Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Rewind: Episode #55: GGACP Anniversary Special, Part 2

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

This week, the not-to-be-missed conclusion of our one-year anniversary episode as actor Craig Bierko, illustrator Drew Friedman, comedy writer Tom Leopold, writer-producer Bill Persky and musician Paul Shaffer join Gilbert and Frank for a fascinating (true!) and fast-paced (not really) conversation about topics too trivial to ignore! Also, Craig salutes the comic villainy of Dabney Coleman, Bill tries to keep the Bums in Brooklyn, Drew grills “old Groucho” and Paul and Tom recall the unforgettable “Viva Shaf Vegas”! PLUS: The legend of Harry Crane! The balladry of Nipsey Russell! The return of Maria Ouspenskaya! And Gilbert sings “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance”! https://www.gilbertpodcast.com/55-55-anniversary-special-pt2/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Lossel podcast with my co-host Frank Santo Padre. Our first year anniversary party continues with part two of our marathon interview conducted at Nutmeg Post with our guest Craig Bierico, Drew Friedman, Tom Leopold, Bill Persky, and Paul Schaefer. This episode has it all. Acromigley! The Brooklyn Dodgers! And Russell Crow as Mo Howard? Don't miss it.

Before I forget, we have a new sponsor. Who is that, Gil? This is Casper Mattresses. Oh, yes. They got in touch with me, and they said, we want to send you a mattress. Yeah.

And then I got in touch with you. That was very kind of you. Yeah. I should say that Gilbert offered me the mattress, which was very, very kind. And I hear great things about these mattresses. I just bought a mattress a couple of months ago, which is a change for me because... Because, well, I wanted you to have the mattress, because up until then you were sleeping on subway gratings and using newspapers for blankets. Yes, I was masking taping place mats together.

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which is kind of a hybrid. It's a different kind of mattress. It's supposed to be incredibly comfortable. Yeah, it feels totally different and it's not, and dealing with them isn't like when you go into these stores where it's become like going to a car lot. Yeah, I dread it.

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visiting www. casper.com slash Gilbert and using Gilbert, that's C-A-S-B-E-R dot com slash Gilbert for your savings. Talking about leaders, I spoke at a woman's group of the Temple Emmanuel. last week I was invited for their year-end thing. And the thing I walked in and really it was like, this is terrible to say, but it's like I was there the day after they liberated Auschwitz to tell everybody how they were going to be treated.

I mean, it was the worst face. I mean, it says, and I'm now going to be the entertainment. And they finally, after a meeting and a lecture, of officers. It's now like three o'clock in the afternoon. And we say, and our guest speaker today is Bill Persky. But first, let's rise for a moment for those of our sisters who are not with us any longer. That's the intro. That's your, that's almost as good as the priest to introduce you, the Monsignor, when you did, yeah, when you did your show down in. Right. Exactly. But it's all that story. May I lead it to my story about that. When I was a child, I was a

A child of about 12, 12 years old, up in my hometown Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada. Not much entertainment up there, a town of 100,000, not a bad size, but totally isolated and freezing cold on the North Shore Lake Superior. But one year there was an Israeli bond drive. Actually, every year there was, you know. And the bond drive was a rabbi and a celebrity going all across Canada, selling Israeli bonds, having evenings at the shul where the bonds would be sold

people would pledge right there after the entertainment well this year and I'm 12 years old the entertainment is Ricky Lane and Velvo Oh lucky you And this is a For those readers

listeners it's a cat skills act From back in the day The 60s of Intriloquist act Velvo is a dummy A Yiddish dummy with a Yiddish accent I forgot he had a Yiddish accent. Somehow, Sullivan loved this act. I guess he thought that it appealed to the Jewish audience.

It would bring in the Jewish audience for him. And they were on so many times that they were huge. So huge that when it was announced that the Israeli bond drive in the evening in June, I think, was going to include Ricky Lane and Velvill. Oh. It had to be opened up to the Goyam as well. It wasn't going to be just because it was, act was on the Sullivan show,

and they were coming to Thunder Bay, Ontario. The mayor was going to come and all, you know, dignitarious, city dignitary, everybody was going to show up. Ricky Lane. Invelvable was a huge sellout. Now, it's an Orthodox synagogue. Now, this means there are very strict rules for having an evening like this. the food has to be completely kosher.

And in the case of this, it's got to be brought in from Winnipeg, Manitoba, because there's no kosher butcher butchers or anything in this town. So it's all kosher. And my parents, God loved them. They're no longer with us. And this is, you know, I thank them every day for encouraging me to live my life. And it's turned out so well and everything. They had assimilated quite well, you know.

I don't know why there were any Jews up there in Thunder Bay. My parents' second generation or something, you know, already very goyish in their ways and very well-dressed and cosmopolitan. And now their goyish friends are going to be coming to the shul to see Ricky Lane and Velvell. And it's going to be kosher and whatever it is with the dishes and everything. And they're starting to worry. And I'm 12 years old, seeping, getting all of this. They're worrying about, you know, it can be embarrassing a little bit for the goyam to come. to see Ricky Lane and Velvo and, you know, it's got to be kosher and everything is, I'm aware of

this exquisite tension and we go to see the show. Now, there's a dinner first that's all kosher and the mayor I think makes a speech and welcomes Ricky Lane and Velvo and of course the rabbi from wherever and he gets up to speak first. The rabbi speaks about Israel and how it's been a tough year and you really need it and as Jews, you've got to reach deep into your pocket. And he's got a heavy, heavy Yiddish accent. And by Israeli bonds, what do I see? Who do I see? And I don't know.

Maybe it was a tough year in Thunder Bayer for the Jews, but nobody raised their hands. Well, this rabbi goes into a rant, a tantrum, and it's half Yiddish and half English. And my parents' heads just drop like this because it's the funniest thing. And the most embarrassing thing, you people, and you should rot and the termite. And now bring it, and now Ricky Lane and Velvill. Well, I just, I can't tell you, I remember so clearly the image of Ricky Lane down on the ground with the dummy, you know, sticking his hand in the dummy and getting ready.

