Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Judy Gold Encore

Episode Date: November 11, 2024

GGACP celebrates the birthday of comedian, writer and actress Judy Gold (b. November 15) with this ENCORE presentation of an episode originally posted back in 2016. In this episode, Judy reveals her childhood obsession with Barbra Streisand and Rhoda Morgenstern, laments the demise of classic sitcom theme songs and reconsiders her appearance in “The Aristocrats.” Also, Judy idolizes Joan Rivers, eulogizes Sherwood Schwartz, spurns Buddy Hackett and plays Herman Munster’s sister. (!) PLUS: Mason Williams! Totie Fields! Judy visits the Brady Bunch house! Gilbert apologizes to Gavin McLeod! And Leni Riefenstahl directs “The Lawrence Welk Show”! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A&W is now serving pre-organic coffee, and you can get a $1 small coffee, a $2 small latte, or like me, a $1 small coffee and a $2 small latte. Available now until November 24th in Ontario only. What do Ontario dairy farmers bring to the table? A million little things. But most of all, the passion and care that goes into producing the local, high-quality milk we all love and enjoy every day. With 3,200 dairy farming families across Ontario sharing our love for milk, there's love in every glass. Dairy Farmers of Ontario. From our families to your table, Everybody Milk. Visit Milk.org to learn more. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried. And this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast.

I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santo Padre, and we're back at Nutmeg Post. That's easy for you to say. Yes. With our engineer, Frank Fertorosa. We love you, Frank. Our guest this week is a comedian, actress, and two-time Emmy-winning writer. She's appeared on hit series like Louie, the Jim Gaffigan

show, 30 Rock, Two Broke Girls, Sex in the City, and Ugly Betty as a stand-up comic she's performed on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and Conan. Conan and she our own popular podcast is called kill me now and features interviews with everyone loves Raymond creator Phil Rosenthal and Amy Schumer among others please welcome the only only person ever to betray both Herman Munster's sister and Elena Roosevelt The pride of Clark, New Jersey our friend Judy Gold. Oh my god that is fucking hilarious You might like that god you do your research a little bit. Yeah, you do your research. Oh, a little bit. Somebody has to, Judy. Yeah.

So you were in that one of those TV movies, one of those... See, I did. All right. So there was this children's book, The Ballad of Lucy Whipple. And I auditioned. These are all the calls I get. So they're looking for a woman who's disguised as a man. So I go in. That's all. These are all my auditions. They're looking for someone really fat and androgynous. I know you're not fat.

I know you're not fat. So anyway, they were looking for a woman disguised as a man. So I go in and I didn't wear makeup and the director loved me and I talk like this. I don't even know what I did. But anyway, I was in this – Glenn Close was producing and starring in this movie, The Ballad of Lucy Whipple. I play – I play this – it's in the Gold Rush. It's set in the 1890s. I am a woman, but I want to dig and you know women can dig then. So I'm dressed as a guy.

I literally had to smoke a fucking pipe. I thought I was going to puke. And who was in it? Meatloaf was in it. What's his name who died? Oh shit. Oh him. Italian. Italian. Like he was on Vincent Cardin? No, he was on What was he on? He was on Murphy Brown. He was the painter. Oh Pastore, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, thick of the night. You are correct. Yes. Yes. I loved her. You know, we were shooting in Utah, so we decided we were going to go to the, you know, they have that big library where they have files on everyone who's ever lived, and then

you're supposed to go in there and look at the files, and then they convert the dead people, like so I'm a Jew, but they're, you know, I could go in and find my name. There's a place in Utah where they have files on them? Yeah, there's some big library and it has everyone who's ever lived, you know... Do you know about this, Gil? No. So Chloe and I go... I don't have to be a Jew anymore?

Is that the way it works? No. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I'm leaving right now to go over there. And they convert Holocaust victims. They convert Holocaust victims who are now not Jewish anymore, according to them. So that's how they lure you in. They're like, oh, we have files on everyone who you're related to.

So Chloe and I go, we're like, let's go to this thing. And we go to like a lecture thing. And we – you know like when you're like in school and you can't laugh but you're like going to pee in your pants that We were literally in with all these Mormons and they were taking it really seriously And we were just asking the most ridiculous and I swear to God. I almost peed my pants in So anyway, they will switch you over Yeah, they believe if you convert then they they will, they can convert all your dead relatives too.

That's bizarre. Yeah. You know what the most bizarre thing is that it was started in upstate New York. That religion was created in upstate New York. Like what fucking religion was created in upstate New York besides like Buffalo Chicken Wings? Yeah. Well, get back to the Glenn Close movie because we want to know why Meatloaf hates you. You didn't have to put it like that.

So anyway, so, you know, we're there for six weeks and I'm always dressed up like a guy. The only, the way they find out I'm a woman is that I go to bathe and the, the, um, Lucy, oh God, she's famous too, I can't fucking remember anything. Was she a ball? No! The girl who played Lucy, alright, so her and her friend, See Me Bathing, you didn't

look it up? No, which actress? What was she in? We love this game. She had just been in a movie. Oh that one. This is an actress that was in Oh, that one. It was. Yeah. This is an actress that was in the Glenn Close movie. It was 1999.

Dara, what'll come to you? Okay. Wait, no, this is killing me now. Wait, who the fuck is, should I look it up on my phone? We'll have Dara look it up. Julia Roberts. Yeah, Ballad of Lucy Whipple. Be better, Dara.

Anyway. Okay, the Ballad of Lucy Whipple. Okay, so I have a scene where I am, I go to bathe in the lake or the stream and they see me. So they see me, you can see my boobs. Now what is it with Glenn Close and all these androgyny things? Wasn't she on Broadway playing like a woman who's a man or a man pretending to be a woman? It's Jenna something. Jenna Malone! Jenna Malone.

Bruce McGill, Meatloaf, Chloe Webb, Dennis Christopher, Olive Burnett, Judy Gold, Michael Welsh. Great test. Yeah. Wilford Brimley. Oh, he came. We were all supposed to be scared of him. Glenn was like, listen listen Wilfred's coming and I'm like doesn't do that

fucking commercial for the yeah so anyway on Broadway yeah playing that part like wish oh yeah man who's a woman or woman who yeah Victor Victor was a victory who... Yeah, Victor Victor... Was it Victor Victor? No, no, that wasn't it. It was some other weird thing. Yeah, we'll think of it. I'm going through menopause, I can't find it.

All right, anyway, so... Okay, so Glenn... We all have apartments in Park City, right? My apartment was pretty nice. Glenn, of course... Maybe it's because her name is Glenn. Yeah, exactly! That's good!

