Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Rewind: Episode #40: Dave Attell

Episode Date: May 21, 2026

Gilbert and Frank sit down with one of their favorite funny people -- comic, writer and Comedy Central host Dave Attell, to talk about everything from Louis CK’s cult blaxploitation spoof “Pootie Tang” (featuring Dave in a small role) to Gilbert’s controversial (and costly) tsunami jokes to Danny Kaye’s (alleged) love affair with Sir Laurence Olivier. Also: Dave shares his passion for 70’s-era porn, reveals why he doesn’t consider himself a good actor and helps Gilbert and Frank dissect classic (and not-so-classic) movies like “Planet of the Apes,” “The Magnificent Seven” and “The Tingler.” PLUS: Tuesday Weld! Pat Morita! Hymie the Robot! The Three Stooges meet “The Dirty Dozen”! And Barbara Hershey becomes Barbara Seagull! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So, go to harris.com now, and Harries will give you $5 off if you type in the coupon code, Gilbert, with your first purchase. That's harris.com. And enter coupon code Gilbert at Checkout for $5 off. and start shaving better today. Hey, this is Gilbert Godfrey, and this is Gilbert Godfrey's amazing colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopatra. Our guest today is one of the funniest, bravest, and busiest stand-up comics in the business. He's also a writer, an occasional actor in movies like Judd Apatow's Funny People

and Louis C.K.'s cult classic Pouty Tang. He's the host of the show's Insomniac Comedy Underground with Dave Attell and Dave's old porn, a show he never invited me on despite my extensive familiarity with the subject. He's also the second youngest guest to be on our show, making him the only guest who hasn't had prostate surgery. Ladies and gentlemen, our pal Dave Attell.

Well, thank you, thank you, and thank you for having me on the show. Okay. There was a lot of credits. Now, were you discovered by Arthur Godfrey like a lot of... I really jump right into it here on the pocket. What is the name of the podcast, first of all?

Gilbert Godfrey's amazing colossal podcast. Wow. And with that, we jump right into old movies. Yes. It's an homage to a movie. Amazing colossal man. Was that before or after Goonies? Sorry, guys.

See, Arthur... Being the youngest guest ever on the podcast. Arthur Godfrey was a massive Jew hater. He was a total scumbag and a massive Jew hater. Put it in perspective. Like, if Arthur Godfrey and his... Hitler were together with Hitler go like, take it down. Yeah.

Look at easy, buddy. Whoa, roll out. Hey, chill out. Chill out. Artie. Although we had Ken Berry on the show, we tried desperately to get him to say something unkind about Arthur Godfrey. Oh, yeah.

He wouldn't go for it. Yeah. Here's my recollection of Ken Barry. I always think of him dancing, but wearing like girl sneakers. Yes. I think it was the style at the time in the early six. He was a kiddie shoe spokesman for a while. There you go.

That's the connection. Thank you, Frank. And did you ever see Ken Berry's show Wow? No, was that, what years are we talking here? 73, 74. The Kenberry Wow show. Those were hard years for me. I was on tour with Guess Who.

Oh, really? Wow. See, it was, back from the NOM. The Wow show was kind of like an even more dated version of laughing. Oh, oh, okay. Yeah. But Terry Gar was in the stock company and Steve Martin. And a bunch of people that didn't.

We're never heard from again. Carl Gottlie. Carl Gottlie, but Roeth Jaws. Yes, yes. Who author, oh, who authored Godfrey hated? Can I say one thing about Terry Gar and Young Frankenstein? Yes. That movie is a boner fest.

Oh, she was very hot. Wow, stunning. And, you know, there is that creepiness with, you know, Marty Feldman. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. I like that. Yeah, with this crooked eyes. I like that, yeah.

I like a little creep in it, you know. Yes. Now, I was shocked to hear, and I almost canceled you being on the show. What happened? When I heard you did jokes about the tsunami. The tsunami. Which tsunami are we talking about? There's been so many lately.

You can't pick a favorite. No, I said the tsunami is God's money shot. And I said it a long time ago. And then that joke has been repurposed by many people. You know, the tornado is God's rechurch. drowned and, you know, whatever. The format has been, I believe, hacked. Yeah.

Look how quiet it got in. Yeah. Did you think it was wrong to joke about the tsunami? Well, I mean, in hindsight, you know, seeing what a career breaker it is. Yes. Leave this tsunami alone.

I was totally on your side in terms of what happened to you with that tweet. Was it a tweet? Yeah, a couple of tweets. One of several. Yeah. You know, a tweet can get you fired, but a brick through a window. Nobody cares.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying as a store owner. And yet, what was the tsunami before the Japanese one? The tsunami before that. Was there? There was the earthquake in Haiti. No, it was the one in the, I thought yours was the Indonesian tsunami that you got upset on.

No, mine was the Japanese. Yes. Yes. What was it, was it Haiti or? Our research team is looking it up. Yeah, we'll get back to you. We'll get back to you. Gone from Arthur Godfrey to see.

Our favorite tsunamis. At least you've moved past this. Yes, yes. Because there was a, do you remember the sitcom? Our favorite tsunamis with Dan Daly. See, the Indian Ocean.

No one gave a fuck about that one. I don't care. Yeah. It just... I mean, look at the world we live in now. Like a tsunami is almost a breath of fresh air. Yeah. And you're probably wondering how our mayor would handle that.

Yeah. Since we're talking about this, Dave, and the hot water Gilbert got in for the tsunami joke. Has this anything like that ever happened to you? Has there ever been a joke that really created more trouble and it was worth? Oh, I've had like my situations with jokes and all that, but I would say the thing about Gilbert is that he's out there more on the media. Like you're a tech guy. Like you're out there tweeting and all that kind of stuff. I do the bare minimum.

You know, I really, I like to, I don't enjoy doing it. I feel like I'm too old to do it. And I know you get some guests on here. I assume Henry Winkler must do it or Adam West. Oh, yeah. Well, people doing it for them. Oh, okay, there you go. Well, I have kind of the same situation.

I have people helping me do stuff. But I would say that most of my troubles with jokes always happen in the clubs, you know. Just somebody screaming, you suck, or that's not funny, or, you know, my aunt died from a deer attack. I remember there was like a wave of ironic deaths, and you could not, like, oh, an icicle killed my grand. grandpa, you know, and you can't make fun of anything, you know? Do you remember this? Well, you know what's so funny? It's like whenever the most recent death is, like if someone's killed by a deer attack, and then they'll show like a cartoon or TV show with a guy dressed as a deer that was made like two years earlier, they'll go, how dare they think that dears are funny?

Don't we know they're a, they form, they commit tragic. murders. I have no idea what a deer is any. What is that? A gay dog? What is it? Does anybody know? I live in the city. I don't know these things. Santa Claus got pulled by gay dogs. You know,

here's the thing. I really never knew you that well, but I love that you do my comedy underground show because I think that you are the best. Nobody takes it as far as you. I know when what I like about you is you never let go of a joke. Other guys

decide to stop. You never do. You grind it. And I like that. You really do. You were the Vek Kong, buddy. You just never stop. You never sleep. You should listen to the Steve Cox episode of this podcast. Who is Steve Cox again? He's a writer, an L.A. based writer. But Gilbert

was shined in that particular episode. I got hooked on, see, because you're familiar with Danny Thomas's fetish. Yes. Yeah. Oh, wait. I don't know about his fetish. What? Children's hospitals? No. Is that a cake now

to help children? That's a real Fetish of his. Him and Marlowe? Allegedly, I have to throw in. Danny Thomas would lie under a glass coffee table, and he'd have hookers take a shit on the table. Wow. Yeah.

That's alleged. Yeah. We have to say that, just in case Marlowe's listening. That might be a cultural thing, you know. I think he's mid-eastern. Lebanese. Yeah, in Lebanon. Maybe that's their bingo.

That could be their monopoly. Their nose. Bingo. Every man in Lebanon has a glass coffee table. It's their version of toss across. They ship in on a private jet. Curts to shit. Look at all the goodies done.

You know, I mean, really, look at the whole man. I mean, you know, it's the whole man. Exactly. It's the whole. Yeah. We definitely mean the whole man. Now, now, Danny Thomas was in. then make room for daddy, right?

Make room for duty. Yes. Now, did you watch that as a boy? Was that one of your shows? Yes. What were your shows growing up? You come home for school, right? Well, I like Get Smart.

