Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Colin Quinn Encore

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

GGACP celebrates Irish American Heritage Month (and a belated St. Patrick's Day!) by presenting this ENCORE of a 2021 interview with comedian, writer and actor Colin Quinn. In this episode, Colin joins Gilbert and Frank for a frequently hilarious conversation about vanishing Manhattan, awkward celebrity encounters, the gritty cinema of Sidney Lumet and Martin Scorsese and his one-person show, “Colin Quinn: The Last Best Hope.” Also, Rod Steiger holds a grudge, Pat Cooper blows his stack, Kate Winslet shops at a bodega and Colin remembers the late, great Norm MacDonald. PLUS: Michael V. Gazzo! “The Panic in Needle Park”! The comedy stylings of Jan Murray! In praise of Steve Buscemi! Norman Lloyd hangs with Babe Ruth! And the boys deconstruct “Titanic,” “The Departed” and “The Godfather: Part III”! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our guest this week is a producer, actor, author, director, Emmy-nominated writer, and one of the most prolific and admired comedians of his generation. You've seen him in popular TV shows like Remote Control, the much beloved and greatly missed Top Crowd with Colin Quinn, the Larry Sanders Show, Girls, and Saturday Night Live, as well as hit movies like Who's the Man, Grown Ups, Grown Ups 2, A Night at the Roxbury, and Trainwreck.

He's also written and starred in several critically acclaimed one-person shows and television specials, including An Irish Wake and Unconstitutional, as well as Long Story Short and The New York Story, both directed by his old friend Jerry Seinfeld, and 2019's Red State, Blue State, drawing phrase from The New Yorker, The Hollywood Reporter, and The New York Times, which affectionately described him as a barstool philosopher. He's also the author of two clever and insightful books, The Coloring Book, A Comedian Solves Race Relations in America, and the recent understated A Coast to Coast Roast of the 50 States, named one of NPR's favorite books of 2020. His newest show, Colin Quinn, The Last Best Hope, will run from November 2nd to the 20th at the Lucille Lortel Theater in New York before heading out on a national tour in December.

national tour in December. Frank and I are thrilled to welcome to the show a fellow diehard New Yorker, an artist of multiple talents, and one of the world's funniest human beings, and a man who claims that he personally ruined Robert De Niro's 60th birthday. Our old friend, Colin Quinn. Jesus, that was interminable. I hope you guys are going to cut that. The long intros have become a running gag. I'm sure the fans really appreciate them. They do.

Yes. It can be, it doubles as an obituary. Welcome, Colin, finally. Thanks, Frank. Thanks, Gilbert. Good to see you. You too. Now, how did you ruin Robert De Niro's birthday?

Oh, that's an old story. But I mean, it was in 2004. It was the 60th birthday party. And his wife asked me to go up and do a De Niro impression. Because I did a mediocre De Niro impression. So I turned it into a Ralph Cramden moment. I was like, I'm going to make this my time with Scorsese, De Niro. This is going to be my move to start getting in with them.

So I wrote this whole long, 15 minute show 20 minutes really and it was all stuff i'd never done on stage which is amateur mistake number one and so i had all my notes laid out and i went on to their his birthday party she wanted me to do a one minute thing i did 20 minutes and bombed so badly that 12 years later, Jim Norton and me were in the street, and he goes to De Niro and his wife will pass by. He goes, would you talk with him for a minute, laughing. He goes, remember when he bombed at your birthday?

And both their faces darkened with pain and hate over that horrible time. It was that bad what and and there was a follow-up with robin williams no i went out robin williams was one of the guests right the night that night and he came outside afterwards because i just walked out stunned as you do after a nice bomb and i walk into the rain outside stunned but happy to be out of that room that hated me. And he came out. He goes, oh, my God. He goes, I saw you get up there. And I was like, what's Colin Quinn?

What's he saying in the mic? He goes, suddenly you just started talking to a microphone. It wasn't set up like a show. And that was my fault, too. And then he goes, I couldn't believe it. And I go, I know. And we go into this whole conversation, and then I had a new cashmere sweater that I was bringing to another show, and it was raining, and it fell into the gutter,

and a cab ran it over, and he just started crying. Bad night. Was Scorsese in attendance? No. Oh, okay. Everybody else was. Irwin Winkler, all the big producers, you know, Jane. Jane Rosenthal.

All the important people except only Scorsese wasn't there, but apparently it hasn't affected our relationship either way because I've never met him. I see. Supposedly, Gilbert is his favorite comedian. Really? What do we make of this, Gilbert? Yeah, yes.

And you could tell by all the Scorsese films I've been in. I know. I was going to say, if he's your favorite comedian, what's going on here? Yeah. I don't know how many times on this show alone someone has said, oh, and I know Martin Scorsese and he loves Gilbert Gottfried. Yeah. And I can't get a ticket to a Scorsese, and he loves Gilbert Gottfried. Yeah. And I can't get a ticket to a Scorsese.

Well, Gilbert was the guy that everybody always ran into see in comedy. Yeah. You know what I mean? When I was in comedy, when we worked at Catch, everybody went in because Gilbert was always ahead of the curve as far as his material. It was always, you should excuse the term meta before anybody else.

Before meta was a thing. That's right. Do you guys actually remember meeting? You don't have a specific memory of that, do you? No. No, neither do I. Wasn't Gilbert the guy who got the check spot, Colin?

A lot? In those days? wasn't Gilbert the guy who got the check spot, Colin, a lot? Attach? In those days? Well, Gilbert, you said they would put you on to clear the room. Yeah, sometimes when they wanted the room cleared, they'd get me up there because they'd know I'd just do whatever popped into my head and lose the crowd, and they'd all pay their checks quickly and go.

Well, Gilbert was the master of driving home the point. So, like, but it was really funny. So it was, like, people would appreciate it now. Like I said, it was kind of ahead of its time. Like the first time I saw him get up with water, I go, that's good water. And then he goes, Jews announce everything. And then he just started announcing things for 20 minutes and it was really funny i remember that bit yeah but a lot of the crowd a lot of the crowd was a little behind at that time and they caught

up you know what i mean but he was you know i'd say he's still ahead of his times But right now I'm still doing jokes about Bonanza. Gabe Kaplan, about 15 years ago I saw him and he did a McCabe and Mrs. Miller reference. I love it. I love it. McCabe and Mrs. Miller just turned 50 this year. Yeah.

Good films of 1971. We had Gabe here a couple of weeks ago and he did tell, I know you knew that he knew Jack Ruby. Oh, I love that. He told a couple of Jack Ruby stories. The greatest. Jack Ruby got pissed off because Gabe used the word tits

in the carousel club. Yeah. It was a classy place. Yes, exactly. Well, those guys, oh yeah, they would never curse like that. Yeah. And it was a classy place. Yeah, that's exactly. Well, those guys, oh, yeah, they would never curse like that. Exactly. That was for when, you know. I want to go back to Scorsese, Colin,

because I know that you're obsessed with Goodfellas, and I think it's amusing that you say that people stop following you on Twitter at some point because you're constantly quoting Goodfellas' dialogue. Well, no, no. That was not what people stopped following. I mean, a lot of people stopped following me on Twitter you're constantly you're constantly quoting goodfellas dialogue well no no that that was not what people people stopped I mean a lot of people stopped following on twitter just because I was like very repetitive and very you know I see whatever whatever I am on twitter but yeah I used to do a whole goodfellas thing where you know everybody weighing in with goodfellas quotes for everything that was going on that was a long time ago I mean but uh but the truth is I've

evolved like everybody else in the world. I've evolved now about Goodfellas where my favorite, I feel like, and I know this is heresy to say, and I hesitate to say it, I like Mean Streets better. Wow. Geez. See, I haven't seen Mean Streets for a while now. I love Mean Streets. Mean Streets is the first place I ever heard the word Mama Luke. Yeah, right.

And I'm Italian. So you've evolved on me, like Obama did on Gay Marriage. On Gay Marriage. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, because I remember Harvey Keitel is in Mean Streets. Harvey Keitel's in it, but there's also all these side characters that are great actors, Richard Romanis and a couple other people, and they're so funny.

Everybody in it is really funny. Every line of dialogue is hilarious. And I remember there's a part in Main Street where they're waiting at a red light. And the neighbor says, what's this, a coffee and cake light? Yes. Yes. Okay, but one Scorsese film you have not come around on.

Most Scorsese films. Is that true? Yeah. Because Alex told me you like After Hours. I like it. I don't love it. Okay. King that true? Yeah. Because Alex told me you like After Hours. I like it. I don't love it. Okay. King of Comedy?

Love it. Okay. That's why. Yeah, Gilbert and I were asked to introduce that at Film Forum a couple years ago, which was kind of surreal. Of course. What about Casino? Casino?

