Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini-Episode #115: Bob Hope Revisited (with Danny Deraney)

Episode Date: June 8, 2017

This week: "The Road to Hong Kong"! Edna Babish meets Al Jolson! Jerry Colonna goes to an orgy! And Gilbert sings (sort of) "Build Me Up Buttercup"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. hi i'm gilbert godfrey this is gilbert and frank's amazing colossal obsessions once again at nutmeg with our engineer frank ferderosa and paul i'll just stare at my phone stupidly and not serve any purpose at all. Rayburn.

Colossal Obsessions. I have a new resolution. I promise to get at least one answer. That's good. We'll take one. In the season. You're becoming quite the character on Facebook and on social media. Where I've attacked. People have no hesitation.

Because you've given them license to. So one day we'll find you hanging in your apartment. I can go, I did that. Did you say the name of the show? Oh, oh! It's Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions. I said that before. All right, I apologize.

We're going to introduce our guest who's a friend of ours. Danny Duraney is here, a publicist of the stars. And Danny has been a fan of the show from the beginning. He's been a friend of the show. He brought us to the great Ileana Douglas. Oh, yes. Who we adore. Who wanted to fuck Brando

when he was 600 pounds. 604. Oh, okay. Yeah, I always fuck that up. Yeah. I'm sorry. And also Joe Dante was the result of Danny's generosity. Oh, my pleasure. So he was in town and he's an obsessive like us

and I said, come in and sit in and watch us insult Paul, and we'll come up with something, and we'll talk about some stuff. And he told me on social media, I've got a Betty Garrett story. I said, oh, that sounds like us. Now, Betty Garrett was married to Larry Parks, wasn't he? Very good. Jolson Sings Jolson. I love Jolson Sings Jolson because he's Al Jolson.

At one point, Larry Parks as Al Jolson meets in a split screen. For real. Larry Parks as Larry Parks. Right, yeah. And they say, we're going to be doing a movie about you, Mr. Jolson, and you'll be played by Larry Parks.

And Larry Parks says, Jolson goes, oh, no one can do the great Jolie. And then he goes, but this is Larry Parks. And he goes, hi, Mr. Jolson. Mr. Jolson and watching the Al Jolson story too I mean just seeing when all the singing parts take place and just seeing Al Jolson's voice and like tiny Larry Parks' body

that just breaks me up every time and he was ruined by the blacklist really decimated him before we jump into Danny I just want to do two quick Paul look up the blacklist. Yeah, the blacklist. It really took it. It really decimated him. Before we jump into Danny, I just want to do two quick— Paul, look up the blacklist. Not the TV show.

Look up the Civil War. See if you fight anything on it. We didn't have to have that. We didn't have to have it. Sorry about it. Could have prevented that Andrew Jackson. So we were talking about Don't Give Up On Us Baby last week. Gilbert was singing.

Paul, and we asked the— Andrew Jackson. So here we were talking about Don't Give Up On Us Baby last week. Gilbert was singing. Don't give up on us baby. Don't make the wrong seem right. The future isn't just one night. It's written in

the moonlight. Suspended on the stars We can't change ours Okay, we got the concept. Paul said it was 1976. I looked it up. The UK release was 1976. It was, in fact, 1977.

Okay, good. And in doing research on the song, this is neither here nor there. I know I lost my head last night. You got a right to stop believing. There's still a little love left, even so. Wow, I just swallowed a loose filling. The song was written by Tony McCauley.

I bring this up because I did a little research. Tony McCauley wrote three of my favorite pop songs. Four. Last Night I Didn't Get to Sleep at All by the Fifth Dimension. Last night I didn't get to sleep at all. And love grows where my rosemary goes. And love grows where my rosemary goes. And nobody knows like me.

Good enough. And he smells terrific. Yeah, he's pretty good. You're almost on key. Yes. And he also wrote Build Me Up Buttercup. So I just wanted to get that out there. Why don't you build me up buttercup?