That's a great insight. Yeah. Okay. So, Glenn, of course, has rented this enormous fucking in the mountains gorgeous fucking mansion. Invites us all over, right? And she has a ping pong table. And I love ping pong because I always played ping pong as a kid. We had a ping pong table. And I love ping pong, because I always played ping pong as a kid. We had a ping pong table in the basement.

I played like every, you know. So Meatloaf says that he was like a college champion in ping pong. And I'm like, all right, I'll play you. So. I'm trying to wrap my mind around this. So Meatloaf and I are playing ping pong. And I win the first game.

And he's not happy. And then we're like, okay, two out of three. And I'm like, oh, two out of three. So then we play again. I think he beat me. And then it was like tie. It was beat me. And then it was like tie. It was very close. And then I think I won.

So the next day, and he was so fucking mad. So the next day at craft services, you know, they have the big, you know, the truck where you can get breakfast. So I write on the board, they have like a dry whatever, what are they called? Dry erase. Vagina board. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Vagina board.

Look at that. So I write on the dry vagina board. Which is the technical term for it. Yes, I write. Yeah, the dry vagina. Judy beat meat in ping pong as one of the items. Yeah. And I swear to God, he was so mad. Wow. Yeah, and I swear to God he

Was so mad Wow. Yeah, so mad one of the food selections Judy be bit meat and ping-pong and and what was he was he yelling at you? He just he never talked to me Judy golden meatloaf play ping-p to his house. I don't understand like people who take themselves so fucking seriously. You know what I mean? Well his music always had a sense of humor about it. I'm surprised he took himself so seriously. But I think Gil wanted to ask you also about the Munsters. Oh that was great.

I played Herman's sister. And Herman was played by? Edward uh, Edward Herman, Edward Herman. Yeah. He was the nicest always playing like the rich new guy in movies and the nicest guy girls. Right. There's your, there's your Munsters, uh, Eleanor Roosevelt connection again too, because he played FDR. Oh my god! It's Beshared! Robert Morse was grandpa. That's right. He also played, he was I guess the other actor to play William Randolph Hearst. Right and I came cat was it cats me out or something Oh the one that yeah, the one that the one that Bogdanovich made. Yeah cats me out. He was so talented

Yeah, yeah, I'm once he was he was very nice. So nice So I'm playing a sister because you know, he's like six five six six and I'm six three so and then they made a, I die, so they made a fake me, like the head and everything, and I swear to God, I would go to work, and I'd be like, oh my God, that's what I'm gonna look like when I'm dead. Like, you know, it's you.

Was it like a Bride of Frankenstein getup? Yeah. Oh, Gilbert would have loved that. Oh my God, yeah. Yes, it was total Bride, oh, I think I have? Yes. Oh, Gilbert would have loved that. Oh my god. Yes, it was total Bride. Oh, I think I have a picture. Oh, you've got to send us that picture.

So yeah, and Christine Taylor played the normal one on the Munsters. Ben Stiller's wife. Oh, the Marilyn? Yeah. Ben Stiller. She married Ben Stiller, but she has had an amazing career. I love her. Yeah, she was Marcia Brady.

Marcia Brady. And yeah, that was really fun. Say that again? Marcia Brady. Okay. I'll be asking you to say that a few times during this. Okay, Marcia Brady! But that was really really fun. That was so fun. That was so cool. And what was Robert Morse like? I just, I remember, did I even have any scenes? He was just nice. Yeah?

Why? I don't know, I don't think I had any scenes. We love him, we'd love to have him on the show actually. I mean, he's fucking talented. He loved it. He was, I mean, in How to Succeed. In Business. I mean, he's terrific.

He is so, like those people who are musical theater people and then go on like sitcoms or whatever. I mean, you can't believe how fucking talented they are. And then there's like comics who become sitcom stars who, you know, it's like, okay, you're completely fucking lucked out. You know? And these people being through conservatory and then, you know. Robin Morris is one of those people, after how to succeed,

it looked like he was going gonna be the next major star and it just never oh my god I remember he was in a guide to the married man That's right. Well, yeah, I can't cheat on my way And we talked about the loved one where I- Oh my god, yes- I think he's either doing a British accent, a bad British accent or they- or they- Yes. They messed with his voice. It's very strange.

Yeah, that's the one you thought you liked and then you saw it again. Well, because of that cast and because you want to love Robert Morrison. I love Robert and what about him on Mad Men? Yeah, yeah, well he's had a second. Oh, that was like the perfect role. I know. Because that's like the character from How to Succeed. Right. Older.

I love him. And I remember, of all places, I was only to the Playboy Mansion once. And Edward Herman was there. And I mentioned some TV thing, TV play he did, did like where a one-act play and I remember he looked at me and he put his his hands in like a prayer right I think and bowed his head He was like so touched That's cool, yeah, I always remember that Blow him right after that. Well, I blew him before Grotto and then that was the end. He played Herman Munster. I I had a suck his dick

And and I let John Chuck fuck me Tell me that yeah and Fred Gwynn's me that. Yeah. And Fred Gwyn's... I've blown on several... and after I blew Fred Gwyn, he said, sometimes death is better. He was in a pet cemetery. That's right. Thank God this bit's going to end because you ran out of hermit monsters. Sometimes death is better. No, but I think Gilbert is in the new Charlie Sheen sex tape. He might be. Yes. We had Butch Patrick on the show, by the way. You did? Speaking of the monsters. Really? Yes. He was terrific. Does he really have a widow's peak? Yes, and he carries that wolf man doll with him everywhere. He said he had copies of that wolf man doll made and he sold them all and immediately went to a

drugs. No way. True. I would love to get my hands on them. Really? What does he do now? What is he doing? He's in all kinds of things.

Some real estate, a little bit of this, a little bit of that I think. Yeah. Although he was one of those guys that you're very pleasantly pleased that, because I was expecting some mean old drunk. No he was great and forthcoming. Yeah and a total sense of humor about his life. And he does the circuit you know like a 500 nostalgia show. He's one of those who makes money on Halloween.

Right right right. Oh wow that's funny. And speaking of Christine Taylor and the Brady Bunch, this was a show that meant very much to you growing up. Oh wait, wait, you didn't say it. What? Oh, Marcia Brady! Okay.

Marcia Brady! I just got it, it's like a Jerry thing. Yeah. Okay, I just caught it. Oh lady! I catch on slow. Marcia Brady! So you grew up in Clark, New Jersey.

Oh please, why do you do. We were talking about it before. Oh please, why do you do it? Yeah. Well that's part of your story. You lost yourself in television. Well I couldn't, first of all, my parents were older. They were 41 and 48. That's strange.

For your parents to be older. They were older than you. But they were like 20 years older. My parents were 14 and 15 It's gonna be one of those episodes my grandparents were fetus All right. We don't have to talk about Clark, New Jersey. Oh my God.

