Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #141: J.J. Wall: Part 2

Episode Date: December 7, 2017

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He was washing undergarments in your sink, JJ. I didn't realize until I saw that piece of shit movie. That was actually what must have happened. Actually, what must... We've been talking to my friend J.J. Wall, who's not only a working comic, but has written and produced some of the most popular shows on TV. And now we're here for our second half

with J.J. Wall. You've done some interesting acting work, J.J., over the years. Yeah. Well, you play Uncle Paul on Arrested Development. Oh, yes, yes. A friend of mine put me in that one, Jimmy, who Gilbert knows. Oh, yeah. Because between he and Mitch, they wanted an inappropriate uncle who kind of touched people,

but you didn't know if he was a child molester or not. And they seemed to think that I was perfect. Gilbert, did you read for that? No, because see, Gilbert would have read as a child molester. Right. They wanted somebody like me who could or could not be. Oh, there would be some question. That's right.

There would be a momentary pause before you let him take your kids to the park. And I remember you also popped up at least once in an episode of Seventh Heaven as a priest. As a priest, yeah. Talk about child molesters. Yes. Well, you know, I didn't get molested as a child because the priest who used to take the altar boys to the beach had us all change in the locker room. So we got to see us all naked. Oh, jeez.

And then took us out to the beach. And then he pulled my bathing suit down at the beach under the water. But I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. So I was like floating around naked. Oh, jeez. And therefore, I didn't get molested because I freaked him out. He was like, shut up, stop it, stop it. Wow. Wow.

Yeah, Father Schmulligan, let's call him. So he would take you, he would have all the boys change in front of him. Well, it was Jones Beach, so you'd go to the locker rooms and change. I mean, it wasn't, that was the thing. I shouldn't say they because I don't know that many of them, but it was kept within normal confines until it wasn't, that was the thing. I shouldn't say they, because I don't know that many of them, but it was kept within normal confines until it wasn't. Until I should have read a red flag into the trash. And he pulled your trunks off?

Pulled my back, not off, but down like below my knees. And like I said, I just thought this was great. Been naked in the ocean before. I was like, ah! This is terrific. And it completely freaked him out. Brings to mind the Catholicism bit in Iraq, JJ, where you compare it to the Marine Corps.

Oh, the genuflect, genuflect, genuflect. One bad knee, one huge thigh. I got a laugh at a friend of mine's funeral last week because he went to the same military academy. And I said, Catholic boarding school, military academy. It's amazing we were able to function sexually as adults at all. You missed out, Gilbert. I remember.

This is getting back to. Gilbert would have been great in military academy. He would have been. He would have been a great Catholic. That's possible. I just had a story pop into my head. Getting back to the different people you've worked with. Well, like Brett Butler was having a lot of trouble on that show.

And at one point, Roseanne and Brett Butler went out to lunch together. Yes. And what did Roseanne say about Brett Butler? As I recall, when Roseanne came back, she said to a bunch of people, that girl is batshit crazy. And this was Roseanne who made her writers wear numbered shirts so she could tell who was who. She would call on number 21, which was Norm MacDonald at one point, I think.

You. Give me a joke. Number 21. Norm, right? He wrote there, too. Yes. And Norm would periodically climb out the window because Norm, I don't think I'm telling tales out of school because I think this is something he's talked about in his act. But he used to gamble a bit.

And people would come around to collect money, and he would climb out the back window. Wow. You know, also, you worked, you were in a show called You Again with Jack Klugman and John Stamos? Oh, my, yeah, that was one of my first acting gigs ever. And, man, Jack Klugman was not happy with that show, I remember.

I only had a couple of lines. Yeah. I was the potato delivery. For some reason, I was delivering crates of potatoes, boxes of potatoes to his office.

Did you interact much with Jack? Just a very little. He didn't want to have anything to do with me. Yeah. There was some other, it might have been Stamos that was playing a rock star

that was supposedly on his show or something like that, but there was somebody, it might have been Sam McMurray been Stamos that was playing a rock star that was supposedly on his show or something like that. But there was somebody, it might have been Sam McMurray, but there was somebody playing a rock star that was on his, whatever he did in that show. And what did you witness Jack Klugman doing or saying while he was on the set? Not too much from him because he could barely speak at that point. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. Post.

