Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Classic: Dick Van Dyke

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

GGACP celebrates the 99th (!) birthday of living legend Dick Van Dyke (b. Dec 13) by revisiting this unforgettable conversation, originally recorded in 2016. In this episode, Dick looks back on his illustrious 70-year career, recalls his friendships with Stan Laurel and Buster Keaton and shares his memories (both good and bad) of making the classic family films “Mary Poppins” and “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.” Also, Dick idolizes Ray Bolger, co-stars with Mickey Rooney, gets a surprise visit from Cary Grant and earns a compliment from Fred Astaire. PLUS: Ed Wynn! “My Mother the Car”! The genius of Carl Reiner! Gilbert and Dick duet! And Dick reveals his secrets to longevity! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at fizz.ca. TV, comics, movie stars, hit singles and some toys. Trivia and dirty jokes. An evening with the boys Once is never good enough for something so fantastic

Fantastic! So here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks Colossal Classic Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. And I'm not here, but connected by Skype with my co-host Frank Santopadre. We're thrilled when we're lucky enough to book a guest who was on our original want

list. This is true and this week's guest was at the top of that list. He's a celebrated actor, comedian, writer, singer, dancer and a bona fide showbiz legend who has appeared in popular films such as Bye Bye Birdie, Cold Turkey, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Night at the Museum and of course Mary Poppins. For five seasons he starred in one of the most admired and influential television shows in history, The Dick Van Dyke Show, and then years later, Diagnosis Murder. He's the recipient of five Emmys, a Tony Award, a Grammy,

and a Screen Actors Guild Life Achievement Award. He's also a member of the Television Hall of Fame and has been recognized as a Disney legend. I'm so excited to be with here. I may pee on myself. Please welcome Dick Vandyke. I'm very impressed. What a resume that is. Now I had some stuff prepared to ask you, but then we got into a conversation and you were friends with the actor and comedian Orson Bean. Yes.

Now, please, please. Oh, you want to hear about that? I'm sorry. Orson and I go back to the 50s when both of us were hanging around New York, kind of out of work, and we would go to the Modern Museum and down the basement they ran silent films. And we'd go to Central Park. When we'd go to the Central Park Zoo every day, there was a chimp in there who had to weigh 150 pounds. A big old gray chimp who laid on a kind of a bunk up there, smoked a big black cigar and masturbated.

Constantly. I mean, he would do it. If he had an audience, he would do it. I kind of envied him. He must have passed on that Jim, but Orson remembered it We'd go every day. So you'd go every day with Austin Beans to watch a monkey masturbate. I can't imagine anything I'd rather watch. Every day it brought tears to my eyes. I work with a chimp in a movie who was about the same size a very talented guy Dinky so I'm I know my chimps. That was the Robin Crusoe movie Dick. That's right Dinky was his name he was weighed about 130 pounds 10 years old and could remember like 10 things in a row.

In a scene, he would remember everything. He could play cards, and if he went up and forgot his lines, he'd start going, ooh, and pee. Pee his pants. That was, very dedicated actor he was. So basically, he had more talent than me. Now that's, So basically you had more talent than me.

Now you told a story in your book, Keep Moving, that years ago I guess you were doing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang maybe and you hurt yourself. Well I pulled a muscle in the leg, yeah. Yeah, and then you went to a doctor and he gave you this horrible... That's right, he looked at my x-rays, he said, do you know that you're riddled with arthritis from head to foot? I didn't know it. I was 40...what was I, 42 or 43. So apparently I had been all those years, but I didn't know it and

That's what got me moving and I've still riddled with The thing is I keep moving and keep stretching and it's a night And and I heard you said in the doctor's office because you are hit with this shocking office, because you were hit with this shocking, horrible news. He said, you know, in five to seven years, you'll be at least on a walker, if not on a wheelchair. Five to seven years. And you said you got up and danced in his office? That was 50 years ago, and I'm still dancing.

Oh, wow. So it doesn't have to take you down. Yeah, cause I mean all over the internet there is like this footage of you like dancing in clothing stores. My wife grabbed it. Oh yeah. I'm in Sears and Roebuck, Ralph's Market, wherever they're playing music. It looks like it's special effects the way you're dancing. Now how did you start out in show business?

I was doing what they call karaoke now. We were a record act. They were all over Los Angeles. 1947. My buddy and I drove out here in his old Chevy, had a box of 78 records, and we played clubs all over town. Was this the Mary Mutes? Yeah!

Yeah. What a name. Yeah. Yeah, we had quite a following around town. It was a very popular thing. Jerry Lewis started. Oh yeah. Yeah, Jerry did it.

Pantomime. Yeah, and that's how I got in show. It was going to be a lot, because we were going to go home and do something serious, but one thing led to another, and I never got out of the business. Thank God. And then you got further into show business after you were in the Army. Yeah. I kind of cowardice. Yeah.

I was in pilot training and the war was almost over. So they just canceled the pilot training program and they called us all in and said some of you being overseas as Tailgunners on b25s the rest of you will be assigned according to your abilities and I went right into And I got in the special services group save my life Go ahead go. Oh, no, you never were ever at formal training. No, at nothing. No, I tell kids today, I was in my 30s before I got a job singing and dancing, and my God, I loved it.

If I had had any sense, then I would have said, well, I better study dancing a little and take some vocal. No, I didn't do anything. I just did it for the fun of it and I never worked on it that's not a way good way to do it although I watching you sing and dance like an untrained singer and dancer it's kind of like like Jimmy Durante Jimmy Durante by no means is a great singer, but you love listening to him. That's right, yeah.

And you're like one of those people, like you know, maybe there are better dancers and singers, but when you watch you, you know, it's a guy having a great time, it looks like. That's the secret. If I'm having fun, it's fairly entertaining. If I'm not, I stink. If I don't like what I'm doing, if I don't think it's funny, I can't make it funny if it's not funny. Yeah. For me. But yeah your dancing was

always like contagious. You know it just looks like fun. I was a Ray Bolger. I was a Ray Bolger fan. I always wanted to be that guy, that scarecrow. Oh yeah. As a matter of fact, my very young wife once said, what would you have liked to do? I said, I would have liked to be that scarecrow in Wizard of Oz. She said, did you try out for it? I was 12 years old. Is that why you call yourself a fake dancer, Dick, because you never had any formal training?

That's right. I'm a total fake. But I'm a good one. I'm a very good fake singer, fake actor. You've done okay. So are you equipped to do anything in the business? That's right, yeah. With my heart and my mouth.

