Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Jeffrey Tambor

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

"Hey now!" Gilbert and Frank welcome Emmy-winning actor Jeffrey Tambor for a hilarious (and heartfelt) conversation about finding joy, avoiding dailies, pursuing authenticity, befriending the late, great Garry Shandling and breathing life into some of television's most indelible characters. Also, Ernest Borgnine inspires, James Mason perspires, Jeffrey gets confused with Elliott Gould and Rod Steiger holds a grudge against Marlon Brando. PLUS: George C. Scott! "Radioland Murders"! Remembering Rip Torn! The generosity of Al Pacino! And Jeffrey and Gilbert co-star with a chimpanzee! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. This episode is brought to you by New Balance Running.

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Speed, strength, stamina. Whatever goal you're working toward. New Balance has the running shoes, clothes, and accessories to push your run further and help you run your way. Find yours at newbalance.ca slash running. New Balance, run your way. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our guest this week is a Golden Globe and Emmy

winning performer and one of the most recognized and admired stage, TV, and film actors of his generation. You know his work from popular features including Injustice for All, Mr. Mom, City Slickers, Life Stinks, Meet Joe Black, There's Something About Mary, Girl Interrupted, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Tangled, Hellboy, The Hangover, and The Death of Stalin. You've also seen him in dozens of well-known TV shows, such as Taxi, MASH, Hill Street Blues Bob's Burgers, The Orville, The Good Wife, Archer, and three groundbreaking series, Transparent Arrested Development, and a program we love to talk about on this podcast, The Larry Sanders Show. Yay. podcast the larry sanders show yay in a career that started in repertory theater way back in the early 1970s he's gone on to work side by side with george c scott yes mel brooks yes Brad Pitt. Helen Mirren. Yes. Sir Anthony Hopkins. Ooh. Angelina Jolie.

You didn't say yes for her. Oh, yes. Girl interrupted. Oh, yes. Yeah. David Mamet. Guillermo del Toro. Close.

Guillermo, whatever you want to do. Guillermo. Guillermo. Whatever it is. I knew I'd you want to do. Guillermo. I knew I'd fuck that one up. Guillermo Del Toro. Al Pacino. Arthur Penn.

Norman Jewison. And the one he's most proud of. Gilbert Gottfried. That's right. Gilbert Gottfried. Here I right. Gilbert Gottfried. Here I am. Yes. He has his own podcast,

Diverted to... Diverted. He has his own podcast... I like Diverted. ...devoted and diverted to the love and art of acting, and it's called, appropriately, Acting Schmackty. smack yeah and in his to tell my allowed

to talk to during this introduction sure it's been going on for about five minutes and I'm actually losing the ability to I think I've something wrong here do we have Medicaid I'm sorry, medic. And it's 2017 memoir, and it's a good one. It's called Are You Anybody? Frank and I are pleased to welcome to the show a versatile and adventurous actor, a fan of this very podcast. You got that right. Fan of this very podcast.

You got that right. And my co-star in the classic movie, Funky Monkey. Were you in Funky Monkey? I was in Funky Monkey. What are we doing even sitting here? We have to talk about Funky Monkey. What were you in Funky Monkey? I was like a mad scientist. And I was inebriated.

Yeah, well, you had to be. Were you in Nice? Were you in Nice? No. Now, were we in two different Funky Monkeys? Well, there was Funky Monkey 1. Yes. And Funky Monkey 2.

Now, there was a Funky Monkey that had an angry, drunken French midget walking around in a monkey outfit. Well, I don't know about the angry nor the drunken. Yeah. But I do know that in the original Funky Monkey 1, I think on the first day of shooting the monkey bit matthew modine oh well i was i was working with matthew modine do you want to say who the guest is oh oh yeah jeffrey tambo oh more importantly i do remember oh wait wait i remember matthew modine showing me his hand from the bike with the teeth marks yeah now the left hand was me yeah and the right hand was the chimp now see i heard they originally shot it maybe in france or something nice nice france and they had they had uh angry, drunken French midget, which, you know, you'd have to be angry and drunk if you were a midget in a monkey suit.

In Nice. And in Funky Monkey. Yeah. Don't you know everything when they say, hey, you just got an offer and the name of the show is Funky Monkey? Yeah. Isn't that when you put the phone down and say, talk to you later? Yeah, yeah. That's when you hang yourself.

So you were at UCLA when we shot the second part. Yeah, I was in California. And I was filming. There was a monkey on my head when I was filming my scene. What do you mean? Well, there was a little monkey, a spider monkey or something that climbed up on my head. Ah, show business. And, but yeah, I heard they had a lot of trouble with the angry French drunken midget.

Yeah. But yes, and I've never seen funky monkey you are a list of oh i haven't matthew modine yes told me he bit you how no he's told me how smart these monkeys are. That after he got bitten by the monkey, another monkey looked at Matthew Modine's hand, held it, and rubbed his paw over it to make that bite mark better. How wonderful. How about that? Was that the one that got the bad review? The one-line review? Yes. Yes. better how wonderful about that was that the one that got the bad review the one line review yes yes there was a one line review am i in it funky no one line uh funk that one of the greatest

reviews of all time he's it the one line was matthew modine uh once starred in a Stanley Kubrick film. And that was it. That's great. And that tells you it right there, the highs and lows of a career. My wife and I were, my wife who's here today, Kat, and I were in Nice, France, and we were making arguably one of the, in Yiddish we say drek, and we didn't know what we were doing, but you know.

Anyhow, it's nice to be here. Thank you. I love what you've done with your place. Pardon me? You're finally here. I'm finally here. I'll officially apologize because I bolted last time. I phoned Dara.

Is that it? I phoned Dara today because I wanted to know if we were videoed and if I had to dress up, which I obviously did. And I didn't leave the message. And I went, oh, my gosh, he must be freaking out because he's bolted yet again. But, you know, I was nervous about coming on and I apologize for any consternation. Is that a word? Yeah.

No, we're not for any constipation. But I'm cool, we're cool, right? Good, good. We're glad you're finally here. Finally, yeah. And we've done, we were in a bunch. You're pointing it. I know.

We've done a bunch of other things. Yeah. Now, you remembered that we, because I used to, they used to call me for those beginning sketches. That's right. On the Jay Leno Tonight Show, which I love doing. I know. I mean, I don't know.

Yeah. I know. Well, you should know this. But you were around a lot. Yeah. I loved doing that show. And you came in the backstage and we we we schmoozed yeah uh you have you noticed that i've become more jewish as we started this show i'm throwing in this

yiddishisms and everything is um anyhow and we talked we had a great time and i and um uh yeah and then we did you want to say what we did oh okay, okay. We also, I think we were both in... You're going to throw something at me. Yeah, because you're turning into Theodore Burkell. If I were a rich man. Oh, go ahead. Okay. Why am I turning into Theodore Burkell?

You said you're turning into more of a Jewish. More of a Jewish. Now listen. Listen're turning into more of a jewish more of a jewish now listen listen to me more of a jewish i know don't talk to him he's more of a jewish i'm turning it i'm turning into chico marx he's turning into more of a jewish okay Okay, listen. We both, I think, were in those ESPN commercials with the card-playing dogs. Weren't you a voice in that? I could have been. If not, we could cut this out. I don't know. No, we don't have to cut it out.

Can you know that I was at school the other day? Because sometimes people get me mixed up and I walked in and they just say I'm sorry I just have to say it but I just I love your work I just love your work and I said thank you thank you so much no I really love you've meant so much to me Mr. Gould oh my god because I'm a dead look-alike for Elliot Gould could someone look up the ESPN card playing dogs? I'm sure you were in that. And Art Carney was in it too. Wow.

Are you not thinking of Jackie Gleason? He gets them mixed up. It may have been Audrey Meadows I'm mistaking you for. And what else were we in? uh drum roll okay i and i i and and i keep forgetting his name phil collins phil collins who's who's studio i was gonna say were you in that yes and what was that a tv movie gill and thing. We did a video. A video. A video. Yes. And, and let's see.

Henry Mancini was there? Henry Mancini. Phil Collins. Wow. Phil Collins. And Miss America. Vanessa Williams was in it too. That's right.

And, and. And my agent tried to, tried to buy Henry Mancini's tuxedo. Oh, boy. You don't mean oh, boy. I do mean oh, boy. Yeah, I wasn't embarrassed at all. It wasn't an exciting oh, boy. No, but the fact that he sold it to her was interesting. See, sometimes I'll say oh, boy.

