Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini-Ep #95: Listener Mail - Facebook Edition

Episode Date: January 19, 2017

This week: The films of Victor Mature! The conquests of Kirk Douglas! The musical stylings of Johnny Mandel! And Klinger and Father Mulcahy take it on the road! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Tennessee sounds perfect. The doorbell rings, he drops a bag outside When we read the fucking mail, it's a hell of a ride One for my buddy, two for the show Three orange slices and away we go Listen to mail Listen to mail Gilbert and Frank's very amazing Colossal Mailbag Colossal Mailbag

Colossal Mailbag Hi, this is... I didn't mean to wake you. Yes. I was starting off with my announcer voice. Hi. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried. And this is...

I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and I should quit while we're ahead. And this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing, colossal obsessions. That's what they tell me. And our researcher is here, Mr. Paul Rayburn. Oh, is that what he is? Well. He cleans up nice, too. He got a haircut.

It's a shame the listeners can't see my haircut. Oh, you know, we've got Instagram and social media and all that stuff. And speaking of social media, we get a lot of complaints that we're always doing Twitter listener mail. Yes. And we never do Facebook listener mail for all the people who don't tweet. Aha. So for the non-tweeters, we assembled, and this is more work intensive to do, more labor intensive to do Facebook.

But for you people, we'll do anything. And these are some Facebook messages that Paul and I have compiled. And you're going to love this one off the top. This is from Victoria Mature, who's Victor Mature's daughter. Oh, my God. Yeah, and she wrote us on Facebook. I love listening to your podcast and hearing you all laugh uncontrollably. It's taken me back in time, and we're sitting in my parents' living room with my dad and

his friends on the red shag carpet. So thank you for that. I found your podcast by accident through Twitter, and she wants to thank you, Gilbert, for discussing the size of her father's package. That's very touchy. Which she traced back to the Max Baer episode, apparently. So, glad my dad is in such illustrious company.

How about that? Victor Mature, Doc Holiday. How many people can be so comfortable talking about their father's package? I know. I'd love to meet her. She's obviously very cool. And he played Tony Powell in After the Fox. You bet. Yeah, she writes here, what other show can you hear stories about?

Juan Tonton, Irwin Allen, Betty Grable, The Monkees Movie's Head, and Peter Sellers. And of course, After the Fox. I love that Gilbert sang's Head, and Peter Sellers. And, of course, after The Fox. I love that Gilbert sang the entire Bacharach theme song. Oh, no. Yeah. No, no. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba How much time is in the show? Who are you? I am me. Who is me? I am a thief.

You called your poor, poor mother grief. So after the fox, after the fox, into the hunt with chains and locks. So after the fox, after the fox, somebody's always chasing after the fox. There you go. That's for Victoria Mature. So Victoria, we'll talk again. So that does it for this week's show. That's it. Good night. And our father had a big package.

Apparently. I don't know where that came from. Did you float that rumor? It was in the Max Baer episode, she claims. Did he ever work with Milton Berle, do we know? Yes, and Forrest Tucker. Yes. Okay, let's get some people in here.

Dave Shuck. Gil, with respect and love to Rich Little, your James Mason kicks ass. Thank you. I went back to Journey of the Center of the Earth, and I compared yours and Rich's, and yours won hands down. Oh, God bless you. How about that, guy? God bless you. We've got to send him some kind of gift, a no prize or something. Ray Garten.

I had just forgotten about. I'd forgotten all about. Because somebody said to me, I think it was Gino said to me, that he got pissed off when Rich Little said, after my James Mason, keep your day job. So did I, but I didn't want to say it because we had him here and we wanted to be nice.

Yes. We love Rich. Ray Garton says, I'd forgotten about Rich Little's impression of Humphrey Bogart and the Kane mutiny, and that was outstanding. I could not agree more that actors and other celebs do not have the distinctive voice patterns of the stars of old, which we talked about. Oh, that's true. With Will Jordan and Rich and everybody else.

Dustin Carlton wants to know, have you guys heard Nicolas Cage's impression of Humphrey Bogart? Apparently he does it at the end of a movie called Dog Eat Dog. It's astounding. Have you heard Nicolas Cage do Humphrey Bogart. Apparently he does it at the end of a movie called Dog Eat Dog. It's astounding. Have you heard Nicolas Cage do Humphrey Bogart? Okay. Well, this is something to aspire to. Put it on the list. And some people responded to the pictures of you and Larry Storch from the birthday party.

