Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Craig Bierko and Beverly D'Angelo

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

GGACP favorites Craig Bierko and Beverly D'Angelo return to the show for a spirited conversation about ABC Afterschool Specials, obscure time travel movies, the comedic brilliance of Martin Short and Richard Kind and the early days of cable television. Also, Al Pacino watches "Cats," Milos Forman inspires Steve Martin, Beverly grabs Chevy Chase's junk and Craig mixes up Bob Hope and Richard Nixon. PLUS: Imogene Coca! The return of old Groucho! Stan Kann the Gadget Man! In praise of Carrie Fisher! And rest in peace, Janet Ann Gallow! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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with perfect harmony in pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at michigan.org. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre, and our guests this week are two of our favorite people and storytellers, returning for more laughs and more punishment. We couldn't be more pleased. Greg Bierico, a Tony-nominated actor and singer who has starred in films and hit TV shows

and Broadway and Off-Broadway productions. He starred in the Broadway production The Music Man, Guys and Dolls, as well as Company, Thou Shall Not, Matilda the Musical, and Little Miss Sunshine. You've also seen them on the small screen in shows like Murphy Brown, Ally McBeal, Mad About You, Boston Legal, Damages, Sex and the City, Unreal, The Good Wife, and Blue Bloods. And on the big screen in the Long Kiss Goodbye Scary Movie 4, for your consideration, and The Three Stooges, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Cinderella Man.

He's also arguably the world's biggest fan of the monkeys, and the only man in America to own a Richard Kind doll. Beverly D'Angelo. Oh, God, I'm exhausted, Doug. Don't go up. Here we go. I can't. I can't. I can't go through this.

Go ahead. And thank you for listening. Goodbye, everybody. Good night. Good night. Good night. Beverly D'Angelo. You're yelling.

Get closer to the mic. Get your head in it if you can. You're a little hot on the mic, Gil. Oh, I'll say it for the fifth time. Say it for the fifth time. Beverly D'Angelo is an Emmy-nominated actress and singer and raconteur known to everyone for all her work in well-respected television programs such as Frasier, Family Guy, Cougar Town, Mom, Entourage, and TV movies like Lansky and A Streetcar Named Desire.

And, of course, The Simpsons has country singer Lurleen Lubkin. Lurleen Lubkin. Lurleen Lubkin. You've also seen her in dozens of motion pictures. Hundreds. Including hair. seen her in dozens of motion pictures, including hair, Goldminer's daughter, Every Which Way But Loose, American History X, High Spirit, and as Ellen Griswold in five films in the beloved National Lampoon Vacation series.

She's also a one-time Hanna-Barbera animator and the winner of the Country Music Association Award for Album of the Year and the former Miss Ponderosa Steakhouse. Steakhouse, yes! Please welcome back to the show the lovely and talented Craig Bierico. And family, the answer.

You shouldn't have added B into that. Why does he keep adding a syllable to Bierico? It is amazing because it's got 75 syllables as it is. Bjerko. It's like you discovered another number between 9 and 10. Remember that, Beverly?

Wait a minute. Beverly and I came up with this idea. We'll circle back. I just want to get it out there. I think it was my idea. I don't think so there. Let's get the second half. I think it was my idea. I don't think so. But let's get the second half of her credits out and then we'll start. Yeah.

But Craig and I decided that there really there needed to be a number between six and seven. It was nine and ten. Oh, nine and ten. Yeah. What did we did we name the number i think well that was your idea but i said what if we discovered a number between nine and ten like a mathematical and we proved it and you came up with the number quinn it was quinn quinn quinn quinn or something like that yeah quinn quinn sounds likeint sounds like five. I like Quint. It was Q-U-I-D-T. Q-U-I-D-T or something like that. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, quid ten.

Sounds right. Wow. Yeah. Here's Gilbert. He's like. See, that reminds me. I don't know what made me think of this. what made me think of this uh before actual cable tv and you turn the dial of your tv if you manage to balance it between two stations yes you'd get like some weird thing you'd get somebody's

face or voice and you go what the hell is that or a a bosom. You could get a bosom. No, I never saw a bosom. You were lucky. I got what was arguably a bosom. Okay. Who was arguing with you? Did anybody, when they were a child, have a television set that had a remote control, which was actually a squeeze ball tube and you could change the channels by squeezing the little tube and send a puff of air and it would change the

channel i i never in my childhood most of my adulthood had i mean when i remember when i first got a remote control that was like being in the future right exactly the ones they were the size of like a small car and they had like the big a big rot like a uh a column of metal yeah that you had to really put your elbow into and then click the channel over or it turned out like remember the early vcrs that had like a giant you know like piano keys you remember when you first got pay cable that they sent you that that wired box that had two rows of buttons and a dial on the left yes you had to do a top row of buttons and a bottom row of buttons. Does anybody remember that? I think I do.

Cable vision. Also, do you remember, I think it was called aerobicize? Yes. Yeah, and it was just like these girls in leotards, and they'd zoom in on their asses and their tits as they did aerobicize. And there was nothing, nobody saying, okay, now get this. Let's get the quads. It was just like

an hour of jerk-off material. So were they pretty? Were they pretty women? Totally hot-looking model types in leotards. And they'd be zooming in. They'd be doing the squat thrusts.

Yeah. And zoom in on their asses and crotches and tits. And it was fun. Do you remember? Because I don't think they have it anymore, but there was Manhattan Cable. You had to go in and take like a night class. Yeah. Beverly, I don't know if you remember this but richard

sampson who's a friend of ours who's uh very funny probably the funniest attorney at the new york times what kind of an attorney is he huh what what kind of an attorney is he uh he trademark attorney very very funny guy one of the funniest people i've ever met. Are you still in touch with him? I don't care. No, no, no. I am. I am. He's a great guy. He's a terrific, terrific guy. Good friend. I've known him since college. But anyway, we came up with an idea. We thought, well, because we had nothing to do. So we thought, let's do a talk show on Manhattan cable. One of us will host it. We hadn't decided. One of us will be the ed mcmahon and every week beverly would be the guest and tell the same story but we'd shoot it every week and i that your response is telling us yeah

a lot of this stuff is conceptual you laugh laugh at dinner, and then the actual reality of some guy behind the camera going, they're doing the same story. Do you guys remember the Robin Bird show? Yes. Yes. That was a New York phenomenon. That was gynecological. What was the Robin Bird show?

