Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #172: Gilbert & Frank Read Facebook and Twitter Questions

Episode Date: July 12, 2018

This week: Naked vampires! Fake Stymie! Rod Steiger plays W.C. Fields! Frank goes to a drive-in movie! And Gilbert explains how a joke works! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. hi this is gilbert godfrey and i'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing, colossal obsessions. We're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Verderosa, who lost three of our shows. And who's filling in for Paul Raybone this week, pray tell? We have someone else in the booth.

Yes. We have, I think her name's Dara. You think? Yeah, yeah. I saw her in the Gilbert movie.

Oh, yes. She was so good. Do you have any idea who I am? Oh, I thought it was Howie Mandel. Wife slash lover slash enabler

slash mom. How are you, D enabler. I'm much hotter. Slash mom. How are you, Dara? I'm good, thank you. Should we explain? Should we acclimate our listeners to what's happening? Sure, go for it. Go ahead, Gil.

We can't find Bruce Valanche anywhere. See, sometimes- Bruce Valanche is MIA. Yeah, we book a guest, but that doesn't mean they always show up. Sometimes I don't show up. He confirmed with me last week that he was coming, and he's 30 minutes late, so we decided, what the hell, let's try something new. This is something new. Usually our guests die before doing our show.

Several have. I hope he's okay. I'm sure he's fine. We're going to do an impromptu mini. Dara is here firing questions at us from Twitter. Frank will be firing questions to us from the Facebook Listener Society page. And hopefully we'll have enough for a show. And let's see how the hell this goes.

And I'll supplement them with... Probably awful, but... Okay. I think we're getting questions already. Are there already? This is like live radio. Okay, Dara. Okay, so the first question I got from Gilbert's Twitter account is,

how does Gilbert stay so sexy? It's a curse. It really is because people don't take me seriously as an artist because I'm so hot. Sandra Bullock thought you were sexy. Yes. Yes, she did. She said she wanted to fuck me.

And she wasn't put up to it or anything. No, not at all. And Verda Rosa, you got to find that clip. Okay, the next question is, any memories of working on the video for The Gas Face by Third Base? No. I remember I did it, but that's about it. The gas face?

Yeah, yeah, it was, uh... Yeah, oh, God. Was it a music video? Uh, yeah, it was by this group, um... Third Base. Third Base. Third Base. Yeah, it was Abbott and Costello's group.

Oh, come in and sit down down so nice of you to come here and dress for the meeting too i like the hats it's a very nice time put your on sore put your record on wag i can't say i'm familiar with them yeah okay okay you want to know you want one from the let's do one from the listener society we'll play we'll go on and off here we'll check so i'm just going to randomly pick Bart Basturna. Bart Basturna, yes. We know Bart. And he says,

TCM showed a bunch of dad-centric films for Father's Day. However, should Pitfall, a noir flick featuring a cheating spouse, Dick Powell, and Death of a Salesman, the Dustin Hoffman telepic, been right there alongside Father of the Bride? What? Was that a question? Was that in the form of a question? Could you phrase? What? Was that a question? Was that in the form of a question?

Could you phrase it in the form of a question? Yes. It seems like more of an odd comment. That sounds like an answer from Peter Fonda. Yes, rather indirect. Hey, this is Peter Fonda. The answer is blue. We love Peter, and we've been getting great reactions to the Peter episode.

We should point that out. It was a thrill to have him here. All right, while Frank is pondering whether that was an actual question, Daryl, fire another one from Twitter. Okay. From William, we have favorite Stephen King novel or movie? Oh, Gil? I don't really have one.

You know, he thinks you're a national treasure. Yes, yes. And yet he won't do the show, oddly enough. So how much of a national treasure are you, really?

Let's see, I'm going to say Dolores Claiborne is one of my favorite Stephen King movies and also obviously The Shawshank Redemption. And you?

