Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #187: The Worst Dracula Movies Ever Made

Episode Date: October 25, 2018

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Hi everybody Hi Are you Uncle Don? Are you Radio's Uncle Don? Yeah That'll hold us little bastards Are you Uncle Don? Are you Radio's Uncle Don? Yeah. That'll hold us little bastards. Yeah.

They. Yeah. That's how his career ended. That's the rumor. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre.

Gilbert Gottfried, I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre, and this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions, and we've got the old blind black singer from down south who still performs, although in the final stages of Munchausen Syndrome by proxy. He's suffering Munchausen Syndrome by proxy and still goes out. By proxy. By proxy. That is a weird affliction for a jazz man.

Very, very specific. Welcome, Paul. I retained all of my anatomy this week, which usually isn't the case. We're also here. You forgot to say we're here at Earwolf Studios with our fab engineer, your favorite guy, Frank Verderoso. Oh, he lost so many of our shows. Oh, stop.

Well, how are you, Paulie? Not too bad, Frank. How are you? Good. How's the Munchausen? Everything okay? Yes. You sure he doesn't have Baron von Munchausen?

It's the proxy that gets you, I'm telling you. Do we have any housekeeping this week? Yes. I got to say a tremendous thank you for everyone who's saying, well, one guy, I think his name's John Wilson, and he said said not his real name yeah he said if if i see the new aladdin and gilbert gottfried is not in it i can't be held responsible for what i do in the theater wow tough talk and one other guy agreed with him and said, yeah, Americans have stood by and let too much injustice. There's a live action Aladdin? Is that what's in the works? getting so many emails and tweets saying that, oh, you know, the parrot has to be in that.

Every one of you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I just want to point out that in the new teaser trailer for the live-action Aladdin movie, one of the first shots you see, the establishing shot, is the parrot coming into frame and flying toward the cave. And I even thought I heard the sound that we're used to, but then i looked it up and i could not find a single mention of that character no mention of yago on imdb at all

fascinating gilbert call your attorney i was hoping maybe he was secretly popping up in it or something yeah wow like in a giant parrot suit has it come to that? The giant parrot suit? And someone else tweeted, an Aladdin without Gilbert is all kinds of stupid. It's like a day without sunshine, as Anita Bryant used to say. I'm sure we have other things to thank people for. You should probably thank our guests, David Fantel and Tom Johnson, for bringing you lovely gifts. They brought me a singing Bob Hope Christmas ornament. Yeah.

It's got a scary little figure of Bob Hope in his golf pants or whatever. Does a couple of jokes. It's one of those gifts that's both great and horrifying at the same time. Yes, yes. But it was very nice of them to bring that. It was very nice. Wasn't it quite as good as a Jack Frost talking? Yes, they brought me a Jack Frost, like a DVD of Jack Frost.

Fantastic. Which all of you owe yourself to see. We're recording this on Monday the 15th, also the day that our Ron Friedman episode went up, and it's already proven quite popular. Yeah, they love that one. One of the funniest episodes. Thank you, Ron, and thank you, Gino, for making that happen.

We did... Yeah, we did a Frankenstein. We did Frankenstein. We did, because it's Halloween month, and we did a worst of worst Frankenstein movies ever made, and boy... Frankenstein and the Space Man. Frankenstein and the Space Man. Frankenstein and the Space Monster. I think we did Frankenstein. What was the Japanese one?

Oh, yes. I forget. There were so many bad ones. Frankenstein on Zombie Island. Frankenstein on Zombie. Frankenstein Island. Frankenstein and the Souls of the whatever the hell it was.

The Circus. Horrible. The Circus of Souls. Really terrible Frankenstein movies. And you came alive. And I am proud to say and the souls of the, whatever the hell it was, the circus of souls. Really terrible Frankenstein movies. And you came alive. And I am proud to say, I like got an A+. You did. I saw every single one of those Frankenstein movies.

