Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Gino Salomone Encore

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

GGACP celebrates the birthday (November 3rd) of friend, entertainment reporter -- and GGACP talent producer! -- Gino Salomone by presenting this ENCORE of his uproarious first appearance from 2018. In this episode, Gino looks back on his days as a booker of autograph shows, shares classic stories about Sid Melton, Paul Lynde, Dyan Cannon and "Grandpa" Al Lewis and reveals how a years-long friendship was born over the subject of Uncle Miltie's schwantz. PLUS: Eddie Munster gets mugged! The Munchkins go to Pittsburgh! Florence Henderson plays Gino's mom! And Sandra Bullock declares her lust for Gilbert! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried and I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadri and this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions. Such a pro. Do we have a guest? Uh let me look. Oh look at that! It's the great Gino Salomon. Oh it's you again. Oh it's you again. It's you again. Glad to be back. So much fun the last time. How are you, pal? I'm good. We should start with a thank you. Why?

Because you just brought us the wonderful Paul Fiegg, who turned out to be a top notch guest. He was great. Now, Paul Fiegg directed The Heat with Son of Herb Bowling. And that's, I think it was at that press conference not press conference press junket yes that um Sandra Bullock said the following to me Oh my god you are brilliant come here I will fuck you yeah Do I have to hear this again? Yeah

Why do I have to hear this over and over and over? The darkest day and then of course we have to have a guest who was there when it happened, Paul Fieg. Yes. So it brings it back up. Oh it's a dark day I understand because you because you like Sandra. Well a certain fondness for Sandra. Not once has she said anything like that to me. What about Sandra Gould from Bewitched? Oh, you know Mrs. Kravitz? I'm fine with that. Where is she? Now, the last time. You know, let me tell you something. Uh oh, it's going to be one of those. There are more fulfilling things in life than having gorgeous actresses who want to fuck you. Now what those things are, I can't, right off the back, if

you're pushing me against the wall, I can't think of anything. What I'm hoping for is a phone call from her publicist to say, yeah listen, that's gotta go away, you cannot, you gotta get that clip back, we can't play that clip anymore. I'm surprised that call hasn't come in yet. I know, and what clip were we talking about? Oh this one. Oh my god you are brilliant come here I will fuck you yeah. Thank you Frank Verderosa. Let's see what would you like to talk about my friend you brought us more clips you brought us more stories. Well I want to start off with this. Yeah, I'm so angry. Tell us. That fans are sending Gilbert stuff. Free stuff.

It's not right! Oh, this bothers you. It bothers me every episode. Oh, what did you get this week? Oh great. Well, Paul got a dollar. Oh, he deserves more than that. Somebody said Paul a dollar. Why does this happen? For the work he does he should send the dollar back. He's got a dollar. He deserves more than that. Why does this happen? For the work he does, he should send the dollar back. Why does it happen that guests decide to sit? Because he's a beloved entertainer.

Oh, don't I know it. Don't I know it. It galls you. It does. And I sit at home, or I'm driving in the car listening to this, and I hear a story of mine come up. Or worse yet, okay, over the years, what gifts have I gotten you? Do you even remember? Oh, okay, most of them I forgot about. Oh, the Paul Lin biography. I tell them about this Paul Lin biography and that it definitely says what you've suspected

for a long time. Yes, that he hated the Jews. That's right. So he said, boy, I really like that book. I sent him the book. Does he read it? No. No.

No. It sits in that break front in the hallway where all of his unread books that people give him. I get him a Paul Lin autographed picture that I had verified. Nothing. I get him a Kathleen Freeman picture that I go to the house. I don't see it up. Wow, a Kathleen Freeman picture. Yes. Yeah. I got him, I got you a lobby card from Of Mice and Men.

And come to think of it, I haven't seen that framed in your apartment either. Yes. Dara. And in case you're wondering, go to eBay, Godfrey and you will see all these items up for sale. Has he done that? Has he had a liquidation sale? I'm looking at my notes here.