Oh, God. You like Carrie? Yeah. Do you like The Shining? Oh, yeah. See, now it's funny. Stephen King hated the Stanley Kubrick The Shining. He hated it, yes.

And that's like a great movie. I think Stanley Kubrick was making a black comedy. Oh, yeah. I think that's what bothered King. That's my theory about it anyway. What else you got? I've got one. Oh!

Listener Society member Mike Worley's got a question, and I think we should let people know, if you don't already belong to the Facebook group. Hey, before you go on, how many... Hold that thought. I mean, Scatman Crothers was in The Shining. Yes. How many movies have Jack Nicholson and Scatman Crothers been in together?

I can name at least two. Yeah. Was he in The Last Detail? He's in Cuckoo's Nest. Yeah, he's in Cuckoo's Nest. He's in Theuckoo's Nest. Yeah, he's in Cuckoo's Nest. He's in The King of Marvel Gardens. Correct. So there's three.

That might be it. Oh. And Chico and the Man in the Motion Picture. Oh, yes. Go ahead, Frank. So Mike's question was, how many movies have Jack Nicholson and... No, I'm just kidding. What I was saying was

people should look for and join the Listener Society. They should. Run by Eric Fusco and Rob Smentech and Peter Santamaria. And Paul Rayburn just tweeted to let us know that you can also tweet questions and he wants us to know that Twitter is an app you can have on your phone. He's indispensable.

He's such a font of information, Paul. We don't appreciate him. Mike Worley asked which guest has been the biggest surprise with how forthcoming they were? Gilly? Well, obviously, Sonny Fox. I love that. I think Sonny Fox. Who had a birthday yesterday. Favorite episodes.

Sonny Fox. Oh, man, did I love that episode. That was great. That was one of those where I was getting chills up my spine during parts of it. Yeah, there were so many. I mean, I think Lee Grant. Bruce Valanche. Bruce Valanche, an excellent episode.

Yes. Lee Grant, I think Jimmy Webb. Yes. There were so many. I mean, I'd have to stop and think about it. There were a lot of guests that revealed things. I mean, I guess Nesmith was a revealing episode. Yeah.

Ultimately. A lot of them. Thanks for the question. What do you got, Dara? And then I was at some event. This is the way I am. Walking around in the days all the time. was at some event and someone came up to me and said you know mike nesmith just told me that uh he said hello to gilbert godfrey and he didn't know who he was did that happen yes yes shades

of shut up atow yeah yeah exactly right and then i said i i met uh bruce i mean, Mike Nesmith came up to me and I said, point him out. And then I went over and said. Nice work. Okay, you're going to like this one, Gilbert. Okay, what were your TV crushes from the 70s and 80s? Oh, you had a lot of them. Yeah. Also Bruce Valanche.

Okay. Goes without saying. Yes. Did you like Charlene Tilton from Dallas? Oh, I worked with her on SNL. SNL. That was the episode with Jolly Rocket said fuck. Oh, that's the one.

Yes. I just befriended her on Facebook, so she came to mind. You like Jacqueline Bissett? Oh, absolutely. You like, I'm trying to remember the Mr. Skin episode. You like Matilda May, the one that was in Life Force. Oh, yes, Life Force. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, the sexy naked vampire. She was a personal favorite. Yeah. Okay, good question. Good answer. There were a bunch. Now I'm drawing a blank on a lot, but boy. Dave Madden.

Yeah. Paul Williams. Artie Johnson? Yeah. Paul Williams? Artie Johnson? Yes. Paul Williams? Jane Withers? Okay, Dara, what do you got? You want another one from me

or from Frank? All right, we'll go to Frank. Paul Williams was a fun guest. He was, and forthcoming. So, previous podcast guest Adam Karsten would like to know. Oh, Adam, we love Adam from Mr. Kelly's.

What's Gilbert and Frank's favorite W.C. Fields movie? Gil? I never really followed W.C. Fields. Really? Yeah. Major Marx Brothers fan. How about the Rod Steiger W.C. Fields and Me with Valerie Paride? Oh, yes.