Yeah. Yeah. I kind of had the feeling he took that show for the check. Oh, yeah. What was Eric Roberts like? You worked on Less Than Perfect. Eric Roberts was surprisingly delightful. Yeah, because he had a reputation for a while as being a strange cat.

He was great on our show, and he was, here's a little-known Eric Roberts fact, but loves squirrels and has a couple of pet squirrels and i mean he told me this straight out the trivia little eric roberts we could do six degrees of jj wall on this show you're an arrested development with jessica walter who's been here yes and henry winkler who's been here. You did Eisenhower and Lutz. Craig Bierko was on there. And you were also on Sydney. Oh, with Valerie Bertinelli. Right, and Bierko was a regular on there. You were in Troop Beverly Hills with Frankie Avalon. You did a short film with Dr. Katz. And right before you came

in, our previous interview was with Billy Saluga, who did an episode of Blossom. Oh, my goodness. I remember that name, actually. I'm sure I'd recognize it. He's Ray J. Johnson, Jr. You doesn't have to call me Johnson. Only this show, JJ.

Really? Only this show. We had Mayim on Till Death, actually. Mayim Bialik. Right. Who was Blossom. Right. She's a very interesting young woman.

What I find fascinating with her, she had that hit show, Blossom, of course, and then drops out of acting, goes back to college, and when she decides to return, she's on, like, the biggest hit on TV. I know. Unbelievable. Yeah, luck. I mean, good for her.

Yeah, it's good luck. It's definitely, it's always good luck. Yeah. For anybody to pretend this is not luck and all. No, it's so much as luck. But, yeah, she's done very well for herself and has a few kids, I think. Yeah. Did you write with John Ratzenberger for a while? You know, he's a buddy. she's done very well for herself and has a few kids, I think. Yeah. You,

did you write with John Ratzenberger for a while? You know, he's a buddy. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen him in a long time now cause he's moved up to, I think the Seattle area,

but yeah, we, we tried to develop a couple of things. We actually tried to do a movie about British baseball cause there's actually baseball in Britain. And so we traveled over there and drank our way around the country and he's a baseball tour's another funny guy. Followed the whole baseball tour. Very funny guy.

Very good guy. Like I said, I haven't seen him in a while now because he lives up north. But we still go to the same dentist. What else you got for this man, Gil? Oh, God. Let's see. Oh, this is good. This is good. J.J. was present for one of the great finales

in sitcom history. And he knows what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah, the Newhart finale I was doing the warm-ups for. And I always thought, I didn't know if Mary Fran had been informed. I always thought she wasn't. But it was where he wakes up with Suzanne Plachette and thinks the whole Newhart show that took

place in New England was a dream. And he says he says that i mean he says to her but i what i had to do is keep the whole audience focused the other way the entire time because nobody wanted to see them set up that set or see suzanne plachette come on or anything so that part was fun but when they opened the curtain and it was suzanne plachette and bob newhart in the thing i i've never heard a round of applause or an explosion from an audience like that before. Didn't he have misgivings about it too? That he thought, you know, wait, you're going to tell these people that they've invested in us over the years, all these characters, and now you're going to tell them the whole thing was a dream? I believe that was a big discussion among the writers.

I was just doing warm-ups at the time. But yeah, I heard that was a big discussion. And I also heard that Mary Fran, the actress who had played his wife, was never informed. But then I was told that she was informed and she was just pissed off. So I don't know what the truth is on that one. Right. It was a good choice to do it. It worked so well.

Yeah. Yeah, it really did. It really did. Newhart also was a great character because there was a guy who created a show called Remington Steel whose last name was Gleason. I don't remember his first name. And it wasn't obviously Jackie Gleason. Michael Gleason, I think, was his name. And he always used to just park wherever he felt like.

