Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Peter Noone

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

Gil and Frank welcome a long-sought guest, British Invasion icon Peter Noone for a loose and lighthearted conversation about rock and roll excess, the birth of the Beatles, entertaining the Queen Mum and rubbing shoulders with Bob Dylan, Keith Moon and Elvis Presley (among others). Also, Alice Cooper climbs the charts, Keith Richards lays down the law, Imelda Marcos requests a tune and Herman's Hermits perform "If I Were a Rich Man." PLUS: "The Pirates of Penzance"! Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders! Dick Clark's Caravan of Stars! The genius of Mickie Most! And Gilbert "sings" "I'm Into Something Good"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered.

A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope. But a box fan? Happily, yes. A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope. But a box fan? Happily, yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of

fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. Our guest this week is a singer, songwriter, recording artist, music historian, TV host, radio host, and an occasional actor, a former teen idol, and a genuine rock and roll legend. At the tender age of 15, he became the lead singer and

frontman of one of the most popular and successful recording acts of all time, Herman's Hermits, with hits like I'm Into Something Good, Can't You Hear My Heartbeat? There's a kind of hush. Mrs. Brown, you've got a lovely daughter, and I'm Henry VIII, I am. They sold millions of records, scored 18 top 40 hits, performed to arenas packed with screaming fans, and in the year 1965, at the peak of their success, they outsold even the Beatles. He appeared in feature films as well as hit TV shows like The Ed Sullivan Show, Laverne and Shirley, Married with Children, Quantum Leap, American Idol, and has starred on the Broadway stage and on national tours. And his popular rock and roll history show Something Good with Peter Noon can be heard on the Channel 60s on 6 on Sirius XM. In a long and impressive career, this man has worked with and shared the

stage and screen with and rubbed elbows with Elvis Presley, Danny Kaye, Liberace, Jackie Gleason, Tina Turner, Tom Jones, the Bee Gees, the Who, the Rolling Stones, Jimmy Page, David Bowie, the Hollies, Louis Armstrong, John Lennon, the Supremes, and Paul McCartney. And as Frank likes to say, that's barely scratching the surface. Bloody hell. scratching the surface. Bloody hell. And he's entered his seventh decade in show business.

He's still out there performing with upcoming live concerts and appearances all over the U.S. and Canada. Please welcome one of the key figures of the cultural explosion known as the british invasion and a man who says he was told to stay away from drugs by none other than keith Keith Richards, the legendary Peter Noon. I'm out of here. That's the longest, most incredible introduction I've ever had in my life. And not only was I told to stay away from drugs, I was threatened by Keith Richards. He said, we will come and find you and beat you up. Keith Richards, he says, we will come and find you and beat you up.

If we ever find out you're smoking pot or anything like that, we're going to come and find you and we're going to beat you up. He couldn't catch me now. Now, I want to put you on the spot, first thing, and to the end of you. You acted in Pirates of Penzance. Yeah. Now, either with the script or without it, can you sing? You don't have to sing the whole song, obviously, but some of modern Major General. I am the very model of a modern major general.

I've information, vegetable, animal, and mineral. I quote the kings of England, and I quote the facts historical from Mamelon and Waterloo in order categorical. Can I have another go? I am the very model of a modern major general of information, vegetable, animal, and mineral. I quote the facts of England, and I know the facts historical from Mamelon and Waterloo.

Ah, great! And it wasn't even a song he did in the show No, but I always wanted You know, everyone wants to play Fagin in Oliver And they want to play the major general in that I always got the leading man role You know, always, which is like You know, old guys go

Oh God, oh God, oh God You know, like Oh, is there not one maiden breast? You know, all that kind of stuff. You played Frederick. Yeah, Frederick. You know, I was good at it because it's like the director led me to a person that I could be, you know, in the play. So it was okay. I'm sorry I didn't see you.

I saw the first one with Kevin Kline in the Duronstadt. But you replaced... Greg Smith. Greg Smith, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you did it with Jim Belushi and Pam Dauber? Jim Belushi. Do I have that correct?

Yeah. Jim Belushi. I didn't do it with Pam. I can't. I did it with Maureen McGovern. Was it Maureen McGovern? Yeah, on Broadway. Yes.

Fantastic singer. There's got toGovern on Broadway. Fantastic. Got to be a morning after. There's got to be a morning after. Yeah. My mum's favourite song, that, and Let's Twist Again. Oh, both good choices. Okay, sing a little of Let's Twist Again. Let's twist again like we did last summer.

Come on, lads, shake it up, baby. again like we did last summer. Come on, lads. Shake it up, baby. That's my mother. She would, she would, she thought it was cool to say the words shake it up, baby. Oh,

I can't get enough of that funky stuff. But there you go. She was from Liverpool and they were all kind of dropped. Now, I just heard a story yesterday that you told. Well, you were working at the legendary Abbey Road Studios. As a lad. What? As a lad, I was there.

Yes. It was called. And the Beatles at the same time. Yeah, well, they were in another room. Yes. And I always, I was so young and naive that I thought I could just walk over and be one of the boys.

So I'd see like John Lennon coming out of the thing and I'd sort of ease over towards him, you know, and I'd go, hello,ennon coming out of the thing and I'd sort of ease over towards him, you know, and I'd go, Hello, John. And he'd go, Who are you? And I'd say, Oh, stop it.

Stop it. And he'd say, Okay, hermit. And I'd say, What are you lads doing here? And he'd go, Recording. So mean.

When I first met him, he was like, I was a big fan of the Beatles, but I got to be in the same room of them as they were often because I was in a band as well. So you'd think that because you're in a band that they would accept you as one of the boys.

But I was standing there. We did Top of the Pops. And I feel like I know them because I've seen them so many times and not actually spoken to them. I'm standing there like, and he goes, Nice suit, Hermit. He always called me Hermit, which really was jarring. Nice suit, hermit.

Oh, thank you. Do they make it in your size? And I quick as repartee was not my thing, but I said, yeah, and my tailor can make collars too. They had these stupid jackets with no collar on. And I think that was endearing to him. Somebody who had the balls to give him something back. And the next time I see him,

it's like, I mean, I get in a lift, an elevator and I've gone to this place because I know he goes there. It's called the Adlib club and it's like a private club and it's just drinking and lots of pretty girls and I was famous for having lots of pretty girls in my entourage and I think that was also an attraction to Herman Hermit had a lot of attractive young girls with him. And so I get in the lift at the Ad Lib Club

and standing in the lift is Terry Doran, who's this hard, dangerous man from Liverpool, who's also John Lennon's manager. Mind a hard, keep away from my boy here. Don't come anywhere near this. And he talked like that, you know, don't come, don't come, anywhere near this, and he talked, you know, don't,

don't start trouble here, and, and, he'd also, John had showed up in like, a psychedelic painted Rolls Royce, it's that very, inconspicuous,

you know what I mean, yes, not under the radar, at all, so, and I get in the lift, and we go up, and we get out,

and, I'm 17, I'm not even allowed in this club but i'm with one of the beatles so nobody questions i'm not with them i just have to enter at the same time as them so i get in and i'm stuck i'm standing in this like nightclub and john lennon feels sorry for this kid who's sort of stood there by their table. He says, the last one to sit down is an egg. Which I don't know what that means, but I mean, I never wanted to be an egg, so I guess I should sit down. So I sat down.

