Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini-Ep #101: Horror Movie Tag Lines with Mike McPadden

Episode Date: March 2, 2017

Marjoe Gortner! "Humanoids from the Deep"! Henry Fonda goes slumming! And Elvis' favorite Christmas flick! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. hi this is gilbert godfrey and this is gilbert well let's be an uh an obsession it's whatever you'd like it to be maestroestro. Okay. We'll call it Colossal Obsessions because it's short. Okay. This is Gilbert and Frank's amazing Colossal Obsessions with my co-host, Frank Santopadre.

And we have someone that we're both familiar with, Mike McFadden. Not all that familiar with my last name. No. Let's retake that. Mike McFadden. Not all that familiar with my last name. Let's retake that. Mike McFaddle. Michael Floydle-nade-le. Michael Floydle-nade-le.

It's Mike McPadden. Mike McPaddy. Michael Paddy-waddy. Michael Mc... Michael Paddy Waddy. Michael. Michael. Oh, my God.

Every day it seems like I'm doing this show from the home. It gets closer and closer to that experience. Did you eat all your pudding? Yeah. They brought you pudding. You didn't finish it. The homeless. Yeah. Mike McBeardo.

I love that he got the McBeardo part, but Mike McBeardo McPadden, P-A-D-D-E-N. The illustrated man himself. The illustrated man. Yes, he is. And he is also our social media director and our Facebook, what would you call yourself? Facebook guru? You say guru, and I like that title. I've got the long beard. Facebook guru. Facebook sensei.

Yes. And what happened? You were listening to an episode. Gilbert was rambling on about taglines and you got inspired? Out of nowhere, yeah. Gilbert, and this was long ago and many times since, brought up The Mutilator. Yes. A Buddy Cooper film.

A who film? Yes. Buddy Cooper. Oh, Buddy Cooper. His father died in my basement. The tagline was, by knife, by axe, by pick, by pie. So you got inspired by Gilbert, and it wasn't just The Mutilator. He remembers taglines from movies.

Terror Train. What was the Terror Train one you remember? from terror train what was the terror train one you remember oh terror train was uh the boys and girls from sigma phi some will live and some will die that's right does he have that one right yes that was another one yeah that blew my mind yes how do these stay with you over the years i don't know i always loved taglines uh harry call is the best in the business three people are dead because of him oh the conversation yeah and um oh what was the uh oh when when this one already says the name and the title but uh when you see the swimmer will you see yourself nice the swimmer the swimmer will you see yourself? Nice. The swimmer. The swimmer.

The swimmer. A movie that comes up a lot on this show. And on every street in every city in the country, there's a nobody who dreams of being a somebody. Ooh. Now, what is that? What is that? Facing the crowd or something? Taxi driver. Taxi driver. Oh! Wow. Wow. Now, what is that? What is that? Facing the crowd or something?

Taxi driver. Oh, taxi driver. Oh! Wow. Wow. How do you retain these damn things? You know, we have Mike's list. I'm going to put together my own list for a future episode of Favorite Taglines, and we'll do that down the line. But for now, we're going to do the ones that Mike compiled.

And you have little stories about these, little histories. And also, this is, if I about these. Little histories. I do. And also, if I may get a plug in. Please do. These are insane horror movie taglines of the 70s and 80s, many of which are connected to movies in my book, Heavy Metal Movies. You don't say. You are the author of Heavy Metal Movies. Oh, yes, yes.

Terrific book. Which also features a long rave review of Highway to Hell with Gilbert Gottfried as Hitler. Oh, jeez. Now you're just sucking up. And where can people get this book, pray tell? You can get the book wherever books are shoplifted, but also Amazon

and if you go to heavymetalmovies.com you get a patch and an artisanal Brooklyn craftedlyn crafted barf bag wow yeah well i have to go there did you did you send a copy to gilbert because you know he won't spring for one yes i'm holding up the barf bag yeah heavy metal movies it's terrific read and well well researched i've given gilbert several barf bags and reasons to barf, but no, I think I gave you a couple of copies of the book.

