Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Craig Bierko Encore

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

GGACP celebrates the birthday of Tony-nominated actor, singer (and friend of GGACP) Craig Bierko (b. August 18) with this ENCORE of an interview from 2018. In this episode, Craig returns to the show to weigh in on a wide range of topics, including: the lost era of “Clubhouse TV,” the importance of a showbiz “hook,” the generosity of Alan Alda and Carol Burnett and the similarities between Yiddish theatre and “Guys & Dolls.” Also, Jack Paar gets intimate, Steve Martin plays to the cheap seats, Richard Dreyfuss “inhabits” Spencer Tracy and Ted Danson borrows from Dick Van Dyke. PLUS: Peter Tork! In praise of Richard Kind! Craig wows Stephen Sondheim! Gilbert teams with Larry David! And Nathan Lane pays tribute to…EVERYONE!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, kids, it's your old pal, Frank Santepadre, comedy writer, pop culture obsessive, and that guy who had the honor of sitting across from the late Great Gilbert for nearly a decade. That's the guy. We had an incredible time bringing you guys over 600 episodes celebrating classic entertainment, forgotten Hollywood, and the wonderful personalities who made it all happen. After three years away from the mic, I'm thrilled to introduce my own podcast, Fun for All Ages, with Frank Santo Padre. Fun for All Ages builds on the spirit of Amazing Colossal,

but we're not just interviewing celebrities about their story careers. We're diving deep into their own passions, treasures, and obsessions from the 60s, 70s, and 80s, all the way through today. We're talking movies, TV, music, comedy, toys, and collectibles. Basically, if it made us laugh, cry, or geek out, we're going in. So expect funny, freewheeling conversations with icons, experts, superfans, and the creative minds who help shape the entertainment we love. Plus panel episodes, live shows, and surprises galore. If you're a fan of

the Amazing Colossal podcast, you'll feel right at home. And if you're new, well, welcome to the club. I promise you'll enjoy the ride. So join me, Frank Santopadre, this summer for fun for all ages. Find us on all streaming platforms and use the link in the description to subscribe and never miss an episode. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried. This is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-hosts. I'm here with my co-hosts. Frank Santo Padre, and we're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer Frank Ferd Rosa. Our guest this week is a dear old friend of Frank and mine, and a loyal friend and devoted listener of this podcast, which will give you an idea of his priorities in life. He's a popular and much-admired

actor and singer who's appeared at everything from top-rated situation comedies like Murphy Brown, Newhart, and Sex in the City to prestigious TV dramas like Damages and The Good Wife to feature films such as Cinderella Man, The Long Kiss Good Night, Scary Movie Four, Larry David Sauer Graves, which was a piece of shit. You didn't share for it. Yeah, yeah, I thought that was a piece. I didn't write that. Yeah, it's right here.

This was the original title. My gosh, that was the original title. Yeah, which was a total worthless piece of shit. Yeah, as the Sheridan piece was actually called that. Yes, yes. To starring in Lavest Broadway musicals, I didn't know you were gay. No, I'm not. I don't know what lavish and it's Levoche.

We were getting into the food, I thought. I love Olo Vosch. I love Olovoche. Like Guys and Dolls, the music man for which he was nominated for a Drama Desk Award and a Tony Award for Best Actor in a Musical. Now, I also write somewhere...

She's never going to get through the intro. Most people are embarrassed by the... intro because it's it's not enough yeah he just missed some he just missed things that are like important things but it's okay it's all right yeah you can throw them in

I don't remember now by miss you probably say I miss the fact that you're proud of your Jewish heritage no I was Miss proud of Jewish heritage 1973 and then you took the title away from me and I've never heard the end of that it was Nancy Walker for four years

It was Nancy Walker, and that's when we bonded. First Nancy Walker reference on the show. Is that right? Probably. All right, that's the end. But it won't be the last. Yes. Over the course of a very busy career, he shared the screen and stage with dozens of popular

and recognizable performers, including Will Ferrell, William Shatner, Glenn, Close, Michael J. Fox, Candice Bergen, Christopher Gess, Betty White, Stephen Colbert, Bob Newhart, and Renee Zellweger, to name a few. His current series, The Hit Comedy Unreal, launches its third season tonight, February 26th, on Lifetime, and we couldn't be happier that he's here with us now. Please welcome to the show, a man of multiple talents, and someone who wishes he was half as famous as I am. A guy who, according to legend, is proud. He's Jewish Perry. He added that one, too.

Yes, you. Craig Bierico. Thank you. Bierico. You got an extra syllable. Yeah, you got an extra syllable. Yeah, you got an extra syllable. Yeah, you got an extra syllable.

Now, I have even less time for one of my great flatulent show of his stories, because you had to put a ninth syllable of my name, which is already uncomfortable. It already sounds like a man falling down a staircase. You had to give him an orthopedic limb. What didn't you mention? You just didn't. There was something I. did. It was Cinderella Man, and then there was

something else. I tried to get all the things in there that you were proud of. I didn't say company. I saw that show. Oh, that was good. You were good? Oh, I had a part in company that they put back in from, they did the original like in 1960 or something, whenever it premiered. Barbara Barry. Barber Barry was

original. It was really something and a, you know, cutting edge because it all took place in a split second. A guy deciding whether or not he's going to go into his surprise party. That's basically all takes place in his head literally very uncomfortable for the actor playing the part just that's how i know you're not listening that you go into you go into it just it's not enough to just face the person and i'm going to test you like it's going to come up every few ever i'm

going to do it every uh but anyway that so when we did this production we did this production my part was it it was the part of peter which was not which was largely cut out of the original production because back then he made a pass he made a homosexual pass at the lead character who was straight but they wanted to explore that theme uh and see what you know when it was the hip you know that kind of hip new york society but they felt it wasn't it wasn't the audience wasn't comfortable with yet so they put it back in and sonheim was there mr sonheim was was there he wanted the scene back in paid me an enormously great compliment about it and which I'll carry around forever and he and uh but it was uh it was the part that people said you're

doing company what part are you playing and I wanted to see how small the role of Peter was that instead of saying Peter I'd say Glenn I'm playing Glenn and they'd go oh oh because there's no Glenn and uh Peter Peter barely existed and he barely and and and there's There's a little bit more. So there's this great scene where he does, you know, they do that scene. I saw you live. I must, it was you. Did you go to the Philharmonic?

Yes. It was you. Well, you don't go to the Philharmonic. You don't do things like that. Gilbert? No. What were you talking about it? What would happen to you?

I entered about maybe 10 minutes ago. I spoke briefly with you and your wife. We reminisced as close as you get between blinks. You lose everything goes between blinks. That should be the movie for you. That's the project that I would. Not actually even a short-term. memory. It's a full night sleep and it's

not even the Dana Carvey thing. It's every blink and you don't know even as half a sense. Between blinks. Yeah, between blanks. But are, but, uh, oh, I don't remember what you were asking it. Thank you. It was you, Neil Patrick Harris and, and Stephen Colbert, who's doing his

television show every day, thought he was going to walk out in a tucks, sing a song, get a standing ovation, walk back out and get back to work on his show. and found out, no, we're going to, they said, no, we're doing the actual show. And he said, I looked at the opening number and got vertigo. Yeah. And I just thought, and he did it. He stayed and he did it.

And it was all memorized and we did a full production in two weeks. It was fun. And he did it. And I thought, that's a worker. That's a fearless guy. It actually reminded me of the story you told about, you know, it's, you'll, I hope you tell it again to make it an even 112. about you doing the aristocrat story. But he was that, like, that kind of like,

I'm going to walk into fire. I'll probably burn to death. Here I go. When he did the thing with George Bush, remember, and he's got George Bush right there, and they thought he actually was like Bill O'Reilly. Nobody had gotten quite that he was parodying them. I was on the train with him and heard him talking to somebody,

I guess his co-writer. I went to college with him. He was a long-haired, like, turtleneck-wearing hippie. He was a great guy. All you need to know about that appearance at the correspondent center is they were so shell-shocked that Rich Little was the emcee the following year. Oh, geez. There was a correction.

