Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #243: Gilbert & Frank Read Patreon Questions

Episode Date: November 21, 2019

This week: Celebrating Dick Cavett! Right Said Fred! Billy Barty to the rescue! "The Incredible Melting Man" The Marxes sing "The Monkey Doodle-Do"! And Gilbert guest-stars in "Silk Stalkings"! Learn ...more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:41 Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. Here we go, boys. Insurance should be too. Contact a Frank's Colossal Obsessions. Gilbert and Frank's Colossal Obsessions. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with Frank Santopadre, and this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing Colossal Obsessions, and we're sitting here. Take a breath. Yes.
Starting point is 00:01:37 This is going to be a silly one. Yes. I can tell. Paulie's here. Paulie. Hey, Paulie. Hey, Paulie. Hey, Paulie. That's Raybone to you guys. Are you doing the Paulie's here. Paulie. Hey, Paulie. Hey, Paulie. Hey, Paulie.
Starting point is 00:01:46 That's Raybone to you guys. Are you doing the Paulie and Rocky? I know. The Paulie and the Paulie. Good fellas. Paulie hated phones or Pope of Greenwich Village. Oh, yeah. I put lye in his coffee.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Yeah. But they're here. Oh, well, yeah. Last theme song. And, of course, Mickey Rourke was Charlie. Very good. Did you know Paul was in Deliverance? Our Raybone?
Starting point is 00:02:12 Oh! Yes, that's right. His accompanying music. How you been, kid? Pretty good, you know. I get some report. I have some news, actually. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:02:20 You know, Gilbert was recently in France. I don't know if you knew that. I did know. And? His wife made him go to. His wife made him go, but you know, Gilbert was recently in France. I don't know if you knew that. I did know. And... His wife made him go to... I'm considered a genius. I was going to say, people are starting to turn their backs on Jerry.
Starting point is 00:02:33 Look for Gilbert. On Jerry Van Dyke? Reports are coming in. No, on Jerry Colonna. I believe Darren dragged you to France Yes For Arlene's photo gallery opening Yes, she got into
Starting point is 00:02:51 It was a smash hit, right? Yeah, into a museum in France How about that? Was it in Paris or Nancy? Nancy In Nancy Yes Yes
Starting point is 00:03:02 Everyone knew her as Nancy Yeah And what have you been up to, Ray Bone? Well, not too much In Nancy. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And everyone knew her as Nancy. Yeah. And what have you been up to, Ray Bone? Well, not too much. You know, I see you guys for a while. I sit by the phone. It doesn't ring. Just wait for us to call.
Starting point is 00:03:13 Just wait for a call. You wait for the Ray Bone signal? Yeah, that's right. Up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane. Should we wish Dick Cavett a birthday? Oh, happy birthday, Dick Cavett. To our maiden guest. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Happy birthday to you. Frank is the trigger finger tonight. Yes. My wishes for you. I hope Dick's listening. Oh, let's see. Tonight, oh my God, we are going to read some questions from Patreon patrons.
Starting point is 00:03:48 Say that again five times. Well, the people who've been kind enough to support us all this time on Patreon. On Patreon. On Patreon. Okay, Tommy Lee, bear with me. We have collected some questions. Oh, we haven't had that laugh for a while. Which? From what's-her-name. Oh, I'm sure he has it. Oh, we haven't had that laugh for a while. Which?
Starting point is 00:04:05 From what's-her-name. Oh, I'm sure he has it. They just do a whole show of sound effects. He is horrible. He is horrible. Okay. Frank's having a good time. Okay, let's start off with this.
Starting point is 00:04:31 We are also going to read some thank yous. We're going to thank each and every, what do you think of this, Gilbert? Ambitious? Each and every Patreon patron by name. Yes. And we're going to spread it over two nights. Because there's just too many names here. And why is tonight different from
Starting point is 00:04:48 all of them? Well, we're going to thank some of them tonight and some of them will be thanked on next week's mini episode on Thanksgiving, appropriately enough. So we'll get through as many as we can and we'll get through as many questions as we can. And we'll checkerboard it. Steven Antonuccio, are you guys planning another
Starting point is 00:05:04 holiday show with Mario Cantone and Richard Kind? Did we do a Mario? Richard was on a plane. Yes. I have never laughed so hard as I do during your holiday program. It is a wonderful holiday tradition. Another great Italian and Jewish team.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Nice. How nice. I guess he means Dean and Jerry. Yeah, I think on the last show, me and I forgot his name. On what show? Are you forgetting the guest names again? That's a bad sign. I'll move on to another question while you think.