Well, take us through a couple of these. I mean, the first one is a tagline that everybody knows and is probably along with Jaws, or I guess it was Jaws 2. Which was the one where – Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the war. That's Jaws 2, right. Jaws 2, yeah. What was the Jaws tagline?

Do we remember that one? Geez, did he even have one? But this one is very famous. This was sort of nicknamed Jaws in Space. And this is from Alien in 1979. And that was in space, no one can hear you scream. And that's arguably the most famous movie poster tagline. I would say so, yeah.

And it was actually designed by a guy named Philip Gipps, who also designed the Rosemary's Baby poster. That's cool. That weird space egg. Yeah, yeah. The line was written by his wife, Barbara Gipps. I love this. The line came from copywriter Barbara Gipps, who was married to Philip Gipps, who was also part of a New York ad agency called Frankfurt Gibbs Ballkind, which is where I met my wife. Wow. Jeez. Verterosa chiming in. And he did the Superman poster, the iconic with the shirt opening. Wow. Why? Very cool. Six degrees

of Verterosa. Verterosa. Oh my God, Frank, you beat me to it. What else you got on here? How about some... Okay, how about I'll run some of these by Gilbert and we'll see if he can remember. Yeah. Okay. If this movie doesn't make your skin crawl, it's on too tight. Oh, that sounds so

familiar. I'll give him a hint. 1974. Directed by the director of Porky's Bob Clark. The late Bob Clark. Who died tragically, I might add. Yes. And also made a Christmas story.

And one of my fan of favorite Sherlock Holmes picture called Murder by Decree. Terrific movie. Which people should see. With James Mason. This movie, I think you stumped him yeah i think so that would be black christmas you know our listeners are screaming at the uh at their devices of course yeah elvis presley was reportedly a huge fan of black christmas okay now i have always heard this and then in doing research i know frank you often say like

the imdb is like full of shit well i don't it's not entirely i shouldn't say okay i take that back somebody not frank has said this but um so i always heard elvis was a fan and it said on imdb that uh he watched it every christmas now the movie came out in 74. He was dead before Christmas. By 77. By 77, yeah. Every Christmas being both of them. Well, you know what? That's the kind of thing that we throw out to our fans to come up with. So if you guys know anything about Elvis and loving Black Christmas.

I've heard he's a Jew. Elvis is a Jew? Yeah. And what do you base that on? I've heard he's a Jew. Elvis is a Jew? Yeah. And what do you base that on? I've heard rumors, and I know he used to wear a Star of David and a cross. Wow. Oh, yes. And he used to say, I don't want to be locked out of heaven on a technicality.

Wow. That's a great line. He was high on dope when he said that. And peanut butter and dexedrine sandwiches. What's the next one? Okay. Now, this one, I know Gilbert knows because this is truly the one that I flipped out. Okay.

He is a depraved, sadistic rapist, a homicidal killer, and he makes house calls. Gil? This wasn't Dr. Giggles. Oh, no! Dr. Wait! Dr. Medical Deviant. Yeah. Dr.

Something Medical Deviant. Dr. Butcher! Dr. Butcher Medical Deviant. Yes. This was one of those movies, a real Guinea production. I take offense. That like the name on it was something like John Martin.

We looked it up. It was some Paisano director. With like 5,000 syllables syllables all of them o's yeah i like that movie so uh i actually i actually queued up a little bit of the trailer go ahead um and i'll hit play let's see if you can guess this is a very famous actor who did a lot of horror and exploitation trailer voiceovers. Okay. Okay, here we go. ...lines of medicine for his own maniacal means.

That's all I'm breaking glass. Dr. Butcher, MD, medical deviant. You will die only to live again in a younger body. Then you can tell me the operation was a success. Okay, so. You know who that narrator of that trailer was, Gil? That sounds so familiar. That was Adolf Caesar.

Oh, Adolf Caesar. Oh, my God. He did a bunch of those back then. Soldier story. He did Blackula, Dawn of the Dead, Scream Blackula, Scream. Good stuff. Yeah, oh, the best, yeah. All right, what's the next one?

