Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Encore: Gilbert Opens Christmas Gifts from Listeners

Episode Date: December 18, 2025

GGACP celebrates the 2025 holiday season by revisiting this short but sweet mini-episode from 2018, as Gilbert gleefully opens Christmas gifts from worshipping fans — including coffee table (!) books, collectible magazines, homemade holiday CDs, hand-drawn greeting cards and other goodies. Also in this episode: Chick Tracts presents “The Death Cookie,” the music of the Johnny Gregory Orchestra, Gilbert warbles the Chock Full O’ Nuts jingle and the first mention of future staffer-funster Michele Mantynen! PLUS: Rondo Hatton! Blind Lemon Raybone! “Boris Karloff’s Tales of Mystery”! And “The Gilbert Gottfried Munchausen by Proxy Telethon”! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TV comics, movie stars hit singles and some toys. Trivia and dirty jokes. An evening with the boys. Once is never good enough for something so fantastic. So here's another Gilbert and Franks. Here's another Gilbert and Franks. Here's another Gilbert and Franks. Colossal classic. Hi, this is Gilbert and I'm here with Godfried, and I'm here with Sank, Sank, Sank, I'm here.

Sank Frant-a-Pradri? I'm here. I'm drinking a cup of Sank. DeCath This show is being brought to you by Sanka I miss Sanka Because we lost our postum We lost the Postum account Yes

Something I tweeted And Poston got angry And they fired me on ceremonies What about Savoran? Does anybody remember Savoran? Oh my God, yes The red can Yes. Remember when there were Chock Full of Nuts restaurants in New York City?

Oh, I like that. Me too. The sandwiches with the wheat nut bread and cream cheese. Those were great. Can you sing the theme song from Chalkful of Nuts? Chock full of nuts is that heavenly coffee. Heavenly coffee. Heavenly coffee. Chalk full of nuts is that heavenly coffee. Better coffee a million. Money can buy. The great final line brings a tear to your eyes.

We should do, in the future, we'll do a whole show where you just sing commercial jingles from the 70s. Yeah, because what could possibly go wrong? What could possibly go wrong? We did, Frankie knows this, Gilbert won't remember. Oh, this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsession. And you want to introduce who's at the table? The black blues singer who is in the final stages. a Mutchausen syndrome by proxy.

So, if you can, donate what you can. How's that going, Paul? Well, I'm trying to make next year the year of Raybone. Uh-huh. Oh, 2019 is the year of Raybone. I'm doing New Year's Eve with Anderson Cooper. This is exciting. And in January, I'm trying out for the postum job.

Well, I'm getting a bone right now. How is the search going for the cure? Not well. Not well. Walk on through the rain. Walk on through the storm. And you'll never, never walk alone.

As Jerry Lewis by proxy. You'll never walk. Walk alone. Walk on. We're going to be hearing from Floyd and Floyd. With hope. In your heart. How your dreams get tossed and throat.

Walk on. Walk on. You can't stop him. In your heart. And you'll never Never Walk alone You know what I love is you captured

You'll never Walk alone Walk on What he ought to said This is the day the audience cried He's not wrong You captured how Jerry used to The fatigue in his voice

He used to stay up all night Yes. What did you want to say? Well, I just for a serious moment here, you asked about the cure and how it's going. And is it okay if I say this, Gilbert? Yeah. Gilbert has agreed to donate a kidney. That is so sweet.

Which, you know, kidneys have nothing to do with Monkhouse. I didn't say. I didn't say what's, yeah. Not who's kidney? Not one of mine, but I'll gladly take one out of a bag. We are, as I was starting to say, before Jerry took over the. the show. Vertarosa remembers this. We did an episode over the summer. I think we called Christmas in July, where we basically went through swag. We went through gifts.

Yeah. Always, always ready to receive them. You love gifts, don't you, from the listeners. And as to be expected, Christmas gifts showed up. At my office door at ABC, there's even something for Frank this year. And something marked Paul Rayburn. Apparently, they're not a listener. I don't know what's in that But these are from Patrick Rodale Who was a regular Don't open it I won't open it

Oh man You think it's Is it white powder in there? No We know Patrick Patrick's a fan of the show I'm going to give Paul his card Thank you

Frank's in the control room No this is Franks card Oh that's Franks This is a professional show here Yeah I don't know what's in them But we're going to have them Open them on the air

Okay We're going to open them right I mean this could be embarrassing Yeah, I think it's what you asked for, Frank. What is it? What did you get? A $2 bill. There you go.

