Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - David Yazbek Encore

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

GGACP celebrates September's National Piano Month with this ENCORE of a 2019 interview with Emmy-winning writer and Tony-winning composer David Yazbek (“The Full Monty,” “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” “The Band’s Visit”). In this episode, David joins the boys for a funny conversation about the golden age of kiddie show hosts, the comedy albums of Spike Jones and Allan Sherman, the long-lost era of Top 40 radio and the trials (and triumphs) of composing music for the Broadway stage. Also, Jerry Lewis goes to therapy, Larry David whistles a happy tune, Gilbert remembers Kathleen Freeman and David weighs in on the “Baby, it’s Cold Outside” controversy. PLUS: “The Sammy Maudlin Show”! “Richard Kind Theater”! Moe Howard meets Officer Joe Bolton! And David critiques Gilbert’s “musical” abilities! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. c a slash ymx this episode is brought to you by defender

with a towing capacity of 3,500 kilograms and a weighting depth of 900 millimeters the defender 110 pushes what's possible learn more at land rover.ca this is david macallum and you're listening to gilbert godfrey's amazing colossal. podcast. Santo Padre and our engineer Frank Ferd Rosa.

Our guest this week is a man of many, many talents. He's a musician, songwriter, recording artist, record producer, Emmy winning comedy writer and Tony winning and Grammy nominated composer. He's released five solo albums of original music and worked with such diverse artists as Queen, Tito Puente, and XTC. He's composed commercial jingles, music for popular TV shows like Borghawk Empire, and composed the theme song to Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? Hell, he's even won an Emmy for writing on Late Night with David Letterman.

But it's his work on the work on the show. Broadway stage that's brought him the most attention, and let's face it, the most tale. As the composer of hit musicals such as the Pulmonte, women on the verge of a nervous breakdown, Bombay Dreams, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and the band's visit, for which he was awarded the Tony and Dream. Ramadesk Award for Best Original Score. Both Frank and I saw that show, and now we know why he won the Tony and why he's getting laid like a fiend.

In a still young career, he's already worked with people like Larry David, John Lithgow, David Letterman, Salma Hayek, Paul Rudd, Patty Lepone, and our buddy Richard Kind, and yes, even Kathleen Freeman. His new musical and adaptation of the Broadway winning film, Tootsie. The what winning film? Oh, Oscar winning, I give up.

It was so good they gave it an entire avenue. His Oscar winning film, uh, Fuck it all. To his new musical and adaptation of the Oscar-winning film Tootsie makes its Broadway debut in the spring of 2019. And of course, I'll be hitting him up for free tickets. Please welcome to the show. A musical Renaissance man. A big fan of this very podcast.

and God help him a fan of my stand-up comedy our pal David Yazbek I wouldn't say I'm your pet but otherwise everything a couple of inaccuracies I never worked with Queen

I don't know why that's on the internet but it is interesting and then Bombay Dreams is something I wasn't you're not supposed to know that I helped with a little bit so I don't care I'm glad people know Why are you credited with working with Queen?

So basically can I just say David Yasbach hasn't done shit That is a more appropriate introduction Why are you connected with Queen? I produced a band called Queen Sarah Saturday And someone just got it wrong You know 15 years ago So it's up there

Gilbert I brought you something Oh no Yeah He loves a guest that brings gifts I brought you I was at a hotel recently So I brought you

some soap, unused, shampoo, some bath and shower gel. They had the nice little kit with the sewing stuff. Excellent. And some pads for your ass or for your face. And then I happened to, I only used one of them, some glycerin suppositories. Oh! We use one. When we're done with this, you're going to need one more.

Yes. Oh, this is excellent. Wow. It's Christmas. I promise not to start crying on the air. Thank you. I wouldn't know what to do. So few guests bring gifts. Well, yes.

They're assholes and I'm not. That's what we're learning here. And that's why the suppository. Do you mind if I just start by filleting Gilbert? Go right ahead. No, no, Mario Cantone already did that. So you're done. Mario just left. So I worked at Letterman.

In the first two years that it was on, NBC late night and you were on and when I knew I was coming on I something triggered in my P-brain and I remembered the phrase tepid cheese oh yes and I was like tepid cheese and then I remembered started remembering the bit you came on and you said to the audience I thank you thank you you're saying thank you I want to take you home I want to take you home and string you up by your feet and then it went on to there. And smear cheese on you. Teppid cheese. And then you went into the thing

about black wax, cheese with the black wax. And then so I looked it up on YouTube. It's there. And it's just such a thrill to be looking at you in person. You remember doing that specifically the tepid cheese? Believe me, there's no such a thing as remember

that bit you used to do. I'm still up there going, hey, how many of you love Robert Mitchum? you were telling me on the phone that you even you even perhaps you remember the first time you saw him at the comic strip or was it the old carolines or the old carolines i actually performed at the comic strip

yeah uh when i very short-lived uh duet like a comedy duet with some music it was terrible we did a few gigs and one of them was there No, this was Yes, it was me and Ted That's right Ted Greenberg was my writing partner on Letterman

I don't think it was at the same night but I think it might have been the comic strip and yeah and it was just a mind-blowing experience so I'm just a lifelong fan of yours Oh, thank you

thank you thank you for your contribution to my very diseased brain what was your stand-up act like because I didn't ask you that on the phone It was dicey.

You know, we did a song called Gay Goucho, really politically incorrect. Gay Goucho. You know, I don't even remember what the actual back-and-forth comedy stuff was. It was just a way to get up on stage and not be scared because you're a real comedian doing a solo, you know. And then you sort of thought, oh, well, there's permission to do that because of Franken and Davis. Yeah. But we shouldn't have had permission to do it. Really?

You weren't feeling it. We weren't feeling it, but we were good writers, and we wrote later we wrote on Letterman, and it was fun, so, yeah. And you say you don't understand the Caesar Romero. No, no, I think I do. Yeah? He's got insight. I've been thinking about it a lot. Like, why do you want, now, maybe it's a fool's errand to start thinking about what, why does certain things turn on, turn people on?

Yeah. So, but I was really trying to use sense memory to sort of get into Caesar Romero's head. Or into his ass. Deeply. I'm going to recap for new listeners. Okay. Yes. I'll let Gilbert do it.

Caesar Omero. He was, you know, in movies he was a Latin lover, and more famously he was the Joker and the Batman series, but in real life he was gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And his thing that he was into was to pull down. down his pants and underwear and surround himself with these young boy toys and they'd be instructed to fling orange wedges at his ass you got to wonder who was doing the instructing was there a was there a lackey who would explain the rules i think burgess mered in his penguin

outfit would instruct them there may have been a house boy there may have been an you know and an aide to camp some argue is It was tangerine slices. And one person even said that Caesar O'Mearo would stand ankle deep in warm water. Yeah, but those are Phillips Steins, the people who think that. Oh, that was one of your guests added that, right? Yeah. It's grown.

The legend is grown. Well, I've thought about it because, and I understand why someone might think, oh, tangereen, because that's easily peeled, easily turned into wedges. But I don't think so. I think it was cut oranges. Now, so I was imagining standing there surrounded by, you know, hopefully boy toys with good throwing arms, you know, because you don't want them just dinking it at you. No. So I think that there was something about the, and I do think it needed the peel.

I think there was something about the splatter effect, the pain, the little bit of pain, that feeling that maybe there's something organic hitting you. Interesting. And then I can imagine, almost imagine, that be coming an erection. Shouldn't it be an entire orange? And I'll tell you why. And this is the other part of this story. I just saw a really highfalut and high class movie called The Favorite. Oh, the Emma Stone picture.

The Emma Stone picture. And there's a scene. I heard they talk about. Yes. Yes. And I'm suing them for plagiarism. Maybe you should go see it first. Or maybe just see that scene.

It's a, it's kind of a very pasty, fat English man with a, with a wig, like an 18th century wig, but otherwise he's naked and a bunch of other guys in wigs are just winging whole oranges at him. And I realized that isn't satisfying until the orange splats and breaks. You can guarantee it if you cut it up that you're going to get the wetness, the orange, the splat. That's... Fuck them, they stole it from me.

Okay. You're right. I'm glad you put so much thought into this. That's it. I'm done. We've never had a guest that debated this. No. That really broke this down this way. Do you think he ever had a coconut thrown at his head?

I'm going to send you a still picture from a loveboat episode where he's, Caesar Romero is actually reaching for a tray of oranges. And I made my wife stop the TV so that I can run and get my phone and take a picture. I want to see the facial expression. Well, when we met. I should say, when you and I met, we were working on this CBS project, and you flattered us because you wore an orange wedge pin to the proceedings. That was my, I mean, what a lovely gift. That was your gift to me.

You didn't know it, but yeah. Yeah, I've lost it since then, so I'd like another one. We can hook you up. I actually wore it to some award ceremony or something, and it just fell off because it's not, it wasn't on well. You're saying our merch is poorly constructed. I think that's what I'm saying. We put out cheap merch. I'm trying to figure out how to sue you for that.

Our friend Michael Weber wore it to the Oscars, which thrilled us to no end. That's nice. And he didn't win. Asshole, loser. I'll wear it to the Grammys. I mean... Yeah, tell us about the Grammy nomination. Well, bands visit, cast album, which I produced with Dean Sharon.

