Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Classic: Amy Heckerling

Episode Date: August 11, 2022

GGACP celebrates the 40th anniversary of the iconic 80's coming-of-age film "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (released August 13, 1982) by revisiting this interview with writer-director Amy Heckerling (“Clueless,” “National Lampoon's European Vacation”). In this episode, Amy weighs in on the double standard of onscreen nudity, the educational benefits of the “Million Dollar Movie,” the blandness of romantic comedies and the genius of Slavko Vorkapich. Also, Amy sparks to James Cagney, salutes Mort Drucker, “studies” with Terry Southern and finds inspiration in “Ed Wood.” PLUS: Ray Walston! “Jaws 2!” Praising Cameron Crowe! The mystery of Martin Brest! And Gilbert cuts the rug with John Travolta!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Only $4 on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. at A&W's in Ontario. TV comics, movie stars, hit singles and some toys. Trivia and dirty jokes An evening with the boys Once is never good enough For something so fantastic So here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks

Here's another Gilbert and Franks Colossal classic Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried. This is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and we're once again recording at Nutmeg Post with our engineer, Frank Fertorosa. Nutmeg Post with our engineer, Frank Furtarosa. Our guest this week is a celebrated writer, producer, and director of popular films such as Look Who's Talking, Look Who's Talking 2, Johnny Dangerously, Loser, National Lampoon's European Vacation, and of course the iconic and much-admired classics Clueless and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. She's also written and directed for television with credits that include

The Carrie Diaries, Gossip Girl, The Office, Baby Talk, and the spin-off series Fast Time based on a 1982 movie. In her four decades in show business, she's worked with an impressive roster of talented performers, including Seanaton, Danny DeVito, Paul Rudd, Jennifer Jason Leigh, George Segal, Will Ferrell, Bruce Willis, and most importantly, me. And if all that isn't enough to impress, she also shares our appreciation for the single greatest film ever committed to celluloid, Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein. Please welcome to the podcast a witty and talented filmmaker and a woman who claims her two most vivid childhood memories include James Cagney and Speedy, the Alka-Seltzer mascot, my old friend Amy Heckerling. I don't know where you heard all that, but yes, it's all true. And John Travolta and Gilbert had a dancing scene, and look who's Talking To. Really? And I'm pretty sure that John Travolta said that Gilbert was his favorite partner of all time. So you're starting the show with a lie.

Yeah. He taught me a very simple dance step. So the dance step I do in Look Who's Talking, was taught to me by John Travolta. Wow. Well, you know, it's like he's also a choreographer. Now, this is the most important thing I should get to first. I actually just yesterday met Phoebe Cate's son, who's an adult oh owen wow yeah owen klein and and you know it it was a filmmaker what's yeah it's a budding filmmaker yeah yeah wow yeah and

and i'm i'm standing there going you know i jerked off to pictures of your mother you said that to him yeah yeah i don't know how many times I whacked off to your mother. And now she didn't want to show her tits in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Starting right off, huh, Gil? Okay, here we go. There's no ramp here, Amy. It's true because this is where I get a lot of grief from, like, you know, feminists and people that want to say that women should be all empowered and stuff.

But really, I'm very selfish. I was out for myself. I wanted a career. I wanted that movie to do well. I wanted girls to like it, but I wanted boys to like it. And I knew what boys would like. And that was in the script. And she agreed to do the script.

And she signed the contract. And so she tried to, you know, enlist me in her cause of like, it's not really that important. We kind of know what the scene's about. And it would be okay if she opened her bra a little bit early so that by the time you saw anything, it was blocked by Judge Reinhold. And I said, no, no, no. Here's the mark where you open it. That's where you got to do it, right there. And then he comes here and you'll be blocked. But no, it's got to happen on that mark.

And then she thought she saw that people are in the building next door, were on the roof looking at her. Oh, she wanted a closed set. It was a closed set. I don't think there were people. People were sent to make sure nobody was anywhere. But the producer who was a great, great producer, Art Linson, who also did the Untouchables, and he was there and he backed me up that, no, this was something that she agreed to. And she got the part and signed the contract. And that was that.

And so all other women can hate me, but people watch that movie. And years later, I went to a video store. And the guy told me that they had a lot of problems with the videotape before DVDs because it was always breaking at that point. People were pausing it. It was paused too many times. Were you a video store in Gilbert's neighborhood? Because, I mean, her tits in Fast Times. They were beautiful.

Yeah. Oh, incredible. Perfect. Exquisite looking woman. Yeah. She's got an amazing body. It was like the sled in Citizen Kane. Her tits in Fast Times.

They were amazing. They answer all questions at the end. And did you run into problems when you tried to include male nudity in Fast Times? Well, having grown up where there was like the sexual revolution that I had heard about. And apparently there was nudity in movies. And by the time I was old enough to see the movies, I saw that there was women were naked, like in all these foreign films and full frontal females. But you never saw any men. And in American movies, forget about it, because there wasn't like naked people in movies.

But I thought, well, I'm a female director and I can change that. I can have some equality. I can have, you know, naked woman and naked men. And that would be fair. And so we shot a scene where Bobby Romanis is going to have sex, and they're both very awkward, and they take off their clothes. And you saw from mid-thigh up, you saw everything. And the censors said, you can't do that.

You can't show the male organ. And I said, well, why not? You could show full frontal females. And they go, that's because the male organ is aggressive. And the female organ isn't. And it's like, well, that's not fair. And isn't it like, you know, organ to organ? Like some are aggressive, some are kind of shy.

But they said no you can't show that but um they i was told that if anybody wanted to fight that in washington with the censors um they could go there and the person that that would fall to was the post-production executive verna fields now verna at the time was amazing. She cut jaws. Oh, yeah. She is responsible for all the great directors now because she was the brilliant editor. And she was sick at the time and she had cancer.

And I couldn't say, hey, I want to show a dick. Would you fly over to Washington and fight for me? I mean, it was hard for her to get up the stairs to the cutting room. So I couldn't do that. So we blew up the shot and there's nothing there. It's all OK. But see, here's something. Here's the only argument I can have. Is you see full frontal female nudity, but really very little in the way of vaginas. This is true.

You have a good point. That's an excellent insight. See vaginas more in like these like celebrity actresses, you know, actresses and singers getting out of a car. In recent times, yes. But in like in the 70s when there was like WR, Mysteries of the Orgasm, or I Am Curious Yellow, or the foreign films, you saw the Europeans. Emmanuel and that kind of stuff. Yeah, full frontal naked women running around. You have to see these movies. Yeah.

Those were always like the Emmanuel movies bored the shit out of me. Well, those were like porn movies, the ones that were considered artistic. Man and a Woman. Yeah. I don't remember. I just remember the Windshield Wipers. I remember I Am Curious Yellow was a big – that was a big controversy. See, now Fast Times came out right in the midst of a great time for movie nudity, like the 80s.