Next one we got, oh, there we go. When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth. Gil? Oh, yeah, that was Dawn of the Dead. That is correct. That was Dawn of the Dead. Very good. That reminds me of a Drew Friedman strip, but I'll tell people about it on Facebook.

We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. And now back to the show. Penn Jillette's number one favorite film of all time? Yes, and the 2004 remake is his number 12 favorite film of all time. That is good trivia. Wow. That was a fun movie. It time. That is good trivia. Wow. That was a fun movie. It was.

It kept the horror in it, but it was also very funny in some parts. And a shout out to former podcast guest Tom Savini. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. His masterpiece. Wonderful work on that one. Okay, here's another great one for you, Gil. Another one.

And I'll give you a clue with one of my tattoos. Today the pond, tomorrow the world. Okay, here's another great one for you, Gil. Another one. And I'll give you a clue with one of my tattoos. Today the pond, tomorrow the world. Piranha? Frogs. Frogs! Oh! Oh, with Ray Moland. Oh my god. Wow. Yes, with Ray Moland and the hero was like the groovy, ecological, hippie

hero was Marjo Gortner. Marjo Gortner. Now, there's a guy who would be a guest. He was in Food of the Gods. He was, yes, which is also an American International Pictures film, part of the Revenge of Nature cycle of the 70s that also included Night of the Lepus. Oh, yes. The rabbits. Yes. The giant rabbits. Stuart Whitman. the 70s that also uh included night of the leapus oh that's all yes the rabbits yeah

and uh squirm with the worms coming out of the shower oh yes sure sure sure and piranha directed by guest uh joe dante joe dante that's right that's right and the swarm don't forget unless we ever forget the swarm i would put in there, too. We've had so many guests on this show already. Was Henry Fonda in The Swarm? He sure was. Yes. He's the scientist who injects himself with the anti-B, whatever the hell it is, the anti-B serum.

The sake of humanity, he sacrificed himself. I love when these actors are at that, Oh, I don't give a fuck anymore. He was in another movie around that time called City on Fire. It's like they just ran out of disasters. It was just a fire. You know, we've had so many guests on the show. I look at these lists and there's Peron and a Joe Dante, The Swarm, Lee Grant, Savini. You've got somebody else coming up that was on the show.

We've had so many people on this show. Oh, it's amazing. They're just starting to cross-reference. Okay, here's one I know even. Go ahead. Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid. Hill?

The Fly. Correct. Very good. Very, very good. Pretty good remake. A terrific movie, I think. Cronenberg's a great talent. Yeah, I mean, I think two separate films. I mean, it doesn't... Vincent Price cameo would have been nice and would have ruined it, so I don't know

what we could have done. Yeah. I like Cronenberg. I like Naked Lunch. I like The Dead Zone. Videodrome. Videodrome. I like so many of his pictures. Oh, with Dead Zone. Videodrome. Videodrome. I like so many of his pictures. Oh, with Deborah Harris. Yes. Yeah.

And James Woods. James Woods. And, but The Fly 2 sucked to high heaven. Horrible, with Eric Stoltz. Yes, yes. Oh, that sucked. Yes. I love that you saw The Fly and The Fly 2.

Okay, here's another one. This is one know gilbert knows the night he came home oh uh halloween that's right very good uh very good and and halloween too was more of the night he came yeah yes that was the tagline yeah. They obviously really didn't give a fuck at that point. They had three years. Yeah. It seems like at the last second before they had a chance to do it, they said, oh, we need a tagline. I don't know.

The more of the night he came home. Okay. The night he came home and then some. Yeah. Okay, here's another great one. Okay. This movie I remember. They're not human, but they hunt human women.

Not for killing, for mating. Ooh. Yeah, I've seen this picture, I'm proud to say. Not invaders from Mars. It's a Corman. It's a Corman. Corman! It's a Corman job.

