Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Dana Gould Encore

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

The GGACP team celebrates the birthday (b. August 24) of Emmy-winning writer, comedian, actor, podcaster and film buff Dana Gould with this ENCORE of an interview from 2016. In this episode, drops by the studio to chat about everything from Hollywood “fixers” to werewolf transformations and to regale Gilbert and Frank with stories about everyone from Dwight Frye to Mark Hamill. Also, Dana meets Merv Griffin, mimics Adam West, befriends Vampira and remembers Roddy McDowall. PLUS: “Mars Attacks!” The genius of Dan Curtis! The sexism of James Bond! Gregory Peck meets Gopher! And the mysterious death of Albert Dekker! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santo Padre, and we're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Berta Rosa. Our guest this week is an actor, producer, podcast host, film historian, winning writer and one of the sharpest and most admired stand-up comedians of his generation. You've seen him on Mad TV, The Ben Stiller Show, Roseanne, Seinfeld, The King of Queens, Clerks, Mob City, Jimmy Kim Alive, Parks and Recreation, Real Time with Bill Maher and Family Guy. And in the film's Mystery Men, I woke up early. early the day I died and the uh this one I think I've heard of the aristocrats she's written and

she say I haven't written down she so I think you're going to have to cut your dick if you could it would because it cost a lot to retape these so just chop your dick up She has written, she with her big breast and neatly trimmed bush has written several of her own stand-up comedy specials, including Dana Gould. Let me put my thoughts in you. And Dana Gould, I know it's wrong. But wait, there's more. He, or I'm sorry, she, has also written for popular and successful TV shows and spent seven seasons as a producer and staff writer on a little-known short-lived series called The Simpsons.

His terrific podcast is called, appropriately enough, the Dana Gouldower, and his brand-new horror comedy series, which he wrote and created, called Stan Against Evil, premieres November 2nd on IFC. Please welcome to this show, one of the hardest working women in show business, the illegitimate love child of Ernest Thessinger and Maria Uspinskaya. Our pal, Dana Gould. That whole intro should end with. And still can't break through.

And yet he's still in the clubs. People, comedians he's never heard of, are selling out the Normo Dome and stadiums. See him MC on open mic night. He's going to Minneapolis next week to do six shows in three days. Did we get the date right, the premiere date? Yes, you did, yeah. The first, it's, they're sneaking two episodes.

First of all, thank you for that guy. As a woman in comedy, it's not easy for me to assert myself. Just your voice called comedy. Neatly trimmed. It really is. Neatly trim bush was my favorite part of that intro. The neatly trimmed bush was my favorite part of that intro. You're in town.

I don't even think they, I don't think people have bushes at all anymore either. That seemed like a dated reference. No, it is dated. Now, what are you feeling? about a girl with a bush. I honestly, if we're going to go there, I prefer it. Yo, yo, don't go there. There I said, no, well, I have three daughters,

so the last time I saw a vagina with no hair on it, it was covered in its own feces. So, yeah, I don't like the denuded pedundum. I like a neatly trim bush. That's all I am. I like it big. I like it to look like Lenny Kravitz is tying their shoes. just all scraggly and like the little stickerly and like the little sticker with eyes that used to come on the back of a Plymouth duster oh yes yes what a reference you wanted to look like a gerantula that's been run over on the highway

steamroller. But getting back to stand against evil. Sure. You know how to really big unruly push. Yeah, let's... Joanne Worley. Rutherford Hayes.

No. Jacqueline Onassis. Yes, and I saw it. Yes. Yes. That was a completely... That went up to her shoulder. Yeah, that was...

Yeah. It was more like a vest. Yes. Started at her knees and went up to her show. It looked like she was hiding behind a black kite. And yet I saw those in Hustler, I believe. Yeah, back in the day. That was an unruly bush.

Yeah, that's what really killed them. But you know someone, when you think of these old-time glamorous actresses, like Ingrid Bergman, Rita Hayworth and Joan Crawford, they must have all had like this. massive Yeah, they didn't They didn't That's a new Relatively New thing That level of

Personal grooming Yeah, you look at You know Rita Hayworth And yeah She looked like An aerial photo Of Angela Davis

Yeah Yeah And now even guys Like people Because I've You know Got divorced a couple years ago And had to date

And didn't know How to date anymore and it was I've been it's a joke for my act but it was it's true it's like I was just so trained as a husband I didn't you know I just go up to women hi so I sitting there and I thought you might have a long list of chores and errands you wanted me to do it I know we've I know we just met but I thought you might want to tell me what I did wrong and um that's funny maybe I was like do you manscape I'm no I don't need it to look it's bad enough that it looks like chicken parts. I don't need to look like chicken parts on the shelf at the store. I'm fine with it looking like chicken parts that have been thrown on the floor of a busy barbershop. I want to see you segue from this into George Zucco. I want to see how you artfully make the transition. You couldn't fit her bush under a fez. Speaking of Fez, the great George Zucco. George Zucco had a very neatly trim. Dana sent me an email saying, you just wanted to talk about

George Zucco, Dwight Fry, and Lionel Atwill. Okay, now, Lionelatwill. Yeah. And for those of you who don't know, Lionelatwill, shame on you. Yeah. Why are you listening to this podcast? When you see in, like, young Frankenstein. Yeah, that Kenny Mars is doing Lionelard.

That's right. And he, with the wooden arm. And so that's Lionel Atwell. Also famously played Dr. Cyclops. Correct? Yes. Yes. And didn't he?

Wasn't he also? One of the Professor Moriartis, or was George Zucco was proficient with Basil Rathbone. Yeah, but, yeah, Lionel Atwell, who's a very, very popular working actor in the 30s and 40s, when people forget that, like, Hollywood and all of this, debauchery isn't a new invention. No. This way, it goes all the way back. And Lionel Atwell, who is a very famous character actor, but if you read a little, you read Hollywood Babylon. Oh, yeah. He also was, and I quote, an orgy master.

You like that term. I feel like the music behind this should be, there's an auctioneer element to it. There's a square dance calling element to it. Yeah. A good orgy master is the cousin of the square dance caller. Yeah, because I knew. And he got in trouble with the law a few times.

Yeah, well, somebody was, you know, a lot of. A lot of young actresses were known as the 5 o'clock girls. You know, no, that's what they were calling. You know, you'd get a one-year contract with Metro Golden Mayor, and they'd put you on salary. But basically it was like, go see this guy at 5, and there you go. Oh, wow. Yeah.

And Marilyn Monroe was famously a 5 o'clock girl. And some of them broke out of it, and some of them didn't. It was, yeah, it was. It was the Wild Wild West at the time. And it was sort of an open secret. And Lionel At Will, unfortunately, one of these girls happened to be underage and somebody told somebody. And it was a, I don't think anybody cared, but they cared about a getting out. And when it looked like it was going to get out, poor Lionel At Will got arrested.

Yeah, they said Lionel At Will. At one point showed up on the set of one of his movies crying because he really thought he was going. the prison. Yeah. Yeah. Who was the guy who they found him in his bathtub in like S&M gear? He found dead. He was in his bathtub. Oh, my God.

In S&M gear? Albert Decker. Albert Decker. He was Dr. Cyclops. Albert Decker. was Dr. Cyclops. Not line Alackle. Decker. They found him hanging in his shower with a gag. Full bush.

Yeah. Full bush. Yes. No, I think it was It was a full rakeet. It was a full Eisenhower. He had a gag in his mouth

on a, you know, blindfold. He was chained. He was hand-cuffed. Yeah. His nipples, he drew like little sons.

Yes, yes, yeah, yeah. And then wrote obscene words and drawings all over his body, and the police came and said suicide. Yeah. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

He has beautiful handwriting on his own back. Well, yes. And while in handcuffs. Well, in handcuffs and bogg. He shot himself 13 times. He was so upset. Like, he was in handcuffs, and yet he was still able to hang himself. So, like, Houdini was reading that going, how the fuck is this guy so good?

