Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #197: Thanking the GGACP On-Air Team

Episode Date: January 3, 2019

This week: Dracula Gottfried! "Q: The Winged Serpent"! The return of "Dummy in the Window"! John Beach channels Tommy James! And Gilbert hears the "Listener Mail" themes for the first time! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again.

All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Here we go. One, two, three, four. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre, and our engineer is Frank Fertorosa, and this is Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions. Yes, Gil, we're here for one of the last recordings of the year. Would you like to introduce the guests? I wrote their names down for you.

Oh, jeez. Good luck with that. Oh, boy. He's going to have to take his glasses out. See, you didn't write it phonetically. You're going to do just fine. Okay. Give it a shot.

Now, our first guest is post-show. No, no, no. Yeah, definitely. Better. He was always a favorite of mine post-show. Whitney Malin. Close. Malin.

Malin. It is Malin. Oh, I apologize. John Murray. Very good. Oh, Tom Fotiakis. Tom Fokiakis. How about John Fotiakis?

John Fotiakis. There's Mrs. Ricardo. Oh, okay. Where do you see a T? There's a T. That looks like a T. You'll have to change your name. It's easier in Greek.

John Beach. John Beach is not here with us but he said he did send a message he did send a message we'll play it later oh Seth Saltzman you got that one hello Seth

you got the Jewish fella yeah that one I know in the house he's the token Jew so is that it? that's it you can leave

okay I'm weak. This is a thank you episode. We like to bring our team in on occasion. Usually it's just John and John. This year, Seth has come in because Seth was accompanying Mario on the Christmas episode. And Whitney is the voiceover artist who you hear at the end of every podcast. Give us a little of that, Whitney, so they can connect it.

I don't remember who's on the podcast. Okay, we can play it for you. Oh, wait, no. I think we have John Fodiatis and John Murray and you, Frank Santopadre. Nice. Wasn't Adam Dorn calling her out on how she says Santopadre? Yes, Adam Dorn, a friend of ours, is a musician.

Am I saying it wrong? No, I don't say the hard T. Say it, say it. Santopadre. Santopadre. Very nice. Thank you. Beautifully done. Beautifully done. Santop, say it. Santo Padre. Santo Padre. Very nice. Thank you. Beautifully done.

Beautifully done. Santo Padre. I like saying John Fodiacus. I like the way you say it too. How about John Fodiacus? John Fodiacus. Do you like saying that too? I like it all.

So Whitney is our voice. I'm going to explain who these people are to Gilbert. Why are we here? Whitney is our voiceover artist. Yes. Hello. She's the one that says at the end of the show, she says everybody's name. She says the credits.

I try. Yes. John Murray. You know John. You've met John before. Yes. John did an episode. John does the opening music for Listener Mail.

Excellent. With the bells and the dog barking and all the sodas. I'm so glad you remember that. Should we play that one? That's cool. We can play a little of it. Let's play something. Good idea, Frank. We'll refresh people. Let me make sure it's this one. can play a little of it. Good idea, Frank.

We'll refresh people. Let me make sure it's this one. Go ahead. That's it. That's it. Have you ever heard that on the show, Gilbert? That's terrific. Yes? Yeah.

I'm glad you finally heard it. He's hearing it for the first time. That's better than any of the mail we get. Wow. If we could play that and not read the mail, it would be a much better segment. And John Fotiakis, or shall I call you Tom Fotiakis? Tom Bakalakalakalas. Yes.

John is the musician who, well, John's an architect by day, but he dabbles. I do. You're an architect slash songwriter. And John composed the closing music. Yes. For our listener mail episodes. Let's hear that. Oh, the piece of it.

Glad you asked. And it's even got a count in. Oh. Oh. I like it. Glad you asked. And it's even got a count in. Oh. Oh. I like it. A professional. Very trippy. Trippy, man.

John Cotillard. John Cotillard If you want to know about Papillon Soussou Oh, Long Chaney Jr. It's something we're used to You like that, don't you? He likes it. Gilbert's enjoying the Papillon Soussou. I love that he's hearing it for the first time years later.

