Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Neil deGrasse Tyson

Episode Date: November 9, 2020

Gilbert and Frank are joined by astrophysicist, "Cosmos" host and "Twilight Zone" superfan Neil deGrasse Tyson for an entertaining and educational conversation about time travel, zombie uprisings, the logic of werewolf movies, the science of being funny and the plausibility of "Jurassic Park." Also, Sandra Bullock defies gravity, Perry Mason meets Godzilla, Raquel Welch rocks a loincloth and Rod Serling adapts "Planet of the Apes." PLUS: "The Blob"! Raymond J. Johnson Jr! Superman gets his freak on! Saluting Gene Roddenberry! And Neil and Gilbert compete on "The $100,000 Pyramid"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our guest this week is a cosmologist, science communicator, lecturer, planetary scientist, best-selling author, TV, radio, and podcast host, the only Harvard-educated astrophysicist we've ever had on this show, unless you want to count Larry Storch. Since 1996, he's been the director of the Hayden Planetarium at the Rose Center for

Earth and Space, and in 1997, he founded the Department of Astrophysics at the American Museum of Natural History right here in New York City. He's also the author or co-author of 16 books and the recipient of 20 honorary doctorates, and in 2007, Time magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world. We're also fairly certain that he's our only guess to have an asteroid named after him. You've seen him on the big screen in features like Ice Age Collision Course and Batman vs. Superman, Dawn of Justice, as well as dozens of TV programs, The Daily Show, The Simpsons, The Big Bang Theory, Jeopardy, Family Guy, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Real Time with Bill Maher, and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, just to name a few.

He served as the host of the PBS series Nova and Nova Science Now, as well as the popular podcast and radio show StarTalk. And he's the host of an Emmy-winning television series, Cosmos, Possible Worlds, and Cosmos, A Space-Time Odyssey. He's also the recipient of NASA's Distinguished Public Service Medal. NASA's Distinguished Public Service Medal. And in 2015, the U.S. National Academy of Science awarded him the Public Welfare Medal for his extraordinary role in exciting the public about the wonders of science. Frank and I are excited to welcome to the show my co-star

from the film The Last Sharknado. Which I think is... Wait, Gilbert, I thought, you know, it was one of my finest performances, and the Academy just overlooked it, I think. They just... I got overlooked that year, and I'm very disappointed. They're so political. Just, I... But I had a reason for agreeing to the part.

I don't know about your situation, but I was invited to portray Merlin. This is Sharknado 6, in case you didn't know that there were five others, by the way. In case you missed the others, this was Sharknado 6, the last Sharknado. And the Sharknados opened a portal through the space-time continuum and and they just wait i'm not even done yet and and their their dna got merged with dragon dna so there were shark dragons in this medieval time that the the movie takes place and i play Merlin and I'm doing actual science, but people think it's magic. So that's legit. So, so that's an authentic reason. That's my excuse for being in that movie.

Now, scientifically, how, how accurate was Sharknado? So I, I, I think, so here it is, here it is. Mark Twain famously wrote, first get your facts straight, then distort them at your leisure. Okay. So, you know, you have tornadoes, you know, you have water spouts, occasionally fish get caught up in the tornado. So you throw in some sharks. You know, you can have warps in the tornado. So you throw in some sharks. You know you can have warps in the space-time continuum. You know you have DNA

recombinant DNA. There's gene editing and gene splicing, but this happened sort of naturally as it went through. So I'm okay with that. Gilbert, you know what our listeners are thinking right now? You haven't introduced the guest. Gilbert, you know what our listeners are thinking right now? You haven't introduced the guest. Well, we had to get Sharknado. Sorry, I interrupted you. Please continue.

Okay. Frank and I are excited. No, we did that part. Well, okay. We couldn't let Sharknado go by uncommented upon Neil deGrasse Tyson there he is so Gilbert I was delighted to meet you

on the set of the $100,000 pyramid actually we met before we met once more with J.B. Smough who had a show and we were both guests on his show and along with a person who had the largest hands with J.B. Smoe had a show. Yes. And we were both guests on his show. And along with a person who had the largest hands that I ever shook.

And I said, who is this person? And it was Jerry Cooney, the boxer. Oh, yes. The 1970s. The great white hype. Yeah, exactly. He had this big, big meat hook fists. And so, and then, but he was a charming, polite fellow.

And so I was, I was delighted. It's a sports interview show. I don't know why they had Gilbert on it, but Gilbert is a world-class highlight player. Neil, how did he do on pyramid? And it was,

I don't think it aired yet. so don't give too much away. Okay, so... It's already bad. He did okay. There was just one moment, it was like, what? You know how a dog hears a high-pitched whistle? Yeah. So Gilbert gave an answer, and we all just tipped our head.

And it wasn't even from his comedic trove. He was being serious, and it was like, what the fuck did you just say? And so. I don't even know the woman who was partnered with you, Gilbert, and I have a great swell of pity for her. No, no. Gilbert did better than you think after hearing that first answer. Okay. Yeah.

Oh, I think it was like it was the first of things. Yeah, yeah. The first, the numbered list of numbers or something, right? Yeah, like it was the first. No, no, but the first in numbers, right? And you said A. And it was like, everybody, the whole show stopped.

The cameraman said, everybody had looked from behind the camera, the lighting guy looked at it. So, no, but then you redeemed yourself. You did well. You did better, I should say. Did you make it into the final round, Gilbert, in the circle?

Oh, yeah. The big money? Didn't I? Yeah. I don't even know. See, for example, see what i'm saying i must see this uh i'm i'm just glad that neil uh figured out that uh sharknado is accurate

so so by the way one of the other films you mentioned i had a cameo in yeah was um ice age yes uh and but that was ice age five again you probably didn't know there were four other ice ages right ice age five and i read the reviews and it was like the time has come where the franchise needs to go extinct not just the animals in the movie, but the whole franchise. Because all those animals didn't make it past the ice age. There's the sloth and the mastodon and the, you know, so that's part of the thing. And they're all just trying to stay alive.

And, but there was an asteroid coming that was going to take them out. I see. And I, my character helped them figure out how to deflect the asteroid. We had Leguizamo here a couple of weeks ago. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's like all kinds of people. I just like the way Gilbert said we're co-stars. And so I have a lot of co-stars. So I have a lot of co-stars. So these are just little things.

And if an artist reaches for a scientist, I can't say no to that. I have to sort of – and then they usually let me sort of edit the script a little just to boost the science value, but still retaining the comedic or the playful tone of it. So they trust me to do that, and it's worked out really well. How did you wind up in the Batman-Superman picture? Was Zack Snyder a fan? Okay, so that one, don't get me started on that movie. Yeah, okay. Maybe you can give a short answer.

Okay, I'll give a short answer. So I was one of the people interviewed in a CNN-style debate. I remember. Of what should we trust Superman, okay? people interviewed in a CNN style debate. I remember. Of what should we trust Superman? Okay. And so just on the premise, just,

just think this through Batman versus Superman. That's the title of a movie. Superman could wipe his ass with Batman. So what Batman is human. Okay. Superman is a super powerful alien. So why is this even a contest? It's a contest because who because who does Batman report to?

Remember? Commissioner Gordon. Commissioner Gordon. And Commissioner Gordon is appointed by the mayor. So there is a thread of accountability of Batman to the will of the people. Superman came from space. So if Superman decides to do something, who's going to tell him not to? And suppose his mission statement is not aligned with that of the United States, and he still wants to do it. Do we tell him no? Who does Superman report to? And so that debate

was about what would happen if Superman starts acting in the service of the interest of other countries and not ours. He would lose public support. And if you lose public support, even if you have big muscles, you're not helping anybody and you've lost one of your prime directives coming here to begin with. And so that was a real interesting dynamic. And most of that was taken out of the movie and it was just a lot of big fights i i always wondered with shows like the justice league where it's superman and batman and uh whoever green lantern yes yeah dc comics people the dc universe yeah yeah and i always thought well if you got Superman, why do you need all the stuff? What do you need Green Lantern for?

Green Lantern has to get in a car in order to get somewhere. Superman, right? That's kind of lame when you think about it. Yeah. He could do everything. So if we're going to take superhero sides, so I lean to the Marvel Universe for a simple reason. Okay? So the Marvel superheroes, they're in all the movies, right? Here's why I lean that way.

