Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Classic: Jim Norton LIVE @ NYCC Super Week

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

GGACP celebrates the birthday of comedian and radio host Jim Norton (b. July 19) by revisiting this LIVE interview (in connection with NY Comic Con) from way back in 2015. In this episode, Jim holds court on topics ranging from his friendship with Sherman (George Jefferson) Hemsley to his love of Jack Klugman to his admiration for “Midnight Cowboy” and “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” Also, the boys break down celebrity conspiracy theories, sing the praises of character actor Frank McRae and look back at the groundbreaking shows of Norman Lear. PLUS: Moms Mabley! Iron Balls McGinty! Sammy Davis plugs “Skidoo”! Paul Lynde disses KISS! And Gilbert stakes out the Playboy mansion! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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and some toys. Trivia and dirty jokes. An evening with the boys. Once is never good enough for something so fantastic. So here's another Gilbert and Franks

Here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks Colossal classic Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried and welcome to the third live episode of Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast and they said it would never work. Actually I was the one who said that but I'm here at Little Field in Brooklyn with my co-host Frank Santo Padre and our guest this week is a comedian actor radio host and two-time best-selling author. You've seen him everywhere from Jimmy Kimmel Live to the Jerry Seinfeld documentary Comedian to Louis CK's Emmy-winning series, Louie, and you could hear him every day as one half of the Opie and Jim Norton

show on Sirius XM. Please welcome a man who once said, I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle. The shy demure and always politically correct Jim Norton. Thank you. Oh, how lovely. Can I start by saying what a delight it is to be here? And it's funny, you mentioned Seinfeld's comedian. I was in that for about a half a second because Jerry shot that at the Comedy Cellar. And I'm only in the credits because one time he's talking to Sherrod Small in the hallway, and I happen to be in the background. You can catch me probably a half a second on film.

But Jerry didn't interview me. Yeah. Well, I was your most powerful appearance. Really, I felt it launched me. I would get recognized at airports. People like this look at me real quick. Hey, wasn't that you that I saw? Now I've been reading some of these notes and they more than bother me. When it's too disgusting for me, it's saying a lot. What is Monster Reign?

We're starting there, huh? Yeah. It was a game. It was the name of my HBO special in 2007. It was a game I would play as a young kid when I was six or seven. My friends and I would be in Edison, New Jersey. And one of us would yell, monster rain. And we would pretend that there was monster rain falling down.

So to get away from the monster rain, we would hide under a porch. And then while we were under looking for an excuse to suck each other's dicks and we didn't know how to say that because there was a lot of shame around it so we were like, let's hide from the fictional monster rain and while we're under here, you might as well blow me and I'll blow you and miraculously the rain cleared up as soon as we were done sucking. Yep. I feel like we're doing the DVD extras from the Woodsman. No it was we didn't even get erections at that age. No? it was, it felt really good, but I didn't get hard. My one friend, the first time I ever saw an erection was my friend who was like a year

older than me. He was one of the guys that we would blow each other. And he had an erection. I didn't know what it was, but I just knew that his was reacting differently than mine. Oh, here's a cute story. My one neighbor around the street used to make me blow him. I think that he was a bully. I was scared of him. Now was this the, whatchamacallit, the Devil's Creek? No, but that's the same stuff.

That's another one? Yeah, that's another one. Oh my god. Yeah, there's a long list of dicks and a long list of locations. Sorry for interrupting. Oh, that's okay. So the one kid who had Budweiser shorts, and I always remember it smelled like mothballs. It's true.

I always associated mothballs with him making me get more. I don't say making me, I can't say I was, Dr. Drew told me I was molested, but I'm like, nah, I kind of enjoyed it. I'd be bullshitting. I wasn't a victim. I was like, no, don't. I kind of. Why was it Devil's Creek?

Devil's Creek is in Edison, New Jersey. It's just a little place with woods and a creek. And that was when we had the name for it, Devil's Creek. And it was just where you'd go with your friends if the porch was booked and you know you wanted to blow each other maybe it wasn't gay though we've just set a record for how quickly I've lost control of the show. Yeah. Well, don't feel, but we're going to talk about X-Men 94 to honor Comic-Con. I feel like there's nothing to build. No, it's kind of hard with, so tell me about your childhood blow jobs.

Where do you go from there? Well, I'm, you know, I just like being, making people... Well, because we're at Comic-Con, you were in Spider-Man for... I was. For what? Twenty seconds. I had one line. It was funny.

I played... In the credits, it lists me as Surly Truck Driver, and fans were quick to point out that's STD. Which... Which... I improvised the line. It was... I didn't even get to meet Sam Raimi.

I didn't get to meet Toby Maguire. It was a second unit shoot. We did it in Queens. And I had to play a man like that. I had to play a man like that. I had to play a man like that. I had to play a man like that. I didn't even get to meet Sam Raimi, I didn't get to meet Toby McGuire. It was a second unit shoot, we did it in Queens. And I had to play a man on the street, I was loading boxes into a truck, and they were like saying, what do you think of Spider-Man? Everybody was saying nice stuff, so in the audition I bad-mouthed him. I thought he sucked, and they kind of liked that, so they had me do it. They had me improv a lot

of stuff for like 45 minutes, but they only kept that one line but I'm happy I just made it into the film I didn't even know I was gonna make it into the movie until it was actually released well just to get the comic-con stuff in we talked about backstage that Gilbert yes you did play two Superman villains well one and one superboy oh what was one yeah a bucking horse I I was in these Superman cartoon where Tim Daly was Superman I was Miss Yes Piglick anybody remember this three people I never knew how to say his name by the way yeah no one does yeah it's a bunch of can't say it again I I say it miss yes, Pickle like others is mixel

Pickle yeah, there's an accent of P and L in the tea Yeah, it's a hard name to say and and the other one I was in about two or three episodes of the Superboy series Where I was? Nick-knack oh, okay, but you meant the one starring Jared Fogel. This is a good thing to ask you about. You guys did a show last week together. Yes. How many people heard Jim and Gilbert on the Jim and Opie show?