It's like the wonder of a child. It's like a deaf child hearing for the first time. I love that he's just meeting these people. He's met them before. We've done shows with them before, but it's all new. He is horrible. Oh, my God. And Seth.

Hello there, Frank. We'll go to you now. The one named Gilbert got right. No, he got John Murray right. He handled that one. Yes. Seth was here accompanying Mario on keyboards. Crazy night.

Yes, it was a crazy night. You laughed a lot. Laughed a lot. Did you learn anything? Yeah, I learned what post-stroke Betty Davis sounds like. Singing Frosty the Snowman. Little incorrect, but what can I tell you? Seth and I go way, way back to the 80s.

Yes. When did we meet? In the early 80s? Yeah, about 85, 86 or so. A comedy group where we used to open for Brother Theodore at the 13th Street Theater. Yeah, wonderful group. Firing Squad. Firing Squad, yes.

My first foray into comedy. Right around the time I saw you for the first time at the Strip, Gilbert. Oh, jeez. Yeah, early 80s. Wow. Yes, yes, yes. And we've stayed friends all these years, although, fair to say, we lost touch for a while, and then the podcast kind of, you reached out one day. I did. I was very impressed and laughing my ass off, so I figured, let's get back in touch, and it's all working out great. So nice. And that's also how John Murray kind of came back into my orbit, because you and I had,

I mean, we'd seen each other on occasion over the years, but kind of lost touch. And then you started listening to the podcast. Oh, I loved it. And reached out. Yes, fantastic. And I couldn't help but add to it with something. Contribute something. And Whitney, how'd you get involved?

I think it was through Frank Verderosa, the other Frank. Frank Verderosa? Yes. I'm That's me? Frank Verderosa? Yes. I'm familiar with his work. He's the snuffleupagus in the room. I don't know if it should be flattered or upset. I don't know. No, I love Frank, yes.

And John Beach, who is not here, who Gilbert, just to bring everybody up to speed on everything that people do for this show, that you don't know about or appreciate. John Beach does those wonderful little interstitials in the middle of the show. Say that again. He does the interstitials. Okay. Yes. Did I say that wrong?

No, it was good. Thank you. What's that? I've promised him a few things. Yes. He's not here. He's done all these wonderful things for us on his own time. He's somewhat of a legendary voice actor.

He is. And I'm glad that David Yazbeck talked about him a bit. And he reached out to me as a fan and he started offering these things and he kept doing it. There was one really great one he did back when we had Tommy James on. And I fucking forgot.

And the episode ran. And I think I really offended him by not including it. So I promised him I'll play it now. And the episode ran, and I really, I think I really offended him by not including it. So I promised him I'll play it now. Well, that's the least we can do. And then he's got a message for us as well.

So here's what didn't make it to that episode. I I'm loving this podcast With Tommy and Jonathan On Gilbert and Frank's show Wow. That was the cool thing.

And then he also... How did we not use that? I flaked. He sent it to me. I think I was juggling. He sent this message. He's in Florida, but he took the time out to make this somehow while he was there. What'd you think of that, Gil?

That was very good. A whole Crimson and Clover thing. He didn't mention Lon Chaney June, you know. We've got to take a point off. So here's a quick message from John. Here's a message. I've got a gift from God. I'm really odd. I'm really odd

I'm a mini podcast away God bless Gilbert and Frank Whatever. Thank you. And sorry I can't be there for this special show with this special group of people on this special night

because I'm in Florida and that's even better. Good night. Thank you, John. That's nice. A lot of fans have asked if any of his stuff is actually Weird Al. night because I'm in Florida and that's even better. Good night. Thank you, John. A lot of fans have asked if any of his stuff is actually Weird Al and it's not. No, it's all original. It's all John Beach.

We wish he could be here, but we don't have enough mics anyway. He'd bring his own. Thank you, John. We're actually all sharing one mic. And also, unrelated note, it's Reb Beach's brother of rock star band Winger fame. Oh.

Does that mean anything to anybody? Winger? Winger. The band Winger? You guys don't remember Winger? I think I remember Winger. I remember Winger.

They were a hair band. Yeah. Yeah, they were a wig hair band. Of course. Are they all bald now? Yes. Probably.

