Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Classic: Paul Shaffer

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

To mark the 40th anniversary of the pop/dance hit "It's Raining Men," (September 10, 1982) GGACP revisits this interview from 2014 with the song's co-writer -- musician, conductor and comedian (and friend of the podcast) Paul Shaffer. In this episode, Paul discusses being influenced by the musical and comedy acts he grew up watching on “The Ed Sullivan Show,” so it was only fitting that we interviewed him in the “Ed Sullivan Room” of the famed New York Friars Club. Also, Paul recalls working with icons James Brown, John Belushi, Sammy Davis, Jr., Jerry Lewis, Brian Wilson AND the infamous Phil Spector. PLUS: Lou Jacobi! Rickie Layne and Velvel! Paul shares the screen with Mickey Rooney! And Gilbert and Paul reveal their obsession with a Cindy Crawford-Valerie Bertinelli infomercial! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Only $4 on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. at A&W's in Ontario. TV comics, movie stars, hit singles and some toys. Trivia and dirty jokes An evening with the boys Once is never good enough For something so fantastic So here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks

Here's another Gilbert and Franks Colossal classic Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried from Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. Now, most of us know Paul Schaeffer as the musical director of The David Letterman Show, which he's been doing for, I think, a thousand years now. He's been doing for, I think, a thousand years now. But did you know that every year he's the director and producer at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies? Did you know that he helped create the Blues Brothers with John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd? And he was the musical director of the House Band for Saturday Night Live for several years. And he was the musical director of Godspell.

He has worked with everybody in show business over the years. Sammy Davis Jr., Jerry Lewis, Bob Dylan, you name it, he's worked with them. You realize why David Letterman hired him and kept him all these years. He's fast, he's funny, he's witty, and best of all, he's a friend of mine and he's here now, Paul Schaefer. Here now, Paul Schaefer. It's Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and a special guest we have on the show today,

a friend of mine and a very talented performer, Mr. Paul Schaefer. Thank you so much, Gilbert, for that marvelous introduction. And Frank Santopadre. Yes. How did you get him? Yeah. There was a lot of begging involved. Yeah, well, this is going to be a good...

You guys are an easy crowd. Easy audience. Okay. Now, of course, my interviewing skills are to just turn it to me. Okay. As best as possible. All right. So let's talk about the first time I did the Letterman.

First time you did the Letterman show. Well, you know, a lot of guys are nervous when they do the show. And they can't wait to get on. And they jump their cues and everything. They don't wait for laughs. They're not relaxed. You were the opposite. I usually give the comics a choice of what music they want.

Because I figure they have to come out and work and do their act, you know. And so they should have the music they want. Everybody else, I decide the music. But for the comics, I say, what do you want? And I asked you that question, what music do you want when you come out? And you said, well, I was thinking about the theme song from Thick of the Night. I said, well, I love that. You were on Thick of the Night.

You were a member of the rep company. Yes, with Richard Belcher. With our mutual friend Richard Belcher. And there was, of course, several weeks running. There was a running gag, if you will. You were up in the rafters. Yeah, in the kitbook. You refused to come down.

Gilbert won't come down. He's in the kitbook. He won't come down. That's when they tried retooling. And they tried retooling that show every week yes and so i finally came up with this idea you're the guy who lives in the catwalk i see he won't come down no so i i i we we decided then on my theme music from thick of of the Night and my season of Saturday Night Live, my two biggest failures.

Well, I thought that that would be funny, since Thick of the Night had flop. Once you came down, they were off the air. And then the same, you did one season of Saturday Night, and that was a terrible flop, too. Yes. Was it even an entire season? You said, so why not a medley of both of those songs, my two big flops, for when I come out? I said, well, you know, you only got like six minutes.

If I do a medley, it's like you're going to be out there and I'll just be going into the second song. You said, well, I'll just wait. And you did. You came out and just very patiently waited until I did the entire medley of your two flops in a row. And then you, how's everybody doing tonight? You went on. And I've never, you know, respected a man more than I did you that evening.

Did people really know the Thick of the Night theme? I don't think anybody knew either. I don't think Alan Thicke knew it. No, he didn't, although he wrote it. Running in the Thick of the Night. You want to do a duet? Yeah. Mama don't leave the light on.

I'm on the road tonight. And we do a dueling Canadian accent. And then there was the bridge. Everyone needs a dream to hold on. I'm gonna make it on my own. Running in the thick of the night.

What did that have to do with a talk show, though? Yeah. Everyone needs a dream to hold on to. So I guess his dream was this talk show. Getting a talk show. Well, I suppose so. But I think he just subscribes to the tenant, the songwriting tenant.

When you're stuck, just go into everyone needs a dream. It's the American Idol way of songwriting. Follow your dreams. He was way ahead of his time, really, because now they're all about follow your dreams. He was into it back in the 80s. He was a renaissance man. He could do everything. He could.

And Friday night, as you remember, party night. Oh, yeah. That's when he would roll the sleeves up of his jacket. Yes. Yeah. And that's when you know it's party night. When a guy will roll the sleeves up of his jacket. I'm not talking about his shirt sleeve.

The actual jacket sleeves would go up, you know. Serious. Yeah. Yeah. That's how you know. You're a party animal. Yeah. It's party night.

Yeah. So that was the first time that you did Letterman. Yes. I played that music. I don't know when it was that we first met, though. Yeah. I think that's the first time we actually had a real out-and-out conversation. Well, and this is the second.

Yes. This is the second time right here. It's going very well. Yeah, I think so, too. Thank you, George Fenn second. Yes. It's going very well. Yeah, I think so, too. Thank you, George Fenneman. Nice to have George Fenneman on. You flatter me, Paul. Thank you.

Well, you're a lovely couple, and now it's time to play you by July. Yeah. Stay warm. That's what Charlie Chaplin told him. Told Groucho? Yes. Stay warm yes stay warm yes well he was right you know when you get older it's harder and harder to stay warm that's why that's the greeting for elderly people perfect yeah now i'll just just hit you with a bunch of things.

Let me have these things, and I'm going to give you the first thing that comes to mind. Go for it, Gilbert. Okay, Ed Sullivan. Well, you know, the greatest variety show ever in the history of television, and a show which all of us of a certain vintage, you and I included, and I don't know about Frank Santopadre. He's half our age, Frank Santopadre. That's a slight.

But you heard, did you ever hear about a thing, the Ed Sullivan show? Very familiar with it, Paul. Uh-huh. Yeah. It was big in my household, I'll tell you that, up in Canada. And it's a good thing, too, because Ed, week after week, now, if I were the owner of the United States and Canada, and it's a good thing, too, because Ed, week after week, he was, well, if I were to go to the United States and Canada, he would

always take care of us people up in Canada. Yeah, those of you up in Canada, because it was a syndication deal up there. He wanted to keep running up there, too. So, like every family, my family was in front of the television set at 8 p.m. sharp and watched

the Ed Sullivan show. And, of course, was in front of the television set at 8 p.m. sharp and watched the Ed Sullivan show. And, of course, for us kids, we had the latest British Invasion Act or before that, Bo Diddley. Remember that thing? Did you ever see it on YouTube?

Ed Sullivan introduces Bo Diddley. And it's absolutely for real. Now, up in Ed Schifrin's Apollo Theater, the people have been going mad for this next gentleman who plays the kind of music which you call rhythm and color. Rhythm and blues. He couldn't think of rhythm and blues. He said rhythm and color.

Swear to God. But it was another time. And he had all those acts that he, well, Topo Gigio. Of the little Italian mouse that he brought over. And do you know who wrote the Topo Gigio sketches? No. Miss Joan Rivers, ladies and gentlemen. Really?

Wow. One of the ways she started out, at least if you believe her. In an interview she gave just a little while ago, I wrote the Topo Gigio sketches for Sullivan. So she had a, yeah, can you imagine? Speaking of Sullivan,

Paul, tell Gilbert a little bit about, Rick, we were discussing it before you got here, Ricky Lane and Velvel. Yes, well, you saw everybody from the Animals and the Dave Clark Five to Tessie O'Shea, the marvelous Irish

Music Hall Act that he brought over. Our mutual friend Tom Leopold always talks about the chimps. Bobby Baranzini's chimps, yeah, we would see them. And then, who was it? Oh yes, Ricky Lane and Velvo. The Yiddish comic, Yiddish Ventolaquist.