That's sad. And I knew the plot. I knew the other actors in it. I was very excited. I think we observed at that point just thinking about what you might have become if you hadn't spent all that time watching all those movies. If I had knowledge that was really useful, what I could have done. Our Phenomenal Power pal James Caron was in one of them. In fact, I got to talk to James yesterday.

Oh, great. Yes, he's still talking about that movie all these years later. He's hysterical. A lovely man. Adore him. And I thought you came alive last week. You were so excited. The person, the producer of the month, Sean Liu, who originally pitched us this producer of the month idea,

pitched it as Frankenstein, worst Frankenstein movies and worst Dracula movies. Yes. I knew we would only have time to get to the Frankenstein movies. I hope I know the Dracula ones a quarter of as well. Okay. We're going to do our best. We're going to start, and I had Ray Bone do a little research on these. We're going to start with something called Dracula's Daughter.

Okay. From 1936. She had an assistant start with something called Dracula's Daughter. Okay. From 1936. She had an assistant played by this actor, Irving Pinchel. Already he's too obscure. Irving Pinchel. Yeah. And he basically looked like Joel Grey in Capoeira. He played Sandor.

Yeah. Yes. Yes. And the thing that stands out about Dracula's Daughter that was done in the 30s, there's like a big lesbian element to the movie. Interesting. That was not in my notes. Yeah, because there's one part where I think Dracula's Daughter is saying,

One part where I think Dracula's daughter is saying, you know, she's an artist or photographer and she brings a model, a girl model. And there's a definite heavy undertone of lesbianism. Very interesting. I happen to have something in my notes that follows that up. Go ahead. The Countess. There's a scene, a lesbian-tinged scene in which the Countess holds Janet captive

and they engage in what has been known as the longest kiss never filmed. Countess Zaleska hovers lovingly over Janet, hovers and hovers

and slowly descends. That must be what Gilbert's referring to. Yes. That's it. Wow. That's more than lesbian-ting to. Yes. That's it. Wow. That's more than lesbian tinged. Yeah.

There is a heavy lesbian undertone. Maybe that's what they mean by she gives you that weird feeling, which it says on the poster. Oh, excellent. I don't think I knew this actress, by the way, this Gloria Holden. No relation to William Holden. way this um gloria holden no relation to william holden oh and as always hollywood insulted beta lugosi like crazy yeah they had a wax beta lugosi corpse that i knew yeah and it's like come on yeah why didn't he do it did he want too much money no i think they they just love fucking him over it seemed like.

It's the last horror film, the last universal horror film made under Uncle Carl. Under the supervision of Carl Lemley. There's definitely lesbian stuff going on in that film. Here's some great trivia. This is what I found. I don't know if this is BS. This was on IMDb. That Bela was supposed

to be in it with Jane Wyatt. Jane Wyatt. Wow. Jane Wyatt. Wow. Of all people, playing Dracula's daughter, and Dr. Garth was to be played by, drumroll please, Cesar Romero. Oh, my God. Oh, my team. Now, that's a movie that killed you that they didn't make it that way.

Yeah, we have Leonard Maltin coming back, and we'll ask him what he knows about that to try to verify that. Also, Hedda Hopper turns up in this movie. Oh! Which is also very strange. The only person to reprise his role is Edward Van Sloan. Oh, that's right.

From Dracula. Von Helsing. Yeah. And I think the music was done by K.D. Lange. Really? Yeah. K.D. Lange. Did that Yeah. K.D. Lange. Did that turn up in your notes, Paul?

It did not, but Gilbert's often ahead of the notes. Now, it may be fighting words to call this a bad Dracula movie, and I haven't seen it in a number of years. And I know Gilbert's going to raise a fist to me, but this is Son of Dracula with Chaney Jr. Okay. See, now this is a weird one. Count Alucard. Because, I mean, there's no bigger Lon Chaney Jr. fan than me. We know.