Yes, okay. Whitney, tell us a little bit about your background because you and I are meeting for the first time tonight. You're meeting all of us for the first time except for Snuffleupagus Frank.

This podcast is produced by Dara Gottfried and Frank Santopadre. I just met Dara for the first time tonight. Isn't she wonderful? I love her. We're canonizing her for reasons that are obvious. We will canonize her. We were talking about how we both left our children home. Well, mine are home alone, but yours are with your babysitter. Where else would we have heard your voice, your voiceovers? I've heard you on some things, I think.

Yeah, I am now the voice of JCPenney. Wow. How about that, Gil? I'll be headed back in the morning. Does Jupiter get a discount? You can have anything you want. I think it's like $19.99 diamond pendants. I'll be headed back in the morning. Does Gilbert get a discount? You can have anything you want. I think it's like $19.99 diamond pendants.

Do they have flannel? A big flannel shirt. Oh, there's lots of flannel. You got your Christmas specials. You got your back to school. No, not yet. But, you know, you got your Thanksgiving. You are the new voice of JCPenney. I love it.

Since Thanksgiving. Congratulations. I shout a lot. That's wonderful. Thank you. Gil, you shop at JCPenney's. Yeah. I love it. Since Thanksgiving. Congratulations. I shout a lot. That's wonderful. Thank you. Gil, you shop at JCPenney's. Yeah, I guess so. If they pay me, I'll say I shop there.

I can get you the $9.99 karaoke machine. I'll say I shop at any department store if they pay me. So here's a question, a loaded question. Have you gotten feedback about your appearance on this show? Does anyone know that you're doing this, or is this? I think, you know, I haven't gotten much feedback, but I think Frank Verderosa has gotten some feedback. Yeah, people have commented in the listener group.

People have commented. And I think I made the mistake once of posting a photo, I think on Facebook, I don't know, and then I withdrew. And she pays me not to mention that she's involved with the show. I get $50 a month to tell people she doesn't do it. It's nice to hear a woman's voice at the end of the show. I think it brings a little element of, don't you? Warmth.

You mean Mario? It brings an element of... No, it brings a little warmth. It brings a little, you know... A little something something. A little class. Thank you. It classes up the show.

I classed up your show, Gilbert. Ah, yes. For those that listen to the free version. It's impossible. I gave you wine with your nuts. She and John do this. This is in the commercial break of every show, if I can find it. Hang on one second.

Here we go. For those that hear it. It's Gil and Frank. Colossal obsession. It's Gil and Frank. Hypnotic possession. It's Gil and Frank's Colossal Obsessions. It's Gil and Frank's Gnostic Possessions. It's Gil and Frank's Your Deepest Confessions. To Gil and Frank, they now control you.

So give up. Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions. Every Thursday, only on Stitcher Premium. I like it. So that'll be on the end of this episode. Maybe we don't have to use it now. That's a John Beach-Whitney-Mallon joint. Hey, this makes me think of something.

Oh, God. Uh-oh. That can't be good. Where is that black guy that they found on the highway? Where is he? He was the Kraft macaroni and cheese guy for a while. Oh, my God. Can I tell you a story about that?

You know, I was found under a bridge as well no I wasn't what's the story about the guy found under thank you John Podianis

I was doing I was working with an ad agency called Crispin Porter Bogusky out of Miami at the time and we were doing we were finishing Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Spots

the voiceover was already in it we're sitting in the room we've been working all day waiting for client feedback so we're sharing that video that had just gone viral, right? Of the guy, you know? Yep. And then the producer goes 10 minutes later, you're not going to believe this. And it's what?

They're sending him over. He's at 30 Rock on the Today Show. And they want him to be the voiceover because the spots we were doing for like the homeless bowl or whatever. It was like the proceeds were to feed the homeless. So they brought him in and he hadn't been on mic in ages and he had a bit of a lisp. His teeth hadn't been fixed yet, but it was the most surreal day because at Nutmeg we had celebrities all the time

and this was the first time camera crews followed anybody into the building. How about that? This is Ted Williams coming to you live from Nutmeg Post. Craft homestyle macaroni and cheese. Cheesy noodles topped with golden brown breadcrumbs. You know you love it. Yeah, that...

