Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Classic: Bad Movie Musicals

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

To coincide with this week's "Fun for All Ages" episode about movie musicals of 1980, GGACP revisits this hilarious conversation from 2017 about Gil and Frank's' favorite musical misfires. In this episode: Burt Reynolds sings Cole Porter, Gene Kelly laces up his skates, Nipsey Russell follows the yellow brick road and Carol Channing covers the Beatles. PLUS: "Grease 2"! "Paint Your Wagon"! And Gilbert meets Mr. Baseball! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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An evening with the boys. Once is never good enough for something. So fantastic So here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks Colossal Classic Here we go

Here we go voice Two, two, one, three, three, two Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried And I'm here with uh Frank, I forgot your name. That's fine. Frank Sancto Patrick. Gorsion.

And yes. I'm here with Frank Langella. And Frank Santa Podge, I think I said that already. Yeah. And this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions. It is indeed that. Could I just clear out some of these coffee cups before we get started? Go right ahead.

Coffee cups. Gilbert's particularly Flemish this evening. So how are you, Paul? I'm good. And I want to talk about one of Gilbert's favorite genres. Oh, can I get one thing out of the way. When I came into the studio today, there was a package for me from a Perry Scholl in Philadelphia. That's the guy.

Who painted a picture of me as Dracula. Yes, with the fangs and the blue. Ludd dripping down. It's quite good, Harry. So nice job. We always get a big cake out of different artworks sent to us. Yeah, people, by the way, are always asking where to send stuff. And Frank is very nice. And he receives stuff here at Nutmeg for us. Furnominal feet. Pernominal feet. You can always send it to Nutmeg Studios here on West 45th Street and care of us. Yeah, the receptionists are going to love that. Thanks, Frank. That's great. Well, listen.

Keep the card and letter coming. If there's any women out there who want to send me naked pictures, just... You know, it's really not the climate for that. No. Oh, boy. Did you guys talk about this one and all? Because this is pretty slick. We did.

We talked about them on the last mini. I knew that because I was totally paying attention. Last coloring book on the left. Yes, thank you for... So you were going to say my favorite... Yeah, Paul, what did you come up with? What is this episode about? This episode is part two.

It's a long delay part two, because I think we did part one in September. Well, we did an episode about bad movie musicals, and it worked out well, and Gil had a good time, and we thought we'd bring it back. I thought that's the one we were doing. I just wanted to check. I didn't know if we were doing Gilbert portraits today or... You never know. You never know with him. And if anyone out there could tell me if Richard Mulligan was in a TV series called The Hero.

I couldn't find it. I looked. Well, also my phone died in the middle, but you may be right. But excuse me, I'm the researcher around here. I think he played, if I'm not getting this totally ass backwards, like I sometimes do, like a TV hero. Like he's an actor who... You know who played that. You know, Sam Garrett plays Brave TV Cowboy star Jed Clayton.

He found it. But the problem is he's under-coordinated. Oh! Is that it? Richard Mulligan? Yeah. Scared of horses and has allergies. Oh, okay. That sounds like it. What's the year on that, Frankie?

That would be 1996, 67. Gilbert, you're good. See? Frank now Frankie's taking your job, Paul. Sam Garrett, Ruth Garret. Oh, those are the characters. Richard Mulligan, Marriette Hartley, Victor French. Victor French.

And a lot of the people. From Little House on the Prairie, Victor French. And Marriottley from the woman that everyone thought she was James Garner's wife. And I was. I was on her talk show. You were. Yeah. What were those commercials for?

I think Polaroid. Polaroid, was it? Yeah, they always thought they were a married couple. Because they always showed them as husband and wife. Right. So everyone immediately. I mean, that launched her career. I don't think she did much.

Mariette Hartley. She's been actress in a lot of 70s television. It's funny when you talk about actors playing superheroes, I think of Jack Cassidy on he and she. Oh. The Richard Benjamin show. Jack Cassidy was an actor playing a superhero. Wow.

Because Richard Benjamin was a cartoonist who created the superhero. Do you remember any of this? I remember. Well, he was in two. Cassidy was in two Colombo episodes. Yeah, two good ones. Yeah. And I remember that one where he's like the magician.

