Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Jim Gaffigan Rerelease

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

Originally aired December 21, 2015 Gilbert and Frank return to the famed New York Friar's Club to chat with comedian and actor Jim Gaffigan, who weighs in on subjects ranging from the lost art of "ethnic comedy" to the healing powers of stand-up to the caste system of show business. Also, Jim "opens" for the Pope, treads the boards with Jackie Gleason's grandson, struggles to capture Manhattan on film and writes ads for Downy and Hardee's. PLUS: Myron Cohen! Nat Hiken! The hunchback makes out! The genius of Cloris Leachman! And the "biggest Goy in the world"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Log in or sign up to play along as BetMGM brings the real-time action. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM, your one-stop shop for all things baseball. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager.

Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. This ad was expressly recorded to create a sense of simplicity. Just a few simple sounds. No complexity. Like neutral. Made with just vodka, soda, and natural flavor. Neutral.

Refreshingly simple. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Yes, we are here doing a wraparound for something we've never done before, which is actually we are airing this week an older episode. Because it's August, and every other podcast takes a little time off and takes a little sabbatical, and for the first time in 325 weeks or something like that we're actually going to run an older show a classic episode of the amazing colossal podcast we're taking a week off gill i can't believe this i can't believe it either are they gonna

want us back when we do come back maybe not we're taking a chance i'm too scared we're taking a chance. I'm too scared. We're taking a risk. This is what we're going to do this week. As I said, since we launched the show in 2014, Gilbert and I have put out an original episode every single week. Scary. Yeah, it's 300 and something weeks. And we could use a little break, and we're going to take a little break and hope you guys enjoy this Best of Gilbert episode.

So we're going to run a 2015 episode with our pal Jim Gaffigan. Yes, he's very funny. Now, you may have some memory of this episode, Gil. It was recorded at the Friars. It was recorded at the Friars. They use a clip of it in my documentary, Gilbert. Correct. They have a clip.

We did it in the Ed Sullivan room at the Friars when the Friars was still operating and still functioning. And it's a very funny episode with Jim. We don't usually do episodes that focus much on stand-up comedy, on the life of a stand-up. This one does a little bit. Yeah. You guys talk about comedian psychoses. Yeah, the whole what goes through your mind on and off stage. Right, right.

You guys talked about clean material versus dirty material. Jim talks about his love of performing. You talk about your disdain for performing. He talks about meeting the Pope, and we talk about character actors and all kinds of other goodies. He talks about meeting the Pope. I once met Marty Allen. Yes, there you go. But your podcast partner's name is Holy Father.

That's as close as you're going to get. That's right. To meeting the Pope. Anyway, this is a fun episode from 2015 with the very funny Jim Gaffigan, and we hope you guys enjoy it. Oh, you will. Yeah, it's a very funny episode and a very informative episode,

and enjoy this best of Gilbert with the great Jim Gaffigan from 2015. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and this is all taking place at the legendary Friars Club in New York City, where if you look at the plaque when you first walk in, it says Jester Gilbert Godfrey. Ah, yes. Very good. Our guest this week is an actor, author, voiceover artist, and one of the most successful and

popular stand-up comedians in the world. He's appeared in hit TV shows like That 70s Show, Ed, Portlandia, and Bob's Burgers, and starred in two Grammy-nominated comedy specials. He's also authored two best-selling books, Dad is Fat and Food, A Love Story. His new series, The Jim Gaffigan Show, has received glowing reviews and has featured everyone from Chris Rock to Jon Stewart to former Amazing Colossal podcast guests Dave Attell and Steve Buscemi. podcast guests Dave Attell and Steve Buscemi and Jim's co-star Adam Goldberg and let's not forget Gilbert Gottfried. Please welcome fresh from his command performance for the Pope, a man far too important and busy to be caught dead appearing on this show, our pal, Jim Gaffigan. Oh, thank you. Thank you for having me.

This is an honor, Gilbert. Yes. This is cool that we're doing this at the Friars, too, right? Oh, yeah. Now, let's talk about your first special. Okay. Bitches be sucking my dick. Yes.

Now, I'm known as a clean comic, but the reality is that I have this new line of anal plugs. Oh, God. And what's unique about them is that they have my face on them. This is different than I thought it was going to be. He was much different. I didn't understand this. I wish they could see how many cards he has laid out. Now, you, I heard, don't like to be called a clean comedian.

I think comedians want to be known as funny, really, right? So anything else? I think good-looking comedians don't want to be known as good-looking. I hate it. I, yeah. So, but yeah, I mean, I just would rather be known as a comedian who happens to be clean because God loves him more. It's an advantage of being the chosen one. You know, Dara, Gilbert's lovely wife and the co-producer of this show was saying before you got here,

she said Jim and Gilbert are polar opposites. Jim works clean, Gilbert works dirty, Jim likes working with his said, Jim and Gilbert are polar opposites. Jim works clean. Gilbert works dirty. Jim likes working with his wife. Gilbert does it grudgingly. But don't you feel as though, I mean, you could get the most different comedians, but I think in the end, we're all weirdos. Oh, yes.

There's something very, even if somebody's like, if Carrot Top was here right now, he would feel like a brother, wouldn't he? Oh, yeah. Right? It is that thing of like the psychoses are all the same. And everyone looks at the spouses or the partners of comedians with a certain like, oh, wow, you're sucking that up, huh? You're trudging through. You thought it was going to be easier.

These strong women that think they're going to fix us you know what i use a fixer-upper it's like trading a tiger they're not puppies right and now you actually love doing stand-up. I do love it. Yeah, I love it. I mean, I feel it's, don't you feel great after a set? Or are you somebody who never feels good after a set? Well, my fantasy, right before I'm about to go on stage, is that the manager is going to come backstage and go there was like a fire or a flood

here's your check go home yeah that's it i mean i just feel as though uh stand-up can cure me of uh life's uh afflictions like so if i'm tired doing stand-up can make me, it gives me a boost of energy, and then I can't sleep. But if I'm sad, it can change my mood. If I'm overly confident, it kind of balances me out as to where I should be. So I feel like stand-up, I always think it's strange when people are like, can you believe Seinfeld's doing stand-up? I'm like, he doesn't have a choice, everyone yeah it's like once you're a comedian you have that

heroin in your system right well it's it's like when the biggest news story in the world was did did you see eddie murphy was doing stand-up yeah and i thought It's not that weird. It's not like a quarterback playing in the 50s and then, you know what, he's going to be playing for the Giants this weekend. It's not that rare. Here we are at the Friars. There are 90-year-old comedians that go

up that can barely move, and then when they get on stage, they kind of light up. Gilbert's one of them. Yes. You're not jaded about it. I found it interesting to read that you're still grateful. You're still surprised that you're in show business, coming from where you come from. Well, I am grateful.

I think that, I mean, you know, Atel and I always, because, you know, Atel's complaining all the time. I mean, we're all complaining. Because it tells complaining all the time. I mean, we're all complaining. Yeah. But I do think that I don't take for granted that there are a lot of people that have horrible jobs that don't get to do what they like. And it's like not only do we get to do what we like, we also make a living. And so there is something about stand-up, I think, is the one meritocracy in the entertainment industry.