And he's saying, wow, rabbi, I, whoo, that's like, wow. I don't know. try to do comedy you know comedy after that rabbi I just wow and he says but don't worry

I'm sure that we'll talk to the people after rabbi and we'll we'll make sure that there's a better outcome for the day and then he just gump goes into his act and it's just one of those life-changing things but how did he fare

like how did he do did he win them back oh I think so yeah the people were dying to see him because he'd been on Sullivan so yeah that was What was that?

Velvo was Jewish, so... Velvo was Jewish, exactly. Knucklehead hated Jews, which is ironic. Jolson wouldn't have... Jolson would have left the building. Jolson didn't need a mic or a Jew. No. He didn't need a mic.

I thought of some other Jew haters from Hollywood. Oh, let's talk about the Jew hares. Well, of course, Ward Bond. Ward Bond. He was the best Jew hater at Hollywood. He hated Jews and Chinese waiters. Hated. What did he?

What did he do on Sunday night? He would Doroth. And Robert Mitchum, sadly. I learned that. I don't believe that. There's an Esquire interview with him where he's just ranting about the Jews. That seems to make sense.

He's our man. Sorry to say. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it hurts. You heard Robert Mitchum said in some interview about something about the Holocaust that it kills six million Jews. He goes alleged.

And he goes allegedly. Right. Oh, wow. Yeah. So what do you think of them now? We still love them. Heaven knows Mr. Allison my ass. I mean, Jesus.

What I love about Paul's story is that the Jews were embarrassed that the Goyam would see the rabbi going to come out right now. Oh, yeah. Like they hadn't seen Jews before in the town. Well, it was, you know, we don't want Jews to appear. You know, Paul is such a great musician. He doesn't have to be this good at all this other stuff, too. Really? I mean, you are a great.

storyteller oh that's so nice well that's one of my best stories oh god and it left an indelible mark yes and then there was a little moment where he was signing autographs and i was lined up with my little thing and gave it to him he didn't speak at all he just his eyes got well he widened his eyes as he looked at me and i it just freaked me out and i left without speaking at all that was rickie lane an available. Do you have a velvo doll? Did they make dolls? I think Tom Leopold gave me his Lester doll last year. It was like one of the most

touching things. You know, I've told this story somewhere and Ricky Lane's daughter contacted me. You told you to stop telling it or? No, just, you know, she appreciated it. She loved it. Do you think she owns

the doll? She has, yeah, somewhere that family is the doll. I did my best trying to, you know, know, ingratiate myself to her for that brief period of time and become friends and what about the doll? You know, is there another velvo? Is there a spare velvail or anything?

I'm building up a Jewish comedy museum. Jusium. And I would love to have that velvill. Now who had Farfel the dog? Was that him too? No. That was Supey. Oh, that was David.

Danny O'Day? Danny O'Day. Danny O'Day and Forfele. And Farfell, the dog puppet. Yeah. For Nestle. And that's, weren't they the ones that also did N-E-S-D-L-E-S-N-S-D.

Yeah, that was Farful. But Farfell's also. I only know that from a Jew-Fragal. And then his... No, Farful is a Jewish food. Craig Vieco, guest number eight on the call board. I have a question that's Jew-related and story-related. And I wanted to...

Not an easy combination. And I've always wondered this. It's a legendary story. Maybe you're aware of it. Maybe you're not. It's an S&L legend story. A big Michael O'Donohe fan and all the lore and... And there was a...

a story of a sketch that he always wanted to get from the very beginning on the air. Do you know which one I'm talking about? The Nazi sketch. Yeah. I was in it. He got it on the air. You were in it?

And I was in it, playing the piano. We went out with, you know, a big tomorrow belongs to me or something. It ended with, like, just like, the scene in cabaret. Was this the two guys on the bench? Wasn't there one? Well, I can't remember what was in the story, but it was just a little slice of Nazi life.

In a, you know, a bar. Yeah. With, and everyone, it ends with the sing-song. I don't know. Maybe there was some spy activity. And he was very concerned with all the details, getting the costumes exactly right. The uniform is exactly right in the way they held the cigarettes and everything.

And he was very obsessed. I think he was in it too. Wasn't there a Fred Silverman's bunker sketch? Oh, and he did that at the end. The sketch that I heard about was there were two old men on a bench. Yeah. And one looks up and the other looks up, and he's got the call like a hair over.

He's got the little Nazi Hitler mustache, a gray mustache. And the Jewish, he's just obviously a Jewish guy looks over and him goes, are you, are you? And he goes, yeah, that's me. Like, this isn't ringing any bells. Nah, no. I feel funny telling it. Huh?

Maybe I'm dreaming it. Maybe I dropped it. Hey, can we, can we, I've heard this story, a million variations. Has nothing to do with the Jews. Oh. But it is one of these great stories of, you may, have heard it, Paul. Yeah.

Whitney Houston, Jody Foster. Did you just start talking in the middle of my story? Yes. Yes. Fuck you. I'm guest number

fucking eight. Is that what happens? Come on, tell us. Come on now. I don't want to finish the fuck. I'll finish it. I'll finish it on somebody

else's podcast. Was there a story? There was one. Let's hear it. What kind of ass burger what the fuck was that? I literally was in the middle.

I was like, I wasn't even the middle of a sentence. I was in the middle of a word. I was like, and you're like, I have a, didn't Dorian. Are you kidding? Are you kidding? With the Houston. Hey, you had a story?

It's Greg. Yeah. By the way, my name is Greg. Okay. No. Craig Dean Nelson. No, no, no. So the, the, the, one guy's obviously Hitler and the other guys is a Jew. And whatever you would want a Jew.

to say to Hitler, he says so beautifully, he goes, how could you possibly justify all the horror and all the other than he says? And he goes on this 10-minute speech. And then Hitler leans over and whispers into his ear. And the Jew goes, my mistake, I apologize. Oh, my goodness. Listen, I didn't, I didn't think of it. I didn't even think of that. And that was, apparently that was the sketch. And maybe because it played pretty much like it just played in this room. Yeah, certainly don't remember. But it also, I also, I don't. also no one could play a joke through a backdraft like you just created. That was like in the middle of a nuclear submarine into my delivery.