He had a Rolls Royce. And this was on MTM, the old, now it's called Radford, but it was the old MTM studio. And Newhart never used foul language. And at one point, somebody else, and it was just one of his guys, it was like a producer or a director guy, said, oh, I gather Rolls Royce is parked in my spot again.

And Newhart picked up the phone, called the head of security, and said, this is Bob Newhart. Tell Gleason to get his fucking car out of that fucking space

or I'm gonna fucking come over with a fucking sledgehammer and destroy it. Wow. And I mean, this guy never cursed. Wow. There was another great this guy never cursed. Wow. There was another great car story when I did the Army show over at Warner Brothers.

The security guard told me, he said, this lady parked in Clint Eastwood's spot, in Malpaso Production's spot. And the security guard said, you don't want to park there. Don't park there. And then Clint came in a few minutes later and saw the lady in his spot. And he was driving a truck and backed it up and rammed her in the back and backed it up and rammed her in the back and kept doing it until he smashed the whole car into a wall in front.

And then when she came out a few minutes later, he pulled out his checkbook and said, how much do you want for this piece of shit? That's a good story. I like that. Didn't Bill Macy have a disagreement with Tony Curtis over a parking space I think he did

oh we will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this and now back to the show we had Bill Macy on the show

we brought up he was he was he's 95 I was gonna say he was gracious and polite through the whole show five minutes left in the show

we asked about Tony Curtis, and he says, that cocksucker. That's funny. Some parking dispute. Yeah. Those are the ones that get you because you've got to put up with so much other shit. It's the little stuff that gets you. I found in doing a little research today on you, JJ,

an article from the New York Times dated 1982 and it said comedians Gilbert Gottfried and JJ Wall have both been awarded a Charlie. Oh, jeez. Does this mean anything to you? Oh, jeez. It must have been some local New York thing.

No, it's a Charlie Chaplin award. Really? Yeah, I remember. I think I got about two or three. What was it? It was when you got it, it was like one of those really cheap picture frames that they used to have in like Woolworth for like 50 cents. Right. And like some sheet with a badly drawn picture of Charlie Chaplin.

And they- Did they give these out down in the village? Yes. I think so. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That I kind of remember.

I have no idea. I don't think I even still have the thing. And I remember they used to, like, when I'd be, when people would interview me or write an article about me, they'd say, you know, three-time winner of the prestigious Charlie Award. And I said, no one knows what the fuck this thing is I didn't even know and that's how I found out the idea how people send bios around I didn't know about bios before and so and I once I found that out I said get this out of the buyer right now. Get rid of the Charlie. And I remember one time Seinfeld was up for a Charlie, and he didn't get it.

And he probably got pissed. Yes, yes. Why didn't I get the Charlie Award? I deserve the Charlie Award. Why did they give it to Norm MacDonald? Well, he's funny. Is Seinfeld still pissed at you for doing the voice? Oh, yeah. Why did they give it to Norm Macdonald? Well, he's funny. Is Seinfeld still pissed at you for doing the voice?

Oh, yeah. Oh, did he get pissed at that? Gilbert's the lone comedian that hasn't been on Comedians in Cars with coffee. Oh, yes. Oh, I didn't realize there was animosity behind that. And I, yeah, because I remember a catch. I used to. You used to do him all the time. What?

Well, he was a perfect voice for a match for your Dustin Hoffman and all those other guys. William Hurt, is it? They're all the guys that talk the same, that you used to do. Oh, yes, yes. Bits of them interviewing each other. Seinfeld would fit very well into that. I never heard you do William Hurt

No I'll have to I don't know if I've ever done I used to do Tony Curtis talking to Gavin McCloud That I've seen It was another bit that was similar to that bit But it was different voices

I would combine voices Yeah You were a pretty good comic at one point Yeah, I would combine voices. Yeah. You were a pretty good comic at one point. You should see that movie, though. Yeah. The Gilbert movie? The Gilbert movie. Yeah, it's pretty good.

I hate subtitles. The French fishophile. The only thing wrong with that movie is that Max von Sydow isn't playing Gilbert. The lead was weak. He would get replaced by Kevin Spacey these days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Or Christopher Plummer. You were in a movie with Jamie Farr too, JJ? I'm shooting all my bullets here. Which one was that? Run Till You Fall. Oh, yeah.