Well, it was just as the door was shutting because it was like Reagan and the Just Say No and sort of closing the door on all the sex and drugs. And we sort of like slipped under as the garage door was closing. And I think things changed a lot after that. And for a long time, I think there was no R-rated youth movies until Judd Apatow came along. You know what I noticed? Papatow came along. You know what I noticed? The first time I noticed the change, I went to some like slasher film on 42nd Street and I'm watching the slasher film and I'm going, first of all, where are the tits? There's no tits here. The girl's getting into the shower, but we're not seeing anything and the guy would

come after her with a knife and you wouldn't see the knife go in the blood squirting yeah you felt cheated huh yeah yeah there was some there was some major editing going on yeah there there was things got very tame quickly and there was you know i mean reagan was the president there was a big conservative backlash and and uh the rating board got very hard-assed for a long time and then i would see movies like recently more recently like borat and you'd see dicks flying all around the place and you go't see. Slapping the lens. Wait a minute. I thought you couldn't show that.

Yeah. And everybody said, well, no, you can, but they can't be for sex. They could just be, you know, incidental. Your favorite, Gil. Incidental nudity. I do. That's my favorite kind of. There's a thing that a friend of mine nicknamedal nudity i do that's my favorite kind of there's a thing that uh a friend of my

nickname gilbert nudity we had mr skin on the show you know mr skin no oh he's the he runs the the uh the movie nudity website he's a connoisseur oh is he the one that tells you exactly where that's the guy yes oh yeah yeah so he was here nudity to me is like a naked girl doing her taxes. You know, that's it. I don't need the sex scene. Yeah. He likes it casual. Yeah.

I have a friend and I will tell him, okay, if you're watching my movie, when it cuts to all the girls like doing this, six seconds in, somebody falls and she's not wearing underwear, you'll see some. But nobody noticed it like you know but i could tell my friend now but do women who go to movies actually want to see actors dicks you know i don't know i mean i'm i'm not somebody that wants to see like a lot of nudity. I think it works more for comedy than for turning people on. I think if you're actually going to be nude in a situation with someone, there's a lot of lighting that's got to go on. And if you have a smoke machine, maybe that could help. But as far as in a film, no, I don't think people, women go like, oh boy, you see so-and-so's dick. But you know what? I'm

not a normal female because I like a lot of females will like, they'll like a guy because he's got big muscles. And I find that like, who cares? That's for stupid people, muscles. That's, you know, they'll like want to see somebody take their shirt off some guy. And I'll go, no, I like shirts with ties especially. But no, like not guys taking their shirts off so you see a six pack. Who gives a fuck? So you're not the best judge for the question. It seems like nudity in movies, if it's a girl naked it's sexual if it's

a guy naked it's funny yeah you know like will ferrell was oh that sounds like how borat got away with it yeah it wasn't lascivious it was just fun comic relief yeah i mean it's funny i think it's funny if you know if you have the right attitude um There's even now guys that are sort of handsome that are funny being like less clothed because they're making fun of the idea of it, like sort of funny himbos. Oh, like the guy in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Yeah. I mean, and I'm forgetting his name. As long as they're like got the right attitude of like, isn't it silly how vain this makes me? It could be funny. But it's not something where, you know, you see so-and-so take their shirt off and you go, whoa.

That's like, I don't know. Tell us about some of the battles on Fast Time. Because I watched the director's commentary with you and Cameron. One of the nice things about it is your nice chemistry and how fond you obviously are of each other and how much you enjoyed working together. I love Cameron. I wanted to hear. I wish they had made more movies together because I just want to go on listening to directors' commentaries. I'm up for that.

I mean, I think he's so brilliant. He's such an amazing writer. He's an amazing director. Because he's just such a human and he's got such a great sense of comedy. But his heart, it's really, that's it. I'm a fan of his movies and his Billy Wilder book. Yeah. Yeah.

But Mike McPadden is here, our social media director, who's obsessed with Fast Times at Ridgemont High. So I've got to ask you a couple of questions about it before we move on. And I heard this stuff in the director's commentary. Did not know David Lynch was considered to direct the Cameron script, which blows my mind. I didn't know that either. You guys said it. Wait, I said it? On the commentary.

Because somebody told me about it and I was like, I had not known that for decades. I didn't know that. Interesting. I had not known that for decades. I didn't know that. Or that they sent – they were so worried. The studio was so worried at some point that you were delivering the wrong kind of teen comedy that they sent John Landis to the set. John Landis came to the set, yeah.

And, you know, I thought – I had met him a couple of times and I thought he was just being friendly. And we were right there, you know, on the sound stages right by everybody's offices. But apparently years later he told me that they thought the movie was too depressing and it wasn't going to be a wacky teen comedy. And so they sent him to the set and he was just being really friendly. And then apparently he told me that he told them like, you know, it's fine, leave her alone. And, you know, so I can understand the problem because when we started shooting the movie, we started in the house, which was the Jennifer Jason Leigh stuff, which was like all her aggravation of getting pregnant, of Damona calling her. Sad things are happening. And that was all in the beginning.

And then later on, we went to the school in the mall where more of the fun stuff happens. So they probably saw, you know, a girl waiting for a guy not giving her a ride to an abortion and said, this is not a movie we want to make. It was in the script. Yeah. And they should understand that there's a schedule and you're shooting the things and, you know, in whatever order you worked out. But they were afraid that it was going to be too depressing. Were they looking for a Porky's kind of a thing? Were they looking for just a pure teen escapist? I mean, because the movie delivers plenty of laughs. There's comedy. Sean Penn's great. Yeah. I mean, what I loved about Cameron's

script and his book was that it was just so real. All those kids, you know that they were based on real people. But beyond that, he had, you know, feeling for them. And that and hopefully in the movie. But, you know, I was going for laughs that would work with what was happening in other places, not like crazy stuff. I mean, there was a thing where Ratner sits with Jennifer Jason Leigh and he's too awkward. They start to kiss, but he gets up. And the studio saw that scene and they were like, uh-oh, we have to reshoot this. And we want it to be

that they kind of get into a pretzel-like shape and they're caught and it was like, make it crazy, weird thing that physicalized the like, you know, that they get into a mess. It's weird.

It's like they almost, they don't understand the source material. Yeah. And so I was there and we were going to start to shoot something and I didn't know how I was going to do it because it wasn't what was in my head. And then I got on the set and threw up. Practically on Jennifer. Because the script woman had the flu. And I was feeling kind of crummy. And then it's just between the aggravation and the flu coming on,

and so they sent me home. And Art Linson shot a version. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that because. It's on the commentary. Okay. It's already out there. Because I don't want anybody in trouble at the studio. And ultimately, you know, they liked it the other way.

So we put that in. They liked it the other way, so we put that in. What I remember about Fast Times that sort of separated it from the regular, basically USA up all night, tits and ass teen comedies, was that there's that one speech that Judge Reinhold gives where they're saying, know, you're a teenager, you're out having fun, getting laid and he's not doing any of that. Yeah. When he talks to his guidance counselor and it's like, you know, it's like, well, I'm just still waiting for the fun to start. And when everybody's like saying, it's, ah, it's your last year, you're at the top of the world,

the best years of your life. And, and he's like, oh, and you know what? I get up at 6 a.m. I go to Mighty Mart. I go to school. I go back to, you know. And he has a way of, like, getting really worked up and his voice cracks. And he was, you know, he's good at getting really mad. And tell us about all the people who are complete unknowns in Fast Times. Oh, him for one.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, they were all unknowns. Yeah. And there were a few people that came in that were more known or going to be more known. One person that I really liked was Scott Bio for Damone. And another person that came in, he didn't read, he came in with his people, was Ralph Macchio to play Ratner. But Art Linson said, you know what, it's going to make the balance uneven. You're going to have this guy with a big trailer and all the other people in the, you know.

