Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Classic: Paul Scheer

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

GGACP celebrates the birthday (January 31) of actor, comedian and co-host of the "How Did This Get Made?" podcast Paul Scheer by revisiting this “very special episode,” recorded back in 2015. In this interview, Paul shares his love of movie misfires, including “Road House,” “Deep Blue Sea,” “A View to a Kill” and the infamous Brando remake of “The Island of Dr. Moreau.” Also, Paul talks to an invisible spaceship, carries (physically) Ving Rhames, and looks back on his days as a VH1 “talking head.” PLUS: “Battlefield Earth”! Tom Hanks raps! The Maytag Repairman gets blackballed! James Karen hangs with Weezie! And Gilbert trashes “The Notebook”! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. ["The Voice"] TV comics, movie stars, hit singles and some toys. Trivia and dirty jokes, an evening with the boys Once is never good enough for something so fantastic So here's another Gilbert and Franks

Here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks Colossal classic. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried and I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre and this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsession. No, we're not doing an obsession. No we're not. No we're just. We're just. we're not. I finally got it right. I finally, I finally after doing like like about 60 of these I finally got it right and when okay this is Gilbert Frank not doing an obsession

no I just wanted to say a couple of words about Yvonne Craig bad girl who yeah who passed away today actually we're taping this on August 19th and and we wanted her for the show I wrote about her on Facebook today she was actually a lovely person I a couple years ago I worked for FX for Jeff Probst and we we had Batman on the channel and we asked Yvonne to come on the show and she couldn't she couldn't have been nicer and she kept me on the phone well she didn't keep me on the phone I was thrilled to talk to her but telling me stories about Elvis and and about Batman and Star Trek and the man from Uncle and everything that she did, she was so lovely and so nice.

And I wrote to her, I guess I was just telling you, Gil, about six months ago to plead with her to ask her to come on the show because I thought she'd be a perfect guest for us and she never got back to me. And I realized she was now that she was sick. Yeah, and we were interviewing Julie Newmar and Lee Merriwether, who are both cat women. And we thought, boy, wouldn't it be perfect, Yvonne Craig as Batgirl. Yeah, and we'd had Adam on the show previously. And she really fit the podcast to a tee, and she would have been wonderful. And she had great the podcast to a tee, and she would have been wonderful.

She had great stories to tell. We're still trying to find a guest, wrangle a guest that worked with Elvis. Oh, yes. And I guess we'll have to call Shelly Faberace, who's around. But she was lovely, and she sent me an autographed picture, a funny one, which I put up on Facebook. And it was nice to meet somebody who was a significant part of my childhood who turned out to be such an authentic nice person. And someone else who died recently, Theodore Backell.

Yeah, we wanted to say something about Theodore Backell too. Because he had worked, he spoke like a hundred different languages. And worked with everybody. Yeah, he worked with Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn in African Queen. He worked with Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier. Oh, and the Defiant Ones? Yes, and Lon Chaney Jr. He is in that.

He was a Renaissance man and I believe he did play Tevye. Oh, yes. Yes. And I was just recently in a documentary where I was one of the people commenting on Theodore Backell. You didn't tell me that. Yeah. He would have been great. We should have reached out to him. You know, Nehemiah Persoff's still alive.

We ought to. He is? Yeah. Yeah. He's 1,000 years old, but we really ought to get to him. Oh my god. Yes. Yeah. So rest in peace, Yvonne and Theodore Backell. He is? Yeah, yeah, he's a thousand years old, but we really ought to get to him. Oh my god, yes. Yeah, so rest in peace, Yvonne and Theodore Backell. And also noteworthy is Groucho died on this date.

Wow. So how do you feel about that, Groucho? Well, you know, it's that the idea that I died on this date But the idea that I died on this date would make me about 500. Not on the day, on the date. No, you were saying to me that I died exactly on this date. So if I died on this date I would be at least 500. And then you should get that right, because this means that I died twice. I died years ago in the 70s, and I also died now. And it's like a Twilight Zone episode, where I keep dying over and over again. I think it was Nunley Johnson. All right, that's enough of that.

Now you wanted to, you also wanted to add a correction. Do I have that right? A major boner. I beg your pardon? A porn film that I was starring in. It was. That was your character. I was an army general who took Viagra and my character was Major Boner.

That was not a writing crop in your pocket. We were talking about what was the Paper Moon. We were talking about Paper Moon. And in there the sheriff was played by John Hillerman. But what was the Paper Moon? We were talking about Paper Moon. And in there, the Sheriff was played by John Hillerman. Well, it was a dual part. He was the Sheriff and he was the bootlegger. The brother.

The twin brother. And he was also, you know, he was also of course in Magnum P.I. And Blazing Saddles. Yes. And I think I made this bl blonde you did buddy and and cuz you know And and our fans were rightfully outraged. I got a lot of tweets. Yes. Yes They were rightfully outraged because when afterwards when I realized I thought oh my god, of course And and it was it was actually William Daniel who was Kit.

I said that John Hillerman was Kit, the talking car and night rider. And it was of course William Daniel. Who was Captain Nice, the superhero. Look, it's a man who rides around like, look, it's a man who flies around like an eagle. Look, it's a man who rides around like, look, it's a man who flies around like an eagle. Look, it's a man who hates all that's illegal. Who is this man with arms built just like hammers?

It's just some nut who flies around in pajamas. That's no nut, son. That's Captain Nice. That's impressive. Created by? Oh, was that Buck Henry? Nah, nice job. Yep, Buck Henry. Yeah, of course, there were two on at the same time.

Oh, there was Mr. Terrific. Yeah! With Stanley Beamish. Yes. That was John MacGyver was on that one. Oh my God! On Mr. Terrific. This is terrific!

This bike is being held up! You must fly over there, Fly over there right away. This is a tense situation. There is no other human being walking the Earth that does John MacGyver and that remembers all the lyrics to the Captain Nice theme. You are one of a kind, my friend. And I should add that both John Hillerman and William Daniels are still with us.

Wow! So we should have them on the show. And William Daniels was also Dustin Hoffman's father in the graduate. He was in a million things. He was in 1776. Oh yes, and then he says in there, well this is old son of half baked, Benjamin. That's very good. Why no sir, it's completely baked.

Wow. Who was it? Howard De Silva? Playing Ben Franklin? Oh, my guess, Howard De Silva. Who I once, one time I was out in LA and I passed by Howard De Silva and I didn't say anything. I was intimidated.

I was the only person who knew Howard da Silva. Because that was my upbringing. I knew guys when I was three. Hey there's a movie with Howard da Silva. I believe he was blacklisted Howard da Silva. Don't quote me on that. And he was also in that Outer Limits episode with a robot who's being held on murder charges. So what did we cover here? But wait, I remember Howard De Silva as they get him and they say professor so-and-so has been murdered and we want you to defend the accused and he said professor Johnson was a wonderful human being and I'm not going to defend the skunk who murdered him. Wow! How do you retain this stuff? And Leonard Nimoy, the great Leonard Nimoy was playing a reporter in that episode. Wow. I vaguely have a recollection of this.

Now you see, and I was going to say, like the way I mixed up John Hillerman and William Daniels is it's kind of like the way you'd mix up like Frank Nelson and Gail Gorton. Yeah they were both like well now when you were on the phone and you called me and you said we have to make a correction because I mixed up John Hillerman with Henry Daniel. Oh yeah. So you got William Daniels. He was with Boris Karloff? So you got William Daniels confused. He was with Boris Karloff and Baila Gossian Bodysmashers. This could go on endlessly. But the other ones I always mix up is like Gig Young and Richard Long. Well interesting. Yeah, both died young.

Yes. Gig Young by his own hand. Yeah. Richard Long from Nanny and the Professor. Yes. And he was also, he was in a Twilight Zone episode of something like, pick out that one is in your size, where like the old couple is looking for a new bodies. And like you could get a new body, these young bodies.