And other times I say wow a lot well my kids say well yeah see and you know sometimes i genuinely mean wow i love wow and other times it's like i can't think of a fucking thing to say so i go wow same yeah same yeah i don't even know where i am right now so did you look it up no no one moved yeah who was it was jeffrey in it i don't know i just had the youtube link i could play it no could you find out if jeffrey was jesus christ dude do the big one what were we in the big one okay uh uh okay besides funky monkey one? Okay. Besides Funky Monkey 1 and 2. Dr. Doolittle. You were in Dr. Doolittle?

Yes. I was the- Were you just following me? What's going on? I was the obsessive compulsive door. Yes, you were. Yes, you were. Where he'd go, throw the ball, throw the ball, throw the ball.

Oh, oh, throw the ball. Come on, doctor, doctor. Am I alone here? Throw the ball. Oh, that's great.. Am I alone here? Throw the ball. Oh, that's great. That's great. And I was the veterinarian. Yes.

And I put the thermometer on the first shot up the puppet's rectum. Yes. Except it wasn't the puppet. It was the real dog, and they didn't tell me. And the dog farted in my face. Oh, my God. Welcome to show business, ladies and gentlemen. Now, why did you find out?

It was you and Art Carney. Who else? There were about six. It just says that you two did all the voices. It had to do with that painting of the dogs playing cards. Yeah. Well, we'll do a deeper dive after the show. I love how Frank just did that. Yes. Well, we'll do a deeper dive after the show i love frank how frank just

did that yes well we'll do a deeper dive that's otherwise 20 minutes will be spent on trying to find this frank's way of saying just shut the fuck up get the fuck on move on to the next question we do another thing together hollywood square hollywood square hollywood squares yes and uh i got uh henry winkler asked me to do the voice and i said you got to be kidding you're come on down well that's horrible i just hurt myself by the way um well you and henry go way back yeah way yeah he was my producer on good. Sunshine. Mr. Sunshine. Where I played a blind man. I remember it. Opposite Dynasty.

What are the chances? Now, is that all the things we- Was Leonard Frye on that show? Okay. Leonard Frye was on that show, the character actor. Wow, you have done your homework. I was a fan of his. He was a great, great, great actor.

Yeah, funny guy. Funny guy. Well, here we are. Gil? Do they call you Gil? Is that all the things that I've done with Jeffrey? That was all I could find on IMDb, all the common credits. Yeah.

Now, you might want to look up, you know, Elliot Gould. Yes. Weren't you also occasionally confused with Dr. Phil? Oh, absolutely. When I was younger and I had not gray hair and a mustache, people used to thank me on the street for helping them. And I would say,

I'm not that, and they went, oh, thank you. You're so modest. And finally I used his phrase. I went, well, how's that going for you? You should see your producer right now. He's about to jump out of his seat. Because he said, we're not even into the fucking show i let him exhaust himself it's like working with us oh hey hey mary i just saw that i just

listened to a five-hour podcast on gilbert country it's great do you know that i'm a fan of your show i have to tell you something. Thank you. That was one of the insincere responses. No, the reason I like your show is sometimes when I burp in the mic, they'll cut that too, along with the funky monkey. I have irritable bowel syndrome. Is that what I have? That's what I should do an advertisement for Hi, Jeff Tamber for Irritable Ball Syndrome

Listen So anyway, am I being too silly? No You were starting to say you were a fan of this show This show? Yeah Oh no No, I'll tell you why

No, no, no, you gotta listen to this Because I promised I was gonna do it Okay When I get down When I get to little Hungarian-Russian, which I am Yeah I'll tell you why. No, no, no. You've got to listen to this because I promised I was going to do it. Okay. When I get down, when I get to little Hungarian Russian, which I am. Yeah. I listen to this show and I also listen to your roasts. How nice. Thank you.

Because they make me laugh. Thank you. And you have a gift that few people have. And do we need in these times, you make people laugh. And I believe, oh, great. He bursts into tears. But, you know, thanks. Thank you.

Thanks for the laugh. That's nice, Gilbert, huh? Wow. See, this puts me in one of those situations where I have to try to be sincere oh don't do that yeah no you don't want to break that muscle do that no i can't either yeah you know it's easy if you said something where i could go oh good go fuck yourself then i'd be happy but when i had to be tell me to go thank you go fuck yourself thank you i Thank you. I sent Jeffrey some episodes. I sent in Michael McKean.

Right. You requested. You never sent it. I sent them. No, you didn't. I didn't. I sent you Robert Wagner. No, you keep writing me and saying, I'm going to send you Michael McKean and Robert Wagner.

And that's it. That's our correspondence. And you were at one of my roasts at the Friars. I think I was. Yeah. I don't know. Are you at that? New York Friars or LA Friars. I think I was. Yeah. I don't know. Are you at that? New York Friars or LA Friars?

Oh, I have no idea. I don't even know where my car is. Are you kidding me? Do you want to tell us about this seminal moment that happened? It's from your book when you were sitting there with your family watching these shows, watching talk shows, watching Steve Allen, and you said, this is one of the more touching things in the book actually it's a catalyst you said to your folks I'm gonna be on television one day oh yeah and my father laughed and he hit me

on top of the head and he was a professional boxer and he had that ring and I cried and I went I'll show you and uh i do you know he saw me on broadway with george c scott oh and he saw and he also saw me uh in my first uh film uh uh opposite my first film oh with pacino opposite al pacino good ask me if i knew what i was doing well yeah i know you didn't you were terrified i didn't even know what those marks on the floor were i just thought that was lousy housekeeping you you could have been funny but probably on another podcast you you said that you can't watch that i don't watch i don't watch me why is that and you didn't want to watch it then because you went to dailies and you had a bad experience very very jack warden i believe they had to drive me around until 4 o'clock in the morning because I wanted to leave.

Boy, you did. What, did you memorize that book? I'm a freak. Didn't Jack Warden tell you don't go watch the dailies with Pacino? He said, what if you don't like him? And he was totally right. First of all, I haven't accepted the fact that I'm bald. And I grew up in the i grew up in the theater and uh my whole my whole thing is if you

once you've sent it it's sent what do you have to look at it for and uh it's it's it's not me i have i will later watch it um but mostly uh uh you know mostly ell Elliot Gould stuff. And what was it like working with Al Pacino? Especially as your first movie. He was coming right off The Godfather. I mean, he was hot. He was something. I remember once being in an elevator with him where people actually became unglued. People just, I never knew what fandom was.

He was terrific. And he was, you know, he knew I i was a newbie and he treated me like gold i will tell you one thing when you do a close-up uh people don't know this uh usually the actor that is off stage puts his head right next to the camera and squeezes it so your eye will be closer to the camera and he did that on my first close-up and I went oh that poor fucker he's just trying to what is the lamest joke I've ever ever heard and I did not know that's how you did a close-up but he treated me like uh like well like the like gold and told me you know uh because i was very i i can't watch that show and justice for all because i worried it to death really and yeah i'm a worrier do you worry oh yes what do you worry about today oh everything yeah yeah me too it doesn't matter

it doesn't matter there's no order to it right right? Yeah. Right. The catnip and also the test results on your blood. And you know, it's like that thing of where- Frank, do you worry? Oh, yeah. Okay. Where they tell you take one day at a time. It's beyond that. Yeah, I can't.

I worry about that. I'm thinking in terms of in five minutes from now yeah yeah i'm worried yeah yes and look at you you're so successful and you survived and you know about funky monkey three right yes we're still negotiating well the music hasn't been written but we're doing it as a musical i was gonna say there was that story uh rod steiger when he was doing the taxi cab scene and on the waterfront the i could have been a contender yeah that marlin wasn't there marlin went home yeah which it's a really no the uh it's not that he went home i think he went to his therapist in new york city that's what i i i was

reading a book uh yeah that happens a lot by the way because i i i met rod steiger i loved rod steiger he was terrific yeah and i asked him about that yeah and he said i didn't speak to him for 20 years after that. No, try to do it like he said it. I'm only kidding. Well, I was his lawyer once. Oh, by the way, I'm also listening to you. You were, you're a great mimic. And you're a great.