Do you have a Ruth Buzzi story? Pray tell. How is that for a smooth segue? Do you want to tell it Gilbert? Okay. And then claim it for your own. Yes. Well one time I was at an autograph show.

I was at an autograph show and I see Ruth Buzzi. Now Charlton Heston is there selling his autograph for $15. You know, who's a bigger star than Charlton Heston? I see poor Ruth Buzzi all by herself. No one's talking to her. So I walk up and I start to talk to her. She said, are you Italian? I said, yes. She said, so am I. my real name. And she told me her real name.

And I see the selection of pictures and I want, you know, I can't just let her hang. So I said, you know what, I'll take that one. And it's Gladys Ornsby. And she signs it to Gino. She writes all this nice stuff. And then she looks up at me and said, $40. Yeah, it looked like it was going to be like five. Back in the day, they were the black and whites were five and the color pictures were 10. Well, this was back in the day. So I was shocked. But what could I do? She'd signed it to me. So I hit with a handbag. she'd signed it to me. So I paid her. You don't want to get hit with a handbag. No, maybe I did. So I give her the money and then I'm flying home and I leave it on the airplane.

Seat pocket. And someone sold it and got a few million dollars. Sad story. He retired in Hawaii. He has said that. Horrible. He has not told that story and claimed it for himself. I'm shocked, but he loves to remind me of how much money I lost on that deal.

Yes. All right. Maybe the Mel Torme story is a little nicer. All right. I'm just going to set you up. Do you know the Mel Torme story? What happened? Oh, I don't know.

Okay. I booked him for a Christmas show. This happened to Gilbert, right? And of course, he wrote the greatest Christmas song of all time. Absolutely. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire. The Christmas song. The Christmas song, that's right.

So I book him and it's for a charity, it's a fundraiser, and they have this choir of young kids singing. And I see Mel Torme pacing back and forth and I go up as the booker and I say is there anything I can get you Mr. Torme? He said yeah you can get those sleeping kids off the stage. Oh my god. I was crushed. Beloved Mel Torme. Right, the velvet fog. Is that the word he used? No. No. Gee I wonder if you would know what the word was. Which was, I will get those fucking kids off the stage.

That may or may have been the word. Yes, I just like to have truth in these stories. That's what you are. You are all about truth. I know that. He's a truth teller. Oh my god. Okay, let's see, who else can you disillusion us about?

I don't want to disillusion, but these things happen. You also brought some recordings. I did. Yeah, and our engineer Dave will play them for us. Yes, I used to have a company where I would book older celebrities for personal appearances, and to make it more enticing, I would have them record my answering machine. And it was great. People would call. I would get people who would call and go, I just wanted to call and hear your answering machine. Thank you. It was great. And then they would hang up. So who should we start with?

I think I want to start with this one. Okay. I queued them up in this order and we won't actually tell the listener who this is. I think they can figure it out for themselves. Thank you, Dave. ["Batman Theme Song"] Hello, citizen. Geno's out fighting crime.

So I, Batman, am answering his phone while he makes the streets of Milwaukee a safer place for all. Leave a message at the familiar beep. Come on. How cool is that? It's Batman. In my mind, I see Batman in full costume leaving me that message.

How cool is that? And the big color of the house. That's what they had in that era. Former podcast guest, Adam West. Yes, and I used to book Adam for appearances. Yeah, what a lovely guy. An interesting man. Yes, he was very interesting.

And a complicated man. I agree. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. lovely guy. What an interesting man. Yes, he was very interesting. And a complicated man. I agree. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Willie Anderson. Right. Was that? Oh, no.

William West Anderson. Yes. Yeah, that's where he got the West. Right. His middle name. From Walla Walla, Washington. Listen to him. That's a lot of W's. A nice man. I worked with him twice. I introduced him to Gilbert at that damn autograph show in Burbank at the Beverly Garland.

