Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini-Ep #98: Game Show Confidential with Dick DeBartolo

Episode Date: February 9, 2017

This week: Allan Sherman branches out! Ethel Merman buys in! Richard Dawson jumps ship! And the versatility of Bert Convy!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Tennessee sounds perfect. hi this is gilbert gottfrieden this is gilbert and frank that's Frank Santopadre, Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions. And we're once again being recorded at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Ferdarosa. And our return guest is a guy that Frank basically spelled out this guy's name phonetically because it was one of those rare times that I fuck up a guest's name. Thank God it doesn't happen that often. But in the one or two times... Ask Cliff Nesterman.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dick. D-D-E bar bar, B-A-R, two. No, no, toe. Toe. Toe, a deer, a female deer. Ready? Drop.
Starting point is 00:02:17 Anyway, it's Dick DeBartolo. Close. Close. Why didn't you just let me say, hey, I'm Dick DeBartolo. There you go. It wasn't as bad as when we were talking to Greg Evigan and I had to correct you on the name in the middle of the interview.
Starting point is 00:02:34 No, and he's talking about correcting Greg. Yes. You got that wrong. Yes. That's true. He was saying Greg. He was about to form the word Glenn on his lips. I could see his teeth moving over his lips. So I slipped him a card because we had Greg on the phone.
Starting point is 00:02:51 I slipped him a card. I said Greg. And then he outed me on the show. He said Frank just handed me a card. I said his name is Greg. That's what you get for trying to help. So Dick DiBartolo. Yes, sir.
Starting point is 00:03:03 My countryman. From Mad Magazine. Yes. Mad's maddest writer. Thank you. Has returned to help. So Dick DiBartolo, my countryman, from Mad Magazine, Mad's maddest writer, has returned to us. Dick was here with the Al Jaffe episode. Dick was the co-star of the Al Jaffe episode. But we spent so much time talking about Gaines and Mad and Al's
Starting point is 00:03:17 experiences and Al's bizarre life, his very dramatic life, that we didn't get to some of the wonderful stuff about Dick, which is his game show history. Because he wrote for Match Game and Tattletales and To Tell the Truth and so many. All those good St. Todman shows. And all the good St. Todman
Starting point is 00:03:34 stuff. So we decided to have him back and do and talk some game shows. Oh, okay. You know, the woman over there said that they called me back because I hadn't paid for the snacks last time. No, no. Gilbert pays for nothing. Oh, okay. Yeah, I thought they were free, but that's okay.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Yes. Did you bring a prop? I brought a prop. Yes. But I'll tell you the connection between Mad and Match Game. Love to hear it. I was hired by Goodson Todman to write questions for the match game. And a lot of people don't know because of the syndicated version that the original match game had all straight questions like name a red
Starting point is 00:04:12 flower, name a president who appears on money, name a car. And that was the match game. And it was a year contract that Goodson had. And 10 months in, Goodson called me in and he said, look, NBC is not picking this up. So you have two months of shows, but I'm just telling you now in case you want to be looking as you're working on the show. And so over the weekend, I was thinking, you know, it's kind of fun working at Goodson Totham. So I came up with this idea. fun working at Goodson Toth. So I came up with this idea. And on Monday, I said, Mark, instead of these name something you do with an egg, how about silly questions? He said, like what? I said, like, Mary liked to pour gravy on John's blank. Okay, so Goodson laughs,
Starting point is 00:05:03 and he goes, well, what are they going to say? I said, they're going to laugh, and they're going to say meatloaf, mashed potatoes, whatever. And he said, well, it's canceled. Do what you want, because they can't cancel it twice. So we switched to those. And a month in, he called me in again and said, we've got another year. Wow. So he said, keep doing this. And it went on for a total of like 18 years.
Starting point is 00:05:26 This is way back now, in the early 60s. This is in the early 60s. Yeah. And Gene Rabin was the original host? Gene Rabin was the original host. And the thing with the microphone. Yeah, that knitting needle microphone. That giant long mic.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Gene would love to talk to the audience during commercials. And during every commercial, he'd walk out into the audience and ask them questions. And he could half the time not hear what they were saying. And one day he said to the sound guy, can you like maybe set up an audience mic? And the guy said, let me think about it. And then he said, how about a very long mic so that you can stand in the aisle and actually reach the first four or five people for them to give you the answers.