But he really wasn't the guy to play Dracula. No, clearly not. He's this big chubby guy from Colorado, and he's got a Western accent that keeps coming out and they try to make they try to put white in his hair and a little mustache but you know they should have written him in

as like the assistant of Dracula who brings him his coffin but that's usually played by a dwarf yeah as you pointed out last week but yeah and it's an interesting film But that's usually played by a dwarf. Yeah, yes. As you pointed out last week. But yeah, and it's an interesting film. Oh, it's got, it's got one. Evelyn Anchors.

Yeah, and it's got one guy, oh God, read another. George Irving. Yeah. Patrick Moriarty. Yeah. J. Edward Bromberg. Bromberg. Yeah.

Oh, he was the guy that was blacklisted. Yes, and he killed himself. Yeah, that Lee Grant was eulogizing, and that's how she found herself in Red Channels. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's some podcast trivia. He killed himself because he was blacklisted. Yeah, he was on the blacklist. Yeah.

But there are interesting parts of Son of Dracula. I haven't seen it in years. One where the girl's standing behind Chaney and they shoot at him and of course the bullets go through him and kill the girl. So that's an interesting... There's one where smoke

appears and he just appears in the room or he's in the coffin and the coffin floats. So there's interesting things. Notably, the first film where a vampire is actually shown physically transforming into a bat. Yes. On screen. Yeah. I remember

seeing it and I remember Chaney being wrong. Yeah, totally wrong. It was kind of like, you know, when John Wayne was in The Warrior. Yeah. Oh, The Conqueror. John Wayne playing Genghis Khan. so uh in the movie i think it's like they show like the the woman or the guy really wants to get bitten by the vampire so they can have

eternal life what was the thing about alia card when you and Dara were picking out baby names? Yes, that's his name. Yeah. Dracula's name in the movie is Alucard, which if you hold it against the mirror, you'll see it's Dracula backwards. And you figure, is Dracula that stupid that he's just going to turn his name backwards? Why not come up with a totally, you know, hi, I'm John Smith. Or Phil the Midget, which we had last week. Hi, I'm Phil the Midget. But yeah, he's how you,

so when our son was born, we had to come up with a middle name for him. Did you hear this story before, Paul? Yeah. And Dara had like an uncle or something named Aaron and so she wanted a name and I said, no, if it's

A, it should be Alucard. Max Alucard Gottfried. Yes. It almost happened. Count Alucard. And then he couldn't see his reflection in the mirror. So this kicked off the following year, the Dracula-related series continued with House of Frankenstein and eventually House of Dracula. There's a trivia question. Both with Carradine.

There's a question with Carradine. Yeah. Father of the podcast guest. Father of a former podcast guest, Keith Carradine. And Lon Chaney was way too chubby an actor to be Dracula. Too bulky, too big. Like, how did he get on lightweight from drinking blood? Also, Lugosi was a possible act to follow.

Yeah. Chaney Sr., interestingly, never got to play the Count because he died in 1930. Yeah, they were planning. Yeah, which is what opened the door for Lugosi in the first place. They were planning for Cheney and then there was talk of Conrad Witt.

Mm-hmm. But, yeah. So, there's also, there's a link to another movie that you like, I think, probably in your top five Desert Island movies.

Uh-oh. The famous arrival of Dracula's coffin by train was reprised in what movie? Oh. I think they used that in Langella's Dracula. Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein.

That is one of your absolute favorites. Oh, he loves it. So yeah, as much as I'm a Chaney fanatic, he was so wrong for the part of Dracula. Okay, good, because I thought you were going to throw a punch at me. I couldn't defend this. Okay. And it was like, it felt very

low budget. 1943. So we're going to go in chronological order this time, which we didn't do last week. And this movie came up last week, and that was Billy the Kid vs. Dracula. John Carradine. What do you remember about this masterpiece? I just remember it was John Carradine. What do you remember about this masterpiece? I just remember it was John Carradine.

See, and I always think of the two of them because the two work together, Cheney and Carradine. Yes. And I always thought, you know, Cheney is like the angry, miserable, sad drunk. And John Carradine looked like he was a drunk that was fun to hang out with. A champagne drunk. Yes, yes. Yeah, he was classy. He looked like, let's hang out with John Carradine.