Well, I once got a strange call from Adam. You did? He called me and said, when are you going to be in Los Angeles? I said, actually, I'm going to be there this weekend. And he said, can you meet up for a drink? I said, sure, who doesn't want to have a drink with Adam West? So he comes to the hotel, we sit down and we're talking and he said, Gino, I have a problem.

My son is being bothered at school by a couple of guys and I need you to send some people there to scare them. Oh, geez. Who are you? Well, that's right. Don Zanzini? Yeah. You're a journalist.

Yes, I'm Italian. You're a man with a journalist. Yes, I'm Italian. That's it. You know, I mean, I love that he loved his son that much. That's sweet. You know, it's very sweet. But honestly, hey, Moose Rocco, I need you to pay a visit to this college. Help the judge find his checkbook. That's right. But still, to have that experience. That's disturbing. I know. Well, what did you do and what did you say? Well, I had the guys killed. You did? I did. Okay. You don't want to let them down. No, I did. I said, I did laugh. I said, Adam, I like that you thought I might have that type of power, but I don't

even know anybody like that that could do anything. That's hilarious. Gilbert has never gotten a call like that in his career. No. Gilbert, could you see, did you take care of a couple of guys? I do remember a guy saying to me some big lug, saying, you know, hey, anything I can do for you. And I said, oh, can you have some arms broken? And the guy goes, well, you know.

Oh. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh, can you have some arms broken?" And the guy goes, Well, you know, uh, yeah. Oh my God. I thought, Ooh, boy. Dara wants to call that guy to have an arm broken. She would call him now. So how is his son doing? I hope good. Oh, no, I'm sure he's doing well. I've never met the son. He's 53 now. It's not an issue anymore.

That's a wild story. It is. Yeah. Now, we should explain that you knew these people. Right. I have a company where I- You got to know them personally. Right. I worked with them professionally. Yes. You booked them, but you formed friendships. That's right. And you formed- Still to this day. Yeah. Yes. Here's another person that you got. I feel like- Still to this day. Yeah. Yes. Here's another person that you got, I feel like this is like a really bad issue.

This is your life. Yeah. Suddenly I'm Ralph Edwards. There's another person you coaxed into doing an answering machine message for you. Dave? Holy hangups. This is Robin, the boy wonder. Gino is in the Batcave helping Batman interrogate Catwoman.

He'll give you a call back. Same Bat time, same Bat channel. Yes, another guest here. Another guest, another podcast guest. Thank you, Dave. And this ran for some time. What did Bert charge you for that? Yes.

Yes. Well. Bert likes to get paid. I know he does. I know he does. After that appearance, you know, it ran for like a month or two on my machine and Adam got tired of it and Adam called me and he said, will you get that guy off your phone? Why don't you have someone like Adam West do it? So I did. Is that what happened? Yes, that's great. That's classic. Burt was great with us. Yeah. Yeah. He was a surprise. He protected the legacy. Yes, he did. The way some of these people do. Because Gilbert kept asking him about sexual stuff. Yes. And he said, can you kill him? He said, Gilbert, I'm 17 years old. Yeah, good guest.

And he had a sense of humor. Both of them had a great sense of humor. They both had great senses of humor. Don't you think? Yeah. I mean, to hear that all those years, you have to. And Adam kind of denied his thing that Bert put in his book that Bert had a very large codpiece.

Uh-huh. The thresher they used to call Bert word. Yes. Adam didn't buypiece. Uh-huh. The Thresher, they used to call Burt work. Yes. Adam didn't buy that. He didn't. That's what he told me. Okay. Oh, we're making news. God forbid this episode gets out.