Oh, why do you build me up buttercup? The foundations. Just to let me down, let me down. And turn me around. And worst of all, you never call baby when you say you will. But I love you still. I need you more than anyone, darling. I've always loved David Johan's version of that song.

You know that I can't from the start. So fill me up, buttercup. Don't break my heart. Frank, you have a pillow? Famously sang at the end by the cast at the end of... There's Something About Mary. Correct. I think my favorite thing on SiriusXM, whenever that song comes on the radio, on

both of my series that I've had, SiriusXM, it always ends, there's no cup, so it always says, build me up, but. Oh, interesting. Interesting. Yeah, he also wrote the other Foundations hit, which was Baby, Now That I Found You. I Won't Let You Go. I Can't Let You Go.

Yeah. Baby, now that I found you, I can't let you go, let you go. And even though you won't leave me. Not many people can switch from one tomb to another. He's amazing. Actually, let's just switch our careers to the Foundations Historiate Society. We could do that. We could do that. You could have been a vaudeville act, Gilbert the Human Jukebox.

The Human Jukebox. Did you ever consider that? Like a cardboard box so you can't see him. He's in a box. And the last thing, housekeeping thing, was Don Gordon died. We had been talking about getting Don Gordon. Oh, my God. Confusing Don Gordon with John Saxon.

And Don Gordon from Bullet and many other wonderful things. Oh, wow. Died this week and somebody wrote me on Facebook. And Don Gordon, he was in a Twilight Zone episode. Towering Inferno. And, oh, he was terrific. Yeah, yep. Oh, that's a shame.

We'll have to do a tribute episode to Don Gordon. A Don Gordon tribute episode? Okay. He was terrific. Worked in a lot of Steve McQueen stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, Danny, Frank, tell us how you came into our lives.

Tell us how you came into our lives. You know, as we spoke earlier, I listened to Gilbert speak on Chris Hardwick's podcast, and I heard he was doing this fantastic podcast where he's celebrating old TV, celebrating old movies. I don't know if he mentioned you. I don't remember. Probably not. But for me, I remember thinking because, you know. Before I forget. Yeah.

See, my documentary is out, Gilbert. Yes. And the filmmaker. Neil Berkley. Neil Berkley is constantly calling Dara up going, I heard Gilbert talking about the film again. And he once again said, some guy was filming me. You know, he put two and a half years of his life into it. But why should he take that the wrong way?

In just a little tiny way, I know what he means. You know what he means. I've given up listening to Gilbert on other podcasts because I know that I'm not going to hear a mention of my name. So I save a lot of time. I get to spend extra time with my wife. It's actually helped my marriage. There you go.

So he was bragging about the show. No mention of me. I don't remember if he didn't mention you because it was so new at the time. And I went looking for it. I mean, for me, I've always been someone who celebrates TV and movies. I mean, you're talking to a guy that I listen to podcasts before I go to bed. Nine times out of ten, it might be an old Jack Benny show or something of that.

I mean, it just puts me at ease. And I have radio classics on my dial. I mean, I am a very old soul. I've always been that way. We like them that way. You know, and then I started listening to the podcast and then I realized how much I had in common with the both of you. And it kind of made me feel accepted to my quirks because, for instance, you know, when you guys mentioned Jack Frost, I wanted to cry. Oh, he loves Jack Frost.

Oh, yes. I honestly thought, because I love the Hope and Crosby films. I mean, my dog is named Crosby. Even the horrible 1960s Bob Hope films. Even 50s bad Bob Hope films. Oh, like Sorry, Wrong Number? Right. Alias Jesse James.

How did I get a wrong number? Whateverias, Jesse James, whatever it is. Bachelor in Paradise. Lana Turner. Oh, and Pardon My Reservation. Oh, that is horrible. Boy, did I get a wrong number. But for some reason, they give me comfort. Even as bad as they are. I'll take Sweden?