I mean, it's horrible because it's in the entertainment industry, but it's like you either can make people laugh or not. And it's not as if – it evens out every now and then, but it's essentially people are talented. Dane Cook's talented. Carrot Top, all these people. People might have – they might be jealous a little bit, but it's not as if comedians that you don't necessarily like their style of comedy. They're either good or bad, and they get the job done. If they don't get the job done, we kill them. And, you know, it's funny because I always complain about where I am in the business, why am I heated.

And the thought I always get in my mind is I envision my father sitting across from me is I envision my father sitting across from me and saying to my father, who ran a hardware store in Coney Island, saying, oh, God, it's awful. They put me in this hotel room. Yeah, they're paying for it. But I got up for like about 45 minutes to an hour, tell jokes, and then get off stage.

It's like I got there and there wasn't free water or free drinks. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that being said, I think I was very frustrated and bitter at the beginning. Like when I started stand-up, I think I was somebody that did stand-up for six weeks and was like all right well when am i gonna be on letterman oh yes i think i was very um uh for us i'm not i i don't think i'm really great at navigating the entertainment industry like i don't feel like i uh like here

we are at the friars which is is this legendary place where comedians hang out. It's like, I love comedians, but a group of comedians? I don't know if I'd want to be in a room with like... Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's like the worst ad for the Friars. But it's... That's okay. It's like one of those things where...

And I have friends, and I saw a poster. They're doing a show, and I'm like... I have a certain amount of anxiety when I see more more than three comedians and i love comedians and but there's i mean one-on-one or or like maybe two or three that's fine but like if there's like five or six that's that's stressful for me so there's some of uh you when I started – I guess the point I was getting to is like when I was starting, that whole being deferential to the comedy club manager and kind of schmoozing people so that I could maybe open for them, I was horrible at that. And I can kiss ass like nobody. I really am. I'm not saying I'm not – like I don't do that.

I don't beg. I will beg. I just don. I don't do that. I don't beg. I will beg. I just don't know how to do it. Greg Giraldo got me tons of spots because I would go with him, and we would go out to Long Island, and I wouldn't know how to talk to these guys. To them, I look like John Tesh. They're like, who is this guy?

And Giraldo would be, he's's funny you should let him do a spot and so uh yeah so like that part of that process and i sometimes like when i think about like where i am in the entertainment industry and like dealing with agents and going to parties in the end i really don't want to go to these parties oh yeah like red carpets and stuff like that it seems like it's really fun. And then you get there and you're like, this is horrible. Why are we pretending we're at a ball where they were just showing some animated movie an hour ago?

It's weird. Speaking of the late, great Greg Giraldo, is Adam's character a composite of Dave Attell and Greg and Todd Barry and some of our other friends? Yeah. You know what's great is he's all those guys. But we realize that now – because we're so lucky that we didn't cast a real comedian because a real comedian has a real career. A real comedian. Because a real comedian has a real career.

And so if we had cast Dave Attell, we would have to – Dave Attell is a human being who might be like, I don't know if I want to be this guy, but Adam's such a great actor. And so we're in the process of writing another season. And he can do anything. He can be any kind of monster. Because if you know Adam Goldberg, he's not a monster. I mean, he's crazy but he's not like like we can make him the most lecherous guy in the world but if it was david tell we wouldn't be able to do that but yeah he's got he's got some marin he's got you know we pick and choose right he brings so much to the show yeah he's great yeah

and he's great you were saying about red carpet and i heard this recently and i never thought of it before and that's like they say the photographers on a red carpet all you really need is one photographer there to take a bunch of shots and mail them around. Yeah, well, I think what's fascinating about a red carpet, at least for me, is that that's where you see where you are in the entertainment industry. Like Jennifer Lawrence, very talented, very beautiful, they're excited.

Even when you would get out and you would get out of your car at Letterman, the photographer would kind of raise the camera like, oh, yes, I guess I'm here. Like in case his plane goes down, you know, I want to. But other than that, it's really weird. I always feel like, well, I don't know how many times this has happened to me where there's a group of paparazzi in the street or at the airport and they'll take

pictures of me and i'll go all right who are you really here for and it'll be like jennifer aniston they heard is going to be oh yeah there yeah definitely it's always but that's kind of along the lines of the the character actor kind of thing. Yes. The entertainment industry, as liberal as everyone is, it's like downright feudalism, right? There's kings and queens and jesters, and we're like these strange jesters that entertain us.

You see it at corporate events. Entertain us. Yes. And then be gone. us you see it at corporate events entertain us yes and then be gone and i feel like when people take pictures of me at these red carpet things it's just like it's almost like an insurance thing yeah like let's say i shoot somebody yeah later on the, they have a photo of me. Absolutely. It's like, we're here. It doesn't matter. Something could happen that gets them in the news.

And you see how it's contagious. One person takes a picture. You see that when you're in a restaurant and someone's like, hey, can I get a picture? You're like, all right. And then people are like, well, maybe I should get a picture with that guy. I don't know who he is. Maybe that's.

I've had it happen where someone is excited to see me and wants a picture. And then someone else goes over and goes, why did they want your picture? Who are you? And then they want a picture. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I used to. I used to have.

After every show show i would meet i would sign autographs and and meet everyone and um and it was great it was great but like there was so much like a 15 year old shaking your hand i don't know how old that kid is but you know like there's certain there's certain experiences so you. So they're not impressed. Or they're impressed when you're 12 and you have sweaty hands. Or they're just learning sarcasm. So they attempt to be sarcastic, but they're just highly insulting. Oh, you're fat.

And you're like, hi, how are you? But there's also the guy that doesn't want to be there but is there because of his wife or girlfriend. I don't want to come. She wanted to come. And why would you even tell me that? And then there's a thing of what I call good fan, bad fan, like where two people are there and one will say, you're great.

Oh, my God. say, you're great. Oh, my God. Everything you do is great. And then their friend is there giving you a dirty look. Yeah, it's strange. And I think it's more of a, I don't know. I mean, I don't really know these people. But I don't know if you and I are sitting at a diner, people are like, well, it's Gilbert and Jim.

We can bother them. But I think with Brad Pitt, they're like, oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. We don't want to interrupt Brad Pitt. He's beautiful. You still think no matter how successful the comic is, he's still from a lower class, a lower rung on the showbiz ladder. I think it's – I mean I think it's – yeah. I think there's also – stand-up, there is no fourth wall.

Stand-up, there is no fourth wall. It's a conversation, whereas when we watch someone even in a play, or Jennifer Aniston, she's untouchable. It's this thing. She was on that magic screen, whether it's big or small. But like a comedian, they were talking to me. So I don't know. I'm a great guy. I'm a great guy.

They were talking to me. So, I don't know. I'm a great guy. And also with comedy, it's like when comedians want respectability, they take a dramatic role. Yeah, it's very – I think it's interesting because there's – comedians want that. We're relatively serious people, right? I mean we're cynical people. Yeah. But I always think it's, you see this all the time with like television actors will get successful.

I think it's, they want credibility, but there's also like the character-y guy that gets success and success makes that guy think that he's suddenly good looking oh yeah you see that where people are like they're like posing and you're like dude you you're the dork that's why there's nothing wrong with being the dork but you're the dork that's why and they're like no i'm actually but it is confusing when you get attention i don't know if this has ever encountered it's like i never got any attention from uh women until like my early 30s and initially i was like oh they're just being nice to me because i was on you know stage they're being nice because i'm funny and then around 35 i'm like no these women like me. They think I'm hot. You know what I mean? It's like I know that sounds delusional because it is delusional.