Did we just talk about this? Yes, we were talking about it. But this is yet another, this is a Richard Long one. And Richard Long, and I guarantee, and I just saw him recently, and I should have asked him this, I guarantee that, what's his name, Austin Powers? Mike Myers. Mike Myers, when he was doing Dr. Evil, probably saw this Twilight Zone, because Richard Long is like a weird scientist and he's holding

his pinky against his mouth. Wow. I was always told that was a Lorne Michaels impression. Oh yeah. Dr. Evil. Yeah, I mean it was, well, that part is Lorne Michaels. Yeah. But the pinky against the mouth, Richard Long was doing it. Fascinating. Welcome to Down the Wormhole with Gilbert Gottfried.

We've gone from an Yvonne Craig tribute to Theodore Backell, to William Daniels and John Hillerman, to Henry Daniel, to Gig Young, to where did we end up? Howard De Silva. You being spooked by Howard De Silva. And I always would mix up movies with John Saxon and Don Gordon. Right, well they're easy to confuse. Yeah, they look alike.

John Saxon and Don Gordon are the same, I think are the same person. Yeah. Yeah. What about Charles Dutton and Lou Gossett? Oh! Different eras. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

Do you get them confused? Yeah. Yeah. I was once on Arsenio with Charles Dutton. Uh-huh. Really? Yeah. I'll tell you who I get confused. The actor who was in Police Woman, Charles Deercop, the guy with the pushed in nose,

and I confuse him with Richard Bacalhian or Balakayan. Do you know who I'm talking about? I can't even. Oh, look it up. It hurts just to think of those names. Well Richard Bacal't pronounce his name. Richard Bacalhian or Balakayan was in Robin and the Seven Hoods and he looks like Charles Deercop who I think is in The Sting and is as in Policewoman. And now I'm just rambling

but if you look at the two of them you'll see that they're easy to confuse. You know who fits in with the gig young Richard Long? This is turning into a whole episode. In Psycho, the guy who plays like the normal guy, the handsome guy. I know who you mean. Can't think of his name. Oh, John Gavin? Oh yes. John Gavin.

He's in that same category. Right. Wow. Yeah. We have run the gamut. And sadly, today, Groucho Marx finally died. He was born in like 1962. And he died today. And... Take us out Groucho.

Well, this has been Gilbert Gottfried and his co-host, Frank Santopadre. And they were doing apologies about people who died. They're sorry that they killed these people who died. They're confessing to Midas that happened and that they're responsible. You know, back in my day, colossal meant something big and as you say it's colossal. Back then when you talk, you know talking was something sounds you would make with your mouth that would form words and and that was considered talking back in hi this is gilbert godfrey and this is gilbert godfrey's amazing colossal podcast i'm here with my co-host Frank Santo Padre and we are

working today at Nutmeg Post. Our guest this week is a writer, producer, actor, comedian, and director with credits on everything from 30 Rock to Parks and Recreation to the Sarah Silverman program to Modern Family to Piranha 3D. You also know him from his long-running series The League and as one-third of the cult MTV sketch show Human Giant. His hilarious podcast is called How Did This Get Made? And his latest project is the Vim- Vimeo. Vimeo.

His latest project is the Vimeo Comedy Special Crash Test. Please welcome a man who in spite of creating and producing dozens of projects, has never once hired me. Our pal, Paul Scheer. I am so honored to be here in Nutmeg with you guys. Thanks for doing it. It's a very fancy studio.

Well, we usually do them at Gilbert's Kitchen Table, but you know, you're special. I'm glad you guys stepped it up. I'll take it. Now I feel like I know you because we've always were doing those VH1, like I love the 80s. The unglamorous world of VH1, like, I love the 80s. The unglamorous world of VH1. I feel like people assume like, oh, you guys all worked at VH1, like it was a movie studio. Oh, yes. It was just, it was just cubicles in a building in Midtown.

And it was basically like, everyone shut up recording and everyone to type a little bit quieter and they just pulled down like a different colored backdrop. Like Gilbert was on blue, I'd be on red, they'd tape for 20 minutes and they'd send you on your way. And I remember on those shows, what I loved about it is they'd bring up a commercial I was on a couple of years ago and make it sound like the entire world was obsessed with that commercial.

Everyone was talking about the slinky commercial. No one was talking about that slinky commercial. But they really built everything up and it was just like, it was nostalgia TV. It was like, remember that? Was this I Love the 80s? Yeah, that's what you were, you did a lot of, I love that. I love the 80s to 70s. And I did a lot of Best Week Ever, which was in the moment, which would be like, this week Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore broke up, you know, like that kind of, yeah. And then you just make a bunch of jokes and then you would go home.

It was kind of the best gig because you were basically doing like improvised standup on the dumbest of things. Oh, it was great. Yeah. Yeah. But again, so unglamorous and no studio. It was just, it was literally in an office. Just closed that door.

And they would go and the American public would run home to see Small Wonder. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Everybody was talking about Small Wonder. Yeah, you just basically did one-liners. They would give you, before you come in, they give you a packet of information. I remember one time, because Best Week Ever got to be very popular.

It was a popular show, it was on every Friday night, and it was the week in review, kind of before the internet took off and people could easily access information. And the guy was like, I wanna follow you in your writing process. It was like an entertainment weekly reporter. And I was like, well, my process is, they just kind of send me a 15 page document and I read it through. And he's like, let me watch you read it.

And so like awkwardly sitting in my apartment reading through like, you know, like this music video came out this week, this week on the Bachelor, you know, like, and I'm like, and what are you writing? I'm like, these like lame jokes, because it's like no jokes that you would really take ownership over. Oh yeah, you know, and that was the other part, that the jokes didn't have to be all that great. No, you could just be like, you could, you could just say someone's name, like, she said what?

Yeah, and then they just play it again, you know? Like, even just describing it would be the joke. Like, I know at the end of the best week ever, it was just, they just got you into a script. Like, they would just be like, just, you know, just point at the screen and shake your head. And then they would put like a graphic in, of like, you know, Mr. Chico and I'll pity the fool. And you're like, oh, yes you do.

You know, it's like the dumbest thing. And they kind of push you into something like, you know, Mr. Chico and I'll pity the fool. And you're like, oh, yes, you do. You know, it's like the dumbest thing. And they kind of push you into something like, hey, remember that actress? And you go, no, I don't remember her. And they go, she had big buck teeth. Yeah, right. And then you put the camera on, hey, boy, those buck teeth. Yeah.

Why, she was like Bugs Bunny, hey. Great, we got it. Now move on. Then you're on TV on record ripping on this person. It was like as if it was solely your idea. It was, yeah, they would always do that to you. That was great. I love all those jokes you brought in.

But now can you just say, you hate bears? Yeah, I hate bears. And that's the only clip they would use. Remember how fat she got in the last season. Oh, hey, hey, she got so fat Paul so much to ask you about so many I was telling you before so many cards so many hours of research Oh my gosh, you're so prolific. You know, we should talk about the podcast though Sure, whatever you'd like because I was telling Gil that you talked about, the podcast is called How Did This Get Made.

Yes. And tell us a little bit about it. Yes, basically me and my two friends, Jason Manzoukas and June Diane Raifo, who is also my wife and a friend. But we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it. So it's kind of the conversation you would have after just being like, wait, what just happened in that movie? Trying to explain it to each other to try to make talk about it. So it's kind of the conversation you would have after, you know, just being like, wait, what just happened in that movie?

Trying to explain it to each other to try to make sense of it. And so we pick a lot of movies that were real misfires or something that's kind of so crazy, like Roadhouse, like this movie where Patrick Swayze is like this into man bouncer. That's where he says, pain don't hurt. Yeah, exactly. A movie where the main character is known for his throat rips like like don't get a mad They'll rip out your throat like you know like this crazy crazy thing We just did a movie last week a movie called top dog

It's Chuck Norris and a dog. Oh, and it's a children's movie about white supremacists. Oh great. And it was rated PG-13. Again, it's a children's movie about white supremacists. And oh my god. Anti-white supremacy. Anti-white supremacy. At least they took that position. No, they were raising money for white supremacists. They gave a number to call. They really got the white supremacists on the map after that movie. I actually never heard of this movie. It's an amazing movie because it goes from one scene of like the dogs like

sneaking around a warehouse and the bad guy like literally falling on a banana. And then the next scene is like two cops getting assassinated in a car like shot in the head. It's a Didn't know how to do it and the whole end was like trying to kill the Pope Resm Desmond tutu and like very high-ranking rabbi like because they Literally the movie ends with a pope a rabbi and Desmond tutu in a limo with a bomb attached It sounds like the perfect setup for a joke. The Pope, a rabbi, and Chuck Norris. Did it have a sense of humor about itself? No, of course not. No, no, no. It was deadly serious.

