Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #220: "Teen Movie Hell" with Mike "McBeardo" McPadden

Episode Date: June 13, 2019

This week: "The Last American Virgin"! Mad Magazine (P)resents "Up the Academy"! John Hughes changes the game! Christopher Lee goes slumming! And Gilbert looks back at "USA Up All Night"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Here we go boys. One, two, three, four. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried and I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre and our engineer Frank Furtarosa. And this is Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions. And we have the author of the book, Teen Movie Hell, a crucible of coming-of-age comedies from Animal House to Zapped. Mike McBeardo McFadden. He's laughing through the introduction of his name. That's always a good start.

Thank you. Yes. Good spirits. Yes. Now, this is something. Yes. Now, this is something. We just, as this is being recorded, we just interviewed Jolly Fox.

Yeah, the composer of Zapped just walked out the door. Oh, my gosh. Wow. He was just here. And Gilbert sang three songs from Zapped, Mike, not one. Wow. And I remembered those. I wasn't trying to remember them. I remembered those. did he did charlie fox remember no the first two i had to sing it and then he remembered

the third one he had no recollection he wrote it because he said he writes so much it's some of it also they're the songs from Zapped. Nobody's going to remember them. Even the composer. Now, Zapped is one of those movies, you know, all these teen comedies promise to be great jerk-off films, and they always disappoint. And it's like, here with Zapped, you know, Scott Baio, Willie Ames, Scatman Crothers, and of course, Heather Thomas.

And of course, LaWanda Page. Yes, yes. And so you've got Heather Thomas there and scenes where through telekinesis, he rips her blouse off, and it immediately flashes to some stunt it. You know, and it even says the first credit, as the movie ends, is a body double was used for Miss Heather Thomas' nude scene and photograph. Wow. Because there's a doctored photograph in that. Very disappointing to you, Gilbert? Absolutely, and she had the greatest man-made breast ever. Wow. Because there's a doctored photograph in that. Very disappointing to you, Gilbert? Absolutely.

And she had the greatest man-made breast ever. Did Scatman use a body double? He did. Lawanda didn't. I see. And the flying salamis attacks. And our friend Eddie Deason's in that one too, isn't he? Yes. Yeah.

Because Heather Thomas was so hot. And it's this show, and it's the phoniest. I hate when it's really those phony. So they might as well have flashed the words body double. It's face, tits, back to face. Yes, yes. It's like cut the head is cut off. Yeah.

A little context, Mike, before we go into my favorites and Gilbert's favorites. And I knew we'd start off with Zapped because it was the perfect segue since Charles was just here. But your last book, which we talked about, we had you on the show, Heavy Metal Movies. Yeah. Which is also indispensable, I will say to our listeners. In fact, I think it inspired an episode that we did i think your review of the wicker man oh yes it did that's right original wicker man inspired an episode the early days of the amazing colossal obsession absolutely and i should also remind people that mike is not just the author of this book he also works with the podcast he also does facebook for us he runs the gilbert

gottfried uh amazing colossal facebook page he does a wonderful job with that thank you why this project and it was years in the making uh i was a very horny teenager when these films came along uh fast times at richmond high opened the very first Friday I started high school of my freshman year Ferris Bueller a film I hate yes thank you thank you

we'll get to that in a moment that opened the very Friday after I graduated four years later so working my way through adolescence these were the movies of my youth, literally. They were made for me, literally. And so you just felt compelled to tell the story of these movies. Yeah, and they're also like nuts.

And that's what I really liked about it. And it's a real snapshot of a time that could never exist again. Yeah. Although there are some, you make a case in the book, you have a couple of pages of some films in the 21st century that are trying. Yeah, there's self-aware stuff, but those are like 20 years old at this point. Yeah. American Pie and stuff.