I sat down and this woman comes over, this cocktail waitress. Woman, she was probably 22. But when you're 15, 16, 17, 22-year-olds are old people. And she comes and she looks me straight in the face and she knows I'm not 18. And she says, there's a two-drink minimum. Like, you probably can't afford to have a drink here, can you? There's a two-drink minimum.

So John says, Grace, I'll have two Bacardi's and he'll have two Cokes. So she comes over like, because he's one of the Beatles, you can't refuse him. So he comes over and he does that magic trick where he gives me one of those little bottles,

those airline size bottle Bacardi's and takes one of my Cokes. And I sat there and I had a Bacardi and Coke. And I said, I'll get the next ones. I'll have two Cokes and he'll have two Bacardi's please. And I became like a drinking

part. Your first drink. Well it wasn't my first drink, believe me, I was already pretty good at drinking. I thought there was a competition going on. And that you could only win. And at Abbey Road one time you were looking at a recording

that the Beatles made and... Oh, yes. Oh, that's a fun story. I stupidly... I thought they wanted an opinion and I almost got myself beaten up because it came to this bit in this,

I'm standing there, can I listen? As a kid, you know, I'm very naive and it's, you get much more done if you pretend to be even more stupid than you actually are. And so we were kind of in a band

so you think that all bands want to share stuff. So he says, can I listen to what you're doing? Like thinking they'd say, well, let's listen to yours first. You know, I'll show you mine if you show me yours. So he said, okay, okay. And I step in this door and there's, I mean, it's actually absolutely, it's all unbelievable stuff. But I think they'll think more.

They'll think I'm much smarter than I really am if I say something critical you know what I mean like yeah oh you're not leaving that in are you and they basically threw me physically like held me push me against the wall and open the door and push me out oh my gosh we didn't want to fuck you and i'm out and but then there was also a time you saw your name like they had written a song oh yeah a beatle song just for you there's lots of stuff happened it wasn't even called abbey road then. It was on Abbey Road. It was called Manchester. So it's called EMI Studios.

And so everybody's getting a song written. Cilla Black has got a song written for her. And she's Tommy Quickly. Billy J. Kramer. Billy J. Kramer. And the foremost, everyone's getting a song written. Everybody from the scene that I'm from has had a song written by Lennon and McCartney, and they're all bloody number ones.

Everything that they do is like, ah, ah. Even Cilla Black's Bad Songs are being number one because John Lennon has written them. So I'm thinking, as I go in, I see, oh, my God, look, fellas, look. Look, they've written a song for me. And they go, what? Where? And there's all these boxes with song titles on them. Look, look, for noon.

And they go, it was for no one. Good try. Can you believe that? I read the word noon. It's an honest mistake. No one. And of course, it was much better than the song that they never wrote for me. Tell us about seeing them for the first time.

It was kind of... Was in the field near your grandmother's house? Exactly. How do you know this stuff? So what happened was me and this guy called Alan Wrigley. Can I swear on your show? Yes. We insist.

Please. I don't normally swear, but it's part, it's in, it has to be in his words. So we're practicing and we go, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And we can hear someone else practicing in the distance. And you know, in those days, every street had like at least three groups and 11 guitar players, every street in Manchester, every street in Liverpool, every street in Liverpool, every street in Newcastle had at least 11 bands. It was like New Jersey today.

So... And we can hear this, and it's like, ding, ding, ding. Who's that? So me and Alan Wrigley get up, and we go looking, following the sound. It's another group somewhere. And we cross a field and then in the next field across on a stage that is about 18 inches high the Beatles are doing what we thought was practicing but it was a sound check because they were only practicing the words one

two one two and and it's the Beatles practicing so we go oh it's the Beatles practising. So we go, oh, it's the Beatles, you know. We've seen them live before, but we've never seen them with this new drummer who's on a bit of the stage that's even higher than the band. It's called a drum riser, but we'd never seen one like that. Only big time drummers had a thing.

So I said, oh, what? Who does he think he is? You know, Sidney Stapleton or something. So we stay, we go to watch the Beatles and they come on stage and they're in their first song. Can't remember even what the song was, but halfway through the song, this bass player, he was the bass player in this new group that we just put together, Pete Novak and the Heartbeats. And he's looking at the band and I'm looking at the band and we've never seen anything quite like this. And he goes, Pete, we're fucked. It's over.

He wants to quit show business because he's seen the future doesn't include anything that he's ever going to be. He knows in his head that if he practices every day for the next 35 years, 11, 12 hours a day, he's not going to be as good as any one of those Beatles. So he quits the business. That minute, that is the last you ever see of him with a guitar. And I'm inspired. I'd love to be in a band who have fun with each other like that. You know, these guys that I've got in my band, they're not really that fun.

Look at the way the Beatles interacted with each other and they're like singing and... HE LAUGHS He was just 17! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then John Lennon is the lead singer of this band, this part of the Beatles thing. The lead singer is this guy called John Lennon. And at the end of the show,

he steps off the stage to the right and he talks to boys. There are boys in the audience. No one's ever seen a band who have boys who are fans. It's the beginning of that bit where I think the Fabian thing, you know,

this pullover that you gave to me isn't really hitting a home run with any boys. You know, because they don't, those kind of boys haven't been born yet who want a pullover from a guy. That's interesting. Yeah. that like rock and roll thing where rock people can connect with boys in the audience because he's standing at the side of stage talking to like a bunch of 15 year old boys because he knows that they're gonna need a following if they're gonna be a big band and I go wow that's incredible because the only people I know who do that are like the Everly brothers who you see you know you go backstage and hang around the stage door the Everly

brothers come out and Phil is nice to everybody and Don's kind of quiet but they talk to all their fans yeah yeah thank you for coming to the show and I go wow they've got all that package and look so they were polished entertainers but but they they were stilted it is scary because they had everything kind of what you would call perfection. All the vocal, you know, they didn't have monitors. Right. There was no they just played with each other. It was like one total thing.

It's inexplicable, really. And there was so much joy amongst them on the stage that you say, I'd love to be in a situation like that where I like all the people and when they play a bum note, everyone laughs. And there's all this kind of joy going on, like a soccer team winning the cup kind of vibe. And for young boys, that was very inspirational. And the girls all liked it

because they were all cute guys and they had non-rock and roll names. Remember, it was like George. They were names, everyone was called Elvis and Billy Fury and Adam Faith and Georgie Fame. And here's these guys like George Harrison, sounds like a working man,

sounds like a potato digger almost, you know what I mean? I say potato digger because my parents only went to England because they couldn't find a potato where they lived. So they swam. Yeah, so it was a very refreshing time in the music business because they changed all the rules about lighting and spotlights and and choreography because until then all british bands had a couple of steps that they did the shadows and johnny kidd and the pirates would like and they'd had they've had choreography here's these guys who just say we got all these tunes that we'd like to show you how they're supposed to be played. And we can smile during all these songs because we truly enjoy music. You know, we're not playing to anybody else's rules.