And then I remember when Al Goldstein was on, it would be like 99 percent commercials for massage parlors and stuff. And then then he'd come on for like a second and then go back to the ads. Now, gentlemen. Yes. No, no. Go ahead. Go ahead. I was going to say, and usually Al and usually he would interview a porn star. Right. Yeah. Yeah. More or less. And I found the stars that he chose distasteful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They were not. They weren't. You know, if you're going to go to the trouble. Yeah. Find someone who looks remotely like Barbara Eden from a distance. But it would be these pockmarked, one-legged creatures who looked like they had a wing clipped off. And then it's like he used I waited for my roast beef and then they brought me a corned beef. And so fuck you, Sid's Diner. That's right, I remember that.

Can you imagine him at the restaurant going, yo, I'm going to kill you on Channel 43. I'm not going to hold back at all. Beverly, what's happening with your podcast? The last time we had you here was. Oh, I'm not doing it. I heard you had 10 in the can. Yeah, well, I didn't. Well, that's a different story.

I told you that story. That was between us. So we both jumped on that one. As I did. So did everybody else in Hollywood. But I want to tell you. You can imagine I was exhausted after that. And I just couldn't go on.

This was going to be our Thanksgiving show. Well, this is something to be thankful for. Bev, we have to thank you too. Because because when Gilbert and I did the sixth anniversary show, you very sweetly sent us a video. Yeah. And to the shock and surprise of both Gilbert and I. I got Al into it. You got Al in there. How did you rope Al Pacino, for anybody who doesn't know which Al we're referring to?

How did you con him into? I was at his house, and I can't remember what we were doing. I think we were watching. I think we all wanted to see Cats or something. Oh, my God. That I would pay money to see. Yeah, I think that was it. A shot of Al Pacino's face watching Cats.

Yeah, I would like to see that myself. I have the shot. You do? Yeah, please send it to us. I do. Hold on. It's going to take forever to find it, though. That's okay.

You can do it later in the show. Anyway, I think that that was it. I can't remember, but it was some kind of a – Wait a minute. Was it January 25th? No, it was the end of February, the 26th. Okay, Mary Lou. Yeah, Mr. Bierko was supposed to be in that show, too, but he took it off.

You know, we're very good friends. We actually don't tell anyone. We're very good friends. We spend a lot of time together. You and Al. I think that's really nice. Admirable. It is nice.

It's great. He's the greatest, and he's the person I call for advice. What happened? That's very chimney. You know what happened. He's the That's very Jiminy. You know what happened. You were there. He actually said that to me once.

I used to go out with Janine Garofalo. Yes, that Jean Garofalo. And we saw him once and then he and I were performing on the same bill. You and Al Pacino. No, this was me and Mark. Oh, I didn't even say who the straw. It's a horrible story. Terrible. This is Martin Short. Because when you did what happened? That's right. Because you had said Jiminy Glick. So I right after the music man,

I I did remember Evening at the Pops. Arthur Fiedler with Evening at the Pops. Yeah, that's I went up to Boston to do Evening at the Pops. Yeah, that video of you is on YouTube. Yes, yes. And right after me was Martin Short during his act. And the only other time I had met him at that point was with Janine. And so we were getting going up in the elevator after the shows. And I said, good show. He said, good show.

I said, I said, you you know Janine and I broke up and he went what happened shit I thought that was really he was just being funny he's the funniest guy he's the funniest guy in the world not counting everybody here we will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast but first a word from our sponsor. up for all things baseball. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome to BMO ETFs. Where do you get your insights? Volatility has continued to be a hot topic. I think the Fed does have other cards to play. Are these mega cap tech companies here to stay? Never before has there been a better time

to be an ETF investor. BMO ETFs presents Views from the Desk, a show all about markets and investing with ETFs. New episodes every Thursday morning. WTFs. New episodes every Thursday morning. Gilbert, you'll like this. Matthew Allen, one of our listeners, Bev, wants to know, what do you remember about grabbing Chevy Chase's dick in Christmas Vacation? Actually, that was a group shot. It was at the end of the day. A group shot. That was a group shot. It was at the end of the day. And I remember the director was very uptight. Come on, people, people, people.

Because he had to, it was like wrangling cats, you know, to get everybody in that shot. And they did it once and it didn't, they had to shoot it again. There was some problem. Because it was actually a tough shot just on a technical level. And there was movement problem because it was actually a tough shot just on a technical level and there was movement until we froze and um i said to chevy i bet you because also the director could have cared less that i was even in it and i said to chevy um i bet jeremiah's isn't even going to catch this and he goes what i guess this so action stop and i arranged that my hand would be there and he goes okay fine wrap yeah we're done for the day great cut and I don't know whether he found it

in the editing room or what but it was purposeful and I never thought it would be and actually thought they don't have any choice they only have one take and they direct the one nice move Chevy Chase was so great on your show. On our podcast. Yeah. I didn't hear that one. When did you do him? When did you do him? Chevy here? Yeah. Oh, I'll send it to you. Probably second year, 2015.