That was like me and Chloe with the fucking Mormons. It was. It was a little bit. So yeah. But I, it was like this suburban fucking, you know, New York was 27 miles away and people would be like, I would never go to the city. And my mother grew up in the city. You know, it was like, you know those people

who live like five miles out of Manhattan. They're like, I don't go to the city. I wouldn't, you wouldn't see me caught dead in the city. And I was really tall and nerd, I don't know. I just, I loved, I fucking was addicted to sitcoms. I just wanted to go in the TV. I want to live with the Brady's. I wanted I wanted the Partridge family like every single I was addicted.

Who is the pretty blonde character on the Brady's? What was that? No, what was the characters? Oh, what's her name? Marsha Brady. Okay. Yeah, I think that's. What was that character's name? Oh, what's her name? Marcia Brady! Okay. Yeah, I think that's... You're friends with Florence Henderson, huh?

Oh my God! I can't even believe I didn't tell... So in 1995, I won the K-Blaze Award for my HBO special. Guess who gave me the... Oh, what an honor. Wow! Guess who gave me the award? Carol herself.

Maureen McCormick! Oh, the actual, the actual. And it was my birthday too and I was like, oh my god! That's very cool. Oh my god! This is like the greatest night of my life. What character did she play? She was on the bridge, she played Marsha Brady!

Now I think Florence Henderson caught crabs from John Lindsay. Yeah, former New York Mayor John Lindsay. Well, she said she did. Yes. Now why would she, she said she did like she, like it might not be true, but she wants to impress everyone. Good point. Oh God. Everyone

Lindsay the star of Rosebud Reminger movie that's right trivia for you Wow and and so she she fucked the former mayor And and she got crabs from him, You know, I held some hope. I held out some hope that we could get Florence Anderson to do the show. All right. I guess that won't be happening. Oh, she'll do the show. She is the greatest. Well, our friend... She came to see...

Like, I did the Judy Show, My Life is a Sitcom, where it was about my addiction to sitcoms and how I thought I'd grow up and be on a sitcom. And she came one night, because I would do these talkbacks, you know, and we went out to dinner and then we became really good friends. So she would totally do the show. She's very open about everything. Oh my gosh. She's a great interviewer.

She's the greatest. Greatest. She was on the Joy Show a bunch of times, the show we did at HLN. I was in a Cheerios commercial with her. With her? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

Was she nice? Yeah, very nice. She's lovely. Gino says she's a fan of Yeah, very nice. She's lovely. Gino says she's a fan of yours, you know. Oh, yes. Laurence Anderson. Yes. I bet she loves you.

I asked her, I said, did you know Mike was gay? And she said the first day at the pilot, you have to ask her this when she does the show, that he had a kisser. I guess he was, they were doing some kiss and he wasn't really into the kiss and she realized why and the director was like you know Mike or whatever you know what's his name Robert Reed you know you really and she actually went over there and said lay off. Interesting. Yeah. Take care. I heard some show where they had an interview with Sherwood Schwartz who produced that.

And Gilligan's Island. He did Gilligan's Island. Yes. Yes. And they said, you know, Sherwood Schwartz and Robert Reed hated each other from the beginning. They couldn't stand each other. Well, because, yeah, because Robert Reed wanted to be like a Shakespearean actor or was, you

know, very... Well, he wanted to wear tights And and I remember they said when he died when Robert Reed died of AIDS They they were talking and all everyone was saying oh, he was like losing a family member We were all devastated and crying so the reporter said sure which watch didn't show up for the funeral Mm-hmm, and they said to Sherwood Schwartz... He was written out. Yeah, but they said to Sherwood, the interviewer said to Sherwood Schwartz, he says, weren't you sad when Robert Reed died? And he goes, of course I was sad.

When word gets out that he died of AIDS, that can kill you in syndication. Oh my, he did not. Yes. Where did you read that? Where did you read that? Do you know why he wrote he did Gilgames? You know alright that was the first show where they had you know a... Oh you know who was supposed to be Mr. Brady? Who? Who was up for it? Gene Hackman. That's right. That's right. That I did hear. He would have been horrible. And it would have destroyed his career.

Right. Yeah, I'd heard that. But that was the first blended family on television. That's why he did it. And that's why he did, I wrote an article when he died. Yeah, he wrote his obituary, yeah, for the Times. Yeah, for the Times. And he also did Gilligan's Island,

because he wanted to have a place where people of all different, from all different socioeconomic backgrounds have to get along. But no black people on Gilligan's. Oh, that's true. Seven white people from different socioeconomic backgrounds have to get along. He can only go so far. Well, Room 222 had been on already, so yeah. Terrific show.

Yeah. Yeah. Ba da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da We had on... She knows her stuff. What's her name from Julia? Diane Carroll. Yes, Diane Carroll. Diane Carroll.

She was on some show and she was talking about, I don't know, you know, all these handsome doctors on TV. And she made this snide remark like she goes, and who was I stuck with, Lloyd Nolan? Oh, wow. And I thought... She did? I thought, fuck her. Fuck her.

You know who I would call? Masha Brayden. Fuck her. You know who I would call? Masha Brayden! I question whether Diane Carroll ever said that and whether Sirwood Schwartz ever said that. No, Diane Carroll said that at the Emmys. Really? Fuck you Diane Carroll. Fuck you! What about Bridget Loves Bernie?

I love Bridget Loves Bernie. Meredith Baxter Bernie. Meredith Baxter Bernie, who I know too. And what's his name? And David Bernie. Yes. Remember that? It was such a big deal because there was a Jew on television. There's a Jew! Yeah. That was how it was big in our house. Michael Constantine is still around too, speaking of Room 222. He was on Room 222. We have to get him. Oh my God, yes! He's gotta be pushing 90.

Yeah. He's done a lot of cool stuff. Yeah, he's amazing. So these were the other shows you watched. We'll talk about them. I watched all... You watched The Partridge Family, you just talked about Room 222, All in the Family, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Maude.

Now you worked with or met or buddy Hackett? Oh, buddy Hackett. I don't know. I got into the Friars. I was like 89 or 80. Like Ruth Stern got me into the, do you remember Ruth Stern? Oh yeah. How?

Like you'd call her up and you'd call her up and say, you know, because she booked all the country clubs. Well, I called them and I said that I have Judy Gold and they would say, they said, who? So that's how she didn't give you as much money as you deserve. And I said your name and they said, whoo! So she got me in, and then I don't know what it was. The Concord, right before it was closing, they did some big show, and Buddy Hackett asked me to open for him. And he comes up to me in the dressing room, he's like, you know, he's fucking five

feet tall or four feet, you know, whatever. And he puts his head in my boobs and goes. And then asks me for a tongue kiss. Wow. Wow. Yeah, so that was my Buddy Hackett story. Hey, you give me a tongue kiss. He's like, come on, come on! Right in my tits.