He's bombed. Well, we were doing bad Frankenstein movies last week, which we hope you heard. And Billy the Kid vs. Dracula somehow came up. Directed by the infamous William One-Shot Bodine. Oh, yes. Who we have talked about. Because he was one of those actors, you know, the camera.

Directors, you mean. One of those directors, I mean. He was one of those directors, the camera could have blown up in the middle of the scene and he would have been like, oh, good enough. Well, here you go. This and Jesse James meets Frankenstein's daughter, which we talked about last week, were both shot in eight days at the Corriganville Ranch in Paramount Studios in mid-65.

They were the final feature films of director William One-Shot Bodine. He also directed another favorite that Gilbert and I talked about, which is Bela Lugosi meets a Brooklyn Dorella. Yes, Sammy Petrillo and Duke Mitchell. That's his real masterwork. Yes. The film centers, we were trying to figure out the plot last week. The film centers on Dracula's plot to convert Billy the Kid's fiance, Betty Bentley, into his vampire bride. Dracula impersonates Bentley's uncle and calls himself Mr. Underhill,

and he schemes to make her his vampire bride while a German immigrant couple come to work for her and warn Bentley that her uncle is indeed a vampire. And I don't know what the rest of it is. Very, very strange. You notice how brilliant and tight that writing is. There's not one wasted word. Really strange.

Harry Carey Jr. turns up in it, Gil. Harry Carey. Yeah, yeah. And in that movie, you just see photos of Carradine in that movie, and you know he was shit-faced morning till night. Paying the rent. Paying the bills. Keith Carradine saying his father had aspirations to Shakespeare.

His father was a Shakespearean actor. Yeah, and of course he was in John Ford's Stock Company. He did some wonderful stuff. You know, Grapes of Wrath and many other pictures. But people think of, Stagecoach, but people think, at least people who listen to this show, think of Billy the Kid versus Dracula. That was 66. Oh, and who was Billy the Kid

not again? I believe it was the immortal Chuck Courtney. Ah, he was good. He was excellent. Chuck Courtney played Billy the Kid, Bonnie and John Carradine as Count Dracula. The rest of the cast, I never heard of. Richard Reeves,

who I believe was a strong man or a former wrestler. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Bet mode activated. The Scorebet app here with trusted stats and real-time sports news.

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Seamless sports betting. Download today. 19 plus. Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connexontario.ca. Anyway, we're going to jump to 1974 and our first official comedy on the list.

Does the name Old Dracula mean anything to you? David Niven. You bet. And there was a black comedian. Teresa Graves. The late Teresa Graves. And all I remember, other than it was a horrible fucking movie, there's like one line where she's talking about, oh, I think it's that she's his bride.

She's black. Yes. She bites some black person and she becomes black. Let me read it. Yeah. Count Dracula is an old vampire who, because of his advanced age, is forced to host tours of his castle to get new victims. In an attempt to revive his long-lost love, Vampyra, which, by the way, was the original title of this, the studio changed it to Old Dracula to try to capitalize on the success of Young Frankenstein.

Oh, okay. Dracula sets out to collect blood from the bevy of Playboy playmates living at his castle. Of course. However, one of the playmates whose blood is drained is black, which turned the revived Vampyra into a black woman. I don't understand this at all. It was sort of a racial comedy, but it was also a horror comedy. It was those movies trying to be hip at the time by putting in something racial.

And I remember there's some line in it that's supposed to be funny. And she's talking about, oh, we'll go out dancing. And, you know, she goes like, oh, what about my tap dancing? And then she goes, and what about my black bottom? And that's like was a dance, the black bottom. And he makes some remark about her literal black bottom. So David Niven on Hard Times. Oh, yeah.

This was released October 10th, or it escaped October 10th, 1974, directed by Clive Donner, a British director who made What's New Pussycat? Yeah. But he also made Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen

with Peter Ustinov and the Nude Bomb, which was the Get Smart feature. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Did you find anything on Old Dracula? I just had that Roger Ebert gave it one star, saying it was a mess, with Niven as the only highlight.