Starting point is 00:06:16 So that's when he started. Oh, so it was like a custom-made mic. It was a custom-made mic. Oh, it's very phallic. Yeah, I know it is. And that's what everybody read into it. But it wasn't that way. So you are essentially the man that took this sort of static, very pedestrian game show premise and gave it that match game, that twist that it became famous for.
Starting point is 00:06:37 The dumb Dora. Also, like, then it's like Hollywood Squares was those kind of questions. Well, Hollywood Squares relied on funny answers the thing about match game was there were no oh yeah real answer so it was yeah you know i remember it was just the question you like yes exactly i i mean it could turn out that the answers would be funny but that would be whatever the person wanted i I remember Ethel Merman was on the show and I would often walk the guests through what to do. And Ethel Merman said,
Starting point is 00:07:13 would they be upset if I went home? And I think they would be very upset. She just wanted to blow it off. She said, I am beyond nervous. This is the stupidest thing I ever did to say I would be on this show. And I said, Ethel, there is nothing you can write on that card that is wrong. Just anything that comes into your mind, just write it on the card and that'll be fine. And so after, you know, two minutes, she was loving the game.
Starting point is 00:07:44 But the thing about it is you come to the game not having to know anything. So the dumb Dora is so dumb and all of that stuff, that was you as well? That was me. As a matter of fact, I got one of the first electric typewriters that had a little bit of memory in it. And if you hit one, it typed out, dumb Dora was so dumb that. And then I would write the rest of that question. Key two was, Weird Willie was so weird that, and the third was, Dumb Donald was so dumb that,
Starting point is 00:08:13 and then I would just make up the question. So you started with Match Game way back in the day, in the early 60s, and then you were around for all those incarnations for Match Game. They used to change it by year, Match Game 72 and Match Game 73. Until one day Mark called everybody in and said,
Starting point is 00:08:28 there is something coming along called syndication. So starting now, I want no year on any of the shows so that we can syndicate them. And I mean, who dreamed that how many years from the mid-60s to now that they're still running? Yeah. And even though they have the years on them,
Starting point is 00:08:51 it doesn't matter. They're still running on the Game Show Network? They're running now on Buzzer. Buzzer? Yeah. Did you know
Starting point is 00:08:57 there was a channel Buzzer? No. B-U-Z-Z-R. I can't keep track of those. Yeah. I've seen them on the Game Show Network.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Well, the Game Show Network's still around, isn't it? Yeah, they are. But I'm not sure if Match Game is still on it. Oh, now here's something even more important. Yes. I've heard several stories that all of the guests, those old-time comics and actors on the game shows, were all totally shit-faced. Well, in a way. Well, Match Game and Hollywood Squares
Starting point is 00:09:29 were the two that had the reputation for drunk celebrities. Yes, well, the reason was you did all five, you do the whole week and a day. Yeah. Okay, and so they don't want the celebrities to leave the studio because there's an hour and a half turnaround.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Yeah. So you do Monday, Tuesday, hour and a half break, and then you do Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. So the celebrities stay in the studio. So they would have lunch for them and wine. And so they could consume a lot of wine during lunch. And so the Wednesday, Thursday, Friday shows were always much sillier than the Monday, Tuesday shows. What kind of guy was Rayburn? He always struck me as a sort of a fun
Starting point is 00:10:12 loving guy. He really was. He was a lot of- Somebody didn't take it seriously. No, he did not take it seriously. As a matter of fact, early on, we were doing the original the straight questions and no one was matching and during the commercial Rayburn and I would sit next to Rayburn
Starting point is 00:10:33 but you couldn't see me I was on headphones with the control room and we were picking out the questions that were asked next and this
Starting point is 00:10:42 and during the commercial Rayburn leaned over and said, Dear God, Dick, walk on camera, do something, break this up, because I am dying here. So he started asking the question,
Starting point is 00:10:57 and I said, Did a ball come through here? I'm trying to play golf. You're asking questions. You're quite annoying. You know, there's a foursome over here. And anyway, so it got a laugh. And Goodson's, uh,
Starting point is 00:11:10 Rayburn said, walk on anytime you want. Except a couple weeks later, Rayburn got called into Goodson's office to say that Match Game is not a comedy show. Oh my God, how interesting. I know. How interesting.
