Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #171: Bill Macy Returns

Episode Date: July 5, 2018

This week: "Movers & Shakers"! Bill vs. Morty Seinfeld! Lee Strasberg gets steamed! And the mob "handles" Walter Matthau! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. hi this is gilbert godfrey and i'm here with frank santo padre and this is gilbert and frank's amazing colossal obsessions please welcome back to the show by popular demand, the president of the Tony Curtis fan club. The lovable Bill Macy.

I say thank you and I love you and I don't know if you left enough time for the show because you took about 40 minutes. We have some long intros, Bill. Welcome back. I appreciate it because I've never had the experience that I had, like I told you last time I was here. I have no idea about the new audience.

I don't mean the new audience. I don't mean the new audience. The audience that's going to hear this particular podcast. But let's hope that we'll be truthful and vulgar and entertaining. We're never anything but. We never had a guest stand up and offer to expose themselves either on the show before.

Wait a minute. Since your last episode. Wait a second. Yeah. Ron, who helped us get here today, and I said to the person when we walked in here, where's the restroom? And they said, down this long hall.

The hall was not lit. So Ron led me to the restroom. We walked for 40 minutes to pee. I mean, for crying out loud. And, you know, you are one of those pleasant surprises as guests that we've had where, you know, you have someone on and we want to talk to them, but we figure, well, I don't know if the audience remembers him.

Oh, they remembered him, all right. And boy, oh boy, the audience not only remembered you, but the ones too young to know who you were still loved the, we were getting so many. We said we got to have them back. Well, so come on. Let me hear some of the things that they said. Here's a couple of them since you asked.

Yeah, go ahead. These are from last time. David West says, Bill was on fire for 95. Well done, guys. Great guests. John Shetler, Bill was very high on my wish list of show guests but i didn't think it could happen thanks for getting him on uh steve fix he says he played poker with you a couple of times at commerce interesting uh steve caris thanks for interviewing velvel garber

uh edward owens says the first 45 minutes of this show I laughed my ass off I suspect I will do the same on the final part this is my new favorite episode Mr. Macy was candid, delightful and hilarious I don't know what was funnier, Gilbert's laugh or Mr. Macy's answers Peter Santa Maria says outstanding

episode, we need to have him back Ted Herman says Bill Macy is hilarious, I never knew Gilbert was such an accomplished straight man. Jason Andrew, an all-time favorite episode. Bill is a credit to my tribe. Alright.

There you go. I want to say thank you because it makes me feel tired. That's the only response? I've told this story on this show before, but when I was having a screening of my documentary Gilbert, you were nice enough to show up. And then at the end of the show, I wanted you to, I wanted to introduce you.

And they said, oh, well, Bill, he was coughing and choking. He was having trouble breathing and he had to leave early. And so the next day, Darren and I were really worried. And we tried to call you up thinking, oh, my God, what's happened? And you answer the phone, and you're at the casino. Well, Samantha usually pushes me out of the house. Isn't that what you did this morning, Sam? And she says, go and entertain yourself, you know, and I lost $100 there today because the last car beat me up a little bit.

So it was, you know, something to do. And Ron works there, and he's volunteered to drive us here because the traffic here is just impossible to maneuver. And, you know, we started yesterday, I think, and we got here today. Where do you live, Bill, that you don't usually deal with this kind of traffic? El Paso. That's pretty far. I remember Darren and I were in California, and you came over and visited us, and you brought a large container of herring. Oh, wow.

You want to hear a story about the herring thing? Please. We do, of course. On Sunday, which was Father's Day, today is Monday, the day after Father's Day. I decided I couldn't get a lettuce wrap, which I usually get on Bedford. And so I went over to Nate and Al, and I could not get in. There must have been 50 people outside. There must have been 150 people inside. And there's noise.

It was a bunch of Jews just screaming about, give me food, you know. So I went in. I finally got in, and I get two pieces of herring cut up, please, and a cup of coffee to go. And again, because I knew I was going to be on the show tonight, I took it over to Maple, which is a very, very quiet block. I took it over to Maple, which is a very, very quiet block. And I enjoyed my herring and coffee, like I said in the early show, in silence and privacy. Except for the maple trees. What was that?

Except for the maple trees. You were that? Except for the maple trees. You were with the trees, right? Well, she's correcting me. That's my wife, Samantha. By the way, does the public know how we met? I was attracted by her ass. No, tell that story.