Because almost every superhero in the Marvel series was once a scientist. Where they got their superheroes through a scientific experiment. Interesting. Yes. Count them up. Yeah. Count them up. Count them up. From the Hulk to Spider-Man. Bruce Banner's a scientist, right?

To Bruce Banner. All these people. Even Thor's a physician. Yeah, but he's an alien. Right. He's a god, so he's. Yeah, so he's actually the odd man out of the rest of them, including the medical guy, Dr. Strange.

Oh, yeah. They all have scientific engineering chops. Sure. And so for me, when you tell their backstory, I like that, and I think it's a nice way to normalize interest in science. Your superhero was a scientist. I want to be a scientist, too. Very good.

Well, it's like the problem I had with Spider-Man, I think in the comic books, he has the power to climb walls. But the shooting the web is something that he invented, I think. Wait, isn't that, but all spiders do that. So what do you mean? Why would he have to invent that? No, they, that's what I can't understand. Didn't, in the comic books, he had to, like, he couldn't shoot the web. No, he shoots them depending on the version, I think.

He either shoots them from his actual body or they're shot out of a web shooter that Peter Parker manufactures. See, that's what I know. But I think that I think that's your big problem. A man who scales the sides of buildings on spiderwebs. That's your issue. That's the part that made no sense. That's the problem. By the way, Neil, that speaks to one of your bugaboos, which is

people who become something when they're bitten by that thing. I don't have a problem. You know, okay. Like vampires, like werewolves. Here's my issue with the vampires. Okay. You like that beginning sentence? Okay. Here's my issue with vampires um uh why can't i bite a vampire and turn them back into human because it doesn't work that way

you're supposed to play along with the argument i got another one werewolves you ready yeah yes yes why is it that they only turn into a werewolf when they see the full moon okay so the full moon is like behind a cloud and then the cloud moves away and then they see it and then they become the full moon was full the whole night the moon was full when they exited their home well what gets me about werewolf movies is that the moon is full every night every night you got a full moon because i always thought when like cheney was complaining and saying oh i turn into into a wolf when the moon is full. And they should have said, well, what's that, three or four times a year? Yeah, it's not all the time.

But if you made a werewolf movie and the moon wasn't full every night, it's not much of a movie. Yeah, they have nights where it's just home watching. They're watching Netflix, you know. It's not a thing. nights where it's just home watching. They're watching Netflix, you know. Here's something.

Getting back to prehistoric life. When can I finally visit Jurassic Park? Jurassic Park. Do you really? Okay. You can't wait to do this. You can't. You got to do this.

We, I would say within 50 years, we would have the ability to totally make Jurassic Park. But to quote Jeff Goldblum, if we can do it, does that mean we should? Oh. You know what I'm saying? Just because you can make dinosaurs, should make dinosaurs and and by the way by the way you want to talk about where you get some good dna we have really excellent mammoth dna because mammoths that got stuck in ice crevasses in glaciers during the ice age and those glaciers are now melting we have fresh mammoth flesh coming out and you have good DNA. We can get some elephant DNA, put the mammoth DNA on it

and make a whole woolly mammoth. The problem is that would be diabolical because you can't take a mammoth that's all evolved for the ice age and bring them in just in time for global warming. That's not right. That ain't right. It's a cruel joke. Yeah, that ain't right.

Are you saying 50 years from now we will have the science to extract DNA and produce a species, an extinct species from that DNA? Oh, easily. Oh, well, certainly an extinct species. Getting good dinosaur DNA, that's a little harder. Right. And but if we know what that DNA was, you sequence other reptiles and things and you extrapolate. We might be able to not have to synthesize it from another animal, but just create it raw in the laboratory. I mean, is that much different, really, from lab-grown meat? If you can lab-grow

biology, then you don't need the original biology to make it happen. But to quote Jeff Goldblum, this lack of humility in the face of nature, it staggers me. Except

I think we are nature as well. There are people that say. Hey, don't criticize me. No, no. Here's what I'm saying. Here's my point. And I think maybe you'll agree. I don't know where you grew up.

Yeah. Where'd you grow up, Gilbert? I grew up in Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Okay. So you're a city guy. So watch. So there are people that say, oh, I go to the country and it's so quiet and

peaceful. And I went to the country and there are crickets, there are frogs. It's a noisy cacophony overnight. And in the city, I hear cars and I hear people and I hear people arguing outside the bar. That's my own species. And I'm perfectly happy with that. Those are my city relaxing noises. That's how I know I'm home. And so that's my ecosystem where I feel quite comfortable for it. Interesting. And please tell me that dinosaurs did not have feathers. They might have. I mean, feathers are transitional. So feathers, by the way, in evolution, you can have a feature that wasn't necessarily formed for the later purposes for which it was used.

So dinosaurs are reptilian and they're cold blooded. OK, so if you're cold blooded, you need some way to regulate your temperature because it's not happening internal to you. So what happens if it gets hot outside? You have to sort of dissipate your heat. Feathers are ideal ways to insulate you, okay, from the cold. That's why you plug down out of goose and make jackets out of it. I don't know if they still do. Probably have artificial ingredients that do that now. But feathers, as you know, have extraordinary insulating properties. So I misspoke a moment ago. The feathers would insulate them for when it gets cold. And then you get enough of that. You say, hey, if I jump off a cliff and I wiggle my arms, I actually can glide a little bit. And that's really good for my survival. And then a next generation and a next generation, the feathers get developed and then they're great for flying.

Gilbert, what do you have against dinosaurs with feathers? I just, I want them to look like they did in the King Kong movies and Jurassic Park. Right. Okay. And 1 million BC. Oh, also. Was that the Raquel Welch movie? Yes, indeed. And 1 million BC. Oh, also, we- Was that the Raquel Welch movie? Yes, indeed.

Raquel Welch. Very good. In a bikini loincloth. Very good. Now, we also hit upon radiation. There's a lot of radiation in the world. So, what I know about radiation is it makes insects gigantic. Exactly.

We'll get you to teach the next biology class. And on people, it makes them either giant or tiny. This podcast was named after one of those characters. Amazing colossal man. That's right. Colossal. So radiation, when you say radiation, radiation is the general term for all of light. So, but I think the way you're using the term, you're referring to the kind that would damage your DNA or create disturbances in the chain. So it turns out

that almost every radiation damage to your DNA is bad and will kill the host. So most mutations in the DNA, you can get one from like a cosmic ray hit, but most of it is just a copying error from one generation of the DNA to the next. And there you get the randomization of features in a next generation, and some of those features help it survive to the next change in the environment or the next stress to their ecosystem. And so, yeah. Now, I read somewhere that if insects were to grow gigantic, they would need to develop lungs. Yeah, so here's the problem. Insects, so there are two problems with that.

One, insects have tiny, skinny, spindly legs. And if you have a big insect, the mass and the weight of the insect will grow faster than the strength of their legs. And if you have a big insect, the mass and the weight of the insect will grow faster than the strength of their legs could accommodate it. This is why hippopotami have short stubby legs. They don't have thin spindly legs. So you can't just scale things up and have big versions of little things, it doesn't work that way. The physics prohibits it. So heavy animals have thick, stubby legs. And so you can't make a big, gigantic ant with skinny little legs. So that's the first point. Now, many insects breathe through their skin, okay?

And that's why, you ever see those gigantic, from prehistoric times, those gigantic dragonflies. You ever seen that? Yes. Yeah. Very cool. Back then there was more oxygen in Earth's atmosphere than today. So they could breathe that in through their, their outer, I say skin, but their outer layers. If you want a big insect to have the same kind of metabolism it had before, it would need some other way to bring in the oxygen because the skin will be insufficient to accommodate this. Unless you put it in a pure oxygen environment. Did you ever see a movie called Them, Neil? Yeah, with the ants. Oh, yeah. James Whitmore.

Yeah. Oh, by the way, something about in that movie, I just want to highlight this. Yeah. movie i just want to highlight this yeah um though she was the daughter of a scientist there was the one of the lead scientists there was female she was an entomologist which was progressive for the time that's what i'm saying yeah it's progressive but we're not going to have them or hg wells food of the gods no giant mosquitoes anytime soon It's not happening. There was that other movie, I think, was it The Mantis

or something like that. Okay, I don't know that one. Yeah. And it was a giant prehistoric, because you know, in prehistoric time, they had enormous brain mantises. So here's the thing.

