Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #183: TV Themes with Secret Lyrics, Part Two

Episode Date: September 27, 2018

This week: Bill Daily does Bob Hope! James Arness blows off Kelsey Grammer! Jackie Gayle riffs on "Bonanza"! And Gilbert and Frank bid farewell to the great Will Jordan! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Spring is here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no.

But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope. But a box van? Happily, yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now.

Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Here we go boys. One, two, one, two, three, two. Gilbert and Frank, colossal obsessions. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried and I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And this is another episode of Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions. And we're here with the blues great, Napkinless Rayburn. Oh my God.

Colossal obsessions. Napkinless. Doesn't have a napkin. It was a long summer, a long hot summer without a napkin. So you could not mop your sweaty brow. That's right. You notice there's a paper theme to the things he's been coming up with lately? What was the last one? There was an origami one.

The origami one. There was something else that was paper related. I desperately need a stationary store. Welcome back. Thank you. We've missed you terribly. I was singing the blues I desperately need a stationary store. Welcome back. Thank you. We've missed you terribly. I was singing the blues all summer just to be ready for this episode. Yeah, well, we all went our separate ways for the summer.

Gilbert was away. I was away. And now we're back. Yes. And we're in the new studio at Earwolf with our fill-in engineer, the lovely Dave, who's been a great help thank you dave and uh where do you want to start off sonny boy we'll start off with the uh the passing of the great will jordan we lost will jordan yes a giant he was like the guy he was an impressionist, for those who don't know, and he was the guy who invented the Ed Sullivan imitation. Yes, as they say, to the point that Ed Sullivan started doing Will Jordan's version of Ed Sullivan.

He was a great, and a James Mason that rivals yours. Yes. Yes. Yeah? Yeah. And he did a Sabu. He did Sabu. The only guy in the business doing Sabu, as far as I know.

He was great. And he... We were lucky to have him. He talked a lot, I heard, about how thrilled he was to be asked to be on the podcast. He did. He did. That information came to us through our mutual friend, Mike Fine. Yes.

Rabbi slash comedian yes mike fine who is also the person who who tried desperately to bring shecky green to this show oh yeah we had mixed results not mike's fault uh and mike mike told me a couple of times that i visited uh will jordan in the hospital and I mean to Will Jordan me coming to the hospital to see him was like royalty visiting some poor peasant unbelievable was this recently Gil a couple months ago yeah he was he was just honored yeah I cared. That's nice. I would not have that reaction if you came to see me. You would be pulling the plug on yourself. I would.

I'd be having you removed. Yeah, it was very sweet and very touching when it came back to us because, you know, we got very excited to get Will Jordan on this show because that's what this show is all about. It's taking great talents like Will Jordan, who, you know, may have been partially forgotten or maybe isn't as known as he should be, and bringing him in here and reminiscing. And, boy, he turned it on. And he was just great, full of stories, full of insight. He had a very scientific mind.

And the funny thing, when I was in the hospital that time, his voice was weak. Yeah. And he wasn't moving that much. But I thought, had I brought a recorder, I could have done a... He was still talking. His memory was sharp. Brilliant memory. Brilliant memory.

A film buff, knew everything. He was lying there in the bed telling stories about showbiz i attended will's service just this past uh sunday and uh um mike got up and spoke and some of other will's friends from the park where they used to sit and they would talk about old movies and they would talk about old singers and will would hold court um and everybody got up it was very very sweet um and. And yeah, he was one of a kind. We were so happy to have him here. I think as happy as he was to be here. Yes.

So to his girlfriend Rose, our condolences and all of his friends and to Mike and all the people who loved him. If you can find anything, go on YouTube. He's doing Ed Sullivan in I Want to Hold Your Hand. Yes. Also in the Billy Joel video, tell her about it. You can see him.

He's in Broadway Danny Rose, obviously. He's in one of the comics in the Carnegie. See if you can find his work. And there's a couple of records, too. A great talent and a super smart guy and an interesting man and and listen to the podcast and we did we pulled that episode out from behind the paywall as a as a because we what we really wanted people to hear it and we wanted people to know more about him but it was very flattering yeah when it came back to us how thrilled he was to do the to do the show because and then it was

that thing that we want to thank these people. That's it. And honor them. And in this case, it really worked. Yeah, very much so. Very much so. Very happy with that episode. So let's do a shitty episode now.

