Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini-Ep #102: Horror Movie Tag Lines Part 2 with Mike McPadden

Episode Date: March 9, 2017

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Tennessee sounds perfect. hi this is gilbert godfrey and this is gilbert okay even the title of the show. You got to keep that, Frank. I can't remember the title of the show. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried. I got that right. That's good. And this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing, colossal obsessions with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Once again, recorded at Nutmeg with our engineer Frank Ferdarosa and I think I've got his name right Mike McPadden hey Mike McBeardo McPadden correct our social media guru our

Facebook director man about town the illustrated man that's right as we like to call him. Lydia the tattooed lady. Now the frogs tattoo on your arm. Yes, yes. That is actually, those are not just random frogs. That's an homage to the frogs movie? Well, that was the poster. It was very misleading

to me as a five-year-old. It was a frog with a human hand sticking out of its mouth which made me believe it would be about giant frogs but it's just about you know the 10 frogs that uh samuel z arkhoff would pay for that they just throw it samuel z arkhoff reference marjo gartner saves the day yeah we mentioned marjo gartner on the last episode, and I was saying he'd be a great guest for us, but also great in Earthquake. Oh yeah. Yeah. And

then the documentary Marjo is one of the best documentaries ever made. Yes. A complete mind blower. Yeah. That is a mind blower. So just to catch anybody up, if they didn't hear the first episode, Mike was inspired. Mike works with us on the show was inspired by a previous episode and by gilbert's uncanny recognition of obscure movie taglines specifically specifically horror and very specifically the mutilator and doctor butcher md medical deviant right which is really an excuse for him to trash my people both he doesn't even like the movie like is really an excuse for him to trash my people. He doesn't even like the movie. Like you need an excuse.

There were two movies that came out. They were Dr. Butcher and Zombie. Yes. And both of them would start and end very briefly in Manhattan. Right. And then they'd go away to some weird tropical country with actual natives there thrown into the movie. Right. Well, that was a big Italian thing for some reason.

They would shoot, you know, a little bit in Manhattan and then, yeah, go to wherever the hell they could exploit people for a couple of meatballs and a calzone to get the natives to perform horrible acts on each other. Yeah, it looked like they shot like about 15 minutes in Manhattan and chopped it. And then it was like they got these primitive tribes in the movie. Yeah. Well, you're also talking about like cannibal holibal Holocaust and Make Them Die Slowly and things like that. Oh, yes.

And Catch Them and Kill Them was another one. Trapped Them and Killed Them, yes. A.K.A. Emmanuel and the Last Cannibals. By the way, you can enjoy this. You can see more. Do further research on these stellar titles in mike's book heavy metal movies heavy metal movies available on amazon and also from bookstore metalmovies.com where you if you order from the publisher you get a patch and an artisanal barf bag that is an offer you cannot pass up my friend

all right now let's get into some of the ones that we didn't get to in the last round. Okay. So here we go. Try to stump the master, Mr. Godfrey. If this one doesn't scare you, you're already dead. Holy fuck. I'll give you a hint. Okay.

We lost the star of that film just this past year, and we memorialized him in Memoriam episode. He played a character called the Tall Man. Oh, my God, yes. Was this Phantasm? Phantasm, correct, yes. Very good. It's 1979. The sixth sequel to Phantasm? Phantasm, correct, yes. Very good. From 1979.

The sixth sequel to Phantasm has just been released, by the way. Oh, jeez. Will it inspire a McPadden tattoo? The answer is yes, obviously. You know, Angus Scrimm, who we talked about on the show, turned out to be this interesting. When we do the In Memoriam episodes, I get deep into the research on these people. And, you know, he wasn't a big actor.

Well, big in the sense that he was seven feet tall, but yeah. In that sense, but he didn't have a big career, but he wrote liner notes. He won awards for writing album liner notes. Right. Yeah. Very obscure trivia. Okay, you ready for another one? Hit us up. I'm going to say right

now, this is the craziest movie on this list. Yeah. You don't have to go to... It says two taglines, I'm sorry. You don't have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre. That's one. The other is, it's exactly what you think it is. Gil?

Wow. Not the Hills Have Eyes no that was an all American family they didn't want to kill but they didn't want to die oh great

it's not John Davidson and the Happiest Millionaire Gil Sophie's Choice. Should I give them some hints? Yes, yes. Okay, it starred Linda Day George, who you remember was married to Christopher George.

Yes. And she was on Mission Impossible. They were in Grizzly together. They were in fact in Grizzly together. In reference to frogs, another great... Oh, wait, wait, wait. The deadliest jaws on land belong to Grizzly. Very good.

That's right. Yeah. Another great nature's revenge exploitation. Yes. Okay, but do you know this one, the one he gave you? It's exactly what you think it is, or you don't have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre. It also featured Paul L. Smith, who was Bluto in Robert Altman's Popeye. And wasn't he the prison guard?