Here's the thing. With Godzilla, okay? Yeah godzilla was sort of radiation infused thing okay yeah and so just i don't know if the original movie explicitly connected it to the a-bomb but it was just definitely radiation and then you have all these radiated animals showing up in japan and then it's a reminder that, of course, they experienced the radiation of atomic weapons. So to have that folded into their legends and their storytelling should not be surprising. So just something to keep in mind there about how your experience as a country can influence your storytelling.

I think a lot of the politics, Gilbert, isn't this true? Some of the politics about the bombing in Nagasaki and Hiroshima was sanitized from the Godzilla American version, the American release. Okay. I don't remember seeing more than one release. It sounds like you were quite the aficionado here. You see all versions. I think the Raymond Burr, they took some of that out when they inserted Raymond Burr into the movie. Oh, I did see that.

That was embarrassing. It was clearly spliced in to get an American. Yes, yes. Raymond Burr is like looking out of his hotel window going, Godzilla is attacking the Empire State Building. Oh, no. But they're in wherever in Tokyo. So so here's my if I were to put my vote for the best sort of attacking alien in these movies, it's the 1968 movie The Blob with Steve McQueen, one of his first movies. It's the 1968 movie, The Blob, with Steve McQueen, one of his first movies. Sure.

So what I liked about The Blob, first it was an alien, and it had no correspondence to any life form anyone has ever seen. It was not an actor in a costume. It was not some lizard actor, right, in a lizard suit. It had no vertebrae. It had no arms, legs, eyes, nose, mouth. And it just and it could move through the grills of grace and go and ooze under the doors that you close. It was terrifying. And by the way, they need a sequel. You know why? Because they found out that after the blob caused a fire and they went to put out the fire with the fire extinguisher,

which was cold, the blob started shrinking. And they said, wait a minute, cold temperature reduces the size of this thing. So they figured this out late in the movie. And then they said, okay, how are we going to get rid of this? They got a military helicopter, dragged the thing into the Arctic and dropped it in the Arctic. And the movie says the end question mark. So this is ideal. So with global warming, we lose the Arctic and then we reactivate the blob. Oh God.

Yes. The blob is coming back. This sounds like a movie that two of us can co-star. So if there are any producers out there, make that movie and then make me your science advisor. Okay? I'm all in. You got me thinking about those Marvel comics because of the creativity

of all those different origins now. The Fantastic Four, it was cosmic rays. With the Hulk, it was gamma rays. With Spider-Man, it was a radioactive spider. But once again, a big reliance on radiation. Yes. Yes. You know, radiation is invisible and it's scary and you don't know what effect it'll have and it's what you don't predict.

And, but like I said, essentially every case it will kill you. So, but we'll, we'll, we'll slip him a, give him a hall pass on that one. Cause then you wouldn't have the superhero. Of course. Now, but we will be attacked by the undead, won't we, Edwin? I was once asked officially, you know, how do I think the world will end? You know, what kind of apocalypse? And I said, zombies, of course. Next question. Now, what would stop a zombie apocalypse scientifically?

What would. OK, so they're already. Yeah, I mean, you have to cut off their heads, you know, kind of it. I mean, that's obvious. Gilbert, I ask a stupid question. You need you need swords, not guns, because all the factories are down because you can't make new bullets. So you need a fully renewable weapon such as a sword. And that means you have to get close enough to them. But I'd invent like a sword extender so that I could cut off their head from a distance.

And by the way, other than the zombies in what's the Z movie? World War Z. Yeah, I? Oh, World War Z. Yeah, I didn't see World War Z, but all other zombie movies, they don't move very fast. No. Okay, they're kind of slow. Oh, so the early ones didn't move fast. They were really slow. And then in later movies, they had like running zombies.

Yeah, no, see, that's wrong. You can't have running zombies. No, I agree. They're dead, for goodness sake. I agree. And now what? Zombie sprinters. Although scientifically, what?

Scientifically, in Michael Jackson's thriller video, the zombies could also dance. That was a good picture. Dancing zombie. That was great. What do you like to say, Neil? You can't kill something that's already dead? What's that? You said you can't kill something that's already dead? What's that? You said you can't kill something that's already dead.

You can't kill it in the usual way. But if you cut off its head, it's done. Yeah. It's done. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Log in or sign up to play along as BetMGM brings the real-time action. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM,

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Did you ever see White Zombie, by the way, with Lugosi? Oh, great movie. No. Oh, that's a good one. From the 30s. Okay, so they were racist back then, too? What? Did you see the skit?

Well, who was it? I forgot who did this skit, where the zombies were afraid of the black people in their backyard. And so they realized that the zombies were racist. And so all the black people could hang out and have picnics and everything and the zombies kept avoiding them to go chew on the necks of the white funny skit it might have been key and peel but it was that's a funny concept now you hated the movie armageddon i I heard. No, no, no. I thought it was an entertaining movie, but it violated more laws of physics per minute

than any other movie ever made. So just, it was quite the violation. So that's all. Well, the only thing that I understood that just made no sense to me they had a plant an explosive into the meteor yes they said and they explained you gotta get it was a comet it was a comet yeah you gotta get it inside the comet yeah that's correct and not on the and and the way he simplifies it he now, if you hold a firecracker in your fist, it'll blow your hand off. But if you hold it just on the palm of your hand, then it's fine.

I'm thinking, no, that would blow your hand off, wouldn't it? Okay. So it depends on how big the firecracker is yeah but the the problem is in the vacuum of space most bombs that rely on shock waves through the air will have very little effect on the object so you have it has to be in physical contact with the object around all sides deep in the middle so you can blow it into pieces. So that's why you can't—it's not like hand grenades are effective even if they're at a distance. Regular bombs are not. The destruction that bombs create are because of an expanding shockwave of air.

In space, there is no air. Bombs don't work. I think it's fascinating, too, that you can enjoy these films. You managed to suspend disbelief with some of these films oh yeah i could do that no no no no i think my my commentary about films i think is so misunderstood uh-huh i mean i my intent i think is unappreciated i'm trying to i'm trying to enhance your movie going experience yeah you're a fan first and foremost. Not to disrupt it. Right.

Right. And I want to highlight a few things like in the movie gravity, Sandra, which shouldn't have been called gravity because most of the movie is in zero G, but Sandra Bullock is there in the caps and it's in zero G and her bangs always knew which direction gravity was. Okay.

Now, now, now, now my point is, am I being picky? Am I being unfair? And I think, no, you know why? Because if you see any photo of any astronaut, particularly an astronaut with long hair, the first thing you notice is that all the hair is sticking up, all of it. And because it doesn't know which way to land when there's zero G. So that is such an obvious and prevalent and perennial feature of astronauts in space,

but Sandra Bullock's bangs always pointed down. Well, how crazy does it make you when you're sitting there, when you paid your 12 bucks? It's not crazy. I'm just a little disappointed because you might have been able to do something interesting, as they did with one of her tears, she started crying but the tear doesn't know to go down the tear actually left her eye which you probably wouldn't do but i gave up because that surface tension would keep it on the cheek i don't but i live gay i gave him that and the tear came off of her eye and floated towards the camera and you saw a reflection of a refracted image of her in the tear. And I thought, because she was sad.

And I thought that was a poignant moment. If you put all that much effort in having a weightless tear, butter bangs know which way Earth is. I can't. That's the hair right there. I'm just saying. Now, I know from all the movies we've been visited by aliens from outer space. They're constantly attacking us. And and has there do you believe there has ever been a time of a UFO?

Well, UFO just means there's something in the sky. You don't know what it is. coming out. Well, UFO just means there's something in the sky you don't know what it is. Yeah. So UFOs are real in the sense that people see stuff they don't know what they're looking at all the time. That makes it a UFO. Like a paper plane is a UFO. Okay, so if you don't know what it is, it's a UFO. And if you identify it, then it's an IFO, right? So here's the problem. People see, I don't know what that is. Therefore, it must be intelligent aliens visiting from another planet. You just said you don't know what it is. You just said you don't know what it is. So your next sentence can't be, it must be anything. Okay. Am I clear?

Are we on the same page here? Don't confess your ignorance and then assert your certainty. This is not how that goes. It's interesting that you've said you wonder if we're intelligent enough to actually engage an alien species. Yeah. So, for example, we're intelligent. Let's find other intelligent life. You know, consider on Earth, chimps are the closest to us genetically. Has anyone ever had a meaningful conversation with a chimp?