Sure, sure. When I did USA Up All Night, this was like the brunt of those movies. With the tits and ass cut out. Cut out. They didn't even have cursing in it but so many people i mean i'm i'm 50 i know i'm a spry 50 but uh so many people younger than i am say that's how they found these films that's where they felt i was like why were you watching yeah did you watch these on up all night with gilbert did you i know at that point i was a drug addict oh okay i was having much more fun than watching gilbert and no tits got it boy you don't look it

he was having more fun than watching you introduce leanna quigley yeah you look like jack lillian with her clothes on yeah her clothes on yes yes yeah you described some of these movies as well gilbert alluded to it earlier you described them as porno movies watered down for adults in the book no for 13 year olds yeah for yeah for 13 year olds porno movies watered down for 13 year olds that's exactly what they were because if you recall it now when i was 13 i grew up in brooklyn and uh you know the new york city was full of pornography. It sure was. You want it. And you know

this drove a 13 year old Irish Catholic boy quite mad and there was no way. I was way too terrified to attempt to get into the porno theater. But once Porky's came along I knew I could fake my way into that. The damage was done. You consider Porky's to be

one of the turning point films for this that is the flashpoint of the 80s phenomenon yeah see you know i never really got into the whole porn thing but i love great r-rated nudity yes we established that in previous episodes i it i call it gilbert nudity and that's like a naked girl doing her taxes dusting a ceiling fan on a stool yes yes well you know i'm broadcasting from the mr skin podcast studio there you go and there is a playlist on the mr skin site called gilbert nudity did you really did you know that oh yes i am so honored it's in jim's new book i am so honored and okay there was the movie private school sure for girls yes yeah phoebe kate's betsy russell uh matthew modine michael zurich yes yes yes and and you guys Michael Zurich. Yes. Yes. Yes. You guys need to know your own podcast.

Ray Walston. Ray Walston. Yes. And it was a great jerk-off film with the exception, I thought they screwed up the ending so much because it was all the girls flashing their asses toward the camera. Yeah. And they were just doing like you know half ass crack

they didn't it was literally a half-assed moon shot yeah yeah and i thought this this could have been like uh like the greatest part of an orson welles film if they had done it right but it's like they lower it so it's kind of like that fashion where you see some crack. Yeah, a little butt cleavage, yeah. I'm with you. It's infuriating. Yeah, I hated when they did that. I'm sorry, Gilbert.

I want them to come back. He's very angry. Even though they're in their 70s. He's very angry. Kathleen Wilhite is among them. Oh, my God, yes. Kathleen Wilhite is in Murphy's Law with Charles Bronson. And I always loved the description on the TV.

It says, police detective wrongly accused of crime goes on the lam with a rude curl. Goes on the lamb with a rude curl. Mike, tell us something. This was interesting in the book. How did good movies like American Graffiti and Animal House open a door to these kind of pictures? Well, okay. So the book is basically that the period of time it covers, culturally speaking, American Graffiti in 1973 and Days and Confused in 1993. So American Graffiti got it started because it was a huge international blockbuster.

So as a result, then every sexploitation, sleazy B-movie company said, nostalgia's hot, teenagers are hot, we'll add boobs and we'll make a killing. And that led to all the cheerleader movies in the 70s and stuff, which were always set in some vague 50s pseudo-haze where there'd be a guy with a big blow-dried hair and the girl would have a poodle skirt on or something. It'd be like, hey, let's go to a malt shop.

And then Animal House is just a work of genius. And also, what's interesting is that both those movies are set in 1962. Yeah, interesting. Which is the cultural moment before the Kennedy assassination and the Beatles. What about a movie like Private Lessons? That comes up a lot in the book. Do you also see that as a sort of a gateway movie? Well, that was Private Lessons is the film.

Sylvia Christel. Sylvia Christel. And she is a French tutor that gets hired to move into this rich kid's house to tutor him in French. And they fall in love and have an affair. And it was a huge hit it was dollar for dollar the most profitable film of 1981 amazing and it was produced by jack barry jack barry the game show guy yes wow did you know that gil that's pretty cool yes they use their joker's wild profits to finance uh private lessons and that and interestingly so the weird thing

about that movie is that it's based on a novel called philly which i always thought was bizarre on the poster it says philly by dan greenberg which is a kidnapping thriller borders on horror and it's the same plot but they just wackied it up and they added howard hessman as the uh But they just wackied it up and they added Howard Hessman as the sleazy limo driver who concocts this kidnapping and extortion. Interesting. And I remember, this is just getting back from private school wow but a little trivia on private school it's technically a sequel to private lessons in no way related but uh private lessons made so much money they hired dan greenberg to write a sequel for some reason it took him two years to write the private school screen

he's probably fighting himself at every turn. He was very complex. And Sylvia Crystal, who plays the sex ed teacher in private school was contractually obligated to appear in any sequels. That's why she does her little unhappy cameo. So Hollywood being Hollywood, I mean, these movies were profitable. Not just

the good ones like Risky Business and Fast Times, but stuff like Porky's Joysticks, Private Lessons, even Hot Dog the Movie. Yes, which I'll be presenting here in Chicago in a never-before-seen uncut version with more nudity, Gilbert. Oh, excellent. More Shannon Tweed nudity. Now, then there was the movie that, believe it or not, is a ripoff of Private School. And that was a movie called Sorority Boys. Yeah, well, that was years later.

