Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Rewind: Episode #54: First Anniversary Special, Part One

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

To celebrate the podcast’s one-year anniversary, Gilbert and Frank round up an all-star cast of their favorite guests — Craig Bierko, Drew Friedman, Tom Leopold, Bill Persky and Paul Shaffer — for a lively, no-holds-barred discussion of a host of essential topics, ranging from George Kirby’s drug bust to the rumored love affair between Clark Gable and Andy Devine. Also: Paul plays the “Hogan’s Heroes” theme, Tom obssesses over George Maharis, Craig praises Don Knotts, Drew stalks Marlon Brando and Bill babysits Orson Welles. PLUS: Troy Donahue! Jack Palance! Mario Lanza takes his revenge! Brian Wilson meets Jay Silverheels! And the return of Rickie Layne and Velvel! https://www.gilbertpodcast.com/54-54-anniversary-special-pt1/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This summer, Prime Video takes you back before Legally Blonde, before law school and into the world of Elle Woods in high school. Set in 1995, this Gemini Vegetarian knows exactly who she is until her family moves from Belair to Seattle. Packed with iconic fashion, 90s nostalgia, and a throwback soundtrack. Elle proves one thing. Law school was hard. High school was harder. From the world of Legally Blonde, watch Elle, a new original series only on Prime Video. Watch now. The Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast producer of the month for June is Ryan's story.

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go to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried. That's Patreon. P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Gilbert Gottfried. We thank you for your generosity. This is Gilbert Gottfried, and it's Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast with my co-hosts Frank Santo Padra and Nutmeg Post. We're talking to Craig Mierico, Drew Friedman, Tom Leopold, Bill Persky, and Paul Schaefer for our big one-year anniversary show. Don't miss it.

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You're a little late. The theater. When do we start? We're starting now. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried. Hi, Gilbert. Hi, hello, Paul. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast.

We're here at Nutmeg Post with our engineer Frank Verderosa. Wow. I'm a credit to his family, the way you pronounce that. I love that show, the Verde Rosa. The color looked fake. I can't believe we've made it this far, but this is our friend. first anniversary show. So we've invited back five

of our favorite guests. Well, actually, there were five people who just answered the phone. So welcome an alphabetical order. A terrific, versatile actor and singer, and a man who feels connected with his

Jewish heritage. Well, you don't want to be first. Even though his mother seems to be a shame of a Jewish heritage because she switched over to Christianity Good introduction. No, she was ashamed to him. Anyway, Craig

Biericoe. Okay, that's great. Thank you. Whose mother's ashamed of being a Jew? Well, you know, why even mention, of course she is. Got him upset. That's kind of a no brain. Wandering around in circles like that.

Hey, Craig? Yeah. No offense. Who's the next least important person in the room? That's interesting. Who's on the money on now? It's building up. And my favorite artist.

Thank you. The brilliant and insanely talented Drew Friedman. That's it. No insults. Thank you. Thank you. He said you were insane. What is?

That's a compliment. Jew dots. Jew dots. Yes. Yes. Ah, N from Cheer, Seinfeldon. Don't kid around on this one. And chose two numerals.

to mention the comedy writers comedy writer Tom Leopold. Oh, my God. He's great. You're going to get the old waterworks going on my phone. He's funny. Talk about someone who's ashamed of being a truth. That's true. Well, that's all in the past now.

Yeah, but you know what? I own my shame. Is that anti-Semitic music? No, he leases. He leases it out. He still got that much. Did your dick get bigger when you became a Catholic? So who's going to be number one?

This is going to be interesting. A genuine living showbiz legend. Oh, my God. And the creator of that girl and Kate Nally. Ouch. Five-time Emmy winner. How? And someone we consider now to be the fifth beetle.

Bill Persky. What shall I sing? I thought that guy from a... What's that guy who always? talks for uh yoko there's that guy what's yokeo spokesman's name yoca has a spokesman oh eliot mints elliot mints i thought he was a fit

hip man and a renaissance man yeah and our musician for the day thank you and a tv and musical icon who came in comedian musician thank you and band leader and thankfully for my podcast

unemployed After 33 years, on the David Letterman show, Paul Schiefer. Thank you. Now, you were writing, you were kind of improvising a theme song about me. I was playing, yes, yes, what was it again? You swing. well, someone said social media and you're all over it. You're all about it.

Yes. And Frank mentioned, do you already have, you know, there's calls coming in on social media? Yeah. Is this true? We try. Well, I have to listen to questions for all of you. I said, you swing with the youth. Can you play that?

Yeah. So it was Gilbert, I had a lyric going, Gilbert swings with the youth. Though some would say he's uncouth. It's almost a limerick. Let's finish it as a limerick, shall we? Yeah. Gilbert swings with the youth. With a youth.

Though some would say he's uncouth. He's so dry, he requires no vermouth. He's so, oh, yeah, and he's always in French vermouth, yeah. Yeah. He's da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And crank-tie mother, it's ashamed to be a Jew. And so did you see a Jew. It's funny.

That rhymes with everything, doesn't it? He's embarrassed to be a... So we can put this, then we'll get on the fun. I want to ask you what... That's the order that the introductions are done. definitely going to be read or they may Those are the orders. What was alphabetical, Chris? That's the first. All right. That's fine. I'm not mad.

We could have to a vote and decided you are our least important guest. Okay, I've got me. You know what? That's a tribute to you. I'm alone in my apartment and I feel the same way. No one. No one mentioned. I have the thing. I have the thing. I have a. Gilbert swings with the youth. Though some say he's uncouth.

That's all I have so much. You know what that reminds me of? Let's give a prize to someone who calls in with the rest of it. Paul, we're not live, right? I think you wrote that for, we have no money. I wish we were alive. You wrote that for Joey Reynolds originally. Oh, if we were alive.

