Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #179: TV Themes with Secret Lyrics, Part One

Episode Date: August 30, 2018

This week: Richard Dawson sings! Sherwood Schwartz cashes in! Paul Anka inspires Al Pacino! Saluting Henry Mancini! And Mr. Bernstein goes to Mayberry! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time.

This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. Hi, this is Gilbert Godfrey And I'm here once again with my co-host Frank Santopadre And this is Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions. And we're joined once again by old black blues singer, the very legendary Armlessless Raybone.

Armlessless? Armlessless. He's armlessless. Yes, heless? He's armless-less. Yes, he doesn't have an arm. He has no arms. He was born in a place where they were testing the atom bomb. And so all of his family, to this day, his family has no arms. Thank God we've learned

to play the guitar. We beat the Nazis and the Japanese so we're happy to have had the atom bomb, but now your family has no arms. This is our service to the nation. You're

regenerating limbs as weeks go on because you were headless, armless, boneless, legless. The puzzling one was I was fly paperless. You were fly paperless and origami-less. Asterisk-less. Asterisk-less.

I don't even know what that means. He was born without an asterisk. I don't know. I'm pretty... Asterisk. Gilbert's't know. I'm pretty – without an asterisk. Gilbert's like, yes, I'm sorry. I don't know what he's saying, but I think they're compliments. I'm pretty sure they're compliments. Your baby was born without an asterisk.

I don't know how to tell you this. We have Arnie Kogan chiming in. It's a great laugh. I didn't hear my theme music there. Now, can we have Diane Cannon react? Well, damn it. I want my theme music. Where's the Raybone theme?

He played it already. Did he? I missed it. I didn't have the phone. Yeah. We're down to two sets of headphones. This is no frills recording here. No frills.

Now, did we ever discuss the last time we were here? Yeah. Yes, we did. Okay, that's good. The last time we were here, you got your Chick Tracks? Yes. Oh, yes. You got your Monster Times.

Did you dig in? Yes. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. We thanked everybody. We did a whole show about it. Chick Tracks, the Monster Times. It was very nice. Paul got a buck.

That's right. Somebody sent Paul a dollar. That's right. And I got nothing. Oh, did we ever discuss Tab Hunter? No, we should say something about Tab Hunter, yeah, who was somebody that we wanted to book. Yeah. And had logistical problems, and we didn't make it happen.

Yeah, he lived in another state, and at that time we had no way of connecting or... Yeah, we should have revisited it. I didn't know he was ill. I didn't know we were going to lose him. But, you know, again, it's just impossible to stay on top of every person and every person's health. We couldn't get an engineer to him at the time, which is what was the problem. But we are remedying that. We got Felix Cavallari.

We went to Nashville. Oh, yeah. We went to Maryland to talk to Eddie Deason. So we are finding engineers around the country who love the show. They're lining up. And we were trying early on just to record it by phone, and those were coming out really badly. Yeah, it was just something we didn't put together in time. And we're sorry we lost him because we know he had a great story to tell.

Oh, yeah. But we have some wonderful guests coming up. This idea that we're going to do this week, unless you have some more housekeeping to mention, Gilbert. I don't think so. Okay. We just had the lovely and wonderful Rosanna Arquette in here. And Gilbert is a Twitter. He's a titter.

Yes. He's a, what are you? A titter. He's a flutter. She hugged me twice. She hugged him twice. She wasn't like Sandra Bullock where she hoped that she would. No. She didn't go that far. She didn't like Sandra Bullock where she hoped that she would No, she didn't go that far

She didn't say she Well, actually, when all of you were out of the room Really? She said, God, I'd like to blow you I didn't know that I wish I hadn't left the room I am so turned on right now I am so turned on right now

Oh my God You are brilliant. Come here. I will fuck you. Yeah. I think when Sandra Bullock did that for Gino, who's a friend of hers, I don't think she could have imagined. How much mileage? There's no one listening to podcasts.

That I'd be jerking off to it about ten times a day. Or playing it about. Yes. About playing it on every mini episode. It is horrible. The Diane Cannon, Sandra Bullock comedy hour. Yes. Gino gives us gifts.