There's nothing sweet, nice, or kind about this episode at all. This is actually searching around for a premise, and I thought, and Paul agreed with me, that the premise that we started a couple of weeks ago, which was TV themes, in fact, it was Gilbert's idea. It was a rare bird indeed, a Gilbert Gottfried premise for this show. Kind of like seeing a dodo. Classic TV themes, I can't talk, that

you didn't know had lyrics. Classic TV thongs. After doing a research on this, I begin to believe that nearly every TV theme must have secret lyrics of something. It's amazing. Yeah, there are a handful. I mean, I struggled. I will say

it was harder for the second round than it was for the first round i think even gilbert will be surprised by some of these last time we did the hogan's heroes theme yes which had themes you didn't uh lyrics excuse me you didn't know the peter gunn theme oh yeah had lyrics i don't think either one of us knew that and i loved that song but yeah yeah and so we we we would, and we ended with Suicide is Painless, the MASH theme. But I found some others, and Paul did a little research on these. So we're going to start with one, and I would be very interested to see if Gilbert is aware of these or aware that they have lyrics. So what do you say, Dave? You want to start with the first one up? And we have a little backstory on it. Welcome to the Ponderosa, my friends, for an evening of songs and stories about the American West, a land of legend, of romance, of friendship and loyalty and courage,

a motherlode of remembrance, a true Bonanza. We chased Lady Luck till we finally struck Bonanza. With a gun and a rope and a hat full of hope we planted our family tree. We got a hold of a pot full of gold Bonanza. With a horse and a saddle and a rink full of cattle, how rich can a fellow be? On this land we put our brand.

Outright is the name. Fortune smiles the day we pile upon the rose acclaim. Here in the West, we're living in the best bonanza. If anyone fights any one of us, he's going to fight with me. Lauren Green, obviously. Yeah. Did you know this? I had heard some of it, yeah.

Hoss and Joe and Adam know every rock and pine. No one works, fights, or eats like those boys of mine. Here we stand in the middle of a grand bonanza. With a gun and a rope and a hat full of hope, we planted our family tree. We got a hold of a pot full of gold bonanza. With a house full of friends, with a rainbow ends, how rich can a fella be? On this land we put our brand. Heartright is the name. Fortune smiled the day we filed upon the rose of flame. So guilt. Yes. I think you got the idea.

That was the B-side to Lorne Green's monster hit, Ringo. Ringo. Oh, wow. Which was not about Ringo. You know, the show was about all kinds of moral judgments, and one of the sons was stuck in something and didn't know what to do, and he had wise counsel from Lorne Green, and the song is about having a fucking pot of gold the song was written before the show yeah did you know that funny now and and lauren green

king of the west was a canadian he sure was yeah, I think he's from Montreal. That's right. Yeah. Now, this tune was recorded by Johnny Cash, which is a little weird. It was. That Johnny Cash cover's interesting. And the one that really interested me was 1994, Carlos Malcolm and his Afro-Jamaican rhythms did a ska version of Bonanza, which I don't recommend. Oh, you listen to the ska version of Bonanza? Listen I don't recommend. Oh, you listen to the Scott version of Bonanza? Listen to this, Gil. In 58, Bonanza was just a name that NBC's head of West Coast programming really liked. So to go along with the series name, the studio had four unknown actors,

and before they even knew exactly what they wanted to do with the show, they knew it would need a theme song. So they called up Jay Livingston and Ray Evans, and they created this mystery show's theme song. And I think that's the disconnect. You're saying the theme song doesn't really match the show thematically. These writers, it was arranged by Billy May. These are jazz guys.

Great Billy May, yeah. So you've got jazz kind of influence in there, which is very odd. This is interesting, too. The two writers were given to write the songs. The instructions they were given to write the songs were vague. They were just told, make it short, make it cheap, and make it sound like strong men were riding into somewhere. With a western or a march. And Jay Livingston said, we knocked it out in one day. The studio didn't care.