Also, wouldn't it hurt the story to see unknown faces and then somebody you recognize from other movies? I don't know because actors are supposed to play parts you're not supposed to go wait a minute there's superman i mean you know it's i think you'd get over that but uh but he felt like we should have an even playing field so we went with that and you know i still love those guys and i like them and other things but we kind of like said we'll find people. Nicholas Cage. It was Forrest Whitaker.

Yeah, Forrest Whitaker, Nick Cage. Yeah, Forrest. I love Forrest. He was amazing. And I wish that there was a lot, lot more for him to be doing in that movie. There's plenty of him since then and things. movie. There's plenty of him since then and things. And, you know, we had all the buds were, you know, Eric Stoltz. Stoltz, right. Yeah. And Nicolas Cage and just everybody that was like,

OK, you'll have two friends, you know, surfer bud number one, surfer bud number two, fast food bud number one, fast food bud. 2. But we gave them names because, you know, they're characters and people. But there were amazing people out there at that time. We have to ask you about Ray Walston. Yeah. And I love from the director's commentary, and I'd heard this somewhere before, that his acting style and Sean Penn's acting style clashed a bit. Safe to say?

You could say that, although I mean, I think both Sean and Ray were capable of doing all sorts of things. I mean, certainly the character he played in Mice and Men and the character he played in The Apartment and in South Pacific, those, you know, those were all, you could be musical comedy, you could be on stage all you could be musical comedy you could be on stage you could be in a film you could be in a realistic film a sad film a happy film i mean he could do anything as could sean um and uh but but the way they worked was very different that's what i that's what i meant i mean i didn't mean acting styles i meant acting processes yeah ray waltz didn't like to sort of ride his bike around.

He wore these glasses that were like opaque so he could just like shut out the world and think about what he was doing and concentrate. And he would know all his lines really well. And then he was ready to go and he knew what he wanted to do. And Sean decided it would be a fun idea to like change all his offscreen dialogue and totally insult him. And, you know, Ray Walston came up to me in between and he goes, you tell that young man I do not appreciate that. I know what I'm doing. And I was like, OK. But, you know, Sean does what Sean does, and it works.

Now, I heard, getting back to my favorite topic, I heard Jennifer Jason Leigh is one of those actresses that, as opposed to Phoebe giving you trouble showing your tits, she wouldn't give anybody trouble taking her clothes off. She wouldn't give anybody trouble taking her clothes off. At the time, I can't say what it's like now, but at the time she was very comfortable. She had no problem at all. And I remember that the producer was a little worried, like, OK, after the Phoebe situation, maybe we should have a body double just in case there's any problem. So we got one, but she never knew about this. And there was like less than no trouble. She was completely comfortable and happy. Interesting. They both come from showbiz families. Yeah. Morrow is her dad and what, Joe Cates? Phoebe Cates' father?

Is that Joe Cates or Gil Cates? Joe Cates or Gil Cates. I can't remember. Yeah, her father's Joe, the uncle's Gil. Uncle's Gil,

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It's a new season of Canada's Ultimate Challenge, and sparks are going to fly. New episode Sundays. Watch free on CBC Channel. And now back to the show. So you grew up in the Bronx. Yes. And now back to the show. So you grew up in the Bronx. Yes.

You're a local kid like us. And doing a little research on you and finding out that you, getting back to the introduction about Cagney, you want to explain the Cagney thing and the Speedy Alka-Seltzer thing real quick so our viewers aren't confused by that? Our viewers, our listeners. Well, I mean, you know, you have a kid and you put it in a playpen and you put the TV on and that's how they grow up. And I really responded to James Cagney, I mean, from way before kindergarten, just because of his energy. He was like a cartoon character. his energy. He was like a cartoon character. He was like somebody that you just see him do stuff. If you're a little kid, he'd come in, he'd like smack a guy around and you'd just like crack up because it was funny. It was so energetic and crazy. And Speedy Alka-Seltzer, the other one I

mentioned, was, I just like the look, you know, the big head and the little hat. I mean, you know, it's like somebody that's in a playpen. Oddly enough, I have a grandchild now who's like one and a half. And, you know, there's like slats on a staircase. And so we hold the slats and I go, let me out of here, you screws. And she does it too. She can't talk yet, but she battles. And we pretend we're in prison and, you know, we goof around. That's our game. What else did you watch? We asked this of a lot of our guests. You watched cartoons.

I read you said you were a latchkey kid. Yeah. I'd come home and one thing Gilbert talked about with other guests was in New York there was a million-dollar movie. I love that you did your research and listened to other episodes. That's so rare. Well, that freaked me out because there were so many similarities. That's so rare. Well, that freaked me out because there were so many similarities. But Million Dollar Movie, and I talked about this with other New York directors.

It's like you'd come home. It was on every night at a reasonable time, like 7 or something. A kid could watch it. And every day the same movie was on. So by the end of the week, you know, if it was Godzilla, you knew all the shots. If it was Jolson Sings Again, you knew it. And then on the weekend, they'd show it a few times a day on Saturday and Sunday. Well, I mean, when Yankee Doodle Dandy was on, you know, forget it.

I was just in for the weekend. There was no taking me to the park or the grocery store or anything. I was just like, no. I remember I've always said that when I was growing up, the greatest film school in the country was in your living room. Yeah. Because it was just old films that were probably not even that old. Well, you had to deal with the commercials, but that aside. Oh, yeah.

You really got to see them dozens of times. There'd be one channel had the monster movies, the other the gangster films, the other's musicals. Yeah. And you just watch them over and over, which is the best thing to do. And this was before you could rent a video and before DVDs and before streaming. So if you really loved movies, that was what you did. And then the next big jump ahead for me was like when you had DVR and you could go fast forward and backward. Because you could say, okay, how many times did he turn his head when Mrs. Robinson came in?

Because it's like weird. And you go, yeah, they repeated that shot and he's turning his head and turning his head when Mrs. Robinson came in? Because it's like weird. And you go, yeah, they repeated that shot and he's turning his head and turning his head a bunch of times. And you could count it and you question slow motion and you could really study and see how things were made and see the seams. And, you know, that's a great thing. So you love Roaring Twenties and Angels with Dirty Faces and you just watch that stuff over and over again. Yeah. I want to talk about Vorkopics now. The witch? Vorkopics.

You're bringing back film school here, Amy. Yeah. No. Most people in film school don't know about this. In the roaring 20s, there's the depression hits and the money is building up and building up and building up and the people are buying stuff and then it it blows up and all the papers are going all over the people in wall street and all the close-ups of different angles of the people looking all upset and the stock market blows up and the what is the glass thing that the ticket tape was in oh yeah i know what you mean. Okay.

I don't know what it's called. All of that stuff was done by this little Russian guy, Vorkopich. In fact, they used to call montages Vorkopiches. Slavko Vorkopich? Wasn't that his name? Yes. Yes. And he did that stuff in the Roaring Twenties when you see the prohibition starting and all the bottles and all the

gangsters and all the shootouts and the way it was all meshed together and the legs going one way and the bottles going around and the, you know, beautiful, amazing geometric movement and um so i love that stuff well when i went to afi he came wow taught a course wow yeah and the first day the place was packed but and a few lessons in it was just like me and Stuart Kornfeld. It was just like everybody was like, nah. But that was just the best way of seeing how movies are put together and what you can do. And people always make fun of like, oh, yeah, newspapers and a train and that's how you go on tour. Yeah, we were talking about that with Donnie, yeah. Awkward time-lapse devices.