Yeah. And they kind of provide me some weird comfort all the time. And so my dad and my mom, they would always have the Bob Hope. I looked forward to the Bob Hope specials. I didn't think about, oh, Brooke Shields is going to be on or whatever random celebrity of that era that no one's going to care about a year from now is going to be on. I always just look forward to the bad humor, the monologue. I thought that was the greatest thing. And the Jack Frost one, I mean, you hit it on the head every single time.

It's like Dolores is trying to pull a fast one on him. She's trying to put life into it. And I'm convinced that Dolores, having him stand up there, he may have had a board that he was nailed to holding him up., he may have had a board. For sure. That he was nailed to, holding him up.

And he was wearing like this beard glued on his chin, a pointed hat. And I'm convinced that this is Dolores' revenge for all the time Bob Hope fucked around. You guys, and I've told this to Frank before, I can't think of the author off the top of my head, but whoever wrote the Bob Hope book, the huge biography that he interviews his daughters, I mean, it's a whole can of worms to open up about who you really think Bob Hope is. Well, he was sleeping around with Marilyn Maxwell all those years. Oh, yeah, Mrs. Bob Hope. Sure, and everybody else. And just the, I mean, orgies.

Just crazy things. And I heard, like... Bob Hope. Sure, everybody else. Yeah, and just the, I mean, orgies. Just crazy things. And I heard, like... Bob Hope at an orgy. Oh, that's actually... Was Jerry Colonna there? There's one in London where he's interviewing his agent or his writers. Is it a possibility? It would be.

Disgusting, isn't it? But to hear, I mean, but to go back to Jack Frost though I thought that was the funniest thing I ever saw because it's just you know the random snippet's like I'm here I'm over there and I remembered it forever my kids

I showed it to my kids one day because the clip was on YouTube and you know my youngest didn't care but my older daughter she just was cracking up incessantly, as was my wife. They've never seen it before. It's magic. And if you go to the YouTube now, the page, it says Gilbert

sent me here. Gilbert brought me here. Absolutely. It's a fever dream. Yeah. And of course, my favorite Bob Hope line in there where he has about two lines. Yeah. And it was, that's me.

Guess who? I'm here. You rang? I think it was a you rang. Oh, yeah. And, you know, I would just shake my head because, I mean, that thing was ingrained in my head forever. And I thought I was crazy that no one else would ever remember. Like, if I had a conversation with my friends about this, they would think I'm nuts.

And I heard that Bob Hope, when he'd do those USO tours, he would have, like, the hottest girl of the year. You know, actress, singer. Raquel Wells, Connie Stevens, whoever. Oh, all those, yes. And he'd make them fuck him on the tour. That I have no idea, but wow. Boy, fucking Raquel Welch and Connie Stevens. I mean, if he did, who knows?

But I mean, you saw it. Almost makes you want to go to war. Yeah. Oh, there's actually even a great episode in that book. You want to shock my dick right now? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's all Bob. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this.

And now back to the show. You know, I used to work in TV news and we, I mean, if you've talked to anyone in TV news, one of the things that a lot of interns would have to help do is make obit reels for just in case someone dies. So I had, uh, I, I was collecting random Bob Hope reels. Cause this is around, I think when I first started in TV, which was the late nineties. And there was, I think there was one hoax of Bob Hope dying and I was putting together random, whatever I could find. They were all fairly recent. And one was him getting some sort of medal from President Clinton. And he's just sitting there

and you just see that he's looking at his finger and he starts going to his head and he's like trying to get this scab out of his hair. Oh, jeez. And then the best part is the camera is on him and Dolores and you just see Dolores whack him across the head telling him to stop.

And I heard Bob Hope, when he was really old, they were having something honoring him. Like, who knows, the Friars or whatever. And everyone was going up making a speech, and Bob Hope, Dolores just kept him there because he was a corpse at that time. Dolores just kept him there because he was a corpse. Right. At that time. And then each one's going up. He was a great humanitarian, a great comic.