And I'm not interrupted. That would have killed. No, that's like the night that it was on, they interrupted in the middle to announce that 47,000 people were killed in a war. And then they came back to that. That's what you just put up with. Yeah. And that's why he flunked out. of host school. By the way,

what's host school? Host school. He just flunked right to hell out of host. Host school, I love it. He just flunked right to hell out of host. What's the Hitler fact, Tommy? Interesting Hitler fact. Do you know why Hitler didn't drink? Yeah.

Why? Why? Mean drunk. Ah. Mead shit. Like two personalities, you know? Two fucking skittling. He was a mean drunk.

Couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle the mood. He just. All right, Jody Foster is circling. Well, wait, I heard that on the history channel, they said that Hitler, his personal physician, used to give him three pills a day, one after each meal, to control his flatulence.

This is what they said on the history channel. He was worried about grossing people out. Yeah. Hitler's parts. Yeah. Wow. I don't want to be improper. I don't want to, yeah.

By the way, kill another 80 fucking millions. That's right. I don't want to. So, yes, this story about Jody Foster. Whitney Houston, and I always forget her name, the one from the Amish people. Kelly McGillis. Kelly McGillis. Oh, gee.

According to the story. I know where this is going. Okay. I can feel it. What is the same? Kelly McGillis. going. I heard it's like a million variations. I'm sure there were a million variations.

But that Kelly McGillis was going out with Whitney Houston. And then Kelly McGillis had an affair with Jody Foster. And then Whitney Houston beat up Kelly McGillis. And she was there. Oh, I remember reading about that. Yeah. Oh, go ahead. Where in God's name would you read about that?

I'm serious In a store, in a men's room, I mean Red book Well, there too I gotta say this is one hell of an interesting erection I've got I don't know what to do with this I don't know how to express this

What made you hard The fact that she beat them I don't know I think it might have been When Gilbert interrupted me Interesting It's when it started There was a tingle

I'm sorry He let you go back to the start Yeah I actually asked Tom Leopold to question you that I can bring it up again. Okay. It was about Ernest Borg, 9, and Ethel Merman when they were married. There goes the heart on. Sorry, Craig. I emailed Tom. I think you were on jury duty during the time.

But I emailed you. I said, do you think Ernest Borg 98 Ethel Merman? And what was your response? With a bourgeau, I think. I forget, what did I say? Fine boy, dog. Something about back hair. Back hair. Oh.

Do you know how she could stand his back hair? I don't know. You know, at the Writers' Guild dinner, which used to be a big thing in L.A., they would do this thing with film clips. And there was this thing of dwarfs wrestling, and they'd always do a story meeting at the William Morris Agency. And then there was another thing that they had of two trains

just barreling in and up in the air and they used that they said and the big romantic news of the year is Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgian Well you know they always said why

they asked Ethel why she you know divorced Ernie Ernie? She goes well how'd you like to hit oh no why Ernie divorced her. He goes, well, how'd you like to hear, hey, Ernie? Every morning. Oh, my God. It's probably apocryphal. It was just an echo. I heard that the screaming on their

wedding night, they could hear it miles away. Like Stuart, Stuart, boy, people in the hotel. Stuart Whitman was in Belair over a mile away. He says he could hear the screaming. Like, Banshee screams that. He never got over it. Yeah. And they say that they, the sweat, the two, raised can soon be seen floating over. They had to build a viaduct. When I asked you about Ernie eating Ethel, you said, well, he had more hair between his teeth than he had on his back back. Oh, yes. Tommy, do you have a story about...

Thank you. I like it. I liked it. You have a story about Joyce Brothers' husband? Oh, big story. Well, Paul knows this story. Who's husband? Dr. Joyce Brothers.

He was also a doctor. Mr. Joyce Brothers. By the way, would this be a doctor? good name for a black soul, an old old soul, black blues musician. African America. Yeah. Washington, Dr. Joyce Brothers Jefferson. No, I guess so.

Okay. What was the question? Something about you and Harry and Harry and Club Paradise? Well, Harry Sher and I wrote a, were sent down by a studio to write the movie Club Paradise. Of course, the movie was completely rewritten after we got back. We spent a week in Haiti, me and Harry's year. Harry, of course, Paul knows, he comes with huge metal boxes. I said, what's that?

He goes, my espresso machine. So it brings, I don't know, it's apropos of nothing. I just wanted you paint a picture for you guys. Anyway, we get down there the whole time. Nobody wants to get near us, you know. By the end of it, everyone's sitting with us and we're stickling. But anyway, on the plane back, we both got just a projectile diarrhea. Yeah

I bring it back to the theme Back to the theme Wait a minute I need to picture that Boom You know that kind of It had nowhere to go Yeah well no it goes

No you'll love it It has a cute button At the end No I didn't mean the story I mentioned Yeah Oh then I don't know There's nowhere for it to go

Ah So There's a cute button to the end Yeah I gotta draw that Yeah Oh yeah that'd be good my doctor says

Harry was from L.A. So my doctor says, you got to go get your stool tested Harry show. So Harry Shear and I have to, and it turns out the stool doctor was Dr. Joyce brother's husband. Yeah. He specialized in shit.

I don't know. Well, he takes that in school or something. What are you in for? Cardiac. So did she. Yeah. That was his obsession. I'd like to, I really want to get down to the bottom of shit. Try to cure shit or something. I don't know what he wants. Anyway, yeah. So we go there.

Was that like a proctologist or something different? No, the weird thing was it was an office, a doctor's office. It was a shit lab. Shit lab. It was a shit lab. Shlipp lab terrier. No, it was a shit lab. And there were all these doors.

Stalls. Stalls, but doors like phone booths with doors on them. Yeah. That they give you like a huge slurpy cup, you know. Like the big gulp, you know. And they give you. And they give you something to make. Meanwhile, they give everybody.

This place was packed. Everybody was there to take a shit. And they give you this stuff to drink. They give you this stuff to drink. And everybody's just waiting like I'm down on starting blocks. To go into the individual toilets. And, you know, I don't have an ending. But with a story like that, you don't need it.

No. Now I just will live the rest of my life in the middle of that story. What other podcasts would feature a story like that? I have a DeMond Wilson story. Hey, let's got a DeMond Wilson. Celebrities who carried guns. Well, not even that one. I mean, I directed a pilot with Demand.

DeMond Wilson was... Lamont. Lamont. You're a shot me. And in the eye couple. Anyway, I directed this pilot, and the producer, Lila Garrett, he carried a gun.