You know, when you go for a job, they say, can you do it? You say, of course I can do it. That's what I did and got away with it. And you were telling me, I mean, this is, how old are you now? I just turned 90 last month. Oh, geez. I appeared in the stage version of Mary Poppins

when it came out here as the old banker. And this time I didn't need any makeup. I don't feel 90, it's funny. I think it's all in your head. 13 emotionally probably, but I just don't feel it. Yeah, I mean when you came out, I mean first, and I think another secret to you having so much energy is you have this attractive much younger wife. Yeah, as a matter of fact she booked this podcast.

She's the one behind everything. Yes, thank you Arlene. Your whole attitude and everything about you is young. Well, all my friends my age are dead, so I have young friends. You have also a beautiful wife. I just saw her on there. He does. Gorgeous. See, you're a dog. I have a good eye. Since we're talking about Dick's birthday, we should also point out that you just turned

90 and there's some wonderful video online of you singing. There's a flash mob at the Grove in LA. Tell us what happened. I went out on my birthday. Disney had me out at Disneyland. And I had a parade. We got to sing for them. And my wife, again again put it all together.

But it was the cherry on, I'll have to retire, I can't top it. It was the cherry on, it was the best day of my life. Just, God, what a good time. And you were saying you have a son who's 65. Turn, it's going to be 66 in May, yeah. And at the moment he is in the Chilean Andes on a bicycle riding a 1500 miles through the Andes Mountains. So this like runs in the family. I guess so.

Yeah. I wouldn't do that at any age. Now what I want to know is when you have a son who's 65, do you still look upon it as your little boy? Oh sure, yeah to me they never grew up. I said you can't be 65 because I'm 60. And the other ones, I have two daughters, all of them into their middle age now and I've got great grandkids. Which I... Oh geez. Yeah a lot of them. That'll be you one day soon Gil I Want to ask dick about that painting behind him of Buster Keaton is that a painting I'm looking at

Yeah, there's a Buster Keaton and a Stan Laurel and Stan Laurel the a friend of mine painted that I had a little a Polaroid of Stan sitting backstage in Birmingham, England. He and Ollie went on a tour there. And a friend of mine took it and made that great painting. You know, I have the bow tie that Stan left me. I was going to get the derby and the derby disappeared after the funeral. We haven't seen it since. Somebody's got it. Now, tell us the story about how you got in touch with Stan Laurel

I was looking up a phone number one day and I just came across it said Stan Laurel And I thought it can't be and I called him up and it was Seen our show and I went to visit him that Sunday and Went over there a lot and know, a lot of comedians made that pilgrimage to his house. Danny Kay, Jerry Lewis, all of us went and talked to Stan. You're a wonderful guy. And I think you said to him that you admitted you stole a lot from him. I said that on the phone.

Yeah. I said, you know, I stole a lot of rec. He said, yes, I know. But you can see from my imitations, the fear and fear is for him. Now did he ever give you any kind of advice as far as comedy and performing? No, he didn't. I asked him a million questions, you know, at one point on the old Dick Van Dyke show we did a Lauren Hardy sketch and I asked him to come down and you'll be technical advisor. And he had had a slight stroke which nobody noticed but he wouldn't come down. So after

the show was on the air I called him and said what did you think? He gave me like 45 minutes of notes. Oh jeez. I said now you tell me. He had cufflinks that were paper clips. He had taken the heels off his shoes to give him that stance and that walk and a whole lot of things that he could have told me before the show. And how did he, you know, you always hear about these teams like Abba and Costello, Martin and Lewis, who sounded like they hated each other. How did he and Ollie get along? Call of a hearty.

Great. Absolutely great. He thought Ollie was the funniest man he had ever seen. They got along great. Stan did all the writing, all the directing, and Ollie liked to play golf. And he liked to be out by four. So whenever Stan wanted him to do that slow burn with the camera, you know, he waited until then and told him you can't play golf for a

while. And then they did all the close ups when he was really pissed off. That's like real method acting. Yes, yeah. He got it out of him. You know, he still had a little portable typewriter. He sat and wrote sketches for he and Ollie every day. He had boxes full of sketches he wrote for SNL, SNO rather, but nobody ever found them. Would I love to have those. Oh my God, yeah.

You're the third guest we've had, Dick, that looked Stan Laurel up in the phone book. Tom Leopold, who's a comedy writer that we had on the show, and your friend Chuck McCann, I think, looked Stan up in the phone book. Chuck McCann does the best Stan Laurel impression of anybody. Yeah, oh Ollie, you mean?

And he also does Ollie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And I think you're, I don't know, guess maybe five or six who knew Buster Keaton. Yes, yes. I got to meet Buster, he lived out in Thousand Oaks in a little like a quarter of an acre. He was very shy, very shy.

I went one Sunday afternoon sitting with his wife Eleanor and he kept walking around outside looking in the windows. And I said, you know, is he coming in? He said, he'll be here. Finally he comes in, he's got his hat on and a ukulele. And he said, oh, Mr. Doe, don't tear the line of moon, won't you shine the light on? He sang a song for me.

And we were in the kitchen, I of course had a million questions. I said, you remember when you put your foot up on a table, then you put the other foot on the table and hung there for a moment before you fell. And he did it for me in the kitchen. He must have been 65 years old. He did that for me.

And it's interesting, like his way of communicating with you was by performing. Yeah, he didn't have a lot to say. Out in the back of his yard he had a little picnic table and along the fence a railroad track. He had to sit at the table, he would make the hot dogs, put them in a little toy train and toot toot and deliver the hot dogs. That's great. That was Buster Keaton. He had a, what was it, a handmade pool cue with his name on it, which he gave me. I have that memento from him. I wanted the hat, but he was buried with it.

But he was. I heard you interviewed about Buster, Dick. You said he broke every bone in his body at various points. Is that true? Exactly. Yeah in the in the What was the train with the great the general? He yeah, he broke his neck and kept looking that day. He said at one time or another he broke every bone Amazing I heard that his parents when he was little they built a harness

That's right with a handle on it and just threw him around Now I mean they'd be in jail. Oh, yeah. And I heard that Houdini saw them and said to the father, he said, you should call that kid Buster. Is it Houdini gave him the name? Yeah. Yeah, that's the story.

We never heard from Houdini, did we? He gave him the name, my God. Now was Buster angry toward the end of his life? He didn't seem to be. He had had a real drinking problem for a while. No he was, I don't think he was angry. I think Stan didn't show it, but you know, his name, the name Roland Hardy was taken away.