Is that legal tender? Is that legal tender? Is that legal tender? Yeah, I'm not sure. Federal Reserve note, $2. You got the same, Francis. I also got $2. What movie?

$2. $2 bill or two singles? I got a $2 bill. Yeah, he got a $2 bill as well. I'm going to cherish this. This is the first cash contribution. I was told by, by, a colleague and fan of the podcast from Atlanta

that they had entertained the idea of sending scratch-offs for me. But then they didn't know where to send it. Also, they told me to go, fuck myself. So I don't know. Well, this says, I have also enclosed gifts for Frank Verde Rosa and Paul Rayburn. The only thing I will say about them

is they are not $1 bills. I believe you asked for a $1 bill. I wanted 20s. So now you got... Hey, Dara's got a $2 bill. Look at that. You guys, we should... Carry that around with you?

We should totally form a club. Wow. Daris, someone sent a gift for you as well. Okay, here's the swag gilber. Oh, good. Here's the stuff you got from Patrick. He got you a famous Monsters of Filmland issue. With Bayla Gosey on the cover. Look at that.

We are not a visual medium, so use your imagination. Wasn't that nice of him? That's very nice. But that's not all. He also got you treasure chest of fun and fact, Jesus Christ comics. I don't know what that is. Well, I have a subscription to this. He'll explain it.

uh did you have explained it is jesus coming out of his uh it is the catholic version of chick tracks a comic book series called treasure chest of fun and fact i love these they were handed out in parochial schools and also organizations such as four h and the boy scouts but that's not all okay patrick also sent you boris carloff tales of mystery comic book wow look at that wow isn't that impressive Perfect, Frank. Wasn't that nice of him? He sent me a mad magazine from 1971. Oh, yeah.

Which I appreciate. Oh, yeah. Very nice. You're going to love this. This is a copy of the Monster Times. Oh. That he also sent you. I think Patrick's sucking up.

Now, there's a werewolf of some... Oh, well, this is a drawer, and this is a... Yep. Where does Patrick? Has Patrick lived? Does he live some place? heroines, the trouble with Star Trek, and, oh, and werewolves.

Yep, yep. And this one I love, this is TV's greatest detective hits. Oh, geez. The greatest hits, Canon, the Rockford Files, CoJack, Macmillan, and Wife, and McLeod, by the Johnny Gregory Orchestra. You know, Gilbert, enjoy that. I, the Johnny Gregory Orchestra. You're a big fan, aren't you?

I have all of their albums. What he writes is, I'm going to say something that may seem a little weird fellas. None of these items are really worth all that much. And I say that because they should be read and enjoyed, opened, and back covers folded in. Feel free to pass them onto youngsters. And it would be a shame to treat them like museum pieces. So he's basically saying don't keep them in the plastic. Don't put them up on the wall or frame them. So basically, I'll wipe my ass with these magazines you gave me. That was from Patrick Rodale. Thank you, Patrick. Thank you, Patrick. Paul, do you want to thank Patrick for your $2 bill?

Patrick, thank you for my $2 bill. Where do you find a $2 bill these days? In your pocket. Apparently. Now, this is from another listener. This is from David Pavoni. And he sent you, Gill. Open it up.

Oh, I'm scared. Yes. This is for you. Okay. It's a book. You want to say what it is? Golf in Hollywood. It's the history of golf in Hollywood.

Where stars come out. Oh, Oliver Hardy. Yeah. It's a. It's a great little coffee table book. Johnny Wisemuller? Yeah. It's a black and white coffee table book.

Bob Hope must be a central figure. Bob Hope's on the cover. You know, this book reeks of anti-Semitism. How do you mean that? Why do you say that? This is all of those like golf places that the Jews were not. This is the reason they built Hillcrest. That's right.

Because the Jews were not allowed. What was the story about Groucho that his daughter was, Oh, because she could go because she was... Yeah, they said, his Groucho's daughter wanted to go into the pool, and the manager said, oh, she can't go in the pool because she's Jewish. And Groucho said,

well, she's only half Jewish. Can she go up in the pool just from the waist down? There you go. That's the story. So every one of these people in here is an anti-Semite. Johnny Weissmuller, Oliver Hardy. I'm sure

that's why he sent it to you. Oh, Bing Crosby. Why he singled you out. All Jew haters. This is a Jew-Hater book. This is a guide to Jew-Haters Golf in Hollywood.

That's his way of saying thank you, David. Thank you. I'll see you at the American Nazi party. Isn't that a club where Bin Crosby wrote White Supremus Christmas? That's it. All right.