In Midnight Express. Yes. Indeed he was. And I got to just say, that had one of those classic movie things in Midnight Express, where it's this little, you know, starving, skinny, skin and bones guy. And this other, the prison guard, is like eight feet tall and weighs 700 pounds. He knocks him out and walks out wearing his uniform. Which should have looked like Spanky, like trying to pull a scam and a little yes

i love that okay you give up on this one i guess so mike you want to tell them what it is the name of the film is pieces oh pieces the pieces is i'm say, the craziest movie that's on this list. How so? Well, it's the only way. I want to give a shout out to my good friend Aaron Lee, who is an executive producer at Family Guy. Oh, we love Aaron. He's a fan of the show.

Yes. And this is one of our early bonding experiences. He said, Pieces is a movie where you just watch it like, they're fucking with us, right? The whole time. But not quite. Like, it never te you just watch it like, they're fucking with us, right? The whole time. But not quite. Like, it never teeters over into, like, trauma nonsense. Yeah. But no, it's just, it's about a chainsaw killer on a college campus,

but full of bizarre scenes. Like, Linda J. Day George is a tennis pro, which makes no sense. There's a karate scene, comes out of nowhere. And there's a close-up. The killer is going to kill this girl. There's a close-up on of nowhere. And there's a close-up. The killer is going to kill this girl. There's a close-up on her crotch, and she wets her pants. But shall I? I'm going to say it has the craziest final moment in any film.

Shall we spoil it for the audience? Yes. I'm not sure how many of our listeners are dying to see pieces. Well, you can get a magnificent Blu-ray from Grindhouse releasing. Okay. But the killer, there's nothing supernatural in the entire movie. And finally, they've got the guy and everything, and there's one last dead body.

And so, yeah, Christopher George is this hard-as-nails detective, and he kind of has this Jimmy Olsen college student that's, like, tracking him around and stuff. And so out of nowhere, they're carrying this body out. The body comes to life, grabs the Jimmy Olsen guy's cock and balls in his hands, and squeezes, and they explode blood. And then that's it. The end.

Peace. Wonderful. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast after this. And now back to the show. Same original ending to Mame. When it was spelled M-A-I-M. Hey, very good. Very, very good.

All right. Okay, the next one is... What else you got? It's not human, and it's got an axe. Ooh, 1984. Yeah, this is a tough one. I don't think I've ever heard of this movie. Yeah, it's a movie called The Prey. The Prey, yeah.

It's very boring, and it was filmed in 1978, not released until 84 because it's that good. When you're talking about pieces you brought to mind, Abel Ferrara's Driller Killer. Oh, yes, yeah. Another terrible film that has a great title and it's kind of awesome and a must-see if you're a masochist. What else you got?

Herbert West has a very good head on his shoulders and another one in a dish on his desk. Well, this is a famous movie. Oh, oh, oh, yes, yes, yes. The Re-Animator. Correct. You got it. Yes.

Very, very good. Good film. Yes. That's a hoop. Re-Animator, Bride of the Re-Animator, and also, what was the third one? Mike knows. It was also based on...

H.P. Lovecraft. H.P. Lovecraft, yeah. What was that other one called? We'll throw it out to our listeners. Yeah. And I'm shamed. Buy my book anyway, even though I forgot the title. Buy the book anyway. Beyond Reanimator. Beyond by the book anyway beyond reanimator beyond reanimator forgive me forgive me yes and and what i loved

about those movies aside from out and out gore and insanity lots and lots of nudity well you remember in reanimator the classic visual pun of giving the girl head. Oh, yes, yes. So what happens, Frank, is Barbara Crampton, a lovely woman who is the Dean's daughter, is strapped naked to this gurney. And the mad scientist whose head has been cut off is walking around. His body is carrying his head in front of him like, you know, you might carry a basketball or something.

And he performs oral sex on the Dean's daughter. Which one is this? This is in Reanimator. Oh, I've seen it. I've seen Reanimator. Yeah, yeah. You forgot that scene though, which is interesting. Yeah. I don't know how I did. I remember enjoying it.

It's the getting head scene. They're back from the grave. Maybe I saw the second one. Okay. They're back from the grave and ready to party. Ooh. I remember the tagline. Okay, let's see. Well, the clue I could give them would give it to them right away. Your friend is in it.

Your buddy. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. You mean James, uh, Karen? You got it. Yeah. With the Return of the Living Dead. You got it. Yeah. With the late, great Don Calfa. That's right. Just another guy we lost in

2016. Just lost him, too. So, uh, that also has, you know, I was Mr. Skin's head writer for 11 years. Sure. And Return of the Living Dead has the greatest nude in a graveyard scene of all time. When Linnea Quigley has punk rocker trash, she strips on top of a grave that's above the ground. The miracle of Blu-ray at Mr. Skin, we categorize it as full frontal for many years. Mr. Skin, we always categorize it as full frontal for many years.

