Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini-Episode #105: Remembering Robert Osborne

Episode Date: March 30, 2017

"Murder He Says"! Joseph Cotten comes to dinner! Burt Lancaster takes a dip! And Gilbert gets a Robert Osborne bobblehead! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. This ad was expressly recorded to create a sense of simplicity. Just a few simple sounds. No complexity. Like Neutral. Made with just vodka, soda, and natural flavor. Neutral. Refreshingly simple. Hi, I'm Robert Osborne. We're in the midst of this month's visit with our TCM guest programmer,

Gilbert Gottfried. He's a comedian with one of the most recognizable voices in show business. Welcome again, Gilbert. Yes, and tonight I'll be presenting Ernie Goes to Camp 3. A great movie, a great movie. So glad you picked it, yes. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried And this is Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions With my co-host Frank Santopadre.

Once again, we're recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Ferdarosa. Colossal Obsessions. And that beginning, that was, I was honored to be called to be a guest programmer on TCM. Yeah, TCM. TCM, Turner Classic Movies. Yeah. And to be sitting across, you know, two easy chairs facing each other, and me and Robert Osborne discussing movies.

And they asked me to pick four movies. discussing movies, and they asked me to pick four movies. I picked the original of Mice and Men with Janie Jr. and Burgess Meredith, and Coppola's The Conversation with Gene Hackman, Todd Browning's Freaks, and a film I always liked, Burt Lancaster and the Swimmer. Yeah, that was an eclectic batch that you picked. And once again, I didn't pick a comedy in all of them. And I remember I was sitting there across from Robert Osborne.

We were talking back and forth. And when they finally got to the end and said, okay, well, that's a wrap. I remember I had so much fun talking to him you didn't want to go yeah i thought oh oh why did why did it end that quick how did they know i mean i never asked you this we had robert on the show too of course which we'll talk about but how did they they just contacted you out of the blue they knew you were a movie buff or i think we oh god i forget her name there was some woman who may have worked for tcm who who i informed them that i was like you know total movie buff right right and they called yeah

what an honor yeah they called and it was just such a treat to be there talking movies with robert osborne yeah i watched the clips today. I knew we were going to do a little tribute episode here to Robert and watching the clips and you're trying to crack him up. He's just, you know, he's kind of in character as it were. And you're talking about, you're saying you're going to tell me about movies. I was in Saved by the Bell, the Bar Mitzvah years. And he's just, he's riding along with you. What a thrill it must have been to be sitting in that chair, that place of honor, picking those films.

Oh, it was great. It was these two giant cushion chairs that he sat in with his guests. And I remember feeling like, oh, this isn't a job. I would go here and meet with him and sit in these chairs every day and talk old movies. As long as he paid for lunch. Yeah, exactly. That's the only thing I demand. They let you raid the TCM fridge?

Oh, yeah. Four pretty terrific movies you picked too yeah yeah and i even got a a uh robert osborne bobblehead doll did you yeah he gave you a robert osborne bobble which i think my kid smashed or something but maybe there's another one sitting around somewhere an interesting man you know because we had him on the show when we early on in the game for us probably uh i think it was our first year and he was one of those dream guests he was we were so lucky yeah you just click on the mic and you feel like going well we're gonna go out and have some dinner uh you can close up after you're through talking he was and you know and when i say he was a little bit intimidating, I mean that in a positive way.

Oh, yes. I mean, he was so bright and so dignified. And, you know, I didn't. I thought maybe he was going to be a little bit dry. He was fun. He was lively. He was very approachable. We met him at the Society of Illustrators.

And what I remember about that, it was a boiling hot day. That's right. And he showed up and he was just wearing like a shirt and slacks. Very casual. And I thought, wait a minute. I thought he took a shower in a suit and tie. It's just the casual Robert Osborne showed up and we sat in the museum in the back room there at the gallery at the Society of Illustrators and we just riffed.

I don't think I prepared very much for that episode. I wrote down a bunch of movies I wanted to ask him about and he had knowledge and almost instant recall of all of them. Yeah. And sometimes a movie would just pop into our heads and we'd say that to him and he'd know everything. Specifically, there was a Fred McMurray comedy called Murder, He Says, which I always liked. I don't know if our listeners are familiar with the film. It's an oddball little film. And I mentioned it. I hadn't seen it in years and years. And he knew everything about it. Oh, he, he knew when they ran it. He knew the director.