Yeah. Yeah. It's essentially a remake of Private School. Yes. Yeah. Minus, you know, Ray Walston. So what's the point? Yeah.

What about one of Gilbert's favorites, which I was surprised to find in the book, Lords of Flatbush? Oh, yes. Well, I had to include that because it's a direct American graffiti ripoff. Yep, sure is. From Flatbush.

Right, right, right. And I know... Go ahead. I was just going to say, interesting music in that film too, Gilbert. Hey, hey. Oh, don't encourage it. What do you say?

Looks like it's going to be a very fine day. My girl is with me today. Looks like some real fine things are coming my way. Hey, hey. Yeah, Henry Winkler, Sylvester Stallone. Perry King. Perry King. And another guy.

What do you consider to, what makes something eligible for inclusion in the book? What are the components? It was basically, I thought of it in terms of marketing. The idea was that these were party-hardy movies, so they were made about teenagers for teenagers, and they had to be comedies. And the message, the selling point was, hey, kids, there's a wild party here up on the screen. All you have to do is buy a ticket, and you're invited.

And there was a time period when there was like generous nudity in movies, and that was the time period when Blame It on Rio came out. Blame It on Rio. Talk about that one. Stanley Donnan film. We just lost Stanley Donnan. Yes. And what was her name again, that girl?

Michelle Johnson. She was great. I'm sure we can find her. There was that, and another movie with generous nudity, Summer Lovers. Yes, not a comedy, so not in the book. Not a comedy. Yeah, the one with Peter Gallagher? Yeah, Peter Gallagher and randall

fleischer daryl hanna and patricia charbonneau you are you are good died at a young age yeah shortly after that in a car accident yeah that's that's sad that's that's really it makes it difficult when i jerk off oh now by the way the things i learned in reading the book, Mike, I did not know there was a Zapped 2. Yes. Zapped again. Zapped again. And you know who's in Zapped 2? Much to her dismay.

Please tell me. Linda Larkin, who plays the princess in Aladdin. There you go. Although she didn't have to do yeah she didn't have to do any nudity or anything was willie ames is born again now did that happen he became like a bible superhero he does a superhero bible man bible man right right right let's talk about some of the other ones that i pulled out of the book randomly, because these are movies that we've alluded to on the show before. The movie Class with Jacqueline Bissette. Andrew McCarthy and Rob Lowe are pretty boarding school kids here in Chicago.

Yep. And Rob Lowe's mom is Jacqueline Bissette, and she has an affair with Andrew McCarthy. Yeah. And you consider that one, and it was interesting, as I was reading the reviews, I thought, well, which ones does he consider to be successful films? That was among them. Yeah. No, it's a good movie.

Yeah. Well done. And the premiere, the debut of Virginia Mattson, nudity Gilbert. Oh my God. That's right. And I got to say, Zet 2 2 makes Zap 1 look like Citizen Kane. Zapped again. Like Citizen Zapped.

Yeah, it is. And in that movie, none of the actresses are known, and they have body doubles. That's true. That's true. There's a split pants scene that's a body double. Yeah. They have these girls with the most obvious body doubles and yet no one knows who the fuck these girls are here's another one what is gorp because i was not

familiar with horrible film uh michael lembeck it's actually the last american international pictures release that's why i picked it it was the last ark it. It was the last Arcoff movie. Yeah, the last Arcoff movie. It's a summer camp film. Just awful. Dennis Quaid is in it. Michael Lembeck. Yeah, Lembeck, son of Harvey Lembeck. Yep, son of Eric Von Zipper.

That's right. And does not capture the spirit of the Eric Von Zipper films, which really are the most direct inspiration for the 80s. The Beach Blanket movies. Yeah. And there's a movie. the eric von zipper films which really are the the most direct inspiration for the 80s the beach blanket movies and yeah there there's a movie i you'll know the title and it's got a talented cast it it blows to high heaven it sucks it fucking sucks but it's got Johnny Depp, Rob Morrow. Private resort. Yes, and elected Hector Elizondo.