No, the real... You know, Gilbert, I have to be very careful what I say to you because you left practically everything I do and say, and I love you for that. But, you know, what happened was that Jacques Levy was the director of this show called O Calcutta, and it was made up. I think I told you about this in the early podcast, didn't I? Absolutely. You told us a little bit about the show, but I don't think I told you about this in the early podcast, didn't I? Absolutely. You told us a little bit about the show, but I don't think you told us how you met Samantha. Well, she came to visit from – she's from Mississippi. She came to visit a girl from Mississippi who was selling candy in the downstairs lobby of the theater.

And the girl downstairs said to her, why don't you audition for the show just like this? So she went up and met the director and said, I'd like to audition for the show. And so she got on stage and I was sitting with the director just hanging out. And it looked to the director that she wasn't like free and easy. So he said to me, Bill, go upstairs and go on stage and loosen her up. So in the middle of her audition, I walked through the audition and I said, hey, what's going on here, you know?

And she got pissed off like crazy. She said, I'm doing an audition here. And the director loved it because now he saw the real person. And he hired her and I married her a couple of years later. We got married in 75, right? She takes care of me every night because she's only 74.

I'm 96. Oh, let me sing my song. Go ahead. Okay. I'll never be 95 again. Now I'm 96. Amen. You were 95 when you did this show, and you haven't lost a step, Bill.

I think I've lost a couple of steps. You know. What did you think of Gilbert's movie? I'm meaning to ask you that. The documentary. I saw him in the movie as this young sort of bizarre crazy uh person and i fell in love with him immediately because he had the nerve the chutzpah to just enact whatever he wanted to do and then eventually became a professional and and then also pardon pardon me? I said somewhat.

Yeah, well, and then the laughter that he has is the most attractive laughter in the world. You know that. He knows that. Everybody knows that. Oh, thank you, Bill. Bill, did you get the herring that we sent, that Gino Salamone sent? Never got it. You didn't get it? No. Okay. We owe you herring. Yeah sent, that Gino Salamone sent. Never got it. You didn't get it?

No. Okay. We owe you herring. Well, come on. How are you going to get that herring? You have to call Nate Nelson Haven and deliver it to the house. Here's a question we didn't ask you. Oh, and before I forget, the name of that documentary is Gilbert.

Nice plug. Squeeze that in. Well, do you know when it's going to be playing out here? Because I want to take people to see it. I loved that documentary. She loved it. It's on Hulu, I think. Really? I don't think it's playing in theaters anymore, Samantha.

So we can just get it on Hulu. Yeah. It's called Gilbert, right? Yes. And it was bigger than Jurassic Park. It was fabulous. I loved it. Thank you.

Loved it. And thank you both for showing up. Thank you. What are you talking about? No matter what, if you would ask us, I'd live with you. No matter what, if you would ask us, I'd live with you. I'd like to see the two of you do the sunshine, boys, you and Bill. Listen to this.

I don't know if this is proper to say so, but I've never seen any of your other podcasts, and I've never heard any of your other podcasts. So therefore, I have no knowledge of what they look like and what they sound like. But if you tell me that people have said that my podcast with you in September was entertaining, what kind of moron did you have on your show before? podcast with you in September was entertaining. What kind of moron did you have on your show before? I mean, for crying out loud. I mean. It was a strange backhanded compliment.

And last time I asked you to do this but i have to ask you again you were in the original uh mel brooks film the producers and at the end they had the trial with zero mustel and gene wilder and and you're the uh foreman of the jury. Yeah. And they say, had the jury reached a verdict? And you say. We have, Your Honor. And he said, how do you find? And I said, we find the defendant incredibly guilty. Still works.

Bill, we will send you some episodes on CD so you can listen to them because I know you haven't had a chance. Because I can't work these little gadgets, the phones, whatever they are. So, therefore, I need something to put into my disc player in the car because I drive 50, 60 miles every day. Well, we picked out some episodes with people you've worked with in the past, like Richard Benjamin and Carl Reiner and Bill Persky, people you knew. Okay, okay. So our trusty engineer, Frank, is going to put them on a CD, and then Dara's going to send it out to you so you can listen in the car. And last time, just recently, we spoke to you on the phone,

recently we spoke to you on the phone and you were in your car and you just started cursing out this other driver i'm not going to use profanity on your show no god don't do that fuck no yes because i get offended way too easy we will return to to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast after this. Bill, can we ask you some questions we didn't ask you last time? Frank, please do. We didn't ask you about studying with Lee Strasberg last time. Holy moly, Is he still alive? No, he's long gone. But what was the experience like?

Do you have any memory of it? Yes, now that you bring that up. I did a scene, and we finished the scene, and he bawled the hell out of us. He did. Because we were acting. And he said, look at Mr. Macy now. Look at Bill now. He's just sitting and listening.