Yeah. And there was also a fight. Now it's all coming back to me. And there was $72,000 in cash missing from his apartment. Oh, yes. He was just buying a new house. And that went missing. But, you know, because back then in the LAPD, it was just like, pervo.

Oh, yes. Right. So is that. Oh, well, another one, a horrible death was Raymond. Raymond Navarro. Yeah, I knew you were going there. Oh, dude. What happened to Raymond Navarro?

That I don't know. Yeah. He had two guys. It was male hustlers. Yeah. Two male hustlers. Yeah. Allegedly.

He had redecorated his room, and he said to describe how much money it costs to redecorate. He goes, something like, I have $10,000 in this room. And these two hustlers thought, oh, he's got actual 10,000. Oh, no, he meant he put it into this room. Oh, no. And they beat him for hours. And I think he, like, like, choked to death on his own. Or his teeth or something.

Yeah. They tortured him. Oh. And I think they got away with it. And it was also, and he must have been like, you idiots. Yes. What I meant I put $10,000. Yes.

No, you moron. Yeah. And I think they got away with it. Yeah. Oh, God. Well, that was another really gross one is Montgomery Clift. When he got in his car accident, he was leaving Elizabeth Taylor's house, driving down Laurel Canyon, where I drive every day, you know, taking my kids.

to school. He got in a horrible car accident. They heard the crash. Elizabeth Taylor literally drove down and saved his life by yanking his teeth out of his throat. That's what I heard. She was reaching into his mouth. Yeah, to pull his teeth out. Yeah. And there's a movie. I forget the name of the movie, but like in the first half of the movie, he's fine. And the second half of the movie, something just looks off. Oh, wow. And that's the one that he had the car accident right in the middle of it. And there's a story, Murph Griffin told that he got, you know, a knock on his door.

And he answered it. And some guy was standing there. And Murph was saying, yeah, can I help you? And the guy said, you don't know me either, huh? And it was Montgomery Cliff after the accident. Yeah, somebody told us that story. Yeah, I think I told it about 20 times. But, yeah.

Wow. Going from house to house of people who knew him to see if anyone could recognize. Oh, my God. No, I met Merv Griffin. Did you do Merv show? No, I never did Merv. I met him. I never did the show.

A lot of people. Yeah. But I did, he owned a place in Palm Springs. He owned like a resort in Palm Springs. And a friend of ours had their birthday party there. And I did, you know, it was a big fancy. fancy birthday party and I wore like a white tuxedo with a fez like it was

that kind of like a big fancy birthday party I swear to Christ I turned around there was Merv Griffin and he just went ooh a fez Ava Gabor had one of those I'm not making that I have no I have no reason to make that up my new favorite story on the show but I love

that he like he name checked one of the Gabor sisters in like a seven second meeting he's like right as one of his ears I just have to mention it was it was her immediate I have to mention Ava, Zajar, or Mrs. Miller, and then I'm good. It's an official meeting. She was one of the covers, Ava Gabor. Sure, sure.

But it was really funny the way he just... Okay, good. Mrs. Miller, good, okay, great. Has Mrs. Miller ever come up on this show before? I don't think so. Oh, wow. That's a great old reference too. Yeah. Wow. Merv, love, I will say, in the seven seconds that I met him, lovely guy.

Seemed like a great guy. Man with Two Brains, did that. Oh, yes. A sense of humor about himself. His headstone says, I won't be right back after these messages. Oh, good for that. Good for him. He said a sense of humor.

You know, the Atwell thing makes me wonder if... Not like that son of a bitch, Mike Douglas. Bob Einstein was on with us a couple of weeks ago. Oh, wow. Told some wonderful Mike Douglas stories. But the Atwell situation makes me wonder if there were Hollywood fixers involved in those days, but even like Universal, which wasn't... Well, people like Eddie Manix. all those guys. Yeah, they would, they made problems go away all the time.

That's the kind of, I heard both Clark Gable, John Houston, and Busby Berkeley got into a drunken car accidents where they killed people. Uh-huh. And, and it was just, uh, swept away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there was a huge problem with, uh, a lot of these, uh, big East Coast investors. were brought out West, and they were going to have a Wild West party, and I think it was MGM, and they had all the 5 o'clock girls, and it was just a debauchery. And one of these girls, like, blew the whistle, like, hey, we got, we were just supposed to show up and fuck these dudes.

And it was like, so she never, you know, she found herself back in Wisconsin. You see the Cohen Brothers movie about the fixer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was pretty good. Well, it was. Yeah, kind of accurate, I think. There was a lot of really interesting, it was just, especially Metro Golden Mayor, which was, you know, it was like the, it was like an economy unto itself. It was so powerful.

There's a lot of stuff that went on that just got, just gets swept away. It makes you wonder why some things surfaced and like Arbuckle and Lionelette will, why some, how some things came to the surface and others did not. I think, I think when everybody's doing something dirty and some guy gets caught, everybody. even psychologically projects their own guilt onto that person. Oh, yes. So it's like, oh, a fatty.

And Fatty Arbuckle didn't do anything. No. He didn't do any. All they did. That whole story that he, and to this day, when you say Fatty Arbott. You think Coke bottle.

Yeah. Coke bottle, he raped over the Coke bottle. Virginia Raff. Yeah. Yes. And first of all, she was like. Not me.

He didn't make. He'd make love to her with a Coke bottle. No, no. He was acquitted, finally. Yeah, but it didn't matter because his career was totally destroyed. Yeah, annihilated. And she died, I think it was a botched abortion. Yeah, yeah, it was internal bleeding after a botched abortion.

He had nothing to do with it. He was, he called the police, he called the, he did everything. And I think the reason the Coke bottle was there is she was complaining that a stomach occurred and he thought that would help. Yeah, and there's all those you know, and I think it was because he was Faddy Arbuckle that he was like a family-friendly

comedian that. Oh, yeah. That always that always, and you see that nowadays of people that have you know, they do something wrong and they're a family friendly person. Who we name some people. I hate to

their friends. We all know. They're all. Oh, lovely people. I love them. But, yeah, and people just point and shriek. And there's always got to be like the scapegoat at any time. Exactly, yeah.

It's just like, what were their names, the two German black guys, the singers? Oh, Millie Vanilli? Millie Vanilli. Millie Vanilla. Yeah. So Millie. You don't hear just the phrase German black guys? guys. You never hear that. Wow. They originally

call himself German black guys. They call himself those Nazi schwarzes. That didn't stick, huh? Yeah. How did Nazi Schwarzson not work?

People are struggled spelling it. Millivinilly is German for Nazi Schwarzson. Not a lot of people know that. And I felt like like with Millie Vanilli, they got crucified. And of course, now nobody has their voice dubbed in. And there are no tricks in the music business with people.

No, not at all. Well, and then there's things like, you know, the fatty arboccal story is like Pete Townsend. Pete Townsend was sexually abused as a child. You know, not just anybody writes the song, Fiddle About, you know. Oh, wow. And he later in his life had this idea that all of these illegal underage child pornography sites were still, you still had to give a credit card to access them, even though they were on the dark internet. And what he wanted to do, and his crime was being a dumb, naive rock star. He thought, well, you know what I'll do?

I will go onto one of these sites and then trace the charge to what bank is handling these then I'll report the bank to the police and I will expose this giant crime what he didn't realize is like people are already doing that and he called the police and said I'm going to do this and they've been great and then his name came up and another you know it's like policeman A knows he's doing it

policeman B doesn't know so he got arrested for accessing child pornography and you know when this excuse me no I am but I was researching this thing well if you look he never uh was charged with anything he was he was acquitted as part of his plea deal he has to register I think is a as a sex offender but he didn't do anything he did exactly what he said he would do but that's that it's just that third rail of behavior it's just like nah kids don't care yeah as opposed to Gary Glitter who was actually up to stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. If you've ever seen Mr. Glitter's neighborhood, it's a children's show. A raincoat is an outfit in your neighborhood. But yeah, but poor Pete Townsend was just guilty of being a dumb, naive rock starling. Let the police do that.