The Arthur Hiller biopic. You know what's weird about that? I mean, Steiger, he had his original voice yes you know and that was like that would talk like that that was the original russ steiger voice yeah and then it seemed like after uh wc fields and me he became wc fields for the rest of his life. That's disturbing. Then it would be like, well, when I did the porn broker. A little method acting.

Yeah, it was really odd. So not a big Fields fan. No, I mean, I respect him a little bit. I heard he hated the Jews. That's the rumor. I liked It's a Gift and the Bank Dick. See, now, I heard he hated the Jews, but his two best friends were Fanny Bryce and Eddie Cantor.

There you go. So he was conflicted. Yes. Yes. Yes, he was a closet case. So it's... What do you got, Tara? And also in one of his movies, if not a few, he would be...

He would use the term big black pussy. Like I think they were once in a bar and in the window in the background. Oh, he would sneak things in. He was famous for sneaking profanity into things. And it said big black pussy in the window, in the background. Oh, he would sneak things in. He was famous for sneaking profanity into things. And it said, big black pussy in the window. Yeah, he was famous for trying to sneak dirty words and double entendres into his films ahead of his time. Okay, will you be doing any podcast episodes that go into lengthy conversations about our gang, Little Rascals? Oh, that would be something.

Well, we talked about the Little Rascals at length with Leonard Maltin. And since he's an expert, we'll have to have him back. Yeah. Since I don't think any of the Rascals survive. No. Actually, the last surviving Rascal just died. Yeah. Or maybe an obscure one or two.

There's so much. Dickie Moore died. Weird fictional Little Rascals lore. Yeah. Weird, fictional, little rascals lore. Yeah. There's also the fake rascals. Yes, yes. There was the fake Stimey. Oh, yeah.

Which we talked about, not to be confused with fake Shemp. Which we talked about with Leonard Malt and Frank. Are you up? You have the next question? I've got one for you. This is a good question. Scott Stewart from the Listener Society. No, Scott.

I think he pronounces it Stite. That's what I meant. Yeah. He wants to know when will Dara and the kids be a guest on an episode? Oh,

that could be. You know, we just did a podcast, another podcast interview with the kids. Had we known Bruce Valanche was going to be a guest

on an episode? Yeah. It could have been today. I'd like to see Bruce Valanche and Lily on an episode together. I don't want to see him. I've always wanted to interview them. I don't want to see him with either one of my kids. We'll have Max and

Lily in for a mini episode. That'll be almost as chaotic as this one. What do you got, Dara? Does Gilbert have any dramatic acting aspirations? We asked that in a previous show, I think. Oh, yeah. And you did a little Shakespeare for us. Oh, yeah.

That's right. Yeah. What do you think? That always impresses me. What if they remake The Pawnbroker? Oh, that's right. You could do it. Or Merchant of Venice, I want to do.

You could also play Willy Loman in a pinch. Oh, God, yeah. Hoffman did it. Yeah. Yeah. I saw two versions of, well, they used to show the Lee J. Cobb version a lot on TV. And that had George Segal. That's right.

And who was the other actor, an Italian name? Only Raybone was here to look it up. That's right. And who was the other actor? An Italian name. Only Raybone was here. Oh, God. Hey, you say his name three times, he might just show up. Okay, there he is. Raybone in the flesh. Who was the other actor other than, and I think Gene Wilder.

Yeah, he did a Broadway. He did a stage version. Yeah, but he, I think, played... Biff. Bernie. Bernie? Not Bernie. The nerd.

I can't remember. From Next Door. Yeah, I can't remember. Oh, and Edward Andrews was the Next Door neighbor. Oh, yes. I liked the one with Hoffman and John Malkovich. Oh, yes. That was good.

And then there was I saw a Broadway version with George C. Scott and I think Harvey Keitel. I saw a dinner theater version with Charles Nelson Riley in the lead. Disappointing.