Wow. I love that. I don't I don't I can't speak for you, but for a white guy in the suburbs who grew up in in the 70s and 80s, I honestly don't think any of us would have the same personality if it wasn't for Chevy Chase. I don't think it would be it would be something slightly different. No, I give Chevy Chase was I can, you know, Rosen Rosen, Dr. Rosen Rosen. And Bill Murray, too. And Bill Murray, too. Yeah, there's a whole crew. There are about three or four guys, and if they didn't exist, I think I would just be an empty Pringles fan. Maybe Steve Martin could be in that company.

Steve Martin, Andy Kaufman, Gilbert Gottfried. Got to put Gilbert in there. Get Gilbert in there. But yeah, Chubby had that persona, you know, of the kind of, you know, little fancy suburban smart guy, you know. It was all new to me. I hadn't seen any of it. I didn't think anybody had. I mean, you know, there's that theory that artists just that there's a certain amount of territory and people move in and out of that territory. You know, but I don't know.

You know, it's like the next Brando, the next this, the next that. But so who was Chevy before Chevy was Chevy? Would that have been George Carlin before he became a hippie? Well, they're performers. I have to say, do you guys feel the same way about like like Bob Hope? I remember seeing Bob Hope for the first time. I never got him. But well, Bob Hope in the movies, which was basically Woody Allen, Woody Allen admits it. And also when I was a kid, it was strange. It was a weird time. But I remember I remember Bob Hope

in 1974 sitting behind a desk and resigning from show business. I couldn't tell Richard Nixon and Bob Hope apart. They look like the same guy. I was like, I like the funny shows with the sketches. I don't like when he just sits and talks in the camera. Those monologues are dark. Do we have to send Beverly the Bob Hope, Jack Frost video? Oh, that's unbelievable. It is beyond.

It's unbelievable. You think, yeah, it's like what Craig went through on those drugs. Oh, really? It doesn't match up to Bob Hope in this thing.

I can't wait to see it. It's basically a jaw connected to nerves on a spine. And it's just the wattage is going. It's like I seriously think this was the Lars's revenge because of all the times he fucked around on her. Oh, and this is like she's like he's a corpse. Really? I can't wait to see it. Oh, and this is like she's like he's a corpse. Really?

I can't wait to see it. Well, he's a corpse. And it's not bad enough that he's a corpse that they're filming. But they glue a little beard to him. No pointed hat. Oh, it's scary. Oh, I've got to see that. Got to see that. Yeah.

Yeah. It's beyond scary, by the way, because it's the law, Beverly, you've seen older Groucho as performed by. Hey, why did you do that television special with the with the brothers? It seemed like you guys were a little tired. Groucho, why did you do it? Because Chico needs a money this is all virgin material i love it you were on william buckley's show that was interesting but it didn't seem to be your element why Why did you do that? Because Chicago needed a woman.

And I heard a rumor, were you bathing Chinese people for... Were you bathing entire Chinese families at some point? Why would you do that? Because Chicago needed a woman. I've lived a dream now. I've lived a dream now.

I've lived a dream. Oh, that's fantastic. The part of Drew Friedman will be Craig Bjerka. I'm Sammy Petrillo's partner. Oh, Dookie Mitchell. I'm Dookie Mitchell, Drew Friedman. Craig, I got a question for you from a listener. Okay.

From Dr. Eric Z. MD, Medical Deviant, which is an homage. That's from, yes, that's from Dr. That's an homage. He must be a really good doctor with a name like that. Can Craig talk a little bit about his experience filming the immortal classic, The Day My Kid Went Punk? I'd love to hear what it was like. It also starred podcast guest Bernie Coppell. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. You did not make a movie called The Day My Kid Went Punk, did you? Listen, I needed the money. Because Chico needed the money. Listen, Chico needed the money. We were all, listen, until the last. No, I, do you remember the the after school specials yeah sure well you know they burned through the important subjects like kids on

angel dust you know or uh i think my kid might be a homosexual you know they'd have stuff like that he's prejudiced my son you know they'd have the issue whatever. He's prejudiced, my son. You know, they'd have the issue, whatever the issue was. Well, they ran a little dry after about 15 years. And also the people who wrote them very, very nice, but a little out of touch. So it was it would have been around 1989. And it was the it was about I think my son's into punk music. The day my kid went punk, Jay Underwood, great, sweet actor, really good, very all American looking. Of course, Frank knows exactly who that is. I don't. I went in.

I went in and I read. I think I'd been in Hollywood for like 11 seconds. I went and I met and it was it was like meeting like my parents, friends. They were just nice people. You went to their house. They were nice people. And they said, well, yeah, you were great nice people you went to their house they were nice people and uh they said well yeah you were great would you like to do this and i was like bernie coppell will be my father bernie coppell had me and jay underwood just you know it it didn't make any sense uh but i got to spend a couple of days with Bernie Coppell. And I was I was remarkably restrained because all I wanted to do was just go schmuck schmuck.

You know, of course. I mean, who? And he was really funny on. Yeah. And yeah, you're a kid. And when and when he's when when get when he called Gavin Gavin, by the way, Gavin was incredibly fun. And he called Gavin Gavin, by the way, Gavin was incredibly fun. Yeah. Although the one thing I wanted to ask that is and it just occurred to me recently was he played a character on a show called. Oh, he played big chicken on how on Hollywood on Hawaii Five-0. Hawaii Five-0. He was this evil drug pusher and then big chicken. He played mostly heavies until, right? Didn't he play a lot of heavies? Yeah, until the Mary Tyler Moore show.

And then he played. And so to get him away from the heavies, they hire him as a comedy writer, and his name is Murray Slaughter. Right. Right. Yes. Slaughter. Like like what was that and the only thing i could think of was murray's laughter is it that maybe it's that that's interesting murray is laughter

but comedians kill but if you're good you kill yeah but still it's like hi this is avery dismember dismemberment for you know i mean slaughter was such a strange and it never occurred to me. There's that guy, George Schlatter. George Schlatter. George Schlatter. Yes, we had him on, too. Who are you guys? Can I ask you a question?