Thank you. You two in the first row. Yeah. They were the only people. And you guys were talking about Moms Mably. Yes, we were. How's that for a turn? Well, it was odd. I just, I never expected to talk about Moms Mably with Gilbert Godfrey for 20 minutes, but it was quite funny and you did quite the impression of her. She was this old black comedian who would show up, usually on the Merv Griffin show, in like a tattered clothes and a big hat and she'd go, hello Merv, hello off a creature. And she would sing, awful creature. And she would sing, I remember. Yeah, yeah.

She sang, famously sang, Abraham, Martin, and John. Oh yeah, that was her big hit. Well, a big hit by, they let her sing it on the Merv Griffin show. Anybody here? See my old friend, Mom. And then it was Abraham and John. It was all these people that have been shot to death. It was a fun song.

Yeah. Does anybody remember Moms Mably? Good. Two people, four people. All right. Whoopi Goldberg did a great documentary on her. She produced it. She did. Very interesting.

Indeed, she did. And if she wasn't filthy, you know, you always thought of her as a dirty comic like you know, oh mom's was dirty But she was only like double entendre dirty and like a wink dirty Well, it wasn't dirty like by what we talk about today like not the first 10 minutes Gilbert Suck a dick when you were five Gil what was she on this? Tell us about Mom's Doreen. What was Shamus of the Shul, which you were talking about on the show?

This was one of Mom's Mayblees. The song only I remember. And this she sang, well he couldn't read and he couldn't write, but he was nobody's fool that's why he could never be the shamis of the shul. What does that mean shamis of the shul? I don't know but I got emails from people saying will Gilbert sing at the show so of course yeah because he does on every show I wanted to cover that. He's a delightful voice he should be singing. He does. She had no teeth, right, Moms Mably? No, no teeth. I hope not, because there's no excuse for talking like that if she did.

That would be unacceptable if she had teeth. She was gay too, I think, which I didn't know. Moms Mably? I believe so, yeah. Yeah, I was in shock. Yeah, I mean, yeah, fair enough, she's singing like that, you probably shouldn't be shocked with that outfit, but it was like well I guess you know back then it was hard to be but she was pretty out about it, too They said she wasn't shy Not on stage, but I guess you know backstage does Jim know Jim listens to the show But does does he know about the Cesar Romero story which recurs on this podcast are you we talk about this? Is that the glass coffee table? No, that was Danny Thomas. Oh, okay. Totally different.

Caesar Romero used to, you know, he was a, you know, a big Latin lover and song and dance man in the movies and most notably the Joker on the Batman series and what he was into according to legend was he'd gather up his boy toys and he would drop his pants and underwear and they would fling orange wedges at his ass. Some say tangerine. That's the only argument I've had is what citrus fruit. No one ever argued, no, he didn't have fruit flung at his ass. It was just whether it was orange or tangerine. No one even said grape or anything.

It was always a citrus fruit. Yeah. I've heard that from you. I heard you talking about that one time, but I don't understand that fetish at all. I really don't. I mean, I'm a weirdo, and I don't get why you want orange peel and you're throwing your hiney. We asked Frankie Avalon, who worked with Caesar O'Meara in a movie called Skadoo, and he didn't deny it, interestingly.

Had he heard it, or he just said, I can't deny that? He said, I can neither confirm or deny it. Lee Merriwetherether who worked with Caesar in the Batman movie. She was a little more shocked. Oh really by it. She said Gilbert. You're very naughty Let's talk about Burt Ward's dick I heard Burt Burt Ward had a yeah, I was dick in Batman and they had to wear two pairs of like shorts to cover it Yeah, I heard that story. Yeah, he probably started that rumor Yeah, I heard that story. Yeah. Yeah, he probably started that rumor You think so that's a great rumor to have have you seen Burt Ward's dick, sir I've seen Burt Ward's dick and you sir are no Burt Ward Yeah. Yeah. I just brought up the Caesar Romero thing because it had a Comic-Con theme.

The Comic-Con want you to keep it kind of Comic-Con friendly? Nah, we just wanted to get a little, you know, that's what people... Yeah, good mention. It's a good event. Okay, now what is your theory then? The Jews! Oh, sorry. Sorry. I'll let you finish, I apologize.

That's too easy an answer. On Steve, not Steve Reaves, George Reaves death, do you think there's anything more than what the news said? I don't know enough about it. What was the movie Hollywoodland? They made it See it. So I honestly don't know enough about it. I do think he is dead Yeah, I do believe that but no, I don't know why they think he was killed. I can't answer that I well, I mean conspiracy theories start on everything. They really do. And I could get why you might think, you know, I don't really believe in most of them.

But if you want to say 9-11 or you want to say the moon landing or you want to say JFK, okay, but like who the fuck would conspire to kill George Reeves? I don't understand why. Like, that's a weird one to believe in. The whole fucking government was in on it, man. For what? Now you were, oh, one of our guests one time said to us that the government killed Lenny Bruce, which I thought was a little... Yeah. Heroin killed Lenny Bruce. Which of the government?

Which guest said that? Oh, one that went not airing. Oh, that one. Yeah. Okay. Okay. It'll be a director's cut one day. It had nothing to do with the Lenny Bruce thing. But, um, there were... I had never heard that, and I would love to believe it, because as a comedian it would be so cool to think that like, oh this maverick, and he truly was a maverick comedian, but no, I think he just was a fucking drug addict. Yeah. It's sad to just think of it ended that way, just over just.