It was okay. I mean, Sharon Stone was great, but it was just i don't like the fact that everybody goes out first of all chicago accents are annoying if you're going to make a mob movie it's got to be new york even the sopranos you notice they all have new york access they don't have a jersey none of them do a jersey accent it's all new york that's not their accent out there sure that's a good point kevin Pollak told us, by the way, that Pesci was pissed off at Rickles through the whole shoot. Oh, the casino? Yeah, he did not appreciate Rickles' sense of humor.

De Niro laughed at everything Rickles said, and apparently Pesci was antagonistic. Yeah, like Rickles was saying about Pesci, I'm going to get on them and ride them like a Shetland pony. Yeah. Was not appreciative of Don Rickles. Well, yeah. According to Kevin, who was there. Yeah, but you have to figure Joe Pesci, all his life, was short and people made little remarks.

And then suddenly he's a movie star this is the pinnacle of his career right he's done this is the beginning of his career yeah i was like mr pesci uh we're ready for you whenever you can done with your trailer please take your time and he's finally forgotten all the little slights and insults as he was a kid sure and then he walks on the sets and his best. You work, you work with Pesci on SNL and, and De Niro in that. Only for two seconds. That Jim Brewer sketch.

Yeah. I was only for a minute. I didn't really talk to him. You didn't. No. What do you think of the Scorsese films? If you could rate them after casino um yeah i mean even before casino i was not most of his movies they're just not for me you know what i mean and i hate uh

gangs of new york and i hated uh that one that won the best picture the boston one the departed yeah the part of his. And, yeah, I mean. We're going to send this episode to Scorsese to get him to do the show, by the way. The Irishman was the worst. Yeah, I saw you tweeting about the Irishman. The worst. Yeah. I said it was like a travelogue.

What did you say? They cut out, they left in the parts about the checking into hotels. Yeah, they kept it only exciting parts of checking into hotels and driving and driving. Yeah. And what accent was Daniel Day-Lewis doing in there? In Gangs of New York? Yeah, that was insane. Yeah, it was doing that's supposed to be like Americana, you know.

What do you think of Departed? it now you hated you just mentioned that and i hated departed yeah but there were good scenes in departed good scene but as a movie i hated it yeah the original the original chinese film it's based on is quite good actually i bet it is yeah actually and what about the aviator oh I never saw that one. I couldn't sit through a movie called The Aviator. Fair enough. Now, you're a mob guy, and I'm talking to Alex, and he's saying that, you know, like us, you like films from the 70s.

You particularly like films set in New York in the 70s, as we do. French Connection turned 50 last week. Yeah. There's a movie. That was a great one. Do you guys think there's ever been a better American, not just for film, film actor than Hackman? Better American film actor?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's pretty amazing. He's amazing, you know. And the only reason, I would never even think he was that amazing except I saw him in that movie, Unforgiven. And he was so good as an evil prick in that movie. I was like, wow. Because it's hard for me to notice.

Because I feel like I like old school actors that are big. Like everybody criticizes Al Pacino. And he does get a little big. But I like Peter O'Toole. big like like everybody criticizes al pacino and he does get a little big but i like like peter o2 uh-huh like i like like you're gonna be like the lion in winter sure flailing around and he's just funny by the way who was that comedian that used to do a peter o2 impression and catch oh my god it was a great impression you got anyway me stuck. I can't remember. There was some guy I don't know who it was. You know what's funny?

I think Alan Arkin said that instead of playing everything quiet, he says a lot of actors make that mistake and he said, real life is big.

That's great, yeah. How about The Heart is a Lonely Hunter? big. That's great. Yeah. How about The Heart is a Lonely Hunter? Oh, he's great in that. Yes. With Chuck McCann. Yes. What other mob movies do you go in for? Do you like Miller's Crossing?

Oh, I love it. Speaking of big. Yeah. Miller's Crossing. Yeah. Everybody's stylized and they're all great. Operatic. Yeah.

John Pulido. Yeah. The late John Pulido. Here's how great it is everybody's great and then john tuturo comes last and out and everybody else has to play catch up that's how good he is it's true and finney everybody's albert finney's great gabriel burke a martian gay hard i mean everybody's great steve boucher everybody's great and you like state of grace. I saw you in an interview talking about that one. Well, I like Gary Oldman.

I thought it was kind of a weird movie. But I felt like it had potential. But no, I didn't like it as a whole movie. So Oldman. We'll forgive Oldman. Oldman was amazing. Why, he's anti-Semitic? No, he made a statement a couple years ago. I thought Gilbert was going to bring it up.

Yeah, I think he made one of those the Jews run Hollywood kind of statements. But you can't criticize English anti-Semitism. I don't know why. You know what I mean? That's interesting. Why is that? Well, in the Irish community,

you can criticize them for being British, but not for being anti-Semitic. Okay. Fair enough. And aside from Coppola's daughter, name all the things that are wrong with Godfather 3. But Godfather 3, the same things that are wrong with The Departed. It's like you can't bite off this much and not chew it. These guys bite off this stuff, and then they can't even,

like Godfather 3, it's the perfect plot, which is the Vatican. But this, people are so stupid when they make movies. They're like, we have to make sure that people are invested in the personal love story between this one. And it's like, you've got the vatican a true story about the vatican a major guy in the vatican sindona was washing money for the mob he was laundering money for the mob that's enough for a movie relax on the love story you're fucking idiots and it's just like they're like no you gotta have the love story like when you're as

big as francis ford coppola making godfather 3 can't you tell the studio hey hey you were wrong about part one just back the fuck off instead he's like well every arc on page 82 the love what the fuck is happening so instead they make this bullshit i felt the same way about titanic the sinking of the titanic wasn't story had to come up with a love story. Yeah. Put it in the center of it. The worst part of Titanic is the two leads. I fucking hate them.

By the way, she gave me the evil I once had a bodega. Kate Winslet did? Yeah. Do tell. Nothing. I was just in a bodega and I was with this girl I was working on a show

and she's there and then she turned around and Kate Winslet starts staring at me like this and my friend goes she goes she was waiting for you

to turn around so she could give the evil eye so I'm all on board with that and by the way you've heard Greg Giraldo's joke about Titanic he goes that was a beautiful movie

girls love it he goes they didn't cut if he had lived 25 years later. He goes, cut to that couple 25 years later if he didn't die. It's like, get in the boat, Rose!

We missed Greg. I always thought I wanted to make a different ending for Titanic where he does live. And all of a sudden, this whole thing of, you know, she hates rich, being rich. Right. And high society and loves the working class. And I thought, you show it show the two of them survive

and get off the boat and live in some rat infested walk up without running water without a toilet in the building and she walks at the triangle shirt waist factory oh my god what a reference

you are a New York historian here's two New York historian. Here's two New York films. Here's two gritty New York films that just turned 50. Clute and The Panic in Needle Park. Oh yeah. There you go, Billy.

Panic in Needle Park is an amazing film. It's set on 72nd Street. It's this beautifully shot thing with these great actors, this dramatic heroine thing, and it's still boring. I don't know how they pulled it off. It's not that good. Now, which do you like better,

Godfather 1 or 2? Oh, the same. I don't know. They're both great. I like them both. Yeah, Colin was doing a Vigoda dialogue before we actually turned the mics on. Go ahead.

My favorite part is at the beginning of Godfather 2 when they're changed. They're living in Lake Tahoe. And then Frank Pantangeli just does one thing that makes me go, he's from the old neighborhood. He drinks water out of the hose.

That's great. Yeah, it's a great moment of authenticity. Yeah. Yeah. He was great. Every scene with him was great. He was great. He was a playwright.

Yeah, he wrote Hat Full of Rain. Michael Garza, Hat Full of Rain. I love the scene with Robert Duvall in prison where he's telling him to kill himself. Yes. It's an amazing scene. It's great. Now, speaking of mafiosos, I went to see you last night in the Comedy Cellar Extension. What do they call that place? The Fat Black Pussycat?

The Fat Black Pussycat, yeah. Charming little space. You have a bit about now mafioso guys have podcasts. Oh, yeah. Did I miss something? Which mafioso? Like 10 of them. Do they?

Sammy, the bowl has one. No shit. Oh, yeah. A lot of guys have them. Yeah. Gilbert, we got to get on this. Yes. No, they're very popular.

And they have New York. Believe me, if you can get Sammy the Bull or Michael Franchese on your podcast, those guys will be telling great stories. They're both like, they have stories. I'm actually related. Michael is adopted, but I'm actually related to the old man, to Sonny. Really? Yeah, he's my grandmother's first cousin.

Oh, my God. You can probably get him on the show. There you go. Gilbert, you want to? No, Sonny died, but we could. I'm saying you get Michael. Sonny was like 100. See, and people would say it's offensive to think that every Italian is somehow connected to the mob.