Take me through the whole thing. You come home from school after a vicious bullying. Because I cannot see you not being bullied. There were many. Old school bullying. Books, glasses, your short pants being pulled down or wedgied. And that was back when bullying was,

was accepted part of growing up. It was. Character building, yes. Now, only later it became a thing. Oh, yeah. Everybody's so sensitive now. I'd be curious, what did you watch when you came home? Yeah, come home. Well, I remember in the afternoon

they'd have Captain Jack McCarthy show Popeye cartoons. Free bells at all as well. When I was in elementary school, I was a few blocks from my house. So I would watch Captain Jack McCarthy show those. But then they changed it over to Bewitch, which I watched, but didn't like it as much. I would watch both of the. I would watch Popeye and then Bewitch I would watch that too. Did you want to fuck Elizabeth Montgomery?

I guess I did, but I was more of an I dream of genie. That I think was like the first actual like, wow, look at that. That's a woman, you know? And Barbara E.E. Eden. I mean, it's still beautiful. Oh, yeah. She must be a genie because she really is holding up wealth, don't you think? Yeah. Oh, yes. And we spoke to another Barbara, Barbara Felton. Oh, you did. Who also looks great. Which I, by the way, think that is a underrated show, Get Smart. Get Smart. I love it. I love it. And what's his name? The guy who played Jaime.

Is it Godier? Yes, we were talking about getting him on the show if he's not dead. No, he's not. He's a celebrated artist. He's a painter. 99% of the guest on the show are dead. That's fine. My career died here.

I assume my career is dead on the elevator ride up to your apartment. But Gilbert, I have to tell you like that, get smart. I think that was like a, I mean, there was so many great jokes in there, you know? And who was the league guy again? What's the name? Don Adams. Now, Don Adams, interesting thing in World War II, he was a, you know, the Graves, registration guys, the guys who like when all the guys would die in the battle, he'd have to go

there and put the tag on the toe and all that kind of stuff. He did that. I believe that was his job in the military. Wow. And it supposedly affected him for the rest of his life. So I guess when they would say cut, he would go into this nightmarish flashback, you know, slapping around Jaime. That's a great way to say masturbation. Yeah, whatever it is. Slaping around Jaime. I was so pleased that the Get Smart movie, which wasn't good. No. Which won the news. Woodbomb? No, no, no. The New Gets more.

Oh, the Steve Correll. Steve Correll and what's your name? It's Anne Hathaway. Yeah. Chemistry. Oh, yeah. The chemistry there. But I was glad that they cast Patrick Warburton as Jaime.

I don't know who that is. Because he was the guy who played putty. Oh, the guy from rules of engagement. When I first saw him, I said, that guy reminds me of Dick Odey. He had that same deadpan big guy. style about him. So was that the show that like so now you're home, right?

So that's like your afternoon shows. I like get smart. I like Ronan Martin's laughing. I didn't really get that show. I didn't see what it was. I know it was subversive and all that stuff. Yeah. I assume you would be more of a smothers brothers, man.

I did like the smothers brothers. Although I kind of felt when they were getting too political. Yes. After a while, it was getting like, all right, you know, just just say, Mom always liked you best. I know you're sitting there holding your

Nixon in 74. Oh, yeah. But I have to ask you guys this because you guys know TV better than me. How does like others, are the smother brothers are still alive. They sure are. And that was like two seasons

and then they were thrown off the air because of their support. I'm working with Tommy next month. How did they get through the many years without money coming in? Did they tour? What did they do? That, I don't know.

Don't you want to know this, Gilbert? I want to know. We should have asked we had David Steinberg on the show. He must be the, him and Sid Caesar, I believe, probably with a master of budgets. They must have ate like every other year. This is the year I can't eat. And then I got eight bucks. You know, if we get Tommy on the show, that's a good question.

I think they played clubs and they played Vegas. Yeah. For a while, they had an act. They must have, like, written for other people or something. I don't know. They must have done something. Yeah, I'm sure they did a lot of life performing. And that wasn't today's TV money.

You know, that wasn't like huge money. I don't even know what they, I guess they paid you in pot or something back in that era. Tommy did a lot of guest bots TV, did a couple of movies. He's in a Bill Persky movie called Serial. Oh, Martin Mullen Tuesday Weld. So he worked a little bit. Tuesday Weld. Yeah, it's another one.

Nice. And then David Steinberg, fuck Tuesday Wells. He did. Yes. This is news to me. Yes. Wow. David Steinberg, fuck Tuesday.

Wednesday Wells. Wow. And, and he said he one time met Orson Wells. And he, you know, he's, of course, thrilled to meet Austin Wells. And they were talking. And Austin Wells goes, so you were having sex with Tuesday Well. And he knew this. Wow. Yeah.

Can we open the window to let some of your ancient gossip? Anything on Cleopatra? Yeah, we got some dirt on her. Wow. We had David Steinberg on this show for an hour, and he never, he buried the lead. Yes. Never mentioned it. He's a class act.

That's what we call it, a class act. Now, David Snyder, like, where did he come from? He has to be like some kind of, like, a professor, like, what happened? Canada. Oh, Canadian guy. There you go. He came on the scene about the same time as Robert Klein. as the college-educated Jews.

Yes. That's when it became like, you know, there are Jews and they're going to college. Which brings up one of my favorite movies, Goodbye Columbus. Oh, yeah. Which, Dick Benjamin. Yeah, we talked about getting him for the show too. Yeah.

Jack Lugman. Dick Benjamin, I believe, is the prototype Asperger guy. You know, he's kind of like he's a low talker. He's nervous. He's no eye contact. He's that kind of guy. And he directed Gilbert in a movie. He did.

never, I didn't get that part. I didn't get that. I auditioned. I auditioned for a great Haunted honeymoon. What was the movie? No, no. That was Gene Weld. Even better. I auditioned for and didn't get my stepmother's an alien.

Oh, I'm sorry about that. Dan Aykroyd. Yeah. But it dodged. Yes. That was a Spirit Award performance. So what about you, Dave? Coming home from school? Oh, yeah, that's a good question. Thank you. What did you, what were your passions? What didn't I watch?

I was a fat, what's my call it? Fat here with asthma, so TV was my best friend. And I would start watching, like, you know, because I guess you could say I'm my generation behind Gilbert. So we'd watch all the Scooby-Doo's, of course. And, you know, then we'd work our way into, I guess you could say, the live action stuff, like the HR Puffin stuff. And then as the evening rolled in, we would work our way through, you know,

one of my favorite shows, The Magician, with Bill Bixby. Oh, wow. That's a reference. By the way, you're talking about prostate. That's how he went down. They say he was directing Blossom in his last years. And they say he would collapse to the floor in pain. And then after a while they had him directing, they would bring out a couch.

And he would lie down on the couch and direct the show because he was in such tremendous pain. You sure wasn't just the show Blossom. I could never sit through a whole one. What was her thing? She was a six, but she had the brain of a 12. I never got that show. That might be small wonder, you're thinking of. Poor Bill Biggs.

Small wonder. Oh, well, either way, yeah, Bill Biggs, that was a great show because he was a magician. Sure. And, you know, he had the African-American friend who was his, I guess, bodyguard, and they would fly around on a plane. And he would use his magic to solve murders and crimes. Who was this African-American friend? He was a big ball, black guy, really good guy. He's got a research team on Bill Bixby and the magician.

Let's see. Flip Wilson had hair. Not Philip Wilson. Finally, you guys are the perfect guy. I just read Flip Wilson's, I guess, biography. Did you guys read that? No. Flip Wilson, by the way, who was, I think my dad loved him, was like the first really crossover comic.

He was like Cosby was, but then. Philip Wilson really was like the guy who was like he had the top show in America, I believe, in the early 70s. Everybody watched his show. Yes. And Flip was, you know, he was really a trip, that guy. He really, you know, all the characters. And I know you love characters. Yeah.

You do. And he also would do the dressing up as a woman, which, uh, I, that doesn't seem to play the way you used to. The dressing up as a woman. Every single black comic now seems to dress up as a woman. to dress up as a big, fat black woman. I think you're only thinking of Tyler Perry. Well, no, Eddie Murphy. Uh-huh. Martin Lawrence.

And Martin Lawrence. Right. Just not to interrupt, but the actor is Julian Christopher. Is he alive? I don't know. Well, let's get him. Oh, me. Well, I have a lot of other great shows that I would watch. And then there's, like, the shows from my, I guess, teens that really had an impression on me.

Like, Magnum P.I. That's Tom Selleck. This is before Blue Bloods and his other many shows, his friend's appearance. He really, that show was really kind of like a, you know, before like a, before there was that show, I would just watch it and it would get me like a roused. Okay, here's something I know. You never watch that show, though. You probably work in the clubs by that point. Yeah, I, I remember years ago, they would refer to Charlie's Angels.

They would write about it and talk about it like, this was porn. I'm a bigel TV. Yes. I used to call it. Yes. And I watched that, even as a horny kid, I watched it and goes, where's the sexy part of this year? Yes. Do you remember a network battle of the stars where they would get all the, like, Carol Wayne and all the Bucksum.