Paul, you know, that sounded a little to me like that. Tens of thousands of people are we up to right now at this point that are listening. Craig your mics off. We need a director. No, time. Now, can I start off with what I think is the most important topic? of the day. Yeah.

Now, if I think a lot of us, a lot of people listening, if you don't know, we'll have to look up on YouTube, Clark Gable, preferably in Gone with the Wind, and Andy Devine. Ah, well. And who was a fat, rolling, poley, cock-eyed, uh, weird-looking guy with a voice like that. And I could never do an Andy Devine. He was jingles. I heard.

Yes. And did he have Andy's gang? Andy's gang. Andy's gang. That was before fat cowboys were on TV. But it was the original Brokeback Mountain. I've heard.

Yes, Drew Freeman. Andy Devine and Clark Gable would go off on hunting hunting trips. That's how he got his name. He was so divine. And he would leave, you know, Carol Lombard and they would stay in the cabin for days and, you know, fuck each other.

This is what I heard. That's an icebreaker. I want all of you to you, of both Clark Gable and Andy Devine to get the full feeling of this. I'm going to draw it, actually. Yeah.

That can't be true. That's my next project. You know, I think the rumor was spread by Marlon Brando and Wally Cox just to deflate, you know, the attention. I heard Clark Gable once said in an interview, you know, getting fruct of the asses to Vine. Can you do Andy Devine?

Give it to me, Clark. Your Gable sounds like, Dwight Eisenhower. Yes. Now I heard Jay Silver Hills. Yes. No. Paul has a good story about Jay Silver Hills.

Yeah. Well, it's a comma hook. Story was Paul Schaefer with a Jay Silver Hills was Tonto for those who They don't even know what Taurus. Today's birthday, by the way. Huh? Today's Jay Silver Hill's birthday.

It is. I'm sorry I know that. As a matter of fact, Paul, yeah. Frank is magic. Can you play the Lone Ranger's theme? Well, of course I can. Yeah.

Do you want that? Yeah. No, that's Vananza. Fitz Fendaza. Nice. When men were men. It sounds just like the cast.

Yeah. All right. Tell the story. Now, wait a second. Speaking of Brando, Drew, you have a Brando story. Oh, Brandon. Well, this is... I want to hear to Jay Silver Green.

Okay, here's a day. Oh, this is a story which involves Brian Wilson, the great creative genius of the Beach Boys. Okay. and the writer of all of their hits and including the, you know, the very far-thinking ahead

Pet Sounds, which inspired the Beatles to do, Sergeant Pepper. He was ahead of them. The song, Johnny Cards. He's come back, you know, he's made a big comeback, but he is tortured. It's no secret.

He's so tortured that he speaks out of his mouth. Sort of like a Bill, like a Bill Murray character. And he's in, with his band. He's in Toronto, Canada, and he's in the wings. He's about to go on. And he's just musing to myself, and he says,

Toronto, Toronto, Toronto. Tonto, Tonto. Hey, one time I was in an insane asylum, and Tonto came into my room with a heart on, I said, get out of here. And then the band goes on, and they're, well, these coast girls are here. By the same.

What the hell did I just hear? Is J. Silverhurst living? No, he's gone. We lost Jay about 45 years ago. Yeah. We have to bring this down. But, you know, I looked it up. Now Marlowe.

I looked it up if, oh, yeah. He's got a Marlon store. I'm going to talk about Marlowe. Martin. No, Marlon. My Marlon Brando encounter. Kathy said that this is a very stupid story, but I said, Gilbert's going to like it, though. It's like a couple of years, it's brief.

A couple years ago, I was in Hollywood on sunset, and I walked into the Hagen-Ey store. And in front of me was a big. fat guy ordering ice cream. And I realized it was Marlon Brando. He had sunglasses on a hat, but I realized it was him. He was ordering a bag full of ice cream, quartz of ice cream in one hand. And then the other hand, he had a cone with four scoops of ice cream. And he pays and he leaves. And I said, I got to follow him out. This is like, you know, a golden opportunity. So I followed him out the door. He starts walking up sunset. And I'm 10 feet behind him. And I'm just like listening to the traffic. And all I can hear is,

as he's eating the ice cream. That's my Marlon Brando. You heard a Marlon Brando far. Just came out. I don't know where it was coming. That's all I could hear. You know, you only hear the bad things about Brando. It's a golden memory.

But it's nice to hear, you know, from the heart a little bit. You know? So Marlon Brando. Gibber loves farting stories. Basically farted on you. Donald, I stayed 10 feet behind. Oh. I was not his Wally Cox that day.

You're my Wollick Cox every day. Exactly. Now, Paul, can you write a Marlon Brando farting show? Yeah. He farted on you. He farted on you. All right. The fart swam around.

Finally found. On those or two. Yeah, a guy wouldn't admit he was a Jew. But I don't understand he got different cones as though he was buying. One con with force. No, it was all for him, obviously. Obviously. One con with four scoops, which he was eating.

Different cones for different folks. He had the bag. He had the bag of all the rest. It's amazing how he kept his figure. That's beautiful. Can I ask a question? Yes. How much of the course of ice cream did he eat on the way to the car?

No, not. He wasn't he was taking those home. Oh, he took them. But he couldn't wait, so he was eating the ice cream on the way home. I see. Billy did he didn't get in the car? He just walked up. Did he meet Barley Burrsky? No, I never met Marlon.

Marlon Brando. Actually, I missed them by a night in Tahiti. Really? Yeah. We were doing a pilot in Tahiti, and he had been at this place the night before sitting in that chair. So I sat in that year. Ice cream place? No, because he owned an island there. Yeah. Taya Rower or something. He loved it there.