Well, it's kind of like Marilyn Monroe, the same thing. She was doing drugs and taking pills every night. Yeah. Although she was kind of hooking up with RFK and JFK. Yeah. Yeah. And gangsters and the whole thing was... Hers was a more believable conspiracy, you know what I mean? Because back then, to be basically on a fucking shish kebab between the Kennedy brothers,

that was really big news. Oh, yeah. That was a lot bigger than Lenny Bruce, you know what I mean, or whoever, Cesar Romero. And what was the fight you got in with Jesse Ventura? I was over, oh, you know, we had interviewed Jesse three times, and the first time he and I kind of, it was over 9-11 conspiracy stuff. And we had kind of like, you know, not gotten along to all the first time. But then the second time we had him on, I really got along great with him. I don't think he's dumb. The last time we

got into a very nasty argument about it. There's video of it up online, but when you look at the video, it looks like I'm just being a dick to Jesse, but that's only because back then we didn't have a camera running all the time. Opie would tape it in Opie's OCD so he would never delete shit, so he was running out of film. So every time it started to get heated, then he would start taping again. So you're kind of picking it up a few lines into the argument each time. But if you listen to the audio,

he was being a complete dick to me, and I was just responding and we got a very nasty. I thought he was gonna smack me in the face at one point. I really thought Jesse the body was gonna fucking punch me. But you know, it's in that moment you can't back off. You're like, I'm just gonna get my fucking jaw broken. It'd be a great story. Didn't happen though. Well, that's his whole brand is conspiracy theories. I mean, that's what he's marketing. Yeah. But Jesse's slippery though, because he'll say things like, you know, well, what

do you think your president knew? I don't know. I'm just asking him the question. Like, he doesn't like a follow up question. So if you ask him a follow-up question, he gets kind of aggressive and nasty to you. But yeah, he's just one of the... I think people like the idea of conspiracy. I think they're comfortable. It's a cool thing to explore. I was a JFK conspiracy guy for years. I get the appeal of it. Belzer's a big conspiracy guy, too. He wrote that. He is, yeah. I like Richard a lot, but I don't agree with him on that. Vincent Bouliosi's book really turned me around on that. just I just simply believe what he said yeah, I yeah

I kind of think with whenever I hear like weird stories, and then this another story I always go go with the more boring one. Yeah, because that's usually the true story Yeah, exactly exactly they talked about it they plotted, and they built a trap. Or he was texting and he got hit by a bus. That's what happened. It usually is the simpler way. Yeah, it's kind of like the whole... And they did it in The Godfather where Frank Sinatra wanted the part in the movie. They didn't want him, and he got the mob after the studio had...

And then I heard they originally offered it to Eli Wallach. Oh, this is from Here to Eternity. Yeah, yeah. They offered it to Eli Wallach, and he was doing a play or a movie that he couldn't get out of. And their next choice was Frank Sinatra. So they made it into the movie like the mob went into it. I haven't seen the Godfather. Let's talk a little Godfather because we had Johnny Russo on our show. How old is he now?

He's got to be 50. No, he's in his seventies. He's in his 70s, but you should book him. I would love to interview him. You don't find the guys from The Godfather, we've interviewed Robert Duvall and James Kahn who are great. James Kahn was fucking awesome. And I would love to interview anybody from that movie, but so many of them are dead now. Is Ava Goat is still alive? Yeah. I guess he, oh yeah, Talia Shire yeah as I'm talking I'm realizing they're all alive except dying separate fucking Clemenza and Brando the whole cast is doing well yeah when when did Al Pacino die I should really shut my fucking face and Luca Luca's dead oh he is dead Brasi's dead yeah he

is he was in the jerk I think he played Iron Balls McGinty. No, you know who played Iron Balls McGinty? Carl Gottlieb, who wrote... Jaws. He wrote Jaws. Good thing, the name of it. But he was in that scene. He is. Okay, good, good, good. I think he also co-wrote The Jerk with Steve Martin. Who?

Carl Gottlieb. Okay, but Luca Brasi was in that scene? I don't know. Can someone Google that, please? I'm humiliated. You may have stumped me. I'm almost positive the guy who played Luca Brasi was in The Jerk. What was Conn like on the show? Conn was very interesting.

He was a friend of mine. Rob Cullen had done a show with him. So he kind of told him that he was like, Rob was the show runner and he told James that he and I were good friends. So he came on. He was very, very nice. He has a lot of energy. He's just a fucking guy. Like, he's one of those guys who will just talk about anything and he doesn't give a shit because he's fucking James Kahn and he knows he's James Kahn. So he's awesome. He's not afraid to talk about anything.

With James Kahn, when he split up with his wife to get over his broken heart, he moved into the Playboy Mansion. Yeah, right. And I heard that, so he was living there for I think like at least a year, and he used to have his son, he'd sit in his room and he'd point to his son like, oh that redhead over there by the pool, and you know, she'll think he's really cute and she'll and he'd go over and say I'm James Khan's son and he'd like to meet you and that's his son was basically getting pussy for him. Well I for one want to say that's no way to grieve a relationship. That's hiding from your feelings. I've never been to the Playboy

Mansion. I know a girl who was a Playboy bunny and she tried to get me invited, but I guess I had a home enough clout. They were like, no, we're booked. I was humiliated. Bet you a lot of sex goes on there. I was there once, I think. You never told me that. You went to the Playboy Mansion? Yeah. What happened? Some costume, nighttime costume, whatever their parties are.

And I mean, they were painted naked girls. That I liked. But I went into the grotto, which I thought they, somebody said the grotto's over there and I thought, oh, this is going to be Dante's Inferno. Yeah. And, and nothing was going on. But instead you got tired. Yeah.

You woke up and Cosby was sucking your toes. Yeah. And he was sucking my toes going, How's that little boy alive? And you don't really get a whoo! And I think I will live! But I heard at the Playboy Mansion those parties at one time were orgies going on. They probably were.