Starting point is 00:11:25 Rayburn called me up and he said, Dick, you're not going to believe this. Goodson is saying we shouldn't be kidding around. I'm going, what? And he said, let's just do it anyway because, you know, I'm the star of the show. And then slowly it evolved into a very funny show. Right.
Starting point is 00:11:47 So you were there. Basically, they were stopping it saying, hey, people are laughing and enjoying this. Yes, exactly. And they're not paying attention to my format. We want it to be more like a lesson in school. Yes. Yes. Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 00:12:05 We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal podcast after this. And now back to the show. You were there for the entire Rundick from 62? Yes, yes. And then it moved to California. Right. And Goodson said, he said, you want to go to California? And I said, no, what are you kidding?
Starting point is 00:12:24 I said, Mark, you kidding I said Mark I'm a native New Yorker mad's here and he said he said no I'm keeping my New York offices the show's going to California but
Starting point is 00:12:33 you can write it from here you can write it anywhere oh that's ideal yeah and then he said but we're going to retool it and we're going to have
Starting point is 00:12:42 six celebrities instead of it used to be two celebrities four contestants it's going to be six celebrities instead. It used to be two celebrities, four contestants. It's going to be six celebrities, two contestants. Anyway, he said, it's going to be off the air for a year or more. He said, pick out another show that you think you want to work on
Starting point is 00:12:56 and just tell the producer that you have to hire me. So I did it like a year on What's My Line, and I worked on To Tell the Truth for a while. And it was great fun. It was really great fun. Who was the host of What's My Line when you were worked on To Tell the Truth for a while. And it was great fun. It was really great fun. Who was the host of What's My Line when you were there? Was it Larry Blyden? Wally Bruner?
Starting point is 00:13:10 It started out as Wally Bruna. Wally Bruner. Yes. Remember him. And then I worked on Feud for a while, which was Bert Convey. Yeah. You have to tell us about Bert Convey. Who passed on very early.
Starting point is 00:13:22 Bert Convey was a Jew. Of course. Yes. He had a Jew fro. What? Yes Convey was a Jew. Of course. Yes. He had a Jew fro. What? Yes. He was a Jew. Why wasn't I told this?
Starting point is 00:13:29 Which leads us to my next question. That's not a question anymore. It's a fact. Paul Lynn was a vicious anti-Semite. Well, you see, I don't know because Hollywood Squares was not a Goodson-Todman show. Oh, right. He didn't play. Well, act like, I don't know because Hollywood Squares was not a Goodson-Todman show. Oh, right. He didn't play it. Well, act like you were in it.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Oh, that anti-Semite, I hated his guts. I am sick that you brought that up. As a Gentile. I have had this hidden inside me. If you listen to this show, you'd know Paul Lynn was an anti-Semite. And tell us also that you used to be show you'd know paul lynn was an anti-sex and tell tell us also that you used to be a writer for caesar romero i wrote all of his jokes i did his his stand-up on broadway yeah and you worked in a fruit stand and would deliver peat wedges of citrus fruit to his house.
Starting point is 00:14:25 Oh, my God. What type of citrus fruit was that? I'm going to say it's either, well, that's where the arguments start. Yeah, no. This has game show potential. It was. Either on Marilyn, the oranges. It was limes.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Bert Convey died very young. He was a talented guy, and he did a lot of stuff. Yes. He was an actor. On Broadway. Yeah. Do you know Rayburn was on Broadway for a short time? I didn't know that.
