Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Dana Gould Part 2

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

In this conclusion of a 2-part episode, Gilbert and Frank welcome back comedian, actor and Emmy-winning comedy writer DANA GOULD for a highly entertaining conversation about hammy actors, '70s cinema fashion, Famous Monsters of Filmland, the graciousness of George Carlin (and Adam West!) and the mysterious death of Dr. Cyclops. Also, Joey Bishop hassles Jack Benny, Chuck Connors fights a triceratops, Dana runs afoul of Bob Hope and Jonathan Harris (angrily) turns down the "Lost in Space" movie. PLUS: Mr. Moto! "Touch of Evil"! The girl who haunted Bela Lugosi! Dana adapts Rod Serling! Batman tangles with Krusty the Clown! And the return of "Price Comparison"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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When you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Hey, what's up loyalists? So if you guys were listening last week, you heard part one of our interview, a very funny interview with comic and actor, producer, a former Simpsons writer, and a fellow Planet of the Apes fanatic, Dana Gould. We had a wonderful time and we frankly couldn't make just one episode out of it because it would have required major edits and cutting and we felt the content was too strong

and we wanted to share all of it with you guys. So without further ado, here is a part two, installment two, or beneath the GGACP with Dana Gould, if you like. So enjoy. like so uh enjoy and and i think don adams was one of those people that got into that 70s look of the sideburns yeah and the whole uh so did peter lawford yes yeah yeah but the nairu and the turtlenecks well yeah salt and pepper i mean the movie salt and Pepper with Peter and Sammy is so flawless. And a movie we talk about a lot on this show, and that's Good Do. Oh, yes. Jesus. Drew's favorite. Of course.

And that's also like the it's to me, it's the it's why I'm glad Mad Men ended when it did. It's the it's why I'm glad Mad Men ended when it did. I didn't want to see Don and a big, you know, Richard Nixon, bad polyester jacket. But also it's it's the difference between the Twilight Zone and the Night Gallery. Like the Twilight Zone has that sort of eternal look because it's the late 50s, early 60s. The classic suits, classic haircuts. It's the late 50s, early 60s, the classic suits, classic haircuts. Everybody is it's it's still with the exception of like people having wet, shiny hair. They could walk off that movie, walk down the street, pretty much be on be unbothered. The night gallery was sixty nine to seventy three.

And it's and it's all like it's like Bert Convy playing the devil and like a velour jumpsuit. It's like, everything is wrong. Leonard Nimoy plays a haunted tree, but he said the giant mutton chops and the, and the Seinfeld puffy shirt on ironically, my podcast partner does not dig the night gallery. Yeah.

Well, they're very, it's, it's, as we said, the night gallery is, the night gallery is better in theory than in practice. Well, the Vincent Price one is good. There's a handful of good ones.

And Ron Serling in the terrible, like the Tony Roberts fro, he's got, he's got the Tony Roberts fro from playing against Sam, strangling it down with a brush. I thought everything that was wrong with 70s television was in the night gallery. I couldn't. I can't argue your point. It's a good point. Leonard Nimoy staring down a tiger that's clearly not in the same shot.

And you could see when they were they would do blackouts like laughing. And Serling hated it. See, Serling, Serling controlled the Tonight Show. It was his, I mean, the Tonight Show, the Twilight Zone. It would be great if he controlled the Tonight Show. That'd be great. Watch that. But Serling was in charge of the Twilight Zone.

He was just the host of the night gallery. He didn't want the headaches. And the guy that he originally agreed to let run it, a guy named Melvin Laird, turned it into that. And it's like, and Sterling still wanted to do quality television. Now we get a better idea. Adam West is going to play Dracula. It's going to be great. And when they do those blackouts, there must have been at least 10 of them where an actor would be dressed as Dracula and he'd be at the blood bank. And he'd go, I'd like to make a withdrawal.

And then all it needed was da-da-da-da-da-da-da. They should have gotten Stuart Margolin and just done the Love American style blackout. All the jokes were from, and I'm going to bet you had this book, Barnabas Collins in a funny vein. It was the Dark Shadows joke book. Wow. I'm looking right at it. Wow. He's got it in his living room.

Look at this. He's got he's gotten out of the chair. He's he's retrieving the joke book. It really exists. I have an old I have an old paperback book. I have an old paperback display. Oh, there's Jonathan Frid. Look at that. Dark Shadows cookbook.

Barnabas Collins in a funny vein. Oh, God. Dark Shadows cookbook. My girlfriend found the Dark Shadows cookbook. Barnabas Collins in a funny vein. Oh, God. The Dark Shadows cookbook. My girlfriend found the Dark Shadows cookbook. She gave me that for Christmas. How's that for a fine? That's a lovely gift. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, how's that for a fine? That's when you know you're with the right person. Gil, what was that magazine you're always talking about on the show that used to do those corny horror jokes? Well, there was Famous Monsters, a film. Yeah, Famous Monsters. Forrest Ackerman was always the was the punniest was the funniest man. Yeah.

Yeah. Horror. Horror would Carl Lafornia. And I heard or maybe even saw Forrest Ackerman wrote a sex letter. Yes. Yes. Yes. Some girl like a quarter of his age.