Yeah. Yeah. The police handle that. Yeah. I think they've got much more advanced methods than you. I love when people get so out of touch. Like, if you ever read the book Elvis, what happened? Like, towards the end, like, the Vegas, like, he would literally, like, pull the car over

and move, like, think he'd moved clouds with his hands. Like, it was really, I love it. It's so, like, Elvis in the early 70s and Howard Hughes in the 70s, when it gets so got so gothic and baroque and just bizarre and just the depths of depravity and debauchy that these people fall into. I can't get enough of it. Now, somebody told me that Judy Garland, forget it. I mean, she was totally gone for years in her later years.

And according, I don't know why, but she used to shit in a bucket. this guy told you. Yeah, I know I know of an actress. This shows taking a strange turn. We'll be talking about lady from Shanghai. Wow. How do we get back to Dwight Fry?

We'll talk about the bicycle. Dorothy wanted a toilet. The lion wanted courage. And Judy Galen wanted courage to shit in a toilet. I know of an actress. of popular actress who would only

wipe her backside with baby wipes but wouldn't put them into the toilet in her trailers so she would throw them into the shower stall in those little trailers and the PA's job was to after she used it they would have to go in

and clean up all these baby wipes oh yeah I'll tell you and who's this actress I'll tell you I don't get she is alive I don't want to get sued will be besiege by request. Could she be described as a

pretty woman? Or a golden girl perhaps? No, I'll tell you after. I don't. Get us sued. Go ahead. I don't want to get sued. Was it Susan Anton? No. Just wanted to see. Oh, because she was golden girl. Yes.

That's why I was going. Was she a funny girl? It rhymes with mailer mift, but I really don't want to put mine. Let's get back on the train here, Dana. Does it rhyme with Hittney Bears? It rhymes with Blischel Blah Blahma, but I can't tell you who it is.

Some shows go so off the rail so quickly. Beriana Blondy. All right. I found this interesting. thing, I listen to a couple of podcast interviews with you. I'm going to stay on the cards no matter what it takes.

He's like Trump on the teleprompter. He's going to hammer this thing out. That's it. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. And now back to the show. I found this interesting. I did not know. I never thought of this.

Was it? Pone Horford. I'll come now. What was that one? Pone Horford. Oh, okay. Louise Lucille Lussure? Was that not her real name? Joan Crawford?

Yes, yes, Louise Lussure. Was it, Hedy Vavis? I've lost control. Narolin and... It was the way of ventriloquist dummy, says Marilyn Monroe. Narelin and Marlon. These would all make great. Drew Friedman strips, by the way, wouldn't they?

We were talking about Drew before we turned the mics on. I didn't know. I never thought of the moment. What movie were you in with this actress? I've never worked with it. This was a PA told me, like, the worst thing. And what movie was you working on? No, I was just a show.

She's a TV actress. And it was just PA, I was like, what was the worst, like, who's the biggest asshole, worst thing you ever heard? And it was like, this was the worst thing that I. never heard about. So she would just... It could have just... This could be

one of those apocryphal stories like Stilvastas Stallone getting a blowjob and his mic is still on. You know that one? Oh yeah, sure. We've heard that one. It would have been funny if the voice came like, cut the bulls, struck the shift.

Now I'll say you my name. Zildesstallone. Who is he in there with? By the way, every story we tell on this show is an apocryful story. He's in there with Moms Mabley. Boy, oh boy. He's in there with Peg Bracken He's in there with Peg Bracken

Arnold Stang is giving Arnold Thorham Blanchard Oh, Arnold Sports I think Arnold's getting plumbed by Arnold Stang Now you said

Dwight Fry I heard Dwight Fry was a Christian scientist And that is why he died If I was probably a preventable heart attack Oh he didn't want to go to a doctor He didn't want to a bus Did he not?

Died on a bus going to work at the aircraft He was a toolmaker. Yeah, yeah, at Douglas Aircraft or something down in Laguna Beach or something, yeah. And I think his last words were very underrated actor.

He was terrific. Renfield, we should explain. He was Renfield in the original Dracula. He was Fritz, the hunchback in the original Frankenstein. And then he came back as Carl. In Bride of Frankenstein, yes. Very good.

And he, especially in Dracula, which is not a great movie. Yeah. The first 10, 15 minutes sets up every trope of every horror movie you will see for the rest of your life. Oh, yes. But then it's a play, it's a film play, it's very boring. There are parts of Dracula where you go, wow, this, I mean, where there are actual camera shots. Yeah.

Where you go, wow, this could have been, it's not like they didn't have the talent to do it. But I think somewhere along the way you said, no. No, we just, the studio said, you know, we want just the play. Yeah, yeah, I think Todd Browning, who directed it was kind of over it by then, and because he was a giant director in the, he, he directed all of Lanchini Sr.'s great films. And I think he was just over it by that time. And it was like, whatever. And I believe I might be mistaken, but I believe Carl Freund was the DP.

Yeah, he was the cinematatial. Right. And he was, like, anything that's good in that movie was him. And he later directed, I think, Mark of the Vampire, which is a lot of those things. But, like, Belloe, all the roles, Helen Chandler, David Manners, they're all very sweaty and stagebound and very that over the top. Can you say I love you? Yes, sure.

But Dwight Fry gives a very modulated, moderate, modern performance. Like, in the opening scene where Bellegos goes, he goes, Mr. Renfield. And he just goes, it's good to see you. Like, it's a very genuine laugh because he's just behaving like a regular guy. And like Lagosie, they, he was the absolute last choice. Yeah. And without Lagosie, can you imagine what an awful film I would have? Yeah, it was, it was nothing.

And yeah, that, LaGosie is one of these, could not buy a fucking break. No. With a get a break free card. No, no. I could not get your goddamn break. He went right from AILA Star to immediately Z level. Yeah. And I think it was, well, I don't know what it was.

I assume when he turned down Frankenstein, people just thought the guy who ran Universal. Oh, Lemley. Carl Lemley. Yeah, I just thought, well, he's a pain in the ass. Screw it. Yeah. And then when Carlisleff came in like, all right, we'll use Carl off instead. And that's why that scene in Ed Wood is so brilliant when Martin Landau just is standing in the swamp with a rubber octopus.

And he just goes, you know. I turn down Frankenstein. I don't think you really said that, but it's so beautiful when he does that whole monologue. And that's one of those moments that movie where I did

have like a transcendent moment. Like I'm watching a movie about Ed Wood and Bella Legosi is talking about turning down Frankenstein and it's beautiful. It's really well. Who made? How did this get made?

It's like, to paraphrase Andy Kindler, like, the target audience of this movie is men my age who are me. It's a great film. We've had Scott and Larry here. Yeah, they're, since seeing that movie, they've become really good friends of mine. And it's, but like that specific movie is not lost. Did you ever see another movie they were involved in autofocus? Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, with Greg Kinnear.

The scene with a guy who looks just like Clink. Yes. is feeling the girl's tits in Hogan's fantasy. I'm just like, this is really happening. The guy who looks like Colonel Klink is having a sex fantasy of Bob Craigs. It's so insane that these things. And, you know, again, like nothing is crazier than what really happens. Yeah, it's like the two main Nazis would Jews.

Klingk escaped Germany. Yeah. Burn a Klemperer. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah, they escaped. His, yeah, his father was

Otto Klempra who was a very popular composer. Yeah, that's right, right, yeah. And John Banner, who was Schultz, he was actually in the camps with his parents. I did not know that. I didn't know that either.

And somehow they didn't have it as organized and it was the beginning of the concentration camps. And they somehow survived it. And what is interesting is that you couldn't do that show today, but you could do it in 1966, even though the people that were there at the time actually experienced it. Like we don't know, we didn't know one around today, you know, that would be involved in creating this show, has any firsthand experience with Nazis concentration camps of World War II. But you couldn't do that show. Yeah. Back then, everybody was in World War II or knew people and remembered it, but they could do that show then.