Starting point is 00:05:44 No, no. Well, in the last show, me and Mario can tell them we were talking about doing a show called The Fag and the Jew. Right. He also said it memorably at the end of the show that he wasn't coming back unless you were off the show. Is that Al Lewis? Beautiful. Courtes courtesy of gino i believe uh rob martinez each of you two well to answer the question yes mario will be here yeah christmas show richard is tbd uh but he's always welcome each rob martinez says each of you choose two hypothetical podcast guests from any era dead or alive uh the caveat would be one guest would be someone you deeply admire
Starting point is 00:06:27 and a guest you've deeply ridiculed. We don't ridicule our guests. That's what we have each other for. That's a tough one because if you say one, then they're dead anyway. Yeah. I'm going to answer that on social media for Rob. Jumping to this one, Sean Liu, Jerry Stiller, and Norm MacDonald are my dream guests. I think I've asked before if they have responded
Starting point is 00:06:47 to you reaching out to them. Well, Norm, again, has an open invitation. Oh, yeah. But I don't know. Yeah. He's very reliable. He's sort of hard to pin down. Jerry Stiller I don't know about.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I'm not sure Jerry's doing terribly well. Yeah. And he's, he's been out of the public eye. He's been out of the public eye for a long time. So we don't know what's going on there. And the last time we spoke to, uh, uh, to, to, uh, oh God, I'm, I'm, I'm, it's time for me to go. Norm MacDonald. Norm MacDonald.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Last time we spoke to Norm MacDonald, he said, well, yeah, you know. That's pretty good. That's your thing. I'm going to fire away some thank yous. Okay. See how many I can get through. Who was that guy? John?
Starting point is 00:07:41 John Moshida? Yes. The guy who was the fast talker? that guy, John Moshida, the guy who was the fast talker? Yes, we were talking. This is, see, I'd like the audience to know, this is the kind of conversations Frank and I get into. We talk about the career of John Moshida. He was the fast talker.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Remember him from the FedEx commercials? Well, of course, that was the genesis of this show, those kind of conversations. Here we go. Aaron Alcott, Adam Kane, Adam Dorn, who has done this show, Adam Smith, Adele Flaherty, Alan Carr, Albert DeMello, Alex, Alex Melman, Andrew, Andrew Brundrett, Andrew LaPosha, who won our trivia contest, Andrew Masiloff, Andrew Milner, and Andy McKenna, who's the guy that sent you the bowling pin.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Ah, that's right. Okay, page one. Okay, I'm going to get through one more page, then we're going to go back to questions. That's right. Okay, page one. Okay, I'm going to get through one more page, then we're going to go back to questions. Thank you to Anthony Colacciaro, Anthony Manucci,
Starting point is 00:08:32 Anthony Scalacci, Ari Coyne, Ashley Esper, B. Steenson, Barrett Letty, who does a great impression of you, Ben Vey, B. Artmore, Jonson, Bob Vickers, Bobby Mago, Brady Cox, Brett Danilake, Brian Dressel, who's been very generous, and Buddy Spencer. Okay, those are two pages. Back to the questions. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:08:49 Thank you all of you. We're only on the Bs. I know. I'm going to do them all. Okay. I'm going to go, well, I'm going to get up to the Js tonight, and the rest of the people will have to wait until the following week. I'm just trying to make sure things move along.
Starting point is 00:08:58 And Joseph Chiarolanza wants to know, Chiarolza, has Bobby Hart been considered as a guest? You know, Boyce and Hart? Oh. They wrote all those monkey songs, Last Train to Clarksville and all of that jazz. Oh. And I think Tommy Boyce, yes, Tommy Boyce is gone, but Bobby Hart is with us. So we'll have to look into Bobby Hart. You're a music guy.
Starting point is 00:09:20 You have a response to that? Yeah, I don't know Bobby Hart. You don't know Bobby Hart? No. Okay. I've heard of the monkeys. We've had very good luck with songw guy. You have a response to that? Yeah, I don't know Bobby Hart. You don't know Bobby Hart? No. Okay. I've heard of the Monkees. We've had very good luck with songwriters. We have.