But then AIDS came. I think AIDS fucked up a lot. There was a place in the city called, what was the big... Plato's Retreat? Yes. Plato's Retreat. That was on Broadway, right? Yeah, they closed that in the 80s.

What's that? They closed that one a long time ago. They did, but I think all those... I guess they used to have bathhouses and all these sex clubs and I guess, I think AIDS probably shut down so much of that stuff, so that probably changed the whole vibe at the Playboy Mansion for a while. You're talking about the heyday of the Playboy, like the Robert Culp era. Oh yeah.

With the neighbor jackets. Sammy Davis. Yeah, when they were doing Playboy after dark. Oh that show. Peter Sellers. That show was great. Mom's Maybelline was on that show too. Oh yeah.

Sammy Davis. He was. Hello you heffmah. Jim, let's talk about a couple other movies that Eric Nagel, E-Rock on the show, your producer, told me. So I'm not responsible. He told me you like these movies. Midnight Cowboy? I do. Anybody here seen Midnight Cowboy? Anything? You know, Gilbert does a great John MacGyver from Midnight Cowboy. Let's show you how to have a strong back. You're gonna need it in this business. Joe Buck, get on your knees, get on your knees and play Joe Buck.

It's good. Almost as good as the Cosby. That's good. Almost as good as the Cosby. That's awesome. Who else does John MacGyver? Well, the kids like the John MacGyver. They do. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast

after this. At Air Miles, we help you collect more moments. So instead of scrolling through photos of friends on social media, you can spend more time dinnering with them. How's that spicy enchilada? Oh, very flavorful. Yodeling with them. Is that a squirrel?

Collect more moments with more ways to earn air miles. And, and, uh, uh, Hollywood story was that, uh, they offered originally the part of Joe Buck to the actor, John Philip law. Who was that? Oh, from Barbarella. Yeah. Yeah. Handsome blonde guy back then and he turned it down because he was offered a part in Skadoo. Back to Skadoo. With Otto Preminger was directing it had Groucho Marx and Jackie Gleason and Carol Channing and Frankie Avalon. Oh Frank Gorshin and Cesar Romero's in it. Yes. Everybody. But you got to figure it probably made sense you know you're going you know you could play a male hooker or you could work with this legendary

director and all these legendary comedians. Yeah do you want to hang out with Jackie Gleason in Groucho or do you want some 18 year old boy to blow you in a movie theater? Yeah I don't... Yeah yeah that was a great scene if anybody saw it. I don't mean great like it was hot it was like really like uncomfortable. Oh yeah. You guys remember that scene? Am I talking great? Okay three people saw that movie. So you really have no idea why I'm referencing an 18 year old boy blowing John Voight Does anybody know his film you know the movies could do no? Oh, we have to lend it to you Yeah, I would like to say it and I saw a trailer for it where? Sammy Davis talks about the movie and he's not in it

Yeah, what does he say well, I saw half of it Yeah. What does he say? Well, I saw half of it. Quick. Quick. He's in the trailer, and it's Sammy at his worst, you know, when it was so ridiculously 60s. Right.

He's got the Nehru jacket and the peace sign and the cigarette, and he goes, you know, he starts going like, Skadoo, it's crazy daddy. I never heard of that movie. It's real groovy. And it's like, it just, oh God. If you guys haven't seen Skadoo, please get your hands on it. It's arguably the worst movie ever made. Harry Nielsen, the great Harry Nielsen sings the credits. That's a highlight.

How about this, if you haven't seen either, see Midnight Cowboy first. Yeah, see Midnight Cowboy. You do. Only X, first X movie, I think it was the only X movie to win the Oscar for Best Picture. Correct, 1969. Because it was X because there was like a little bit of nudity in it. And it's Dustin Hoffman, it's so, it's the best thing he ever did. It's like, if you've never seen, it's that famous, I'm walking here. they reference that in Forrest Gump

and that's from Midnight Cowboy. John Voight is awesome, Hoffman's awesome, it's a great movie. I'm boring everyone, including myself. Now what about Kiss of Death? I heard you guys talking about it on the show with Richard Widmark. Yeah, you know when I first heard of that,

it's, if anyone saw Bad Boys with Sean Penn, there's a scene where they're all watching in Juvie Hall. It's a black and white film where a guy, this laughing psychopath, pushes an old lady down the steps in a wheelchair and all the kids and the boys cheer. And that's from the movie Kiss of Death, where he plays a real sociopath. It's a great movie from the 40s. About a gangster who's released from jail and he's got the psychopath after him. So good.

And used cars with our favorite Al Lewis. Oh yeah and Kurt Russell and Jack Warden. Who's seen used cars? Two people. You know who's in that too? Frank McCrae who's one of my favorite. You know Frank McCrae. He's in 1941. He's a black actor. He played Eddie Murphy's chief, I'm sorry, Nick Nolte's chief in 48 hours. You know, I called him a piece of shit. I called him a nigga. Yeah, that guy. That was that time period in movies, I guess during the 80s, when you had a screaming black police captain.

Yes. Every movie had that. Yeah, he was so fucking good. So good at that. And he's like, he's one of those guys that nobody knows who he is. But watch Use Cars. He's awesome. It's a funny movie, too.