He is a great mimic. What is it called? He is a great mimic. Impressionist. No, but there's another word, impressionist. Yeah, he is. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah.

With Dick, you were doing everybody. You were doing Dick, for God's sake. Have you heard of James Mason? May I hear it? Yes. From now on, you'll have no memory. Now, is James Mason having a bowel movement? Go ahead.

Never mind. Add that, Gilbert. It's James Mason having a bowel movement. Might go something like this. Oh, jeez. Right today, it's at McDonald's today. Lord. The number of people who are turning off this podcast is just amazing.

I ordered the X. They got it. I ordered the Whopper with cheese. Wash your hands. Wash your hands. Let's go. That one is sliding back in. Use the sandy tabs.

I love this story, too. He'll just keep going. He'll be into the ground. Let me hold on to this towel rack for leverage. Talk about auditioning for Jewison, too, because you made a very strange choice When he asked you if you were nervous They each had the cigarette packs Oh yeah Patrick Palmer and Jewison

You know there's a moment when an actor gets a role And I had a room for lunch That's right I can't drop Still sounds like a bowel movement. That'll be in the act next weekend. Medic.

That'll be 20 minutes in the act. Beloved actor Gilbert Gottfried. I've never heard you laugh like this. When James Litton is going to interview Minko, written it's gonna end if you mean go tell me how james mason has a problem this is going to be one of those shows it is one of those shows yeah yeah where i'm going to say listen uh i have aise of money coming over. Drop this show. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Baseball is finally back.

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The Kraken Gold Spiced Rum Please drink responsibly Can I ask you about something from the book? Which is your 12... I thought I'd work these in periodically because they're fun Your most embarrassing moments in your career Which is... It'll lead right into this

There's no segue. Well, you have 12 in the book. This will be 13. Is this the Beckett one? The Beckett one is great. Why don't you tell that? What's the other one? Well, there's the bounce commercial, which is fun.

Oh, my God. There's the Gunsmoke audition. Oh, let me do the Gunsmoke audition. Tell us. Tell us. You know, they tried to reissue Gunsmoke, and they invited me in. And I had some notoriety by then.

And they said, oh, we're so happy for you to be here. And so I said, do you mind reading, you know, what's the phrase they say now? Can we hit it back and forth? Okay. Which means, listen, fucker, we're auditioning you. And so I said said oh surely and i uh i picked it up and then and the line was like uh well he's coming into uh he's coming into uh town now he's gonna get on the horse and they said oh okay and action i said well you know he's coming into town now and he's getting on the horse

and they said oh um um hold on a second. Do you think he's Irish? And I went, oh, no, no, no. Should we try it again? And I knew something was terribly wrong because I went, what is coming out of my mouth? So I did it again and it was worse. Well, you know, he's coming into town now. And, you know, don't you know, he's getting on the horse. Anyway, I excused myself.

And apparently they called my agent and said, there's something terribly wrong with this man. Now, the other one was I was doing a repertory theater. Right. And I was in a play called Beckett. Yeah, it was Beckett. And I was the fourth baron. And in those days in repertory theater, I had to pull my own curtain

and then walk out through the scene and then pull the curtain back, how professional. And I was wearing chain mail. Chain mail. It was 1967, it was the year of the Asian flu. And as I started to pull the curtain, I went, hmm, little bubble there. Little kind of, ooh, what's that?

That was the beginning of irritable bowel syndrome and Asian flu. And I kind of went, hmm, I better expel that before I go on. And I just gave a little oots, and I completely shit my pants. I have above this anecdote. Gil will love this. I crapped my chain mail. On stage? No, backstage and then on stage.

So on stage, squish, squish, squish, squish. That's me walking. I would say my line, Thomas Beckett is dead, and walk squish, squish, squish, squish. And then I noticed in the first two rows, people kind of going, what is that? And then I squish, squish, squish, and I left the stage, and I pulled the curtain and went to costumes

Squish, squish, squish. And I left the stage and I pulled the curtain and went to costumes to get a new pair of non-shat clothing. Non-shit clothes. Non-shat. Oh. Let's be quick. Hey, can I straighten something out? Oh, no. With Rod Steiger, when he was young, he would talk like that.

Yes. And then later on, was that him? I ain't starting again that way. Really? Yeah. Especially in W.C. Fields and me. Yeah. It's like when he turned, it's almost like he couldn't stop doing W.C. Fields.

It was weird. Because it used to be, when I worked on the heat of the night and then later on he would go on shows and he goes well i was an actor and uh yeah so he totally changed yeah fuck you no fuck you fuck you fuck. What am I to say to this? Fuck you, Jeff. There's no rejoicing. Fuck you. No, fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you and your whole family. I don't have to laugh at something I have no idea what you're saying. Fuck you, Jeff. Tell us, we love to talk about- I'm leaving. We love to talk about classic directors. You worked with Arthur Penn and Jewison. Yeah. Back when you in when you were a young actor tell us something about each one of them

arthur penn was uh changed my life uh by casting you in sly fox yeah he cast me in sly fox and he also when hector alessandro that great actor left left i took over the role for a year and a half and what was the other director uh uh jewison your first i mean go figure my first broadway show i'm going to show with uh they told me not to do it by the way because i was an understudy i had one line right uh you look wonderful sir which i said three times and then um get this i do my first film and it's opposite i'm starring opposite al pacino i couldn't get over it yeah and your first major stage production, you're with George C. Scott. George C. Scott.

Yeah. Who was a mentor to me. I don't know if he knew he was my mentor, but I adored him. So you're saying George C. Scott didn't hate the Jews. Somebody told me he did. I wish the audience could see Jeffreyffrey's face one of the great deadpan takes something broke i think i'm having a um uh i think i'm having a beckett moment uh i what i somebody told me yes who was george c i forget who they told me. Yes, who was it? I forget who. They told me George C. Scott hated the Jews.

No. Well, you didn't hate this Jew, so. Did you let them know you were a Jew? No. Well, there you go. I cut my payas and I didn't wear my yarmulke. Speaking of sly fox. How about the time in Larry Sanders where Hank refused to take off his yarmulke?

Fantastic. I just watched it last night. What is with you? Are you married? Do you have a life? Yeah, I am. Okay. Jesus Christ.

I watched. I did it the night before my wife's surgery when I was supposed to be spending time with my wife. Oh, I'm sorry. That's how dedicated I am, Jeremy. Yeah, I'm sure she appreciated that. She did. Yeah. I love the hate mail. The hate letter that he gets.

Yeah. Well, the reason that he liked the show is because he got one fan letter that said Dear Jew Face? Yeah. So it's like thanks for the Jew Target so I know what to aim for when I blow your fucking Jew head off.

Oh, my God. And you memorized while she was being anesthetized. No, that was today. That was great. That was great. What's your wife's name? Genevieve. Oh, Genevieve, you're going to be fine.

I don't know what he's doing. He's memorizing something. It was only wrist surgery. Oh. Yeah, but that's a great episode. Thank you. Yeah. And since we've already mentioned the character a few times,

can you say your Hank line? Well, we're in the very studio where it is set every morning, where Mr. – help me. Mr. Stern. Mr. Stern. Yeah. Says, hey now. You know, I went to

the Johnny Carson show because I was playing his sidekick and I'm way off kilter and out of sync here for you. No, no, no. This is interesting. And I went there to and he said, well, you want to be backstage? I said, no, I want to go up there and I want to watch.

First of all, the first thing I knew was that the distance, well, you know this. You were there. The distance between Mr. Carson and Mr. McMahon was maybe eight feet at the most. Whereas on television, you think they're – and I remember that Gary came out and he did his first set. As you know, you did stand-up, right? Do stand-up. Yeah, yeah.

And he had his note cards and he did his first set and you know you did stand up right do stand up yeah and he had his note cards and um he did his first set and it didn't go well uh or it wasn't great and um and when they went to commercial the lights went down i remember that mr carson didn't speak and mr mcmahon didn't speak they'd been there you, that's two and a half minutes. And this changed my life. Gary went into his pocket. He pulled out the cards. And he rearranged the cards. And he rearranged them.

This one, this one, this one, tore this one up and everything. They came back up. Here we are. We're back. And he killed. Wow. And the name of that chapter is called You Can Always Rearrange the Cards. That's cool.