Gilbert's very impressed with the golf in Hollywood book. Yes. Thank you, David. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. At Fandwell Casino, you get even more ways to play. Dive into new

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Fly better. Now, these were sent. Dara, there's one for you here. These were sent by listener Rob Martinez. Frank, I believe I gave you yours. Oh, yeah. The CD mix. There's one for Raybone floating around my house somewhere that I have temporarily misplaced.

But maybe Gilbert and Dara can share one. We could do that. And Dara will give you. We live in the same neighborhood. Yeah, Rob is, Rob works in radio. and he made this for us and it's a Rob's 2018 Christmas CD

Gilbert you'll love some of these Percy the puny Poinsettia Do you know that? Oh it's my favorite Silent Night Gilbert you can learn how it goes That would be helpful Christmas is the time I say I love you by Billy Squire

Which I actually like Anyway take a look at that There's one for you Rob also sent a card of his family Very nice. No anti-Semites in the bunch. Darren, there's one here with your name on it. As I go through the bag.

Now, Gilbert, you're going to... Thank you, Rob. Now, Gilbert, you're going to... Oh, thank you, Rob. You're going to appreciate this. Oh. This... This is from...

Michelle Mantinen, super genius. It says on her greeting card. On her business card, rather. and she writes They all send personal letters Frank I'm a member of the Listener Society And I wanted to send you this in the gang

You and the gang this envelope of goodies For you Mad Magazine stamps Look at this These are These are Mad magazine Postage stamps Isn't that cool That's a whole sheet

Yep yep yep And for Gilbert Oh Gilbert's gonna get so excited But before I'm gonna build to that. I'm going to build to that. This is, are these more, these more, these are, these are, these are interesting. What are these? These are also Mad Magazine stamps with good jokes on them.

But Gilbert, she sent you chick tracks. Oh! Look at that. Those are the real McCoys, my friend. Let's see. This, this one looks like he's like a juvenile delinquent. Love that money. And the devil is watching.

I don't know where she got. these i don't know if she's hung on to these all these years and here's death and the title of it is high there oh i love these chick tracks you've talked about these before did we ever actually have any is it i don't know did somebody send any before someone did send me oh yeah that was the christmas in july we got those yeah the christmas in july so somebody i mean some people have hung on to these over the years obviously one of those frank yeah obviously michel is one of them paul's going to get all religious take a look at that uh what else did she send in here The imp, the imp, an issue of a, this is a fanzine, Gilbert, and it's devoted,

the entire issue is devoted to chicktracks. How about that? How about that? Do your fans love you or what? Oh my God. I love this one, the death cookie. Can you see this one, Paul? Yeah, there we go.

The death cookie. Another chick track. The death cookie. These are awesome. And this one's, uh, looks like my biography, it's title, Love That Money. Frank's going to get very excited Frank she says the money I have enclosed

is for Frank Verdeversa per his soupy sales-esque request Oh my God Is that another $2? No It's a fake 20 Oh You man

Hey for my For my birthday Beck and May Somebody got me Something like 10 trillion Zimbabwe dollars Have you seen these It's an actual Zimbabwe bill.

I have not. But, like, the value in the United States is, like, less than a penny or some insane thing. Okay, but this is the big winner from Michelle's packet. She says, the googly eyes I sent, these are for blind lemon raybone to replace his missing eyeballs. Finally, finally. So these are yours. Here's my only problem, though. You can thank Michelle.

If I can see, can I still play? That's what I don't know. That's the question. the tracks are for Gilbert I hope they help him to see the light and save his immortal soul I collected these

on various Bart obviously she's from Northern California Bart train rides around San Fran there you go I'll never give these nutballs

I'd never give these nutballs any money thank you guys for all you do with the podcast it's really a joy and you've turned my insanely long

three hour commute into time I look forward to every day I've even gotten my husband to listen Gilbert to just enough episodes that now when we watch movies, he yells, a la Gilbert.

See that actor? He's Jewish! Do you see what you've done? So thank you to Michelle. This is a wonderful collection of stuff as we move through the bag. And I think this is the last item. Oh, I also want to thank Ashley Esper for those wonderful Jack Frost greeting cards. Oh, those were fucking hilarious.