But do you understand the miscommunication of affection? Like you're like, well, if she thinks I'm funny, you know, I should probably be, you know, we should be naked right now. I mean, I'm married and I have like a thousand kids. But I remember just thinking, because that's parallel to the character-y guy that gets successful and it's like, now I'm good looking. Like, even the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Like, there was probably like, I don't know if that's based on a true story, but there was a moment where it's like, you know what? People are into this hump. Oh, yeah. Right? Like, this hump's pretty good. you know what? People are into this hump. Oh, yeah.

Right? Like, this hump's pretty good. You know what I mean? It's like, I mean, humps on other guys, but, you know, the combination of the hump with my hair, it works for me. You know what I mean? Chicks kick it.

You enjoy every part of stand-up, Jimmy. You don't like the road anymore, do you? Because you've got five kids and you miss them. Yeah, but, you know, it's also a great break. Yeah. You still romanticize that, too? I think the first night out of town is amazing. It's like I'm sleeping in a nice bed and I know I'll be able to sleep in. There's not going to be a foot in my face or something like that.

But the second day, I'm like, oh, what am I doing? You know, it's like, I start hearing cats in the cradle, and I'm like, I should go back there, right? Just to pick them up from school. Like, I don't know, do you go to school in the morning?

Not that much. No, I don't. You don't apologize for that. Dara does that. Who does? Dara does that. Yeah, he doesn't. You don't. Don't apologize for that. Dara does that. Who does? Dara does that. Yes. Yeah, he doesn't do that. And you know, because we're nocturnal people, and we're horrible people.

Yeah. No, but like the morning thing, it's off the table. Here's the thing that's great about having five kids. I probably had to participate more when there were like three or four, but now there's five. I'm just like, you know, let's throw them amongst each other. Let's hire some people. We've got to get some help here. But the morning I don't do.

But when you're out of town, you also have to be up at four in the morning to do, you know, Captain Jim and Wacky Joe and their morning zoo. Yeah. No, it's, there's something really especially awkward about some of those morning shows that is – I mean, it's very humorous how you walk into a situation, and sometimes they just – they'll turn on you. Like, they'll be nice, but, like, one guy will turn on you. And it won't be super hostile, but they'll just be – it's just, like, subtle. They'll be like, oh, this guy. turn on you. And it won't be super hostile, but it's just subtle.

They'll be like, oh, this guy. And you're like, oh my gosh, they're turning on me? You know? But it's a strange dynamic. You're a guest on their show, but it can be awkward. And I always feel like what makes me awkward

usually, I'm okay with the radio yeah but the early morning tv show that's very that's very hard right because that's because they're all you know because i think they have the role of newscaster and they're all dressed like hillary clinton yes they're attractive people it's a they're they're they're with a teleprompter and some of them have not great interview skills and they act like they know your comedy but they have no idea right and and i also feel like you could travel to mars to and do an early morning TV interview, and you wouldn't know the difference between any part of the world. But there's some exceptional ones, right? Some are good, yeah. Like WGN Morning Show, that's fun.

Yeah. Some of it, I think they're kind of, you know, or maybe I'm just comfortable there, but you can do anything. But other ones, they're very serious. Your old sitcom was set in that world, Welcome to New York. The one you did with Worldwide Pants. So it was, yeah, we did, you know, it's weird because that was 15 years ago. You and Christine Baranski, I remember the show well. 15 years ago.

It's crazy. Before that guy was born oh so here let me tell you let me tell you this this is crazy i mean this is nothing but um so i was doing this show this this event and the woman who was in charge of everything backstage was, she goes, I went to the same college as you. And I go, oh, wow, that's weird. I go, what year did you graduate? No, she said, what year did you graduate? And I go, 88.

And she goes, oh, that's the year I was born. Oh. God. And I just remember going, oh, oh. She was in charge of the whole thing. I mean, I knew she was in charge of the whole thing, but I didn't know that I was ancient. I didn't know that I was a grandparent. Yeah, that's something that always comes as a shock to you.

It's like, oh, I didn't know I was 100. We should point out who Jim is referring to as our sound engineer's brother. And how old are you? He's 14. There you go. You were right. He just got out of jail. Yeah.

We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM, your one-stop shop for all things baseball. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Conax Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+.

In season three, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27,

only on Disney+. Let's talk a little bit about your background, Jim, because now Gilbert said his father ran a hardware store. You're from a family of bankers and conservative Midwest. And I loved your line about how the closest thing to show business where you came from was the marching band. Yes, definitely.

And when I say conservative, I don't mean like Rick Santorum. You mean like buttoned down. It was like, yes. It was after tons of generations in the United States. My dad went to college and he got the white collar job. It was a huge thing.

There was no country club there, but there would have been country club people. where there was no country club there, but they would have been country club people. And so pursuing something like the entertainment industry was, it was strange. It was just why, you know, I was raised to like get a job that I didn't like and work till I was 60, play golf for five years and die. And that would be a good life.

And at these events you attend, what did they say about the Jews? The Jews? Going right for it, huh, Gil? Yeah. See, but that's... I mean, I don't look as Aryan as I do normally.

Your hair's darker. I knew I was meeting a Jew. I was like, I'll dye my hair. Maybe I'll mix in. But it is weird. It is weird. It is. I mean, I think it's weird that there are

country clubs that are Jewish country clubs. Don't you think that's a little insane? Oh, yes. I mean, but did you grow up? You grew up in a jewish community right uh no not like you knew there was an italian guy who had a pizzeria no but it was diverse uh yeah i remember well i grew up in uh the crown heights section that was mainly like black and where you where you guys would beat up the black people. Yeah. The Jews were beating up the black people.

Yeah, like way blocks up or the Hasidim. But no, I wasn't in that one. Are you from Coney Island proper or Crown Heights? I was born in Coney Island. Okay. Okay. So like Alvy Singer. Oh, yes. But not under the roller coaster.

Wow. You said something interesting. So back to Jim's anti-Semitism. Yeah. He doesn't stay with one thread very long. What's that? No. Tell us about what they said about the Jews.

You know what? Here's the great irony. Yes. Or the thing that I think is interesting is, look, I'm very white bread. I'm from Indiana, which is like, oh, my gosh, they don't even have, you know, they didn't have, like, the exotic restaurant where I grew up was an Italian restaurant. Like, that was, it was like, should we go for international cuisine like Italian? Yes. It was that.

But where I grew up is northwest indiana which is on lake michigan which is rust belt so there was a jewish community there was there was there's a huge mexican-american population and so but because i'm so white bread and because i'm from indiana people are like this guy's never met a jew before. They're like, I can't walk in. When I started stand-up, that was like an ongoing thing with Attell. He would be like, at the Klan meeting, do you guys do Pledge Allegiance? But I think that even kind of like how we're joking around about that, I almost miss that aspect of New York comedy where there were different kind of genres of comedians. Like there was an Italian Brooklyn comedian who was a good-looking Italian guy whose mother told him he should be a model.