But he was at this place where we were shooting the pilot, and they said, you're sitting where Marlon Brando sat last night. Wow. What was the pilot? It was called three for ten. Tahiti, about three guys, American guys, who built a hotel in Tahiti in the 50s. Wow.

Three for Tahiti. His love nest with Wally Cox is on East 11th Street. His love nest? Right off university. I point it, I give a tour of New York. And that's on the tour. The godfather, Don Corleone, an underdog, were fucking each

other on the end. Well, naturally. Well, you know, I just read a book about Wally Cox, seriously. And it was all about people talking about Wally Cox that he was as straight as they came and that they would just like to hike together so I don't know why you have to Absolutely

We had Josh Mastell on the show and he swears that Wally Cox was completely butch with a macho guy Can you get him on the phone? Yeah It reads on the phone How about George Mahars? He was Oh please

He banged more chicks They happen to be in a men's room In a bag They should do a UBank Perfect You still tell he's was the biggest cunt man in a huge

I don't know how this urban legend got started he was right up there with Paul Lind who was George Maharas Oh George Mahars And I know what you're thinking Oh now Phil Did you have any Run-ins with George Mahars

The Great Bill Pertsky? No who no he didn't make the jewelry Oh the other jewelry George Chiris Here we go Here we go the old problem The confusion

The confusion The dancer Oscar winner. Yes, and he was a jewelry maker, and Tom has a piece of his jewelry. I do. It's a cock ring. I do. Tom embarrassed me into, we had to ship by $750 worth of jewelry. $500.

Because he's obsessed with George Maharis. Yes. And he, that's sound, and the name sounds a little like George Shakuris. George Securis was the actor and dancer, who was in West Side Story. Common mistake. The one in Oscar. Yeah. What an Oscar for his role. But both those guys are still alive,

Perfecto Tellez and Joy. Can't you get them for... I thought he died. I haven't read the obituary if he died. Oh, my God. I don't think of the obituary. Wow, imagine booking him. That would be great.

Darra. That's your last shot. What was he known? Perfecto Tell us. He'd only know him through you guys. You know. We're sucking George Maharas's dick. I know.

It's not. It's like Lodge Day. I got to get him. But I don't know what he did. His dick was not. You mean you're going to call him now. As Craig Nelson. Stop calling him.

Craig T. Nelson. I'm coach. As Craig Bierico. I can say T. Nelson. That's my name day. I like it. That, yeah, it's this thing that gay guys do are where one stands in a bag. I don't need your life story.

I'm asking you what. I'm asking you what. I'm asking you what perfecto Tiles did. All right. He's the only way I know him is. He sucked. George Mahars did that. I know that he did that.

Maybe George Mahars something's big too. What else did he do? What else did he need to do? Did he have an act? Or was his act? I would pay. What else was fresh? There was some guy who wasn't in show business who was named Perfecto. You know, let me just say something about Gilbert.

He's a glass half-full kind of guy. Because only he would think that George Maharas wasn't in the bag. A bag half-full. Why don't you think George Mahars was maybe in the back? You know what? That could be. You're welcome. So what you're saying, Tom, is that George Mahars may have been blowing perfecto.

Well, I mean, I'm just throwing it out there. I heard that the police found George Mahars with his dick lodged into perfecto tell us. And they had to arrest them both. Okay. That was in the newspaper order. So that counts as one of the arrest. No, it doesn't count as one arrest at him. is that George Mahars was fucking perfecto tell us

this is what I've always known since when they were connected like that the police could They call the letter It was like hands across America They had a kind of They call the They bring in a specialist

For that kind of to separate Fortunately the cops had boiling We've done eight minutes so far in perfecto And I don't know what the fuck he does The guy knows he stood in the bag And he was a celebrity hair dresser He gets fucked He wasn't even a celebrity.

Oh, he was a hairdresser. He was just a hairdresser. Not like Sirmonton. Oh, no. Yeah, but could you do that on America's Got Talent? I'm going to answer to my question. Howard Stern would probably love it. Next week, you got to push harder.

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Before I forget, we talked about this before and never had a musical instrument with us. The first time I went on the David Letterman show, We had to decide on a song to play me out, too. And my two biggest failures were Saturday Night Live. The Saturday Night Live, the Gene Demandian year. Yes, yes. And thick of the night, the Allen Thick year.

Oh, I think you did worse stuff than that. And so we decided to combine the two. And can you, and I remember you said I would play you out with both. Gilbert was going to do his first stand-up on Letterman and I said I'll play you out with those two flops, the theme from the two. Only I would know them, but I do. I know the theme from Gene Demandians a year of SNL and of course thick of the night, his theme,

running in the thick of the night. I said, I'll do a little one and into the other. I said, but it would be too long, you know, you'll be out there already. He said, so I'll wait. Anyway Something like this So this is This is

They're not dead How's everybody feeling that night That's how it That's how it That's how it went But no rehearsal And what was your opening joke then

Gober Oh I don't remember You did the Ben Gazzara joke I did the Ben Gassara a bit And Oh would you like to do a duet With me Of singing the thick of the night

theme Yeah yeah Adam Let me hear a little For a key Mama don't leave The Lane on That's too little

Yes Yes He wrote it too Mama don't leave The Lane on I'm on the road Tonight Everyone needs a dream

To hold on I'm gonna meet you Done My own Going in the ticket the night into the city lights running in the thick of the night

into the heat going to treat you right running to the thick of the night night night night nice now now now beautiful now now Gilbert

I got to talk to you about something though once you bring up thick of the night you were a cast member it was a talk show with a rep company you were a member of the rep company. Do you remember any of the other names? Richard Belzer. Was a rep company member, yes? Charles Fleischer.