Oh, God. Yeah. They may have thought the character was real. I think that's what it was. But I heard him on the train ride going down there. Then I assume he was referred. He goes, no, if we're going, let's do it all the way. I want to go all the way. Let's do it all the way.

Yeah. You know, I admire him. He's a great talent. Fearless. Yeah, and fearless. Like Gilbert. Like Gilbert? You're also curious.

It is who I've yet to see live, which is hard to believe. I'm going to get the more laudatory stuff just to make sure you're awake during this. Don't take anything for granted. The movie, I watched the movie up in Vancouver. And it really was just so stunningly beautiful. My condolences to your sister, on the loss of your sister, who I fell in love with. There's a whole family I fell in love. A lovely person.

And the person and the locus of you with your family, the chair, I mean, you were still you, but the difference, it was like watching somebody morph into, like into a, I don't know, somebody like morph out of you like it was just this other. creature a lovable quiet shy person and i just and i just thought to myself oh my god he's you're the right director the right but you could do anything there's so much there's so much going on in there and there's so much that's just quiet and uh because you i mean obviously you you know you enjoy that you enjoy your bombast and we enjoy we enjoy your bombast with you You saw their potential in him as a performer by watching the gun? No, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I know Gilbert well enough to know, I mean, I've seen your performances well enough to know that you're not like a, you're not like a comedian who goes on and doesn't inhabit a character. Like, you, you've, in problem child, like you, you, you, you, you, you're that guy. Like, I believe you're that guy.

There are other comics that come on and like, like, like, Rodney Dangerfield, and it's funny and catty check when he's literally doing stand-up. Oh, yes. Looking right down the barrel of the camera. You could see somebody at the camera going, just don't look right into the camera. Yeah. What did he say?

Don't look at it. What did you get with that had about free bowl of soup? A lot of Bob Hope movies. Oh, absolutely. But I don't know if that, if you get what I'm, like, I don't even know if that's somewhere you would want to go. But I saw, I was like, oh, this is, I see like Marty.

I see. Marty. Interesting. Yeah. I really do. If it was, well, there was all kinds of stuff. If I watched that move, it was a revelation because it wasn't anything I thought, A, these probably wouldn't be interested. But there was, it was, the movie really took me by surprise, even though I thought I've been over prepared for this thing.

Everybody says it's just so lovely and it's really, but it was, first of all, it really hit me because it's everything I think everybody's looking for. and that thing you say at the beginning that you said it was so honest and I know that feeling of like I don't I can't quite wrap my mind around it actually that it's actually happening

I can't You mean having a wife and children that I've had this life? Yes, connecting to everything's fitting Yeah and I don't think he's quite figured it out there I compared it there and in real life like

waking up in a twilight zone episode Yeah, yeah, yeah. You also said at one point if your parents walked into the room and saw everything, and saw the kids and saw the wife. Come back to life and then die, immediately die of heart attack. Yes, absolutely. And I also talk if I could introduce myself from a couple of years ago and said, okay, this is where I'm living now, and this is my life now, would have been.

Yeah. I feel the same way. And maybe some, maybe some of it is, some of it is, I mean, it was, I gave a lot of credit to the filmmaker, name the filmmaker, Berger. He deserves all the credit in the world. Oh, I, I, he did a beautiful job because I really do feel like, I'm standing back and just, and I've been in your home and seen, and I just felt like I'm observing you and I'm not in the way, but, and it feels very natural. And, uh, it's just, just, it was just, it was beautiful. It was a piece of art, but it also felt like a true documentary, like the kind of you don't see anymore. It's also very, very funny to see him in his environment. I watched it and went, I can't believe I haven't seen Gilbert live. I haven't seen you live. Free tickets. But why I'm thinking tomorrow night.

What are you doing tomorrow night? Is it a benefit? Dara's benefit is tomorrow night. And the movie's Gilbert and it's on Hulu. It is. He's been trained. plug it every time it comes up it is well worth your uh yeah it's great you know it's well worth pirating i'll tell you that yeah no i i own it i own it it it's in my holster it's a go-to yeah

so how about that gill yeah the first thing he said to me on the phone i saw gilbert's movie wow yeah i loved it wow and i i just picked up the phone he didn't even say hello I thought it was room service And did he say it's on Hulu Amazon He did It's worth owning because there's all the extra things that you get Yeah You know the visit

You promised the visit Oh You'd just stay over in the cooking of the dinner The drive If you're drunk and you need a lift It was lovely It was just so lovely I love there's nothing I love

more, and it is, it does go back to what Drew Friedman does, I think, a lot, which is just when you get shown something you're so familiar with or an aspect of someone that you're so familiar with, and then you see it from another angle, it's mind-blowing. Like, I drew a picture the other night, just because I thought, I wanted to see what, of the back, from, a view from the back of Lucy's apartment. You draw? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should have bought it.

I didn't know that about it somewhere. I'll show you. Do you doodle or do you take it seriously and actually try to drink? I take it pretty seriously But I'm like you. Didn't you like you? Because I saw some of your artwork and you were said Yeah, that was like 17 years ago. I don't do it anyway. That's what happens with artists is you put the pen down and you realize. I haven't picked the thing up for like. Yes. And then you hit middle age and you're like I'm not blind, but I can't see anything that isn't 15 feet in front of me very clearly. And it's just you're doing the glasses thing. But I've started working with like polymer clay and stuff. And I didn't know that about you But I've always drawn

Well that's what I was doing When everybody else was We all did I went to art school I was an art student Where? I went to school of visual arts Oh my dad

My dad was a painter As you know And an illustrator And I did that for a long time And Hitler Hitler was a painter Both of us He was in

I happen to think he was like I think he got fucked I think he got fucked I think he got fucked over But the good news The good news is He took it Well, he took it, he took it and you're all with those punches, right?

It's not like, what are you going to go, go flame a hole? I forgot you were in the house and you saw his artwork because he has it hanging. People don't know this about you. Yeah, I kept hanging out of your, that your doodles are on the wall in your house, but you haven't done it in a long time. Yeah. You know that time. Yeah, when I was a kid and a teenager, I used to draw like crazy. And also, was it an escape for you or was it?

I guess so. And maybe you don't need that hatch anymore. I guess there was all that crazy. craziness spinning around. Yeah, it's going to come out somehow. And if you would have been doing, I would have been a cartoonist or this. There was no way I was going to be sitting behind a desk going,

let me tell you about this plan. Like, I was never going to be that. I know you were that big a fan of cartooning. I know you're a fan of Drews. I know that that's how. Well, I began, he was the first guy that I ever, and then I learned it's actually good to copy and emulate. You know, it's a, it's, it's, that's how you learned.

But I, but I literally used to just do the Jew dots. And I would just go, Jesus, God, it's 500 o'clock in the morning, and this isn't even that great. But I had, I think the one that I had that was supposed to be, and I did the dots all wrong. Like, it didn't look like a photograph, it just looked like somebody. Dots. It's just like somebody got, yeah, somebody looked like a lot of flies died on my picture. It looked like you took a drink of ink and then sneezed.

Yeah, you did a spit tape. Not even that would have been Ralph Stedman. It was like he was, it was, no, it was Macbeth, and then it was as gothic as I could make it, and then Dagwood Bumston was just, this is a Dagwood I see before me. Not funny. Yeah. Right? And it was all because I'd met a guy named John Wydenman who used to write for the lampoon.

Oh, he came to our college. He goes, you're all, you should be work for the lampoon. You'd be making dozens of dollars now. Didn't John Whiteman end up writing assassins with Sunheim? Yes. Wow, big talent. Yeah, very, very smart, interesting guy. And at that point, they'd written a musical about Al Capone called America's sweetheart, which was fascinating.

Big talent. Oh, my God. Yeah, I remember read him in the Lampoon. Your stuff always reminded me a little bit of Basil Wolverton, Gilbert. You know that artist? No. Take a look, because your stuff is eerily similar. And I don't obviously, since you don't know.