They had nothing, they owned nothing. Not their movies, not the rights to them, or the name. The clown, Larry Harmon, somehow for $500 bought the name Roland Hardy. He couldn't even use it. So he had no residuals no no part of anything You know when they closed down the Hal Road studios They let me loose in the prop department and in the picture department I couldn't find any props, but I came out of there with hundreds of great pictures of a lower. Wow. Yeah

As long as we're talking about Buster, I just wanted to ask Dick about the comic, the film that you and Carl Reiner made together. Oh, the comic, yeah. You saw it, very few people saw it. Yeah, I think me and Frank are the only two people who saw it. I don't even know if you saw it.

It's not on DVD and it's hard to find. Is it? Very hard to find. It was based on, you know, loosely on several of those guys. On Harold Lloyd and other guys? Like Buster did in his old age. It was still appearing on television. But he was a turd. He was an ass. He was not a nice guy. Yeah, you're shown as like this angry guy cheating on his wife and everything.

At the end he's walking through Sardis as an old man and saying, and they're saying, your fly's open, your fly's open. Just a joke we put in at the last minute, which a lot of that movie was. And Mickey Rooney was in that. Who did Mickey Rooney play? Ben Turpin. Ben Turpin. The cock-eye. Yes. That's what we called him, a cock-eye. Yeah, because I remember Mickey Rooney going, you know, the minute they stop laughing at this, that's when the world started killing each other. His sinuses ran constantly from that eye, bothered him so badly. And I kept saying, he's funnier than I am

because he's short. I'm too tall to be funny, which is Carl Reiner's line. But it's true, all those guys were short. And I remember that there was one part of the movie, and this really struck me, where you do a pratfall, and it's supposed to be that now you're older, and you do the pratfall, and everyone goes, ooh, and then they get worried. Oh, that we do a 180, yeah.

Yes. Yeah. I worked with Mickey again, you know, on the night of the museum. Oh my God, yes, yes. Yeah, right, sure. I would urge our listeners to try to find that film I mean it's on it's on VHS it's but it's you know it's not it's not

available on DVD the comic and it's it's a shame. I was proud of it because I thought it was really authentic about those times. We shot a lot of black and white footage which was never used. Just went out in the car and I chased fire engines. Now, you are not the original choice, oddly enough, for the Dick Van Dyke show. No, well, Carl Reiner was the original. And Sheldon Leonard said, the script is good good just get a better actor. The story is that Johnny Carson was up for it but I don't think he was ever even considered. His name came up but I got in there fast. Yeah, Cole Reiner wrote it about himself.

Right. He's a comedy writer and he's got a wife and kids and but they that didn't work Did you ever see that pilot? No I've seen it He plays an overly nervous kind of angst ridden guy and it's yeah, it isn't right No, it's interesting to see Morty Gunty and the buddy sorrel part though Morty Gunty. You would have been right in that role Yeah, oh, thank you. In Maury's role wouldn't they? Yeah absolutely. Wow thank you. Yeah absolutely. Which brings

us to Maury Amsterdam. Tell us about Maury Amsterdam. He was one of the sweetest guys in the world and he and Rosemary I learned timing from both of them had razor sharp time. Rosie was so good. Morrie we wrote words to our to our song. Oh yes can you please sing that? I'd be happy to. They were never published but we sing them our quartet. So it goes so you think that you got trouble well? Well, trouble's a bubble. So tell oh, Mr. Trouble to get lost. Why not hold your head up high and stop crying, start trying, and don't forget to keep your fingers crossed.

When you find the joy of living is loving and given, you'll be there when the winning dice are tossed. A smile is just a frown that's turned upside down. So smile and that frown will defrost upside down, so smile on that crown, that frown or defrost and don't forget to sink your fingers and I fall over there. I don't do that part of the way. Ah, wow. He wrote that.

Nice work. So did he make, was this one of those deals where he made money every time it got played or they didn't have it? I think he wrote about Mexico. Drama and Coca-Cola go down point Kumana both mother and daughter. He wrote that. It was a big hit. Wow. And Yucca Puck. Is that an Andrews song? Oh yes, Yucca Puck. He would sing in between his jokes. Can you sing some of Yucca Puck? He was probably the richest man in America and nobody knew it.

He owned a parking garage on 57th Street in New York, constantly on the phone with his broker. But what a nice man. Yeah, because I mean, he would tell like dumb jokes, funny dumb jokes, like the kind of Henny Youngman. Well, he had a rhododex in his head of jokes. He started out warming up the audience, but unfortunately if he saw somebody of a minority group,

those jokes would go through to, and sometimes it's just, you know, Chinese jokes. You know, Chinese jokes. He was also a real artist on the cello. He really could play beautifully. He never did. Because I remember on the cello he'd start singing yuckapuck. Right.

Were there other words to yuckapuck? Yuckapuck? I don't think so. I think that think so. I think that was it. Hey Dick, when Sheldon Leonard had to tell Carl that he was wrong for the pilot that he'd written for himself, was it Sheldon that had seen you in Bye Bye Birdie and knew that you were the guy or was it Carl?

Both of them I I think, came. I didn't even know they were there. Carl had seen me in Bye Bye Birdie. And I got a week off and came out and did the pilot. I had had a script of my own, I was peddling, kind of a Jacques Tati thing about a guy on a scooter in Europe. A lot of physical comedy.

And Carl sent me about 8 scripts and I just threw mine out the window writing. You know he wrote the first series, all 39 shows himself before he ever called in anybody. Tell us about Carl Reiner. He's a genius. My favorite human in the world. He sat he wrote 39 episodes for the and we used to do that many every year you know if now it's 20 and then he called in Billy Persky and Sam Danoff and they got some other and Jerry Marshall wonderful writers but he and Jerry Belson and Jerry yeah Marshall and Belson. And Jerry, yeah. Belson. Yeah, Marshall and Belson. That's right.

My God, it was a great team of writers. And you've remained friends with Carl Reiner for all these years. Oh yeah. Yeah, I go by and see him every once in a while. He's still writing. Wow. He just sits at that typewriter and turns out books. Still, he and Mel Brooks, of course, are still very close.

And both of them, you know, are up in years, but as sharp as ever. And because I was reading your book, Keep Moving. Get that plug in there. And you got to get a plug in. And I actually there was one part where you talk about like your long life and all the historical events that happen and you rate them like a teacher, like one gets an A and other gets an F. And there was one part, I was reading it on a plane

and I laughed out loud. You said, 1925 Mein Kampf, written by Adolf Hitler is published. Haven't read it, don't plan to. That was the year I was born, 1925. The Empire State Building started in 20- I'm as old as the Empire State Building. Oh wow. It looks a little better than I do.