They just basically let them do what they wanted to do. And to the songwriters, it was so unimportant a song. The studio agreed to pay them an additional $1,500 if the show ever aired. And, of course, the show aired to great success, but they dropped the lyrics. They just... I read an interview with Michael Landon where he said when they heard the lyrics, he said,

we laughed so hard we fell off our horses. So at some point along the way, they decided that the lyrics were silly or in fact that the lyrics didn't match the show. They don't match the lyrics were silly. Right. Or, in fact, that the lyrics didn't match the show. They don't match the show. Yeah. So it turned into an instrumental. Did we even know from the show that they had struck it rich there?

I don't remember that at all. I don't remember that at all either. But that's kind of the – the Cartwrights were supposed to sing these lyrics in the show's pilot, but the scene never aired, and it later became a B-side for Lorne Green's Ringo. Remember the Al Caiola, the jazz guitar player? Yeah, yeah. He hit recorded in 1961 and reached number 19. That was the highest version.

There you go. Were you a Bonanza watcher, Gil? Oh, yes. Yeah? You really were? Yeah. See, I can't think of Bonanza without thinking of Jackie Gale in Tin Men. Where he's holding, do you know this movie? Barry Levinson's Tin Men? Barry Levinson, yeah.anza without thinking of Jackie Gale in Tin Men. Do you know this movie?

Barry Levinson's Tin Men? Barry Levinson, yeah. Where the comic Jackie Gale sits, holds court in a diner, and he says, What is it with these guys? There's four single men living together. It's just really funny. And that's what I think of when I think of Bonanza. Okay, Gil.

We got another one for you. Okay. Now, you may know this show, but you may not know anything about the lyrics. In fact, I was hard-pressed to find any research on this, so I'd be curious to see what Raybone came up with. Maestro Dave? Oh, jeez.

When you are walking the street at night And behind you there's no one in view But you hear mysterious feet at night Then the monsters are following you If you should meet this strange family Just forget what some people have said The monsters may shake your hand clammily But they're not necessarily dead Behind their house you mustn't be afraid To see a figure digging with a spade

Perhaps someone didn't quite make the grade with the monsters. With the monsters. If when you're sleeping you dream a lot, ghoulish nightmares parade through your head. Ever hear this? No. And then you wake up and scream a lot.

Oh, the monsters are under your bed. At midnight a creature should shoot, how about? And if vampires and vultures swoop down? And where wolves and fiends shriek and howl about? Why, the monsters are out on the town. One night, I dare peek through their window screen. First time you ever heard this.

Yes! Did not know this existed. Our engineer, Dave, is smiling, and he's laughing. You know the monsters? Tonight I dare beat through their windows free. First time you ever heard this. Yes. Did not know this existed. Our engineer Dave is smiling and he's laughing. You know the Munsters? Yeah. Do you get any of our ancient references, Dave? What year were you born? 83.

Way to hurt a guy. Yeah. Oh, God. Good Lord. I've got prescriptions older than him. He doesn't know Will and Grace. No lyrics to the Will and Grace theme. What did you find on the Munsters theme with lyrics?

That was pretty awful. Yeah. It appeared on a 64 novelty album called At Home with the Munsters. Ooh. Which, according to this this the entire cast performed on that album I do not think that is Al Lewis singing oh no no they should have let Al Lewis sing it oh uh getting back to you we mentioned Gunsmoke before yeah When Frasier was going off the air. Frasier was a long-running show.

So, what? What? Oh, geez. I'm getting a mental block. The star of Frasier. Kelsey Grammer. Your fan. Yeah.

He's a big fan of yours. Big, big, big fan of mine. Yeah, he's a big fan of yours. Big, big fan of mine. He wanted James Arnaz to come on The Tonight Show with him because they both were like of these long-running shows. Oh, that's interesting. And James Arnaz said something like, tell him to go fuck himself.

Where'd you get this story? Yeah, I just, I heard it. I heard it. It was like, I guess he was a crotchety old guy, James Arnett. He was the big carrot man in the thing. Yes. James Arnett. Yes, he was.