The nude bomb, that was the plot. They had a bomb that would take people's clothes off. Yeah, that was the Get Smart movie. The Get Smart motion picture. Vittorio Gossman was the villain. Yes. Which I don't know why I remember that. And they didn't have Ed Platt.

No, Ed Platt had died. Yeah. Yeah. And so when you're watching this guy, you're going, no, no, it needs Ed Platt. Who played the chief? I don't know. Well, if only we had a researcher handy. Could you find that, Paul?

What are we looking for? Who played the chief in the nude bomb? In the nude bomb. In his condition. Yes, with the Munchausen. Munchausen syndrome by proxy. Just long enough to... Teresa Graves also came to a sad end.

Teresa Graves from Laughing. Yeah. And Get Christy Love. Does anybody remember that show? You under arrest, sugar. Very good. She perished in a house fire. Very sad.

Not to bring the room down. But that, yeah. Oh, that's the kind of story I bring up. Yeah, well, I'll be playing the role of Gilbert Gottfried this week. As long as we're talking about bad Dracula comedies. The role of Gilbert Gottfried tonight will be As long as we're talking about bad Dracula comedies. The role of Gilbert Gottfried tonight will be played by

Max von Sydow. So I got the cast here. I can't tell. The nude bomb. Sylvia Crystal was in this. Yeah, she was. Oh, Barbara Felden was not. Some of these people

I don't know. Dana Elkar, could that be? Dana Elkar was the chief. Was the chief. Yeah, the guy from MacGyver. And Vittorio Gassman was in it. Yeah, he was the villain. Yeah, Bill Dana was in it.

Oh, yeah, well, Bill Dana used to like, right? He was Don Adams' best friend. Norman Lloyd. Norman Lloyd's in the nude bomb? Yeah. Well, now we gotta get him. Gary Imhoff. As long as I'm doing bad Dracula comedies,

honorable mention to Dracula Dead and Loving It. The Mel Brooks comedy. Oh, God. With our pal Stephen Weber, who was funny in it. Yeah. However, moving on. I think he even described it as, you know, it was not Mel Brooks. Not at his best.

And he said it comes across more like a Mad Magazine parody. Well, it was Brooks, yeah. It was that Spaceballs era. Yeah. balls era yeah i fight with people on facebook yeah it was not yeah and and they was like at that time period where people thought oh well if you're gonna make a parody you put leslie nielsen in it and that will he was in every one of them he Yeah. He courted the market. Yeah. He did a fugitive parody, an exorcist parody. And it's like they thought, well, he's in it. Isn't that what makes it a success?

Yeah. Amazing. Does this mean anything to you, Mr. Gottfried? Oh. From 1979 Nocturna, Granddaughter of Dracula. No. Directed by Harry Hurwitz. Oh, wait, wait.

Before we go past Dracula dead and loving it. You want to take another jump on Dracula dead and loving it. No, it had just one good line in the whole movie where it's like Harvey Corman is there as an expert and Mel Brooks says mel brooks says to him he goes you know do you have uh the book of the undead and he goes no and he goes do you have uh the the vampires of prague and he goes no and he goes do you have nosferatu? And Harvey Coleman goes, yes, we have Nosferatu. We have Nosferatu today. Oh, my God.

That's a reason to see it. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Well. So on Nocturna. Yeah, what do you got on Nocturna? I've stumped him. I've heard the name, but I'm not really. Boy, oh boy. Well. So on Nocturna. Yeah, what do you got on Nocturna? I've stumped him.

I've heard the name, but I'm not really. Could it be that he is stumped? This could be pivotal to the whole show. Is this a poster I could jerk off to? I don't believe so. Well, wait a minute. No, sadly. Wait a minute. But you never know.