So you still- I loved your joke. You said that Hitler's son was arrested for child molestation. Oh, yes. Yeah, I said that it's... I read somewhere that Hitler had a grandson who was a convicted child molester. Imagine being the embarrassment to the Hitler family. The Hitler family. Isn being the Hitler who the other Hitlers don't talk about. Yes. What a great concept.

I got to tell you, when I heard that Dick Van Dyke wanted to do my show, my first thought was, oh no, he's senile yeah he's totally lost it I told you earlier the line that I remembered that he did from years ago said do you think back in the 1400s people walked around saying boy this is a long time ago. That's a great, Stephen Wright couldn't think of that. This to me is something I can't believe. So you actually are familiar. You've seen me on TV and stuff. Oh yeah, I've never seen you live though,

in a club, right, no. Do you still work clubs at all? Oh yeah, yeah, I'll be working when I'm out here. But that amazes me. Why? I love comedy. You're one of the experts. Oh geez.

I like to watch. Who's our friend? Brody Stevens. Brody Stevens, you know him? His act is about dying on stage. Work with me people. Power of energy. Very funny guy. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's

amazing colossal podcast after this. The holidays are almost here, but Amazon still has last minute deals. Like makeup for the beauty lover, electronics for the tech pro, and home goods for the host who was too busy hosting to shop. Shop last minute deals at Amazon now.

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with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your teen to your Uber account today. And, oh, you told another funny story. today. And oh, you told another funny story. You said when you, Carl and Mel Brooks have been friends for years and one time during one of your visits to Sid Caesar, you and Mel were walking out. Oh yeah. It was always all of his friends.

Sid, you know, wasn't, he couldn't really communicate. He was in a wheelchair. But we'd go and all keep him company. So, I think my wife and I were the only Gentiles there. And we were leaving, and Mel said, you seem to like the company of Jews. Everybody would have to tell a joke and I would be doing them when I would tell Gentile jokes. The only guy.

Now, and you were saying your brother Jerry, who now he did a show that was one of those strangest shows. My mother had the car. Yes. Could you tell us the premise of that show, please? I don't know what the premise was. He had an old Model A or something, and somehow his mother communicated with him from the grave through that car.

Voiced by Ann Southern. Yeah, his mother died and was like, somehow came back as a car. As a car. which sounds like the the worst idea in the history what he television he keeps telling people that he was offered Gilligan's Island yeah and this one and then I told him to take that one he blames me for that show. How's he doing, Dick? How's Jerry doing?

Not too well. He was in an auto accident down in Arkansas. I think he's hospitalized right now. I haven't heard, I don't know how well he is, but he's doing okay. Very funny man. Oh, I was telling Joe, but he has a funny bone. He's funny inside. He can't help it. He doesn a funny bone. He's funny inside. He can't help it.

He doesn't need material. He's just funny. Loved him on the Van Dyke show as the sleepwalker. Yeah, that was true. Now in real life, yeah, go ahead. Yeah, he was a real sleepwalker when he was a kid. He would leave the house and wander around town. Almost got thrown out of the army,

but he finally got over it. But anything you mentioned to Carl that happened in your life. He would make a script Showers were based on two stories And I heard one time you had to stop him. He was gonna leave the house naked sleep He had my dad's golf clubs on his shoulder But he got to the place, odd, that he knew he was sleepwalking. And he could tell you. He was clear across town in his pajamas, knocked on somebody's door and just said, I'm sleepwalking. Could you call my parents to come and get me? Isn't that odd? That's how you can split your brain like that. Wow.

Very strange. Yeah. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Gotta ask you about the Van Dyke Show as long as we're talking about it. Now, Sheldon had seen you in Bye Bye Birdie, Carl had seen you in Bye Bye Birdie. They give you the lead part and then the search is on to find your wife, to find the Laura character. And they auditioned a lot of actresses, didn't they?

That's right. Including I.B. Brennan, I understand. Carl keeps saying when she read, she had a ping, he said a ping in her voice, which she did have. And that was it, he grabbed her by the skull and took her into shelter and said, I found her. I was a little worried because she was 12 years

younger than I. And she had a kind of, at that time, Katherine Hepburn kind of a mid-Atlantic accent. But boy, in about three shows, she picked it up and was off to the races. Well, all the more impressive because she'd never done comedy before, really. Never had done comedy.

And you trained yourself to do pratfalls. Well I watched Buster Keaton through my entire childhood. Well all these guys, Buster Keaton, Stan Laurel, Charlie Chaplin. Not a good faller. You know who didn't know how to fall was Chevy Chase. He hurt himself a lot. Chevy never tucked and rolled or anything. He would just throw himself in the ground.

And he'd be paying for it today. You saw, I mean you knew there were certain things you had to do to do a practice. Yeah, I would practice in the backyard that's why Carl let me do all the physical stuff I wanted he would just say five minutes here would be now didn't you call Saturday Night Live I think someone said you called to warn them to tell someone that Chevy about Chevy yes I don't think I ever called but I did try to get in touch with him and say he did Warn them to tell someone that Chevy... Oh, about Chevy? Yes.

I don't think I ever called, but I did try to get in touch with him. He did. He hurt himself. He's got a bad back to this day. When he does his general, he would fall off ladders. He'd fall down stairs and roll down. Speaking of that, Tim Conway. Oh, yes. He did a pantomime of a man falling upstairs,

up the stairs in slow motion. I'm looking for a clip of it. It's one of the most phenomenal things in mime I've ever seen. Maybe Bill Persky has it. He might, he fell up the stairs. We'll try to find it for you. And speaking of, that gets us to,

for a while you were working with Carol Burnett. Yes. And I guess you were in this uncomfortable position there because everybody was going like, where's Harvey Korman? Of course. I mean, nobody can replace Harvey Korman. And I wasn't supposed to replace him, but the show wasn't the same without him and I did I didn't belong in that thing

But Harvey could do a million characters, you know, I'm like Jimmy Stewart. I do me But Carol and I worked together in the 50s in New York on a show called Mike Stokies Patamime quiz What we did plates for age, teams. And we had Howie Morris, me, Carol, and somebody else. We never were beaten. We had all kinds of secret little signals. 200 bucks a week, it was paying the groceries back then. Wow.