Oh, Charlie Fleischer, yeah. McManus. Mike McManus. Something grande, something... What about a girl? Was there a girl? Oh, there was a girl who was in that movie about the punk rocker who dies?

Who was that big? Summer and smoke? What? Chloe, Chloe Webb. Oh, she played Nancy Spungent and Sid and Nancy. She was in the rep company? They were all in the rep company. Chloe Webb. And so it was a talk show slash sketch comedy.

It was horrible. She had a character of the French supermodel. Oh, yes. Israel Brandy. She played a French supermodel. Yeah, was her name. Just one, like the letter R. Spokane Supermodic.

Just played one character? Just played one character? Well, that was her big character. Big character. But there was a period of time when you didn't appear on the show. Why? You had gone up into the rafters. Yeah, they wrote into the show. And you would not come down.

Now, can you justify this? They wrote into the show. Yeah, sure, yeah. The show kept changing because it was bombing severely. Ah, thick of the night. And then they decided, hey, Gilbert is this guy who lives in the kickbook. And that's what Alex. The catwalk, the catwalk.

The catwalk. The kid walk. Gilbert never comes down from the kit book. Never came to down. Was there an explanation about why? It's a little like Chris Elliott under the stairs. I was thinking. Why before I was down there and why now I only live in the cat.

Yeah. The timing was all. I live down in the kit room. You know that has haunted me a home life. Can you tell me now I have lost sleep trying to figure that out. What did you as an actor? Well, just stay in this room. When you were living with Al Thick's wife, did you ask?

Oh, oh. I kept saying. On the reality show? Yeah, when you were with his wife. I was living with his wife. When you were having sex with his wife? Did you ask? I know I was having sex with Alan Thick.

Celebrity Wiveswomen. That's right. Did you come down on that show? Was it? He went down on that show. Yeah. You're uncourgible. Hey.

Well, I was in a scene in that. I and my whole family. Yeah, we bells her. we came yeah we came over for dinner with mrs thick so she liked to have dinner party what was her first name oh my mom yes oh jeez tanya tanya yeah yeah yeah but had taken her the friar's kitchen the night before for dinner yeah yeah so what a show yeah oh my goodness so we get we're over there with belzer and gilbert and we say they all they both work for allen thick let's get him on the phone and we get him on on the phone. With Tony, you got some on the phone.

We sing thick of the night, and we really drive him into the ground and talk about how, what a flop that show was. Oh, yes. But we didn't really get much reaction from him. There was silence on the other end. I know. Yeah, yeah. But we were having the time of our lives, laughing.

Couldn't stop laughing. Dikini. And we're wondering why he's not getting it. And when they aired the show, they cut out that. Yeah, they didn't even use it. Call him right now and try again. We had a lot of fun doing it. You could speak to him on the phone. On the on one episode.

We had him on. We had Alan Thickland show. He was very funny about it. Yeah, we had them on. But the part where me, Paul, and Richard were singing that, they didn't leave that in. I was gold. Now, Bill. What? Yeah. Bill Persky. Oh, my God. You you worked with Orson

Wells. Yes, I did. Who just had a hundredth birthday? Who just died? Did you do the wine in a box? No, I didn't do it. I did the wine and the coffee mug where he got drunk during rehearsals. And everyone said, where is he getting the booze? All he drinks all day is coffee. It was the darkest burgundy in the world.

And by 4 o'clock, he was on the floor. And no one knew where it was coming. Just Paul Mason? Because he was showing. No, no. We were in London at the time. I don't think they allowed Paul Mason into the country, either the man or the wine. You went there to do the man who came to dinner with him.

Yeah, yeah. You directed it. Buzz Cullick directed it. And Buzz Culick, who was a great director, decided he was going to be the person who controlled Orson Wells. Wherever Orson Wells is now, the guy in charge is not controlling Orson. There was no such thing. And it all came to a head one night when Wells wanted to do a certain thing.

And Buzz said, no, we're not going to do that. And we're in with the crew and the voiceover of the director. and they went back and forth argument and finally Well said to him, Mr. Culek, you are talking to the director of Citizen Kane, and over the PA comes a film I always thought was highly overrated. Wow. Culick said that. Stunned.

Wow. Now, Well, said, well, Mr. Culick, whatever you plan to do with your next shot, I suggest that you find someone to be in it. And he walked out. It was a last shot in the show. No one knew where he was. For hours, we were looking. We're in golden time.

All of this expense. He had called Prince Philip, and he was having dinner at the Southampton Yacht Club. We finally got him to come back, and he said, I want an apology, or I won't come back. So I was producing, my partner and I had written,

and we were producing the show. And so I went to Buzz Qua. I said, you got to apologize. to him. He said that overrated. I said, you got it. We don't have the money to keep. We got to end the show. So he said, all right, I'll apologize. So Wells came in and Kulig said, I apologize. He said, oh, no, no, no, over the PA. Loud, very loud. Great. So now we had to make that. And now Wells walked back on the set. And what did he say? He said, I would just like to apologize to insulting. Mr. Wells and bringing up the fact that Citizen Kane was highly overrated. What did he do then? It worked.