Oh, remember what? I also remember in Road House, my boy Ben Guzzara. Oh yeah, Ben Guzzara. He's actually great. What I love about these movies is that you can find an actor, oftentimes a good character actor, who is just going to give it his all, no matter what the script is. And they deliver these performances that are kind of these jewels in the rough. Like Tommy Lee Jones in a Steven Seagal movie. Oh, yeah. And they're just like, I'm going Jones in a Steven Seagal movie. Oh, yeah. Yeah, right.

Doing their best. And they were just like, I'm going to act the hell out of this movie. And Ben Guzzara, like, he's an intimidating bad guy. But against, like, Patrick Swayze and his youth, like, Patrick Swayze just, like, walking around shirtless, like, he's afraid of Ben Guzzara? Like, why? Like, wasn't Ben Guzzara going to fight this guy? Like, but, like, there's, like, do you believe, like, Jack Palance is, like, a bad guy in

Tangle and Catch, like, oh, Jack Palance is like a bad guy in Tangle and Cash? Like, oh, Jack Palance. Why? Why are they afraid? Kurt Russell and Stallone can break this man over his head. He's brittle. He's a brittle man. You know, so, but every time they always pair like the most like, old, they're like, oh, we gotta get this older, you know, famous character actor in there. You know, it's so, 80 movies these 80s movies are amazing So yeah, we have a great kind of fun time looking back at those It's a fun show for people that haven't listened. There was a movie I saw recently

And this I think got good reviews sure and and it made money Mm-hmm. And this is a movie, as I was watching it, in the middle of it, I thought, oh, I get it. It's a parody. Oh, OK. It was that, that to me is how bad it was. I thought it's a parody of a schmousy woman's picture. And that was The Notebook.

Oh, my god. Oh, well, that movie made a fortune. Well, no, but we did it. We did another movie that he did with Juliana Huff and Josh Duhamel, but it was the same author, Nicholas Sparks, and they are like, oh wait, this is like, is this, we called it the White Tyler Perry movie.

Like yeah, they're hitting like these kinds of like weird cliches, like Is this a movie or am I watching? What am I watching here? It's so absurd. It's like Ryan Gosling. He's poor and he doesn't have a cent, but somehow by himself, builds an enormous mansion. And turns into James Garner. Yes, yes. And James Garner proves that doctors are wrong about Alzheimer's.

If you read to someone who has Alzheimer's, they're totally alert. Oh my gosh. I love the bad science in movies. It's amazing. In this movie we did called Deep Blue Sea, one of the scientists is like, oh, we figured it out. If you just take out some brain fluid from a shark, it will cure Alzheimer's. Oh my God!

That's Samuel Jackson. Samuel Jackson. Yes, and what's the girl? They had a hot looking girl. She was, I forget her name, she has a very unique name too. The funny thing about that actress in the movie is she's essentially a villain. She's a bad guy the whole way through and in the original end of the movie she saved the day and the test audiences were like, wait a second, you can't have the villain

save the end. And so they digitally erased her from the end. They reshot the end and digitally erased her. So when you watch the end of Deep Blue Sea, you'll see like one of the main characters laying on a raft and clearly there's someone else there where they just kind of painted her out. Oh god. Because America wanted to see her dead. They did not want to see her alive.

Oh and it also had LL Cool J. LL Cool J who's the cook. They brought him back for the reshoots to keep his character alive because people liked him and his character alive. Because people liked him and his bird, his dumb bird. Because he was there, the shark is dragging him away, and you go, uh, how does he live? Yep, yeah, he's just back at the very end. And he did one of my favorite things ever. And this doesn't happen that much anymore,

but the song, the rap plot song at the end of the movie, so he had one called like deepest bluest. My hat is like a shark fin. He like, we got these sharks, we're getting their brains. We're doing all this. And you know, like, I love that. Like Will Smith has like the wild, wild west, the men in black, Bobby Brown and Ghostbusters.

Like all these plot, I love like, actually there's a great one that I don't think people know about. Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks do a rap in Dragnet. Wow. The Dragnet rap. So they both are rapping. Tom Hanks is rapping the Dragnet rap. Oh it's something to be listened to. Tom Hanks is such a homie. Yeah. But there are two of them. And Dan Aykroyd. Do you want to hear Aykroyd and Tom Hanks? Yes! I believe that movie was written by our former guest, Allen Zweibel. Oh my God! Dragon Head.

Yes! I believe it was. Speaking of Cool J, I heard you talking about Cool J and Toys. Oh yes. Another truly terrible. Well, Toys is another, it's a Barry Levinson passion project. He wanted to make this movie. And that movie is visually beautiful, but like... It's like a weird Willy Wonka thing. It's like Willy Wonka meets an anti-war statement.

Yes, exactly. It's so bizarre. It's trying so hard. I mean, there's something so... I think the earnest, the more earnest you are sometimes, the harsher the fall because it's trying to say so much, but failing on every level. It's not entertaining It didn't make a point and it's just at the end that just feels like really like oh, what did we just watch it? It's like when he was riding high I think it might have been after Rain Man because sort of do anything he wanted exactly and it was and he decided to make The passion project personal project and it's you know what it is I feel like and you we've probably all been in this situation, when you stop asking for opinions and stop listening to opinions.

Yes. Because it's sort of like, you can tell, like, ten people can say, like, you know what, change that third act. No, no, no, I trust myself, it's good. And then when you stop listening, you go off the rails. And that leads us to a favorite, horrible movie. Yes. And this is a movie right around that time,

actually it was late in that time, when people had years ago stopped telling Marlon Brando what to do. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Marlon Brando to me is, the late Marlon Brando is a sight to behold, I mean, because he does not give an F man

He is like island of dr. Moreau We talked about it on the podcast there's a great documentary which If you haven't seen you have to see it's a documentary about the making of the island of dr. Moreau and it is it is it is So interesting Marlon Brando I don't know if you talked about was an Australian director who was who was fired and then replaced by John Frankenheimer Right, he was fired but hid on set in costume as one of the costume creatures to watch the movie

I have heard this and and and he there's so many stories at certain point, actors were trying to escape to the airport. They were like, they were like trying to get off the movie. Like they had to get Farooza Balk back from the airport. You can't leave. She tried to make a getaway. Rob Morrow shot like a week. I was like, I gotta go, I'm out. And then, you know, and so these people,

and my favorite story from that is that Marlon Brando, you know, again, he's so checked out. Like lines are everywhere. He wanted his one foot tall, like, the character of Mini Me and Austin Powers is based on this little man that Marlon Brando is... That's pretty trivia. It's the craziest thing. And this little man that Marlon Brando is fascinated by, who, like, sits on a piano, like, Marlon Brando's playing a regular piano and then he's playing a miniature piano.

Yes. And it's so beautiful. And he's wearing an ice bucket on his head. Yes. Well, you know why? Marlon Brando thought because Moreau was experimenting on animals that he was part dolphin. And so he put the ice bucket on his head because he wanted to take the ice bucket off and there'd be a blowhole on the top of his head.

