Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini Ep #124: Gilbert Sings Your Requests

Episode Date: August 10, 2017

This week: "Dream Weaver" inspires Wes Craven! Bob Dylan meets Floyd the Barber! Gilbert hugs Anthony Quinn! And MORE unsubstantiated showbiz rumors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Here we go boys. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried and I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions. We're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Berderosa. We are. Colossal obsessions. I'm transfixed by your legs. Yes. I hope you won't mind me being distracted during the show.

Yeah, I shaved them and rubbed lotion on them. What kind of lotion? Yeah. Yeah, I shaved them and rubbed lotion on them. What kind of lotion? Yeah. Yeah, I kind of look like Mary Tyler Moore. Really? And Richard Diamond? Yes. That's exactly what I was just thinking.

Do you nair them? Do you put like a depilatory? No, I put those up my ass, the depilatory. You know, this is embarrassing, but my wife thinks I have beautiful legs. Oh, yes? Yeah. Does Dara feel the same way? Yes, she likes your legs very much.

That sets you up. Your socks have their own fan club on social media. I know, my socks have gotten a lot of attention. All right, Gilly. Okay. No Paul Rayburn this week. No, well, I don't think we could continue the show without him. Paul is off.

Where is Paul? He's on summer vacation. I know we missed him horribly. He earned it, don't you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think he's still looking for the answer to a question I asked him. About murders in the room, Mark? Yes, yes, and I asked him that on the first show.

Hang on, guys. I'm going to look up where Paul went for his vacation. That's funny. Paul is at the fishing hole, so we're going to forge ahead without him. We're going to soldier on. Now, last week, we did a Patreon episode. We have offered these premiums on Patreon where fans can – people are always writing on social media, hey, why don't you do this show?

Why don't you do this idea or this theme show? So we give people an opportunity to actually produce a show. Last week, we did. We did 70s disaster movies. Yeah. Which was a a patron suggesting. And we have another feature on Patreon, which is called Gilbert Sings Your Requests. So people are actually donating small amounts for the right to request a song for you to mangle, it actually says on the site.

And we got some requests. It actually says on the site. And we got some requests. In fact, I'm going to start with a patron named Robert Schleuder or Schluter. That sounds like a Jerry Lewis word. Robert Schleuder. Yeah, Mr. Schleuder. Oh, Mr. Schleuder. Robert Schleuder says any song he sings gets mangled.

I would actually donate more to the podcast if he would stop singing. Yeah, sure. But he's in the minority. So, let's see. Kelly M. Kelly M., who obviously did not want to reveal their last name. You can understand why. I think I'm willing to risk listening to one of these songs ruined for me forever.

I kid, really, in spite of what happened with MacArthur Park. So Kelly requested three songs. Yes. And I think you know all of them. Yes. And the first one is a 70s hit called Dream Weaver. Okay, I know it, but I don't know it that well. So you'll have to forgive me if it's not as good as some of my other songs.

You really have to issue a disclaimer about your... Yes, yes. A little background. This is a cold reading that I'm doing now. Gary Wright was the artist, and this song charted in 1975. It went all the way to number two on the Billboard charts inspired by of all people do you know?

Oh I think was this George Harrison? Very good! Because that whole beginning part it was inspired by George Harrison it came to it was inspired by Autobiography of a Yogi a book which was given to him by George Harrison.

So there you go. Hey, yogi. Hey, boo-boo. Only you could sneak a Hanna-Barbera reference into a Gary Wright, George Harrison conversation. Anyway, they were friends. And we'll talk a little bit about the song after you favor us. So what do you think, Frankie? I think I'm ready.

Big intro. Ah, jeez. Not the original, obviously. Yes. Someone has to point to me when they're singing. I just closed my eyes again. Climbed aboard the Dreamweaver train. So what?

Try to take away my worries of today. And leave tomorrow behind. Oh, Dreamweaver, I believe you can get me through the night. Dreamweaver, I believe we can reach the morning light. Climb me high through the starry skies. Maybe to an astral plane. me to an astral plane cross the highways

of fantasy help me forget today's pain oh dream weaver I believe you can get me through the night.

There's no Jerry. There's no Jerry version of this. Oh, Dreamweaver, I believe we can reach the morning light. Through the dawn, be coming soon. There still may be some time. It's my favorite part. Fly me away to the bright side of the moon. And meet me on the other side of the moon and meet

me on the other side. Oh, dream weaver. If we play anymore, we have to pay. Yes. So that's the reason I was cut off.