Yes. The other night, Larry turned 94 and Gilbert went to the party. Que so, Saint Eli? Saint Eli. Que so, Saint Eli? Si. What Ely. Queso Santelli. Si. What a name. Are you Queso Santelli?

Si. And you have a sister, don't you? Si. What's your sister's name? Su. Her name's Sue. Si. Bringing back Jack Benny and Mel Blanc.

I love it. Queso says, I want to live in a world where Larry Storch is a cult leader. I love that. David West, we need a second episode with Larry, please. He was fantastic. Bjorn Helga Nishime. Nishime? That sounds like the girl from the producers.

It might be her. Where are you from, Bjorn, when you hear this? Is it too funny? It is too funny that Gilbert had the best luck of all with the pronunciation for a change.

He's chastising me for mispronouncing Rualdahl. I'm told it's by, it's Ruald. I always thought it was Rual. So did I. I've said Ruh-ald-ald. Ruh-ald.

But he hated, in either case, he hated the Jews. So it's not pronounced anti-Semit. Yeah. Edward Casey loved the 1916 episode. I love Gilbert's tale of being serenaded by Snow White. I wondered why Adriana Casalotti's voice is credited in The Wizard of Oz. Her voice is actually looped into the Tin Man song. If I only had a heart where she sings the line, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

The offstage line. You know that scene? Yeah, I'll have to watch it again. Yeah. Somebody else pointed that out. It's a wonderful life, I have no clue. What is the song, the album, that they claim if you play it, it matches? Oh, that's Dark Side of the Moon.

That's right. It's Pink Floyd. Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. They say if you play that album with Wizard of Oz, it matches up. We should do an episode where we do that. I have done it. You've done it? Frankie's done it.

I worked at a studio years ago where one of the techs took the laser disc of the Wizard of Oz and made a copy with Dark Side of the Moon. And it's eerie how well it lines up. Oh, wow. It's freaky. Yeah. Well, we should also then play Abbey Road backwards and find out if Paul is dead. If we're going to do a whole series.

We should. We should. Was it Abbey Road you were supposed to play backwards is dead. If we're going to do a whole series. We should. Was it Abbey Road you were supposed to play backwards? I don't remember. One of them. One of them. Can we play one of these episodes backwards? Maybe Gilbert will sing on key if you play it backwards. We will

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Kim Zuckert, K-Y-M-M, Zuckert. Gilbert, you buried the lead on the Kirk Douglas story. The anti-Semite he was screwing when he announced his Jewishness was none other than Joan Crawford. That's great. You like that? Oh, my God. So Joan Crawford was a Jew hater.

Well, according to Kim Zuckert. We have to verify that somehow. You see, now, all this time, I was kind of taking sides with Joan Crawford against Betty Davis because I thought Betty Davis was a bitch to her. And only in the movie. Yeah, but now I'll have to take sides with Betty Davis. Look at that. Look at that. Well, look up

Paul, see if there's anything on, while you're sitting there, anything on Joan Crawford's alleged anti-Semitism before we put that out there. Jonas Priest writes, we were talking about Olivia de Havilland, maybe Olivia de Havilland is alive because she doesn't

want to see her sister again. Kind of like that. Robert Martin says, given so many excellent interviews, I found Bruce Dern's interview to be the most fascinating. Yeah, that was great. Eric Ryan says,

Mr. Dern was so good, photographic memory almost. As a runner myself, I found the descriptions of his lifestyle with runs from California to Colorado very interesting. Yeah. Didn't he run like across the country? Yes, and his memory was scary. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful.

Let's see. Barry Galbler or Goobler, G-O-U-B-L-E-R. Mario Cantone singing Baby, It's Cold Outside as an elderly Betty Davis, I Was Weeping. That was fun. Yeah, people loved that one. It was great. Even though you did veer into Bernie Sanders a little bit, it still worked. It still worked.