Starting point is 00:09:29 Yeah. Yeah, that's right. We just did a great one with Stephen Bishop. Yes. It's up now. Andrew LaPosha, just speak of the devil, which athlete would you guys want on the podcast? Babe Ruth? Babe Didrikson Zaharias What'd you say?
Starting point is 00:09:48 OJ's done movies OJ's done a lot of movies Just be extra nice to him Ask Scott and Larry if they have any pull On the OJ Mark Spitz is doing AFib commercials I think I saw it today Mark Spitz
Starting point is 00:10:01 We thought about Bob Euchre Who's kind of funny and was an ex-athlete. I mean, I don't know. Does Bob Costas count? He's not really an athlete. Yeah. Yeah. We're open to suggestions.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Who do you got, Andrew? Thad Komorowski or Komorowski. Did Frank ever give Gilbert the Blu-ray with Lon Chaney Jr.'s Life O'Reilly that I sent him? Yes. Yes. I gave you that. Very strange. Did you know that existed before I gave that to you?
Starting point is 00:10:26 I had heard about it. I didn't know they actually filmed it. I was, but very strange. Yeah. Did you actually sat and watched it? Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I think it's the scariest thing Lon Chaney Jr.
Starting point is 00:10:43 has done. That show was scary. It was. The old ones with Gleason, before he was heavy. Oh, yes. They're strangely depressing and unsettling. Oh, yeah. I never liked them.
Starting point is 00:10:55 That was a horrible show. I never got into that show. Yeah. Some more thank yous to patrons. Bert Penchansky, B.W. Radley, Carrie Polishek, Chris, Chris Kaysan, Chris Hartman, Chris Hopkins, Chris Waters, Chris Weir, Chris Weir, Christine
Starting point is 00:11:12 Kalinsky, Christopher Bly, who's been helping Twitter Greg with Twitter, Christopher Harris, Christopher Sayup, Corey Schneider, and Craig Champ. Oh, here's five Gilbert can read. Give that a shot, Gil. People like when you mangle their names.
Starting point is 00:11:28 Okay. Curtis Simon, Dan Christensen, Darren King, Dave Abramson, Dave Slusher. Good. Nice work. Okay. You did that very well. Back to the questions. Paul Ekstrom, if you guys could go back in time and witness the filming of any movie
Starting point is 00:11:50 and hang out with the actors, directors, and writers, which would you choose? Wow. What do you think, Gilly? There's a bunch. Not Life of Riley. Yeah. Yeah, not... Well, I mean, of course, like, a Maltese Falcon would be a great one. You wouldn't pick the Wolfman so you could hang out with Cheney Jr. and Maria Ouspenskaya?
Starting point is 00:12:14 I was getting to that. I was going to say the Wolfman or House of Frankenstein. So that had Lon Cheneaney and Boris Karloff. Unfortunately, they never got the big three all together. No, they never did. Yeah. They never did. I would probably, and it's a movie that we've maligned on this show,
Starting point is 00:12:38 but I think I would pick It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Oh, my God, yeah. Just to hang out with Rooney and Hackett and Falk and- That, yes. And Stanley Kramer. What was that other one? A world of comedians driving into some estate. There's another one. There's another movie.
Starting point is 00:12:51 The Great Race? It was basically a nothing movie except a bunch of comedians got together. What was the plot? I don't think there was a plot. Anyway. A lot of those all-star comedies mad mad world is one of those i wish they had filmed a documentary on the making i know it would have been great it would have been a funnier picture than the actual and they were making something historic so why why didn't they yeah what about
Starting point is 00:13:18 you paul what movie would you go back and well i you know i'd spend time on the set up. After hearing about it on the show, I would like to go hang out in the Jaws. You would? I would, yeah. Oh, John Shaw, set of Jaws. Yeah, yeah. That was a troubled set. It was so interesting, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:33 You know, they couldn't get a big enough barge and all these troubles. You could have watched Spielberg have a nervous breakdown. And I could have drowned also. And I remember seeing this interview with Richard Dreyfuss around the time Jaws was coming out. And he goes, hey, look, I have no one to blame but myself. I didn't have to take this picture. I did. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:57 Because he was certain it would destroy his career. This was the end. I think everybody thought that they had a turkey on their hands and i heard that around the time that was being made at one night uh spielberg went to some dinner party and when he uh introduced himself to some girl she said oh wait a minute steven spielberg you're the one that everyone's saying is over with now. Interesting. Yeah. Can I pick Hard Day's Night as the movie I can go back and hang out on the set of?