Let's imagine the simplest conversation I might have with Gilbert. You ready? So I'd say, no, Gilbert, I didn't mean it. That came out wrong. That came out wrong. Sorry. That came out wrong. So here's a conversation.

I say, Gilbert, I'll meet you at this Starbucks tomorrow morning for some coffee. And I have plane tickets. We're both going to Vegas. Uh, and we'll come back tomorrow night. Okay. That's not a complicated sentence. What would it take for a chimp to understand that? What is Starbucks? What is coffee? What does time mean? What is, what What does time mean? What is Vegas? What is an airplane? How does any of that work? Why? Where did it come from? So that's the simplest conversation we would have. So imagine an alien as intelligent compared to humans, as humans are compared to chimps. What are we asking there? We're 99% identical DNA with the chimp. That's as close

as you're going to get in the world. So get one that's 1% smarter than us on that same scale and ask them, what is your simplest thought? They will utter their simplest thought and we'll have no idea what they're talking about because we're too stupid. Okay. idea what they're talking about because we're too stupid okay disturbing right our okay our what can a smart chimp can stack boxes and reach a banana maybe uh all right they might know to put up an umbrella or something there's simple things they can do our toddlers can do that toddlers okay so smart chimp equal human toddler. All right. So now let's compare ourselves to the alien. Smart humans equal alien toddlers. All right. So alien toddler comes home. Oh, look at little Timmy brought home. Oh, you re-derived the

principles of calculus. Isn't that cute? Oh, you compose a symphony and a sonnet and an opera. Oh, let's put it up on the refrigerator door. Isn't that cute? Little Timmy and little Susie. That would be the alien toddlers. Now, why do chimps? It's not obvious to me that we can have any kind of conversation with all, with any life form that's even the slightest bit smarter than we are.

Yeah, it's rather disappointing, really. Yes. Now, why do chimps instinctively, when they attack a person, go for his genitals? I always hear. Have you ever been asked that question, Neil? I've never been asked it. I don't really have expertise in that. I can tell you a couple of things. In that, I can tell you a couple of things. For example, the human arm, wrist, shoulder socket is exquisitely configured for throwing with accuracy.

Now, chimps have very similar musculoskeletal structure, but they can't throw with accuracy. So when they throw their poop, they just kind of fling it, and wherever it ends up going, it goes. But we can throw a hundred miles an hour through a hole, you know, 60 feet away. We have the power and the precision and the skill for this. And that was, of course, important because we don't have big teeth. We don't run fast. We need some way to kill our prey that we're chasing. And that became an excellent way to accomplish that. So, but otherwise, Gilbert, I don't know why they're reaching for either their or your genitals. Is that a problem, Gilbert? A common problem? Yeah, yeah.

Gilbert, how often, when you go to the zoo, the monkeys all chase you? They chase your genitals? I'm not complaining. Okay. All right. Now, but they're vicious animals, chim aren't they well some of yeah if you yeah maybe yeah i mean that's you know i i don't think they're like the like lap dogs you know dogs were bred you know dogs are gmos by the way i want to tweet that one day it'll freak people out um

dogs are gmos we invented them genetically from wolf DNA. And we said, oh, this one bites you too much. Let's, let's breathe that out of them. Oh, this is too large. I want to hold it on my lap. Let's breathe that out of them. This isn't cute enough. Let's make it cuter. Let's breathe that, breathe that into them. And so at the end of the day, you get a Pomeranian, all right, which would, which an owl could probably grab and fly away and dine upon. And, and, and the wolf, I wonder, I just wonder what wolves are thinking when they see house dogs. which an owl could probably grab and fly away and dine upon. And the wolf, I just wonder what wolves are thinking when they see house dogs. I just wonder.

There was an episode of Cosmos about dogs evolving from wolves. It was very good. It's showing off now. Yeah, well, I watch it, buddy. Yeah, yeah. It was called When the Wolf Became the Shepherd. Yeah, it was a good one. Yeah. Very good. And as a primate, you're also a fan of The Planet of the Apes became the shepherd. Yeah, it was a good one. Yeah.

Very good. And as a primate, you're also a fan of the Planet of the Apes, the original series. By the way, you know, I was alive and around when that first came out, but I was not an adult. I was like a kid, right? I saw that again much later. It was like, oh, my my gosh this is deep yeah realize that different species of apes play different roles in that society did you know there was species separated so the scientists were the chimpanzees yeah okay and who were the thuggy police officers, those were the guerrillas. Yeah.

Okay? And who were the diplomats? That was the orangutans. And so it was like, whoa, they fought this through. This was like they, and so I had a renewed appreciation for that entire, the construct of that storyline. One of your heroes, Rod Serling, wrote that screenplay. Oh, I didn't remember that. Yeah, based on the novel.

He's one of my people. Claude Akins, I think, was one of the gorillas. Oh, is that right? Why did you know that? And Maury Sevens was Dr. Zaius. You could tell from their genitals what they were. Now, you'll agree, of course, that the moon landing was fake during the making of 2001, A Space Odyssey. And they filmed the moon landing then.

And we never actually landed on the moon. OK, so here's the actual story. And you'll hear it first time on your podcast now. OK, here's what it was. So Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong, the two moonwalkers, first moonwalkers, agreed to fake the moon landing. OK, but they said for authenticity, they should do it on location. they should do it on location. And so NASA agreed. That's a pretty great... Okay. So they staged the moon landing on the moon

because that's the... I love those fake moon landing people. I remember someone asked Neil Armstrong, do you have any proof you landed on the moon? And he said, well, I took some pictures, but unfortunately, I left my camera on the moon. Well, you've interviewed Buzz. You know Buzz Aldrin. Oh, no, we were friends.

I knew Neil Armstrong as well. So here's the thing. You can calculate how much fuel is in a Saturn V rocket, right? And ask, what will that fuel do? And it's enough fuel to launch, to orbit the Earth, to then leave Earth, go to the Moon, orbit the Moon, come back from the Moon, and land back on Earth. It has that much fuel. So where do you think the Saturn V rocket was going? Where do you think it was going to the Whole Foods to get groceries? No! This sucker was going to the freaking moon!

So, and the effort to have faked that with, you'd have to fake 10,000 engineers and all of the blueprints and the drawings and the diagrams and the factories. You'd have to fake all of that. And by the time you had to fake all of that, you'd say, dude, let's just go to the moon.

It's easier. Did you ever see that movie Capricorn One? Yes! That's about a fake moon landing. Yes. Yeah, that had O.J. Simpson in it, too. O.J. Simpson. Absolutely. They faked the Mars landing, Capricorn One. That's right. On the subject of the original Planet of the Apes, Neil, that leads me to the conversation that Gilbert and I wanted to have with you about time travel. Okay. Were we off script?

Were we not supposed to spend 40 minutes talking about movies? No, we didn't. That's the show. Okay, I didn't know if there was some erudite plan that you had for this interview. We never have a plan. It seemed like a perfect combination of you explaining. Yeah, plus I just didn't remember that we were co-stars. That's all.

That's what started it all. Yeah. You're also a fan of the Back to the Future treatment of time travel. Yeah. The first one. The first one was brilliant in every way you can think of. The second one is interesting just for how much stuff they got wrong predicting in 1989 the future of 2015. Oh, the Cubs.

But they're off by one year for the Cubs. Right. Yeah. So, yeah, the headline was Cubs sweep the World Series. But they got other things wrong. So they got an interesting thing wrong. If I may take a moment to share this with you. So many people trying to predict the future, you can get the

near-term future right by sort of extrapolating what's going on now. But generally, if you go too far in the future, you don't see things that come in from left field that completely transform what we're doing technologically, scientifically, politically, culturally, and the like. You just don't see it coming. So projections tend to be good in the near term and bad in the far term. So here's one that they just got completely wrong. 1989, we were sending documents around via fax. Not enough people had email accounts and nobody knew how to attach anything. Fax was the thing. Fax was the future. Well, Back to the Future 2 was made in 1989 to take place in 2015. There's Marty.

And in one scene, he loses his job. And how is he notified? By his boss sends a fax to his apartment. And it shows up in four different faxes in each room. So if in 1989, every household had one fax machine, in 2015 you would have four. That's the future. Also, I think with time machines, if it were possible, then we would have met time travelers already. Yeah. So in the science march, one person held up a placard saying, what do we want? Time machines.