The movie was conceived by star Nai Bonet. Nai Bonet. Nai Bonet. Directed by Harry Hurwitz, who made The Projectionist. Oh, jeez. And she was a Vietnamese belly dancer, singer, and film actress. All right, Gilbert's interested again. Yes.

To a Vietnamese mother and French father. And I think the cinematography was done by Papillon Soussou. That's exactly where I was going. I said, maybe Nye Bonet and Papillon Susu are the same person. Well, if we can't get Papillon Susu on the show, can we get Nye Bonet? So what was this gem? It was credit. Harry Hurwitz didn't even take a credit.

He took the credit. Harry Tampa. Oh, man. Which is a bad sign. This is the fourth and final time. Carradine. John Carradine played Count Dracula. Holy shit.

And that's of interest. It premiered in Paris at the Paris Festival of Fantastic Films. I don't even make, I can't even make sense of the plot. In order to increase business and the supply of fresh blood at a hotel, at the Hotel Transylvania, Nocturna, who is the hotel manager, books an American disco group called The Moment of Truth to entertain at the house.

And it just gets stranger from there. But I'll tell you one interesting thing about it. Brother Theodore's in it. Oh, my God. How about that? And Yvonne DiCarlo. Oh, geez. Turns up in it. Lily Munster.

Consider yourself stumped, Gottfried. Oh, God, yes. And what year was that? That was 1979. That, it sounds like a 1979.

How did you miss that one? Oh. Here's another two that you will know. I'm glad I did. Last week, we talked about

the legendary Al Adamson. Oh, yes. And you talked about how he was murdered and buried under his

own swimming pool. Yes. Actually, it was a hot tub. It was a hot tub? I did a little research. It was a jacuzzi. I'm not sure that makes it Yes. Actually, it was a hot tub. It was a hot tub? I did a little research. It was a jacuzzi. I'm not sure that makes it better.

But there was a drifter involved who he hired. And he either built him a hot tub or pool. And then, for no reason at all, and they couldn't find Al Adamson anywhere, for no reason at all, it was totally plastered up, to which the drifter said, oh, I built it for him, and then he changed his mind.

His dead body was under it. So the cops, yeah, they sledgehammered the thing, and there was Al Adamson. That would have made a better film than this film, Blood of Dracula's Castle. Does that mean anything to you? Oh, no. From 1967. See, I told you.

Yeah? I wouldn't be with the Dracula ones quite as much with the Frankenstein. Once again, featuring John Carradine, although this time he plays a butler. For reasons unknown. I guess he was having trouble walking. He did not play the count. Although his name was played up in the lurid ad campaign, John Carradine played the butler.

Yeah. I went out of order for these just to, because these are two Al Adamson movies. I wouldn't be surprised if he worked on it for 10 minutes and they chopped his part up and spread it through the movie. Couldn't even name a second actor that was in Oh yes. No, no. That's another Al Adamson movie.

John Carradine, Alexander Darcy, Paula Rayburn, Robert Dix. Do these names mean anything to you? No. Cinematography of by all people, Laszlo Kovacs. Which is insanity. I can't make any sense of the plot. If you don't know this one, I'm gonna move past it.

Yeah. I did enjoy this line, though. The Townsend family are vampires who sleep in coffins and lure pretty girls to a castle to be drained of blood by their butler, John Carradine. Yeah. Who then mixes real bloody marys for the couple, which they drink from martini glasses. And then it goes into something about women chained up in the basement and human sacrifice and a serial killer. And then there's a werewolf. Oh, God. But, do you know Dr.

Dracula? Also made by Al Adamson. Dr. That sounds familiar. The title sounds familiar. 1978. I don't know. This featured John Carradine as Hadley Radcliffe. This featured John Carradine as Hadley Radcliffe. Boy, John Carradine.

Yeah, he was out there. He made a living in bad Dracula films. He was out there. This is another wonderful extravaganza made by Mr. Adamson. The plot, this isn't even the plot. I found a little research on this. Adamson got his hands on an unreleased film called Lucifer's Women.