Yeah, who's very funny in the movie. Yeah, the three of them are as talented as you can get, but oh, man, does that suck. Hector Elizondo would be a good guest for this show. Oh, he would. He'd be great. Here's one we've talked about about we may have even talked about it with you on a previous episode

and that's and I hesitate to call it Mad Magazine's Up the Academy because Mad Magazine had their had their name removed with Ron Liebman

with former podcast guest Ron Liebman right who talked about it and was great he did yeah I mean an interesting film

you know it definitely is a cult favorite and people love it why largely from uh usa up all night uh it was infuriating to me as a kid uh because it was rated r i was 11 years old when it came out obsessed with mad magazine and not allowed to see it and it's rated r for no reason no no noon did he it was rated r because animal house was rated r and it was warner brothers attempt to recreate the success of animal house by slapping the mad magazine presents on an existing robert downey senior film and they had i think there was a whole thing and had to be cut

out of the film they had a statue of alfred e newman you bet it was in william gaines office yes still in the mad offices it's still in the mad it's in the mad offices they moved the statue but but gains took a coin and scratched off the the the inscription on the statue where it said mad magazine presents up the academy he scratched off the p so that it said mad magazine resents up the academy and that was the great uh two-page parody that they did was mad magazine resents yes throw up the academy and that was the great uh two-page parody that they did was mad magazine resents yes throw up the academy yes and it's when you would go into the mad offices there the statue would greet you now there's a movie that basically kind of like uh plays like uh just your average teen comedy but ends really sad and i think that's greatest american verge and the last american

i'm gonna make that i should have called the greatest american virgin i'm gonna star in that one no last american virgin is that the title that's it the last american virgin it takes it's it's just a wacky it's a you know kind of an uptight guy looking for love his studly friend and the big fat party animal buddy trying to run around get laid ends with a bloody abortion yes followed by the most like horrifying kick in the balls betrayal of the uh you know the leading lady against the hero it ends with him chillingly getting in a car putting on the radio and uh just once comes on by jeffrey yes yes and he drives and he's crying and as as he's crying and driving the credits just start to roll over his face and that's the end of the movie. It is so strange,

because most of the movie is your TNA, teenage sex comedy, and then it ends like that, and it's like, oh my God, I want to kill myself now. You know, it's a remake of an Israeli film. Of course it is. Called Lemon Popsicle.

Oh, Lemon Popsicle's in the book. So Lemon Popsicle was a major worldwide phenomenon. That's Gilbert's porn name. It's American Graffiti Ripoff. It's the same plot. It's three pals in Tel Aviv in the 50s. Non-stop end-to-end pop hits playing it was a major blockbuster everywhere in the world except the united states it didn't translate the two biggest markets for it

were germany and japan amazing this is a jewish film amazing i'll tell you one in the book that has a sad ending that's a good film is Heaven Help Us. Yeah, very good movie. Andrew McCarthy picture. Yeah. Yeah, very good. Worth seeing. And I tell a little anecdote in that movie, in that review, where I got to see an advanced screening of a terrible film called Playing for Keeps.

And there was a fat guy behind me, and I was like 15, 16 at the time. And he was going on about how funny and how good Heaven Help Us was, and I turned around and kind of gave him a thumbs up, and he gave me one back. It was Harvey Weinstein. Oy. Oh. All you got was the thumb.

Oh, geez. You consider yourself lucky. Yes. Yeah. He had directed the Playing for Keeps film that I had just watched. Yeah. Or was about to watch. By the way, how many of these did you actually, did you watch?

Did you sit down? Oh, I watched every one of them. You and the lovely Rachel? Yeah. You watched every one of them. How many did Dick Miller turn up in? Well, Rock and Roll High School. Dick Miller is-

A good number of them. Yeah, no, he's in a few. He's in one with a genie. Yeah, no, I'm trying to picture. Yeah, it blurs together at some point. Yeah, our friend Dick Miller. And it's like all of those films had a formula. They always had to have the fat party animal.

Right, big fat party animal, nerd, cheerleader, jock. Yeah. Fascistic authority figure, usually a principal. Yes. Yeah. The Paul Gleeson type. Yeah. Yeah.

