Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #204: Gilbert and Frank's Twitter Mailbag

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

This week: Abe Vigoda! Naked vampires! "The General" turns 100! The legend of Alan Smithee! David Yazbek takes home a Grammy! And Gilbert and Frank salute the great Dick Miller! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. This ad was expressly recorded to create a sense of simplicity. Just a few, simple sounds. No complexity. Like Neutral. Made with just vodka, soda, and natural flavour. Neutral. Refreshingly simple. Okay. Okay, hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre, and this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing, colossal obsession,

muscle obsession and the man who is fighting Munchausen syndrome by proxy, bravely fighting a losing battle, is Raybone. I was going to say he's fighting and winning. Look at him. He's sitting there. He's robust. He's erect. The chair.

You don't see the wires that are keeping him breathing. Yes, Paul is brought to you through the good graces of industrial light and magic. Paul, you're looking healthy and well. Don't listen to him. It's the CGI. It's not really. Don't listen to this nefarious clown next to me. Gilbert, you performed last night.

You raised some money for Darryl's good cause. You want to tell us about it? Yeah, on PS11. How much did you raise? I don't know. Well, congratulate Darryl. He was very funny. Was he funny? Frank, you didn't go this year?

You know what? With all the work stuff going on, I kind of... Yeah, you're a busy man. Berta Rosa's got a full plate. Was Mr. Cantone funny? Of course he was. Oh, yes. Sorry, it was great.

He was. John Fugel... Oh, John Fugelsang was there. If you could put your mouth by the microphone. Oh, Jim... Frank would love it if you If you could put your mouth by the microphone. Oh, Jim. Frank would love it if he would talk into the mic. Jim Gaffigan. Oh, Jim showed up.

Surprise guest. He was very funny. He was very funny. And I'm leaving people out. I'm sorry. That's okay. Our friend Reese Barr was on the show. Yes. He had.

It never works to retell somebody's joke but but uh gaffigan somebody says why are you raising your kids in new york city he goes so they don't turn out like you oh that's great that's great thank you arnie cogan and and i want to read something that someone sent me no i'm sorry you can't yeah anthonyalacchi, I think. Let me see. Anthony Scalacchi. Yeah, it's a guinea. Yeah. I just started listening to Mini 200. I was one of the Houston guys at the improv who told Gilbert the podcast brings me closer to my parents and grandparents.

It's nice when people write those things. That's where you go, oh, that's what we wanted this to be. Yes. It's a shame it hasn't brought us any closer. No. Quite the opposite. The only way it would bring me closer to mine is if there was a shovel. Exactly.

It's driven a wedge between Gilbert and me. And this is one Robert Schultz. You're good on names, I see. Schultz or Schultzy? Schultz or Schultzy. Schultzy. Not Schlitzy. And he's the one who says, I won't pretend that I can do it, but yeah, I won't pretend that I could do it like Dick Cavett,

but he rearranged the letters of my name. Oh, what'd you get? Gifted Glib Retort. Gifted Glib what? Retort. Oh, Retort. Yeah. Okay.

So excellent. You scared me there for a minute. Excellent. Gifted Glib retort. We almost went off the air. Nice work. Mine, I somehow... Like Ray Schultz-y or something.

My friend, thank you for that, Ray Schultz-y, and thank you, Dick Cavett, for bringing anagrams to the show. My friend Steve Gardner, who loves to do anagrams, in college pointed out that I was Dan Fake Porn Star. If you take Frank Santo Padre. Also, if you're into whoopee cushions, Fred Sat on a Prank

is also my name unscrambled. You should have yours done, Paul. Do we have a five-second delay on this podcast? No, I just edit it out. Which he does with every other thing. There's the, we call, Darren and I like to call it saving Gilbert from himself.

It's a whole post-production phase. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Diane Cannon, who just did our friend Mark Malkoff's podcast. So we know that Diane Cannon is doing podcasts. Yes! Oh, could you put in, you're terrible. He is horrible!

This is the gift that keeps on giving. Thank you. Thank you, Gino. I also want to mention and this is very specific to this podcast, a legendary performer would have been 100 years old this week and that is Forrest Tucker.