I'll mow the boat, you tits, if you give me a tongue kiss. He asks me for a fucking tongue kiss. Like like I'm gonna fucking tongue kiss Buddy Hackett. And then he loved, what's her name? Xena, or the tall woman. Oh, from New Zealand. Who? Lucy Lawless? Yes, he was, loved her.

He loved tall women. What does that have to do with Buddy Hackett? Lucy Lawless. No, he loved Lucy Lawless. Oh, he had a thing for her. How strange. After I rejected his advances, he went he was like seen with Lucy Lawless. I heard Lucy Lawless actually fucked him. Yeah, I know you have. Yeah. I've been at roast where you put that joke's been said about you. Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's how he motorboats. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What else did you watch, Judy? You watched Carol Burnett. You watched Sonny and Cher. Oh, I loved Carol Burnett, Sonny and Cher. All right.

I'm going to admit this. I rarely admit this, but I watched the Lawrence Welk show. Wow. Wow. We haven't had a guest admit that. That's pure anti-Semitism. I mean, I watched that. And when I see it on reruns. That's like a Nazi training film.

I know. And when I see it on reruns, at like, in some fucking horrible hotel or motel, I still watch it. I think Lenny Reif and stall I knew all the people. Wonderful, wonderful. And I'm like, why are we watching? Like I realize now he was Polish. He probably fucking hated every Jew. Oh, absolutely.

I know. And it was so queer. They were so queer. Oh my God. They were like, oh, I can't fucking believe I watched that. Yeah. Yeah, that was total anti-Semitism. There was one black guy who was odd. Better than Gilligan's Island. Yeah. He played, I forgot what he played, but he was like the token black guy.

And then two of the cast members married and they would always sing like some stupid like, you know, love song. Right. Ugh. Wonderful, wonderful. Next up, that was so anti-semitic, Arthur Godfrey wouldn't watch it. Ah, shit. I take it you did not watch the Lawrence Welk show.

No, no, it would come on and I was, it was, yeah, it was like a brown shirt. I feel like... It was a bunt drowdy. You know what it was like? It was, when that show came on, it was Crystal Knock. They had a song, Crystal Knock, Crystal Knock, every morning you greet, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, a one and a two and A one and a two. And a one and a two.

But you know what? I don't know. It was like, you know like when you hate a song but you want to hear it because you hate it, it's like that watching like a bad accident. That's like I was fascinated with the whole. Well there are movies like that. They're so bad you can't turn away from them. Right, right. That's what that was for me. And apparently still is. Go.

Uh. Uh. Uh. I don't know where to go. Doin' a little research on you too. And you mentioned Toady Fields as an influence. I love Toady. That's something, someone I don't think Gilbert and I

have discussed on this show yet. No! We've never talked about Toady Fields. I loved her. I loved her. She was funny. I thought she was so fuckin' funny. And then she had the diabetes and lost her leg. And then her niece is a casting director. And I met the niece who

was friends with my neighbor. I mean, it's such, I can't even with the Jewish geography. But my neighbor went to college with her niece. and she was very close to her. But I thought Tony Fields was so fucking funny. Who was her husband she used to reference? Georgie? Yeah. And then I loved her. I loved Joan.

I loved all those women. They were so fucking hilarious. And going back to your one-woman show, I mean, there's a part in the show where you talk about how these women gave you, inspired you. Well, they made me think, oh, there is something in show business. I mean, I'm never going to be the fucking lead in some, you know, but, you know, it sort of gave me the permission to have a dream. Ah, hell a dream! You know, actually be able to get on stage and perform, you know?

And then you actually do it, and then you're too tall, or you're too Jewish, or you're too loud, or you're too, you know. And then you have to stop listening to that shit at some point. But then, but you didn't get to know Toti, but Joan became a friend. Oh yeah, Joan was, did you know, you knew Joan. Oh yeah, Joan was great. She was the best. I remember the last time I saw her, it was the Howard Stern party, the last time I was anywhere near Howard Stern.

Except for the day at Radio City. How long ago was that? Even then, I think 1941. The Japanese had just bombed Pearl Harbor and I was talking to Howard Stern. Marsha Brady! But I was sitting at a table with Joan Rivers and it was like a private show because everyone would walk by, she'd go, oh that one's a total slut. Oh him, he's the luckiest man in show

business. Fuck him. You know what, she was so brutally honest and like she was so relevant at the age of 81. Like she was never more relevant and more a part of pop culture and the zeitgeist than when she was 81 years old. And I remember I think it was at that dinner she started to say she was pissed off at comedians who would complain that comedies a boys club mm-hmm and and she would always go oh you know fuck them just be funny that's all you got to do is be funny fuck you. I always subscribe to the I'm just doing No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no want to get involved in the You know, it's because I'm a woman, but I never talked about like My period yeah, you know like this guy Yeah, you know what I mean? Not that there's not funny things about getting your period Frank and I face Frank and I face sexism because they originally wanted to mend no way yeah I can't believe it tooth and nail that is amazing that is

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Oh my God, yes, yes, and Ed Esner. Correct. Yes. Correct. Where she's getting her revenge on. Yep. Yep. Early Joan Rivers. And she wrote a play, right? She wrote a play that was nominated for a Tony. Heidi Abramowitz. I don't remember but they couldn't of course they couldn't light the lights it had to be a big to do. And then she you know. She wrote Rabbit Test. She directed that. She directed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She did a lot of interesting things. She was brilliant. I just wanted to get it out there. I had it. Yeah. Thank you. In the spirit of Joan. I have a question. Yes. I heard you said in the spirit of this the politically incorrect Joan Rivers you recently asked why it's not okay to make fun of Caitlyn Jenner. Right.

Which I found interesting. I actually, you know, I host Huluween with Bette Midler at the Waldorf and I dressed up as Caitlyn for, and everyone's like, why are you dressed as Caitlyn? I'm like, because it's the only fucking customer I can wear my own clothes. Like all I needed was a wig. I was like, this is the greatest. Yeah, I was at some event and they're like, what can't you talk about?

I'm like, I'm so sick that we can't, why can't we talk about Caitlyn Jenner? Because she's trans? Like, I hate her as a person. I don't like her as a person. I don't care if she's trans. I didn't like Bruce as a person. Right.

Why can't I make fun of her? Oh, the trans community and what they've been through. Shut the fuck up. In the news recently, there was some guy who received an award for his late wife, and his wife was running into the World Trade Center, saving people from the World Trade Center, and he was honored to get the award for his late wife. And then they gave one to Caitlyn Jenner, and he returned. Good! He said, you know, I don't want it. I thought this meant something. And he goes, you know, my wife risked her, gave her life to save these people. Right, she said to save people.