Oh, oh. And so basically it was that I just had a I had a great time. And I remember the woman who owned the house. We were shooting a dinner scene. Of course remember the woman who owned the house. We were shooting a dinner scene. Of course, you start you. You hope you're doing the right thing. Here's a guy who's been on a million TV shows. He's I'm quietly trying to not be think of him as a hero, but actually do the scene with him. And the woman who owned the house was sitting in the living room. She came up to me because you're a very good at acting. Oh, that's sweet.

Yeah. At acting. I thought it was very, very sweet. Yeah, it was very nice. There was a TV movie I saw either Lifetime or Hallmark. And I swear to you, it was about porn addiction. Oh, really? Yeah.

Yeah. Some kids, some like teenager gets addicted. So it's like an after school special. Yeah. Yeah. Some kids, some like teenager gets addicted. So it's like an after school special. Yes. Yes. Thematically. I have a question for the group. Sid Croft is calling me.

Do you want him on? Hold on a second. Hold on a second. We had him. Yes. We love him. Thanks for stabbing my story in the tit. Wait, hold on.

Hold on. Sorry. Go ahead. Sid. Thanks for stabbing my story in the tit. Wait, hold on, hold on. Sorry, go ahead. Sid? I don't ever pick up messages. You have to text me. I know, Sid Kroc. I went to Malibu.

I worked out with him at Eastman Gym. And I called you and called you. But it's okay. I'm a week late to wish you a happy birthday. Oh, yeah, right. That's okay. Listen, guess what you've just been on? What? The Amazing Colossal. Gilbert Gottfried's

Amazing Colossal podcast with Frank Santopadre. And it's the best podcast there is. And I'm doing a Zoom right now. He won't remember my my name but I used to hi Sid I'm some guy and I used to work I'm some guy and

I used to work out with you at Eastman's gym all the time you were very nice and you would talk to us all the time give Sid our love that's Hollywood that's Hollywood my friend that's fucking hollywood fuck him no fuck is he think he is i'm giving it up and he fucking treats what a

cock what a it's terrible i interrupted you and then he hung up well he should get a disease that's my dear that's sid he's He's my neighbor. He did this show too, Beverly. I love it. With Marty. Yeah, they were like the sunshine boys. Exactly, but they have such a thing between... Oh, Sid? Is he calling? Turn that off.

You hung up. Wait. You did this show, Sid. Hi, Sid. Hi. Gilbert and Frank are saying hi to you. Oh, right now? Yes. Hi, Sid. We love you. Yes, way. Well, how do the

saying hi to me, but how do we do that? I'm holding the phone up and you're on speaker phone on my landline and I'm on a Zoom call and also Craig Bjerko, who's a genius actor, said that he worked with you. No, I'm on a zoom call. And also Craig Berko is a genius actor said that he worked with you. No, I didn't work with you. No, no, no, no. I didn't work with you. So don't say of course. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you remember you used to work out every day at Eastman's gym? What are you kidding about? What?

No, no, no, no, no, no. You mean the podcast was fabulous. Yeah. What I was just saying is that Craig Bierko, hold for it. Craig, Craig used to work out at Eastman's gym when he was in Los Angeles. Wow, what a trip. Exactly. Of all the experiences you've had, was that mind-blowing? He was in Los Angeles. Wow. What a trip. Exactly. Oh, my God.

Of all the experiences you've had, was that mind-blowing? Okay. I don't know what you just said. I love you so much. Can I cut? Wait. Hold on. And when you were on the podcast, when you were on the podcast,

you and your brother built the largest escalator. Do you remember that? He can't hear you, Bill. Do you remember building an escalator with Marty? You did the show with Marty. Of course. It was over an hour. That's right.

I know. That's right. I love you. I love you so much. God bless you, Sue. Thank you. Goodbye. I'll call you in a little bit.

Bye. I want to, someone's got to take this idea away, but I would love to know what HR Puppet Step is doing now in COVID. He's probably a Trumper. I've got news that just came in and it's not from Steve Forrest, but it's somebody. Okay, shoot. Are you ready? Yeah. Donald Jr. has COVID. Fantastic. Yeah. in and it's not from steve forrest but it's somebody it just okay shoot are you ready yeah

donald jr has covet fantastic yeah nice nice sentiment beverly i got a question for you we meant to ask you this last time tell us a little bit about working with the orangutan in the clint eastwood movie in every which way but loose oh well because we we love to we love to ask people about working with simians well i'll tell you are you familiar beverly with that according to legend old hollywood rich women used to train chimpanzees uh to go down on them. Really? Yes. That's what they said. Yes. They used the, these were cunnilingus chimps.

Wow. I think somebody's getting a birthday present. Oh. Thank you. Yeah, Mr. Knuckles is on the way. Mr. Knuckles. Yes, I heard he was trained by Stockard Channing, and I really can't wait. Okay, this is a true story.

So we shot Every Which Way But Loose on location. And the way that Clint, this was, you know, it was 1976, and Clint wasn't the Clint Eastwood that he came to be. I even thought, like, what am I doing a movie with the raw-head guy with? Because I'd just done hair, blah, blah, blah. But Milos Forman said, do it, do it, do it. But he worked in a really cool way. I never met him until I was on set, in the shot.

It was just like he saw something, this little Paramount movie I made. He shot two angles, up, down, kind of basically. And then we'd go out to lunch or dinner after it was wrapped every day was done by five or six and everybody that he worked with was his friends so we'd go out to dinner anyway and we rarely had night shoots but we had a night shoot one night and it was a big scene where clint wins a fight and the orangutan goes scrambling to the top of this big pile of bricks and makes the victory sign. So the Beresini brothers, who were training the...

