical Hollywood, oh, you're the only person we could see for this. When we were writing the script, we just pictured you. And then... As mumbles.

Yes. And then late in the game, someone says to me, oh, they're not going with you. And I said, oh, who are they getting? And they said, Dustin Hoffman. Oh, my God. And I want to know at what point at three in the morning me and Dustin Hoffman were neck and neck for the same part.

More important, I'd like you to someday see Dustin Hoffman and go, at what point like the what's the name charlie sheen said that gordon gecko how much is enough dustin exactly you couldn't let me have that one part you son of a bitch oh and who's the second actor the best one one, I lost a part in a Mel Brooks movie to Billy Barty. I thought Colin would appreciate that. Oh, that's great. It's like it's one thing to lose to Dustin Hoffman.

He's a legendary. Billy Barty, he's a circus freak. The Dustin Hoffman thing pisses me off more. Yeah, me too. Gilbert, let's try to get Dustin Hoffman on the show. Yes. And talk to him about that. Speaking of parts, not getting parts,

did you turn down Scott Evil in the Austin Powers series? series yes i'm sorry to bring it up no i was literally he was like look what are you doing why are you saying no to this there's a myers was it was so reasonable he goes look he's canadian and he's like what are you doing just do it it's this i go now i'm doing this other he goes why there's no reason and i didn't do it but's this i go now i'm doing something he goes why there's no reason and i didn't do it but that was i was an idiot you know and that turned into three moves yes we know our friend craig bierko do you know Craig? He's a New York actor. He's a music man. And he turned down the Chandler Bing part in Friends.

So we like to give him as much shit about that as we can. Oh, my God. As we can. Yeah, that's a painful one. We love you, Craig, if you're listening, because I know he listens to the show. I'll let you out with this one, Colin. Why do you not believe why do you call bullshit on people who say they dislike the beatles oh it's just so annoying

people want to be so unique and they're just like i don't like if you don't like the beatles fine nobody can't nobody's to hear it and then they're waiting for you to go how could you please tell us your reason it's like shut up nobody wants to hear about it just i mean it's just so annoying i just feel like they're doing it to be like you know maverick uh-huh everyone's a rebel it's like i don't like the beatles okay fine every now and then on your twitter you post an unpopular opinion which you label here's an unpopular opinion right you that you that you thought post beatles you thought they were more interesting or more quality post-Beatles song. You know you're just posting that to

start shit. Than the actual Beatles songs. I say the best Beatles song of all time was I've Got My Mind Set On You. Right. Produced by Jeff Lynne, by the way. Yeah, it's a great song. I hate that song.

I love Jeff Lynne. Me too. But that song stinks. But it's a great song. I hate that song. Jeff Lidd. I love Jeff Lidd. Me too. But that song stinks. But it's going to take money. What the hell? What? You were just being provocative. I'm just remembering the video stunk too.

It's him in a pinball machine with a girl. So you were being provocative. And the funny thing with people who put down the Beatles, I remember hearing a story when they still had record stores. There was a record store that dealt in opera records, and they had a sign in their window, so we don't carry records by Pavarotti. Check Tower Records for that.

Because he was too popular. He was a hack. Yeah. Yeah. He was a fat hack from Apple. Yeah. I miss Tower Records, too, now that you brought that up. I know.

Did you ever go in that store across the street from Caroline's, that old Tin Pan Alley music store? Colony Music? I bought things from there when I was trying to learn guitar once. Oh, what a great store. Great store. Colony Music. I bought things from there when I was trying to learn guitar once. Oh, what a great store. Great store. They had Beatles toys in the back from the 60s in a case.

Colony Music is the best. Colony Music. I mean, it was like, again, that was like that in the Brill Building, which is, you know, again, that's the last vestiges of Tin Pan Alley in the city. I walked by one day. The windows were boarded up. I almost wept. I know. If I knew what I knew then I would have bought half that store and

sold it on eBay today. By the way, Brazil told me you love Fellini, so I went back and I watched La Strada. Sorry, do you hear that? What? You don't hear that? You're getting an incoming call?

Yes, FaceTime. I had a 4 o'clock appointment. All right, we're going to sign off. But I love Lestrada. I can't shut it off. Colin said at the beginning, if we get a phone call, work it in. It's live improv. But I don't understand why when I had it on the airport.

But yes, I love Lestrada. Yeah it's not exactly a a fun movie to watch no it's a very painful movie yeah but uh it's a great road picture you know felini had a breakdown while shooting it's it's kind of like why you ever see wild hogs with sure tim tim allen and john travolta It's just like that. It's a similar... They're often compared. Fellini would be crying with joy to be compared to Roda. He's turning in his grave like a rotisserie chicken. I love you guys. All right, Colin.

All right, guys. Let's do the plugs. Colin, he's got a phone call, Gilbert. He's still got a career. Okay. Jesus. Unlike us. All right.

The show is at the Lucille Lortel. Tell us the title again. Sure. Colin Quinn, The Last Best Hope. The Last Best Hope. And please, guys, watch Cop Show, Find Collins, One Person Shows. They're all great. Buy the coloring book. Thanks, Frank. win the last best hope the last best hope and please guys watch cop show find collins one person shows they're all great by the coloring book thanks frank thanks gilbert you are the you are the best my friend and in your show will you be talking about turning down austin powers

i will not i will not there's water under the bridge why did you turn down Carson? Why did you refuse to do The Tonight Show with Condor Carson? Because I was under the impression that to not curse in my act would have meant that I was compromising my integrity. I see. I can respect that. It was a different time.

Of course. Colin, we love you. Thanks, Alex Brazell. Yes. And thank Pam. How does Pam say her last name? Loschak? Loschak.

Well, thank Pam Loschak. And finally, after seven years, Gilbert, the elusive Colin Quinn. Yes. Thanks, guys. We love you. Thank you. Bye, yes. Thanks, guys. We love you. Thank you. Bye, guys. Bye, guys.

Many years since I was here On the street I was passing my time away To the left and to the right Buildings towering to the sky It's out of sight In the dead of night Here I am into the sky I'm back, back in the New York groove I'm back, back in the New York groove Back in the New York groove

In the New York groove In the back of my Cadillac Wicked lady sitting by my side Saying where are we Stopped at 3 and 43 Exit to the night It's gonna be ecstasy This place was meant for me

Feels so good tonight Who cares about tomorrow So baby, you better believe I'm back, back in the New York I'm back, back in the New York I'm back, back in the New York. I'm back. Back in the New York. New York. Back.

In the New York. In the New York. I'm back. Back in the New York. I'm back. Back in the New York. I'm back. Back in the New York. New York. I'm back, back in the New York, New York, New York.

I'm back, back in the New York, New York, New York. I'm back, back in the New York, New York, New York. I'm back, back in the New York, New York, New York.