Carol Wayne and those were good. Angelian and they'd get them all in a Dixon, all of them. The solid gold dancers, that was porn. That was a different, yeah, no, I don't think I was ready for that yet. But, you know, in the pre-interview, we talked about like Star-Dixon. Trek and things like that. And I assume that, you know, you're not really a nerd, are you? You're not into...

No, I'm a really cool guy. You're a cool guy. A tastemaker, as it's called him. I'm totally hip. But Star Trek was never your thing. Never got into Star Trek. And how about Star Wars? Were you into that?

I hated Star Wars. You hated Star Wars. Interesting. Did you walk out in a, in like, a disgust? No, I watched the whole thing, but I remember at the end, I went, I don't get it. I don't get it. But we are all plenty of the apes fans. Oh, there you go.

Yes. Did you like the three stooges? I love the three stooges. You know what? I have to tell you that I didn't really like it. I had three brothers. Wow. So it was a little too close to home.

And we did, you know, that was back when people would beat each other up. So we really were like fighting each other all. Oh, so. So it was too autobiographical. It was too autobiographical. And I never got the whole idea of why are they, like, what's their origin story? Like, why are they orphaned? Like, where are they going?

Are they, like, searching for parents? What is origin story? Yeah, and where are they? They're like in some, what town are they? They're in some weird town. It's like a, it's not a coastal town. You know, it got me years ago. Kansas City or something.

With movies and TV shows like Abin and Costello's TV show. That I watched. Is that the idea of men who are partners. Yeah. And they were totally straight. Right. Sharing an apartment. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. They lived together. They slug. together like the stoo-its. And they call themselves partners, but there was nothing gay about that. Nothing at all.

They were like down on their luck. It's like the depression or something. Nobody can afford gay. They wish they could afford gay. There was no gay back then. It was just hungry and eating. I think Bud and Lou may have shared a bed on the old Abbot and the Stoge's

were always. And Laurel and Hardy, too. Oh, yes. Who would you watch? I think the stooges is kind of like point you're really only watching alone. You don't invite friends over. I'm like, let's watch some stooges. Do you? I, if they're into the stooges.

Yeah. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. While we're talking about obscure TV, Dave, our mutual friend Dave Justgow, the sister that I ask you about a show called Arc 2. Well, this has got to be out of you guys. Like, I'm sorry, this is no way that you guys watch this show. This is the geekiest show out there. There's a thing called Saturday morning TV. This is before the, you know, where you could like decide to watch whatever you want on Saturday morning.

You had to watch whatever they put up there. And they did the show was about a post-apocalyptic world where these people, it was a blonde Norwegian-looking Abba type dude, a beautiful Asian woman and a chimp that talked. And they're all dressed up as dentists. And they travel around in this post-apocalyptic world. They have weapons, but none of them hurt anybody. And they just solve, it's all about the,

environment and stuff like that. It was like a 70s kind of show. Did their weapons have that TV laser gun sound of they had like a bright light. Remember that was the thing to scare off like the you know the mutants and then there was a lot of, I'm glad

Dave brought that up because that's like one of our connection that's a really good show for us. We both enjoyed that show. And who was on it? I don't know. I told you the biggest 15 episodes Helen Hunt did a guest spot on it. We looked it up before you got here. But let's Helen Hunt, what won't you do? You know what I'm talking about it's Arc 2 or

a show with what's it. Paul Reiser, you know him, right? Yes. Helen Hunt, though, she did this movie, what was it? Something Dance. Water dance, yeah. With Eric Stoltz. And he's crippled. He's working for his Academy Award

by being a crippled in a movie. But she has sex with him and she had a great body back in the day. She did. Yeah. Fully loaded, as we say. Yes. There's a couple of people like that that, you know, you're just looking at me, like, wow, not bad, you know? Like, who is the, I also like the actresses that, like, are, like, hiddenly, they're Jewish, you know what I'm saying?

But they never play a Jewish part. Oh, yeah. Well, Helen Hunt. Helen, is she Jewish? She's a Jew. No way. What about Melanie Griffin? No way.

Melanie Griffin? No, no, no. What about, let's go through the... In fact, Melanie Griffin, she did that World War II. movie with Michael Shining through something like that. She's Tippy Hadron's daughter, so she couldn't possibly be Jewish.

And so they asked her to show how bright Melanie Griffith is. They said, they saw what she learned, studying up for that World War II movie, and she said, I didn't know they killed

six million Jews. Really? Yeah. Wow. Definitely not Jewish. Wow. that's her tsunami joke right there and then she

covered up for it by saying I thought it was just a few thousand you know how they exaggerate yeah the little quotes in the air you know them

they're emotional you could see her PR people go no shut up don't don't should we cross Melanie Griffith off the invite list

yes I guess so I don't think she's the right cut for this show oh secretly sexy well bar Barbara Felden. She's Jewish, of course.

No, she wasn't a Jew at all. What about Barbara Eden? Was she Jewish? No, no, no. I figured with that Jewish name, Eden. That's somewhere in the Braun family. Who are some other sexy? I'm trying to think of the woman.

She always looks like she's from the Ozarks, but she's beautiful cheekbones, dark. What was she in? She was in a movie where, like, The Haunted House was having sex with her all the time. I believe it was called the Changeling or something. Oh, the Haunted House was having sex with her. Sorry.

The changeling is the one with George C. Scott and the haunted wheelchair. Oh, no. By the way, I love George C. Scott. David Dolph was a big movie for me. Yeah. Oh, I remember that one. Yeah. Fah, love B, not.

You know, that whole thing they were doing there. I believe that's coding. I don't know what they're actually talking about. And George C. Scott was also in... Hardcore. Yeah. Oh, there you go. That's my daughter.

There you go. which was basically the searchers. It was basically John Ford's The Searchers put into the world of porn. Yes. That was in San Francisco, right? That was like old San Francisco. Yeah.

Ever worked there in the 70s or anything like that? No. No. But, oh, and George C. Scott also did... Patent. Yeah, Patton. That was a great one. You know, Patton was a Jew hater.

Oh, I heard he had a little mousy voice in that George C. Scott said, I'm not going to play him like that. I'm going to play me. But yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. And there's recordings of him going, I hate the Jews.

Really? I'm going to fight Hitler, but I hate the Jews. Yes. And George Scott decided not to play it like that. He played him as a Jew-liking. That was the original working title. Barbara Hershey. Barbara Hershey.

Oh, Barbara Hershey. She was Barbara Siegel first. Yes. Whoa. Seagull. No, she became Barbara Seagull. Because she saw a dead seagull on the beach. No way.

You are correct. And believe that the soul of the seagull entered her body. No, you're making this son. No, I wish. Really? Google it, people. Yeah. She was originally Barbara Hershey. She saw a dead seagull.

Believe that that seagull's soul entered her body and then changed the name to Barbara Seagull. Wow. So how did George Segal pick his name? He was playing the banjo. We all know that. He was playing some low-end bluegrass. My accountant knows how to play the banjo bluegrass. I like George Segal movie that I like is Bye Bye Braverman. It's a good one. That's one of his first ones. Yeah. He's got a... What's his name?

Sorrell Book. Oh, Sorrell Book from the Dukes of Hazard. Yes. Right. Joseph Wiseman and Jack Warden. Wow. Yeah. Is that Paul Miseries movie?

No. Sidney Lema. You're right. You're right. And Alan King is in it. No. And Gaffrey Cambridge. It took me years to figure out that Alan King was a movie actor.

Like, I never thought of him as a movie. Oh, a lot of movies. Yeah. He's in that movie with Ali McGregard. Grau that's that Sydney Lumet made. Really? Just tell me what you want. Oh, yes. And Henry directed him in that memories of me with Billy Crystal.

Wow. And he was in casino with Robert DeRoy. Yeah, that I know. Now, speaking of movies, Dave, you've been in a few movies. Oh, okay. But I've heard you say that you don't think of yourself, you don't think you're much of an actor. Oh, I'm a horrible actor. I really don't get it. I have no

idea what's going on there. And I don't even know why people want to do it. I understand that like people want to be famous and that if you're the top like 15 actors in the world you make a lot of money and you know it's amazing and all that kind of stuff but I have no idea what people get out of it I don't I it's so unlike stand-up

but you were in of course the classic pooty tang which Gilbert and I were discussing Gilbert I can't believe you weren't in that movie it's kind of like a comics comics oh yes I guess they didn't see me as a comic that was Louis I like to call it boy Louis when he was really the young guy because he's always younger than me but he

must have been like, I don't know, like 30, if that. And he directed a movie. And I remember them, he was getting a lot of trouble from the studio. And they wanted to take the movie away from him or something like that. But it was amazing how confident he was in directing this movie. And let's face it, it's not the greatest movie, but there's some great moments in that movie. Well, for people who haven't seen it, it's a parody of black exploitation movies of the 70s. Right.