He had an anecdote about it. I remember when he was on TCM for all those years. Even more fun than watching the actual movie was just listening to him talk about how the movie got to be made. Yeah. What was happening behind the scenes. Yeah. You watch a lot of that on the road when you're in a hotel room? Will you plug in when you've got nothing to do and you're waiting for a gig?

Will you turn on TCM? No, I don't know how to operate anything. I don't know. What do you do in the room? I don't know how to make a call. I assume that you watched a lot of cable while you're sitting in a... Oh, well, I mean, cable, that's for like these really bad soft core porn. Oh, I see. When you check into the hotel or when you're on the road, do you ask the bellman to show you how to work the television

so you can watch TCM? Yes. No, I didn't know. That touch of mink? I didn't know you could actually ask for. Okay, well, I've changed your life. Oh, jeez. For the better. Yeah, you can ask them to come into the room, and you might have to tip the guy,

so maybe this isn't going to happen after all. Oh, okay, so then I'll just watch the porn. Robert Jolin, J-O-L-I-N, Robert Jolin Osborne was born in Colfax, Washington. Did you know that? A small little town in the Pacific Northwest, 2,500 people, the small town that he came from. And we talked to him. He had a fascinating story. Yeah, he said that he, I mean, he started, he became an actor with Desilu Productions.

Yeah, he was an actor in the, right. He arrived in Hollywood in 57, actually. Doing a little research on him, I found that he was a movie ticket taker in his small town, of course. Oh, yes. He worked in the movie theater. And he one time was changing the marquee and fell off the ladder and broke both arms. Correct. Yeah.

Movie related injury. He moved to Hollywood in 57 and he was going from audition to audition. And he told us this story. He was broke. He didn't have money for food. He didn't have money for clothes. The actress Jane Darwell, who was Ma Jode. Oh, yes.

In Grapes of Wrath. You know this actress? Yes. She took him in. She took him in. She took him in. He lived in her guest house. He lived in a cottage in her yard. And then he found out about, I think, Lucille Ball.

He did a show for Desilu. And the story has it that he went back. You know, this doesn't surprise me because he was such a mensch. He went back to thank the casting director. And they said, have you met Lucy? Yeah. And she asked, have you met Lucy? Yeah. And she asked, do you want to be part of this acting? First, apparently, she invited him to dinner.

Yes. She invited him to dinner at her house, and Joseph Cotton and Janet Gaynor were at dinner. And can you imagine? And he's a young actor who doesn't know anybody. He's a movie buff. He's a green kid from the Pacific Northwest, and he goes to lucy's house for dinner and then the story that he told if i have this right is that as he was leaving she said well have you signed your contract yet and he said what contract and she wanted him to be a desilu contract player yeah and and i i heard he was talking about like also that back then he loved movies.

He knew a lot about movies. He liked writing about them, but he had no idea how a person could make a living with that as a job. He just knew that was his main love. Yeah, they said that Lucy was also impressed by his knowledge of movies and his knowledge specifically of character actors and that she was the one that urged him to write. Yeah. And he wrote a book about the Oscars.

Robert Osborne said on the podcast, he said, she watched my acting. That's right. I'm going to writing. But he did some stuff. I mean, he did this thing, Westinghouse, Desilu Playhouse with Hugh O'Brien, who just passed away too.

Oh, yeah. Hugh O'Brien. The Desilu Review. I don't know what that was. He did a Western called The Californians. Not the Saturday Night Live sketch. And, of course, the Beverly Hills. He's in the pilot.

Yeah. live sketch. And of course the Beverly Hills. He's on the pilot. Yeah. This deposit of $25 million to the account of J.D. Clampett. J.D.? As in Rockefeller. Elevates us

to third position in capital assets and assures our bank... Come in. I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Drysdale. All right, Taylor. Well, are we all set to give the Clampetts a red carpet reception? Well, I'm afraid Mrs. Drysdale still isn't too happy, sir.

Yes, I know. Oh, my wife is very upset that I got the estate next to ours for the Clampetts. Says I don't even know what kind of people they are. Do you? I know to the dollar what kind of people they are. Do you? I know to the dollar what kind of people they are. They're my kind of people. Loaded. Taylor? Have the gardeners got the crowns in order?

Yes, sir. But I'm afraid that's another thing your wife is upset about. Oh? Well, you see, your gardeners have been working on their lawn all week. They've mowed it, trimmed it, fed it, clipped it. I don't care if they lather it and shave it. This is the most beautiful mansion in Beverly Hills. I want every square inch of ground within those walls

and apple pie... Yes? Oh, hello, Margaret. No, dear, I'm very bit... What? Oh, good heavens, did you call the police? I'll be right there. What happened?