Uh-huh. And they recut it and they mixed it with new footage, vampire footage, and then released it straight to TV. Well, that was the thing.

That was the story with Dracula versus Frankenstein. Right. That he had a motorcycle picture of him. Correct. With Ross Tamblyn. Yeah. That he had a motorcycle picture. Correct. With Ross Tamblyn. Yeah.

And they just chopped up the two together. We got to get Ross Tamblyn to come here and tell us stories. He's got to work with David Lynch too. One thing interesting about this, Larry Hankin is in it. You know that actor? You know Larry Hankin? He was the guy that played the fake Kramer on Seinfeld. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

When Jerry gets the new friends. Yes, yes, yes. Sort of a tall drink of water guy. Yeah. And he was in the committee with Carl Gottlieb and Peter Bonners. Oh, and I think he was in Escape from Alcatraz. I think he was. He was in Escape from Alcatraz.

Yeah. He always, he's like about eight feet tall. You know Larry Hankin. You'd know him if you saw him. Yeah, in a second. He's sort of a poor man's Christopher Lloyd. Very tall, drink of water, lots of comedies. The minute you see him, you go, you know, he's always like the crazy guy.

Okay, can I stump you with these last two oddities? Oh, absolutely. Before we get out of here. Oh, I love this. Dracula's dog. Once again, I know the this. Dracula's Dog. Once again, I know the title, Dracula's Dog. I believe it was a Doberman Pinscher.

It was indeed. Was John Carradine in it? He was not, sadly. But Jose Ferrer is. Jose Ferrer? Now, he's an Academy Award winner. Yes. So he was in Dracula's Dog. He was. You got to pay the bills, buddy. Yes. So he was in Dracula's Dog. He was.

You got to pay the bills, buddy. Dracula's Dog, also called Zoltan. They must have been at that point throwing his furniture out in the street when they accepted Dracula's Dog. It was the UK title was Zoltan, Hound of Dracula. Oh, geez. See, now I heard that title, too. It starred Jose Ferrer, and I'm an actor.

You know Michael Pataki. Oh, my God, yes. You know Michael Pataki. Michael Pataki was, and among other things, he was in a movie or TV movie with Rod Steiger. Yes. Where he played a young Rod Steiger. What is that movie?

Is it the movie maker? Could be. I think it's the movie maker. Look up the movie maker, Rod Steiger. Wheel him over in his wheelchair because he's suffering from Munchausen syndrome by proxy. Where did you pick this up? Where did you pick this up?

Where did you pick it up? Look at you. It hurts me to see you suffering. It was based on Hounds of Dracula. Oh, okay. I assume that was a book or a viewmaster. It sounds like a Sherlock Holmes novel. The story revolves around a dog who is turned into a vampire by a member of the Dracula family.

And this was bad? I'd like to point out to our listeners, I did not do bad vampire movies. Only movies about Dracula himself. So these movies only involve Dracula. Or Dracula in the title. And did they fit a cock of Spaniel with phony looking fangs? No. Here's the title. And did they fit a cock of Spaniel with phony-looking fangs? No. Here's the plot.

A Romanian road crew accidentally blasts open a subterranean crypt. Okay. And the captain of the crew, fearing looters, stations a guard near the site, but late at night, an earthquake, of course, shakes loose one of the coffins, which slides down and lands at the feet of a confused guard. Curious as to what has fallen before him,

the guard opens the coffin. He discovers the body of a dog guard. Curious as to what has fallen before him, the guard opens the coffin. He discovers the body of a dog. He removes the stake from the dog, which revives the vampiric Doberman pincher, Zoltan. Wasn't Zoltan the thing that made Tom Hanks big and big? Wasn't that Zoltan? I think it was Zoltan. That might have been Zoltan or Zoltar.

It's an ointment that I use, Zoltan. Michael Pataki plays a mild-mannered psychiatrist. There's something about a Winnebago. It's very strange. Oh, and see if there's a Rod Steiger movie, the movie maker. I got the movie maker. I don't know if this is the right one. Is it with Rod Steiger?