Is he still... For those who don't remember that, it was like a homeless black guy on the street and going up to park cars for money with a sign that said, I'll speak in my announcer's voice for money. And then this announcer's voice came out and it was insane. You go, oh, my God. Hi there. Yeah.

Yeah. He had a career in radio and then he already langed himself. So he already come and gone. Well, no, but now. Well, no, he was langed himself so he has he already come and gone well no but now well no he he was and went then he was homeless now he has he does book tours speaking events he's the narrator for one of the basketball teams like the live announcer okay he's doing great together okay great there's an answer to your question ah no more homeless yeah yeah i thought he was facing trouble again no No, he's doing well.

You need to start going up to car windows. Yeah. Is that directed at me? We'll do parrot voice for money. You should do that already, don't you? Let's talk to our friend John Fodiacus for a second.

Hi there. How did you, because you and I did not know each other. No, we did not. Seth and I have history. John and I have history. Whitney and Frank have history. But you came into our lives through the podcast. How did it happen? How did it happen?

I was Googling Gilbert Gottfried. Why? Because I loved his old stern appearances where he was doing Dracula Gottfried and Dice Gottfried and every other Gottfried. Yes. And somehow I tripped onto the podcast and I started listening and I just fell in love with the show. I said, this is unbelievable. Because it's very lowbrow, highbrow, you know, it's like Stern meets Dick Cavett. A little bit.

I take care of the lowbrow. You do. You've got a PhD in lowbrow. Is that like Sam Arcoff saying the shit was my idea? With a minor in scatology. Yeah, there was this movie that Samuel Arcoff did called Q that was about a flying serpent. Who knows it? Seth knows it.

And Michael Moriarty was in it. And Roger Ebert was there and he thought that michael moriarty actually gave a great performance and and he and ebert said it's it's a great method performance in a piece of dreck and samuel larkoff the filmmaker said the dreck was my idea that's pretty funny oh wow so so what so what inspired you the show just inspired you and you decided i'm gonna i'm gonna write some music and send it to these clowns yeah you had actually put the call out i think for one of the theme songs so i think it was the listener mail theme because that's what i focused in on and at the time i was watching movies like the party and old peter sellers movies and that whole back rack trumpet vibe

so i started putting some ideas together and sent it in and you guys liked it and you used it of course gilbert has never heard it but that's a story in and of itself oh wait i just even though he told me it was genius yeah but that was i i just i just recently appeared on some show on amazon it was me and and four porno actresses are you running for president too but i i mentioned, because I was talking about how one time I watched them film a porn thing where they were mixing mayonnaise for some of the shots. And the girl said, oh, to get the look of cum. And I said, that's a Burt Bacharach number. That's very funny.

Wow. And one of the porn actresses goes, who's Burt Bacharach? Outrageous. Yeah. It's shocking that a porn actress wouldn't know the word Burt Bacharach. And Hal David. She charges extra to do a Burt Bacharach.

Deeply, deeply offended. So what was your, we heard a little bit of the center male theme. Maybe you'll play us a little bit later. But what was the influence? A little Lennon, a little psychedelic? First I came up with the psychedelic theme that I sent to you. And I think you were very polite and said, I think that's a little too out there. I did.

Shame on me. So then I came back with something that was a bit more of that sunshiny pop vibe, and you seemed to respond to that, and you guys have been using it. People love the lyrics. You know, the stuff. The Irving Villachaz joke. Well, yeah, that is, you know, one of my classics. He rhymes Cesar Romero with gay caballeros.

Oh, excellent. Why don't you give us a little example of it, if you can. Well, I'll do one verse. Do one quick verse, because we cut it off. It's better live. If you have a comment on Cesar Romero And those oranges thrown by those young caballeros You can ask what you want

Anything on a biz But please keep it short Just like Herve Villachez Excellent. Listen to me It just goes on and on. And it's just a sad time for health. That's really what it is.

That was awesome. Thank you, Arnie Kogan. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing Colossal podcast after this. DraftKings Casino, all your favorite games are in the palm of your hand. Play the classics like blackjack, roulette, slots, and baccarat. Or take a spin on exclusive games you won't find anywhere else. Experience the excitement of the casino floor right on your phone. Download the app and play whatever, wherever, and whenever. Your options for fun are endless.