Now they would consider that a hate crime. Yeah. If you see the movie, make sure to turn your way. away from it. What part did you play? I played the underling of the evil white guy who was trying

to destroy Pouti Teng. And that guy was also, he was in, he was a 70s actor. A man from uncle. Robert Vaughn. Robert Vaugh. Right. Yes. And that was cool. And he was a really cool dude. And I remember asking him something on the set. And I'm not a big, you know,

like whatever. I asked him like, you know, like, you know, some kind of acting thing. I didn't know what to ask him or something like that. And he was like you just show up. You know, something like one of those like, you know, like, you know, I'm a good actor, so I really don't care. And then I realized I said like, you know what? I'm going to take it a step

further. I'm not going to show up. I don't care about this. Robert, Robin. Robert Vaughn also starting teenage Cape Man. Correct. Yes. And he's in the Magnificent Seven. Oh, that's right. That's a great. Now I had a big influence on me too. Okay. Here's my problem with the Magnificent Seven.

Go ahead. It starts out as the coolest picture ever. Yeah. I mean, all those guys are at their coolest. Yul Brinner. And Charles Bronson. Oh, yeah, my favorite. Oh, yeah.

And then I don't understand the middle section where the Mexicans win. Yeah. They take away all their guns from the Magnificent Seven. Yeah. And for some reason, they decide not, not, not only not to kill them, but to give them their weapons back. Oh, the banditos, you're talking about.

Yeah. The bad Mexicans. That's when the movie lost me. I have, like, love, hate with that movie, because I did watch it with my gardener. He seemed to tune out. He liked the middle,

did not like the beginning, nor the end. No, I love that movie. That was, like, that, the wild bunch, that whole, like, kind of, like, border, Mexico, kind of cool. I love that time. Like they're like Once again, they're like,

renegate guys, much like the three stoogers. They're like, they're like ex-military guys or something, and they're down in Mexico. It's like their last chance. Well, like the dirty dozen. The dirty dozen.

Kelly's Heroes is another one. Kelly's of Wallace, by the way. Yeah. Do you like them better as a TV star on Cojack, or do you like him as a movie guy? Because the movie guy, he really rocks with the character stuff.

You know? I like him as a movie star. the guy being stalked by the killer doll and that twilight set us. Oh, that's great. Talking, talking Tina. That's right. That's another show that really was. And he was a Russian guy and I don't know if it was called like

Horror Train. Oh, oh, the Horror Express. Horror Express. Sure. A hammer film, I think. It was written by my old film school professor. Oh, geez. I'd like to mention him. Since you brought it up. Yes. But that was the time in, in I guess, show business where only like five ugly guys were allowed.

Oh, you know. Now it's like a, it's a fug-off out there. I'm like, I'm not even that bad looking now compared to some of the uglies. Do you, oh, do you know who Tully Savalas's niece is? No. Jennifer Aniston. No way. I did know that.

Yeah. Talk about, I guess ugly skips a generation. Yeah, really. She's Greek. She is a Greek. Yeah. So they're related, believe it or not. Because she's actually bald.

She is. Wow. And sucks on lollipops during the day. So let me ask you, since you guys are the experts. Yes. Now, Zero Mostel, who was in, you know, a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad. No, he wasn't in that. No, he was in the producers.

He was in the producers. Yes. Which is probably one of the greatest movies ever made. Yes. Yeah. Did you guys see that in a theater? Did you see that on TV? I saw it on TV.

Oh, you did? That was a great movie. I would love to have seen that movie in a theater. Like, that's one of the few. Because I don't go to movies now. Me and Just Cowell, we both do not like to. We like to watch it at home in our own sad worlds. We don't like to go to movies.

Well, like, there's certain getting back to, like, Charles Bronson. Go ahead. I saw Death Wish when it first came out. In a movie here in Manhattan? Yes. No, in a movie in Brooklyn. And New York was a shitty place back then. Yeah.

75 or 74, I think. Yeah. That movie. And I felt like you can't get the impact now what Death Wish meant back then. Yeah. Like the audience would go out of their minds

when he'd shoot down a mugger. They loved it. Yeah, they would go nuts in the theater. They were screaming and applauding and cheering. So, you know, I would say that, you know, you invited me to talk about a lot of things and I'd have to say that we should probably give that planet of the apes

it's time. So how old were you when you first experienced the, you know, people P-O-A. I saw it. I went with my father. You did. Wow. You told me this. I was very small. I went with my father. And I loved the first one. First one was shocking. Shocked me. Yeah. That, that I, I loved the first one. After that I felt like I totally lost interest in all those sequels. What are you talking about? Well, here's my favorite thing of Planet of the Apes is they tried to get political and put a civil rights message in it but they would have the apes as servants

so as to say something good and protect black people we're comparing them to apes in these movies I saw that I saw that a bit mostly in the hairstyles and the that's right from the beginning though I mean that's in the novel that it's a

Yeah, I mean, it's there right from the first film. But I thought they're making a civil rights message, but they are saying that black people are apes according to this book. Well, I kind of look past that for just the amazing coolness of the actual movie. And you like the sequels. I love Beneath the Planet of the Apes. James Francisco. Yes, James Francisco, Return to the Planet of the Ape. I like all of them.

And then I even watch the ape TV show that. was on. Oh, God. That went on for a long time. Oh, my God. That probably jumped the shark on. I remember, Claude Aikins. Yes. It was one of the apes. How did they get him, you think? I mean, he was a big star at that point now. Yeah, Claude Echin's great. Ricardo Maltobon's in the third one.

Oh, yes. He was excellent. Right. I think Paul Williams. He's one of the Apes. No way. Yes, he is. Yes, I believe he's one of the orangutans. Yeah. The Lernard. It may be in the third one or the By the battle of the Planet of the Apes, which is the fifth one, I was gone. Well, with all those sequels, when they start going, well, this is back in time,

but in the future, back in time. And there's been a mishap, and we went backwards on the planet. You don't like any of that. Yeah, after all, it gets a little confusing. I like it. Like, here's another movie. We're talking about Charlton Heston,

who was a huge, great, you know, I didn't see the new Moses movie, but I assumed. He showed his ass. He did. Yeah, he did. With Nova, another girl's super hot. Not a Jew.

I assume she's not a Jew. Yeah, she was totally hot that girl. She was either married or she was the girlfriend of one of the studio executives. Oh, that makes sense. That's why she was in that film. But Omega Man, which is another really important movie. Oh, with the zombies. Yeah, there was like a before zombie.

But it also had like a cult thing to it, the pandemic. You know, I had to touch on a lot of today's issues. There is a interracial coupling of Charlton and this. like super hot African-American one with an Afro like 70s style. And, you know, I just have to say that I know he's known as like this kind of right wing

gun guy, but that movie was awesome. I loved it. Well, he marched for civil rights, Charlton Heston. Did he? Yeah, he did. And it was kind of unfair when like Michael Moore ambushed him. Sure. And it, because he wasn't a racist.

He's not a racist. Yeah. He was a rightist. He was a gunnuck. Oh, yeah. He's a gun or raise us. You like guns, but who doesn't? Yeah. You're packing now, aren't you? Yeah, I can't see why you wouldn't.

I'm talking to Dave right now and I want to shoot him. I don't blame you. But wait, hold on it. There's something about the, you know, movies are remade for our times. Like the Omega Man was remade with, I believe, Denzel. No, who was? Will Smith. Will Smith.

Now, why did it have to be Will Smith? And I'm not saying he's not bad, but that remake was not that. good. No. I mean, there was that dog in it with the butterfly. That was interesting, but it's cute. And then, but wasn't it, was the Omega Man also, wasn't that also the Vincent Price? That was

I think there was another one with Vincent Price because of the last man on earth. Yeah, that's the original, original of it. And last man on earth, what are your thoughts on that? I mean, there's no bad Vincent Price as far as Gilbert's concerned. I love, I love the tingler.

What's that? Yeah. Just thought. It's this really cheap horror film. And the tingler is this like rubber. It looks like a rubber centipede. It's the worst. And it's believed through real advanced science that when someone is scared, a tingler lives on their spine

and will crush them and kill them unless they scream. And there's one part of the movie where a tingler gets loose in a movie theater. Oh, wow. Wow. And William Castle, who produced it, had buzzers in the seats. So he'd buzz people. And so it was a double thing.