I, of course, know who he is, but for the idiots at home who don't. He was an, what did you call him, an underground cartoonist? he was one of those guys around He's dead now I know some other people compared it to Crum? Yeah Grum. A little bit. Yeah. A little bit Yeah. That's like

a line out of Denier. Did you? Did you? Did you? Little bit. Little bit. Little bit. Little bit. So Craig. Oh, the comedian. Have you seen the comedian? Oh, he's in it. Not only Yeah. Oh, that's right. He's in it. Yeah, I'm in it as like like a weirdly kind of recognizable extra. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where you go. It's the first time you see him, the agent comes in, right, out of the rain or something like that. Yeah, I'm there on the dais. That movie, oh boy. He's, for some time he's been just circling the edges of, like to be a comedy sensation.

Yeah. I think I'm a comic sensation. Yeah. And it's weird because he, on the Rickles tribute, he did like a, I got a titan. Yeah. And I was like, it was really odd. It was very odd. And yet he can be funny with the right material.

I'm sure he's, I'm sure off the cuff. He's funny. Yeah. He is funny off the cuff. But that was, but that was hilarious. Hilarious missed. Well, I didn't see the whole movie. I saw you.

But I didn't know where the, the movie literally wandered out of my apartment. If you see him in Brazil, if you see King of Comedy, Midnight Run, he can. I want to say very clearly one of my favorite actors in the entire world but there's also something I don't think he's a funny guy personally No

When you see tech When you see him When you see the pure grain Young taxi driver I'm not got to get too close to this guy No I'm not a worry He can stand five people in front of me

Crap Service always I'll never go near this guy There was something And he's There's something that comes with youth that just you probably have to really fight to hold on to he's he's become now he's a corporation he's an entity yeah yeah it it used to be like magic when you'd watch him years ago he disappeared yeah yes he disappeared into the role taxi driver uh raging bull i mean

what is that see he wasn't he was he was he had learned uh or had on he had learned to be he had he had learned his part well enough to disappear and just live this guy's life and was fearless. And that was what I was talking about, whether or not you do that, and it would still require, I still think an actor needs a director and all that kind of stuff. But if you can go to those, he could still go to those places, you just got to want to go there. You know, and after a while you learn tricks and you go, I'm in my, you know, I'm in my 70s. is going to upset my back if I sit like this and do it the way that I would have done it when I was in my 20s. He even disappeared into roles that he wasn't, you know, you think of him as LaMotta, you think of him as Travis Bickle, but like playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a, playing a Southern ball player and bang the drum slowly. Yeah, yeah, like, not at all something you thought.

Hunter. Just a canvas, a canvas. Somebody said to me a true movie star is 75% complete as a human being. There's 25% of them that is just empty. It's for pocket change in real life. And it's there to be filled. And they get on screen and people project the rest of the person onto them. And that was a fascinating idea. I don't know if it's true or not, but that like interesting people aren't great movie stars. Now, that's interesting. While Gilbert tries to remember who our guest is And what's your name? A few words from our sponsor

And Gilbert and Frank, what's your game now? Can anybody play? And now, sadly, we return. turn to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. Tell me, we talked on the phone about directors that you'd work with and you were making some very interesting points that, with Ron Howard, you were talking about Larry David. We had David Zucker here. He wrote that piece of shit you were in.

Amazing. It is kind of amazing. Up until recently, I thought, I'm in the only piece of shit that Larry David ever made. but the truth is he was you know what else was there Fridays

listen Fridays was not exactly you know the golden era of television and and he wrote Norman's Connor he wrote a show for Gilbert pilot for me but the old Cinemax comedy

oh I'd like to see that is it terrible it was around it was so bad when they were trying to sell Seinfeld to a network they said okay

Seinfeld's a star and who's going to be writing it and they said Larry David and one of the execs said isn't he the one that wrote that piece of shit for Gilbert Godfrey? I'm just so happy to hear it wasn't Craig Bierko.

Or Greg B.R. Like you would say extra syllable Yeah. Amazing. Arco. Craig and my Meowavalses. My levels just blew.

Do you have a copy of Norman's Corner? It came out on VHS. I'm sure I do. You show me that and I'll show you my first movie, which was a Christian film. Okay. A witnessing film called Love Note. It was a Christian movie. I was at Northwestern University of my lovely first girlfriend who's a brilliant step and wolf actress named Sally Murphy got the lead in this movie and I was hanging out and I said, could I try out for the boyfriend? Now, you know what a witnessing film is? Like they show them at the church and you're supposed to be so moved. that you go Well, I gotta go with Christ Like roller coaster Like roller coaster for us Right? Is that a reference to the George

Segal movie that was incensed around? Sure. I don't know why that jumped into my mind And Helen Hunt And a young Helen Hunt And Richard Widmark Yep Bless you

Oh the intrepid The intrepid George Seagull is the solving the roller coaster Mystery You're killing people on rollercoast Why don't you turn the machines off? No. That's what they'd want us to do.

I don't remember a young Helen Hunt in it. It's a young Helen Hunt. Paid to see that one in the movies. Was it kind of like Davy and Goliath? You got to remind me again. Oh, that was those animated... He's saying the religious film that she didn't like this. No, it wasn't like that.

And also the really good Sunday morning shows, like a lamp onto my feet or whatever it was. Was that the dramas with Martin Sheen used? And he used to go, I know this is religious. He's supposed to be Christ, but I'm enjoying this show and I'm 10. Sunday semester. That was what it was. Another one.

Such a good actor that he made me watch. It was like little spiritual twilight zones. They were odd. Yeah. Interesting. But no, this was a, it was a witnessing film and I was hired to play the guy, the Christian. If you look out your window, Frank Verde Rosso, just put out the entire. cast of Davy and Goliath.

Can I tell you something? Frank has them in a box. Seriousness. I am so confused by my erection right now. That I don't know how to express it. Don't be. It's the mom. Can I have my...

Dara. Am I pronouncing that right? Can I have the... No, no, no, not that. It's my coffee. My bulletproof coffee. Have you had tried the bulletproof coffee? Thanks for bringing the dog, by the way.

You classed up the place. Boo is here. Excellent. Beautiful dog. People love boo. Thank you. Thank you, Darry. You can smell.

There's no liquor. Frank, you just happen to have the Davy and Goliath figures. I forget who gave that to me, but yes, I love it. Because those would always be like Davy would get lost in a park or a county fair,

and he'd be with his dog, Goliath. And then they find out. It was a little too big for the family, actually. A little menacing. Oh, yes. and they'd find out at the end, you know, it would be like, well, you were lost, but God always knew where you were.

Does God also have no features? Because I looked exactly like mom if mom was shorter and had my shirt on. Why are sisters' arms longer than her legs? Well, that was your introduction to show business? Yeah, well, yeah, it was actually, and I really tried as hard as I could, and I, and, um, uh, we were up for a dove award. Sally won hers. A dove award. Yeah.

Um, it was, it was very strange. We went, yeah, we did it in the belt buckle, Warsaw, Indiana, and they put us in separate homes on the separate side of town. Oh, geez. Uh, but it's, it's out there. And if, if you show me, uh, Norman's, uh, asshole, what's the movie? Norman's asshole. Yeah, that was the original right there.

Norman's asses. I wonder it didn't fly. Yeah, it was... You know, somebody at NBC was like, I thought Normans, I didn't like Norman's asshole. I liked Seinfeld. Who that guy was? Who's the guy?

They all the guys at NBC who worked in the office and took credit for Seinfeld who was that guy who ran in... Oh, Littlefield was there? Yes, yes. And they're like, I'll tell you. He's now he's lecturing and running.