Starting point is 00:14:32 That would have been a great one. Let me knock out some more names here. We also want to thank David Biasotti. And if I don't have these names right, I apologize, but we're going fast. David De La Fuente. Oh, God. David Diaz. David Keyes.
Starting point is 00:14:44 David Komarowski. That's the rabbi. Yes. That's the rabbi. Yes. We love the rabbi. He flew all the way to New York to be at the sing-along show. David Levinson. David Levin. David Schnatz.
Starting point is 00:14:55 I like that name. David Schnatz. That's like a cartoon character. Oh, I like the way that snaps. David W. Hill. Devin Gates. Don Motley. Doug Pickle or Pick-el. Douglas Key.
Starting point is 00:15:03 Drew Fitzpatrick. And Ed. Another page down. Back to the questions. Paul Byrne says, given Gilbert's love of repeating scandalous gossip again and again, I'm wondering if Frank has ever had to do any subtle kicking under the table. Not really. Actually, not very subtle at all
Starting point is 00:15:26 why would i kick him that's the foundation of this show yes are the celebrity scandals there have been a few instances and we won't go into specifics yet where i've said please don't say this to the guest at the beginning of the show but only because i didn't want the show to just end eight minutes in right well what a few people gino is commenting on it and one guy who tweeted me for one guest i had yeah i i they was like a light-hearted moment and then i brought up like his wife or kid dying. Well, that's an exaggeration. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Yeah. And it's like they said. Bruce Valanche was on a roll. Yes. Telling Paul Lynn stories, telling Donnie and Marie stories. And you asked him suddenly, well, I understand you lost a lot of people to HIV. And some guy... Now, why would you ask that? Some guy tweeted me,
Starting point is 00:16:29 there's Gilbert once again going for the laugh. Right. And then when we had Ron Delsner, and he was flying through these wonderful Beatles stories about how he and his sister went into the Beatles' old hotel rooms after they had
Starting point is 00:16:46 checked out and they put lipstick on. They tried to make it look like they swiped all the stuff from the hotel room and threw it in a car trunk and tried to sell it. And Gilbert asked about animal rights.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Which Ron is very passionate about. And it led to a conversation about Ron talking about the culling of the deer herd in the Hamptons. These are the things you don't really hear in the show because they get snipped out of the show by somebody. And you, who would do the editing on it, have said to me several times, I saved your career three times during this show. Oh, yeah. Oh, recently. Yeah. As a matter of fact.
Starting point is 00:17:35 Russell Greller. Please ask old Groucho if there was a time Chico didn't need the money. No time that Chico didn't need the money. Yeah, he needed it all the time. Russ also says, I like to throw on buzzer TV with the old match game shows, and I found one with Charlie Brill and Mitzi McCall. Must have been Tattletales.
Starting point is 00:17:53 I worked with him on that show. Silk Stalking? He was big on that. They might be fun for the podcast, Charlie and Mitzi. I think we've said that before, but we haven't reached out. And weren't they also on with the Beatles? They were on one of the Beatles.
Starting point is 00:18:09 They were on the, I believe they were on the Fateful Night. Yeah. Yeah. 64 with Gorshin. Yeah. And Jack, what was it? Davy Jones that was in the Oliver. Oh, that's right.
Starting point is 00:18:19 It was a live production of Oliver. Quickly, some more names. There's another Ed. Just Ed. Edward Dwyer. E.F. E-R-E-C Fritesco. I think that's Eric Fusco. Elizabeth Daly, Eric Acevedo, Eric Conner, Eric Eisenbarger or Barger, Eric Rine.
Starting point is 00:18:35 We know Eric Rine. He's the lawyer who tweets us and is a super fan. We love Eric. Eric sent some orange-flavored coffee that I don't drink. I can't remember who I gave that to. We love Eric. Eric sent some orange-flavored coffee that I don't drink. I can't remember who I gave that to.