You used to say on the Sanders set that you liked the scenes where he would also pick out the cards, the jokes on the cue cards. I told him to tell me when he was going to do that because he would do it and what i didn't know about you guys is that you don't go you just go oh that one uh that one uh that one uh no no no not that that one that one and i didn't know that and it was all always about being in the moment and i think people don't understand what you guys do because it's um it's life or death it's a it's serious it's not i mean people think that we sit by a pool um um you know eating grapes honey do you have those grapes did ed ever talk to you about that part i mean i know it wasn't exclusively based on ed mcmahon it was kind of an amalgam no one ever said but by the way what's said there is

that you you you see that uh sign up there that's um that's applause and when that sound comes up you know and that's a one a one a oneer that's a takeoff it was a demo uh-huh because we were going to later and i was going to go learn how to announce and go to announcing school and everything that's what they used for what were we on seven years yeah yeah seven years yeah when you looked at that script for the first time and you've said it's a couple of times in an actor's life where there's the perfect marriage between the character and the actor and as soon as you read that thing right you knew the character and the actor. And as soon as you read that thing, you knew the character. You knew who Hank was. I did.

I did. I mean, in all modesty, I did. And I went, I guess because I knew how sensitive he was. People called him a buffoon, and I never thought, I said, he's not a buffoon. He's lonely. Yeah. And lonely makes us all ridiculous.

Well, he's everything. I mean, the range of the things. But when he took over the show, he became. Yeah, Hacks Night in the Sun. Yeah, when he took over the show. You know what I did that week? I did a stupid thing. I did like an actor's indulgent thing.

I pretended I was that asshole, and I didn't talk to anybody. But that experiment didn't work because all I was was an asshole who didn't talk to anybody. I see. And, you know, I should have told people what I was doing, yeah? A little method, huh? Yeah, no, I'm not method. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I prepared for this show. He's Icarus in that episode. I mean, he flies too close to the sun, but it's great. Very few podcasts are using the word Icarus right now. We try to elevate the dialogue. I use the word licorice. I know. But you can imitate Icarus.

I'm not as educated. No. Where'd you go to college? Oh, God, I didn't go to college. Where'd you go to high school? I'm very stupid. Are you stupid? Yeah.

I get that. And yet humble. You're not stupid. I've seen you. You're wise and you've been through the trenches and you're great. Nobody that can do an act like you can, Gilbert, could possibly be stupid. And you're courageous. Thank you.

That he is. Thank you. See, now you put me in that position. Oh, go fuck yourself. Go fuck you, Jeff. Fuck you. Fuck you. Oh, fuck you.

Suck my dick, Jeff. You're not going there. You know, watching that episode, it's one of the few episodes where you like him for a portion of the show. You're happy for Hank that he gets this break. He's filled with joy when he gets the opportunity, when Artie comes in and he tells him, we're going with you. And he's lovable and he bonds with the staff and everybody's happy for him. And you're just waiting for that turn. I know.

I know. Peter Tolan script. Good episode. Peter Tolan script. Good episode. Peter Tolan. Yeah. Good writers on that show, too. We have to give him a shout out. And the thing about Gary's writing is that he would go past the joke to get something deeper,

which is something George C. Scott told me, is that you go past the easy joke to get something deeper. Something that you guys don't really listen to on this set, but— Sorry. Sorry. And that's how you really laugh by the way that let's give a shout out to one of our uh our podcast guests one of our frequent podcast is this a commercial no who played a who played a role in you getting that part okay this scares me and that's alan's why bell oh my god he's been on this show three times i think you know what i thought was gonna happen what's that i thought you're gonna play a tape of alan's why bell no

this isn't your that's why you saw that look on my face this is your life we have him here behind us what is wrong with me bring him out i thought you were gonna go i thought you go hi thanks for asking hey hi how are you jeff What's wrong with me, really? What actually has happened here? Maybe I set it up too well. I don't know. Medic. But Alan was.

Alan and I, there was two people instrumental. Alan, I was auditioning badly for him. Not badly, but it was the wrong material. We both agreed. But he said, may I make a phone call? And I said, sure. And he went in the other room. And apocryphally, he called Gary and said, I think this is the guy.

They were having trouble casting Hank. And I think this is the guy who plays Hank. Also, Judd Apatow was in my corner. And that's, you know. Another friend of this show he has he been on yes and he listens to the show and he's endorsed hi judd yes yes and well that's a perfect opportunity to plug judd's book by the way oh great well don't plug mine you're in this book i am in this what a lovely book it's gary shanling's yeah and uh you're in here and yeah

It's a lovely book. It's Gary Shandling's book. Yeah. And you're in here. Yeah. Judd has been great to us and great to this show. He's a great guy. Oh, and what's your recollections of- Oh, no.

You're scaring me. No. Because when you start to get naughty, you get a little thing in your eye. I think he had a sincere question. It's sort of like a twitch. It's sort of like, I'm going to fuck this guy so over. I can't wait until this gets it. Bob Einstein is the guest who busted our balls on this show the most.

I love Bob Einstein. You know, when he did the show and I recommended him on Arrested, he sent in his measurements that were wrong. He said that his left foot was 12 inches and his right foot was six inches and they came up to me and they said is there something wrong and i went no this is bob einstein you haven't seen anything yet he busted our hump on this show and i'm you're you're right behind him oh am i being no no no it's fun let's restart it's fun but it's uh is it too busty? No, it's just-

It's been a long time. We've missed doing a show like this. Steve Fink, my producer. Steve is here. Steve is here, and we're doing a podcast together, and we actually came to see how it's done. Forgot that. Come to the wrong place. And Steve, actually, because I told him i was nervous about coming on the show

and he said be funny so now i'm going to be worried about being no no you're great we're enjoying it i was going to ask you about another actor we talk about a lot on the show and and you mentioned him before and that's jack warden oh god you worked with him too gil yeah yeah i worked with him in in the problem child movies oh my god yeah wasn't wasn't he great what an terrific nice guy did you want to say anything uh steve yeah i'm good how do you think i'm doing you're doing great really yeah any notes be funny well i'm trying to be funny we'll plug the podcast you know my hands were shaking when i was walking here yeah i was shaking yeah i know yeah no one's really listening i know there's no reason to be we're gonna ask these people

how you do a podcast what was our rating today 69 let's go let's go 68 okay uh 68 the what 68 what's your ranking what 68 what what were we dara last week 15 oh we were 15 we were in the top we were in the top 15 well we're in a different category we were within a category not ours is boldness right and we're 68 ours is in the unlistenable category we're in the top 20 what is your category uh we're by the way congratulations being part of serious xm thank you how was that thank you oh see i'll go fuck yourself fuck you jeff you, you piece of shit. Oh, here you go. Now it's sounding like home. More questions.

Before we leave this talking about the Sanders show, we lost... Changing tones. Okay, tones. We lost your friend Rip Torn recently in 2019. Had you known him before that show? No, no. In fact, I don't know if it's said in the book.

Did it say anything about another actor playing it for a little while before? You did not. No, I don't know this. It's not in the book. Hey, Judd, I'm going to say something. I don't know if everyone knows it. Wouldn't it be funny if you answered me?

Sure. But for a while there, I think there was a difficulty in negotiation or something or something well you said in the book that he wouldn't read he wouldn't read yeah and you had to read for gary and um and gary would read with you and see what the chemistry was and for a while i remember rehearsing that role with another actor. And then there were the unfortunate riots in L.A., and we stood down for that week or so during that horrible, horrible turmoil. And when we came back, Rip was there.

So obviously he read and floored. Well, he did. He floored Gary. And I just, that man was actor from, he just loved acting and he loved Gary. Oh, that's nice. And that's why Artie was so great. That came through in the characters. What an actor. What an actor.

He had his demons, Rip. I mean, he attacked Norman Mailer with a hammer. He had some, famously, he had run-ins with Dennis Hopper, who he sued. He was a complicated guy. But a great actor. One day he came back from lunch, and we were about to go in and do the scene, and both of his windows on his car were smashed in. Oh. Like from a baseball bat or something.

And I said, you know, how was lunch? And he didn't say anything about it at all. And then we just went in and we did the scene. But that was kind of, you know, and his dressing room was like a Dick's sporting goods store. There were reels and flyers. You guys look really bored. No, no.