And it's true. Each one is connected to the mob. Gilly, you're not a distant cousin of Louis Lepke? Also, I know you're a fan talking to Brazil. I know you're a Lumet fan, speaking of know you're a lumet fan speaking of new york films oh my god of course who doesn't like sydney lumet i mean he had some great ones we talk about him all the time here well one of the most underrated as you know probably is q a yeah nolte q and a oh my god nolte and uh arm de Santi. Yeah, it's a good one.

And Lewis. Oh, my God. There's so many great performances. Charles Dutton. Yeah. We had Trey Williams here. We did a lot of talk about Prince of the City. Oh, Prince of the City.

Yeah. Yeah. Prince of the City. It was great, but there was something off about it. I can't figure it out, but there's something weird about that movie. It's about an hour and a half too long, but it's good. But it's good. It's got Jerry Orbach and all those great New York actors.

Jerry Orbach's great in that movie, by the way. He turns the guy's desk over and kicks him in the balls. Tell me about the pawnbroker. It's another one. The best. Yeah, really good. How about when he goes, tell me how you do it, Mr. Nasserman? And he goes, how do we do it?

He explains to the porter, he can give the works for him. We take a, I cut it in half, and you don't eat lunch. And then you, oh, what a monologue. Yes. Now you gotta like Steiger because I know you love uh, uh, um, film just went out of my head.

On the waterfront. On the waterfront. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Another great one. They shot that in Hoboken, youfront. On the Waterfront. Oh, man. Yeah. Another great one. They shot that in Hoboken, you know. Have you heard Gilbert's Rod Steiger? No. My dear Miss Birchfield, you have made this an extremely tedious afternoon with your constant search for an answer.

with your constant search for an answer. Now I ask you, please stay out of my life. Oh, I love it. Was she the social worker? Oh, yes, yes. Geraldine Fitzgerald. Very good. Oh, my God.

And what did Steiger say after Brando screwed him on On the Waterfront, Gilbert, when he wouldn't do the two-shot with him? You remember? He was pissed off. I forget. What did he say? You do that impression. You know the bit where you say, I didn't speak to him. I met Steiger, and I spoke to him briefly.

And I asked him about it, because when they did the two-shot, Brando went home. So when it was time for Steiger's close-up, he's playing it off some, you know, whatever. And he goes, I didn't speak to him for 20 years after that. Wow. He was right. Yeah.

Yeah. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. There's a part in the porn broker where he's talking to geraldine fitzgerald and he's looking out over the balcony and he goes today is an anniversary i didn't die everything i loved was taken away from me and i did not die. Unbelievable. By the way, you know it's another great movie, Rod Saga, No Way to Treat a Lady. Oh, we talk about it.

We did a whole episode about that movie with Lee Remick. Yes. And Morris was the cop. And remember his mother and it was like that was what made it great he's the jewish cop his mother harasses him and rod steiger's got mother issues so he's killing everybody

you it's like reminds me ah best we tried like hell to get siegel on this show we we couldn't get him yeah he would have been a great guest well i hate to break it to you i'll tell you why. Anyway. No, I'm kidding. And you know, Steiger was having fun because he's such a ham. Oh, yeah. Oh, he says the Irish guy, then the German. You have strudel. Yeah. You have strudel.

He was taking parts in those days that allowed him to overact, like the low ones. Yeah. But I'm saying these that have been formed. Sorry, they're drilling, right? That's what I have. These are the parts. We'll work with them.

My block has more con-ed. It's crazy. It's one little block, and there's always either con-ed. It's always blocked off. You can't drive with this block ever. Where are you? In the East Village? No, downtown by the financial district.

Oh, I see. A lot going on down there. Let me shout out two actors that did this podcast that also acted with you because it gives me a chance to bring up one of my favorite Colin projects, and that's Cop Show, which I loved. And I'm going to tell our listeners to find it. It's on YouTube on Colin's channel. You worked with, well, three people, but I'll mention two great actors, Buscemi and the late Danny Aiello.

Yes, Danny Aiello, yeah. Yeah, both who did this show. You look like you're having a blast doing that show. I had so much fun. I had so much fun. And Buscemi is the greatest. He's the best guy. He's such a great guy. Everybody consistently just loves him. He's the best guy. He's like such a great guy.

Everybody consistently just loves him. You know what I mean? He's just a nice guy. For such a talented actor, he's like a humble. Like some people don't have a personality of showbiz. You know what I mean? He's one of those. Oh, he's down to earth.

Gilbert screwed him on a cab fare years ago. Yes, he did. Here's the story. Steve was trying his hand at stand-up. Gilbert was already established as a stand-up. They got into a cab together. Steve assumed that Gilbert, as the established, successful comic, had the cab. Right.

He was mistaken. Show some fucking stupid push him here. Well, you should know Gilbert's famous for not taking cabs he's famous for taking the bus to his letterman spot yeah i want to tell i want to i want to tell our listeners why gilbert was late to the george takei recording that we did at the friars club dara showed up without him george takei was sitting there waiting to be recorded i said where's gilbert and dara said he insisted on taking the bus he didn't want to waste the transfer true story the third guy we had on this show who does

wonderful work on cop show is the uh the legendary pat cooper oh my god wally caputo he's what the hell was that like he's the greatest i mean you know what it's like yeah he is he's that guy where you don't it doesn't matter if he's trying to be funny or he's dead serious it's so funny yeah when he's serious he just goes and if you go ha ha he goes i'm not kidding right now you're like like, okay. But it's so frightening. And when he was on the podcast, he was one of those guests where we could have left and gone out to dinner and come back. He is the greatest. And people don't realize he's six foot four. Yeah.

He's intimidating, even if he was 5'8". I know. I'm saying he's intimidating even if he was five eight yeah i know i'm saying he's so tall because everyone like would worship like johnny carson and stuff and he always would say what's johnny carson what is he god yeah he's one of those guys you never say anything nice about owning these peers around. Because they'll fucking let you have it. Did that premise, did Cop Show grow out of the fact that you were never asked to do Law & Order? Yeah.

Because it's a parody of a, I should explain it, it's a behind-the-scenes satire about the making of a police procedural like Law & Order. And you dial in all these wonderful New York actors to be on it. And it's a little Larry Sanders-esque in the sense that you're playing yourself as kind of a clueless, self-absorbed celebrity. Sure. Yeah, it's got Larry Sanders' influence for sure. Very smart. But thanks.

Yeah, it was. Right. That's what it was. I was never asked to be on Law & Order, which is an insult. By the way, Gilbert, were you ever asked to be on Law & Order? Was he ever on Law & Order? I did. I don't want to rub it in your face. I did, too, Law & Order. Oh, boy. You should see the look on Colin's face right now, listeners. He's holding his head.

Like, not dealing with the... He's like Brando saying the horror of the horror. I love that you injected an Uta Hagen character into the Instacop show. Because I studied at HB Studios bill hickey oh god great yeah played played gilbert's uncle bill hickey oh he did perfect he's perfect for gilbert's uncle yes that was on on wings on wings yeah yeah he was so funny he used to sit in acting class back in the early 80s sit in acting class smoke and give early 80s, sit in acting class, smoke and give notes, and his clothes, by the time he was done with class,

would be covered in ashes, like volcanic ash. He'd smoke two packs of cigarettes in like three hours and just sit there and smoke and talk. And his clothes were covered in ashes every time. Great in Pritzy's honor. Oh, great, great. I remember on Wings, he has a line. He's talking.

I'm his nephew, and he talks about me, and he goes, He's a nice young man, but he's got such an annoying voice. That's a great Bill Hickey impression, by the way. I have to recommend Cop Show to our listeners because it's a lot of fun it's great to see keith robinson again yeah and our friend peter gross and peter gross is amazing really funny guy and what you did there because it drives me nuts too is substitute words for curse words on these. Yes, yes. Yeah, Pat was like fuming over. Even though that was the joke, Pat was still mad about it also.

The good thing about Pat is even if it's the joke, he's still mad. He gets the joke, but he's still mad about it in real life, even though he's always mad. He's twice as mad as everybody else because of that and by the way i think bill hickey was in no way to treat a lady if i'm not he might have been that's good oh he could have been like um like whatchamacallit a snitch or something yes yeah why do you say this is i'm going to use this as a segue the word snitch uh why do you think this

is the golden age of snitching oh because of social media uh-huh because there's no repercussions for just saying whatever you want so everybody's just it's a constant everybody on social media is all days going please watch this person please watch that stop this person it's it's insane they're all snitches and it's like in the old days you were a snitch they uh found out you were and then you were in a lot of trouble snitches snitches get stitches yes they used to say no snitches get development deals gilbert gilbert what with it with the uh with the affleck, did Aflac just discover it on their own, or were you ratted out by people on social? Ratted out.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I found out I was fired. I didn't find out from them. I saw on the internet. But what he said, Frank, he's saying, do you think Aflac found out or somebody called them? Somebody on social media raised that red flag. Oh, I'm sure.