I have a very thin Frasier story that in 1995, I wrote a National Geographic book on Mars. Coffee table book, all this. that in 1995, I wrote a National Geographic book on Mars, right? Coffee table book, all this. And somebody alerted me not long after that on Frasier. There's a scene where he walks over to his briefcase, opens it, puts my book in his briefcase. Are you serious? Yeah.

They must have just somebody, one of the property masters just grabbed your book. I was waiting for the check to show up. Oh, that's great. You have to tell me which episode that is. Yeah, I know if i could reconstruct it but it was funny yeah the the the kelsey grammar story that gilbert and i have to share isn't so warm and fuzzy no no i witnessed that one personally yes tell that story oh one day We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Planning for a summer road trip? Check. Luggage? Check. Music? Check.

Snacks, drinks, and everything we can win in a new game at Circle K. Check with Circle K's summer road trip game. You can win over a million delicious instant prizes and a grand prize of twenty five thousand dollars. Play at games dot Circle K dot com or at participating Circle K stores. The score bet up here with trusted stats and real time sports news. Yeah. Hey, who should I take in the Boston game? Well, statistically speaking. Nah, no more statistically speaking. I want hot takes.

I want knee-jerk reactions. That's not really what I do. Is that because you don't have any knees? The Scorebet. Trusted sports content. Seamless sports betting. Download today. 19 plus.

Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to Connixxontario.ca. Jack Marshall was the person who wrote that. The Munsters theme that I like is the one that rocks. Yeah. The one with all the electric guitars is absolutely fantastic. I don't know what the hell that was.

That was horrible. I give them credit for coming up with the lyric, If you should meet this strange family, the Munsters may shake your hand clammily. Clammily. Clammily. Oh, jeez. You don't find that kind of writing in a lot of places. Our friend Butch Patrick in the early 80s set the Munsters. Remember he came up with that novelty song, Whatever Happened to Eddie?

Yeah. That was 83. That has no connection to this. There's a bit of a shady past here to Jack Wilton Marshall, who wrote the song and the incidental music. Do tell. So he was officially credited with the arrangement for Peggy Lee's

Fever. No kidding. But, here's the shady part, it is now believed that lee herself was primarily responsible wow wow why was jack wilden marshall taking credit i have no idea well it makes you think doesn't it makes me think it makes me think we're doing too deep a dive but i love that munster's theme that rocks the one where grandpa tries to walk through the hole in the in the in the door that Herman left. Oh, yes.

But he's carrying what? The shovel? Yes. Okay, Gil, here's another one you won't know. And by the way, if our listeners can find any more information or bits of trivia about that Munsters theme or those lyrics, I couldn't find anything. Yeah. And I searched.

Yeah. And I found even less about the next one. So again, we'll put that out. Do you have trouble with it too? We'll put that out to our listeners. Here's the third one, Gil. He recognizes all the themes right away. And it's right up there.

She's neat, fresh as a daisy Just love how she obeys me Does things that just amaze me so She smiles, rest of the rain goes She blinks up from the rainbows Car stops,os the rain goes She blinks, up from the rainbows Cars stop, even the train goes slow Hugo Montenegro She goes by, she paints sunshine on every razor

Sprinkles the air with laughter We're close as a quarter after three There's no one like Judy I can introduce her to you But it's no use, sir Cause my He means in love with me Ever heard that in your life?

No. We're educating him. The lyrics came from Buddy K, whose songs have been recorded by Bob Dylan, Elvis Presley, and even Sinatra. Did you know that the Genie theme... I Dream of Genie. Yeah, had lyrics. No.

Yeah, never used. Buddy K. I don't know why they were never used. According to what I found, Carole King and Jerry Goffin, of all people, tried a version of it and wrote lyrics. They must have written an entirely different piece of music, an I Dream of Jeannie theme.

If anybody can find that. Even more obscure than this one. Even more obscure than this one. This was Hugo Montenegro, who also wrote the Here Come the Brides theme, Seattle, which I love, which stumped you. Yes. The show with David Soule and Bobby Sherman.