That was a thing of beauty. Just a little bit of trivia about Dreamweaver. I thought you'd like this. The song and its keyboard intro, according to Wes Craven, inspired the concept behind A Nightmare on Elm Street. Wow. Isn't that pretty cool? That is. That's what I found. Also used in the movie, excuse me, on Elm Street. Wow. Isn't that pretty cool? That is.

That's what I found. Also used in the movie, excuse me, The People vs. Larry Flint, written by our friends Larry and Scott. Was used in Daddy Daycare. Oh. Toy Story. Were you in Daddy Daycare? No, that was the one I should have been in.

Everybody. That looks like a Gilbert Gottfried. It does. It really does. Yeah. Toy Story 3, it was used in one of the Ice Age movies. And lastly, it is featured prominently in the gay love story film, Trick. Yes.

Ben, I'm in. Were you in that one? Yes. You were with Lindsey Graham. I think you're missing a big one. Which one? Wayne's World. Yes, Wayne's World.

Yes, I have it here. I glossed over that. Wayne's World, a re-recorded version by Wright, appears also in the 2016 movie Ghost Team. I believe our pal Tom Sharpling has a Gary Wright story, so our listeners should refer. So here is another request, also by Kelly. Kelly is really a glutton

for punishment. Let's go to song two. I think this is a person we've never actually maligned on the show or someone whose work we've really never taken the piss out of, as the Brits like to say. What do you say,

Frankie, you have this one? Here we go. Here we go. Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry. You're a couple of bars off. Stand by. You're a couple of bars off.

Sunshine on the water. It looks so lovely. You gotta sew it together, Frank. Sunshine always always makes me high. You can catch up

here. Here's the bridge. Nope. One, two, Here. Here's the bridge. Nope, not yet. Hey, phone. Hey, you. One, two, three, four. If I had a day that I... Oh, there you go. If you...

I give to you the day just like today. Oh, Lord. If I had a song to sing to you, I'd sing a song to make you feel this way. If I had a tale that I could tell you, I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile.

If I had a wish that I could wish for you, I'd make a wish for sunshine all the while. Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. Where is he, Frank? Is he anywhere close? What I don't understand is how he was a full thing behind and then somehow caught up to the chorus. That's like some Einstein-level timing. Insert your own John Denver rolling in his grave remarks here.

Oh, well. He's not rolling in his grave. He came out, got in a plane, and crashed again. He crashed again. I don't know what that was. That was fascinating. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this.

And now back to the show. Let's see. One more from Kelly M. And let me talk a little bit about Sunshine on My Shoulders. Written and released October 22, 1973. Here's a fun little piece about this song that you'll like. Well, first of all, Frank Owens was the piano player, and this is good trivia.

He was David Letterman's original band leader in The Morning Show before Paul Schaefer, which I loved. Andy Williams covered it. It's used in a Simpsons episode from 1994. But here's one for you, Gil. This is a late 90s internet rumor. John Denver was alleged to be a former CIA sniper and had a technique of distracting his quarry by using a pocket mirror to reflect sunlight onto the target's shoulders

before delivering the kill shot. That's good. Isn't that inventive? See, because I was going to interrupt for a second because this was also, there was a rumor that Mr. Rogers was a sniper in the Army. Seriously? Yeah, yeah, that Mr. Rogers. And Chuck Barris was a sniper in the Army. Seriously? Yeah, yeah. Mr. Rogers.

And Chuck Barris was a hitman. Oh, yeah. But Chuck Barris invented that one himself. Right. But there was a big rumor going around that, like, Mr. Rogers was really like one of these cold-blooded snipers. Fred Rogers. Yeah, yeah. Did he wear the sweater?

Yeah. Yeah, when he's climbed into the foxhole, change his shoes. Mr. McFeely. Yeah. This song also apparently inspired a made-for-television movie called Sunshine, which aired on NBC in 1973,

starring Cliff DeYoung. Do you know that actor? in 1973, starring Cliff DeYoung. Do you know that actor? Oh, yeah. Cliff? Now? Cliff DeYoung. Cliff. And Andy Williams covered it.

We said that. Carly Rae Jepsen covered it. I picture Cliff. Cleef. Cleef. Cleef. Leaf and Cleef. Yes.

Cliff DeYoung's face in my head. He's kind of a Barry Bostwick type. Oh, that's right. Now, and what was he in? I couldn't tell you. Yeah. Yeah. He's one of those actors.

He was in Sunshine. Oh, okay. Now the fans are yelling, you idiots. They're giving us the cinema of Clifty Young. Anyway, I thought you liked that stuff. You liked those bullshit rumors. So I thought you'd go liked that stuff. You like those bullshit rumors. So I thought you'd go for that one. That's a good one.