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Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario. 1-866-531-2600. 19 and over and physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See casino.draftkings.com for details. Please play responsibly. That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history. Thornton Prince was a ladies' man.

To get revenge, his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken. He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken. Hot chicken in the window. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. John, same question. What

inspired you specifically, musically? What were you going for? For the theme? Yeah, the opening theme. Swing music's always been something I loved. And the sound of the original theme that you had

had that Gretsch guitar. Yeah. And so I wanted to keep with that. You mean the, the main theme? Yeah, the vampire. Yeah,

vampire strut. Yeah, yeah. So I wanted to keep that. By Bob Bradley, we'll give him credit. Yeah, it's got that Bixby guitar in there.

So I wanted to keep that, that feel, but at the same time, go with, the swing music. Oh, can you hear me? Oh, sorry, wow same time go with the swing music. Oh, can you hear me? Wow, yeah, without the earphones. Yeah, you can't hear yourself.

Did you have to work blue? Did you have to put the F word into the song? Hang on a second. Did I have to? Of course. Well, actually, I interested. And Seth, how did you discover the show? It had to be through Facebook, I think. and Seth how did you discover the show? it had to be through Facebook I think

you weren't googling Gilbert in the middle of the night? like Tom Foki I am not going to cop to that no no just through Facebook but some of those early episodes I caught on with some of them have just been unbelievable Carl Reiner.

I can't wait to hear that. I haven't heard the Alan Alda yet. But the way you guys riff in and out of the music, out of the movies, out of the TV shows. Yeah, we're proud of some of the musicians we've had on the show, Gilbert. Mickey Dolenz. Oh, yes. Mickey Dolenz was just here. But what about Gilbert's sing-alongs?

Oh, genius. See? See, it's about time. That's what got you, too. That's what got to me. I want to do a sing-alongs? Oh, genius. Yeah. See? See, it's about time. That's what got you, too. That's what got to me. I want to do a sing-along. When you did Dummy in the Window, I was just talking to Seth outside about it. He was inspired by Dummy in the Window.

No, it's true. We were just talking about that. I recently did a club somewhere, and the guy who was picking me up at the airport had one of those name signs. And on the sign it said, Today I thought I saw a dummy in the window. And he was holding that sign at the airport. Seth and I were just talking about it outside, that you have an uncanny way of staying exactly in the right key

from beginning to end without having any music behind you. And so when you sang Dummy in the Window. Terrifying. It wasn't terrifying to me. I had having any music behind you. And so when you sang Dummy in the Window, Terrifying. It wasn't terrifying to me. I had to put music behind it. And so I did a couple of versions. And that's, when I do get pinged

by people on Facebook or whatever about any of the music that I've done, the one request I get the most is Dummy in the Window. Either the regular version or I do that dance mix version.

We're going to post on social media the week this episode goes up, your regular version of I do the dance mix version. We're going to post on social media the week this episode goes up your regular version of Dummy in the Window and his dance mix. I have a dance mix. Of Dummy in the Window.

Seriously? Yeah. Yeah. We'll post it. Straight through. Because it has to be shared. It has to be shared with the world. Of course.

Yeah. It was played at a Hollywood party and I heard that it went over so well that a certain celebrity got really into Gilbert. Oh, really? Do you remember who it was, Gilbert? Hmm.

Wait. Why? I'm so turned on right now. I am so turned on right now. Sandra Bullock. Oh, my God. You are brilliant. Come here.

I will fuck you. Yeah. Come here. She's actually talking to Gilbert. Yes. Sandra Bullock said she'll fuck me. Because of that song. That's how good that song is.

Because of my version? Because of your dance mix, yeah. Oh, my God. And like an asshole. Like an asshole, I'm sitting here with Frank. Jeez. Who knew? So that leads me to the question, and I'll ask the three musicians.

You've commented on his voice. What do you think of Gilbert musically? John? I'm going to add cricket sounds. I don't know. I think there are... You agree with John that he has a... I think in a very weird, obtuse way, I think Gilbert is actually very gifted musically.