Starting point is 00:18:50 I can't tell you how many people come to my shows wearing the orange wedge pins. Well, that's good news. Music to our ears, Dara. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast after this. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do.
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Starting point is 00:20:01 Frank P. And Frank Tippin. We are through, almost through the F's Back to an entertaining question Sean Robert Garland This is for my friend Christina Daly who puts this bloody earworm in my head
Starting point is 00:20:15 on Twitter, but can Mr. Gottfried favor us with a bar or two of I'm Too Sexy Do you know this song? I'm too sexy for my... My shirt. Oh. I'm too sexy for my shirt.
Starting point is 00:20:32 I'm too sexy, yeah. That's pretty much the song, isn't it? Yeah. Drop Dead Fred was the singer. Yes. Yes. He's had a lot of hits since then. What happened to him?
Starting point is 00:20:44 Also, he wants to know That's another one hit wonder. We'll have to bring those back at some point. He wants to know Gil, why did they add the romantic lead to Coconuts when Zeppo was there? And it would have just made sense that he get the girl. It made no sense whatsoever. No sense whatsoever. Oscar, whatever the hell
Starting point is 00:21:01 his name was. Oscar Shaw. George S. Kaufman cut out I'll Be Loving You Always. Yes. And instead, he had Monkey Doodle Do. Yeah. The worst song ever. And they cut out Always. Yeah. Yeah. That, that, that, I was watching our friend Mike McBeardo,
Starting point is 00:21:46 McPadden, put it up on our Facebook page. And I was watching this, listening to this song, and I was thinking, this was a perfect song for Chico. Yes. How did they, well, of course, it was 40 years later. Yeah. 50 years later, but perfect. Right Said Fred and Joel Dolce.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Look those two up for One Hit Wonders. Eric Fusco is disguising himself as a character named Fuzco66. I think it's him. Can you recommend, he has a lot of aliases. Can you guys recommend your favorite showbiz-related documentary? Oh. You know one, Paul, that you like? I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
Starting point is 00:22:20 How about The Kid Stays in the Picture? Speaking of Robert Evans. There's, of course, Gilbert. Yes. Gilbert directed by Neil course, Gilbert. Yes! Gilbert directed by Neil Berkley. Yes. The Kid Stays in the Picture, the Robert Evans documentary, is wonderful. Did you see The Wrecking Crew, Doc?
Starting point is 00:22:35 No, you told me about that. I'll let it to you. I have the Blu-ray. Highly recommended The Wrecking Crew, Doc. And The Channeling, Doc, that my friend Mike Barfinglio and Judd Apatow made. Yeah. It's terrific. Yeah, really interesting.
Starting point is 00:22:49 Those three come to mind. You want to go in a little different direction, it'd be the Rolling Thunder review, Bob Dylan. How was it? I didn't watch the whole thing. Pieces of it. It was, you got to be a fan. Yeah, it was sort of done almost as a kind of a put on. Yeah, well, I don't know if it was a put-on,
Starting point is 00:23:06 but if you don't love Dylan, this is not going to make you love Dylan, I don't think. Ratso is here pitching that. Russell Greller again. For what movie that is considered a bad movie or bomb do you guys have affection for? We've been asked this before. Oh, we've had a few of those.
Starting point is 00:23:23 Yeah. What do you consider? Well, you like Dr. Butcher. Oh, Dr. Butcher? MD. Yeah, there's a bunch of those like shitty little horror films I love. Yeah. Can you think of any off the top of your head? Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:23:40 I've named a bunch. Well, The Indestructible Man was the first scary picture. What about the other one that we've talked about? Not the Molten Man or the Incredible Melting Man? The Incredible Melting Man we just had Rick Baker on. Right. What about that one? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:59 You like that one? Yeah. I stumbled across one a couple of months ago. Killer Clowns from Outer Space. Oh, well, those are the, right, the Kyoto Brothers. Well, Gilbert, it's fair to say that you're into any bad horror movie. You find redeeming value in any of them, even no matter how cheeseball. The old ones.
Starting point is 00:24:17 You remember a movie called Blood Beach? Oh, yes. Yes. I saw that for 80 cents at the Mignola Theater. And then there were those other ones. Well, these were the Guinea torture films that used to be on in Times Square. It's a whole genre if you look in the back of Moulton's book. Guinea torture films like Make Them Die Slowly, Catch Them and Kill Them.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Right. It was a lot. Yeah. Oh, a bunch. I've recommended a comedy called Fire Sail, which was written by Robert Klain, who wrote Where's Papa? And the Wink at Bernie's movies. It's flawed. It's seriously flawed, but it has a wonderful cast.