Now, thank you. It's actually a great album. Like, it's... I'm very proud of it as an album, not just the show. And so, you know, the award... That category they give you at 9 a.m. or something, and it... So you won't see me on television, but I'll wear the pin. Listen, we'll take it.

And you are a fan of like the same, and you saw the same TV, Kitty TV hosts that we grew up on. Oh, of course, of course, yeah, Captain Jack. Yeah, and Captain Jack would show the Popeye cartoons. Yes, Captain Jack McCartney. Three bells and all as well. Yes, yes. And he would end the show with, well, time and tide wait for no man.

And then there was Officer Joe Bolton. Sure. Yes. Who would do the swing the night stink? You know, he was a pig. And he would show the three stooges. And I think it would be like, like, you know, Monday and Wednesday would be curly and Tuesday and Thursday shimp. And then like the whatever day was left, Joe Bessah.

But I have a memory of, and I, maybe I just heard it on this. show, but I have a memory of seeing the depressing old Mo on one of their shows. Yes. Yes, he was. He was. I remember. I was a little kid, and I was watching it, and all of a sudden, my mother was in the kitchen, and I started

yelling out, it's Mo! Mo is on! You know what? When did you become a black mother? And he had his hair down, you know, and bangs. Yeah. Wasn't around the era where he co-hosted on the Mike Douglas show? Yes.

Yes, yes, I saw that. I remember that. Old Bo. I, my father likes to tell me that my first words, this is another flashback to New York television, or maybe it was national, when I was, whatever you are, one and a half or something. It wasn't mama, wasn't dad. It was Diver Dan. I remember Diver Dan. Those really cheap puppets.

Yeah, just hanging. there, these fish puppets hanging in front of him. Somehow he could talk to them through the helmet. That's a very old memory. Yeah. So that's a nice, boring memory for the listeners. Yeah. Do you remember Beach Comber Bill, though?

Does anybody remember him? Yeah, but only from only... And Sandy Becker. Of course I remember Sandy Becker. Do you know Sandy Becker one time combed his hair? He showed how to make a part in your hair. And for a while, after that, I used to comb my hair with a part. My hair was longer

And I would like combing out Make the like part And then brush it Thanks to Sandy Becker Yes thanks to Sandy Becker I'm having a false memory that I saw that I think With Norton Nork

He played Norton Nork Wow And Iba Giba Yes Holy cow Yes yes yes And Sunny Fox You hear with Sunny Fox

Which who you've had Sunny Fox was a guest on this show He was amazing His stories are incredible. Yeah. You know. I wasn't expecting anything. No.

That Sunny Fox brought to the show. The Wonderrama host turns out was a, you know, this amazing life. A World War II. Did you want to get on Wonder Roma? Yes, of course. Everybody. And I had friends who did, and I was very jealous of them. How'd they get on?

They must have known. They blew Sunny Fox. Yeah. Or Bob McAllis. I'm pretty sure someone blew Bob McAllis. I'm pretty sure someone blew Bob McCallis. Does anybody here have an art vark? Which is one of those songs that just shouldn't be in my head.

Never leave. Yeah, it does never leave. What was the thing you told me about you and Bob McAllister? You know, I grew up in New York City on the Upper West Side mostly, and I just have this memory being in the park, and I don't remember how old I was, eight years old or something. There was Bob McAllister, and he was playing Frisbee, I guess, with his kids, like maybe he had two sons, and I was with a friend, and we just sort of entered the Frisbee game,

but he was winging that free he was winging it like to adults you know like it was a dangerous there was anger and I felt like this is an angry man maybe he didn't like kids that's what I'm thinking

yeah you go in for all the sort of the million dollar movie and all that New York programming well the million dollar movie is like chiller theater like I almost start crying when I think of the credits at the beginning

because they use the Gone with the Wind theme so so way before I ever saw Gone with the Wind tower of stage but instead of the Civil War what you'd see is this black and white New York so romantic these like taxi lights and a skyline or something and it's just like it still gives me the chills

and I think it was the Channel 5 News that used the music from Cool Hand Luke Dan Dan do that's actually Very good That's from Magnificent 7 But Cool-Han Luke was like, da-da-da-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d. Yes, yes. Perfect for the news.

Then you watch Cool-Han Luke, and it sort of ruins those moments. It does. You're going, wait, why are they playing the news theme? Is that Max Steiner, that Tar's theme? Oh, maybe, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Certainly not the Cool-Han Luke. That was probably Jerry Goldsmith.

The King Kong theme. Max Steiner did everything. I'm guessing. I'm guessing it was him. I might be miss speaking. Max Steiner was the one who Betty Davis said in Dark Victor, you know she said look at the end when she goes up the stairs she goes look either i'm going up that staircase or max is going up that staircase you know like just the idea that she knew exactly what he would do as as she was going up the staircase speaking of kitty show host we also had chuck

mccann here yeah he was a man that i met tell me about that because that's interesting well i you know i sort of idolized him even as a little kid i could appreciate the quality that sort of improvisational quality of every day coming up with this stuff. You imagine? No. And putting these little white discs in your eye and saying, I'm little orphan Annie and then there's a theme song. Little orphan nanny never had

a mammy. She was a something little girl with her hair and... And I remember Dick Tracy he was the arm of the law. Dick Tracy he had a bulldog jaw. Dick Tracy

better do what he said. Time Crime doesn't never pay Yeah there's a lyric Chuck was working hard To turn that stuff out But he I just

My parents had a house In Salt Dair and Fire Island when I was little And someone There was a McCann family out there And on one magical Summer weekend This yacht

Pulls up to our dock Not a yacht type dock And not only is it a yacht It's Chuck McCann's yacht So there was Chuck McCann, you know. It was just a thrill. Alan Alda came to the same little town in like 19-7, in the midst of the MASH thing. I heard your interview was great with Alan Alda.

We had fun with it. And I thought of that, and I just thought he got off the ferry boat, and from the moment he got off the ferry boat till two days later when he got on the ferry boat, everything he did, there was 35 people saying, Alan Alda's going to play tennis. Alan Alder's going to go out of the cruise. Oh, geez. Poor guy. Yeah. Well, he's got a weird relationship with that kind of celebrity, as you would. Because, you know, we mentioned it on the show.

His face was more recognizable to students than Abe Lincoln, which disturbed him deeply. And the guy couldn't do anything. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast, but first a word from our sponsor. Wait, I didn't get charged for my donut. It was free with this Tim's Rewards points. I think I just stole it. I'm a donut stealer. Ooh. Earned points so fast, it'll seem too good to be true.

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And did you attend a recording of Chuck McCann Was that Earl Dow? This is of limit, yeah This could be of You know what, with this show, it's actually I think it's very interesting actually When I was We can talk about Alan Sherman

Because that's like a massive influence I'd love to talk about Alan Sherman. But even, so even as a little kid, I would hear Alan Sherman and, you know, sort of be fascinated by it. But there was a, the record that, and you've talked about it a lot, the first family was, you know, one of the first records that was a giant gold record comedy record. Yeah, Vaughn Meador. So, Earl Dowd was the sort of force behind that. He was one of the writers and producers of that, maybe the writer, the main writer. And he wrote a lot of different stuff.

Talented guy. Very talented guy. big just very fat and very tall and he had a little goatee and he was a friend of my parents in the same place and on the beach out on the island and uh i'm just remembering his townhouse like he made so much money on that album and he was one of those guys who just spent it yeah that album was a juggernaut it was a juggerna i heard that alan sherman he's one of those people who who's not prepared for fame in any way. Well, that's a tragic story.

Yeah. The Earl Dow's story is less tragic, but because he was already, he was married happily, you know, but he bought weird things like a kinkajoo, which is like a creature. He bought a kinkajoo.

Yeah, a creature from Australia, like a nocturnal creature that bit my father. But the Earl Dath story is simply that he did, his next album was called Spiro Tiagnu is a riot,

and I used to listen to that, and that was funny. With Stanley Myron Handelman. my own hand on me. My God. Yes. Wow. And then the next album he did, or maybe it was the Spiro Tiagnin one, my dad took me to the recording session. So they do two sessions usually. There's an audience. It was in a big studio in New York City. And for me it was a big moment because A, it was really smart comedy. I was probably eight, you know. And I'm just, and I was already, like there were two things that were fascinating to me. And one was comedy and the other was music. But in this case, it was. this recording studio. So I got to see these people with microphones and this amazing studio with a grand piano. And it sticks in my mind very clearly as a major point for me.

Of wanting to be in studios, wanting to be around comedy, wanting to be around music. Pat McCormick was on that album, too. Alan Sherman, like everything that he liked before, now he could get much like eating and drinking. And screwing.