We've just created this new thing. And we've been in Germany playing to a bunch of assholes for ages and ages and ages who don't even look at us when we play. And they just come for a bevy. And here we go. Look at this. These people look at, look, the audience is They just come for a bevy. And here we go. Look at this. These people, look at the audience. They're coming to the front of the stage.

And look, those two idiots at the back who are going to quit show business because we're that good. And it was a magic moment. And it was in a field. It was called the Urmstead. It was Abbotsford Park, which is a little park in Urmstead, which no one's ever heard.

It's where the River Mersey begins is in this little town, Urmstead. Where your grandmother first put you up on stage. Same place. a little park in Ermston, which is no one's ever heard. It's where the River Mersey begins, is in this little town, Ermston. Where your grandmother first put you up on stage. Same place. That's where we lived. I lived with my grandparents. My parents are from Liverpool,

but my parents were at university when I was a kid. Me and my sister lived with my grandparents because my parents, there was this thing called the war that ended in 1945, that one. We've always had one goal we've always got a good war going somewhere so my parents were in it and my mother was sent to a countryside um because they were bombing manchester because they thought there's stuff in manchester and and liverpool they were bombing it and they sent the women and the children out into the thing

and put all the guys they gave all the guys a bayonet and sent them off there. You know, off you go. My dad was in the Air Force and he was gone. And then at the end of the war, like about 1953, they tried to recover all these people's lives that had been destroyed. You know, just messed up with the war. So my dad went back to Edinburgh University. And I can't remember what his degree was. My mother went to Cambridge and lots of the people in my neighbourhood in Manchester and Liverpool live with their grandparents.

It was just part of the culture. And, you know, there's no better person to live with than your grandparents because they're usually deaf. They're deaf and they go to bed at nine o'clock and they sleep. They sleep without any ambient or anything they just go to sleep so you can bring girls in you can sleep with girls you can have a drummer in the living room

playing as loud as John Bonham and they don't wake up what was this I heard about your grandmother burning someone's house down oh don't she never did it she just wanted people to believe it was her. Okay. She never did it.

People believed her. Watch out for that Noon family. They're crazy. They're crazy. She's from Ireland, you know, and she's crazy. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. Baseball is finally back.

Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Log in or sign up to play along as BetMGM brings the real-time action. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM, your one-stop shop for all things baseball. BetMGM.com for T's and C's. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only.

Gambling problem? Call Conax Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Introducing TD Insurance for Business, with customized coverage options for your business. Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is unique so your business insurance should be too whether you're a shop owner a pet groomer a contractor or a consultant you can get customized coverage for your business contact a licensed TD insurance advisor to learn more you know it's funny when you said about the joy of the Beatles,

because it reminds me like old, like the cool rock stars snarled. They all had an angry look on them. Yeah, yeah. It just, it was different. They weren't, it was Elvish. You know, they had odd names. They were not names that normal people had. They were sort of put on a pedestal and idolized.

Beatles had the opposite kind of vibe. You didn't need to idolize them. You just wanted to be one of them. Interesting. And yesterday, Frank sent me a clip I had never seen before, and I knew it was going to be a clip that I would like. Okay. before and i knew it was going to be a clip that i would like okay you were uh herman's hermits were playing in front of the royal family oh yeah i knew you'd like that clip oh absolutely i knew

i said do you remember this he knows was it london palladium yeah yeah herman's hermits performing if i were a rich man can you believe it and we didn't know that that was not appropriate i sent Yeah. Yeah. Herman's Hermit performing If I Were a Rich Man. Can you believe it? And we didn't know that that was not appropriate. I sent it to Paul Schaefer, too. I loved it. How about we did Mame? You does a blood of my mate.

And you know what? That's right. It was the... I called... When I saw it recently, I had never... I didn't know there was a... I didn't know they even recorded it. I know they televised stuff, but BBC dumped all that stuff a long time ago.

They sold the tapes to someone. So I didn't know it existed, and I watched it, and I had to call all the hermits. I don't speak to them often. I called them. I said, Carl, Carl, have you ever seen

that Royal Command performance that we did? He said, no. I said, you've got to watch it on YouTube. I said, let me just ask you a question. When we did it, did anyone come up to you, like your mum or one of the managers or anybody? Did anybody come up to you and say, bloody hell, man, I didn't know you could do that. were brilliant and he goes no no one said that I said well let me tell you now I just watched it you were brilliant they were not dancers they didn't do choreography we sat for four weeks we hated every minute of it we hated because they were trying to change us into from this kind of punk band into what we thought was the bachelors which was a mom and dad's kind of cabaret band.

And the guy who put that show together and did all the choreography had done The Bachelors. You know, Ramona, I hear the mission bells are calling. All that stuff, you know, which we didn't want to do any of that. We were not caro me or mine or anything. We were the opposite of that. We were like, you know, woke up this morning feeling fine. You know, that was our thing.

And I couldn't believe it. I think we were brilliant. And it was the Queen Mother. And I didn't know much about any of that. I'd seen the coronation. And I remembered for the coronation, we were all at my school. We were given a banana we've never seen a banana before is this this is all going through my head as i'm singing if i were a rich man as a

queen mom that's the queen's mom and you remember 1953 to the coronation street they came for the school and they gave all the kids a banana and And we, and like some teacher explained how this was the perfect package. It had a peel and you just peeled it off and ate the insides and then you threw away the package. And God, this school is called the English Martyrs, by the way. And God had packaged this so well that they could ship it from, we don't know where it came from, this banana. Probably Panama. Who knows? We don't know. But we peeled this banana probably panama who knows we don't know

but we peeled it you know i mean and we ate and it was like this is a memorable thing for english people because fruit was non-existent my mom and dad had a ration book and my dad used to trade his petrol ration for cigarettes that's all i can remember and i remember like every friday night we'd get a quarter pound of chocolate caramels on the ration book. And that was a big deal. Chocolate caramels. Now I buy them in the hotel and eat two boxes. You know, they've always got them. So that was all from World War II.

Yeah. From having the ration. Everybody was from World War II. I used to run into John's dad. And I'd say you know of course you slam the door in your face

because you know this is drinking talk you know getting pissed it's called and when you get pissed you have great information to fix other people's problems you know

so I'm pissed you know it's kind of normal that you oh pissed means drunk in England so I'm drunk. And I, you know, probably, you know, deserted him and running off to sea

and not coming back probably hurt his feelings. Leaving him with his, well, his anti-mimi, you know, I sort of kind of, I'd be disturbed by that. I mean, my parents went away, but at least they went to university, didn't go sailing around the world.