Yes. We stumped you with that a couple of weeks ago. I think he did a lot of things. Hugo Montenegro, that's a very familiar name. He had another jazz guy. Yeah. He did a famous cover of Morricone's Good, the Bad, and the Ugly theme, one of the things he was known for. Boy, I hear that music.

I always love that theme song. Oh, of course. The I Dream of Jeannie theme. And now, boy, I hear that music. I always love that theme song. Oh, of course. The I Dream of Jeannie theme. And now I'm thinking of Bill Daley because we just lost Bill Daley. And I heard the I Dream of Jeannie song was used so many times as a sample in rap songs. Is that true? Yeah. How interesting.

Yeah. Okay, we got to research that. The Jeannie song? Yeah. Huh. Why would that be? Yeah. How interesting. Yeah. Okay, we've got to research that. The Genie song? Yeah. Why would that be? I don't know. I remember watching that show and that animation and the little spaceship, the module would come

down with a little parachute. Yeah. And just that, and the sound of the, the bottle would pop open and the... And it's funny, like, they were all these shows that were identical shows like so on one station you'd have i dream of genie the other station bewitched yep yep well bewitched was on abc and i dream of genie was on nbc and they were similar and the monsters and the family

absolutely yeah and then when batman hit in 66 on ABC, and we've talked about this, the other two networks scrambled to come up with a superhero show. Yes. CBS came up with Mr. Terrific. Oh, and Captain Nice. And Captain Nice on NBC, created by Buck Henry. Yes. Yes.

And starring the elusive William Daniels, who we have not been able to land on this goddamn podcast. I'd love to have him on. We're going to keep after Ed Begley on that. Anyway, I read an interesting thing. I saw a clip with Bill Daly. Maybe, in fact, it was our Twitter master, Greg, who posted it. Bill Daly said he was doing Bob Hope when he was playing Major Healy. When he did the, oh, yes.

Oh, Tony. Yeah. He was basically doing old Bob Hope. It's funny. Woody Allen admits. Absolutely. To be doing Bob Hope. Especially in Love and Death.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. With the coward stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But see if you can find this clip. I think it's one of those TV Academy interviews with Bill Daly. I'm pretty sure we tweeted it from our account.

And I was shocked to hear that Bill Daley was basically doing Bob Hope. That was a fun show. And that piece of music always makes me happy. I don't particularly care for that version. Yeah. With the words in it. No. Yeah. And the line

I love how she obeys me would not play today. No. In the Me Too era. No. Not on CBS, anyway. Here's one that's going to give you wood, Gottfried. Oh. Not to oversell it. Yes.

Dave, what do you think? No matter where they go They are known as the couple Isn't that bad? It's not that good. They're never seen alone So they're known as a couple As I've indicated They are never quite separated

They are reason of love Don't you think that it's odd? Their habits I confess, none can guess with a couple If one says no it's yes, more or less With a couple But They're life provoking Yet They really don't know They're joking

Don't you find When love is blind It's kind of odd When love is blind It's kind of odd Don't you think it's odd Neil Hefti It's kind of odd. The love is blind. It's kind of odd. Don't you think it's odd? Neil Hefty, who we love to talk about on this show.

Yes. Ever hear that one? No. And I don't want to hear it again. I didn't say these were good. No. It's kind of odd. I said they were novel. Now, we stretched a little bit there because that was written

for the movie, not for the series. And we're talking about TV themes. Sammy Kahn wrote the, of all people, wrote the seldom heard lyrics to the Odd Couple theme song composed by the great... Sammy Kahn, he was an actual songwriter. He was an actual songwriter of some note. Yes.

And of course the score, the music was composed by the great Neil Hefty, who we love to talk about. And Gilbert loves to talk about how to murder your wife. He did a lot of things. I mean, he arranged for Harry James and Count Basie. And the Batman theme. Yeah, he was a big, big jazz guy. For the jazz fans, we'll know a couple of things he wrote. One is called Lil' Darlin'.