Yes. This is a true story. And saying things like, and using those horrible puns. Yes. He was a dirty bird. He was a very dirty bird. Like, let's keep abreast of the situation. Do you remember Heidi? Do you remember Heidi?

Do you remember Heidi Saha? Oh, my God. That was deranged. An underage girl. That was fucking deranged. We have to talk about Heidi Saha. If you know, I'll let you take the lead on it. It was a pedophile dream, that girl.

It was Fori Ackerman and Isaac Asimov discovered this 13, 14-year-old, 12-maybe-year-old girl at a convention. And she was the precursor of a cosplayer. She would go to all these famous monsters conventions, and she was a little girl. They had her in sexy outfits. They did a one-shot magazine for her. Oh, this is new on me. I never heard of this.

Look it up. The magazine was worth so much money on eBay. It's not... It's creepy, but it's not... There's nothing shown, but it's not it's creepy, but it's not like there's nothing shown. But it's awful. But H. Heidi S.A.H.A. But literally, they would even write they would put her picture in famous monsters and then put like, what a lucky chair to be sat upon by Heidi Saha.

Yeah. It was just awful. Wow. They should have all been. I mean, nowadays, the magazine would have closed and they'd all be in jail. Oh, yeah. It's it is one of those things where you look back and you go, yeah. How did how did that how did that happen?

Yeah. Like perfectly acceptable pedophilia was going on in that magazine. That's such a seldom used term. He's exactly right. Family friendly pedophilia. Do you know Dan Clowes, the cartoonist? Yeah, he was the one. We were talking about Forrest Ackerman,

and I had completely forgotten about Heidi Saha. He was the one that reminded me of Heidi Saha, and we both were like, we just started screaming like, ah, how did that happen? And then another one of those time and space wasters in Famous Monsters was, I don't know if the girl's name was also Heidi or something, but she was the girl who haunted Bela Lugosi.

And she was the girl with the yellow eyes. Which, you know, Bela Lugosi never fucking talked about. They invented it yeah yeah and to fill up the article they'd have pictures of him from one of his movies and go could he be thinking of the yellow eyes do you know why that was in the magazine yeah because. Because you asked for it. Oh my god. There you go. That was so, that was like when Dear Abby would say, by popular demand, we're

reprinting this letter. Do you have the parodies of famous monsters? There were two. Oh. I'll send them to you. There was monsters to laugh with. No, no, no, there's a guy, God, I'm blanking on his name, and I'm blanking on the name of the magazine, but I have them, and I'll send them to Frank to show you. Please do.

That's what I was referencing, Gilbert. I thought you were talking about monsters to laugh with when you were talking about those bad puns. There was a guy that did two, like 10 years ago, like two pristine, perfect parodies of famous monsters. And it's just stuff like, just like a picture of a weird guy in a fright wig with a perfect font. Norman Lerner will not die. I remember the Monster Times. I'm going to know this is a monster times. I'm going to snow. This is a parody magazine. I'm going to send it to you.

A spoof that you asked for. It was such a fucking waste. Bullshit. It was the way you'd burn off your Bernard Jukes images. Yeah. They would say like Jim Johnson from Indiana says, can you print a picture of Boris Karloff as Frankenstein? And they'd have it there.

And I think, is there really a Jim Johnson? And is he asking for this? Are you saying they fake the letters like Penthouse 4? Yes. I never thought I'd be writing this letter yeah darlene feinberg of saint paul minnesota wants to see chuck connor's fighting a triceratops well here you are i i think it's in one original 1 million B.C. A triceratops is attacking a caveman because they live in the same time period.

And triceratops were... Well, the Earth is only 5,000 years old. Some people believe that. But triceratops were vicious, meat-eating animals. And look, nobody knows what dinosaurs sounded like, but in Wonder Woman NBC, he's barking like a dog. The Triceratops is attacking him. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. Oh, that's the greatest thing.

Hilarious. Hilarious. By the way, do you know who's a fan of the Dr. Goldfoot movies? It's Stephen Van Zandt. Of course he is. Yes, we talked to him about that. Yes, he has a Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine poster in his office. Of course he is.

Oh, and have you met, I met Price twice. I met him once, but I didn't, so you met him in normal show business, I'm assuming. Yes. I met him as a college freshman in Massachusetts. Wow. I was a theater major for about two weeks at the University of Massachusetts before I switched majors. But he came and spoke to our class. And it was a small class.

And I went up and met him later. He seemed pretty cool. I remember I was on. I was a regular on Thick of the Night. Sure you were. I remember that. And I was doing some bit where I was doing voices. And afterwards, I sit down on the panel.

And I feel a big hand on my shoulder. And I turn around, it's Vincent Price, and he says, I loved your peterlory. How about that? And then years later, I was at a horror convention, and I went over, I saw Vincent Price there, and I said, you probably don't remember this, but we met on Thick of the Night. And he says, oh, yes, that was a terrible show.

We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Log in or sign up to play along as BetMGM brings the real-time action. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM, your one-stop shop for all things baseball. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs.

19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Conax Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share,

to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of echo discover the extraordinary with echo the spectacular new show by cirque du soleil now playing under the big top at toronto lakeshore boulevard west the world is yours to create tickets at cirque du soleil.com echo thanks it's presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard. Here's a great parallel story if we have time.