Ray Nieves, or Nieves, Mario Cantone describing Rudolph is the absolute highlight of Christmas week. Cantone is hilarious. Give it a listen. Here's a message we got on Facebook from a gentleman named John Amos. Oh, geez. He wrote on his page, I had a great time with Gilbert Gottfried and Frank Santopadre on the Amazing Colossal podcast. Most appreciated, gentlemen. We cover my entire career.

Wasn't that nice? Wow. That was the first time we've been thanked. Wow. On social media. Yeah, he's a doll. And then a lot of people, the thread here, a lot of people wrote to him. There were more comments about the John Amos show than any other show, I think, on Facebook.

Yeah, well, you never know with this stuff. But he was just terrific and such a gent. Perry Shields. I'm a little late with this, but I just was just terrific and such a gent. Perry Shields. I'm a little late with this, but I just got around to last Thursday's mini episode. I believe the comedy team you guys were trying to locate maybe Roger and Roger, not Rogers and Rogers, as someone suggested. That's why I couldn't find it. I saw the—

Oh, it's so— All right. Well, just use that excuse for every other time we ask you to find something. I knew it was something. I saw them at the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach. There you go. And I don't remember having seen them on Mike Douglas, but they were an age where they could have been. That's interesting.

Maybe you can find something on Roger and Roger. He can't. I did find. I looked to see if Joan Crawford was anti-Semitic. Okay. What do you got? Which somebody should look. Yeah, would that be on our page?

Here's what I got. A look back at Kirk Douglas' most famous sexual conquest. Wow. You want to know who they were, or do you already know who they are? Well, hit us. Joan Crawford, Marlena Dietrich, Rita Hayworth, Patricia Neal. Wow. And Southern, Gene Tierney.

Good to be Kirk Douglas. Oh, he did okay. Ann Southern, the voice of my mother, the car. Yes. She had a daughter, Tisha Sterling, who was quite the dish. That's just a side. That's a little on the side. You had a crush, it sounds like.

Robert Sterling. And Kirk Douglas fucked Marlena Dietrich, so he was into Jew haters, I guess. That was a thing. Seems like the only conclusion. It's a weird fetish. Now, I posted a picture of Angela Cartwright. Well, I posted a picture of Billy Mummy with Burt Ward because I found an old picture of them together. And I posted, I put two podcast guests together,

and Angela Cartwright from Lost in Space was in the picture. So Jack Hoffman, our friend Jack, writes, does that mean Angela Cartwright is on your radar? She's been a chiller. We might have to look into Angela. Oh, yeah. Billy, I see the picture of Billy Mummy, and I get scared. I cannot separate the actor from the kid in the Twilight Zone who made people disappear.

That is the very next Facebook message that I was just about to read. Wow. Mitchell Kriegman, Mitch Kriegman, our producer director. Billy Mummy will always give me the creeps because of that Twilight Zone episode. Which one, Long Distance Call or The Cornfield? The Cornfield is the one that gets me. Is that the one where he has control over everything? He makes people, you know, the one guy disappears and he shows up as a jack in the box and all that?

Oh, yes. Yeah. Very creepy. Very creepy. And your favorite actor's in that one. Who was the guy? Show Walter? Max Showalter's in that one.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Which one is he? Who was also known as Bernie Casey. He had two different names. Bernie Casey was a black actor. No. Well, let's see. Oh, I didn't think. Casey. Casey. Oh, God. I had two different names. Bernie Casey was a black actor. No. Well, let's see.

Oh, I didn't think Casey. Casey. Oh, God, I know who you mean. Wait a minute. I'm putting a research department on this. Oh, for Christ's sake. Look, the other name of actor, Max Showalter. Okay.

Casey Adams. Casey Adams. Casey Adams. Wait, I don't have it yet. These were his two names. Right. Well, if we had to wait for you. With Casey Adams and Max Showalter.

I think he was the father of Billy Mummy, and I think Loris Leachman was the mother. Yes, yes. And he was also in Sixteen Candles, Molly Ringwald, and Indestructible Man with Lon Chaney Jr. I love it. Yes. Yeah, I know. He's in 10. He's in a lot of stuff.

Let's see. David Goldman writes, I've been picking and choosing among your vast collection of episodes, and I really enjoyed the Kelly Carlin episode. She confirmed things I thought about her dad, his incredibly dark humor toward the end and how it developed. And I'm glad she survived Gilbert's taunts. Good humor.