When do we want it? It doesn't matter. What do you think of Nicholas Meyer's time after time? So you can ask. Wait, wait, wait. We've got two more corollaries to this. Sure. So if you, one of the arguments against that time machines would ever have been invented is that we would have met a time traveler by now.

And no one has shown up from the future. You know, we've had 10,000 years of civilization and no one from the future has shown up. And someone, somebody would have killed Hitler by now. All right. So here's the thing. Someone did suggest that maybe a time travel device gets invented. And what's the first thing event you want to witness if you have a time travel device? Pick an event.

A dinosaur killer. Would you get off the dinosaur? Would you? It's got dinosaur on a human. No, you don't. Would you get off the dinosaur? Would you? Kilwood's got a dinosaur on the brain. Well, I will echo many people's sensors. They want to witness the Titanic. Oh, yes. Oh, okay.

And by the way, the very first episode of Time Tunnel, they go back in time to the deck of the Titanic. I remember. Okay, the very first episode. By the way, that program also had female scientists or technologists. Bless you for bringing up the time tunnel. Yeah, yeah. And they had female technologists on computers, and they were folded into the tunnel. Yeah, we had Lee Merriweather here on the show.

Oh, you did? Excellent, excellent. So here's the thing. Maybe time travel, a time machine has been been invented and everyone wanted to go back to observe the Titanic and that overweighted the Titanic. And that's what made it sink. Oh, I like that. I like that a lot. I like that one.

See? See? That's mind blowing. Yeah, there you go. That's why the Titanic sank. The paradox where, like, if you go back in time and kill your grandparents, then you'll never be born. So you can't go back in time to kill your grandparents. That is that is a that's one of the most important paradoxes, except the paradox is is softer than that. OK, so you gave a softer version than what Arnold Schwarzenegger did

in Terminator, where he's just killing every, you know, he's killing, okay. All the Sarah Connors, you don't have to do that. You just have to, uh, you don't have to kill people. Just prevent your parents from ever meeting. You don't have to kill them, Gilbert. That's so violent. You don't have to kill them, Gilbert. That's so violent. Yeah, Gilbert. Knock it off. Just have them miss the train that they met each other on. Or, I forgot the movie that got this right, just have them have sex 10 minutes later. Then you would not have been born. Some other sibling would have been born and not you.

But then that would mean I can't, if I wasn't born, then I can't go back in time to stop him from getting on the train. So I'm just giving you versions of the paradox that don't involve killing people. Okay. Okay. Will you allow this Gilbert? He's a pacifist Gilbert. Yeah. Okay.

Will you allow this, Gilbert? He's a pacifist, Gilbert. Yeah, okay. What about if chimpanzees came back in time and attacked my genitals? Would you know that by now? I don't know. I don't know. Neil, we have a question.

Gilbert's daughter, Lily, has a science teacher named Denise Darling, and she has a question for you. The daughter or the science teacher? The science teacher. Okay named Denise Darling, and she has a question for you. The daughter or the science teacher? The science teacher, Denise Darling. Is there such a thing as a science to being funny? Oh, so we've studied this on my podcast. Oh. Okay. There's more than just Gilbert's podcast in the world. There are other podcasts. Yes. They're not as colossal as this one. I believe we plugged it. There's not as colossal as yours, Gilbert. But we've studied comedy many times and my co-host is always a professional stand-up comedian. Oh yeah, Chuck Nice.

Chuck Nice. I have very deep respect for the comedic arts. I consume high quantities of comedy through stand-up and through comedic movies and so I know Gilbert better than he would know that I know him for these reasons. And don't, it's not a creepy thing, Gilbert. It's just the fact.

It's just, it's just the fact. I don't mind if it's creepy. I'll take anything. Yeah. So, so, so I've spoken with people, spoken with Jay Leno and Stephen Colbert. And yes, I don't know if you call it a science, but there are, what do you call it? The best practices, right? That tend to be the scaffold on which jokes work. And so that gets you a whole categories of funniness that you might be bringing to the, you know, to the stage. There's other highly innovative comedians that don't need to rely on that kind of form formulation. And, but they did it by exploring, right? There's a lot of

innovative comedians, most of whom you've never heard of because this stuff doesn't work. All right. So, you know, when i first heard gilbert i said i cannot keep listening to this person i have i cannot continue but then then you listen enough and say all right i you know i'm i get i'm with him let me give him a chance and then you hear the voice in other places you know cartoons love voices that are just weird and different. Oh, yeah, a lot of cartoons. And then I followed Gilbert through Cyberchase on PBS and as the voice of the bird.

And so you can be something unusual, but that's riskier because it might not land. But if it does land, then you get celebrated for that. So, and you can list the comics, the comedians in the past that did just pure sort of unusual things that, that were just weird, but funny. I'm old enough to remember the days of Johnny Carson. Was it, who's that guy, Johnson?

Oh, well we had him on this podcast. No, you didn't. No. Ray J. Johnson. Ray J. Johnson. Oh, my God. You can call me, Ray. But he doesn't have to call me.

And you knew what the routine was, but you laughed every single time you saw it. And no one else has that routine. But, Ray, I can't believe you had the guy. His name is Bill Saluga. Bill Saluga. He's alive. Yes. And he's here.

Yes. And we also had Al Martino. No, we had Art Matrano. Art Matrano. I'm mixing him up with Murray's brother. Art Matrano was the guy that used to go da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Oh, yeah. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Yeah, he had like a non-magic act and there's this one you know yeah yeah non non-magic so um and there's another one farther guido sarducci sure you know so they're very odd comedic entrance but i would bet there are many more odd that fail and you just never even know they existed that's so yeah so i don't want to know if i call it a science um i would although think about it uh in universities they're typically the colleges of arts and sciences. Those are two paired words. So does it matter if we say this comedian has raised it to an art compared with saying this comedian has it down to a science? Very interesting.

These are two words, two sides of this, I think the same coin. Because both of those are compliments to someone perfecting and honing their craft. Here's a question from another fan of yours, Carla Haler. She says, why could Neil have always been the voice of Waddles through the entire run of Gravity Falls? I was harvesting potatoes in my garden and all I could hear was Neil's voice saying, yummy potatoes from my fat little pig tummy. And it was... Why you got gotta call me out like that? It was truly delightful. Why you gotta

call... Why you gotta, like, let everybody know I was the voice of a pig? She said she used that episode to make her students write an essay to decide if that episode was science fiction or fantasy and the class was equally split. Okay, for those who missed it uh in the tv uh animated series uh gravity falls which is disney xd i think it was

um there's a pig the kids live on a farm i guess and they have a pet pig and there wasn't and again i don't agree to all cameos the camera haso has to make some sense for who I am, but I'm very loose about that. But still, it's got to be in the same quadrant. So the kids are playing around with some gloop that they think will make them smarter because they want to wake up smart. So they go to sleep and they rub it on their forehead and they think it'll get into their brain. So they go to sleep and they rub it on their forehead and they think it'll get into their brain. Overnight, the pig comes in, sees this goop on their forehead and licks it off. And then the next morning, the kids say, I'm not smarter. Oh, what happened to the goop? And they're not smarter. And then the pig, the pig comes in on an electric cart with a keyboard after it had built an atom smasher overnight and says, and so I am the voice of the pig when the pig became brilliant. I love it. She's a big fan of yours. That's two questions

from teachers, by the way. Gilbert and I, we talk on this show a lot about the universal horror classics and we've touched on vampires and we've touched on werewolves. What about the Invisible Man? I have issues with the Invisible Man, only because, you know, if he walks through, I think, does he have to open a door to go through it? No, no, you see, this is something you, I asked you about this. Oh, no, and then you corrected me on this. Yes, yes. See, I'm much smarter than you. Okay, so let me give Gilbert credit on this. Okay. And I'll talk him up.