Yeah, like a Blackstone character. And at the end, of course, Colombo finds out that's him and he's taking him away to jail. And he goes, you know, and he's the magician. And he goes, I thought I had performed the perfect murder. and Peter Falk goes, there's no such a thing, sir. It's only an illusion. I never heard you, Peter Falk.

I love it. It's bordering on Brando. By the way, speaking of that, how about Jimmy Fallon's Gilbert? Fantastic. The first impression he did on Saturday Night Live was Gilbert Godfrey. I was in the studio when he did it. Were you really?

Twice. I was there. Boy, it sounded. Did I show you the clip? Oh, yes. Very funny. If anything happens to Gilbert, we just bring Jimmy. Yeah, he'll come.

Nobody will. I remember I was walking down 14th Street. I was going home. And there was like some electronic store. And it was at night. But they had the TV on. It was Saturday Night Live. and it looked like Hollywood Squares.

And I saw some guy, you know, scrunching up his face and at the time he wasn't known. So I later saw him at some Saturday Night Live Party. I love it. Was that you? I love it. So, yeah, check it. We only got of a movie. He sees himself on television at an electronic store window.

As the set collapses. Right. But that, so this was on the view that he did. He did on the view. Check out Jimmy Fallon on the view. He did it on the old. When I worked on the old Joy Show for CNN, he did it there, too. So I was in the room twice, and it's dead on.

Oh, yeah. The dead on impression. It's very funny. You want to talk about bad movie musicals? So we want to talk about bad movie musicals. If we can stump this man. There are plenty. We ended last time with a brief reference to Chorus Line and said we'd get back to that.

I don't want to say too much about Chorus Line, except it was a really bad musical. And the tragedy, of course, is the play was phenomenal. I've never seen the movie. The play was phenomenal. The movie just everything that was exciting and touching and original in the show becomes maudlin and syrupy and horrible in the film. Did you see it? Did you see the chorus line? The movie?

No, I'm heterosexual. Okay. Allegedly. Okay, so that's considered a bad music. That's considered to give the kind of thing we're talking about here. Now, here's another thing I thought to just set the scene. I want everybody to be in the mood for this episode. Are some of the shortest running shows ever to hit Broadway.

Okay. Oh, you're setting a tone here? I'm setting a tone here. of shows that really we shouldn't even be reminding people about. Go ahead. It's too late now. Is Moose murders on there? Moose murders, I believe, is it? Yes, Moose murders.

Well, let me get to that. So did you remember the film High Fidelity? Oh, yes, yes. It's a great movie. Good book, great movie, terrible musical. It made the top 10 shortest runs on this list, 14 performances, 18 previews. Soink.

This is from the Ticketnetwork.com blog, by the way. There are some other things that the commenters, mentioned so we don't have everything here but a few just a few hits uh... Elling based on the Norwegian film of the same name don't know it I mentioned it only because I thought I could finally stump you guys

I'd want to hear nobody knows Elling Lolita nine days after it began closed How can you go wrong? Lolita was a musical Lolita was a musical With what Tommy Toon as as Humbert Humbert I don't know

So a musical about a pedophile I don't think it was a music Yeah. Whatever it is, it closed after April. There's no way to tell now whether it was a musical or not. Carrie. Oh, Carrie. Yeah, that was a big flop.

Oh, that sounds like a ridiculous. Okay, here you go. A one woman play starring Ellen Burstyn as she told stories through the eyes of the title character opened November 17, 2003, closed the next day after two total regular performances. That sounds good. The oldest living Confederate widow tells all. Yeah, that's a famous book. I don't know. I haven't read it, but the title is memorable.

Glory Days is number two, which must have been a bad... Oh, a spruce. I don't think it was. I think it was just Glory Days, but it must have been suggested by the springtime, I think. And number one, according to this list, anyway, number one shortest thing that closed on opening night right after the first performance, Moose Murders. Yeah, Moose Murders is infamous. I was at opening night of another legendary flop called Late Night Comic,

which starred Robert Lupone, who was Patty Lupone's brother. Oh, wow. And I think it closed in two days, and I was there on opening night. I remember critics being suicidal during the intermission. Oh, yeah. During the comedy boom of the 80s, somebody decided that this would make a good Broadway musical. What else you got for us? Oh, is this where we're going next?