We heard Seinfeld. You know what it was? it was an anomaly it was an and they all they did was want to kill that show oh yeah they would get me to go somebody's got to say i love you at some point and he said no one will ever say i love you on my show and that's a deal breaker and they're like okay they wanted to ruin the show george shapiro was here with us a couple of weeks ago there was one executive a guy named rick ludwin who took a who took a shine to the show and kind of went to it he got it he got it and he went to bat for it and he was the guy and everyone who tries to stop

a show or stop someone's career and then sees it's a success later on or that person becomes a star they're always like make them out to be the lone person in the company what is that i fought everybody on it's the exact opposite you did fight everybody but for the wrong reason and you were a viking why are you claiming to be well that's the way he was with the podcast he bailed early and now he wants to take credit for it yeah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, after the first one, I was missing out on all that money. I wanted to get the fuck out of here. Didn't he?

He was gone, man. Did he tell you that I said this is the next natural step? I mean, do this as long as you want, but it's because it's a joy. But it's like, we put this on TV for crying out loud. Oh, because I miss Clubhouse television, like what Conan was at the beginning where you just felt like, I think I'm, it's not UHF, but it's close. And I'm the, you know, and the audiences were smaller and you kind of felt like you were watching. It felt like late night. Oh, yes, yes.

And now every, and now, like, the late show is as big and loud as the late show should be on at 4.30 in the morning? No, this was an idea that Stephen Weber had and pitched to me. Oh, that's a good idea. I thought it was a really brilliant idea, but Stephen Weber is another one who says something. And by the end of the sentence, he's deep in a conversation with somebody else. And he's, his ADD, his ADD has beaten my ADD. We got him here sitting in that chair. Yeah, I know.

And he says, he goes, I have a great idea. And I go, I look forward to listening to 18.3 seconds of it before you call somebody else and you're married. And Jack Parr, he's. There's some ADD for you. Because you mentioned. Jay Silver Hills. Yeah. No, Jack Parr, it's going back to what you were saying.

about a late-night shows. Jack Parr said, you know, he always whispered like it's all of his talking was like that. We don't wake anybody up. And he, all of his guests, it was all very quiet. That's interesting. I thought about that. And Jack Parr wanted it to be like that.

That I never heard. Because he said people are like it's the end of the day. You're lying in your bed. You want to relax. Yeah. And they didn't want any loud. voices or or loud bands it was so I think that's actually it's certain well listen we're I fall asleep with the teeth with the telephone on my face yeah so I I'm the last one to I'm the last one to

talk but I it it when it was just television yeah I used to thought the way they programmed it and they just kind of lull you to oh you to sleep and then and I just thought oh but what I miss was it just doesn't feel like the late late show or I'm not blaming any of these any particular show it's just they all seem as big and loud as the one that proceeds

and there's no nobody ever shuts up the band blast really loud it's like it's happening at five o'clock in the afternoon and it should be late it's for later it should be one guy with harmonica and you know

like the Joe Franklin show but I think I think audiences now wouldn't be able to accept them. It's a different world. Well, look, did you, listen, when you were at the pizza store. Yes, I do listen. When he listened to the show, Gil. When you were at the pizza store, did you think anybody would ever listen to this?

And here you are 18 years later. It feels like it. You know? We've been running longer than mesh. I just say, which is so funny. You think this show has the. the qualities of a late night show and you could see it on television absolutely uh-huh okay because what you first of all the thing that you don't have the thing that you that you have that is impossible

to capture is the chemistry between you guys which is that's impossible it's impossible thank that was why it was so great when when uh conan came back and he bought richter back and i was like yes it better either better yes yes he he's so smart i mean i don't know what that richter wanted to leave because Richter wanted, you know, he wanted to act. He was going to be a star. Got a pilot, got a series. Yes, which it was actually really funny, I thought. Andy Richter controls the universe.

That's right. Yeah. And then, and I love that he's back. He's really, really, he's very good at what he does. Yeah, and I think that's what you guys have. I would love to see it on TV, but that's a private thing. What I was talking about with Weber was he said, hey, I had an idea. You know, that nether world of television. vision between like 230 and like 530 where there's just who knows what the I mean it's still

like just you know even on networks they're still showing like you know what are those infomercials and stuff take though take that time and tell the network give us a minimal amount of money just give us a five cameramen and those stupid like the early SCTV sets like the flats you know couple pairs of sandals a wig and a lady you know and let us, and then let us go out and find writers. And because it's the age of the DVR, nobody has to be watching it live. Let us fill those hours with something and let people fill their DVRs with it. And it will be a sort of visual podcast area.

You'll pay no money. And every fifth show will be great or whatever. With the same format that we have here? I don't know. Well, no, it wasn't, I wasn't connecting the two for that. I think you guys deserve a bona fide, you know, an hour when people would actually be awake. We're going to continue to try to do that. That would be an interesting thing, too, is why not?

It is people tape things and watch things in the strangest ways. Nobody knows what's going on, and anybody can predict, tells you they can predict how this is all going to play out, is lying or they're crazy, is why not during those hours, televised it during those hours for the five people who are up, you know? and then I'm sure your fans, a lot of them are up, right? And then we hear something in the middle of the night. Reloading. But yeah, it's just always seemed like it's dead air time, but there should never be dead air time, and especially with a recording device.

Listen, I would run the network so differently. Even knowing what the Marx brothers did, that they used to take a play, tour the country and that's how they wrote their movies. That's why they were so fucking funny before MGM because they knew where the laughs were. They knew it backwards and forwards and they did it with certainty and then MGM didn't want to do that anymore.

Yeah, they were funny with Paramount. Yeah, that was their early. Because they toured for, you know, they toured at the races was the last time that they took something out. Take a sitcom, take four episodes, take your actors, go to Chicago. go someplace where it's not going to make any, you know, and tour the sitcom and make it great,

learn where the laughter and come back with cheers rather than, you know, Johnny Chase is a bus. It's a great idea. Johnny Chase is a bus. You and Weber are visionaries. Well, we're flattered that you listen to the show. As often as you do. And thanks for tweeting about it

and putting the word out the way you do on social media. Does nobody else do that? Of guests, you mean? A lot of our guests don't have a computer. That is true. They don't have a phone or electric. I don't have room for that giant reel-to-reel. Yeah.

You got to have a lady with a beehive hair to run it. With a stencil. You have a machine that heats up food? It sounds crazy. We do appreciate it, Craig. I love the show and I love you guys. The other one who promotes us a lot is Richard Kine. Richard Kine.

I tell you something about it. First of all, a lot of you might be surprised to see me in a movie about Guilbert, but it's the law I'm in every movie. I'm being edited into Bobby Gatslambago currently. This is a truth. This is the truth. I'm a friend of George Clooney. I just thought it.

I didn't say it. I didn't say it. But the thing about Gilbert, he is an angel, and he's the devil. and I only hope that Kara it's Darra Let me try it again I'll have a little fun with it Keep rolling

I'll have a little more fun with it I hope Dara saved his life That's Dara saved his life He said I have watched that over and over again And I have a cut I have a cut I have a cut I'll put it up I have a preview of your movie It has a boom boom boom boom

You never show up And he goes Now, one of the greatest, craziest, you know, and it's got the Letterman introduction to this guy, he's not just crazy, this guy's crazy. And it just cuts to Richard going, he's got the devil. And he's got an angel.

And I think Dara saved his life. Richard Kind in Gilbert. I'll send it to you. Because there's nothing more fun. Oh, Lord. It's just, it's two shooting fish. It's shooting Richard Kind in a barrel, which how fun would that be? but this is the first

Richard kind imitation I've never heard it's flawless it's pretty good I do a pretty good Richard kind I can't imitate anybody else but Richard yes I want to tell you something I saw the show last night

and I say this because I've I say this because I've seen you be great you were terrible it was terrible I played Harold Hill He told me in his underwear Which if you've never seen

Treat yourself to that I played Harold Hill I was terrible But I was a lot of fun to watch I don't know Still don't know what that means When he was in here I tried to get him to sing something

From the music man He wouldn't touch it Well you've got trouble My friend right here Actually we were doing guys and dolls And you know You think guys and dolls That's bulletproof

You went Oliver Platt Yeah Bulletproof, bulletproof. And my niece was doing the show in high school at the same time, and their run was longer. I was like, how do you do it week after week? She's like, I don't know. I guess we, it was just so bad, and it was really, because it's lower east side Jew, and we had this Canadian Canuck. It was the least, it was just, it was so awful.

and at any rate but I think Oliver Platt I lacked the director to tell him you know the guys who what you need Oliver Platt did say

you know this and I knew what to say and I didn't have the guts to say which was go watch all the bill go you can and watch all because the same guys wrote this the same writers

That Damon Runyon. It was the same writers. And you listen to the guys and dolls, I don't know if you've ever seen it, but you can't stop listening to it. It's perfect. And it's like a Bilko episode, but it's spiritual. It's all about, it's beautiful. And the music is flawless. It's just, it's a real masterpiece.