He kept going. Did you guys want me to look something up? The other sibling in the Did you guys want me to look something up? Because you've got so many versions now. I don't know where we are. The other sibling in the Lee J. Cobb version of Death of a Salesman that wasn't George Segal. It was Bruce Valenche. Yes.

We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Desh. BetMGM.com for T's and C's. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins,

the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson This question doesn't really make sense. Okay, well, imagine post to the other one. Why start now? Who was your inspiration for your old groucho impersonation isn't that a little obvious sir ralph richardson next question all right there's a lot of them here so i'm just randomly picking all right okay mr oldman asks why did the siamese twins travel to england oh i don't know this oh my god go ahead gill you're the joke expert yeah this one i'm not sure okay we'll skip that one well what's the answer there There is no answer. He didn't give an answer. It's a question.

Okay. I've got a listener group question to follow up with. What do you got? Jim Wright wants to know, have you tried to get Phil Collins on the show? He's about to tour again, and Gilbert starred in his NBC special with Vanessa Williams and Jeffrey Tambor. You want a Phil Collins special?

Yeah. Well, we should call him. Maybe he'd want to return the favor. I'm the biggest Phil Collins fan there is. And I'm sure Phil Collins sits around going, I have to help out Gilbert Godfrey. He helped me in a bind. He's British. Maybe he knows the answer to the Siamese choice question.

Okay, Dara. Where do your ideas come from? Next. Are you going to identify these people before you ask the question? Okay. The Skeptic. If you could pick only one book to write a screenplay for, what would it be? God.

Bill? I'm lost on all of these i got one go ahead matthew leidig again he's with the list i know matthew leidig yeah i know who he is if someone were to make a movie based on either of your lives who would you want to play you gilbert i know the answer is bruce valanche oh yeah who do i see playing gilbert michael dunn is gone well there's still peter dinklage how about teller or marley matlin's interpreter oh yes the quietest and loudest. Right. I'd like to be played by Ruth Buzzy, but that's just a personal choice. Okay, you're up, Miss Godfrey. What do you got?

I'd like to be played by John Hodiak. John Hodiak! Not John Agar. Okay. When are you finally going to have David be David Crosby on your podcast? Well, we've asked David Crosby, haven't we? Yeah, he said he's going to do the podcast. Yeah, he says.

And I'd like to have some of his sperm. Would they settle for Kathy Lee Crosby? She'll do it. Listener Society, that's that group on Facebook. Yeah, I'm familiar with them. Member George Grimwood of the grimwalds of the of the ohio grimwoods yeah ohio grimwoods with the american drive-in movie theater turning 85 this year have you ever been to a drive-in cinema and what did you see god i haven't you

go to drive they mean on the screen i was you were a brooklyn kid you didn't go to drive-ins I know but I I do remember uh and there was a new story one time and I I'm I'm too smart task Paul to look it up but Raybone some somewhere there was a drive-in theater they bought the drive-in theater and showed porn. And you got a driver's license. Yes, exactly. And cars on the highway

could look down and there'd be porn going on. And so at that section of the highway, they got the most accidents that's hilarious and they had to close the drive just the concept of a porno drive-in theater is disturbing i think i went to one drive-in movie in my lifetime and that was a sinatra movie called the detective you know this picture when i was a kid my aunt and uncle took me that's my memory of a drive-in theater

not much I think the drive-in would be a good name for a gay Yeah hold on to that thought Dara Why did the Siamese twins oh this is Mr. Oldman