It was, you know, and she said, I understand that, Levin is carrying a gun on the set. He's got a gun with him. I said, yeah. She said, well, tell him not to do that. I said, no, no. The producer tells him not to do it. The director tells him how to hold it. But he was the worst guy in the world, the luckiest human being ever. And they were doing a Dean Martin roast in Vegas. And there was a great old comedy writer, I mean, legend, Harry Crane. Harry Crane's the best.

The worst human being on Earth. Melissa Gilbert's grandfather. His grandfather. What? He's Melissa Gilbert's grandfather. Oh yeah. I thought he said it was Gilbert's Greenland. I would have told us anymore.

Anyway. Who was your grandfather? Who was your grandfather? He was really funny. And now they have all these stars there, Sinatra and Bing Crosby and Bob Hope and everything. And Lamont Wilson comes down. They pick everybody up at a. at the airport with limos and things and they all have sweets.

And Lamont is the only one complains. My room isn't good enough. My this isn't that. I want chips. I want that. He drove everybody crazy. And Harry said to him, you're a big star, huh? He said, you bet your ass, Sam.

He said, do you have pictures of you with a lot of famous people? I bet you do. He said, with everybody. He said, good, hold on to. them and you can hang them on the wall of your car wash. Great. And now I had heard that DeMond Wilson became a preacher.

Yeah, that's the story. He was like a Reverend Ike type, briefly. And he gave it up. I got a couple of questions here, Gil, through social media from our listeners that I want to ask the boys if we have a... As Gilbert swings with you. As Gilbert swings.

Social media. He's uncouth. Here's one for you, Paul. This is from Rob Smentek. How do they know he's going to be on? I told him. He wants to know HIPHugger or Green Onions. Oh, well, Green Onions.

Green onions. Yes, of course. Okay. That was the, you know, the one that broke Booker T and the MGs, and it's a magical little atude, almost, of R&B. That was absolutely magic. And HIPHugger is great, too, but just a follow-up. What is hip-hugger?

What was that? I don't remember that. Here's hip-hugger. Well, here's Green Ones. Oh, yeah. Of course. Every band in high school played that. Dory Sherry.

Dory sherry. To the big steamy. And the other one is this. Ice skating. Put your hip-huggers on. Right. I remember now. Yep, yep. Paul.

Put your hip-huggers on. Just a... Personality. Just a little patience and prudence. You hear Pugas on and you talk a baby led it on, right? A little patience and prudence? Going to get along without you? Yeah, it didn't go over the last time.

Yeah, along. Oh, who are going to get along without you. Thank you. That's great. That's great. That's a good song. That's a good song. Beautiful.

Thank you. That's one of my wife's favorite songs. So, Kathy Bidus? Kathy is here with us. Here's one for you, Tommy. This is from, wait a minute, I lost it. This is from William Bozarth. William Bozart.

Yes, he loves Jay Edgar the Musical. That's what you wrote with Harry. Any plans to revive it? William Bozart, the Jew hater? William Bozart, the Jew hater? Oh, yes. All right. I saw him at the meetings.

Any plans to revive Jay Edgar the musical. Well, thank you. What's your name, William? William. Hey, William. Thanks. Anyway. No, really. I do appreciate...

What? Okay. Anyway, Harry Shear and I wrote a musical A Fantasia on the life of Jay Edgar Hoover called J. Edgar exclamation point. And we had songs in there like Once Upon a Face. Which he sings to Clyde Tolson, who he meets in the men's room of the store club.

He sings once upon a face. This was before bags. Oh, okay. Pre-bag. Yeah, they used carpet bags. Anyway. Two eyes, two ears. two ears, a nose, two lips, something, anyway. Once, once upon, once upon a phase.

Anyway, so we did it as a radio thing on NPR in this big banquet room in a hotel just after the earthquakes. And so during the show was earthquake. And then we did it in the Aspen Comedy Festival. and then we kept thinking we wanted to get Jay Agamounted, which he had been in life so often. John Goodman and Kelsey Grammer, Chris Guest.

You weren't in it, Paul, for some reason. I couldn't make it. Oh, yeah, you were invited. You must have lost my invitation. Yeah, that's what we did. I wasn't. And anyway, it was a show, but I'd love to get it.

We tried to get it on the stage a lot, London in here, and you know, it wasn't a movie first, I guess. You need a producer. Yeah. Is that, are you a producer, William? I mean, yeah, maybe he's. I don't think he is. We'll check.

This one is for Bierco from the lovely Quinn's. Put your own money into it. I'm not, that's a great read. I have the script. I have the script. This one's for you, Craig. From Quinn Sutherland, how often did your makeup become dislodged during fight scenes in Cinderella Man? And did you wear a prosthetic nose?

I did wear a tiny little piece of a prosthetic nose that they built. It took an hour to put on and they couldn't find it. That's how thin and small it was, and I don't even know that it read on film. It made you look more Jewish. It made me look more Jewish, I suppose. And they also painted down. Which your mother hated, I understand.

Yeah. Oh, God, well, she just thinks there are a bunch of Jews. That's Bishop Sheen. She was born a Jew. But Bishop Sheen did a grie-grie thing on her. Oh, my God. You know, a bunch of lizard. You see it's like you put those glasses on from that movie.

You were scary. You were scary in that film. And what was the other question? Did a grigree-gry thing on my makeup? Did your makeup come off during the fight scenes? Was it dislodged? I don't remember wearing makeup. You were great in that.

He was. That was before I knew him and I said, that is a hell of an act. Did he? You want to know a true story? What? Everything else has been lies here? As opposed to the rest.

Jesus. What's kind of hostility? Well, I mean, you just made everybody full of shit here. Warren, did you get fucked in that you have to come to me? I'm telling you. No.

Wait a minute. He's a legend. No, I'm on another call. I'm not talking about it. I'm talking about it. What was like, I don't remember I was talking about. A true story. A story about what?

This one's true. About what? Cinderella Man. I don't remember what I was. Okay. It was a true story. You remember. This hell is that? You had a follow-up to Cinderella Man, Tom, didn't you?

Yeah. I did. Cinderillera. I used to live across from a Cinerola. Oh, no, that's a different movie. The different movie. The different movie. The same cast.

