Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini-Ep #61: Gilbert and Frank Read Listener Tweets

Episode Date: May 26, 2016

Each week, comedian Gilbert Gottfried and comedy writer Frank Santopadre share their appreciation of lesser-known films, underrated TV shows and hopelessly obscure character actors -- discussing, dissecting and (occasionally) defending their handpicked guilty pleasures and buried treasures. This week: "Larceny, Inc."! Seeking Bert I. Gordon! And Le Retour de Herve Villechaize! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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God damn it! You can say they're alleged! I swear by them. Hi, Gilbert Gottfried here, and this is Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And before we get to the letters... Yes. You know, every now and then, I'll tell one of my stories on this show, and someone will correct me.

stories on this show and someone will correct me like with well like with the uh i i think i've told the caesar romero's maybe once or twice yeah okay now and i would always tell it that caesar romero liked to have orange wedges uh-oh thrown at his naked Do you have a scoop? Some would say, no, no, that's not true. It was tangerine wedges. But now I've heard something that, believe it or not, makes the story even worse. Okay. According to someone else, they said, yes, it was orange wedges, and he would have boys throw it at his naked ass, but he would stand ankle deep in warm water. Oh, you saw that?

Yes. Yes. While this was happening. I meant to send that to you, and I was hoping you saw it. So I guess the same person tweeted you. Yeah, that he'd stand ankle deep in warm water. So I would imagine

would that make him pee? No, my question to you is what is the extra turn on from standing ankle deep in warm water? Oh, well, if you gotta ask. You're just a piker. I'm such a novice. I'm such a neophyte.

Well, it's just like I heard with Danny Thomas when he'd lie under the glass coffee table and get shit on. Some people say he dressed up as a priest. Who's saying this? I don't know. I say he dressed up as a priest and stood ankle deep in warm water. That's nice. You did there what we call a mashup, what the kids like to call a mashup. Okay, so what we decided to do this week, last week we read Facebook posts,

and there was a positive response. And this week I thought we would read some tweets. Okay. So I put out to our fans. I'm sure there's a Cesar Romero one tucked in here somewhere. I put out to our fans to ask some questions of us, and I'm just going to scroll through these real quickly, and we'll get to as many as we can.

Here we go. And we'll do Facebook on another day, but for now, tweets. Bill Schaefer, a fan who writes to us very much, very often. My question is, the movie 1941 looked upon any more favorably today than when it was released. It really is a great movie. What do you think of that? Well, I never actually watched the entire thing. You never got through 1941.

I know you're a fan of 1941. I am. I am. I watched the entire thing. You never got through 1941. I know you're a fan of 1941. I am. I am. And we've lamented on this show that Spielberg has never directed another out-and-out comedy,

unless you can't catch me if you can. But what I know about that movie is Spielberg, he does a takeoff on his own movie Jaws. Yeah, there's that. That's the opening. And he uses the girl. Yeah. It's got an all-star cast. We were talking outside the studio about movies, comedies with all-star casts.

I mean, this is not a Quest movie kind of like it's a Mad, Mad World, but it's Tashira Mifune and Slim Pickens and Robert Stack. And it's just, you know, it's got great moments. It's one of those movies that doesn't add up as nicely as you would like it to. But it's got a great John Williams score. It's got terrific funny performances. I mean, I think it's an underrated comedy. And I was surprised after we mentioned it on this show to find out that it had so many fans. Oh, yeah. Because it's so maligned.

Here's some people suggesting guests. The movie Thief says Steve Albrecht, James Caan movie. Oh, yeah. Do you know this picture directed by Michael Mann? I remember when it came out. I don't know that much about it. I remember people liked it. He also suggests for our comfort movies Kelly's Heroes with, I believe, Don Rickles.

Yeah. And Clint Eastwood. Yeah. And Bullet and the Great Escape. That's from Steve Albrecht. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see.

Here's a question from Casper Kelly. Favorite risque thing or double entendre that snuck past censors in the 50s or 40s? Do we know? Do we have any? There's the Carmen Miranda thing that Mr. Skin likes to bring up. Well, that, yeah, Carmen Miranda was dancing with the fruit on her head and no underwear on. Right, right. That one you'd have to count as that, as sneaking past.

Yeah, so you saw her peach fuzz. Correct. Nice fruit connection. Doing one of her spins. I hope that answers the question. And she was dancing with Cesar Romero. Perfect. Tapped in Tommy.

Who stunk of orange juice? This is a recurring motif. Tapped in Tommy. I love that Twitter name, and he's another regular tweeter. Does Gilbert stay in touch with Third Base? He was so good in the Gas Face video. Oh, my God. You have a response to that?