And he was kind of funny and dumb and and there was like a specific type and there was just like different types of comedians and i was kind of the reason i had jokes about indiana is like everyone had to have an ethnicity when i started stand-up and so my ethnicity was white bread and uh but it's i kind of love that era because it was also – we were all kind of this different – but we were all weirdo comedians. But it was – it's weird. It's obviously progress is better than this. But it's strange that some of that family kind of culture stuff, it was like, so what did you do? Did your parents have sex through a sheet?

It was just these broad cliches that were kind of fun, but it was something that has kind of disappeared, I think, from comedy. Comedy used to be more blue collar, I think, more working class. And now it's much more Little Ivy League. Well, you don't see Jewish, classic Jewish comedians or Italian comedians anymore the way you had Pat Cooper and the way you had Freddie Roman or

Myron Cohen. Yeah. I always thought like Robert Klein and David Steinberg came at the same time and they were like the... Collegiate comedy. Yeah, yeah broke that mold yeah yeah i mean i think it also it got i mean this is where i'm kind of a nerd about this there used to be

more specific types so in other words robert klein was very observational like similar to seinfeld was very observational and you were eccentric and kind of offbeat. And now it's getting blurrier and blurrier, meaning country and R&B kind of combining. Where it used to be, like if you look at Chris Rock, he's very much a monologist. But he's an observational guy. But with a dose of social commentary. But now everyone is kind of a little bit everywhere. Like there's less of the classic clown comedian, like Mark Cohen, a clown.

He was a clown. Mark Cohen, funny guy. And the preacher comedians. There would be people that would be like Sam Kinison or Bill Hicks, or even Merritt. Merritt's kind of this railing against and i think it's kind of blurring where um you have to be a combination of a bunch if you were gimmick comedians too like where you had professor erwin corey or where there was a character you know there was a guy that was the coach bill kirkenbauer yeah and then there was the guy who was the german guy, Franz, whatever he played.

I mean, talk about a stereotype that doesn't even necessarily exist, really. I mean, you know, like the Germans having no sense of humor. It might sound weird saying that now, but like 20 years ago, it was like, yeah, they have no sense of humor. Also, it's funny. It's just like just recently I did a club in Peoria. Yeah. And that was always a joke name. Right.

Hey, I think my agent got me booked in Peoria. Yeah. But you go to any of these places and you realize they all have the internet. Yeah. They all have cable. They all have the internet yeah they all have cable they all have everything yeah and it's there's a whole generation like when i was starting off in stand-up it was i mean i had watched comedians on the tonight show there were some really resourceful comedians so it'd be like you go to the you go to the Lincoln Center and they have tapes.

And I'm like, I'm not doing that. But now these guys, I mean, I remember witnessing when, you know, now nobody watches cable. Like, I'm sure these guys don't watch cable. Everything's on. If they have a TV. It used to be that cable, Comedy Central was on in every dorm room. And so there was just like a generation that was educated on different types of comedians. Because it used to be, I think, that how an audience would behave.

Now they've watched people sit in an audience and not heckle. But before, people would come in and they would be like, from their experience, you're supposed to participate. My wife's from Milwaukee, and her best friend growing up was, I remember the first time I went back there, she's like, oh, it's great to go to this comedy club because we love to heckle. And I was like, you know, you're not supposed to. And she's like, well, a lot of comedians like it. So, I mean, we all know that there are those people that are like, I was helping you out there. But it used to be much more pervasive, right? And I just, this brings another thing to mind.

I always feel like audience-wise, movies and TV always gets strip clubs wrong. Because in a strip club, in a movie or TV show, all the guys are, oh, yeah, baby, woo-hoo. Yeah, take it. And no, guys do not behave that way in strip clubs. I've never been to one, but yeah. Trust me. I've heard. I've been to.

I've been on both of us. I've protested outside of some. Hilarious. That's hilarious. And you were talking about your show, and you were saying how, like, you wanted to get things right, like you would look at the subway. Oh, yeah. Oh, you wanted to get New York right, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think it's – I mean, you talk about strip clubs, and there's just – I mean, being a new yorker and seeing you know i i did a movie where i played a cab driver and it was like 10 years ago and they're like all right you're the cab driver i'm like has anyone been in a new york city cab it's like they don't look like me i mean

you know you can find any type of person driving a cab but so so like, as a New Yorker, when you watch a TV show, even Friends, you're like, wait a minute, alright, so that's the living room of their apartment. It's just... Gilbert and I have talked about how every time you watch Seinfeld and they're walking through the streets, there's nothing but steam coming out of manhole covers.

It's like hiding how phony it is. It looks like they're walking through hell. So you really wanted to get the New York, authentic New York. Smith and Walensky's and Katz's. But I think that's also, and I learned this while I was doing it, because I would have all these, Jeannie and I would have all these meetings, and we'd be like, no, we want it to be authentic,

and people would nod along, because I think that's what everyone says. But even when when adam and i are walking to cats's there was a director was like you know what it'll be more interesting if you walk the other way and i'm like but people that live on the lower east side or the east village are going to know that's wrong and that would take them out of it. It's funny. It's like Hollywood was the last place to realize that cab drivers no longer have like the little newsboy cab and are going, hey, those Yankees, huh? Yeah, they have a cigar. You know, it's like Hollywood's version of New York is very similar to like a 777, you know, like the Carmel cab commercials. Oh, yes.

That's a weird. Or like, you know, like a local car dealership. You're like, wow, someone should have told the guy not to do it. Warby Parker is making big changes to the eyewear industry with glasses that now here's something important about Warby Parker they've already told me as soon as I get my prescription to them they're gonna give me a free pair of glasses so even if if I had 20-20 vision, the idea of getting a free pair of glasses, I would wear glasses.

That's great. It's another pair of glasses for us to search for at the beginning of every podcast episode. When I get to Gilbert and Dara's and he says, where are my glasses? And that takes 30 minutes. And then I have to find one pair of glasses to put on to help me find the other exactly and now you got to put them back on to read the rest of that copy

so once again warby parker is making big changes to the eyewear industry with glasses that are made with the same high quality materials sold in boutique shops available at revolutionary prices styled after classic vintage frames you don't have to put up with a few manufacturers that keep prices artificially high. Like where they'll charge $300, $400, $500 and up.

Now you have an option. Because buying eyeglasses, it's like your life savings goes into that. Yeah, for sure. Warby Parker makes high-quality, stylish prescription glasses and sunglasses. Glasses start at just $95, including prescription lenses. And progressive lenses are now available starting at $295. They use a digital free-form lens, which is the most advanced progressive technology.

Old glasses include anti-reflective and anti-glare coating, a hard case, and a cleaning cloth. Get the free home try-on and get three-day free shipping on your final frame purchase. That's warbyparker.com slash Gilbert. You know what's funny? When we talk about eyeglasses, and I'm thinking about eyeglasses and pop culture, and I'm thinking about one of your favorite actors, Burgess Meredith. Yes. In the Twilight Zone episode that I think is called Time Enough at Last.

Yes. He's like a milquetoast bookworm who works in a bank. That's right. And there's a nuclear holocaust. Yes. And everybody perishes and he finally has time to read. And then he manages, he finds this library and he

piles up books from every great author. And then you want to tell him. Yeah. Then he finds his eyeglasses and they're shattered. And he can't. And he can't. Yeah. It's one of those great Twilight Zone ironies.