It doesn't look like it. Dabney Coleman, Robert Culp. Oh, yeah. No, it is. Is that the one? Robert Culp look like it. Dabney Coleman, Robert Culp. Oh, yeah. No, it is. Is that the one? Robert Culp is in it. Very good. Sally Kellerman.

Look at Gottfried. Look at him go. Rod Steiger. Yeah. Rod Steiger is here. Because I remember Robert Culp does one of those things that he's angry at Rod Steiger and Rod Steiger leaves the room. He's angry at Rod Steiger, and Rod Steiger leaves the room,

and Robert Culp does one of those actor moves where he reaches his hand out, like he's going to say, and then drops his hand. And I thought, I've got to try that in a movie. I'm still not over the story from last week where you were playing Vegas. You were washing your clothes in the what? In the chorus girl's dressing room? Oh, yes, yes.

Frankenstein's daughter came on the television. And you were ecstatic because there was a nude scene. Yeah. And you realize the nude scene, the guy and girl have probably been dead for 20 years by then. You know, like the girl probably died of Alzheimer's 30 years before. Michael Pataki's probably around. We should probably see if we get him on the show.

And what a guest Robert Culp would have been. I have one more question. You could end this episode in triumph if you can get this one. Who wrote the movie Maker? Rod Shirley. Oh, no. How about that guy?

How about that guy sitting next to me? Okay, I'm going to wrap on this oddity. See, I won at the last second. If you get this one, Gottfried, I will come to your house and make you dinner for five days. Or blow me. Or that. Dinner, I could go to McDonald's. Or blow me. Or that. Dinner I could go

to McDonald's. I'd prefer the dinner myself. Have you heard of Batman Fights Dracula from 1967? Well, who hasn't? Don't cheat just to get the hummer. Batman Fights Dracula. They will be showing it on Turner Classic.

Sure. Sure. It is a 1967 Filipino film. Oh, but here's the bad. This has a bad ending. Yeah, there's a bad ending. It was directed by Leo de Diaz and scripted by Burt Mendoza. I see all the movies.

The film was not authorized by DC Comics. Are you Burt Mendoza? Si. Is this a drag film? Si. Who's the leading actress? Sue. Her name is Sue. Si. She's doing Mel Blanc.

The film which was not authorized by DC Comics is considered lost. It was considered lost before it was considered lost. I think it was considered lost before it was considered lost. We should send our investigative crew over to the Philippines. If anyone,

it starred, I love this, it starred Ying Abalos who somehow managed to get his name above the title. He must have been a big star. Yes. And it also starred

Nort Nepeco Moreno, Dante Rivero, and Ramon de Salva. If anybody within the sound of my voice knows anything about Batman Fights Dracula. They just didn't market it right. We could make a contribution to Western culture if we could find his film. Yeah. He amazes me.

Unbelievable. You weren't quite as sharp with the Dracula pictures as you were with the Frankenstein movie. What if I did Wolfman of werewolf movies? See, now this is funny because Wolfman, the title Wolfman, could only be either the original Cheney's or Benicio Del Toro. That's right. Well, there was Werewolf of London with Henry Hull. We'll have to do that next time. Okay, we'll do bad werewolf films.

But Chaney and Henry Hull were good films, so we've got to find a really shitty one. Oh, what makes me think we can? No sex for you. You did not know Batman fights Dracula. So that's all I got, kid. See, so now I have to go home and whack it because I didn't know. Well, be thankful

you don't have Munchausen's by proxy. Yes. Look on the bright side. I know. See, and the idea that Ray Ball made it here today with that disorder. He's a trooper. Yes. There's nothing more that can be said about him. So this has been Shitty Dracula Films for 200.

And this has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing, colossal obsessions with the suffering Raybone who has Munchausen Syndrome. Happy Halloween, everybody. Reminds me of that story about the guy who's cleaning up the elephant tropics and somebody says, why don't you get a better job? He goes, leave show business. See you next time.

Colossal Obsessions.