And the dummy was Yiddish, Velvo. Yiddish thing. You remember this, don't you, Gilbert? Ricky Lane and Velvo. Well, it happens that, and I would have been about 12 years old, 11 years old maybe at the time. Sullivan was the biggest, the United States and Canada. And Ricky Lane went on a Canadian tour selling Israeli bonds. Okay?

israeli bonds okay and he was going to come to thunder bay ontario the israeli bond drive this year starring ricky lane and velva well the whole town was up in arms everyone was so excited kids adults alike jews and goyim alike because he ricky lane the sullivan show was so big that Ricky Lane and Velvel were above, you know, they blasted off right into ecumenicism. They had to, even though it was, you know, they knew they were probably only going to sell Israeli bonds to the Jews. Nonetheless, this evening had to be opened up to Jews and goyim alike. The mayor was going to come, the Gentile mayor and everybody, the whole community was going to come. Now, it was an Orthodox synagogue where they were going to appear. So the food all had to be glot kosher. And that means they had to bring this food in from Winnipeg, Manitoba,

because there wasn't exactly a glot kosher butcher in Thunder Bay. There may have been at one time, but not at this time. So the food was being brought in from Winnipeg. Thunder Bay. There may have been at one time, but not at this time. So the food was being brought in from Winnipeg. And my parents feeling a little bit uncomfortable about their Gentile friends coming and having to eat kosher food and stuff. But they were keeping a stiff upper lip because it was all the most she-she of Goyim were going to come to this thing. And everybody was a little uptight. So comes the big evening, and it's huge,

and a rabbi starts out selling bonds, and once they get the business out of the way, then they're going to move into the entertainment. The rabbi gives his pitch, selling bonds and how much Israel needs the money, but it must have been a hard year because nobody's buying. And he says, you know, who's going to buy the first bond?

Nobody put up their hand. Nobody is going to buy an Israeli bond. And the rabbi starts to flip out. And he loses his temper. And he starts yelling at the congregation. You people, you don't know, you know, what a state of Israel and what it would be like and you people. And he's just, he's red in the face and he screams his guts out. And now ladies and gentlemen, Ricky Lane and Velva.

Ricky's got to follow that. And I remember so clearly seeing him down on his knees with his, his suitcase open because the dummy is in a suitcase and he's sticking his hands down on his knees with his suitcase open, because the dummy is in a suitcase. And he's sticking his hand, he's down on his knees, sticking his hand up, the you-know-what of the dummy, getting ready for his act. And meanwhile, he's saying, Rabbi, wow, this is what I've got to follow?

Wow, I mean, no, really. I mean, Rabbi, don't feel too bad about it. I mean, wow, I've got to do comedy after that? Wow, I just... Don't worry, Rabbi, we. I mean, Rabbi, don't feel too bad about it. I mean, wow, I got to do comedy after that? Wow, I just... Don't worry, Rabbi, we'll talk to the people, and I'm sure that we will. Wow, you know. That was his intro.

I never forgot it. And now another person we're both fascinated by. Yes. Jerry Lewis. Yeah. Well, I watched that telethon faithfully. 1976, of course, the greatest year, the year that Frank Sinatra brought Dean on as a surprise for Jerry.

Oh, yeah. Who will ever forget it, right? Jerry didn't like it. I don't think he liked it initially. He was caught off guard. Caught off guard. He doesn't really like surprises on his own show anyway. But, boy, he had

to. Frank Sinatra, you are the kind of human being that would bring on a man's enemy on his own show and surprise him. The kind of man that you are. I'll get you for this. And he gave him what we used to call the Vegas fist. Just pretending. I'll get you.

I'll get you for this. You know, a fist that doesn't really mean anything. It seemed like Dean Martin was uncomfortable, too. Well, he... Oh. I'm sorry. I hate when that happens. You think Dean was uncomfortable? What made you think so? Yeah. I'm sorry. I hate when that happens. You think Dean was uncomfortable with me?

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. He looked like he wasn't sure what he was doing. I don't know if he knew where he was. I don't think he was sure where he was. By the way, I want to reschedule this when we can be face-to-face. That's another show

That's a reference to another show The audience hears the other show Then they'll know what I meant Then they'll understand what I meant by that Shecky Green agreed to do my podcast And he goes on He goes, we're going to have to talk face to face And he walked off

It was a six minute podcast Yeah Well, some pods are bigger than others that's all now that oh the chevy i was at this i don't think i i roasted him but i was there uh at the chevy chase i yeah i was on the dais of the chevy chase roast the infamous chevy chase why didn't you roast him? I don't know. I always like, if I could be there, I've asked him a few times at these roasts, can I just sit on the dais and not, I won't have any pressure.

I can eat and just sit there and have my name yelled out. So you really go for the free lunch. Yes. Does that surprise you, Paul? I've gone in the other direction. After I did my last roast, I was never asked again, well, you can sit on the dais, but just don't open your mouth. And I say, you know what, maybe not, but now I know I'll give my space to you.

Yes. Because you want the free lunch. They would never ask me anymore to speak. You want the free lunch. They would never ask me anymore to speak. Not after that Chevy Chase thing, which was, well, let's put it this way. When you open up, as I did, I was the roast master, and I opened up with a song, which I think characterized the situation with the whole evening.

The song was called We Couldn't Get Anybody Good. Because it was mainly people on the dance that he didn't know. It was young comedians, right? Yeah, young comedians. Yeah, young comedians who took advantage. None of them knew him, but they all took advantage of the opportunity to really trash him. Not necessarily for laughs either, which i understand is what you do in a row you trash the people ideally there's some everyone loves each other so much that you know you can say anything about the gun this they didn't know him so they felt they could say

anything about him and it really was a sort of a massacre uh you remember oh. Oh, yeah. And then there was that long speech at the end when Chevy finally gets up. Well, he didn't know. First of all, he was taking notes all through. Yes, I remember. Yeah, taking notes. And we thought when he finally gets up at the end, he is going to put everybody away. It looked that way. In his rebuttal, yeah. He had a smirk on his face, and he would take notes, and I thought, oh, he's going to explode when he goes in.

Yeah, and he had one. He did open strong. He said, I would thank all the comics, but I don't see a fucking one, honestly. Everyone enjoyed that, and after that,

when he turned to Al Franken, and instead of saying, Al, you were hilarious, he said, Jesus, Al. Wow. I know. You're not really going to get a laugh with a Jesus, Al. Wow. Otherwise, though, he acquitted himself very nicely.

I think he was a little shaken by it, though. And that was the last time I ever got to participate in a roast at the Firestorm. Now, you also knew, oh, Brian Wilson. Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys? Yes. Yeah. Brian is a genius. He had a rough upbringing.

I don't think he makes a secret out of it. He took his share of psychedelic drugs and such. And whatever it was, you know, genius as he is, it left him talking a little bit like a Bill Murray character. You remember Bill Murray's character, the honker? Yes. Well, that's the way Brian talks. And I think it's just a defense mechanism.

Whatever it is, I was... Brian helped me with an album that I made in 1989. He and I collaborated on one cut on the album. And I was supposed to move in that weekend with uh my wife kathy and i she we weren't married at the time but we were about to move in together finally get a place together and she we were going to move in together but i said honey i gotta go to the coast and and work with brian wilson and she says have a heart you know How can you do that? But as you know, when you got to go, you got to go. So now I am on the West Coast with Brian, and we're in the studio.

And the more we work on it, the worse the song is getting. Sometimes that happens. You can overwork a thing. And that's what was happening to us. It was getting worse and worse. And then Kathy calls up to the studio. I'm in the new apartment, honey. And the whole building is shaking.