I remember seeing reviews to that. Late Night Comic. Yeah. At opening night, I had freebies through the Writers' Guild. It was horrible. Yeah. Yeah. It was a good idea.

Yeah. Is this where we're going next year or what? We've got a few things skewed up, right? Can you see it from there? I can see it. Yeah, I think I want to start with the chronological with the first one and see if we can stump him, the one I was holding up. Which one? That would be, boy, the production value of this show.

It's just, I'm telling you. It's like a Cecil B. DeMille production. Hold it closer so I can read it. We'll start with this one. Let's start with this one and see if Gilbert and see if we can stump Gilbert. Okay. With it. This is a legendary bad musical.

Oh. This is music from it. Yes. My friend, the doctor says the sun is made of cheddar cheese. The doctor even knows the reason why. The facts of these, try if you please Pretending you're a lonely cheese Wouldn't you want to try

Finding an apple pie Of course you would Maybe what the doctor tells me Isn't old together true But I love every daily tell me Who would that singer be? Give you a hint you'd do an impression of him as a singer Oh my God

Well, it's not newly It is It is Newley. But what's the bad musical? The gigantic musical flop that he was singing. You know, it sounds different. And he doesn't have quite there. Yeah, not in that particular. This must be earlier in his career. Yeah.

167. And a legendary flop. Anything? Was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Picture. Surprisingly. I thought I didn't manage that. Yeah. I teach me everything you know. What?

2,000 languages? Certainly. We'll start at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. But it's a thing over a hundred years. Then we start at 7 o'clock. There's not a moment to lose. Well, that's a different musical. It's Rex Harrison and Anthony Newee from Dr. Dooley.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. The budget went triple. It was supposed to be $6 million. It tripled in part because of numerous technical difficulties inherent with the large number of animals required for those animals you see the kind of trailers the animals demand well what i love is what i love is this this is what i loved i found

this and this was some research about the film uh there are anecdotes of a goat who ate a script a parrot that learned to learn to yell cut on set but i love this 1,200 animals did you say that in one instance ducks for the film were placed on a lake but had apparently forgotten how to swim and began to sink, and crew members had to jump into the water to save them. And here's my favorite. Animals also bit and defecated on the cast and crew. Oh, geez.

The bit with the ducks in the planet was probably funnier than anything in the movie. Gilbert will love this. Anthony Newley and Rex Harrison did not get along. This is according to Wikipedia, which I know isn't always reliable. I think he said Rex Harrison used to call him that Jew. He's made, according to this, Newley was incensed by anti-Semitic comments that Harrison made. He was apparently jealous of the Jewish co-stars' participation in the film and demanded

Newley's role be reduced. Geoffrey Holder. Remember that actor? Oh, yes, the Mr. Colonnaughts. He received racist abuse from Rex Harrison's entourage. How about that? Wow. Yeah.

So then Rex Harrison, we can safely say, hated blacks and Jews. I wouldn't go. I wouldn't know if I'd go that far. This is all just according to Wikipedia. No, I mean, I remember Anthony Newley saying in an interview. They did not get along. Yeah, he used to call him the Jew. This also says there was a role.

There was a character called Bumpo, played by Sammy Davis Jr. Or Sammy Davis was proposed for the role. Boy, talk about the worst version. Right. To be with right. A black Jew. Harrison insists They recast the role with Sidney Poitier

Even though Poitier was not a musician Or a musical performer And they went up cutting the part altogether It was a very very It was a cursed production Through and through Here's from the New York Times Review Bosley Crowther

The music is not exceptional The rendering of the songs Lacks variety And the pace is slow and without surprise Yeah, it's pretty bad It's pretty tedious The thing is, then Sammy Davis had a hit with, if I could talk to the animals. Of all things.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's much better. His rendition is much better than Rex Harrison's rendition. I'm partial to Gilder Radnor's Let's Talk Dirty to the Animals. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need, deliver. with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats.