Starting point is 00:14:50 Rayburn took over for Dick Van Dyke. In Bye Bye Birdie? Are you serious? Wow. Yes. That's good shit. For a month while he was on vacation, while Dick Van Dyke was on vacation. Now, you used to write for Lawrence Olivier and Danny Kaye.
Starting point is 00:15:06 Oh, cut that out. Yeah, I did. I did. Did you know Convy, Gilbert, was considered for the role of Barnabas Collins on Dark Shadows? Oh, my God. Unless IMDB is completely full of shit. I went to Jonathan Frid. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Yeah. He was a versatile actor. Yeah, he was. For Convy. And I also heard, this is bizarre, he was a delegate to the DNC in Chicago in 1968. Is this true? Or is this just like weird Bert Convy trivia? Well, he never-
Starting point is 00:15:33 There's a lot of websites on weird Bert Convy trivia. Tell us about Tattletales, since we're talking about Bert Convy. Oh, Tattletales was fun because it was- Well, actually, Tattletales, I always get it mixed up with He Said, She Said. Was that a game show? Yeah, you know, it's so funny. I can't remember if we renamed He Said, She Said Tattletales. It was also Kevin Bacon.
Starting point is 00:15:58 It was the one where you asked the husbands a question. Oh, okay. Yes, and then the wives. It was called that. Yes, you're right. Right. So the husbands a question. Oh. Oh, okay. Yes, and then the wives. It was called that. Yes, you're right. Right. So the funny thing was. Tattletales was three spouses.
Starting point is 00:16:10 Yes. At sort of terminals. Yes. And their wives were on, or their husband was on headphones. Remember that show? Tattletales? Oh, yes. What is your husband going to say about this?
Starting point is 00:16:21 Well, the funny thing was Joyce Brothers and her husband in all the times they were on the show never ever came close to what the other person would do. The most amazing people was Steve Allen
Starting point is 00:16:35 and Audrey Meadows. Oh, Jane Meadows. Jane Meadows, I'm sorry. They matched every single time and I was talking to Audrey Meadows in the dressing room, and I said, you guys have never, ever met. And she said, Dick, she said, one night I had a dream, and I was telling Steve the dream, and Steve said, I had that same dream.
Starting point is 00:17:02 That's bizarre. It is bizarre. They just knew what each other was thinking. I remember Bobby and Vince. Like you two guys. We're the same way. You're just on the same wavelength, which is a pathetic thing. It is.
Starting point is 00:17:17 When you think about it. It is. Now, this is probably not made by those people, but I've got a secret. I've got a secret was Gary Moore actually owned I've got a secret, but it started out as Goodson Todman. Okay. Now, that was invented by Alan Sherman. Was that the game show he invented? You know what?
Starting point is 00:17:41 I'm not sure. Look it up. Paul. I'm here. You know what? I'm not sure. Look it up! Paul! I'm here. You know what? I'm thinking he's a man with computers and he's got a cell phone. He's got an Atari.
Starting point is 00:17:56 Gilbert, you're claiming that Alan Sherman created I've Got a Secret? It's that or another game show. He did definitely invent a game. For those of you who don't know Alan Sherman out there, hello, mother, hello, father. Yes. And the voice of the cat in the hat.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. I used to love Tattletales because you'd see Stiller and Mira. Yes, exactly. Dick Godier used to come on with his wife and Bobby Van and Elaine Joyce. Oh, yes. More on Bobby Van later in the show.
Starting point is 00:18:26 So you wrote the Tattletales questions? The questions. Right. I remember Bill Shatner and Marcy. I do not remember them on the show. Do you remember what the dirtiest one you got away with was? Yes. Right away he goes to that.
Starting point is 00:18:40 ABC had a nighttime version of Match Game as a summer replacement. And we were told that the questions could be a little more risque. So the object was to write risque questions and then some out and out filth so that they would go, what know john had the biggest blank and he stuck it in you know and you actually submitted these yes yes so that when they got to the other questions they would go oh this is right so the one that i wrote that i thought they'll throw this out did get on the air was unlucky louis was so unlucky that when he went on her diet, he lost three inches, but he didn't lose it from his waist.