I mean, yeah. Yeah. I doubt he had a lot of luck. I mean, I think he was married and sort of in that sort of line of just a straight life kind of. Yeah. And then boom. Just massive, I think it was the fame even more than the fortune because he was already producing television shows and making money. But that fame all of a sudden, that glow, that false glow that you get and he couldn't deal with it. But he was still a brilliant, brilliant man. You folks were playing those albums in the house. They had my son the folk singer. I had a music teacher and at the school

that I was going to who actually played us My son the Focusing. I think the first was my son the Focusing. And it's it's a woman holding like a rubber chicken. And I remember hearing it and some of it I

could appreciate even when I was that young like seven. Wow. But there was some of it I didn't understand what was going on but the audience response on the album was so genuine and so explosive that it was exciting and you couldn't help but laugh and to me that's till this day that is the bar that is the the gold standard for laughter when i'm writing for the theater you know for song or something if if i hear that kind of genuine laughter rolling laughter

explosive laughter then i feel like then i pat myself on the back and feel good that's about all that makes me interesting because because he was hot enough that that that laughter probably wasn't juiced that that was that was legit and and it was it was also the laughter of a group of people mainly sort of educated jews that were finally hearing jokes that just total same with melbrooks they're just for the first time hearing these jokes that um you know uh you know where i a joke about having a connection in dry goods in shaker heights sure you know but it rhymes with and it's to the tune of, you know, green sleeves. Or he's doing my Zelda.

Right. It is a funny thing because it's like, you know, there were always Jewish comics, God knows, and like Mark's brothers, Benny, Burns, Burl, everybody. But the idea of someone just where you go, oh, that guy is a Jew, like the others could have been anything. That's right. But it's like he came out and it looked like some,

you know, Jewish accountant. Owned it. Well, Mickey Katz first, really. Yeah. To do it, doing that, you know, doing it before Sherman. Yeah, but Mickey Katz was a clown. Yes. And Alan Sherman was a satirist.

Although Alan Sherman has one of my favorite singing voices. Like, famously he can't sing. That's great. But it's like a great. It is. It's a great voice. But he was doing something, even Nichols and May were doing great funny stuff. And you knew if you're Jewish, you know that, you know that mother character is sort of Jewish.

But they weren't using Yiddishisms or Jewish names. You know, he was just like, it was just this amazing, you know, American folk and British and European folk music. But now we're going to take it and we're going to put matzo balls in it. And Harvey and Chila. My Zelda, she took the money and ran with a tailor. Yeah, and it took me years. Now, I'm listening to this stuff at the age of 10. I'm not even Jewish.

So I don't get the cultural references. See, that's the other thing. I didn't know it was a Belafonte song. The same teacher who taught us, who played that for us, also we would all sing out of the Fire Sign Book of Folk Songs, which was this kind of at the time, kind of famous compendium of folk songs from around the world. So I know all these folk songs,

and some of them were the ones that Alan Sherman took. So when I heard, you know, he was he was tramping through the warehouse where the drapes of raw stored that was like that's the best wordplay I've ever heard it's great so then again there's a gold standard he was a good writer too

yeah because it's not easy to do that I remember the songs on that album no it's not it's not easy and coming up with the idea of you know he aimed and he fired with his he took careful aim with his trusty revolva

da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da I shot and he crumpled just like a piece halva. What synapse do you have to have firing to go there? I remember little David, Susskind, please shut up. Please don't talk. Please don't talk. Little David Susskind, me first, then you talk. And that's not clever wordplay.

It's just perfect cadence of a Jewish guy saying, please shut up. That's great. And you said the cultural references of the time. I mean, a Jackie Kennedy joke would just go over. There's a Jackie Kennedy joke in My Zelda. No, it's in Jump Down Turn Around. Oh, it's how this one looks on. It's a...

Pick a dress of cotton. Frick a dress of cotton. That's it. See how this one looks on me, just like Jackie Kennedy. And just, you're with the audience. The crowd goes wild. Even now, you're like... And then you just appreciate...

It's great comedy. What's wrong with us that this is what we were listening to when you were six and I was 10? You know who was strange in that time period was like they'd do the top five songs of the week and there'd be like the Rolling Stones and then there'd be Barbara Streisand, Bob Dylan and Frank Sinatra, and in that would be Alan Sherman. Right. Yeah, sure.

Sure, I think. Ray Stevens doing a parody song or a humor song. Yeah, I mean, I guess the first big Alan Sherman hit was, Um, hello matter, hello fata. Yeah. Or maybe it was Sarah Jockman. Because there is a, there's a, there's a story that they used to, every now and then in the Kennedy in the, in, in the Camelot, you know, you'd hear John Kennedy walking down the, the

hall singing Sarah Jockman, you know, or something like that. How's your cousin Doris? She's with William Morris. She's with William Morris. He's nice too. Yeah. You know, if you have, just to your listeners, just, just go. online. Yeah, find them. You got this thing. You got this computer now where you can just

hear anything you want. Go listen to Alan Sherman. It's the absolute, some of the best stuff ever. And everyone agrees, you know, Al Yankovic agrees. Oh, yeah. We talked about it. Yeah. I mean, all of us who write funny songs, I mean, I write all kinds of songs, but funny songs are the hardest to write, that's one of the kings of it. And you do love a play on words in your songwriting, which I, which I appreciate. Thank you. It's, it, I can't remember my own stuff, but, although I did, I did do one song where it's a French guy telling you that you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, it's from Dirty Rotten Scoundrel's, you can't dress, just dress this guy up and expect that people are going to buy that he's like high class. So the very end of the

song, he goes, buy him a castle, he'll still be an asshole and nothing you do. So I felt like I got the little the French thing and the asshole world. Well, chimp in a suit is. Yeah, chimp in a suit. Yeah, that's such a song. But you're still got an ape in a suit. And you're still going to get a stench. Dumpin him well in a court of Chanel.

It won't cover the smell. I should know, I'm French. Take him to see. It shows almost, you could see almost an Alan Sherman influence. No question. I worked very hard on that song. And what's interesting about it is we took it out of the show after the... That was a dirty rotten scoundrels.

Yeah. And actually, Richard Kine sang that song when he came in to the show. Can you do Richard Kine singing that song? To mess up a monkey in Armani. He may seem precocious and cute. Despite all that primping, you still got a chimpin a suit. I remember having this argument with him As soon as I met him

We were best friend Like everyone's like that with him So we just start arguing He goes Despite all that primping You still got a chimp in a suit And I'm like Richard You're ruining

Could you help me a little bit You don't have to put a comma there And he's like No I want to do it I want to put my own spin on it I'm like no no Help me out Put your own spin on it

There was a lot of music in your house When you were a kid, I know But your parents, comedy albums too? Were they? It's not like they were big comedy fans But they didn't discourage that You know, I don't think, I think probably I brought the Alan Sherman record home from school

Or something like that. Did you listen to button down mine to Bob Newhart And that stuff too? I did later. You discovered all that stuff. I went in that phase when I was just like, I forget what age I was at. There was one, there was a point at

like 16 when I just listened to every comedy record possible. I guess it probably was, it went back from Class Clown, from Carl, from Carlin. And then I was like, all right, I'm going to go. And then the Smothers Brothers and all that stuff. And, you know, there's so much great stuff. Gil, did you buy comedy albums?

Not really. I mean, I think. Amirn Coen albums? No, no, I didn't. And, you know, there was something eerie later on about listening to comedy albums because now they don't seem now that you're used to seeing the comic on film it's like it's something creepy about comedy albums oh that's really interesting yeah alienating kind of yeah yeah yeah yeah i get it um i wouldn't i i can't apply

that to someone like alan sherman or the smothers brother because it's music but yeah yeah I get it. You're a Spike Jones fan, too, because we were talking about Mickey Cats. That's funny. That's because we had on Joel Gray, and he was talking about his point on Mickey Cats. That's so cool. Which is hysterical when you listen to Spike Jones. I mean, the thing about Spike Jones is that's, you know, some of it's song parody.

You know, it's all sort of parodies of songs, but he was able to, how can music be funny when the lyrics aren't happening? And so he was parodying the score. You know, and he had his own whole thing. And if you look at the, if you go online and you look at old live television, you know, kinescopes or whatever of Spike Jones, you're, it's amazing what you're watching. You're seeing this breakneck version of cocktails for two with this, this lunatic Irish guy, apparently drunk all the time from what I read, like, whacking this pole that has, you know, like a car horn, five cowbells and a gun, a working. gun, you know, and he's the percussion. And then there's like a band of 12 people, a trombone player who can stand on his head while playing a solo. Mickey Katz is over here. They don't do it anymore. Yeah, it's great stuff. It's a great period of show business that will never come

again. No, it won't. And his son tried to bring it back and it just didn't, sometime in the 70s, Spike Jones Jr. Yeah. Doesn't. So fair to say as a kid, you knew you were going to take one of two directions. You knew you were going to go into music or comedy. Those were the things that We're driving you at the very least. Yes, or both. Or both. Yeah. Somehow a writer, not necessarily a comedy writer, but then, but it was pretty clear that

that's how I would veer. Music, yeah, I mean, I was always in bands and, yeah. Tell Gilbert some of the names of these bands, which I think he would appreciate. Oh, that I was in? Yeah. Well, I was in a band. The first band that I was in, we called, we called ourselves pure shit. That was my idea.

And we called ourselves, it was, it was, Simply so when we were done, the emcee could say, ladies and gentlemen, that was pure shit. That's like from the people who gave you head. Yes. Oh, the monkeys.