Oh, yes. What was the orangutan's name in the movie? I think Clyde. Clyde, Clyde, Clyde. Clyde's real name was Manos. They were Czechoslovakian. And so we come time for the big money shot and remember clint's like set it up shoot it and let's go uh out to dinner so anyway three times this rangatang gets the cue he goes up to the top but he just kind of stands there or he kind of messes around. He won't get it right.

And time is burning. So the trainer said, just a minute. He takes him away and he's gone. It's like, Jesus, what's happening? Comes back 20 minutes later. Manos has like straw and he's kind of going like that. And it's like, where did they go? it's time there's a shot he gives the winning punch and then Clyde scrambles up to the top of it we're ready for that shot he's going to scramble up but what he did was when he's given the cue

vi vi he goes like this I don't know if you can see it. You can't see it on the radio. Covering his crotch? Were you covering your crotch? Yes. Yeah. Because he'd basically taken him back somewhere and just kicked him right in the balls like forever to get him to do that stunt. Oh, God. Oh, that's a story we can't use. Not for Thanksgiving.

But you asked me. Oh, my God. In his ringa cock. Do I strike you as a filthy-minded person? I'm not. I'm really not. No, erotica. It's more erotica.

Anal erotica. But that was just one. I have there 14 of those. Then there's, oh, there's a diary. You don't want, forget that. I don't even know what I'm going to, that'll probably end up in the podcast. I have all these things that I never do. Okay, but anyway, I wish I could think of a sweet, gentle story about the orangutan.

If I would have known you were going to ask me, I have a photograph of me and the orangutan and Clint and Jeffrey. That's sweet. Yeah, but it's way downstairs, way over there. I know Richard Kind. I'll show you the doll. I'll get the doll. Get the Richard Kind doll. People can't see this, unfortunately, since it's not video.

I don't know where it is. Our fans would love to hear a little Richard, I'm sure. Everybody loves to hear a little Richard. You know sure. Everybody loves to hear a little Richard. You know who was a wonderful musician was little Richard. And he was very upset because he was at the next table at Le Décoré when somebody said, Richard, do a little bit of Richard. And I tried to imitate myself.

He got very upset and sued. I don't know. That's a horrible. I was stuck in a horrible routine. I had known him for I think I may have told you this story, but it's not like you can only tell a story once on this show. Certainly not. But but but I had known him for about 15 years and we were sitting. We used to go to lunch all the time. And said hey craig and i said wait a minute did you just call me craig yes what are you doing it's greg oh no no and i had i said richard you want to see my driver's license oh my god oh my god i had him going could you imagine there was they were going to make a film about people with because everybody's got a Richard Kind story to know him for five minutes. Oh, yeah.

Richard Kind story. Do you know about this? No, there was a documentary in the works about it was going to be like it was going to be like the aristocrats. It was that that had just come out. I, I remember what's happened more than once, like where I'm known for going into like voiceover sessions and other things and throwing like all the candy bars and bags of peanuts and soda cans in my bag. And,

and I, someone sort of saw me do that, and I said, oh, yeah, I steal stuff. And he goes, no, no, you're not the worst. And I said, who's the worst? And he goes, Richard Kahn. He goes, he says, you're strictly in the amateur leagues when it comes to Richard Kahn.

I got every last twizzler. They hide them. We love Richard. He's been good to this show. I love Richard. He's a funny, funny man. Oh, my God. Now, Gilbert, since Beverly is interested in erotica and writes erotica

and is something of an expert on the subject of sex. I think we should run the Cesar Romero's story by her and get her impression. Great. Okay. You do an impression of Cesar Romero. Yeah. The orange,

the orange is leaving. I'd like to know what she thinks of this. Okay. Cesar Romero. Well, like, you know, in his day to know what she thinks of this. Okay. Cesar Romero. Well, like, you know, in his day, he was like the Latin lover. Okay. And all the women were, but he was gay in real life. He was?

Yeah. Cesar Romero was gay? Yes, he was. No. Did you ever watch The Joker when he's like, oh, Batman. Okay. Okay. With the mustache.'s like, oh, Batman. Okay. With the mustache. Right, the mustache.

Right, okay. So, Cesar Romero, what he was into was gathering up these young boy toys, and he'd take off his pants and underwear and bend over, and they would fling orange wedges at his ass. No way. That's fantastic. That's fantastic. And then,

and then what? Oh, that was it. That's how, and, and there are some people, there are some people who claim that he, and this,

I don't understand understand was it always oranges oranges yeah orange wedges had to be with the skin on it some people argue that it was that's the only argument wow and and somebody said and i don't understand this at all, that he would stand ankle deep in warm water. Okay. Oh, and one sad thing that happened recently on a former podcast guest, the co-star of Lon Chaney Jr. and Bela Gossi in Ghost of Frankenstein,

the little girl Janet Ann Gallo. Oh, the one who gave Frankenstein the flower? No, that was Boris Karloff in the original. This was in Ghost of Frankenstein, where the little boys are bullying her, and they take a ball away from her and throw it, and it gets stuck to the roof. And Frankenstein scares the little boys off, and he climbs up with her in his arms. Aw. And they get, yeah.

So she passed away recently. Yeah, we had her on the podcast, and she passed away. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. And she was a terrific guest. Yeah, Dan and Gallo. It's very moving how you have such regard for that whole genre. We do. I mean, is it?

Because I remember, I think it's had many titles. I was trying to put it together because I went to see it for my brother's birthday, like way, way back. And I want to say it was like Frankenstein versus the Martians or something. But it was like it was it was Asian and he was walking through the city and he was giant. It was crazy. I don't know that one. There was a movie, I think it was, was it Frankenstein versus the Martians? Yeah.

That had our friend James Caron in it. You mean Frankenstein meets the space monster uh yes yes that's the one he played some professor it was the one he turned into frankenstein he was asian and he was giant yes that sounds right i gotta find that i've been looking all over for that i'll find it for you. Frank will find it. I know the play did very well. And the novel. Circle in the Square.