It's my favorite show. I'm looking at two faces who could be morticians they're kind of going this photographer david simon is here and he's as big a larry sanders fan as i am yeah so we're getting off on this stuff yeah he he would encourage you to take the character darker who did rip at times he said in the book yeah why do you know more about me than me well yeah he was just yeah he did he did uh but he was uh he was uh he was quite a guy you know quite a guy i like the story too where you said you know it's interesting because i'm the last man standing i know yeah so this may this may be it so take advantage this is your swan song today yeah go fuck yourself what was his last

words i don't know he kind of murmured go fuck yourself do you know that i'm 75 yeah look great no i didn't know this do i yes honestly how old do you think i look 20 65 what's the difference? Huh? 64. Yeah, 65. Oh, 64 is better. Well, that's shaven 11 years off. Shaven? Yeah. How old do I look?

52. Good enough. What are you? 56. Yeah. How old are you? I told you before. He's not going to say it.

Fuck your problem. Fuck you, Jeff. Jeff You better go fuck yourself This time I mean it Rip sent you a telegram When you were performing on Broadway In 2005 I need a lawyer What's going on?

It's sweet What's the telegram? He sent you a telegram What did going on? It's sweet. What's the telegram? He sent you a telegram. What did it say? It touched you, you said. In 2005, you were on Broadway. Oh, 2005.

Yeah. What year is this now? Again, where is my car? Can you tell me what the telegram was? It didn't go into detail in the book. You just talked about how touched you were. Well, look out for part two because we're going to divulge what that is. I will make you tell the story of the last time you saw Gary because it's sweet in Santa Monica.

You were with Judd. This is a very odd story. And talk about a tone change. But I kept getting this message from Gary. Did I tell you when I won the Golden Globe? Oh, they sent me a text saying, I'm standing in my kitchen crying.

Oh, that's sweet. What a guy. But he kept calling me and he kept calling Judd and it kept calling and he wouldn't take no for an answer. So we met at, what's the name of that hotel that we we stay at at uh shutters in santa no no yeah what's the other one uh fairmont okay fair enough i don't even think that's the answer

but um what is it she's looking up on her google um what's the question you and him you and Gary and Judd you and he yes you and Gary and Judd met yeah and he said first of all he did say how proud he was of Judd and all he's done and then and then we talked and everything like that but there was something there was something there was some actors talk about there was something undertow and then judd had to take off and go back to work and uh frank we had to we walked to uh santa monica um out up there on the green if anyone has been there and we just sat there like um two elderly jews from i'm not rapaport that's great and i remember i remember we talked less than just sat there. And it was sort of like, we did this, didn't we?

This did happen, didn't it? And then I went back to my car, and he went back to his car. And I drove around forever in this sort of euphoria of having, you know, what was that? What was that? What was that? And on one of my times passing the Fairmont, he was sitting in his car and he was arguably doing the same thing. I love that story. And he changed my life. Ah, God, I love him. I love him. I just thank you you you uh you guys uh you said that you both had a bond that was that you rarely spoke about i don't think we spoke about you know his brother uh died my brother died yeah we both had uh um difficult mothers my mom winning the difficult uh prize

the tambors of san francisco put the D back in dysfunction. People should read the book to read in detail about your mom. It's fascinating stuff. Yes, and we'll be selling those on the, yes, yes. We're in large print now. Are You Anybody from 2017. You want to know how that title came? Tell us. I was doing a Broadway show. I walked out the stage door and the paparazzi, well then, it was autographs, it wasn't this. And the guy said, hey, hey, are you anybody? And I thought about it for a while, and I went, no. That's good. You can cut the silence.

No. Okay, here. Some stories are just meant to be poignant, Jeffrey. Wow. Gilbert knew him a little bit too He knew Gary a little bit Did you? Yeah Did I what?

Did you know Gary a little bit? Did you check out? Uh yes I know you did You went to Tallahassee I saw you take flight I saw you ask for another drink from the stewardess And the whole deal

You left the building Saying what is this snorer? I thought we had Elliot Gould. What I remember with Gary Shandling was I had had at one point a burst appendix and I had to go in to have my stomach fixed up. Yeah. And he said, where are you going to, where are you going to, what hospital? And I said, oh, the operation's going to take place at New York Eye and Ear. And he goes, oh, shouldn't you go to a hospital called Stomach and Ass? Can I ask a question? Yes.

What side is your appendix on? On the right. Yeah, it's on the right. Yeah, I have a little pain going on. I don't think anyone knows what the appendix was ever there for. Oh, it's a vestigial organ. I have no idea what I just said by the way i like

it i'm gonna start using right we can do a commercial for vestigial yes i had a memorable evening with gary and john marcus that i'll that i'll know who's a writer on the scene and you came on the set and i came to the show and you're a friend of wallace the great wallace langham and we talk was i nice you are lovely but i had you before that. I met you in a parking lot. Oh, don't go there. The old, the DuPars parking lot. Don't tell this story. In Studio City. What?

I met you. I was a friend of Jack Mendelsohn's who wrote for the Ropers and Three's Company. And we were talking. I just approached you. I was, you know, a broke writer knocking around Los Angeles. You were very nice. And then I got to know Wally and he invited me to the set. And then I spent time with you. You know, I am nice. Yes, you are. I'm kind. Yes. Yeah. Yes.. And then I got to know Wally, and he invited me to the set, and then I spent time with you.

You know, I am nice. Yes, you are. I'm kind. Yes. Yeah. Yes, well, we've gotten to know each other over phone calls and your appearances on The View. Oh, thank you for your grace on your phone calls.

The last phone call we had, you kept saying, well, I need to get on this bus now, and I went, there's no bus. There is no bus. And your laughter tells me everything I need to hear. When Gary came to do the Behar show, Joy had a show at CNN. I saw that. I just saw Joe.

She also did 92nd Street Y, right? Yes. And she was on the old It's Gary Shaling show. So they went back. Oh, I didn't know that. And he was very kind, and he invited me into the green room and asked me to weigh in on his jokes and sit with him. See, that's who he yeah and he was very kind and he invited me into the green room and

asked me to weigh in on his jokes and sit with him and it was insanely flattering passed away everyone came up to me and said not everyone but most people came up to me and said you know he helped me on this and he helped me on this and he helped me on this and he helped me on this what's in the documentary how many people he mentored that's a great documentary yeah yeah now shout out to our friend mike bonfiglio who made that with Judd. Shout out to his name? Michael Bonfiglio made that doc with Judd. Say that again? Michael Bonfiglio.

He's one of mine. What do you mean? Italiano. Sicilian? Yeah, he might be. Hey! That doc is beautiful. That one?

The documentary is beautiful and it's a real insight into the man. Yeah. You know, can I do something? Sure. Yeah. Because can I talk about something? Yeah. It's just a change of tone a little bit.

Yeah. Can I talk about Transparent a little bit? Sure. Oh. Because I... The show he won a slew of Emmys for, Gilbert. I won a Gilbert? A Gilbert. You won a Gilbert?

A Gilbert. You won a Gilbert. God help me. And ladies and gentlemen, the Gilbert goes to that. The Gilbert Go Fuck Yourself Award goes to. You don't want that. Well, I just think as a service to your listeners and a service to you guys, I want to talk a little bit about Transparent because, you know, I was, as you know. Oh, transparent.

Now I know what you said. And I just want to, you know, there seems to be an elephant in the room. I'd like it to dismiss and throw it out. And we can cut this if you don't like it. But, you know, I just, I think I owe it to your listeners who, you know, saying, is he glistening over this? But, you know, I was let go, you know. And I was a part of that. I was an amazing cast.

And it led such credence. Are you guys okay with me talking? Absolutely. It led such credence and respect to the LGBT community and made people aware of the issues that were at hand. And it was so, so, so important that people understood and opened their eyes. And they certainly, I, you know, God, just opened my eyes and made people,

what is the phrase, woke? It makes people aware. So I was so fortunate and I love cast, and I love that crew. And so regarding how I left the show, I just want to make it really, really clear for your listeners out there that I'm not this guy. I in no way, I ever, ever intended to make anyone feel uncomfortable. This cast was amazing. It was very much like this room. It was sort of raucous.

It's wonderful and irreverent and loving and personal. And, you know, we told personal stories. And I got to be, you know, I got to be Jeffrey and I got to play Mora. And it was vital for the community. I'm so part of it. Regarding how I left the show, I just want to say I never, ever, ever, ever intended to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Ever. It's just not who I am.