No one could hear him over Orson Wells' Icebring parts. And what happened? The setup of my last moment with Orson Wells, we had become very close because somehow he really liked me a lot and I was assigned to keep him from drinking. So I spent a lot of time with him. She should have kept him from meeting, too. Yes. But we were shooting in South Hampton.

in London, in England. Fog, like famous for the fog, there was one streetlight in the middle of the parking lot of this thing. It was like a scene from the third man. I mean, you could hear the zither in the background. And when we're leaving, Wells' chauffeur, he had a limo and all. And Wells said, I must pee. And yes, okay, you could, because it felt that was all it was, missing. He couldn't find a bathroom. Now, there's a Roman wall that runs through Southampton from when the Romans, it is revered. I mean, if you're driving down, when they laid out the city, if there was a wall in the way, you make a right turn, go around the wall and go back to where you're going. They loved it. And finally, we get outside. Wells said, I must pee. And he said, perhaps here, sir,

the chauber. So he said, goes over, there's the goddamn Roman wall. Wells gives me a hug with one arm and is on zipping with the other, and he said, I love you, Billy, be well. And I walked into the fog with Niagara Falls hitting, I mean, it was, I mean, it was the loudest thing. That wasn't overrated. And it's going through the fog and the lights. And I'm walking into the night.

It was amazing. What did it sound like? Can you do it? No, are you kidding? It was literally like a herd of elephants peeing. Now, Billy, we've found. A fan alerted us to a video that I circulated among the boys. Yes.

From a movie called Water. Yes. A British film. I saw you guys sent it around to it. We sent it around. We all decided you were holding out on us. And do you want to tell our listeners who you were co-starring in this particular scene with? Well, Ringo Starr, and George Harrison.

George Mahars? No, George Mahars. George Mahars. George Mahars was fucking worse than Wells. Wally Pete. Wally Pete. and Eric Clapton, but the truth be known, they were not in the...

What was the movie? The movie's called Water. A movie that I had written this movie with Ian LaFernay and Dick Clement. I don't know if you know them. They wrote the Irish rock band. What was it? Great movie. Oh, the replacements?

No, the C. Oh, the Commitments. The Commitments. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, they're really great writers. And it was about an... island in the Caribbean, there was the worst island in the world, the wind blew in all directions at the same time, all four directions. You couldn't play cards in this island. And there was no beach.

But somebody discovered that there was water on the island that was a great laxative. And suddenly, it suddenly, it's suddenly, well, it starred Michael Keene, Michael, rather, and suddenly, and and Valerie Carine and Billy Carine. And it was really a funny movie. But I was brought over to just have a bit part in it. I looked very young. Oh, you didn't write it. I wrote it.

Yeah. Wrote it and appeared as a TV director. And what kind of scene was that? Why was Clapton and those people there? Because there was a time when the Islanders, the guy that Billy played was known in the script as the singing rebel. He refused to talk until the island was free. So every time he was there, he would sing Calypso songs, drove everybody crazy. So then they went in front of the U.N. to make an appeal for the island.

Meanwhile, it almost caused an atomic war because the French were trying to take it over to protect Perrier, and the Americans were going to do it to protect Poland's spring. It was a fun movie. A fan named Jonathan Sloeman, one of our listeners sent it to me. I know, I am. You know, Jonathan? You do. From Britain.

He's a Brit. Yeah, he's a Brit. And just the sight of you sitting there behind the control room. With that hair. Yeah, the hair. Introducing Ringo and George. I have a question. Yes.

So do you ever write stuff that doesn't have a tropical island? Yes. Journey to North Pole. Okay. Just check. Now, Tommy Lee. Ouch. I understand you have a little story about Troy Donahue.

Oh, God. Yeah. Put the kids to bed. There are no segues. Unless you already had a bunch of Troy Donahy. stars on your show. No, not enough. Well, that can never be enough.

Okay. Yeah. Thank you. There haven't been enough. Well, it isn't really a story, per se. Yeah. Well, you could tell the...

It certainly isn't a funny season. I give you the option of telling the Troy Donny or the Mario Lanzas. Well, let me tell both. They're kind of companion cases. Tom Leopold. Thank you. With his...

This is where I take two forgotten celebrities and put them together. You could get whiplash doing this. Nobody in this room forgot them. Oh, thank you. I'll never forget them. Anyway, I don't want to get all choked up here. It never took place, but when I was on some show out in L.A.,

somebody came in and said that they had seen Troy Donahue homeless on the street. Oh, I heard this. Yes. And I immediately, because, you know, when I was like a kid, Troy Donahue was the biggest star in the universe, you know? Susan Plechette and all those terrible movies. His biggest Tab Hunter, at least. Oh, yeah.

Bigger movie star than Ted. Well, I don't know. We'll talk about that. Let's get into that comparison. Yeah. So I thought, my God, and I was making money. I thought, you know what? I bet I could hire Troy Donahue than, like, get my laundry and shit.

I really could. I really could. I can give him like $1,000 a week, cash. and imagine call I swear to God I really thought about this I thought this is you know

and imagine Troy yeah do me a favor that end table they're putting in the glass go down and LeBrea

and get that for me anyway I never pursued it because I thought it might be sad well yeah I heard he was Troy Donahue

was living in people's homes yeah and he died in Central Park I think. He did? Really? Yeah. No, no. No, that doesn't sound right. Okay, Paul has a difference. It just can't be. No, it just can't be. It doesn't sound right. No.

What about Mario Lanzah? He died. Somebody died. No. Somebody please die and says, I'm going to look like an idiot. No, I heard Troy Donahue. No, that was Kent in the cord.

People would go, hey, it's Troy Donahue. Yeah. Oh, you could stay here for the night. Why is he covered in his own shit? That man was in Paris. He could be covered in somebody else's shit for crying out of the movie star. I didn't think they had shit. All right. I hate to drop dinners.

Yeah, yeah. I know where we're going. I had dinner with Troy Donahue and Suzanne Plachette. What? Yes. Excellent. Who was a friend of it. Night he died.

He had food poisoning. How'd you find him in the sheet? No, she was going out with Troy Donahue. when I first got out to L.A. Valerie Pryne? No. Susie Plachette. Oh, Susan Blachette.