That's where I saw it. Beverly, should we tell the story of why you wound up sending me a lovely plaque in the mail? I don't see the plaque in your bedroom. It's in the hallway i i gave frank an award after we did the podcast and um frank why don't you tell the story well you were trying to remember i heard you on with eliana douglas oh there was there there was one of those genre of movies where they have these people from space and monsters and everybody's getting chased and i remembered i was obsessed with this i used. And I remembered, I was obsessed with

this. I used to watch Chilithia. I was obsessed with this movie when I was a kid. I even made posters for it. And it was, all I could remember is that there was this guy wore a colander on his head with vegetables hanging all off of him. And he was chasing an astronaut and he kept going into the same cave, but you're supposed to believe it's not really the same cave. Anyway, Frank said he'd seen it, and he started sending me the info. So, Frank, take it from here. Well, you had said you spent your whole life trying to figure out the name of the movie. I did. Yeah, yeah.

It's called, Gilbert knows it. It's called They Came From Beyond Space. Yes. Gilbert, 1967. And it was so low budget that they put colanders on their heads. Yeah. Wilbert, 1967. And it was so low budget that they put colanders on their heads.

Yeah. And it was so low budget that in the big chase scene, you'd see the characters go this way across the open cave, and then it would cut to like a tree, and then you'd see them go that way. So you thought that they were running through something instead of going back and forth. Did you follow me? Yeah, but we finally solved it, and so I went to the mail one day,

and there was a plaque from Beverly. It was an award. It was an award. It was an award plaque. One of my prized possessions. But what did you win the award for? I remember there was a designation. It was like.

Incredible movie knowledge or. Outstanding movie knowledge, best movie knowledge in the world. I have to go pull it off the wall. I have one. I'm going to ask you about it afterwards because I have so little information that it's of no interest whatsoever. But I've been looking for years for this. Seriously? I'll never find it.

I remember going, I have perfect movie. I remember where I saw movies and for years for this. Seriously? I'll never find it. I remember going, I have perfect movie. I remember where I saw movies and with whom. Wow. That's my gift. That's impressive. So I went to the Rye Ridge Cinema with my brother to see a movie about, it was two kids who could time travel, but it was kind of, I remember one of the kids was blonde. This would have been like 1970 and that's all i remember is they went back in time i don't remember what happened and i i look and i've tried every variation of our listeners will come up with it i know it was real but that's not even interesting i want to do more shows with you let's do more shows we will return to gilbert gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this

at this exact moment you're just five minutes away from mouth-watering golden french fries five minutes away from crispy onion rings and potato tots too because five minutes in the air fryer is all it takes to serve up a delicious batch of Cavendish Farms' new Quick Crisp onion rings, potato tots, and french fries faster than ever before. Just 300 seconds between you and your all-time favorites. Quick Crisp from Cavendish Farms. Made our way, enjoyed your way, available right away. This episode is brought to you by FX's's the bear on disney plus in season three car me and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade a michelin star with golden globe and emmy wins the show starring jeremy allen white io debris and maddie matheson is ready to heat up screens

once again all new episodes of fx's the bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Gregory Ward, one of our listeners, says, I don't have any questions, but I want to say that Mr. Bierko is easily in the top three greatest podcast guests of all time. And I love his dog, Boo. Boo! Where's Boo? Boo's sitting right here. Well, Boo says hello.

We love Boo. I'll post a picture of Boo on your Facebook page. Where's Boo? Oh, Boo's sitting right here. Well, Boo says hello. We love Boo. As it is Thanksgiving. I'll post a picture of Boo on your Facebook page. How's that? That'll clean this act up considerably. As it is Thanksgiving, and I asked you this on the phone, Bev, and I'll ask Craig the same question. Oh. One person, and it doesn't even have to be somebody you necessarily worked with, one person, one artist, one filmmaker, one actor.

In the showbiz world. Yeah, in the showbiz world, who you are thankful for. Milos Forman. Milos. Yeah. Because? Because of everything. Because of everything.

Yeah. You are a raconteur. Who is? I'm not at all. That's all you're coming up with? Come up with more than just because of everything. Oh, that part. You have to say more than just everything.

I'm a terrible guest today. I'm sorry. I really feel terrible. I'm just giving you shit. I feel terrible. I'm giving you shit. Okay, because I had come to New York from Canada with an ill-fated musical version of Hamlet. I played Ophelia.

It closed right away. It's on the bomb wall, Craig, and Joe Allen. Anyway, all singing, all dancing, Gower Champion flop. So I'm broke. I'm in New York. And the word out for all the little Broadway babies was that Milos Forman was going to make a film of hair. And they were looking for people who were too young to have been in it the first time around, and preferably who'd never seen it. So I went down to a cattle call.

I sang Desperado, written by Don Hanley, which really stood out because it was Broadway, and everybody who auditions for, you know, on Broadway, all these Broadway babies go, you know, Gotta dance! who auditions for, you know, on Broadway, all these Broadway babies, you know, got a dance. So anyway, I got called back to meet with Twyla Tharp and Twyla said, walk across the room and then walk back. So I walked across the room. She goes, hold on, hold on. When you walk back, walk, walk exactly the same way that you did when you walked across

the room in the first place. So I did. And I remembered I'd rubbed my hand to my hair. And I said, is that my dance audition? And she said, I believe that dance is anything that can be repeated. Any movement that can be repeated is dance. Then I went in and I sang for Milos. And I finished my song. It was the big song from Rockabye Hamlet because as Ophelia, I strangled myself with a microphone cord and died on stage. It's very dramatic. I sang the song and he took his glasses off and he said, you know, come here. And I went to the little desk and he said, that's you. And I said, no. And we went out for dinner and I fell in love that night I really did and which was very problematic because instead of just being able to audition for the film I I had to audition 14 times because everybody knew that he just loved me to bits and it was

so bad that I went out to dinner with a friend one night and he said, I'm going to France tomorrow. And I went to France because the thing that he had said to me was, I said, I can't keep, I mean, I've auditioned for everybody I've ever met now. And he said, no, you have to prove it. You have to prove it. I said, who am I proving myself to? And he said, you have to decide if you want to be a good girlfriend or a good actress. And so I just took off instead. That's a whole other story. There are drug dealers involved, but it only took a week. I'm in London. It's 7-7-77. And we were celebrating and I called him up and said, it's 7-7-77. You know, just say, he goes, Vangelis, where are you? I said, I'm in London. And he said, what are you doing? I've arranged for a screen test now.