It's awkward when you've seen it imitated 20 times. The first time you saw it and, you know, and it told you how it was on the road and how many places somebody went in, you know, 30 seconds, you know, or how somebody could be going crazy and what kind of images they're seeing in their dreams and all of that you go wow that's amazing and that's very efficient storytelling and yeah when lesser people do it it's totally cheesy so he showed up was a big deal and and and then only the hardcore people were stuck around for the end. Yeah, because he would take like Potemkin and show you where some shots were facing the wrong way and recut it. Interesting. And you go, wow.

Or he'd have a bunch of shots of balls rolling one way, rolling another way. And when they're cut one way, it makes sense and it connects. When they're cut another way, it doesn't. And that's the basis of any kind of cutting that's going to work or not work. You could do it with just rolling balls, and then you know where a match cut should be. But the first day he was there, and he was like a little guy. Did you ever hear of him, Gilbert?

Oh, yeah. Battleship. Wait a minute. Well, that was Eisenstein. That was Eisenstein. I'm thinking of Battleship Potemkin like a fucking idiot. But anyhow, he's this tiny little old, old, old guy and he's got one of those Steve Martin arrows through his head.

And it's so adorable and he's saying, now what do you see? You think you see an arrow going through his head. And it's so adorable. And he's saying, now, what do you see? You think you see an arrow going through my head because the eye will put things together in a certain way. And that's what we're going to learn. Interesting. Yeah. I haven't heard that name since I went to SVA in the 80s for film. And I studied with a film critic named Amy Taubin. And she educated us. I haven't heard that name since 1984. It's amazing that I remembered his first name. The funny thing about film, and I mean, even like you think of Godzilla. Yeah.

It's the whole point of your brain trying to make sense of it. Right. Yeah. So if you put someone in front of a little building, you go, well, he must be gigantic. Yeah. Because buildings are big. And if you put some people looking up screaming,

then you assume that those people are looking up at that. And then you can make a scary monster movie. Now, before we forget, let's get to the time. You invited me to your house for dinner. I was wondering when I was going to get around to that. If there's an objectionable part, we can always take it out. Well, okay. So Gilbert said, you know, he just got to town.

You guys befriended each other after you made the movie together? Was that how you first met? Or did you know each other? I think I knew you before that. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah, before that. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah, before that, because I wanted to put him in it. I wanted to put you in Clueless.

Yeah. And Scott Rudin said, the driving tester. Oh. And Scott Rudin said, why don't you put him in one of your other films? Yeah, he doesn't like me. That bastard. Yeah. He doesn't like me, Scott Burden.

But he taught me everything I know about pussy. Which is, you know, basically that was the whole, you know, I said, well, I'm making dinner already. And, you know, he goes, what's for dinner? I'm making rice and some vegetables. Why? What do you like on rice? He goes, what's for dinner? I'm making rice and some vegetables. Why? What do you like on rice? He goes, pussy. I go, all right, well, I'm making rice with vegetables.

You can come over if you want. And he goes, well, how will I get there? Because they didn't rent you a car or anything. No. So he says, get a cab. Then he gets depressed. And he said, get a cab. I'll pay for it when it gets here.

I don't want to pay for a cab. And, you know, and then there's the whole feud with my daughter's babysitter. Yeah. Barbara. Her babysitter came to pick me up who was she's her parents were both um in concentration camps which she thinks is gilbert's fault it may be so she's going you know my father was 80 pounds when he got out of the auschw. And he's going, that's a great diet. How do you get on a diet? And he just said anything in the world to upset her. She would be laughing and then

yelling at him. Because I remember we were driving in the car and I was just, you know, ready to have a free dinner. That's all I cared. And without even, gee, it may rain later or anything like that, she goes, my parents were in the camps. And I said, oh, was it a camp

that had, like, folk singing and arts and crafts? And she'd go, you son of a bitch. No, it was a camp. And I remember I used to be on the phone with her and Molly, your daughter Molly, was like about one.

And I would say, can you put Molly on the phone and she'd go okay and I'd get on the phone and go what are you wearing Molly are you wearing a diaper would you like me to put some powder on your ass and she goes don't say that

to that girl that's so hard and I said I'm really really sorry Barbara can I go on and apologize Don't say that to that girl. That's so horrible. And I said, I'm really, really sorry, Barbara. Can I go on and apologize? And she'd put me back on. And I'd go, Molly, I'd really like to spank you. She'd go, you son of a bitch.

Why'd you say that? Yeah. I mean, actually, she would call in when Gilbert was on house. Right. I know about this. And start yelling at him. You guys have interesting history. One time calling your house and she answered.

And I think for some reason, I don't think we sound at all alike. But she said, oh, Vali, how are you? And I think she thought it was Wallace Shawn. That could be. I mean, because, you know, with her accent, she probably, you know, New York Americans probably all sound similar. So I started to talk to her, pretending I was Wallace Shawn and saying, yeah, I'm in town. I'm shooting a movie. I'm working on an off-Broadway play. And then after talking to her the longest time, I'd say, I said to her, so did you ever blow a nazi commandant and and she yelled out i'll rip your fucking dick off

sounds like ilsa the she-wolf yes oh is that that uh that uh pornographic Nazi movie? Oh, who was Ilsa? I'm trying to remember now. Diane Thorne. That was like a porn movie in a concentration camp that looked like Hogan's Hero set. Yes. Very strange. Yeah. Very weird.

And, you know, just like that garish 1970s colors and, you know, big breasts coming out of her Nazi SS uniform. I remember, yeah, on every time I'd be on 42nd Street, there'd be an Ilsa movie playing. Oh, God. That's sick stuff. All kinds of stuff to ask you about here. And then there was, I thought, remember they did one Archie film that wasn't Ilsa, that was like the Night Porter? Oh, the one with Dirk Bogart. Oh, yeah. The Night Porter.

And what's her face from Georgie Girl? Oh, gosh. Charlotte Rampling. Charlotte Rampling, right. And she's wearing suspenders. I was going to say Lynn Redgrave. Georgie Girl. You threw me.

I was like, wait a minute. And Burt Backer acted the music. Yeah, Charlotte Rampling, right. I remember the poster. It was a very sexy poster. It was like suspenders with no shirt and the Nazi hat. And she got the Nazi biker cap. What was the deal?

Was it about Stockholm Syndrome or something? I never saw it. I remember the ad. He was a Nazi and she was an inmate of a camp. But they had a relationship. Yes. In a sick sort of – Yeah.

A lot of S&M stuff. I think some of the biggest selling S&M costume items are Nazi women, you know. I buy them. You buy them for all your friends. Can we ask you about some of the actors, some of the great character actors that you worked with on Johnny Dangerously? Okay, but some of them didn't play Nazis. We just want to talk about Sig Ruman. I'm happy to talk about Sig Ruman.

You worked with Alan Hale Jr. on Johnny Dangerously. Yeah, but that was just like two shots, you know. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, and it was, you know, it was very, he was kind of old then. Uh-huh. But he was a sweet guy. What about Deluise? What about Don Deluise?