It's a windstorm, and the building is oscillating and trembling and shaking from side to side. And I'm in the, you know, I'm trying to do a song with Brian Wilson, and she's 3,000 miles away, and I don't know what to do, because the song I'm working on is getting worse

and worse. So I look around and I'm, what am I going to say? And I guess the perverse side of my personality took over, and I said, Brian, Kathy is in a new apartment all by herself, and the building is shaking. Can you see if you can? And I passed the phone over to Brian Wilson. I just, I can't, I don't know what's going to happen, you know.

But that's how perverse I am. And he takes the phone, and he says, hey, Kathy, you know these tall happen, you know. But that's how perverse I am. And he takes the phone and he says, hey, Kathy, you know these tall buildings, you know anything over 35 stories, it's kind of built to be elastic, you know, and it's supposed to give in the wind and that's the way, you know. And somehow he calmed her down, you know, as the honker. He said, okay, thanks, Brian. I can go to bed now, honey.

And that's happily ever after. So you never know what a rock and roll genius will do when he'll come through for you. And then he had that weird psychiatrist that lived with him who was claiming ownership of all of his songs. Dr. Landy. Dr. Landy was on the scene when I was. He's no longer with The Living, apparently.

Dr. Landy died. Oh, okay, I didn't know that. But yeah, he went from being Brian's therapist to being Brian's co-writer and producer and owning all of the material. And I had to deal with this.

Every day things were getting worse and worse. It wasn't really the doctor, Dr. Landy, that was the scariest, but it was these little boys that he would send over to spy on Brian and call him

surreptitiously so that he would know everything that was going on in the studio. You know, well, Brian, I hear you guys didn't come up with a second verse. How did you know that, Dr. Lanny? Oh, just a little bird told me. But really, these kids, and we called them the Surf Nazis because that was almost like

what they were like. They were spies. You know, they were Luftwaffe SS spies calling in. So, every day I would get up, and I was staying at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood and say, how am I going to face the studio again? And I'd be down

at the pool, you know, getting a little color. At least if I go in looking good, I'll feel better. And who would pull up a chair right beside me by the pool? Tommy Toon. Wow. The Broadway legend. And he's seven feet tall. A very long chaise lounge. Yeah.

Exactly. George Fenneman. Long chaise lounge. Very funny. I do what I can. Yeah. So I started talking to him, Tommy. I don't know, he's a guy, Brian Wilson. You may know you're more Broadway-oriented, but there was a thing called surf music,

and the little old lady from Pasadena, and the thing California Girls is so great, and now there's a guy, Dr. Landy, and he was his therapist, and now he owns all the stuff, and I don't know what to do because now his girlfriend, Landy's girlfriend, wants to write the lyrics to the song. What am I going to do, Tommy? And Tommy said, embrace the doctor.

Wow. That's it. The wisdom of Tommy, too. Yeah, we'll be right back. Wow. Yeah. Embrace the doctor. That's it.

That's all you have to know. Speaking of musicals... You know, I did a music video with the Beach Boys. They sang the theme song to Problem Child. Really? And that was a movie that you starred in? Yes. Problem Child.

Well, excuse me. Wow. I don't go to movies too much. Was that what it was he's been holding out on me frank was he in problems he was also in problem child 2 paul those are movies yeah you missed them both and i was in problem child 3 yes a tv movie ah problem child 3 junior in love and it john ritter wouldn't do it so they had William Catt greatest American hero yeah yeah yeah

and I don't know who the kid was so getting back the Beach Boys sang the theme song how did it go okay oh yeah who wants to grow up who wants. Oh, not me. Ooh.

And then it had that, you know. It was a theremin. Three spies, yeah. Now everybody says you're running wild. The teacher's calling you a problem. Ooh. That's when you say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, rather than saying child, they lead you. They're going to say problem child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, rather than saying child, they lead you. They're going to say problem child. They go problem. Oh, well, it's almost like child. That's not blue. Is child a dirty word? Maybe to some people. No, it made it one of those cool songs.

So then they were performing it in the music video, and you were in the video, too? Yes. Playing the problem child? No, they had the actual kid there. Oh, and what were you, the therapist? I was claiming ownership to the problem child theme. He was the Dr. Landy of Problem Child.

Well, you should have been speaking to Tommy Toon about this. Embrace the doctor. Landy of problems. Well, you should have been speaking to Tommy Toon about this. Embrace the doctor. Embrace the doctor. That's right. I'd like to have that as my slogan in life. Embrace the doctor. You can have it. I'll talk to Tommy Toon's people.

Can we have embrace the doctor? Yeah, go ahead. Knock yourself out. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. Gifting Dad can sometimes hit the wrong note. Oh. Instead, gift the Glenlivet, the single malt whiskey that started it all,

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What happens when 20 extremely athletic Canadians who thrive on competition and won't settle for less than number one, find themselves on a team. Taking on jaw-dropping obstacles all across Canada is one thing. Working together on a team with some pretty big personalities is another. It's a new season of Canada's Ultimate Challenge, and sparks are gonna fly. New episode Sundays. Watch free on CBC Gem. Now, you also knew Phil Spector. Yes, he and I had a 20-year friendship, and we're still friends, as a matter of fact.

I got a call from him after he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame back in the 80s. Well, not from him. You didn't really hear from him after he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame back in the 80s. Well, not from him. You didn't really hear from him, but from an assistant. Mr. Spector wants to know if you'd like to hear some jazz music. And I didn't believe it could possibly be him. But it turned out to be him. And he was a lovely guy, almost obsequious in how polite he was. Always stand up if a lady got up to go to powder her nose, you know. And, of course, one of my all-time greatest idols, rock idols ever,

and still a genius, and terrible what's happened with him. But people, they separate the music from, you know, from the musician, and they still talk about how wonderful that music is, and I still believe that it is. What did you think, or did you see the Al Pacino TV movie? Yeah, I did see it. All I can say is that when it opens up pacino as specter is ranting about the record abraham martin and john and about how they added the verse about bobby as an afterthought it's an afterthought and i heard him do that actual rant live wow Wow. In one of those jazz clubs that we went to. So I don't know where this guy Mamet was,

how he heard it. He must have been under the table with a tape recorder because I heard it live. And that's just an inkling of how accurate this thing was. I thought it was absolutely wonderful. And you thought Pacino did a good job? Gino Salamone from... Yeah. From Milwaukee? Gino Salamone from Milwaukee?

Gino Salamone gets a reference. How did he? You know Gino Salamone? Sure. Frank, how do you know? Who doesn't know him? Well, he's a guy who used to work in radio in Milwaukee. The name has been bandied about.

So did you think he He talks about it? Yep. Did he ever... Did Gino ever represent Gilbert? Gino has come up more than once or twice. How do you work him into the conversation? Are you still in touch with him? Oh, yeah.

Let's give Gino his due. Does he... Go ahead. No, I was going to say, did you think Al Pacino did a good job as Spector? And Gino... Gino directed him.

Yeah, I think he did a good job. I mean, one of the things is that there's a lot of tape now. There was a time when you couldn't... I played Spector in a thing, a live presentation back in the 80s, and I didn't know, you know, what does he sound like? I didn't know, because you couldn't hear any tape. But now there's lots of video,

and I think all that Pacino had to do was study him, and he got him down, and he actually got him down. But he got him down. But let's get back to Gino Salamone. Well, I know he has a crush on Sandra Bullock. Do you have a theory about Sandra Bullock. Well, she's Jewish. Yeah, that's...

That's not a theory. Yeah, no, that's absolutely true. I don't know if Lewis is Jewish yet, but she's... Yeah, Sandra Bullock is Jewish. Now, how did you find out that Sandra Bullock was Jewish? Gino told me. Any more questions? I got to reschedule this

so we can be face to face. Yeah, Gino has a crush on Sandra Bullock. And he used to say, live the dream or something, right? Yes. Believe in the dream. And the dream was that he was going to get to marry Sandra Bullock.