But it's one of those movies that no one has ever seen. It's not like it's like a catty shack or a classic comedy that people go like, yeah, I heard about that. Use Cars just flies under the radar. Are there movies you go back to that you loved and now you go, what the hell did I like about this? Sure. Comedy doesn't hold up as well, although that one does for me just because I enjoy the film

so much. I'm trying to think if there's anything, you know, I loved Jaws when I was a kid. I loved, you know, I loved E.T. and now I kind of Star Wars. So I loved Jaws when I was a kid. I loved ET and now I kind of Star Wars. So I kind of get why I like those movies. I think I always had decent, Salem's Lot, the Stephen King book. I watch it, it doesn't hold up for me like it used to as far as being scary, but I still kind of get why

it fucking frightened me as a boy. It was terrifying, right? Maybe, who's the guy that was in that? He was always in the, uh, he, David, not David Sowell, not, no, the guy who was in the Clint Eastwood movies. Oh, David Sowell. Well, let's start seeing much. This is a chance. Don't give upon us, baby. Don't make the wrong seem right. the future isn't just one night it's written in the moon light suspended on the stars we can't change ours don't give up on us baby let's give it

Don't give up on us baby Let's give it one more try Can't we get a last one by The angel and the dreamer Who sometimes plays the fool Don't give up on us I know we can still come through oh he's got a voice like an angel You don't know how many requests we get for Gilbert to sing on each show. The Gilbert Gottfried Amazing Colossal Podcast Producer of the Month is DFA Records. Thank you DFA records be just like DFA records and get rewarded for supporting our podcast head over to patreon.com slash

Gilbert Gottfried for a set amount each month you can get some colossal benefits such as access to new podcast episodes before anyone else, early access to tickets to live podcast tapings, exclusive video hangouts, And just added, I will record a personalized roast of you and only you so you can share with your friends me telling you what a schmuck you are. Well I don't have to join Patreon for that. And you don't have to pay me either because you are a schmuck. That I do for free. I want no money.

That's my, I just speak the truth. I'm so blessed. You are a schmuck. So go to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried, that's Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Gilbert Gottfried. Thank you for your generosity. And thank you DFA Records. What about Cuckoo's Nest and The Shining? You're a big Nicholson guy.

Yeah, I mean, just because I do a really good impression of them in my act. No, I'm kidding. It's like the hackiest thing. No, Cuckoo's Nest is probably, I think I prefer that to The Godfather. Really? Yeah, it might be my favorite movie of all time. I think it's the best movie. Godfather was great, but it doesn't make me cry.

Cuckoo's Nest is fucking just tragic. Great film. And The Shining? Also great. Well that's fucking kiddin'. You know, I just like the... We all wanted to jerk off to the tub scene. Of course. Goes without saying. But the kid Danny Lloyd never went anywhere.

Like, you never saw him again in the movie. It's amazing how some... Like, you know who else never got really famous? The guy, the 13-year- kid who was in on Golden Pond. Oh yeah. With Jane Fonda, Dabney Coleman, Catherine Hepburn, Henry Fonda. Yeah. And he, the 13 year old Billy and he's co-starring in a triple Oscar winner and then you never see him again. He might have done one other thing. It's weird like you get the role, the right role at that age and it might just ruin you. And, and movie like that, you figure him and particularly his parents were going, here is a movie, Henry Fonda, Catherine Hepburn and Jane Fonda.

I mean, how could you be anything but a major league star? Yeah, well, they said that they actually cut the scene that he said like there's one scene where I don't know if you saw it but where he fucks Katherine Hepburn on a rock Under a porch Put your dick in me porch. Oh, put your dick in me. Oh, here, now stick it in my ass. Here, let me play with your hairless balls. Don't go so hard Billy, I'm going to drop the baloney sandwiches. No, I'm just going to see us and have a heart attack. Oh God.

But it's weird. I forget his name. Oh, Henry. You don't blow him. You're going senile. All of a sudden, I realized my Catherine Hepburn was turning into Paul Lin. That's okay, Paul Lin's... I just want to do poppers and suck a dick. That's all I don't know what's happening to me and speaking of Paul in thanks for the segue

Gil yeah That's what he would do poppers you like boy. Yeah, yeah Oh my god There's a documentary about Paul in that and a tell-all book that you guys have to check out your Paul in family Where's the kid? Here's another Paul in I remember he was obviously the center square for anybody over fucking 58 and I was pissed at him as a kid because I remember I was I'm a big kiss fan from childhood And the Paul in Halloween special came on and kiss performed this part like 1977 or 70 I performed Detroit Rock City and King of the Nighttime World and Beth.

But he kind of was snotty to them. Like he made fun of Jean. I'll never forget that, being so fucking angry that this piece of shit was making fun. He said something to Gene Simmons, like, why don't you go down in your elevator shoes? And the whole crowd laughed. I was like, fuck you. I heard, see, when I was on Hollywood Squares, one of the producers there also produced the original.

And he said, like, during lunchtime, everybody would eat lunch together, and they would have fun and they'd talk and joke with each other. All the guests got along. And Paul Lin would be bombed out of his skull and and he he was extremely anti-semitic and he would sit there go oh those fucking Jews they're the reason I don't have a career. And now because it's a staple on every episode, you have to tell the rest of the Paul Lin. This is like Billy Joel doing Piano Man. It's a crowd pleaser. Paul Lin, see I heard it was some barn but

then I heard I heard it was what's his name the game show guy. Peter Marshall. Peter Marshall. We've heard four versions of it. Yeah and I think Peter Marshall was with him and they went into the dressing room of like I guess the solid gold dancers or the gold diggers the gold digger yeah yeah and they went in the dressing room and Pauline goes this place smells like cunt I think I think. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What a great tagline. I didn't see that coming at all. Phenomenal. Yeah, I didn't know he was gay either as a kid. Isn't it weird how you don't know people are gay?

We've joked about that on Liberation. Yeah, Charles Nelson Riley. Who? Charles Nelson Riley when you were a kid. There were all of these guys like that, that you thought were eccentric. Yeah. You never thought in terms of gay. You'd have them, all these like, flamingly gay actors with a wife and kids in these TV

shows and movies, or eyeing a pretty girl when she walked by, and you said, oh, they're eccentric. Yeah. And then the ones who you don't suspect either, like Robert Reed from the Brady Bunch, who knew? Sorry to make it sad. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

As long as we're talking about old TV, and what about Jack Lugman? I understand you have a particular fondness for Jack Lugman. I do like Jack. On the show Quincy. Who doesn't like Quincy? A coroner who plays by his own rules.