And I also think Aflac was more than pleased to go, hey, we could get somebody cheaper and we'll make a whole campaign out of it, too. Right. Right. Yeah. Well, one time they offered me some pizza commercial like 10 12 years ago not good money but it was i forget who it was it was a big pizza they had money you know but they offered my they said we wanted to do it i was like that i'm not doing that it's no money whatever they got a guy that did me everybody used to come over and go hey i did that pizza thing

yes yes oh shit well like like they did it with that like the guy they got said in an interview he said well before i recorded i listened to a lot of uh the original commercials and i thought oh so you stole my identity yeah this quick question from a listener, Colin. Let's see. Adam Palmer wants to know, I love Colin Quinn. How the hell did he wind up in Crocodile Dundee 2? Oh, well, that's another great famous story.

What happened was, I mean, I got one line in that story, in that movie. But what I did was, this is how deluded i was it's like 1988 i knew good but and i went and i rewrote i read the script somehow they gave a guy who's basically an extra a copy of the script me which is why we shouldn't do it it's dangerous i read the script it was set in new york i go this isn't a real new york movie i'll make it a new York movie. Nobody asked me to. I'm an extra with one line. I rewrote the whole script and handed it in to the director. Wow. Nobody asked me.

And luckily, he was Australian, so he was probably like, hey, we got a stalker. But by the way, I wish I had a copy of that script. I rewrote the whole script. Guess who is now the sidekick leading Paul Hogan around new york

nice work talk about a loser you still writing the occasional screenplay college yeah i have a lot of screenplays yeah what gets me about crocodile dundee is like after a while you go no it's not just he's Australian. He's a fucking idiot that he doesn't know. Everything's a mystery to him. But also you have to understand, he gave a fresh perspective in a world of high tech. He was really back to, it was back to nature, man. You know what I mean?

You call him an idiot, but it was back to nature man you know what i mean yes you call him an idiot but it was refreshing that suddenly this guy you know he's at a restaurant the snooty guy it was the 80s it was sort of it was sort of like wall street for you know for idiots so like the guy with the slick back hair and then paul hogan goes excuse me and the guy looks in the way and he hits him and knocks him out in his chair so it's really really an indictment of 80s greed and corporate America. Speaking of legendary actors, here's another one for you, Colin. Andrew LaPosha, our friend. Any stories about working with the late, great Norman Lloyd in Trainwreck?

Now, this is a guy that worked with chaplin and hitchcock yeah yeah and judd judd we had judd on the show and he was telling us that norman was driving himself to the set at whatever the hell he was 97 amazing 96 yeah i mean he lived to be 100 and yeah 100 and someone else said he showed, he had to take a plane there, and he took a plane by himself. He was like 100. He got on the plane. It's crazy. And he knew Babe Ruth. Oh, because you got that Babe Ruth dialogue in the movie.

Yeah, that was based on him just talking about Babe being. But when I was talking to him, it was the weirdest. Because I think he was 100 by then or 99. He might have been. But he was so lucid, it was crazy weirdest because he i think he was 100 by then or 99 might have been but he was so lucid it was crazy you know what i mean it was just everything you would say to him it wasn't like talking to somebody be like hey he was like yeah yeah yeah like he understood everything it was great it was crazy what a legend we tried to get him we tried to get him his people told us nah he's done enough of these things yeah i guess he's almost plus it's always probably hitchcock and then you know the other one uh limelight yeah

yeah we work with chaplin and keaton yeah i'm pretty sure i just remembered something when we had steve buscemi on in the middle of the interview he said to me, do you know anything about my career? I'll tell you what he said. He said, I'm so flattered that Gilbert has only a passing knowledge of my career. Well, yeah, but you knew like the Coen Brothers movie. You know the importance ones with him, right?

What does he want? He has a long career. He can't be there for all of it. Don't defend him, Colin. I'm defending Gilbert. I know. That's what I mean. He was woefully unprepared. Yeah, Gilbert. At least you can put a list

of his stuff in front of you. Plus, he's been in everything. Yeah, Gilbert probably slipped up and goes, so you did work with Scorsese? And he's like, yes, I did. Okay, this is a long time ago, Colin, but I love doing

research on you, and I went back to 95 to watch the Great Sanders episode where you played Cully ripped towards son, and you got scenes with this guy who's another iconic actor. Any memories? Rip. Any memories? Rip. Oh, Rip, yeah.

Any memories at all of doing that? I know you were young. Well, Rip Torn was, yeah, no, I wasn't that young. But Rip Torn was so, like, I'm playing his son. Yeah. So he's coincidentally. His ne'er-do-well son. Yeah, and his son was on the set that week.

And his son's, like, this nice guy, and he's like, yeah, we had a rough time, me and my father. He's telling me. So it's like a research. Even though I'm playing this role, it was really, he's like, we had a really rough relationship. So, like, it's, and then Rip's going to be like, yes, I was not the father to him.

I should have been. So, like, in the middle of the scene, we're doing this. It's like, yeah, it was really deep. And, uh, and, uh,

yeah. But Rip was like, you know, I mean, he was such a, he's such a down to earth. Like he wasn't like, you don't know how to act.

Cause I did not act, but he was just like, yeah. Like he's just like, goes right into it. His son's right there off stage. So while I'm doing the son, the son's going, that's just how he was with me. It right into it. His son's right there offstage. So while I'm doing the son, the son's going,

that's just how he was with me. It was really weird. It was great. You underestimate yourself. You more than held your own with him. Do you regret not staying in touch with Gary after that? Gary Shandling, yeah. Yeah. I mean, Gary would stay in touch.

Like, he would send me an email once in a while. He was just a great great guy you know I mean but uh yeah yeah I should have been uh I should have been more like cherished that more but I just you know how it is yeah we both knew him a little bit but probably not as well as you but Judd and Mike Mike Montfiglio made that great documentary for HBO yes I have a thing where, and I'm always amazed that people I know, other comics,

where they're like, they're friends with, they'll go, oh yeah, I had dinner with Mick Jagger as usual every, and they know. Who?

No, I've just known comedians and stuff who are friends with major celebs. And I know a couple of times in my life where a celebrity has given me their phone number and told me to call him. And I never do it because I'm always scared. I'm always scared. Like it's like how a girl gives you her number, and she's so excited when she gives you her number, and then you call her, and it's like, hi, it's Gilbert. And it's like, yeah.

Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah. No, I feel the same way. I mean, I feel like I've never tried to reach out to celebrities it was it definitely feels weird to me yeah I don't

I don't I don't like the fact that our peers become friends with these people it annoys me and it infuriates me and it bugs me too so I agree with you

anytime any comedian goes oh I'm hanging out with this one I go oh shut up who cares yeah you're a comedian and really

the good thing about comedians is they always miss hanging out with other comedians even if they're hanging out with mick jagger they kind of wish they were hanging out with other comedians yeah we're more fun you know mick jagger mick jagger i mean i hate this to be a scorsese bashing session but mick jagger mons scorsese like these guys they're geniuses in their world. But if they start talking about comedy, we're like, oh, they don't know what the hell they're saying. So much for you being Scorsese's favorite comic, Gil. Yes.

Good point. That was the conceit of this show, Colin. Like, you know, the green kitchen in the old days, you know, after the late shows at Catch. Yes. That was the idea. A bunch of, a bunch of guys get together at two in the morning after the club closes at four,

whatever the hell you guys got together and, and sat around or the, or the Carnegie deli scene in Broadway, Danny Rose. That's right. That was the idea. Let's get fun people, comics and sit around and just,

and just bullshit about, you know, the old days. Yeah. Uh, you know, you days yeah uh you know you you know you guys should get on i don't know if you're still alive norman fell when i was on remote control long gone oh yeah when i was on mtv on remote control uh we had norman fell on one episode and they brought him on because it was a game show about

the old tv show sure and they wanted to go to ken over and go well kenny you know you're a little so so norman fell norman fell that was it norman fell shows up and his writer it says i want my check before i go on i want my check and a and a cold six pack of beer check and a cold six pack of beer before I go on. I want him in my dressing room. And it's like 10 in the morning. He comes in, opens a beer, drinks the beer, puts his check in his pocket, comes out, goes, you know, Ken.

And then the direct goes, could you do it a little bigger? And he looks at him like, yeah, I guess. Do it again, Ken. And then goes back to his dressing room. One more beer and leaves. Wow. But he was a nice guy. He was a nice guy.

Yeah. Norman Fell I met, and he's one of the people who gave me his phone number. Perfect timing. He's one of the guys he didn't stay in touch with. Yes. He's a guy you should have kept in touch with. I know. He's your type of guy.