Like, because he gets loose in the theater and Finch and Price goes in the movie, The Tiegler, losing the theater. Scream. Scream for your life. The Tiggler. It's scream. Scream for your lives. And everyone would scream.

and then my favorite part, after the tingler gets loose in the theater and he's yelling for them to scream, they capture the tingler and Vincent Price says in the movie, which also takes place in a movie theater, the tingler has been captured. The movie will resume shortly. And the tingler is the worst-looking prop in the history. So obviously pulled on a street. Just awful. And I have a great affection for William Castle, but that movie, you could barely get through it.

It's like grade Z. I don't know. I was half listening. Now, the tingler, it's not like a Danny Thomas thing. It's not somebody who's sex. I'm going to pull a tingler on her. The tingler is losing my assholes. Oh, scream.

Scream. Let's talk a little bit about stand-up, Dave. First of all, I'd be curious. How did you and Gilbert? No, let's just talk about the time. How did you guys meet? You remember meeting? I think, you know, as a young boy comic, I probably ran into Gilbert a couple of times.

Probably a catcher rising star, the old catch rising star. But, you know, stand-up wise, you know, he is an icon. He is a legend. And, you know, what I love about Gilbert is, you know, he does not retreat. You know, I consider myself, you know, I've done the easy joke to get out of a horrible situation. But I don't think Gilbert ever does that. I don't even know if he's even built to do that. So he is kind of like, you know, you are the Ahab.

You're going to find out. As I pointed out the other day is the only comic that's still doing funny Asian voices. Yes. In his act. Some things need to be said. Yes. No, I, do you? I'm sorry.

I'm controlling that thing. No, I was just going to ask. Well, Gilbert got on stage for the first time at 15, which we've talked about a lot on the show. Wow. At 15, I had no desire to be in show business at all. I wanted to be like a helicopter podcast. or, I don't know, something with dirt bikes. And before we forget, because you mentioned Ahab,

Yeah. What do you're doing, you're seeing well, man? Very good. I never, look. Gregory Peck hated himself in that movie. He did? Yeah. Yeah, I've heard him.

I don't know why. I don't know. I thought it was a fun movie. And Orson Wells turns up. Oh, yes, as the preacher. You bet. And Richard Bayshart. Yes.

And I love Gregory Pick and boys from Brazil. Yes. Great. That's a great. That's definitely on the Jew. Yeah. Yes. You paranoid Jew.

I love that one. And what's QB7? Do you remember that? Who's that guy in that? Oh. Anthony Hopkins. My favorite. My favorite.

Ben Gazara. Ben Gazzara. Yes. Yes. Ben Gazzara and Anthony Hopkins. I wonder, you know, because Ben Gazzarra. has like a very like varied career you know what I'm saying like from the Chinese bookie movie oh yes you know um to run for your life to a couple of those kind of like fantasy island kind of TV movies that he did

you know um I'm not sure was he in a Rosemary's baby no I don't think so uh no no he was no he should have been yeah but he uh Casavetes Casavetti's who worked with him a lot yeah Rosemary's he must have been like a great fun guy to hang out with like a good drinker and a party guy like He must have been a classic, like, 50s party guy. Let's, you know, do some Benadryl and get some scotch. He was also in a movie. I think he was in Convix 4. That sounds right.

Yeah, with Sammy Davis Jr. And Rod Steiger. Sammy Davis. And what was that guy? Tim Carrey. What's that guy? Timothy Carrey. Timothy Carrey was in that, too.

Right. Sammy Davis lost his eye in a car accident. I don't remember as a kid. Oh, and it gets back to Jews. Yeah. Because I think the one who visited him, was it Jeffrey Hunter or was it Jeff Chandler maybe? Wow. You got me there.

And he put a star of David in his hand. Really? And he was like in a coma or something, and he was clutching the star of David. And then when he got out of the coma, it was like, you know, in his hand. Jeffrey Hunter was Jewish. What? Jeffrey Hunter was Jewish. Jeffrey Hunter was Jewish.

Jeffrey Hunter. Had no idea. Wow. Jeff Chandler. Jeff Chandler. Was a Jew? Wow. Jeff Hunter?

Our research team is looking it up. Yes. On your porn show, you should have had Jew on Jew action. I did. I had the Jews of porn. I was so stupid. I should have gotten you on that show. You should have.

I don't know what happened. He knows the topic. I guess you probably looked at me and said, hmm, no way. He's a jerked off. Yeah, that Bible thumper. Yeah. I really apologize about that. You would have added a different take on the whole porn thing.

Now, I assume that you've seen porn in theaters like Times Square, like you told about 70s. I know you're a ladies here right now. The first two porn films I saw was a double feature. Go ahead. Deep throat and the devil and Mitch Jones. Yes. And Georgie Ness Belvin. And you had her on the show.

Yes, we had her on the show. She lived an amazing life, this woman. She was a copywriter. She, of course, went into it trying to be an actress, you know, like, you know, she was a theatrical actress. And in the 70s, a lot of the 60s and 70s, the Golden Age of Porn, a lot of these actors in the porn were basically, you know, like, I guess you can call them like improvisational actors, street theater kind of people, something like that. And then, you know, it was like one of those things where it was like more rebellion and art than it was porn. And I love those old movies, man. I love her. She was in her late 30s when she started doing porn.

I was I was kind of friends with what's his name? Jamie Gillis. I love him. Jamie Gillis. Jamie Gillis, we got into a long talk. Yeah. About he said that there was so many Jewish actors. He said the actresses would usually be Catholic.

Yes. The actors, there were a lot of like. Jews. Robert. The stuff. of a deep throat. Harry Reims. Harry Reims.

He was a Jew. Gone but not forgotten. He was a Jew. Harry Reims. Of course, Ron Jeremy. Paul Thomas. Yeah. P.T.

Let's see who has. Herschel Savage. He had him on the show too. You did. Did you have him on the show? Yes, we did. Not us. No, not us.

Now, Herschels, these guys are all great guys. But you're right. It was mostly Jewish guys and then like these super hot Catholic girls. Yes. You know? which is amazing. Bridget loves Bernie, if you will. Oh, yes.

There you go. With a Jew married to a lesbian. Now, is that when you, it's interesting because there was a lot of those kind of like couple comedies back then. Brigitte Loves Bernie. Never watch that one. You would never watch that.

I wish that wasn't on long. And remember when David Bernie became Serpico? That's right. Wow. That's right. He was in the spin-off. David's tone.

Toma? Oh, Toma? Tony Massente. Very good. What was the whole point of Toma that he could solve any crime with his kind of Italian looks? His Italian, Jewish, Jewish, Israeli. We don't have the race to Serpico, so we're going to make a Serpico knock on. I love the movie Serpico. When I first moved to Manhattan in the 80s, I was like, I'm going to be, I want to like Serpico, man. I want to see that kind of, I love that old New York.

I thought I'd be like eating food on a, you know, rooftop. Oh, yes, yes. With a nurse. Now, speaking of Tony Mascente, were you a fan? I think it was Mousante. Mousante. Yes. Is that a wine or what is that?

Oh, by the way, Robert Kerman, also another Jew. Yes. Debbie does Dallas. We'll come back to Dave's old. Were you a fan as I was of Prince of the Prince of Grenadage? A Pope of Greenwich Vance. Yes. Yeah, sure.

Yes. I love it. Yeah. That was such a great movie. Eric Roberts' greatest performance. Brooke Shields is in it, correct? No. No, no. What's your name, The Mermaid?

Darryl Hannah. Darryl Hannah. Oh, I know he's talking about. I thought he was talking about the gypsy in New York. Oh, yeah. And Monsente is holding his Eric Roberts hand to the fence while another guy cuts off his thumb. Right. They took my thumb, Charlie.

See, now that to me is 80s comedy right there. Yeah. They took, what if they didn't take his thumb? What if they took his pinky would sound a little bit like this? They took my pinky. Yeah. They push me. They push me hard.

Because, you know, Frank, when I was starting comedy, I would play governors on Long Island besides the open mics in New York. You're a Long Islander like me. Yeah, and the Long Island comedy, it was a lot of impressions, a lot of, you know, karate kid,

you know, wax on, wax off kind of jokes. Oh, yes. And I always wondered, Gilbert, how did you kind of develop into who you are with that kind of, you know... Yeah, I started off doing like impressions. You did. did. Like who? Who would you do? Okay.

I, I, I, I did. Give us a year, so we'll know, like, for the impression. Well, see, that's it. So you're 15. So what are you doing impressions? See, I, mine weren't, where even back then I was not contemporary. You were. Because I would do like Boris Carloff Humphrey Bogarton, Peter Lorry. And so. At 15. Yeah. You were on stage doing Peter Lori impressions. I was, I was a 15 year old, totally dated. Wow. Peter Lorry, what was he any? Was he? He was he German or a French? He was a German Jew.