It's amazing how that. Yeah. Some of the people just after 50 years went, you know, the Nazis really were bad. Now you forget his name already. The French guy. Robert Clary. Robert Clary. His parents, his whole family were killed.

I did not know that. Yeah. Well, you know, it's the weird thing is what the, this is, I don't know what the decision on this was, but, you know, in the concentration. In the camps, they used ovens. So would it clink use the cooler? They'll just go in the opposite direction entirely. You'll just be, everyone's so cold. That's the problem.

I used to do that Hogan's Heroes bit in your act. Oh, yes. About the pitching the series. I used to say, how did one guy walk into a network when they go, here's the idea. A group of soldiers and a Nazi prison camp. It's a comedy. Doesn't the guy say, give me,

26? Yeah. We should get Al Ruddy. You know Al Ruddy produced the Godfather and also Hogan's Heroes. Oh, I didn't know he also produced Hogan's Heroes. And there's not a lot of people still alive. Clary's still alive, but all the rest of the cast is gone. Yeah.

The Hogan's Heroes cast. But that is so weird. And I still watch them. Do you watch them on Me TV? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it's, yeah, those, like a lot of stuff, you watch it now. And that almost uniquely is insane.

You look at it now. Oh, my God. It's like. How, there's certain things that are so, there's a, again, and also, in the early Bond, Connery Bond movies. Yeah. He's a serial rapist. Oh, yes. And Thunderball, he out and out rapes a woman.

He goes into a steam room and she's in there. And she goes, oh, no, Mr. Bond. And he just stands in front of the door and shuts it and goes, oh, yes. And close the door. Well, at a certain point in between 1965 and today, rape went from being this thing that cool guys did. You were talking last week. We were talking about the Matt Helm pictures and the Coburn picture, the Flint picture. Gilbert was remarking about how incredibly sexist they were.

They're insane. I'm not some big feminist by any means. I watch those and I go, wow, this is really. It's insane. And, you know, and that's... And then the movie, they just go on with it. Like, the woman never shows up later with a bunch of cops. That's him!

In the tuxedo and the jet pack. Did you have sex with her after she said no? Well, you might say I got home with a pressing engagement. I can't stay mad at you. Guy court. He's so good with those puns. How can I convict him? Yeah.

Well, Ian Fleming, who wrote the Bond Books, was incredibly... He said in one of the books, or in an interview, like, every woman enjoys a soft rape or something like that and incredibly racist, you know, in all of the books. The book, Live and Let Die, might as well have been written by David Duke. I mean, it's so brutally racist. And it's, you know, it was not, you know, it was within our lifetime that this stuff was just common. It's so funny that we were talking like how when Hogan Sears was Hassan, it was really like, like the Holocaust was an hour away. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it was not long ago. No, and I don't know if it, because it was so recently that people were, like, it hadn't sunk in yet that they were still in shock, like a post-cultural shock. What's 20 years, yeah, 65. Yeah, yeah. If people were still, like, in shock about it in the way that, like, people, like, you know, they wouldn't, you know, people that people that served in World War II, like, didn't talk about it. I guess, you know, and then one day just before they died, you know, I saw the guy's head off. Anyway. What else did you watch growing up, you're from Massachusetts?

Yeah. What did you watch as a kid? You know, all the same stuff. My favorite shows, I loved, you know, I started, the original Star Trek was a big part of my childhood because I was a very chaotic house. I had four brothers and a sister. It was just always chaos. I think there have been two occasions in my life from my entire family

and I sat at the dinner table at the same time. It was just people came and went and my parents were drunk all the time and my brothers were drunk all the time. It was really just madness. But every night at 6, Star Trek was on. And so, like, that was, not to get too, like, airy-fairy, but it was like, that was a great...

I needed some kind of stability. And that was like, Star Trek's on at 6 on Channel 56. Wow. Yeah, and Creature Double Features on Saturday from 12 to 4. Do you have Karloff's Chiller, too? Yeah, we had Chiller.

I was a... Thriller. Thriller. Thriller. Thriller, Twilight Zone was big. Boris Carlo. Yeah. Did you have a local...

Night gallery was big? Night gallery. We've talked about night gallery. Now, both thriller, which I hadn't seen for years. They're out now. As I was a kid. Now they're on TV. We're on DVD, too.

And they don't hold up. No. It was not as good as... Alfred Hitchcock Presents is pretty good. Perry Mason. holds up like, like a, although none of those trials, every one of those trials is a mistrial. Oh, of course. You can't stand up and go, I did it.

Yeah. There's a procedure. You know what drives me nuts is those things look dopey enough in the old courtroom shows and courtroom movies. Yeah. And then they come out with a few good men. And Jack Nicholson goes, you know, I did it. I killed it.

And I thought, what? This is what I've been sitting for two hours to find out? There's that other movie, Black Rain. No, there's some movie where Sean Connery. Sean Connery is researching a murder in Japan or something. I think it's Black Rain. And it literally ends with like Michael Douglas. And the end of the movie goes, he did it.

And then the guy goes like, I didn't do it. He did it. And that's the end of the movie. God. And but you know some, oh, I remember even as a kid, there was some night galleries I kind of like, but I always thought they don't hold it. Oh, they don't. Although the Roddy McDowell one is scary. Oh, that's that pilot. Portify. Come here, partify.

That's pretty terrifying. Yeah, the pilot episode's good. It was written by, yeah, written by Rod Serling. Stephen Spielberg directed one of those segments. Yeah, that's the one. Oh, Richard Kylie is the Nazi. who's trying to escape. And Joan Crawford.

And Tom Bosley. Phone Borford. Yeah. Phone Borford is. Went through a lot of baby wipes. But all of those, the night calorie ones, when I watch those, that

is everything that was wrong with 70s TV. Yes. Yes. And they're really cursed by, like, Artie Johnson is the devil. Bert Convey is a Vietnam War veteran. who becomes a tree or something.

Well, they had one big scary story about either a haunted house or the devil that as a married couple was Bob Crane and Hogan Sears and Joanne Worley. And that's the one of the, you see the shadow typing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually met Roddy McDowell. My friend was a very good friend of his and actually owns the Lawgiver statue, the nine-foot ape statue. from planning to the 8th. My friend, my friend Brian owns that.

And he was very good friends with Roddy and I actually have a picture of myself and Roddy McDowell in front of that statue. Oh. My friend Brian took. And he was famous for being like everyone's friend. Like he would do like,

he would have parties and you go like, you know, Gregory Peck, Fred Grandy from the Love Boat. You both play backgammon. You know, and he would. He would mix and match people, and everybody loved Roder McTalel. He was everybody's friend. And he lived in this beautiful house, and right across the street was the guy that owns Los Angeles Angeles, the cowboy. Gene Autry.

Gene Autry lived right across the street. And they both died on the same day. Wow. In 1998. I didn't know that. And then a person bought the house of Marty Mattau, and then we bought it from him. So we lived there for years and years and years. not haunted

wherever he went he's happy he was there but there's a picture of me and Roddy McDowell in front of the Planet of the Apes loggerer statue hanging in his old house

that's cool that's cool we had Ileana Douglas on the show she also told me stories about going to his house a lot of yeah she told me

a lot of stories about going there and perfect segue Dr. Zayas yes we didn't play no but that was another

famous British Queen Maurice 7 But since we're talking about Planet of the Apes, there's some wonderful clips on the internet of you. I have to do Roddy first. Oh, he was... Roddy from that night gallery. Portify. Come here, Portify.

What's amazing in battle for the Planet of the Apes, where he manages to be a furious, angry military leader and incredibly Faye at the same time. Fight like apes. And I actually thought in the new Andy Circus movies that they should still have given him Roddy McDowell's voice, like even though he's his big photo-realistic champ. He's like, Caesar is home. We must fight the humans. Was Arthy Davis in that night gallery episode? Yes, he was Port-a-Foy.