The Klamath estate is being invaded by a band of outlaws. Invaded? Yes, they're holding the gardeners at gunpoint. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down payment has to grow. Open an account today at Questrade.com. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade,

a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. And now back to the show. Now, I did not go back in doing the research for this. I didn't go back and listen to the episode we did with him. But I think he was offered a larger role after the pilot in the series, but he didn't think it was going to fly. Oh. Either that or he was embarrassed or something.

And he focused, he wanted to focus on that point in his career of trying commercials. Yeah. Which he did for a while. But as the story goes, Lucy, whether or not he's being self-deprecating, but she asked him that. She suggested writing because she'd seen his acting. But she suggested that he write, and he wrote a book about the Oscars, and that led to – he published a couple of books,

and that led to eventually to him becoming a columnist for The Hollywood Reporter. He was the rambling reporter for The Hollywood Reporter. And then he did some stuff for – he reviewed movies for CBS Morning and also The Movie Channel. And at some point in this process, he became the official historian of the Academy or one of the official historians of the Academy. And then when Turner launched in 1994, I guess it was the fact that he had done television. He had done reviewed films on CBS and on the movie channel

that led them to think of him for that part. And I remember seeing him. I thought, who is this guy? Because I didn't remember him as an actor. Did you? When I'd seen him on TCM. Yeah, I didn't really remember him. And then when you uh when i'd seen him on tcm yeah i didn't really remember him and then i when i started to watch clips of him i thought oh okay now it's starting to come together

yeah he was kind of of that kind of dana andrews or he was more like a trying to think of a you know like a like a champagne actor oh yeah like kind of classy well-dressed spoke very well yeah but he you know he had a little bit of an acting career as i said he was in a play maybe he mentioned this to us but this connects to you and of mice and men he was in a play with zero mustel that was written by patty chayefsky oh and it was directed by burgess meredith wow so he must have known burgess meredith and he didn't bring that up when Oh. And it was directed by Burgess Meredith. Wow. So he must have known Burgess Meredith.

And he didn't bring that up when you guys were talking about Of Mice and Men. No. Which I found strange. But he knew his stuff. He knew his onions. He was. As they say. It's like I said, even more than the movies, I liked watching those segments with Robert Osborne.

And when he came in, it was like that. Here's a guy who knew everything and more about movies, but he didn't have a snooty attitude about it. Not at all. It was just very pleasant. Not at all. He talked about something he loved. He was like your friend. I mean, he asked me about myself and he asked me about the writing I was doing. And he was, you know, like I said, that that that expectation of intimidation, like this guy knows everything.

He knows everyone went out the window immediately. Yeah. He's because he knew everything. He didn't have to pretend he knew everything. I like this line, too. This was a tribute line. This was in the L.A. Times. They called him everyone's favorite movie date. Oh, yeah.

Which I thought was sweet. He couldn't have been nicer to us. Ileana had a nice tribute, too. She tweeted a picture of him, of the two of them together, in a black-and-white photo, and she wrote, Robert Osborne in black-and-white, just like the movies he loves so much. So, and,

the Chicago Tribune called him a Hollywood classic of his own and, a last link to the golden age of Hollywood. He was one of the last links, I think to that. Cause he, he started to, uh, get to know all of these actors from the old films,

from old glamorous Hollywood. Oh, and then he did those tours. He did the cruises. Oh, yes. And he did the film festivals. As a matter of fact, I missed it, and I'm going to watch it because I recorded it, but I think TCM did a two-day tribute to him,

and they showed him interviewing Ernie Borgnine and some of these, Olivia de Havilland and some of the other people that he knew. I was watching Ernie Borgnein the other night in one of his last films in red with Bruce Willis and John Malkovich. Oh, yes. And I thought, wow, had we been lucky enough to get Ernest Borgnein. Oh, my God, yeah.

What a, you know, now I just think of the people. I mean, I'm grateful for all the wonderful people we've had, like Robert. Well, before we were talking on a previous episode of, and you brought up Murder on the Orange Express. And Martin Balsam was in. I thought, God, Martin Balsam would have been the ideal guest. I just, this is what I did. My wife says, this is all you do now. You sit around and you lament.

Yeah. Which guests you weren't actually able to get on the show. Martin Balsam, who was flown cross-country by Hitchcock, if you remember our Tippi Hedren episode, to do a screen test with her. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But back to Robert. Now, this is a little bit surreal. The day he passed away, I was in Florida, and my wife was with me.