It's just, I mean, I have, my wife is here and I, I, you know, I have character defects and she has the list that we're going to distribute. But, um, uh, uh, but this, uh, we loved each other. We were irreverent. We were honest. We were vulnerable. We had stories that were very, very personal. We trusted one another. It was a set like no, we were raucous. It was a set like no other. And there had to be, of course, instances where my interaction with these lovely people

could have been mistaken way other, way other than how I intended. And I have profoundly apologized. And I apologize now if I made anyone, anyone feel vulnerable. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry it ended the way it did. But I just want to say, you know, I have to say it. I'm so proud of playing Maura and part of the LGBT community and getting that important message out. And it's a highlight of my life. And I just can't let the day go. Sure. And I can't leave this studio without saying something.

And I love you guys. And I just want to thank you for listening. Of course. Well, thanks for speaking from the heart. I would never leave, you know, I mean, I just know here we are joking, laughing, and I'm sure listeners are going, well, isn't he going to, you know. And that's the first time I've spoken about it. So here we are.

Well, we appreciate it. Thank you. And I'm sure the people that you worked with appreciate it as well. Yeah. It's interesting because you said that some actors I'm a nice guy. I know that. You say some actors give

No, no, but I am kind. Oh, I've always gotten that impression. You know what my son said to me? What's that? I don't think I want to tell you. No, you know what my son said to me the other day? He was doing his homework and he turned to me and he said can i say something i said yeah he said you're nicer isn't that nice that cost about

you know that made it all worthwhile are you crying no oh anyway did i kill did i just kill the room not at all no no that was terrific no no thank you not at all thanks for being so honest and so forth i can't be any other way you know we talked on the phone too and you you know you had is that the one where you had to catch the bus no you were you were saying we were talking about well that's why i bolted the first time because i was uncomfortable because i i don't know i i i you know i just uh i don't know i don't know this show we we intended this show to be a tribute to the people yeah what the fuck is a tribute and come from that and when is it going to be a tribute well

because all i do is the host just you know hurling insults at me i do want you to tell the story of calling your dad when you were on Kojak in New York. Well, does everybody remember Kojak? Sure. Remember? Absolutely. The people listen to this show certainly do. It was my first job, and I called home, and I said, Dad, I'm on Kojak.

And he said, what number? And I said, oh, two. I'm on two. And he went, oh good yeah we get two four four not so good four is a little and I it was just a different time but as I was telling Frank on on one of our several phone calls uh I I um also on uh my debut was kojak and we shot up at uh grant's tomb yeah yeah on on arguably the coldest day of the year century uh and um for some reason we were out in the cold for a hell of a long time joan hackett is is that her name? Joan Hackett, yeah. Great actress. Wow. Dodd Young. Where did that, that directly from my... She was great.

Ladies and gentlemen. She was great. Yeah. And I had, I think, what they call an under five, where there's five lives under where you're not paid a fortune. Anyway, it was so cold that when they said action, my mouth froze. My mouth completely froze. And my debut sounded like this.

Cut, print, moving on. And that is my debut. They showed it on the Colbert show when you were on a couple of years ago. And you never even looked up. You're looking at the dead body on the gurney. I'm not going to even listen to this show. Why would I do up? He's got a dead body on the gurney. I'm not going to even listen to this show. Why would I do such a thing? What are you writing down, Derek?

I'll tell you something comforting, Jeffrey. Gilbert's never gone back and listened to a single one of these. My brother. Here, give me five. You put it out there, it's done, right? Why? Is that how you feel, Gil? Why?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's done. All I do is go, oh, too thin, too fat. Do you know how much I weighed when I did Pollock? How much? 270 pounds. Jeez.

No, wow. Wow. Fuck you, Jim. Now, are you one of those people when you see yourself? Now it's three fingers. What's wrong with you? When you pointed me, it's every finger. Is this an affliction?

Go ahead. When you see yourself. When you see yourself, are you constantly going, why did I do it that way? Always. Always. I'm just not good. You know who else had that? My dear friend who passed, Jill Klayberg.

She couldn't watch herself. So we would both go out to the, well, I would just put my head down. I'm not a fan. You have a great line in the book about watching the dailies with Cucino for Injustice for All. Oh, my God. Yeah. You said, in real life, I'm insecure about being bald. But when I look up at that screen.

Yeah, it goes all the way back. Oh, my God. In the morning when you shave right you see the front part and you go yeah i can get through the day when you watch dailies you go i don't want to live so jack ward was right what don't watch the dailies don't watch the dailies you know gosh i'm having a good time would you do a podcast with me i i'm you have to say yes you're right Would you do a podcast with me? I'm sorry. You have to say yes. You're on.

I'm busy. Had you asked me before. Would you and Frank do a podcast with me live? Okay. Yeah. Sure. The pay is minimal. Absolutely.

What are you going to say? No? You're on the spot. That would be great, wouldn't it, Steve? Yeah. How long have you been teaching actors? A long time. 50.

50 years. Yeah. 50 years? I taught last night. you been teaching actors? A long time. 50 years. Yeah. 50 years? I taught last night. I'm teaching at the Richfield Playhouse. That's wonderful. In Richfield. What's some,

like in, in, in like a couple of seconds or a couple of lines. Yeah. The most important things about acting. Play. What? Play.

Something that you have in this room play don't forget play have fun be silly have fun be silly yeah make mistakes do you know the whole world now is remember when we all went to school well you didn't go to school. I was a joke. Wow. You have to do everything perfectly? Sure. Now the big thing is don't be afraid to fail. And they're hiring on that. I actually read an article where they said the CEO says,

if you're not afraid to fail 50 of the time you will be fired that's interesting yeah let me ask you something people write into this show and they do listeners of this show and they they wonder if gilbert is ever going to attempt to tackle a dramatic role do you think i don't see it you don't see it. You don't see it. I didn't even get the question out. Have you ever done a serious role? No, I don't think I've ever done a serious role. Does he want to do a serious role?

He might. What would you like to do? Does it have to be an existing role? What's a non-existing role? Well, a role written for him. Now, does the appendix move? I don't know. Something's happening here. If it's a bathroom joke, I will sue you.

I will have my people sue you. What? I will sue you. Jesus. Do you, as the acting expert, think Sherry has the chops? We're going over you. I'm trying to. We can't.

We can't. First of all, you're going to soil yourself now. I'm trying to move. I can't move. Have you heard of Irving Villachez? Who's Irving Villachez? Who's Hervé Villachez? You know him from Tattoo from Fantasy Island? You think that I know Tattoo from Fantasy Island?

You know that little actor? The French actor? Oh, great. Now I've offended the little French actor. You know the actor. Yeah. He does a great impression. All right.

You know what I am? I'm just a foil. You're going to cut everything out, and it's just going to be a list of your fucking impressions. This is Irby Villachez taking his shit. All right. Why don't they have more more Rokhvich on Fantasy Island?

Why do I bother, Dara? I feel like a lead pipe is coming out of my head. Is he like this at home? Yes. How many bathrooms do you have, by the way? You have three? Does he have his own?

I feel like a large boulder. It's coming out of my hands. Unbelievable. You're going to wake up screaming in the middle of the night. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor.

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Lobster Mom. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best western with over 4200 hotels worldwide i'm gonna pull some more stuff out of the book tell us why marty and earning and ernest was a turning point for you seeing that sarah theater i would stay after the morning show on a saturday i would uh and i and i remember saying because he wasn saying, because he wasn't Robert Redford good-looking, nor was I. Now, of course, is a different matter. Right.

But- Did you ever meet him and tell him that? I never got a chance to meet him, but he's a character actor. You know who the other one was? Charles Lawton. Oh, Charles Lawton. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. And I went, oh, and Ralph Richardson. And Tom Y yule you said that about in the book you saw him and you thought i watched that on on a loop seven year itch yeah yeah he was great he was great you want to tackle a couple of questions from listeners that they sent me about you sure rob smith what were jeffrey's about working with mel brooks on life stinks a movie gilbert auditioned for and didn't get i i auditioned i think you auditioned for my role no no i auditioned for that and i lost out to billy bardy who's that the midget the little actor the midget i believe they call them little persons the midget who was not in funky monkey because he was american any any recollections about working with mel yes um i remember him directing me. Well, this is a lesson for young actors in the room. Can I be didactic?