It's not Mick Jagger. It's Norman Fell. He's got all the stories. Yeah, Gil. Norman Fell, I would have loved to have spoken, but I kept thinking, oh, I'm going to call him, and I'll go, yeah, what do you want? And two other people who gave me their numbers,

George Carlin and Jonathan Winters. And I never called either one. Well, you know, the funniest thing about George Carlin, you know, Joe DeRosa? I know Joe. Yes. Funny comic. He used to have a tattoo that said, keep kicking him at K-K-I-T-N. Keep kicking him in the nuts.

And everybody goes, where'd you get that tattoo? And he goes, I got it because George Cullen talked to me. And he goes, you have any advice? He goes, just keep kicking him in the nuts. Keep kicking him in the nuts. And so he got that tattoo. So he talked about it on a show. And then people called in and going, Joe, that was his goodbye to everybody.

That was his just... So Joe, they're just abusing him. So he got the tattoo changed. Well, I remember being on a plane before I had ever met him. And I was walking down the aisle and I saw George Carlin was on like about two roads down from me. And I thought, well, I don't want to bother him. And I'm sitting there. And then at the, when it's getting toward the, oh no, it's like when they're taking off, George Carlin is walking down the aisle, and he comes right up to me, and I thought,

oh, my God, Carlin wants to talk to me. And he said, yeah, I have to read some stuff, and I got to work, and then I'm going to take a nap, so I can't talk to you. And he walked away. It's like he went out of his way to tell me to go fuck myself what a tribute it's hilarious listener david conaghy points out that you guys were both there when the block at morningside heights was dedicated in george's name

yes and i'm gonna pay you a compliment Colin. I hope it doesn't embarrass you. But seeing you last night, you know, not a lot of people are doing that kind of social commentary in their comedy. And this kind of philosophizing that George was doing, certainly in the later years. I think what you're doing is as good. I really do. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. It's the ultimate compliment.

I've been around. I've seen a lot of comics. Yeah uh i i love what you're doing and and putting things into a historical context which he did yeah yeah i love doing that you don't see it you don't see it a lot which is my my uh my clumsy segue into uh into talking about the one man shows but specifically i want to talk about new york story because you're a lifelong new yorker so are we i love what you had to say about the italians and i love what what what is this thing about the jews too they were the only people who willingly went out of their way to get the tb tests yeah at ellis island're the only people.

Everybody else was trying not to get it. Like, oh, they'll send me back home. I hope I don't have TB. The Jews are like, excuse me, you missed this whole roll. I don't know what this is, but it's something. You're a doctor. This guy's supposed to be a doctor. It's so funny.

I like this, too, that New York,, it's a city that Gilbert and I love. Obviously, we both grew up here. We lament the changes to it. Yes. You describe it accurately. I think the city born of misery and complaint. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that's negativity makes the city funny. Right. Like all the people that came here were dissatisfied with something in their old country to come here. They must have had a negative attitude from the beginning. They're not coming here because they were happy people. So that's who ended up here, you know. I miss what you're talking about, too, in the show. I miss the German delis.

You know, I'm up here on the Upper East Side. Germantown is really gone. I know. You know, those Greek, you're talking about the Greek coffee shop owners. You got that great bit where they're throwing you out as they're seating you. Yes. Could you do a little bit of that? I can't remember.

Oh, you can't remember it. It's wonderful. But it's disappearing. In New York, there used to be just great junk stores. The stores that had like it was no rhyme or reason. There was clothes. There was food. Right.

Yeah. And you'd always wind up buying stuff because you go, well, I don't need it, but it's so cheap. Yeah. because you go, well, I don't need it, but it's so cheap. Yeah, well, it was just the one place around here they closed because of COVID was an odd lot. Remember odd lot store? Sure, absolutely. Oh, yeah, that's Gilbert's. Right there on Chambers Street.

Now it's gone, yeah. There was odd lot and job lot. Yep. And there was Weber's. John's Bargain Store. Oh, God. Oh, Robin's was another one. Yeah.

Do you spend any time in Queens, like Ozone Park, Woodhaven? That's where I'm from. Oh. You remember John's Bargain Store on Woodhaven Boulevard? Hey. Lewis of Woodhaven mean anything to you? Gilbert, just the fact that we're talking about these Italians saying they're not mobbed, he's from Ozone Park.

Yeah, all right. Forgotty country. I apologize. Yeah. I love this, too. You're talking about the subway then and now. You're saying you get on the subway now, there's a beautiful poem. Yes.

You get on the subway in 1970, there's a poster, it's chain snatching season. Yeah, yeah. So tuck your stuff in, too. Tuck your stuff in. In the 80s, even, yeah. In the 80s. You know, do you remember a bookstore called Cinemabilia?

You're a movie guy. No, where's that? There was an old bookstore in the village that specialized in movie books and books about cinema. It was a Samuel French kind of place. I mean, that's what I miss, the old funky record stores. Me me too walking around last night and when i came to see you in the club you know bleaker street looks like a shadow of itself i know they used to be dollar movie theaters of course yes and so that way if the movie was a piece of shit you'd go all right it was a dollar right it was like third run movie houses

right that's right and bleaker street used to have do you remember this place zito's bakery that sounds familiar that does all it sounds right big loaves of bread was the right well there was the old butcher shop on bleaker street that had been there forever and i just the name shop on bleaker street that had been there forever and i just the name of it just went out of my head and bleaker bob's records i remember when i first uh lived i grew up in brooklyn and when we first moved to manhattan we were living on avenue a and people would say to me you know what are you crazy right of course yeah because it was like back then, you know, they called it Alphabet City, and you took your life in your hands there. Absolutely.

You were living in those. And what year was that? That, oh, I forget. It was years ago. I remember it was shitty. Anyway, where you lived was bad. Like, if you walked, because I lived on 10th Street between A and B in 1981,

and if you walked below 7th Street and you lived below 7th Street, it was 10 times worse. Yeah. Where you lived. If you were walking to the old improv, you were taking your life in your own hands, Gil. I used to, yeah. I cannot believe.

I cannot believe. I cannot believe. Oh, a billion times going to the improv that I wasn't stabbed to death because that was off. That's when Times Square was Times Square. That's right. That's right. Oh, my God. I miss, too, these coffee shops you're talking about.

It's happening slowly and subtly. But the Blarney Stones have gone away. All gone is one. The Greek coffee shops are going away. I mean, we could go back to the autumn. We really want to be overly sentimental about this. But the flavor, the ethnic flavor, and I'm saying things that have been said a lot. But the ethnic flavor of these neighborhoods,

to say nothing of what's happened to Little Italy and Chinatown, which have been shrunk. Yes. That's the identity of the city, to say nothing of the bookstores and the record stores. And that's something about watching movies, particularly from the 70s. Yeah, comes alive again. You could look at New York. Yeah.

Like, I always liked another Sidney Lumet film, Bye Bye Braverman, where it's got these helicopter shots all over Brooklyn. Well, it's all Ocean. The whole movie takes place on Ocean Parkway. That's right. Yes.

Yeah. And the greatest cast. The whole movie takes place on Ocean Park. That's right. Yes. Yeah. And the greatest cast. I mean, George Segal, Sorrell Book, Jack Gordon. Yeah. And Godfrey Cambridge. Godfrey Cambridge. Godfrey Cambridge. I heard you didn't like Godfrey Cambridge in that one, Colin.

I heard a rumor. What's that? I heard a rumor you thought Godfrey Cambridge was weak in that picture. Well, I did. How did you know that? I know a lot. I heard a rumor you thought Godfrey Cambridge was weak in that picture. Well, I did. How did you know that? I know a lot of things. Yeah, I did feel like that was a... I hear things, Joey.

I feel like that part was written, was over the top. Yeah, I agree with you. Oh, and Jack... Oh, Joseph Wiseman. Yes. Oh, my God. The Jewish Bond. Yeah.

I didn't think it was a great movie, but I did love the Ocean Parkway shots. Yeah. Because I used to live on it. I went to PS179, which was on East 7th Avenue C and Ocean Parkway when I was a little kid.

Gilbert's right, though. You watch these movies from the 60s and the 70s, these New York movies. I'm watching Serpico, and there's a cigarette machine on the subway platform. Yes. Yes. Yes. You're seeing these things that come back. It's a disappearing New York.

Thank God these films exist. Yes. Exactly. You described the old New York. I love this line, too. You'd walk out the door, and the pimps were lined up like city bikes and put in time square yeah at a port outside port authority yeah yeah i remember you were risking your life then the the improv i'd hear like walking down one block a hundred times going out going out yeah yeah that was all the hookers, that big line, going out. Well, I'm actually trying to get my sister, my friend's sister,

to write a book because she was an undercover. Wow. And she was a girl from New York, New York accent, but she had the whitest blonde hair. She looked like she was from, she stepped off the Minnesota Strip, as it's called. She looked like she stepped off the, and they have her in Port Authority,

and she was a little girl with blonde hair who looked 15 years old. She looked like the perfect victim, and the pimps would swoop down on her, and she was wired, and then they'd come in and get them, you know? Wow. Wow. That's very cool. But, of course, you know, after two months, everybody knows who she is. You can't pull that off forever. That's a problem. She was getting, you know what after two months, everybody knows who she is. You can't, you can only, you can't pull that off forever.