And he said, well, you've got to understand, Pete, you've got to understand that it was boring being at home. What do you mean, boring? Well, yeah, it was boring, you know, when you're on the ship with the sailors, you can play cards and you can drink all night and you guys you should have been in a band so John Lennon's father was explaining to you why he he was sad because he was sad it was he was he's gone out to John's house he was regretful and the and he couldn't understand that John wouldn't deal with him. I see.

Fred was trying to be a pop star. He was like, I think you're Tom Jones' manager. Gordon Mills? Was like managing this Beatles dad. And now I want to put you on the spot again. It's called tear.

We're Irish people. We're all Irish, all those people in rock and roll in England. They've all got some Irish virus and we're all getting drunk and sharing our secret. Every family has a secret. My grandmother burnt people's houses down. That's a secret. Gil, you were close to your grandmother. Oh, yeah.

She lived to 104. When did she go deaf? Very early. Yeah, see, if you live with your grandmother amid death, you don't have to communicate that much. You know, they make sandwiches and everything. I got to put you on the spot again. I need to hear a little of If I Were a Rich Man.

If I were a rich man, all day long I'd giddy giddy gum. If I was a wealthy man, oy, I wouldn't have to work hard. That's new material. I didn't realize that was really politically incorrect, especially in front of the Queen Mother.

In this life, one thing counts in some... I mean, it's all wrong. It's new material for the show, Pete. You know,

that was the last... That was the only time I've ever done that. It's on YouTube. Everybody can see it. Fiddler on the roof. Herman Chomich, Fiddler on the roof.

And Jerry Herman. You loved... I knew he would. I did. Did you see... Yeah, when you had your arms connected. Like Greek he would. I did. You were. Yeah, when you had your arms connected. Like Greek dancing men.

Yes. Yes. We hated every second of it. It was fucking great. And you know what's great? The hermits were like counting. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

And they'd never, ever, ever done a dance step. That was great. And they were great. And they're faultless. I go, look, I go, nobody makes a mistake. And this is live. And there's another band playing the music. We'd never done that before.

We have to listen to someone else playing. So before, we'd always accompanied ourselves. We were not used to having a... And they were in a pit. And they hated us, the guys in the pit. They were looking at us like, Oh, gee, look, that crap. Well, I advise everyone to watch Herman's Hermit.

It's on YouTube. I thought it was great. Gilbert, I knew he'd love it. How did your working class parents feel about you entertaining the royal family? I mean, that must have been... One of my greatest regrets is I never, ever said to my parents, I'm happy that you're proud of my work. You know what I mean?

I never thought to use... I never went home and said, hey, dad, what do you think of that? Thanks for, you know, getting me. I never thanked them for getting me into whatever place I got to. You know what I mean? My only regret is that I never thanked my parents properly for being, you know, letting me live with my grandmother. Which opened up kind of a lot of pressure.

And I saw something, Paul. By the way, just a sec the queen mother was cool because i i you know that line where you're standing and i'm sort of kowtowing it's the queen this is the royal family and i'm like a real loyal british citizen especially then and i'm i'm like bowing in front of her as if she's like you know jesus like big this is a big deal and and she she very kindly says um you had won the best dressed man in england twice and one of her relatives anthony snowden lord snowden had also tied with me one year tied as i was like the co-best dressed man of the year so she knew about the best dressed

man because it was part of her family, that. She goes, that's a lovely suit. And I said, you know, the material's English, but I had it made in France. It wasn't an English tailor. And she goes, It wasn't an English tailor. And she goes, oh, yes, your wife is from France, isn't she? And I was like, she must have read the bio before the show. Wow. That she knew that I was married to a Frenchman. Why?

And she connected all the dots. And she was probably 80. Did her homework. Yeah. And then I realized probably they all do their homework. Yeah, probably. Wherever they go. People briefing homework. Yeah. And then I realized probably they all do their homework. Yeah, probably. Wherever they go. People briefing them. Yeah.

And I saw something. I think Paul Schaefer was stalking to you. Stalking me. Yeah. Yeah, stalking you. And you said they used to call you, I'll see if I'm pronouncing it correctly, a yuck with a Yiddish cup.

Yuck. A yuck. Yuck. I'm the yuck with the Yiddish cup. Because nobody knows how this happened. Nobody knows how this happened. Could you explain? I'm going to try and explain.

In Manchester, there was a thing called the JLB, which was the Jewish Lads Brigade. And there was a girl who went there. Her name was Wendy Herman. It's really weird. I'm not in Herman's home. I used to go to the jail, Jewish Lads Brigade. And for some reason, nobody questioned me. What are you doing here?

And the Jewish Lads Brigade was like people, young English Jewish boys who would fight if anybody started stirring up any more trouble. So it was very attractive to me. I'd like a fight. I'd fight for that. Something worth fighting for, you know. Instead of fighting over who gets the next drink, I can fight for something that means something. So I'm friends with this, and Graham Goldman is a member.

10cc. And Harvey Lisberg, who's my manager, eventually is. They're all members of this sect, this little place that I'm not even part of, but I'm a musician. So I can play there. And eventually I'm called Herman Sermit. So they think I'm the Yock with the Yiddish cop. They think that I'm smarter than I really am because all the newspapers are saying,

the happiest millionaire, the luckiest millionaire, one hit record, and they've got a million pound deal from the label. And I'm going, no, no, no, no. It's a million dollars and I've got 11 partners. You know, I've not got the million. Because cop is Head Yach means I'm not Jewish And the Yiddish cup means I've got a Jewish brain

Oh, it's like a goyishapunim Right, Gil? Yes Yes Exactly How come you're all Schaefer, Guy? But, yeah A Yiddish cup

Do I have that right there? Cup Yeah, it's like a compliment. It means someone's smart. For some reason, yeah, for some reason, I could speak Yiddish better than most of the people. I'm not going to do it anymore because I've forgotten most of it. Oh, God damn it.

Now I do Bruno Yiddish. You know. And my wife understands. Yiddish. You know, I have to speak Yiddish. And my wife understands. My wife is from Strasbourg where they speak a dialect and I

can make her fall on the floor laughing when I do, when I speak German or Yiddish to her. So you were

able to speak Yiddish years ago? Yeah, when I was a kid because i lived in this culture where almost 100 of the people in the culture were were speaking yiddish just happened to be that neighborhood that i was in because i i wanted to be part of theirs that that there was a band called the mockingbirds which which graham gulman was in which was my favorite sort of local band and they would they're the one that they'd made the first recording of for your love which was it we three recorded as well there was three versions there was the Mockingbirds then there was the the

Herman's Hermits version and then the Yardbirds got it right they had the hit for your love and they and they would also do but they recorded bus stop which we did and then the Hollies had a number one with. We used to give all these songs to our friends. We never, ever spoke to any of them ever again after we gave them the hit song. I was going to say, the Hermits recorded Bus Stop and For Your Love, but you didn't put it out. We didn't think they were singles. We tried to make singles. Every time we went in the studio, we were trying to make a single.