Yeah, they not only made him a CIA sniper, they worked the song in. Okay, here's another rumor. Go ahead. This is a great rumor. Okay, I'm game. It was going around for a while that Kelly McGillis.

Yes. Who turns up in your act. Yes, yes. One time Kelly McGillis. Yes. Who turns up in your act. Yes. Yes. One time Kelly McGillis showed up on a movie set and they had to spend like an extra hour applying makeup because she had two black eyes and bruises all over her face. And according to the rumors circulating, it's never been proven,

but when does that struck me? That's what this show's built on. Yes. Is at the time Kelly McGillis was going out with Jodie Foster. Okay. And Kelly McGillis cheated with Whitney Houston. Sure she did. And Jodie Foster found out about it and kicked the shit out of Kelly McGillis.

Where did you hear this? Oh, very reliable sources. This was... You know, we needed a new story for the show. That's a new one. We've worn the old ones out. That's a new one. We should do, we'll do a whole mini episode someday about these stories.

And then I think sometimes Jodie Foster would lie under a glass coffee table. And Kelly McGillis would drink extra prune juice. Okay, let's get to song three. This one also. I'm not one of, none of these three am I.

Are you entirely familiar with? No. While this song may have gone to number one, here's what it sounds like as number two. Oh, that was nicely done. Wow. Frankie getting a good one in. Yes, written by Robert Zimmerman from Minnesota. This might come

as a surprise to... Yes. Frank beats you to it. Yes, I think... See, because there are a couple of Irish Zimmermans that I've met of. Really? Seamus Zimmerman. Yes. It was written by Bob Dylan and recorded during

the basement tape sessions in 1967, but released, first released in January 1968 by the British. Come on with him. Come on with him. Now let's hear Floyd the Barber. Oh, yes.

I can't come out with, you're not going to see nothing. Nothing like the mighty Quinn. I'm hearkening back, for those that don't remember or know, to a Gilbert bit of Floyd the Barber. You're talking about when you say to me, that bit you used to do. I'll go, I just did that 15 minutes ago. What's the bit called? You do it at Caroline's this week? Yes.

It's called Bob Dylan talking to Floyd the Barber. One of my favorites from the old days. Dylan is widely believed to have derived the title character from actor Anthony Quinn's role as an Eskimo in a movie called

The Savage Innocents. Yeah, I remember where he played Quinn the Eskimo. There you go. Well, no, he was Quinn. Quinn the Eskimo. Yes.

Right, in real life. The trivia never stops here. Do you know I was on – could somebody turn down this? My mic is too loud. Gilbert's now saying he's too loud for himself. Yes. Yeah. I did an episode of, you know, Bill Maher's show.

Politically Incorrect. Politically Incorrect. Politically Incorrect. And I was on with Anthony Quinn. No shit. You never told me that. Yeah, I was on with Anthony Quinn. Did you ask him to do the podcast? Well, and he said yes, and I said, let's wait on him.

He's only 97. That was right. Yeah. And I said, let's wait on him. He's only 97. Right. Yeah. And Anthony Quinn, like, knocked up some 19-year-old girl.

Good Lord. He was in his 90s. She was 19. He knocked her up and got her. Yeah. He knocked her up and got her pregnant. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's kind of redundant.

Did he do it with his penis? Yes. Yes. That's kind of redundant. Did he do it with his penis? Yes. And at the end of the show, we're backstage, and Anthony Quinn throws his arms around me. How nice.

Yeah. Wow. You never shared that with me. Yeah. And the woman who was the producer of the show, she was like in shock. Sue Fellows? I don't remember now. Yeah. Doesn't matter.

She was in shock. She went white, and she goes, I can't believe this. You and Anthony Quinn are hugging like brothers. Yeah, I wish you had a picture. We should have gotten a picture together. That's great stuff. You want to take a shot at mangling this one? Yes.

Okay. For our friend, Kelly M. What do you think, Frankie? A karaoke version? Let me make one real quick. Okay, here we go. Go ahead, Gil. Come on, without. Come on without.

Come on within. You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn. Come on without. Come on within. You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn. Not bad so far. I spoke too soon. Others jotting down notes. Mother's jotting down notes. Everybody's in despair.

Every girl and boy. But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, everybody's going to... Come on, women. He's got that part. You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn. Brady Quinn. You know, Frank, I don't think the break we took helped. Yeah, I don't think that matters. You know what?