Humanoids from the Deep. Oh my God! Yeah. A film that Joe Dante passed on directing. I was thinking of that movie because I remember I saw it in a theater. I saw it in Times Square. I saw it in a theater. I saw it in Times Square.

And that's the one where the humanoids are fucking the girl victims. They all look like big rubber frog people. And they're grabbing women on the beach and fucking them. And the first scene has a ventriloquist dummy in it inexplicably. Yeah. I found it and they were like, oh, let's put this in the movie yeah yeah yeah it's like oh i found this in my closet you know that big theme and they're like the first of all it's like a regular 50s horror rubber monster movie yes yeah there's all this like rape and nudity and insanity. And that was a thing for a while in the early 80s because there was Galaxy of Terror with Aaron Moran.

Oh, yes. Eddie Alvarez. And it was like, once again, I don't know, radiation affected them or something. And but instead of killing women, they were fucking them. Seems like a better idea to me. Okay. In Seminoid, which is another, as Gilbert would say, guinea production.

Don't you start now. Okay. Back it off. Okay, let's skip to the next one. Okay. Yeah, let's jump around in the interest of time. Let's jump. Pick your favorites. I will.

Okay. This woman has cut, chopped, broken, and burned five men beyond recognition. But no jury in America would convict her. Ooh. Ooh. I don't think I have that one. I spit on your grave. Yes.

Oh, my God. Yes, that was one of those revenge ones. The rape and revenge. Let's not forget the first part. And tell him what was notable about the star of that picture. Camille Keaton. Does the last name ring a bell? She was the granddaughter of Buster Keaton.

Yes. Oh, my God. I didn't know that. That's insane trivia. Yeah. The star of Spit on Your Grave was Buster Keaton's granddaughter. So she continued the great art of cinema. Yeah.

Is there a Sherlock Jr. homage somewhere? We'll go back and examine now with that in mind. And when they're raping her, she's wearing the Buster Keaton hat. Oh, cut that out! And she's very chilling because she doesn't have

any expression. It's like, oh, there's the stone. Very good. And that was a film. If you recall, Gilbert, that played in Times Square, like, into the early 90s almost. It was all re-released. Yes. I remember the poster.

And at one point, Siskel and Ebert were so outraged by it that they devoted an entire half-hour episode. Like, what? What's going on? The latest commercial. I was like 13 or something at the time. I was like, thanks for the half-hour commercial, guys. Okay. There's only one thing wrong with the Davis baby.

Oh, it's alive. You got it. Okay. Which I watched over Halloween. Boy, Larry Cohen's somebody we got to reach out to. Yes, he's a terrific guest. I've seen him talk. We've talked about it. We'll get him soon. That's got a've got to reach out to. Yes, he's a terrific guest. I've seen him talk. We've talked about him.

We'll get him soon. That's got a lot of A-list talent. Bernard Herrmann. Yeah. And Rick Baker. Making the little monster baby with the fangs, yes. Yeah. Okay, to avoid fainting, just keep repeating, it's only a movie.

Oh, God, God, God. Not Mondo Connie. It came around that movie. Oh, God, God, God. Not Mondo Connie. It came around that time. 1972. That helps you. Oh, fuck. Oh, I remember this tagline.

It's not Bedknobs and Broomsticks. Wes Craven's first film as a director. Wow. Based on Bergman's. I love this Bergman. First on Bergman's The Virgin Spring. Last House on the Left. That's right. Yes.

Very good. Yeah. I've always said, Frank, I don't know if that can ever be proven because anybody who saw Last House on the Left never saw the Bergman movie and vice versa. They'd make a great double bill. Yeah. Well, we all just kind of take that on faith. Well, there's a lot of that.

There's like the talk about how Star Wars was loosely based on Kurosawa. The Hidden Fortress, yeah. The Hidden Fortress, yeah. Okay. I warned you not to go out tonight. Ooh. I'll give you a hint, Gil. Yes.

Yes, Senator. We had a lot of buffers. Oh, my God. Oh, wait a minute. Would this be Maniac? Maniac, yes. Yes. With Joe Spinell.