Thank you, Darry. I have a feeling that they knew he was gay, but he was a big star, and she was just getting started. Who, Troy Donnie? Yeah. Was this in your autobiography? He was married a few times.

Oh, really? Dara. You know why it didn't work out? No. He's gay. So they were together. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was Tab Hunter. They look so much.

Look, isn't it bad enough we say he lived in the park? Why do we have to say he's gay? Darren just pointed out that he died in Santa Monica Hospital at the age of 65, Troy Donner. Thanks a lot, Gary. With George Maharis. I'm sorry. How do you feel about that? He's a stick in perfect hotel, hell he says.

Well, what, Mario Lanzza? Is there a Mario Lanzza story? Oh, yeah. Okay. This is a good one. Can it top this last one? Ha! You know what? He painted.

He painted your house, right? This is a beautiful. And late carpeting, yes. Does any thing in this story that doesn't make me want to fucking blow my head off? One thing is, is there a nice person who passes him? This is a beautiful story. Tell this story. This is a sweet story.

You could cut this out of it. This is a beauty. You'll like it. But, Mario, the truce thing, I've read it in many books. Dory Sherry was the head of MGM after Louis B. Mayor. Another person that everyone is running to Google. Dory, Sherry, Sherry.

In this room. D-O-R-E. He was on the I-Love Lucy. That's right. Dory, Sherry was on an I-Love Lucy. Not the real one. It was an actor-playing. The robot. Because that night, apparently, he was with Tom.

Who played him? Frank. Don't know. But Craig is right. But it was not the real Dory Sherry. He was an actor-Town. Was it the real William Holden on I-Love Lucy? Yes. Tommy, if you will. Was it the real Lucy?

Was there a real Lucy? Was it the real Fred? I worked with Lucy, of course. Well, you'll tell them. That's here. Which era, Lucy? The one where she sounded like Everdirk's... Stone pillow.

Another Google reference. Gary! Gary! Gilbert does a great Lucy. Old Lucy. Gilbert does old Lucy. Go ahead. Ah, Desi. Hey.

Well, I always liked those... Eugene Pellette. When she was older, and like, she and Bob Hope. Yeah. We try to be hip. Yeah. It's like, hey, let's go to that costume party as hippies. Yeah, look at me, I'm a beetle.

I want to have, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a beater. That's right. Where are the Beatles. He'd show up in the beaded vest with the long hair. And the motorcycle into the park. And they run into Jack Benny as a hippie. I think people are dying to get back to the Dori Sherry.

Take a number, Mario Lund. It's the same. It's the same story. But before I get to that, did I tell the story about watching? I feel like a life garden and insane asylum. Did I tell the story last time I was on about where Lucy's on one of those, the last of the Lucy shows. No, you did not. No, you did not tell us. Tell that one. It was when our daughter... Is Mario Lons in this?

No. Jesus Christ. It was perfect. Not telling. Life with Lucy when she was like 90. Oh, my God. Life with Lucy. They had been held together by Matt Bessing Taked. That was the funny one.

After the stone pillow where she plays the home. Oh, my God. Yes. No, no, before the stone pillow. Before the stone pillow. She was a homeless one. Was Frank Nelson? Was Frank Nelson also on that one? No, Gordon. Anyway. I'm up with our...

daughter back from the hospital and she's up at 4. I'm walking around. I got late in night, it's like, here's Lucy or here's this, here's Lucy this time. I don't know what they call. Here's Lucy because the other one didn't work at all. Life with Lucy. I think it was called, here's Lucy because the other one didn't work. No, that one was called, here's Lucy whether you like it or not. The last show is Life with Lucy. Life with Lucy. The life left with Lucy. The life left with Lucy. Whatever life is left with Lucy. Before death with Lucy.

Right. That's when Lucy looked like she was going to be dead. Yeah, no, no. She was still showing her legs. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yes. Very disturbing. Anyway. Anyway, so I'm watching. And the whole plot of this episode of Lucy is Bob Crane is a guest star, Robert Crane from Hogan's hair. Oh, my God. Yeah. And the whole plot is he invites Lucy on a date, Bob Crane. And Lucy's problem now. I don't think even Viv. I don't think Viv was even in it. She gave up. She was gone. She checked out.

She moved back to New York. She dragged around the corpse. She was in a major depression. Anyway. So the whole plot is Lucy asking Mr. Mooney her boss played by Gilgordon if she could get out of work early

because I got a date with a boy. Bob Craig. I got a day with a boy. Yeah. Bob Craig. Oh no. Oh no. Mrs. McGreg.

Like, are you kidding? That's a great story. This summer serve up the cookout classics, Heinz ketchup, and Kraft singles. Every good burger needs a layer of perfectly milty cheese and thick, rich ketchup. We all know it's not a cookout without Heinz and Kraft. Mario Lanza real quick. Yeah, I'll tell you the Mario Lonzo. Really quick.

Where are we going? Gil, do we have time for the Mario Lanzas store? Yeah, I think we can squeeze it in there. This is a great story. I love it. You can tell this in real time. We have time for real time. Yeah.

Tom shared this. It's a short story. But it has a big heart. It's touching. I don't know that. Anyway. Dory Sherry took over from Louis B. Merr and he changed the whole studio around.

And he was the one who hired Mary Alonza from the opera stage to come out and make those horrible movies. And you know the movies I'm talking about like when his weight would fluctuate so much. Oh, Mario Lanzza. He bought Mary Lanz. And his weight would fluctuate during the picture.

It started out, and then, but he started out in one scene, he goes, well, I'm going to go in that other room now. I should be back. I'm going to sing Rigoletto. And he'd walk out of that room and walk into the other room. He'd be 48 pounds heavier. And then he goes through another door, you're skinny again. And he's like, anyway. Mario Lanz is the great Italian singer.