And there was a movie that was shown on up all night that you know terrible of course and somewhere late in the movie a guy finds a book on how to pick up women and he reads it and becomes an expert i was wondering if you know that one. That is not a teen movie. No? No. I can't think of what it's called. We used to have the poster at Mr. Skinford.

It's called The Sorrow and the Pity. Yeah. Not a teen film. The poster was the guy in a car with the book called How to Pick Up Women. Yeah. Wow. You've got to do some research.

But he was a young adult. Yeah. And that was an adult film? Yeah, yeah. He was in his 20s. These are adults who are brain damaged, obviously. I was going through the book for titles, and you know, you're right.

Some of these could be easily passed for porn titles. The Pom Pom Girls, Hollywood Hot Tubs, Hot T-Shirts, Lunch Wagon. Give me an F. Give me an f give me an f i think i rented these in the in the 90s give me an f is the most infuriating film in the book because that is the greatest teen sex comedy title of all time yeah it's set at a cheerleader camp it's rated r and it has no nudity and they squandered it. Gilbert, by the way, how did you miss being in some of these? Yeah, I don't know.

And we used to show those trauma films all the time. I hate trauma. The trauma films. Fuck trauma. Fuck trauma. Oh, tell us before we get off the topic altogether why you hate Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Oh, because he's an obnoxious prick. And just this entitled, smug, suburban shitheel from the word go, who talks down to everybody, manipulates everybody, walks around like he owns the goddamn place.

Everybody acts like he does. And then society responded by saying, yeah, that's cool. Thank you. So I hated it. So was so i gotta tell you i was 17 when that came out i was a punk rocker i was listening to the butthole surfers and the circle jerks yeah i worshiped gilbert and sam kendison and howard stern but and i finally watching that film i was like okay now i understand what it is to feel offended. I was offended. Yes. You had never been offended before. That movie makes me angry. Furious. Because I feel like,

no, this guy's a fucking asshole. Somebody should cut his throat open. That's a little severe. And in all fairness, I like Matthew Broderick. I think he's a good actor. We had him here. I think he's a good actor we had him here he's a very nice person that's a solid but that movie was i fucking hated i have to say though john use was shrewd you point out in the book that he changed the playing field he did he gentrified tell us how neighborhood

essentially yeah tell us how um he 16 candles was rated PG-13, so that was the first thing. It had a very strong female heroine in Molly Ringwald, which expanded the audience. But it really, as I said, it gentrified the neighborhood. It turned what was a wild sideshow-laden midway of unspeakable horrors and delights into Disneyland. Right. And then it just ran out of gas. And yet, I suppose, those played better in the Me Too era. Except for 16 Candles.

Except for 16 Candles. And Revenge of the Nerds. So the book was supposed to come out a year before it did, and that's when the Harvey goddamn Weinstein scandal hit. Uh-huh. And the Me Too revolution took place. And I said, I can't, as a 50-year-old married man, I can't say, hey, remember those movies we watched about all those cool dudes drinking off the girls in the shower? nerds yeah there's a scene where like he puts up he pretends to be the girl's boyfriend he puts on a mask and has sex and you're going well isn't that kind of rape oh kind of yeah yeah and then

afterwards she says uh well now i know that she has this great revelation where she says so nerds are really great at sex because that's all they think about, whereas jocks are really bad at sex because all they think about is sports. And I shit you not, Gilbert and Frank, as a 17-year-old, I lost my virginity to a cheerleader who wanted to test that theory. Oh, my God. We're breaking news. And was she as highly disappointed as I suspected? Infinitely more, as I suspected. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast after this.

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mixed genre really because there's a couple of pictures in the book that are have a horror element to them like like teen wolf like our friend larry cohen's uh full moon high or once bitten it was yeah once bitten boy that is a funny movie. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Yeah, Once Bitten. So there are horror comedies of the 80s, of course, that are very popular. But those, I thought of, really were teen comedies first, horror films second. So that's why they made it in there. Right. And then there's stuff like Student Bodies, which is amazing.

Is that a parody of a slasher movie, Student Bodies? It's a parody of a slasher movie written by Mickey parody of a slash movie written by mickey rose who co-wrote annie hall yeah sure directed by uh michael ritchie who then took his name off it wow but it is and jerry the great jerry belson was involved in that in some capacity yeah i mean it is it is hilarious and uh that's really good. And there's another movie that it starred a playmate. I forget which playmate it was, but it may. And it was also promised a lot. Could have been great. Terrible.