I thought for this mini episode, which again. I wasn't going to mention Gino. I know. You never mention him. He calls me every weekend bawling his fists in anger. That son of a bitch. Took another one of my stories and took credit for it. Damn him.

And? Exactly. Exactly. That was Gino's story. Gilbert actually had an idea for a mini episode, Paul. That was Gino's story. Gilbert actually had an idea for a mini episode, Paul. That's terrific. Stop the presses.

The first time I've had an idea for this podcast. 412 shows in, he's taking an active interest. My armless arms are quivering. Paul is all... Your short sleeves are quivering. He's like Johnny Eck. Paul Rayburn. Paul Raybone. Gilbert had an idea. Your short sleeves are quibbling. He's like Johnny Eck. Yeah. Paul Rayburn. Paul Raybone.

Gilbert had an idea. I don't know what the origin of this was or where this started, but a couple of weeks ago, we started talking about TV theme songs. Yeah. We're playing them. I don't know if you have it there, but the theme song, you know, all these TV shows where we know that we can hum the themes to them, but they all have words that haven't been recorded anywhere. But they, well, it's like Gene Roddenberry. Yeah, there were lyrics to the Star Trek theme. Yeah. And he wrote those. So he made a shitload of that alone.

Well, Sherwood Schwartz, I think we've talked about this, used to write the theme songs for his shows. Like Gilligan's Island and the Brady Bunch. Because he knew there was money in it. Yeah. That the songs would play forever. That doesn't sound like something Sherwood Schwartz would do. He got residuals for the music. He doesn't seem like a temperamental artist.

Although the theme song from It's About Time, which he also wrote. It's about time. It's about space. About two guys in the craziest place. I don't think that one paid off over the decades. You think John Murray and John Fodiatis getting rich off of us here? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Big money. Yeah, so Gilbert, I think we were talking about Dave Grusin, or we were talking about theme songs specifically of shows from 1968 because we like to do things that are 50 years old. And you started talking about theme songs that had lyrics that people didn't know about. And so we queued up some of them. And then we thought that with the help of Armless, Legless, Limbless, Raybone, we would talk about them. And asteriskless and origami-less. Wearing asterisk-less chaps. I talk about them. An asterisk-less, an origami-less. Wearing asterisk-less chaps. I've been looking for my asterisk.

Yes. Frankie, what do you think? Here's one that everybody knows. This may be the most recognizable TV theme song of all time, but here it is with words sung by its star. Well now take down your fishing pole And meet me at the fishing hole We may not get a bite all day But don't you rush away

What a great place to rest your bones And mighty fine for skipping stones You'll feel fresh as a lemonade Setting in the shade Whether it's hot fresh as a lemonade, sitting in the shade. Whether it's hot, whether it's cool, oh, what a spot for whistling like a fool. What a fine day to take a stroll and wander by the fishing hole. I can't think of a better way to pass the time of day.

So I think everybody knows that part. And by the way, that is not Andy Griffith whistling. It may be Andy Griffith whistling on this version of it, which he cut for an album. But it was Earl Hagen, the composer of the song, who was actually whistling on the TV theme, on the one that everybody knows. And the lyrics were written by character actor Everett Sloan. Which I had every intention of surprising you with. Yes! And getting one of those big wows!

It was... But you found it. It's one of those things that that clutters our brains. Yeah, we were talking off mic. It's just there. And in listening to that track, there's one other thing it's got to do with the podcast. What's that? That is that it was clearly the vocals were recorded in gilbert's kitchen three years ago yes yes similar audio and yeah and everett sloan played bernstein

and citizen kane and he was the voice of the animated dick tracy yes lust for life and the lady from shanghai oh lady for shanghai he's great yes are you aiming that gun at me lover very good he said he spent 15 minutes writing the tune bass player and drummer yeah i'm sorry earl hagan uh recorded it in a little studio in hollywood i whistled the tune myself. That's it. And in Citizen Kane, he says, time? I'm chairman of the board. I have nothing but time. Very good.