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You want to try the next movie? You want to see if you can stump him on this one? And if we go along, we'll do another part. I got so many production values here. Hang on. What's the next one I had queued, Frank? Should I tell you? Won't they give it away?

No, I mean, just run it. See if Gilbert knows it. Here it comes. And we'll jump. We'll garden together and we'll play house. Seas looking for some buddies Who would sail with me Sail with me

Sail with me Sail with me And I've been waiting for someone Like you, a man who could love me and will promise to Stay with me Stay with me Any guesses on who that is?

I'm lost on this Why am I seeing Jack Nicholson for some reason here. Well, you're trying to give him my hands. The year is 1980. Yeah. The singers you're hearing are Shelly Duvall and Robin Williams. Oh, Popeye?

The movie is Popeye. Oh, my God. Popeye was like, yeah, that was Oldman. Yeah, that's right. And that was of... Who better to make a musical, Robert Alman. A fucking mess. The set is like some tipped cock-eyed thing.

You wonder how anybody could stand. up on it. It's just a horrible. Well, that was a doomed production in many ways. We talked to Paul Dooley about it. He was in it. He played Wimpy. Oh, that's right. And we had him on the show. The thing about that movie, and no one loves Harry Nielsen more than I do. Yeah. Those songs are terrible. As Leonard Malton referred to them in his movie review book, alleged songs by Harry Nielsen. And I remember, too, watching that movie that there are these clumsy voiceovers.

Like they'll have a boat and you won't see anyone talking but someone will go oh well now we have to go to the island of so-and-so where we have to capture and it's like they're telling the audience

because it's such a fucking mess they have to have a voice over tell you what these characters are doing. I think it was one of those movies that was just plagued by recuts and reshoots. They were in Malta forever and they ran into bad weather. Paul Dooley, go back and listen to the Paul Dooley episode.

The originally, Aldman was looking for Dustin Hoffman. Yes, Dustin Hoffman and Lily Tomlin to play Olive Oil. It would have been interesting because he worked with Lily Tomlin a bunch of times. And the performances are good, believe it or not. The olive oils performed, Shelley Duval and Robin are both very good in this. debacle this thing that's kind of sinking around them i don't know i'm not sure i can go with you and shelly duvall that's why i mentioned jack rick really because uh she's she's she's had her share she was tormented by stanley kubrick yeah i feel sorry for her but uh but it is hard to watch

yeah oh yeah and all that talent jules fifer right the screen play and robin and robin and you just and harry nielsen and how could it how could you go wrong a complete mess yeah one try another one yeah what was the next one queued Frank this one this is from two years later Gil I'm giving you a hint 1982

I make sure I got the placed right standby I'll give you money if you can name the singer I'm proud of standing here to humbly see I sure you

and I mean it Now says I don't speak out As plain as day and fellow Texans I'm for progress And the flag Long may it fly I'm a poor boy Come to great news

Come to greatness. So it follows that I cannot tell a lie. You know what? It's not. But you know what that sounded like to me? That one, well, I'm a bill. And I'm going to Congress. Yeah.

Because when you pass a bill. It's actually one of your favorite actors who was not known for singing. Well, for good reason. Take a guess. God, it sounds He was a war hero We talked about him on the show Durning? Charles Durning

Charles Durning? That is the best little whorehouse in Texas Oh my God Yeah, with Bert Reynolds and Lonnie Anderson And I think Dolly Parton

And I think Jim Neighbors Yeah, right And Tom Deloise He's actually in it No, it was Dolly Parton and Bert Reynolds Here's a story I heard Go ahead On the set

You're so off the reservation You notice how Gilbert Never says anything about people he doesn't like Yeah Best Little Horror House There was this guy he said He was there He was working on it

And and Jim Neighbors Was there with his partner And his partner, even though gay, was talking about how much he wanted to fuck, you know, Dolly Pardon. And so one time, he's not on the set that day, and Jim neighbors calls, and someone takes the phone. And he goes, I guess his boyfriend's name was like George. Uh-huh. And this guy's name was George.