Yeah, we got time. When I worked at the Simpsons, we shot on the Fox. Our offices were on the Fox lot. For lunch, I would just get off the lot and go someplace to get away for an hour and there was a toys r us on pico and la cienega and sometimes i just go down to the toys r us and

look at what toys right you know being who i am i had just performed at the saturn awards which is the sci-fi fantasy awards and i did my vincent price bit which was my impression of vincent price and he was just pointing out that he has his two voices he's got the smooth voice i understand that your car broke down outside i insist that you spend the night here in the house and then the high-pitched nerve but don't talk to any of the paintings Paintings. Okay. So I'm in Toys R Us and I hear, oh, you're Dana. You did Vincent Price at the Saturn Awards. And I turn around and it's Mark Hamill.

Wow. And I'm stunned. It's like seeing a deer in your yard. It's like, you're not supposed to be here. You're not supposed to be in Toys R Us. And, and he goes, oh, that was really funny. And he was, he's the nice, I don't know if you've ever had him on. No, we'd love, we'd love to have him. He's so great.

He's so normal and approachable and funny. And he does amazing impressions. Does the best harrison ford impression you've ever heard yeah heard it oh yes yeah great it's amazing and so and so we just started talking and uh and he said you know uh he goes i love your vincent price i know i know vincent i the tingler is my one of my favorite movies. And when I met Vincent Price, I said, you know, I love The Tingler. And Vincent Price said, isn't that a marvelous piece of rubbish? And then Mark Hamill goes like, you know, when I've done some movies that I'm not crazy proud of, like Corvette Summer, you know, could have been a little better.

And when people say they love it i always go wasn't that a marvelous piece of rubbish because i don't know what else to say it's a pretty good mark hamill impression i'm trying to remember but it was very easy again he's one of those people you meet and you're like it's i really can't really name anybody that was disappointing but you do meet these people and they like you know mark hamill uh uh adam charlton heston adam west that are that are so great when you meet them and i think it's adam was a gem. Adam was made. We had him on The Simpsons and it was it was a flashback to a Krusty the Clown was where he Batman was starring on Krusty the Clown. Krusty the Clown was playing a villain on Batman. And we had done the episode and we was doing his voice.

And we say to Adam and I didn't need to be in the record, but it was Adam West. So I went to the record. Of course. I'm going to meet Adam West. And we say to him, all right, we got everything. It's great. You did beautiful. Thank you so much. We just need some, Krusty has tied you up and we just need you struggling, like some grunts, like you're struggling in vain.

Just give us some wild line grunting. And, uh, and he goes, okay. And then he said, we didn't give him this line. He did it. He went struggling in fame. And we just clapped. That's so good. Yeah, it's because he knew he was Adam West.

Yeah. But I also think he knew what he meant. He knew who he was. And I think he knew that if he was shitty to somebody, it would be devastating to them. And he was a great enough person that he cared. Yeah. Yeah. He was, he was one of those guys that debunks that don't meet your heroes.

Great. Really well put. Really well put. Delightful. Really well put. And, you know, another, we talked about it. Carlin was the same way like carlin i'd been with him in several situations where you were talking and

somebody just interrupts like i saw you in minneapolis in 1973 and he was always great and he would say like this moment is not about me this moment's about well he had that danny k thing haunting him from when he was a child i know that story and you're right oh yes we're by the stage door yeah hey everybody we've had on this show there well there are two names that always pop up as people couldn't stand them uh one was dann Kaye and the other was Joey Bishop. Oh, I bet. Yeah. Well, I was just watching an old,

it's the Tonight Show's 10th anniversary with Carson. And it's Jack Benny, Joey Bishop, Jerry Lewis, everybody. It's on YouTube. And you can just tell Joey Bishop is a dick. So we're here. on YouTube and you can just tell Joey, Joey Bishop is a dick. So we're here and he's given Jack Benny shit for blowing cigarette smoke in his face. And it's just like, shut up. That's like, you shouldn't be here. And somebody said they were doing one episode of the Joey Bishop show and he

was playing a dual role in this episode as him and his brother and joey bishop yelled at the director how come my brother is getting the funny lines that's it yeah bill bersky and denoff yeah yeah that's good that's good stuff that's just maddening shatner sh Shatner gives people a hard time, too. There's very few stories like, I met William Shatner. He was lovely. I hate to say it, but he was nice to Gilbert. Good. I'm glad. I'm glad. Yeah. So now I can say, well, he was always nice to me.

He was always nice. I have that with people. He's nice to me he was always nice i have that i have that with people i have yeah he's nice to me yeah okay here we go ward whipple please please let's have whipple is not a real person oh he might be that that's from uh what dudley do right it's a frank nelson character yeah from green acres calls and says he says i need to have another price comparison dueling Vincent Prices. When Dana's in town, you guys feel like doing this one? Real quick, Gilbert Darragh did the printout for you. Sure. We call this price comparison.