And he got $500 million to get, to transition to a woman on television and get cheekbones and his fucking Adam's apple shaved. And then he goes around saying or she I'm sorry I'm so sorry yeah she goes around saying things like you know I really know what it's like to be a woman because it was so hard to be about this outfit yeah that's exactly what it's like I cannot tell you how much time I spend picking out fucking outfits you know she lived her life most of her life. She's 99.9 is as as a Entitled white Republican male okay, she had a secret

And she was hiding, but sorry Are you I'm sorry there's kids in the street the families kicked them out They're laying in the fucking gutters, and this is the and it's the Kardashian of transgender I mean, it's like you know that, it's a she's a Beverly Hills fucking Why is she called a hero? Right. Why do they refer to her as a hero like Chas Bono? Transitions and no one fucking pays any attention because she's becoming a guy and that's like a get you know when you become a woman It's so much more palatable than when you become interesting

It's true and like Chas Bono was out in center and did it and not nothing. Laverne Cox has been for years. Frank and I are considering becoming guys. Well you have the height for, I thought you were going to say woman and I was going to say you have the height for. Now are you going to become one guy? Like you're going to combine everything and become a guy. Like Ray Maland and Rosie Greer.

That's right. See, together we'd have a normal size penis. Speak for yourself. Wait, I have to ask you something. Will you answer this, Gilbert? Yes. Did Milton Berle have a really big penis? According to some of our guests.

Well, Jeffrey Ross says he saw it. Jeffrey Ross saw it and Alan Swybell. They both saw his dick. It's supposed to be enormous. Well, it's not anymore. It's tripped up. Yeah. Well, it was enormous.

But that's enormous soft. Yeah, but I heard he used to walk around with it on a serving tray as a joke. Yeah he had a giant fucking hilarious. Well Bobby Rydell also told us that about Guy Marx. Oh yes! Oh really? Guy Marx had a giant dick. Yeah that he supposedly was well endowed and would would play the same trick. I heard a story that one time Milton Burrell and Tom Jones were going to have a contest as to who had a bigger dick. No way. And they said Milton Burrell just unzipped, he took out a little bit of his dick and Tom

Jones immediately went, okay, okay. Oh, that's so funny. I hope that's so funny. I hope that's true. Oh, is that him? No, that's Tony Orlando. That's okay. I'm losing my...

I've never seen Tony Orlando's cock. No, I heard he has it. It comes up at dawn. It's always hard at dawn. Oh, God. I don't know where to go here, Judy. Where do you want to go? And also, why do people have to refer to Caitlyn Jenner as beautiful?

That's not a beautiful woman By any stretch! I can't, I don't... And like when it... So she's a lesbian obviously, because she's been having sex with... You never change your... When you transition, you never change who you're attracted to. Now, but here's the thing I want to know. She's still attracted to women. Right. So she's a lesbian.

I've heard rumors that Caitlyn Jenner still has a dick. Yes, she still has her penis. So she's a woman with a dick. Right, well, until they, see, what I don't get, it's like they have, they've pretty much perfected the- Frank's a woman with a dick. Right, so Frank knows that they- That's why I keep them around.

Ha ha ha! Just call me Herm. They can make a nice vagina out of the dick. It's easier to make a vagina out of the dick than make a dick out of the vagina. That sounds like a Jewish mother Can't forgive her for the Village People movie. That's the thing I'm not getting past. Yes. Any time soon. Now wasn't Steve Goodenberg in that too?

He sure was. And Nancy Walker directed it. I love Nancy Walker. Didn't you love her? I love Nancy Walker. Now what character? She was like a maid or something in the commercials. Yeah she was the Paul Moller. No, no, no, no, she was Rosie in the Bounty commercials.

She was the diner waitress. Yeah. And then there was... And I think her line in that commercial is a penis makes a good vagina. You can make a nice vagina out of a penis. And then they have the theme song. So it's an educational program. Well, let's see. We could talk a little bit more about Joan. We could move on past Joan. Oh, here's what I wanted to ask you. Since you're such a Brady Bunch fanatic, you like

the movies too? So I, my friend Henriette Mantell played Alice in the movie. We know Henriette. She's great. She's amazing. So she was playing Alice and she told me I could come. First of all, this is how mental I am. My friend Judy Toll, I don't know if you remember her, she passed away from melanoma. I remember Judy, sure. Melanoma, anyway, so she lived on Fair Avenue in Studio City, and she showed me the exterior house,

that was the exterior for the Brady Ranch. On Dillard Street. Yes, and I used, I'm not kidding, this is how fucking mental I am. So I'm in my 30s. I was on a series. I was on All American Girl, and it was right around there. And I would just, some days when I just needed space, I'd just go and park by the exterior of the Brady House.

Like, what the fuck is wrong with me? I used to take people. People would come into town and take them. Yeah, and I'd just stare and be like, oh my God, there's the door. Oh my God. But so she- They finally put a fence up around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because they were, because people were stealing their mail and stuff. Someone took me to the restaurant where Robert Blake went. Oh yeah, I've been there! I've been there! Where he fucking killed the wife! It's right on, um, is it on Ventura? Oh, it's in the valley somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what's funny about this? Because he claims he left his gun there and he had to go... I always leave my gun. So after we left there, I had like a shitty pair of sunglasses. They weren't worth three dollars. And when I was leaving the restaurant frantically the waiter chased me outside and said oh you left your sunglasses because now they're so aware of it oh my god that's so totally killed her. Yes. How did they fucking get away with this? I don't know.

I think in her case, she was like really sleazy. She was like a con woman. Yeah, she deserved to get killed. And she was, and I think that was basically like the who gives a fuck defense. Right, right, right. Like, I, you know. That's really great. But Henriette, when she was doing the, you know, the movie.

And she's great in it. Yeah. She let me come to the set. That's how I met Christine Taylor and then we did a movie together but and what part did Christine Pell Taylor she was because there were three girls and three boys you know and she was Marcia Brady the movies are funny Betty Thomas did a great job Thomas Yeah, Betty Thomas is great. They're all great. I love that show.

And now that commercial. And, you know, what's his name? Gary, what's his name? Oh, with Buscemi? Yeah. Oh, yo, yeah. And what, oh, oh, I always forget his name. Gary Cole?

No, the Spanish actor. Used to be a convict. Oh, yeah, the guy from Machete. Yeah. Oh boy, his name's jumping out of my head. Oh, uh, yeah, the guy from Machete. Yeah. Oh boy, his name's jumping out of my head. Oh, geez. Yeah, I'll think of it.

Yeah. Sandy Rosenblatt. That's not him, no. And so... Sandy Rosenblatt? Yes. Yes, that's his Spanish name. That's his Spanish name.