Who else is doing Everett Sloan impersonations? Well, the kids want to hear it. The kids want to hear it. Earl Hagen and Herbert Spencer, who wrote the Andy Griffith show theme And as you heard Paul say He banged it out in what 15 minutes Also wrote the Dick Van Dyke show theme The Mod Squad theme Which stumped Gilbert

A couple of weeks ago I Spy One that you always identify And then Andy Griffith Cut this album His fourth studio album Called Themes and Laughs from the Andy Griffith Show. And they decided to let Andy sing Everett Sloan's lyrics.

Now, if anyone who's listening to this show has any idea how the hell Everett Sloan came to write these lyrics, write in and tell us. Because he was, wasn't he the, didn't he have something to do with the Untouchables? Probably. Which were recorded on a Desilu lot? Yeah, that probably is true too. I may be mistaken, but it may have been, the Griffith show was taped at Desilu.

He may have been hanging around Desilu. But if anybody knows how Everett Sloan came to write those lyrics. It's pretty cool shit. Mr. Bernstein is apt to visit the nursery every now and again. Here's one that you may not know. This is a famous theme song that I did not know had lyrics. Yes. We've talked about the composer on this show many times. He's a favorite of Raybone's. That is the late great Henry Mancini.

Henry Mancini. Gilbert may know where I'm going with this theme song. This is a very, very famous piece of music. I have a little research on it here that I will dig out. Did I bring my... While you're going through that, you can say Henry Mancini also, of course, wrote Pink Panther, which is not what we're talking about right now. No, we're not talking about that one right now.

He wrote Moon River. Sure. And he won 20 Grammy Awards. Wow. Which at one point he had won more than anyone. Wow. Take a shot of tequila or whatever the hell. He wrote this for the television show of the same name from the soundtrack album The Music From.

I won't give it away. He won an Emmy Award and two Grammys for Album of the Year and Best Arrangement. The lyrics came later, but the lyrics were added later by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans. They were a songwriting team that did a lot of things. They were a songwriting team, yeah. And this is a version by the great Sarah Vaughan. Check this out, Gilbert. I don't think you've ever heard this.

Every night your line is busy All that buzzing makes me dizzy Couldn't count on all my fingers All the dates you had with swingers Boy, bye Boy, baby I'm gonna kiss you goodbye And go right through that doorway

So long I'm leaving This is the last time we'll meet on the street going your way Don't look surprised, you know you butted your bread So now it's fair you should stare At the back of my head If you write a letter to me My former friend Don't you end with an RSVP

I'm going bye-bye I'm moving Tomorrow I may be Splitting to Britain or Norway. I'm saying bye. Is that wild? That, you know what, that sounds like, and because like, well, it sounds like a James Bond theme. Yeah, yeah.

And every James Bond theme, like they record it and they played it on the radio, and it would always be a hit, like the Goldfinger and Dr. No, all those. And this could have been a hit on the radio. Yep, Peter Gunn theme with lyrics. I actually didn't know that. I'm a huge Henry Mancini fan. I didn't know that he wrote this, but I always loved this great piece of music duane eddie did a wonderful version of it i had no idea i've heard this piece of music i had a single there was a single version by a band

called the art of noise that was put out that i had i had no idea that that this thing had words yeah that were ever written for it that could i i'm amazed that unless they tried to play it on the radio, because that sounds like it would have been a hit the way any of those James Bond songs were a hit. It's such a perfect piece of music that no matter what you do to it, you put lyrics on it.

It's just way better than it had any right to be. The Kingsmen did a version of it. Emerson Lake and Palmer put a version of it on there. Perfect spy music. Yeah. And used very famously in the Blues Brothers movie. Livingston and Evans, who I think we want to focus on a minute if I can.

Mention them. The lyricists. They also wrote Buttons and Bows from the movie The Pale Face. Mona Lisa from the movie The Pale Face. Mona Lisa from the movie Captain Care USA. And Whatever Will Be Will Be. That's from The Man Who Knew Too Much. The Man Who Knew Too Much.

That's their big song. That's a big one. Livingston and Evans. I'd be curious to see what other TV work they did. Livingston and Evans appeared as themselves in the New Year's Eve party in Sunset Boulevard. There you go, Gilbert. They're in Sunset Boulevard.

Oh, that is great. That is the movie in case you've never heard this podcast before. Oh, no. Where they bring up the cunnilingus chimps who had their own theme song. Yeah.