The monkeys joke. You had a band called Coke Machine. Well, in college, moon pudding. I didn't tell you about Coke Machine, did I? No, I don't think you told me. In college, we had a band called Coke Machine. It was a funk band,

and it was, you know, like a mixed race, kind of seven-piece, just the coolest possible college band. and we were like the big band in Providence for a couple of years and opened for some cool people and played at some cool places and I didn't, I wasn't a fan of cocaine but everyone else really seemed to be in the band.

What was the other one? Moon pudding? Oh, moon pudding. Moon pudding was our little jazz. Deep research here, David. Jazz band in college. Again, it's a double entendre sort of what's the mellowest food?

well, we decided pudding was the mellowest food and the moon is kind of mellow but it also could refer to diarrhea discharging from your ass moon pudding? Yeah, moon pudding. Wow. Excellent. Did you know where he was going with that skill? Very subtle and intellectual. Thank you very much. It's like Benchley.

I'd just like to mention at this juncture that my show, the bands, visit, won 10-tone awards. My subtle and moving show currently on Broadway. But I think you're I think your journey is interesting because you were, you were forming bands, you were kind of doing your own thing, you had rock star dreams, you know, it's funny how people's careers don't take the path that they intended. It takes a circular path. I mean, if you're really directed like Gilbert was, then you work on your craft, you do it, you do it, you do it, you know, and you just keep doing it.

for me it's always been this kind of serpentine to quote the good version of the in-laws serpentine thing so yeah so I mean you couldn't imagine yourself being a Broadway composer in those days no no no not at all I mean that's interesting but I also couldn't imagine as much as I wanted it I couldn't imagine being a professional comedy writer either

and there and I was and I sometimes still am you know so yeah and then I got a record deal you know the the trajectory is weird it's like it's not direct it isn't direct it went to college got out of college my first job out of college was the letterman show you went to brown i went to brown where i played in bands the whole time right so it's but you'd think oh then you get out and then you start playing in a band but i got the letterman gig so that was that and then while doing that saving money um something that i know you're you're Gilbert an expert app

You did bring him toiletries I did I mean I understand You know You know To saving the money And then buying into a recording studio And then making demos

And then getting a record deal So But then also still writing some pilots And you know like So you had always one foot in Even when you left Letterman You kept a foot in Yeah and I sort of still do

Like I pitched I pitched some I pitched a couple of TV shows last year, you know, comedies. Interesting. You know, just because they were good ideas with people I liked. So you're still doing it. Now, was the band's visit, I'm all confused, was it based on a true story? No. No.

No, the guy, the movie The Band's Visit is an Israeli film by Eran Coleran. Yeah, I saw that. It's a beautiful film, and it really almost... Much better than the play. Thank you very much. And I'd like to mention much less expensive as well. In fact, don't... In fact, don't see the show.

Just watch the movie. But do buy the album. Yes, definitely by the album. No, it sort of came out of like his sort of, he's just a, he's a wonderful writer and filmmaker and it came out of his imagination. And you turned it down because you like to turn things down. What the band was your first approach? Well, I semi turned it down, but I sort of was a little intrigue, so I went to the meeting. It was that kind of thing.

But I always do that. Like, it takes me a while to hook in. Had you seen the film when you were approached? No, I saw it after I was approached. Yeah. And I loved it. But that doesn't mean it would make a good show. Right, but you made a connection to the music

because of that childhood experience when you were with your dad and the taxi cab. Yeah, I mean, you know, the most indelible experiences for me came through the ears. You know, for some people, it's like tastes, you know, like your mother's cuggell, you know, although I hate Kugel, so it's not even, you know, but the, the, it was sounds. And when I was pretty young, like seven, I think I was, I was in Lebanon. My father is Lebanese. My mother's, the Jewish side is my mother, Arab side is my father. And his mother's half Italian, I'd like to throw in.

Sicilian, a little Sicilian. This is a very strange combination. It is, it is. And my brain tried to come up with some joke involving circumcision and lasagna, but it's, It's not going to work. It's not going to happen. Who's that guy with the show? My mother's Italian.

My father's Jewish. No wonder I'm crazy. I don't remember his name. He built an entire career out of it. I don't remember his name. Remember the commercials. Oh, geez. Yeah.

Yeah. But you're in this car, in this cab in Lebanon. If you're a centaur, you can say, my mother's a human. My father's a horse. A Phoenix. Of course I'm a, oh, forget the name of everyone, the great rock. producer. Oh, Delsner.

Delzner. We had a guest. Yeah. Ron Delzner said that he's half Italian and half Jewish and he said, if I can't get it for you wholesale, I'll steal it. He's been dining out on that line for about 45 years. That's great. It's a great line.

If you've got to remember one line, that's the one to remember if you're him. I've forgotten it already. Oh, so I was in Lebanon. And I heard this sort of weird Arabic, it was Egyptian music. It turned out it was Ump Kaltum who was like bigger than Sinatra. I'm ashamed to say that until I saw the band's visit, I did not know who Um Kutum was. That's fine. I mean.

And now I'm digging it. I have all their albums. It's a woman. It does sound like a, the name does sound like a character from like Crazy Cat. Or like Kajagugu. One of those bands were a nonsense name. She, she, and it wasn't necessarily, I know it was her, because I remember the voice. It was just the flavor of it.

And I remember asking the cab driver, what is that? And he said, you don't know, you know, it was sure. Sure. Um, so yeah, so I've been a fan of that, that genre of music, as well as a lot of other genres, too. Um, and so I didn't like the, I, I enjoyed the idea of diving into that type of music. That world. And I did for several years, and it was great. I think it's fascinating what you say, too, about.

hearing something and being brought back does your memory work that way Gilbert yeah we did these top 40 remember we did the one-hit wonder shows can you remember hearing a song hearing a hit from the 70s do you remember where you were like yeah you remember everything I mean for someone who can't really sing you remember every thing it's not that he can't see and incidentally it's not that you can't sing it's just that you have no rhythm like you can sing but you just and then actually I'm gonna say I'm gonna I'm gonna Broderosa's loving this.

I'd like to make a, I'd just like to guess at something. I actually think you probably do have rhythm, but you just don't care. Like, because I'm listening to you singing to this, you know, to like the band in a box stuff, and there's a beat. And you just don't care. You're like, you're like six beats ahead. Like, you just want to get it, yeah, get through it. I gave David, I gave him a shot at it. I wrote to him and I said, you know, when we have musicians on the show, Gilbert likes to sing.

And he writes back, what would we? And he puts in quotes, sing. exactly he dodged it I'm sorry shot the gun and he dodged the bullet but like there's a song and you have a memory of top 40 music

there was a song called Precious and few That's the one By the moment's sweet You remember where you were Absolutely and this is freaky I remember what I was eating And I remember which comic book I was reading

Which issue of the Fantastic Four I was reading when I decided I love that song I get it Those songs take me back. It's Proustian. That's your, that's your Madeline. That's, that's.

There are so many weird things that break. Well, smell is a direct. It's a big one, yeah. Yeah. But I'm like David. It's, it sounds. A lot of it comes through the ears. Yeah, for me too, yeah.

You know what else I find weird? Well, well, being on, you know, in TV shows and movies. Oh, you're in TV shows and movies? Yeah, yeah. I'll watch a movie or TV shows in. years ago and I'll see a scene and I'll go yeah I remember I was really depressed that day oh yeah and I'll go or I had a bad headache when I did that I remember those I remember I had a some I had a something like that we we devoured boys town on TCM and Spencer Tracy yeah yeah and I'm watching it and

it was almost violent like a flashback to my old room on the upper Upper West Side, and I was sick at home. I don't know why it was on television. There was no VCRs or anything like that. And I do, I have the memory of exactly what the light coming through the window was and how I felt. Yeah, it's kind of like when I watch a movie or TV thing, I was saying it's kind of like looking through. Oh, you're talking about when you were in it. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yes. Yes. Because it'll be like looking through a photo album. and I'll go, I remember that day and it'll be, I'll see myself in something and I'll go oh yeah, I remember

this happened that day. Oh, but can you remember, like when you're seeing yourself doing a take do you have a memory of can you get inside your head at the time and sort of have a memory of being on that set and that. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes

that'll come back. Wow. Yeah. That's funny. Isn't that weird? Yeah, can you remember when you play one of your songs, because you have occasionally performed live, do you remember when I wrote this, this was happening to me? Yeah, sometimes, but most of my songs I've sung so many

times that I can remember it, but I don't think about it while I'm performing. There's one or two songs, there's one in particular where there's just a lyric. It happens to be about my son, and I wrote it when he was really little. And I have to prepare myself when I'm coming up

to that section, because I will choke up. like an amateur like a sissy boy amateur yeah about that I have to talk about this too the band's visit director and I'm sorry I didn't write his name down the genius David Cromer

I say the genius because he's a bona fide genius because he won the MacArthur Grant I mean first in my opinion everybody associated with that show did such a wonderful job he's truly a brilliant director

like amazing but this is interesting he said when he first met you he expected to meet a sensitive heartbroken little gay man yeah he's he uh he met he met a songwriter out of the thirties with a grumpy cigar smoking songwriter out of the 30s he said he yeah i met him in london and uh another director bartshire introduced us and um he had just seen women on the verge of a nervous breakdown which which was on broadway and then was in london and which i wrote and it's all it's all it's a It's almost all female characters.