I do. You do. In fact, there's a whole institute in Vienna, I've heard, that is dedicated to deconstructing and studying the atonal qualities of his voice. Because David Yazbeck, the Tony-winning composer, was here last week, and he told Gilbert, you have the worst sense of rhythm I've ever heard in my life. You care to comment? I care to comment. No, when we were doing

Frosty the Snowman last week, I mean, pitch, right there. Tempo, sort of there. Finding your way into song, I don't know where we were. Very easy to follow you. Why is he always four minutes behind? Well, I can catch up.

It's all right. I actually saw that happen. Hey, Gilbert, you're in good company. Irving Berlin's 100th birthday celebration at Carnegie Hall, 1988. And Frank Sinatra is singing, Always. I'll be loving you always. And live, Carnegie Hall, Frank Sinatra. I never saw this, but he totally lost the arrangement

totally gone so that so much so that he was speeding up so much that the orchestra was still playing and frank is looking looking around the stage and um while he's looking around the stage uh the conductor is sweating bullets because he's got too much music and Frank is standing there like an idiot and you don't make Frank Sinatra look like an idiot on a Carnegie Hall stage at a sold out show. Silence in the room. All of a sudden, they must have drawn short straws backstage.

This kid comes out with the headphones on to tell Sinatra he's got to do the song again. Wow. And, ooh, and Sinatra says's got to do the song again. Wow. And Sinatra says, come here, kid. You want me to do the song again? And I swear to God,

he took a $20 bill out of his pocket, gave it to the kid. He said, yeah, you're a good kid. Go back. I'll do it again. And then Frank did the song again, Gilbert, and nailed it perfectly. So what you're saying is I'm Frank Sinatra.

You are Sinatra. Yeah. If you have to do it again, you do it again. But no, really. That moment could be recreated, but Gilbert will not part with a 20. I think you could also be Irving Berlin at 100. No, but seriously, Frank, what's great about Gilbert singing, though, is you can do it

in impersonation. You could do the Paul Williams. You could do the Groucho Marx. I mean, it's just really so much fun. He's brilliant. We put aoucho Marx. I mean, it's just really so much fun. We put a lot on him. I mean, I'm teasing him. But I mean, did you know how Silent Night went? Because you actually threw me last week.

Oh. Were you familiar with Silent Night? Vaguely. It's a Goyim show. I give you a pass. Yes, it is. You're not a Christian.

I give you a pass. What is this now? Oh, fuck that chicken. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, what about that? You simply got a Christian. I give you a pass. What is this now? Oh, fuck that chicken. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, what about that? You simply got to fuck that chicken.

You see? Yes. So, is that a track? Has someone recorded that? You have that track? I would like to hear fuck that chicken. I don't have that one. You see?

Do you have dummy in the dance mix? Why don't you set it up and I'll drop it in later. He'll drop it in. I didn't even have a CD player. I didn't even know that existed. Nice work. Whitney, back to you. Oh, my God.

Gilbert has had an active voiceover career. Oh, I had no idea. Yeah. I mean, yes. Do you love doing voiceovers, Gilbert? Yeah. When I can hold on to them. Yeah?

Yeah. Uh-oh. Are you familiar, Whitney, with what happened with Gilbert's famous... You know something about this. I know nothing about it. I'm so sorry. I didn't Google you.

I know nothing. I haven't done any late night Googling of Gilbert. He was the voice of a famous brand. Oh. And then something went wrong. Oh. That went awry. Oh, he's Aflac.

He was. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, this happened throughout my career. Tell me what happened. Yeah. I want to hear your story. Oh, now tell me afterwards.

I want to ask the musicians, too. I'm sorry. That's okay. I want to ask the musicians present, too. Seth weighed in on this, but you guys weigh in on this ridiculous Baby It's Cold Outside controversy that's going on. You can weigh in, too, Whitney. I would like to weigh in, as well.

Yes, you can. Ladies first. Go ahead. No, I... What's your opinion? I just think it's ridiculous. You think it's not a date, I... What's your opinion? I just think it's ridiculous. You think it's not a date rape song? It's not a date rape song.