Starting point is 00:24:59 Richard Libertini's in it. Alan Arkin is in it and directed it. Rob Reiner, Vincent Gardenia, Sid Caesar. It's got this all-star comedy cast, and it's Kay Medford. And it's very funny in fits and starts. I asked Rob Reiner about it backstage at The View, and he went, oh. It's like the air came out of it. There's one movie.
Starting point is 00:25:20 But it's better than that. There's one movie I mentioned before. It's not considered like a major league bomb, but the reviews weren't good, and that's Bye Bye Braverman. Yeah, you've mentioned that one too. Yeah. Yeah. I think if you go back and you look at our movie picks, and now that we're freeing up the archive, people can find these. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:37 Some of those movies we recommended were not hits. No. I mean, Pennies from Heaven. Yeah. The Herbert Ross movie with Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters and Christopher Walken, which I love, was certainly not a hit. And it's really worth seeing. And Bye Bye Braverman, the cast is George Segal, Jack Wharton, Joseph Wiseman.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Alan King in there? Yeah, Alan King, Sorrel Book. Right. And our pal Jessica Walter. Yes. Is in there. Yes. Yeah. Some our pal Jessica Walter is in there. Yes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Some more names we want to thank. Fred, Gary Esposito, our friend Gene Beretta. He did the drawing that you have of the orange wedges on your dresser
Starting point is 00:26:15 proudly displayed in Gilbert's living room. George Hawk, Glenn Johnson, Greg Stenmeier, Greg Wilson, Greg Litscheidel. There's another name.
Starting point is 00:26:23 Litscheidel. Mr. Litscheidel. Mr. Litscheidel. There's another name. Lickscheidel. Mr. Lickscheidel. Mr. Lickscheidel. Oh, Mr. with the licking shiving. Harold McKinstry. Hooman Mehran. I love these names. Howard Wright.
Starting point is 00:26:36 Hugh Betcha. Hugh Betcha. Hugh Betcha has given us some money. I won't read the amount, but he's been a patron for 21 months. Ian Kobe or Ian Cobe. JD Mack. James Manley. Here's some more for Gilbert to read.
Starting point is 00:26:50 Fire away. A true honor to have your name destroyed by Gilbert. James Sigmund. Oh, James Sigmund. Jane Jacobs. Jason Grissom. Jason Pagano, Jay Herge. Jay Polga. That's an old friend of mine from high school.
Starting point is 00:27:14 Jay Polga. Gene Masterson. Beautiful. How about that? You give a dollar, you hear Gilbert Gottfried read your name. Yes. You want more than that out of life? Let's see.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Let's see. Let's see. David Komarowski. That juice. All right, Rabbi. If Gilbert could travel back in time and cast himself in a role in any classic movie, this is a little like the other question, which would he choose? And he adds, other than the couch in Mathilde May's Life Force trailer.
Starting point is 00:27:47 He knows you. Well, you got it. He knows you. You got it, Rabbi. Do you look at classic films and think, I could have played that part? You could have played, what's his name? Not Casper Gutman. You could have played Joel Cairo. name? Not Casper Gutman. You could have played Joel Cairo.
Starting point is 00:28:07 Yeah, Joel Cairo, sure. Yeah. Yeah, there's a bunch of those I watch. Yeah. Like what? Yeah. Classic films? I couldn't have played Lenny in a mice and men.
Starting point is 00:28:19 No, no. Maybe George. Maybe George. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe you could have played Ron Liebman's part in Where's Papa, where he's running naked through the park. Yes. And then he's in the gorilla suit.
Starting point is 00:28:28 I could have been a short wolf man. Paul, what classic role do you see Gilbert in? Classic movie role. Linda the Good Witch of the North? How about one of the Vincent Price? I think you have that stature. What about if you played the henchman in House of Wax that Charles Buchinski played? That's right.
Starting point is 00:28:53 House of Wax. Yes. Yeah. I could see you in any of those pictures. Yeah. Any one of those. Or I could have just gotten Billy Barty's career. I saw Billy Barty in an episode of Little House on the Prairie.