So I'm, I was doing what I do. I was sort of like getting in the skin of, you know, these characters and writing for heartbroken women. So he, in a way, he was being kind of, you know, he was kind of stereotyping, you know, or something. He's like, because he's a gay guy, you know. He said, what kind of man can write women this effectively? Right, right. So he was, he was really nervous meeting me. I remember this.

Because I think the show was talking, was speaking to things of. about his life and his relationships at that time. And then he was like, he was kind of disappointed when he met me, you know. But he and I, um, since then we, we have a really,

a close friendship. A lot of it's based on the kind of stuff we're talking about, you know. Weird arcane stuff and, he and I came up with a, he and I came up with a vaudeville routine, um, the best possible version of who's on first,

um, which we put up, which we put online. Um, so, just say hey they got these baseball players

these days they got crazy names hey these baseball players these days have crazy names yeah yeah that's it

we performed it you know all over speaking of baseball Gilbert would love the Sandy Kofak song oh well how do you come up

with a concept like good for baseball good for the Jews Jewish side of my mother grew up in Long Beach, Long Island. Yeah. A lot of Jews, a lot of Jew,

the whole, you know, so and I have this side of my family that's, you know, from there and that's, they're all Jewish. So there is this, and then all my friends, not all my friends, a lot of my friends I grew up with in New York are Jewish.

So there are a lot of memories of you know, like people saying is it good for the Jews? Like I remember when David Berkowitz son of Sam when it turned out his name was David Berkowitz

and my friend Ted Greenberg's father said that's not good for the Jews although he was adopted David Oh I didn't know that at the time I think he was he Italian or raised by Italians?

I think he was adopted I don't think the Berkowitz was that was the family that adopted him definitely not good for the Jews either way not good for the Jews you can't well we've been

suffering for 2,000 years so you can't win but but But I also remember Bowie Cune, the commissioner of baseball. And remember he used to talk about you know, why don't you want players to have their hair below their ear?

It's not good for baseball. So that's how I, that song just came like, is it good for baseball? Everyone has their tribe and they're all thinking about what's good for what. And then it's just a fever dream of like baseball and Jews. It's great.

Roy Kahn wasn't good for the Jews. No, no, no. Definitely not good for the Jews. No. Not at all. Yeah. Not for one minute. I'm sure.

I don't think the Rosenbergs were good for the Jews. No. Either, ultimately. You know, we talked about this a lot when we worked on the thing for CBS, but, you know, it's a show about longing. It's a show about not connecting. Oh, the band's visit. The band's visit. Yeah.

I mean, I like what Vulture actually had to say about it. They said it's about unhappiness, but it's filled with hope, which is kind of interesting. Yeah. You agree with that? Well, I agree that it's about hope, but it's, without, I don't want to get too spiritual, but the thing that attracted me to it, when I started falling down that rabbit hole, you know, was the sense of when I'm the happiest when I'm actually connecting with someone. So I can sit at a table, like, I can sit at a table with a bunch of, like, comedians or comedy writers and have a great time. to connect you're not really you're connecting on a certain level that's like entertainment sure but if i'm one-on-one with someone or even more than one-on-one that's all what we're capable of

by the way yes well i'm sure that isn't true men with families but um but there's a deeper connection and and the older i get the more i realize that not only is that true but it's incredibly important because that's that's at the absolute root of everything and that's what people are longing for when they're longing for spiritual connection. So when people are longing for a connection with God, you can find that in a connection, in a deep connection. So where do I find that connection the deepest? And that is with music, which is a metaphor, which is the best possible metaphor for everything we're talking about, this oceanic feeling that there is, that God exists, and that it's everywhere. And there's this ocean. And there's this ocean. And

it's love too so that's what really got me going and all these people in this in this show that's what they don't know it maybe one of them knows it but that's what they're longing for so when they do connect even a little bit on a deep level they and the audience get this i think get this really wonderful sense you don't even know what it is but you lean in you literally lean forward absolutely and you listen to what they're singing and saying and by the end you feel it too because you're a live audience of people. It's not a movie. So you're interacting with the people on the stage who are interacting with each other because it also has the most amazing world-class musicians playing this kind of Arabic-tinged music and you're watching them connect because

they do a lot of improvving within songs. So I think it's a really unique experience and every time I see it, I'm sort of pleased. Good. That's nice. That's nice. You know, I just had a flashback because, I mean, I didn't own that many comedy albums, but I've heard billions of them. And with comedy albums and also music, I remember like you'd play a record and you'd hold the record cover as you were listening to the media. And you would like looking at the pictures and the words on it. I used to go to the Lincoln Center Library because there wasn't iTunes. I'd go to

Lincoln Center Library from a pretty young age and you could take 10 albums and stack them up, sit down at a little kiosk with really greasy headphones because everyone used the same headphones and listen to anything you want. And a big part of that was that feeling of

that feeling of slipping it out, and then slipping it out of the dust cover, holding it a search. way you know and that and then looking at the looking at this that you could read the type because it was big on the big album cover and then sometimes gently reaching for the handle where the needle is and putting it to hear the song your favorite song yeah yeah yeah and it's like we were in the in the 1800s now yeah to say those things but that feeling of yeah that feeling of that like feather light little touch of the of the tone arm and you have to

just carefully, and then that when you put it down. I'm old enough to remember when you'd go into a record store, like record world, and they would let you hear the single before you bought it. Wow, I don't remember that, but... In the 60s.

It wasn't that long ago. Those little plastic swastikas that they put in the singles. Yeah. Who knew? That's why we have so much right-wing violence now, because that was all... That was a subliminal... We talk about so many things like that on the show.

You know the show, and we're so drenched in nostalgia. He's talking about how you would, you know, we're talking about the end of those, the death of those record stores and albums, but also that Gilbert, what Gilbert talked about before. We're top 40. You could hear Alan Sherman and Doris Day and, you know, and the beach boys. Or a song from a show. Or a song from a show. A musical.

Yeah. On the charts at the same time. People say. You've got a music education. Often you'll get, and everyone get, every one. composer gets this. Some critic or some person will say, I went out and I wasn't

whistling any of the songs, you know, going out. And I think it was Cy Coleman said, you know what, it's not that people, it's not that shows were so great in the old days that they left the show whistling the songs. They walked in whistling the songs because a lot of the songs were already on the hit parade or already on the radio. So it's almost like

psyching yourself up for a rock concert by listening to the band. that gives you a lot of wind at your back if you're a composer of a musical if people are coming in and they know two or three of the songs because it hits already We will return to

Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this How do you sit down to tackle something like writing a theme song for Where in the World is Carmen San Diego which is goddamn catchy has also stayed with me all these years Well that's like

I've done a lot of jingles like in the past and that is almost like a jingle and part of it is just just trying to come up with something very quickly because it's about like a little hook or something like that

in this case I wrote it with Sean Altman who was the founder of rockapella which was the show they were the band on the show love them and who I've known since we were 16 we went to high school together and I don't you know he we got together and we just started like

I just started banging the piano or I think maybe there was like a drumbeat or something like that and that just comes out of the ether kind of you have a gift for writing a hook I know where the hook is yeah that's handy you know what else same thing with like the top five hits the mixture

is like when they had variety shows like Ed Sullivan or any of those things they would be the things you were waiting for like the rock group or a comic or whatever and then other stuff that you were forced to watch and then

but the stuff you were forced to watch that you were dreading you go oh okay that wasn't so bad even a show that was all music like Don Kirshner's rock concert or the midnight special you sat through bands you didn't like you couldn't fast forward and it's like on Ed Sullivan and these variety

shows you know they'd have on an opera singer or like something and you go okay All right, that wasn't so terrible. Ed Sullivan also is the old tapes of those or the kinescopes or whatever they are are really valuable if you're a composer, a theater composer, because some of those things that I felt like I was forced to watch in order to get to the band would be something like, and now the clog dance from the hit Broadway. And it wasn't a hit. It was some friend of Ed Sullivan who procured him some dimbo, you know, like. But then you'd be like, holy shit, I never would have seen that if it wasn't preserved on the Ed Sullivan show.

Yeah. Yeah, very valuable stuff. Last thing about the band's visit, too, is I think... Can I just say one thing? Sure. What I love is when I'm answering a question and I'm looking over at Gilbert, and I think he's really interested in the answer I'm giving you about the band's visit or Arabic music. And then he asked a question about the thing we were talking about two things before. He's on a 27-second, 27-minute delay.

What I love about it is the face that you're making because you really are thinking that makes it sound like you're so interested in what I'm saying in the moment. He's catching up. How many seconds delay? 27 minutes. I'm listening to my own show in my head.

So entertaining. He has no idea where we're headed. Mario was going to close the Christmas show with a Judy Garland song, and he says about 20 minutes, before the finale. Hey, maybe you could sing some kind of Judy Garland

number. A different one than Mario had planned. Oh, and when we had on the guy from with the bear, oh, Greg Evigan. Oh, BJ and the bear. We had Greg Evigan, yeah. So, I didn't hear that one. So, I was

going to I was going to say his name again at the end. And Frank, in a panic, hands me a card in big letters that says Greg because he sees I'm about to say like Glenn or Craig Well believe me, when you call me like, you know, Mike Spazel or something I won't, I'll be fine with it.