So, assumedly the general would also have turned 100. So, he's long gone. He's long gone. Nicely done. Nicely done, Frank. Let's see. Let's see. I got a lot of birthday messages on Twitter and that was very sweet of people last week, I will pass

those I should actually properly thank people our friend Steve Hanna did a great photoshop of me as James Brown did you see that? No, I didn't see that because I'm apparently now the new hardest working person in show business this is Sean Patrick Little

and he writes, I just listened to the John Amos episode from a few years back. Definitely in the top ten. Best of the podcast. Good guy, John, interview. Boy, good interview. Good guy, good interview. We love that guy. And when he came back the second time, I got him to say, damn, damn, damn.

You did. And the first time, he favored us with a McDonald's jingle. Yes. From the commercial he was in. He was hysterical. One of my own, arguably my favorite moment. You did. And the first time, he favored us with a McDonald's jingle. Yes. From the commercial he's in. He was hysterical. One of my own, arguably my favorite moment. Really nice. In the podcast.

And he had like a torn ligament or whatever. He came, yeah, he showed up on crutches. Yeah. Just like Peter Rieger did. Oh, that's right. You see the lengths people go to to get on this show? I'm going to read this one as a birthday message for me. Trip Great, our friend

Trip Great. Happy birthday, Frank. My wish for you is that Paul Rayburn recovers his health and gets research questions answered within a month's time. I think that's doable. Yeah, it's doable. Try doing research when you've got Munkhausen syndrome. It's not easy.

Even just reaching for the books on a high shelf. And I also hope that Real Gilbert gives you some Pilford Hotel shampoo and body washes. That is beautiful. I can't afford it. I don't have enough. You're running low. I missed this birthday. It's a different day.

But our friend Jonathan Winchell pointed out that, I can't, this was five days ago, that it was the birthday of Jack Lemmon, James Dean, Audrey Meadows, and I bring this up because Gilbert cares, also the birthday of Matilda May. Yes. Who you love. Yes. See, I don't want to look at her now because she's probably in her 80s or something, but we should have Matilda May on the show anyway.

You just want to meet Matilda May. She was the naked vampire in Life Force. Yeah, the Tobey Hooper's Life Force. Ridiculously hot. And I saw it. I watched that movie at Tooby Hooper's house. Tooby Hooper? Tooby Hooper.

Tooby, Tooby, Tooby or not Tooby? Tooby Hooper. Tooby Hooper. Tooby Vival. When we discuss hotter women in movies, we'd like to also say happy Valentine's Day, Dara. Yes. I think this episode will air after Valentine's Day, but definitely Happy Valentine's Day. Didn't you have an anniversary recently too, Gilbert?

Yes. Yes. Yeah. What's the year? Do you know? No, you'll have to call her up. Is it 20? I have trouble naming, saying the two kids' names.

It might be 20. Yeah. Nikki Savit writes, Frank, I got the present for your birthday. I got a present on your birthday. You were following me. That's very nice. This pop culture nerd thanks you and Gilbert for my weekly joy. Thank you for leading me to it.

Isn't that nice? That's very nice. Yes. Here's a guy, Evan D. Gottlieb. Gottlieb. Gottlieb. Yeah. Gilbert Gottlieb. Gottlieb. Gottlieb. Gilbert Gottlieb.

With so many legends passing away, Frank, with increased frequency, have you and Gilbert thought about producing more than one guest episode per week? So many greats you need to talk to. Oh, that would really keep you off the street corners. I'd like to see that myself. I would be added to the list of people who died if that happened. Let's see. Let's happened. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see.

This is interesting. Mark Hogan. I heard that the SNL Two Wild and Crazy Guys characters, Steve Martin and Dan Eckerd, were based on Milos Forman and one of his friends. Could that be? It's certainly a great rumor. Isn't that bizarre? It's a great rumor isn't that bizarre it's a terrific rumor yes yes uh lid lid sip lid lyd cip i'm watching the sunshine boys on tmc on your recommendation and the guy who does the pop sound on his mouth there he is oh yes fritz feld we just talked about him fritz feld just talked about him um The great Fritz Feld. We just talked about him.

This is my favorite tweet of the week, or my second favorite tweet of the week. Dan Roberts, I love the show so much. Please promise me that you and Gilbert will always take separate flights so that your podcast children don't lose both parents at once. Oh, jeez. That is dark. I think it's separate megabuses. were they the sullivans exactly frank says separate megabuses all right i'll be on amtrak gilbert will be on the megabus that's very funny those the sullivans who uh what were their names that that family? I don't know.

That was where that whole case, why? Oh, that's right. Yeah, you can't put family members in the same army troop. Yep. AJC, AJ. What the hell? Hey, Rayburn. Paul, look it up. Yo, what?