So, and he was, he was just kind of playing it very quiet because he's a very good actor. And he was searching and he didn't have a director to say, no, no, no, because they wanted to play. The two leads wanted to play Nathan. and uh what's Nathan and Adelaide as kind of Bonnie and Clyde kind of in on it and I said no

no you see no first of all Nathan and Adelaide are functionally retarded they shouldn't there's no reason that they should have lived this long that's how stupid they are they're not

they're not smart people they're morons you know and when they get in trouble they're surrounded by all of these characters they're beloved Love wins the day and all that. But, no, they're not, they're not Bani and Clyde. They're not shrewd.

It's the wrong approach. Yes. And so, there was, there were misfires all over. Plus, the staging was, we had moved, we had animations. Like, so, you know, there's a scene where Skymasterson takes this girl down to Havana. So all you need is an offstage kind of, you know, you need Charlie Callis. Oh, yeah. Charlie Callis.

We had a screen with an animation, like a $10,000 plane that, flew over the audience and scared the shit out of everybody. Yeah, it was just ridiculous. Did you? You know, it's funny because you mentioned Bilko. And I think there's a case of also a show that was really well prepared because I think I was talking to Richard Belser.

He saw like a really early episode. And he said it didn't change. Yeah, that's true. You know, when you watch early episodes of sitcoms, all the characters are different. Yes. Well, they don't have their mojo yet. Yeah. They would never say that.

They would never dress like that. Well, also, everybody's coming from the theater in the early television. The writers and the actors are coming from the theater. So there's so, and he's, and his character is a stay. He's already this guy. He knows. Oh, yes. He's already, he's already there.

And all of everybody's cast and they've, you know, we're. now it's the generation after the generation of people who did theater. They grew up on television and nobody's been in front of a live audience. I remember watching early episodes of Cheers. I'm a huge Tedda. I think he's one of the great leading

light comedian. He is. Of all television history. And good and dramatic roles. Yes, he's just a damn great. And I had an occasion to talk to him and I just said, where did that come? I know that the first time I ever did a sitcom, I I noticed I had made a decision to carry a small soda bottle because you did it on Cheers

and you kind of used it and you used it to drink. So I'd always have something to do. And I'd have like a little George Burns thing to buy a little piece of business. He goes, I did that with Dick Van Dyke. The first few years on Cheers, I'm just, I'm not doing Dick Van Dyke, but I'm, I mean, I'm stealing and I'm just, I'm scared out of it. Everybody's got, I think everybody, that's with the drawing, with the dots, with everybody, Everybody's stealing from everybody.

I look at Nathan Lane, I think he's a tremendous comic actor, but I look at him and I see the history of American comedy. I'm glad you said that. When I went to see the producers, I may have told you this before. I saw every, I saw every comic actor in that performance. He was doing Bert Lahr. He was doing Ed Wynne. He was doing Zero.

He was doing Gleason. Yes. He was just, he was pulled down. Masterfully. Yes, it was like going to the Comedy Hall of Fame. And going in and out And the thing that sets him apart From somebody who's just like a great

Like there's a guy who does Gleason I can't remember his name But he did the best Gleason ever Is and I don't know Maybe he turned into a great actor Is that Nathan's a great actor And if you don't inhabit like Gleason Inhabited

Gleason also did the hustler And you don't even think of Ralph Cramden No I don't think he crossed my mind When I saw him in the hustler Which is amazing because you'd think somebody in the hustle would go, you know, you look like

Ralph Cramden. I mean, I'm just saying. Or Soldier in the Ring. Yeah, yeah. She's also great. That's great acting. I mean, I mean, he had, he was something. It's funny you said that about Nathan Lane. Yeah? You really, it's just, you just, it's, he's got, you could see what a fan of show business

he is, what, how knowledgeable he is. But he'll also, every one of those people informs his performance. But everything starts from the truth. You know, I, I did music, man, I opened my mouth and it sounded like it sounded, but I'd been listening to Robert Prest on my life. I'm not going to change the choices. But if you don't inhabit the role, then you're just, you're at Disneyland in the Hall of Presidents. You know, you're just, you have to connect with the other person. You have to put it out on the line. And it's still

acting. That's why I look at Nathan Lane and I love, Luke Costello, too. That was the one I forgot. Oh, yes. You could name everybody. They're all in his performance. I think it's almost like Robin Williams is he probably can't help but absorb what's great. Yeah. It's an homage to all of them in a way. He's throwing them at you. I always watched, like, when the Adams family was on, I always watched John Asson and said

he's just Groucho Marx. That's true. Yeah. So was early Hawkeye Pierce. Yeah, that's right. Absolutely. And he'll tell you that. You're steal from the best. The nicest man I ever met. Alan Aldo. Me too. Me too. Well, there's so many of them, but he was one of the few celebrities. He's who you meet. They turn out to be who you want them to be. And he had come to see guys and dolls. And he came backstage and I was drawing all over my walls. I drew. So I had all these characters from the 50s as, like in the dice game, I had Ralph Cramden and I had, you know. And he came and he saw it. He told me all about his watching his father. It just hit me. His father was the original Skymasterson. and I thought he's being very nice and deferential

and he came a week later he came to see the show again only this is what had happened so it's Alan Alda you know I actually told him I said you should walk around with a cup and actors should give you a dollar because everybody's stolen from you

and you know I have nothing on me because I'm doing Broadway but if I would you know but really and he couldn't have been nice she came back with his wife Arlene and he goes I wanted it show her the room you know with that smile yes and he comes and he shows her the room and i'm in a panic like a jack a jack tripper oh shit i got to get him out of here because i had invited peter torque to see the show what and peter torque can't coexist when i did the music man i wish i had

invited why not invite paul mccartney who sang told it was you why not invite mike nes why Why not to the people? What do you think? How do you think people get ahead? Like, or just get to meet people. Like, smart. I met so many people backstage. Why not just? And so I said, if it ever happens, if I get him, I'm lucky enough to do a show. And I had read that Peter Tork at that point was suffering from throat cancer. And I didn't have to get in touch with him. But I went online and I found his manager. I said, if it would give him any comfort, I understand he's going through a challenging time. If it would give him any comfort, he wants to see the show. I would love to have. And he shows up. Calls me from outside the theater. This was pre the monkey's, like, third explosion, you know, it was right before that. So he called me, goes, can you tell them to let me in, please, because they're not letting me in. Oh. Yeah. Can you believe that? So he gets in.

I remember we had a particularly quiet show that night. It was, you know, once we got our bad reviews, audiences take their orders and they go, we're watching a bad show. But the previews, they were dying. But as soon as the bad reviews come out, they just, they. stops like that and i just said oh this is too bad i'll just pretend it's a good show but peter torque is out there in the silence somewhere so peter torque walks and i've never met him but i have this thing for the for the monkeys and uh he walks up the stairs and i put my arms around him and i remember thinking i wanted to feel like my older brother but i'm feeling like my dad you know i'm feeling a

70 year old guy i'm a mortal and then behind him i hear hey i just wanted to show Arlene. And I was like, get out of here. I'm with Peter Tork. Oh, wow. And he introduces himself. He goes, hi, I'm Alan Alda. He goes, I'm Peter Tork. I used to be in show business. And, you know, making a little light of himself. He goes, but he didn't know who he was. And it was such a strange moment, but I was, I was thrilled that Alan Alda came back. I was thrilled to hear the stories of Alan Alda talking about these Lower East Side Jewish comics doing these lines. And he repeated one of them for me, which was, there was a, I won't get the line right, Steve Rosen, an actor did it so great in the show. It was, um, when they lose the crap game to Sky and now they've got to all

go to the mission. Have you seen the play? Oh, yes. They all got a show of the mission and wanted them. Big Jolie, I think, stands up, goes, uh, or not one of the, a Benny South Street stands up, he goes, uh, listen, I just want to say, uh, when the first Sky challenges, uh, to a crap game, uh, against our souls. And if we lost, We'd have to show here. I thought if we lose, I wouldn't want to be here. But now that I'm here, I still wish I wasn't here. Like, that's how Alan Alda did it.