Price comparison. And I've got to tell you, it's like an old British show where Vincent Price and Roddy McDowell end up in a fist fight on a boat. We're going to find it. And I know from our listeners, at least one person is going to send that. We'll tweet it. For sure. Our listeners are obsessed and my friend uh my friend ken daly who sent it to me uh who's uh if you uh said that the fight should have cat noises underneath it

two great batman villains by the way speaking of adam west yes and there was there was a short-lived tv show i don't know if they were in an antique store owners or what it was, but I think it was Vincent Price and Peter Lorre. Wow. Some old TV show. All right, we'll have somebody look that up. Let's try this Vincent Price bit, Gil. You start us off.

This is from The Fly. You've committed murder just as much as Helene did. You killed a fly with a human head. She killed a human with a fly head. No, Helene and Andre believed in the sacredness of life. They wouldn't harm anything. Not even a fly. This is from Return of the Fly

now, Dana. Here passes from this earth Helene de Lambre, widow of my brother Andre, whom I love deeply and hopelessly. She was destroyed in the end by dreadful memories, a recollection of horrors that didn't dim as the years went on, but

instead grew monstrously and left her mind shocked and unsteady so that death, when it came, was a blessed release. Somewhere in the human mind lies the key to our existence. Our ancestors tried

to find it, to open the door that separates us from our creator. If you believe, dear Francesca, you are gullible. Can you look around this world and believe

in the goodness of a god who rules it? Famine, war, disease, and death. They rule the world. This is from House... That was Mask of the Red Death,. This is from House of Wax. That was Mask of the Red Death, and this is from House of Wax. Mask of the Red Death, torn from today's headlines.

There you go. People say they can see my Marie Antoinette breathe, that her breasts rise and fall, look at her eyes. They follow you wherever you go, she's very real to me. But they're made of glass. More is the pity the exact size and color of the original. They're inserted into the sockets from inside

by way of the hollow neck before the head is attached to the body. Forgive me, my dear, for discussing your intimate secrets. I'm sorry. I lose myself at times. Ladies and gentlemen, do not panic, but scream.

Scream for your lives. The tingler is loose in the theater. We will now resume the showing of the movie. And finally, from the abominable Dr. Fibes. Perhaps your hands will shake and he too will die under your knife. A few remaining minutes are all you have because of the acid reaches him. He will have a face like mine.

Don't cry upon God, Dr. Vesalius. He's on my side. He led me, showed me the way in my quest for vengeance. It's very hard to say Quest for Vengeance. It's very hard to underplay that role. Yes, yes. You can't Michael Corleone. I'm on the Quest for Vengeance.

It just doesn't play. And what happened to when Al Pacino could underplay Perks? Well, that was the thing. He, Al Pacino, Nicolas Cage, Vincent Price, they all become Vincent Price. They talk very quietly. And then they yell! It's the same. They just have two speeds.

They have two speeds. They get really quiet, and then they scream. What's the story of you using Lawrence Talbot as a pseudonym on The Simpsons? Just you goofing with yourself? No, no, no. Trying to see how many people would pick up on it? Nope. It's a very weird story. I have three daughters and they're all adopted from China.

And we had adopted our first daughter and we were just preparing to go to China to adopt our second daughter. And the episode that I had written was called Goo Goo Guy Pan. And it was basically the story of the first time I went to China to adopt a baby. And there were some jokes about China in there because it was The Simpsons. And we were afraid that they would see it because we, you know, because they're everywhere. We were in China in a room and a meeting about just the paperwork for the baby. And we looked and on the computer were our income taxes

that we had never sent. So I didn't want to piss off anybody from China. So I put a fake name on the China adoption Simpsons episode. So when I get there, they didn't give me like a lobster. There's your baby. No, no, it's a baby. So I didn't want to I didn't want to offend anybody. So I said, well, what's the pseudonym? Well, Lawrence Talbot is the most famous alter ego in movies. And then after it ran a couple of times, they put my name back on it once I was safe with that.

And that baby, I'm proud to say, is now 16 years old. And I think she's still here in the house. You got to respect a man that puts Lawrence Talbot on his script, Gilbert. Oh, absolutely. Do you want, in the time that we have left, Dana. I love, now that's, when Vincent Price did the first version of I Am Legend, written by Richard Matheson, called The Last Man on Earth. And Richard Matheson was not happy with how it came out. And so he changed his name.

If you have the poster, the screenplay is written by Logan Swanson. I like it. I just remember a part in The Wolfman where Cheney says, you know, I don't understand. And if it's something I work on with my hands, I can understand it. And he says, oh, he asked, do you believe in a man can turn into a werewolf? And Claude Rains goes,

well, there are certain old beliefs and superstitions and old wives tales, but a man actually turning into a wolf no it's madness it's also two thing one the first time he meets gwen conliff in that movie it's so creepy because he fully admits i was looking at you through my telescope. I saw your bedroom. Yes, yes. They would not allow that in a movie. And also it's like, how is he

how is he Claude Rains' son? He's 6'5". He's as American as the rooster on the Corn Flakes box. Nice to see you. And his father's just five foot three inch. Hello, letter.

Well, that's when we had Donnie Donegan on the show. Yes. No more absurd than Donnie Donegan playing Basil Rathbone. He had like curly blonde hair and he sounded like Gomer Pyle. Yes, he did sound like Gomer Pyle. And he was Basil Rathbone's son. He's from Texas.