Okay. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Col colossal podcast after this. Follow all traffic signals. Be careful along our tracks and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert, be aware, and stay safe. Breaking news coming in from Bet 365, where every nail biting overtime win, breakaway, pick six, three point shot, underdog win, buzzer beater, shoot out, walk off,

and absolutely every play in between is amazing. Let me see who else we have. Here's a wild card one. When you sent me these clips, these people I knew that you had worked with because we discussed them. And these are the kind of people that show up at these autograph shows. But this one surprised me. This was out of left field. Dave? Hello you insignificant person. This is Larry Bud-Melman. Gino is far too busy to return your call. But you probably have nothing better to do than leave your name and number at the beep. Ha ha ha ha ha!

I love that man. I did too. I did too. The late Calvert De Forest. That's right. You know, he was so... Whenever they put him out live anywhere, he was a disaster, but that's what made it so funny. A disaster. A disaster. The first celebrity I ever wrote for.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. What, for what purpose? What was he doing? For the Milly Martin celebrity roast, I was a young, remember James Dixon? Remember when he was handling both of us? Oh, yes, yes!

At William Morris, a million years ago? I got a call, I was a young writer, and I got a call saying Larry Bud Melman is gonna be a roaster on This day, you know, they had Mickey Mantle, right? They had Shecky Alan Green Alan King the usual suspects and they they were gonna dress Melman up in a baseball uniform And pass him off as Billy Martin's little league coach. So he needed scripted material. Yeah what they call special material Can you tell that Pearl Harbor story? Which one? About James Dixon. Oh, I better not. All right now this is gonna cause everybody. Let's not piss off anyone powerful. I'm still shocked that Gilbert has an agent. Well this was the 80s until they realized they didn't want to pay commissions.

Yes. Now when you say Alan King, I think of a great experience you had with Alan King when he asked you to do a charity event. Yes. Talk about what you wore. Yeah. So I, you know, Alan King's out there in a tux, all done up, Vegas style. And I came out in like jeans and a sweatshirt. What you're wearing now. Yeah, yeah. You look like Mr. Green jeans. Yeah.

And when I got off stage and the audience is applauding, Alan King is the MC. So he walks out on stage and watches me walk off and then he turns to the audience and goes, when I go on stage, my suit is cleaned and pressed. My hair is combed. And then he Then he walks out like he rolled around in shit. And I bet you that was one of your great honors of your life. Yeah, that Alan James said that. So he was old school show business and he was personally offended that you weren't, again, Paul comes back to Paul Fiegg wearing a suit.

Right. Respect show business. Right. That's why I wore a suit. Of course. For Paul. That's funny. That is really funny. Now, getting back to Larry Budd. A lovely guy. Right. A lovely, lovely guy.

But, you know, if you hear that when you call me, maybe you get tired of it or insulted by it. Yeah. Do you have the clip from the beloved professor, Russell Johnson? Uh, I just might have that one. Dave, what do you think? Listen, fuck you Larry, butt melvin. Anyway, this is Russell calling for Gino, and that's pretty funny. Anyway Gino, it's Wednesday, and it's a little after five o'clock. Give me a call if you can before this thing

in Tacoma on Saturday. I have a couple of questions I'd like to ask. I haven't heard anything from anybody about it all. And anyway, so give me a call when you can. And after that call, he made a radio work with Sea Water. Oh yes, what a sweet guy he was. Sweet guy, never met him. Yeah, just, when I hear that. I never met him. Yeah.

When I hear that, I'm seeing him in the white shirt and the khakis the way he was on Gilligan's Island. I love that Russell Johnson is calling Geno, getting Larry Budd Melman's recorded answering machine machine and says, fuck you, Larry Budd. I loved him so much, Russell. Bob Denver wrote a book and in the book he claimed that Tina Louise would have sex in the dressing room next to him and he would hear it through the wall. And Tina Louise was furious. So in People magazine she wrote a letter to the

editor and it said, I don't care what Bob Denver says, I know what happened. And anyway, I'm happy being here in New York watching the leaves turn red and yellow. So Russell wanted me to send that to him. I sent it to him and I get a copy back where he wrote, she can watch this turn red and yellow. Unbelievable. Oh, he was feisty. Yes, but so funny. So funny. We love him in that Twilight Zone episode where he has to try to prevent the Lincoln assassination.