And the ones that failed were called album tracks and B-sides. Mickey Most didn't think those were hits, those songs. We wouldn't have ever recorded it if he didn't think they were hits. Yeah, I see. You wouldn't have wasted the money on tape. I see. He was a genius, Mickey Most, because he could make you believe. I'd be singing Mrs. Brown, You Got a you got lovely daughter it was just we needed one more

track for an album and I every song in our set list was already somebody else had made a record of it so we can't do that we can't do roll over Bay over we can't do reeling and rocking we can't do this because the you can't do so all the popular local songs were already recorded so what else have you got i said keith showing that clunker don't clunker oh okay so don't worry we could put it on the we put it track three on side two of the album no one will ever get that far that's so he truly believed that that people wouldn't listen to the whole hermits that's interesting yeah that came from a Tom Courtney movie?

A play. A play, a televised play? You know what happened? It's a really odd story. There was a play written by, I've forgotten his name now, but a play, and Tom Courtney was in it, and Tom Courtney, during the opening segment, sang Mrs. Brown You Got a Lovely Daughterughter and Keith Hopwood, this guy who was in

Herman's Hermits, he had this guitar called a Gretsch Country Gentleman and it had a damper on it, a Chet Atkins version. It has like a little, it's hard to explain on the radio, but it had a little damper that made it supposedly sound like a banjo. Okay, but banjo is open string sounding thing So it's not it wasn't clang. It was more And we were both watching this thing and we were both watching the play at the same time in different buildings and You know, he was at his mom's house and I was at my grandma's house that's what my TV was much louder than his so I could hear it and

house and I was at my grandma's house. My TV was much louder than his so I could hear it. They sing this song at the beginning of this play and it's got that. And so I said, Keith, you know, did you see? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That song's great. It's a great song. It's Tom Courtney. I said, I think we should try and get a record. And you know, we could use, that's the one place we can use that Gretsch country gentleman. He spent a lot of money. I think it was 300 quid, when 300 pounds was what the Beatles were getting paid for a show. So it was a lot of money, this guitar.

And we work it out, and it is incredibly, incredibly difficult to play. I've not met a guitar player who can play it as good as the 16-year-old Keith Hotwood plays it on the record. Wow. It is really... That's cool. It's intense and very difficult what he did.

It's very difficult. And we recorded it as a, you know, some disc jockey in Philadelphia or something played the song for 24 hours. But once upon a time, DJs could like change thoughts. Oh, sure. Oh, that comes up a lot on this show. Yeah, they were really powerful. And we had to put it out. And we said, we're not putting that out as a single.

That'll ruin our careers. You know, we've got more serious stuff than that. We're like a punk band. You know, we want to sing a song like that. No Milk Today, we want like, you know, songs like, good songs about real things. So you never put that out? Mickey says, it's got 400,000 advance orders.

What day are you putting it out? How quickly they... Have you heard Gilbert's version of Mrs. Brown, you've got a lovely daughter? No, but I bet I'm going to. The fear in this man's eyes, Gilbert. Which they also can't see on the radio. Yeah.

Can we do something good first? Oh, you do whatever you want. It's your show. I was trying to segue into that. Why do you want to do something good first? Okay, well, we have time for both. It's a warm-up. Okay.

Okay, we'll do Mrs. Brown. He's got his process, Peter. I don't want to... Have you written new words for it? No. Okay. Okay. We'll do Mrs. Brown. He's got his process, Peter. I don't want to... Have you written new words for it? No. Oh. No. Okay. You sure Jackie the Joke Man Marthling hasn't written you some rude script for it? Do we have this queued up?

Mrs. Brown looks older than she ought to. Are you okay with a karaoke background? Absolutely. Because that's all we've got. I love it. Here we go, Gil. Why don't you let Peter start, and then you'll pick it up from here. I'll pick it up from tell her? Yeah. This way Peter will acquaint the audience.

He will acclimate them to what it actually is. Oh, so I sing a bit? You start us off. Here we go. Here goes nothing. It's pretty good. Mrs. Brown, you've got a lovely daughter. Curls as sharp as her are something rare.

But it's sad She doesn't love me now She's made it clear enough It ain't no good to pine Return And she wants to return Those things I bought her. Tell her she can keep them just the same.

Walking about. She doesn't love me now. She's made it clear enough. He ain't no good to pie. You know the tune, Gilbert. Walking about. Even in a crowd. Well, you pick her out. Makes the bloke feel so proud.

If she finds that I've been around to see you. There we go. Tell her that I'm well and feeling fine. Feeling fine. There we go. Good time! Lookin' around Even in a crowd You'll pick it out Makes a bloke feel so proud If I'd have got a lovely daughter Mrs Brown, you've got a lovely daughter.

Mrs. Brown, you've got a lovely daughter. Wow, that would never have been a single. That should go on side two, track three. But I'm really impressed with your knowledge of the song. So am I. You've obviously heard it before. At least twice. Oh, God, I hope your wife's deaf.

Not a bad Gilbert Gottfried impression, Peter. Oh, God, I hope your wife's deaf. Not a bad Gilbert Gottfried impression, Peter. Oh, really? I just shouted as loud as I could. That's all it is. And I just didn't go anywhere near the melody or the rhythm. One is where you want it. It's like working with Ginger Baker. You're just one is where you want it. It's like working with Ginger Baker.

You're just supposed to imagine where one is. And if you don't know, it's because you haven't done heroin with me and Phil Seaman. Yeah. Beware, Mr. Baker.

Beware Gottfried singing. We might put you through another one later, but before I get off this track. What a lovely day we're having here more vocals with mr god do tell you mentioned elvis before do tell us about meeting elvis and you got to interview him yeah incredible it's the worst interview when are you coming to england

oh dear oh dear you know you know what happened was we saw we were in hawaii We had one day off. It says in the story that Peter Noon is meeting Elvis Presley on his day off from a 360-day tour. We were so young and stupid that our agents figured we had one more year left in the business and to sell us every night everywhere. So we'd go France, Belgium, Holland, Germany, Italy, Israel, Hong Kong, and we end up a day 196 with a day off in Honolulu because there's been a time change. We've earned a day. And in the hotel,

we see Colonel Tom Parker, who to me is one of the most fascinating people on the planet. And he's got the cigar and the hat and the fake Texas thing going. And we coerce him into letting us meet Elvis, who is there making a movie. And there's a DJ called Tom Moffat who plans the whole thing. He said, I can set it up, but you will say you're going to do an interview with him

because he met the Beatles and he didn't have a really good time with them because he thought they were disrespectful. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I mean,

that's just an aside. So, there's going to be nothing but maximum respect from Peter Noone whose watch is now saying, have you fallen over? I don't know why

I have to say no because otherwise it calls 911. So, I meet, know why. I have to say no, because otherwise it calls 911. So I meet. So we get in this car. Peter's ignoring a warning on his wristwatch. Yeah. Have you fallen over? Must have been that singing.