And then high definition showed us that she's actually wearing this weird flesh-colored rubber patch over her crotch. Is best nude seen in a graveyard? Is that something that, is that an actual subcategory? The answer is yes, of course it is. Okay, of course it is. You've talked to Mr. Skin on more than one occasion. Yeah. We need an award show for this.

What else? Okay. The movie that could only be made in South America, where life is cheap. Snuff film. Just Snuff. You got it. Snuff. Very good. How do you come up with this?

Do you remember when Snuff played in New York, you guys, the controversy that surrounded it? Oh, yes, because people were saying it was real. So what it is is, yeah, the producers, Michael and Roberta Finley, who were great New York exploitation film producers, and I say great in that they were terrible. Yes. They bought an incredibly boring action movie from south america it's sort of about a charles manson cult and they

said they tagged this really shitty scene at the end of like a movie set and this guy is like cutting a girl's hand off with a saw but i mean it's like way worse than any like herschel gordon lewis cheapness or anything so then they called the newspaper and they called the women against pornography who we talked about with maniac and they said this is it this is a real snuff film get out there and protest so they would they were newspaper articles now i was eight when this movie came out yeah and i saw these news stories about it and I was so freaked out about it, I couldn't sleep.

Wow. And I told my parents this, and my father actually took me to meet a friend of his who was a detective, an NYPD detective, Ralph Gleeson, who assured me that they had investigated the film, and it was a fake.

That's a nice memory I have of my childhood. I have no memory of this movie, Snuff, 1976. Oh, I remember of my childhood. I have no memory of this movie. Snuff. 1976. Oh, I remember it. Yep. Wow.

Gilbert, you are good. The only thing more terrifying than the last 12 minutes of this film are the first 92. Well, this is another famous horror film. And an artistic horror film. It is, yes. Not Psycho. If I may say. Not Psycho. No, from 77.

77. It's from a country that we've talked about making horror films recently. Oh, okay. So a Guinea production? Director Dario Argento. Oh, my God. Is Dario Argento really Italian? Oh, yes.

Or was he Colombian or something? No, no, he's Italian, yeah. And Jessica Harper. Yes. Remember Jessica Harper? Oh, yes, yes. From Inserts, which is another very, very strange movie. Phantom of the Paradise. Yeah. Phantom of the Paradise.

Yeah, Phantom of the Paradise. It's funny. We were just talking to Richard Kind, who brought up Bird with the Crystal Plumage. Right. But it's not that. No. Suspiria. Suspiria.

Oh, okay. Yeah. It had the scariest TV commercial of all time. It was the woman. I shit my pants. This would come on while I was trying to watch The Honeymooners or something. And it was the back of a woman's head. She's coming, and she says,

Roses are red, violets are blue. She puts a flower in. She says, I'll give you a flower, and spins around. It's a skull. And she goes, I'll kill you! You know, Jessica Harper, I love her in a movie we've talked about here. We had the screenwriter, My Favorite Year. We had Norman Steinberg here.

Oh, yeah. She's terrific in that, and also with Steve Martin in Pennies from Heaven. Yeah, you did a mini-episode about her. I love that movie more than life itself. Suspiria. And shock treatment she's into. She plays Janet. She is in the Rocky Horror sequel.

It's a very interesting, if not entirely successful film. But a really cool actress. Yeah, she is. I wonder what happened to her. Okay, what else you got? Who will survive and what will be left of them. Gil. This is good trivia.

I'll give him the hint. According to Rex Reed, and also Mike, the most terrifying motion picture ever made. Holy fuck. Who will survive and what will be left of them? They will scream and scream again. A bit of trivia. The vocal guy on this who actually does the intro to the movie

is John Larroquette. Wow. Oh, God. Yeah, he did a lot of voiceovers. Wow. Tell him, give him the answer, Mike, because he's stumped.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. Now, you went to movies. You went to a lot of movies in the 70s. Yes. And we've talked about which theaters you frequented.

Yeah. Was this the kind of stuff that you went to see, assumedly by yourself? I would, yeah. By myself, I would see a lot of those. A lot of humanoids from the deep. Yeah. Blood Beach. Oh, yes.

Now, you would go to the Essex, which was a theater that I went to a lot. Yes, yes. On Delancey Street. Yeah, yeah. It was on, yeah, it was Essex, yeah. Essex and Delancey. The Essex is no longer with us? No.

No, oh, it was on, wait a sec. No, it was Grand and Essex. Okay, right, right. Grand and Essex. Okay, right, right. Brandon Essex. And I remember the theater. It's like I used to try to hold it in because their men's room was so scary.