Please. between gigs. And I went to this guy, I was in the gym. And one of the things I teach is, you know, if you need help, ask for it. Help, help, help. I walked up to Arthur Penn and I said, let me play the role. And he went, oh, I didn't even think of it. Sure. Ask for help. It's very, very important. So what were we talking about? About Mel and Life Stinks. And I went to the commissary, which I never do. Oh, so I walked up to this guy at the gym and he was doing, what's the show?

Doogie Howser. Yeah, you were on that show. And I said to the guy, I said, what are you doing? He says, Doogie Howser. And I said, oh, fine. What's my role like? And he went, well, you wouldn't do it.

I was dead broke. I didn't have a cent to my name. And in fact, my business manager said, I don't know how you do it, but you're at zero. I mean, you're actually at zero. And I said, well, how's my role? And he said, you wouldn't come on. I said, yeah, I would.

And it was three scenes. Now, meanwhile, I had been, it's the same cast and crew. It's Steve Wojcicki. I'd been on Hill Street Blue as a recurring character. And there was kind of like a little feeling around the set, like what's he doing here?

People came up, everything okay? I said yeah. And then I went to my friend Larry Pressman, said let's go to the commissary. And he said no, I don't go to the commissary. And I said well you know, I've broken every rule so far, go to the commissary. So I went to the commissary. And he said, no, I don't go to the commissary. And I said, well, you know, I've broken every rule so far. Go to the commissary. So I went to the commissary.

I talked to this one guy. I said hello to this one guy that I hadn't been talking to in years. I waved, breaking all the rules. And at that point, he pointed way over in the corner. And it was, I didn't know. It was Mel Brooks. Wow. And he pointed to me like that.

And then at the end, I walked over to Mr. Brooks' table, and we said hello. And from 1 o'clock that day, I was being written into that script. So what I want to say to the young actors out there, ask. That's a great story. Really? Yeah. Oh. And so here's my first rehearsal with him.

He said, okay, so you come into the door, and you over to the desk and you go, wah, wah, wah. And then you turn on the lamp and you go, hoo-yah, hoo-yah, hoo-yah. And then you go over there and you sit down and you cross your legs and you go, nah, nah, nah. And then I said, no. And he goes, okay, do what you want. Hilarious. Yes. Here's another one.

Bob Olson, I love the movie Radio Land Murders. What does Jeffrey remember about that one? Did he enjoy, who did he enjoy working with? Great cast. Who was in that? Ned Beatty. Yeah. Brian Benben.

Brian Benben. Michael McKean. Jesus. Who's been on this show. Yeah. Yeah, among others. That's one you owe me, by thean, who's been on this show. Yeah. Yeah, among others. That's one you owe me, by the way. I'll send it to you.

Yeah, good luck. They're going to put it on my tombstone. Oh, by the way, this just came in. It's two videotapes. Any memories of that one? I remember that it went askew. Yeah. It started off, you know how I knew,

and forgive me if I offend somebody here, but the director or somebody said, we were at a Thanksgiving meal, we were in North Carolina, and he said, what's your, oh, I'm giving away who it is, what's your favorite film? And I said, Being There., oh, I'm giving away who it is. What's your favorite film?

And I said, Being There. It's one of my favorite films. It's one of the great films. Peter Sellers changed my life. And he went, that's amateur. And, you know, oh, that's a horrible film. And I went, we're going to go direct a video. Because the sensibility was wrong. But that happens.

Mr. Mom was like that. Mr. Mom, people were saying, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. And look at that. Yeah, you said you're a bad predictor. You thought Meet Joe Black would be a hit and you didn't think Mr. Mom would be a hit. I thought there would be a parade. Yeah.

And I would be lifted around in confetti. I even said to my agent, this is how arrogant I was. They said, now you have another audition. And I went, audition? I just did And Justice for All. No, was that it? And Justice for All, is that what you're talking about? What movie are you talking about?

I'm saying that you said in the book that with Meet Joe Black, you thought that was going to be a sensation. And it wasn't. And you didn't think Mr. Mom was going to click. Right. That's what happens. We all know that. That's what happens. Can I say something?

Sure. What are you going to say? No. Do you know that I have had it with people bad-mouthing films? We talked a little bit about it. You know, the relish with which people have attacked this film, Cats or Doolittle. Yeah. I went to see Doolittle because of the reviews. And I went, you know, we got to stop talking about that.

Any actor will tell you one minute of film is so hard to do. Of course. We have to stop being mean. Oh, now I sound like a Salvation Army. But we have to stop being mean in these comments. They're hurtful. Do you know my first review? I did Caliban in The Tempest and the guy in the Detroit News because I wore all these beads on my costume.

And it said, Jeffrey Tambor's Caliban is a beaded bag gone wrong. Gilbert, do you remember any of your bad reviews? Do you hang on to them? I remember I was in a movie, and the review was, Gilbert Gottfried is the worst thing to happen to show business since the snuff film. And let me ask you, how did that make you feel? That one, it hurt. But still made me laugh.

Yeah. I love that one. People don't understand that they do hurt. Yes. And then, by the way, those wonderful friends. Still made me laugh. Yeah. I love that one. People don't understand that they do hurt. Yes. And then, by the way, those wonderful friends. They read it to you. They read it to you.

Or this on opening night. Opening night after the review. The second night where you go after you've just been eviscerated by the Louisville Courier. And you hear, yeah. And people going, I'm so sorry oh geez you i think you are one of the best actors i anyway have a good show yeah i just gotta tell you i'm pissed i mean to say you're a beaded bag gone wrong. I mean, yeah, you've made some mistakes, but I mean, anyway, have a good show. See you out there.

Yeah. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. Are you okay? And then you go out on, and you think everyone is reading the review as you're speaking. Yes. And you say, hello, and you go, what the hell's wrong with that? And then you go, come in.

You go, well, that was good. And you drive yourself insane. Somebody said, I forget who it was, they said, if you don't read your bad reviews, some good friend will read them to you. Exactly. And by the way, to all out there, but people, it's easy to call someone and say, congratulations on the review. I think where you got to really get, you know, courage is when you, when someone gets knocked a little bit, you call. I mean, it's easy to call somebody and say, congratulations. Sure.

On that. Frank wants to ask a question. This is from. No, that's okay. We're done with it. I want more questions. I love questions. to ask a question this is from no that's okay we're done with it i want more questions i love questions comment here from somebody when did you lose your hair no i want to read this to you sean 18 sean geerman or gillerman sean says the first season of transparent made a very positive uh had a very positive impact and influence on the way i thought about the trans community largely because je because Jeffrey was considered an outsider who was willing to play such a controversial role with humor and sensitivity. Does he have any thoughts on what makes an actor authentic enough to play a particular part?

That's a tough question. Well. But it's a nice comment. It's a great comment. How do you bring authenticity? You bring yourself. And you stop worrying what other people think of you. And, you know, my kids have a telescope.

And they look in there and they look at the stars. And they go, wow. and they look at the stars and they go, wow. And you must never lose the wow of yourself. But most of us are leading our lives for other people, trying to please mom and dad. I teach young kids and old kids. And getting back to the fork in the road, which is yourself,

because we're trying to lead other people's lives. So what, you know, my dad cried when I told him I wanted to be an actor. Oh, that's interesting. Well, first of all, he cried when I lost my hair. No. No, he did. He did.

Oh. Wow. Yeah, I was 17, 18 years old. He cried. And then even when he saw me on Broadway, he just couldn't do it. He couldn't what? Accept that that was the life that you'd chosen? Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah. Even Broadway didn't. And being on network television didn't turn his head. No. Do you know, I once did a show, and I brought it home in San Francisco, and everybody gathered around in the living room, and I was so proud of the show.

And everyone was watching the show, and I remember my aunt saying, oh, look at those curtains. Now, where did they get those curtains? Oh, honey, we should get those curtains. And I went, you know, that was Peggy Lee singing Is That All There Is.

So try pleasing yourself. We have that whole chapter in the book called Fuck Em. I do? Yeah, which is along those lines. What's all about that? What's your wife's name? Genevieve. Genevieve, I really apologize for your last week. I mean, did you even see him?