Now, also, you were on a show. I remember it vaguely, but I remember watching it thinking, oh, this is a show I think I'd enjoy watching every week. And that was Van Dyken Company. Oh, yeah. Bob Einstein. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think the time for variety shows was kind of over. We ran for 12 shows and one of them, but they... And introduced the world to Andy Kaufman. That's right. We brought Andy Kaufman on. Right.

We'd wait until we were in the middle of a production number or something big and Andy would walk on and interrupt us and take over the show. A lot of people did not understand Andy. The writers looked at him and just walked out. This isn't funny. A few people started on that show. I forget some of the names, but I think there are a couple of comics. And you, oh, you told a story where you were going to meet the Queen of comics. And you told a story where you were gonna meet the Queen of England. Yes. Yes. And so it's like a long line of people. Oh yeah, I was the last one in

the line. Sean Connery was next to me and a line of people and you're told you know don't speak unless she says something to you, bow. And as they were coming to me behind this plush rope over there, Jerry Lewis is standing. And just as she's finishing with Sean and turning to me, he says, hey dick! And I said what? I said what?

And I turned back and there's the queen. I've always intended to get him. I gotta nail him for that. I just wanna ask you a couple other questions about the Van Dyke show, Dick, before we move past it. You know, and I don't think people know, I don't think too many people know that the show was actually canceled early in the run. The first year, yeah.

Yeah, and was it Sheldon and Danny Thomas who went directly to Procter and Gamble? It was Sheldon, yeah. Yeah. And we re-ran in the summer when we didn't have much competition. We picked up an audience during the summer. Oh my God, it was one of those,

I had just bought a house, moved my family to California. Now what am I gonna do? Yeah. And in second, then the show caught fire. Oh boy, sure did. And I heard, well, I mean, it was very famous, sensors were extra powerful back then. Yeah.

What, you know, everything was dirty. I know. And I'm now, Mary used to wear those, I think they were called Capri pants. Capri pants, yeah. You bet. Which was like porn back then. You bet.

Every guy remembers her in those Capri pants. Well, you know, she had to let them out a little. The network said they were just a little too tight. Oh wow. I'm not kidding. And I heard they came up with a term that there was under cupping. Yeah, under, too much under cupping. That's exactly right.

Can you believe that today? Well, we were in twin beds because we were not allowed to be in the same bed in those days. Yeah that all of those um tv shows you'd have a married couple who had kids sleeping in twin beds. Yeah yeah but they never slept in the same bed. The first one was Bob Newhart got to he got to sleep in the same bed. But do you want to know something? I called him up and said, how did you do that? With Suzanne Pochette.

I have a feeling before Bob Newhart, I think the Munsters, like Herman and Lilly slept in the same bed. Yeah, you're right Gil. Well, they're monsters. Yeah. It doesn't count. You know, we were not allowed to say the word pregnant. Yeah.

We did a whole show about her pregnancy and the word pregnant was not allowed on the air. And I also heard there was a big traumatic incident. Carl Reiner's son, Rob Reiner, who would Reiner who would I was just gonna ask you about yeah he become meathead and and a very gifted director he once he once grabbed Mary's ass he did he and Albert Brooks and I think, who was the third guy? Yeah, he actually couldn't help himself. Mary wasn't up, she didn't take Umbridge. But you know what, we got a lot of shows on, about race that we ran up against the network

on. Yes. And Carl would insist, we used to put red herrings, really objectionable material in, that we would fight the network tooth and nail. And they were, well, all right, we take it out. But we just planted it so we'd have something for them to concentrate on. Yeah, the one where we didn't mix up babies.

Yeah, our friend Bill Persky in Sam Denoff's episode. Exactly. That's my boy. Oh, just getting back to Mary's ass. I knew he was going back. Eventually Mary complained to Carl about his son Rob grabbing her ass and Carl was trying to reprimand him but started cracking up laughing. I didn't know that she did she actually complain about it? I guess so. I never touched her personally. Did you want to? Of course! Everybody in the country wanted it.

Now was there ever anything between you? Not physically, but like an attraction? I say in the book, yeah, we had a crush on each other. Yeah, we really did. It was like a high school crush. Well, and Carl wanted you to appear like a couple that had a sex life, didn't he? Well, most of the audience thought we were married in real life, which was a real tribute. Everybody thought we were really married. So, we became like an improv group.

She could read my mind and I could read hers. We knew what we were doing. It's just that when that timing fell in, it was, I've never had so much fun. I'd be doing it today if it wasn't me. I've actually heard you say, when you talk about, Gilbert and I talk a lot about the new Dick Van Dyke show,

the one that you did in Arizona with Hope Lange. And I've heard you say that you think that maybe one of the problems with that show is that people perceived you to be cheating on on Laura. Oh yeah. A lady hit me with her purse in a market. You left that sweet Laura and gave me a smack. That was really stupid. It was about five or six episodes that I did alone just by myself that I'd like to have.

They were kind of classic mimes, you know. I did about five of them. I canceled that show myself. And you did a TV movie where you played an alcoholic. Yeah. Which was a very powerful performance. Well, I had done about 20 years worth of research. Ha ha ha ha ha good, he didn't, he said, you know what the story is, you just do it.

And that movie has been shown in rehab centers. Somebody keeps telling me they come out of rehab, they show that movie because it doesn't end well. Yeah. And it kind of scares people. It's kind of, I kind of like that because I was scared they'd have to push in a happy ending. Yeah. We had the council on alcoholism in Washington wanted us to do a happy ending and it wouldn't have worked. No. It had to have that ending.

So you were an alcoholic for like 25 years. Oh yeah. but I drank at home so nobody knew it. Yeah, but you you never drank when you were working. No, no never, nor in the evening. It started because I was shy, you know, and I found if I had a drink or two, I relaxed and became sociable. But it got out of hand without my really realizing it. So how did it affect your life and career? Did it have any? Actually, no, I don't think it really did. As far as my life is concerned,

what happens with an alcoholic, you go from being a happy drunk to kind of a depressed argumentative. Everything was an argument to me. And I realized I was going through a personality change caused by the alcohol. And that's what really scared me and got me off it. So that whole happy feeling went away. Yeah. It begins to depress you and you need more and more to feel, to get the feeling you want, you know, that click or whatever they call it. So that's my story.

So was there one day where you said, I mean it was a combination of bad things, probably. Yeah. I went to rehab and all that kind of thing, AA. For me, it didn't work. It worked for a lot of people. For me, it just kind of went away. I drank one day and I tasted funny. I was a little dizzy and nothing happened and it just faded away from me. I was so lucky. And most people have to go through a lot. Yeah, and you've been And most people have to go through a lot. Yeah, and you've been, you've been sober ever since. Oh God, yeah. And quitting smoking, that's-

Yeah, tell us about that. I mean, I've had heroin addicts tell me that it's nothing like quitting smoking. It's the worst. Did you ever smoke? No. Oh, good. It is so hard.