And Greg Nicotero, who if you watch The Walking Dead, you see his name on the credits. He's the executive producer of The Walking Dead, one of the big directors. He paid an artist to do a copy of that painting and has another painting with the body coming out of the cemetery. Remember that? Oh, yes. He's a painting of the cemetery. And he has it in his house, and then occasionally he'll just switch them out to see if his kids notice. Oh, wow.

That's funny. And I saw you in that short film he made where you played Lonchaney Jr. I played Lonchaney, yeah, I played the transformation. Yeah, Greg's a good buddy of mine. And I was in the middle of doing a pilot for ABC, and Greg called me, I said, hey, I'm going to direct the short movie. I had worked on it with him, so I knew what he was doing. And he said, do you want to be in it? And I said, this is the week I'm producing.

I can't do it. We're in production. He goes, I really wanted you to play The Wolfman. We're going to do a transformation like they did in the 40s. And I literally, like, moved the production of days. You should see it, Gil, it's funny. And to do it because it's like, how do you not do that? Oh, my God, yeah.

And it's itchy as hell. It's itchy as hell. You know what's funny about it? No wonder a lawn drank. Even when I was a kid and I'd watch these transformers, I knew how they did it. I could figure it out. But I think there's still so much. much more effective than when they do the computerized morphing.

I heard the most brilliant thing, and it's attributed to Roger Ebert, and I just heard it the other day, and it's actually something that I hammered home on Stand Against Evil, because that's 98% practical effects. And that's that it was about stop motion animation. It's like King Kong. Yeah. Stop motion looks fake, but feels real. Yes.

CGI looks real, but feels fake. That's interesting. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's so brilliant. That's exactly. I can always tell, even the best CGI I can tell. Because with King Kong, I mean, that was like the most primitive stop action.

And I mean, as a kid, I knew exactly. It was a miniature doll. And yet, when you watch that, you know you could touch King. King Kong. And you don't feel like in the new King Kong movies, you can't touch that. Yeah, it's not tactile. There's no tactile. And you know what's funny when you look at the original King Kong, it looks like his fur is moving?

Yes. That's the animator's thumb. That's when they grab the armature to move it. It's his thumb prints. And they got great. People started praising them saying, what a brilliant idea to have his hair. stand on hand in those scenes. And my friend, Bob Burns, owns

King Kong, the 18-inch armature. Oh, we got to get Bob on the show. How's he doing? Bob's good. He's doing. He's actually doing it very well. He is. We should talk to Bob Burns. I was wondering how he was doing, because I'd love to talk to Bob. You can Skype him or come out. I don't know if he's flying anywhere soon. We'll do a Skype with him.

Yeah, I could set that up for it. I would love to talk to him. Oh, Bob's the best. Bob is great. Bob's great and stories out and he'll tell you stories about Juan Cheney Jr. stuff he told me

this story the most amazing thing that I've ever happened like one of those I know Bob very well you know I'm a monster guy and I'm in the monster circles

I don't know how I don't know I don't know you know who Forrest Ackerman was or you don't exactly or Heidi Saha if you know what that is the girl with the yellow eyes. She was this 14, 13 year old girl that they did a photo book

about. It was kiddie porn. Yes, and Isaac Asma was like, I love her. She's wonderful. They had her in like a loincloth. It was insane. It is this crazy anomaly that you, it's like that you couldn't do. It was acceptable child porn. Yes, and it was literally like,

what a lucky chair to have been sat in by Heidi Saha. Oh, yes. But you either know these people or not. At Bob Burns' house, I have held in my hand the flying saucer, Bob Burns, I've held in my hand, Joan Crawford's Bush. The flying saucer that Ed Woodard of shit from Judy Garland. I held in my hand. The flying saucer from Plan 9 from outer space. Oh, wow.

That's cool. You can see the holes drilled into it. You can see the square that they glued on the bottom to make it match the set. And I remember he told a story that when La Cheney Jr. died, nobody wanted to bother to talk about him. No. And I think, yeah, he, you know, gathered a lot of enemies over the years because he was a drunk and everything. But he went over to Glenn Strange's house. Yeah, Glenn Strange was like Bob Burns' dad, really.

Yeah. Like you, they were, they were profoundly close. And Bob as a young man, because for people who don't know, like, in Abbott and Costell, I mean Frankenstein, House of Frankenstein, House of Dracula, Frankenstein Monsters, Glenn Strange. A lot of the images that people have in their mind of Frankenstein is actually Glenn Strange, not Boris Karloff. Yes. He was also the bartender on gunsmith. Yes, he was. When I was a kid, I remember that. Boris Karloff died and the New York Times had a picture of Glenn Strange. Oh, that's depressing.

I remember that. But, but. Oh, here's one of these things I'm very proud of knowing, even though I think old monster geeks know this. In Abedon Costello meet Frankenstein, there's one part where Frankenstein throws the girls through the window, and that's Lonchini Jr. Yeah, it was Lonchaney Jr. Yeah. Glenn Strange had sprained his ankle or something. And there's really, there's, have you seen that there's outtakes of that movie on YouTube? There's a, there's a, there's a real of outtakes of Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein on YouTube that you can see.

Yeah. There's three really fascinating things. One, is the scene where Abbott sits on, no, Costello sits on Glenn Strange and starts, which is so insane to see. And then there's another one, you just see every time Lou Costello messes up. you just see Lon Cheney like shrugging go back to one like he's so over it he's not entertained by Lou Costello at all and you can hear all the like people who have to be there and he couldn't get and then there's one where Lou Costello says the most insanely sexist thing to the actress in the scene

where it I'm going to paraphrase it but it's something to the effect of he steps on her line or something he goes I'm sorry and she goes it's okay it goes okay and then he says something like the only time it's going to be

okay is when you say go and then it's okay and you just hang on oh it's like she's just like smiles and it's also

awful awful what was the name of I forget his name avid and Costello's friend that they hired

to be a kibitzer right I know the guy you're talking about the guy that plays Mr. McDougal no no

it's not Mr. McDougal but he does pop up in the movie. Uh-huh. He's like some little... What are you talking about?

Not Bobby Barber. Oh, that could be. The little bald guy that was in the series? I don't know. The one Drew's obsessed with Bobby Barber. I find that hard to believe. Yes, I know you do. They hired him to keep the levity up on the show.

Oh, that's fantastic. And it's like you see him like where Lagosi's doing a scene and he sneaks up behind Legosi with a cape around this face and Lagosi just kind of looks over and it's like you know if I were there too I'd feel like can we film this and get the fuck home

57 I'm a morphine addict just go home and shoot up please I heard you do on a podcast about horror comedies with Malton with Leonard Malton but you have oh no I did Leonard show

you did Leonard show yeah I was talking about horror comedy Would you call that the most, would you call Avin Costello and Meade Frankenstein, the most successful of that? Yeah, and I've been talking about this a lot because of Stand Against Evil, because there's, there's, there are, there are comedies that are set in the world of horror, like Abbott and Costello and Mead Frankenstein, and then there are horror films that have comedy in them, and they're different. Yes. And, you know, what, I think Abbott and Costell and Me Frankenstein and young Frankenstein are probably the two. two most famous horror comedies. And a movie that brought this up with Leonard Malton that I think is painfully, painfully,

underrated is the Ghost of Mr. Chicken, which is a Don Knott's film that has every character actor in the 60s in it. And it's really funny, frame one to the end of the credits. It's a great. I haven't seen it in years. But it's sort of an outgrowth of the Griffith show. Absolutely. And it's, Don Knott's is firing on all cylinders.

It's really funny. It's really great. Then there are things like an American werewolf in London, which is a horror movie. Yes. But it's funny. Yeah. Because the people in the horror movie are behaving sort of normally instead of in the heightened way that a horror film requires. But the horror is not aware that there's comedy going on.

Like the scary stuff is scary. Yeah. And that's what stand against evil is. It's basically a sitcom that's trapped in a horror movie. But we've been talking about that a lot. But it's hard because there are 7 trillion ways to do it wrong, and that happens all the time. You know what gets me is like after airplane and naked gun, people would watch these movies and go, oh, okay, I think I get it now. I'll make my own like that, and they're always horrible.