Yeah. The Cunnilingus chimps and Verna Rosa. Oh, me. Oh. Because it was believed, I think me and Jackie the Joke Man had a long discussion about this. And you're the only two people who believe it. And that years ago in crazy Hollywood, these rich old women would have specially trained chimps to perform cunnilingus on them. trained chimps to perform cunnilingus on them and and that there's a chimpanzee funeral that's right and and uh sunset boulevard and that billy wilder said to her uh to the lead actress he said um

now remember you're fucking the chimp. Beautiful. Yeah. It's beautiful. What happens if one of these chimps is performing this act and he gets hungry? Couldn't that be a problem? It brings a tear to my eye when you tell that tale. Because chimps are vicious animals.

That's the thing. They're horrible. If one of them takes a bite at the wrong moment, that could be. I would rather be in a cage with lions than chimps. All the times I saw Joan Embry on the wrong moment, that could be... I would rather be in a cage with lions than chimps. Chimps are... All the times I saw Joan Embry on the Tonight Show, she never once told that story. Yeah.

I thought I knew everything about chimps. In her cocktail parties. Everything you wanted to know about chimps. Everything. Can you tell us about the cunnilingus chimps? You are wrong, Simeon Briff Here's one I know you know As Frank tries to keep the show on track

In a futile gesture This is one I know you know And in fact, this may have been your inspiration for this idea. And I think chimps were trained to shit on glass coffee takers. Now you! Now that's a first, isn't it? That's a first. He's horrible!

He is horrible. I want to sample that and carry it around with me. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Log in or sign up to play along as BetMGM brings the real-time action. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM,

your one-stop shop for all things baseball. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call ConX Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+.

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only on Disney+. He was blacklisted, by the way, for failing to name names. And he said that one of the names he failed to mention was Groucho Marx. Now, I don't know what that means. But again, we'll throw this out to Steve Stolier or anybody who's listening who's a Marxophile. But they did have a relationship. Well, I don't know. Or that it was a joke. Or it was a joke between him and Groucho. What do you got?

A little bit. Fielding replaced Billy May as musical director on Groucho's radio program. Ah! 1948. 1951, the comedian brought Fielding along for the same musical directing job when he moved to television. One of the first shows of the new medium, Fielding would hold a job until 1953. How about that? So they spent some time together.

So Fielding was friends with Groucho. Yeah. Yeah. Let's try a little bit of this, Mr. Verderosa Some of this is poetry, really This is the part everybody knows. Yes. Yes. Heroes, heroes, husky men of war Sons of all the heroes of the war before We're all heroes, up to my heroes

You ask the questions, we make suggestions That's what we're heroes for All good heroes love a good big fight Open up the fog, make bright enough the night We earn the rolls, so make a quarrel We throw the roses, we punch the noses That's what we're heroes for. What's a hero

do? We're never gonna tell ya, cause we wish we knew. That's why we heroes are so few. We got a slogan From Colonel Hogan And Colonel Hogan's a hero too You get the idea.

Yeah. I think this is the song that helped create the Third Reich. You want to put that on the guide? This is from the album called The Best of World War II. Yes. Yes, Hogan's heroes sing the best of World War II. This is the best.

I think it was tongue-in-cheek. Yeah, we should point out this is Robert Clary, Richard Dawson, Ivan Dixon, and Larry Hovis, who Drew Friedman is obsessed with, but that's another show. They formed a quartet of singing heroes for the show's soundtrack. Where did you become aware of this? Because you've talked about this on a previous episode. Yeah, I don't know. I was reading about it. I had never heard the recording, but I was reading the lyrics.

Yeah. And I had no idea it was done in such a dramatic way. Yeah. It's very good. Yeah. And the lyrics are fun. We're all heroes up to our eros. Yeah.

It is. Yeah. Some of these lyrics are, you pull the roses, we punch the noses. Pretty good. By the way. Go ahead. way, what's a hero do? Well, we're not going to tell you because we wish we knew. We wish we knew. It's fun.