You know, that's a problem. She was getting, you know what I mean? When they all know her on a first name basis. Right. They're like, oh, I recognize that girl. You know, but she looked like central casting of the girl from Iowa or whatever, you know. Gilbert, go ahead. Oh, go ahead.

You had a much more successful period on Saturday Night Live than me. In some ways it was, in some ways it wasn't, but go ahead. Yes. No, no, I'm just saying, describe your memories. Well, I mean, that's really kind of a very vague, unprofessional question. And I can't believe there's nothing specific. Even if even if it was, it's about a few year period, even if it was about one day, and you said to somebody, even if it was about one hour, you were talking about and you said to somebody, describe your memories. hour you were talking about and you said to somebody describe your memories that would still make no that would still become the most you know intangible statement anyone's ever made he's taking a jungian approach colin that's what he's doing i like that that's what he's doing well we'll ask you specifics then

shapes i have these shapes i have a fondness for Lenny the Lion. Oh, thanks. And also a lion with father issues. Yes, yeah. I always like that you see yourself standing over a bloody carcass. You catch your reflection in the watering hole. Is this how people really see me? Yeah. I had fun those first couple of years uh to answer gilbert

i had so much fun doing that kind of stuff but then the couple last couple of years i should have left i should have gone you know i mean but i mean uh the first couple of years just playing around was fun well you said you like the read-throughs best that that was the highlight of the week i loved read-throughs yeah i really did the highlight of the week i loved read truths yeah i really did i mean yeah i also heard you say you should have stayed a writer do you mean that um on that show yeah i should have but this is impossible because here's the kind of research frank does gilbert these are the last two things he he's asked me and I'm not imagining it. They're just things I've thought in my head in the past month.

I swear to God. I swear to God. There's no way I've said that anywhere except like maybe one person. This is insane. Well, you and I have crossed paths a lot over the years maybe you said

this to me this is no this is only the past backstage in the view the past two things you've said i've only thought my head in the past month i swear to god maybe i said it to one person that's hilarious oh god i love it i find it hard to believe there was one jewish writer there when you got there yeah only one jewish writer hugh fink that was it hugh fink funny guy yeah funny good good violin player gilbert by the way on the subject of snl i love you on the subject of snl g Gil, somebody found a writer who was on your season. I lost track of the name, who said he definitely, definitely made sure that you were cast as a corpse. Yes, yes.

This shows the horrible, I didn't like the writers, the writers didn't like me. I didn't like the writers, the writers didn't like me. And they one time were doing a funeral sketch where they cast me as the corpse. Was it Barry Blaustein? It could have been. I don't know. They said they were pissed off because you kept coming up with ideas

and then saying, you know what? I'll save that for my act. I could see that. That's what I would do it's a problem with being a stand up you always think that way I'll keep this one on the subject of SNL

and it's sweet when you took over for Norm Gilbert and I haven't said anything Gilbert, I don't know, have you spoken publicly since Norm passed about him, Gil? I think I don't know if I've spoken publicly. We haven't said anything on this show, which we would like to do now. You both knew him well.

But the bartender speech when you took over, and obviously it was a very awkward period for you. Oh, God. To be stepping into that role and also a friend's job. Yes, yeah. It was like we lived in the same building too did he ever say anything to you about that did he ever give you he was so clad no but he was so classy and not saying anything yeah you know what i mean yeah so

that's all you have that great tom steve what can i get you? Yeah. The bartender piece. But, yeah, that was, you know, yeah. I wish it would have stayed the way it was. But, you know, it is what it is. But, yeah, Norman said, he's so funny. He was so distinctively funny. Nobody liked him, really. No. No, he had his own thing.

You know what I mean? He was just very, well like gilbert i mean he just they just have their own they march to their own drummer even in a business where everybody marches to their own drummer they both have that you know idiosyncratic thing where they just be like um this is how i am and that's it and it's great but you know you have to tune to their frequency you know it's not like you can just, you know. You know what's funny about that first update you did? Here's Norm being fired, as we all know, by Don Ulmeier. Right.

Because of coming, cutting too close to the bone with the OJ jokes. When, in fact, he was doing a public service by telling those OJ jokes. And I'm watching you do your first update. There's an OJ joke. It's like the third joke. Yeah. You shook his hand once? OJ?

Getting out of a car? Or he was getting out of a limo? He was getting out of a limo in the middle of the afternoon. And I have no psychic energy. I've never had those kinds of things. But for whatever reason, this was in an afternoon. He's getting out of limo with a girl. It's spring break.

It's packed with people. It's Florida. And they're like, hey, do you want to meet OJ? I go, yeah, OJ. He's great. He's running back of all time. You know, great, charming movie star. I shake his hand.

He shakes my hand. He's not even looking at me. He's looking past me. He shakes my hand. And I felt like a jolt of, like, evil. I shake his hand. He shakes my hand. He's not even looking at me. He's looking past me. He shakes my hand. I felt like a jolt of like evil. I swear to God. It's like the dead zone. That's what it was like.

That's what it was like. And I was like, I go, that was weird. OJ. I love OJ. Well, it was weird energy,

you know? Wow. So you picked up on something. I feel like I did, you know, it's of course in retrospect, but I remember telling people at the time so oh i remember meeting oj at a party years ago and and he it turns out he was a fan

and and and he did an imitation of me and to this, I wish I had like that on film. Oh, it would be like Charles Manson doing an imitation. Yeah. Yeah. I was also fond of going back to your SNL bits. Colin Quinn explains the New York times. Yeah.

Yeah. That was a good one. And the St. Pat's editorial and Joe Blow. You look like you were having fun, and the best stuff is you and Norm together. That's right. That's right. There's obviously an affection that comes across on the screen. Yes, yeah.

And that was the early days of it. It was great. I'm sorry we never managed to get him here. We tried, and for whatever reason, he was as elusive as you. It was great. I'm sorry we never managed to get him here. We tried it for whatever reason. He was as elusive as you. He's more elusive. He's like, I'd love to do it. I'd love to.

He's like, oh, good. How about next week? Yes, what day? And you're like, okay. He's like, all right, call him and we'll set it up. Next week is perfect because I'm doing this. You're like, hey, I'll see you at i'll see dorm years later what happened what i thought i was gonna come on your show what happened it's like oh jesus well like you say march to his own drum yeah we will return to gilbert godfrey's

amazing colossal podcast but first a word from our sponsor here's something from your book from the coloring book colin comedian solves race relations why does your you say your restlessness makes you secretly jewish i've always felt i've always felt like i have a jewish uh streak to me because, you know, I mean, I mean, my, well, like, when I was a little kid, I used to watch the original version when I was like 12 of Can You Top This? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I was just like,

I wanted to be Jan Murray. I loved Jan Murray so much. And just the open shirt and the chains and the tan and the three-pack-a-day habit and the cups. Sure. And I met Jan Murray, by the way, and he could not have blown me off harder. I go, Jan. Didn't Jerry do you a solid by connecting you with the…

And then Jerry, years later, got Jan to make a tape for me. And Jan spent the whole time complimenting Jerry and goes, I'm sure you're a friend of his. Jerry, you are fantastic. He spent the whole time talking to Jerry. He went on tape. Hilarious. Remember, can you top this, Gil?

I remember Maury Amsterdam was the fixture on that show maury amsterdam hit stew gillis and oh stew gillum stew gillum yeah and then marty allen would come on sometimes marty allen and then and then uh jan murray and they go to jan and jan was impressed because he was like the cool guy in the show. The rest of them were like, you know, trying to be funny. And then Jan, he's fucking smoking. It's daytime TV. And his joke was always like, whatever the premise was, the joke has to be about sausages.

So the other two would start out with, a skywalks into a sausage store, or a sausage goes out, And then Jan's joke is always like a lady is on her honeymoon. And he wouldn't mention, he wouldn't mention sausage till the end because he was like, I remember Jan seeing Jan Murray on car 54. Where are you? Sure. He used to host the telethon.

How do you say that? The Chabad telethon, Gilbert? Oh, yes, yes. How do you say that word? I think that's how I always say it. Me being mafioso, I don't know how to say these Jewish words. I love the bit in long story short. I have to go back to another one of your one-person shows.

And please, to our listeners, find these on Netflix. You can find them online. That great bit about Lil Wayne, when you're talking about how the culture has changed, you're talking about how people who don't have democracy in the world, they want the nice democracy from 1960. They don't want our current democracy and then you talk about tony bennett tony bennett comes out you talk about entertainer wars and tony bennett's threatening to bust a cap and melt or may's ass right right

right i also learned about you from watching that show that you have a secret desire to play a white teacher in a movie about an inner city school. Right. Where you come in and you save the day. Yeah. Where they're like, yo, teach it. And I'm like, well, because it was right after, I started writing it after Michelle Pfeiffer playing like that dangerous mom. Yeah. She's teaching them Bob Dylan lyrics.