Very realistic. Reminds me of a few coroners I know. I love the flat ass girl at the beginning of Quincy. Do you guys remember that? And the queues rubbing that fucking girl in her awful ass. He was the charming coroner and the members only Jackie. We're going to get to the bottom of it Sam. But it's like shows like Quincy, I think, paved the way for like Law and Order and all the top shows we have now.

Yeah, I think so too. Because back then it was original. Quincy lasted like six or seven years. I mean that wasn't like a one and done thing. That was like a show that did quite well. And yeah, I think that people like that and Canon and all those fucking shows, you have those Quinn Martin shows, the Rockford Files. Yeah, I love the Rockford. But I remember about all those shows like the cop shows, like same with Starksky and Hutch and chips and all these things they always

they would solve the murder, arrest the guy, have a commercial and then come back for a funny ending. Yeah, yeah where would they would end like I don't know boss he throws his head up Fucking freeze-frame shitty ending Yeah, you're right they would always come back for some kind of a funny like quirky Horribly unfunny funny endings terrible endings. They were never funny You know this show I remember I was disappointed in it as a kid. But I would kind of watch it and sort of like some of them. But now I see them in reruns and I think they all totally suck. And that's Knight Gallery.

I don't remember Knight Gallery. Yeah, that's a show you really want to love. Yeah. And it's just not very good. Rod Serling's follow-up to the Twilight Zone where he was in a haunted art gallery Everything that's wrong with 70s television is in nightgallery. Oh really there's a good Vincent Price episode Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, he's the teacher. Yeah, he's the college professor and he goes Redden run for your lives

The tingler is loose in the theater This looks like a tingler crowd. What else did you watch, Jim, growing up? I know you were influenced by some of the Norman Lear shows. We talked about Maude. I just like the theme song from Maude, because it's such a, it literally, nothing gets stuck in your head faster

than the fucking Ma mod theme song. And Betsy Ross got it all sung and then there's mod fucking. It will never leave. And yeah, I love All in the Family. Of course, all the way. I think Taxi is the most underrated show ever. That's a great one. Awesome.

I mean, people know it, but I think it's because everyone talks like the honeymooners. But you know, a lot of TV was shit back then too You know I think we have better TV now than we had back then I mean overall the comedies Maybe not as much, but there's better dramas now than there were then I Think you know it's fucking on. I mean your last 15 years you had the Sopranos the wire Fucking that throne yeah, yeah, I never I never watched Mad Men. I watched like two episodes. I couldn't get into it. But those shows like The Norman Lear and shows like that, I mean, he would put on great shows, but sometimes him and also even the lesser sitcoms would do this when they'd have their

important episode that would end without music. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's to let you know. Oh, the very special episode. Yeah. Yeah. Just the credits quietly on the scene.

You can think about what you just saw. Yeah. Like the Edith getting raped episode did not end with anything but just crap. Yeah. Yeah. Or did she get raped or no? Miss, don't be.

It's OK. It worked out. It was just a move. I will not hear Gene Stapleton's name bandied about. Or like when the kids from different strokes got raped by a child? No, here's what happened. They didn't get raped. Fucking Dudley and his shitty judgement. Oh look, it's Mr. Carlson. I love you on WKRP in Cincinnati. Let's watch the cat porn. You can jerk me off in the tub while blabbermouth fucking

liverless Arnold goes and tells his white stepfather, cock blocker Philip Drummond. Oh God. That hurt his career. Gordon Jump. He was a Maytag repairman. Was he? Yeah. Do I was the Maytag repairman. Was he? Yeah. Do I have the right actor? Yes. Gordon Jump from WKRP. Gordon Clap and Gordon Jump. I always mix them up.

We're going to say the one that tried to fuck Dudley. Ha, that one. Gordon Jump. Another guest we had on the show was actor James Caron. Yeah. You guys know James Caron? He, if you saw him. You know him right away. He's the guy, he's the realtor that sells the family of the house and poultry guys He but you'd recognize him right away. Was you grew up in New Trice area? He was a path marker

Oh, yeah, I was just gonna say the path Yes, James Karen. He's in every sitcom and every movie. He was on the Jeffersons as a white supremacist And and they were trying to kill him when he got out of the studio yeah yeah because seriously they didn't stop to think oh this could be an actor well if he's a white supremacist in that then it must be in the real life he had He had to hide behind Wheezy. And then to save his life and career, they posed him with his arms around George and Wheezy Jefferson and sent the photo to magazines. And they wanted just to show folks, it's not really like that.

Wow. Yeah. I became friends with Sherman, Sherman Hemsley. It was really, we met somewhere and then we just started corresponding and we hung out and I took him to the comedy cellar one night because he would perform, he would do stand-up. And he did it at Caroline's. It was kind of sad because it was like a half-souled room and when he walks up he of course the theater, the Shreveman Hemsley, I went we're moving on up and he walks out to the theme music I was like oh no. I heard, I once worked with a director who directed a

bunch of Jefferson's episodes and one time he said he was he went out to lunch outside the studio and when he was walking back to the studio a limo came by and and he hears Sherman Hemsley's voice go hey, you need a ride back to the studio and he goes, okay and when they opened up the door a Smoke was billowing out because he was like they were doing Smoke was billowing out because he was like there with doing smoking god knows what

Dan doing hits and getting completely stoned like free-basing and what and he goes what the director said What are you getting? Why are you doing this for now? We're shooting today and and Sherman Hemsley goes, I gotta kiss her twice in this episode. Well, there were the rumors about him. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah, there were the rumors.