Died, died. A monster's in the house. It's so true. Shazam. It's fine. Well, you know, it's like we were watching not too long ago

Touch of Evil. It's like, who should play the Mexican detective? Charlton Heston, obviously. Who else would play a Mexican detective? Oh, there was a Mr. Moto film. So already you got Peter Lorre as Asian. But he's questioning a mexican storekeeper and the mexican storekeeper is john carradine who who looks and sounds more mexican it's great john carradine and in the time left

do you want to talk do you want to talk about Bob Hope? Sure. Do you have a shortened version of that story? I hate to shorten it because it's so wonderful. No, well, I can plug something, fit a plug in. Please do. So Bobcat Goldthwait and I, who says hello, Gilbert. I was actually just talking to him before I. Oh, tell him I said hi.

just talking to him before i uh oh tell him i said hi um we did a uh we did a tour uh and uh in the february of 2020 and the future looked great and we filmed the shows and we were going to make it a concert piece and then covid happened and we ended up making it a documentary about our friendship and it's sort of whatever. And I talk about when I worked with Bob Hope and we found the footage of this, which I had, which is I was on the second to last Bob Hope special. And I had to do a commercial with Bob. And the whole point of the commercial was I have my arm around him. And he's just, as I said, felt like a sweater full of light bulbs. I love that line. A tube sock full of dying goldfish. And I'm supposed to say, hi, I'm Dana Gould.

Join me and my new best friend on his comedy special this Thursday on NBC. And Bob turns to me and goes, hey, I love this kid. Didn't she used to be my caddy? And I do like a take. And the first take, I do my line and he goes, and he's not. And Gilbert, I'm sure you've had situations like this. I'm literally standing next to him. I have my line and he goes and he's not and Gilbert I'm sure you've had situations like this I'm literally standing next to him I have my arm around him and he is

not acknowledging me to him I'm just like a crow I'm like no interest in me at all I don't blame you. It was 90-10 at that point.

And a skit we spoke about many times. Oh, I sent it to Dana. I sent it to old Jack Frost. Yeah, Jack Frost. Yeah, it's wonderful. Unreal. How did they... Well, so in this one, the first take, he took some media.

I like this kid. Didn't seem to be my cuckoo. Disney just didn't say caddy. His brain went, I'm not saying caddy today. I'm saying cuckoo. I like this kid. Didn't seem to be my cuckoo. So they go,

all right, let's do it again. And he goes, what? We're going to go again, Bob. Why? And the guy goes, peanuts. Huh? Because he had been eating peanuts before. Because you get some peanuts on your chin, Bob.

So they send over, which he didn't. But they needed to do another take. So they send over a guy that has to wipe non-existent peanuts off his chin. And then the makeup has to touch it up. And then we did the second take. I don't know how I have this footage, but I do. Oh, bless you. It's in the doc.

And the whole time, and then he says his line, he's like, yeah, let this kid be my caddy. And I do a take, a cut. And he goes, he always plays that hurt take. It's like, yeah, I'm just, he says, what, do you get a shit on me? Like the one thing,

the one thing you say to me, hey, are you going to shit on me? Like the one thing you say, fuck this guy. And Bob Hope never tried to hide the fact that he was reading the cue cards. Oh, God. No, by this time, he had an earpiece and his daughter was reading his lines into his ears. Yeah, Linda. I think, think think that that you you you know that footage is great because the web has mostly been scrubbed of that stuff i can't find aside from bob uh jack frost which is gold it's very hard to find the latter day

specials yeah when he was cadaverous yeah again as friend Ken Daly says, when he had sad monkey eyes. To a sock full of dying goldfish. And what's weird is way back by the later Hope Crosby movies, he was already developing that kind of hope. Slice this. Kind of. Well, it's so funny. It's like in Road Trip when they do the Steve Coogan movie where he does the different versions of Michael Caine.

It's the same with Bob Hope. Hey, Bob Hope! Hey, Reagan. Once Reagan became president, you're going to come and lose it. Once you're friends with the president. How did you guys end up? Did you say goodbye? Did you just walk away?

No, I just walked away. You can see it. It's in the foot. I just kind of get up and look around and walk away. He didn't say Mr. Hope. This was a pleasure. Nope. Didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't dare.

Hilarious. Oh God. Didn't, it was because it wasn't a pleasure. Yeah. Yeah. Bob Hope is one of those people. You must have done that, Gilbert. You must have worked with him or had some of those where it's like a big

burl or somebody that's like, yeah, whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You never worked with Hope, though, Gilbert. No. No. No. Hey, those stinking Jews.

They're taking our society apart. These guys love money, huh? I wish this podcast were visual. I tell these Jews they really like money. They own all the banks and news media. That's wild, isn't it? Well, was it Frank? Was it you that was telling me what he would do in Vietnam

on the USO show? Ed Weinberger told us. Oh, well, Bob Hope, I always heard, you know, he'd fight out these you know, Raquel Welch and Margaret. And he'd threaten them with, if they didn't fuck him, he'd leave them in Vietnam. They'd all get on the plane and leave her behind in the jungles of Vietnam.