So he needed to constantly put water in there to keep his blowhole wet. Which is so obvious when you watch the film. You go, oh, it must be half dolphin. When you watch Doc, it's amazing because Fruzibalk talks very openly and candidly about the movie and she has great Marlon Brando stories. Marlon Brando just saying to her, who cares what we're saying? This movie is terrible. Just say the lines. Like, no, like, she's like, she wanted to talk about characters, like, I don't care. And poor John Frankenheimer,

who's got this great body of work. Oh, amazing. And a Manchurian candidate, the train, and he's thrown into this disaster. In a movie where Val Kilmer requested to be in 60% less of the movie. And like, he, that was like, he already agreed to it, and then got the sentence, like, I'd like to be in 60% less of the movie. And I mean, that was like, he already agreed to it and then got the sentence like,

I'd like to be in 60% less. And, and my favorite part where you know they've gone to the point of no return is when Val Kilmer starts doing a Marlon Brando imitation. Oh yes. They hated each other so much that it's full of vitriol. He is not so unhappy with him. And he's having sex and doing cocaine with pig women.

Pregnant like pig women. This movie defies everything. It's so worth watching because it is... I love a movie where it's unchecked. I feel like one of my favorite shows on TV right now is Empire, and I think Empire really works, but I think also one of the best things about Empire is you have these actors that are pretty great actors,

but no one's saying no to a choice. They're like, yeah, do that. You wanna hit them with the broom? Hit them with the broom. You wanna put your gay son in a trash can? Do it, go for it. They just push the boundaries of like crazy, and I

Can't get enough of it. It's kind of like I think al Pacino has gone to it got to that point. Oh, yeah Well, you don't tell al Pacino like hey pull back a little there is a great a great article in Entertainment Weekly It was a roundtable article with the cat It was like Kevin Klein Morgan Freeman and somebody three or four Established actors in their 60s and 70s. It's like, Kevin Kline's getting married and they go for like a last bachelor party. I think it's called Last Vegas. Oh, Last Vegas. Michael Douglas, yeah.

And so they did like this round table with them. And there's a discussion point with the interviewers, like, how do you like working with new directors? And immediately you can tell the interview's like, this huge disdain for working with young directors. Like, oh yeah, they can't tell me anything. And Morgan Freeman literally is quoted as saying, the only note you can tell me is faster or slower,

louder or softer. You know, that was accredited at first to Gene Hackman. Oh really? He started saying that. It's so crazy. I didn't know that, that was accredited at first to Gene Hackman. Oh really? He started saying that. It's so crazy. I didn't know that. That's cool. When you get that ballsy to be like, don't give me any direction but louder, softer,

faster or slower. I love stuff like that. To a legendary actor, you can't say that, that sucks. Yeah. You're gonna have to. I worked with Michael. I worked with Michael Bay. I did a thing with him for an award show and he's a fascinating guy because you know Michael Bay is very much like his movies. He's this brash you know kind of you know like when I was doing my bit with him he's

wearing an American flag t-shirt getting out of his car gull-wing doors as his dog is being vacuumed. His dog literally is being vacuumed and he's talking to me. And we had these two directors and they're really fantastic directors, but as a lot of these directors that I work with, they're a little bit more to themselves and quiet. They're not bombastic. And Michael is, I think, very publicly a bombastic kind of director. Like he wants what he wants, he's passionate about it. And these guys gave him a note, like, hey Michael, could you?

He's like, hey man, you gotta get some balls on ya. You gotta come and give me a note. You gotta say, Michael, you suck right now. You gotta bring it, you gotta bring the heat, Michael. You're fucking up, you gotta do it. And he's like, I went up, because the first time I directed a movie, I went up to Sean Connery, and I was like, Sean, you're messing up the scene.

And Sean Connery grabbed me, he's like, thank you, boy. Thank you for giving me this direction. He's like, you know, you gotta just get some balls. You're the director out there. And it was so fun. I loved it. It's like he wanted his own medicine. He's like, yeah, yell at me, tell me it sucked.

And he was so pumped for that. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing Colossal podcast after this. Say hello to Tim's Selex, Tim's everyday value menu. Enjoy the new spinach and feta savory egg pastry or our roasted red pepper and Swiss pinwheel starting at only $2.99 plus tax. Try one or try our full Tim's Deluxe lineup.

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Now here's a movie I'm scared to... Oh, before I go on... Yes. will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. I think Rachel McAdams is that she's about to marry a rich, handsome guy who truly loves her. And that's the bad thing. And then her mother takes her to this construction site to point out the guy that the mother still loves to this day, and you see a construction worker there, and you go, oh yeah, you'd be so much happier with a fucking construction worker than living in this mansion.

It's such a bizarre, like, it really is like, um, trashy romance kind of narrative. It's always like, you know, you be the sweaty guy is the best. But you see that movie 10 years later, the relationship five years later and they're just divorced or miserable. Like in real life, if you saw that like real life connection. It's like I always wanted to do a, I always wanted to do a sequel to movies like that. Like they should have had a sequel to Titanic where the two of them really do.

Yeah, they might even get married and show what their fucking life is now. It was called Revolutionary Road. Oh, yeah! Well, to me, I've always tried to write a sketch like this, and it never really worked out. I couldn't figure out how to crack it. I want the after the end of every James Bond movie. It's like, let's now see the next, you know, like the next now that he's moved in with like,

you know, after he saved the girl and like viewed her kill, like this girl, he's like, this is normal girl from Southern California. Like where does James Bond and her go? Like they always like end like they're kissing, like, oh, now we'll be boyfriend and girlfriend. And then like the next movie forgot her completely. But what I want to see the in-between time of like

James Bond with this person, like it doesn't work out It never is gonna work out Wrap my mind around the idea of you and your alone in your apartment watching the notebook Like I wanted to do a sequel to that I think it's called the married man with Alec Baldwin Nick Nick Nicholas Cage With um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um Yeah, Taylor Leone and the black actor who was in Yeah in Moses Gunn. No, no, no and Charles Dunn. I think it was the family man. The family man. Family man. He was in that George Clooney, Ocean's Eleven.

Oh, Don Cheadle. Don Cheadle. Don Cheadle's like this magic character who shows magic character who shows Nicolas Cage, who's rich, getting laid constantly, and living in a luxury apartment, how much truly happier he would have been had he married Taya Leone. It's a camper ripoff, basically. Yeah, and lived in Jersey and worked in a tire store. But that is, I mean, there was a long time with those movies where it was always the magical, the magical black person who came into someone's life to tell you that you were either living it the right way or the wrong way.

Bagger fans. Yeah, it was like, well, alright, I guess. Like, everyone was like, no, let me tell you. You may think you're happy, but it was such a weird world of film for a while. It's a subgenre, isn't it? The magical black person. I think Dave Chappelle did him a sketch called like magical negro. I think that was his whole thing Well, I mean it's funny just uh, uh bringing up Morgan Freeman

He got into that part of being he is god in every movie. Yes Yeah, yeah, and he's God or the president. Yeah. And by the way, I think if he ran, people would vote for him. You don't know anything. Yeah. Like that's like you just you're like, that's the guy I'm in. I'm into this guy like he there's something about those actors where when you've played authority figures enough, you're like, oh, yeah, they know they know what they're talking about. Yeah, he knows everything. Yeah. And, oh, another movie, this got on my nerves,

and this is a respected film, and that's The Shawshank Redemption. Oh, The Shawshank Redemption, yeah, sure. Because they show the bad guy gets his ass kicked by the warden, and he's in a wheelchair and they say how he just lives on liquid for the rest of his life and then Tim Robbins he fights against getting raped and they say he's beaten within an inch of his

life and then the next scene he looks great and he escapes great Prison he doesn't have a scratch Yeah, you can't really keep no No main actor in any of those movies like they get beaten up with the next scene They always are fine even Denzel Washington in flight when he's like this alcoholic who's like at this last He is like, you know, he's like he's reached the point where he needs help, you know, he needs to go into AA. He still looks pretty badass. I'm like, oh, being an alcoholic seems pretty cool. You don't let their guard down enough to be like, oh, you don't feel like it's a cautionary tale. You're like, I'd like to get that, Dave.

Well, it's another Denzel Washington one that I enjoyed up to a certain point, knowing it's all been done before. And that's Training Day. Oh yeah, I love Training Day. But there's one part where, what's the young guy? Ethan Hawke. Steven Hawke. Oh, yeah, in a wheelchair.