Although what I always hated about that episode was he wasn't a bad guy. No. And why was he being punished? Exactly. he wasn't a bad guy no and why was he being punished exactly if you're wondering if you could try warby parker's glasses for free the answer is yes so go to warby parker's free home try on program go to warbyparker.com slash gilbert choose five pairs and warby will send them to you so you can try them out uh it includes a special frame box prepaid shipping label for easy return and just enter your prescription details if needed and and Warby Parker takes care of the rest. For every pair of glasses you purchase, Warby Parker sends a pair to someone in need.

That's me. That's someone like you. You always manage to be in need. They partner with nonprofits like Vision Spring. They have a great store on the Upper East Side of Manhattan here, by the way, on 83rd Street and Lex that people should check out. But Warby Parker makes buying glasses fun, fast, easy, and pain-free, Gilbert. Yes!

Free is the key word. Yes, I know. And pain-free and free. Plus, with a low price and wide selection of styles, you can own several pairs to match however you're feeling, just like a hat or shoes which you also like yeah because yeah if there's any hat or shoe companies send me hats and shoes warbyparker.com

slash gilbert sometimes i'll see in a show that's supposed to take place in new york and they'll they'll say something like hey you know meet me on the corner of Central Park and the Empire State Building. Like, they'll know two kind of locations. Well, you know, it's also, on this show, we go to Katz's a lot. There's a lot of pastrami on this show. Yeah, and you can't, I mean, I could, but you can't go to Katz's that much.

I mean, you'd be different. Yeah. But some of it is also – this is totally – it's like capturing that New York place because sometimes even Sex and the City, there are shows that shoot in New York and you never – like they go into some room and they're like, here, we're shooting at the fanciest restaurant here, but you can't tell it's a fancy restaurant. Sex and the City would do that. You'd be like, oh, they're like, here we are at this fancy restaurant that you can't tell it's in New York City. So we wanted to – and Cats is a big enough space where you can see what's going on, and it can capture some of New York. It almost feels like New York eateries are part of the cast of the show. There's Veselka, and there's, as I said, Smith & Walensky's.

It's like a little bit of a travelogue. Yeah, but I wish that – because I don't go out to dinner that often. Do you go out to dinner that often? No. I mean, there are people that, you know, I get emails. They're like, where should I go? And I'm like, I have five kids. I don't know.

I mean, I sneak away to Katz's, but I also like the closest, most convenient. I love the idea of a culinary adventure, but I'm like, I'm not going to go to Greenpoint for a burger. But I'm like, I'm not going to go to like Greenpoint for a burger. The other thing that gets me is in movies when a character gives directions and they go, okay, you take the A train and then you switch over to the IRT to get there. And I go, no, those trains wouldn't take you there. Yeah, no, it's I mean, there was i was working on something and uh i don't want to out the guy but we were in around penn station and he was like yeah we should shoot here capture some of time square and i'm like holy cow this guy doesn't know and you're like Penn Station's pretty different From Times Square

Speaking of New York Is this true or bullshit Jim That you saw the episodes of The Odd Couple When you were living in Indiana And you thought Well New York looks sophisticated Yes Well sophisticated but also

Gritty or something Or energetic Like it was probably just exterior I haven't seen The Odd Couple Yeah it seemed like gritty or something or energetic. Like, it was probably just exterior shots. I haven't seen the odd couple in forever. Yeah, it seemed like they probably shot the opening in an hour. Right? Yeah. You could see the streets.

You could tell if you look close, Oscar's looking in the strip club window, which is long gone. We should take a moment to say Al Molinaro played Murray the Cop, just passed away this week since we're talking about The Odd Couple. And now that show's back on. What's the new one like? I think it might have come and gone already. Matthew Perry.

Matthew Perry. I watched about 15 minutes of it by accident. And I was going, what is this exactly? So Matthew Perry. He's the Oscar. He's the Oscar Matthew Perry... He's the Oscars. He's the Oscars. Because when I think of Oscars... Oh, yeah.

He's the first... I think of good-looking guys. Yeah. With all heads of hair that look like they should be in Nantucket. And that's another thing that's weird with comedy. It's like there used to be this, you know, Nat Hyken, who put on, you know, Car 54 and Phil Silvers with...

Bill Bilko. Bilko. Yeah. And he liked funny-looking people in comedy. And Friends is like they stepped off a magazine cover. Yeah, yeah. Well, I have a friend that points out that even SNL, And Friends is like they stepped off a magazine cover. Yeah, yeah. Well, I have a friend that points out that even SNL, people on SNL don't look like comedians.

Oh, yeah. That Weekend Update, those people look like newscasts. Oh, Colin Jost. Yeah. I mean, who's a nice guy and everything. I'm not criticizing. But I think it's, I mean, I had a joke a long time ago how, you know, when you'd see Halle Berry in a movie and she'd be like poverty stricken, the first thought is, why doesn't she become a model? I mean, she looks like Halle Berry. You know what I mean? Halle Berry.

You know what I mean? Or like when you watch like a British drama and you'll see like the female lead and you're like, well, she's obviously going to get killed, right? I mean she's – but there is something about the beauty. Like we love beautiful people. And hey, look, I love beautiful people too. But it's – I don't know. beautiful people too but it's i don't know it seems kind of um unnecessary like realistic like having like even when we're trying to get extras on the show i think the tendency is you know there's people from connecticut that come in to do the extra thing it's not the worst gig in the world but they don't look like new yorkers i mean, New York looks different than it did 20 years ago anyway.

That's for sure. But we love... America loves good-looking people. And I remember Halle Berry in Monster's Ball. Yes! And I'm thinking, she's the Poe Black girl working in a luncheonette.

Get some pictures together. She could model. Yeah. Or Michelle Pfeiffer playing a poor waitress. Oh, my God, yeah. You see, that's in theory. And I heard on stage they had Kathy Bates. Kathy Bates. Right, that's right.

Because there you could believe it, but then they have to get a good-looking person. Yeah, what is it, Marty? What was that? Oh, the Bournemouth? Yeah, Marty. See, like, if they would do that today, they'd have Brad Pitt. Yeah, what is it? Marty? What was that? Oh, the Bourne's Borg night? Yeah, Marty. See, like, if they would do that today, they'd have Brad Pitt. Oh, yes.

It's just like... He's like, I can't get a date. Yeah. I'm a fat, ugly man. Or, like, I remember, and I mean, you know, he's certainly a good actor and everything, but George Clooney in that movie, The Descendants or something like that.

Yeah, the one in Hawaii. Yeah, and I'm thinking, I can only feel so bad for him because I'm looking and I'm going, he's George Clooney. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. You know, no matter what his problems are, this guy could get laid in a second. I also think it's strange that newscasters are good looking. I mean, there's no reason that we need to hear about Al Qaeda from someone wearing lip gloss. Do you know what I mean?

It's like, why? There's a hurricane in Houston. Why are you wearing an evening gown? It's like, why? There's a hurricane in Houston. Why are you wearing an evening gown? It's weird. Well, I mean, I find they have hotter looking girls as anchor women than you could find on like the Playboy channel or stuff. I mean, totally hot looking. Especially on Fox News.