I tried everything. I went to Schick where the treatment was aversion therapy. They put you in a phone booth-sized room with a big wash bucket full of sand. Smoke an entire pack of cigarettes as fast as you can. So you get dizzy and you salivate. I smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. I walked out and said, boy, what an ordeal. And I lit a cigarette. Oh my god. They gave me my money back and said thank you. It's tough, it's really hard. Now do you chew gum? I chew gum. Nicorette gum, yeah. I'm addicted to it, but it doesn't affect my lungs. So you went on to a gum addiction. My wife will tell you I leave a trail.

You can tell who I've been with rappers everywhere. Dick, can we ask you about some of the movies? Not the bad ones, I hope. Well, no, I just, I wanna ask you about the Bye Bye Birdie movie. Well, and I wanna know if the, you had mixed feelings about making that movie? Yeah, I did.

You know, the show on Broadway was a two hour romp. It was just a joy. They rewrote some of the songs and just changed the story so much. I couldn't understand why. It, they kinda Hollywoodized it. You know, it was a great break for, I just went blank. Ann Margaret.

Ann Margaret, yeah. Right, right. Her part on Broadway was rather small. So that threw it a little out, but made a star out of it. I wanted to ask Dick if that Paul Lin story in your first book, I read your first book, My Lucky Life, which is wonderful. What was the story?

The story about Paul Lin, and Gilbert knows this story, that Paul Lin got up and said, I'm the only one on the movie that does, Gill, can you finish it? Oh, so Paul Lin jumped up and said to Ann-Margret, I'm the only one here who doesn't want to fuck you. Oh, that was a night. It was my first Hollywood graduate.

I'm sorry I brought it up. It did happen. And now, this was what was so weird about that time period, that the world watched Paul Lin and you accepted him as a married man with kids. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. That's the only time he ever played one. But I've seen that show done of course a million times because all my friends kids are doing it and I have to go see it. He's the only one that ever carried off that part correctly. It was written for him.

I didn't know what, what is it? Until I was through it. What do you go through in your teens? I can't think of the word. Puberty? Yeah, I didn't know what puberty was until I went through it. It was the funniest drunk I know, too.

Oh yeah, I heard he, as far as drinking went. You know, he finally, we became friends later in life. He stopped drinking and smoking and was so happy he was clean and had a massive heart attack and passed away before he was 60 I think. And he was so proud of himself, he was so clean. One of the funniest guys in the world. I guess he should have stayed drinking and smoking.

That could have been, shot to his body. And when you made the movie What A Way To Go, did that indirectly lead to Mary Poppins? Because I understand you were giving an interview about the film What A Way To Go, that it kind of turned in a direction away from what you had planned it to, the direction you wanted it to go in and you wound up giving an interview about family films that Walt Disney saw? That's right, oh yeah.

I didn't know that was the movie. Yeah, I said something about the dearth of good family entertainment and that's why Walt called me. I thought it was because I was such a good singer and dancer. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. But first a word from our sponsor. This episode is brought to you by secret Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils.

So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or shoppers drug mart today Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express Shop online for super prices and super savings try it today and get up to $75 in PC optimum points Visit superstore.ca to get started Now are you allowed in England after Mary Poppins? You've got, you were, they only talk about your cockney accent. Did you see the tweet? Judy Dench and Jeremy Irons, a bunch of really prestigious actors, were

asked who did the worst British accent in the history of movies. And I won, hands down. Sorry, Dick. So I said... Well, it goes in and out. Yeah, it's an honor to be number one. Sometimes it's there and sometimes it disappears. I know. I was working with an entire cast of British actors not one person ever said you know you ought to work on that. Now they tell me I was so busy singing and dancing. But the one person I remember actually sticking up for you in an interview was Anthony Hopkins.

About my accent? Yeah, he said he didn't care at all about the accent, he just thought you were great in a part. I've always said, see everybody thought it was Cockney, it was from a little shire up in the north of England that had been settled by people from Ohio. Now, now can I, can I ask you to do some of the Cockney accent? I don't remember any of them. Yeah. I, I tried to write them back. Say, that might in front of boy, I talk.

I tried to do that. Some of those lines you couldn't say, like I was supposed to say the Lord Mayor, how do you say that in Cockney? Lord, Lord Maya? I couldn't do it, I tried everything. Some things just don't fit. You gotta have that glottal, glottal stop, you know. As a matter of fact, I was off with a part of Fagan

in the movie, Oliver Twist, and I couldn't handle the cockney accent and I didn't do it. That's good trivia Ron Moody was pretty good. Yeah but he can't dance. We were going to make a musical. The choreographer had already gone to London and designed all the dance steps for me but the director just said nope. And the guy who helped you with your cockney accent was an Irishman. Yes. Pat O'Malley, he came over to my house one evening after dinner and we ran through it

and that was it. That was my co-chef. Was that the famous character actor? J. Pat O'Malley? J. Pat O'Malley J. Pat O'Malley well he had a big career he was in everything and I bought all the records you know and they're no good the t-shirt oh yeah terrible and and so I guess this was an Irishman's revenge against the English I'll never understand why somebody didn't say something to me during that show. And you, I heard you every morning, every you wake up singing.

Yeah. Yeah. That's really good for you. Yeah. And you don't, I don't sing very well but I don't care. I like to sing. I've got a quartet, the three young guys, and it's the joy of my life, harmonizing. I sing in stores, in the bank.

If it's got a good tile floor, I tap dance. Good for you. Usually my wife has got her phone out and I'm out on the web all the time. Hey can we sing together? Yeah. Because I have some of your lyrics written down. Lyrics? Yeah.

Okay. Well okay. What are we singing? Let me. Podcasting history is about to be made. Okay. No, okay. No pressure, Dick. This is, here we're both putting out our blinds.

This is like we're in a home. Okay, put on a happy face. Oh, you're ready? Yes. You pick your cape. I'll go with you. He doesn't have a cape. You talk about an untrained singer.

Grace guys are going to clear up. Put on a happy face. Brush off the clouds and cheer up. Put on a happy face. Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy. It's not your style. You look so good that you'll be glad you decided to smile. Pick out a pleasant outlook. Stick out that noble chin. Wipe off that full-up doubt look.