And that was Hot. No, no. Hot is amazing. Gilbert. Yeah. Hot. Yes. Hot has a. Hot is amazing, Gilbert. Yeah? Hot, yes. Hot has a bunch of Playboy actresses in it from 1979. Okay.

It has an incredible. So what you complained about with the mooning scene at the end of Private School. Yes. Hot does so right with a strip football game. Oh. Where both the rival sororities play strip football. They have to take their clothes off and the camera it's it's a one-of-a-kind shot in the history of cinema this is like beyond laszlo kovacs yes as the girls are topless or huddlings the camera is placed beneath them

so that their faces and their boobs are hanging down into our faces through the camera. I will have to revisit this. Gilbert, you must reevaluate hots. Yes. I feel like Robert Osborne. Yeah. Starring podcast guest Danny Bonaduce. There you go.

Oh, my God. As a cool guy with long hair and he plays the guitar and stuff i went through the book and it's it's filthy with our podcast guests i mean paul sand and john astin are in teen wolf 2 yes stewart margolin turns up in uh in class uh they're all over the place tim matheson's in in uh what was that summer camp the one's an animal House up the creek. No, the one before Animal House, the one he made in 78. Oh, almost summer.

Almost summer. And have you ever done a count of how many of them had games in the title, like ski, tennis, baseball? I will now. Yeah. And so many of them had some kind of sport in the title. Well, that would have locker rooms, so that would

make for some great Gilbert Noonan. I like the ones that are just shameless rip-offs that don't even try. Like Fraternity Vacation. And hot and my favorite, Hot Times at Montclair High. There isn't even any pretense.

So Fraternity Vacation stars Stephen Jeffries. Oh, yeah, from Fright Night. Fright Night. He was Evil Ed in Fright Night. He was the chronic masturbator in Heaven Help Us. And he was Wendell Tevett, the nerd in Fraternity Vacation. Very good. Opposite Tim Robbins as i know mother tucker tim robbins and uh but do you know

what uh stephen jeffrey's second career was i'm stumped he was a power bottom in gay porn throughout the 90s oh no oh no and this is true he now tours the autograph circuit he oh i'm gonna hang myself with my belt there's a movie where he does that oh and one more thing getting back to private school there's a scene where phoebe cates i guess was already trying to fight the nudity thing In her movies. Right. So there's one scene she's having sex with a guy on the beach, and it is so obvious there's a large piece of masking tape over her breasts. That's right. Yeah. Do you know Phoebe Cates' new debut, Gilbert? Was that Paradise? Not Paradise.

Paradise. Paradise. With Willie Ames, and do you know what country that film came from? Israel? It did! I was right! I was right! I'm ready for the Jews! It's a Blue Lagoon knockoff, right?

And, and, and, I remember in that, and Phoebe looked great in there. Yeah. She's under like the waterfall. You'll remember it perfectly. And I also remember she sang the theme song. She sings the private school theme song, too. Oh, yeah.

And for Paradise, it's when i'm with you it's paradise no place on earth can be so nice beneath the crystal waterfall i hear you call wow you're gonna have that composer on? Yeah! I'm dialing him up now. Dara left. Dara jumped. Dara's climbing out the window. Eight floors up. Somebody actually thought,

well, let's rip off the Blue Lagoon and make a film that's not even as good as the Blue Lagoon. Which is, I want to ask about Rachel, your lovely And make a film that's not even as good as The Blue and Blue. Which is, I want to ask about Rachel, your lovely wife. Rachel did two reviews for the book. She did, yes. Foxes. Perfect writer.

Foxes and Little Darlings. Yeah, two movies I kind of like, I have to say. Foxes is a really good film. It's good. It's smart. Yeah, Adrian Lyne. Smart, serious. Yeah.

A great snapshot of sort of wayward youth in la at 1980 little darlings i'd like to people ask me you know could any of these movies be made today the short answer is no you can't make little darlings is fuck no little darlings stars christy mcnichol and tatum o'neill as summer campers who uh have a contest to see who can lose her virginity first yep that is that is on the poster it says the bet is on whoever loses her virginity first wins yeah the characters they are playing are 14 years old oh yeah oh boy but even even as tawdry as all of that is, it's pretty competently made. No, it's a good movie.

With good performances. Yeah, and there's something to it. Yeah, it has some substance. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a slew of good movies in the book. I mean, Risky Business we talked about. Risky Business is amazing.