And he said, the whole show was like that. It was Yiddish theater. Like, I still wish I wasn't here. That's great. Wow. And he just said it was, people were literally rolling in the aisles tearing the carpet out. And he was very nice about our show. I think it was serviceable.

But it was. you're playing his dad's uh one of his dad's signature roles he couldn't have been nicer and you know it's not it's not a it's it's a it's a it's the peter lawford role yeah it's like it's like uh yeah you just got to be smooth and wear a suit he's the most down to earth person he's actually so he's he's because he's almost embarrassed about his celebrity because he's now he's into science and he's such a well he's really such an intellectual one of those people who uh like we were talking the other night like um uh steve martin who has who has who i When I read his biography, I had no idea like he wasn't that funny that he didn't grow up.

And he actually said, I would, I have no talent whatsoever. I worked really hard. Someone literally when, you know, I started doing little things here and there, just I started working at Disneyland. I got, I got infatuated with this banjo player and the way he would toss off jokes and bit by bit. I got drawn into show business. And when I got a job on, um, uh, this month. Brothers Brothers show, the head writer, actually said, you put the punchline here, and now you, and he drew a red circle.

He said, you got to go back to the setup here. So the punchline comes after the set. He said it was literally that level. And he just worked. And he said it took 10 years for him to build that, hey, hey, you know, that wild and crazy guy. And that was largely what the book was about. And then he said the four years of rock stardom, he didn't really enjoy, you know.

And I, again, it reminded me of the sort of that sense of, I got everything I want, I'm having trouble feeling it. Yes. But in a different way, because that's nothing. What you have is everything. But it's almost like James Taylor has this great line. It's much too much emotion to hold in your hand. It's like the waves out out on the ocean.

It's like trying to embrace the ocean. What you and Dara have, it's like trying to hold the ocean. It's too much that you'll never feel it. Just swim, you know. And that's what he said about, you know, being a, this rock star. He was like, I got to get out of this because what I am is a quiet guy, and I want to write. He wanted to get to his other thing. And the most amazing thing to know was when I met him, I was prepared to meet a legend, an idol, like a John Lennon to me.

And he had been in the room for 10 minutes before I noticed him. So he learned to turn on the Kleg lights that lit up Nassau Calcium, we both talked. I saw that show at Nassau, I saw him, I saw the back row. And he comes, goes, this is for you people in the back row. It's called the dime trick. And I just thought that was genius. And he was that guy. And then I remember being heartbroken when he stopped.

But now I have so much respect because he likes to sit there with his typewriter and he likes his art. And I can relate to that more. And when he walked into a restaurant, nobody looked up. He learned how to turn it off. It's remarkable. And I heard, like, Steve Martin, like, they say he took a lot from Carl Ballanty. Oh, I think we, that's hard to, that's like, I, I've, what did they say that about Bob Newhart taking from Shelley Berman? Yeah, well, what would Shelley Berman, I mean, listen, I have very strong personal feelings about the sanctity of a creation and having a conversation.

and having a conversation with somebody and coming to some agreement. I don't, you know, I have very strong feelings about it. And at a great personal loss stood up for myself against it. I really do believe in the sanctity of somebody's creation is that's sacred. But it would have been something completely different. Yeah. You know, we were joking around last time because I am sort of like, Be careful what you ask for if you want to be famous.

I'm probably most famous for having turned down friends, right? Certainly in the industry. But what would have been worse? It's none of my cards. I wasn't going to bring it up. No, I go around barking it. Listen, I just, you know, my first thought was, how do I make my Jack Benny violin? I know I need something.

I'm a leading man. It's going to be a little bit, I can't get up and just start talking about how a hard life is. I need a thing. I got a thing. And it took me a while, but I found a way to use that. Very smart for Kenny. Yeah, you needed the, I needed my bro. Yeah, you need your violin.

I just don't think, first of all, there would have been room enough for both of them to make phone calls. I remember watching Shelley Berman do the phone call, the woman on the roof, or some guy jumping off the roof and never once thinking about Bob Newhart. Why did he stop? He didn't have to stop. Why did he stop? There's no trademark on that. And they were different. They were completely different styles.

And, and yeah, one, and, and Shelley Berman was coming from a dangerous place, a dangerous place, and, and Bob Newart was coming from middle of the road, you know, a tax accountant, funny guy, you know. Different styles entirely, different. I don't know. That was the thing I didn't understand was what was the problem. Why did he stop doing the phone balls? Berman was his own worst enemy in certain ways. Oh, yeah. He had a self-destructive streak that, that hurt him, especially early in his career.

That's too big. I know there was that special, right, that I, that, have you ever seen that the TV special? It was an incident of him, of him shouting. I'd like to see it. It was like pre-reality show. It was a reality show where they followed him around. A phone rings backstage. Yeah, and he got angry.

Yes, and that followed him around. And, but I heard, too, other people who've been on the podcast, they think it was more than that. Like, it was just he himself. I think so, too. I don't think it could come down to a moment like that. I think, you know, I see it all the time. I started in, trying to remember in your mother was talking about when you were at the table about you get a video camera in here and suddenly he doesn't want to do what he's doing around. Oh, yes.

It was the molecule of you with your family. That was who you were with them. It was adorable. It was really, really something because otherwise I never would have seen that part. and but like oh i forgot i'm 53 what what the fuck but i'm sure it was going to be great let it in later and and you know i'm getting the worst mental block go ahead i'll help you and it's killing me the actress we've had on the show who's been in nola corsese film we had eliana douglas oh yeah but she's a friend she's got bigger eyes than i do she's a friend of

between us we got about 20 pound of eyeball well you did the ikea show with her Yes, she's a doll. That was killing me. We love her. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast, but first a word from our sponsor. You mean the IKEA show? No, no. When Ileana Douglas was on, she said in her acting, she was always trying to inhabit Richard Dreyfus.

That was like the thought Imagine that And she She then told us to Richard Dreyfus And he said Well I was always trying to inhabit Spencer Tracy Yes I'm glad you remembered that

Yeah That was insightful See I pay attention once I remember there was a You say I'd take a nap I would have I would have liked to have inhabited Elaine Joyce

Yes How do you mean? Inhabited. You know what I mean. Elaine Joyce. Of all the names from the pull out of him. I'm right, though. He could have said Juliet Proust. He went for Elaine Joyce.

Oh, my God. Now, Juliet Prouse. South African. Yeah. Yeah. She is literally an African American. And legs that goes up to the woman of floor who lives above her. Yes. Yes.