I've seen that one. He's criminal. Ethan Hawke finds this Mexican girl getting raped by two guys. He beats them up, ties them up, and he finds her wallet on the ground. And then when he's about to be shot by these two tough Mexicans, the wallet accidentally falls out of his pocket and it's one of their cousins of the Mexican guy who's going to shoot him. Candy. And I thought, boy, isn't that convenient.

You know, I mean, I feel like you walk into these corners and sometimes you're like, yeah, and the wallet falls out. That always makes me laugh, too. Have you seen the other two versions of Dr. Moreau? Because we've talked about the first one that Legosi did is actually good. It's a great... We've talked about that. We do a little mini movie episode of this now.

We don't trash bad films. We actually recommend hidden treasures. Yeah, I love that. And the guy, I think one of the guys who plays an animal man is, I think his name was Joe Bonomo, whose family was Bonomo Candy. Bonomo Turkish Taffy? Oh, wow.

That's trivia. And there was another bad one with Burt Lancaster in the 70s with Michael York. Yes, I know about that one. I've not seen either one of those. It was interesting, though, because it's, we were talking about this in our podcast, the concept is a little bit like passe now, because I think like it was written, when it was written, it was a lot about like, people were, I forget now, the actual science that they were kind

of hypothesizing this is what it would come to what's an HG Wells story, right? Yeah, and it was but it was written at the time when HG Wells wrote it It was very much a commentary on the science of the time But like people just kept on bringing it up But it like I guess science had gone past where it was it's hard to connect to it I don't even know what they're doing in that Marlon Brando movie I don't know what like they could say is merging but like they're but they're part animal but I don't even know what's happening anymore. In all those movies, even going way back to like The Ape Man with Baila Lugosi, when you

were at a loss to say why you were using animal genes in people, they go, imagine an invincible army. Yeah, the strength of a gorilla but the mind of a man. Yes. Hey everybody, we wanted to take a moment to talk to you about driving with Uber again. Yeah, why again? Well, don't interrupt. with uber again yeah why again well don't interrupt you know I'm trying to do something here please don't interrupt me I'm not talking to you I'm talking to the gene you shouldn't be interrupted yeah yeah just stop it just keep your

mouth shut from now on because it really is a great opportunity to make some legitimate money if you've taken an uber you know how great the experience is and it's the drivers who make the experience great seriously every time I talk to someone who drives with uber they always have great things to say what kind of things I don't know I don't really talk to people who drives with Uber, they always have great things to say. What kind of things? I don't know. I don't really talk to people. I'm a star.

Oh, I forgot that. I don't talk to the average people. You know the thing that's interesting about driving with Uber? They love being their own boss. You have total independence. They earn great money. And it's actually easy to start. You just need a car, which you have, by the by the way and a license which you don't have which I find interesting

Yeah, well a license I could get it said I fall into hallucinations That's the problem yeah, I have flashbacks While I'm trying to drive as the only thing holding me back the thing thing about driving with Uber, Gillan, I don't know if you know this, it's great for anybody who needs flexibility. I mean, if you already have a job and you need to earn some extra money. Like if you want to put your leg behind your head. Yes. Some people, they need some flexibility.

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drive with uber.com. You wanna do the last one? Drive with uber.com. Before we talked about Hercules in New York, which we have to talk about and On an episode of how did this get made and we've Gilbert and I have talked about this movie the awful Schwarzenegger movie with Arnold Stang. Yes. Yes. Yes. What's in New York with our pal James Karen, by the way Oh my god claims a professor. Yeah our show You know James to me is the and I'm probably gonna mess this up, but the path marker... That's the guy. Yes, yes, the path marker.

You should have him on one of your shows. He's out in LA. Oh, he... In 94. He's such a... I mean, he was this fatherly figure because all I did as a kid was watch TV, and those commercials would be on every two seconds. Because you're a local boy. You're from Huntington. Yeah, exactly. So you know the path marker. I think James Caron was one of those people when he was 15, he was playing the father.

Oh yeah, he just had this like energy to him, because that movie is, he doesn't look a day older like from the 1960s. He just kind of, he's like, I'm this old and I will always be this old. It's like reverse Dick Clark disorder. It's like you start old and you never go older. He told a story getting back to white supremacy. Good, finally. That he played a white supremacist in the Jeffersons.

Oh yeah. For a special episode. That's right. Oh, don't you love those special episodes? Yeah, they end without the music. Yeah, exactly. Well, to me, the special episode, one of the special episodes I loved was Different Strokes, where Dudley gets molested by the Maytag repair man, who was from W.K.

Arpien Cincinnati. Oh, Gordon Jump. Yes. And I knew Gordon Jump's daughter, and she said, my dad could never get work after that because Different Strokes was so huge. Holy Christ. That you associated him as a child molester. That's what happened.

James Karen said he was in a lot of trouble. They had to escort him out of the studio. Yeah. With security. People wanted him dead because he was a white supremacist. And then to make things better, they had him pose with George and Wheezy. Oh my god. Where they had their arms around each other.

This is true. And he were smiling. Oh, but you know, because back then, back then you would watch a TV show and 30 million people were watching it. And it was like, there was a disconnect. Like, you are that. Like, why would you think that that person is an actor? You saw this guy, you saw Gordon Jump on KRP today for years with one appearance on different

strokes where he's touching a little boy and you're like, molester. Yes. He was the second Maytag repairman. Yeah, the second Maytag. Jesse White was theues where he's touching a little boy, and you're like, molester. Yes. He was the second Maytag repairman. Yeah, the second Maytag. Jesse White was the, Oh my God, that's right. The Jesse White. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, you know, I think back on special episodes a lot because I think they were very much in vogue during my youth. Differents Drogues had a bunch of them. They had Nancy Reagan come on for the drug use. Oh yeah, right. Sam, the little kid, got kidnapped in one episode and Mr. Drummond had to pay ransom to get him back.

Yeah, I mean, it was dark, dark, dark territory. You know, you had Blossom, you had Saved by the Bell where they're doing speed. Oh, the one where she goes. She's dancing in the bedroom. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited And she was taking caffeine caffeine pills no dose yeah

That stuff like I mean those were so important important to me as a kid cuz they like oh, this is some serious Was it lark Voorhees which one of it? No, that was Elizabeth Berkley, star of Showgirls. Elizabeth Berkley. And then there was one for Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, where Carlton decides he's left with the thought, maybe blacks are being bullied by the police Like they don't know he starts to think about it and then the credits

rolling with without without Yeah, oh man, there's so many of those I those they were I mean that was very much in vogue You never have that anymore. That's not they don't have special episodes They're like a special episode of Parks and Rec, you know Family ties Michael J Fox got addicted to speed to speed was a big thing I'm studying and he's jumping around the house, you know, and and oh my favorite family ties This is a great one bringing it back to Tom Hanks ties. This is a great one, bringing it back to Tom Hanks. Oh, that's right. That's right. The Tom Hanks one.

The alcoholic. Tom Hanks was the uncle who was the alcoholic and he was going into the kitchen cupboard and drinking vanilla extract because there's a little bit of liquor in there and they caught him in the cupboard just downing vanilla extract to get drunk. Oh, in different strokes. There's one where a bad white kid becomes friends with Todd Bridges and they start drinking and driving. And then there's a car accident where Todd Bridges winds up with a tiny little bandaid on his forehead, but they find out that his friend was killed. Oh, yeah, and and he starts, you know Todd bridges Yeah, Academy Award. Yeah, he starts like sobbing and going to mr.

Drummond he goes look at me. I'm crying like a little kid and mr. Drummond goes no you're crying like a man. And then the silence. One of the most avant-garde episodes, again, of Family Ties, was a great episode. Michael J. Fox is dating a girl. I think she'd been on the show for a handful of episodes. She also died in a car accident. Okay? Of course, great recipe for a half hour sitcom, family sitcom, chill out with a girlfriend.