While there's an interruption, because I'm missing a page. Okay. I need you to print up. You're not going to sing an Elvis song, are you? Something good. Oh, yeah. Well, they'll prep it for you. And big print. They'll prep it for you. I know the words. He's... So they arranged to take us

and we've got to be in the car at 5 a.m. So me and Barry the drummer, Barry Whitwam, the drummer from Hermits Hermits, stay up all night. Because when you're young, you think, if I stay up, I'll definitely, I'll be ready. Yeah. I'll be ready at five o'clock. Otherwise, the rest of the Hermits all overslept. They didn't make the five o'clock wake up thing that, you know, to meet Elvis, because they were tired, you know, 192 days on the road so we we get in this car and they take us up there and the best part is Elvis punks us they take us into this hut it's

all these Hawaiian huts he's making a movie Paradise Hawaiian style or something I can't remember and we walk in and there's an Elvis flat out on the floor, face down, as if he's just been out at a party with Keith Richards. You know what I mean? Like a wimp, like done, fixed. Like, oh, somebody has dropped him off there after a big night out, just taking him out of the taxi

and throwing him in this hut. So we're standing there there we don't know what to do and then Elvis walks in and and he looks like Elvis Presley like the most beautiful guy I ever saw in my life I go but he's in makeup and he's ready to go for a movie so they've made him up and he looks like Elvis Presley Wow and I'm like in shock just from seeing him because he's this idol figure in my world. You know, like they've got statues of Jesus and St. Francis of Assisi, but we've got a statue at home of Elvis. You know, my sister is like a big Elvis fan and I don't know what to do, but

I've got this microphone. Stop calling me on my watch. Excuse me. So can you hear that? That's all right. So Elvis is there and he goes, I put this microphone in front of him and I say, my sister has a phone. And I've called her from the Hawaiian hotel. Throw this bloody watch in the toilet, will you? So my sister, I call her. She lives in Liverpool and her husband works in Ellesmere Port in a car factory and I've called her, I'm meeting Elvis Presley. Denise, can you believe it?

I'm going to meet Elvis Presley. But I've got to ask him some questions. You got any good questions? She goes, ask him, does he dye his hair? And you did. So I look at Elvis and what's going through my head is I've got to introduce him. I've got to make this interesting. So I say, when are you coming to England?

And he goes on this long lie kind of thing. The reason he's not going to England is because Colonel Parker's got a bad hip and he can on this long lie kind of thing. The reason he's not going to England because Colonel Parker's got a bad hip and he can't fly. We don't know that Colonel Parker doesn't have a green card or an immigration statement. This only comes out 40 years later. So I'm listening to this story.

Ah, shame about this thing. But all the time I'm looking at his hair. So my brain isn't working on all the questions that I've got. questions that I've got. All that I go on, I'm like, he does dye his hair. You can tell he dyes his hair. Also wears a lot of makeup, you know what I mean? Because he's on a movie set and his hair is perfect.

And I look at him, I'm like, his clothes are perfect. I feel like this is the most beautiful. I didn't know I would ever find a man beautiful, but this is one. I didn't know that. I was going to go, wow, this is really, this is like one of those moments like when I saw the Beatles in that field that you go, shit, this guy's got the whole thing.

He's got the whole package. And he's funny. He's making, you don't know the part about Elvis. He's a bit of a character because they don't want him to do interviews. They want everybody to think he's like a truck driver kind of. But he's like being funny. And I say, who's your favorite group?

And he goes, I like the Beatles and the Stones and. And Herman's Hummets, of course. You know, like that. He's in the Boston Pops. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and all these clowns that he's got working for him. We weren't around his friends who weren't around when he died. You know, like, oh, yeah, he's been mean, and all these clowns that he's got working for him, who weren't around, his friends who weren't around when he died, you know, like, oh, yeah, he's been in the bathroom for 11 hours.

Perhaps we should go and check him out. All these guys are there just laughing at everything he says and not laughing at anything I say. It's like a competition. Fools. And I'm friends with some of those guys still. You know, some of them were cool but their job was to make everything elvis did better and more funny than it really was you 16 at this point 17 17 yeah it's really really your questions are so cute people can see it it's online is it

yeah yeah the whole thing is there yeah you know it's that's the great thing about the internet things that you thought were covered like my grandmother burning down houses. Well, listen, I had to write that one down. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. DQ presents the sound of a genius idea with the new Smarties Cookie Collision Blizzard. It's the sound of your favorite Smarties Blizzard. Oh, but how could it get any better than this colorful classic?

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because I was interested in him as a character. Once I'm doing a gig in Las Vegas and he lived at the Las Vegas Hilton. In his final five years, he lived at the las vegas hilton he was in his final five years he lived at the las vegas hilton he had a room there that he did and he would be found in the lobby taking groups to see the elvis suite charging 20 or something and all day on a five dollar poker machine he was a big gambler so perhaps that's why they gave him a room there but he was a character and he had lots of fun stories you know about being being in a circus and finding his way to texas because you could in texas you could play poker with money on the table

if you had a hotel room so he obviously got off a ship from Rotterdam in Norfolk, Virginia, Roanoke, found his way to Dallas and played cards and was not successful and ended up on the road and, you know, found himself in a circus. And he would tell the story that they said, come and see the animal. And I said, get yourself, put animals up there. And they said, well, they were from Hungary or something. They said, well, we've only got one animal. They were being honest, you know what I mean? He says, well, we'll just throw a bucket of paint on it, put a different girl on it and take the animal,

take the elephant around the building, bring it back in the other door. It was brilliant. And, you know, he'd tell me stories like, you know, I'd say, you know, we ran into this union problem because British musicians had problems with the union in America. And I'm a union guy. My dad was in the union.

I was in the union. So I never had a problem. And so he got a problem. He said, well, what I used to do, I can't do his accent, but he said, what I used to do is like, if we'd run into that problem, and they'd say, you know, he had a trio at the beginning. Elvis Presley at the beginning had a trio, like the most brilliant trio. And the musicians, you need to employ 12 people. at the beginning Elvis Presley at the beginning had a trio like the most brilliant trio and the

musicians you need to employ 12 people this is the rule of this room is there needs to be 12 musicians paid and you'd make them play six in the ladies room and six in the men's room he would make them play if you're going to pay you you're going to play and that was kind of we don't know if it's true but it was a great anecdotal story about a union. And he was a character. So I'd say, I'm playing this gig in another casino. And it's Paul Revere and the Raiders and Peter Noon, Herman of Herman's Hermits. He's charging the wrong money. I said, what?

It's $40. It's a good deal. He said, $39.95. I said, what's that? He said, people, there's a barrier at 40. Interesting. He still thought he was going to be- A businessman.

Yeah. Through and through. All the time, completely giving me suggestions on how to run my business, even though he was like an old geezer. And you knew, well, at least you hung out with Bob Delon. Well, only I didn't really hang out with him. I just would find myself sitting at a table next to him often, and Captain Beefheart and John Lennon. People would invite us because when you were a pop star in those days,

you'd get invited to like a new group. If somebody had a new group that they wanted to promote, they'd invite whoever was in town to come and be seen in the audience. Now it's Paris Hilton. But in those days, it was John Lennon, Bob Dylan, and that kid from Herman's Hermits. Maybe they won't let him in because he's only 17, but if he's with John Lennon, they'll give him a drink.