Fast Times You Love. Did you get to talk to Amy Heckerling? When she was up there. I was at the podcast. Yeah, it was great. Yeah, Flamingo Kid's a good movie at the podcast. Yeah, it was great. Yeah. Flamingo Kid's a good movie. Certainly Gregory's Girl, My Bodyguard.

Yeah. All these, yeah, you're hitting the quality there. Heathers. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting because the genre was pliable enough that you could run the gamut from Gimme an F me an f to something like heathers yeah yeah yeah it was it was kind of it was that durable it was that moment yeah when you want when you sat down to watch them were there two two uh two sides of the same coin uh this this question were were there any that you were pleasantly surprised by it just going into it thinking, this is going to be a horror show?

And, oh, my gosh, it's pretty good. Well, I had actually seen almost all of them in the past. You had. I was pleasantly surprised by Say Anything because I remember not loving it and then being annoyed for 30 years by the iconography of John Cusack with the boombox. Right. The boombox. But it's a very good film um you know a really good teenage romance film uh with great performances and acting and

so that was a pleasant surprise and on one page here you have uh just four of the movies title with the word hot hot pursuit hot moves hot chili hot splash if you turn the page hot resort there's about eight more i had no idea until i read the book there were like eight meatballs movies oh there are four meatballs four meatballs not connected right and completely except for one and three okay and three stars patrick dempsey and sally kellerman he plays the grown-up rudy the rabbit the rudy the rabbit the winner who is chris make peace in the original who is a complete loser sally kellerman is a porn star who dies of course she is and she's gonna go to hell but she has one last chance. This was a USA Opal Night classic. Yeah.

She has to get him late. Oh, and on the next page, there's hot t-shirts. A Chuck Vincent film set in Westchester. Is there hot kugel? Hot kugel. That's from Israel. Also from Israel. There's a movie, and in the poster, it's girls holding those sticks to operate a video game.

They had their fingers wrapped around it, and it's called Joysticks. Oh, Joysticks. Yeah. Those sticks. Talk about that one. Now, did this have anything to do with, say, a girl wrapping her hand around the guy's penis? Not at all. You're making a leap there.

Joysticks is hilarious. Joysticks is a very funny movie. Conversely, that was a two-part question. Was there anything that you thought, oh, this film has a good reputation. I'll be safe here. And you were completely disappointed. No, that was the crazy thing. I didn't see anything that I didn't like.

Interesting. I mean, I did. I saw some terrible movies. Yeah, there are hot times at Montclair High. It's god awful. Hot times at Montclair High. There's another terrible film called Getting Wasted with Dennis Quaid, David Caruso, and Stephen First.

It's like a military academy comedy, and I hope every character in that movie got killed in Vietnam. Okay. It's set in the 60s. So that one would qualify. Yeah, Getting Wasted. Yeah. Now, how many movies had the word balls in them?

Hot balls. Okay. Hot balls never happen, unfortunately. Now we can do it. We can finally make the Gilbert Godfrey entry. You have meatballs, you have odd balls. Beach balls. You have screwballs, beach balls, fireballs.

I think that's the balls. And these were all made in Tel Aviv. Many of them are made in Tel Aviv. Many of them are made in Tel Aviv. They're all Golden Globus. Golden Globus is who made Lemon Popsicle. Of course they did. And then remade it as the last American version with the same director, Boaz Davidson.

Hilarious. You mentioned Sally Kellerman and Dennis Quaid. And another thing that struck me is how many good actors, how many respected actors turn up in these things. I found Slim Pickens, Diane Ladd, who we had here, Karen Black, Christopher Lee, Ruth Gordon, Robert Morley. These are all Robert Morley,

for Christ's sakes. Slim Pickens, we want to say, appears in the film Pink Motel, which is dreadful. He sure does. He plays the owner of the Pink Motel, which is dreadful. He sure does. He plays the owner of the Pink Motel with Phyllis Diller. Oh my God. That is dreadful. That strikes

you. I mean, it's like, yes, you understand Tim Robbins, a young actor who's not really accomplished anything, or George Clooney turns up in a couple of these things. You understand young actors trying to get a job, but what's sad is to see Christopher Lee and Sally Kellerman and- Yeah, it's sad. I don't know.