Frank, you got yours? Yes, yes. She did, she made Christmas greeting cards out of Jack Frost out of Bob Hope dolled up as Jack Frost. That frightening special. Yeah, weren't those wonderful? Yeah, that was, yeah. And I guess if you go to her Etsy page, Frank, you posted

on Facebook. Yeah, well, she posted it, I shared it. That if you go to her Etsy page, you can actually buy them and they're worth getting, because she did a wonderful job. And, let's see. okay gill this is going to get you really excited that's the last thing of the bag check this out these are from mike herman our friend mike herman so look at that rondo hatton a rondo hatton t-shirt can you believe that yes you could wear this as a night shirt i know or maybe darrow will

wear it to tantalize you what do you think dara max well max fit in this you need four maxes to fit this. This is an extra large. But look at that. He wears, he sleeps in oversized t-shirts. Give him that. Rondo Hatton, who work with Mickey Dolan's mother. That was so weird. As we pointed out on the show. But this one's going to wow you. Okay. Check this out. Dr. Butcher Medical Devi and I saw the word butcher. Can you believe this? This is the one that Gilbert talks about on the show, the horror film that he talks about.

It's a guinea horror film. Yeah. The best kind. Yeah. It was like, it was like supposedly directed by John Martin. Read the, read this the little line at the top. Go ahead, Gil. You want to read the top of that shirt from our pal Mike Herman?

He is a depraved sadistic rapist, a bloodthirsty, homicidal killer, and he makes housecoles. Dr. Butcher M.D. Medical Deviate. Gilbert, you could fit in that. Yeah. You're putting weight on. Mike, maybe some sizes one down. Yeah. Or two down.

Will Max really sleep in the Rondo Hatton shirt? Yeah. Okay. I thought you would like that. And also, our friend John Fodiattis got the third shirt in the bag because he's obsessed with Grandpa Al Lewis. Oh, okay. John, you want, do you have it?

Do you want to hold it up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. John has a, I'm doing this like this is a visual medium. Like people can see what he's holding up. Hold it up in front of the mic. Yes, John got a, look at this, Gilbert. It's from Grandpa's Bella, Belagente, Italian restaurant. I remember I would pass by that restaurant.

On Booker Street. Yeah, that was on the outside of the restaurant. That's the one. Isn't that nice? So we have to thank all of these people. I'm going to go through the list. And thank you, Rosalie and Joel Brava for the lovely Christmas card. Here, Gilbert, some people sent you a Christmas card, even though you're not of that persuasion.

We want to thank Rosalie and Joel. We'll thank Rob Martinez for the great CD collection. Mike Herman for the T-shirts, Leslie Esper for the Bob Hope card, David Pavone, for the golf and Hollywood book that Gilbert insists is anti-Semitic. Yes. Patrick Bowdale for sending you the wonderful... album by the David, who is it, the Jeff? The John Gregory, Johnny Gregory.

The John Gregory Orchestra? The Johnny Gregory Orchestra. Yes. So you know those aren't sound-alikes. Those are all originals. And Josh Frank for the Marks Brothers book, he sent, Daniel Kinski for the Marks Brothers Coffee Tablebook, Chris Bly, and Ned Hastings for the DVDs. They sent, Ned Hastings sent us the guerrilla DVDs that led to the bad ape movies.

episode that we did. Mike Eslinger, who sent his books, the Willy Wonka book. I want to thank Michael Bonfiglio, our friend, for the DVDs that he sent, and Eric Rine sent us some orange-flavored coffee. Oh!

As a Caesar Romero. John, I believe you've got some. But is that thing? Check, Eric, so I'm glad you mentioned it. Yeah, Eric is a piece of work, and Eric and John, or Tom Fokiacas, who was on an earlier episode. have become fast buds on Facebook.

They're obsessed with your chimp references. Oh, yeah. Gilbert on the show. Your Sunset Boulevard is the cundlingish chips. Yeah. Yeah. Late of the Ed Sullivan show. So I'm going to give you the $100 bill.

The $100 bill. Paul Frank gets the 20. That's it. We thank you people for being so generous and sending us gifts. Oh, Ferdorosa. Can you take us out with the cunolingus chimp music? Yes. Is there a cunolingus chimp music?

Yeah. This is right. Yeah. I wasn't aware of that. This has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsession. Thank you for all the wonderful gifts. See you next time. Me, sol, la, re-far, so, do me do fa, re-sost, do me do fa, re-so, so, so, so, so, do-me-do-me-ta, so-so, do-my-do-me-a-s, so-o, do-me, do-my-pa, si-res-in,

La do la part, sol, so, son. To me, do fa, si, re-simi, La do la, la, la, so, so, so. Misola, re-pare-sol, to me do not, sole, son, so on me do not far, re-sol, son. Don't me do not do far, re-sol, sol, to me do not, so, sol, only do me, ma, si rindini, the don't know of my son, sole. Domino fa, see me, redimi, me,

la don't know, soul, soul, soul. I don't know what I'm going to be able to be. So, pedi-o-de-o-o-de-o.