Oh, yeah. Where they're all blonde and blue-eyed goddesses. Well, they're doing that on ESPN too. Yeah. There's like really attractive women. I only see them as a daughter or a mother. Dara was saying

what a gentleman you were before you got here. I'm always a gentleman. She said he is such a class act. Also, Dara, my wife there, just said she was looking up information on you. Yeah. And she goes, she says very seriously and shocked. She goes, do you know Jim Gaffigan is from India?

India. Oh, poor Dara. Because it was Indiana. I thought there must have been a section of India where people are very light-skinned. Special Sikhs. Light-skinned Sikhs. I wish. Pale Sikhs.

Do we have the chronology of this right? But before you even thought about pursuing stand-up, you went into advertising. I did. Well, I studied finance in college because i did what i was supposed to and then i hated that and a friend from college helped me get a job in advertising and even going into advertising everyone my family was like oh that's crazy it's a create it's still a creative field right and um i did that and but i started stand-up while I was doing that. We found it interesting that you wrote commercials.

I was telling Gilbert you wrote commercials for Hardee's. But before we get off the advertising, this gets me to another thing about movies and TV. I would like to see a list of how many movie and television characters have worked in advertising as the job that they go to. Right. Yeah. Right. In lots. And then I think that's why we are so surprised how good Mad Men is. It's like they talk about advertising, but it's interesting how they use it.

That's right. Because we're used to like, you know, I work in advertising. Let's go out to dinner. Oh, yes. There's no practical use of it for the story. It's like it's usually if you have a nine to five job in movies and television, you're in advertising. Well, especially in the 60s and all the Jack Lemmon movies.

He was always in Ad Man. Good neighbor Sam. Right. He was always in Ad Man. Or Darren on Bewitched. Oh, yes. That was a cool job. Yeah.

Ad Man. That was a very cool job. Because when I started in it, there was a book by David Ogilvie. I don't know. Maybe it was called Mad Men. I don't know, maybe it was called Mad Men, I don't know. But it talked about, it was a very, you know, it was a creatively fulfilling, it was a business job. It was before they had, people went and got an MBA so you could go in and tell a company what to do.

It was really an interesting job that just essentially people going and getting their MBA made it. You worked for Ogilvy and Mather? I did. I worked for Gray, too. And Gray Advertising. Gray, I was like the token goy. My dad was in advertising, so I know these companies. J. Walter Thompson was around then.

When I worked at Gray, I first worked at Gray, and I was kind of the token goy. And at one point, they're like, I worked as an account guy on Downey, and they're like, all right, you know what? I was sitting in the thing, and they're like, all right, hey. And they were like, all right, go and get a schlep bag for the things. And I'm like, okay. So I call up, and I go, I need a schlep bag.

And then I went back, and I go, I don't know what a schlattback is. You're like the biggest guy in the world. And how did you – I'm fascinated by the commercials you wrote. But in the interest of time, how did you make the transition from writing these commercials to – was stand-up a dare? Do I have that right? Stand-up was a dare. But it was very much – I think it was something Iup a dare do i have that right stand-up was a dare but it was very much um

i think it was something i always wanted to do and i had a big fear of public speaking so i took this improv class but i also was very interested in improv and then um it was a dare but i was looking for someone to dare me to do it. It's like something I remember when I was – the night before I graduated college, I told a friend of mine. I was like, you know, I just want to be a comedian and an actor. And she was like, you should do that. And I'm like, but everyone wants to be a comedian and actor. And she's like, no, I don't.

And I'm like, all right, well, you don't, but everyone else does. Like I thought – I assume everyone would want to do this. And so I had always wanted to do it, but I didn't know anyone. And so, but I did like a stand-up seminar kind of thing because essentially someone held my hand. They didn't do that, but I performed in front of a friendly audience. But I was doing advertising at that point and uh because i kept my i kept my day job for a long time and um but i had no expectation like i you know i think i'd done

stand-up a year and i was like well uh i'm ready i'm ready for the piles of money but it was it was a long journey to letterman. And it was, yeah. And everyone in my kind of generation or group had gotten Letterman or Conan. And I would go on stage and the bookers would kind of be frightened to make eye contact because I was the one that they were not interested in. So they'd be like, hi.

So it was like, well, I get to do what I like. Because I was very angry. My friends were being wildly successful. And so I got to the point where I had to sit there and go, all right, well, at least I get, I'm going to be the weird uncle who lives in New York City, who does stand-up, which I had no credits, because if you did stand-up, people would be like, have you been on Letterman?

No. Have you been on Conan? No. And they're like, oh, that's interesting. You're a lunatic. And it's so funny when you start doing stand-up, all the people who will say to you stuff like, you know what you should do?

The Carson Show. Yeah. Have you thought of doing that? Yeah. You know what? I never thought of that. Does Jim know you started at the tender age of 15? Oh, yeah. Did you know that about him?

I think I remember reading about you when I was, you know, there's a thick book about comedians, so I read all about it. I know all about it. Now it's on the internet. It used to be you had to get a book. You had to go to the Samuel French bookstore because they wouldn't even have books on comedy

in regular bookstores. So, but yeah, I did some research. The stories. The stories behind the stories. You want to talk a little bit about your work as an actor? Sure. You've done a lot of stuff, and you did terrific work on a movie called The Great New Wonderful. I was watching it today, you and Tony Shalhoub.

Very funny together. And Gilbert hates auditioning, and I was curious about how you feel about it. Yeah. No, I remember it's really – for me, I don't have a great memory. So the auditioning process is painful, and I think it's more painful for comedians because we're not used to waiting. So we have to sit there and wait. We have to take material that is usually we don't get or we don't like.

And then we have to go in there and be kind of passive in this thing. And I'm sure you've walked into rooms after you've spent hours preparing. And they look at you and they're like, no. And you're like, if you could have looked at a headshot. Save me the trouble. Yeah. Yeah. And so, but I remember it's like I described it as stripping, except for you don't get a dollar.

Because it's this strange, and it's just like the dynamic of people are friends with the casting director. You have to act like you're friends with the casting director. You go in there. Sometimes you try and be funny. And then sometimes the people in the room are exhausted and tired. And it's weird doing the show, seeing it on the other side. My wife is just like, I can't believe I did this for years. You know what's weird is that the times that have been

on the other side of the auditioning process, you do see it in a totally different way. You have compassion. Yeah. Yeah. And you go, you know, and i'm like the worst person to talk about this and that's when you see people who come in and audition and you go oh well you know they say hi oh i'll be reading for the part of doug or whatever and you go i kind of like this

guy and then when they start acting, they're acting. And it's like all of a sudden they lose whatever was charming about them. Yeah, yeah. It's a really weird thing because it's never the dynamic that you're in. And I also feel like I always felt like people that were really good at auditioning were people that had the advantage of a photographic memory so in other words they were good at memorizing things which is different from the task of acting so during pilot season you'd sit there and and it would be somebody that

had a photographic memory would be better in the audition but not necessarily right for the role. And I also think that it's such a crapshoot. It's such a crapshoot. And your agent tells you, oh, these people are really keen on seeing you. Oh, yes. And you go in there and they're like, thank you so much for coming in. And then you walk in the room and they're like, who's this? You're like, remember you wanted to see me?

And they're like, okay. And you're like, what the? Well, tell Jim about Dick Tracy. Tell Jim about Dick Tracy. Oh. They had me come in and audition for the part of Mumbles. And they said, when we were writing this part, all we could think about is Gilbert Gottfried.