We loved him, blah, blah, blah. And some idiot, not realizing what it's like, goes, speech, speech. And Dolores, you could see, starting to panic. And then it gets the crowd going, speech, speech. And then she goes, she takes the mic and goes, Bob, would you like to say anything to the crowd? And he goes,

decaf. And the sad part is, it's sort of like oil can. And Sherwood Schwartz probably had to write that for him. Sherwood Schwartz wrote it. Oh, my God. I mean, because he couldn't go anywhere without his writers. I mean, all of his books, and that book goes into detail about how all of his books, he had nothing to do with it. Well, you say, how many of the writers are around?

I mean, would Gene or Jean Parrott, would he come and talk to us, do you think? How many of the joke writers are around? I have no idea, but you need to get that author in here. Yeah, the author of the Bob Hope book. The author of the Bob Hope book. What's the name of the book? Oh, God. All right, Paul's going to look it up.

It's on my phone in the studio. I'll have it for you next week. I mean, because his daughter. Linda. Daughter Linda does not. I mean, she is no holds barred. I mean, he was like never. We got to get his daughter.

Never there for like Christmas. Would rather be at the USO thing than be at Christmas. Because I heard she was the one in the earpiece in the IFB. Huh? Oh, yeah. But I heard that she. She. Hold on.

I heard she was neither here nor there. She was the one feeding them lines in the latter day specials. Absolutely. And it goes into that, all the specials that she had to do. And why are those damn things unavailable? Because I think that the Hope Estate, or possibly her, have scrubbed the internet of any clips. Jack Frost is really not. I don't know how that even made it.

Once I found Jack Frost, I went looking. I said, oh, this is a goldmine, so let's go. I don't know how that even made it. Once I found Jack Frost, I went looking. I said, oh, this is a goldmine, so let's go. I don't know how that made it. So then it was Bob Hope's daughter in the earpiece going, that's wild, isn't it? Feeding him the lines. Yeah. Yeah. What about Joyce?

Have you seen Joyce? I just, you know, I saw it through, when you guys first mentioned it, I never heard of it. So I went online to look, and there was a brief clip of it. And then there was a Johnny Carson, Bob Hope appearance where he does another, where he just showed the outtakes. Where Don Knotts is in it, and he's just kind of clueless. It makes, the whole fucking thing makes no sense whatsoever. It's sort of a Jaws parody, but it's about a murderer. And then I saw the beginning.

Nothing. Nothing to do with Jaws. Nothing to do with Jaws. And then it kind of, it has a Jaws parody, but it's about a murderer. And then I saw the beginning. Nothing. Nothing to do with Jaws. It has nothing to do with Jaws. Other than it kind of, it has a J. Yeah. And then I saw. You could have just called it Jules. Yeah, yes.

I saw, I think the beginning has like Phil Silver's going to Bob Hope's house. Right, he shows up at the house. And I was like, I'm done. I'm done. I can't. It's the kind of thing to watch where you think it must have been fun filming those scenes. But boy, it is not funny at all. I mean, nothing they did was funny in that era.

Nothing. But why do you think you can't get that stuff on YouTube? You just think the daughter just took it down? I don't know if it's the daughter or it's just whoever owns it doesn't want to, you know, they want to get paid for it. If any of our listeners hear my voice right now I would love to watch all the Bob Hope specials.

Any of those later Bob Hope specials in the late 80s, early 90s even. I don't even know if there's that many. You know, I remember a couple of the Christmas, not Christmas ones. What's the one where he had like his football team would come out? Well, the college All-Americans would come out. Like I remember like those. Him and Angelian would come out in fright wigs and, you know, in and they'd been you know and brook shields and he'd have he'd come out and drag and he'd have the giant bassoons god yeah did uh was it a 2014 book the bob hope book called

that's it hope entertainer entertainer of the century by richard zoglin oh richard zoglin i know richard zoglin's a friend of rick newman good so good richard zoglin he wrote a he wrote comedy uh on the edge or comedy yeah that's right Richard Zoglin. He wrote Comedy on the Edge or Comedy – Yeah, that's right. Is that it? Comedy on the Edge. Comedy on the Edge. Comedy at the Edge.