I'd gone down for some business with abc and my wife said uh you have you of all people have to go to uh to hollywood studios uh the the theme park because they have the four theme parks down there and she said there's something called the great movie ride have you done this oh yes And you walk in, and you're waiting in the little waiting area. You're in like a little train car. Yes, and who comes out on the screen to introduce the ride? Robert Osborne. Yes.

And it was the day he passed. Oh. And I was looking up at him on the screen, and I was saying, I wonder how Robert's doing, and I wonder if we should reach out to him again. And the very next day, it was announced that he had passed. So it was a little strange that I was there watching him. I'm so grateful that we got to talk to him. Robert Osborne would have been one of those guests where we could have stopped getting any other guests and just had him back.

And he'd never run out of stuff to talk about. It was great. It was great. It was great. And reading these tributes and reading about how many people learned about film from watching him. You know, when I think of the great things that come from doing this show, getting a chance to meet him and spend the day with him. Yes. I'm so grateful for it.

So we wanted to pay tribute to robert and uh and and i mean when when he asked me to be on that show with him on tcm i i that was just i it was not work at all yeah one of the highlights of your career yeah yeah it was just plain fun did he have the facts too at his fingertips when you brought up this or that from Freaks? Oh, yeah. He knew everything. And it was one, you know, I have so many jobs that I work on. Where they minute they say, oh, that's a wrap.

We're done. I'm like considering climbing down the side of the building so I don't have to wait for the elevator to get out. You've been that way after a few of these. Every single one of them. That will endear you to our guests and our bookers. But, boy, they're working with Osborne on his show. I was like, that was just I I didn't think of it as work at all yeah well it was so early too in our in our process here with the podcast that you know

we were still ironing out the kinks we hadn't met Frank we hadn't we weren't at Nutmeg yet we really didn't have a lot of polish on the show Frank adds all this wonderful production to the show. Even though he lost three episodes. He'll never live that down, even though it was someone else. You know, like I said, when we spoke to Robert, we were vagabonds in those days. We were kind of doing them at your house. Oh, my God. Anyone who would take us in. We went to Josh Groban's house.

We went to Barbara Felden's house. We went to Barbara Felden's house. It was practically two cans and a string. Pretty much. Yeah. But that one just, that was one of those episodes where I thought this thing has real potential. You can sit down with a guy like this. He's plug and play. Oh yeah. You can. And we, like you said, we could have done seven or eight episodes with him. And I regret that we actually didn't. Yeah. We sent him a nice bottle the next day because we were so grateful to him. Because he was a raging alcoholic. Right. I hate to bring that up when we're honoring the man.

He would laugh, I think, if he were here. So thank you, Robert. It was an absolute joy to meet you and to do that show. And I'm so glad that we have it for posterity. Yeah, the terrific Robert Osborne. People can listen to that episode and find you and Robert on YouTube. Oh, yes. Sitting there going on and on about Burgess Meredith and the swimmer.

And I didn't know George C. Scott was supposed to be the swimmer. Yeah. I learned that from be the swimmer. Yeah. I learned that from watching the clips today. They thought, what, Burt Lancaster would be? Well, no, I don't think he was supposed to be the swimmer, but a writer suggested, he said, maybe George C. Scott would have been a more fitting, would have fit the character better. I see. But who would you rather look at in swim trunks? Burt Lancaster.

Yeah. Definitely. Yes. So thank you, Robert Osborne, for everything. And this has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions. That if people are willing to take the time to come down, they should get something for that. Because these

are people that also work for a living. That's part of their DNA. That they get paid for what they do. And I just think it's a courteous thing to do, no matter what. Yeah, because when I did it,

I just felt like, you know, what we just did here feels like if the cameras weren't here, I'd be sitting talking to Robert Osborne about old movies, and we could go on for hours. And that's why this was a pleasure, and you're

one of those guests, click on the mic, and you have nothing to worry about. Well, it was fun. So thank you from Turner Classic Movies, Robert Osborne. Thanks, Robert. Thanks for doing it.

Thank you, Frank. You don't have to thank Frank. I never talked to him. He doesn't thank me. Hooray for Hollywood. Hooray for Hollywood. Hooray for Hollywood. That phony super coney Hollywood.

They come from Chilla Coffee and Paducah's with their bazookas to get their names up in lights All armed with photos from local rotos With their hair in ribbons and legs in tights Hooray for Hollywood You may be homely in your neighborhood But if you think that you can be an actor See Mr. Factor, he'd make a monkey look good Within a half an hour You'll look like Tyrone Power

Hooray for Hollywood © transcript Emily Beynon