Put you there. I called him the Cinellera Man. It took place in a letter. Heaven Street, right? Yeah. Right. Here's one for Gilbert from Maurice Burshtinsky. Can Gilbert please sing hooray for Captain Spalding?

Oh, yeah. You have a little accompaniment? Okay. Oh. Well, that's the other people saying that. You know, hooray for Captain Spalding, the African Explorer. Did someone call me snora? Hurry, hooray, hooray.

And there was another one. The tattooed lady. Wait, wait, there was one that Groucho sang on Dick Cavage. Oh, yeah. That was the Tattoo Lady. Yeah, no, no, that was Lydia.

Oh, Lydia. But he had one. Was it Peasy? He sang Father's Day. No, no, no. He sang... Green onions. Yeah.

Hippograss. Well, I sing like for... Favorite shirts. Captain Spalding or Dr. So-and-so, and he goes... Dr. Storling. Yeah.

And he goes... Find out of him. Oh For ailment Subdominal My charges are nominal So it's grateful There's a rateful

tonsilexamy Poor and healthy Sick Poor and healthy Oh sick and healthy Poor and wealthy Come directs to me Oh God bless

bless you they yell when I sent them home well but they never know they never send a check to me beautiful and then I think Margaret Tumont would see he's wonderful for curing things for famine or for drought you'll find his cure you'll find his name is like his cure on everybody's mouth he's never lost the case I've never lost the case I've lost a lot of patience, but I've never lost the case. That's old Groucho, right? Frank, Frank, can I... Sorry.

Go ahead, Drew. Let me... I'm sorry for interrupting your interruption. Frank, can I just ask Gilbert? If we're going to interrupt, we only interrupt during the play. Can I ask Groucho a couple of questions? Please, Groucho, why did you kidnap the Lindberg baby? He goes chico needs a money.

Bracho Why did you execute the Rosenbergs? Because Chico needs the money. Grascha, why did you chop off the heads of Nicole and Ron? Because Chico needs some money. Brucho, why did you do

Gilbert Godfried's amazing colossal contest? Because Chico needs some money. Thank you. Beautiful. All right, Drew, this one's for you. This is from ghost. This is, I don't know, this is a name, Ghosty, T-M-R-S.

Yeah, Facebook friend. Your Facebook friend. Of all the six, of the 60th Saturday morning versions of Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello and the Three Stoges, which do you find the most tolerable? The what? The animated versions. You have another question? I don't like that question.

You don't like that question. Come on. I like the name, though, the woman who sent it in. Good name. And were you, were you or Gilbert fans of the short-lived cartoon, Will the real Jerry Lewis please sit down, which was voiced by David Lander? Well, I was a fan for that really. reason. He was 17 when he voiced that.

Really? It's like actually, yeah, 1970, I can talk to him. I can talk about that for an hour, but that was actually like all Jerry was doing that year was that cartoon, even though he had nothing to do with it. It was like the Beatles cartoons where the Beatles had nothing to do with them, except they played their music. No, I don't like the show. It was terrible. But, you know,

David Lander was the voice of Jerry. My father wrote that show. I remember with the Beatles cartoon, the guys doing the voices didn't even bother. No. They're like old guys. Yeah, they sounded like, like John Lennon sounded like Ronald Coleman.

Like, come on, boys, where are going on, and then John. It sounded like they were hearing impaired. It was like, it didn't have accents. It was a wolf. It was that guy who used to do the Peter Lurie imitations back in the 40s for. Everybody. And, you know, he did the colossal beast voice. Oh, Paul Freeze.

He was Paul Freese, did John Lennon. He was like 75. when he did John Lennon on that. The Beatles cartoon. No. Was he, did he do the Rocky Bowman? No, that was,

that was, that was, well, that was, what's her face? A name like Freed. Oh, Fries. June, Forey. And Bill, Bill Fere.

And I heard Paul Fries in Humphrey Bogart's last films, they, like, covered up the fact that Humphrey Bogart was really. really sick and Paul Freese was doing a Humphrey Bogart invitation. Wow. Really? Really? In the film?

I heard the Humphrey Bogart just go, move his mouth. I think, I think his voice was getting more and more slur. Yeah, he was dying of cancer. But I heard June Foray was a spinner. Had you ever heard that? Yeah. What? A spinner? What is that? Does anybody, can't, can't, that she was, I know what a spinner was. She used to Mount Dane Clark. Alleged. They wind their up and she...

Allegedly. This is what I've always heard. Now, can anybody... Gil, can I ask questions? I haven't heard all the podcasts. I just heard my own, but... As Frankie ever told the story? Another Dane Clark story? No. As Frankie ever told the story about the girl you try to get a date with at the party? Oh, that's a long story. Oh, but it's so great.

I'll tell that one a future show, I promise. We don't know all have the boys here. I know Paul Freeze. Was the voice of the Cyclops with Launcaney Jr. Bert Gordon loved him. Oh, yes. Yes, he was. And also the amazing colossal beast, they brought him in to do the voice.

Oh, yeah. Did Cyclops and Humphrey Bogart. Right. And he did the narration for Manchering candidate. Wow. That's right. Here's one for Mr. Persky. What?

From Joanne Rosado. Christopher Lee turns 93 this week. Can you tell us about working with him on serial? Yes, he was terrific. He played the head of a gay motorcycle club. He did. He was a terrific guy. I enjoyed him a lot.

That was an amazing cast in that film. It was a good movie. It's known as a cult film. Yeah. Yes. Great cast. I think the Scientologists watch it. What was he like, Christopher Lee?

He was great. He was just nothing like you would expect him to be like. You know, he was not arch or. and he was just a guy. Paul, who just left the room, worked with Christopher Lee on SNL one time, I think. That's right.

Lorraine Newman demanded Christopher Lee be a guest, you know, because she was a horror film fan, so they finally, you know, gave into her and hired him. He was great. Here's one for Drew from... Oh, wait, wait,

Christopher Lee. I once heard a tape of him where, because he served in World War II. Yeah. And there was, during a movie, there was one scene where somebody gets stabbed and the actor does a reaction

like the guy who's getting stabbed and Christopher Lee gets up and he goes no no no when you get stabbed it's the release of air that you hear you don't hear breathing in it's more like and he direct so obviously he had at least

stabbed one person which I found Fascinating. Yeah. Did he say anybody when you work with him? No. How about Martin Mall

came close? Bill Macy. The director comes up to the actor and gives the direction. That's what I would say. And the director releases the director.