Is he a Sephardic Jew? Tara please look up for us. It's gonna bother us the guy the star of machete S.R. Latino. What about Manix? Sure Mike Connors. Yeah, he was so fucking fat and he's running down the street, right? No, you mean Cannon. Cannon! Yeah! How the fuck does he get a show?

Different guy. Well, that was William... William Conrad. Conrad, yes. Yeah. I mean, the shit we watched and I believed it. Yeah, good stuff. Also, you know who was good in the Brady Bunch?

I forget that actor's Gary something who played Gary Cole. Gary Cole. Yeah. I thought he did a great imitation of Robert Reed. Oh yeah. Yeah. The whole thing's dead on. Yes, he was great.

Yeah. Remember Sam the Butcher? Alan Melvin from Bilko. Yeah. Remember when they got caught in the freezer? Sure. Yeah. And remember when Greg lost the architectural drawings? I watched one the other day. Remember when they got caught in the freezer? Sure. Yeah.

And remember when Greg lost the architectural drawings? I watched one the other day. I watched the one where Bobby, with Hal Smith, with Otis the Drunk from the Andy Griffith show is the Kitty Show host and Bobby has to, what is it, the pie eating contest? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, what about? They ate pussy. Really?

On the show and the pie eating contest. That's right. Except, you know what? Robert Reed did not eat the pussy they had a stunt double they had a very obvious stunt double in tray oh wait remember oh yes they got you're trying to think she promised that she was gonna Marsha that she was that What's his name was gonna come to the prom? Girl, look what you've done to me. Oh, oh yeah, Davey Jones.

Yeah, Davey Jones. Yeah, we got it. It's Danny Trejo. Thank you, Dara. Wow, we could talk Brady a bunch all day. Oh yeah. You know what I remember too with those shows, especially during the 70s, they would have all these cop shows like Cannon.

Right. And Kojak. Long Street, The Blind Guy. the 70s they would have all these cop shows like Cannon and... Kojak. Longstreet, the blind guy. We were talking about James Franciscus before. He played the blind cop. Longstreet. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And oh, the part, what was his name?

Jack Klugman's... Quincy. Quincy. Yeah. And then, you know, Chips and Starsky and Hutch, they would always do the thing. And oh, and then TJ Hooker. They would always do that thing where

they would catch the crook, shoot him down or whatever. And it would be very dramatic, commercial, and then a funny ending. I know! Yeah! I know! I know! I was just thinking, yeah, it'd be like yeah dramatic and they'd have dramatic music

and then you'd come back Billy hey so well we got rid of that we killed that asshole all right sometimes they freeze frame I know after the gag oh yes where they don't start like someone would make a face or jump in the air and it would freeze ever see police squad they parodied that where they would pretend to do a freeze frame. What about Get Smart? Sure. That was the best. We had Barbara Felden.

Yes, we had Barbara Felden. She used to hang out at Catch All the Time. Because she went out with one of them. What's his name? With Buddy. Are they still going out, Buddy and Barbara? I don't understand what's going on between those two. They're still very close friends.

Yeah. Well, you know, sometimes the prostate just... Yeah. I think Buddy's going out with Ed Platt now. If only. And what about the I Couple? Oh, great show. That was the fucking great...

And then they try to redo it. It's like, you can't That was the fucking great show. And then they try to redo it. It's like you can't redo that fucking show. Oh my god. The best. Twice. Well wait a minute. Twice.

Which one are you talking about? The black odd couple. Right. With Ron Glass. You bet. And Jemon Wilson. Yeah. And yeah.

And then this other one with Matthew Perry. What the fuck? You cannot. That was nightmarish. That's it. That is iconic. And and and then this other one with Matthew Perry What the fuck you cannot right? I was Iconic there was also a female odd couple on tour with Rita Moreno and Sally Struthers anybody remember that oh yes Yeah, I was Sally. I mean she became Cross off another name This is my pen Hahahaha! Hahahaha!

Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha... Hahahaha Hahahaha

Hahahaha Hahahaha Oh god... Hahahaha I got nothing. Yeah but how many shows came from that fucking show? Oh, Mod? The Jeffersons? Oh from the All the Family Yeah. Yeah. Um...

Well, uh... Uh... Yeah, well there was that The Jefferson's? Oh, from the All the Family. Yeah. Yeah. Um. Well, uh, yeah, well, there was that, there was that attempt to do it with the Black family with John Amis and 704 Hauser. Wait, but what about Good Times? Good Times! I'm a man! I'm a man! Good Times comes from Maude.

Yeah, comes from Maude. That was part of the tree. But you know what, When Al Maranara... Al Maranara? What was his name? Molinaro. Molinaro. Al Molinaro died.

They mentioned Happy Days and no one mentioned him on The Odd Couple. I know! Where he was hysterical on that. I loved... And Bob Newhart. I mean, how many... Ugh. Well, there was that great Saturday night.

I know. Where you had Maude and the family. It was unbelievable. And now they have they have the Netflix and they have the computers. But the other thing was there was no DVR so it's like all those shows we watched facilitated like dialogue between people because everyone watched it at the same time. And they used to be like you know about four or five stations. So the next day you could talk to anybody in the world about what was on TV last night.

Well, Laughing was a show like that. The whole world stopped and everybody just went and ran home to watch Laughing. I love the Smothers Brothers too. Oh yeah. Me too. And they got fucking canned. Me too. What about the theme song to the Smothers Brothers? Oh, oh, oh.

Written by what's his name? Fuck. And he was a writer. Oh, you're stumping me. God damn it. He wrote, um. Not the Classical Gas. Yes, Classical Gas!

Mason Williams. Yeah, Mason Williams. But what was, that wasn't a theme song. No, I don't remember. He wrote, no, he wrote wrote classical gas and he wrote the theme song to it. Was that it? And he was a writer. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know why it's stuck in my in my head somewhere I love classical gas too and Steve Martin was a writer. Yep, and I remember when first time I they they played Classical gas they made an actual video with it where they showed all these paintings for a quarter of a second one right after the other it's an amazing

thing to really yeah a video yeah I got a look at that I wonder if he's still around Mason Williams he'd be a good a good guest for us. Mason Reese would be good. Mason Reese also. Yeah, how, oh my god, I used to see him on the Upper West Side. Oh, yes. Yeah, like in the 90s or 80s. He became like a party planner. Professional party planner.

Yeah, he made a pass at Dara. Mason Reese. He tried to fuck her. Dara? Eww! You've been holding out on me. Yeah, so she gave him a hand job. Did you fuck him?

Just to shut him up. Did you do anything? Oh my god. Hey, oh, speak of the devil. Sarah? Ew! You've been holding out on me. Yeah, so she gave him a handjob. Did you pop him? Just to shut him up. Did you do anything? Oh my god.