And the whole episode took place in the therapist office, which was a black space where you never saw the therapist. And so the cameras is on Michael J. Fox. And it was like a one-man show of him going I don't have a problem. I don't have a problem. It's fine. It's fine He's like it's fine. And then and then like this therapist like drop some change on the ground. He's like dollar 75 She's like what he's like, that's how much money he's like cuz he could hear the money Culminates in exactly what happened with Todd Bridges

finally gets in touch with himself and he starts crying in the chair and he's like, I am upset. I am upset. And he starts crying weeping credits. And another thing like we were talking about like Hollywood science is that you could be totally stark raving mad, but your analyst goes, oh, your father slapped you and you're totally normal after that. That's it. That was it. You just said the key word. It's the breakthrough.

All you need is that one breakthrough and you're completely normal. They don't really do special episodes anymore. No, it was very much in vogue. Yeah, 70s and 80s Yeah to just kind of we got out we have to teach and as much as entertainment got to teach Well, I think about all in the family I think about the rape episode with Edith and there was I mean, of course that was always an issue show Yeah, yeah But those were handled less small like a small or schmaltzy

Like it was like it was like that was a crazy thing to have a rape episode on the family. But it wasn't so far to go, because it was a show that was already- Pushing those, yeah. Yeah, when Happy Days is suddenly doing a literacy episode. Yeah, it's like, what's happening? Oh, and they had one where I think Urkel.

And- Urkel. No, it's not shocking enough to me that you're watching the notebook. I love that you have family matters. At the end it's either because I think it's because drugs and gangs are taking over the school and at the end Urkel does a song and dance about you know, stay away from drugs and stay in school. Because you were so attached to these characters, they were these they were

more than actors doing a show. They were like these icons. I was like, if Oracle tells you not to do drugs or if Gary Coleman says, don't do drugs, you won't do drugs. Like I don't do drugs because I saw Alex P. Keaton do drugs and I will never do, you know? That was the idea, like if they don't do it, it's not good enough for them, it's not good enough for me.

We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast, but first a word from our sponsor. Some of the other movies you talked about, I mean, I listened to a bunch of episodes. I loved when you guys talked about View to a Kill, which I think was a live episode. It was a live episode with another podcast called the James Bonding podcast,

where there were two James Bond fanatics, this guy Matt Gourley and Matt Myra, and that View to a Kill is- It's so bad. It's so bad. It was my first James Bond movie. So for a long time I thought Roger Moore is the best Bond and then when I found out about Sean Conner, I was like wait

There's another? And but view to a kill Just to refresh your memory. It's Christopher Walken as the bad guy, Grace Jones as the Bond girl Mayday. As Mayday and And it's all taking place about Silicon Valley and it's a little ahead of its time, but it's there's so much That bond up, but that he's so old. He's so old and not spry like he's 67 years old like he's older And he's having like sex with Tonya Roberts who's like more than 30 years his you know

I learned on your podcast that she that he was actually older than Tanya Roberts mother yes yeah that was it so it was so bizarre don't mind that photographer that just came in but yet I viewed a kill is oh it's and the stunt man the other excuse me the other thing embarrassing thing about that one is they don't bother to make an effort to hide to conceal this If you watch it, there's shots that are clearly not Roger Moore No, he's not around for a majority of that movie is just and and I just love the sex scene between him and Grace Jones It's oh like and it's aggressive. It's like a biting sex scene between him and Grace Jones. It's so, and it's aggressive, it's like a biting sex scene. And it's like, wow, wow.

And Christopher Walken is great in it. Like it's a very bizarre, it's such a bizarre movie. It's a real- Max Zoran. Max Zoran and his plan to flood Silicon Valley. I think he said flood Silicon Valley. So they could raise the price of microchips. Like, you know, it's like-

Octopussy's not much better. No, Octopussy's just a... a smidge better. Where he, Octopussy, infiltrates a compound by being inside an alligator, like a robotic alligator, and the mouth opens, he's like... Climbing out. But Gilbert wants to take issue with you because he likes one of the films that you... Okay, which one? Oh, I like Devil's Advocate.

Oh, I, you know what? I think devil's advocate is Very fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think and that's what we talk about in the show, too There are movies that we can enjoy Like I like fast and furious I love but we can also talk about how crazy it is. Yeah to me That's the perfect Pacino right? But now he's not so unhinged, but he's enough unhinged. You know, he's like, he's yelling, just enough, Keanu Reeves is coming in kind of hot,

like off of that, in that Matrix era. Like it's, it's like the perfect storm of everyone doing what they do to the best of their ability. And it's a crazy movie, I mean. Oh, and I remember, oh, and one of my favorite lines there is Charlize Theron is the first one to start going crazy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because she's witnessing all this. And she says she was left alone at the party and all these weird things that were happening. And he starts saying to her, well, you know, you were alone and you had some wine. And she goes, you want the wine, Kevin? Do you know his special talent, by the way, speaking of movies?

No. He can remember taglines from movie posters from the 70s. And we're talking about obscure movies. Like what was the one you pulled out? That horror movie, the by axe by pick. Oh, by axe by pick by knife by bye. What was the movie? I think it might have been called The Executioner. The Executioner.

Oh, wow. And in the Jamie Lee Curtis, Terror Train. Do you know this one? Terror in the Jamie Lee Curtis Territory, you know this one was terrible with Jamie Lee Curtis the boys and girls of Sigma Phi some will live some will die these are 40 year old movies and he remembers that they were out a week But you get the ad they're stuck in my head to get those as well. Did you ever see sleepaway camp? It's like a Friday the 13th knockoff. It's one of the most bizarre films and I highly recommend you watch it.

It's, I don't think I have seen a movie this bizarre. I will not spoil the end. The ending is one of the most psycho level, shocking psycho as Alfred Hitchcock's psycho. Like you're like, wait like wait wait wait what yeah? And it's so on It's so politically incorrect. It's so so crazy In every every way sleepaway camp. I don't I would love you guys to sleep away camp. Okay Gilbert write it down

Yeah, sleepaway camp is something that I think you definitely it is a real. It's a real horror movie. That is. Oh, yeah Wow, I can't I want to talk about I want you to enjoy because I didn't know anything about it And it's one of my favorite things that ever seen now now one of the movies you picked that of no surprise to anybody Anyone who went to this movie saying gee, it it's a bad movie, should be shot. And that's Battlefield Earth. I saw Battlefield Earth at a premiere. You're a brave man. Oh, God!

Premiere. Oh, I envy you. And it was, my girlfriend at the time, she was like an entertainment reporter, and she's like, we got this ticket to go see this movie. And we went in, sitting in the balcony, watching this movie that is... And at that point too, I think Scientology now is much more discussed.

At that point, you knew, I remember seeing commercials for Dianetics and you would see the Dianetics. And I never knew what Dianetics was, but I saw these commercials and you know and you would see like the Dianetics I never knew what Dianetics was but I saw these commercials and and and you just didn't know and you knew Elrond Hubbard But it was a little everything was under the surface, you know Like and then this was like and I was like this is a people like that's what Scientology is that that? Battlefield there this sounds like Barry Pepper and dreadlocks Yeah, and it's like calling people like you you rat brains you rat brains

It's like the worst the end is like the worst knockoff of Star Wars You know John Travolta in dreads with a forest Whitaker, right? You know, they're all in like in in these heels these like chunky heels So they're like eight feet tall and they're both like a feminine. Yes, you know Super genius. Yeah. Oh, we must capture these So they're like eight feet tall. And they're both like a feminine, you know, super geniuses. We must capture these earthlings. But it was at the time though, where again like Travolta had his comeback and to me, I went in going, oh, this will be great.

Like it's a sci-fi movie. I didn't know much about it. I mean, maybe I was super naive to it, but I went in like going like and I remember my jaw just dropping lower, lower, lower. I think it did hit the floor. I'm because I'm like, wait, what is going on here? It's so bizarre. And didn't they, the people have removable arms? Wasn't that part of it that you can unscrew their arms? There was some very bizarre, so many bizarre things.