You're going to get a screen test, a proper screen. So I go, okay, because you've got to come back. And I said, for what? Why? As what? As a girlfriend or an actress? And he said, just come back. We'll decide later.

So I came back. I did the screen test, and I got the role. And very quickly, this kind of love affair that we had just kind of decimated. You know what I mean? It was like, now we've got to make this movie. But I was in love with him, and I thought, you know, this man is so possessed with this film that the only way that I can even be with him or even show my love is to give him what he needs. Cause what he needs is an actress needs an actress to start

in that movie. And we remained friends till the very, very end. And, uh, I really loved him, but he took my hand and walked me into filmmaking. I'd done a couple, I'd done one movie before then. I'd done The Sentinel and then a little movie called First Love. But I thought I wanted to be a singer. I didn't get the movie thing. I lived on communes. I didn't even watch television when I was growing up. So you feel you owe your acting career to him? A hundred percent. Wow. That's beautiful. And therefore, I wouldn't burden him with like a kind of not such a hot shot career. But I also met my first husband through him, the Italian. And he gave me a life.

Before I met Ronnie, I was singing in a bar with Ronnie. Before I met Milos, I was singing in a bar with Ronnie Hawkins. Then I was in a bomb on Broadway. I could have gone way, way, way down another road. But he brought me into this world of imagination and a life. Because it's not like I've had a career. I've had a life. And the movies have come in and out for all kinds of different reasons. I've never gone, I've got to do this film so that, therefore, I can win an Oscar.

I never even thought like that. But Milos introduced me to, he was the first director I met. He was, you know, in that way, art, art, art, art, art. Good answer. Art cherry. Busted the art cherry. You're thankful for Milos. Craig, same question.

See what you did, Craig? See, I talk so much that great filmmaker by the way a great filmmaker by the way i'm glad i'm glad he meant so much and i didn't know how funny he was too he's a very funny guy yeah the funny guys on saturday night live were based on him and his friend mirak remember the wild and we're just all the wild and crazy guys yeah that's based on trivia yeah that was i'll do a fun i'll do a funny one and then i'll jete back and then i'll do a serious one but the funny one is like this was actually said my favorite person i'm most grateful for is the audience because you know

in the words of engelbert humperdinck and this is true a friend of mine went to see engelbert Humperdinck. And this is true. A friend of mine went to see Engelbert Humperdinck in concert and he said, you know, applause is the food of the artisan. And I want to thank all of you for never letting me starve. Wow. What a weird way to say that. What a wonderful Thanksgiving. That's my Thanksgiving. And it's important to remember, I've been told by a few people, Engelbert Humperdinck is a Jew hater. Don't. Yeah. Major Jew hater. Really? Yes.

Oh, my God. You just made it even more of a Thanksgiving story. And on that note. And then the real one, the real one, they're the obvious ones, I can say. The real one is Hitler. No obvious ones, I can say. The real one is Hitler. No, no, no, no. Although Carrie gave me a Hitler doll for my birthday. Right, that's true.

Hitler and Goering. Okay. She also used to hide. I'd come. The notes. I'd stay in her guest house. She would hide. No, she'd hide pornography of big, fat black women.

She'd short sheet my bed and hide it in the bed. And I'd hide that in the bed and i got in the bed that's hilarious so carrie i was grateful for because she actually and she was somebody who she wrote she read something that i wrote she said you're a writer so he gave me that gift uh beverly i feel the same way about you know the three o'clock calls the 3 a.m call don't tell and then if i may gentlemen if i I had a really, when you guys first started the show, I happened to have had, I was coming out of a really bad year, not even worth going into, but a bad year. And I had to go, it ended up, I put on a lot of weight and I had to go down to Florida. I had to take some weight off because I was doing a show and I wanted to come

back and look. And while I was down there and I I was I was truly miserable. You guys had done, I think, like only three episodes. I think you had Tom Leopold. Right. And then maybe he was in the first maybe 15. Oh, then it was more. But I listened. I was I was like, you know, like if you're down and there's like no pleasure in anything? It took me a couple weeks. I had to eat well and lose a little weight, and then it started slowly coming back. But during that two-week period, I listened to the show constantly. I had it on like you would listen to music.

Very sweet. And it got me through. Thank you, pal. And then to actually be a part of the family, which is the way it feels. I love that. I really appreciate. Don't take for granted the fact that you would think to have me back. Of course. And I love the show. We're thanking Gilbert and Frank for Thanksgiving.

Well, I did. Yeah. I want to read you on mine. Gilbert has no soul. Can I do it? No, no, no. No, no, no. That's not true. That's not true. I remember I used to live closer than I do it? No, no, no. Eddie, you know, no, no, no, that's not true.

That's not true. I remember I used to live closer than I do now to Gilbert, and I remember I would see him on the street, and he was always great. Do you remember,

I don't know if you remember, Gilbert, we took a couple of walks around the block, and it was real, they're nice memories for me. That's nice. Because it was just

two guys, two guys having a nice conversation, and I cherish the memory. We appreciate it. And I love getting to know you guys. You have known a little bit longer. Okay, I just want Craig to tell one story.