Yes. But how did you, and it would be a Jewish wedding, of course, but how did you find out that Sandra Bullock was Jewish? I think it was when she stepped on the glass at that wedding, yeah. That was when. I don't remember how. Sometimes you just know these things. When I used to watch the Ed Sullivan show with my parents,

my dad would be watching, and he was uncannily able to spot who had a toupee and who didn't, and who was Jewish and who wasn't. So when you sit there, oh, there's a good toupee. Tony Bennett, oh, look at that. Great, oh, that's a good toupee. Franti and Tysha, oh, bad toupees. Oh, those are bad. Oh, that's a good toupee. Franti and Tysha. Oh, bad toupees.

Oh, those are bad. Bad toupees. And oh, Jewish. You know, Tony Bill, Jewish. So I developed a sixth sense about who's Jewish and who wears a toupee. And you know Sandra Bullock's Jewish but doesn't wear a toupee. Well, I don't know if she wears a toupee or not. I know that she's definitely Jewish.

So, because I always thought she admits to being German. Oh, she does? Oh, yeah, yeah. Or I don't know if she, but like her mother was a big opera, German opera star. Oh, her mother was a German opera star? Yeah, yeah. It sounds like the beginning of the Third Reich. Most...

Most German opera stars are Jewish, as it turns out. I don't know. Do you ever get letters from the podcast? Well, Werner... That's how people call you. Werner Klemperer. Werner Klemperer, his father, Otto Klemperer. Werner, of course, was Hogan.

Yes. And his father, Otto Klemperer, was a famous German conductor. Conductor, yes. I know that, yes. Yes. And I think he used to date Sandra Bullock's mother. Mother. So there.

There you have it. Was Werner Jewish? Oh, yes. Both the Nazis on Hogan's Heroes were Jews. Schultz? Yeah, Schultz. John Banner. John Banner was Jewish?

John Banner not only was a Jew, but he and his family were in the camps. But the camps weren't quite made into death camps at that point. They were fun camps. Yeah, they were fun. They were sewing activity. Fun camps, yeah.

Sewing circle, yeah. Fishing, it was all... Paul, we were talking about your parents. Wait, we're talking, we're making jokes about the concentration camp. Why are you interrupting? I thought we might add a little humor to the show. Do something radical. Paul's parents were very hip parents, and they took him to Vegas to see Juliette Prowse.

In fact, it was the first time you ever took the stage with Jackie Gale. I was a part of Jackie Gale's act. I didn't actually walk on stage, and I want to be clear about that. But you were a foil. Because there may be somebody who was there. That's true. Right into Gilbert's pocket. Paul Shaver was never on stage with Jackie Gale.

Aiming for authenticity. I don't want to be, yeah. We saw a number of performers on that trip. Again, I think I was 12 or 13. First trip to Las Vegas ever, a 12-year-old kid with my parents. And we saw Nat Cole. Fantastic. I'll never forget it.

And we saw Sarah Vaughn in the lounge. Unbelievable. Fantastic. I'll never forget it. And we saw Sarah Vaughn in the lounge. Unbelievable. Fantastic. We saw Vaughn Meter and the First Family review. Wow. Now, you remember. Oh, my God, yeah. Vaughn Meter had a series of comedy albums in which he did an impression of President Kennedy, Jack Kennedy.

And the albums were big hits, and so he had a review with the cast from the album in Las Vegas. And my dad said, I would not walk across the street to see Von Mitter. But you wanted to see Von Mitter. I forced him to, yeah. I forced him to. And his entire career ended when Kennedy was shot.

Well, you remember the story about Lenny Bruce the night after. Can I tell it? Yeah, go ahead. It's your podcast. Yeah, you're a guest, so you get to tell the story. The night after the assassination in Chicago, Lenny Bruce was appearing in a nightclub, and the tension was high, and people are, what is he going to say? He's so politically

oriented, he's incisive, he cuts to the chase when it comes to political commentary. What is he going to say about the assassination of President Kennedy? Well, he comes out, you can hear a pin drop. It's quiet. He sits down on a stool, grabs a mic mic and he says

vaughn meter man wow that said it all yeah that said it all and i think vaughn meter found out because he was working out of town he got in a cab the cab driver says hey did you hear about kennedy and he thought it was gonna to be, oh, another joke. So he goes, all right, let's hear it. And he goes, he was shot. And that's when Vaughn Meter's entire career dried up. Right, that was it. That was it for Vaughn Meter.

Anyway, we saw Vaughn Meter, but we also saw Juliette Krauss' opening act, Jackie Gale. And we're sitting, you know, my dad my dad says well let me just show you how to smear a maitre d you know and we'll get a good you know so for those of you uh not of the Jewish persuasion I'm talking about uh bribe you know this is a you can put a smear of peanut butter on a piece of toast or you can use the term to mean bribe the maitre d'. Well, he smeared the maitre d', you know, a good five bucks, and it didn't get us anyway. We were in the very last row

of this showroom. But before Jackie Gale went on, the maitre d' came, we have a better seat for you people, and he moved us right up to ringside. Didn't understand why. Turned out that Jackie Gale needed a kid to talk to in his act. And he talked to a kid ringside talk to in his act. And he talked

to a kid ringside and it was I. And he said to kids today, you know, forget about it. They're so small. Give me an idea. Hey, you kid. And he looks at me. He says, how many televisions you got in your house? And I told the truth. I said, one. He moved on. He talked to a kid on the other side of the stage. Yes, my first time in show business. That's how I knew I was actually in show business. I remember growing up, it seemed like Juliette Prowse was on TV every day. Well, when she was going with Sinatra, she was on TV every day.

That's all it took. She's dating Frank Sinatra. Are you kidding? Book her. And that's why we went to see her. dating Frank Sinatra. Are you kidding? Book her. And that's why we went to see her. But it was great, you know, when we finally went to see her. Legs up to her neck and every number more exciting than the last. I loved it.

I was 12 at the time. But I would love it even today. And much like Charlize Theron, she also was an African-American. Yes, that's right. Very much like Charlize Theron, she also was an African-American. Yes, that's right. Very much like Charlize Theron. And very similar to the Bee Gees. She was, oh, no, they were Australian. Same thing. Yes, an African-American.

A South African. Yes. My drummer on Letterman, Anton, is South African. And it is South African. South African. That's my impression of a South African actor. South African. Now, John Belushi.

Yeah. Great. Legend. Okay. And, you know, I did the Blues Brothers with John and Dan Aykroyd and put together that Blues Brothers band for them. We had our pick of the greatest R&B and blues musicians in the country because everybody wanted to play for them. They were so hot.

And you didn't know if it was comedy. Are they sending up the music? Are they making fun of it? Are they trying to do it? comedy? Are they sending up the music? Are they making fun of it? Are they trying to do it? Neither John and Danny really claimed to be all that great shakes as musical performers, but they both had a little bit of experience. They had been in rock bands in school, and I didn't think the act was, you know, all that special until I started to see more recently all the tribute bands

and clone acts that do a tribute to the Blues Brothers and do the act. And when I see that, I say to myself, you know, it wasn't so bad. Not so bad at all. And John could actually put across a number. He could deliver a number and do a show in a credible fashion. And what did you think of Blues Brothers 2? Well, I was, you know, I didn't get to be in Blues Brothers 1. So, Blues Brothers 2 was my favorite of the two Blues Brothers movies.

Now, it only sold four tickets, and I bought all four for my family. But aside from that, I was very proud of the music in that movie. That's when they added a kid to it. That's always the scariest. They added a kid to it, yeah. Well, the studio said, you've got to add a kid. It's going to warm up, make the Blues Brothers a little more heartwarming. Yeah, whatever you want, they said.

Whatever you want. Tell us about seeing Belushi for the first time, Paul, because you saw him in Lemmings, do Joe Cocker, the first time you ever saw him? Yeah, he was phenomenal. I mean, his Joe Cocker impression was... Remembered from SNL. It has never been equaled since then.