Don Deluise, that was another thing where it was two shots. Uh-huh. He was sort of part of the gang of the producer and, you know, the other 20th Century Fox comedies that they insisted. We want X amount of names and here's one that you're going to put in. It's got a great cast, that movie. It had a fun cast, yeah. And was it based on the Clark Gable movie, on the Manhattan melodrama? No.

Is there a movie that they took a plot from? Well, there's – I didn't know that. It's a little like that plot. I mean, there's always like, you know, the brother where one goes good and one goes bad. And that's a lot of gangster movies. Sure, sure. Yeah.

I mean, Keaton's great in it. It's just, it's such a fun film. And the running gag with Ray Walston. And everybody's favorite, Joe Piscopo. And Mary Lou Henner and Maureen Stapleton. Now, I heard you wanted someone else for the Piscopo part. Well, I had a different kind of movie in my head. And so I wasn't thinking like the studio of like we see ten comedy names, five on this side of the poster and five on that side of the poster.

And that's like how they saw the movie. And thought okay so really evil bad guy um who's so evil it'll be funny and i thought james woods uh-huh and they said no you can't put james woods in a comedy i thought sure you could but it was very funny yeah no they wantedopo. Well, like, the studio I think originally, they wanted, when they were making Airplane, to pack it with comedians. Yeah, I could see that. Oh, yeah. Well, I just saw Letterman

auditioning for the Robert Hayes part. Oh, wow. Circulating on the web. Yeah, I'll send it to you. It's bizarro. Yeah. And it would have been the whole point of it would have been gone. Of course. Well, they were parrot bizarro. Yeah. And it would have been the whole point of it would have been gone. Of course. Well, they were parroting Zero Hour. Yeah. So they had to get those kind of actors.

Yeah. The Robert Stacks. But they don't get that because, especially because once It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World came out, that seemed to be the formula. Like, you'll get the Three Stooges and Buster Keaton and Dick Shawn and, you know know you get all the people from every decade

and how many of those movies really worked out how many of those all-star comedy films we're just going to talk about them in a little mini episode with Mike afterward you can talk to us if you want to stay we're going to talk about Scavenger Hunt and all of these other movies and the Rat Race is there a movie called

Scavenger Hunt yeah with Tony Rand other movies. And the Rat Race. Is there a movie called Scavenger Hunt? Yeah, with Tony Randall. That was made by hefty bags. No, that was Million Dollar Mystery. That was Million Dollar Mystery. There were these cheapo knockoffs of It's a Mad, Mad World. Well, the Rat Race. Rat Race, sure, with Whoopi and Cleese. There were a bunch of them.

But the one kind of good one, The Barbie Museum. That was hilarious. We went to the Barbie Museum, but it was Klaus Barbie. The one kind of good one was Who's Minding the Mint? I never saw that one. That had Milton Berle and Jack Guilford and Victor Bono. Yeah, they figure let's get all of them together and that should be something. Yeah. I like The Great Race.

I mean, it's uneven. It's not exactly an all-star cast, but it's got Keenan Wynn and Jack Lemmon and Falk and Tony Curtis. You can't go wrong with those guys. Natalie Wood. It's bloated, but it's funny. It's funny. It's a better movie than it's Mad, Mad, Mad World. Mad, Mad World.

Tony Curtis with his T. Sclint thing. Oh, yeah. Blake Edwards. My kid loved that. Molly, Mad, Mad World. Mad, Mad World. Tony Curtis with his teeth glinting. Oh, yeah. Blake Edwards. My kid loved that. Molly, when she was a little kid, she loved that movie. She'd watch it over and over. It's fun. Me too.

Revisit it. It's fun. Well, no, I don't have to. I've seen it a million times. Right. But for a kid, it was a funny movie. Yeah. Mad, Mad World is one of those movies I advise everyone to see it, but it's really not that good for the most part.

Yeah, because you're kind of going, and this is, I guess, what the studio's counting on, because it's much harder to write and make a good story. As you're watching it, you're going, I wonder who'll be in it next. Oh, yes, yes. You get lost. Yeah, and if you're a little kid, you go, oh, the Three Stooges. Oh, that silent guy. Oh, this guy. You know, and that's exciting and fun.

But that doesn't mean that it all holds together. And I get the impression that when they were making Mad, Mad World, there were probably about 10 directors working on it. Huh. Wait, who directed that? Stanley Kramer. Yeah. Wow. Who's known for his wacky sense of humor.

The man who made Judgment at Nuremberg. Whoa. Yeah. And The Defiant Ones. Which was like the opposite. Let's get a shitload of serious guys. Right. And Spencer Tracy will be the common.

Right. Speaking of bad movies, I love this that I found in my research. Ed Wood was kind of indirectly inspired Cher's character in Clueless. You didn't call that a bad movie, did you? What's that? Ed Wood? No, a maker of bad movies. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Because I love that movie. No, I love it. We've had Scott and Larry here. That was a great movie. Yes, I adore that one. The character was inspiring because, I mean, you know, he's like kind of enlightened in a way. It's like he's creating and he's having fun and he's got these friends that would work with him and love him. And he's made this life.

And if you look at it from another place, you could go, ha-ha, what a loser. His movies stink. But if you're him and you go, he's having the perfect life. It's wonderful because he chose to look at things positively. And that blows my mind because I could never do that. I mean, the idea that, like, you know, when you rewrite a script, it gets better and better. And you just think like, yeah, but it's really hard and how do you know it's not getting worse? But no, he's rewriting it so it's better and better.

And then you want one for safety? What for? It was perfect. I mean just to go around being that positive. I hope he was really like that because it's one of the charming aspects of Ed Wood, the movie. It's one of the most charming characters I can imagine. That he was a glass half full kind of guy. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a fun performance and a wonderful character. And so that kind of inspired you. You were what, coming off the vacation movie? And you didn't know what you wanted to do next? I don't know what i was coming off of but uh you know i was not happy and i was trying to think like everybody's pushing me to do this and that and i worked really hard on a script and they were going that's too smart and i think

you know say it stinks don't say it's smart. That's not a reason to dislike something. And so I thought, well, what else? What do I want to do? What kind of character do I like? What do I like watching? And then I was thinking of, like, happy people and, like, what's the deal with that? And so, you know, one thing led to another. But that was one of the, you know.

Because those kind of people mystify you, you said. Yeah. Now, you said you were in director's jail for a while. Yeah, you're always in director's jail. And then, you know, I mean I knew I would be in director's jail after Johnny Dangerous because we had a screening and the numbers were really bad. dangerous because we had a screening and the numbers were really bad. And so I thought, well, I better take something right now so that they'll say, oh, you can't be in jail because you're still working on that, which has got these stars in it. So, you know, we'll have to wait and see before we like write you off. And not that I want to be with any of the female people, but women don't

get like a lot of second chances. And so I had to really, really maneuver. I didn't want to be like doing girls lose their virginity movies because they did in Fast Times. So that's what we'll allow you to do. That's what you were being offered at the time. Yeah. And then you do a gangster movie because you go like, I want to do a boy movie. You do a gangster movie because you go like, I want to do a boy movie. And then they don't get the comedy.

So suddenly it's like, uh-oh, I got to do something where they do get the comedy because there it is. It's worked before. It's the exact same thing. It's a sequel. And they'll push that and they'll be behind it because that's their franchise. And then if that doesn't work, then they're, you know, kicking you out of the industry. And then you got to, you know, grab onto a pen and hold on to it. Like, hopefully it gets you through the horrible waters of showbiz. Hopefully it gets you through the horrible waters of showbiz. And you tried to thinking I guess it would be a major success because the others were was getting you into European vacation.