I don't worry about it. I'm going to ask you a couple of quick questions from listeners and I was going to ask you this one anyway, but I'll let the listener do it. Sam Barber says, David, I had the pleasure of seeing the Broadway run of the full Monty which featured, I know Gilbert is interested in this. So we'll keep him on this one. The late great Kathleen Freeman. Yeah.

Stories about working with her? Yeah, Kathleen. Oh, she was terrific. She was amazing. And I loved her. And I knew, like, you know, I was with a bunch of, this was my first show. And when she came in to audition, nobody else really in that room knew who she was. They just, they knew, they sort of knew.

But I could see her, you know, I'm not even from Blues Brothers or anything like on. Oh, she was in a lot of Jerry to do. She was in all the gym. Jerry Lewis movies, and she had a really interesting career that I already knew about. Like she was actually, I think it was MGM used her as an acting coach sometimes. So there's a movie called The Collector. Oh, sure. With Samantha Eger.

It's a, it's a, it's sort of like a weird thriller. She's in that? No, she was the acting coach to Samantha Eager who had to sort of be this prisoner. And, you know, so I got to ask her these, I mean, it was like having her on your show. You know, I was like, but we did a lot of talking about. comedy response because this was my first show and you got a show with songs that are you know hopefully making an audience of a thousand or more people laugh sure and there's a whole protocol to obviously when you're doing stand-up or when you're doing a comedy play about you know the timing of laughter

and she just knew it to her bones so we would be talking about a particular joke and she she she was say to maybe one of the other actors, you know what, if you just, if you pause before this word, you'll get, you'll get a big laugh and then you'll get a rolling laugh. Like she would just tell you, this is what will happen. Like a science. She'd say, this is what will happen, and then it happened. So I loved her, and I learned a lot from her. Unfortunately, I think we killed her because she was in her mid-80s, and she refused, even

when she felt sick, she refused to, she would do everything she could. On an old pro. Literally an old pro. And she was great. But she would always show up and she would always and even when she was clearly, really something was wrong, she would show up. And I think she just worked herself, you know, overworked it. It was a terrible loss.

I didn't realize that that she was working herself to death. Yeah, I think so. What a great talent. That's something that will never happen to me. Or us. I remember meeting her at some event. And once again, it was one of these things like people, I couldn't believe people were in crowding around her. Yes.

To me and Frank, like these supporting players. Me too, man. I was like, you've got to understand who we have here. You know, you have to, I've said that some of the younger actors. Like, you need to understand who this is. And at least watch The Nuddy Professor. Well, like in, well, the line and death of a salesman. Attention must be paid.

I think she's in singing in the rain. You could call this podcast attention must be paid. That would have been a better title. No, no, there's no better title. I can't imagine John Beach doing a singing a theme. John Beach, I got a question from John Beach. I went over the Kathleen Freeman, and I said, you know, I was talking to her, and I said, you know, I always saw you in the Jerry Lewis movies, and she said, yes, Jerry's always been nice to me,

always hired me. and I had spoken to this band leader, Lou Brown. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And Lou Brown told me Jerry Lewis is the most hated man in show business. Well, listeners to this show have heard some of those stories. And I said to Kathleen Freeman, I heard that Jerry Lewis is the most hated man in show business. And she had this pained look on her face, like a face scrunched up.

And she gave me a nod. It's painful. Painful nod. So she still had that sense of a meal ticket that she didn't want to. That's really funny. Like she wasn't going to lie. It's so great. And yet Rupert Holmes fell in love with him.

Oh, yeah. So go no. But you were a major Lewis fan. Yeah. I mean, it took, I wasn't initially a Lewis fan. I took first sort of going, entering through this sort of irony of the of the telethon of the telethons and just sort of saying what the hell what strange creature is this you know webster's webster's new collegiate dictionary defines a friend

as someone who will always be there when you don't show up for your show at the vagus yeah like yeah yes yes just go on to and and it was fascinating and then he is fascinating and then through that realizing that he was actually probably a genius but then realizing when he had his show, his, his, his, his, his, various talk shows on the air, like he had a daytime talk show that was just so bad. Oh, horrible. And most of what made it bad was his own eubris and narcissism. Like, yeah, you're going to love me no matter what I do, you know? But then he was also, there was this show, there was a talk show that wasn't his show, and it was a psychologist, just interviewing people as a psychologist.

So Jerry went on, and Jerry was, Jerry was like, the guy said something, so, you know, king of comedy, that was amazing acting. And he said, no, no, that is an acting. And then he went, what do you? That's acting. He goes, he turns it on and turns it off. He goes, that's acting. And then he just talks about nightmares he's having about flying a plane between two buildings. And then you're like, oh, boy, this guy.

And then you read his autobiography. Yeah. And you're like, what the? At the beginning of the autobiography, he goes to a shrink. And he says, you know, I'm very unhappy. You got to help me. And the end of the session, the doctor said, I can help you. I can make you happier.

There's only one problem. You will no longer be funny. That was the, and that was like. The navel gazing. So self-important. I remember. Self-importance the word. During his talk, she was.

he had on Charlie Callas. Was his sidekick? I saw that. On the late night show. When they did Truman Capote and... Well, they did something else. Someone had died around the... And it wasn't anyone that the public would know.

He was like some guy known in the business. But no one in the public would know. And Jerry's talking very seriously about it. And he says, and I'm thinking, boy, I couldn't write this. says a comedy. Jerry says, so I think we should take a moment of silence.

And I thought a moment, I'm sure the sponsors are, whoopee! We're paying for silence. And then to make it fucking worse, he takes out

a, he goes, we'll have a moment of silence where we'll ponder. and have a cigarette and I thought have a cigarette this guy probably died of cancer and you're gonna have a cigarette

to honor him I was the whole show is I mean for guys like us that's just that's better than any episode of the Sopranos I mean it's just like I can't believe what I'm seeing it's train wreck

but I don't know if you remember this but every time Charlie Callis would appear next to him you know and it was just the two of them everything had to start with Charlie Callis saying, I just want to say this man, he gave me this shot, I love this man. It was a Sammy Maudlin show.

It was a Samley Maudlin thing every time, every day. Sherry Lewis one time said to the audience, I think on a telethon, he said, you know, I wish some of you could feel the love and adoration and respect that I'm feeling now. And then he goes,

but that's not likely. Oh, my God. Perfect. Oh, my God. And so he, I became more fascinated with that Jerry Lewis. Yeah.

I fell in love with the early funny Jerry Lewis, but I was fascinated. For me, it was like working backwards from that. Yes. It was like the psycho drama, Jerry Lewis, and then working backwards into like,

Wow, he did this amazing, you know, like the stuff that he did and the stuff that he kind of sometimes improvised with Dean and, you know, I mean, I'm something that they pretended they were, but, you know, that stuff is like, yeah, you know, I mean, as much as I, as much as I am not sorry I never met, you know, there's certain people, I'm really glad I didn't meet certain, you know, I feel like my life would have been so much worse had it not been for both sides of Jerry Lewis, you know. Yes, yes. Yeah. That's interesting. Since we brought up John Beach, and for our listeners that aren't familiar, John does the funny interstitials, and now back to our show,

and all of those wacky bells and whistles. Franken Gil went out to pee. That's him. Yes, that's John and Beach. I like they control you, so give up. Yes. That's my favorite. John doesn't know it,

but he actually accidentally ripped me off on one of his things. It's the one that goes, That's something that I believe I wrote when he and I wrote something, we wrote a short series of filthy, gross stuff for kids. Oh, wow. John, are you listening? Well, he'll remember that.

He says, David, you spent years as a comedy writer and as a music writer slash producer slash musician before you found your way to success in the theater. How do you feel now looking back about those grinding times? Did you ever wonder how and if you would find your place? No. Thank you, John Beach. Thanks, John. No, I, you know.

Care to pontificate. What a weird, I mean, what a weird question. Is he putting you on? No, I mean. Seems sincere. You know, yeah, but, you know, things happen in moments. And it's not like, I don't feel like I ever sat there. there thinking like, boy, I want to, I got to make it. Like, what is making it?

You know, someone's like, you're just trying to do good work. I want success. What is success? I don't, I could, I could have, literally could have $700 million and, you know, live in a, you know, a big house. And I wouldn't, I'd feel exactly the same, you know, just as miserable. Yeah. Just as, just as sort of strangely, oddly, oddly miserable. but not not miserably because I'm longing for more stuff or anything like that just just you know just there's a conundrum and it's called life you know and that's just what that's what it is well as long as we're talking about being miserable you want to tell us about working with larry david oh that was that was actually an enjoyable experience he did a show on broadway called fish in the dark a few years ago and he starred in it so it was you know sold out like as soon as tickets went on sale it was sold out for an entire eight months whatever but

the run was. And they asked me to do incidental music for it because the scene changes were really long. And it was Larry David who I know many, many people who've worked with him or for him. Including Gilbert. Including Gilbert.