And Jerry Fielding, by the way, after he got off the blacklist, and people should Wikipedia him, an interesting man, wrote a lot of famous film scores. Preminger helped him because Preminger loved to give jobs to people who were on the blacklist. So he wrote the score for Advise and Consent. But then he went to work for Peckinpah and he wrote the scores for Straw Dogs and The Wild Bunch. And also films like The Bad News Bears and The Outlaw Josie Wales. He had a big career. So look up Jerry Fielding. And that is a favorite of Gilbert's.

Yes. The Hogan's Heroes theme. Funny Nazis. It sounds like something you'd hear in a German beer hall. It does. I guess that was the style they were going for. Here is another one.

And this is kind of fun. I would like to know what our pal Mark Malkoff knows about this one. Mark is our friend who was here and hosts and produces the wonderful Carson podcast. And there is, did you know that there were lyrics

to the Tonight Show theme? Paul Anka. Yes. Yes. You knew this? Yes. Okay, you knew Paul Anka. Yes. Yes. You knew this? Yes. Okay. You knew Paul Anka composed it or you also knew there were lyrics?

Yes, I knew he composed it and I was sure there have to be lyrics. No, I knew there were lyrics, but I wasn't familiar with the lyrics. Yeah, it's a version. You have this too, Paul, I would imagine. But it's, yeah, it's a version. You have this too, Paul, I would imagine. But it's, yeah, it's a version of two other songs. It started out as an instrumental called Toot Sweet, which was a pop instrumental. And then he reworked that song. Do I have this right, Paul?

Mm-hmm. Into a song called It's Really Love, which he recorded with Annette Funicello. Ah. On an album called Annette Funicello on an album called Annette Sings Anka. Which is going to go straight into Gilbert's record collection. Gilbert will be at Bleaker Bob's in the morning. Did you know this, Gilbert?

Toot Sweet, composed in 1959 by Paul Anka and recorded by Toot These Trumpets. Now, just to show you what a great guy Paul Anka was. Yeah, he's still around. He knew about this scam with the lyrics, right? So because he was such a nice fellow, he offered to let Carson write and publish new lyrics. So he'd have a share in the royalties. But those lyrics were never used, so Carson never got to share it, which is too bad because Anka estimates

that the theme was played 1,400,000 times. At least. Over 30 years. And he was paid each time it was broadcast and earned about $200,000 per year just for replaying the theme song. Yeah, he created a new instrumental arrangement and sent the demo to Carson and Ed McMahon,

and McMahon said it was the first time that he or Johnny had heard the song and instant magic, and that the Tonight Show band leader at the time, Skitch Henderson, was insulted. He said that Carson wanted to use a theme song written by some 20-year-old kid. Oh.

I think that, it's a little unclear in what I pulled up, but I think Carson got some of the royalties even though the lyrics were never used because the lyric, year old kid oh i i think that uh it's a little unclear in what i pulled up i think carson got some of the royalties even though the lyrics were never used because the lyric like like uh roddenberry and star trek those lyrics were never used but he still got his share of the royalties from the song and and paul anka isn't he the one where they have that, the recording on when he's yelling at them. The guys get shirts. Yeah.

Yeah, that's Paul Anka. Yeah, that's the fucking way it is. Yeah, I slice like a fucking hammer. You know, we had Brian Koppelman on a very old episode of this podcast who wrote Oceans 13, and we've told that story many times. Yeah, that Al Pacino.

Yeah, he gave Al Pacino the cassette tape that had the Paul Anka rant with I Slice Like a Fucking Hammer. And it's in the movie. So Pacino loved it so much that he incorporated it into his character. I think Willie Bank? Yeah. I think is his name. And I know you don't like those Oceans movies. I'd rather like them.

But he said in one of the first scenes, I Slice Like a Fucking Hammer. And I said, wait. I turned to my them. But he said, in one of the first scenes, I sliced like a fucking hammer. And I said, wait, I turned to my wife, I said, wait a minute. That's from the Paul Anka tape. And then Brian Koppelman explained the backstory of that.

Let's listen to a little bit of Johnny's theme. Ooh. With lyrics. It's really love, dear, I knew it from the start You came my way, dear, and took away my heart. There's no defense dear, nothing I can do. I know, I know, that it's really love. How about that?