Starting point is 00:19:30 He lost it from his blank. So that got on the air. Wow. Can I go back to Alan Sherman? Yeah. That's all the mystery. One of the jobs of research on this show is to find out if anything Gilbert says is true. And we know the answer.
Starting point is 00:19:47 But here we go. Alan Sherman devised a game show he intended to call I Know a Secret. Oh. Television producer Mark Goodson used Sherman's idea and turned it into I've Got a Secret. Look at that. Which ran on CBS from 52 to 67. Rather than paying him for the concept, Mark Goodson, Bill Todman Productions made Sherman the show's producer. How about that?
Starting point is 00:20:09 So they got the kind of- Gilbert. I was right. Gilbert was right. Ring the bell. Ring the bell. So I don't have to talk to you two fucking guineas. Amazing.
Starting point is 00:20:19 Let's put this in the record. What is this? What's the first thing tonight? Before we jump off Match Game, tell us about Dickie Dawson. What kind of guy he was to work with. We're Hogan's Heroes fans. Oh, okay, okay. Well, he was on the California version.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Okay. So everything I heard was through Howard Felsher, who was the producer of the show. through Howard Felsher, who was the producer of the show. So he was really starstruck about himself. And what started a big feud, which got Howard, Howard was the producer of the show, and Richard Dawson banned him from the studio, that Howard could not come into the studio.
Starting point is 00:21:03 Really? And it started with the game wheel. So at the end of match game, there's super match. Oh, yeah. Yes. Okay. And the celebrity's names are on the wheel. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:15 Yes. Okay. Before that, the super match, the contestants got to pick any of the six people. 90% of the time, they picked Richard Dawson. Richard Dawson was right most of the time. But Mark was thinking, you know, the other celebrities look like the end of the show is for Richard Dawson only. You have to come up with a way to make it more fair.
Starting point is 00:21:41 So they introduced the Star Wheel, which Richard Dawson said pissed him off. Oh, because they wouldn't pick him every time. Yes, exactly. Interesting. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:21:53 And after he forbid Rayburn from going to the studio, and Ira Skutch, not Rayburn, Howard Felsher, and Ira Skutch said to Richard,
Starting point is 00:22:05 you know, you look unhappier and unhappier on this show. Would you like to get off it? And meanwhile, Richard has started doing Family Feud. Right, right. And he said, yeah, I'd like to get off it. Yeah. So he left and they just replaced him. Goodson and Todman produced The Price is Right, Family Feud, Match Game, Password, Beat the Clock, To Tell the Truth, Tattletales, Card Sharks, I've Got a Secret, and the list goes on and on.
Starting point is 00:22:32 They were the game show kings. I want to know, what did Brett Summers do before she got on game shows? She was married to Klugman. Yeah, I know that. I think she had little bit parts in shows. The funny thing about that was the opening week, Jack Klugman was one of the guests on Match Game. And two weeks after he was on, Klugman calls Ira Skutch and says, could you possibly use Brett for like one single show because she's driving me crazy to be on the show.
Starting point is 00:23:09 Oh, that's great. And Ira said, well, we only booked for five, but we have no problem booking her for five shows. And sat her next to Charles Nelson and Riley. They just clicked. They just clicked. And then a couple weeks later, Jack Flugman called up and said, Ira, I got to thank you for giving her a chance. And I always said,
Starting point is 00:23:32 what are you kidding? Her and Charles Nelson Riley are fantastic on this show. And they were on all the way through. Two of them and Dawson. And Dawson, exactly. And then they would mix in Fanny Flagg and Patty Deutsch and Elaine Joyce and Bill Daley. Yes, and then the lower left was usually someone sort of on the new side. Or cute. Or cute, yes. The cute girl was on the lower left next to Dawson. Probably no accident. Now, Dawson, everybody always does jokes about, like, you know what, a pervert he is, you know, like kissing.