So, wait, what was the question? Well, that's a whole other podcast. Yeah. a whole other podcast yeah yeah well it's it's like i think you thought well i'll take european vacation because the vacation movies were all hits there was only one yo there are there was only one up until then yeah yeah there was the vacation where they go to wally world and then the studio said that made money and let's get chevy back and um have him go to Wally World. And then the studio said that made money and let's get Chevy back and, um, have him go to Europe. And so I read the script and I thought, Wally, you know, I mean, Chevy Chase going to Europe being the ugly American. Yeah, that could work. Uh, you know,

you know inadvertently ruining things but nothing went right nothing that was in the script made sense in actual Europe which I had never been to so hey another reason to

make the movie I didn't know like what the reality of a lot of things were and it was I didn't know like what the reality of a lot of things were. And it was – I'm like – I don't travel well. I'm like one of those ones. You describe yourself as an agoraphobic, Amy. Huh?

You've described yourself as an agoraphobic. But your tongue is cheeky. Wide open spaces, yeah. Yeah. When we went to California, we went through, drove across America. And it's like, okay, that's enough of that. I'll never do that again. You know, cornfields and deserts and shit.

I'm with you. Yeah. I hate, I don't see the point in traveling. You're not a guy for the country or the suburbs either. No. You remind me of Alvy Singer. Oh, yes. He says he doesn't want the dead moths in the screen doors. Like, I like seeing nature

if I'm inside a car or in a hotel room, air conditioned, looking out on nature. I like seeing nature if I'm in a museum. Yeah. And I'm seeing a painting or a diorama

or you know let's see what Monet did with it but I don't really want to go there and you don't like sequels I mean I've heard you speak about you know the stories told the story has come full circle why do we need to revisit these characters again a lot of the time that's the case

I mean something like James Bond you wouldn't call those sequels sure time that's the case. I mean something like James Bond, you wouldn't call those sequels. Sure, no. No, that's different. You know, there are some things where you just – that could go on and on. But most things, they tell the story. There's a big kiss at the end or whatever and that story is told if it's done right. It seems with sequels, the characters have to forget everything they learned in the first movie.

Yeah, actually we don't like each other, you know, now that we think of it. Or they have to find a similar Jeopardy, a Jeopardy that's so similar to something in the first movie that was so unique and make that, try to create that lightning. thing in the first movie that was so unique. Yeah. And make that, try to create that lightning in a... I mean, when you think about it, and the great hope of all sequels is Godfather. Sure. You know, Godfather 2.

But there was more story to be told in that case. Yeah. Yeah. But even that was like, okay okay there's all this wonderful material and this one told the stuff in the middle so let's tell the stuff before and after which was kind of

strange because it was almost like it wasn't a complete story the first Godfather although it felt like it was so it didn't feel like a sequel. But that was the one time where you go like, yeah, you could do Godfather 2 and that'll

be good. But then came Godfather 3 years later. Yes. Well, he was drag kicking and screaming into that, wasn't he? He resisted forever. Oh, God, that was so horrible. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't think. You'd have to count on one hand the number of sequels that are. Bride of Frankenstein. Well, yes. Bride of Frankenstein and Godfather. Yes, that's a good example. Yeah. And.

Not many. What I remember is in Jaws 2. I'll bring that one up. The mayor didn't believe there was a shark. And I thought, well, he already witnessed all this. Yeah. Didn't you see Jaws 1, Mr. Mayor? Yeah.

That's a future episode idea. Oh, yes. A successful sequel. Not many. What works sometimes is the meeting of things. You know, Abbott and Costello meet people. Sure. You know, Godzilla meets another monster.

And, you know, things that you go, well, I like this and I like that. And so they might as well both fight. It's different, though, because it's like Bond. You'd have one character that you're building new stories around. When you have to take 10 or 12 characters from the first movie and now make magic again with those elements, that's got to be tough.

But also those like all those Marvel and DC movies. But those are like comics and there's endless amounts of stories for those guys. But I didn't like when they made Superman and Batman like going to fight together. And I don't like the idea of superheroes that I'm supposed to like being against each other. I don't want there to be a civil war. And I don't want Superman to fight with Batman. I want them to fight with bad guys because the fun stuff about those is like fun, bad guys. Right. That's the best. That's how I feel about Bernie and Hillary, by the way. And you were a fan of Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein. When I was a kid, I thought it was

hilarious that they were, you know, all these monsters that I liked were in this movie that was funny. And there they all were together. And that was just like, wait a minute. The Wolfman and Bela Lugosi

and Frankenstein? I was the same way. I thought I am so, because I wasn't familiar. You know, it was so exciting when you were a kid to see a movie you had heard about. And I remember the first time I saw Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein, I go, well, wait a second. It's not just Frankenstein. It's also the Wolfman and Dracula.

Yeah. And Chaney is back as the Wolfman and Lugosi finally is back as Dracula. Yeah, that was a mind blower. And then at the end, it's like the Invisible Man. Oh, Vincent Price. Yeah, the cameo. Oh, my God. How did they get everybody in?

That's just so Price. Yeah, the cameo. Oh, my God. How did they get everybody in? That's just so great. Yeah. You should watch Amy's movie, Vamps, Gil, because there's a lot of homages to the old classic horror stuff. I mean, Wallace Shawn turns up as Van Helsing. Oh. Can we ask you about Marty Brest, a person we've talked about on this show? We've talked about going in style. Okay. I was in my basement writing and Marty calls me up with friends. This was a billion

years ago. And he goes, okay, you've been watching MTV. You got to see this guy. He's sitting on the beach with his eyes closed yelling. And it was you. Wow. Wow. Yeah, and he went crazy for you. He said, you got to see him, you got to see him. And, you know, then I saw him, and it was like, oh, my God, that guy's hilarious. And it was those interstitials you did. You were sitting on the beach and blah, blah, blah. Yes, when I was doing those things for MTV.

No. Yeah. In the 80s. Yeah. Yeah, and so that was my first exposure to Gilbert, like me and Marty going, okay, let's go watch that guy. Oh, my God, that guy's great. And let's talk about you. It's come full circle.

Yeah. We were doing many episodes. We changed the format of them. But we would each pick a movie that we were obsessed with. And I picked Going in Style, which I'm sad to say is being remade. But that's another conversation. Yeah. And I love Midnight Run and so much of his work.

And what is he up to? Is he working? You know, you have to have clearance to get the information. I see. I don't want to put you on the spot. Yeah, because he's a very, very private person. He's the J.D. Salinger. He's turned into that.

Yeah. Yeah, which I'm just fascinated by his disappearance and not in a good way because I'd like to see more of his – I'd like to see more films. He did some I'm not supposed to say but you know he did something that is amazing and I hope gets made because it's amazing. Oh a great script. Oh okay you can't talk. Yeah I'm not supposed to say

anything. You were telling me before we got on the air of some show you saw me do. Oh, my God. And I don't know if it was Move On or what it was. It was a political left-wing thing. And everybody was there, everybody from, you know, Seinfeld to every big comic that there was at the time.