The late, great Joe Spinell. Yeah. Actually protested by, do you remember the Women Against Pornography? They were a group that would hang out around Times Square and protest. Oh, yes, yes. Yeah, sure. And then, like, the studio, the producers would, like, call them and say, can you believe this movie Maniac is playing?

And they would go and set up picket lines. I was, you know, 12 years old and I snuck in. Cleverly done. Okay, The Mutilator. Well, just, I'm going to play done. Okay, The Mutilator. I'm going to play a little bit of The Mutilator theme song. Because there are interesting points about this film. In the advertising, it says repeatedly,

written, produced, and directed by Buddy Cooper. This would be like a selling point. This is Martin Scissorhands. Like they're saying, Belly Wilder. Yeah. Oh, it's another Buddy Cooper picture. He never made a movie before and he hasn't made one since. It originally had

the completely brain damaged dead title of Fall Break. Oh, geez. So here is... Sounds like a teen sex comedy. Yeah, but Fall Break also isn't a real thing.

But here, let me play you the Fall Break theme song that appears in the movie. Empty cottage sitting on the shore. Tourists all left about a month before and we're gonna have a good time. Gonna have a good time.

Yeah, we're gonna have a good time. We're going on now. Fall Break, I'm walking in and having the moonlight. So that's the theme to The Mutilator. Yeah. It gets you in a really scary mood. Yeah.

I also think that's the worst fake 50s music since The Lord of the Cloudbush. That's why I want Gilbert to sing that song. Hey, what do you say? Looks like it's gonna be a very fine day. My girl is with me today. Looks like some real fine things are coming my way. Hey, hey, what do you say? Looks like it's gonna be a very fine day.

Just hanging out with nothing to do. Lucky, lucky me that I bumped into you. Looking so good and looking so fine. I wonder, wonder, wonder, should I make you mine? Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. Okay. You know, I think the Lords of Flatbush

would have benefited from a couple of axe murders. You know, Mikey, why don't you do one more and then we'll stop here and we'll do another one. Okay, terrific. In the interest of time we'll do two minis out of this because it's such a fun idea. You've got so much here we don't want to cut you short okay let's jump ahead

to sometimes dead is better oh that was uh that pit cemetery nice you remember who said the line in the movie fred gwynn that's right herman munster himself that's right do you remember around the same time he was also in uh fatal Attraction? I think he was a judge or a lawyer. Oh, no. He was in my cousin Vinny. Cousin Vinny. He was a judge at that, yeah. And that was when you'd be in the theater.

You'd just hear everybody in the theater go, that's Herman Munster. Hey, that's- Oh, yes. Poor guy was a renaissance man. He was an artist. He did Shakespeare. I mean, he couldn't escape the shadow of Herman Munster. And he did that line in New England way.

Yeah. Sometimes death is better. That's right. Every time remembers. There's a rat in the department. Why don't we stop it here and we'll do a second one of these, Mike, because it's so much fun and Gilbert's having a blast, and plus it's an invitation for him to sing.

Terrific. And maybe when you come back, I'll learn your name. Hey, there's something to look forward to in the second episode. I've spoken to him like 500 times. You'd think I would have known his name. It took you 17 episodes to get mine, so he's going to have to wait his turn. I was going to say, you speak to Frank Santobabuba three times a week.

I was going to say, you speak to Frank Santobabuba, you know, three times a week. I was out at a show. I was downtown at a place called City Winery. I was seeing a Tina Fey thing. And someone recognized my voice from the podcast. And he said, are you Frank Santopadre? Which he thinks is my name. So we'll have this man back very, very soon. So what do you think?

Well, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and this has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions with my co-host Frank Santopadre once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer Frank Ferdarosa. And let me see if I've got his name right now. Mike McPadden. You got it! Oh, God!

I beat you, Frank. Wow. You know what? Don't come back on this show because I want to end on a victory. Wait, no. Forever. Mike, thanks. We'll do it again soon.

Colossal Obsessions.