So they said, and the guy so mistakenly he goes, uh, George, uh, Jim Neighbors wants to talk to you. And he goes, all right. And he says hello. And he goes, you son of a bitch, you motherfucker, you're going to stick your dick in my. eyes and then fuck

Dallaparden you think that I'm going to blow you after you fuck Dallaparten and that's so that's what the

classic little house That's beautiful That's little more house I have a tear running down my cheek Where the hell? Did you come up with that? This guy told me. The other George?

Yes, the other George. I think it was Burgess Meredith. I thought the punchline was going to be the guy says, excuse me, I'm sorry, I'll put the other George on. Was he talking the wrong guy? Yeah, no, he just stayed there and was told up, was dressed down by Jim neighbors. As Paul Schaefer would say, cute story. Do you have anything to add to that, Paul?

Cute. What I don't understand in so many of these things doing the research here, this one was, let's see, this was, Durning was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. Uh-huh. Not for his singing, apparently. Yeah. Gold and Globe nominations for the Best Motion Picture, Comedy, or Musical. I have to say, there's a category. It isn't terrible.

It's not very good, in my opinion. My wife likes it. But it's not terrible. It's not on a Popeye level. Right, but it's got all these awards and nominations and things. That might lead you to think that the Academy Awards don't always go to the right people. That's shocking. Gilbert's been snubbed for years.

His fine work as Annie Sullivan and the miracle worker. It's been ignored too long. What was the next one? Here it comes. Making a crazy ding-dong And if this band don't desert us Then there's nothing in the world can hurt us Long as we're singing our song

Give me trumpets, legado Put some sexes with them Lost His name's been in the news a lot lately The one who's singing the adult role Harvey Weinstein No, it's not the Harvey Weinstein musical But you're warm

I do want to say watching this right now Is it more than a little creepy I know it is And that's why I picked it Oh It's not the Harvey Weinstein musical Oh geez Is it the Louis C.K.

No It's not that either His career is tumbling Like a House of Cards right now Oh, jeez. What's the musical? Yes, but what's the musical? Oh, well, I know he did that Bobby Darren.

That's what it is. It's from beyond the sea. This is what's known as a vanity project. Which he was too old to do. Oh, yeah. He was way too old to do it. 45, I think. And they put on that big rubber nose.

And the toop. Oh, yes. Yeah, and the bad sideburns. I watched some of it last night. Oh, boy. Lots of boys. Yeah. Well, well, one of the boys is him as a younger, as it's the young Bobby Darren.

It's way too Freudy. I know. Yeah. It's good. Somebody told him to go fuck himself. What do you have on Beyond the Sea, Paul? In your notes. You know, the thing that I liked about it or the thing that I liked and didn't like was these were a lot of great tunes.

I mean, he did a lot of, Bobby Darren did a lot of great stuff. Bobby Darren's a genius. That's another conversation. Yeah, you listen to Kevin Spacey, and you're, you want to be hearing Bobby Darren, who's, you know, even the silly stuff like Splish Splash him, taking a bath and, you know. Well, he loved him. He loved Bobby Darren. He had such a passion.

It was a passion project. Right. But maybe one that shouldn't have been attempted. My favorite part of that movie is I always love when characters have to tell the audience. They got to rely information on. the audience. So John Goodman is Bobby Darren's manager in it. And Bobby Darren goes, look at me, I've accomplished nothing. And John Goodman, as the manager, goes, what are you talking about, Bobby? You've already gotten 16 gold records on album that's gone platinum.

You've been nominated for an Academy Award. You've been picked greatest performer in Las Vegas five years in a row. And it's like, okay, can I write this down? It's the modern day equivalent of the newspaper headlines slamming down. This shows the passage of time. Interestingly, Gilbert had trouble guessing which show we were talking about, but it turns out he knows the entire script. and he has an anecdote about each one that he can't guess

he hasn't guessed one but he has a story is there one more and then John Goodman goes wait you're gonna fuck Kevin Spacey and then fuck me and then fuck me all right this is one of my pet peeves at the time this was made one of my pet peeves is when someone

fucks Dolly pardon and then things they can fuck Jim neighbors have too much Well That's a pet peeve, is it?