It was kind of like, you know what? That's a deep research dive for him. Saving Private Ryan was based on it. That's right. That's right. I'm trying to find the wild and crazy guys. I don't know. I think it was the Sullivan.

We'll find it at the end. Let him research one thing at a time. The poor guy's got a syndrome. He's researching stuff. In the first show. AJC points out good trivia that indeed Fritz Feld was Mrs. Folger's husband. The coffee lady. Oh.

That they were married in real life. Virginia, I've forgotten her last name. Shame on me. Virginia Christie, I think. Does that sound right? By the way, I ran into Richard Kind last night. He said to me, I'm not paying for the mini episodes. You know why?

Because Gilbert never would. And he wasn't wrong. Damon Costantini, can I request a mini episode? Find a Three's Company expert and talk about that show. Perfect topic. Do we want to talk about Three's Company? Well, they already did a TV movie on it. This is a person with Frank after their own heart or after Frank's heart.

It's Robert, and he writes, I can see why Doris Day wants no part of you guys. A show where the guest dies within a year. That's a conservative estimate. Insert sad trombone here. Yes. Let me see. Let me see.

Lots of praise for the show. People love the Dennis Murin episode. People like David Yazbeck very much. I got a call from Norman Steinberg. Oh. The man who says you cost him a job on the Cosby show. Yes. He loved the David Yazbeck episode.

Lewis Goldberg said, I'm at a party and I'm wondering if Cesar Romero is going to make an appearance. And he sent us a plate of orange rinds. Who else do we have here? David Fantel wishes a happy... Our friend David Fantel, who was here with us. Oh, okay. David, you remember David and the two authors

that were here they they were the ones yes and this gave you a gift that this pisses me off uh they you know because she'll you'll get a great story when they're walking to the elevator yeah and they were the ones who said they saw a dog eating out jackal and bison. They did not say that. You embellished that story. This dog was going down on jackal. So anyone, anyone who thinks they're somehow superior to animals, you never went down on jackal and bison, but a cock of spaniel did.

Tom Johnson and David Fantel wrote that wonderful book. Yes. And they were here. Where a dog eats out. Never happens. He eats out Jackal and Bissett. Hollywood Hay Day is the book. And they wished a happy 89th birthday to Robert Wagner.

Yes. Who is somebody we should get here. I think he'd be scared. Possibly. Possibly. We don't have to go to strange places. We can interview him without doing that. Johnny Ray says, I found this mint tambourine from my buddy Mark, who is a huge Monkees fan.

Dreams come true. Look at that. An original Monkees tambourine that he must have bought on eBay that probably cost a small fortune. Oh, it was Lon Chaney Jr.'s birthday. Oh, that's right. Which you tweeted about. See, our fans make us aware of this stuff. Because I have an autographed picture.

Like, Lon Chaney Jr., he was sick, and famous monsters of film land had an address if you wanted to send them a get well note. And I was a kid. I sent them a get well note and i was a kid i sent them a get well note i got back a little like a postcard of the wolf man signed lon chaney and you tweeted the picture yeah it's you're still your prized possession yes yes it's on my wall that's great our friend greg w 1972 does these wonderful little sketches oh yes i saw that illustration of lon chaney jr these wonderful little sketches.

Oh, yes. I saw that. This illustration of Lon Chaney Jr. So we, yeah. And then a lot of people love the Larry Charles episode, which I have to say, even modestly speaking, was one of our best. That was a lot of fun. He was so articulate about the whole process

and what he does and everything. And a Gilbert fan. Who knew? Yeah. We will return to Gilbertilbert gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this fanduel casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying i do who wants this last parachute i do enjoy the number one feeling winning Winning in an exciting live

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Bob Ducart writes, I was so happy to see David Yazbek at the Grammy. Oh, there's another thing in housekeeping. We have to congratulate David Yazbek who won the Grammy. Oh!

Our friend David for the band's visit. The best musical theater album. He writes, is it good for the Jews? Did you listen to the end of the Azmec episode? No. It ends with a song he wrote called Sandy Koufax. And the chorus of that song is, is it good for baseball, is it good for the Jews?

Let's see, let's see. This was a real feel-good podcast. I needed to listen to... Oh, this is a gentleman. We plugged the Alan Alda's podcast. Our friend Alan had Loretta Swit and Gary Berghoff and our friend Jamie Farr on his podcast. And we plugged that. I haven't listened to it yet, but I want to.