Oh, yeah. And the other is Cute, which he wrote for Count Basie. Big deal, Neil Hefti. The lyrics make it sound very homosexual. Yes! They're not quite separated. Yes! They don't quite.

They say, it's kind of odd. Yeah. Yeah! It's as close as they get. I wonder if Sammy Kahn got the assignment and didn't really understand what he was writing. We'll never know. He's gone. Neil Heft'll never know. He's gone. Neil Hefti's gone.

Doc's gone. There's nobody to ask. Neil Hefti also composed music, Gilbert, for Lord Love a Duck. Oh, jeez. New Leaf, the terrific Elaine May movie. And Juan Tonton. Juan Tonton. I can't even get this out without laughing.

The Dog Who Saved Hollywood. Now, didn't that have our old guest, Bruce Stern? Yeah. Sure did. So I don't know the story. Again, it's very, very hard to find information about these things or why the lyrics were junked. Did you find anything else on this? No.

On the Odd Couple? No, nothing else at all. Yeah. There's not a lot of research to be found about these things. Lyrics were written and then jettisoned. I did find out one other thing, that the Odd Couple TV score got two Grammy nominations. That's interesting. So, but that's the music.

Yeah. They probably would have taken them away if they'd heard the lyrics. You know what we need to do? I'm getting an idea. We need to do a show with just incidental music. Oh, that would be great. do that and i'm getting an idea we need to do a show with just incidental music oh where we just would be great we just compile little things you know like from gilligan's island yeah we're like when like uh gilligan's washing the clothes with the bicycle yeah just little or little batman

themes like the joker's theme and the Penguin's theme. The original Star Trek series has a million of them. The odd couple, you get a lot of variation on the main theme, but we really should do a whole show like that. It'll take a lot of research and a lot of clips and a lot of work for Verterosa. It would be great to do

the sad moments on sitcoms. They slow the main theme down and you get the fugue version of it. I had no idea. I thought I knew everything about The Odd Couple, both the series and the movie. And I went digging. And I was the most surprised person in America to find these cheeseball lyrics. Oh, the worst.

Existed. They're as bad as the I Dream of Jeannie lyrics. They really, they kind of ruin the shows. I wouldn't go that far. I really watch it. You know, Gil, this is part two. So we were scraping the bottom of the barrel a little bit here. They're not as good as the Peter Gunn or the Hogan's Heroes one.

There's also lyrics to the Dick Van Dyke theme, which Mori Amsterdam composed. But you know, though, you know that. Yeah. And that's been well publicized. All of this makes me want to hear Sinatra sing Mrs. Robinson. Well, we don't have that queued up, but I tell you what, I have something almost as good. So I'm going to surprise Gilbert, And I'll bet he doesn't know That this one exists

What do you say Dave? If you get in trouble Bring it on to me Whether I am near you Or across the sea me. Whether I am near you or across the sea. I will think of something to do. I'll be on

the lookout for you and I'll find you. You can count on me. You can count on me. And don't you let him get you up against the wall That's what he likes.

They'll get you And I won't let you fall Call me if they hit you below Call me when there's nowhere to go And I'll be there You can count on me You can count on me. You can count on me. Did you know?

Did you have any idea? See, now that one. That one's good. Yeah. That one swings. That one's good. Yeah. That one swings. That one's all out there. That one's Gilbert Swings with the Youth. Yeah.

Yes. I thought, well, first of all, this is on Sammy's album of TV themes. We have obsessed before on this show about the All in the Family cover. Oh, I just said wow. There you go. So take a shot of tequila or whatever the hell. We played the one that you love with Freaks Were in a Circus Tent, where he changed the lyrics to Those Were the Days.

That's part of an album of Sammy TV theme covers. We're going to have to play that whole album. We're going to do another show. There's a Kojak. This blows my mind. There's a Kojak. This blows my mind. There's a Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman theme song on there. But I stumbled on this. This one I don't think was just written for the Sammy album.

Certainly it was never used on the show. But there's another version by Don Ho. Did you know this? I did know this because somewhere when I was looking around somebody, I was, I don't know if it was the Sammy Davis version

or something else and somebody said, I miss my Don Ho. Yeah, there's a slower version of this, which we don't have queued up,

but people can find it, of Don Ho doing this. So perhaps, lyrics, again, there's not a lot of research here. This is what I have.