Yes. Ronnie Howard. You're right. You're so right, man. We haven't, Lon Cheney Jr. hasn't come up once so far. Oh.

And I'm shocked. It's not a, we're going to correct. I'm shocked. Was he on the show? What? Was he on the show? with you? Laun Cheney Jr.?

I wish. Oh, God. He loves that. Gilbert's favorite actor. Oh, is that right? I didn't know that. Why is he your favorite actor? I don't know.

I mean, I remember when I was a kid, those movies first started coming back on TV, all the Universal. And so I saw like the Wolfman and All those. And of course, of mice and men, I thought he was great.

Yeah, he was. Yeah. I remember the Wolfman, but the only thing I remember was how sad he was that he would, this was going to happen Yeah, he always was sad. What do you expect?

He always had that sad face. He didn't want to be, I didn't expect him to play happy or, you know, he didn't want to be a monster. He didn't want to be a monster. I mean, you could see it in his face. Yeah. He fought against it. He wasn't a happy monster.

He was a good actor. He wasn't a happy monster. Yeah, you communicate. He was tortured. He was a tortured monster. I remember, and this was what drives me crazy with writers who write about movies and where they don't know. No. And so they wrote a review of the Benicio del Toro Wolfman movie.

And they said it would have been better if he played someone who didn't want to be the Wolfman. And they said, you know, like Bill Vicksby. Oh, Jesus. We didn't want to be a father. My opinion of him, he's father. And I thought, well, how about, like, the Wolfman? How about, like, Lon Cheney and the Wolfman? Yeah.

Not like that TV thing. Yeah. Was that it with that movie? I didn't see the newer one. He's like into it? Is he? Makes it. Full moon.

Enjoy more nights. I can't wait for my hands to get free. He's like Max Barry. He enjoyed the punishing. In the werewolf movies, the guy will always complain, you know, I turn into a wolf whenever the moon is full. And you figure, well, that means you turn into a wolf like three times a year. Yeah. Yeah.

What's so bad? Somehow in Hollywood, there was a full moon every night. Do you remember the poem that goes with it? Even a man who is pure at heart and says his prayers by night can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright. That's a Maria Asken Spire poem. Yes. And they changed it in the later movies.

Oh, in the ghost of Frankenstein, they changed. To when the moon is full and bright. That's right. I noticed that too. It was an autumn all the time. It was a different poem. It did. Is that why?

In the royal bathroom filled with royal gas, sits the royal queen scrubbing her royal crown. Nipsey Russell. Oh. We never talk about Mipsey Ruffles. We never get to come up enough. We don't bring Nipsy up enough. He was great in Car 54. He was subdued.

These new cut-out fashions cause me to wonder in doubt, are they outside trying to get in or inside trying to get out? And how about how he cut off his sleeves. He would cut off his long-sleeved shirts. mid-arm below the elbow What was that old? That was Nipsey. It was a good look. That was a Nipsey.

He was the poet Lurian. Children today are different, as you already know. They used to ask where they came from. Now they tell you where to go. He was the poem. According to Dan Cupid's plan, there is a girl for every man. I'm here to say if this is true, some guy shagging up with two.

God's lesson. He was the Robert Frost of Harley. He really was. Match game 73. That was the good year. That was the good year. We all are brothers under the skin. Of this, there is no doubt.

Then go back under the skin, she said, and send your brother out. Wonderful. Paul, here's one for you, again from our pal, Jonathan Sloeman. Did you have anything to do with the takeoff on Telstar in Mr. Mike's Mondo video? Yes. I arranged the, I scored Mondo video. And Telstar was a number that Mr. Mike got the rights to. And we did it. It wasn't so much a takeoff as we just used the number.

Weren't there lyrics written for it? Yes. somebody sang it Julius Larosa came in and sang the haunting theme from Telstar that I think Michael wrote the lyrics

Magic Star above and son Oh you love And then we did another version of it When the cats were They were throwing cats in the spring That was a whole Like in slow motion

We played Telstar in the bat Nice Hey talk about how we work with Gene Pitney this is one of the greatest things of my life because Gene Pitney was my favorite singer Town Without Town Without Pity. Town Without Pity, Liberty Valance. Sure, man, it shot Liberty Valance. Wow.

Oh, God, yeah. So we did a take off of... Half heartache, half heaven. We did a take off of Town Without Pity for the theme to Viva Shea Vegas, which was my Cinemax special at Tom and Harry and I wrote together. Hard to find, but it's a must watch.

You can track it down. Collectors. item. Yeah, it is. It's great. And Tom wrote most of the lyrics to the opening, Viva Shave Vegas. Where do you run to? Where are you running to? Viva Shave Vegas. And we said, let's get the real Gene Pitney, and we did. We brought him in. And so what else? What else happened? My favorite thing was, first of all, I had known you so long, but I think, well, he's always telling Gene Pitney what to do. And that was so amazing to me. Like, it was great.

great. I mean, and... That he looked like Gene Pitney. Yeah, but you kept saying to him, more Gene Pitney. Remember he could say more Jean Pitney? Because he wasn't pinning up enough for you. He wasn't really... He didn't kill it.

No. Maybe it was in the wrong key. And that's why I kept saying more Jean Pitney. And he was saying, this is my meat. I can't understand. Why can't I get this? So, you know, we got something pretty good. That was a big thrill in the showbiz.

Yeah. Boy, those are too great. Yeah. When Liberty Valins came to town. The women would run and hide. They run and hide. When Liberty Valence came to town, the man would step aside. Because the point of a gun was the only law that Liberty understood.

When it came to shoot and straight and fares, he was mine. Because the man who shot Liberty Valence, he shamed. He shot Liberty Valent He was the bravest of them all Yeah Hey Paul, who wrote that song? Timkin, Dimitri Tiamkin Oh, I thought Bert Backreck did

No, he wrote a later song for him Wow Oh, and that's heartache, I think When we stopped Well, wait a minute, I guess Dimitri Tiamkin wrote Town without pity That's right That's right, that's right. So you're right, Baccarac did write Liberty Vowellon.