And, you know, everybody was really hilarious. And then Gilbert comes on and he blows everybody out of the water it was just like amazing i was like crying it was and i think um some of the stuff was about uh was it waldheim was oh yes yes the joister whip bit yeah no no this was that bit see but it's a physical bit, so you can't really. He was saying, hello. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, right.

But that was part of the old, the same Waldheim bit. Oh, yes. Where they chase him to the top of the building, and the mob is surrounding him. Oh, yeah. You don't do that anymore. Saying something like, oh, is that Norman Fell? Oh, it's me, characterized. I'm doing your own act back here.

I used to see him. Caroline's had a club at the Seaport in the old days and he would do a very long show in those days. And the Waldheim bit was a favorite. Yeah. That was, like, hilarious. It ended with a

Joyce DeWitt punchline. Oh, yeah. You remember? Yes. The premise is that the crowd chases Waldheim up to the top of a tower because they're – I guess it's angry Jews because he had a suspected Nazi past. Yeah. Well, I remember the bit – see, this is the problem. Well, I remember the bit.

See, this is the problem. I remember the bit was I was talking to Kurt Waldheim. And he said, you know, a couple of years ago, I was in Germany on vacation. That's the one. And a guy was taking my picture. And who goes walking past right as the picture's being taken? Adolf Hitler. Well, I don't want him in the picture. I don't even know the guy.

And then I do like the big, I throw my arm out like a Zeke Heil. And I go, wait, wait, don't take that picture. Wait. That's the physical part. But the rest of that bit was. Yeah, of them thinking he's Norman Feld. Right, he yells down, it's me, character actor Norman Feld. I think Kurt Voltheim at one point, to save his own life, goes...

I had a volatile working relationship with Cindy Williams. Right, well, they say, if I remember the bit correctly, it's how do we know you're Norman? Yeah, yes. And you yelled down Joyce DeWitt had a likable vulnerability. Yes, yes, a likable vulnerability. Hilarious. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast after this.

Did you study with Terry Southern at NYU? The great Terry Southern? The great Terry Southern. If you'd call it studying. The writer of Dr. Strangelove and Candy for our listeners that aren't familiar. And shame on you if you're not. Yeah. He came to NYU and he picked out some people

to be in an advanced writing class. And then he said, but I don't want to sit here in a classroom. It's too boring. You'll all meet me in Hungry Charlie's or some bar. And we'd all have separate times. And he kept making my time like the last one and asking me if I needed a ride home. And I didn't. I mean me if I needed a ride home. And I didn't.

I mean, I did need a ride home, but I was, like, you know, afraid. And the thing is, like, as the night wore on, he'd get more and more drunk. And so by the time, you know, it was time to talk about my stuff. He was like, you know, he was drunk. He just wanted to drive me home and I didn't. Oh, I was so stupid. And years later, I meet this other girl. And I told her about it and she goes, you didn't sleep with him? Like, what are you, an idiot?

Like she did. I mean, it's like, you know, he's a big shot in the movie industry. You have to sleep with him. And like, you know, what are you, an idiot? Like she did. I mean, it's like, you know, he's a big shot in the movie industry. You have to sleep with him. And like, you know, what are you, you know, go back to your job at Metropolitan Life, minimum wage, and where do you think you're going to get in this world? Now, here's something like, there have actually been books and websites on this and it's so funny and that's the alternate reality in movies like where there are these scenes like the talking killer like the killer who uh has the gun on the hero but rather than shoot him oh wants to give a long sure wow what scenes like that appeal to you and those weird things that are the movie universe well like you say every time you go god you could kill him so

fast yeah horsing around um it just happened for me for that uh Superman one where it's like Martha. And I was like, oh, no, really? We're going to hang everything on that? I didn't see it. Oh. That's okay. They're fighting. Everybody's seen it.

And first of all, it always starts out like all these guys that have superpowers or amazing weapons, but somehow it's like exploding, exploding, flying, exploding, all sorts of weaponage. And then it's always down to man to man. Oh, yeah. And why? I don't know. Why? What was wrong with all the weapons?

That couldn't work? But, like, you're going to get punched and that'll kill you? is when the hero and the villain, or when a villain has a weapon on a hero, and the hero will go, you don't want to kill me that way. It's too easy. Come on, let's do this man to man. Yeah. Why would you give up your weapon? That's stupid.

If you want to kill somebody, you want to kill them. Kill them and go home. Yeah. That's it. I agree. If you want to kill somebody, you want to kill them. Kill them and go home. Yeah. That's it. I agree. I mean, you know, if you're going to the trouble of, like, meeting somebody who wants to kill you and being finally in the position where you could kill them, why jerk around after that? Just do it. It's also a variation on talking killers, but when it's a mob like Don, like the high guy in charge, rather than just killing them or saying, you cheated me and then taking out a gun and killing, they always go in 1803 there was uh they would have the uh celebration of the cockroach now the cockroach was considered uh a sign of luck and a sign of prosperity

what what are all these gangsters so like? You also hate the romantic comedies. We talked about how when you get to that point in the rom-com when you know that the two people who are meant for each other have to pull apart. Yeah. And there's always a device. There's always a clumsy device. Somebody overhears a phone call they weren't supposed to hear. Or there's the dumbest of misunderstandings. Yeah.

Rom-coms are really odd. I can't stand them. Or there's the dumbest of misunderstandings. Yeah, it's all- One comes already on. I can't stand them. How many times do they catch them at the airport? Well, not anymore. I mean, because that was always the running, running, running airport stuff since like 9-11. You can't like- Oh, you can't run to the gate anymore. There's no more of that.

Last time I saw that was in Love Actually. Yeah. The running to the- Yeah, you can't do that stuff anymore. There's no more of that. The last time I saw that was in Love Actually. Yeah. The running to the... Yeah, you can't do that stuff anymore. And if you do, I'm in theater going, no, no, no, no, no. That ain't... And you know, the other thing is in romantic comedies, it's like immediately considered great comedy if a girl is in a wedding dress not in a wedding situation if she's out in the street in a wedding dress or in a supermarket well this bothers you i

did you i was reading an interview with you you can't stand that all of these rom-coms and all these women are in searching for weddings weddings weddings who cares right yeah there's so many of them there's so many various 27 dresses and the wedding singer and there's a man my best friend's wedding and there's a there's a million of them and they all run into each other okay i pitched this thing i that was making fun of all of them everybody said oh no you can't do that i called it the it The Wedding Brides. And it was like all the tropes of like, you know, three women have a bet over who could get married first. Oh, geez. But somebody videotapes them and it goes viral.

So everybody gets involved. And then, you know, big gamblers decide that they're going to like send in a ringer to make one of them fall in love with him uh so that they could win the bet because she'll be the ugliest one and but they really do fall in love you know and then you you know all the things that could be stupidly idiotically in these things and um i pictured it at the studios who all said no but you know i try to get it like why why no and they go you know because women like these movies and they don't want to see it made fun of i think that's wrong i agree yeah and and also in romantic comedies the woman always has to have a gay friend oh they oh mine all had gay friends. Yeah.

Because, you know, and then you have to have what I called a lesser because there has to be some sort of child or cripple or like financially, just some person that you're friends with to show that you're cool, you know? And the girl in romantic comedies always has to have a less attractive best friend. And her job is to show up in the movie and go, you know what's your problem? You work all day and you care more about your job than finding a guy. You know, that's your job. Or you don't see the guy that's standing right in front of you. You never gave him an opportunity. Yes. Well, that was always the thing.