Slap on a happy grin. And spread sunshine all over the place. And put on a happy face. Grace guys are gonna clear up. What, have you got another quote? Yes, put on a happy face. Brush off the clouds and cheer up. Put on a happy face. Brush off the clouds and cheer up, put on a happy face. Oh, and if you're feeling cross and bickering, don't sit and whine. Think of banana splits and licorice,

and you'll feel fine. I know a girl so gloomy, she'd never laugh or sing. She wouldn't listen to me. Now she's a mean old thing. So spread sunshine all over the place. Just put on a happy face. Almost got harmony there. I don't know who was worse. Happy face. Almost got harmony again. I don't know who was worse. That is part of history.

Wow. Dick, I think you found something worse than your cockney accent. What? I think you just heard something worse than your cockney. Yeah. See, my singing is hated in all countries. We're going to get a lot of mail on that one.

Talk a little bit real quick about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and sort of another compromised experience for you. Compromising. No I mean a compromised experience Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Yeah well I they offered it to me I had turned it down a few times simply because it didn't have Walt Disney you know who is the genius behind all those great movies but they got the the Sherman Brothers who wrote the score Mark and B.D. Bro, who did the choreography. So we finally ended up doing it. And it turned out so much better than I thought.

We had a great time doing it. I think Mary Poppins took three months to shoot. This took like two years. It took forever. Because the sun doesn't shine in England. So some of the scenes where we're driving to Chitty Bang Bang is in France and their vineyards, obviously not England. We're driving around France pretending we're in England. I've told this story the first day on the set of Chitty. I'm sitting in a makeup and I see the director of motion to the makeup guy

and I hear him say, what are we gonna do about the hooter? And the makeup guy says, I'm not a plastic surgeon. So I went to work with a lot of confidence in that. But I still got it. Hooter was a nose, your nose is your hooter. Yeah, I'm proud of my nose. I take one breath and that's it for the day. I mean, I think of hooters another way, but that's...

Yes, you would, wouldn't you? Yeah. And I'll let you do the dirty joke about your name. About, oh, people are still telling me that joke and it came out in the Playboy Joke magazine in the fifth or in the sixties. Yeah. It's been around that long, but people still like it. Okay.

Tell the joke. I can't. I don't know the joke. I just know that they say Dick Van Dyke is another way of saying penis van lesbian. That's right. Yeah. I've heard Mary Tyler Moore tell that joke. Mary told it?

She told it on the Letterman show. Why, that little brat? Years ago. As a matter of fact, they found several good jokes over time on that joke page. I forget what the other one was. I can't remember, but Dick and Dy up on our show, like Ed Wynn. Oh, yeah, Ed. But he was very, very quiet.

He rarely talked. I don't think he was that well. He was probably not my age. But he had a little portable radio, which he always had with him. Never heard him listen to it. One day I was looking at him, he opened up and like a little bottle of rye in there. That he carried with him.

Now can you do an Edwin imitation? No, well he was, I love that laugh. I feel though he had that, that was his delivery always. Yes. Yeah, I remember him on the Texaco Theater on television and he was very big in Vaudeville. Then I worked with Burt Lahr in a- Yeah, I was just gonna ask you about Burt Lahr.

Yeah. He was- Girls Against the Boys, right? What? Girls Against the Boys. The Girls Against the Boys. Two big weeks on Broadway and out. But I worked with Nancy Walker, who had great,

but Burt was a worrier. You know, I thought, I'm meeting the Cowardly Lion. But when he'd done a punchline, everybody on the stage had to freeze. Everybody had to freeze while he did his, the punchline was always out to the audience. I mean, he was funny. Now you must have worked with Edwin's son, Kenan Wynn.

Never. No. I think I met him once, yeah. Yeah, he was a pretty good actor, Kenan. Oh, very good. I did not know Kenan. Yeah, good second, Banana. What about Red Fox?

You made a TV movie with the legendary Red Fox. Ha ha ha! Don't ask. Ha ha ha! Okay. Red Fox. Don't ask. There's nothing you can tell on the air. How about you got to meet two more heroes, both Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire. Oh yeah, my great story is that one morning when we're doing the Van Dyke show, I was driving on the freeway and Bob, the guy, the disc jockey, was interviewing Fred Astaire. And he said, what do you think about today's crop of dancers?

And he complimented the young man who had been in West Side Story and he said, I like the way Dick Van Dyke moves. I almost drove off of the freeway. Wow. And I got to the studio and I said, did you hear what I said? Nobody, and to this day, I've never run into anybody that heard it. But it happened. Bob Crane, that's right.

Oh, who was to later? Had his own. Hogan Sears. Talk about a strange idea for a TV show. Yeah. When I first got out here, when I had $16, I would go to Santa Anita and bet $2 on a horse. A stair, loved horses.

I would follow him up to hear who he was going to bet on. But during that time I learned to walk because I was walking behind him. I got that fall down, Which he had all the time. Did you know any of, and this is going totally off track, did you know any of the old horror stars? No. No. Never met one. Boris Karloff, I would love to have met.

Yeah. Elsa Lanchester was in Mary Poppins. Oh! Oh she was, that's right. Oh that's right, Elsa Lanchester. The bride Poppins. Oh! Oh she was, that's right. Oh that's right, Elsa Lanchester. The writer, Frankenstein. Mrs. Franken. I forgot that, you're right.

I did word that. Nice call. Hey, can I torture you some more? And sing a little bit of supercalifragilistic. Do you got your glasses? Is this your singing debut? Yes! No, I've sung. of supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, even though the sound of it is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious. If you say it loud enough, you always sound precocious. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Then you gotta go umdudududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududududud Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle I, um diddle diddle diddle um diddle I, um diddle diddle um diddle I.

Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad. My father gave me nose a treat and told me I was bad. But then one day I learned the word that saved me aching nose. The biggest word I ever heard and this is how it goes supercalifragilisticexpialidocious even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious if you say it loud enough you always sound precociousilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdilil umdil umdilil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil umdil his word and would say there's a clever gent. When Duke's in my arrages, past the time of day with me, I'd say me special word and then they'd ask me out to tea. That was good cockney wasn't it? Not bad.

Yeah, do the rest of that cockney. Not bad at all. I can't. Yeah. Where are we? Yeah, here. You know, the uh. Even though the sound of it is something called atrocious, if you say it loud enough you

always sound precocious, supercalifegelous, expeallidocious. Or, you can't say it, but when the cat got your tongue there's no need for the smile, just sum it up this word and then you got got a lot to say that's the best I can Maybe I can go in and dub the whole movie Well Yeah, I think um well no I think we're in an album here, I think we got an album here. What? Yes, we got an album here.