He had a mash reunion on his show. Sandy Helberg is sending us a picture of Jolson in blackface. I'm not sure why. I think he's teasing you, Gilbert. We love Sandy. What else do I have here? Well, it's funny because, like, with Al Jolson, that was that time period. Anyone could get in blackface and it was okay.

Yeah, in fact, when you watch the Crosby movie, Holiday Inn, the Ben Crosby, Fred Astaire movie, there's a blackface scene and they've left it in the movie, which is very strange in this day and age. Slappy J, you gotta have Larry Charles back for a second appearance. I need to hear the behind the scenes

of Religious. We didn't even get to Religious. Yeah, we didn't even get to that. Which we really should have. There's one tweet here. I love this tweet. Daryl Alber. I love the Larry Charles episode and his Netflix show. Sounds very interesting.

You guys had me at the line, most comedians in Somalia. There's a great picture that somebody tweeted. I saw that one. Of Luke Costello. That's a terrific picture. somebody tweeted i saw that of luke costello terrific picture you've never seen this i've seen that picture yeah it's luke costello and uh and lon cheney jr relaxing on the set it's like like a behind the scenes and they're like sharing a joke together yeah it's like yeah you know in the early days of podcasting, and I think I've said this before. Go ahead. You could add pictures to your podcast and people would look at their iPod and the picture you're talking about would be on the screen in real time. And that's gone from podcasting and we need it. Why is that?

I don't know why they did it. The technology changed? It used to be Apple built it into their, you know, podcast production thing for everyone. You just drag a picture into your timeline and it would just be there. And it's like, we need it. I don't know how. Yeah. That's a good idea. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to bring it back. I think it's a dead technology that we'll never have. Michael, Michael Schianamea or Schianamea. I truly enjoyed your talk with Larry Charles. That was one of those episodes that could have gone on for three hours and it still sounded fresh.

enjoyed your talk with Larry Charles. That was one of those episodes that could have gone on for three hours and it still sounded fresh. Boy, that was just... Larry just brought it. He really was great and we will have to have him back. Smoke One, I have listened to all of your shows and this one was one of the best. It wasn't as good as Gilbert on Flea Market Flip.

Oh, jeez. But no one could compete with Dara. Did you enjoy doing Flea Market Flip? Uh, no. Okay. The doing flea market flip? No. Okay. The first two days were sort of fun, but I don't know. Yeah. Your discussion with Larry Charles as Sean Coleman is a shining example of why this podcast is head and shoulders above all others. Brilliant.

And it was said that Bob Dylan's Summertime Smile Factory never came to fruition. Yeah. Yeah. He wanted to be. That. Yeah. Yeah. He wanted to be the next Jerry Lewis. Yeah. Really bizarre. He went through a whole Jerry Lewis phase. Our friend Craig Bierko retweeted us, which is nice.

Here's a little tribute to Forrest Tucker. Oh. Turning 100. Greg W. 1972 again. He says, the birth of Sergeant O'Rourke and noted swordsman. The great Forrest Tucker. Lots of praise for Yazbek. Lots of praise for Mr. Larry Charles.

Let me see here. There's one I'm really trying to find. This is Kirk Hammett's guitar. One of his guitars with a Lugosi on it. Oh, man. Isn't that great? Yes. He has these custom-made guitars.

This was sent to us by Alan Smithy. I love that this guy's Twitter handle is Alan Smithy. Do you know that joke, Paul? No. It's when a director is really disappointed with how the film came out. They list it as directed by Alan Smithy. Yes. Alan Smithy was the pseudonym that the DGA would give all of these different directors.

So there's actual whole Alan Smithy film festivals. And then they made a movie called Directed by Alan Smithy. I think Richard Jenney's in that. Yes. Yes. Yes. And I think that wound up being directed by Alan Smith. That was a disappointment. You, Mr. Gottfried, I believe you tweeted a happy 212th birthday to Abe Vigoda.

Yes. Happy 210th birthday to Abe Vigoda. Before I played him in A Million Ways to Die in the West, I took this picture. Yes. This was a picture backstage at The View with you dressed as Abraham Lincoln, which we were doing for a bit. Yeah, I always put that photo up and say the two Abe's. The two Abe's. And there's Abe Vigoda. Because you were in the same sketch.

Yeah. Yeah, that was fun. We used to do those kind of comedy pieces on the show. And it's like someone sent me, well, I guess it's because it was his birthday, just like a little clip of him saying, you know, can you help me, Tom, for old time's sake? Old time's sake. Yeah. He was great in that movie.