For our, listen, so you don't know Mario Lanzas. Jeez. They don't know. Anyway, so Dory Sherry and Mario Lanzig got into a terrible feud about contracts or letting him out so we can do do concerts. So Mary Lanz did the thing, the natural thing, he took a big steaming, creamy

dump on Dory Sherry's lawn. Creamy. And it made the papers. Do you ever hear that story? No. Oh, he said so many books. The shit made the papers.

The shit hit the paper. The look on Billy Persky's face. The way of him, if he heard that story. No, I don't know if he, negotiate another contract if it worked if it was the shit was so so he could get a better contract I don't know if it

worked no no what an odd negotiator is a great it was it's a beautiful Hollywood story let me tell you let me tell everyone who's on the show again just hi I'm Gilbert Gottfried I'm here with Frank Santopatra

we're here with Craig Biarico bottom of the barrel Drew Free bottom of the barrel Craig Biarico Drew Friedman, Tom Leopold, Bill Persky, and Paul Schaefer. We haven't gotten to the main way.

What are we doing? We're building up. Is that the hour mark? Are we at the hour mark? Well, the second hour is going to be all Danny Thomas, right? Yeah. We talk about Barrein. Yeah.

Go ahead. The film. Yeah, what did he get arrested? The guy who liked to masturbate with friends. Right? What? What? He liked to masturbate with friends.

Bob Brain star of Hogan's heroes. Yes. Thank you. Did you write the Dick Van Dyke that he was on? No. I did not. That was called. That was early.

I think that was called. And Bob Crane was into having orgies. And filming it. He had this huge video kit and box that he carried out. When motel room to motel room when he was doing the summer stock. And they made a movie about it. And that is the theme Paul's playing to Hogan's heroes. Oh, wow.

What do we know about Bob Crane? Here. Now, I think I know that that theme, I think it goes, you know, it's an instrumental, but all instrumentals have words. And I think, I think for the Hogan's heroes, it's, we are all the manly men of war. We are marching in where hundreds have before. And then the middle part is, you may suggest, Oh, you ask the questions. We'll make suggestions. We are the men of war. You ask the questions.

We'll make suggestions. What does that have to do with anything? But of all the unnecessary things for a person to have in his head. Oh, you have no idea, Bill. I mean, why? Is there a way to get rid of that now? Can we solve? You wouldn't believe it would be solved.

That was produced by... Jesus. Why did you bother to learn that? Did you sing that song? Do you sing that song? Do you still do the Hogan's Heroes bit in your act? Oh, yes. I always did, like, who's the guy that came up with the idea for Hogan's heroes?

Bing Crosby. Yeah, that he went into a network and said, here's the idea. A group of soldiers in a Nazi prison camp. It's a comedy. Bing Crosby. He hated Jews, didn't he? Yeah, Bill Cosby.

Bing Cosby. Now, let's talk about all the people who hated the Jews. Yeah. Aside from everybody in this room. My mother. My mother. Me? Tom Leopold.

I heard. I heard Wilford Brimley hated the Jews. That wouldn't surprise me. Big time. Well, Craig worked with him. He hated himself. Oh, okay. Can you confirm or deny, Craig?

I can't. He didn't speak to me. Who? Wilford Brimley. He knew you were. Oh, part Jewish. Okay, Phil. I heard he was the biggest Jew hater of all.

I think he hated it because he was one, and he didn't want anyone to find out. That's what they said about Hitler, too. Yeah. Well, they were cousins. Hitler and Wilfrid and Hitler. But Paul Lynn hated Jews more than anybody. Oh, yeah. Paul Lynn, I heard that on Hollywood Squares.

Well, the Jews didn't make him gay. Yeah, on Hollywood Squares, one of the producers was the producer of the original Hollywood Squares. and he told me that during lunch, all the people on the show would get together. They'd be joking and having a great time. And Paul Lynn would be bombed out of his skull. And he was this, you know, bitter old anti-Semitic queen. Yes. And he would be there going, oh, those fucking Jews,

they're the reason I don't have a career. I wish Hitler killed all of them. And he'd be that like, oh, well, that story, you've told that story on every single episode. That story is your Carol Burnett Loebuck pulled. That's your earloven. Rightly so. That's your story. That's your soul.

Okay. Here's the thing. I was talking to a group of young people, the fact that today there are really not stars. I mean, they are passing through. I said, when I was growing up, everybody did impressions and immediately you knew who the people were

I'll give you a thousand dollars to do an impression of puffy combs you can't there's nothing there there is nobody around today who is a star that you could build an act there's no impression acts anymore

there's nothing distinctive I'm sorry to bring this down I can talk more about the shit statue They was like, Frank Gorshian, rich little George Gersh. Guys made their whole career. Go to Jordan. Something like Don Nott's.

I grew up, I would watch Don Nott's. I totally took him for granted because it was just so... Great. But then you try to do that. You try and do what he was doing and you realize how far out on a limb he went. Oh, boy. To do that character and how brilliant and how singular. And there's nobody like that at all.

I'm saying, it's a comment in a strange way. on the fact that there are no really identifiable people who keep on dean. There are impressionists in Vegas now. Doing. Guys that get big money. I can't remember their names. There's two different guys. What do they do?

Who they do? They're all the same. Well, that's the question. Fred Travelina? No, there's a guy now. Well, there was Danny Gans for years. No, he died. He died.

He died. I love that on the mysterious. He did. Danny Gans died in Central. The dick up his eyes. He too. I don't know. I could be your agent. I don't know why that was important to me, but it is.