Please tell the story about the Unreal when you were doing the real show or the Unreal show or whatever it was. What was it? And you were watching the monitor, and you said, hmm, I ought to lose some weight. And they said, no they said no lose more and you went to a place and it and it but the name of the place was changed no no no sherry appleby who i've known for sure yeah well i was i was watching myself on the monitor and i thought oh put on a little weight but you know it's it's dysmorphia you can't really tell but it went the opposite way so i'm sitting next to sherry appleby who I've known a long time. She was the star of this show along with Constance Zimmer. She's, I love her. And

she's incredibly frank. Don't ever ask her a question if you don't want to know exactly what she thinks. So I'm looking at the monitor and I went, I put on a little weight. I need to take a little weight off. And she went, yes. I said, what would you say? Like, what would you say? She said, I want 15 pounds. She went 50. So I went down to a place. I found a place and it was called Fitness Ridge. And I figured, great, with the fatigues, pushups, I'll send pictures to friends. I get down there. Yeah, I get down there and they changed it from Fitness Ridge.

It had been bought and it was now owned by the biggest loser. And I got there and the people who were there, I, you know, I was 50 pounds heavier than I, I mean, I needed to lose weight. You look great, by the way. Thank you. There were people there who, uh, they, there was no, they were balls. They were what there who they there was no they were balls. They were what? They were just ball. They were balls. They were complete balls. Little hands. Yeah. And and I watched a couple of them really, really take it all off. It was amazing. And that was an amazing experience.

But while I was there, unhappy times getting back to it. I don't know how I would have gotten through the first couple weeks. I listened to the Tom Leopold one like 11 times. It was like, it became, you know, like some comedy becomes like jazz. You know it already, but it's like musical. It doesn't matter.

Well, here we are 330 episodes later, Craig. Is this 330? Somewhere in there. Can we do it over again? I feel terrible and filthy. I have another question and I want to enjoy how filthy she feels, so let's keep that suspended in the air for just

a moment before we finish. I want to ask you over a question because I still can't believe I haven't seen you live. I have. He's great. haven't seen you live. I have. He's great. You've seen me live? The roast of Chevy.

Oh, okay. Oh, that's right. Well, no. But I mean live in an audience like a whole show. Which everybody said, like, no, that's what you've got to see. And I was doing a play. And the play closed two nights later the covid thing everything was closed all show business shut down and and so that a that's upsetting because i want to see it i want i want to and and all my active friends to get back on stage myself included but what is this like for you because you're Because you're a creature of the stage, aren't you?

Aren't you? It's weird. Well, it's weird for everybody. But now it seems like it's been going on so long, I'll have thoughts. I'll go, how was I getting on planes all that time and and do i remember my act i'm like thinking i'll think of a line i go how do i how did i lean into that line and uh and how did i you know go all of it seems so crazy getting to the airport switching planes yeah yeah it doesn't seem weird that like what, what you do,

because I was watching the Chappelle thing, and I thought to look out into an audience and not be able to see the part of the face that registers, but would you do something like that? He did an outdoor performance. Would you consider that? Yeah, I don't know, but just recently, I was going to be working a theater,

and I think they said the audience didn't have to wear masks, which is, and so I postponed that theater run. How would they do it? Every other seat or something. I don't know. Yeah. Plexiglass boxes. See, that don't know. It's plexiglass boxes. And that's see, that's another thing.

It used to be like, you know, that energy of a group of people squeezed together. And now it's going to be like one person over here and 10 feet away is another person. You know what? If it's only going to be one person, go to India. I'm considered the next Charlie Chaplin. Also. He's huge. Here's the plaque, Ben.

The Deep Dive Award. The Deep Dive Award, and it carries the man with the colander on his head. I want to thank you for something, too. I love Craig Bjerko. I never imagined that I'd get to spend this much time with you, not actually being in your apartment. Because every time we text or we talk on the phone, it's never enough. And I love you very much. Gilbert, you're my hero.

How sweet. Bjerko. How do you feel about Craig Bjerko? You know, it's even better. I'm glad that Gilbert came up with that hero. How sweet. I feel about Craig Biarico. It's even better. I'm glad that Gilbert came up with that name. Thank you, Gilbert. I love your show. Thank you so much for being back.

Please cut everything out. You're the best, Beth. Really do. No, it's bad. No, it's great. Don't do that to yourself. Don't do that to yourself. Bye.

I don't think I do. We love you. Gilbert's going to sign off. Stick around for a second. Okay. Bye. I don't think I do. We love you. We love you. Gilbert's going to sign off. Stick around for a second. Okay. We've been having fun with Key Anguirus. B-L-C-A-L-O-U-S.

It's pronounced Ryan Reynolds. Hello, Ryan. All these years I've been, you know, because I remember taking walks with you. And all these years, I still don't know your name. He's the big troubled kid. He adds a syllable. He's the one that Tara says, look, there's a big kid. Yeah.

We got to keep him off the ledge. Let's do a mitzvah. Let's do a mitzvah. It doesn't matter. That's how much I love him. Thank you for the night out, Beverly and Craig. Yeah, and we missed you, Gilbert.

That was... We just went right across the street. Yeah, we would have. That's right. Sally Murphy was there. Sally, our love. From Steppenwolf Theater. Sally, our love. Okay, we would have. That's right. Sally Murphy was there from Steppenwolf Theater. Sally, our love. Okay, Gil, let's get out of here

and happy Thanksgiving to everybody. Thank you all for the questions. Thank you, Beverly and Craig. We love you both. Thanks. I'll never be with a woman again. See you later. I love you all.

Sweet dreams of you Every night I go through Why can't I forget you and start my life anew

Instead of having sweet dreams about you You About you You don't love me It's plain I should know I'll never wear your ring I should hate you

The whole night through Instead of having sweet dreams about you Sweet dreams of you Things I know can't come true Why can't

I forget the past Start loving someone new. Instead of having sweet dreams about you. you