Really? Yeah. Laslo Loenstein was his name. And he came over here on the same boat with what's his name, the great German director, Metropolis. Fritz-Long. Fritz-Lang. Give us a little Peter Lorry for Dave and I. Yes.

Oh, okay. There was, well, one of my favorite lines. of Peter Laurie. Oh, well, in a Maltese falcon. No, it's you who ruined it. You, it's your attempt to buy it. Kevin DeFound out how valuable it was. You blundering fatted.

What I would like is when they would take somebody serious like that, and then he would be on another show, and then they'd be, like, use him for funny. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. Well, the Corment pictures used them for comedy. Yeah, Peter Lorry became, you know, sadly, like, one of these, like, self-parodies. Oh, really?

Yeah. You know a guy I also really love Sal Minio. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. Jumping way ahead. It's okay. I love them in the movie Exodus. You know, played like some kind of a boy prostitutor.

I don't know. My parents never really explained it to me. Oh, okay. Came to a sad end. Yeah, horrible. Yeah, he was just beaten to death. Horrible in Hollywood. In front of his house, I think.

In the carport. So going back to Dave's old porn. Sure. You had Georgina Spelvin on the show, our friend Ron Jeremy, Saka, the great Nina Hartley. Yep. A Jew, Nina Hartley. Really? Oh, I heard that.

I grew up in Berkeley in California and, you know, like really cool parents. Did you see that deep? I didn't see that deep throat movie. You didn't see it? No. No, the Amanda Seafreed one. Oh, no, I didn't see it. I love her. She's so hot.

Amanda Seafreed, though, is so much more attractive than Linda Lovelace was. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Linda Love Lace. She was a, you know, whatever. She never did it for me. Seika does it for me every time. Oh, yeah.

Like, I know Seika. She is like a super cool, smart, intelligent lady, but I love her porn. Like, I watch it all the time. Couldn't get Stacey Donovan on the show, huh? You know, if it went further, I would love to do. She became a whistleblower against the porn industry. Oh, and I had heard that. Turncoat.

I had heard that Tracy Lorde, when they were destroying her films and getting rid of them because she was underage, someone said, and I don't know if this is true, they said they think Tracy Lords is the one who turned them in so that she could, her movies would make more money. Yeah. Interesting. Maybe. I know that that did great. Jew. Tracy Lord's Jew. Yes.

Hot-looking Jew. too. She was a hot-looking porn actress. I'm going to have to look at the porn again. I'm going to have to watch it with my canter. I was in a terrible, a terrible reality show where we spend a night in an abandoned insane asylum. What is it called? Comic strip? Yeah. Comic strip live. And one of the other celebs was Tracy Lord. And at one point, we're all around a candle to get.

in touch with the spirit of this serial killer who rums the place. And Tracy Lorde actually has to say, because she has to be the host to the host, you know, like how in ghost, like he enters. Oh, I see. Right, right, right. And so she, he has to, so Tracy Lodge is going, please come in me. Please come in me. And she did it very well rehearsed.

She had a little legitimate movie career for five minutes. Oh, yes. And John Waters used her and Cry Baby. And she was married with children. She popped up. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. This episode is brought to you by FedEx.

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Yes, from holding a thing. Yeah, can you guys explain it to me? There was like a wave of guys with like girly names, like Carol, Stacey Keech. Oh, interesting. You know, and what was that about? Leslie Nielsen. There's another one. Very good. Yes.

It was like a lot of like men but with girl names. And I guess that was something, was that their parents, like they didn't want them or they wanted a girl. I don't get it. That's interesting. Yeah. Oh, so more about comedy? Yes. Yeah, so I did comedy for like seven years in the open mics, and I used to watch Colin Quinn a lot and, you know, Alan Havy and all those guys.

But I was never really good at it, like, right away. But I did it every night. I had a regular job and all that kind of stuff. But I must have run into Gilbert or seen him at Catch Rising Star like a couple of times. And, you know, he was already like a legend. I mean, this is like, you know, the end of the 80s, beginning of the 90s. And I would say that, you know, were you doing that up all night show at that point? You were doing that in the 80s.

It was up all night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was doing it with on Saturday. I'd be on, on Sunday. On Friday, Ronda Shear was on. Ron DeShir was on.

Yeah. There you go. I've heard you say you weren't the funny guy in school, Dave, that you really weren't a born performer. No, I'm not. If it makes you feel me better, I don't think you're the funny guy. See, there you go. Finally, an honest opinion. Finally.

Finally. No, I had a great sense of humor and, but I wouldn't call myself the class clown or anything like that. Whenever people ask me about class clown, I always think that the class clowns are the ones who grew up to be the funniest guy at their job. Yeah, that's true, like insurance or something like that. I understand that. But I don't see you, I see you as an aloof loner in your school, right? Yeah, I was a James Dean. I could see you talking and crying to a wolfman poster

Pretty much I've got a Frankenstein. Frankenstein. Look no farther. But I, well, let's see, Peter Lorry was a Jew. I want to see other Jews in horror. Oh, there was one Jewish Dracula. Who?

That was Francis Lederer who starred in the movie. Return of Dracula. And what years were we talking in the 30s? That must have been like about the 50s. Oh, okay. Return of Dracula. That's all right. That's a good time to be true. Did not know. There was

Dracula. No. But what I was saying is Lange. Fritz Lang. Fritz Lang and Peter Lorry were on the same boat coming to America. Really? Yeah. And not

the movie with Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall. Which is a great movie when you look back on it. You know, they really caught the whole immigration thing. I don't know what I'm talking about. Now, let me ask you about Jerry Lewis. Yes. Now, did you work with him at all, ever?

Never actually worked with him. I performed at his roast and stuff like that. Never worked with him. Because I loved his movies growing up. I did too. All of the Patsy, which is one of his lesser-no movies, the Patsy, right? Oh, yes, yes. movie. That was where he

becomes a star. They train him to be a comic. And Peter Laurie is in it. That's right. And John Carradine. Oh, there you go. And Hans Conreed. Uh, yeah. And it's so funny. And the Patsy is a movie that shows how

they take this nobody. And they make him into a star. Yeah. I love that movie. Yeah. Very funny. I also like the you know, the one that's shot all in black and white. It's kind of his like, uh, you know, The Bell Boy? Yeah, the Bell. I love that movie.

Great, great movie. And the cool thing about it is that he even said it himself where he plays himself as a star and how people react to him. You know, like everybody's trying to light a cigarette and all that kind of stuff. I love that. Oh, yeah. I love it. And I, you know, who doesn't like the, uh, the nutty professor. The nutty professor is a classic.

Great, great. Who was the girl on that? She was definitely not a Joe. Totally hot. Not a Jew. Not a Jew at all. Not at all. And Stella Stella.

Stevens in Poseidon Adventure. That's right. She goes, she climbs and jumps and gets wet in her white underwear. Wow. Through the whole movie. Good to know. Great, great. Stayed with you, huh?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's one of Ernest Borgnaz. Like, he must have been like in his 50s at that point. Oh, yeah. Probably. He was a great, he was the best. He really was.

And red buttons. Like what was Ernest Borgon? He was like part bulldog, part just amazing. Yes. I mean, he just like always looks the same, but he's always, even as a young boy, I believe he looked like that. Oh, yeah. Do you know he was married to Ethel Merman

briefly, Ernest Borgnine? Really? Which picturing the sex there is pretty hard. I think our pal Drew Friedman has a cartoon of the two of them copulating. But if we could talk about Shelley Winters for just a quick second. First of all, I never saw Tody Fields,

but I assume they were in the kind of same body type. Yeah. Do you know Tody? Yeah. Tudy's the one who lost her leg. Yes. Did you ever work with Tody? No, never worked with Tody.

Yeah. supposedly was an amazing joke writer and performer. So I think that we should not only look at the missing leg, but that's the act. And I'll throw all of them out there. I'll put Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers up there as like great joke people.

I love watching them on the old Carsons. I like that. I used to watch and you know, you did Johnny Carson, right? Never did Carson. Never. Wow. Did you ever do the show with a different host with Leno hosting? No, no. Never did the Tonight show.

back then. Is that on your list of regrets besides that shirt? I know this is not a visual podcast. Like I said, I'm not the funniest guy. I'm going for an easy laugh. Speaking of writing jokes, Dave, let's just talk a little bit about, I'm curious, personally, about your writing process. And how you just, do you keep a pad? Do you have a discipline

about this kind of thing? Does it just stuff that comes on the fly? I do so many sets now that I try and just bring new stuff up there and then kind of like work it out, listen to the tape, and kind of fix it, you know, like just honing the, you know, the joke over and over. But back in the day, like, when I first started, I would sit at the table and just, like, write and write and write and write in the notebook. And I never got any good out of it. But the whole idea was like it was kind of like purging my mind of the bad ideas, you know, of like the bad jokes. And it took me a long time to really kind of figure out what a joke is and what a joke is.