Mike Farrell from MASH actually directed that one. I think I played some baggage clerk at the airport or something. Mike always liked me, though. He was nice. Yeah, Jamie Farr was definitely in that. The reason I don't, you know, movies, they also only bring you on for that day or two or three or five that you work. So you don't really see a lot of those people. But yeah, Jamie Farr was definitely in that.

I met a friend as Lost Bag. You've done a lot of cool shit. Did you perform stand-up in Africa? Yes, my first gig, my first paid gig was in Liberia. Monrovia, Liberia, because I had been with the airlines. I worked with the airlines just out of college for a few years. And then I, basically, they started promoting me because I was a union guy with a college degree and all I was doing was cleaning planes to get through college. I'm a college, I'm a college kid with a college degree. But yeah, so I got to fly free, which is the only reason I got the gig. And a friend of mine was working for Air Liberia, and he also was throwing a party for the British Embassy.

And so I performed for the British Embassy. But landing in Liberia, we literally landed over a crashed plane that was just left at the end of the runway because they didn't want to do anything with it. And then we went and did the show. And then some Englishwoman ambassador or whatever she was, they were incredibly racist. It was, I mean, like overtly racist. And she knocked over the whole table of drinks. I mean, like drunkenly stumbled into it, knocked over the whole table and immediately stood up and started yelling at the black guy who had been just working his ass off to try to set up the table and do things. Wow.

And then when I was flying back, I actually ran across the tarmac because I was late for the flight because I got two encores and I didn't want to leave. Oh, you did well. I did very well. That's great. And then I was running across the tarmac saying, bring that flight back. And I was flying standby for nothing at the time. I'm trying to get them to stop the flight, which they didn't. And how long a flight is that to Africa?

I think it was something like, because I was living in New York at the time, so maybe nine hours, ten hours. It was non-stop. You haven't played Africa? I've seen the whole apartheid thing. I'm considered a genius in Africa. Really? Yeah, I did.

In Rwanda? The Biafra bit. The Biafrans. Those people should eat something. It's not attractive. It's not thin. It's skinny. That was one of my bits. He's huge in Cameroon. Any place the next famine is about to take place.

Oh, my God. I was in a plane crash in the Andes. Do you know his whole act as I do, J.J.? Could you do his act verbatim? Pretty close. Yeah, me too. But you've seen in that French movie how much he turns over his material. Yeah.

It'll come up on this show. I'll say, hey, you remember you used to do that bit about... And I'll go, wait a minute. You still doing it? Yeah. Exactly. Hey, how many of you watch Gunsmoke? Why throw it away if it works?

That's right. As long as they're still laughing. He's still doing Hop Sing material. He's still doing Mickey Mouse material. Yeah. Yep. The tray. Mickey Mouse on ass.

Yeah. And I also remember how many different time periods we've known each other. When your daughter was in a baby stroller. That's right. I would come up to her, shake her hand, and go, Gilbert Gottfried, thick of the night. Yes. She was an infant at that point. Gilbert Gottfried, thick of the night.

Hilarious. And I think your daughter for a while thought my name was Gilbert Gottfried, Think of the Night. Hilarious. And I think your daughter for a while thought my name was Gilbert Gottfried, Gilbert Gottfried, Think of the Night. She did.

She definitely thought that was your full name is Gilbert Gottfried. Hilarious. And then he used to cheat at children's games with her too. Oh, we used to play.

When you were playing Connect the Knot. Yeah, we'd play darts and I would cheat. He'd fill in like 60 of them when she was trying to do her first. Nice. You're a monster. What do you got?

That was the funniest. All right, go ahead. Anything else? Oh, let's see. Frank has cycled through a lot of stuff. I'm very impressed. Well, you've done a lot. I've forgotten.

You've done a lot of cool shit. Now, when you were on 7th Heaven, did you ever find little kids for the lead actor? All right. Oh, no. It was a 14-year-old girl. That's not a little kid. Our new senator from Alabama. It's all those things.