So I would be sat next to him often. It just was one of those people that whenever I came to New York, I had a friend in New York called Gloria Stavis, who was the editor of 16 Magazine. And she was the coolest woman I ever met. She was like from another generation. And powerful too. Very powerful. And she would tell, I'd come into town, I didn't really know what to do. And she said, go to this place, go to this place, go to this place. And one day she'd go, I go, I'm coming into New York. And she said, don't bother.

What do you mean, don't bother? I said, your thing's all over. She said, oh, you mean the monkeys? She said, oh, no. Jim Morrison, Alice Cooper, you're done. That's a good friend, isn't it? Nobody knows who you are anymore the whole business has changed and it's now Alice Cooper and Jim Rohn

I remember the words who the hell is Alice Cooper some girl taking over and it was true the business went overnight from being pop stars and Bob Dylan and Beatles and monkeys to that next level.

Kept changing. Well, of course. And, you know, the Beatles themselves and the British Invasion Acts knocked out a lot of those. Yeah. Chuck Berry and Fats Domino and a lot of their heroes. It was just disturbing. So cyclical.

Disturbing to tell, to be told that my career was over and name the people who'd ruined it. What do you remember about coming to the states for the first time and and and entering uh it was joining up with dick clark's review i would suggest that any 15 16 year old boy has an experience like that because we saw the real america we were kids from you know provincial england had taste of London and we get on a bus with Billy Stewart Ike Turner Little Anthony in the impure who we connected instantly with little Anthony and the Imperials because we knew who they were and they knew who We were and they'd been ours once before in a completely different culture in our culture people Wanted to beat us up because we had different clothes and long hair.

Are you a boy or a girl? Always turned into a fight. We couldn't accept. What do you mean? You know any girls with one of these? And then there'd be a big fight and stuff would happen. We came over here and we thought, whoa, this is a completely different.

They knew who we were because they'd had that kind of stuff happen to them. This is 65 when you came 64 late 64 or 65 yeah and you know we'd play in cities where you know our managers would say you should close tonight you should you know because when we started on the tour we were the opening act you know it was like it was like little anthony imperials bobby v V, Freddie Kennedy, I'm from England, direct from England, Herman's Hermits, right? But by the halfway through the tour, we had three records

in the top 20, and our manager's saying, you should close the show. Sometimes we'd walk out onto the stage, we didn't know, we didn't know any better. We'd walk out on the stage and it would be 100% black audience, and we'd have to sort of change the show. You know, we've got Mrs got mrs brown you got a lovely daughter coming up this is not going to work with this crowd you know being cute is not going to work after that somebody's just an it's

all right it's all right it's all right with the splits and everything now we're going to stand up like these wooden little english twerks you know we know following that so we just some nights we better let Anthony go on after us they were fantastic they were so fantastic

and during that tour Bobby V had this band Myron Cohen and the Caddies terrible name for the band the Caddies

sounds like you're carrying someone else's gear doesn't it so halfway through the tour terrible name for the band the caddies sounds like you're carrying someone else's gear doesn't it so halfway through the tour this is it's a perfect experience for a young

halfway through the tour there was this beautiful girl on the bus and round robin who was this guy from America and Billy Stewart

who was this 380 pound fantastic person who I sat next to on every bus ride, basically because he weighed 380 pounds, so seven-eighths of the seat was taken up by him. And I was last on the bus because I was doing the promotion. So my arse, my arse would fit into one-eighth of the seat.

I weighed 110 pounds. So between us was the 500 pound people. So one day, a round robin gets on the bus and fires a couple of rounds at Billy Stewart. I don't know how he missed him because he was a 380. I would have, I could have, a couple of rounds. Yeah. Boom, boom. So I learned to, how to eat cigarette ends and bits of pieces, chewing gum wrappers that were on the floor of the bus. And that night, Dick Clark shows up and said, we're going to get you a station wagon like Bobby V. Because Bobby V was at a station wagon that we, and we'll get you a driver because we know

you're not old enough to drive. And we got this guy called Randy who drove us all around America. And we followed Bobby V. By the second day, Bobby V had introduced Herman's Hermits to a thing called the Cherry Bomb, which was a piece of dynamite packed in a cherry. So we would be driving behind all giddy little English schoolboys, and out of the window of his station wagon would come this smoking thing that would explode. And basically four out of five hermits would shit their pants.

I never did. I never did. The glory days of rock and roll. But we were, of course, the first stop. But we were, of course, the first stop, first time we ever got to talk to Bobby V about what was this item that he just introduced us to. It was called a cherry bomb. And we said, where'd you get it?

And he said, well, you can't get them in this state. You can only get it when we go to Ohio. So we waited every day. Now we knew what was coming out the window. Every time the windows rolled down. And remember, windows rolled down slowly because there was a winder. You could see the window coming.

Ah, here comes another one of those things. And the next time we bought one, and one of the, I think it was Bobby Keys, the saxophone player, Bobby Keys, who was in the Stones, I think, he says, you should try dropping it in the toilet. See what happens. Of course, we're kids from England, you know.

We're kids from, we don't know what's going to happen. It blows the bathroom wall out. Oh, jeez. So, yeah, you know, but we always, once we knew that, we always paid for the bathroom wall before we dropped it. We were honest. I'm going to make a segue here. Speaking of destroying bathrooms and explosions,

tell us something about your friendship with Keith Moon. Well, we introduced him to the cherry bombs. Oh. You know, they were, every time we would, we became the old timers. So we'd bring the animals on tour and we'd show them cherry bombs. And of course they used them

and eventually used them as weapons. But we, then we bought the Hollies and Wayne Fontana and by the time they'd finished the tour they knew all about a cherry banders and then we brought the who over and of course they took it to the next level they dropped it in soon so that it was way up into the plumbing system before it exploded and you could take out a whole floor really with it keith loved that and it was we were there when he first did it you know it's like when they when they want to claim stuff like he put the car in the pool yeah the people who were

there i defy you go to a holiday and try and get a car past the ice machine and the wall there's no car can get through there and they always had that white railing around we thought of all that stuff but you can't get a car in america in a pool it's safe for children was there a story about keith moon's infamous birthday party at the holiday inn it's a big story because in flint yeah remember we're English schoolboy twits. Twit is short for nitwit, just so you know. I think of the Python sketch, the twit of the year. Exactly.

So we were really twits, and we didn't have much going. We always ordered the same thing in a restaurant because we'd seen. If we went for a drink, we'd have whatever they were having. I'll have a Singapore slink. Me too. Vodka, Jiminy. I'll have one of those. Cause we didn't know anything.