I hope that story's not apocryphal. Yeah, exactly. It's like, it's horrible for all involved. But God, please let it be true. Yes. Yes. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. This episode is brought to you by RBC Student Banking. Students get one hundred dollars when you open an RBC Advantage banking account, which includes no monthly fee, unlimited debit transactions in Canada, Avion points on debit purchases, and so, so much more. Unlock more perks for less with RBC Vantage. Conditions apply. Offer ends June 30th, 2024. New eligible clients only. Complete criteria by August 30th, 2024. Visit rbc.com slash student 100. Planning for a summer road trip? Check.

Luggage? Check. Music? Check. Snacks, drinks, and everything we can win in a new game at Circle K? Check! With Circle K's Summer Road Trip game, you can win over a million delicious instant prizes and a grand prize of $25,000. Play at games.circlek.com or at participating Circle K stores. In the time left, Dana, I'm going to give you your choice. Oh, gosh. We just talked to Lorraine about the black cat.

We love to talk about the black cat. Or would you rather talk about the scandals involving Lionel Atwill and or Albert Decker? Oh, well, let's go to the Lionel. Since Lorraine covered the black cat or would you rather talk about the scandals involving lionel at will and or albert decker oh well let's go to the lionel since lorraine covered the black cat and by the way how awesome is lorraine newman she's the best happy birthday today today is it her birthday today it is indeed oh my god i just i'm gonna i'm gonna email her and willis o'brien that is insane i did not know that. Yes. And King Kong was first shown

on this date in 1933 at Radio City. Really? And who here has held King Kong in their hands? Just me? Oh, thanks to your friend Bob. Thanks to my friend Bob Burns.

Yeah. We don't have to talk about the black cat, but we'll talk about it. Lionel Atwell was, Lionel Atwell, you know, there are degree, there are people who earn titles. You know, you're, you know, like in the military, you're a colonel, or if you're a policeman, you're an officer.

Lionel had one of those titles that you used to get in show business, orgy master. titles that you used to get in show business orgy master that he had he would he was famous he was a dirty dirty bird and he would uh he would throw these orgies but i just love the title he's an orgy master i i demand to speak to the orgy master to be the karen to be the karen at an orgy where's is it where i'd like to speak to the orgy master please no i'll wait i'll wait yeah he got in he got in a lot of trouble uh and and albert decker too uh for the doctor cyclops albert decker that was the weirdest death of all time he was hanging in the shower.

He was kneeling in a tub. Kneeling in a tub in a corset, was it? Yeah, with hypodermics in his arms. And there were obscene words and drawings all over his body. And he was bound and gagged. And the police called it a suicide. and the police called it a suicide. Suicide?

That's like, ah, fuck it. Suicide. Because back then it was just like, yeah, it's my, uh, if you ever watch the old Dragnets, the 67 to 70 Dragnets.

They're great. I have in that room Jack Webb's whiskey set that I love it. It was my story really quick. I started dating after my divorce and finally you meet somebody else

and I started dating my girlfriend. I hate being a man of my age saying girlfriend, because she's a woman, she's a fully adult woman and we live together. I'm very responsible relationship. You're a lady friend. Yeah. My partner,

I guess will be. So you turn gay over the years. Yeah, exactly. Your partner, my partner, my, my,

my she Dana. So anyway, I show, and we both get really, we both get really, she got really into Dragnet, loves Jack Webb. And so I was on the road and Allison Martino, if you know who that is. Oh, she's great. Yeah. Allison Martino emails me. There's a Jack Webb estate sale. Like he lived in this house in Toluca Lake.

And one day he just moved out of it he like packed up a briefcase and walked out and left everything and then like tito puente moved in but he didn't change anything he just kept all the jack stuff sitting door somebody was so like they're selling all this stuff so my girlfriend goes and there's a long line of people waiting to get in and she's looking around she's very tall she's very attractive um i'm gonna date her until she wises up and uh but she sees these two cops just walking right into the house. So she just gets behind them and walks in with them and goes right in. Wow. Went right.

She works for a whiskey company. So she went right to the whiskey decanters and got him. So we have Jack Webb's bar set, but she says the attitude of cops in those days, and this is how it ties to Albert Decker. Like whenever a woman is talking, she says the attitude of cops in those days and this is how it ties to albert decker like whenever a woman is talking joe friday is just so impatiently suffering whatever they have to say like when when a guy is talking yes sir yeah well we have those problems sir yes sir well

the police officer has to follow the rule and whenever a woman decides why why are you making noise with your word holes like you just yeah it's a suicide yeah it's a suicide let's go let's go let's wrap i would like to go through the gould collectibles one day oh yeah it's it's tell let's tell tell people about the uh the graphic novel because we mentioned it in the intro and and our fans will be interested oh well you know as i said i'm a big i'm a big planet of the apes fan and uh i'm a i'm a i've been paid to write things in my life and one day like out of the blue i i got a call uh from this graphic novel company and said hey we have the rights to rod serling's first draft of Planet

of the Apes, which is very different from the movie that was made eventually. He took the novel, which is a very satirical, it was written by Pierre Boulle, and it was very much like Jonathan Swift. It's a very satirical novel. It doesn't really, it's not the same thing. And he made it up, it was right around the time he wrote seven days in may rod serling and he really broke it down into a political thriller it's very much like seven days in may with apes in it there's a lot of it takes place in a modern day city they have cars they have helicopters there's a lot of meetings there's a lot of hush hush political skullduggery going on and then that script was rewritten by Michael Wilson,