But a lot of comedy writer, friends of mine and actors and stuff. And Richard Kind, you know. Of course. Cousin. Cousin Is he play on that show? One of his great roles. Yeah. The cousin. I can't remember his name now, but he's wonderful. What's for, what are we having for lunch, and he's a guest at someone's house. That's in Howie, maybe.

Yeah, he's great. And then Cheryl says, Turkey, and he goes, oh, no, no, no. No, I had that yesterday, which is actually very close to something Richard Kahn himself was saying. He's playing himself. Yeah, he's playing himself. That was fun because, you know, I mean, it wasn't fun because Larry David is like the, the fun guy to hang around.

I didn't mean he's really miserable. I met the character, the Kermudgeon character. But he was pretty happy, and in fact, he, there was one moment when. when he was whistling in the theater, which for some reason is something you're not supposed to do. And he's just whistling and he's so happy. And then someone goes, nope, you shouldn't be doing that. And he's like, oh, and he stops.

And, you know, it was just, the thing I remember about Larry David is his center of gravity is just like, I've never seen anyone leaning backwards on a, like, 45-degree angle. I mean, you've worked with him. Like, you know, he's like he's standing there And he looks like he's going to fall over at any minute. And he walks like the keep on trucking guy from our crumb. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Now, you were talking about Richard Kind again, and I'm looking at the... Suppositories? The stuff that you got me from the hotel. I, you know, when I go to, like, voiceovers or anything, I wind up, you know, grabbing candies. I like the expression wind up because it sounds like you're releasing your own agency there. Yeah, it just happens that way. I'm taking candies, cans of soda, everything in my bag. And a couple of times people have caught me doing it and I say, yeah, I'm really bad at stealing stuff.

And about three times people have said, they'd say, no, you're a rank amateur at this. the top one is Richard Kynne. Well, first let me say that Richard, I love Richard. As much as I love any friend of mine, I love Richard. And I see him a lot because we play poker together and we get together all the time. But I got to tell this story. It's a Richard Kine's story. So the game that I've been playing in for many years, we used to have a protocol where

the big winner the week before would bring the snacks for the next week the snacks you know that's a 30 at you know 30 or 40 at the most you know purchasing of chips you know no one we're not expecting you know truffled you know you know we just it's just chips and cookies you know that kind of stuff so but richard wasn't wasn't winning at all ever so but one week he had a great night and he did very well and he won and I just remember saying after he left like I wonder what he's going to ring next week so fast forward it's a week later and we're sitting there we've been playing for about an hour an hour and a half it's probably nine o'clock we knew richard was coming late but we were so we didn't bring snacks but we knew he was bringing the snacks so we were all very

hungry you know and richard shows up and he's got a shopping bag and he puts the shopping bag on the table next to the poker table and he pulls out what in what looked like and indeed was that kind of really cheap thin tupperware and he's got so there's there's there's there's two tuckerwares then he pulls out one bag of pita chips already open already open so it's open But he's taken, he's, he's, he's taken a lot of care to curl up the top. So when he puts it down, the top kind of gently uncurls a little. So, so then, so then I go over there. I'm the first one there to look at what, what there is.

And I open one of the little Tupperware's, and there's like these kind of roasted peppers, you know, two different colors of roasted peppers, and with little flex of feta cheese on it. Not real, just flex. and then I opened the other and it's just it's a tub all it is is white this is a callback to the cheese stuff it's white and orange cubes of cheese

no one at a real party ever only at like art openings in fact I said Richard have you just been to an art opening and he said no and I said but you've just been to some party or something he goes yeah yeah and so this is this

these are the snacks you're bringing to us and he's oh yeah this is this is better than anything we could i could have bought these are quality snacks and and i said richard you don't bring used food to the poker game and now richard's going to hear this and he's going to be like really pissed that i told the story but it really is a good story and then and i have to say the next week he came back with beautiful brand new shining chips just so that people like me wouldn't tell this story

and there's many stories like it you know so I remember when I first told the story about how when people are saying no there's someone who steals a lot worse than you and I was always be like well who and they go well I don't really want to say

and then I go come on and they go Richard Kahn And one time After I told that story on the podcast Richard Kine confronted the guy Who told me and said Why did you tell Gilbert That that I steal

I'm honestly I've never seen him steal I've seen him he always asks You know and then he takes But hilarious But you know But he's so generous in every other way And I suspect

you're like that too i mean he has the biggest heart in the world so yes he's been great to our show i forgive him everything except that one night of the used food i can't forgive that this i do not forgive this i do not forgive thank you don corleone you're welcome oh you like that huh gil yes he's one of the gifts of you know richard is one of the gifts of my life i love the fact that that he's a friend of mine i love We're so glad that we know him, and the way he came into the show. We just, we contacted Dara out of the blue one day, and he said, I love this show so much. I want to be on the show.

And it was, you know, you're doing this thing. You don't know who's listening to it. It was a, that was a bit of a turning point for us. I'll be very good. I know, I have a, I have good stories. I won't be. I'm trying, Rich. No, it was, it meant something to us.

And he's been very generous in terms of booking guests, helping us. get Joyce Van Patten and Barbara Barry and many other people. The first thing he ever said to me was when I was, we were getting together just to sort of make sure that we wanted to work with each other on dirty rotten scoundrels. And the first thing he said to me was, now you have to understand, I'm very loud. Bierico's impression of him is just. It's so good that I'm embarrassed to even try. No, it's pretty good. It's pretty good.

Biercos is perfect. Azaria does a great Richard Kine, but Biercos is better. We'll have to get Hank on and compare them. Years ago, there was this weekly nightclub thing called Don't Quit Your Night Job. So everyone who was in shows on Broadway and off Broadway would show up and sometimes perform. And I was invited to sing a song. So I was there, but Azaria was there. I think Bierko was there.

And some other people, oh, a couple other actors. who, well, everyone who's met Richard does a Richard Kine imitation. And the last part of the evening after everyone's saying and stuff was called Richard Kine Theater. And I might have been Hank's idea. I don't remember whose idea it was, but

someone just gave out scripts to a glass menagerie and did one of the scene, like the gentleman caller's scene before it. And everyone including me was doing it a Richard Kine impression as the characters. And then when the

gentleman caller shows up, it's Richard Kynes himself comes out. That's the punchline. Sorry, we spent a lot of time on Richard. You've got all those note cards over there. People who love this show love Richard. And he's become a recurring character. He said, make me your Tony Randall.

You can't, this is what I love too. He said, you can't book me. You can't call me and say, come do the show. Only in an emergency. If a guest cancels. It's like, oh, so we can't actually schedule you. See, I want to be your Bob Hope where I just walk in. Fine.

Just walk into the Seattle. Do it. A golf club. Yeah. I was doing a special across the hall. Tell us about Tootsie, which is coming in the spring. Well, we took an iconic comedy film that no one should ever adapt, and we adapted it. And I think we, I mean, we did really well in Chicago.

I think, I actually think we did a really good job. I think it's, what we wanted to do was just make the funniest possible show we could make. So it veers a lot from the original. original movie, which is a funny movie. Not one of my favorite comedies. Like some people, it's in their top three.

It's not in my top three. Interesting. But we took it and, you know, it's definitely modern. We changed a lot of stuff. It retains the main ideas and the main characters. Well, the timing is interesting, too,

for that story. The timing, when we started writing it, you know, it was pre. Yeah, me too. Me too. Now it's Me Too, and that really became very interesting. Everything became, we were still finishing it off and polishing it off, and we made some interesting choices because of the, you know, atmosphere that exists now. I think it's funny.

I think it's the funniest show I've written, so I'm very happy with it. That's great. March. Yeah. Prevues in March, we opened April 23rd. Gilbert, we have to go see the Tootsie Musical. Okay. Free tickets. I think I can get your raisinets too

I'm not sure Raisinets What's that from? I don't know Harvey Corman in Blazing Saddles When he's trying to avoid the Raisinets Raisinets

Yeah Mel Brooks Well Mel Brooks Brooks always loved raisinette He always would put that I think the 2,000-year-old man Resonettes

Yeah That's a funny word I guess I threw I threw something at Mel Brooks and hit him on the head when the producers when the Full Monty opened

the producers opened the same year so when we opened when Full Monty opened all the reviews were great and everyone was saying you're going to win all the Tony Award this was my first show and I'm like wow I've made it

you know that's great and then the producers came out you know it was like a steamroller and so you know I was naturally a little peaved at one of my comedy heroes Mel Brooks but we were we were it was the it was a photo the day to take photos of the nominees at radio city so there's that giant staircase in radio city and there's however many you know 100

200 nominees and and we all get there on time it's kind of hot we're all posing on these stairs and we realize at one point we've been there for 15 20 minutes and why and someone says it's because mel Brooks is late and mel Brooks was like the thing that year. And then he shows up and he's like 20, 25 minutes late and he breezes in, he's fresh as a daisy,

he's got a suit on, stands right at the front at the bottom step, and I'm about halfway up. It's a long distance. And one of the guys in the Fulmonte, I think Patrick Wilson said, I bet you can't hit him on the head

with a spitball. And I had this receipt from a hotel breakfast, like this nice card stock and I bawled it up and I threw it as hard as I could and it just winged right off his head and it just went boom and he didn't even turn around but it was in the post the next day

so I know it happened because it actually was you know like it's not a dream that I had that's your interaction with Mel Brooks yeah pretty good that's it that's it that's my only interaction do you want to I'm going to give you a wild card question here as as we wind down sure do you want to talk about the maybe it's cold outside controversy do you want to address that that stupid that stupid thing well yeah i mean it is it's really

stupid i mean it first of all it's it's one of the great it's probably the the my favorite duet boy girl duet ever it's a wonderful song it's witty it's frank lesser who is my hero my my my musical theater songwriting hero um and you know it's we're we're in this climate of such hair trigger political correctness that it and I don't usually say I heard you talking about it with not a tell

there was some you were talking I mean we just asked Mario about it and he had a similar reaction comedians are always are always talking about it I was talking with Howie Mandel that's what it was yeah but I don't care if you're if you're a comedian

whether you're gay or straight or what you know you you the reaction is the same it's like what what what lunacy are we living in right now so the fact that some and part of it a large part of his social media the fact that someone can go on and say now listen this song is you know there's these problems without really having any background without understanding everybody gets a voice hey what's in this drink that's like that's in like 50 movies like that's that's like a punchline you know so every dean martin thing yeah and it's and and a million rom-coms or jackie gilesen sipping the car Coffee cup and making a face like, whoa. And it's not saying like, oh, I've spiked the drink and it's a roofie. It just might be a little stiff for me is basically what she's saying. Exactly.