And, you know, I was watching like really great comics, like Schimmel and. Oh, Robert Schimel. We love him. Shimmel, who, by the way, I think, is one of the most underrated comics ever, Shimmel. One of my favorites. And Richard Jenny, both who are no longer with us, were great joke people and, like, bits and, you know, huge chunks. And when you watch them, you'd see, like, how much material you can pull out of one topic. And I thought that was really important for me, especially as a kind of boring white guy on stage.

You know, there's a million white guys up there. It's good. Gilbert and I met when I was working for Rich Jenny. Oh, that's right. Yeah, well, you wrote for a Carolina. comedy. I was on the staff the season after you. I remember being out of town. That's when we met.

And I was in a mall. And in the mall was some radio station that I was in book. I was just walking past. And I see this really young girl, very cute looking young girl, playing with her puppy on the floor.

And at first I thought, oh, she's kind of hot looking and I shouldn't be looking at her because this girl's obviously, you know, total jail bait. Totally underage. And so I look and then I look away and I'm walking away. And she goes, oh, wait, I think you know my boyfriend. Really?

And I said, who's your boyfriend? She goes, Robert Chimel. Wow. I thought you were going to say Richard Jenny for sure. So how old was she, you think? 12. But how old was the puppy? Because if you combine the two ages.

That's a great story, man. That was in a mall? Yeah. Richard had a few young girlfriends himself. Oh, yeah. Over the years. Do you remember when we met working on that sketch? Oh, yes.

Yes, where I was Robert Redford. Gilbert came on the show and was Robert Redford in a decent proposal parry when Rich was hosting. Bobby Redford, the Sting. Oh, yeah. Hated the Sting. Really? Hated the Sting. I like Paul Newman.

Jewish. Yes. Yes. And he was married to that woman. Who is she? Joanne Woodward. Joe Ann Woodward. Yeah.

They were like one of Hollywood's most successful couples. I like Butch Cassidy and the Sunday. Love it. Didn't like the stink. That's interesting. And the hustler. Why did you not like this thing? Because you've lived through a con and the depression?

What's his name was in it? The guy from Jaws. Oh. Robert Shaw. Robert Shaw. Yes. Great. Gilbert's mad because he was up for the Ray Walston part.

He didn't get it. Oh, my God. You know, can we just jump over to Jaws for a second? That is one of the best movies ever made. Yes. I have to tell you. Who is the guy who played the cop again? Roy Scheider.

My favorite, a Jew. And I loved him. No, he wasn't a Jew. He's not. He was a German. No. Oh, yeah, I get it now. Richard Dreyfus, of course.

Well, yeah, he's like two Jews. He's like a Jew, whatever, sampling of Jews. Two. Two. Two Jews in one. But what's his name? Shidner was in, what's it, Shider or Shider? Shider. The apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz.

A great movie. Yeah. With Jack Warden. Jack Warden. And I think was Joseph Wiseman also in that? I think he is. Wow. Now, that's not a date movie.

Is it the apprenticeship of Chris Kravitz? Joseph Wiseman. Big makeout film. I think would be in the. category of only Jewish bond villain. Who? He was Dr. No. He was Dr. No.

Let's see. I have to get back to you on that one. But there are two Jewish bond girls. Who? Barbara Bach, who's married to Ringo. Yes. She's Jewish? Yeah.

Wow. And Jane Seymour. Oh, I love her. Yeah. Two Jews. I think he's English. Yeah. Well, you could be an English Jew.

Gert Frobe wasn't Jewish. Goldfinger. Wait, what about Rashide? He was in seven ups, right? The seven ups. And then he was in, what's his thing? Marathon man. Marathon man.

That's great. Great movie. What's the other movie, you know, Picking the Toes and Poughkeepsie? You know what I'm talking about? Oh, uh, French connection. I love those movies. That's right.

I love it. That made me want to go to France or do heroin, but not both. Oh, well, that was a great movie. That was, yeah. That's when they got him hooked. Yeah. I love that movie. That was such a good.

That's old New York, too. The interesting thing about Jaws is that Robert Shaw was the replacement actor. We talked about that in the cab the other day. It was the first guy. You have to be Sterling Hayden from the Godfather. Who played McCluskey, the cop, the crooked cop, and the Godfather was cast as Quint. But the studio, he was a wild man. Yeah.

The studio wouldn't insure him. And they were considering for a short time, Charlton Heston, but they thought he might take away from, no, they were considering him for the show. Sheriff. Interesting. But that would take away because you'd say, well, of course Charlton Heston can beat up a shark. You know, it's like... I think he was still recovering from doing El Cid.

Oh, yeah. It was a great movie. I really learned a lot about Spain and the Moors. Oh, and Soilent Green. Oh, yeah. A great one with some amazing, very soft-core section. Edward G. Robinson. Yes.

Jew. No way. Yes. Oh, wow. James Cagney, no? Irish. Orphan. He could speak Yiddish, James Cagney. Edward G. Robinson was something like Edward Rosenberg. Oh, boy.

Big liberal, Edgar G. Robinson. Oh, yes. Big lefty. Yes. Like a reds. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think he sold Secrets of the Adi-Bold. He did.

He was Ethel Rosenberg's babysitter. Dave, let's talk a little bit about insomnia act just for listeners. Humphrey Bogard was married. to a Jew. There you go. He must have had that old school kind of like Jews. I don't know.

I could take him or leave him. Yeah. Does that look. How did insomnia? Ah, Jews, I could take them or leave him. Sometimes I like the Jews and sometimes I think they should be wiped off the planet.

But she's a hot looking Jews. So I think I'll take it. What's that movie where he's wearing a bow tie? He looks like a dope. But he's cool. He, uh, the sports report? Yes, yes.

The heart with Rod Steiger and Nehemiah Peisov. Oh, is that a, was that a vitamin? Is that a name? It's a character actor. Okay, so the entomac thing. Yeah, tell us a little bit about it. I, uh, I, I just wanted to do a show because I'm not a good actor where, um, you know, it was like kind of like the comics after the show, go out drinking and then we had the

element of like third shift people working late and, um, you know, it was kind of good because it's like a travel show, but it's, It's also kind of a drinking show. And, you know, that seems to be the one credit that people, like, you know, really dig. A lot of people keep coming up to me. Like, I was a little kid, you know, parents wouldn't let me watch it, but we'd sneak down and watch that show. So that's, like, the credit that people, like, seem to really, you know, get of my career. Well, you were funny on that show.

Yeah, no, it was all unscripted. And the guys who helped me make it, I can say their name's Dave Hamilton. And, I'm sorry. Oh, shit. Oh, excuse me. Yeah, don't watch your language. on this show. Are you allowed to Kurt? Yes, absolutely. The guys who...

Don't say cunt. Please. The guys who made, the producers and all the people who worked on the show were super cool and we were out there for nights and nights and nights, all night long, and it was a lot of work. And, you know, all I can say is

that it was a great show for its time. I don't think at this point, you know, people go, like, you got to do that show. It's like, I'm too old. My kidneys kicked out. I'm like, just like, you know, I'm an old man, so I can't do the show. But, you know, I like how people like like the show, but it kind of like,

it's hard to be a stand-up comic because I really wanted to be a stand-up comic, and then, like, if a TV credit is kind of bigger than your act, then you kind of always have that. So, but like, you know, I can't thank the people enough for watching it, I guess. And I remember the Vegas episode, for some reason, comes to mind with you and Pat Marita and Charo.

Pat Marita, God bless his soul. Yeah. And Robin Leach was fucking with you. Yeah, Robin Leach. What was that about? Yeah. He was, you know, I have a feeling he's like one of those guys because they all lived in Vegas. So we lucked out.

We got them all there. But, yeah, I have a feeling that he thought we were going to make fun of him. So he kind of like jumped the gun and kind of gave me a little bit of business. But can I say one thing about Charo? Awesome. Showed up ready to work. Her son was there. I believe her son was like her manager or publicist at the point.

It just showed up ready to go. And I love it. And Charo's still fuckable. I believe so. Yeah. And, you know, Pat, who, by the way, you know, people know him from the karate kid thing, but, you know, he also, I think, moved to Vegas and said kind of like, you know,

he was stand-up comic. So he was like, I think the original Asian comic. Yeah, I think they called him. I think he opened for Marco Polo, I believe, in China. Oh, oh. He used to call himself pre-political correctness, the hip-nip. That's correct. Yeah.