You didn't taunt her, as I recall. You propositioned her. Yes. Totally different. Bob Ballantyne writes us about the late William Christopher, who passed Father Mulcahy. Did you know that William Christopher and Jamie Farr also toured in productions of The Odd Couple?

Oh, yeah. That I had seen. Wouldn't that be great to have seen the two of them? That would have been great to have actually seen that. I'm going to assume Jamie was Oscar. Oh, yeah. Let's see. Henry Kaplan, Robert Altman's son, wrote the theme to MASH,

and for years Altman claimed his son made more money than he did on the film. Did you know that? I didn't know that. It's a great song. It was covered by many people. It was a great song. He may have written the words. That's what I think.

Johnny Mandel may have written that music. Yeah, I think it was the words. That's what I heard. I'm going to get to the bottom of that. Have we got another 20 or 30 minutes? Because I can find that. I can find that. We've got a good 50 minutes.

We've got another couple of months for you to find it. Glenn Krasner. Glenn Krasner. Herb Voland, who played General Clayton on MASH, also appears in With Six You Get Egg Roll with Jamie Farr and William Christopher. With six, you get egg roll. With Jamie Farr and William Christopher. When I first saw this movie, I came to the realization that showbiz is indeed a small, incestuous world. Rest in peace, Father Mulcahy.

Now, Herb Voland comes up. You know him by name? If I showed you his picture. Yeah. He's connected to two of our podcast guests because he and Rich Little played Nixon and Agnew in Bob Einstein's movie, A Nice Mess. Wow. Which was a movie that did a Laurel and Hardy take on Nixon and Agnew. Wow.

A Watergate satire. Yeah. How about that? So, Suicide is Painless. I have something. Go. The lyrics were written by Mike Altman. There you go.

And the music was written by somebody I thought was mostly a lyricist, Johnny Mandel. That's what I said. Johnny Mandel, right. So basically you told us what we already know. Well, I can tell you again. And you had to look it up. We just said who wrote the words and who wrote the music, and then you look for an hour and a half and you come back with hey was i was i right yeah you were johnny mandel oh let's see let's see uh beverly car says the

2016 review was brilliant thank you for that i'm addicted to the podcast and obsessions i even took the survey we thank you beverly uh anthony michael, we posted some of Brendan Bliss' animations on Facebook. And we posted the one, the great one, with Alan Thicke in the phone booth, where you're telling Alan the Paul Lynn story. Oh. So Barry Goobler again writes, or Galbler, I hope they animate the Tony Curtis, Betty Davis duet of Baby It's Cold Outside. Oh, that would be good.

When Cantone was on the show. Barry also adds, love the video. If only Thick of the Night was this funny. And Anthony Michael writes, one of my favorite 2016 moments is when Peter Marshall said the only reason he took the Hollywood Squares gig was to spite Dan Rowan. That was great. That was great. That was terrific. Good stuff. And then I posted the puppet video.

Actually, Mike Mc—we should do a shout-out as long as we're doing a Facebook episode to McBeardo. Mike McPadden, who runs that page brilliantly, posted the Ryan Dillon and Mark Gale puppet video. I won't say Muppets this time because it's not Muppets. The puppet video of the two of us. Oh, yes. And Stephen Valerio Jr. writes, This is now how I will picture Gilbert and Frank when I listen to the podcast. Let's see.

Dave, first and now, also responding to that video, says, This clearly shows the Fred Gwynn, Joey Ross dynamic. Only Fred Gwynn and Joey Ross was sexier. I'll go with that. Patrick Izzo, I can't stop laughing. Oh, fuck it. I'll take all six discs. Who do I pay? That's a reference to the fact that it was done like a record offer. Oh, that's right. Oh, fuck it. I'll take all six discs. Who do I pay?

That's a reference to the fact that it was done like a record offer. Oh, that's right. Gilbert swings with the youth. And that's where Paul Schaefer was going. Gilbert swings with the youth. Some say that he's uncouth. That's all I got. Paul's got a new album. Yeah? Paul, we got to have I got. Paul's got a new album.

Yeah. Paul, we've got to have Paul back. He's got stuff to plug. We've got to get Paul back here. Let's see. Richard Stein says, listen to the John Amos episode, Driving Down the California Coast with the fam. I have always been a fan of his, and I was hip to his chops from coming to America alone.