You're absolutely right. When we stop to gaze upon a star, When we stop to gaze upon a star, people talk about how bad we are. How can we keep love alive? How can anything survive? when these little minds tear us into what a town no it isn't very pretty

what a town without pity can do I like reversing the coming attractions for town without pity and I was just a little kid I mean, I was just about, I don't know, whenever it was out. You're giving away your age. Yeah, I can't give away my age. Anyway.

But the coming attraction, what the movie was about was these soldiers had their way with a gorgeous young German girl while they're serving overseas. And I remember the coming. Suddenly, you say, had their way with you? What happened? Did I doze and you became a new? Had their way? Frank Borsham. taking a shit on George Kirby 10 minutes, man.

Now they had their way way. All right. Tushay. Tush. Jesus. Speaking of music and songwriting, I think we should just acknowledge that Billy wrote a song that was famously recorded by Phil Foster. Let's keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn.

Tell us a little bit about it. Wow, I wish I knew that one. You didn't know. Oh, do I remember it? Can we hear a second of it? Let's keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn. Say, did you hear the news about what's happening in Brooklyn? We really got the blues about what's happening in Brooklyn.

It ain't official yet. We hope official it don't get. But beware, my friend, and let me warn you. They're thinking of taking a bunch to California. Let's keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn. A house is not a home without some love. Don't let them leave a person. Metsets, L.A. would be their nemesisies, because Brooklyn fits the Dodgers like a glove.

Well, Mr. Walter O'Malley, we always called your Pally. We stuck with you through thick and thin. But you take away our Dodgers, guys like Pete Lute and Hodges. We ain't no palomore the way we've been. Let's keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn. That's true. Without some love. I like the next verse.

I like it. It's because we're convinced the Dodgers like a glove. Off our bridges. You could take them, widgets. I love that. But we all feel so glum. Without Duke and Gilliam. We need one left.

jump off in despair. Really, what would Brooklyn be without the Dodgers? Well, Brooklyn will be like a pair of socks that's holy, without Jackson and Somoli. Like a bet without a pillar, without Oskine and Ferilla. Like a ship without a harbor, without Padres and the Barber, like the sun without a shine, without Zimmer and Levine, like the birds without a bee, without Alston and Peewee. And here I am a poet, and I didn't even know it. So send the Phil's to Trenton, the Giants to St. Paul.

But keep the bums in Brooklyn, the greatest ball of all. So let's keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn. Actually, Sam and I are singing in the background. In the background. In the background. Bill Foster. We're cool. Leave the Dodgers in Brooklyn, USA.

We really love him. Keep the Dodgers. Sam Brooklyn. Amally. Give me one favor. Find your own business. Stay home. Don't leave town.

Oh, my God. That was really a big song at the time. That's great. It made 11 cents, I think. And it's great that it really worked. You should have just, I can't believe you went on to do even greater things. Now, Phil Foster, that whole group of guys, those comedians. Catsco guys, yeah.

Catsco guys. There was nothing like those guys. They were so funny. They used to all get in one guy's car. and drive up to the Catskills. It was just an amazing time, and they were funny. Did you see Jerry Lewis perform up in the Catskills? He saw him the night.

I was in Atlantic City. I lived in Atlantic City, and they hid the 500 Club. Everybody said, Jesus, these guys, and so we went to the 500 Club and saw them. What were you doing? Living in Atlantic City. Huh? You lived in Atlantic City?

Oh, God, the best place in the world to grow up. Tell me about your dad. Before the... You grew up in shepherding the career of Johnny Casanova. No, yes, yes. You know about Johnny Cassidy. Are you kidding? I'm buying the right.

Atlantic City before gambling was the most fabulous place you can imagine. Oh, it was just great. I lived on the boardwalk. My father owned an auction gallery right across from the Steel Pier. We all used to ride our bikes to school on the boardwalk. Oh, it was great. And my whole childhood now, 30 square block. is a parking lot.

I went down there to look. It's gone. There's nothing but buses coming in. Driving over my childish body. Oh, Atlantic City was great. When the gambling first came in, it was like hotels came down like from nowhere. There were people's legs hanging out from under them.

They put them any place that there was a building. and they built inside of it so that they could get the gambling up fast enough. They didn't build new hotels. They just took over things. There was always gambling up at skinny tomatoes stairs over the club. Skinny domato never looked at very skinny.

The 500, no. It wasn't skinny. It was ironic. I saw a lot of photos on me. You never looked skinny. I always wondered about that. Oh, God, it was a great place. Wow.

Is this a six hour of the show? Here's a couple of last quick. ones and we'll wrap it up. What are we doing, Mr. Crime? I'm telling you. I lost the suit size. We just find out who's the president. I want to find out who's the president now. From Rich Brown, Craig, will you be in the Three Stooges sequel

and did you love working with Dabney Coleman? I loved working with Davney Coleman who is one of the great, funny, bad guys. I think he's just, I think he is an impeccable comic actor. He's one of those guys who we were talking about who they do something

so well that nobody else could do I remember there was one joke that was the first... Remember a show called Buffalo Bill? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The first joke. It was the greatest on-character joke. And it was the very first joke. Someone comes in and he's doing his makeup. He's getting ready to do this.

She plays a small town talk show host in Buffalo. And someone comes in and goes, hey, Frank Robinson is... Frank Robinson is... He goes, Frank Robinson... Oh, geez, let me make me try I remember it. Frank Robinson just... died. And he turns around and Davney Colby and goes, oh my God, you're kidding me. Frank Robinson? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He goes, he's, he's, he's, he went in his sleep. It was painless. And he goes, oh, he died. I thought you said he was here.

Could you imagine if the hit for a story went over like that? And you've not stalled. Hey, Craig, someone said to ask you, someone tweeted me, did you fuck Gina Davis? Good question. It is a good question. I don't know. Oh, did you fuck Gina Davis? Yeah, the 80s were weird. How about Ozzie did?

What about the Three Stooges movie? Three Stooges sequel? I seriously doubt I would be. Don't mind me sitting next to you. No, I know you're feeling. You know I told you. It took me a month. Craig got the part in the Three Stooges movie.