Hey, oh speaking of which, I ran into Peter Dinklage. There are no segues on this show, Judy. You should know that. You just ran into him? You must have felt so good about yourself. I felt I felt so big. I don't think he's coming on the show. No I can put him with Sally Struthers. Let me cross that out. Sally Struthers. Let me write that out. Oh I thought of one with Sally Struthers. Let me write that out. Oh, I thought of one with Sally Struthers that nobody remembers. There was a short-lived Gloria series.

Yes, I do remember that. She went to work in a veterinarian's office. Wait, what was the... Alice, the waitress. Linda Lavin. Linda Lavin, yeah. I like that show too. I love Rhoda though.

I mean, for a Jew growing up in New Jersey, Mary Tyler Moore, like Rhoda though. I mean for a Jew growing up in New Jersey Mary Tyler Moore like Rhoda was and Nancy what wasn't Nancy Walker the mother? Yeah, yeah, and and what I can't remember anything anymore. The actress the actress playing Rhoda Valerie Harper said that in an interview she says Hillary Harper said that in an interview she says Jewish women still come up to her and say please tell me you're Jewish please and she goes I'm not but Rhoda still is. I love that. She's Italian. Yeah.

Yeah she's Italian but that was like the first Jewy character. Fucking Guinea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah she's a fucking Guinea. What wasn't that? No I'm not true. How is she? How is she? she's a fucking guinea. Yeah, wasn't no Fuckin guinea Oh my god. And Harold Gould! Harold Gould played her father! Oh my god! We love Harold Gould.

You know, because my father's name was Harold Gould. Oh, that's great. Yeah, Harold Gould was always too great. From the same... And lots of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Ted Knight was fucking amazing.

We loved Ted Knight. They... we interviewed Ed Asner. Yeah. And even though the two would fight a lot... Right. He had just nothing but amazing things to say about Ted Knight as a performer. Right. He said just how funny. Oh he was so committed to. What about Gavin McLeod? Oh my god. Murray the miserable. Hey I'm gonna be by myself I'm gonna go home and jerk off, I can't go to the party, I'm getting a catheter tomorrow.

I mean it was just like he was so miserable. Gil, Gil was at a show, was it a, was it a nostalgia show with him recently? Yes, yes, no way. I met him and, and, and at the end of the night Gavin McLeod hugs me, gives me a big hug and goes, I love you even more now. That's nice. I think he's born again. No, he isn't. I believe he is.

I can't with that born again crap. I believe he's a religious fellow. And I know he's born again, because after he said, I love you even more, he goes, even though you killed Christ. And then he hit me with his captain's hat. Which brings me to a segue. My last card. Since when?

This is interesting, you said the only people who told you not to be so Jewish when you were starting out in show business were other Jews. Were Jews, yeah. Which I found interesting. That's so funny. Jackie Mason always says that. Why do you have to be so Jewish? What?

Yeah, Jackie Mason. That only Jews. Yeah, he said like he got his breaks from like people like Steve Allen. Right. And people like that, the Jews were, he says, you know, cause the Jews think if you put a Jew on television, it's gonna start another pogrom. And so you can't have a Jew on television.

And yeah. It was every manager, every person, you know, two Jewish, Jewish, Jewish, straighten your hair. Yeah, it was every Manager every person, you know to Jewish Jewish Jewish straighten your hair Yeah, it was didn't you have a manager told you to dye your hair blonde hair blonde and straight. Oh jeez Yeah, which I fucking took a headshot with I look like a newscaster Yeah, it was all the it was every Jew. It's only Jews who were like She's too true. It's like you're a fucking Jew. Why don't you fucking admit you're a Jew, there's only Jews who were like, she's too Jew. It's like, you're a fucking Jew, why don't you fucking admit you're a Jew?

It's interesting. It is. And I think David Steinberg said, David Steinberg. He said that- His father was a rabbi. Oh yes, yes. Yes, yes. And he said that-

True. Like, he had some agent telling him, you know, change the name Steinberg, because that's too Jewish. And he goes, you know, something like, but your name is Seymour Rosenblatt. Did you ever run into this, Gilbert? Did anyone ever tell you in the business, change your name? No, they just told me I had no talent whatsoever. Did you ever? into this Gilbert? Did anyone ever tell you in the business? No they just told me I had no talent whatsoever. Did you ever thought in everything?

You never got that? It never went that far. Except for Steinberg telling you not to run so dewy. Oh yes. I like that they tell me you are a specific type. That's what they always tell me. Oh well here's something I remember I used to get that was idiotic. People, when I'd audition for parts, they'd say, oh, well you're kind of a Woody Allen type. And I'm not at all a Woody Allen type, but it means like a Jew.

Have you fucked your stepdaughter? Yes. Okay. I knew it. God damn it. And the last thing I want to ask you about is Barbra Streisand, another hero of yours. I used to sit in my room, I don't know, I loved her because she was so, everyone told her you're too ugly, you're too ugly, you're too this, you're too, it's all those like people who are like, now you can't,

you're too this, that I totally was drawn to. Like, Toti Fields and her and all these all Jewish women who were kind of making it as themselves. Right. And then, and now look at me, now I've turned into an old Jewish woman. Masha Brady! But I loved Barbara. I think every Jewish girl wanted to be Barbra Streisand.

But now it's like I can't with the, you know, it's like shut up. And she's become a little self-serious. It's so weird that when I grew up, when I was watching like, the Andy Griffith show and Heath Haw, and all these things, I thought, well, this lets me see what Gentiles are like. But it was all created and written by Jews. Of course. It was everything. Of course.

Every Christmas song is written by a Jew. Yes. Right. Oh, yeah. But you know what I really miss, honestly? The theme songs. Like, no shows have like welcome back oh yeah you're right right ticket out you know like oh everyone Mary Tyler Mary Tyler

Morris like that's my ringtone who can turn the world that's a great one I mean there were so many great fucking songs Good times and then we're moving on up. But they don't do that anymore. Yeah, I read today that the multiple camera show with the laugh track is dying out. There's only five of them left on the air. Oh no. Those died a while.

Yeah. You know the last. They're moving away from them. The last old style sitcom I saw that lasted about a week. And that was the one with Whitney coming. Right. Well, there was Malaney, the one with Martin Short on it. Oh, OK.

But they're getting away from it. I mean, it's becoming a thing of the past. And the single camera show, like you did, Louie, the single camera show is, and the theme song's another thing. Do you think it'll ever come back? No. I don't know. They've been asking for years you think it'll ever come back? No. I don't know. They've been asking for years if Variety is going to come back. Bill Murray's doing a good

old-fashioned Christmas special this year. That's encouraging. Well, don't you think The Voice, an American Idol, that's a Variety show? I suppose. But now, we couldn't do a Variety show unless it was real snarky. Right. And we're laughing at the whole concept of the variety show. Or it's daytime. Yes. You know, it's like, because I know What's His Name just did a pilot that got picked

up. Oh, Harry Connick. Harry Connick Jr. I never heard about that. You know, and it's going to be like the Merv Griffin. But more of a talk show. Yeah. The Merv Griffin and the Mike Douglas. I mean, I love that shit.