Yeah, they're always awful Saturday the 14th being a great example of a terrible movie. Directed by Richard Benjamin, who's no dummy. Oh, yeah. But it doesn't work. And made some good movies, like my favorite year. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it's weird that they should work and then there's movies like Beetlejuice, which on paper shouldn't work. Yeah.

And it does work. And but. Or Ghostbusters, which shouldn't really work. And I remember they used to try to hire, they used to figure, well, we'll get Leslie Nielsen. And then we'll have a, we'll just do stuff that people recognize. Yeah, they did a fugitive parody. Oh, yes. And 2001 a space travesty.

Is that a movie? Oh, you owe it to yourself to see it. Zero laugh back. I think there's an exorcist. I think he did one called Repossessed. Yes, with Linda Blair. And then Dracula dead and loving it, which, you know, it's like that's, we all kind of look away.

Yeah. Yeah, that's one of those movies that you don't. Well, no. Yeah, you don't have to have it. You don't have to make a movie. Well, you know, here, you know, we talked about Ed Wood, which is, I think, should be enshrined in the National Mall. Like, that movie is so brilliant and so beautiful. Every performance is great.

And just every frame is beautiful in that movie. And Tim Burton clearly, it resonated with him. And I think it paralleled his relationship with Vincent Price in a very strange way. And I ended up living that movie. I'll tell you that later. And then he makes dark shadows and Planet of the Apes. It's like, how can you hit it so hard and then miss it so thoroughly? You're clearly brilliant.

What happens? I don't know. Maybe it wasn't on the page. Yeah, I don't get it. But I was a big fan of all that, you know, Edward and Drew, you know, You know, that whole world was sort of like, I was into it as everybody else. And wanted to, I had a show. The only job I've ever been qualified to do that I've ever wanted to do is host horror movies.

Oh, yes. You know, and I have friends at Turner Classic movies. I'm like, let me do it. I'll just fly me down once a month. We'll knock out four of them. Oh, yeah. I'll do it. You don't have to pay me.

Yeah. I just want to do it. Well, we got to run out of the, you know. It's just like I did On USA? I, well, USA, but I also was on The Essentials Turn of Classic movies with Robert Osborne.

Right. And I picked four movies and we talked. And I remember, you know, I got some money for it. Yeah, no, a tremendous amount. But I thought, they're paying me for this? Yeah, yeah. To me, I felt like I would gladly sit with Robert Osborne We had him here.

Yeah. Yeah, he was terrific. Well, yeah. Eliana does a great job, too, by the way. Yes. On TC. Ben Mancowicz just interviewed me as Dr. Zayas in front of Planet of the Apes. Which I'll have to send you the link because it only aired in theaters, but I did it.

They did it because they showed Planet of the Apes in theaters. Yeah. And I have, because of Greg Nicotero, I have access to that makeup. And I had done it before on YouTube. I did, it was a sketch I wrote for the Ben Stiller show and we got canceled before I got a chance to do it, but it was Dr. Zeyas doing Mark Twain tonight. It's great. And so it's on YouTube, and then he goes, could we interview

you as Dr. Zazas? I did it like I was on Merv. I was just talking. He was, well, I was do, how did I get the film? I was doing with six you get egg roll at the Pasadena playoffs with a very young Lindsay Wagner who's a delight. And you need to get her on this show.

You know, just like those, Suzanne Fleshette, who's a love? She's, you know, she lives in Ohio now, has horses. I see her occasionally. But so, long story longer, I saw Ed Wood. I was so fascinated by that. And I had a friend of a friend knew Mila Nirmie, who was Vampira. And I interviewed her for this thing I did on the sci-fi channel called The Big Scary Movie Show that was hosting horror movies for Halloween week in 1996 or seven. And I became very good friends with Mila Nirmie.

We became very close. And ended up basically recreating Ed Wood's relationship with Bell Legosi. I took care of her for the last 15 years of her life and, you know, ended up moving her into another apartment and, you know, it's kind of taking care of her. But it was funny. It was like I was a fan of that movie and then I lived that movie. I would get those 12 o'clock phone calls.

I think there's someone breaking into that. No, it's a raccoon. When Larry and Scott were on this show, they were a problem, child. Yeah. And I asked them, said, I see a connection with Problem Child and every movie you've done after that. There's some sort of weird connection. What's the connection?

Well, in some ways, number one, that they were like totally disrespected at the Problem Child, even though it was so popular. And so the idea of being like a joke in the business, but still being popular. And so they follow that with, you know, movies like Ed Wood or like, eyes, which were popular. Oh, big eyes, yeah. Paintings, but everyone looked down on them. And, well, the original, Edward was originally supposed to be directed by Michael Lehman,

who had written Hudson, who had directed Hudson Hawk. That was a huge bomb. Oh, my God. Yeah, Bruce. Right. And they wanted to do the people who wrote the most critically lamb-baseded movie of the year and the guy who directed the biggest bomb of the year are going to make a biopic about the worst director of all time.

That was like the Joker. originally. And then they brought Tim in to produce it to get it made. And then Tim read it and said, oh, I think I might want to direct this. But he had a pay or play at Columbia to do a movie called Mary Riley

with Bula Broberts. Oh, yes. With Hula Hobbich. Yeah. And he goes and he said literally it was like, well, see what you can do. So they wrote the script and he literally like Tim had like If you can get me a script in six weeks, that's the end of my window for Mary Riley.

And Larry says, I came home one day, and I read the script. And I was on Friday night, and I came home. There's a message on my answering machine. It was like, Larry, it's Tim. I read the script. I love it. This is going to be my next movie. I'm going to tell Columbia I'm passing on Mary Riley, and I have no notes.

Wow. And that was it. And they basically shot the first draft. It just existed in a state of grace, that whole project. That whole thing, and then basically they shot the first draft with a couple changes just to accommodate Bill Murray's schedule. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. And, oh, I remember when I said that to Scott and Larry about the connection with the problem, Charlie, they both said that's absolutely true. Oh, wow, that's really funny.

Well, Misfits. Films about Misfits. Yeah, well, OJ is a perv misunderstood. A problem child. And they wanted to make problem child basically into kind of a horror movie. Yeah, yeah. Well, the weirdest story of that is, and this is going back, do you remember a movie My Stepmother is an Alien?

Sure. Oh, yes, yes. Sure, with Dan Aykroyd and Kim Basinger. That book was about John Lovitz, I think, was in it? I think so. The book was originally about a kid whose stepmother was a beautiful. abusive. And in his mind, he had to rationalize that she was an alien. And that was the only way he could get through it. Like he created this. And it was a very dark, serious movie about a kid that created a fantasy to allow him to stay in reality that people do. And they went, we got a better idea. She's really an alien. And it's like- And the thing is, that story you just told me, I said, I was thinking, I'd be fascinated to see that movie.

Yeah. Because the way the movie turned out, it's one of the old-time worst. Yeah, yeah, totally. I think that's Richard Benjamin again. It's a great example of not knowing where the scary stuff starts and the comedy lives. You know, I think Mars attacks would be much funnier if you took the aliens from Mars attacks and edited them. into Independence Day? Yes.

If the humans are playing it straight as a heart attack and the aliens were funny, it's a much better movie than Jack Nicholson trying to be funny in a fake nose and a cowboy suit. Yeah, I remember when I watched Mars attacks, it seemed like I was getting annoyed that everyone's being so goofy and like, look at me, I'm so funny.

It's the ingredients of a joke without it being a joke. It's like if I gave you a bowl of flour with an egg in it and said, I made you a cake. Yes. No, this is what you need to make a cake, but it's not a cake. But that's a movie you really want to work with those people in it and Larry and Scott's involvement and everything, just all the elements are there. Yeah, it's just like you've got to know, and Dark Shadow's is the same thing.