It took me a month to call him and tell him that I was doing the Three Stooges movie. Right. I said, it's okay. Work is work. It's okay by me. It's fine. If they let, if my character somehow became Shemp, I would do it to honor my friend here. Linda Hunt should date. Perfect.

Perfect Shimp. I doubt, I doubt that I, I think, you know what I heard is that they're going, that, what they're going to do? Because this time they'd like people to come and see the movie. They figured let's, the formula was interesting last time. But what have we have people in a. theater facing the screen. What if we do that? And then they're going to be a different experience. So they're going to have

like, I think they're going to get like a big action star so who knows, maybe Charlton John Johnson as... What? Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Who's going to be Curly Joe Derrita? I don't know. I don't know if they're going to go the deep cuts. Well, are they going to bring back Larry David as the nun? That was

like... They were talking originally. I heard that the movie was just going to be Benicio del Toro is Mo, Sean Penn as Larry, and Jim Carrey is cool. I can tell you, even insider information, when I was doing Cinderella, man,

they flew to Australia to speak to Russell about being Mo. I can't even imagine, but can you imagine? Like, the world's Mo. He's Mo Howard to the world. And they were there for the weekend, and he was talking to him? Oh, seriously.

Hold on a second. Paul's penis. Yeah, letting a call. I just made $5.8. No, I told them not to call you. Every Greg Beierico's story is it. What is that?

There's no way to... I'm sorry. It's very amazing. I finally get a great story out. I'm sorry. Oh, we had 30 second cancer. Yeah. I'll die in 30 second cancer.

The only case ever... Well, Gilbert. Whether I interrupt our music... It doesn't matter. Who was it? Is everybody all right? No, I don't know. I found you right. I made 47 cents.

Now, I want to know, did Russell Crow know that these guys were coming to pitch him the part of Mo? Yeah. Or did he get there and go? I heard the story from one of the people who they were, there was a whole group of people that they were going after one time. This was while we were shooting Cinderella Man, which would have been 2005, I guess. Paul Giamatti, they wanted to do Larry. They wanted to, they wanted, just imagine Russell in that goddamn wig. Do you think he just the idea of it?

Even that. And with an egg beater over a body and like a, you know, with the hospital scrubs? They couldn't take his number. He even knew who Mo was? I doubt it. You know, I don't think it was his thing, you know. I guess he was flattered, but can you imagine? I don't think he was flattering.

I think the Three Stooges' biggest fan is Mel Gibson, and he's also the biggest Jew hater exists. He left him out earlier. Way to bring it back. He loved the Three Stooges. Yeah. I never got the Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey's endlessly talented, but he's a big tall thin man and curl.

I never understood how they were going to do that. Hey, do you know whose father was a Nazi? Who's that actor on the political show? Well, Arnold Schwarzenegger's father was a Nazi. The guy who's in beauty. You know, the guy who's on, what's that political show, honey, in the booth? What political show?

No, no. The political. You know, the one where he plays the president. With the what? On HBO, he plays the president. president. What's the guy? He played Bobby Darren in a movie. Oh, Kevin's face. His father was Nazi.

Well, it was a big story that came out like a couple of months ago. I like it. You didn't read this. I can't believe you guys. We're breaking news. What have you guys been doing? What have you been so busy you didn't know this? I'm going to spread it up. If you look it up right down on the United States. That would have been like a Nazi in like six in the 60s.

Like a hippie Nazi. But he would dress up. His father would dress up like Adolf Hitler. Like George was like. Every night. Every night. He would dressed up like a little. Strat around like it were. Yeah. Was he a vegetarian?

At least he was home with his kids. They found photos of Arnold Schwarzenegger's father. Oh, he really was a higher up. Yeah. And he was a wannabe

Nazi. Yeah. Which is fun to say. Oh, so I have to start wrapping up this show. Oh, my God. Are you going to bring up Montgomery?

That's only been two hours. Okay. Wait a minute. That's a marathon. Did you paint Paul Benedict's house? Yes. All right, that's all I want to do.

Okay. Thank you. What color? And he had Agramageli. What color? I don't remember the color. I do remember it was June. He did have acromegaly like Rondel.

Yes. Because, yeah, he was the guy from the Jefferson. The Jefferson. I heard he was in a play. Yes. Two stories. He told me that story.

Yeah, a doctor said to him, could you come back? I want to meet you backstage. And he thought he wants to. and an autograph and the doctor said I think you may have acromegaly yeah the rondo hatton disease I said the same thing that Judy Karn

was this after Bert Reynolds beat her up with the yeah yeah but he had that and that's why he couldn't paint his own house somehow you can't paint at your own house that's the disease you can't paint your own house 100 million people get it's telling me to wrap up oh we've been we're just getting We're just getting started.

Nutmeg Post with our engineer Frank Verderosa. How do we get it? How did you get it? How did you get it? Thank you, Nutmeg. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. Can we go out with a song? My co-host, Frank Santo Padre.

We've had on... The dirt that the bottom of the totem pole is dug into. The bottom of the barrel will start and build. then. So of course, the very bottom of the barrel. Craig Bierico. Thank you, Craig. Yes. It is the bottom.

It's the bottom. General music. Just general music. Drew Freed. Drew. Do you have a new book that you're working on? That's okay. No, it is the new book. I forget.

All right. I forget so much for the plug. How can you forget your own book? We should say, Freeman is the defender of the classics. Yes. He really is. He really is.

He's a purist. Tom Leopold. What are you yelling? You lost you. Old timer. The legend. Comedy legends. The old timer.

What a gas we've had today. Since this has been a year, I just want to say that a lot of people go into the making of this podcast. We want to thank them really quickly. Rodney Sweringen, Sean Marrick, Heather Cooney, Maria Spurlodoo. Eddie, Merino, Glenn Schwartz, Stuart Hirsch, Andrew Stephen, Wade, Snook, Mike McPadden, our social media director, Darren Foster, and of course, the lovely Dara Gottfried. We could not do a show without her. It would just be Gilbert and I on the F train asking people about Bill Bixby. And how about Joe Franklin? And we want to say something. And yes, Joe Franklin. You're only guest who has passed away. God bless you, Joe. Oh, he's the only one? I don't feel so good myself. I'll tell you, if this runs any longer, I'm going to be to be to say. second one.

It's beautiful. Thank you guys. Was a treat.