That's, you know, if you want to say someone might be like, yeah, there were the rumors, him. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, there were the rumors That's you know if you want to say someone might be like yeah They were the rumors which I had never heard until I had heard rumors that that cup he was living with a couple And there was some weird Sherman Helmsley Yeah, yeah Hemsley Hemsley and then when he died didn't they fight over his money and his body or something didn't get buried because his family was fucking Fighting over his money. I don't know got Got the KCK some treatment huh? Yeah that's right. Speaking of 70s TV you played the neighbor on Louis CK's other cable series Lucky Louie. Yes. You played Rich the Neighbor. HBM. For people to remember it.

Now your performance, was I have this right, your performance was an homage to a certain beloved character actor right Right down to the sweater? Who were they saying it was? I'll tell you. Mr. Roper? Oh no, who told you that? E Rock. Oh, E Rock's a fat dope. No, I didn't pick the clothing. I wound up wearing the sweater. Yeah, if you didn't see it, Lucky Louie was a live audience sitcom that Louis did in 2006. And it was a really weird one. We

shot 13 episodes, but the audience we shot in front of, none of them had ever seen the show because they didn't air until all of them were shot. So every week the crowd had no idea who any of us were. So they didn't understand our character. But it was still a great, great thing to do. And he made the set look really shitty, like as far as he wanted it to look like a honeymooner's set. And he would scream at the wardrobe people if they tried to make his wife look too hot. And he's like, I want it to look like fucking real people. And the critics didn't like it. It got a lot of viewers. Like, we went up every week in views, but the critics didn't like it, so they cancelled it after one season.

One of the criticisms were the laughs were so good in the show that they thought that the laughs were being mixed in too loud. I'll never forget reading that. And Louis didn't sweeten anything in that show. Like, if something fucking bombed or got like a ha ha, that's what stayed. We might do a second take, try a different line, but he did not sweeten anything in that show to make it better. Wasn't it a attempt to do a little bit of Norman Lear to capture a little bit of the spirit of those 70s shows? second take tried a different line, but he did not sweeten anything in that show to make it better. Wasn't it an attempt to do a little bit of Norman Lear to capture a little bit of the spirit of those 70s shows?

Absolutely. Yeah, he wanted it to feel like an old school show. He wanted it to feel kind of bare bones, regular people, not overly made up. I mean, that's how I got hired. And that's, you know, like, you know what I mean? And that's why we had the clothes we had and Rick Shapiro and a guy named Jerry Miner was in that who was really, really fucking funny and Laura Keitlinger. I forget who played Jerry's wife and the little girl was Kelly Gould played Lucy.

Emma Stone did an episode of that. That's where I met Emma Stone. She played like the other neighbors' like, you know, cunty, screaming daughter and she was great. You immediately knew she was going to be really, really famous. So I hit on her. In the credits at the end, she's known as the cunty screamin' daughter. Well, I'm sure she would agree to that. That's what she was doing. Ah, shut up! And then

she offers Louis a blowjob. She did. In the show. Louis and Pam were married. Oh, Mike Haggerty, who played another one of the Sirens. Mike is fucking great. He was in Carlin's sitcom, too. Mike and Laura Keitlinger were married and that was their daughter, I think. And she came over to Louis and Pam's and she offered Louis a blowjob. That was the push of the episode like she was troubled. I Don't remember what happened. I know he didn't do it, but I don't remember how the episode and we will return to Gilbert Godfrey's amazing colossal podcast, but first a word from our sponsor Mr. Godfrey, would you like to throw this out to the audience for some questions or

some song requests? They've been very patient. All right. Anybody got anything they want to ask about the show or Gil or Jim? Don't be shy. The only dumb question is the one you don't ask. Am I right or wrong? Or Weezy?

I like with this crowd when they do applaud it's like at most three people Yeah, it's like you'll say hey remember that show and it's like We're asking such it's not like we're saying did you ever see ET with a whole crowd it's always like do you guys ever see that one episode of the Rockford files with a We drive we dive pretty deep. Yeah, talk enough about Comic Con, by the way? Yeah, no. Anybody got anything they want to ask us? Helps the show. Sir?

Oh, he'll do it. Wait, let's start with this gentleman. Can I go to the bathroom? Sure. Can you go to the bathroom? You mean without being mocked? Don't say anything funny. Or you can take your shit on him. Ha don't like that that's the thing they all

clapped at together. We had a request here. Was it Georgie Jessel? Bright and shining light that caught me wrong from right I'm found in my mother's eyes Those are fairy tales she told The streets old paved with gold I'm found in my mother's eyes, just like a wandering sparrow, a lonely soul. I walked a straight and narrow till I reached my goal. One bright and dying light that taught me wrong from right I found in my mother's eyes. Applause. Heart-tucking.

This gentleman right here, yeah. Who's ass, the most famous ass that you ate? The most famous ass that I ate? Um, I'm probably not to say because she's married to the president. No, I have not hooked up with many famous people at all. I guess Brie Olsen, she's a porn girl, has the most famous ass I've ever eaten. I would have to say Brie Olsen. For me, Isabella, she's a tranny porn star, but it's probably, I think, Brie is more famous than Mia.