So, anyway, the controversy is over now. You know, like it was so stupid that I think it just went boom. Well, I was saying last night, you know, the Internet gives everybody that instant access. The old days you had to sit down and write a letter if you wanted to complain or boycott a sponsor. Took effort. And years ago, I remember you grew up. up, there were the commentators, the writers, the newscasters, the columnists, and you knew they were respected people, they knew what they were talking about, and you respected that

now everybody is that. There's no, there's no funnel anymore. You know, it's the same thing with music. It gets very confusing because you used to have, you used to have like FM radio where you'd have DJs whose taste you admired, you know, and they would fun. They would be the curators of this stuff. And it's the same thing with this kind of stuff. It's a free-for-all.

It's a free-for-all. And it's not good. No, the culture's poorer for it. And for not having DJs. For not having Cousin Brousie and Ron Lundy and Harry Harrison and the professor and all those people that were curators. That's a good word for them. Yeah.

And it's the same thing with sort of op-ed-type people. and, you know, so everybody is, what was that Gilderadden character? Oh, Rosanna, Rosanna. No, the one that was offended, Emily Lutella. Yeah, everybody's Emily Lattella and no one's correcting her and then no one ever says, never mind, you know, at the end. And on the subject of Christmas, and this is just for me, what's a perfect Christmas song in the opinion of David Yazbeck, other than Lesser's song? Could be a pop song like Little St. Nick or Stevie Wonder or Hugh Martins, have yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Well, that's a nice one.

Which is my favorite. Yeah, I mean, I like the original... What moves you? The original lyrics to that one are beautiful. Before Frank changed it to hang a shining star upon the highest. Well, you know, the original lyrics to that song, it was written during World War II. And so it was like, we'll all be to, you know, through the years. Through the years.

But it was all about, we miss you, we're not together. You know, someone's at war, someone's, you know. So you just had the sense of, we don't know what's going to happen because things could be dark. So it's a darker feeling and it's much deeper, the original lyrics. It's a beautiful song with a really lovely melody. So I'm going to say that one since you pulled that one out. Well, I got to correspond with him at the end of his life. Really?

My friend Drew Friedman connected us. I'm a big fan of Drew Friedman, incidentally. Well, we'll come back and we'll do another show about that. Jude dots. Yes, that's what I used to call him Jew dots. You have a fan here, Drew. This is the last question from Sean Liu. When can we expect David to do a musical adaptation of the Gilbert documentary?

I'm working on. on it i i did you see the doc oh yeah loved it i loved it oh it was great it was fascinating it was nice it was very nice i came in here feeling like i kind of know you you know because of the documentary it's a really interesting documentary and really well made yeah neil did a wonderful job i really lucked out with that when i was neil berkeley yeah i really lucked out that he's really a good filmmaker can you can you imagine if you if you didn't look at it could be oh my god i've seen some documentaries. Yeah, I mean, not one second of it is boring. And I've seen some really boring documentaries about some really interesting people. Um, so you did luck out. Can I, can I just, it's called Gilbert.

Okay. It's called Gilbert. Get the plug out. So I'm glad I'm in a room with you because I have this memory of an appearance that you did on a television show, PBS television show, but I think it was a documentary that they showed on PBS called something like Jewish humor in America. Yes, yes. And, and And I think about it all the time, literally, because someone just asked, they asked different people. So what is Jewish humor in America? Like, it wasn't a very imaginative question

because that was the title of it, but they'd ask Mel Brooks, and he'd do like the comb, the Hitler thing. You know, they'd ask someone else, you know, they asked you, and there's this kind of pause, you're sitting at like an oak desk on a desk chair, and you're sitting there, and you're just like, you look thoughtful for a second,

and then you basically start davening, and just going, it's raining outside. It's raining outside. Are you happy? Are you happy? You see what you did? It's night.

The sun's not up. You see what you did? Do you remember that? Yes. Yes. Did you, was that just in the moment? Yeah, it just came to me at the moment. Like, because they said, like,

with Jews, you know, you have to put a guilt trip. Like the parents put the guilt, make the kid. It's like, the dinosaurs are all dead. You know why? You did it. You're the reason there's no time. And you're rocking back and forth doing this stuff. It was great.

David, this was a treat. A treat for me, thank you. And a lot of, we didn't get to Happy Kine or Billy Wilder another time. Yeah. What's the plug? I think your ratings are going to go so high up after this episode that you're going to want me back soon. Enormous. Tutsi comes in the spring.

April 23rd for Tutsi. People go see the band's visit. The band's visits on, you know, we're running. running nicely on Broadway, and please, if you're a Grammy voter, I would, I'd love to have a Grammy award. So vote for the cast album. The voting is happening now. Gilbert's in Egot. I don't know if you knew that. Are you an Egot? Yeah. Yeah. He has, you know, all four awards. You have the Emmy and Grammy. Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I know that the Oscar was hard, but you finally made it. It was hard. He lost a lot of weight.

Yeah. So those are the, those are my only plugs. Well, I, yeah. I was. I was once up for an ACE award That's about the only award The Cable Ace Award And I lost Even I have an Ace Award Do you know what I just said the word plug

And I just remember that someone just mentioned The Arabian strap Do you know what that is? No sounds good That's like you have a butt plug And to keep the butt plug in There's this It's connected to like a strap

That you put around the front So it won't fall out When you're on the subway or something On the subway. Arabian strap. I don't know. Okay. A guy I'm writing,

an LGBT gentleman that I'm writing with described that to me. He also introduced me to the concepts of the humbler. Have you seen what the humbler is? I couldn't begin to. I would like to just say look it up. The humbler. It's not like a tumbler. No, it's not a tumbler.

Or a trumelor. It's the humbler. It's, you put Gene Bealos in your ass. I got a glass tube in my prick. David, what a kick. And thanks for sending me those songs. I love them, as you know. Thank you.

They reminded me of sort of a Fagin-Becker kind of sense of your sensibility. I'm not ashamed. I'm a Steely Dan fan. Really good stuff. And we could go on. But... This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre,

and our engineer, Frank Ferd Orosa, and we have had the multi-talented Jew, Arab, Italian, David Yes, Beck. Who brought you suppository. Yes. They're very thin, so they're very easily. Thank you, David. Happy New Year. Thank you, guys.

Thank you very much. Very enjoyable. You too. the heap that you're under. Is it hard to relate when you masturbate? Is it difficult to feel the thunder? Under patio gravel and the plastic grapes, novelty soaps in assorted shapes,

up in the playroom with the metrical drapes, everybody can hear you screaming. Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good to choose the electric fuse for your underused libido?

Right to explore when the triggers soar on your Bangalore Torpedo. The dugouts empty and the pitcher's dead. Who still remembers what the fur is saying? Who put the liver in the wedding bed of the designated hit? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball? good for the jews is it good for baseball is it good for the jews

that's the story that's the glory of five thousand years in the major leagues so i'm wondering as i'm pondering where else did i go let me go let me go That's a moral love. That's the quarrel of five thousand years on the LIE. So I'm sitting here like I'm quitting here. Where else do I go? Let me go. Let me go And it's hard to sleep underneath the heap underneath the heap I'm under It's hard to relate with your head on a plate It's difficult to feel the thunder The face is loaded and the score all tie

Who still remembers how the picture down Was it the bill with the cyanide? Was it the pressure with the cheese inside? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball?

And you can throw out the food? You can cancel the band? Because the moyle got a boil on the meat in his hand. Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the juice? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the juice? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the juice? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for baseball? Is it good? Gilbert Godfried's amazing colossal podcast is produced by Dara Godfrey and Frank Suntapadre with audio production by Frank Verde Rosa. Web and social media is handled by Mike McPadden, Greg Pair, and John Bradley Seals. Special audio contributions by John Beach.

Special thanks to John Fodiatis, John Murray, and Paul Rayburn. Thank you.