Diane Lapp. It's kind of a chuckle. What's great, though, is in the amazing, colossal universe, you have Rosemary, who is in Lunchwagon. Yes, she is. She is in Lunchwagon. Yes, she is. She is in Lunchwagon. Joey Ross is in both Slumber Party 57 with a young Debra Winger. Okay, Gil.

That's for you. And in Gas Pump Girls, where he co-stars with Hunts Hall, who owns the gas station. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a movie. I don't know if it's like Bikini Something. There's a few of those. Yeah, there must be about a thousand of those with bikini in the title.

And it had Frank Nelson. Oh, yes. It's you again. I think that's the original Bikini Car Wash. I think he's in that. Yeah, I think that's the original bikini car wash. I think he's in that. Yeah. I think that's the one. Or it's the Malibu Bikini Shop.

Yeah. Amazing. And thank you for putting Ron Friedman, our friend Ron Friedman's record city in the book. Oh, yes. With Frank Gorshin. Shot on video. Yes. Frank Gorshin is also in the movie Hot Resort, and he gets a special credit at the beginning.

And also starring Mr. Frank Gorsh. We're going to plug the book here. Mike, it's a lot of fun. By the way, there's a little blurb on the back from somebody named Gilbert Gottfried. Oh, yes. As well as our pals Alan Arkin and Patton Oswalt. How about that? Yes.

And Eddie Deason wrote a chapter And Eddie Deason wrote a chapter. Eddie Deason wrote a chapter. Oh, former podcast guest, Eddie Deason. You have some wonderful contributors in there, including Rachel, obviously. Where can people get it? Amazon is a great place to get it. It's 19 bucks, and you can have it tomorrow. But if you get it from my publisher, Brazilian Points, you also get a demerit badge, which is a little sort of Boy Scout patch that's a pair of tighty-whities and it says, I ejected from teen movie hell. Gilbert, you can't resist that.

This is the blurb I wrote. This book is good for people who like teen movies and gratuitous nudity. I am those people, Gilbert Gottfried. Thank you, Gilbert. Well put. Yeah, and I'd like to think we helped a little bit. At least we helped you with Eddie and Amy. Tremendously.

And Arkush, right? Yeah. This is amazing. The least we could do. And let's plug your other book, too, which is still available, Heavy Metal Movies, which is invaluable. Thanks, yeah. You must get it same same deal uh bazillion points is the publisher amazon is the evil corporate overlord that delivers books to you tomorrow and uh can we bill you now as we sign off as mr mike mcpadden

please yes and And also, Mr. Mike McBirdo. Special guest villain. Yeah. He was Mr. Mike McBirdo. He was Mr. Frank Ocean because he's the only one who worked before that. By the way, Night of the Comet and Real Genius, also two good ones. Great movies, yeah.

That deserve. Especially Real Genius is a real good written by pat prof to we're uh gonna try to get trying to get on the podcast wonderful guest a funny guy great book uh congratulations on finishing it thank you i know all your projects are a labor of love and we want to thank you for all you do for the show on facebook thank you for doing the show. Which is a lot. Thanks for having me. We hope we get to see you soon here, pal. Yep. I'll be in New York

showing The Last American Virgin at the Alamo Brooklyn on August 18th. Fantastic. Well, we'll have this up well before that. All right, Gil. And we have been talking

to Mike McBeardo McPadden. And the book? Teen Movie Hell. Teen Movie Hell. Mike, we love you. Thanks for being patient. Thank you, Frank. We'll push the book hard. Thank you so much. Oh, that could be the title of the teen movie. Pushing the book

hard. Balls. Dot, dot, dot, balls. And spread pages. Talk to you soon, pal. Thanks a lot. Take care, guys. Thank you.

Pity those who wait Trust in love to fate Find it now too late that they've lost it Never letting go They will never know the ways of love Got to believe in magic Tell me how two people find each other In a world that's full of strangers You've got to believe in magic

Something stronger than the moon above Cause it's magic when two people fall in love I never know Why I need you so All I need to know is this feeling, handle it with care, we were born to share this dream, my love. You've got to believe in magic. Tell me how two people fall in love Got to believe in magic Tell me how two people find each other

In a world that's full of strangers You've got to believe in magic Something stronger than the moon above Cause it's magic when two people fall in love You've got to believe in magic Tell me how do people find each other In a world that's full of strangers You've got to believe in magic

Something stronger than the moon above