Yeah, no. Okay. Moving right along. John Goodwin says, what is your take on the movie Larceny Incorporated with Edward G. Robinson? Oh, now that's interesting. Yeah. Tell me why. That would be one of the first times they, this has been done and redone.

That was a movie, Edward G. Robinson has to break into a bank. Yeah. And in doing so, he moves into a store. He buys the store and he pretends that he's the owner of the store. And he uses the off hours to drill. It's a little like Big Deal on Madonna Street. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like that. And then there was an episode of Car 54. Yes. Where they're like opening a candle store in order to break into a bank. And there was a Woody Allen movie, I think with John Lovett. Yeah, it's called Small Time Crooks. Yeah. And Elaine May.

And it was also same setup. Yeah. I've never seen Larceny Incorporated. I like the title. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You've seen every Edward G. Robinson movie. Oh, yeah.

Roger Raines writes to us to say possible guest, Florence Henderson. Yes, we've been working on that one. Or Chuck Barris, which would be very interesting. Oh, my God. I mean, that's a dream guest. But I would hate if we brought Chuck Barris here and the CIA came up and shot him.

Yeah, see that's what scares us. I think Chuck Barris is a recluse, but if anybody has any information about Chuck Barris, yes, we'd love to have him. And he also wrote Palisades Park for Freddie Boom Boom Cannon. Oh, wow.

Did you know that? I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Roger Raines also adds, and apparently you guys should know there's a story about Charles Lawton and a sandwich. I don't know. I like it already. Do you know that?

No. Okay. No. I like this already. Okay. Here, Green Bastard. I love that name, no. I like this already. Okay. Here, Green Bastard. I love that name, too. He'd like to know Gilbert's thoughts on being at the Gathering of the Juggalos.

Oh, that was a scary event. Yeah, it was in the middle of nowhere. I remember they drove me off of Main Street into a smaller street and then into the forest where it was just a dirt road. And then there was no road and it became pitch black and then it

looked like a scene out of Freak. Really? It was like a weird Johnny X showed up? Oh, yeah. There's the... Dara has brought us the Charles Lawton sandwich. The Scorebet app here with trusted stats and real-time sports news.

Yeah, hey, who should I take in the Boston game? Well, statistically speaking... Nah, no more statistically speaking. I want hot takes. I want knee-jerk reactions. That's not really what I do. Is that because you don't have any knees? The Scoreback.

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Actor Charles Lawton's feces fetish. In his memoir, Full Service, My Adventures in Hollywood and Sex Lives of the Stars, Full service, my adventures in Hollywood and sex lives of the stars. Scotty Bowers claims to have slept with or arranged li male guest for him to spend time with while his wife was out. While Bowers and the young man arrived, Lawton started making a sandwich, slicing up lettuce and tomatoes, arranging them on sourdough bread with a bit of lemon juice, probably leftover from Caesar's visit, and some salt and pepper. Finally, after a few minutes of prep work, the actor took the slices of bread in one hand, The actor took the slices of bread in one hand, picked up a pot with another, and asked the young man to follow him into the bathroom. This is what happened next.

It's going to take up the whole episode. Go ahead. I think this is worth the entire series. Charles was the first to return. He put the plate with the French slices on the kitchen table. I could see lettuce and tomatoes had been lightly smeared with a light brown substance. Seconds later, Ted appeared in the kitchen. His erection was gone, and he was looking decidably sheepish perhaps even a trifle in paris i dare say i stared at him curiously and he pulled a face hoping that charles wouldn't notice, he pointed at the bread slices on the plate and then lightly patted his backside.

And then he ate the sandwich. Oh, my God. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's what we call a showstopper in more ways than one. See, and now there'll be someone to argue saying, well, I heard it wasn't mayonnaise. It was a baguette.

Yeah, yeah. It was a multigrain bread. Don't forget to follow us on our Facebook page, Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast, on Twitter at RealGilbertACP, and on Instagram, Gilbert Podfried. You see, it's kind of a pun on the last name. Yeah, skip it. Also, visit our terrific new website,

GilbertPodcast.com, for the latest news, episodes, synopsis, behind-the-scenes photos and videos and other cool stuff. And if you like the show and you know you do, please rate and review us on iTunes. Can't you see we're starved for affection

for the love of God? Daniel Gerard. Hi, Frank and Gilbert. Love your podcast. David Lynch would be an awesome interview. Can you entice him? What do we think of David? I can entice him with a Charles Lawton sandwich. Because David Lynch said, who's serving lunch?

By the way, if you go into the stage deli, do not order the Charles Lawton sandwich. What is your and Gilbert's holy grail movie? A film you would like to own? Do not own, but would like to own. Well, right now, it's between Mutiny on the Bounty and The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Island of Lost Roles. John Goodwin writes, Forgotten TV suggestion, Don Adams screen test. Do you remember that show? Oh, my God, yes. That was a horrible show where they'd have, like, guest act out scenes. Yes, very strange. Oh, it was a terrible idea for a TV show.