That's correct. That's cool. And then you did. And he was, wait, he was a Japanese soldier. who wouldn't give up in a flashback episode of The Oddcom. Oh, that's a great one. Yes. They told me I'd be making love to Betty Grable on the White House lawn by Christmas.

That was a great show because that was another guys living together what's going on show. Now, Just Cow knows that show way better than me. He does. But Klugman and Felix, like, we both would always have a couple of laughs, which is, like, you know, the fact that they, like, it shows you how time change is, like, when they relax, they're still kind of wearing suits. Oh, yes, yes. You ever see that? Like, I always find that funny

that they're still kind of like dressed up like for today's times. Well, it's, remember those? There was no like play clothes for adults back then. Do you remember those horrible later Bob Hope movies? Like, I'll take Sweden. Oh, sure. And boy, did I get the wrong number and cancel my reservation.

The one of Phyllis Diller would show up. Oh, yes. Yeah. And he would always have one of those ugly 60s suits on. Who are you talking about? Bob Hope. I love the Bob Hope movies. The later, those later ones.

And I'm going to say right now, I think Bing Crosby got sold down the river with that kid, his kids saying he, whatever. I assume at that point, every kid was beaten or whatever it was. But Bing Crosby. Yes. Not a Jew. Oh, I heard both Bob Hope and Bing Crosby hated the Jews. That's what I heard. Wait, can we go back to the Insomiac for one second?

Wait, wait. So the guys on the show, Nick McKinney and Dave Hamilton, they, We're the producers, and there was all these other great guys. And we would go out, and, like, the two episodes that people always bring up are the Nutria Hunt in New Orleans, which is where we hunt these rat kind of things. And then we did this thing in Japan when we did the foreign episodes, which is this penis party with these giant penis. I remember that one. So those were, like, the two things that people always. And the Amsterdam, when you spun the wheel of sin.

Yes, the wheel of sin, which has been done many a time since then. So big tip of the hat to all the people who made the show and the people who watch it. So thank you. Go ahead. Buddy Hack it. He doesn't want to talk about you at all, Dave. Buddy Hacking. One time said of Bing Crosby, he said,

You want to know why Bing Crosby beat his kids? Because Bing Crosby couldn't get a hard on. Really? Bloody Hackett was blue. Good trivia. That's a blue guy. Do you remember that joke that he had, which is like he's in World War II or whatever?

He's in World War II, and he's having sex. with a prostitute, and she's like banging for it. Did you tell me this? Oh, no, wait. Okay, she's banging, she's going back and forth, and he goes, are you liking it? And she's like, no, you got my scar, your ties caught in my vagina or something.

It's some kind of weird thing. She's going back and forth. Yeah, hi, caught in my vagina. That has been really hard. Because, you know, George Burns, who I was not a very big fan of, comedically. but I heard Gracie really carried more than her weight in that relationship.

Correct or no? Yeah, not a Jew, Gracie. No, not at all. Yeah, George Burns was a Jew. Matt Burnbaum. Yeah. Nat Burnbaum. He looks better older than he did as a boy.

Yes, yes. That sucks. I wonder if that's going to happen to me. Well, my looks kicking at 70. I don't think I'm going to make it. You'll turn into Brad Pitt. You got anything coming up, Dave, that you want to plug or talk about? Davidel.com.

Well, yeah, you know, what, I'd like to say this. We did these comedy underground live shows, and we do them at the Village Underground here in the city and in L.A. at the Comedy Store, and they are a lot of fun. Even though that show, we did it for Comedy Central,

and they did not give us a yes or no on a new season, which I assume means it's not going to happen. It's still fun to do live, and Gilbert is like such a great, I just love watching him. I'm going to say it, blowing away today's millennial crowd, with his references.

His Ted Bessel, his Georgie Jessels, his Reagan. My Elijah Cook Jr. invitation. These young, I call them Trader Joe's. They don't really get what he's talking about. What do you think of the young crowds nowadays? Oh, these kids.

Kids, what you're going to do with these kids? Why can't they be like we were perfect in every way? What is wrong with these kids to take? Who's saying that? Paul Lynn. Thank you. Oh, Paul Lynn. Bye, bye, Bernie.

Why can't they dance like we did? What's wrong with Sammy Kay? Watch them out with kids. We're going to wrap it up. But do you still do those bits of the act? I'm curious. Oh, absolutely. Do you still do the Ben Gazara extraterrestrial?

No, Ben Gazzara, I kind of... And I'm doing other dead people in the act. Let me... You know a lot about comedy and everything. What about Danny Kay? What was this story? Oh, that's a whole other show. Oh, Danny Kay.

Too much? Okay. That's a whole other show. We could fit this in. One time. Was he a comedian? Was he a musician? He was song and dance man.

So who would he be in today's time? It's like a Will I Am or something? Yeah, just like. Just exactly. I already had a sad life like he was a sad guy. He was an angry guy. Angry. Yeah.

Now I, okay, here's the story I heard, as I heard. That Orson, and not Orson, it's not Olson-Wilson-Wilson. No, no. Lawrence Olivier and Danny Kaye used to blow each other, basically. Can't believe you don't know this stuff, Dave. A veteran of show business, like yourself. And I think before Danny Kay would stick. stick in Olivier's asshole.

This is sacrilege. Is it safe? There's your marathon. You've been to tear up your sag card because you're out of it. And when Lawrence Olivier was jerking off Danny Kay, he would sing, oh, thumbalina, thumbalina tiny little thing. Thumbulina sing a dance. Thumbolina sing.

What's the different thumbling? Wait, Danny Kay was Dutch, right? He was a Jew. Jewish guy from Brooklyn. Yes. Oh, there you go. I think his name was Danielish Juevich. Now, so one day, Lawrence Olivier was flying into some airport.

Right. And Danny Kay disguised himself in one of his outfits with a nose. Right, he was a master of disguised. And he said, you know, like, like in a French accent, you know, I am the security. I want you to take all of your clothes off. And Olivier, he is highly offended, but he takes all of his clothes off,

and then Danny Kay starts sticking his finger in Olivier's asshole. Wow. And then they both had a big laugh, and then they both fucked each other in the ass after. Malcolm McDowell told the same story on the Joy Behardt. I love Malcolm McDowell.

You see, but when Malcolm McDowell told it, he said Olivier was sticking his finger and Danny Kayser. Ah, yes. I would like to think that both of them equally stuck their finger in each other's asshole. Because in a relationship, both parties should be. Oh, absolutely. And I think they should both. What about Peter O'Toole?

I mean, like, he was a favorite of mine. You're not going to crush him now. Danny Kay Fiffed Peter O'Doole. I doubt it. During the making of Lawrence of Arabia. During my favorite year. Danny K.

was fish fucking Peter O'Doole. Danny K. Not a nice guy, apparently. No, no. George Carlin's. He said all over his fish. Never mind. I can't get to it.

Who do you think would win in a fight? Danny K. V. Danny K. Danny K. Would win. just made shit on his fist when he was punching someone would knock them out. Wow.

Incredible. I can't believe it. Aren't you glad you asked him about to end? I know. I didn't know. I didn't know what to say. I thought he's going to have a nice remembrance. Okay.

We're going to wrap it up, but I want you. When he was fissing a guy, I would he go, I'm hands Christian. I'm just in knife, bum, butter. Wow. That joke needs a little timing. Oh, God. I'm Fist Christian Anderson.

We'd have to get Malcolm McDowell on the show. I love him. Please do it. We'll try to get him. How do you get a hold of that guy? He hosted that horrible, a misbegotten season of Saturday Night Live that I was on. Malcolm McDowellown?

Yes, yes. That was a scary time period. You both had scary experiences. Yes, and we fingered each other in the end. You did. Yes. I knew that elevator smell. So you plug in Comedy Underground with Davitell, which is coming back for another season.

No, no, I don't think it's going to. I think we're just going to do it live. And then people could just go to my site, Davidel.com, and they could see all my dates and all that kind of stuff. But, you know, I'm a road guy, so I'll be out on the road. And always glad to talk to you, Gilbert. And please come back to the Comedy Underground show. You're always invited. heard.

Go ahead. When Danny came, fucking Olivier, Olivia kept hitting his head against the wall. And Buddy Hocken's head that only said, your tie is stuck in my age wall.

Your scarf. Remember, he's an English actor. Your scar is stuck in my... Incredible. Well, thanks for doing the show. I love what you guys do. Keep doing it. Thank you, buddy.

Thanks for being part of these guys. I'm Gilbert Gottre. This has been Gilbert Gottre. It's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. We've been talking about Danny Kaye and Lawrence Olivia. And Georgina Spelvin. Yes, and Georgina Spelvin, all getting it in the asshole. And our guest was Davidel.

Thank you, but you were horrific. You're horrible. That I do.