We definitely do. 78. I'd sing every day if you came to my house with me. Dick quickly tell us about Cary Grant coming to visit you backstage. Oh my God. I wore my own clothes, they let me wear my own suits in Birdie. And I heard that Cary Grant was in the audience.

After the show, knock on the door, Cary Grant walks in and brushes me aside and goes on and starts going through my suits. Is that cute? And I had a best dressed award after six something and he signed it Well, Cary Grant and I value that you know he asked me to do a movie with him, and I didn't do it Oh my god to this day. I don't know what's the matter with me. It was one of those movie You know those universal romantic comedies they did but uh did with Rock Hudson and everybody.

I didn't do it. I should have just so I could say that I had worked with Cary Grant. I also found it interesting that you turned down the Gregory Peck part in the Omen. I did. Because of the, there was so much violence. People are being impaled on things and I said,

jeez, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry I didn't do it. Can you imagine? Gilbert, can you picture Dick Van Dyke in the Omen? They couldn't get me so they got Gregory Payne. Hey! Not bad. And I also turned down

the Western. Cat Ballou. Oh wow! They wanted me to do Cat Ballou. Oh wow. And they turned it down, they got Lee Marvin. Hey that ain't bad. I like you in a film that that is kind of maligned Dick which is Stanley Kramer's film The Runner Stumbles. Oh we went through a real thing on that. I was just I was telling Kevin Spacey he sent me this script and I said, are you crazy? I mean it's so far over my head. I thought it was deep, pretty heavy drama. A priest in love with a nun

based on a true story. And I kept saying, no, Stan, I can't. I can't do it. Well, he talked me into it and then he wouldn't help me. I'm working with such good actors and actresses and I'm dying. I just I stunk to high and actresses and I'm dying. I just, I stunk to high heaven. Like I expected I would. But now I think I could do it today, probably. I've got a little more experience under my belt and I wouldn't be so frightened.

It didn't turn out well. I think you're hard on yourself. I don't think it's a bad film at all. Well, I think it's a pretty good film as somebody else should have played me. There was an article in New Yorker magazine said the most wooden performance they had ever seen. Oh jeez, yeah. I had to agree with them. I am gonna ask you to sing one more thing. Maybe I'll let you do this yourself because I heard this is like your favorite song to sing

every day. Oh what a glorious, what is the name of this? Jolly Holiday. Jolly Holiday. Oh yeah. Yeah. Can you sing some of that for us? Yeah, that's my morning song. And in the glorious day, bright as a morning in May, I feel like I could fly. Have you ever seen the grass so green? I'm getting hoarse. Or the bluer sky, that oh, it's a jolly holiday with me. And that's where we do the dance.

You know, we do it with our quartet. I'm sorry they're not here. Just Eric's here with three basses and a tenor. So we switch around parts all the time. And that's where we're singing my hits. I love that song. The Vans, the Vantastics is the name of the group, right? Vantastics.

Yeah. We sang for the Lakers a couple of times, the national anthem. And every time the guy would say, and here they are are the phantastics are we out of questions I we could be I wanted to say one thing dick and the in in your book in your new book which again we should plug keep moving and what's the full title keep moving tips and truths about aging they never will use my titles i wanted to call how to act when you're circling the drain

and they wouldn't i like that yeah is that a better title Isn't that a better title? They called me and I said, it'll be a very short book, keep moving. That's what it's about. But I sat down and started to write with Todd, my schoolwriter, and a lot of stuff came out. I was surprised. Once I got on a roll, I thought I had a lot to say. But in particular, there's a passage in the book where you're talking about the importance of younger generations sitting and listening

to the stories of older generations. That's right. They don't anymore. It's one of the reasons that Gilbert and I put this show together, is to hear those stories. Exactly, they don't venerate old people anymore. Ha ha ha! But the who has a song, I hope I die before I get old.

Oh yeah. Yeah. That's it. It's so bad because I try to tell them it's a great time of life. I'm having the best time ever. A beautiful young wife, I sing and dance every day. I'm on podcasts.

Yes, you got to harmonize with Gilbert Godfrey. A rare privilege. Thanks for sharing your story. Oh, I loved it. We're very grateful. Are there any quick tips you can give us to getting older gracefully? Don't ever start going down the stairs sideways. Because that's what people do, to favor their knees. That starts the back and that's what people do, to favor their knees.

That starts the back, and that's when everything starts to go. They start going down the stairs sideways, I see it. Even if it hurts a little, go down the stairs front ways. I mean that's real advice. You'll find out, I'm telling the truth. You'll find out. I'm telling the truth. Does Dick have one more song in him to take us out? You were singing a song right before we were recording. Oh, no, you were singing actually

of old things a Billy Joel song. Oh, he was singing New York State of Mind. Oh, yeah. I don't know it, but I think it's a heck of a song. How about the one you just did for your birthday party? With the flash mob. What did they do? We did Supercalifragility, didn't we?

No, you also did Go Fly a Kite. Oh, okay. With tuppence for paper and string, you can have your own set of wings. With your feet on the ground you're a bird in flight. With your fist holding tight to the, to the swing of your kite. I'm too high. Oh, let's go fly a kite up to the highest height. Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring. Why am I doing this? And so high? I got horses and I'm clear out of my own range.

And this is ridiculous to ask you. And you could tell me to go f myself. You're not going to ask him to trip over the Ottoman, are you? No. Could you show me any dance moves? No, I don't I don't know any standard anything I do what the choreographer tells me. Oh, yeah So I think we should end it With us taking this part, you know the classic supercalifragilisticexpialidocious okay can we sing it a little lower

let's hear some dick singing this time okay i'll try supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Califragilisticexpialidocious Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Hey good. Oh! Good key. God! You made a good chimmy sweep.

Thank you! I just sang with Dick Van Dyke. Oh, hot damn. And I think I came. Oh folks, I wish I was in New York. It's late. Oh Lord. So I guess. Is that it? Yeah, well I'm gonna throw my pants in the wash.

And I'm gonna say, this has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santo Padre and we've been talking to the great Dick Van Dyke Thank you. I really enjoyed this. I'll come on again We should rehearse first with our little duet Three or four days. You'll come on again and I'll come again.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, thank you. I really appreciate you coming out to my house and doing all this. Oh, no problem. Like a party. Oh, thanks.

Thank you, Dick. Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you. Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.