You can still do a talk show, but that variety show, that Sonny and Cher thing. I know you were into Sonny and Cher and I was researching it today and remembering the old vamp sketches. Right. She would climb on the piano. Oh, yes. She and Terry Gahr were the girls in the laundromat. And you just don't see that. It really is kind of an old school comedy. And you know what, I don't understand, why have they not had Carol Burnett on Saturday

Night Live? Like if you're going to put someone on Saturday Night Live, it should be, I mean they put Betty White on, but she fucking originated that- I wonder if they asked her and she said no. I wonder, yeah. I kind of think they had if they asked her I wonder I wonder yeah, I kind of think they'd had no They put Donald Trump. He's a fucking tea is so talented. I would imagine that Carol Burnett would yeah would come up as an idea Don't you think that yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, I've always thought that Well, I'm out of cards. You want to go out on one of these theme songs Mario Mario was here

And he sang the Gidget theme for us. What do you want me to sing? What do we want to sing, Gil? You know what's interesting also with theme songs? Tell me. They're sort of the story so you don't have to do the scene explaining everyone. Yes! Yeah, where it was always like, you know, all the themes. Here's the story. Yeah. It was and it would always like explain like stuff like saying, oh, like all the Miller Boyette theme songs were like, you know, a lot of bad things happen to us along the way, but we love each other so everything's gonna be great. You got a show there. Wait, what about Green Acres is the place to be.

Farb livin' is the life for me. Go ahead, Gil. Land's spreadin' out so far and wide. Keep Manhattan just gimme that countryside. New York is where I'd rather stay. Jump in. Also, a Jew created for us. Was Paul Henning Jewish?

What? Paul Henning was Jewish? The guy behind Green Anchors? They all changed their names after the war! You know Sherwood Schwartz, speaking of theme songs, your friend Sherwood, I remember reading an interview with him and he said that's where the money was. He wrote the Gilligan's Island and the Brady Bunch theme. And watch his name, the creator of Star Trek.

Roddenberry. Roddenberry wrote words to the Star Trek theme. That's right. Even though he knew it would never be played anywhere, but he gets paid every time they play the Star Trek theme. It's unbelievable. I wrote some of the lyrics to the Rosie O play the Star Trek theme. I wrote some of the lyrics to the Rosie O'Donnell show theme. Really?

That's cool. And I lived off that for years. It was so great. Now they don't play it anymore. Yes. That went, Rosie O'Donnell bad things happen to her. Only the Miller Boy Ed version. But then she has her friends so everything turns out good

There are actually words to the Dick Van Dyke theme that more that morey Amsterdam wrote Yeah, oh wow when dick van dyke was on the Bay Har show we got it out of him He sang it. I think it's on YouTube. I think you can find him singing the the lyrics fuck I wish we could have had more e Amsterdam yeah he would have been great well unfortunately yeah why don't we do the Gilligan's Island theme Oh do it has to sing on every show he does no I can sing Captain Nice okay you remember Captain Nice with William Daniels William Daniels from saying elsewhere yeah and he played Dustin Hoffman's father in The Graduate.

I think it's before my time. Yeah, the 60s. Look, it's the man who flies around like an eagle. Look, it's the man who hates all that's illegal. Who is this man with arms built just like hammers? It's just some nun who flies around in pajamas. That's no nut, son. That's Captain Ice.

Created by Buck Henry. Really? Yeah, speaking against Mark. And they had two shows on opposite each other. Captain Ice and Mr. Terrific. That was the one with John MacGyver. Right. Oh, MacGyver. Right. Yeah, oh, MacGyver! Oh, Mr. Tooth-Lifics, sir, there's a bank, a bank is being held up, sir. Yes.

He sings on every show. I love it. And I do John MacGyver on every show. MacGyver! Masha Brady! I got nothing. Joe Buck, you have a strong back. You're gonna need it, Joe Buck. He'll go for hours. Oh, I know what I want to ask you before you go, Judy. You're in the Aristocrats. Yes. With this man.

Yes, I was about, I was nine months pregnant. I gave birth like a week later. And I remember that night I went home and I go to my ex, Sharon, I go, I just said the most disgusting thing ever. And they filmed it, right? You go, I just said the most disgusting thing ever. And they filmed it, right? You know, I'm telling her this whole, and mine was really bad. It was about, you know,

fucking and the, it was about a pregnant woman and getting fucked and the jizz goes in the baby, whatever. And anyway, and so Sharon's like, you are a mother. You're a mother. And you said that? And your kids are going to grow up? How dare you? And I called up Paul and I said, Paul Provenza. Yeah. I said, you got, you got to cut me out. He's like, what are you talking about? You were so funny. I go, no, you have, you don't understand. I'm a mother. And he was like, Judy, you you have you don't understand. I'm a mother Judy you're out of your fucking mind and he kept it in but I was like, I can't believe she let me fucking feel guilty That I you know, that's the whole point

I think you need to write a theme song for the aristocrats that Gilbert needs Fuck each other in the ass and and they're all related, if they stick together, things will turn out okay. Okay! A Miller, a Miller Boy ad production. Oh, oh god. Hilarious. Well, what do you have to plug?

Uh, my ass. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SH I have... Please listen to my podcast. Oh, it's a funny podcast. Kill me now. Judygold.com slash kill me now. I'm at Twitter at J E W D Y G O L D.

Get it, Judy. I have a lot of other gigs, but I can't fucking remember what they are that's fine and lastly Judy yes, what what was your favorite character in the Brady Bunch? Oh my god. I mean there were so many but I think honestly the one who I really loved and you know like she was just so perfect and Pretty and it was um, what's her name? Marcia Brady!

Thank you Judy. I'm out of cards. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. And my co-host is a fucking guinea. And your guest is a jiky chew. Also known as Frank Santopadre and Frank Fertarosa and Nutmeg Studios. Thank you, Frank. And we've been talking to Judy Gold. Wow.

And oh. And we need to apologize to Sally Struthers. Who else? Please come on the show. And Peter Dinklage and Valerie Harper. Who else? Mason Reese. Mason Williams. Oh, Gavin McLeod. Yeah. Meatloaf. Meatloaf. Yeah. All right. Funny show. It was fun. Thank you for having me. Thank you, Judy. I'm exhausted. Me too. How's Sally Struthers? And a heartfelt apology to Caitlyn Jenner.