Starting point is 00:24:11 On Family Feud. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was another thing with him that Howard Felsher told me is that he went to kiss this woman who was the minister's wife. Oh, jeez. And she said no. And Howard said, tell Ray, who was booking families in New York to send out to California, that Richard Dawson will not have any religious families on again.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Because the minister's wife wouldn't let him put one on her. Right, exactly. Here's some good Goodson and Todman trivia that you'll appreciate, Gilbert. They dabbled in scripted TV. The Richard Boone Show. Yes, they did. They did a couple of shows, yes. And Gilbert will love this one.
Starting point is 00:24:57 Branded. Wow. Chuck Connors. Only one man lives. in bitter creek but they said he ran away branded scorned by the man who ran what do you do when you're branded and you know you're a man whatever you do for the rest of your life, you must prove you're a man. I have that on your album. Godfrey sings, old squinty eyes is back. One of our fans sent us.
Starting point is 00:25:35 All right, so where was this scene? What is that? That looks like... Oh, the mask? It looks like Arlene Francis' mask from What's My Line. Am I correct? You are absolutely correct. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:25:52 Dick has pulled out a black mask. A photo. What are those, rhinestones? No, they're supposed to be like little pearls. Little pearls. Right. How about that? Boy, does that bring back memories.
Starting point is 00:26:04 Look at that. So listen to this. So when Esther Goodson passed on, they were closing down the offices. Yeah. Were they in the Seagram's building? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I remember.
Starting point is 00:26:19 One of the very first. Seagram's building was a beautiful building. On Park. Yes. Yeah. And 52nd and 53rd. Yeah. And so they are closing down the offices and they dumpsters everywhere and they're throwing stuff out.
Starting point is 00:26:36 And I said, I opened this box and I said, wait a minute. These are the masks from What's My Line. That's so cool that you have that. And the office manager said, wait a minute. These are the masks from What's My Line. That's so cool that you have that. And the office manager said, take them. I said, well, I can't take four. Like, this is like history. So everybody around said, oh, I'll take one. I said, but I want Arlene Francis' one because that's the most recognizable.
Starting point is 00:27:00 But, you know, whoever dreamed that all of that stuff would be worth something these days. Yeah, it's great. It's a great. And that Match Game would still be running. It's a great outfit. And that I have made from the Game Show Network, and there's a picture of it on my website, I've made $1.18. Oh, it's one of those residual checks. Ah, yes.
Starting point is 00:27:22 Like you guys. Oh, it's one of those residual checks. Yes. And I called up and I said, so is this per show or per week or per month? And Guy said, no, that's the total payment. See, this is the thing about residuals that people don't know. It's like there are times I've gone down to the mailbox and it's loaded. It's bursting open with residual check. And I think, oh my God, I retire now. And I add them all up like a thousand checks and it comes to like 37 cents. Yes. Yeah. My check from family food was 79 cents. Match Game was the big check because I was there for so long. I get those, too.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Oh, yeah. Cartoons and things I've written, Pink Panther and things I've written, and you get excited there's 30 of them, and each one's 80 cents. Yes. I have a check that I framed, and it's hanging in my bathroom, that I got for a movie for a penny. bathroom that I got for a movie for a penny. And I put it there with a little Chinese fortune from a restaurant that says,
Starting point is 00:28:37 your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded. Oh, that's great. Yes. That's great. So we'll wrap this up. Okay. And Dick, do you have a Gloria Swanson story? Gloria, so Ray Pichon, who worked on the show, I said, let's try and book all the celebrities
Starting point is 00:28:52 we ever wanted to see in person. That was smart. So we tried to get Mae West many times. This is for Match Game? For Match Game. And finally I said to Ray, let me call the agent and say, you know, I'm with Matt and I'm a big fan. So I called him and he said, Dick, here's the story on Mae West. She's legally blind. room where she knows where every piece of furniture is because she won't be seen with glasses and there is no way she's ever going to go into a studio. We look at Joan Crawford, Lauren Bacall many times.
Starting point is 00:29:38 Lauren Bacall so many times that I finally got the, Dick, call me Betty. That's nice. Yeah, so that was good. I finally got the, Dick, call me Betty. That's nice. Yeah, so that was good. Gloria Swanson, who thought she was making something for Cecil B. DeMille. Oh, the poor thing.