Yes How often does that come up? Constantly It came up while I was talking about That's a peeve you want a pet At any opportunity I'm not sure we can even finish this

It's coming up now Yes Anything else on beyond the same? This may be telling in light of recent events, but in so many of these things, Kate Bosworth was 21 when the movie was made. He was 45. Right. It's like, uh, well, Sandra D. was younger than Bobby Darren.

Right. But you see this in these movies, the music man. Yeah. I don't know what the age difference was there. It was Charlie Jones and Robert Preston. That's a pretty good musical. That's a great musical. But again, it has that, you know.

that age difference. Even the sound of music, she was 16, he was going on 17. Oh, okay. You want to do this? You want to do this last one? Here it comes.

Okay, Gilbert. You better get this one. But with a man and you have one add on a woman and then you You have to add on a child and what have you got? You've got more than three.

You have what they call a family. Living together. Working together. Just working together. And what a And da-da-da-da-da-da-da Did you notice, of course. Working together.

He knows this too. Just working. This was the one with Leave Holman. Yeah, yes. As Bet Midler said, I never miss a Leave-Holman musical. Yes. Lost Horizons. Yes, that one I remember, they would play that a lot.

Working together, playing together. And ironically. since you're talking about working together, this movie ended the long and successful partnership between Hal David and Bert Baccarac. Oh my God. Did you know that? No, I knew that was a Baccarac song.

Yeah, because... It ended it, but when was this? In 1973. Yeah, this is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, this is this movie makes every worst list. I think it's in a book called The FIT is, the 50 worst films of all time by Michael Medved.

it is wretched on so many. Have you seen it? I have not seen it. You need to watch it. You've sat through this thing from start to finish. I've seen bits and pieces of it. And I remember them playing that song. Yeah.

Well, it's a remake of Capra's Lost Horizon from 1935 and the book by James Hilton. And it has this great cast, Peter Finch, Sally Kellerman, George Kennedy, Michael Young, Olivia Hussie, you brought up. Oh, yeah. The Great Bobby Van. Because I found out, someone told me Olivia Hussie is a fan of mine. I love that. Yeah. John Gilgood, Charles Boyier was the High Lama.

It is absolutely wretched. And just if you think Bert Baccarac and Hal David could do no wrong, watch this movie. Oh, yeah. Because I don't know what happens. Gilbert sang is a good one, actually. I like that song, but I don't know the rest of the music. Bobby Van has a song called Question Me and Answer. sir, which you can find them on

YouTube. It's pretty dreadful. And I brought it up, I think, the last time we did bad musicals, I brought it up at the end. Because you can't have a discussion of bad musicals without bringing applause to Horizon. And I think the story goes,

Bobby Van. Oh, no. Fuck leifle. Oh, no. And Ben wanted to fuck Alec. He wasn't even in it. John Gilgood. Gilgood. Use some force. That's what...

Dragging Allen Guinness into it. That's what caused the problem. He was fucking John Gilgud and while he was coming he'd scream out. Oh, Aligh Guinness! Ale Guinness!

And that's what split them up. They found their own Shangri-Laugh. Right there. I think you better sign off, Paul. I can't talk. All right, you're a very sick man.

And John Gilgud started screaming out, Jim Naver! This has been what we consider our own personal look at bad musicals over the last few decades. Hey, fellas, we just got a call from HR. They want a word with all of us. This one derailed quickly. Godfried, you're a mad genius. Just for the sake of the listeners who can't see in the booth, each of us is sitting in his own corner.

I am weeping. Well, this was an attempt at a bad movie musicals episode. This was an attempt at a podcast. The first part was just a warm-up. I think some things about. bad musicals managed to get squeezed in between the cracks. You want to take us out of this?

Yes, this has been Gilbert and Frank, amazing colossal obscenes. Thank you, Paul, for all your hard words. Yes, thank you. I thank you for nothing. Colossal Obsessions. Gifts that say I know you. From festive and cozy fashion to lux beauty and fragrance sets,

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