Do we have an answer? Why did the Siamese twins travel to England? Okay we still don't know See let me let me explain something about a joke when you say why did the blah blah blah do this and then you go i don't know and then the other person says the punchline that's part of the social contract yeah should i call jackie the contract. Yes. Should I call Jack the joke man and see if he's got it? Did they tweet an answer, Dara? No. Okay. Like, when

is a door not a door? When I don't know. When it's a jar. Yeah. So asking, hey, who invented the comb also doesn't really work, huh? Also, you could say, who invented the

comb? I don't know. And then you give a funny answer. You might want to identify these people too before you ask the question. That was Mr. Oldman. Okay, him again. Alright, Frank. Tom Burbine or Bourbon? I think it's Burbine. Tom Burbine

wants to know, who were your dream guests for the podcast? Oh, we've been over this. Definitely was Bruce Valanche and the return of Bill Macy. Those are the two biggies on the list. I think Alice Cooper, Alan Arkin.

Who else did we want? Who else were our dream guests we've been chasing around? George Hamilton we wanted. Oh, he'd be a great so many. So many. Norman Jewison, the director, Alan Alda, a lot of people that we've been chasing. Richard Dreyfuss has been on the list forever. It's a growing list.

But we've also got... Carol Kane. Carol Kane and Carol King. And Carol King. Right. And Carol Merrill. Oh, and not just Alan Arkin, but also Alan Alda. Right, I said that. Oh, so you said it. But we have Alan Arkush coming up also Alan Alda. Right, I said that.

Oh, so you said it. But we have Alan Arkush coming on. It's written. We have Alan Arkush coming on this show, not Alan Arkin. So anybody with a double A in their name, we'll have them on. Army Archer? Yes. All right, let's wind it down.

Who's next? You want another one? Sure. Oh, wind it down? I thought it started wound down already. It never wound up. So you can't wind down from something that was dead to begin with. It's like standing over a corpse

and going, I don't know. It doesn't look good. He's not wrong. He's not wrong. Gilbert, this question is for you, my love. Yes. Josh Hurley asks, what would Groucho say if Donald Trump offered him a position in the White House?

How the fuck should I know? I've given up. I'm feeling the way right after we interviewed Professor Erwin Corey. I'm feeling like, hey, we tried to do a podcast. Wait. We fucked up. Moishe. And it's dead.

All right, we'll get it. Moishe wants to know who's on first. Moishe wants to know who's on first. Yes. I have one more question for the listeners. One more and we'll wrap it up. I got a pain in my back. This one is from listener Frank Verderosa.

Yes. He wants to know, I'm hearing a lot of people laughing in the background during this episode. Could Dara please tell us who they are? Oh, very good, Frank. Oh, yes. Do they really want to be identified at this point?

You might have to say guest X. So Sandy and Jeffrey. As a reward, they don't want to be mentioned. And we can blackmail them at this point, saying we'll say your name on the air if you don't give us $100,000. Explain who these nice people are that have sat patiently here. These nice people won an auction for our public school to come and sit on this podcast.

And would you like to tell us who they are? Yes. Sandy and Jeffrey and they're here to enjoy the podcast and they... And who did they bring with them? Too late.

Too late to enjoy. Two words we can't use today are one and enjoy. But what they don't know is they're each getting a parting gift of a sad trombone. Thank you guys

for being here. We loved having an audience. Thank you, Frank. Thank you, Dara. This was fun. For this crazy, impromptu mini episode. I think we should do more of these. Oh yeah. Thank God no one's listening. Yes. This was a lot of fun. And this

has been Gilbert and... The last episode of Gilbert. And Frank's amazing colossal obsession. It's been fun. Oh yeah! If you want to know about

Papillon Sousou or Long Chaney Junior it's something we're used to colossal obsessions these things that we've

studied like why Groucho helped Chico Cause he needed the money If you have a comment on Cesar Romero And those oranges thrown by those young caballeros You can ask what you want, anything on our bits But please keep it short, just like having finishes Listen to me How they finishes Listen a man Listen a man Yeah, we'll answer your questions And that is a promise

Even the ones About Danny Thomas Listener Man Listen to me Listen to me Listen to me Listen to me Listen to me Listen now Listen now Listen now Listen now Yes, I know