You're the only person. We don't even want to look. We're not having a, if you do this, if you don't do it, the part's not even in the movie. And so then I was assured I had that. And then they go, oh, they're not going with you. And I said, oh, okay, who are they going with? And they go, Dustin Hoffman.

And I'm thinking, so at what point were me and Dustin Hoffman going nose to nose on this? I think it's because being a character actor is it's very similar to you know, it's like Code for Ugly, right? Oh, yes. And so it's like, I also have auditioned for parts. They like me. And then I'll say, who got it? And they're like,

Cedric the Entertainer. And I'm like, so they switched. They went a completely different way. Cedric the Entertainer. No, like they'll just switch completely different way like like trick the entertainer yeah no like they'll just switch completely and you're like why did i even have to audition oh yeah obviously and then sometimes you audition for things just because the offer they have out is not set so you're like you're auditioning for something but they're like you know if we can get liam schreiber we're gonna give it to him but we're like, you know what? If we can get Liev Schreiber, we're going to give it to him.

But we've got to see if he's taking a vacation. Oh, yeah. So it's brutal. It's humiliating. One time years ago, my agent sent me up for this part, and she goes, now play it straight when you go in there. And I went there, and they were staring at me when I came in. And they said, you know this part is for an 80-year-old judge, don't you? Play it real straight.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it's just insane. It's insane. They just it's just insane. It's insane. They just want to see you. Like, I still at this point find it hard to say no to auditions. Like, I'll be like, I don't know if I'm right for this. And they're like, well, why don't you just go in and waste a day?

Why don't you just waste two days of your life? And you're like, well, I don't want to. It's like this is for somebody that I'm not this type. And they're like, just go in. Just waste your time. Oh, yes. And then you go in and then they're like, you know what? They don't know if you're the right type.

I knew I wasn't the right type, but I can't say no. One time my agent sent me for like a jeans commercial. Oh, I think of you for that. Yeah. You and Brooke Shields. And I said to my agent, I said, well, all the guys and girls in jeans commercials are

like models. They're beautiful models. And he goes, no, no, they're really trying to go for more character, funny, blah, blah. And I showed up, and getting back to the hunchback of Notre Dame, I felt like Quasimodo in that room.

The guys and girls are, like, gorgeous. Yeah. And it's like me. It's like I felt like a circus freak. I want to live in a world where it's Gilbert Gottfried for Jordan S. Yes. Wow. Gilbert Godfrey for Jordan S. Yes. Wow. We will return to Gilbert Godfrey's amazing colossal podcast.

But first, a word from our sponsor. Introducing TD Insurance for Business with customized coverage options for your business. Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is unique. So your business insurance should be too. Whether you're a shop owner, a pet groomer, a contractor, or a consultant, you can get customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. What if we told you you're already off to a great start

with so many ways to squeeze the most out of summer right here? From our largest shrimp skewers ever to a Vietnamese-inspired dish ready in minutes, PC makes any culinary adventure an on-budget breeze. You've got to go to another podcast, Jim, and we're probably right we should frank and i are always interested yeah in character actors old character actors you've worked with oh well you work with the great brian cox on stage i saw you in that championship season he was i mean that's and it's interesting his story he was this guy who's from sc from Scotland, which Gilbert knew, I didn't know. Who did, I mean, he would tell stories like,

yeah, I traveled around doing lights for three years just watching these people act. And that's, I mean, it's really humble, some of the experience they do in the UK. Like, they don't do any acting for like 10 years before I got to carry one spear on stage. And I'm like, I wouldn't do any acting for like 10 years before i got to carry one spear on stage and i'm like i wouldn't do that but i'm trying to think of like great character actors because i do love the great character actors but um mistaken for philip seymour hoffman but never

worked with him no no i did i improvised uh a movie for Bob Balaban that never – it was right before Philip Seymour Hoffman got huge. And I think my role on that championship season was offered to Phil Hoffman. There was a lot of – in Great and Wonderful, that role was offered to Philip Seymour Hoffman. And yeah, no. and yeah, no, I mean, I, you know, to this day, people are always kind of like, oh my gosh, you look, have you ever been told you look like Philip Seymour Hoffman? You look like a dead actor. Or this other fat white guy.

Have you ever been told you look like a fat white guy? That's what my Twitter feed is. Or like if there's a football player, people go, this is like a thin – like if Jim Gaffigan was thin and good-looking, this is what he'd look like. They send me photos all the time. Well, you know, this show, we dive deep. We talk about obscure old show business. Yeah.

So Eartha Kitt was – I was doing some research on – she was on Welcome to New York. Did you work with her? I did. Yeah. And she was pretty amazing. She was really did you work with her i did yeah and she was she was pretty amazing she was really really give the siren but you know i mean by the way it's like i mean i guess cloris leachman's but like cloris leachman is a genius oh you've both worked with her yeah oh i think she's like like wow like it was when we were on the Ellen show, she was so funny.

I think Ellen was threatened at times. Oh, yeah. How talented Cloris Leachman was. And Cloris is crazy. Oh, yeah. So, but, like, I would say savant funny. Like, it's just in her bones. Like, she could just walk across a room and get two laughs.

And she played straight roles early in her career. You see her on The Twilight Zone. She was almost Miss America. She was Miss Chicago. And she was in that role in The Last Picture Show. The Last Picture Show, right. Like a tragic part. Before she did big comedy.

Yeah. But I'm trying to think of other. I'm sure there's tons that I'm thinking of. You worked with Jason Patrick, who's Jackie Gleason's Yes Grandson do I have that right I know there's a relation but I don't know And his father

Is the writer of That championship season Who was the priest Oh that's right Miller Jason Miller And then I wish I could remember

any of this stuff. I'm trying to think of who else I've... I can't remember anything. Call us up and then we'll let you in. That's probably someone legendary. Like, oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot. I worked with Jesus.

We also asked the guests if there was anything that they grew up watching that was motivational, something that was really inspired. Gee, maybe I can do this with my life. Oh, you know, I've said this before. I think I saw Phyllis Diller on, I think, the Mike Douglas show, and I was like, this is amazing. Really? First comic you saw on television?

No, it probably wasn't the first, but it was Phyllis Diller and I can't remember the name. He's from Ohio. He's from Columbus, Ohio with Jonathan. Jonathan Winters? Jonathan Winters. But, you know, Letterman was a huge thing, being from Indiana, and seeing him on TV and seeing Mellencamp on TV, kind of this notion of they got out was a big thing.

But I remember I saw this. I can't remember the name of the movie, but my mom took my brother and I to this movie must have been a matinee and it was a drama and uh but we're at the chicken unlimited and my mom said what do you guys want to be when you grow up and my brother said a helicopter pilot and i said i wanted to be an actress i did i was like i want to be an actress. I did. I was like, I want to be an actress. The sad thing, I was

18 at the time. I don't know what I was, maybe eight or nine, but it didn't seem like a practical thing. No. And again, they didn't encourage you. They thought it was this neat thing that Jimmy was doing.

Jimmy's doing stand-up. Like when my mom passed away, my dad got remarried, and the woman was very nice, and she was like, maybe at the wedding you could do some stand-up. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, I'm never coming back here. I never asked you this, Gil. What was your family's reaction?