I think the arms were detachable. There was something like that. I know there was something. Speaking of movies, Paul, tell us about one you were in with one of our podcasts guest, Gary Busey. Oh yes. Put the Immortal Piranha 3D.d well to correct you. Oh, it was piranha 3 Double D. Oh you were I was in both. Oh, yes say I was in piranha 3d your IMDB pages is deceptive Well, yeah, so I was in piranha 3d and piranha 3 double D sequel to piranha 3d

and Piranha 3, double D. The sequel to Piranha 3D. And Gary Busey was in the, he was the opening kill in the second one. So the first movie, I actually quite enjoy. It's totally fun. Like the director made Piranha 3D and he played right into everything that you want. Like bloody, gory, and it has a great cast. It's Elizabeth Shue and Ving Rhames and Adam Scott

and Joe O'Connell and myself. And it was a really fun, fun thing. The movie made a lot of money. They said, let's make a sequel, but let's not bring back any of the original writers, directors or anything. We'll just kind of do it very quick. And they brought back me and Ving Rhames. Now, my character was killed off in the first movie, but they didn't have enough money to finish the CGI, so my character in the first movie disappears. Like, scene, scene, scene, scene, scene, gone.

No, no death scene, no hearing from me. Like, I just ceased to exist. And so, and Ving Rhames goes into the water in the first movie with a, um, like, the end of a boat, like, the boat motor, and he's like, ah, and then he is getting eaten alive. He's like, ah, and as he's getting eaten alive, it's almost like he's in quicksand, he lowers down. So you think he's dead, too.

So I guess whoever's behind the second movie is like, well, I guess what we didn't see Paul die. And we really didn't see Ving die. I always thought his legs get eaten. So guess who shows up to the water park because that's where the Prana attack in the second movie in a water park. Me and Ving Rhames, we are buddies. No, we were not connected in any way in the first movie. I guess we met in a piranha attack support group. I am unscathed 100%. Ving has no legs and he's in a wheelchair. And Ving and I, in the whole, our whole plotline, which we shot in one day, shot like 12 pages in one day was Ving was afraid to go in the water. And I'm like his counselor. I'm like, Ving, you need to get in the water. You got to get over this fear. And he finally gets in the water and that's when the piranha

attack at the water park. But luckily Ving Raines has outfitted himself with a shotgun leg. So he's like, give me my shotgun. He puts it into his arm and he starts firing shotgun bullets out of his leg to kill piranha and and it was the most insane day ever because I got to hang out with Ving Ram's who is Everything you want being rams to be also I read you you praised his commitment to the to the well Yes, talking about an actor before you're talking about an actor committing to nonsense then Ving Ving had to Ving really want it had a lot of input on how his character wanted to be. And for me, who he liked, he liked me.

And you want to talk about an actor who's like, doesn't take anything from a director. Ving is one of those guys. So I get into the scene with Ving, and he is, I'm like, I'm not going to use my legs. I'm not going to walk in this scene. And I'm like, okay. And so I had to lift Ving not going to walk in this scene. And I'm like, okay. And so I had to lift Ving Rhames, who's a big man out of a wheelchair, because he's like, I don't have the use of my legs.

I was like, okay. And so I'm like holding this man and he's dead weight in my arms. So there's a scene in this movie where I am struggling to carry all the dead weight of Ving Rhames. I mean, if you tried to carry me as dead weight, I'd be heavy. Ving Rhames is a muscular guy.

So it was one of the most fun days ever because he's hilarious. But carrying him back, oh my gosh. Yeah, he committed to that affliction quite well. Now another movie here that got me angry. Yeah watching it and that was the Matthew Broderick Godzilla Oh God Godzilla my gosh Godzilla another movie. I went in with high hopes. I can get lured in by any trailer I yeah, you cut a good trailer

I am ready to go and I will be fooled fool me a million times I think that sequel will be great even though I hated the first one I go back I go back Godzilla was just bad. It was a bad and how can you mess that up? It's a dinosaur attacking you keep trying they keep rebooting guns. Oh, and it's so easy just dinosaur and it Zilla there had a goofy underbite. Yeah, and he was not, well look, you're gonna make Godzilla and the one thing that everyone knows about Godzilla

is how Godzilla looks. And you take Godzilla and you don't make him look like Godzilla. Yeah. I remember, I was in New York at that time and it was like, now you see him. Like it was a big, what does he look like? Because all the ads were like,

this is the size of his foot. Oh yeah. This is the size of his tail. This is the thing. That's his eye. That's his. And then, but they never showed it to you. Then when they finally revealed it, it was like, Ooh, that's Godzilla. And they were doing that thing when they're scared of their special effects are shitty that every scene where he's attacking it's at night and pouring rain. Yeah, because they couldn't, they had to hide the whole movie.

Whenever they hide, yeah, I mean there were so many of those movies back in the early or I guess the late 90s where everything was in the dark. Oh yes. Even Jurassic Park, which is an amazing film and technologically advanced, everything's in the dark in there too. It's like rain, rain, rain. And you were fired from an Eddie Murphy movie or you were recast?

Well, I did this movie. Gilbert's old buddy? I did this movie, Meet Dave. And Meet Dave was a film. Oh, is he like a robot? Yes, he was an alien from another planet, but on the other planet, he's about maybe six inches tall.

You know, and so his alien race sends him to planet Earth as a robot ship that looks like Eddie Murphy. So the ship is a six foot tall Eddie Murphy. So but there's a little Eddie Murphy inside the brain controlling it. So does that make sense? Eddie Murphy is a spaceship with a little Eddie Murphy inside controlling it. So I was the role of Lieutenant Buttocks and I worked in the butt and my lines were lines like this, sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent, but not deadly. Like that kind of stuff, right? So I get the set the first day, you know,

I'm working on the movie, first and only day. And I talk to the director and we're on a green screen. And I go to the director, I go, okay, so what am I looking at? It's like day 50 or 60, I'm like, what am I looking at? Because it's just green, there's nothing there. And nothing there and he goes I don't know man it's a spaceship and I go oh alright and so you know and I think it was one of my first movies and and I go you know so we get in there and action sir we had a gas

leak it was silent but not deadly ah cut cut what are you doing man what are you doing I'm like I don't know he's man? What are you doing? I'm like, oh, I don't know. He's like, you play with the controls. And I'm like, what controls? You have a control panel in front of you, and then there's a screen right over here, so you gotta talk to the screen. I'm like, that's why I just asked you.

And he was like, all right, so, you know, so now I was like, sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent but not deadly. He's like, more military. I was like, sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent but not deadly. He's like, more angry. I was like, sir, we had a gas leak. It was silent but not deadly deadly. He's like, more angry. I was like, sir, we had a gas leak.

It was silent, not deadly. How can I mess up that line? I'm not even interacting with a person. And I'm watching this director from across the way. And you know when you're messing up, for me, when I mess up, I get sweats all throughout my body. My body, every part of me is just, boof, like sweats. I'm like, and Robert Brooks.

And Rod Blasco had a flop sweat. So I feel it, and I'm like, what am I doing wrong? I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong because it's Sir Atagasic with Silent Deadly. Like, I, how are you messing up? I'm saying it, you know? And I'm giving it to him in a million different ways. And so cut, cut.

And the assistant director comes over to me. He's like, hey, we have some camera issues. We're gonna send you back to your trailer for a second. Is that okay? And I'm like, and in to me, he's like, hey, we have some camera issues. We're going to send you back to your trailer for a second. Is that OK? And I'm like, and in my mind, I'm like, oh, I know you don't have camera issues. I've worked on enough that I know that there's no camera issues.

So I go back to my trailer. I'm waiting there. And I'm like freaked out. I call my wife. And I'm like, honey, I don't know. And she's like, don't worry. It's fine. All of a sudden, knock, knock, knock.

And I open the door. And this is a producer. Now, I'm in, for those of you who don know there's there's a couple types of trailers in Hollywood There's the trailer where it's a giant trailer. It's your own trailer I've never had one of those then there's another trailer where it's two It's put in two a big trailer one side for one person one side the further person Then there's another type of trailer where it's put into threes So it's like three people in one big trailer. And then there's something called the honey wagon.