They're girls. It's encouraged. You work with a friend of mine, and I hesitate to even bring her name up because I know where Gilbert's going to go. Uh-oh. You work with Sherry Shepard. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who's a lovely person. Gilbert's going to Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who's a lovely person. I know where Gobert's going to go, too.

Yeah. She's a very funny person. But I can cut this out of the show, so it doesn't matter. Let him do his worst. Yeah, Sherry, she was a nice... Well, when we knew her back on Less Than Perfect, she hadn't had her epiphany about religions. Yes, yes.

A very sweet person, though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She always was nice. Yeah. Andy Dick was always very nice on that show, except when he didn't show up. Who's that?

Andy Dick. Oh, Andy Dick. Right. But the thing I really remember about Andy Dick is that he impressed me. Those spastic, weird physical bits, when we did the second take he would do

exactly the same thing so I was always impressed by that that's interesting he really didn't know what he was doing but he the poor tortured soul

I feel I feel worse for him than anything else I mean he was a nice guy troubled man yeah fathered three children

by two different women I know so is Gilbert which is I know because people think Gilbert's straight too and that's all. I don't know that people think that.

I could be. What people? And you work with Patrick Warburton, another very funny guy. Yes, I may be working. I'm hoping to work with Patrick again. Oh, I love him. Yeah, we're working on something together right now. He's a funny guy.

The funniest. He's also funny guy. The funniest. And he's also one of those classic examples. You do it too. But people who are very recognizable, they either can get tormented by that or just go with it. And going with it is always the better choice. And Warburton is like that too. He'll stop and he'll take a picture. He'll sign an autograph, whatever people want.

He's always very comfortable that way. And it's like, you know, don't become a celebrity if you don't enjoy it. Yeah, isn't it nice to be around people who are famous people who are comfortable in their own skin? It's a tremendous relief. No, it's refreshing. And he's one of those guys who could play the same character over and over again, and he seems fine with it.

He's not one of those like, no, no, I want to stretch as an artist. No, he does want to stretch as an artist, but he has no problem being who he is. I mean, when you have that kind of voice and I mean, look at John Wayne and all those other guys, you know,

he really only played one character. Yeah. He was very funny on the tick. I mean, he's very funny in a lot of things that didn't last. Yeah. He and I have talked about it. And one of the things he's always said is he really has had to um they don't really a lot of people don't know how to write for him

i mean one of the reasons tom hurts who you mentioned before that success with him and uh rules of engagement knows patrick's what was it rules of engagement yeah yeah tom knew patrick's voice so he could write for him but pat does, he seems a lot easier than he is in terms of writing for him, in terms of the character. I think he's a hilarious guy. Yeah, I do too. I do too. And I like him, and we've been out to his house a few times.

He likes to sing with his rock band buddies. I'm not as familiar with the bands, but like Jane's Addiction and whatever that era of rock is, those are his buddies so they come out to his house and they jam in the garage on thursday nights and he gets up and sings with him when you saw him on seinfeld even in the small part as putty and you why and you you know there's a breakout guy immediately yeah there's there's boy that guy's just got comedy star quality and it jumps off the screen and it and well i think he was only booked for one episode i know i know he turned it into something yeah

so should i come up with another story i'm looking at him because you guys have 30 years of history i know i met you seven minutes ago i You'd think Gober would know something about me. We should go through a lot of the people who used to be at Catch when we, in those years. Mm-hmm. Start that again. No, we should go through a lot of the people who used to be at Catch Rising Star in those years. Larry David would be there. He would be there once in a while.