Legs all day. Oh, boy. Do you want to talk about in the time that we have. left do you want to talk first of all i want you to tell gilbert about sour grapes you know what it was a funny thing that he did during sour grapes it was much funnier than anything in the movie and i listen along the way i am sorry i'm sorry i'll give you a what was it five bucks back then uh uh i i can't figure out why i was a misfire because every page of the script was laugh out loud funny i don't know i don't know what happened it was i don't know what it was

but but i think it was the cast it may have been i may have been miscast it's happened by Before. Oh, wait. Here I wanted to bring up to you. He sat just before he sat down across me and it was the first day he sat across me. He goes, well. And I went, oh, I'm getting fired. Because we did struggle with the scene a little bit. Yeah. And he goes, well, I have decided to start eating with my mouth closed. I'm 50. Well, you and Weber got a lifelong friendship. I love. I love Stephen. It's like when you were talking about Alan Alder talking about the early Guys and Dolls And how it was like Yiddish theater with them screaming out the lines and everything So how did what is your opinion knowing that and to the movie version? Well I think a lot of it was

that you talk um why didn't uh wouldn't you have loved to have seen dean martin yes play sky he was born to play him yeah yeah and uh uh uh what happened there who was who's who's joe mankowitz made yeah but i don't know well i think frank it was a lot of it and and also but but why did you pick a guy why would you it's like picking um you know i want a sky benicia del toro oh yes well it feels like a studio what do you do it like it feels like a studio decision like it was the marketing decision. Hey, Brando's hot. He'll play Skymaster. I think there are people who think only in terms of, you know, graphs and they're not seeing what's going to work. The other problem is that the guy that owned the part on Broadway and did the shit out of it was probably considered unbankable

as a movie actor, Robert Hall of them. So you got that problem. My niece, who's very, very, has preternaturally smart at four years old. It said, Craig, why? Uncle Craig. Why aren't you playing Harold Hill in the movie and I said I really don't know and my mommy says that it's because

you're not famous enough and I said well that's probably true then why did you say you didn't know? I was like listen you're four that's

that's gonna wear off in a while you're gonna end up without teeth and I'm your uncle all right I love Matthew I love Matthew Broderick to death but he did not have I never saw it and I told him I said I can't watch I can't go back to

that play unless I bring my kid or it's just too I just I think he lacked your presence well I'm a big man in the part and also you had the the you know the unenviable task of following I'll also say I'll also say that I think I never now I never saw it but a lot of it I a lot of it comes down to the director and they had a director who I did work with on Boston Legal, he did the great job of directing Boston Legal, but I never would have looked at this guy and said, let's get him in River City because, you know, it wasn't, it's a musical. But tell the Carabinet story to Gilbert while we're talking about it because it's worth, we had just made very violent love.

And when we made love, it was always, it was, it was, she said take me to the edge. And I said, what do you mean the edge? because I'm working with cutlery. And she said, you know what I'm. I want to feel, I want to look at death right down the... No. Or the other, you mean the other, the charming backstage story. Is it true that when she came, did she pull on our ear?

Stop that. That's not right. Now, that's not appropriate. That's not appropriate. I used to say I dreamt that I was, I was, I was fucking my cat And I I

He The cat turns around And says something to me That's so inappropriate I'm not going to repeat it But now When you were fucking Carole Burnet

Oh no Stop it come on Did you ever come so hard That she afterwards Came out with a mop I don't know You know what You know why

Because I was hovering I was like a hovercraft Of ejaculate up and down for half an hour. He's like, look at this. Go by the window. Look at it! He's got six minutes of new material from the Carol Burnett.

I love Carol Burnett. It's a sweet story. Hopefully he'll be quiet long enough for our listeners to hear. We've pretty much made it into the Manson murders now. Do you Charlie Callis passed that one? Oh, it's a touching story. He won't appreciate it. But our listeners will.

Yes, he will. He has a heart. You saw the doc. My, this, I had mentioned earlier, the girl I did that film with, Sally Murphy, who is an excellent actress. Well, we hadn't seen each other for a number of years. And this is that one of those weird things that happens in life. I get cast in The Music Man and she's doing a play called The Wild Party right across the street. We had seen each other for close to 10 years.

We're boyfriend and girlfriend. And all of us, and we become friends again. And there we are at the Tony Awards, both standing on the edge of the stage. stage watching whatever both about to go on for our respective shows and we looked at each other and we're like how about this shit but it was also too big to feel oh yes because hey you've got a performance coming on but it was like I even now I look back and go god what if we had known that you know but Carol Burnett came up to me and I said could this moment be any weirder and I feel a tap in my shoulder I turn around and it's my sex partner Carol Burnett and uh and

And Carol Burnett says, I saw your show and I loved it. And I think you, and I knew Robert Preston, he was the greatest man. You would have loved him and he would have loved you. And I think you're sharing a soul right now. And I did say, you know, it's crazy. You know, you say these things in public

because of the private little moments, but when you're scared and it's a new experience, I just said, if you're up there and you want to take a ride, anytime download yourself and I like to think you know he did that's nice you know that is and it was it was such a generous and I remember her saying that and she has got to be the warmest human being and it was such she took my hand and she's about to go do the tony's too you know it's scary that you know and and for her to come over and take the time to say that to somebody that she doesn't know I just thought it was an incredibly generous that's

Very sweet. Those people make up for the people like Gilbert, the C words you meet. You know what I remember? I've told this because I just, I've told stories. There's there are episodes where I would love, there's got to be a story that you've told every single episode. Yes. Which story would have been?

Caesar Romero. No, that stopped after a while. It waned. Yeah. But I remember a moment like that where you go, Wow. I was on a show and I did some bit. I did some, just some stick, improvised.

And afterwards, I feel a big hand on my shoulder. And it's Vincent Price. Oh, my God. And he goes, I loved your Peter Lurie. That's wonderful. And I thought, wow. That is wonderful. I wish your story came before, Mom.

Yes. I would have a chance. Wouldn't that have been... They're both good. You cut it. No, that's an amazing thing. I know what he means to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I mean, those are, those moments are few and far between me. Hey, it's why we do this. Yeah. You look like a man who is so packed up and ready to go home to his wife. No, no. I mean, I'm looking at the people out there. Let's, uh... Okay.

Now, let's get Frank Federoza. You haven't chimed in. Will you chime in? Frank Fraterosa, chime in. I haven't... Yes, hello? Yeah, hi. Well, just try him in.

What do you think? How's the show going so? Have you listened to any of it? You guys let me know in a record. What, you want to do? Now, wasn't Sam Levine and Geysendolls? Yes, he was, yes. Yeah, in fact, he was the original Nathan.

Yeah, he was the original Nathan. You know, he had five songs. You know how much he ended up with nothing? Oh, geez. Because he couldn't sing. And so out of town, there's a book about it. And he'd go, he go, why are you cutting another song of mine? And they said, Sam, because you can't sing.

He said, what do you play the song? He goes, hit a G, and they go, ding, and he go, hey. And he goes, that's why it's cut. He goes, what are you talking about that's crazy? What are you talking about? But they loved him so much that he was Nathan that they actually, his acting drove away the songs. There was a song that he and Sky sang called Travel Light.

It's out there if you want to hear it. And you can't imagine the show. It doesn't, you know. Do you guys want to attempt something together? Yeah, get your pants up and let's just go. Let's just see what happens. You suggested on the phone? No, I don't want to try it.

I'll do whatever you want to do. I'll follow what. You start and I'll come in. All right. Here, this may be a disaster, but we can always cut it out. Well, with your kind of belief in us, I don't see how it would go wrong. All right. Jesus, Frankie.

Something like that. What's on are we going to do? Or we're going to try this one. Okay, what do we got, Frankie? Oh, he's setting up the tripod to shoot you guys doing this. That's how confident he is. Oh, we don't want that. I think this would be a good promo when it's time.

In fact, there was a part in the documentary where I'm going to sing with Dick Van Dyke. Oh. And he says to me in the beginning, very seriously, he goes, well, the beginning is like a D. Just, just do it. He gave up quickly. All right. I like your confidence, Frankie. I might bail on this one.

You see your part, C.B. and G. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Good luck. way of running out you're on this date with me the pickins have been lush

and yet before this evening is over you might give me the brush you might forget your manners you might refuse to stay And so the best that I can do

Is pray Oh, Disco Hap, Hap Look be a lady tonight Yes Look be a lady tonight Look, if you ever been a lady to begin with,

Luck be a lady. All right, now I have time to rest. Look, when a gentleman see How night's a game you can be. He's way off. I've seen the way you've treated are the guys you've been with. Look. Look be a lady with me.

Luck be a lady with me. You know, Gilbert. A lady doesn't leave her escort. It isn't fair, and it's not nice. A lady doesn't wander. over the room and blow on some other guys' dice.

Go! So, let's keep the party polite. Nice and polite. Not bad. Never get out of my side. Keep her close. Steak with me, baby. Like fly paper, baby.