It's ridiculous. It's not even that cold outside. People need to get a life. I liked it better when I thought it was a date rape song. That's beautiful. I have one big problem with that song. What? The Al Hirt version.

You know the one? Yeah. He's panned left and Margaret's panned to the right. And when she's singing, this is before technology, all you hear is his mouth going. Getting ready to sing the next thing, and it's so fucking disgusting. Well, listen for that.

Beautiful, what's your hurry? And father will be pacing the floor. So listen for that. John Murray, chime in. What do you think of this controversy over Baby, It's Cold Outside? I love the melody of the song. I love the arrangement. So it's hard to not like the song. Your wife is not listening to this. No, she's not listening to it.

I don't want to weigh in on the lyrics, but the song itself was, you know, melody and arrangement every time it's done. And John Fodiatis? I, for one, would have stayed. I'm chiming in. You would have stayed. I would have stayed.

It's cold. You would have stayed. I don't stayed. You would have stayed. It's cold. You would have stayed. I don't know about, baby, it's cold outside, but to me, Frosty the Snowman is a crypto-fascist dog whistle. And I'm really angry about it. Well, you know, our friend Mario Cantone thinks that Frosty is a pedophile because he lures a girl into the greenhouse and then melts. Remember the end of that special where they're all dancing around the snowman

and the sun is setting? Yeah, that disturbs you? It's like some weird pagan druid ritual. I have a real problem with that. As we run short on time, we're going to attempt something. Oh no. Seth and John have worked something out.

So Whitney was requesting Yeah, we rehearsed right now. Whitney was requesting a Christmas sing-along. I was. This could be a hot mess. It might be more entertaining if it is a hot mess. Actually, I can't hear him. Gilbert, sing out.

Yes. No, he needs headphones. John's going to give you his phones. Oh. Yes. This is a professional operations show. We're doing a sing-along. We're doing a...

Professional operation. We're one pair of headphones short. I don't know what song we're singing. What are we singing? Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Here we go, Gil. Oh, geez.

Start us off, John. Yeah, you better watch out. You better not cry. You better not shout. You better not shout. I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. Beautiful. He's making a list.

He's checking it twice. He's gonna find out who's naughty and nice. Santa Claus is coming to town. Beautiful. Whitney. What does he know? He knows when you're asleep. He sees you when you sleep.

He knows when you're awake. He knows you've been bad. He knows if you've been good or whatever. So be good for goodness sake. I'm a Jew. Yeah, but so is Springsteen. You better watch out. You better not cry.

You better watch out. I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. Yes! We doing a second verse? No. I tanked it. Thanks.

Beautiful. Unrehearsed. There we go. Who would have imagined that was unrehearsed? Not me. Who would have imagined that was improvised? Yeah, the guy's going to come back and ask him to do it again. It's like the aha reunion.

And spontaneous. I'm sure right now the audience is saying, oh, yeah, like they didn't get together before. Yeah, all 20 of them. Yes. How was Gilbert on that one? Right on. Was he in key? Pitch perfect.

It was a key. Thank you. That's what I'm saying. He was spot on. Gilbert sang that in Asia Minor. You've been waiting to use that all night. This was a beautiful, tight 30 minutes. We're going to go around and see what everybody has to plug and what's coming up in their lives.

Let's start with Seth. What am I doing? Seth, you work at ASCAP. You're involved with Why Hunger. Tell us quickly about Harry Chapin's wonderful charity that you do such great work for. Really one of the great charities supporting food justice, the idea that everybody is entitled to good, nutritious food around the world. So we support local farming.

We support school lunch programs. We support feeding the hungry. And go to WhyHunger.org and learn a lot more about why hunger right important organization whitney what's coming up besides your jc penny spots i'm doing my jc penny i do investigation discovery but um on the side i am uh i i do a lot of animal rescue and do you yes oh we should talk wonderful bless your heart yeah what a noble thing and my kids have actually been doing it since they're seven years old. So we foster, I'm like, you know.

Alligators. Yeah, we foster alligators. We put everything in our bathroom, in our bathtub. You got kittens, you got dogs, you got, you know, bunnies. Good for you. But we do, we do a lot of fostering. I'm basically the person everybody, I'm the go-to person when someone finds a stray cat, a stray dog, or anything like that. Is there an organization that you work with?