Oh my God, yes. Wonderful. Wonderful underutilized actor. Yes, yeah. When I hear that, oh my God, yes, yes, you know I do a Gilbert impression. Let's hear it. Okay, you are a guest complimenting Gilbert on how great he is. You know, Gilbert, I have to tell you this, I'm really thrilled to be here on the podcast because I'm really a long time fan of yours.

I've seen all your stand-up specials. I love your work. I have your CDs. You're really quite brilliant. Oh, thank you. I hear people say, you see, we just scratched the surface. That's my favorite. Yeah, what I love is when he fakes enthusiasm. When I say, Gil, you know, you were in that movie with that person back in this, you guys... Oh, wow! Yeah! Careless. And it's turned into, except he's a little more shrewd than older relatives. When you're talking about your grandpa who's in the room and you try to engage him in the conversation said grandpa you like soup too don't you oh wow he resents that I do that but I try to bring him back into

the show he caught on yeah it's kind of someone will be talking like about Citizen Kane and I'll be here quiet and Frank will go up well you once walked with a cane you're here tranquil he's still mad he's still mad that I slipped him the paper that said Greg Evergan because he was about to say Glenn during the sign-off. I actually, it was like those scenes in movies where you see the person, where they slow the film down and you see the lips going, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. go, well, you wear a jacket when it's windy. Oh, yeah. Oh, he has like six or seven fake reactions, fake interest reactions. There, there are like so many like drinking and drug games.

Right. Right. Drugs. People taking opioids. Yeah, they're like smoking crack every time. That's not true. When I was a kid. Oh every time. That's not true, because they didn't aware of that. When I was a kid... Oh yes, that's another one. Alright, let's see. I'm trying to remember what we had queued up. Oh, speaking of Russell Johnson.

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Gilbert, you have a Johnson, right? Oh yeah! Gilbert, you have a Johnson, right? Oh yeah! Will you tell people what that is? Because now we're really scrapping it. Timmy Rogers. Timmy Rogers.

You see what I mean? Oh yeah! We watched together a YouTube video of him singing. And he starts off playing the guitar going, Everybody wants to go to him in but nobody wants to die and then he would tell a joke oh yeah we have a guest coming up who wrote his comedy on it. Yes we do Ron Friedman is coming on the show. So here's another one of your beloved friends, someone you used to book, doing you a solid.

Hi, this is the Skipper. Gino can't come to the phone right now. Last time I saw him, he was skinny dipping in the lagoon with Ginger and Mary Ann. Leave your name and number and Gino will get back to you as soon as possible. The great Alan Hale Jr. Alan Hale Jr. He was the first person I booked. He was the skipper. Yes. And we went out to, the first time I was with him, we went out for dinner and first of all he ordered two entrees, which of course the skipper would do. That's a Gilbert move. Yeah. Do you do that? As long as someone else is picking up the check. Do you do that? As long as someone else is picking up the check.

And the most expensive dessert. It's ready to go home. Well, not that stereotypes ever get played on this show, but it was a young Asian waiter, a young Asian waiter who recognized him but wasn't quite sure. And he said, and now I'm going to be Gilbert, but he goes, are you captain from Girigan? And he said, no, I'm from McHale's Navy. And but he goes, you captain from Girigan? And he said, no, I'm from McHale's Navy. And the guy goes, oh, McHale's Navy.

He thought he was Ernest Borden. And when we were doing appearance, he'd wear the skipper's hat. And when I wasn't looking, he would hit me over the head with the hat. And I looked at him and he said, well, you know, that fan wanted me to do it, but I know you won't sue me. So I was suddenly doing stunts. Right. Suddenly you're the Bob Denver stand in my God.