Like the white guy, the white idiot that wrote that movie is like, Bob Dylan, there's nothing those kids would hate more than Bob Dylan lyrics. They learn the new Christie minstrels. Yeah. Did you get any blowback? You have that wonderful joke in Long Story Short. Also, congratulations on the Ray Liotta impersonation, which we were talking about before we put the mic down.

For our listeners who haven't seen this wonderful bit Colin does, he does a Ray Liotta, a pretty good impression, by the way. Oh, thanks. A Goodfellas-type narration narration of the roman empire which you must see but it was a glorious time for rome you know it was the beginning of the mob they all had that they had that ray leota swagger you know you see caesar caesar couldn't have been more than 28 or 29 at the time but he was already a legend he started out doing hits for the legions

you see, hits never bothered Caesar but what Caesar liked to do what Caesar really liked to do was steal he was the kind of guy that rooted for the lions in the gladiator fights hundreds of guys depended upon Caesar and he got a piece of everything they made it was tribute just like in the old country Hundreds of guys depended upon Caesar and he got a piece of everything they made.

It was tribute, just like in the old country. And all they got from Caesar was protection against other guys who were trying to rip them off. And that's all the Roman Empire was. The police department for guys that couldn't go to the other empires. You see, Caesar had it down to a system. He'd have the tribunes invade a province. Then when the consul came to Caesar,

Caesar'd make him a partner. Now the guy's got Caesar for a partner. Any problems, he can come to Caesar. Slaves revolt, come to Caesar. Vandals invade, you come to Caesar. Chariot drivers want to go on strike, you come to Caesar. But now the guy's got to pay Caesar every month,

no matter what. Crops failed, fuck you, pay me. Plague of locusts? Fuck you, pay me. God gets mad, kills the firstborn son in every family? Fuck you, pay me. And then finally, when there was nothing left and they'd squeezed every last dime out, somebody lit a match and they burned Rome down

for the insurance money. But I want to talk about a joke like guys go into the confession booth to reveal their deepest erotic thoughts to some guy who may have a Justin Bieber poster up in the rectory. I mean, and now you're one of the few comics doing that kind of material. Really poking religion in the eye.

Did you get blowback? No, are you kidding me? The Catholic Church, these days, they're low-hanging fruit at this point. They're hiding. They're laying low. No pun intended, of course. Yeah, right. You know what's funny?

It just brings back saying Ray Liotta. Like, Goodfellas was all from a story of Henry Hill. Yeah. Yeah. And so much of that movie is him going like, oh, and the other guys, like, worked this guy over and cut his throat. Right.

And I stood by and I was shocked. And I didn't know what to do. Good point. You mean because it's told from his point of view? Yes. Yeah, right. But Gilbert said he's always the guy that's like, oh, my God, what are you guys, crazy? Yes.

Meanwhile, the whole movie takes place within 10 blocks of Frank's childhood home. That's right. Believe me, I knew those guys. Yeah, I believe it. When they're going through the bar and it's Mickey Eyes and Johnny Two Times. My dad used to hang out with a guy named, what the hell, what did they call

that? They called him Dead Eye. Oh my God. And I think he was a button man. Oh God. I never asked because I was eight. Did you ever go to Don Pepe's? Oh, I know Don Pepe's. Yeah. You know where the Cross Bay Theater was in Queens?

Yeah, of course. Cross Bay Boulevard? Yeah. That whole area was mobbed up. Oh, yeah. Still. My favorite line in Main Street is Frank Vinson when he's picking on Joe Pesci. And he's about to take a shot of whiskey.

And right before he does it, he goes, now get your fucking shine box. Right. It's great. Right. It's great. You wonder where Pelleggi got all that stuff. I mean, it must have been through extensive interviews

with these guys. No, it was with Henry Hill. The whole book was based. So that was Henry's account. Yeah. That was all. They said Pelleggi talks about how he was writing the book and the whole book was based. So that was Henry's account. Yeah. That was all. They said, Pileggi talks about how he was writing the book in the intro to the book where he goes,

suddenly I'm talking to this guy who's like a nobody and he has an encyclopedic memory of everything everybody did and said. That's why he was such a find for them. He remembered everything. It's a hell of a movie. And he was a fly on the wall. Yeah, it's a great movie. No, I was just thinking, like, when I saw Goodfellas, I thought, you know, in The Godfather, there's something really glamorous about being a gangster.

Right, right. And then when I saw Goodfellas, I thought, wow, these are scumbags. Right, right. They're just doing corny jokes and, you know what I mean, dressed like idiots. Yeah, right, exactly. You know, we had Winkler. We had Erwin Winkler here on the show.

Oh, you did? Yeah, I'll send it to you. He's an interesting guy. He wrote a book a couple years ago. We'll send you the book. Of course, Gilbert gets these people on who've had legendary careers, and all he likes to do is talk about their flops. So he kept bragging Irwin Winkler.

Well, what about they shoot horses, don't they? Which is a great movie, by the way. I like that movie. It's a great movie. Didn't make any money. Irwin told us that like five minutes into the test screenings, into the audience screenings, you know, with the knifing, P's knife and uh billy batts in the trunk they had walkouts like 20 people got up and walked the hell out of the place they were panicked well that sound that squishing sound when

they're stabbing them you remember that kill oh yeah said they walked out of the theater yeah have you met these guys i mean oh you work with Pesci and De Niro. Have you met Ray Liotta? Have you heard you do the impression? No, I haven't met any of them. No feedback? No, but I don't really want to know. They're all movie people.

I'm in stand-up, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's a stand-up question, and maybe this relates to my people as well, or connects to my people. What is the story from the early stand-up days, which ends up in you hiding on the floor of a car and a bunch of guys looking for you with bats? Oh, no, that was in North Tonawanda.

Yeah. That was where I was up there, and I was doing a gig, and the guy before me killed so hard, so hard, doing music. And he's the middle act. And, I mean, it was the perfect venue for a music act and he was doing this he was killing i mean you know music changes the whole vibe in a comedy club and then i went up and did my acting in two minutes at boeing i started giving them the finger cursing them out you know in their town and then it just turned uglier and uglier. Finally, I'm off stage and the owner's fuming.

And I have to hide on the floor of his car and like to drive out. They're looking for me with bats. And then I had to like sit in my hotel all night and just hope they wouldn't know where I was or just be that interested in coming to get me. Wow. There you go. There's the glamour of the stand-up life.

Yes. Keeley, you never had a gig that bad oh oh i've had horrible no no when they went wilding now um oh here's another thing i'm well i i think without question you've gotten laid a lot more on the road than I have. Well, I mean, when I was on MTV, I used to be in the game, but mostly in stand-up, you know how it is. We're not rock stars, let's put it that way. Because I've always heard from my entire career people saying to me, oh, there are certain towns where comics go in and they're like rock stars.

Women throw them. And I'm thinking, I'm still waiting to find that town. Yeah, I don't know what town to talk about. Yeah. There's a nice little bit of satire in, I think it's in Long Story Short, a little social commentary on your part where you're talking about women's choices and men. You know the joke that I'm referring to? Yes, yes, yes.

Should she date the guy that runs Google or the guy with the neck tattoo of the handgun? Right, right, right. What are you trying to say there exactly? I'm trying to say they're torn between their desire and their you know their practical sense of like yes this is the long the long and the short you know what i mean like the long view and the short view it's fascinating what do you mean when you said uh and i saw you again you said this last night you said new york city is over like what we just talked about this whole show yeah it's still the streets have almost looked the same yeah but there's just like you said there's no german deli no there's no

baloney store there's no uh there's no uh candy store kind of no there's no lunch we could go get an egg cream lunch andeonettes. A counter. A soda counter. The New York, like we knew it, is gone. Because in the old days, even in the 80s, but definitely in the 70s, in all these communities, they had all these communities that the mayoral candidates would have to go to and deal with people. And there were neighborhoods full of people that we knew that were like, we're part of New York, too.

And those days are over. I agree. The flooding of the subway was the last straw for you. Yes. What's happening now, too, is old coffee shops are getting bought up by other people, and they get advertised as, oh, we're just a little New York coffee shop. But meanwhile, an egg cream is like $30. Right, right, right. Where the hell

did you get an egg cream in Manhattan anymore? You know, Eisenberg's closed. Did you know Eisenberg's, Colin, near the Flatiron District? No. And that's another one. Great. It got bought by someone. And you know it's going to be like, now lines around the block, like, hey, we're just an old Jewish deli. Right, right. They'll try to sell it as retro.