That Lemmings was a hell of a show. It was... Chevy Chase was in it, too, and other people that we know. Chris Guest was in it. Chris Guest was in it as well. And it was a parody of the Woodstock Festival,

which gave them the framework within which to do incredibly uncannily accurate impressions of all the great rock performers at the time. Belushi was a force of nature, no question about it. He and I butted up against each other a little bit When I was working for him in the Blues Brothers But I certainly missed the cat What do you think about that? Now

Did you ever Well you were watching You were looking at your notes Yes, yes I was To see what to ask me next Yeah, yeah Don't you know the whole thing about Instead of looking at it

You're supposed to be listening to the guy No And his answer. I've been on enough radio shows to know that in the middle of an answer, the guy is like checking the boards and looking over notes and talking to other people. Well, that's what you're nicely done. Yes. See, now you're impressed. Yes. Yes.

Did you ever see the Charlie's Angels episode with Sammy Davis Jr.? No, boy. I really, I missed out on something. Oh, you owe it to yourself. Now, I know the name of the game episode with Sammy Davis Jr. You're not confusing these two things, are you? No. They're both great.

Tony Franciosa. Yeah, sure. Yeah. They're both great in their own way. Let me hear a little bit about the Charlie's Angels episode, and't they? No. They're both great in their own... Tony Franciosa. Yeah, sure. Yeah. They're both great in their own... Let me hear a little bit about the Charles H. Oh, okay. And then we'll talk. He does a tour de force.

He plays two roles. One, he's Sammy Davis Jr. Yeah. And the other is he's a guy named Herbert who owns a supermarket who looks just like Sammy Davis Jr. And is Herbert sort of a nerdy guy? Yes, yes.

A bookish, bookworm kind of guy? And then you know how shows in that era always had to end with a joke? Yeah, yeah. Wonk, wonk, wonk. Yeah. So that they could put that sound effect in. Yeah.

And so this one had a double joke. This I gotta hear. Yeah. Let me hear that. At the end, Sammy is there. They capture the people who thought they were kidnapping Sammy Davis Jr., who were actually kidnapping Herbert. And then at the end, he goes, you know, I'm the most talented guy in this room. Herbert, as Sammy, as Herbert says this, and Sammy, with a

non-threatening, very affable black power fist, goes, right on, Herbert. And that's one joke. And you figure that would be enough. For me, it would have been.

But they break for a commercial and come back, and Sammy and AltaVis walk in on the Angels and say, we're going to a big opening in AltaVis. And they go, an opening? Oh, that's great. What will I wear? And they get all girly. And he goes, it's an opening of Herbert's new supermarket.

So it was... Yeah, it was the greatest. I love it. Paul, you worked with Sammy. Didn't you? I got to work with him twice. Both times were... He was Jewish.

Yes, he was. I've heard. He sure was. And each time I worked with him was an education. First time was when Letterman Show was doing shows from Las Vegas. And he came in from working the night before in Boston with the Boston Pops. He was always working, this guy. I got to talk to him once before the show,

and I said, what song do you want to do with me in the band? And he said, you tell me, man. I said, what do you mean? Pick out something for me that cooks and swings, man. I thought I was dreaming. Wayne, pick out something for me that cooks and swings, man. Let me know. Swear to God, I thought I was dreaming. What am I going to do? So I thought and thought and I asked the different guys in the band,

and actually it was Will Lee, who both of you guys know, who plays bass with me on the show, who came up with two great ideas for Sammy. Oh, and the other thing I forgot to mention was we weren't going to get a chance to rehearse because he was flying all night from Boston the night before. He was going to get there just in time for the show, no rehearsal. What can we play for Sammy Davis? No rehearsal. So Will said, well, maybe for once in my life,

Stevie Wonder version, because that's a song he knows very well, or perhaps on Broadway, George Benson version, also kind of in his wheelhouse. Every time I called from then on, he was either sleeping or working. And I would call day after day. And AltaVees would pick up the phone. He said, may I speak to Sammy Davis Jr.? She said, this is AltaVees Davis.

Well, I was so thrilled. It was Alto. And I knew to call her Alto from watching the Johnny Conn. Alto, I said. She didn't miss a beat. Yes, it's me. I said, where's Shmuel using his Yiddish name? Because that's what the rap part called him.

That was Sammy's Yiddish name? Yiddish name. Shmuel? Shmuel. That's Sammy in Jewish. Oh. Fantastic. Sammy in Jewish.

What's Sandra Bullock's Yiddish? Well, that I That's Sammy and Jewish. Oh. Fantastic. Sammy and Jewish. What's on your books? Well, that I don't know. Okay. Sorry. I am going to reschedule this when we can be face to face. I said, Alto, where's Shmuel? He said, Shmuel is sleeping. Always, you know.

Always sleeping. Well, I'll call back tomorrow. And I didn't, I never got him. And it's the morning of the show and I'm in the showroom in Las Vegas. And I don't know what to rehearse because he hasn't picked a song. So I guess, well, I guess I'll rehearse them both, I guess. And then the phone rang, the backstage phone. Mr. Shaver called for me with Mr. Davis.

He's calling from the plane. And this is before there were phones on the plane. I don't know how he did it. He must have had one of those things. Styrofoam cups. He said, for once in my life, it'll be great. And he told me the keys and stuff. And now I was fine.

And I rehearsed. And I decided to tape the arrangement in case he made it in time to at least hear it so he would know what was going on. Tape the arrangement. He comes walking in. By some miracle, his plane lands on time. And he's there in time for at least hear it so he would know what was going on. Tape the arrangement. He comes walking in. By some miracle, his plane lands on time, and he's there in time for one run-through of the song. I said, here, listen to the arrangement.

I taped it. He said, I don't want to hear it, madam. I said, what do you mean? I don't want to hear the arrangement. I said, just listen to it. I said, you may not like it. He said, I like it. I like it.

I said, it might not be in the right key. All right, play it for me. So I press play, and I start right play it for me so i start i press play and i start to play it back and he's hearing it on a little cassette his head starts to go he's starting to enjoy it and he's grooving on and he looks at me and he says do you know how much fun this would have been if i hadn't have heard this tape and he was serious he wanted to go he's done so many shows you know he wanted to just do spontaneous spontaneous first time hearing it let me just go and see what

happens and i wrecked it because i wow yeah i wrecked it anyway and there's this other you you can see this on youtube now too because uh he comes over on the show and he says, Paul, I was hoping I might do a thing with you and the cats. And I looked down and I said, it would be my honor, man. I said that. He says, oh, you're doing that Billy Crystal stuff on there. So, you know, no good deed. Anyway, thrilled, though. It was a thrill.

The next time he came on, he knew better. He said, I'm just going to, I know you're going to need me to rehearse, but I'm going to save some of my best lines for the air. So the first time you hear him is on the air. And he was saying, I've been around the world. And he changed it. And Billy Crystal has asked me to start. But he saved that for air.

He had me figure it out. Any more questions? I always thought Sammy and Jerry Lewis were very similar. Same person. Yeah. How so? How are they similar? They're influenced by each other, for sure.

Yes. Their singing styles, the way they talk, the way they get serious. I'd like to hear a little bit about that, when they get serious. What's it like when Jerry Lewis gets serious? As a filmmaker, I think I speak the international language, which is mine. And I was always, I think the secret to my comedy is I was nine. I was always nine. I never grew up.

I guess. I'm nine. I'm nine. I'm nine. Jerry. I'm nine. Oh, he used to refer to Jerry in third person. Yeah, when Jerry, yeah.

I don't think I'd allow Jerry to go up and do that. Jerry would never do it, yeah. He goes, I don't think I'd allow Jerry to go up and do that. Jerry would never do it, yeah. And what about now? What about Sammy Davis? What does it sound like when he gets serious? As a filmmaker. I love when Marty Short does the serious Jerry with the lozenge. Oh, the lozenge.

Yeah, well, Gilbert's got the lozenge to it. And I remember Jerry also when he talks about Dean, he was the handsome guy and I was the monkey. The monkey. And he says, you know, we had the kind of

arrangement whereby we both shared the work. I wrote the act and Dean drank, but that was the kind of you know the way we had my one of my favorite things when jerry acts like he's giving credit to someone else but likes to put it on himself he was saying it was so unfair the pain that Dean was going through. Yeah, he went through pain. I mean, look, here's the reviews. They would only talk about me and not Dean.