Wow! How about that. Wow. Pretty cool, huh? Yeah. It's really very clever of Anka to dig out that song and think this could be a theme song for a talk show. It sounds like it would be the theme to, like, Hope and Crosby Road to Hawaii. Something like that. It has that bongo drum.

Well, this, yeah, this is some kind of fake Latin rhythm. I didn't like that because they play it on the show. It's a swing thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was reworked, I believe.

Who was singing there? Do we know? That's Anka himself. Oh, is that Paul Anka there? Yeah. It has a kind of sound like Desi Arnaz. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of Henry Mancini, this is strange.

Henry Mancini and his orchestra recorded a 2 minute and 44 arrangement of Johnny's theme in 1972 for the German EP theme from Nicholas and Alexandra. Wow. Isn't that strange? It's really strange. Yeah. And a version also appeared as part of Mancini's compilation Big Screen, Little Screen. The thing that's funny, too, is you hear it on a show, it sounds like a song fragment.

It doesn't sound like a whole song. It's just that ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da-da and it kind of repeats two or three times and then he's into the monologue. As I recall, I don't think they play the whole song. Think Paul Anka would ever do this show, Gil? I would love to have. There's a guy with stories.

Yeah, I would love to have Paul Anka. He owes me a favor. He did Carson's podcast. He did more. We had to get out of our hotel room when I was a kid because Paul Anka needed a room. Is that true? Yep. That's a good story.

We were asked to move down the hall so he could have that room. We'll ask him that one. So he owes us. He does. Is that true? Yep. That's a good story. We were asked to move down the hall so he could have that room. We'll ask him that one. Yeah. So he owes us. He does. I figure he owes us. So that's a real mobster background. He's got Sinatra stories.

I mean, I don't know if he tells them. Oh, he's worked with everybody. Yeah. He's on Mark's podcast, and it was a good episode. He probably won't tell any of these, but I'm sure he knows some scary secrets about show business. We'll get them out of him. Yeah. And it's the perfect segue because this next and last song is sung by a guy we'll never get on this show. And I just asked about him again. And this

theme, you'll know as soon as it starts to play. Did you know, Gilbert? No. That the show Bewitched. Yeah. Which has that wonderful theme song. That's it. But did you know there were lyrics? Well, I know all of them have lyrics.

Not all of them. Not all of them? No, I don't think every one of these theme songs has lyrics. Well, I'd like to hear the lyrics to Bewitched. Well, you're in the right place. Oh. Mr. Verterosa? Now tell me who the singer is.

Now we got a swing thing going. Swing it. Bewitched, bewitched You've got me in your spell Bewitched, bewitched You know your craft so well Before I knew what you were doing I looked in your eyes That brand of woo That you've been brewing Took me by surprise

You witch, you witch One thing is for sure That stuff that you pitch Just hasn't got a cure My heart was under lock and key, but somehow it got unhitched. I never thought my heart could be had, but now I'm caught and I'm kind of glad to be, to be bewitched. Sinatra much? Bewitched. I said Sinatra much? I said Sinatra much?

Oh, my. All I could think about during the whole song was, this sounds like one of Frank Sinatra's early hits. Was that Frank? No, who is it? You know, Gil? I'm going to make a stand. It's killing me because it is such, such a Frank Sinatra sound.

Yes, it is. It's kind of like Mel Brooks-ing high anxiety. Anxiety. Is Jack Jones a possible? No, Jack Jones is a good guess. Yeah, that's a very good guess. It's someone we asked to do this show who famously passed. Oh, my God. Steve Lawrence. It's Steve we asked to do this show who famously passed. Oh, my God.

Steve Lawrence. It's Steve Lawrence. Oh, Steve Lawrence. It's the great Steve Lawrence. How about that? Oh. Yeah. See, that makes me even sadder that he won't do it.

Yeah. Because that has such, he sounds so show business. Yeah, the arrangement is great. That's the best one of the whole bunch we listed. That's why I saved it for last. Didn't Frank Sinatra say he admired Steve Lawrence's? I think he admired people who were like Sinatra-esque. Yes.