You either know how to tell a joke, you don't. Somebody has to be funny and somebody has to be, you need a funny man and a straight man. Somebody needs to be normal and somebody needs to be not normal. But it worked in Beetlejuice, so you can't criticize them. Because Beetlejuice is the same goddamn thing, but it works. It's just like when they were making airplane, the studio said, like, let's get a bunch of comedians. And they said, no, let's get totally straight actors who look like they don't know they're in a comedy. Right.

That's exactly right. The only reason that movie works. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And just the other thing, and it's like Young Frankenstein, too. And there's just a joke every seven seconds. Yeah.

I mean, it's just boom, boom, boom, boom, which you really need. So your career goal is really to be a horror host. Yeah, well, it's the only thing I know how to do. Did you have a horror host, a local one in Massachusetts growing up? Well, we had FEP. That was before I was born, but I knew about FEP. My brothers talked about FEP. I have older brothers that were into all this stuff, so I know about stuff more than I should for my age.

You know, I was like, I know a lot about Dark Shadows because it was on in my house. every day when I was four and five years old. Dan Curtis. Dan Curtis. Yeah. Grumpy Dan Curtis. I've got a story about that one. Oh, do you remember those fucking awful horror TV movies that Dan Curtis made?

Trilogy of Terror with Karen Black and the Zuni finished all. That one's great. He also made that horrible. Charles Jack Palance, Dr. Jewell said that is terrible. Where he looked like Mr. Hyde in either way. Can he do Palances, Dracula? And he did Jack Palances Dracula, too. Yes.

And he would use the Dark Shadow's music. Yeah. Robert Colbert was the guy's name because we used it as the temp track on Stand Against Evil. Stand Against Evil looks like it was made in 1973. That was intentional. They have old cop car. It's not set in 1973. They have the Internet and they have cell phones, but they have old console televisions and old cop cars.

I just wanted it to feel like when Michael calls. I wanted it to feel like one of those. Oh, I know. Speaking of Ben Gazzara. That's a creepy movie. Yeah, when Michael calls it's really creepy. Antim I, Helen. But, yeah, Dan Curtis, but he also made The Nightstocker, which is a great TV movie.

Yes. Yeah. And he made the Nightstocker. He didn't direct it. He produced it. And it was a huge hit, biggest, highest rated TV movie in history up to that point. They had no idea it was going to be this big. So the next year they made the Knights.

Strangler. Dan Curtis fires the director, John Willow and Moxie. It says, I'm going to direct this myself. I'm going to direct this myself. And the night's show was basically a shot for shot remake of the night soccer with another monster in it. It's literally as if he had, like, you know, do

this. And then he did it. But he was such, supposedly, such an a hole that on the last night they're shooting, it's a night shot, he was yelling at some poor crew member that, you know, just punching down. And apparently, Darren McGovern, just it, fuck this, you got it.

And he went home, and that was it. Wow. And when they picked it up as a TV series, he said, I'm only going to do it if Dan Curtis isn't involved. And that's why Dan Curtis wasn't on the TV series. Universal Road to Mechek. And Darren McGavin produced it. Makes you like Darren and Gavin even more.

I like him anyway. Yeah. But he was yelling at some crew guy and he's like, fuck you. So you met Roddy McDowell. You met Merv. I met everybody. And you met Vincent Price. I did meet Vincent Price.

Which you have to tell, Gil. He came to my acting class in the University of Massachusetts. It was one day we just logged in and Vincent Price was in the class. It was the craziest thing I'd ever seen in my life. And he just, you know, gassed on for a while. I remember I first met Vincent Price on the Allen Thick show, Thick of the night. And then years later, I was at some horror convention doing something. And Vincent Price was there

And I went over to him and I said Look, you probably won't remember this But we met on the Alan Thick show And he goes Oh yes, that was a terrible show Okay I'll see your Alan Thick story And I'll add a wrinkle

I did stand up at the Saturn Awards Yeah Which is the sci-fi awards And I used to do a Vincent Price bit, and it was just basically how to do a Vincent Price impression, which is he has two voices, the smooth voice, and then he spazes out. He's like, I understand your car broke down. I insist that you stay here with us tonight. Don't talk to any of the paintings. You know, he had to change gears.

So I'm working at the Simpsons at the time. And sometimes during lunch, I just to get out of the office, I'd go down to the tour. Toys R Us on Pico and La Sienega and just, you know, mope around and look at toys. And I swear to God, this is true. I hear, oh, you're the comedian. You did Vincent Price at the Saturn Awards. And I turned around, and it was Mark Hamill. Oh, my God.

That's fun. And he was there. I didn't know he was there. And he goes, I know Vincent Price. And so this is me doing Mark Hamill telling me his Vincent Price story that's very similar to your story. You know, I've been in a lot of movies that aren't that good, you know, and I'm a fan of the tingler. I love the tingler. And when I met Vincent Price, I said, I love the tingler.

And he said, isn't that a marvelous piece of rubbish? And, you know, when people tell me they're like, like Corvette Summer, I go, isn't that a marvelous piece of rubbish? That's great. Yeah, that's Mark Hamill telling you Vincent Price story. All right, so this is the perfect segue for this. To my Albert Brooks, a Stanley Kubrick story? Take that, sir. All right, Gilbert.

Okay. What's the missing price impressions are so good. We did this with Michael McKean and Gilbert. By the way, a delight. A lovely guy. Michael McKeown. Great episode. So we'll call this what we called the segment the last time we did it.

What was the name, Frankie? price comparison that'll work price comparison the tacky title for this but the impressions are so good

that I think our fans would enjoy hearing dueling Vincent Price's so Gilbert you want to start now are we doing is he doing the whole thing and then I'm doing the whole thing

yeah okay we should as Vincent Price too saying something stupid like I love you let's Let's try the actual dialogue first. Can we get those lyrics?

Then we stay in line. And most of all, I'm sorry that I'm saying something stupid, like I love you. My Don Knott's, I used to do a bit about Don Nott's where his voice was so specific that he couldn't make obscene phone calls. And they're like, you know, he'd like to, he's up at 2 in the morning, he's in a dirty bathrobe. I've been looking at you through the bedroom window. Is this Don Naut? Damn it.

Years later, I met his daughter, I met his daughter, Karen. Yeah. Who's great. He was really sweet. And she goes, I love that bit you do about my dad. Have you heard it? Well, here's what we'll do. Gilbert, you do yours.

Dana will do his, and then we'll combine them. Okay, great. Go ahead, Gil. Perhaps your hands will shake, and he too will die under your knife. A few remaining minutes are all you have Because when the acid reaches him He will have a face like mine Do you know where you are, Bartolome?

I'll tell you where you are You're about to enter hell, Bartolomey Hell! The nether world, the infernal region. Look at the giant bush. the abode of the damned The place of torment Pandemonium

Abadon Tuffet Gehenna Naraka the pit And the pendulum But before you die I have to tell you

The best art work Is still on sale At Sears That's fantastic Frank Find the lyrics To say something stupid The Sinatra's song

The Sinatra song Okay, but since you mentioned the tingler, go ahead, we'll do this one too. Okay. So, guys talk about the tingler today. Yours was from Fibs, and Dana's was from obviously Pitschengel. By the way, the two Dr. Fibbs movies are fantastic. So, again, like, really need to be, don't remake them, just re-release it or gain them up.

They're great. They're so, like, that is the movie that Tim Burton should be making. Yeah. You know, Dr. Fives. Theater of blood's pretty good, too. Nine killed her and nine will die. Yes, that's it. The Diana Rigg,

maybe one of the most beautiful women ever just walk the earth inner prime. All right, Gil. Start us off, and then you see how it works, and then you'll do the bottom part in stereo. Great. We'll do it together. Ladies and gentlemen, a word of warning,

if you are not convinced that you have a tingler of your own, The next time you're frightened in the dark, don't scream. The tingler exists in every human being we now know. Look at that tingler, Dave. It's an ugly and dangerous thing. Ugly because it's the creation of man's fear. Dangerous because...