Like the fella that you came with. They said, yeah. Look be a lady. Bumpf be a lady And let it go now Fuck be a lady Tonight Sure the guy's playing their Solo's really appreciated them

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Here we go Hey Luck let a gentleman see how nice a day you can be I know the way you've treated other guys you've been with a luck be a lady with me

a lady wouldn't flirt with strangers She'd have a heart She'd have a soul A lady wouldn't make Little snake eyes at me When I I bet my life on this roll

This part I really know Go! Roll them, roll them Stehide! I don't know this part Raw hide Roahide! Roll them! Roll them! Roll them! Roll them! Go down. Don't go down. Let's keep this party to belight.

Let's keep the party. Artie's coming. Yeah. Luck be a lady. You ready? Luck be a lady. How did all these people get in my dressing room? Oh, straight from the bar, ladies gentlemen, Gilbert, Godfrey.

Don't tell your mother. How did all these people get in my dressing room? Oh, God. There are some ruined burial texts. Some nicely pressed burial tuxes are ruined. I think luck ran out. Luck is running up 6th Avenue by the Bronx right about it. 40, 40 seconds in.

You, you, my friend, you had faith. I know, you had faith. Well, it's my death of me every time. Tell us, as we wrap it up, tell us about Unreal. Oh, Unreal. I love this show. I'm very proud to be a part of it. It's great.

It's very, it couldn't come at a more interesting time in history, actually, especially during the Me Too movement. It's Lifetime wanted to rebrand itself, which is always a loaded effort. You never know what that's, you know, what's going to happen. It can go AMC and you get something like Mad Men or they can rebrand themselves and nothing happens. But it just so happens. They wanted to do an edgy show that was created by Sarah Gertrude Shapiro. Marty Knox, and they hit it out of the park as far as it's, it's a women, it's a show about women who don't, who weigh more and are older than 28. There's like an entire demographic of women. And it's, and, and I have a fantastic part. I play a drug addicted producer of a reality show.

But it's a, it's a very dark. It's got a real heart and soul to it. Yeah. And you're getting great notices for it, my friend. Oh, that's nice to know. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Notice, press. You're getting a nice piece of press. What do they used to call it? Not notices. What do they used to call like? Buzz? Oh, no. Notices. They would say, I just want to say you're going to make a beautiful dollar in this business. That's what I, that's the one I like. I want to be a part of your television show. I want to be your Tony Randall showing up with the Blue Blazer when Alec Baldwin doesn't show up. You can be arranged. I think this is your year.

You might have to fight kind, Richard, for the... I have footage. I'll send you of us. We improvised something together that it never happened, but we were two owners of a hedge fund. And we just improvised, and it's four minutes of us just going nuts. I have to send it to you because he's so fucking funny. He's one of the funniest people.

I did see him live. I make fun of him a lot, but he is... There's no Don Knott, there's no one who does it. Well, there's you. You're the last of a dying breed. People who do something that nobody else can do. That's it. It's imitated.

And then, you know, you see that they can do other stuff. I've seen Richard do beautiful, very quiet, you know, subtle drama. But nope, this New Yorker cartoon he's become, you know, it's a creation. He's conscious of it. He's fully in control, and he's a master at it. The Cohen Brothers picture, the beauty of the performance. in the Pixar movie and Inside Out. He really deserves a lot of credit for his...

And his television work, you know? A lot of his stuff I'm mad about you. It's just his timing is the way... And he's impeccable. Been great to this show, so we really, we have to thank him. I want to give... I have a suggestion. Morrie Riskind Rabinowitz.

He's been dead for 15 years, but he's so funny. His brother's a rabbi. Before you get out of here, tell us about this charity that you work with, Loma Linda. Yeah, you know, I was, I guess I was 45 years old and I realized, I know, this business of getting up in front of people, it seems silly to me. So I went not to a children's hospital that my cousin had been inviting me to for years and I couldn't get out of it anymore. I had no more excuses. and my show that I was doing, which was called Unhitched, we called it Unwatched. Was it one with you and Rashida Jones?

Yes. Yes. We had just gotten canceled, but I promised I'll come out. I'll shake some hands, you know, whatever. But I felt like such a loser. My show had just been canceled. And I really didn't know. I'm literally driving through a desert going, I got it with the metaphors.

I got it. I'm driving through the desert, not knowing that I want to do this anymore, literally. It's just, you know, I don't need to stand in front of people. Plus, nothing works. Nothing seems to work. So I was having one of those days, you could say. And I went to this hospital, and the woman said, have you ever been to a children's hospital before? I said, well, the once, and then I had tonsils, you know.

But other than that, I was being cute. She said, okay, well, I just, you know, just so you know, it can be emotional. And I was like, I got it. I got it. You know, I walked in and I lost it. I had never seen a preemie baby before. I'd never seen. And the kids with cancer who are why.

watching television and laughing and playing. I've been told that there was a baby just recently who a nurse was carrying during a night shift. And another nurse said, why don't you put the baby down while you're doing the paperwork? He said, we know that this baby isn't going to make it through the week. So all the nurses decided that its feet will never touch the ground. And the baby's feet never touched the ground. And they, you know, they did beautiful things like this. I left there.

And the stories go on and on. And I left there. It's the Loma Linda Children's Hospital. I will give you information that you can insert later because I don't have. Please do, I'm sorry. If you want to make a donation, you can't do it over the phone anymore. That's what Boo and I used to make films, and we still do it, but they don't have a calling number anymore. But you can make a donation.

And what they've done is they're incredible. They were so thankful to me. And I said, listen, I just got canceled. The version of what you do is the patient died. you know and they're like it didn't hit them that the fact that anybody took the time to come and help uh and i realized why i don't know what i can do it's too early for too late for med school but i can pimp the shit out of my friends and i put on uh every once in a while we'll put on a a benefit and make money and it i thought if i can do this stuff that's nice and enjoy myself

and feel like i'm contributing something to these people who are amazing feel good. And I got to pick people I got to appear with it. So I met Mickey Dolans. I just said, he'll be in the show. And he showed up. That's fantastic. And he couldn't have been nicer. Martin Short showed up. Ryan Reynolds showed up. Will you put Gilbert in the next one? If you want to come, it's one of the most special evenings.

Only if I can sing. Yes. They would love it. We'd love it. We'd love it. It's a great charity. You've done great things for them. Thank you so much for mentioning it. Okay. Thank you for mention. Loma Linda Children's House. Yeah. Well, we'll put the information on the website and on Facebook and on Twitter. Gil, you want to let this man go home?

Okay, this has been Gilbert Doddford's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santo Padre, and we've been talking to Craigman-Voyville-Sighton. He shortened it. He shortened it. He shortened it. I shortened it for show business. My friend, thank you.

Thank you, sir. I love you, I love you. Shut up, Gilbert, that's enough. Mother's of River City. Heed that morning before it's too late. Watch for the ten-tale signs of corruption. The minute your son leaves the house. Does he rebuttal his knickerbockers below the knee?

Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? Is he starting to memorize jokes out of Captain Billy's wood? Whizband are certain words creeping into his conversation. Words like swell. Trouble. Trouble. And so's your old man. Trouble.

But if so, my friends. You got trouble. Right here in River City. With the capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool. We've surely got trouble. Right here in River City. Remember the main Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule. Our children's children don't have trouble.

Oh, oh, we got trouble. We're in terrible, terrible trouble. A game with the 15 number, it falls at the devil's tomb. I asked me a trouble, trouble, trouble. We're going to tea. The Albright with tea. And that stands for four. That stands for four.

Gilbert Godfried's amazing colossal podcast is produced by Darrah Godfried and Frank Santepadre, with audio production by Frank Verde Rosa, Web and social media is handled by Mike Lee Padden, Greg Pear, and John Bradley Seals. Special audio contributions by John Beach. Special thanks to Paul Rayburn, John Murray, John Fodiatis, and Nutmeg Creative, especially Sam Giovonko and Daniel Farrell for their assistance.