I know you were very emotional when you lost him. I know you're really good. Good, good man. He called me from the hospital and it just broke my heart. That's a shame. At least you have this, right? You have this to remember him by and all the times he whacked you in the head with this. We have another one here and this is from somebody who worked with Gilbert, loved Gilbert and co-starred in a commercial with Gilbert.

This is Florence Henderson and Carol Brady. Gino is not available right now. He and Marsha, well, they're out on the town. Leave a message at the beep and if those crazy kids ever get home, Gino will be sure to call you right back. Talk about missing someone. Yeah, she was great. She was so great and she loved Gilbert's act to the point where she recited one of her favorite routines. And do you know which one it was? Oh, which one? About Humphrey Bogart going to the post office. Please.

Oh, yes! Go ahead. Okay, uh, Humphrey Bogart in the post office. Bam! And to see Carol Brady imitating Gilbert. Imitating Humphrey Bogart. Yes. What an homage. I loved her. She was so great and I booked her for a concert and it was in my town so I had my my mother, for a concert and it was in my town. So I had my mother, my aunt, and my grandmother there. And Florence actually told this story at the unveiling of her star on the Walk of Fame because she was nice enough to invite me there. So she's performing. All of a sudden I see my grandmother stand up in her late eighties and start clapping. And Florence was so touched. And after I said, oh, that

was really nice of you to my grandma. And she said, oh, I had a leg cramp. I had to stand up. I couldn't keep sitting. Florence Henderson caught crabs. From Mayor Lindsay. Yes. New York's Mayor Lindsay. She went public with that. Yeah. That was very strange.

When we're doing a touching tribute to Florence Henderson, then Gilbert can come. I only wish I could have been at her funeral to tell that story. That's another thing he does. You know they call the treacle cutting in screenwriting? That's what he does. As soon as there's a touching or a warm or a sentimental moment, he crabs. Well, and let's talk about how respectful he is with death. If he calls me and says, let's say it was you, he said, you know, I'd like to have lunch with Frank Santopat. I know you died.

I get a phone call and that's what he says. I hope it doesn't come to that. I hope that's not how you find out. I don't want to hear it. I hope it doesn't come to that. I hope that's not how you find out. No, I don't want to hear it. Tell us, as we wind this down, there's a George Burns story? Okay, yes. I got a little intel, a little inside information that when George Burns a few months before his death, he fell and he hurt himself. Okay, see, Gilbert's laughing already. You're a sick man, Godfrey. Gilbert, do you know how he fell and he hurt himself. Okay, see Gilbert's laughing already. You're a sick man Godfrey.

Gilbert, do you know how he fell? He was taking a shit. You really should be a writer, you put things so beautifully. He is. He's a regular Thoreau. And I'm horrified by this, I feel horrible about it, I'm so sad about it. And then of course I hear George Burns on the phone and he would make up songs about falling off the toilet. Okay. My head went tap. I was taking a crap. My head had a thump. I was taking a dump. It's like George Burns via Jerry Seinfeld and Walter Mathau my my My skull got hit I was taking his shit

Good Lord, all right. I'm in the fog. I was dropping a lot. Now he's on the nash. And Frank, I know we're wrapping up. But Gilbert hit me with a bit of research. I don't know how he knows. What's that? Oh, well this happened to me.

Growing up, there was a kitty show. Oh shit. I was a little growing up there was a kitty show named big Lee this is true by the way you of course yeah and I I one time was interviewing big Lee actually I took him to lunch see how he I took him to lunch. See how he gets... No, I took him to lunch. It's the story wrong. And what happened at lunch? Please don't interrupt. Okay, it's okay.

I was interviewing Big Lee, my favorite... ...childhood... ...kidney show host. And he said to me he was drunk he said you wanna drink and I said no and he said you got an adversion to cunt Oh my God. Can I tell you what he said? Yeah, tell the real story.