Remember him screaming at Ron Zimmerman at the bar? What do you mean you don't get nervous before you go up? Woody Allen throws up before he goes up. Lenny Bruce threw up before he goes up. What do you mean you don't get nervous? He was offended. He just walked out of the bar. And then remember Richie Morris, who you and I knew,

who was one of the funniest guys ever, but eventually converted, I think, to Orthodox Judaism and moved to Texas in pursuit of a 16-year-old girl. Oh, my God. It's a Lolita story. Yeah, but he was in love with her. I mean, there was no weird underpinning to it. He was in love with her, and, of course,

her Texan parents were delighted to see an Orthodox Jewish girl come to Texas. I'm sure. And I remember, like, Dennis Miller used to work out at Catch. Bill Maher. Bill was, to Bill's credit, he always kind of wanted to be a stand-up and has always worked as a stand-up. To Dennis Miller's credit, he was funny in his show and then became Bill O'Reilly's pal

in this. Yeah. I don't know what happened to Dennis Miller, but he stopped being funny. Was Joe Bolster in the clubs then and Steve Middleman?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. They were all around. Provenza had to be around. Provenza was around. Bolster had his, remember, Bolster had his nervous breakdown

on The Tonight Show around that time, too, where he completely froze. He stole a joke, and he was a good comic joke. I don't mean to disparage him, but it was an amazing experience. And then he froze after his first line or two on The Tonight Show. And I mean, like, mouth open, froze. I didn't know that story.

Yeah. And he sat down, and Leno was just trying to go past it and plug his next gig and stuff. And he was literally hyperventilating on the couch and stuff. Wow. Yeah. And he sat down and Leno was just trying to go past it and plug his next gig and stuff. And he was literally hyperventilating on the couch and stuff. Wow.

So I felt very badly for him. Was Wolfberg around? I think he's still working. Oh, yeah. Wolfberg. Yeah. Dennis Blair. Blair was still there.

Yeah. Yeah. That was a guy that, boy, Rodney didn't treat him right, I thought. You know, because he helped write

the first couple of Rodney's movies. Right. Funny guy. Yeah. Another nice guy. Yeah. Rodney was a weird... Hell yeah. I'm one of the few that's seen Rodney naked. Oh, no. Big closer. Yeah, I belong to New York

Health and Racquet Club. And I was in the jacuzzi and Rodney comes in and takes his towel off and sits down and says, so you going to Belzer's party tonight? And I said, Actually, I was going to go a little later. Are there going to be girls there? I'm not sure if there's going to be girls. If there's no girls there, I'm not going downtown to see fucking Belzer.

That's disturbing. And Rodney actually hit on my wife in front of me. I'm one of the few people that actually has been disrespected by Rodney. Oh, do tell. Excellent. I didn't realize you were JJ's wife. Oh, Jesus Christ. I was standing right there.

Yeah, she is, Rodney. Sorry. Ah, take her. We should wrap. We got about a good hour here. Oh, that's right. Oh, really? Yeah.

Yeah. Time flies when you're miserable. These are good stories. Also, I don't think we can top Rodney Dangerfield nude. Yeah, that's true. That's pretty much a closer. I used to close with that before I did the song bit. I would put on a blue robe and expose myself.

Which is what Rodney did. He would put on a blue robe, have his balls hanging out. Yeah, wasn't he famous for opening the door with the robe open? Oh, that's right. And everything hanging out? Yes. Yeah, I think he would close just enough that there couldn't be any legal claims. Because Richard Lewis told us that, Jackie Martling.

More than a few people. Yeah, Rodney, I think if Rodney was around now, he'd be one of those names that would pop up in the sexual harassment. I can't imagine it wouldn't happen. Yeah, they're not naming anybody posthumously, are they? Yes. No, they're leaving that be. Yeah. So anyway, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre.

This has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal obsessions with our friend J.J. Wall. You're our obsession this week, J.J. Well, I've never been anybody's obsession before. That sounds great. We would follow you to Texas. In search of a 16-year-old. Yeah. It sounds like the heartbreak kid.

He's Jewish. She's a shiksa. You know, actually, I didn't even realize that. It was much weirder. Much weirder. Thanks for doing this, man. You've done a lot of wonderful, cool stuff. My pleasure and my honor.

I'm glad to be here. It's a fun trip. I'm sorry Gilbert had to be involved. Yeah, and say hello to Dara and the kids. Dara's right here. She's still telling the story about how 10 years later, he wasn't telling anybody. Sadly true.

Thanks, JJ. Nice to meet you, buddy. Nice to meet you, Frank. Take care.