Comedy at the Edge, yeah. We'll have Richard in if he'll come and do it. It's an interesting thing. He says one of the things he was surprised by when he started working on the book that he thought comedians would say – talk about how much Bob Hope influenced them. None. And none of them mentioned him. They mentioned Groucho and they mentioned – Interesting. Well, Woody Allen gives credit to Bob Hope for influencing him. They mentioned Groucho and they mentioned. Interesting.

Woody Allen gives credit to Bob Hope for influencing him. Well, it's funny. If you watch Woody Allen and some of his early movies. He's kind of. Love and Death. Yeah. He admitted it. Yeah.

He starts doing that kind of, you know, jumping around Bob. It's so weird because there was the early funny movie Bob Hope where it's kind of like a little effeminate and his eyes would pop out and very energetic and a million takes. The road movie is my favorite. Yeah, sure. I remember seeing a road movie and I guess it was one of their later ones because it's funny. You could see Bob Hope developing that way of- That's got to be Road to Hong Kong. Yeah, probably.

Where you're just like, at the end, where you're just like, why? Peter Sellers is great in that movie. That's the only saving grace. Peter Sellers turns up. Yeah, you could see him in the movie reading his cue cards and going, yeah, this is a wild place to be. And it sounded like any of his later specials. Right.

Was he starting to lose it, do you think? No, he could do it. He developed that, you know, disgusting Bob Hope that he was in those later specials. I have to recommend Drew Friedman's strip, Bob Hope's 100th Birthday, which is in his first book. I will watch it. I'll send you's 100th Birthday, which is in his first book. I will watch it. I'll send you a copy of it, which is absolutely wonderful and was written, I think, 25 years before Bob Hope actually turned 100.

Wow. The fact that he actually made it to 100. Now, maybe you can help out on this one. I heard both Bob Hope and Bing Crosby hated the Jews. I heard both Bob Hope and Bing Crosby hated the Jews. I got it. Dan. Let me go back.

Let me check my files. That's not in the book. Why don't we just do a mini episode about famous anti-Semites? Yes. Well, we could devote one entire episode to John Wayne. First up, Charles Coburn. Oh, yes, yes. Charles Coburn. Walter Brennan.

Did you listen to our Richard Kind episode? Not yet. Oh, there's some good stuff about Walter Brennan. Eugene Paulette. Good stuff about Walter Brennan. So we're going to scrap the idea that we had. No, we can stop. We can.

Nah, fuck it. We're having too much fun doing this. This episode will be actors who hate the Jews. With Danny Durrani. I'm told you also saved Betty Garrett's life. I did save Betty Garrett's life. Podcast guests, Lee Merriweather and Marvin Kaplan. I love that story.

Both podcast guests. Two podcast guests. Fold love that story. Oh, that's a podcast. Look at that. Two podcasts. Fold into that story nicely. My wife worked for a company. She's a social worker, and she worked for a company that Lee Merriweather, I forget how she tied into it, but she worked. Essentially, she just did a lot of work for this company on her behalf. I don't remember why. And Lee actually,

outside of most people knowing back, uh, Catwoman, I think in the theater world, she's really known for, and I think she actually mentioned it on, on the podcast, uh,

for a play called the Spoon River Anthology. And we went to a production of this at Betty Garrett's theater. If you are in the LA area, it's somewhere located across the street from Universal Studios near the 101 freeway. There's an In-N-Out right next to it. And so we decided to go. And as the play is over, Betty is on some sort of ladder and I'm passing her by and you can see the ladder kind of shaking and she puts her foot up. How old is Betty at this point? I don't know.

She died like a couple of years later. Irene Lorenzo from all the family. And she fell. I mean, she literally fell back and landed right in my arms. And, you know, she's I mean, if she fell if she fell, she probably could have broken her hip or something. That's like a scene out of those romantic comedies. Were you a gentleman? No, I threw her on the ground to me.