Yes, he was. And you eulogized him by roasting him at his service. Did we mention that Dick Miller passed? Did we mention that on a previous show? The passing of our guest, our podcast guest, the great Dick Miller. Yeah, we definitely did. We did.

He was a fun interview. Yeah, our friend Joe Dante posted, my friend Dick Miller was expertly chronicled in the biography You Don't Know Me But You Love Me, The Lives of Dick Miller. So there's at least two Dick Miller documentaries. Oh, gee. Yeah, Dick Miller, and he's famous for he did a movie so low budget, I think it was Roger Corman.

Yeah, I'm sure. That he played both a cowboy and an Indian, and he winds up shooting himself. Yes, he shoots off camera, and then you see the Indian in the matching shot being shot by the same bullet. There's a lot of Shakespearean actors couldn't pull that off. No, no. Dick Miller had a wonderful career. Yeah. We could do a, we'll do a whole mini episode I think about Dick.

Lewis Lepton, my boyfriend and I just watched the Gilbert documentary. I needed to watch it and I wanted to share with him why Gilbert is my all-time favorite comedian. He loved it just as I did and then I showed him the Joan Rivers roast, Tears of Laughter. I have finally converted him. Wow. There you go.

Thank you. A new Gilbert fan. But I am searching for this one tweet. This is it by the same guy. Louis Lepton, my boyfriend just turned to me and said, Gilbert Gottfried is so precious that he needs to be protected like a listed building. So now you're like a national landmark. That kind of reminds me of that line that John Houston says in Chinatown,

where he says, I'm old, old buildings, old buildings and old hookers get respectable. That's it. That's it. That's it. I can't, I can't top that. That's hysterical. Yeah.

I'm going to save that. I sent that to Gino. By the way, Gino is out there working hard on trying to book the show, and he has some very, very interesting names. Yeah, he always calls up with someone. So happy birthday to Lon Chaney Jr. Happy birthday to Forrest Tucker and the General. You know what I'm referring to.

It's Dick. When I said we'll do a whole show about Dick, I didn't mean that. I meant Dick Miller. Farewell to Dick Miller. Dick Cabot, Dick Van Dyke. Yeah, we had a lot of dicks on the show. Actually, yeah. Dick Gutman.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. So farewell to the great Dick Miller, and congratulations to David on the Grammy. And what else didn't I cover? You want to take us out with anything? Wait, wait. You're looking for one. Oh, thank you for all the tweets. Amanda Finn said, I finally watched Gilbert.

I think he's my celebrity counterpart. He lives for bargains, loves his art and just wants to ride the damn bus. I love Gilbert so much. I love it. Yeah. You were with me until, and loves to ride the damn bus. Yes. I like the, loves his art, just lives to ride the bus.

You're like a ratso-risso. You get some very strange tweets. I've been falling down a lot. I watched Tootsie last night. It's a masterpiece. And I want to try to get Dabney Coleman on here. Oh, yeah. He's in Connecticut.

See if we can chase him. Paul, anything you'd like to add before we sign off? I'm sure your lovely wife is dying to get the hell out of here. Yeah, I can't see her back there, which is probably a good thing. Yes. Yeah. She's put the evil eye on you. She fell asleep 15 minutes ago.

The Sicilian part of her. Anything, Gil, you want to add? Oh, I think that's about it. Okay. Yeah. I want to note to everybody. Take us out of here. Yeah.

Yeah. Beautiful touch. Beautiful touch. Hello there, hello there, hello there. Hi, this is Gilbert. The only man who says hi at the end of his show, on his sign-off. Oh, goodbye. This is Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with Frank Sandoval.

And this has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions, where we say to you, hello there! Hello there, everybody, and they'll all say hello there to you. Hello there, Barcelona. Gilbert, dance us out. I can't believe Marty was unkind to Cliff Nester. I know. Shocking. Sam, hello there. Thank you, Frank.

Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Elizabeth. This time your face can do wonders for you. Learn to say that it's so easy to do. Hello there, hello there, hello there Everywhere we go we say Hello there Hello there, hello there, hello there Your happiness will grow just saying Hello there

This happy phrase can do wonders for you Learn to say it, it's so easy to do Hello there. This happy phrase can do wonders for you. Learn to say it, it's so easy to do. Hello there, hello there, hello there everybody and they'll all say hello there to you. Yes, they'll all say hello there to you. Hello there! Listen up now

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