You know, it's really just me. I'm out of pocket, and I've never gone 501c3 or anything like that. I literally just dive in. I do all the medical. I socialize the cat, the dog, and then I find them homes. So I wish I could. I mean, you can find me on Facebook, but that's about it. What a nice thing to do.

We'll talk more about that. John Murray. Well, I write under the name P.E. Music, children's books. Yes. And my Bright Buckle Holiday book is available right now on paperback and Kindle. And then I also record under the name Private Eye Music, and my album Holidays Just Fly is available

for streaming and for purchase you know and I don't think anybody purchases any albums anymore so it's available for streaming

so you can just get it for free this show moves product buddy yeah it is merch yeah so the album is Holidays Just Fly

and you know you can stream it anywhere and we are going to post the Dummy in the Window dance mix oh yeah please and you know you can stream it anywhere and we are going to post the dummy in the window dance mix oh yeah yeah please and you know what it's in car 54 where are you which is a duet between you guys you got to post that too okay we'll get it we'll get it all out there and johnny f or tom may i call you tom tom malakalopoulos yeah what's coming up so if you guys go to soundcloud.com slash empty city squares

there's a playlist with all the music that I've done for this show which is fun a lot of people are listening to the listener mail theme

and I've also been working on an album of original music and it's going to be released very very soon and all the all the mixes are there so you can find

it's called 337 and it's dedicated to Gilbert because my whole life's dedicated to Gilbert. Because my whole life is dedicated to Gilbert. There's actually a wax impression of him on the SoundCloud page as well. Thank you. I want to thank, too, some people who aren't here who contribute to the show.

Gino Salamone, who Gilbert really hates to mention. Yes, I would have left his name out. He's the real snuffle up against. We're going to have his name clipped. Frank, can you cut that out of the show on the shares? Thank you. Here's why I like Gino. At the end of a recording once, he asked if we were going to clean it up

and he said this. Frank's the best. So you heard it there. And you saved that. That's from Gino's mouth to God's. Gino is a saint. He does a lot for this show. We want to thank Greg Pair, Twitter Greg, our guy who handles Twitter and does a wonderful job.

Our friend Mike McPadden, who handles the Facebook page. John Seals, our webmaster. Of course, Dara Gottfried, who's standing there pointing a camera at us, who makes this whole thing possible. And Wrangles Gilbert. She's a Gilbert Wrangler.

And make sure he has fresh undies for every episode. Nice. And of course, last but not least, where is he? Paul Raybone. Yeah. He's in the booth. And that's the team. We also want to thank David Simon, our photographer,

and Chris DuBose and Mike Dobkins for helping me with much-needed research this month. Thank you, guys. Thank you, everybody who contributes to this show. And if you'd like to adopt an alligator, where today? Yeah. I quickly want to thank everybody here at Earwolf, too. Chris Bannon, Dave Seidel, Dave Maki who's been a fill-in engineer

Andy Slater, Harry Nelson and Jared O'Connell and everybody who's been a part of this crazy cockeyed caravan I think is the terminology from Sullivan's Travels you recognize that? but you don't recognize the theme songs from your own show

no in fact Yes. You recognize that? Oh, yeah. But you don't recognize the theme songs from your own show? No. In fact, in the George Clooney movie, that was Brother, Where Art Thou? Yes. That was the movie. Yes. Yes. It's a reference.

Sly in joke. Yeah. You want to take us out? Okay. You want to take the names again? Oh, Christ. Oh, fuck. Just call me Brittany.

Whitney Malin. Malin. Malin. Whitney Malin. And 10 years from now, I'll get it right. Whitney Malin. I don't care.

John Fodiatis. Yay! Got it. Yeah, yeahak. Yay! Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now drop dead. John Murray. Yes. Art Carney. Sheila McCree.

Jane Keene. The Miami Beach audience is the greatest audience in the world. Paul Raymonds. And Seth Soltzman. Yes. Yeah. And I'm Gilbert Gottfried. I'm here with Frank Santopatre.

And this has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing. Yeah, something like that. Fuck it all. Thank you all. We love you. Happy New Year.