He didn't do that in the scene. And nobody else did that in the scene. You have to understand. And I forget exactly how he said it. But he didn't want us to, quote, unquote, act. He wanted us to be. And that was really a valuable lesson that he gave us that day. Like, for instance, right now, I'm not acting with you. I'm not acting with Gilbert.

Now, I'm not acting with you. I'm not acting with Gilbert. So if I said right now in the middle of this podcast, what could I possibly say? I suck my dick, you know. I mean, that wouldn't be acting. That's me, Bill, the foul-mouthed Brooklyn guy, and he doesn't know what to do. You know, I'm 96, motherfucker. What else? Ask me another question.

That's a good name for your podcast, Bill. I'm 96, motherfucker. Tell us something about Walter Matthau, too. Oh, I think I mentioned that I was his understudy, right? Yeah, once more with feeling. And, you know, he was an inveterate, if I can use that word for your audience, an inveterate gambler. And in the middle of the show while he's on stage and I'm a little backstage watching him work and so on and his scene would be over.

He'd run to get off stage. He'd run to the phone, pick it up and he goes, and he put $1,500 on Detroit, $2,000 on Boston. He was an inveterate gambler. He gambled daily and he was in hock for millions of dollars. daily and he was in hock for millions of dollars so the gamblers that knew

how to maneuver got him this series in Hollywood and they took all of his weekly pay until they broke even with him good actor excellent

good dramatic stuff so they got him a series just so he could pay them back that's right that's fun wow and that's how you got me too you know you never gave me anything then the first podcast you're not giving me anything for this podcast. So we're even. You're something of a gambler yourself, Bill. Are you still playing? Ron, who brought me here today, works at the Hustler Casino. That son of a bitch

Larry Flint owns it. Right. Why do you call him the son of a bitch? He's a terrible person. He has his own little game every so often, maybe once every two or three months, about eight or nine invited guests. They all have to bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars. And he was shot many, many years ago. Yeah, sure.

During a trial. I think it affected his brain. Otherwise, he may have been a bad person. Maybe that's the reason somebody shot him, you know? Anyway, I go there practically daily just because it's close to the house. It's only 25 miles. The other is further away, believe it or not. And I play a blue chip game like, what is it, dollar?

Dollar each chip is a dollar. We play two, three, you know, something like that. And it keeps me busy, and Samantha doesn't mind because she's a mother of the house, so she can just live her own life and so on and so forth. What was the question, by the way? The question was, do you still gamble a little bit? I think you answered it. Yeah, right.

Gilbert, you're not a card player. You're not a gambler. No. You're not somebody to ever – you never dabbled in that kind of thing. No, no. I'm lucky. Did you ever play in a casino? Did you ever play the roulette or –

I think – Anything? 21? Once. Once. Several decades ago, I put a quarter in a slot machine and of course it didn't win and that was too devastating.

That was the end for you. I lost a quarter in Vegas. All right, Bill, I got some other stuff for you here. Last time we talked to you, I brought up a bunch of credits, and you said, you're full of shit, I wasn't in those. Oh, come on. I don't use profanity.

You said that through about 75% of the show, I remember. What was it? Go ahead, Frank. No, no, that's wrong. Come on, Frank. I never said that. This time I printed out your IMDB pages. Yeah, go ahead.

To go through some of these to see what you actually remember about them. First of all, you called Tony Curtis a motherfucker last time. Can you refresh us on why you dislike Tony Curtis? Well, it's a boring story about the bus. My bus was in front of his bus. We don't want to go through that again. Yeah, but that was it, huh? It was purely a parking dispute.

Yeah, because as an actor, he did his work. I did my work. We didn't relate to each other as people or anything like that. We were both acting bullshit and so on and so forth. Okay. Do you remember doing a series in 1984 with Madeline Kahn called Oh Madeline? No, I don't remember. I don't know

who she is. You do. You know, Frank, you should do some better research. The same thing happened the last time we did the podcast. Go ahead. Mention. Mention. I'm determined to find some credits that you actually remember.

Here's one. How about Death at Love House with Robert Wagner, Joan Blondell, Dorothy Lamour, and John Carradine? That sounds great. No, no, no. Come on. You know I don't work with people like that. You did it in 1976. It was a TV movie about a ghost. No.

Robert Wagner. Was he married to that? Natalie Wood. Natalie Wood. Okay. I remember him only for this reason. The shoot that we were doing was close to where he lived. So he said to me, Bill, let's go to my house.