Okay, Honeydew Wilkins. That's a name. That sounds like a TV show. Okay, Honeydew Wilkins. That's a name. That sounds like a good sandwich. I would like to request a future mini-episode, or a whole episode if possible, very ambitious, a show dedicated entirely to the Paul Lynde Halloween special. Oh, my God. We've looked at that online.

The one with Billy Hayes, I think Florence Henderson. Yeah, it was scary for all the wrong reasons. Yeah, we'll devote a mini episode. That was Margaret Hamilton. Yeah, Margaret Hamilton turns up in that. The bad witch. We'll talk about that when we get closer to Halloween.

Jeff Siegel says, I don't know if she was still alive. Didn't know if she's still alive. Possible future guest, Rona Barrett. Oh, wow. How about that? Yeah. Can we look into that? That was back in the time when there was like – it was considered there was one gossip person.

Right. And that was Rona Barrett. Just like there was one talking psychologist or psychiatrist and that would be Joyce Brothers. Dr. Joyce Brothers. Yeah. Right. Who won money on the $64,000 question. Yes.

And do you remember what her subject was? Oh, wow. Like, no. Something really incongruous. It was boxing. Like, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

That's an interesting suggestion, Rona Barrett. We should look into that. Liz Smith is somebody who's still around, too, and must have wonderful stories. Rona Barrett. We should look into that. Liz Smith is somebody who's still around, too, and must have wonderful stories. Jeffrey Cohen would like to ask, who are the youngest or newer stars who have told you they are fans of your work? Well, I still say, even if it's just for two minutes, we have to have Channing Tatum on. Oh, right. Because Channing Tatum said in an interview that he calls his dick Gilbert. That's right.

And you reached out to him. Yes. And he responded. I reached my dick out to him. Didn't go that far. Well, Andy Samberg is a fan. You've got a lot. Patton Oswalt is a fan. You've got a lot of fans in high places, young fans.

Logan Sands, who's the one living guest? Fans of mine? I think they're fans. Well, they invited me on the cruise. Who's that? Oh, the Practical Jokers. Practical Jokers. Yeah, there you go.

We're trying to get them on a future show. Logan Sands asks, who is the one living guest you'd love to get the most? And who are you most disappointed turned down an appearance? Oh. We shouldn't mention anybody who's turned the show down. Yeah, that's too big a list. We'll be here all year. Charles Lawton's grandchildren.

Who is the one living guest we'd like to get the most? Who's a dream guest? Who do we talk about? We want Bert Gordon. Oh, yes. Bert I. Gordon. Bert I. Gordon would be great because the show, Amazing Colossal Podcast, is named after the Amazing Colossal Man. We have to make a more concerted effort to track him down. Or the Amazing Colossal podcast is named after the Amazing Colossal Man. We have to make a more concerted effort to track him down.

Or the Amazing Colossal Beast was the sequel. Correct. Two for me, and they seldom give interviews. I mean, and that is, and I've mentioned it before on the show, Alan Arkin and Gene Wilder. Oh, they'd both be great. Hard to get unless anybody else can help us. And we're going to wrap with this one from Casper Kelly again. Guys, any day the clown cried stories.

Oh, no, that's one of those that everybody knows about, but only Harry Shearer claims to have seen. Yeah, I haven't seen. But we talked to Marvin Kaplan, and he knew the writer. Oh, yeah. And he told us that – we'll have Marvin on a future episode – but Marvin told us that the writer of that movie was a friend of his, and that Jerry Lewis fucked it up. Oh, jeez. And I was thinking as if there was a way to do it well. Oh, yeah.

But that's all we have for now. Wait, one last one. Yeah. This is from Shane Simon, and we'll go out on this one. I lied. Does Herve Vilashez have any thoughts on Gilbert's comedy? I'm very upset by Gilbert's comedy. He make fun of those little folk.

of those little folk. And I am so angry that I heard this song. Let's be friends together in those kind of weather. What was that song, Irving? He had some song he would sing. There's one that he sang on the Dinah Shore show, which you can find online. It wasn't that one.

No. That one I made up, but I guarantee the one that I just made up is ten times better than the one he's saying. And anyway, we have to wrap up this show because I am hungry. Yes, keep the tweets. Ever since hearing about that Charles Lawton. Who wouldn't be now? The Charles Lawton shit sandwich. We'll do more tweets next week, guys.

Keep them coming. So this has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions. Hey, when's that boy come in with my sandwich? Cut that out. Keep them coming So this has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions Oh Hey When's that boy Come in with my sand Cut that out Here we go boys One two three

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