and that became the movie that we saw. So it's a very different story worth seeing. And so I got a call one day and they said, we have the rights to adapt this as a graphic novel. And I thought they were going to say, would you write the foreword or something? And they just said, would you like to write it and i was yes how flattering yeah and i was and it wasn't even like you're like well let's talk about money i'll pay you whatever you want i'll do it um and i had to learn how to write a graphic novel which is a very different form than screenplay it's it's you know the dialogue has to fit into a bubble you get one action per panel you have to decide how many panels per page i mean there's a lot of it's very very work intensive um but i'm a giant rod

sterling fan he's the reason i became a writer and what i did not anticipate was the script is really big he was the aaron sorkin of his day he could write speeches and i had to cut a ton of it. And so every day I would get up, sit at my computer and start cutting Rod Serling's words. Fascinating. It was excruciating. And I just had this angry smoking ghost over my shoulder. Why are you cutting that? That's great.

What are you doing? That's great. Why are you cutting that? Why are you cutting that? And you met Anne and she's great. I spoke to her on the phone. I spoke to her on the phone i spoke to her on the phone she's wonderful she could be nicer there was a scene that in one of the twilight zones that he reused in planet of the apes and that was the one it may have had claude akins and also that old German actor, Oscar Hermike or something like that. Oscar Beregi?

Beregi. Oscar Beregi. Yeah. Well, we've broken the seal on Oscar Beregi references. The Oscar Homoka references are still to come. They're there in like kept in a booth to wake up in the future yes and then there's you look around and like a rock has fallen on one of the cases and the guy yep looks like he's 200 yep that's right and he did he put that he did put that in the planet of

the apes that's not in the movie i mean that's not in the book uh he did put and and the surprise ending there's an episode of the twilight zone i think it's called i shot an arrow into the air where a guy uh is in a rocket ship and he's crashed in the desert and the other astronaut thinks that they're never going to survive and there's no water and he ends up killing the astro the other astronaut so he can have his water and then he walks over the hill and sees a sign that says uh entering nevada and that they were that he was on earth the whole time uh he basically that ending was a twilight zone how many science fiction films have there been oh it's such a strange planet where this goes on that what is the name

of this planet it's so many planets with breathable oxygen and i just saw that one with roddy mcdowell where he's in the zoo in the zoo yeah he's in the human the human the alien zoo it's so good no no there's one that they turn out to be like Adam and Eve where it's Charles Bronson and Elizabeth Montgomery. Elizabeth Montgomery, right. That's a good one, too. Roddy McDowell is in the

pilot of the Night Gallery. Yeah, it's good. Oh, Potiphar. Oh, Potiphar. Who is it? Ozzie Davis, I think. Ozzie Davis. Yeah.

Yeah. That's good. The pilot's good. It's better than the show. Steven Spielberg's first job. And they had like, oh, the Joan Rivers one. Joan Bennett. No, Joan.

Not Joan Rivers. Not Joan. Not Joan. Joan Crawford. Joan Crawford. The Joan Rivers gallery was really scary. Edgar, I sold my eyes. With Tom Bosley.

All right, here's the weird Serling-Joan Rivers connection. Uh-oh. I'm on the right podcast. You are. The panty dropper. podcast you are the panty dropper rod sterling was hired in 1964 to write a a a um they were doing specials to raise awareness for the united nations and in 1964 rod was hired to write the first one and it was a parody of the christmas carol called carol for another christmas yeah i've seen it with Sterling Hayden.

With Sterling Hayden and Robert Shaw. Robert Shaw. The Ghost of Christmas Future. Yeah, I've seen it. Robert, Sterling Hayden was supposed to play Quentin Jaws. He turned it down and they gave it to Robert Shaw and they act together. Peter Sellers is in it.

Yes. And it was Sterling Hayden and peter sellers and gazar is in it that's right yeah and it was hayden and sellers in the same year as strange love weird uh in a tv movie that rod serling wrote that's it's very it's incredibly dark it's a real curio with an anti-war message yeah but it's-war, but it's incredibly dark, incredibly bleak. And when the United Nations fund said, like, we want to take this money and we let's go to abc or whatever network it was cbs and see if they'll do something and he was the guy that came up with the idea dana gould makes the best connections in the business that's what they call me me, the Segway King. He can connect

Joan Rivers to a Ron Serling Christmas movie. And I just remembered there was also on the Night Gallery TV series, I mean, in the special, I mean, there was that one with Richard Kiley

as an escaped Nazi. Yes. It's basically a good one. Yes. That's a good one. Yeah. It's basically a remake of Twilight Zone. There's a lot of that. But, yeah, Serling had a terrible, he was in World War II. He was only 5'4", but somehow got into the paratroopers, was stranded on an island in the South Pacific.