Starting point is 00:29:58 Because we're ready to go, and they're doing the countdown to roll the tape, and the stage manager says to the headsets, you know, Gloria Swanson's not here. Dick, go out and find Gloria. So I go out, and she's all the way at the end of the hall carrying a rose in Twilight Zone, walking around. I said, Ms. Swanson, we have 30 seconds to go. She think you were Erich von Stroheim? Maybe I should have. I should have said, they're ready for your close-up now.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Maybe that would have gotten me to move a little faster. Wow. Oh, my God. That's sad. Yeah. But anyway. And my other favorite thing was Jane Mansfield. Dick, go in to Jane.
Starting point is 00:30:37 No one's talking to Jane Mansfield. Go in and sit and talk to her. So I did, and she has a stack of books. I said, Jane, my God, what are you doing? And she said, you know, I never got a college education. So I'm doing it now because I spend so much time on backstage waiting around. So we had a little chat. After the first match game, I happened to see her walking down the hall with her suitcase.
Starting point is 00:30:59 And I go, where are you going? I said, there are four more shows. She said, no, I'm just booked on the first one. So I said, please don't go anywhere. So they had to call her agent, get her into the control room so the agent can say, Jane, it's five shows.
Starting point is 00:31:14 You have to stay there all day. And then all the women there were trying to find things, swapping out clothes so she could have five different things to wear on the five shows. Another person who came to a bad end. Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 00:31:28 I brought two changes of clothes today. Just in case. Did you ever do any other game shows other than Hollywood Squares, Gil? You never did Pyramid or any of those? I did. What was the show that Donny Osmond? Pyramid. Oh, Pyramid.
Starting point is 00:31:41 That's the one that I did. Where you couldn't use your hands? Yeah. What? Where you just sat in the winner's circle at the end and you couldn't use your hands? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Were you good? Did you do good?
Starting point is 00:31:49 Oh, yeah. I mean, it was like, I remember I asked the producer. To give you the answers? Well, they did. It was like, it was funny. I asked the producer. I said, I don't know. Is it hard to play this game?
Starting point is 00:32:05 And he goes, no, it's really easy. And I said, I don't know, is it hard to play this game? And he goes, no, it's really easy. And I said, well, how easy? He goes, did you see Quiz Show? Are you serious? Oh, that is so... That is so funny. Oh my
Starting point is 00:32:23 God. Okay, my God. Okay, now we have to wrap with... Let's see if you get the name right this time. Donnie Barlow. Yeah. Donnie Barlow. Perfect. I like that. They're my stage names, so it's good.
Starting point is 00:32:37 Not Donnie Brasco. Donnie Barlow. Yeah. Can I find these episodes of you on $20,000 Pyramid? Oh, that would be good. I'd like to see that. Yeah, I just did like a week's worth. Who was the other celeb?
Starting point is 00:32:49 Yeah, you did five shows, right? Oh, God, I don't remember. What I remember... Stood out to you. There was some black actress. I don't remember her name now, but she had gone out. They filmed a couple of segments, and then they quickly took her aside and told her something very sternly. And in the next scene, she definitely had a bra.
Starting point is 00:33:15 That's your memory. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I kept cracking jokes every time I saw her about her tits. And then they took you aside, and then you came back wearing a job. Yes. I remember that. But I kept ragging on her the whole rest of the day. And when I was leaving for the day,
Starting point is 00:33:32 I go to my dressing room and she wrapped her bra around the door. Oh my God. Showbiz memories. Thanks for this. It was fun. And informative. Dick Bartolo. See. Wow. Okay. Thanks for this. It was fun. And informative. Great.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Dick Bartolo. Yeah. Yes. D. Bartolo. I'm just going to change my name. Dick Bartolo. You forgot the D. Ah, fuck it. The rest of us here are Gilbert Gottfried and Frank Santopadre. Take us out with some match game music, Frankie.
Starting point is 00:34:03 Thank you, Dick. And this has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsession.

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