Yes. Yes. Right, exactly. Yeah. Well, Colin says it in the New York story. You said every store you walked into was like a different country. That's right. That's right. Yeah. Well, Colin says it in the New York story. You said you used to, every store you walked into was like a different country. That's right. That's right.

Yeah. Yeah. It's gone. Sure it is. It's gone. I got one or two more questions. I want to plug the new show. You're going to do it at the Lucille Lortel.

Yes. We're going to put this show up in time to plug that show. On Christopher Street, the Lucille Lortel. Yes. We're going to put this show up in time to plug that show. On Christopher Street, the Lucille Lortel. When we were growing up, that was the go-to gay joke about your friends. You go, what are you going to go to? Christopher Street? And everybody would laugh. Yes.

Back in the day. That was. And that was one of those you could do on TV and go, oh, yeah, he lives on Christopher Street. Oh, and the other thing, the other one was, oh, I went to my hairdresser, Bruce. Bruce was the name. You meant the guy was gay. Bruce. Yes. Oh, God. Bruce. Yes.

Oh, God. It's 2021. What's the thing you said in the show you couldn't say back then? I saw your mother in Times Square. What does that mean? Oh, yeah. I saw your mother on 42nd Street. Yeah, I saw your mother on 42nd Street.

Right. That was the biggest insult. Yeah, she works for the New York Times. Yeah. Yeah, she works for the New York Times. Yeah. Let me ask you just quickly about Hermie on Girls. And because I know you so long, I got emotional when Hermie bought the farm.

Yeah. Lying on the couch watching the Equalizer marathon. Right. I love that character. And what a well-written show. Yeah. Girls. She's brilliant, show. Yeah. Girls. She's brilliant, yeah.

Why did you say of Hermie, the character, that he had the potential to be a sociopath? Do you remember saying this? No. Okay. But I'll believe it. If I said it, I must have had a reason at the time. He was a hard character to get a beat on.

You know, was he benevolent? Was he a bullshit artist what was he manipulative i think he was uh yeah i think it was a powder keg you know you could see from his apartment he had a little unabomber personality yes that's a good analogy i want to tell you a uh since we talked it started by talking about great actors, and you've known Gilbert forever, but you probably don't know that he lost parts. Tell the two people that we talk about on the show, Gilbert, that you lost parts to. One time I was up for a part in Dick Tracy. And everyone, you know, of course, the typical Hollywood, oh, you're the only person we could see for this. When we were writing the script, we just pictured you.

And then... As mumbles. Yes. And then late in the game, someone says to me, oh, they're not going with you. And I said, oh, who are they getting? And they said dustin hopman and and i'm what i want to know at what point at three in the morning uh me and dustin hopman were

neck and neck for the same part more important i'd like you to someday see dustin hopman and go at what point like the what's the name charlie sheen said that gordon gecko how much is enough dustin exactly you couldn't let me have that one part you son of a bitch oh and who's the second actor the best. I lost a part in a Mel Brooks movie to Billy Barty. I thought Colin would appreciate that. It's great. It's like it's one thing to lose to Dustin Hoffman. He's a legendary.

Billy Barty, he's a circus freak. The Dustin Hoffman thing pisses me off more. Yeah, me too. Gilbert, let's try to get Dustin Hoffman on the show. Yes. And talk to him about that. Speaking of parts, not getting parts, did you turn down Scott Evil in the Austin Powers series?

Yes. I'm sorry to bring it up. No. I was literally, he was like, look, what are you doing? Why are you saying no to this? Myers was. It was so reasonable. He goes, look, he's Canadian.

And he's like, what are you doing? Just do it. It's this. I go, nah, I'm doing this other. He goes, why? There's no reason. And I didn't do it. But I was an I go, nah, I'm doing this other. He goes, why? There's no reason. And I didn't do it. But I was an idiot.

And that turned into three movies. Yes, we know. Yes. Our friend Craig Bjerko. Do you know Craig? He's a New York actor. He's a music man. And he turned down the Chandler Bing part in Friends.

So we like to give him as much shit about that as we can. Oh, my God. As we can. Yeah, that's a painful one. We love you, Craig, if you're listening, because I know he listens to the show. I'll let you out with this one, Colin. Why do you not believe,

why do you call bullshit on people who say they dislike the beatles oh it's just so annoying people want to be so unique and they're just like i don't like if you don't like the beatles fine nobody can't nobody's to hear it and then they're waiting for you to go how could you please tell us your reason it's like shut up nobody wants to hear about it. I mean, it's just so annoying. I just feel like they're doing it to be like Maverick. Uh-huh. Everyone's a rebel. It's like, I don't like the Beatles. Okay, fine.

Every now and then on your Twitter, you post an unpopular opinion, which you label. Here's an unpopular opinion. Right. That you thought post-Beatles, you thought they were more interesting or more quality post-Beatles song. Yes. You know you're just posting that to start shit. No, I said. Than the actual Beatles songs.

I said the best Beatles song of all time was I've Got My Mind Set On You. Right. Sure. Right. Produced by Jeff Lynne, by the way. Yeah, it's a great song. I hate that song. Jeff Lynne.

I love Jeff Lynne. Me too. But that song stinks. But it's going to take money. What the hell? What? You were just being provocative. I'm just remembering the video stunk too.

It's him in a pinball machine with a girl. So you were being provocative. And the funny thing with people who put down the Beatles, I remember hearing a story when they still had record stores. There was a record store that dealt in opera records and they had a sign in their window. We don't carry records by Pavarotti.

Check Tower Records for that. Because he was too popular. He was a hack. Yeah. Yeah. He was too popular. He was a hack. Yeah. Yeah. He was a fat hack from Apple. I miss Tower Records, too, now that you brought that up. I know. Did you ever go in that store across the street from Caroline's?

That old Tin Pan Alley music store? Colony Music? I bought things from there when I was trying to learn guitar once. What a great store. Great store. They had Beatles toys in the back from the 60s in a case. Colony music is the best.

Colony music. I mean, it was like, again, that was like that in the Brill Building, which is, you know, again, that's the last vestiges of Tin Pan Alley in the city. I walked by one day. The windows were boarded up. I almost wept. I know. If I knew what I knew then then I would have bought half that store

And sold it at eBay today By the way, Brazil told me you love Fellini So I went back and I watched La Strada Sorry, do you hear that? What? You don't hear that? You're getting an incoming call? Yes, FaceTime

I had a 4 o'clock appointment all right we're gonna sign off but i love this i can't shut it off colin said at the beginning if we get a phone call work it in it's it's live improv but i understand why when i had it on the airport. But yes, I love La Strada. Yeah. It's not exactly a fun movie to watch. No, it's a very painful movie. Yeah.

It's a great road picture. You know what I mean? Fellini had a breakdown while shooting it. It's kind of like, you ever see Wild Hogs? Sure. With Tim Allen and John Travolta? It's just like that. It's a similar.

They're often compared. Fellini would be crying with joy to be compared to Roda. Oh my God. He's turning in his grave like a rotisserie chicken. I love you guys. All right, Colin. Let's do the

plugs. Colin, he's got a phone call, Gilbert. He's still got a career. Jesus. Unlike us. All right. The show is at the Lucille Lortel. Tell us the title again. Sure.

Colin Quinn, The Last Best Hope. The Last Best Hope. And please, guys, watch Cop Show, find Collins' one-person shows. They're all great. Buy the coloring book. Thanks, Frank. Thanks, Gilbert. This is a blast.

You are the best, my friend. And in your show, will you be talking about turning down Austin Powers? I will not. I will not. There's water under the bridge. Why did you turn down Carson? Why did you refuse to do The tonight show with condor carson because

i was i was under the impression that to to not curse in my act was would have meant that i was compromising my integrity i can respect that it was a different time. Of course. Colin, we love you. Thank you. Thanks, Alex Brazell. Yes. And thank Pam. How does Pam say her last name?

Loschak? Loschak. Well, thank Pam Loschak. And finally, after seven years, Gilbert, the elusive Colin Quinn. Yes. Thanks, guys. We love you. Thank you.

Bye, guys. We love you. Thank you. Bye, guys. Bye, guys. Many years since I was here On the street I was passing my time away To the left and to the right Buildings towering to the sky It's out of sight In the dead of night Here I am sight in the dead of night.

Here I am, ending the sick with a fistful of dollars. And baby, you better believe I'm back, back in the New York groove. I'm back, back in the New York groove. I'm back, back in the New York groove. I'm back, back in the New York groove. Back in the New York groove. In the New York groove. In the back of my Cadillac Wicked lady sitting by my side Saying where are we

Stopped at 3 and 43 Exit to the night It's gonna be ecstasy This place was meant for me Feels so good tonight Who cares about tomorrow So baby, you better believe I'm back, back in the New York

I'm back, back in the New York I'm back, back in the New York New York. I'm back in New York.