Jerry is a brilliant performer and great legendary comedian. And not a word about Dean. And he went review after review saying how great he was not a word about yes yeah well that's the you know that that's the what a person goes through that's all i can say but you know we

mean this of course with it with all the love we mean it with the love yeah well okay i think see this is something like a lot of people don't understand, but I know you understand it. I think we both have that fascination of show business that it's a love-hate relationship. First of all, you can only parody somebody that you really love. That's the only way you can really get to the higher levels of what they're doing and really do a one-for-one parody when you really appreciate and love the person's talent. How can you argue with Sammy Davis's talent? You can't. He was the greatest entertainer that ever lived,

maybe ever will live. Or some say Louis Prima. But I say it's got to be Sammy Davis. So you got that for openers. You're not going to criticize the guy's talent. You can't argue with it because it's there. But that doesn't mean you can't kid him good-naturedly and like to talk about when he says,

you know, man, if I may say, you, Gilbert, in all seriousness, or as Bobby Bittman would say, in all seriousness as a comic, the way you, what you do, man, for the kids, and you don't hear enough about the good things you do, you got to have that ability to kid a guy and appreciate him at the same time. And people just say to me, oh, you hate Sammy Davis. Well, no, I love Sammy. I love Sammy Davis.

That's the thing. Love him, kid him. It's all part of the same thing. Right? Yeah. Just like when. Well, maybe not you. You hate him.

It's a little different there. Yeah. You hate him. It's a little different there. Yeah. You hate him. When I watch Jerry Lewis, there's like when he gets really egotistical, sometimes really phony and everything, but I love every second of it. Well, there's that, too, and we love every second, but you also think you can't deny he's the funniest. Oh, yes.

Yes. The bellhop. Yeah. Oh, and Nutty Professor. The errand professor the errand boy yeah funny i grew up on ola jerry lewis so there you go great there you go we will return to gilbert godfrey's amazing colossal podcast after this now here's a segue uh they once asked sammy they once said to Sammy Davis Jr. that he's the greatest performer in the world. And Sammy said that he didn't agree with that. He thinks Mickey Rooney was the greatest performer in the world.

Sammy Davis feels Mickey Rooney was the greatest performer. That's interesting. Mickey Rooney, who you also worked with. Worked with him, yes. And what do you think? Do you think that Mickey Rooney, greatest performer in the world? I don't know. Certainly a brilliant movie actor.

Yes, yes, great. Had a lot of wives. Yes. Beautiful wives. Yeah. Really hot. Ava Gardner, married Ava Gardner twice. Isn't that true?

Yes, she did. Yeah. I mean, some guys couldn't even marry her once. Sinatra couldn't get her. Couldn't get her once. That's right Ava Gardner twice. Isn't that true? Yes, she did. Yeah. Some guys couldn't even marry her once. Sinatra couldn't get her. Couldn't get her once. That's right. Mickey Rooney twice. Tell us about working with Mickey.

Well, George Fenneman. I aspire to be George Fenneman. In the 70s, I did a sitcom for CBS called A Year at the Top, where I and a kid named Greg Evigan had sold our souls to the devil in return for rock stardom. And Mickey Rooney was on the first episode, the first hour-long debut episode. I was telling Gilbert about it before you got here. Really, he was supposed to be on the series, but we made four episodes with him. And it wasn't his fault, but the episodes were so bad that they had to shelve all four and start all over again.

By this time, he had to move on. He was bored. He said, I'll do the first one. When I first started working with him, I was thrilled to be working for him. And he was so funny, I was writing down the jokes that he would tell during the read-through on the back of my script. Like he would say, say well a guy says when i get older i'm gonna i'm gonna be buried in a copper coffin he said why and he pointed to his wrist just to help my arthritis as if like a copper thing and then the next day he would say

the guy says copper coffin and it was in the day after that copper coffin helped my arthritis same jokes coming back time after time after time. Not his fault. He thought he didn't know anybody was listening to it, let alone writing it down like I was. Funny guy, though. Funny guy. And he has that type of thing that so many stars have where they have to be the center of attention.

That's what makes them great. And even if somebody else is performing, well, they have to be enjoying it more than anybody else in the room. That's what makes them great. And even if somebody else is performing, well, they have to be enjoying it more than anybody else in the room. That's what makes them great. That's why he's great. One of the reasons why he's great. You did that show for Norman Lear and Don Kirshner. Yeah, it was Norman Lear's first flop, I think,

as a matter of fact. And your co-star, Greg Avigan, who would later be in My Two Dads with Paul Reiser. How about that? Yeah. And B.J. and the Bear. First, he replaced me with a monkey and did B.J. and the Bear.

And then he was in, yeah, My Two Dads with Paul Reiser. Yeah. Yeah. Is that where your relationship with Don Kirshner began and the impression of Don Kirshner started? When I was doing this show, and Kirshner was the co-producer with Norman Lear, and I got on with Kirshner right away because I knew everything about him. I had read about him in Time magazine. I knew about how he was the man with the golden ear. I knew about he was the music supervisor for the Monkees. And so he got a kick out of me because I got a kick

out of him. And one day he called me and he said said i've decided to go on camera doing on my own show you know he had don kershaw's rock concert where a voiceover announcer would say and now edgar winter is white trash well he said i'm gonna go on tv on camera and do the intros myself and he would say you know they say sullivan was stiff but he had the gig you know right they say i'm stiff they say Sullivan was stiff but he had the gig you know right I'm stiff Sullivan was stiff but he had the gig so he was gonna stiff as he was he was gonna go on tv he wasn't anything but stiff in regular life he would be a fast-talking New York publisher who would say forget about it with the Carole Kings and the Sadakas and we never looked at a contract Herbie made him out he didn't look at him but you know it was over with the Connie Francis's and things with the Monkees and the Mickey Dorns and the Stummies that we

gave him. And a mile a minute talking, and then when he went on camera, he slowed right down and his eyes glazed over and he said, I'm Don Kushner. And welcome to Rock Concert. And I never, I mean, the impression that it left with me was so strong

that when the show flopped and I got my old job on Saturday Night Live back, I started doing the impression of Kirshner on the air and the rest is... I think it's the first time I remember being aware of you. I mean, watching SNL,

but seeing that Don Kirshner impression and it just was so... Well, thank you. I was really, you know, I channeled him because I really felt, you know,

I had a simpatico with him. You say, you parody what you love. You parody what you love. That is the point, I think, simpatico with him. You say, you parody what you love. You parody what you love. That is the point, I think, that I'm trying to make. I love how he... Gilbert hates the people that he parodies. I love them.

I love them. That's where he and I differ. Here's a name out of nowhere. Okay. But I don't know. I just thought, because she's really of, like, more modern but still old Hollywood. Raquel Welch. Yeah.

Had little experience with her. She hosted one of the Saturday Night Live shows, I think, in the first season. And sometimes when Lorne Michaels, the famous producer of the show, would have a host that he wouldn't exactly know what to do with yet, he would say, get a rehearsal room and go in there with Paul and figure out what you're going to sing. So here I was, fresh out of Canada, 25 years old. I'm in a little rehearsal room with Raquel Welsh, and she's doing her act for me including what she called the hot tamale numbers and I would say well I don't know if that hot tamale number is better than that hot tamale one of the greatest days greatest days and of course Chevy Chase wrote the sketch for her I don't know whether it actually played the sketch was was called Take Off Your Shirt. Hi, I'm Chevy Chase, and welcome to Take Off Your Shirt.

Today's guest, Raquel Welsh. And you can guess where the thing goes from there. You know, see, now, Chevy Chase is one of those people. Yeah. And he's in that category, I guess I could say, with both, with Jerry Lewis, where you could say the same thing. And that's like, he was always nice to me. He was always nice to me.