Now, now, you went over to someone's house to get jerked off. Jesus, I could, I, can you narrow that down a little bit more? Was it a paid person or was it my family for Christmas? I can narrow it down. The way I can narrow it down is you left before getting jerked off. That she was holding a screwdriver or something. This is a story I like. Oh my god. That's a yeah. That was a weird one man. This was the weird one. No, this one really scared me. I went to this, it was like a back page, this was years ago, when the magazines were still

good. And I was on second, like, you know, you'd open up like Screw magazine or whatever that had the sex ads. And I opened, it was on Second Avenue somewhere, like in the 90s or whatever. And it was just a massage ad. So I went over there and the girl answered, and I had to use the bathroom. It was like a railroad apartment, it was really fucking dark, and I had to use the bathroom, but there was like moldy water in the tub, and like all these Burger King wrappers and garbage in the tub, and there was fruit flies all over, and I'm like, something felt really,

really wrong. And the apartment was very dark and she and I were just sitting there and she's like, you got the money? And I'm like, yeah. So I gave her the money and then she went over the door and she communicated with somebody. And it was a really weird feeling. Like, have you ever felt like you're being looked at? Because I couldn't see the back of the apartment. It was pitch black. And we're sitting there and I just felt like there's somebody else's in this apartment. Like, We're not alone in this apartment. Something is going to happen. It was a terrible instinct premonition. And I

got truly frightened and I'm like, I have to go. I told her I didn't feel well. She was holding a screwdriver in her hand. And I just left. And I guess if you're trying to rob somebody and they hand you their money and leave, you're like. I remember I saw Colin Quinn that night. And I felt worse. I remember talking to Colin about it. I was really shaking. It was one of those weird moments you have in life where nothing terrible happened but I knew something fucking horrible was about to happen. I think they were just going to rob me, but I left that place. Not a really funny story, but it's a true one. That's sex addiction. Not all smiles, folks. Anything else? Any other requests? Right here, this gentleman on the aisle.

Can we hear some groucho? You're talking about young groucho? Young vibrant groucho? No, I didn't think so. Old groucho. crowd show, young vibrant crowd show? No, I didn't think so. Old crowd show. You know, years ago we were filming at a night at the opera. And back then in my day, film was something where you take a camera and you would film something and that was called filming. Now they also had photographs but the photographs didn't move. So if it looked like the photographs were moving, you would call them moving pictures, because the pictures were moving. And back then in my day, when a picture was something that was either a photograph or

a drawing, and a drawing was something, back in my day you'd have a pencil. Oh my god that is perfect. That was that time period when he was going on like dick cavit and stuff and it was like I was saddened and Fascinated at the same time. There's a Cosby interview him. Oh, yes Yeah, yeah Cosby did interview him in the 70s and and I remember Groucho saying in that interview. I Feel like a little dizzy a little dizzy. That water you gave me tasted funny and I feel like I'm gonna turn you over and I'm gonna fuck you and there's nothing you can do about it.

Well, back in my day, when you'd fuck someone, you didn't drug them face. Well, I'm drugging you and I'm gonna fuck you after you're unconscious. Oh, let's try two more. And Groucho said, well, back in my day, unconscious meant you were unconscious. Right here, this waving hand here. What the... since we're in Comic Con right now...

We lost sight of that. Yeah, well, what the hell? That's nice language. What's the worst superhero film you've ever seen? Schindler's List. Anything else? But this brings up Catwoman. Do you remember that? Oh, Catwoman.

That's a good... Howie Berry Catwoman. Yeah. Howie Berry? Not great. Who was the Batman? That was... Was it Michael Keaton or it was?

What? Was Michael Keaton in that or no? No. No that or no no no no Batman and oh she did her own movie yeah with Sharon Stone yeah oh yeah that was frighteningly bad I don't remember it to be honest with you who was the one where they had Catwoman in the Batman Michelle Pfeiffer she was good yeah yeah what's that what The volume's off. What? The volume's off. Oh, the body was off. Oh, the volume. I don't remember. I did see it, but I apologize.

As you're talking about volume, I'm like, what? I remember liking her better in Scarface with her polluted womb than I did as the cat woman. Last one. Oh, I'm sorry. I had started with this fellow. And how come you've never been funny since then? Was I stoned at the time that I thought you actually had an act? I still do that.

He still does it. Yeah. What makes you think he retired then? Yeah. One thing you gotta know about me, I still go out there and say, hey, how many of you watch Bonanza? Fat lady in a hula hoop. Doesn't it end with you somebody screaming fat lady in a hula hoop? Yeah, but if you don't have the whole beginning, it's yeah. And you know, I'm not one to take over someone's time. Oh, you go right ahead.

You go right ahead. One bonus one right here and that'll be it. I love a good bonus question. You talk about sucking dick a lot. Gilbert or Jim? Yeah. But it's okay if Jim does it. I hope not Gilbert, but if Jim Norton likes to suck dick and get shit on, I'm fine with that. I didn't, by the way, I didn't mean to talk about sucking dick. I should have just said holding it in my mouth for a while. I was holding it for a friend.

So it was kind of like a breath lozenge. Yeah, I wasn't like moving. That'd be fucking gay. No, no. I just popped it in my arm. Was there a remainder to that question? Yes. Well, now you have to realize, sir, there's still a lot of transgendered friends and why

should I be bigoted against them? So yeah, am I supposed to just get blown and not return the favor? That would be just courteous. Don't you like the same stuff you did when you were a kid? That's why if I'm out with a trans girl, and I think I should suck her dick because I'm afraid of getting old. So if I deny what I liked when I was trans girl, and I think I should suck her dick because I'm afraid of getting old. So if I deny what I liked when I was a kid, then I'm growing up. But if I'm like, oh, I'm like, ah, you're still a boy at heart.

Oh, you've gone long. Oh, God. Okay. Well, since the show can't get any more intellectual, I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. Thank you guys for coming out. Thank you. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre.

Thank you. And our pal, a guy who likes to get shit pissed on. And will suck your dick if you come to his show. In a dress. You can hear him on Opie and Jim Norton. And his website is jimnorton.com now. It's not eat a bullet. No eat a bullet.

Jimnorton.com a cyber squatter hat. So I finally got it back. So just if you want any tour dates or whatever, I'm out on the road a lot. So jimnorton.com all my dates are there. And I hope you come out to the shows. Thank you for having me. This was a lot of fun. Thank you Jim Norton.

Thank you Littlefield. Thank you, Littlefield. Thank you, guys.