Did it turn into one of those sitcom stories where then she, because you saved her life, she decided that she had to... Actually, because I saved her life, she blacklisted me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, I love it. Because I saved your life, she blacklisted me. I love it. No, but she was actually... What kind of lady was she? She was lovely. I mean, she was so...

Here's this random guy just showing up, coming to the theater, and just me helping her. She was very grateful. You know what scares me about that or depresses me both is if I was there, I would probably – No way you would have caught her. Yeah. No way. I would have been – it would have been like Gilbert Gottfried drops Betty Garrett

and she dies painfully. It's okay because she died two years later. Cracks her cervix. She what? Letting her drop now actually allowed Betty not to die of a horrible illness two years later. Yeah. This is the most formless mini episode we've ever done. Yes, that's fine.

Tell us your favorite joke of Gilbert's because you told us. Oh, I can't. I think I want to let Gilbert do the argument. Tell us what it is. Which one it is. Well, there's two jokes that I love dearly. One has been told on the podcast by Bob Einstein, which I haven't laughed at so hard, even hearing it a million times. But Gilbert has this fantastic joke, which I think needs to be told regarding two old men at a park. Alright, Gil, we're gonna

make you do it. Okay. For the listeners. This is a joke from my DVD, Dirty Jokes. Put a plug in there. I might as well. But I saw it for free on HBO. But you could get it on GilbertGottfried.com. Okay.

Anyway, two old Jewish men are sitting on a park bench, one saying to the other, oh, I'm so old, I'm so old, you have no idea how old I am. The other one says, I bet you I can guess exactly how old you are. He goes, you couldn't guess. I can guess exactly how old you are. And he goes, here, first of all, stand up. And he slowly stands up painfully. And he goes, all right, now I want you to pull your pants down. He goes, pull my pants down? I'm in a park. He says, you want me to guess your age? Pull your pants. So he pulls his pants down. He goes,

now I want you to pull your underwear down. He goes, there's people around. He goes, I don't care. Pull your underwear down. So he pulls his underwear down. He goes, now I want you to bend over as far as you can and stick three fingers in your asshole. And so he bends over and sticks three fingers in his asshole. And the other old Jew goes, you're 97. And he goes, that's amazing. How did you guess that? He goes, you told me yesterday.

Gilbert Gottfried, Dirty Jokes. You can get it on gilbertgodfrey.com. Yes. And you'll be blacklisted too. It's hilarious. Well, we're all blacklisted on this show.

Anything you want to plug, Dan? No, I mean... Anybody cool that you're working with? Any guests you want to send our way? I would like to plug Scarlett Johansson.

Well, we asked her that. Is it a robot or Scarlett? Slappy White? How funny is Bob Einstein's Slappy White story? I actually figured out because whenever Gilbert sings it, it makes me laugh

the dummy in the window. Oh, yes. I was listening to a Jack Benny episode. Uh-oh. And I mean, maybe I'm just a complete idiot. I did not realize that people called dummies mannequins. Yes. I did not know that. So now the song makes more sense to me.

Wow. You didn't know that. I had no clue. That's the dummy in the window, the mannequin. I didn't know it either. Yeah. But I never knew they were called dummies. Yeah.

Well, just like ventriloquist dummies. I didn't realize. But yeah, that. But I didn't realize a mannequin in the store. Like my grandmother's never gone, look at that dummy. That's good stuff. Or ****. That is so being edited out of this show.

Danny, thanks for coming. My pleasure, guys. Give our love to Ileana. I will. And Joe Dante, if you talk to him. Absolutely. What was the final flush down the toilet of Gottfried's Courier? Well, there were several.

You want to take us out? Okay. Literally. This has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions with my co-host Frank Santopadre and our waste of time Paul Rayburn. Thank you, Paul. And our special guest Danny Duraney.

Thank you, Danny. Thank you, Frankie. Thank you, Frankie. Thank you. Colossal Obsessions.