So Gilbert distinguished for me the invisible man from ghosts, okay? So a ghost can pass through walls, but the invisible man has to actually open a door to exit a room. I see. Yes. Okay, so that's why the invisible man doesn't fall open a door to exit a room i see yes okay so that's why the invisible man doesn't fall through to the basement where so but you get to ask that question of ghosts but ghosts are just floaters so so we don't have a problem there's no problem here with these these

elements falling through the floor but i i read somewhere with invisibility that if you are invisible, your eyes wouldn't have any color. And if your eyes didn't have color, you'd be blind. All right. So the problem is, are you invisible because visible light passes through you? Well, if visible light passes through you, then it's not getting trapped in your eyes. And if it gets trapped in your eyes, you would find the spot where there isn't light because it entered your eyeball. So you would be able to detect the invisible man if the invisible man could still see. Oh, this is fascinating. Okay. Yeah. Because your eyes are stealing away the light in order to make an image that's processed in your invisible brain. Okay. So also just because you're transparent to visible light doesn't mean you're

transparent to all wavelengths of light. Are you a transparent to infrared, to ultraviolet, to radios, x-rays, gamma rays? Perhaps not. Invisibility or transparency, and by the way, that's not a weird thought to have. Windows are transparent to visible light, but they're not transparent to infrared. So that's why if you put a glass shield sliding in front of a fireplace, the radiant heat just drops to zero. You say, why did it get so cold? Oh, we blocked the photons coming from the flame. You think the flame is making you warm because it warmed the air? That's only part of it. And it's not even the major part of it.

The major part is, have you ever been at a campfire and someone walks between you and the fire? And in that instant, you feel colder? So they blocked the light. If you block the light, you'll be detectable in that form of light. I am learning so much.

What about the Frankenstein monster? Is electricity the best way to reanimate a corpse? So once we learned, it's the best way. Well, you have to have a hunchback assistant. Well, Mary Shelley apparently, when she wrote the novel, she studied real scientific experiments. So it was once electricity was discovered and harnessed, and it was discovered that electrical impulses in the human body trigger movement in your muscles. This was the famous frog leg test.

Once you knew that, then this opened the floodgates. Well, the floodgates had opened the door for Mary Shelley to write Frankenstein. It's funny. Wait. Sorry. Have you seen the series of memes about Frankenstein versus Frankenstein's monster? Right? Because, you know, the cognoscenti say, no, Frankenstein was not the person you're thinking of.

It was the scientist. The monster was Frankenstein's monster. Yes. Right? And so there's one with champagne and sparkling wine. So it's because you say, you got any marijuana? And so the person replies, it's only called marijuana in the marijuana section of France. Anywhere else, it's called sparkling oregano.

Anyhow, that's a stupid. Okay. Now, Frankenstein's monster. Well, my point is, my point is, what do you do when the person's heart stops? You can do CPR, but if you're in a hospital and they got the machine there, clear. And what are they doing? They're sending electricity in your body to restart the heart. So in principle, if there's a body there that has been preserved, then you want to re-engage all of the electrochemical system.

In principle, electricity could help boost that. The problem is if the body tissue is so old that it's putrefied, we don't know a way to un-putrefy something to make it fresh for making a Frankenstein. And can you transplant a brain? So, I think about this all the time. He's going to think about it a lot after he gets off this show. No, I'm serious. Okay, here's why I think about it.

You ready? Yes. Okay. infamous afflictions, diseases that affect humans, okay, that are just, that are slow and, and one of them is, is ALS, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, okay, where you lose control of your body. And the other one is Alzheimer's, where you lose control of all your thoughts. So the ALS person has a perfectly fine brain. The Alzheimer's person has a perfectly fine body. So why not transplant the ALS brain into the Alzheimer's body and you get one whole human being out of that interesting because then the

frankenstein monster would have either luke costello's brain or ego's brain so um so that's why i think about a brain transplant if we can't fix either of those it's a shame that a perfectly good brain and a perfectly good body get buried or cremated when you can merge them together. And we agree, we will probably agree that that person is the identity of the brain who had the brain rather than the identity of the body, even though everyone will see the body as the person. Sounds like you're telling me that digging up a corpse and trying to put a brain into it and reanimating it with electricity is a fool's errand. Unless it's a really, really fresh corpse, like it died 20 minutes ago or something, 10 minutes ago. Whatever is that,

there's a window where you can still, before you get brain damage, the brain is a huge consumer of oxygen. And if you cut the oxygen supply, you start losing brain cells fast. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. When summer brings the heat, McDonald's brings the chill. During summer drink days, enjoy a small iced coffee or a refreshing Coca-Cola for $1 plus tax and step up your summer today at participating McDonald's restaurants in Canada. Prices exclude delivery. So what's it like to buy your first cryptocurrency on Kraken? Well, let's say I'm at a food truck

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Oh, how about cryogenics? Oh, how about cryogenics? Okay, so a biological and chemical process happens faster in warmer temperatures, okay? And we know exactly the rate at which it happens faster. For every 10 degrees Celsius, all those rates happen twice as fast. Another 10 degrees, twice as fast again. Another 10 degrees, twice as fast another 10 degrees twice as fast again another 10 degrees twice as fast again so after 30 degrees it happens eight times as fast two times two times two so if you go the other direction those those chemical and and biological processes go slower 10 degrees lower is half as fast half as fast they take it all the way down It'll so the decay would happen so slowly

That you can hold the body for years This is why we have freezers in our home not to hold bodies But well to hold other kinds of dead animals and other dead things so that it stays quote fresh For much longer than it would have in the refrigerator, which is much longer than it would have just out on the counter. That's why you refrigerate things, to slow down the growth of the bacteria on the surface of your mayonnaise. It seems cryogenics turn up in a lot of time travel films. They use that in Sleeper and the Austin Powers pictures. Yeah. So the thing is, they used to think that was important so that you wouldn't have to eat as much food or consume as much energy.

But if you look at the sizes of those spaceships, you know, the little bit of energy the human uses, it's like, come on, just keep the person going. I mean, it's not, it's, to put someone in suspended animation for a one-year trip as they did in, or two-year trip as they did in 2001, just seems completely unnecessary when you look at the size of the ship and how much energy it was consuming. So that's my first thought.

Plus, why not just make faster engines? Get me there faster. I don't have to go to sleep. Do you believe they'll ever be able to bring a cryogenic, fully frozen body to life? I think the idea is sound. All right. The principle is sound. But what I think is going to happen is we will figure out a way to not die sooner than we will find a way to bring you back from the dead in a cryogenic state.

At which point you don't need to be put in a cryogenic state because you're not going to die. I think we are closer on the heels of knowing, having the secret of aging than we are having the secret of electrifying a cryogenically dead body. See, I kind of think like, you know, when you watch like people with bad face jobs and Botox, that one day it'll be like people will age up to like, say, 20 years old and never go, never physically age after that. OK, that would be an interesting time. I mean, this is this is the great challenge. This is the great question that a religion must face, the religion that believes in a heaven or hell. Okay. So in heaven, if you're going to meet your relatives and you die and you can meet your parents, how old are your parents in heaven?

Are they in their thirties or are they 90 years old and infirmed when they died? Right. Is everybody in their prime? Then you're there talking to your parents who are either younger than you or your same age. And when they were that age, they didn't even, you didn't even know you existed, right? So it's a weird thing that we say all your relatives will come together. Do you want grandma to be grandma? No, grandma wants to be 30 years old again. Okay. So this is just philosophical challenges of having to resolve what the afterlife might be for you. Absolutely. Let's talk quickly. Cause I touched on Rod Serling and you, uh, like us, you are an enormous fan of the original twilight zone. I think it's the

best television ever made in every way. I acting the fact that it was in black and white meant that shadows could be dark, which meant that the filming could use shadows for part of the storytelling. Someone coming in and out of a shadow. In full-up color movies, there's nobody coming in and out of shadows. The concept of shadow isn't even there in the cinemagraphic unfolding of events. So I'm not saying everything should be black and white. I'm just saying, given that it was in black and white, they exploited that to a great end. Beautifully.

Yeah, we won't argue with you. I mean, we're big fans. We had Anne Serling here last year for the 60th anniversary. You're just bragging now. You know, I pull out an obscure comic that nobody, that people, that everybody, and you say,

we had him. Yeah, Ray J. Johnston. We're freaks is the point. And in fact, we unfroze

Rod Serling. But I noticed three of your favorite episodes all have E.T. themes. The Invaders. I don't remember listing three favorite episodes. have E.T. themes. The Invaders.

I don't remember listing three favorite episodes. I think you said... Now I worry about you. Gilbert, is he like a stalker? Yeah, I'm a bit of a stalker. There's a line I think he's crossed here.

But I won't grab your genitalia. I think you said your favorite three were The Invaders with Agnes Moorhead. Yes. And To Serve Man. Yes. And Monsters Who Do on Maple Street.

Yeah. I think the Monsters on Maple Street was important. Yeah. But I think as a... Still is. It was an important story more than it was brilliantly filmed. Let's put it that way. So I think The Invaders was brilliantly filmed and conceived.