It's like the guy that's right in front of you or, you know, the one that you would immediately dismiss that you didn't realize was so good and blah, blah, blah. But, you know, and the thing is with these like the friend who's like the ugly but funny friend who has some sassy answers. Those have gone through like different ethnicities. Oh, yes. Yes. Goldie Hawn would have a Jewish friend who would be eating and telling her what was wrong with her. Then there came the black friends.

Then there came the like friends. Then there came the, like, Hispanic and the Asian. So it's like, you know, if you were, like, not a leading lady but you were the wrong ethnicity, you were out of luck. And, you know, then they, like, said, oh, I think there's, like, actual kickbacks given now for, you know, certain ethnicities that you can – they get some money because the studios have to be less white. Oh, interesting. And so I have a friend who tries to act like he's Middle Eastern because he's actually Jewish, but he looks Middle Eastern. I mean, he looks Jewish,

but of the wrong kind of Jewish. Because they don't get a kickback for that, for hiring a Jew as opposed to like, you know, from some Middle East country. Interesting. My wife and I noticed a trend too with these rom-coms is that women seem to be falling a lot. And it's always in the trailer. Oh, yes. Their shoes go out from under them or they fall hailing a cab. A high heel. The heel coming off.

It's like a studio executive's way of saying, well, she's Cameron Diaz and she's too unattainable and make her goofy and make her fall down in a puddle or get splashed. She's so gorgeous and so able to wear five-inch heels all the time.

But she's a klutz. Right. They're all klutzes. Yes. They're all klutzes. See, because you – it's so funny. It's like you have to – the trick is to get a beautiful actress but make the audience feel like, oh, no, she's just like a nebbish. feel like, oh, no, she's just like a nebbish.

So we're supposed to believe like, you know, Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock can't find a guy. Yeah, of course. Well, oh, my favorite, as far as two people who couldn't find a mate, is in Frankie and Johnny with Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeiffer. Well, it was Kathy Bates on stage. Yeah. And S. Murray Abraham was the Pacino part. Well, you know, if you go to the studio and say, I want to do something like, you know, a teenage Marty.

But they'll go, okay, but we want the guy from American Pie that's very cute that all the girls like. So you can't do it. They don't let you. You can't put in the, like, average people. That's interesting, a teenage Marty. Because it is. It's like when I was watching Michelle Pfeiffer, which was just one example of a billion. And I'm thinking, why hasn't some guy walked into the diner and said, my God, this girl should be in Hollywood?

Because she had some, like, strangly hair. Yeah, yeah. The alternative to having her fall while having a cab. Or my favorite, the glasses. Right, right. A beautiful actress puts glasses on and she's ugly All having a cab. Oh, my favorite. The glasses. Right. Let's see. Right. A beautiful actress puts glasses on and she's ugly and takes them off and it's like there's that, oh, my God, moment. She's beautiful.

My wife and I watched Loser last night. Well, that was the situation. Right. I was thinking. So you got Jason Biggs. I love Jason. Yeah. He's thinking. So you got Jason Biggs. I love Jason. He's adorable. But I was hoping for somebody a lot less leading man. Right. Right. I think it worked. It was not what I was, you know, you're writing one thing and they keep making you change it so you don't know what's good or bad anymore. And then it comes out and makes no money. And then you go, you're an idiot.

good or bad anymore and then it comes out and makes no money and then you go, you're an idiot and you go, well, you know, I'm an idiot because I couldn't think

of like how to make this work with all these, you know, things that you made me do. Did you choose the song Teenage Dirtbag yourself or was that your music supervisor? No, they wrote that for us.

Yeah, I like that song. That's my sister-in-law's boyfriend. Really? Brendan Brown. They're great. Yes, they are. They're on tour right now in the UK. Oh, cool.

Tell them hi. I will. Small world. And you're a fan of Mad Magazine. I love Mad Magazine. Because when I was little, there were a lot of movies I couldn't see, but I could read the Mad Magazine satires on them. I saw you mention Mort Drucker.

He's alive and well. I know. Mort Drucker's still alive. Mort Drucker lives out in Long Island. Al Jaffe he's alive and well right here in the city. We'll probably have Al on the show. He's 95. Oh wow. Yeah. It's so funny that if you open

Mad Now it's all these artists who grew up on Mad Magazine. So there's one that draws pictures in the style of more trucker yeah another style of don margaret there's an aragonese guy yeah yeah yeah there's a thing they do with like you know the lighter side of oh yes where they take the old comic the way it was and change the dialogue to fit into stuff now and it's cool because you know the same situations but with slight changes are all still wonderful yeah because

because dave berg's dead they can do that yeah well i hope his relatives and his estate get something i remember when don mart Martin finally left MAD. It was a scandal. He went to Cracked. Yes, and Cracked said, now with Don Martin. Don's gone. Don's gone. But I told the guys at MAD, I've written for MAD on and off

for about 20 years, Amy, and I told the editor-in-chief that you were a fan. They were excited. Mort, we should get Mort and Al Jaffe to come and talk to us. Yes, absolutely. Mort sent me, and this is something I feel horrible about. He made a loose leaf with a lot of his pictures and autographed them to me. And it was like when my father was dying.

And I wanted to send him a thank you and tell him how wonderful it was. And I just had other things like that. I was just putting off and putting off and putting off, and then it was too late. And then he called to see if I got it, and I went, oh, God, I didn't write a thank you quick enough. I'm such a jerk. But it's like my most treasured possession. Oh, nice. Yeah.

I remember when Beverly Hills Cop 2 came out, I saw a picture of me in a Mott Drucker cartoon. You never showed me that. Yeah. That's cool. Oh, that is the coolest thing there could be. That's cool. That's like, you know, that or Hirschberg with the Ninas on your face. Oh, yeah.

I'll show you something later outside that I brought. Oh, cool. After we wrap. I'll show you something later outside that I brought after we wrap. I was just watching you in Beverly Hills Cop 2 with like a thing in one hand that would make you forget. But I had an issue with that because there was you and there was Paul Reiser. And, you know, you were playing someone named Bernstein. Yes, Sid Bernstein.

Who was like cheating stuff and wheeling and dealing. And Paul Reiser was the like young Jewish guy who wanted to be more like Eddie Murphy. And I thought, well, this seems all very anti-Semitic. You know, I mean, what, Jews can't be cool or Jews are just cheating people? I mean. I remember, and I don't know if you were doing this or what. There was – yeah, I think it was. They were casting for the part of a landlord. Uh-huh.

And originally, they wanted a black guy. Uh-huh. They wanted a black guy. And so, but they said, ah, this black guy has this money-hungry landlord. That sounds racist. So they got a Jew. Well, we should start wrapping up. Yeah, this was fun.

This is great. Thanks for coming and doing this. Anytime. We know you don't do many interviews. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Once again at Nutmeg Post with our engineer, Frank Fertorosa. And today we've been talking to director, writer, producer, and all around Jew in Hollywood. Amy Heckerling.

And we should thank Bobby Slayton, too, for setting this up. Yes. Our friend Bobby. Yay, I love Bobby. Good to see him in Loser. And so for all of the people who know, Amy Heckerling is the one with the German babysitter. Thanks, Amy. Thank you.