He was brilliant. Isn't that nice? Edward Owen, when listening to Gilbert's podcast and the guest was Burt Ward, come to find out that Burt and his wife run a huge, no pun intended, Burt's reputation precedes him, giant dog animal rescue service. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They have about 50 critters in their home. How about that?

Stephen E. Vail says, I've listened to the show. That sounds like a villain in a James Bond. Stephen E. Vail? Vail. E. Vail. E. Vail? Yeah. He wants to say, I am a huge Batman fan. This Burt Ward may end up as one of my top favorite episodes.

Wow. Isn't that nice? And then John, you'll love this name. This is not a Bond villain name. Jonathan Sparkles. But he must have gotten his ass kicked in school a number of times. He says my top ten podcasts of 2016, and then he lists them from the bottom up. How Did This Get Made, The Smartest Man in the World, Doug Loves Movies.

Those are all funny shows. You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes, a show I like. Number two, WTF with Marc Maron. And number one, Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing. Wow, thank you. It wasn't that nice. Thank you. Number two, WTF with Mark Maron. And number one, Gilbert Gottfried's amazing. Wow. Thank you. Wasn't that nice? Thank you.

See the way I tricked that and read it in reverse order? That was great. Yeah. They don't give these jobs to chimps, as Dave Letterman used to say. And what else do we have here? Oh, he's raising his hand. Yes, Paul. Oh, he's giving me the time.

I'm giving the time, but I don't want anybody to know. I thought you were being like a teacher. For the record, I totally called that moment. Okay, last one. This is, let's see. Okay, Pat Hughes. On New Year's Eve, we watched Mel Gibson and the Patriot, and we noticed Rene Auberjonois. Now, we got to get him.

Oh, yes. We love him. Yes. Yeah. Ain't it? Now, why is she bringing up Rene Auberjonois? He had a big package. No.

Because it's relevant. Because he played Father Mulcahy in MASH, the movie. Oh, my God. Oh, that's perfect. There you go. More kind of a nagging thought that wouldn't let go. Then I woke up the very next day, and I'd read that William Christopher had died. I had had these strange, nagging thoughts before.

So there you go. So let's hope Pat Hughes doesn't think of us. nagging thoughts before. So there you go. So let's hope Pat Hughes doesn't think of us. And that's it for Facebook. I think Kirk Douglas one time fucked Mel Gibson. Seriously?

Yes. Another anti-FEMA? Yes. Well, that couldn't help himself. Wow. And Kirk Douglas fucked Arthur Godfrey, too. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing.

What did that sound like? Yeah. Hi, Kirk. How are you? How are you? I hate the Jews. How are you? How are you?

I will say about this show, no podcast in the world has as much deceased actor sodomy. Male on male. If somebody could do a flow chart of all the people that he's had. You have to go with your strengths. Go with what you know. Go with what you know. Do you know Joan Crawford's real name, by the way? I'll be impressed.

Oh, I remember reading it, but I can't. I'm thinking we can have Paulie back me up on this. I think it was Lucille LeSueur. Oh, Lucille LeSueur. See, now that sounds more like a movie star name. Somebody changed it for some reason. I don't know which studio she was under contract with. Yeah.

Which studio she was under contract with. All right, kids. So we gave you what you wanted. You wanted Facebook messages. We got them. And I guess next time we'll try Facebook again. Twitter's easier because I have the phone in my hand. Yes.

And I can actually just scroll through it. Oh, is that what you have in your hand? Yeah. Thank you. And I use whoosh to clean the screen. Lucille Faye Lasura. Well, there you go. I don't do middle names.

Pretty close. Pretty good, huh? Pretty close. Pretty good. So this has been Gilbert and Frank's. I should learn the title of this. Well, why start now? Yeah.

This has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions. If you want to know about Pavillon Sousou Or Long Chaney Jr It's something we're used to Colossal obsessions These things that we've studied Like why Groucho helped Chico cause he needed

the money if you have a comment on Cesar Romero and those oranges thrown by those young caballeros

you can ask what you want Anything on our bits But please keep it short Just like having finishes Listen up, man. Listen up, man. Yeah, we'll answer your questions. And that is a promise. And that is a promise Even the ones

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