The story and the execution. The great twist. To Serve Man was a brilliant story told in a short story style where you think something is true until the very last moment, and it's not true. So that one fully captured that.

And what would they have done without that actor who's seven feet four? Oh, Richard Keel. Was he the guy who played Lurch? Yeah, thaturch from oh no he was the jaws guy from the james no he was jaws and he was from the bond movie yeah he was jaws in the bond movie but you tell me he wasn't lurch no lurch was ted cassidy different actor okay so okay richard keel mixed up excuse me that's okay so so that but but with the Maple Street, that one, the story was just so frightening because you know you would do the same thing. And that was the mirror that Rod Serling would do the same thing.

There's a threat of a nuclear, because this is Cold War storytelling, a threat of a nuclear invasion. People rushed to their fallout shelters. Oh, not everyone has a fallout shelter. They weren't thinking forward about it. And so the one guy who does have a fallout shelter, his neighbors, they attack him and attack the fallout shelter to get into the fallout shelter. And these were previously friendly neighbors. And you just watch people's state of mind transform when their survival is at stake because of their own short-sightedness. They now want to—you just watch people become uncivilized very fast. And so for me, that story was frightening because I said, yes, that is exactly how we would behave.

And that makes me embarrassed to be— And watching it the other night, it is sadly as timely as ever. Oh, well, that's the tribalization that we've got going on out there. Yeah, the monsters on Maple Street. And Twilight Zone was very heavily influenced by both communism and the blacklist.

The blacklist and space exploration was a big side of that. There were many episodes that involved astronauts or people in solitary, you know, capsules. So yeah, it was of the time. And over that, you know, at least in the sixties, we were on our way to the moon. This infused a lot of the storytelling that landed in the show. But if you, if you watch the interview of Rod Serlingling back when the show was first funded, he said, yeah, we just, you know, we're just making something that allows you to buy dish soap. Okay. Right. It's really just a vehicle for selling things. And there's stories I want to tell, but if you, if you don't set it

in sort of an alien construct, people will, it'll hit too close to home and people will reject it. So you put it out there. Yeah. And you throw in some aliens. You throw in some fictional town. That's not your town. Of course it's not. And then you say, wait a minute.

And so that's why I think it's the best television ever made. It's also what he had in common with Roddenberry. He was telling social stories. Social stories, correct. And using science fiction to once— Gene Roddenberry, the producer-creator of Star Trek. To remove them once. Did you have him on the show, too?

Yes, we did. We had your pal George Takei. That's as close as we got. By the way, you can't bring him back to life because his ashes were sent into orbit. That is correct. So you'd be lying if you said, yeah, we got him too. We collected his ashes. Is that that urn behind you on the shelf, Gilbert?

Yeah. Neil, let's plug the new Cosmos. Okay. Yeah, sure. Which the new Cosmos. Okay, yeah, sure. Which is a wonderful show. I just watched Lost City of Life, which is a terrific episode. And by the way, that guy's life story would make a fascinating movie. Victor Goldschmidt.

Yeah, but so you've only seen a few, perhaps. I think almost every episode we profile, in a good way, profile, Almost every episode we profile, in a good way, profile, wasn't listened to or shunned or was ignored. And each one of them, I think, and they were selected for they being stories that are undertold or underseen or appreciated. And we're doing a little bit of what Serling and Roddenberry did. We're showing you stories. Oh, that was a hundred years ago. Oh yeah. That's all the leaders then they hated the science he was doing. Those are those leaders. Oh, wait a minute. That's happening now. All right. So the, the, the, the correspondence is not accidental, but if you are blind to what's happening now, you'll just see it as an interesting historical vignette.

Well, it's one of the things I love about the show is you're watching a science show, and then it becomes a little bit of a history show. Yes, yes, and that's part of the DNA of Cosmos. That's why when you're watching it, you're not feeling, oh, I'm watching a documentary. Let me sit down and take my medicine. When you're watching Cosmos, it's a whole other psychological, intellectual, and emotional experience. My friend Gary Citro asked a question. Will there be another season after this season? Yeah, so there's three.

After Possible Worlds. By the way, not that I've ever been female, but the closest I can come to that is to say each one of these is like giving birth. I'll bet. And so can you give us a little time before you ask when do you want to get pregnant again? I think they're just eager to see more. The woman on the delivery table is not the time to ask, do you want to have another kid after this? Okay. Let that one run its course a little bit. So I've spoken with Ann Julian, who's the secret sauce of all three Cosmoses.

She's the one who feels the universe. So nearly every line that is sort of brilliantly emotional, yet nonetheless scientifically literate, that comes out of Ann. She feels the universe, and she's scientifically literate. So that's part of the secret sauce that all three Cosmoses have in common because she was co-author on all three. It's a brilliant show. So I asked her. She's already collecting stories for yet another season. And I think it's time someone else host.

You know, I can't keep, you know, science is a torch passed to a next generation. I have no hesitation to pass a torch to a next person to do this. She's a treasure. I think Gilbert should do it. Gilbert should host. On another show, Greg. Gilbert, here's a line. Ready? And the Big Bang unfolded 14 billion years ago.

Let me hear that, Gilbert. And the Big Bang unfolded 14,000 years ago. Okay. There you go. You got the job. Wow, Gilbert. Now, we both separately appeared in a Superman comic book, I think. Were you in a Superman comic book?

Yes. He wrote one. Which one? Oh, God. I was, I wonder if I was knick-knack. Yeah. Oh, okay. So I played myself, and as a planetarium director in Action Comics 14.

I met Superman. And I tell people I've met Superman, and they say, okay, which one? Christopher Reeves? No, I met Superman. No, which actor? No, I met Superman. In it, I'm there meeting Superman. Just a quick story there, because I got the call from DC Comics,

and they wanted Superman to come visit the planetarium so we can point our telescopes up at the sky so he can see the destruction of krypton because that light was only just then reaching earth all right and so that was the construct of this of this story and i and they said uh so can superman visit i said sure and they said can we draw you can we put you in there? I said, what am I going to say, no? Of course. If I get to meet Superman. So then I said, I said, if it makes no difference to you,

could you take off a few pounds? It's just going to draw me. You know? And they said, Dr. Tyson, this is the comics. Everybody looks good. So I said, all right. So I walk out, you know? And they said, Dr. Tyson, this is the comics. Everybody looks good. So I said, all right. So I walk out, you know, into the planetarium dome looking fit and buff. In the StarTalk book, there's a lot of good stuff about you breaking down Superman

scientifically from the yellow sun to the x-ray vision that could not see the color of Lois Lane's undies. Yes, yes. You would not be, you would not, X-rays can't see regular colors. Also, I had a whole conversation with Chuck Nice about this. We had a legitimate question come to us because there's a version of StarTalk that's just cosmic queries, we call it. And that's actually becoming a book in the spring, Cosmic Queries, at a bookstore near you. Oh, good. So one of the questions someone asked was, if Superman eats super food, would he have super farts? Okay. So I tried to treat that seriously. And I thought about it.

And I said, well, if everything about him is super relative to the human counterpart of it, I don't see why he wouldn't have super farts. And farts are very high in methane, which is a highly flammable gas. camp and seeing if you can light your fart, that actually has authentic chemical, it's an authentically, it's an authentic chemical test that you would perform. So Superman would have particularly potent methane farts. So what that meant was this would be a new weapon that he could wield, which would be a flamethrower out of his butt. which would be a flamethrower out of his butt. So all you have to do is roll down his

drawers and just let one loose but then you have to ignite it. But he would do that with his x-ray vision, right? He would turn around, ignite his fart and he'd have a flamethrowing fart coming out the other side to balance out his freezing

breath that he has sometimes. So this would be a total asset to his crime-fighting. Not a set asset. I remember, but I always thought, if Superman were to have sex with Lois Lane, wouldn't he kill her? Probably, but I think the idea is, and I think the implication is that he did

for Superman in his ice castle because they're laying there in the bed you know like like after he bought her flowers from brazil and and opened up a bottle of champagne just by squeezing the bottle which i thought was the coolest thing ever by the way yes so it's champagne and flowers in his ice castle alone with lois lane in this bed okay so i'm giving it that they got it on. All right. So it seems to me, but he has the ability to control his strengths. He's smart and he's talented.