Although he always said Tony Bennett was his favorite singer. Oh, okay. But there you go. Did you find much on this one? Because I didn't. No. What have I got here? Not, let's see.

Well, Howard Greenfield and Jack Keller wrote the song. Greenfield co-wrote four songs that reached number one on the Billboard charts, Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. Yeah, it was Sadaka's writing program. Everybody's Somebody's Fool, Breaking In, A Brand New Broken Heart, recorded by Connie Francis, and Love Will Keep Us Together, Captain and Tennille, remember that one? You bet your ass he wrote that.

That was a number one song. And he also wrote He wrote Gidget Bewitched The Flying Nun And Hazel We'll get Mario To come back And sing the Gilbert theme

The Gidget theme Which monkeys Have we had on the podcast We had Ness Smith And Dolenz Okay because he wrote For and produced For the monkeys

For a period of time He sure did Oh he did everything He's gone now He would have been A wonderful guest I wasn't familiar with him, but man, he's done a million things.

We'll have to chase Neil Sedaka and Connie Francis. Yeah. Would both be great for this show. I met Neil Sedaka, and he was a very interesting man. All I have here is that Steve Lawrence, they say Steve Lawrence apparently was not fast enough to record the lyrics to Bewitched. The studio was concerned about the first episode having a catchy theme song,

so they decided to just air the instrumental version, and that stuck. And Lawrence's rendition, which was written by Howie Greenfield, went largely unheard of until the big screen version. Until Nora Ephron made the one with Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell. Yeah. And that's where this song was heard. With Steve Lawrence singing it. Yeah.

You don't want to rush these things. With Steve Carell as Uncle Arthur. What's that, Frankie? You don't want to rush these things. You want to give the audience time to enjoy the original. Yeah, it was 40 years later that they trotted it out. Good people in the movie Bewitched, but what a bad movie. I never saw it.

I'm too faithful to the TV series. Yeah. But I do like those people. I like Carell and I like Nora Ephron. Yeah, all of them. And I like Nicole Kidman's ass. I'd never heard that. Her ass has her own IMDb

page. Yes. I keep it a secret. That's theme songs that you didn't know had lyrics, episode one. But there were so many that we'll do a future one. Oh, that, yeah. Yeah. I stumped you a couple of times.

You did? Yeah. There isn't a show in lyrics that you didn't know had music. I don't know. That's like he's asteriskless. It's. Yeah. There isn't a show in lyrics that you didn't know had music. I don't know. That's like he's asteriskless. It was too surreal. Was there ever, if you could find this out, I know the lyrics to it, but was there ever a sung version of Nicky, which was the ABC movie of the week. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

Oh, the Bacharach thing. Yes, yes. Yeah, we'll look into that. Somewhere there is sunshine, somewhere days are warm. Isn't that written about his daughter? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, his daughter I think was like had Asperger's syndrome. Yeah, she took her own life. Yeah. It's sad. Here we go, another episode ending

on Gilbert's. We almost got out on her own life. Yeah. It's sad. Here we go, another episode ending on Gilbert's. We almost got out on a happy note. Another episode that ends. Maybe we end it with Suicide is Painless from MASH. Oh, yes. Another theme song that you didn't know. Well, people know that one kind of had lyrics because it's in the movie. Written by Robert Altman's son.

Yeah. Yeah, who apparently earned a million dollars from the song. Robert Altman was paid $70,000 for the movie. Because there wasn't anything said with Robert Altman's son. I'll just make up that end. He was stabbed to death. All right. Sign off.

Who did we kill off a few weeks ago? We kill off Julie Andrews? This has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing, colossal obsessions with songs you didn't know had lyrics. With rainbow. Armless. Who you didn't know had arms. Yeah. Didn't know had no arms.

See you next time. That suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it If I please The game of life is hard to play I'm gonna lose it anyway The losing card I'll someday lay So this is all I have to say

Suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please The sword of time will pierce our skin It doesn't hurt when it begins But as it works its way on in The pain grows stronger, watch it breathe Suicide is painless

It brings on many changes, and I can take or leave it if I please. A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key. To answer questions that are key Is it to be or not to be? And I replied, oh why ask me? Suicide is painless It brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please and you can do the same thing

if you please please