The beginning, I was singing along with them singing. You were good. Yeah, but I heard the voice. Yeah, as soon as they dropped out, you got lost. Oh, yeah. One more. What do you say? I love that Anthony Quinn story.

Yeah. Let's see. Eric Ryan, Eric M. Ryan, our friend. And Anthony Quinn said to me when he first came out to L.A., he used to, like, you know, visit the Hillcrest Country Club. Oh, really? And he'd sit there with all the old Jew comics. And he said, how about a thrill? He'd be, Anthony Quinn would be sitting with Groucho and Jack Benny and George Burns and Milton Berle.

And people think he was Greek because he played that part. Yes. Actually Irish and Mexican. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting actor. Okay, here's the last one. And this is a song that I adore.

So this one's going to hit me hard personally. Composed by songwriter Tony Romeo in 1970. It was released on August 22nd, 1970. A big hit. A number one hit for, let's see, we had a guest on this podcast that is pretending to play on this song. Oh, yes. But see if you can guess who it was.

He was acting playing or act playing, but he wasn't actually playing an instrument and he wasn't actually singing. The real music was provided by Hal Blaine and Tommy Tedesco and the Wrecking Crew. Anyway, here's the song. Everybody, sharp-eared listeners will already know what I'm talking about. Frankie, here we go. I'm sleeping and right in the middle of a good dream Like all at once I wake up From something that keeps knocking on my brain Before I go insane

I hold my pillow to my head And spring up in my bed, screaming out the words I dread. I think I love you. You're late. I think I love you. This morning, I woke up with this feeling I didn't know how to deal with. And now, so I decided to myself, I'll hide to myself and never talk about it. Chorus.

And yes, yes, I think I love you. Go, chorus. What? Chorus. Okay. And never talk about it. And what? You wrecked me in the middle of it.

Keep going. I can't work like this. Oh, my God. You had it for about the, what did he have, Frank? The first six notes? I think for a solid five or six notes. And, of course, you were talking about Danny Bonaduce. Very good.

And I asked Danny Bonaduce if it was true, and he said yes, that David Cassidy, at the height of his teeny-bopper status. Yeah, where might you be going with this? He would leave his house, walk outside his house, and he had a big fence around it. Yes. And there'd be like thousands of girls

around the fence, you know, shaking the fence. And he would go out casually, unzip, stick his dick through the fence, David Cassidy, and girls would leap on it like rabid dogs. Really? Like Cujo? Yes.

Now, could this be another one of those showbiz rumors that was just started by somebody who knows him? Yeah. Danny Bonaduce confirmed it. Confirmed it. knows him. Yeah. Danny Bonaduce confirmed it. And we know how reliable Danny Bonaduce is. Many people know, but that is the original cockfight. Wow.

A little, I think I love you trivia, was covered by a band called Less Than Jake. You'll like this. It was covered by a band called Clam Abuse. Oh, that sounds like a lesbian porn. You open for them? Yes. You know who was right behind the billboard charts on Less Than Jake?

Who's that? Jake. Jake. What are you, stealing Norm MacDonald's ex? That's such a great bit. Jerry O'Connell sings the song in the movie Scream 2, and in the movie Trainwreck, Amy Schumer and the Knicks City Dancers perform. Here's a little Partridge Family trivia I found, and I don't know if this is bullshit too,

but according to what I read, David Cassidy was so burned out, possibly from women attacking his Johnson like a rabid dog. Sometimes they'd attack his Nixon, sometimes his Reagan. That for the fourth season, Rick Springfield was rumored to take over as Keith Partridge. Oh. Have you heard that? Oh, no. Think that's bullshit too? I don't care.

It could be. I'll spread it. It could be. If they could just put in that he pulled his dick out and that the guy, what was the guy who played Mr. Kincaid? Rube, Dave Madden. Yes, that Dave Madden used to shit on a glass cake top coffee table. With Kelly McGillis. Yes.

All right. So that's it for the first episode of Gilbert Sings Your Requests. You were a little off. Yeah. But you really impressed me on the first one, on Dreamweaver. These were old songs I wasn't all that familiar with. Okay. I mean, I remember them.

As they pour in, you're going to be able to be more selective. Yes. All right. You want to take us out? I'm exhausted. Okay. All right. You want to take us out? I'm exhausted. Okay. This has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions.

Somebody else suggested I'm Your Boogeyman, by the way. Would you have been better off with that one? I'd have to hear it again. Okay. Because listening to them really helps. It really helps. See you next time. Give it a break. Colossal Obsessions