They were on starvation rations um literally like had the thing of the movie where like a japanese soldier was pointing a gun at him and he heard a shot thought it was him and it was his friend killing the japanese soldier yeah and and then they get discovered and the supply plane drops supplies, the parachute breaks and the supplies land on his friend and kill him in front of him. Oh, I know. It was the worst luck in the world. But it was so he really did go through hell. Well, his hate, his hatred for war and violence, you know and formed his work for years and as we were talking about was one of

the only people at the time to appreciate the lunacy of hogan's heroes oh yeah well we discussed that we discussed that with ann but it's true it's like now you look at hogan's heroes and you're like jesus christ yeah what the hell is this but at the time like it's funny well you and i you and i you and i talked about that it's like it's so it's almost as if they thought oh we'll make stalag 17 into a series yeah there was something legitimate about the idea to them gilbert yeah gilbert's been doing that in his act for years no i know it's true but yeah but you you couldn't do it now but you could do it. But even Serling at the time was like, this is fucking insane. Yeah, he wasn't wrong.

Nazis aren't funny. Prison camps, death camps aren't funny. There was a Twilight, another with Oscar Baraki, where he was a Nazi, a high ranking Nazi official. And there's a concentration camp that's still standing. Yes. This is what I was thinking of. Yeah. I think it's called Welcome to Dead to Death Head or something. Yes.

Yes. Yes. That sounds right. Yeah. That sounds right. Dana, we got to get out of here. What else? We could go on forever. But no, just sounds right. Dana, we got to get out of here. What else? I could we could go on forever. But no, just yeah. Check out Hanging with Dr. Z on YouTube.

Hanging with Dr. Z on YouTube. And also, I will tell our listeners that they should stay for the closing credits of all of every episode. Yeah. Herve Villachez is credited on this week's a yeah, we had a Sidney Korshak reference. We did. We work really hard. There's just a discussion of Joey Heatherton and also Elvis's chimp. It's scattered. There's something for everybody. And Dana Gould dotcom and your wonderful podcast, which you're still doing. And you and Bobcat have, have the project coming. Yeah. Joyride. It'll be coming out soon. I hope. Wonderful. Anything else? You know, we're too, well, we're two middle-aged white guys and it's time our voice was heard. Could you take it? Can I make you take us out with a little adam west with a little a little more adam west oh yeah well i'll uh i'll when uh when rob and i worked with rob cohen and i worked with adam west

and then about a year later we went to just see him at a celebrity show and we were rehearsing how we would reintroduce ourselves like hi we did we did a thing called super adventure team which was a oh yeah the thunderbirds oh yeah very good and we had his voice on it and and so we're like hi you i'm sure you don't remember and he looked up and saw us approaching the table and he went here comes trouble how are you two geniuses? But we were, I mean, like made my life. It's like Adam West looked up and recognized me. I was like, okay, I'm done. Remember meeting Adam at the convention, Gilbert, in the Valley all those years ago?

Yes. Oh, the creepiest part of that convention was there was a table that had. That's a high bar, too. Yeah. Was it the Beverly Garland? You know that show. Yeah. It had both Snow White and Cruella DeVille

and they're both a thousand. Someone says to Snow White, he says, oh, this is... You have something in common with this man they they're introducing me and they say he was in a walt disney film called aladdin and she grabs my arm and goes, someday my prince will come. And I figured, oh, she's just honoring me because we both did a Disney film. And she sings the entire song.

And I'm going, she doesn't know who the fuck I am or what they said about Aladdin. Adriana Castellotti. She's just, she's gone now. I was at the same show, saw Jonathan Harris, and it was right when they were getting ready to do the new Lost in Space with Gary Oldman and William Hurt. And I said, so Mr. Harris, are you in the movie? Are you in the Lost in Space movie?

And he looks up and he goes, they offered me a cameo. A cameo. And then he said, I swear to God, not this chicken sister. No, I'm using that. And then I used to bring my Len Nurmi to those to sign autographs. Yeah. I used to. I was.

Speaking of Igor, I was her Igor for many years. And one time I sat her down and I would, you know, get her situated. And then I'd go off and make sure she had everything she wanted. We were friends. I helped her out. And one time she was sat next to gary bucey or as i called him at that time gary drug abusey and uh he was out of his mind and myla who did the perfect thing like he was doing something and she like laughed and then turned to me perfectly

like get me the hell away from him. We can relate to that one. Dana, wonderful. So great to see you guys. So great to see you. And we could go on and on forever. Gilbert, let this man get to his collection of Jack Webb tumblers. I've got to go play with my... Yeah, I'm going to email Lorraine right now.

It was your happy birthday. Yeah, we will do the same. Gilbert, we're going to sign off now. All right. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre and our friend Dana Gould. Dana, always a pleasure. Oh, so this is so fun.

We could go all night. Come back. We'll do an entire George Zucko episode. I could go all night, and this is the only situation in which I could go all night. Thanks, pal. See you on the thread. Yes, indeed. Say hi to your wife, Gilbert. Hi, Billy. See you on the thread. Yes, indeed. Say hi to your wife, Gilbert.

Bye, Billy. Bye, Dana. Thanks. Thanks, man. The two of us No boogeyman is greater than the two of us The people scream about the team of Coffin Price. Although we're as nice as can be, my buddy and me.

There's just the two of us, and we'll be always traveling on. The two of us, there's lots of boring pictures for the two of us There's lots of gory pictures for the two of us He used to shine as Frankenstein and I was the fly They forced us to die every time To pay for the crime They killed the two of us But we'll be always traveling on.