Scarier than what was on the screen. Like there was a toilet without a stall around it. Yes. Yes. Oh, my God. And it's like maybe, and I don't know, maybe there were like 400 seats in the theater and three of them actually operated. Did you ever make it to the Variety photo plays when they showed movies on 3rd and 14th? I remember that place.

Yes. Sure. I saw a porn there once. They would have horror during the week and porno on the weekends. I remember that place. And for the weekends, they'd stay open 24 hours. You know, we should do a future mini episode about lost theaters. Oh, yeah.

About forgotten theaters. My beloved Cross Bay Theater in Queens is now a Modell's. One more bit of trivia about the variety. It was shut in 1986 when the city started closing places due to AIDS. And there were, at the time, 26 people inside engaged in 13 unsafe sex acts. Wow. I always like that statistic because it meant everybody had a partner. Oh, wow.

That's sweet. There's something romantic about everyone pairing up. All right, what else you got? We'll take us out with the last two and see how Mr. Godfrey does with these. Well, we talked about the boys and girls of Sigma Chi. Yeah. Some will live and some will die. And that's Terror Train.

Terror Train. And David Copperfield turns up in that one? Yes, yes. He plays a magician who's performing. I think he plays David Copperfield, really. But spooky. He tries to be spooky, which is hilarious. Yeah, because he hates the kids.

He hates the audience he's playing for. So he's doing like sleight of hand, but looking very angry while he's doing it. Yes. Finally, we are going to eat you. Ooh. 1980 is the year, if that helps. You mentioned it earlier. I did?

Yes. Wow. Contains a scene, a very, very funny and memorable scene with a shark. Hmm. Not zombie. Zombie. Yes, zombie. Zombie.

Very good. Okay. Very good. Oh, that's where a zombie kills a shark. He fights the shark. He bites the shark. Yes. And it ends with a bunch of zombies getting on a boat from whatever that weird jungle is.

Oh, yes. Heading toward Manhattan. Oh, well, I think, isn't it at the end, they're coming across the Brooklyn Bridge? They're walking across the Brooklyn Bridge. That's right. Yes. I'm sorry.

And what I love about it, it's supposed to be that zombies have taken all of over all of america and zombies are going over the brooklyn bridge and traffic is normal the cars are just well they didn't have the budget to stop traffic they can't drive so yeah it's so hard for a zombie to get a license. Doesn't Richard Keel, speaking of biting a shark, isn't there a Bond scene in, what is it, in The Spy Who Loved Me where they drop, where Richard Keel ends up in a shark tank? I think it's in The Spy Who Loved Me. And he bites the shark.

He kills the shark. You remember this? With the metal teeth. He was Jaws, yeah. He was Jaws. Jaws bit Jaws, yeah.? With the metal teeth. Yeah. He was Jaws. Jaws bit Jaws. Yeah. Right, right, right.

This is good stuff, Mike. Well, thank you very much. You have a lot of time on your hands. I do. It's been a lonely life, but now I get to do this. You know what? We'll do another episode because mostly we concentrated on horror films here and slasher films. We'll do one down the line. You know, dig out a bunch of just classic ones.

Classics, okay. And oddball ones from bad comedies and all-star comedies. Okay, well, speaking of that, if I may work in another plug. Please. I have a book coming out in the fall called Going All the Way, The Ultimate Guide to Teen Sex Comedy Movies of the VHS Era. Oh, okay. Gilbert will eat that with a spoon.

Gilbert already committed to write the intro to me, and I'm sure he remembers that. I'm sure he doesn't remember how we started this show 12 minutes ago. He doesn't remember your name. What's the book called again? The upcoming book in the fall from

Bazillion Points is Going All the Way, The Ultimate Guide to Teen Sex Movie Com comedies of the VHS era. That sounds like fun. And as always, they can get heavy metal movies. And heavy metal movies.com or Amazon. Yeah. And they can see your wonderful posts on our Gilbert Gottfried.

Amazing. Podcast Facebook page. That's right. Yes. Yes. Mike is Mike is the genius behind the, the cleverness and the inventiveness of that page. Well, thank you very much.. Yeah, that's right. Yes. Yes. Mike is the genius behind the cleverness and the inventiveness of that page. Well, thank you very much.

And we thank you. You're an important part of this team. And it's high time Gilbert got your name right. And I have low expectations for that high time. You should. Okay, then. I'm Gilbert Gottfried and this has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions

with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And we have been once again speaking to, drumroll please, Mike McPadden. Mike McBeardo. Mike McBeardo. Yeah. He'll screw it up next time. Yes. I can count on it. Thanks, man. This McBeardo. Yeah. He'll screw it up next time. Yes. I can count on it.

Thanks, man. This was fun. Thank you. Thanks, Frankie V. Colossal Obsessions.