This is Rollicking Drums and Guitar L licks the original is a stone cold guy um don ho had earlier slowed down the tune for his similar similarly titled you can come with me sammy's version is called you can count on me now i don't know the origin i don't know where the hell this came from i don't know if it was i think i've got the Don Ho lyrics here. Okay. If you're feeling lonely, you can come with me. Feel my arms around you. Lay beside the sea.

We will think of something to do. Right. So Don Ho turned it into a makeout song. He turned it into a seduction song. And Sammy just went with the original theme. But it's completely absurd. Yes. Just went with the original theme.

But it's completely absurd. It sounds like a takeoff on a Sammy Davis Jr. song. Like Billy Crystal's doing? Yes. Yeah. You were talking about incidental music in some of these shows. Yeah. This is a little bit off track, but in 2011, there was an album released called Hawaii 5-0 Original Songs from the Television Series. This I didn't know.

And there are all these songs. Among the people recording them are Jimmy Cliff, the Goo Goo Dolls, Bob Dylan. That's cool. Ziggy Marley. That's very cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's another one we could do.

We'll do it. Well, we'll do an incidental music show because we've been talking about it forever. You know, we're going to have to – it's hard because no one's going to isolate incidental music. You're going to actually have to corral the episodes and then find the scenes where they have like Gilbert loves to talk about that Highway Patrol

influenced Barney Fife music. Oh yeah. Those were always in the episodes where the bank robbers came to Mayberry and Barney would somehow foil the crime. But I don't know the history of these things. It's very hard to find. And I'm not a musicologist.

I will take you out, and we will promise to do the Sammy episode the next time we're here because Gilbert is just enjoying this to no end. I think I have one other track from that Sammy album. Can you go to the last one? Dave, thank you very much. And we'll go out on this. So you want to do a sign off and then... I'm Gilbert Gottfried. a sign off and then uh i i'm gilbert godfrey and i'm here with my co-host frank santo padre

and the napkinless raybone and this has been somebody please not a feminine napkin and this has been another edition of gilbert and frank's amazing colossal obsession. And how lucky you are to have them. Now, you're going to love this. This one's going to get a rise out of you. Thank you, Dave. We appreciate everything. Thank you, Paul. Welcome back.

Thank you. Thank you, Earwolf. Gilbert's rocking already. He's eating this up. Ha ha! with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really cooked. And Isadora was the first brawler and ain't you glad that she showed up. Oh yeah. And when the country was falling apart,

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up. And then there's Mott. And then there's Mott. And then there's Mott. And then there's Mott. And then there's Mott. And then there's Maude Then there's Maude And then there's Maude Then there's Maude And then there's Maude Then there's that emancipated, demonstrated, super civil, liberated, right on Maude

God bless Sammy. Can I say one thing about this before we go off? Sure, quick. The lyrics, these lyrics that we're making fun of were written by the great Marilyn and Alan Bergman. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Yes. Well, this one had lyrics. I'm just giving him his Sammy fix. You stop the war or you sleep alone. See you next week. Columbus made it

cause of Isabella. Went out and practically hocked her throne. Annie Oakley was a real Strength shooter Man, she really knocked them dead Oh yeah

And Queen Elizabeth, rough as it was Kept her cool, so she Kept her head And then there's Maud And then there's Maud And then there's Maud And then there's Maud And then there's Maud And then there's Maud Lord, then there's Maud

Then there's that intimidating militant An independent declarating MS Maud Go ahead, Maud Do your thing, baby. Isadora was the first proper, now ain't she glad that she showed up And when the country was falling apart Miss Betsy Ross got it all sewed up And then there's Maude

And then there's Maude Oh, then there's Maude And then there's Maude Thank you, Maude And then there's Ma. I mean that emancipated, demonstrated, super civil, liberated, right on, more. Yeah. Go ahead, more. Bring it all down front. Do your thing, more. Do your thing, Ma Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma And then there's Ma And then there's Ma And then there's Ma