Because a frightened man is dangerous. And now together? together? Ladies and gentlemen, please do not panic, but scream. Scream for your lives. If only he was alive to know what was going on. I was thinking the same thing. Fantastic. I have, do you have his cookbook? I have somebody. He had like a cookbook. He was Have you seen the electronic trivia game? Are you familiar with that? Oh, did you find those lyrics?

No, I used to have the box for the shrunkenhead Apple sculpture. Yeah, that's good. And there's also Hangman. He was on two board games. Here come the lyrics. Okay. For you, sir. Oh, yeah.

For you, sir. Is that the right one? I think. Oh, shit. Can you read it? Yes. Okay, I can read it. Do you read it?

Yeah. Well, you know them, Gil. Pretty much. Something. Okay. Joey, do we want some karaoke accompaniment? Are you guys going to just do it? Yeah, because, I mean, I know they, we have to respond back and forth, like Frank and Nancy.

Yeah. Did Frank do the first quatrain and then Nancy came in for the second? Or is it every other line? I think doesn't she start it and then he comes in? I think he's starting. He does. Let's do it every other line to keep it exciting. Oh, okay.

I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me. And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance you won't be leaving with me. And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink. or two. And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you. I can see it

in your eyes that you despise the same old lies you heard the night before. And though it's just a line to you for me it's true and never seems so right before.

I practice every day to find some clever lines to say to make the meaning comes through. But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late and I'm alone with you. The time is right, your perfume films I head, the stars are red and all the night so blue. And then I go and spoil it all

by saying something stupid like I love you. By the way, speaking of the worst, talk about dated. This song is as dated and crazy as Hogan's heroes. No. First of all, it's a father and daughter. Yeah, that's insane. It's like trumpet. Trump and Avon.

Is it wives and lovers? That song is. fucking insane. Hey, little girl, fix your hair, comb your makeup, time to get ready for love. It's basically it goes, you might want to pull him, it goes on. Is that the Bacarach song? Yeah. Day after day, there'll be girls

at the office and men will always be men. Don't greet him at home with your hair up in curlers. You may not see him again. Because wives should always, because wives can always be lovers too. Run to his arms whenever he comes home to you. I'm warning you.

It's basically You better fuck it up. I saw on the Dean Martin show, he sings, what's that from, oh, what's that from, oh, what's that? Oh, it's with a real-life girl. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he sings real-life girl.

and they have the set set up like a children's playground. Oh, God. And Dean Martin is on swings and going down the slide with little girls. Little girls are there. Now, I could understand if they put his dancers there. And it could be a funny thing. But there were little girls and Dean Martin is sliding down the slide. and going on the swings and the monkey bars singing about a real live girl.

Can you see this on the web? Is it available? I don't know. That's Heidi Saha level clues. Oh, my God. Well, you know a movie really does not well, age well, is, what's up, Tiger Lily? Oh, yeah. With the big lusting after all the Asian women.

We all know how that turned out. Yeah, that one does not, that one does not roll well. Well, I'm running out. But I still like the theme, uh, Dave, David, uh, this, yeah, what's his name, Sebastian? John Sebastian? John Sebastian and 11 spoonful sing the theme song, which is, I've always been the guy with the finger in its nose when the passport picture gets taken. When the big guy takes us out sealing chickens on the one cut, caught in the bacon. When they drop a piano from the 42nd floor, I'm always underneath looking up.

When a tidalway strikes a hundred miles an hour, I'm out on the rail throwing up. Boom, bum, bum, bum, bum, bough, somehow I would have looked at any how. One little looking then, holy cow. You folks could see me now. Yes. Yeah. What are we got, Paul? Our researcher, Paul.

Oh, my God, there it is. He found the video on YouTube. It's creepier than I described it. There's a girl sitting on his lap. Dana will now watch the video on Paul's phone. Yeah, I love that. That's actually a great song. Yes.

And he sings it really fast. I was always just the fellow with the finger up his nose of the past. He was, by the way, love his full great. Yeah. This isn't. Oh. Oh, I know this song. He has a little girl in his lap when he's singing a real-life girl.

Times have changed. And he's making them breathe into a rag. Oh, yeah, this is really... It's creepy. Okay. Oh, Dean. So I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast with my...

my sidekick and boy wonder. Oh, Lord. I'm not wearing the tights. Yes. I'll tell you now. With my modern day, Bert Ward. I wish. French Santo Padre.

And we've been talking, of course, to Vincent Price. We've been talking of bushes and excrement. You know, Dana, when we had people like Janet Ann Gallo on the show and Ron Cheney and we had Bella Jr. But we had Janet Ann Gallo. She was the little girl from Ghost of Frankenstein. Yes. And still to come, hopefully, Donnie Donegan. Yes.

Yeah, sure. I read film facts. I know Donnie Donovan. This is the point I was making is this is the perfect show for you. No, it really is. In fact, when you said Bert Ward, I'll tell you a really great little story. about how great Adam West is to wrap it up.

So we say something positive. One of our favorite guests, by the way, on here. Well, why not? A gentleman. He was on The Simpsons doing, Krusty the Clown was on an old Batman and we had Adam come in to do the voice. And we had recorded him and he was, you know,

you know, he's charming and wonderful. Yeah, the best. And just before he left, he said, we just need some wild lines for you now, just like grunting and groaning like your struggle. in vain. He went, okay. Struggling in vain. It was like, we did not tell him to do it.

And we were just like in awe. It was like hearing that opening, it was like hearing Paul McCartney do the opening cord to Hard Day's Night. It was just like, so like, yeah, that's exactly what you need to do. That's a good impression of Adam West. Struggling. And he, that book back to the Batcave had just come out. He goes, you know, the hubris to write that book, the hubris. He paid Gilbert quite a compliment when we had him on. Oh, he said I would have made a great joker.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, penguin, I mean. And I thought, I was stunned when he said that. I couldn't believe it. You would have made a great penguin, Gilbert. That's the best Adam West I've heard. Time is a cruel man. Mistress Gilbert, and it didn't happen soon enough.

There's a great line with, like, the Batmobile broke down, and Robin's angry here, and they have to run, and he goes, caution Robin, the Batmobile is a machine made by man, and like man, has its flaws. It's perfect. What was that horrible special with Batman and the other? Oh, the legends of the superheroes. You have to be familiar with that. And the roast. Ghetto Man. By the way, Ghetto Man, the actor who played Ghetto Man is still around.

Oh, we got to have him on. One of our fans is friends with him and offered him up, so we have to talk to Ghetto Man. And they have a scene where Batman and Robin, Ward, and they meet against this super powerful villain. Solomon Grundy, I believe. Oh, yes. And Batman and Robin just kind of like walk away from the fight. They go, oh, all right, you got a sad time, and they casually walk away. I thought, that's it.

I just watched the original Batman movie from 66. That is the progenitor of airplane. You know, that is the first example of, like, it's the guy that looks like the guy, and he's not aware he's in a comedy. Yeah. And he's playing it straight as a goddamn heart. heart attack. Yeah. They're cousins. They're absolute

cousins. And the director just passed at 101. Leslie Martinson. Yeah. So, anyway, since I told the other parts already, thank you our special guest, Dana Kuhl. Thank you very much. It was fun. Oh, you want to put

in the last plug about the show? Oh, yeah. If you enjoy Avent Costello meets Frankenstein, give Stan against Evil the chance. It premieres on Halloween night, actually, at 10 p.m. on IFC, and that's a sneak preview, and then it starts its regular run Wednesday, November 2nd, 10 p.m. on IFC. It stars John C. McGinley from Scrubs. Funny man. And Janet Varney, and I'm in there a little bit, and it's really good. I'm really proud

of it. I came out. For better or worst, it's exactly what I wanted to tell me. Good. And your podcast. And my podcast, The Dana Gouldauer, and I frequently wipe my ass only with baby ass. Thanks, Dana. And the actress was Amerin Eaz? As I said, every story on the show is apocrylore. Glue, glue, glary glor.