Yeah, Chevy Chase was always nice to me. The few times I met Jerry Lewis, he was always nice to me. Always nice to you. But it's like, you hear stuff. Some of the guys who did the roast of Chevy, I suppose, may have heard a few things. I don't think any of them knew him, but they had heard a few things. And I think it's just Chevy, you know, we in comedy, Gilbert, if I may say. You know, we're trying to be edgy.

Yeah. I don't know if this goes with Chevy or not, but we're always trying to get close to the edge. And sometimes we fall over the edge. But you can't be edgy unless you're willing to get as close to the edge as you can. Chevy may have fallen over a little bit with the insult humor. Perhaps. I'm just saying

perhaps. He was always nice to me. Yeah, he was always nice to me. I worked with him. He's been nice to me the few times that I've met him, too. So they were both always nice to both of us. Chevy Chase they were both always nice to both of us. Always nice to both of us. So there you go.

Chevy Chase and Jerry Lewis were nice to both. Yes, we've got that. Now, we both have a great admiration and respect for Cindy Crawford's infomercial. Well, now you're really getting into my wheelhouse. Yeah. Cindy Crawford's infomercial. Now, this has to do with the product Meaningful Beauty. Yeah, by Dr. Chabot, the French doctor.

You're talking about Dr. Jean-Louis Chabot. Yes. Yeah, Chabot. S-E-B-A-U-G-H, I believe. He's known as the youth guru. Yes. He's known as, I don't know what else and I remember

he tells the story with Cindy listening and being very touched by it he goes well she walks into my office this is the most beautiful girl in the world

and what does Cindy do? Just a very modest, doesn't say anything. Hands together in prayer. Yes, yes. Bends over sort of like a Buddhist salutation. Oh, doctor. Yes. You shouldn't have. And Valerie

Bertinelli is the interviewer. She was the interviewer on the classic, the first episode of this. I think they've got a couple of them going now. I don't like the second. No, well, there's no Valerie Bertinelli. Without her, what do you have? You know, you've got a chick with a mole.

You need really the full... The Luberon though you really should visit it sometime Gilbert that's where the melon Dr. Savag has found a new melon, a miracle melon that grows in a secluded area of France

called the Louberon you should visit it sometime and they have a great scene where he's actually out in the field with a tiny little vial that's like half an inch big, and he holds it into the sunlight. He's holding it up to the sunlight.

And then, of course, you know, let's talk to the doctor. Well, he didn't have time to come in for the taping. He's by a satellite. Really is in the next room, of course. So obvious. Like they painted the Eiffel Tower behind him, yeah. He's in the next room.

Well, I'm glad that somebody else is as weird and perverted as I have. They've watched it as many times as I have and has memorized it as I have. And Valerie Perrine is very good. Valerie Bertinelli. Valerie Perrine. Oh, Valerie Perrine will be on next time. And Valerie Perrine is very good. Valerie Bertinelli. Valerie Perrine will be on next Sunday. Valerie Bertinelli has a great self-effacing.

Yeah, how does that go again? Oh, uh... She says I use it morning and night. I'm greedy. Is that what you meant? Well, I love when she looks at the two pictures of Cindy Krupp. Oh, yeah. And goes, this was 20 years later. Cindy.

She's Louise or something like that, right? Cindy. And we wanted to make new pictures. You know, these are three years old. We wanted to do new pictures. So we did these new pictures. You know, these are three years old. We wanted to do new pictures. So we did these new pictures. Cindy. No.

Oh, God. Yes. Yeah, no, go ahead. No, Valerie Perrine. Valerie Perrine. Great. Only met her once. She didn't really know who I was.

But one of my favorite actresses. Any personal experience with her? I never met her, but what I loved about Valerie Perrine is she had no qualms about getting naked in every movie she was in. Well, an actress has to. Except for Superman.

Yeah. I would have no clout with that either you know but I'm only here because I said you do it naked she was one of the few who was naked on TV

what was she naked in on TV Steam Bath with Bill Bixby that's right I don't know how I missed Steam Bath it was a play

written by Drew's father you were sort of like the guy Mr. Skin. You could say that. Yeah, who fast forwards to the good parts. Is that what you're like? And they always do those bad puns in the Mr. Skin one.

Yeah. Like, they had one, they said, you know, you'll be mad about Helen Hunt's nude scene. Yeah. Like, they had one, they said, you know, you'll be mad about Helen Hunt's nude scene. Yeah. And when you see Helen Hunt's naked body, it will definitely give you a riser. It's like Paul Reiser. I didn't know that. Now, Frank Sinatra.

Yeah. Ever had dealings with Frank? No, I never got to meet Frank. But I understand that in his compound, Palm Springs, he named each one of the different cabins after one of his hit records. Wow. Tom Dreesen, he usually stays in the tender trap. So that's all I know about him.

And you know that Frank Sinatra Jr., you remember when he was kidnapped? Sure. Yes. Yeah, wasn't that terrible? Fascinating. And the kidnappers eventually had to let him go. You know why? Why?

They heard him humming in the trunk. Seriously. Now, here's what I don't understand. Here's what I don't understand. If you're Frank Sinatra and you know every gangster in the world, you're friends with... Allegedly.

Yeah. Allegedly. Now, if your son's kidnapped, wouldn't you just make one call and have them both killed? You should be able to. I don't know. I can't explain it. What do you think happened there?

I have no idea. Obviously, they heard him humming. Obviously. Yeah. And you worked with Frank Jr.? Yes. Definitely. Worked with Frank Jr. Yes, definitely. Worked with Frank Jr.

Because in the 80s, there was a band called Was Not Was. Oh, yes. Don Was. Yes, Don Was. Everybody walks the dinosaur. Walk the dinosaur was their thing. And Don Was has gone on to do great things as a record exec and producer and everything. But he had a band, Was Not Was, with a guy who they pretended to be brothers, but they really weren't, but maybe they were. And their tradition was they would do one Vegas-y, lounge-y kind of cut per album.

per album. One album, they used Mel Torme to sing a song about a kid who, you know, like a suicide, you know, teenage suicide, and the record was called Zaz Turned Blue. Zaz being the name of the guy. Zaz turned blue. He didn't know what to do.

And then the following album, Frank Jr. singing one called Wedding Vows in Vegas, and it was brilliant, and we had them on, Was Not Was,, Frank Jr. singing one called Wedding Vows in Vegas, and it was brilliant. And we had them on, Was Not Was, with Frank Jr., a special guest, Frank Jr. singing Wedding Vows in Vegas. So Morty, who we all remember so well as being the producer of Letterman back in those days, said, let me take you and introduce you to Frank Jr.

And he did. Took me to his dressing room. Frank opened the door. Morty says, Frank, this is Paul Schaefer. What? I do not understand who that is. Like his dad, he spoke like a character in Guys and Dolls. I do not know

who. I said, Mr. Sinatraatra i absolutely love the record he said what worker i do not understand what oh don was his record oh that's another story you know he had to make sure that i understood wasn't his record it's a record that he did for don was uh and i said uh loved your record, which I remembered from the 60s. He had a record out in the rock and roll era, his attempt to get a rock and roll hit. And it was called Shadows on a Foggy Day. I said, Frank, I love Shadows on a Foggy Day. He says, that record got me dropped from Mercury Records.

I said, what? How? How did that happen? He said, it was about LSD. And they wanted me to do a follow-up the same. And I said, I will not sing another pro-drug song. And they dropped me from the label. So there you go.

Who would have thought Shadows on a Foggy Day was a pro drug song? Shadows on a foggy day. That's his idea of a rock and roll single. Not too hard to find. Now, we're also big fans of the same film starring or co-starring Sammy Jr. And now Frank Sinatra Jr. Yeah. With Sid Melton.

Well, this is something that I believe you turned me on to. I don't know how a thing like this gets made. But talk to me a little bit about it. Tell the people, the fine folks at home. Sid Melton, one of these character comic actors. Yeah, from the 50s, 40s, 50s. He was in Make Room for Daddy. That's how we know him.