It's like when you hear the stories and the passion with which you guys all love these things, there's nobody does that in me. You're going to get that way about girls? I mean, you know. Girls are the show. So you want to bring. Girls, the people, I mean, it's fine. You want to bring impressions on that.

No, I'm just saying that there's no real identity in every. You can't picture like a person coming out and go, here, so let's say. Imagine here's Matthew Damon. Imagine, if you will, Matthew Damon in a hospital. And anything he does would just be Matthew. And now, Kim Kardashian calling 911. Who might go something like this. There's no show business heaven.

I used to love when George Kirby. George Kirby used to do imitations of only white people. No, I mean, but for these kids, there's no show business. Now, do we all remember when George Kirby was arrested, not up of drugs? Sure. Yeah. And then he came back and did a dramatic

thing. King heroin. King heroin. King Harold. Yeah. King Harrowon. I am King Harrowon. Who did Sidney Green Street. Yes. Was he only a public service thing? Yeah, well, it was in his act. He only imitated

white guys. Yeah. I'm King Harrow. But if you remember, Gilles. he did it because he was an impressionist he did it as sydney green street yes which really for me because he said he did it in prison i guess it was to keep people from the only imitated big fat white well it's like did you see those movies the trip you know yeah oh yeah i mean every line was an impression of somebody great i mean they never talked to each other as themselves speaking of impressions craig not to put you on the spot but i understand you do a johnny carson oh a little something hello i do johnny carson you do johnny carson

Johnny Carson in the third grade? What are you doing? You're talking. We've to come up with that. I understand. You can perform thoracic surgery. Why don't you take time? Here's about it.

You open Drew's stomach. What are you talking about? You don't know what I'm talking about. No. This is kind of like on Jay Leno when he goes. No. No, it was a joke between you and Azari and I used to joke. Because I could.

I didn't imitate anybody I imitated sounded like Hank's area doing Johnny Carson. So Johnny Carson, he did a great Johnny Carson. And I used to said when Johnny Carson retired, I didn't mean to look at you when I said Johnny Carson retired. Look right at Paul. I know. And I feel like I just, you know. No, retired. You had to go there.

No, I didn't. Not at all. I was doing so. I think you're holding up really well. I was doing so well until now. Yeah, well, I mean, normally it wouldn't be available. Oh, yeah. You know what Paul said as we were coming down?

Is everybody getting paid? Yeah. You should take the better care of your money, my friend. Paid in pizza. Well, we were just trying to imagine what is Johnny Carson going to do? He's up in Malibu and he's retired. And we just decided he's going to hang out with junior high school kids. And it was just, and it was, hey, did you guys take the, and I don't do a good, John.

Yeah, that's good. But that wasn't it. I have a sign of him. No, he goes, hey, did you want to? How did you guys do on that algebra? Trigg? Was that not impossible? And then the kids always run...

Shut up, Carson. Sorry. He was unpopular. Sorry. I understand everybody. I understand everybody's going to the mall choppy. Is that true? Carson, fuck off. Sorry. Sorry.

There you go, thank you, Paul. Save me. Play me out. I saw Hank is there. Excuse me for... But this is important. Hank Azaria and Harry Shearer doing dueling. Doing dueling Johnny Carson's. That was pretty good.

We're going to take a vote. Was that important? No, sorry, Drew. Go ahead. Paul, Cole, do you know the Johnny Carson song by Brian Wilson? No, I do not, sir. It's actually a song called Johnny Carson. When he was really nuts in the late 70s.

It's on one of the albums. Yeah, you know, I do know. Fifteen big ones. It's on 15 big ones. Can't summon it right now. 15 big ones. I'm sorry. Tom, you, well, before we leave the topic of George Kirby.

Didn't you, is it watermelon man? That was Scott for Cambridge. That was 15 minutes ago. Didn't you used to wonder, didn't you used to wonder when they had the big campaign about homelessness? Oh, yes. Well, we did it. Comedy, what was it? We did it.

We did. Oh, maybe it was just a bit. I remember if we actually said it. Everything was about homelessness and feed the homeless. Right. You thought perhaps George Kirby. Well, no, I actually, remember when Jerry on the telethon would have, one time, he had Jack Palance on,

and a black turtleneck sweater. And it was, Jerry go, now a serious moment. And he's cut to Jack Palance and this big black turtleneck sweater going, I'm muscular dystrophy. Oh, no.

And I hate children. Yeah. So we did a thing like where it was about homelessness was big. And. It was really big that year. So damn big. Back when it was really great, you know.

And I was, somebody who should get Jack Palance to do, I'm homelessness, and I hate homes. Yes, I hate homes. All right. That died. That's the bit. Thanks for rocking me into that one.

That's the bit. That's all right. No, I love the bit. I heard a story that one time Bob Hope was on the tonight show. And during the commercial break, Carson said, you know, I read about you, Bob. and I heard you were born in England, your parents died when you were a child. You program women as sex robots.

Yes. And your older brothers got sick and died and you were living in a rat infested abandoned building and you watch your brother die in front of you and you had nothing. You were three when this was going. and Bob Hope went, yeah, that's wild, isn't it? Ah! Nice meeting for a comedy guy to get, yeah. We had to stop the show at some point because, you know,

our guests are old and they have to pee, and their memory starts going. So tune in next week for Part 2. Sign up for a free 30-day trial. Zero.com slash podcast. I'm going to spell it again. That's zero X-X-E-R-O. That's zero X-E-R-O. Dot com slash podcasts.

Zero is beautiful accounting software built to help small businesses be more productive and successful. Zero.com slash podcasts. Very good. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Slicinger, slicing driving friends with it for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.

Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to YouTube.com slash Wait For It Comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore Because it's here And it's funny And I love you A few days ago

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