See, that's the thing i can only imagine what was going on in their heads because that was like especially and i realized with myself when i get as i get older i look at things more realistically. And so to say I'm going to make it in show business, it's like saying I'll go to a 7-Eleven, buy a lottery ticket and win a billion dollars and live off that. Especially, you know, like you also have been at this. We've been at this long enough, like I think there's one thing to be a comedian, but there's another thing to, like actor? Actor, are you out of your mind? Oh, yeah. Are you, like, because I've always done the acting and stand-up,

but if I was solely an actor, I would have gone crazy. Oh, yes. Or actress, like the way we just dispose of women in this culture, it is insane. It's like, oh, you're 26? Throw her away. Well, the stand-up can always do something.

It's like for every Jennifer Aniston, there's like hundreds of very successful actresses that people are like, yeah, not anymore. No, no. Yeah, it's like sometimes a movie comes up on TV and you go, oh, she used to be in everything back then.

Yes. We talk about it all the time on the show. We've talked about Penelope Ann Miller and what happened to Bridget Fonda and what happened to all these actresses that you used to see everywhere that just vanished. Yeah, and they probably,

some of them removed themselves, I suppose, but it's, and you know, then you see like you watch HBO shows and I mean, I don't know, I don't want to get into this, but like they're also like taking off their clothes and they're dry humping a guy and you're sitting there.

I just, my joke is like, Dad, I got an acting role. And it's fine if they're fine with it but it's also that you know it's you know it's not like that it's kind of like being in stuff magazine it's fine i think it's great i'm a fan of naked women but don't think that that's you know that might help two out of the thousand women but the rest of them are just in a thong in a magazine. There's another girl willing to show her tits. Aren't you glad you didn't become an actress?

I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad I didn't. But, you know, we're both fans of naked women. I think I'm a fan. We've invited Mr. Skin on the show. Do you know who he is? Mr. Skin,

I think I was interviewed for a Skin website. There you go. A million years. He's coming on. There you go. Okay. Well,

this has been Gilbert... Hi. Alan Zweibel is here, by the way. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. Alan Zweibel came in. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. Alan Zweibel came in. I'm Gilbert Gottfried.

This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre here at the legendary Friars Club in New York City. And we've been talking to Jim Gaffigan. And please catch his new HBO special, Gotta Get That Pussy. I do. I do. Thank you.

Gotta Get That. We didn't even talk about you performing for the Pope. Yeah, that's, I mean, there's a funny story about that. I mean, that you would love. Maybe I'll tell you. All right, so first of all, let me set this up, all right? I'm from the Pope. Yeah, that's, I mean, there's a funny story about that. I mean, that you would love. Maybe I'll tell you. All right, so first of all, let me set this up. All right, I'm from the Midwest. All right, I'm from the Midwest.

I love the Northeast. I love the Northeast. But, you know, D.C., really Baltimore to Boston, the Acela line, I refer to it as the corridor of hate. And that is because there is an anger. An anger that is deep-seated in Boston

and Philadelphia and Jersey. That is why the Revolutionary War started. I know it sounds like it's a bit. It's just a story I've told before. Because you know those guys in Virginia, like Patrick Kennedy was like, give me liberty or give me death. But it was the Boston guys coming down going, yeah, we just started a war with England. And those Virginians were like, I was just talking.

I didn't mean. And so anyway, so there is an anger there. Like, you know, it's a combat, which goes which goes back to you know if you can make it in here in new york you can make it anywhere but that applies to all the northeast so i'm in philadelphia i'm opening for the pope but i'm not opening for the pope i'm opening for the pope mobile you know like i do stand up sister sledge comes on the pope Popemobile drives around. And so I'm on the Ben Franklin Parkway, right? And what they've constructed is this outdoor stadium. They created this stadium.

And then there's people on the parkway. There's people on the highway waiting to see the Pope. There's screens all around Philadelphia. But in this area that I'm in, it's relatively empty, because later on, the Pope's going to speak, and Aretha Franklin's going to sing, and Bocelli, and all these things. So I'm on the afternoon Republican debate. You know what I mean? So I'm before that. So it's essentially an empty area, and I'm doing stand-up. So I go up on empty area and i'm doing stand-up so i go up on stage and i'm doing some jokes about philly and all this stuff and i said you know philly like one of the jokes i said

was like look uh being very self-aware i'm like i know that after my set you're gonna want to leave stick around there's this guy coming up that's amazing he 80. He used to be a bouncer in a dance club. Stick around. And the other joke I did specifically was, I go, Philly loves the Pope. Philly loves the Pope. Not that I was worried, but you guys weren't that nice to Santa Claus.

Now, do you know about the Santa Claus game? It was an Eagles game, wasn't it? It was an Eagles game 100 years ago. It was like 20,000 people in the stadium. But here's where I forgot that it's the Northeast. Where I forgot that it's the Northeast is that these people don't like it when people bring that up. They don't like it when they bring that up. So, again, I'm essentially performing for an empty stadium, but there's people in the streets.

And so in the corner of my ear, I start hearing boo. Oh, boo. So there's only like 20 people doing it. But they're booing the guy before their spiritual leader comes on. Like I just love that. That's like only in Philadelphia would they sit there and go, yeah, you know, we're going to hear this guy talk about forgiveness and all this stuff. But this guy, boo. It was just – I just loved that whole experience.

I was like – I wasn't even thrown because it was empty. And it's like it's a no-win situation. But like I got booed. I got booed. And it was not even that great of a joke. And then my Twitter feed, people were like, look, bringing that up in Philadelphia is like bringing up the Holocaust in Germany. And I'm like, not quite. I'm like, first of all, the Holocaust happened.

And second of all, Santa Claus is not real. But I loved it but i loved it i loved it and it was and by the way it's like if i knew that information now i wouldn't have done the joke because you know that's you know i'm not sitting there trying to you know hit the hornet's nest that's not my style of comedy anyway but there were they're about to see the pope and if they could have tackled me they would have like we should beat this guy but that's the northeast right that's jersey that's boston that's you know did you ever meet the pope i did meet the pope wow i did meet the pope and he had no the Pope. And he had no idea who I was. Of course he had no idea. There was a guy, there was an Italian guy or a Spanish guy.

I think a Spanish guy standing by. I'm going, Comedica, the Comedia, the Famoso Comedica, Jim Gaffigan. And the Pope's like, yeah, I don't give a shit. I don't care. But I got my mother-in-law, who's a very devout Catholic. She met the Pope. And I was like, I win. I win. I'm the my mother-in-law, who's a very devout Catholic. She met the Pope. And I was like, I win. I win.

I'm the best son-in-law ever. Hands down. She met the Pope. Great story. You got to sign off again? This will be one of our twice-ending shows. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre.

And we're still at the legendary Friars Club in New York City. for his amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and we're still at the legendary Friars Club in New York City. We're here with Jim Gaffigan. Please catch his Cinemax special, Loves Me a Hairy Pussy. Yep. Yeah. It's got subtitles.

All right, thanks, you guys. Thanks, Jim. It's got subtitles Alright thanks you guys Thanks Jim Thanks Jim the spooky bloodless skin Extraordinary valor matched with freakish power It's a guarantee they'll win Stun you, blind and make you a cripple They're shooting lasers out from their nipples They're giving us a much safer nation

Their eerie lack of skin pigmentation is filling bad guys up with remorse It's Pale Force