The honey wagon is like eight rooms in one trailer. So you basically have the narrowest hallway with a toilet on one side and a door on the other. And there's probably four feet separating the door and the toilet, and there's not much room. It's like, knock, knock, knock. The producer's like, can I come in? And I'm like, sure.

And now from him entering and where I'm standing, if I'm not gonna be in hugging range of him, I'm literally standing over a toilet. So now we're having a meeting where I'm standing over a toilet and he's talking to me and he goes, ah, look, man, this is the hardest part of the job. We're gonna have to recast you.

And I go, oh, and he goes, yeah, it's not your fault. We're just gonna recast you. And I go, oh, okay, and he goes, can I have your smock? Cause I'm wearing a smock that has a little picture of a buttocks on it. And I go, sure, sure, and I give him my smock. And he goes, we're gonna have the video playback guy play your part.

I'm like, what? And he goes, yeah're going to have the video playback guy play your part. I'm like, what? And he goes, yeah, the video playback guy. We're going to have him play your part. So I go, OK, I'm crushed. I'm absolutely crushed. And I start to leave, and the base camp AD comes over and goes, hey, look, we talked to the director. And he said, if you want to stay and be an extra today,

that would be good, because then you'll get residuals for being an extra in the movie. I go no I don't think I'm gonna do that I think I'm just gonna go home I don't need to be an extra I've just been humiliated I don't need to to kind of be here and eat shit and so I'm walking out and walking back to my car and then this other guy comes over oh hey hey man where you going where you you going? And I go, I was just fired from this movie. And he goes, fired? You weren't fired, man, you're hilarious. We're writing you a new part right now. And I go, what? He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come with me, come with me. We go back into my trailer. So now three people come into

my trailer. Again, it's four feet long. We're all like cramped in there. There's a guy with a laptop. He goes, okay, all right, we're going to write feet long. We're all like cramped in there. There's a guy with a laptop. He goes, okay, all right, we're gonna write you something. We're gonna write you something. You are now Lieutenant Necap. Okay, yeah, yeah, you're Lieutenant Necap. And okay, how about this? You like hot dogs.

Okay, we're gonna write this in. This is great, this is gonna be great. They put me in the movie. I am in the final scene that they were shooting a little bit later in the day. And they put this giant hot dog in my lap. This like four foot tall hot dog and they give me a bunch of beef jerky and they're eat this and at a certain point in the scene pull back the hot dog and go sure beats protein squares and so I'm holding this

hot dog in front of me and pull it back sure beats protein squares great loved it and then and the director comes up to me he's like hey man I'm so sorry about and pull it back. Sure beats protein squares. Great. Loved it. And then the director comes up to me, he's like, hey, man, I'm so sorry about before when we had to recast your part. I thought you were fat guy. Yeah, I looked at your headshot when we were casting you. I just thought you were fat.

I didn't realize you were fat. You weren't fat, so my video playback guy's pretty fat, and I thought it'd be funny, like, because he's got big fat ass, like, if he was Lieutenant Buttocks. So, you know, because it's funny if you're fat and you're in the fucking butt, and I'm like, oh, like cuz he's got big fat ass like if he was lieutenant buttocks so you know cuz it's funny if you're fat and you're in the fucking butt and I'm like oh yeah yeah you this is gonna be great and then you see the movie and I'm not in it because the only thing you see is

in the last scene where I'm sure beats protein squares is this a guy sitting there with a giant hot dog in his lap but it's always covering my face so that is my meat but Eddie was good to you because he was a hero. Eddie Murphy is a hero to me. I love Eddie Murphy. And when he was on set, he sat down with us. It was Kevin Hart was in that movie. And Ed Helms and Judith Friedlander.

It was a great cast. And Eddie, for hanging out with Eddie Murphy for that hour and a half, everybody was like, oh, don't look Eddie in the eye. Don't, the Eddie doesn't come to set, Eddie, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, he couldn't have been the better, nicer, funnier guy. And, and I also worked with Eddie on Beverly Hills Cop too. And, and I, I, he's, yeah, he's a great guy

and very talented. And boy, if you want to talk about horrible choices of movies. But Eddie Murphy to me is one of the most talented guys out there. And I think, unfortunately, he gets caught in this, who knows? I'm going to be my own therapist for Eddie Murphy, but I think that he chases the paycheck too much. Because when he does stuff like Showgirls or when he does something that is a little bit... Oh dream girls. Sorry, dream girls. Yeah. Like a little less

mainstream or he's so talented. Yes. He just I think sometimes gets caught in these you know these movies that are a little cookie cutter you know. Which gets us to a thousand words. Oh, I've heard about this movie. Yeah Where he's given a plant and every time He he's only allowed a thousand words left. Yes, and he every time he says a word a leaf yes falls from the plant and there are moments of like utter stupid comedy mixed with like oh we're doing a great foreign film. They're telling us you got other stuff to do

Paul and places to go but for you it was so much we could have covered and I hope you come back and do it and we'll talk about you the giant and the league and we did all the research so we'll come back one time. Please do and we'll talk about you, the giant and the league. And we didn't get to any of that. You did all the research, so we'll come back one time. We'll do it. Please do. So tell us about Crash Test. Oh, yeah. So Crash Test is...

Which is what you came here to plug. Well, yes, but it's fine. I had a great time talking about movies. You know, I came out of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, which is a comedy theater in New York and LA. And I do this show, Crash Test, with my buddy Rob Hubel. And we always joked about taking that show and putting it on a bus.

It was always a joke. Like, we're going to take the show and put it on a bus. And we found a bus that is completely made out of glass. And we made the stage Los Angeles. And we basically drove around LA and bumped into all of our friends, like Aziz Ansari and Aubrey Plaza, Rob Cordray, Earl Sweatshirt, Tom Lennon and Ben Garant. So we basically do like a live comedy variety show

on this bus and we are releasing it ourselves on this Vimeo platform for 399. And it's this kind of improvised comedy special because I'm not a standup. So I do more of these like quote unquote, bit shows where there's characters and interactions. So we did what I thought is the closest thing to the shows that I've been doing at UCB for the last 10 years. And when is this going to be available? It's available right now. Available right now.

You can go to crashtestshow.com or you can go to Vimeo.com and it's 3.99 and I think we pack a lot of punch there for three bucks. And you definitely have to come back because there's nothing I enjoy talking about more than movies I hate. I'll come back. We'll be back in October. I'll come back. So much to cover. And like I said, we didn't get into Human Giant or The League or Arsenio reenactments.

It's a two-parter. It's a two-parter. We'll do it all. It It's a very special episode. I love Guru. Oh, but I should say in Jurassic Park they do have one great scene when they first see the dinosaurs that's broad daylight. Oh yeah, that's a beautiful scene. That's the magic moment.

Yeah. And wasn't the actress named Saffron Burroughs? That's it. Oh my God, yes. Just popped into my head. That's the magic moment. Yeah. And wasn't the actress named Saffron Burroughs? That's it. And she's blue-seeing. Oh my God, yes. Just popped into my head. And then Saffron Burroughs, I purposely got a copy of this film. It was one of those art films where she's like basically naked in her apartment the

whole time. I like that you found that. That's the Gilbert I know. Not watching the notebook in different strokes. Well it was great talking to you guys. Thank you Paul. Thank you so much. We found that that's the Gilbert I know Different strokes Well, it was great talking to you guys. Thank you so much And yeah, thank you for you take requests for that show cuz Gilbert and I would like to would like to submit some bad You guys ever come out to LA. Let's come come on the show. Okay, and we'll do one of your picks the swarm Oh, okay, the swarm. All right, Michael Caine. All right, we've seen it. Oh, oh, yes. Give it a look

Okay, the swarm. I love that Joe's movie look. Okay. The Swarm. I love it. Oh and that Jaws movie, Michael Caine. We did that one. We did that one. We did it. We did it. Great, great, great. The Swarm for sure. Well guys, thank you so, so much. And thank you Paul Scheer. Thanks Paul. Thank you. Bye guys.