This is what I, you know, when I was growing up in Milwaukee, I used to like to. I didn't know you grew up there. I thought I knew everything about you. I find Big Lee, Frank, my beloved children's show host, and I take him to lunch and he was really old and very frail. So we sit down and he goes, are you going to have a drink? And I said, no, I don't drink or smoke. And he looks at me with a gleam in his eye and he says, do you have an aversion to pussy? No, I think you said cunt. No, he did.

It's such a nicer story the way you tell it. It is a nicer story. So I'm interviewing Robin Williams shortly after that for the movie Death to Smoochie where he plays a children's show. A movie I actually liked. Yes, I did too. So I tell him the story and the camera rolls as I say, do you have an aversion and Robin starts laughing so hard he has tears running down his face and then he becomes Big Lee. He goes, you know why kids? Because Big Lee loves pussy. I just started doing the show.

Right, right. And he created a sidekick that didn't exist who had his voice box missing. I mean, it was, I couldn't air one second of it. You have lived a charmed life to have interacted with all these people. Until one dark day. The way you have. When he walked into my life. And it all went to shit. That's right. Now, do you have any recordings of other girls who want to fuck me? I have a new policy. Beep and Daret. Yeah, exactly.

No, I have stopped mentioning Gilbert to attractive women because everyone says what? Yeah, she says, oh I love him. That's right, like it's a Three Stooges girlfriend. You remember all the girlfriends of the Stooges? Of course. I'm going to break that that next time I promise you. Do you have anything to plug? I have nothing to plug. I'm sorry to say you can see my interviews on YouTube. Oh yeah you interviewed William Shatner recently

live. Yes but that's not on YouTube because that doesn't belong to me. And I learned on YouTube you better put stuff up that belongs to you. Well just tell us quickly how Shatner was. He was fantastic. You did a one-on-one with him in Milwaukee. Yes, and we were talking backstage. It was his birthday, and he was so fantastic. And I had mentioned that Mel Brooks had done this and how great Mel Brooks was, and he said, well, what did he do? I said, well, he took questions from the audience, and a woman in the audience said to him, briefs

or boxers? And he said, depends, And the audience laughed really hard. So we're in the middle of the interview on stage and out loud Shatner goes, ask me what kind of underwear I wear. So I said, do you wear boxers or briefs? And Shatner goes, depends. And the crowd erupts in laughter and he leans to me and he goes, I steal from the best. That's a great story. I love that. But the YouTube channel, watch GinoTV. Okay, so he does have something to play.

G-I-N-O. Okay, GinoTV. And thanks again. I want to say to our listeners that Gilbert, not Gilbert, Gino, Gilbert does nothing for the show. Gilbert helped us book Gino Conforti, Richard Donner, Tony Sandler, Art Metrano. You've become an angel. Ron Friedman, the upcoming Ron Friedman. Ron Friedman is going to be, I'm going to tell you right now.

We can't wait. This is going to be the biggest treat. He is perfect for this podcast. We can't wait. Thank you. Thank you for all you've done. Thank you, fellows. Thank you for entertaining us.

We have one last clip for you to listen to. This may sound familiar. I understand that you were able to get George Hamilton not to tan. He is horrible! He is horrible! Has anyone written you to say please stop playing that? No, in fact we want a booker for the show. That's like a person who heard the word laugh.

Right. And they said it's a sound that comes out of the body and didn't quite ever hear a laugh. It's like an alien. Yes, exactly. Okay this has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal podcast. Obsessions. Oh, go! Ah, fuck it.

Ah, fuck it. And we've had someone who stole my bigly story. Ah, Gino. He's taken most of your good stories. Gino Sallo. Thanks, pal. you are the greatest. Thank you. Love you. Thank you, it was so much fun. They'll tighten that up, right?

What? Those pauses and stuff. Oh yeah, Frank will do all that. Frank's the best. You