But he'd pop up in old movies. Oh, he was in Lady Sings the Blues. That's right. He was in Lady Sings the Blues. And real funny looking uh guy yeah and when he was really old he made this movie uh and called me in the morning where frank sinatra jr is his agent plays his agent yeah and it is just it never was released amazingly first of all how old it was it was sid melton at this point oh my. He was like a day away from death.

Like in 90. Yeah, yeah. And then the movie was about how he was having an affair or something. Yes, with some hot young girl. Hot young chick, and he's 90. Hot young 30-year-old girl. And the whole thing comes across as very dreamlike because it makes no, there's no rhyme or reason. I thought I dreamed it.

Yeah. Yeah, but it was true. We both became hypnotized. Well, if you see it, you know, you can't help but be hypnotized. But it's because we love Sid Melton and Frank Jr. Well, remember, remember what? Not you. You hate that.

I like it. I once visited Sid Melton's apartment. You did? Really? With Gino Salamone. With Gino Salamone. Gino Salamone. It's a callback.

It was like some little ratty apartment by the airport. Yeah. It was quite sad. You once told me that he was like six inches from the airport. It was quite sad. You once told me that he was like six inches from the road. Yes. No front lawn area at all.

Just front door, highway. Yeah, when you open the door from the street, there's no like no foyer or anything. No stoop. No stoop. It was right flat on the ground. If it rained, it would rain in the apartment.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. You were there, right? You were at St. Martin's? Do you remember what Dean Martin said when Jerry Lewis, toward the end of their team, when Jerry Lewis said it was about the love we have. No, are you talking about when

the reunion on the telethon? No, no, no. This is a story that when Martin and Lewis were really arguing and they hated each other, Jerry wanted to reach out to Dean. He said, you know, I think what people really loved,

our success was our love. And Dean Martin said to Jerry Lewis, well, you talk, love all you want, Patty. When I look at you, all I see is a fucking dollar sign. Ooh, boy. Yeah. Well, first of all, you, that sees a fucking dollar sign. Oh, boy. Yeah. Well,

first of all, you do a great Dean. Thank you. You can see where that might have caused a riff. Oh, yeah. Perhaps, you know.

Anyway, it was a love story, though. Oh, yes, yes. The book, the love story.

it was a love story. George Fenneman, what were you going to say? I was just going to talk about how much I loved reading your book. Well, that's very sweet of you. Which is called We'll Be Here for the Rest of Our Lives, a Swingin' Showbiz Saga. Still downloadable, I think. Listen, I got the audio version, too.

Before we let you go, Paul, we have to ask you about the significance of James Brown's cape in your life. Well, of course, it has a number of significant features. First time I saw it, and the cape act was on the Tammy show in the 60s. I had to get up Saturday morning at 8 a.m. That's the only time they played this thing. It was in a kinescope that they played in theaters. I saw him do that cape. It was the first time that

the white audience ever saw James Brown. I never got over it. And then somehow I ended up in a position where I got to do the cape act every Friday night on Letterman. For two years. Explain to the listeners what the cape act was and James Brown. Well, it was a thing.

He said in his book that he got the idea from gorgeous George the wrestler who wore a bunch of capes when he would walk into the wrestling ring. So James would wear the cape as he was getting ready to go off stage. One of his henchmen would come on with the cape, put it over his shoulders. He would walk off stage like a broken man. He would then get re-innervated and throw the cape off and come back on for one more curtain call. And now the henchman would come on with a different color cape, put that on him. He would do the same thing, broken man walking off. He didn't want the audience to see the pride of a man broken from a woman. And the henchman

was even embarrassed for him. But he would throw that cape off. And that was the act that I would do on Letterman each Friday night. In the middle of two commercials, it would be about 30 seconds there, I'd be doing the cape, throwing it off, falling down on my knees.

More recently, I went to an auction, the James Brown Estate Auction at Christie's and bought one of the actual capes where I have it now on display in my house behind glass. And right next to it, Murray the Kay's hat. Wow. So that's the kind of the, you know. I remember seeing you do the bit on Letterman and guest stars would come out and wrap the cape around you. Tina Fey and Whoopi and Jack Black. Fantastic. Different guest stars coming out and putting the cape on me, including James Brown, the godfather himself, came out and put the cape on me.

So, you know, I want to talk about a guy who's had his share of thrills in show business. That's it. I definitely have. Thanks for bringing it up. Here's a very quick question that I'm sure you'll have a quick answer to. Now, what are your plans now that Letterman?

You and everybody else in the whole world have been asking me, what are you going to do now? Well, I'm not retiring. My boss is retiring. I don't plan to retire. I'm going to keep playing the piano. That's all I know. I'm going to lie down initially and when I get up, I'll not retiring. You know, my boss is retiring. I don't plan to retire. I'm going to keep playing the piano. That's all I know. I'm going to lie down initially, and when I get up, I'll see what happens.

Try to keep playing the piano. That's all. That's what I'm going to do. Thanks for asking. And what's Sly Stallone doing? And not Sly Stallone. Sly Stone. Yeah, I don't know.

What's he doing? I don't know what he's doing. I heard he was homeless and living in his car. Oh, I read that, too. He was living in a trailer. You never know with homeless and living in his car. Oh, I read that, too. He was living in a trailer. You never know with that. Living in his car, living in a trailer. Yes.

Living in a studio, living in the Plaza Hotel. You never know with that guy. Well, this has been Gilbert Gottfried. You know how Don Kirshner would answer that? Don Kirshner had a way of refuting a thing like that. You say to me, Sly is living in his car. Yeah, Sly is living in his car. He's living in his car.

He's not living in his car. That's how he would. Living in his car. He's not living in his car. That's how he would. Living in his car. He's not living in his car. That's how he would do it. Is that what you're going to sign off? Peter Lawford. Peter Lawford.

Yeah. Salt and Pepper. Oh, yes. Sure, with Sammy. With Sammy. Yes, that Jerry only directed. Yeah, and then there was a follow-up to it. Oh, one more time.

Salt and Pepper one more time. Yes. Yeah. And this is how the theme went like this. Salt and Pepper one more time. No. Salt and Pepper one more time. Now, didn't Sammy also sing the theme song of The Errand Boy?

How did that go? Starring Jerry Lewis. How did that go? Oh, I forget. God, this is going to kill me. This will come back to me in the middle of the night. We've got to get a hold of that, though. That's a Drew Friedman question.

Yeah, we've got to get a hold of that. Yeah, oh, God. He'll know. What did you say about Drew Friedman and his dad wrote Steve Smith? Oh, no, no, no, no. It was the disorderly order. Oh, he sang. Yeah.

How would that have gone? It was something like, and all I remember is the name disorderly orderly. Yeah. And I think it was Sammy, and I think he was going, then disorderly, orderly. That I got to hear. We got to get a hold of that. Can we find that? Can we get a hold of that?

Will Chow, make it my business. And edit it into the podcast. I will find it. Have it playing throughout the... Right. I remember Sammy on I Dream of Jeannie. That was also a great episode. Phil Spector, too, was on I Dream of Jeannie. That was also a great episode. Phil Spector, too.

That's right. Were you going to sign on? Oh, I guess so. Could you take us out as Don Kirshner? Oh, yes. Okay. Dear Anthony, who's a gentleman, called me on a kid named Gilbert Gottfried.

He's one of the funniest gentlemen ever. Something like that. Are you going to sign off? Yes. I can't top that. Okay. So, Gilbert Coffey's Amazing Colossal Podcast, and I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre,

and we've been interviewing the legendary. Oh, you should. Yes. You don't have to. It's true. As a performer, he's one of a kind. And as a human being, he's one of the kindest. Oh, you don't have to say that.

Eugene Levy once said, as Bobby Bittman, as a performer, he's marvelous. As a human being, he's absolutely marvelous. As a human being, he's absolutely marvelous. He's someone who taught me. It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice. Good night, everybody. Good night, everyone. It's been a pleasure being on your podcast, both of you guys. Thanks, Paul.

Thank you. Thanks, Paul. Thanks for doing night, everyone. It's been a pleasure being on your podcast, both of you guys. Thanks, Paul. Thanks, Paul. Thanks for doing it, buddy.