Go ahead. It's a great read. Fuck them. It's important advice. What's happening is when I first came to New York, I just didn't care. I had bad reviews, and I was fearless. And then all of a sudden, the eyes get on you, and you start to tighten a little bit and God forbid, you know, you go like this, hello, cut a thousand, thousands of

dollars in your hand. You go, you know, I've been sober 18 years. But for you, well, it's not the truth. Uh, no, I've been sober 18 years. Uh, and, um, it was largely that, that, uh, that got me all messed up. I've never announced that. Wanting to please people.

All of it. Wanting to be. I mean, just, uh, all of it, the pressure, you know,

and I couldn't believe, you know, I used to, I was in repertory. I made $55 a week. And then, you know, all of a sudden,

uh, all this money and all all this you know for a uh for for a script and i i couldn't i couldn't accept it i just couldn't that's not to say you shouldn't send in your donations uh to uh care of gilbert go do you have you you must have this i'm sure i know the answer to this question but i'm going to ask it anyway because you talk in the am i being a good guest you are you're great am i to this question, but I'm going to ask it anyway. Am I being a good guest? You are. You're great.

Am I one of the best? Yes. We're going to talk about it afterwards. Am I? Yes, by far. Top ten? Easily. Better than Michael McKeon?

Oh, yeah. We love Michael. No, no. I know they're lowering the coffin. Can you just throw this in? It's a tape of Michael McKeon. You seem to still have that perspective. You've worked with George C. Scott.

You've done all these wonderful things, Max von Sydow, and yet you're still thinking about making that $55. So you're still in touch with those feelings. You're still in touch with what it means to be a struggling actor. That must help. Did I mention the house we're flipping in Armonk? Yeah, yeah. You know what?

I was happy. Even then? Not even then. To have the ability to walk on and do these roles. You know, I loved it. I only wanted to be an actor. That's all I wanted to do because that moment between action and cut, I always thought they can't get me here.

I'm safe. That's great. I'm safe. I'm in my element. I'm Jeffrey. My only problem is I've spent so much time being Larry, not Larry, Hank, and George, and Oscar, and all of that, that now that I'm home making a little meatloaf for the kids, I have to relearn to play Jeffrey.

Not play Jeffrey. That sounds awful. Be Jeffrey. Be Jeffrey. Or play Jeffrey. I want to also... You left again. This time... Yes. This time you really left. You're not in the United States.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, if you want to shut your eyes, it's fine. I'm in another galaxy. Okay. I want to plug two recent movies you did that are both great. What? Win-Win. The Paul Giamatti picture. Win-Win! Tom McCarthy picture. Tom McCarthy. Really good. Paul Giamatti.ul giannotti great cast bobby cannavale cannavale amy ryan who's coming here oh she's going to be on the show she does an imitation of me she does i mean i mean

would you tell her i send my love absolutely yeah and i want to plug the death of stalin too which is terrific another great ensemble i love the death of stalin and actually even as we speak a very important director is uh watching it right now watch it great it's it's terrific so plug the podcast again again you haven't even let me talk about talk about it who's on it where can people get it it's on itunes i assume it's everywhere get on mic sorry you see how it um it's on itunes anywhere you get podcast anywhere you get podcast anywhere they can get this show they can get yours and the story is that steve came up to me and said you would you like to do a podcast and i said oh sure what is a podcast right and uh and here we are and we just, who did we interview? Angelica Houston.

Wow. And Dick Cavett. Great. And we have Tony Hale tomorrow. Love Tony Hale. Has he been on? You should have Angelica's brother, Danny Houston. We had him.

You know, I've been reading her book, and I don't know about this Danny Houston. He is wonderful. Yeah? Better than I, let's say? No. Oh. So you're in Death of Stalin?

Yes. Because... You have an imitation of Stalin? Stalin taking a shit. I don't know where I've landed. I apologize, Jeffrey. I don't know. Oh!

I don't know if my career has moved forward, backward, to the side. You have our lawyer's number? What? Podcast. My wife said podcast. Jeff, you're very unprofessional. This is Stalin.

The name of the podcast. Stalin taking your shit. By the way, I rescind the offer to come on the show. Why did I eat that borscht? I didn't know he spoke English. Oh, we're having Richard Kind on. He's great. Yes, and he said, because I said I'm

nervous, he goes, they'll treat you. I'm doing a live show with Richard Kind. Where? At the Bedford Playhouse, March 14th. I gotta go to that. Would you go? I will. $45. We're doing a live show with Richard Kind Where? At the Bedford Playhouse March 14th I gotta go to that. Would you go? I will $45. You want to give it to me now? Because parking is very expensive

Yeah, I'm doing that And what else, Josh? Cat? You're getting great guests Jeffrey. Oh yeah. Yeah, wonderful Richard's been on this show four times. He loves you He loves you and I loves you. And I played that one. And we had Armando Iannucci on. He's a genius.

And who else do we have on? We've got Will Arnett coming up. Will Arnett's coming up on the 19th. Your bookings are better than ours. No, that's not true. Wow. Most of them don't do bowel movement impressions. Might as young.

I've never been on a show quite like this where uh no one said by the way i have to tell you something about gilbert that every other imitation has him going to the bathroom otherwise i would have i would have taken flight yet again i would have been uh out here hey thanks for letting me talk about all that with Transparent and letting me be so on. I love you guys. Can I come back again? Please.

I'm sorry. I would love that. I would love that if you closed and locked the door and said, That Jew is not coming back into this place place we want to thank a couple of people too we want to thank kathy schaefer and teressa and judy twersky and all and all the people how do you know kathy we know her well paul's been on this show he's a friend of of darren gilbert's oh yeah and i know him too and you are really going to come on our show? We'd love to. Do you know that actor Eugene Paulette? Oh, yeah.

He hated the Jews. He hated Jews and blacks. This is no way to close it out. No, it isn't. We were doing great. And this, this goes scissors. Get those scissors out, baby. Oh, you and I will make the edit together, Jeffrey. Yes. Are you going to send me this goes scissors. Get those scissors out, baby. Oh, you and I will make the edit together, Jeffrey.

Yes. Are you going to send me this? Absolutely. I'll send you the rough cut. The book is called Are You Anybody? A Memoir. It's wonderful. It's funny.

It's also an acting guide. Is there anything I should be saying? Well, I'm looking at my... Did I do okay? You did great. Really? You came here to learn. Oh, yeah. We want to learn how to do this. And what great. You came here to learn. Oh, yeah.

We want to learn how to do this. And what did you pick up? Not much. We're doing fine. Can I say something sincere? Thank you for the gift of Hank Kingsley. That's a great contribution to the culture. And I mean it.

Entertain me for years of my life. L'chaim. L'chaim. L'chaim. It's with a chach. People from Sidley go, L'chaim. Here, L'chaim.

Can I say something? You can't. You actually can't. In fact, you actually can't. You've ruined this show. And it's your own show. This show is ruined.

This will never be seen or heard. Gilbert, shall we say goodnight to this man? But first, I want to say, fuck you, Jeffrey. Fuck you, Gilbert. Yeah, okay. Right. Come back, Jeffrey, another time. I'll do what I want.

We can talk, Mitch. No, I would love to. Can I come back? Absolutely. Now, do I get paid for this? It's what Paul Williams calls a hard payment. Can you just do my parking? Do you know how much my parking is?

It's $41. What can they do to your car? We can pay you for the parking. It was $560. What can they do to your car? No. It was $560. You don't have that kind of money. Is there anything I should be saying? Thank you to our serious crew. We've been talking to Jeffrey Tambor. Yeah.

Don't do it. You got that look. You want to do another thing with a grunting. Name an actor. Go ahead. Okay, I will. Marlon Brando. Does everybody know that I'm putting on my coat?

What? Does he do this every time? Well. I can't squeeze. I mean, can I ask you something? I can't squeeze this one out. Yeah, it's just between you and I. Is he all right?

No. No. He's not. Oh, jeez. I just can't. And he's paid for this, is that correct? Yeah, yeah. Lots of money?

He's on the spectrum. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm trying. Yeah. I'm trying to push out a log. I'm out of here. Say goodnight, Gilly. Jeffrey, thanks for this.

Who are we playing? Yeah. That's good. Hey, Dara, my apologies, and I'm sorry for you. This is one of my favorite episodes, Jeffrey, and I mean it. Thank you. Thank you. This is one of my favorite episodes, Jeffrey, and I mean it. Thank you. Thank you. Outro Music Música