Starting point is 00:29:07 They lowered him into a well. A girl falls in a well, and Billy Barty is a circus. He's a circus performer who's been maligned by the town. You know where this is going. Yeah, I know where this is going. And he has to prove his worth to the townspeople because he's the only one who can fit in the well. And they hold him by his feet, one who can fit in the well and they hold him by his feet and they lower him into the well and it's actually a moving performance by billy
Starting point is 00:29:30 you would have been better there was one in a villainous part on fantasy island where it was like the evil side of rock and tattoo and it was red buttons and billy bardy and i forget red buttons name but billy bardy was uh hubba hubba oh it was like the dark the the the uh the alternate universe yes of fantasy island there was also a fantasy island where it's like sad at the end and uh hervey villachez says i just want to go off and relax and then you see a bunch of pretty girls taking his arm and he's walking off proudly hervey with these pretty girls and he and uh ro, but I thought you wanted to relax. And he goes, you relax your way, I relax my way. Priceless.
Starting point is 00:30:40 One day I want to hear you do a conversation between Irve and Maria Ospenskaya. We'll save that for a future show. The way you walk is stormy. We're winding down the questions and then we'll finish the thank you. Some of these people, the careers they actually have on our show are better than the careers they had. If they only knew. Yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 00:31:01 You know, that Irv dying and Maria Obenskaya and all these people if they only knew they become superstars we would immortalize them that's right for generations some clip it's one of the shames of three astronauts who was sent to repair the uh the hubble telescope uh-huh and they were talking about what a dangerous job it was and how intricate and out of space. And they asked the guy, do you guys feel like heroes? And he said, no, we feel like Molarian Curly. Love it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Fantastic. Mike Erickson, Gilbert, you have the lead role in a new film. The producer says you can even choose your co-star from the following options. Oh, my god. Do you choose a little person? You're just talking about Billy Barty.
Starting point is 00:31:54 A monkey? Or I love how these people or the reanimated corpse of Zazu Pitts. Not that question again. Yeah, that question comes up so often. Boy, that's every other person.
Starting point is 00:32:12 So cliche. You got an answer on this? You go with the monkey? I would take a little Simeon Zazu Pitts. You covered all your bases. There you go, Mike. Let's see. We're going to thank a couple of more people here.
Starting point is 00:32:30 More patrons. Thank you for donating and supporting the show. Janine, Jeff. Some people don't want to use their last names. You can understand that. Jeff Quast or Quaste. Jeff Rubatino. Jeffrey Davies.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Jeffrey Lee Hollis. Jeremy Allison. Jerry Malani. Jim Vlasak or Vlasak Jeff Rubatino. Jeffrey Davies. Jeffrey Lee Hollis. Jeremy Allison. Jerry Malani. Jim Vlasak or Vlasak. Joanna Blau. I like that name. Joe Peterson. John Beach.
Starting point is 00:32:52 John Beach. Yes. The great John Beach is supporting us on Patreon. Yeah, I think he's been for a while now. Oh, my God. Let's see here. I didn't even know this. 17 months.
Starting point is 00:32:59 How did I miss this? I don't know. John. We ought to send John a gift. John Hazard. John Sabini. And John Shetler. Okay, we are down to our last two questions. Sam Weisberg, please explain how you got cast in the strange...
Starting point is 00:33:16 Are you in a movie called Longshot? Oh, my God. He wants to know how you got cast in the Every Boy Band That Was Famous For 15 Minutes in 2001 movie Longshot. Wow. It was made by that guy. I think he wound up going to jail for a while. What? Oh, the guy that cheated the-
Starting point is 00:33:34 Perlman. Yeah, yeah. The New Kids on the Block guy? Yes, yes. Or the NSYNC guy? And C-Town, I think, was one of the- I think- Who one of the... I think... Who did you play?
Starting point is 00:33:46 I did a scene with Art Garfunkel. Oh, my God. Paul, make a note of that. We've got to watch that movie. Nobody saw this. Long shot. More people saw Funky Monkey than saw Long Shot. Wow.
Starting point is 00:34:08 I never even heard you mention that movie. Oh, yeah. Well, there's no reason. It doesn't come up in comics, Jason. We've got to do a deeper dive into your IMDb page. Oh, it's scary. Gottfried and Garfinkle makes a nice... Gottfried and Garfinkle?