So, you know, I don't think he would kill her. He would just dial down into sort of soft mode, you know, and then he. You do believe that a pair of glasses would make him totally unrecognizable. Completely unrecognizable. I don't know who the hell that was when he put on glasses. Last one, Neil. Why do you hate the Disney movie The Black Hole? Me? Yeah, the one from the 70s.

Oh, it was awful. Wait, wait. I've got to finish with Clark Kent. Okay. So Clark Kent putting on glasses and you don't recognize him. So that was the day when they would show photos of people and they would just put some black band across

their eyes so that you wouldn't recognize them. And I'm thinking, how about his nose, his lips, his hair? It's the shape of his head. The size of his butt. Are you only looking at someone's eyes to know who they are? Come on now. I have issues with stuff that I saw growing up that adults were doing.

Uh-huh. But anyway, Disney's Black Hole, we knew a lot about black holes. Even when that movie came out, it was 1978. Something. Something like that. 77, 78. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, just graduating high school, could have been the science advisor of that film, and I could have made it awesome. As it was, it was terrible. I think it's one of the 10 worst films ever made. So here's the thing. You get producers who say, there's a black hole here. I want to tell my story. Well, why don't you learn a little more about black holes? No, that could interrupt my story. Excuse me?

Well, why don't you learn a little more about black holes? No, that could interrupt my story. Excuse me. You know, JBS Haldane said, he said, the universe is not only stranger than we have imagined. It may be stranger than we can imagine. The universe does not limit your ability to tell a story. It magnifies it. Let's take, take a star Wars.

The force awakens for an example. In that movie, the bad folks had a new and improved badass planet killer. What do they call it? Death Star. Okay. This one was badass. The other one, all its energy would just sort of kill one planet. But this one can kill multiple planets in a star system simultaneously okay what how did it could you do that well it sucks energy out of a star and all that energy is contained in it and then it has enough energy to kill multiple planets at once this is especially diabolical okay holding

aside the fact that if you take all the energy out of a star and put it in your ship, your ship becomes that star. But I'll give them that they've got some containment vessel. I'll give it to them. Calculate how much energy is in that star. When you do that, you learn you have enough energy to kill a thousand planets, not five. So they could have been way more diabolical than what they even portrayed had they done the math, had there been any kind of science advisor at all. So it disappoints me when stories could have been greater than they ended up being because

somebody got lazy in the storytelling. So needless to say, you're an advocate for studios and filmmakers hiring science advisors. As did the Big Bang Theory, for example. In greater numbers. They had an on-set PhD physicist for every episode. That's a cool thing. Yes. I lied. Last question from Matthew Allen.

Please ask Dr. Tyson, is there a stranger or more unsettling sound anywhere in the universe than Gilbert's voice? So, here's the thing. We've researched this across the galaxy. And we have yet to find, we have top researchers on this, we've yet to find a voice pattern that could match Gilbert's voice. So that has me wondering, maybe if there's a message to aliens, we should do it in Gilbert's voice so that they, when they try to find the home planet,

they'll never find it because nobody else makes that. When they try to come and destroy us, it's not this planet, not that planet. There is no planet. So Gilbert could save all life forms in the galaxy. No, but let me say, let me say, as I said earlier, as odd as it was when I remembered first hearing it,

first you accept it, you hate it. And then you say, okay, I'll accept it. And then you grow accustomed to it. And then you kind of like it. And then you grow accustomed to it. And then you kind of like it. And then you want more. Wow. That is the trajectory of Gilbert Godfrey. He couldn't even get through it with a straight face. Let me just say, I've been watching cartoons and I said, you know, right about now we need Gilbert Godfrey's voice. There are times where it's missing. So that is, I think that is the natural arc of evolution of people's relationship to Gilbert Godfrey's voice.

What a closer, Gilbert. Okay. So Cosmos is on Nat Geo and Fox. Okay, so Cosmos is on Nat Geo and Fox? Yeah, so it was on Nat Geo in the spring. Okay. But that Nat Geo, because Disney bought Nat Geo from Fox, it split the kingdom. And so Fox said, well, we're going to air it on our own time. And so they put it in the fall.

But Fox also has access to Hulu. So the day after the Tuesday dropping of the show, it shows up on Hulu. So everyone younger than 30 can watch it because no one younger than 30 sits on a couch at a pre-timed schedule to watch something that shows up on television. So right now, we expect the largest viewership compared with what happened back in March. It's a terrific show. It's on Fox, yeah. I appreciate that when you were on Family Guy, they animated, they drew the ship of imagination. Yes, it was, it was. And by the way, Seth MacFarlane is a co-executive producer of Cosmos.

Yes, let's shout out Seth. That was not an accident. Who's a big Gilbert fan and put him in a movie? Oh, which one? A Million Ways to Die in the West. Where were you in that movie? What were you? I was Abraham Lincoln.

How did you miss it, Neil? Oh, my gosh. OK, I got to go back and I got to. OK, I didn't think I'd have to see that movie a second time. But now I will. And they also had me on two family guys. One where I was a horse and the other one, I was a dog whistle.

So you have a lot of range. He has a lot of range. And what's the new book, Neil, that's coming out. Oh, so in the spring, it's just a cosmic queries,

which is the second StarTalk book. And there's a lot of really good material in StarTalk. I love it. It's our second book. And it's the deepest and most profound questions we've ever asked of ourselves and of the universe. Where do we come from? Where are we going? How did it all begin?

What's it all made of? How do we know what we know? Is there life in the universe? Is there a multiverse? What is consciousness? So all of that's in there and it's got a very nice arc from the small to the large. And so it's, and it's very readably written in spite of the deep content that it contains. Well, I love the first Art Talk book, so. Oh yeah, that was just a fun run. Really a lot of fun. And please say hi to Lynn Coplitz and Chuck Nice for us. Oh, we'll do.

Yeah, I haven't seen Lynn in a while. She was one of the founding co-hosts of the show, and now it's mostly Chuck Nice, but definitely. We want to thank Mallory Moorhead and Annie Jeffroy and Donald Berman for helping put this together. And Gilbert, who are the two people on the couch in the back there? Oh, my God. They just appeared. Oh, they're neighbors.

They're your neighbors? Yes. Okay. Oh, one of you is Stu. Okay. And they're neighbors. All right. There's going to be a fight for the fallout shelter right after this. There was another fallout shelter on Twilight Zone.

It's called The shelter. Yeah. That episode with Jack Albertson. Oh, and also there was one with why do I always forget his name when he's one of my favorite actors? Dr. No. Oh, Joseph Wiseman. Joseph Wiseman was in one where. I believe, Frank, he said that like he knew what he was talking about. Yeah. Yeah.

It's all bullshit. He did one that I didn't like that one because it showed that everyone said, no, no, we won't agree with you on these things and we don't care if we die.

And I thought, oh, come on. Well, no, the motto is every disaster movie begins with people ignoring the advice of scientists. That's right. That's just that's just the fact. So, you know, I hope that's a lesson for today. But I don't know. People like to ignore scientists. But on this, it was that he wanted an apology. These were one was his teacher one.

And he wanted and they go, no, one was his teacher, one, and he wanted, and they go, no, no, I won't apologize. I'll go out and die. And I thought, no, no, you apologize. I do like the time travel episode too, where the professor from Gilligan's Island

tries to prevent the Lincoln assassination. Do you remember that? Do you remember that one, Neil? No, episode of Gilligan's Island? No, it's a Twilight Zone episode. Oh, that would have made a great Gilligan's Island. Gilligan's Island was a one-form. Oh, the professor was an actor. Yeah. Oh, you see, you're totally stitching all this together in sentences.

Yeah. And then Mary Ann was Lincoln. Mary Ann was Lincoln. Have you seen the analysis of Gilligan's Island where they said, you know, if you actually analyze this carefully, the only way to have resolved all those problems is to have killed Gilligan. Listen, I'm on board for that. Yeah, you just kill him, and then you're rescued two episodes later. Gilbert, let this man go to dinner. All right. Okay, but he has to stay long enough afterwards

to give us an ID. Okay. I can do that. I can so do that. So this has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and we've

been talking to a man who says talking to Gilbert Gottfried is like talking to a chimpanzee. I do think I retracted that, but okay. Neil deGrasse Tyson. Neil, thanks for indulging our craziness. Yeah, all right.

Yeah, so the world is crazy. The universe is fine. It's Earth that's messed up. It sure as hell is. Thanks for doing this. Our fans will love this. Excellent.