I want to show you something. And we went during our break, and he took me into his house, and then there was a room. Well, the room was so large, I can't even describe how large it was. It was like maybe 40 feet square, 40-yard square, whatever. And there was dresses in every corner of the room. He said, my wife likes dresses. And he showed me all of the dresses that she wears

in different scenes and movies and so on and so forth. And I thought that was very friendly of him to show me that. And that's the only thing I know about that movie. Okay. So no memories of Joan Blondell or John Carradine. Who were those people? Classic actors. Oh, I remember seeing them in different movies, but I don't think I've ever worked with them.

Come on. Well, maybe you were in the same movie. Maybe you didn't have any scenes with them. How about Diary of a Young Comic in 1979? Oh, it's Richard Lewis. Richard Lewis, the comedian. Georgie Jessel was in it. No, no, no.

Come on. You did the same thing last time we did this podcast. Come on. Come up with something new. I don't know. Come on. Come on, Frank. What are you doing?

You're pulling my leg, aren't you? Okay, here's one you will remember. You played an eccentric film director, Sid Spokane. Get out of here. Sid Spokane in Charles Grodin's Movers and Shakers. What the hell is he talking about? Movers and Shakers. And Gilda Radner was your girlfriend.

Was your girlfriend. And you were the producer, and you kept saying he'll let you let you down. Wait a minute, was that the time we were in a car together? Yes, yes. And was there Steve Martin in that? Yes. Yes, and Walter Matthau. Yeah.

Well, I don't remember anybody except Steve Martin and Gilda Radner if I was in that movie with them. You were. And so, well, you know. Alright, here's another one. We didn't talk about this last time. Tell us about doing Seinfeld. With Sandy Barron and Barney Martin and some of those other great character actors. We just saw the rerun

of that recently. And I said to Samantha after we had seen the I was like running the voting to get rid of Jerry's father from the area, the condominium.

The condo, yeah. Yeah, the condo. And so I played straight and I was running the show and you vote yes, you vote no, this and that, and so on and so forth. And I was wondering, I said to Samantha, why was I even cast in that show? Everybody else had humor, and they had jocularity.

What the hell does that mean? and junkularity. What the hell does that mean? But I don't know. People, well, look at the way you just had me come on to do this podcast. I have no idea why you would ask me to come back because is this entertaining to the public? Oh, yeah. This schmagegi from brooklyn who's 96 years old and he doesn't even present

himself like an intelligent human soul i feel i don't i don't feel that i'm uh worth what you're asking me to do you know well our guests are very our listeners are very interested in your career and all the fun stuff that you've done and all the people you've worked with. You know, I have no idea how they decided to use me for these different roles that I've played. And when I play them, because we've spoken about this in the past, I try not to quote-unquote act. I try to be as it's indicated in the text, you know, and so on and so forth. Let me throw just a couple more out at you. Do you remember doing a Columbo with Peter Falk in 1993 with Faye Dunaway?

Was I a janitor? You played a character named Ruddick. Did I run the house like the apartment house? I think you did. How am I supposed to remember? You know, Frank, I really like you. I really like you. I like everything about you.

I love Gilbert and so on. But you did research. What the hell? For crying out loud. How am I supposed to remember these things that are going way, way, way back? Okay, well, why don't we talk about some more recent stuff? For a lot of joy in interview work. That's pretty much the premise.

Let's talk about William H. Macy. Why don't you get William H. Macy on the fucking program? Now, Bill, you have a story about a nurse in the hospital. What was that, honey? A nurse? What are you talking about? When I just was in with pneumonia? Yes.

Yes. What's the story? You know more about me than I do. You and Frank. Okay. Well, we researched, Bill. What about the nurse in the hospital? What'd I do?

I don't know. Tara came in with a note. Tara gave us a note. That you had a story about you with a nurse in the hospital. Where's Tara? Is she there? She's here. Well, let her ask me to let her inform.

She's here and she's signaling her crotch area. So it involves some kind of, something to do with it. Oh, something to do with your penis. A catheter, maybe. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I don't remember any of this, what she's talking about. All right.

Okay. So I guess. I may not even remember the podcast as soon as we go home. Okay. You know, I'll be 97 pretty soon. Bill, we're going to sign off. Yeah. So this has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast.

And we found out that Mel Brooks had nothing to do with the producers. That's not true. That's not true. You know, I would never call Mel Brooks a motherfucker, but Tony Curtis, I will call him a motherfucker. There we go. Go ahead and now sign off, Gilbert. Go ahead.

Yeah. No, I think that's the perfect sign-off. Colossal Obsessions.