Starting point is 00:34:21 Yeah. Thanking the less... This is... We're going to get through the J's, and then we will thank everybody from the letter K on. It's interesting that Patreon lists them by first name, alphabetizes them by first name. Yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 00:34:35 Paul's staring at me like a Weimaraner. He stares at you when you let the air out of a balloon. Before we get, I really don't want to do the K's. I understand. Can we skip the K's? Yeah, sure. John Cientris, or Cientris, I know him. John Stevens, John Wendler, Johnny Capps.
Starting point is 00:34:49 I talked to Johnny Capps on Facebook. Johnny Ray, John Atema, or Atema, John Singer, Jonah Wengel, one word, Jordan B., Jorge, Jorge, or Jorge, or George. Joseph, we've had a question, remember. How many ways can you say it? Joseph Chiaralonza. And Josh Marowitz. Those are the A's through the J's, Gilbert. Everybody. There you have my friend doing Ed McMahon.
Starting point is 00:35:16 Everyone. Hey-oh. Everyone from A to J who has supported this show and will do the K's to the Z's tomorrow night and they will air on Thanksgiving. Because we like to give thanks. That's touching. Well it is. Jason Grissom. Gilbert, question one. If you suddenly,
Starting point is 00:35:35 it's for me too, if Gilbert or Frank suddenly found themselves at the heads of a major film studio, what would be the first film they produced? Oh. Or I imagine remade. Ah. What do we think?
Starting point is 00:35:50 Jeez. You know, Scott and Larry have a Marx Brothers film. Oh, that's right. That they wrote, which I read, which is damn good. I would try to get that Marx Brothers movie. Maybe I'd do the longer, extended version of Longshot. It deserves a second chance. It really does.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Last question from Jason. Question two. Which van is best? Van Johnson or Van Heflin? Another age-old question. Another imponderable. Do you know who Van Heflin is? Do you know who Van – He's laughing.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Yeah. He was the bomber in the first airport movie. Yeah. He was the mad bomber. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think? Ah.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Van Johnson or Van Heflin? Where are you going with this one? I'm going to say Bobby Van. Yeah. Thank you guys for the questions. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Ray Bone. More importantly, thank you for supporting us on Patreon.
Starting point is 00:36:49 Some of these people, and shame on me for not knowing John Beach was on there, but some of these people have been supporting us. I mean, some of them are as few as 11 days, but some of them are like 58 months and 60 months. Yeah, thank all of you. Yeah, very, very generous. Some have lost their homes, I generous. Some have lost their homes, I understand. Some have lost their homes.
Starting point is 00:37:10 And their jobs just for simply being associated with Gilbert. Here's a little Al Lewis. And if they lost their homes or had a family member die, I will bring it up. But it's a lighthearted moment. I will go, okay, stop laughing. You lost your home, right?
Starting point is 00:37:31 And your family was burnt alive. A step too far. Yeah. We want to also tell these wonderful, loyal people that they're going to be even more excited by the new Patreon. Right, Dara? And all the good shit that we have coming.
Starting point is 00:37:53 When is it coming out? December 1st. December 1st, the new Patreon. Just in a couple of days after this post. Say goodnight, Paulie. Did I read right that one of the new Patreon offerings is Paul will come to your house and hang out with you for a night. He'll do your windows.
Starting point is 00:38:06 For $3. It's on there. He'll answer questions. At a very low premium, I might add. Say goodnight, Gilly. Goodnight, Gilly. Listen up now. Listen out now
Starting point is 00:38:30 If you want to know about Papillon Sousou Or Long Trainage Junior It's something we're used to Colossal obsessions These things that we've studied Like why Groucho helped Chico Cause he needed the money If you have a comment on Cesar Romero
Starting point is 00:39:09 And those oranges thrown by those young caballeros You can ask what you want Anything on our bits But please keep it short
Starting point is 00:39:27 Just like having finishes Listen up man Listen up man Listener Man Yeah, we'll answer your questions And that is a promise Even the ones About Danny Thomas About Danny Thomas
Starting point is 00:40:14 Listener Mail Listener Mail Listen to me Listen to me Listen a man Listen a man Listen a man Listen a man Listen up now. Listen up now. Listen up now.

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