We only knew beer. So we didn't know. So the who come and is having his 20, he says it's his 21st birthday party because he can drink if he's 21 in this state. So, and he was already drinking, so make it legal. So I said my 21st birthday. So we order, we had this guy called Bob Levine,

who was our tour manager. From the very beginning, he was always there. And his job was to go to the hotel manager and negotiate for a room for us to destroy because we were nice people. We wanted to pay. We wanted to prepay for any damage, you know, so they couldn't say, oh, those hermits got...

So he goes to the manager. He says, look, you know, so they couldn't say, oh, those hermits got burnt. So he goes to the manager, he says, look, I know this is unusual, but it's somebody's birthday party tonight and they're going to destroy a room. Have you got a room that you're going to redecorate soon? And we'll use that room so that we can minimalise the cost. So I remember the room, it was downstairs and it had one of those concertina doors on it.

You know, those, like a concert, the doors that go like that. And he said, just this side here. I remember standing there going, well, can't we have that? No, no, no, don't leave that room. We're just down there. And we negotiated to have this one room on the side of this half of a room. And we ordered 100 birthday cakes.

And I remember that when Bob Levine, this guy, was ordering, they said, well, they're not going to eat them. They're not going to eat them. And it's like so bizarre because it was like, suddenly we're in this room downstairs and everybody is in their underwear, just their underwear, because they know that it's going to be a pie thing.

It's a non-sexual pie throwing orgy. With a hundred birthday cakes. A hundred birthday cakes and they're all laid out ready for it. And of course, Keith Moon walks in

and gets it immediately and he gets down to his Y-fronts and he throws the first cake. But then, 50 cakes. Everybody throws a cake at him. Everybody is going to plaster him because it's his birthday

and we've paid for the room. So he's getting all these cakes and he climbs up on the table because he was a very fit guy. And he climbs up on the table and he starts throwing this cake. And I don't know if you've ever thrown a cake while standing on a four micah he slipped and he slipped and he hit his face on the table like that boom and he knocked his front tooth he broke half of his front tooth off of course we thought that was funny and then the the is a dangerous thing to I don't know it's

probably very painful and they Carmen there is road manager or Chris Chris stamp gets him and they take him out and they take him to a dentist and he he's gonna miss the next gig. And we're all worried now, like being so professional. Will he make the next gig? So we get him a helicopter and they fly him on to the next. We go and send him a helicopter and pick him up all for his birthday, see? And that was the end of it, really.

And then what happens? It gets a bit out of control and he's gone but the party's not over and we're all running round in our Y fronts and some other men in the hotel say those guys look at all those girls

they're having a load of fun let's join them so now complete strangers are joining us in their underwear men men and they're running round

so we've run out of cakes so we take those fire hydrants off the wall there and start shooting them firing the fire hydrant we don't know that that's poisonous and go blind and they're chasing us with them and it's going on all the cars. And that foam in those things takes the paint off all those cars. And God was thinking for Herman's Hermits that night and our bankers because these men,

it was their cars. We didn't have a car. We came on a bus and all the paint was gone off their cars but they all worked for Mutual of Omaha Insurance. That worked out. That worked out.

That worked out great for them. They were insurance men and their cars had been destroyed. Moon turned that to driving a car in a swimming pool. There was a lot of damage to cars, but none of them went in the pool. What a character. He was so much fun. You know, and I was kind of, this is so pathetic. I was his minder, Moon and Noon, the Loon twins, because I was a much fun. You know, and I was kind of, this is so pathetic. I was his minder, moon and noon, the loon twins,

because I was a bit crazy. And I would say, you know, his manager, he had a really nice guy manager called Kit Lambert, who was a very gentle, nice human being. And he would say, would you do me a favor? Would you watch out for Keith? Because, you know, he gets in trouble every now and then. And he trusted me to look after him.

So I took it upon myself and said, Keith, ever been water skiing? So every day, wherever we were, we would find somebody who would take us water skiing. It was summer. And I'd take him water skiing, not knowing that water skiing with a bottle of vodka in one hand isn't really that good.

But when you fall, you don't hurt yourself. At least you're not falling on Fort Micah. But every day we'd go, there's pictures of me and Keith Moon in Fort Lauderdale and all over America we'd find a place. We'd get there at 10 o'clock in the morning and I'd take it thinking that was how he got fit, not knowing that drinking all day was not a good thing because I could do it, so why couldn't he? Go ahead, Gil.

And, okay, now before, because there was an argument, I didn't, you know, something good, feeling fine, something good is my song. It's called I'm Into Something Good. Wait a second. I'm Into Something Good. After all those terrible stories, you're going to sing now? Yes.

Yes. And you're going to sing with me. Okay. He won't know the tune. I'm just giving you a fair warning, Peter. Oh, I know the tune really well. Maybe you can carry him. You've sung it before? Let's warning, Peter. Oh, I know the tune really well. Maybe you can carry him. You've sung it before?

Let's sing it together. Oh, okay. With apologies to Carole King. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Woke up this morning feeling fine. There's something special on my mind.

Last night I met a new girl in the neighborhood. Oh, yeah. Something tells me I'm into something good. Take it. Go ahead, Gil. She's the kind of girl who's not too shy. And I can tell I'm her kind of girl who's not too shy And I can tell I'm her kind of guy She danced close to me like I hoped she would

Oh yeah Something tells me I ain't a something good Rich, we only danced for a minute or two Then she stopped close to me the whole night through. Can I be that fallen in love? Cause she's everything I've been dreaming of. She's everything I've been dreaming of. I walked on her when she held my hand.

I knew it would be just a one night stand. So I asked the senior this week In search of a telephonic Something tells me I'm into something good No, no, wait a second. I feel like Ginger Bacon now. Let the guitar player go. Okay.

You're just looking admiration over the guitar player. Okay. Here we go. More coming now. I walked home and she held my hand. I knew it would be just a one night stand. So I asked her, say it again, she told me I could. Oh yeah.

Something tells me I'm into something good. Something tells me I'm into something good Do one on your own. Something tells me I'm into something good Let me do one. Something tells me I'm into something good Something good That was marvelous.

I never thought anyone could make me feel that musical. It's good. I come from a musical family and no one ever did that. Thank you for letting me share that with you. That was beautiful, Peter. You're a brave soul. I hope I can still sing like that tonight. Do I have time for five minutes of questions from listeners, Peter?

Yeah, go. Real quick. This is fun. This is fun for a change. Andrew Hirsch says, I don't have a question. I just want to thank Peter for making my uncle happy in his unfortunately short life. His uncle was a huge Herman's Hermits fan. Oh, that's good.

I hope Herman's Hermits made lots of people happy. Yes. Alison Ward says, in August of 1965, you kindly signed an autograph for a shy 15-year-old girl who was terrified to approach you in suburban Virginia. And now 55 years later, that same woman wants to know, what's the most outrageously forward thing a fan ever did to get your attention oh i couldn't possibly tell you that okay you know it's so funny last night i did we went to the philippines and and mrs marcos had asked us to do a song that

we didn't know it was recorded by Herman so it's and we just been with the Beatles in England and I said we're going to the Philippines what's it like and John said just say yes to everything which we didn't know what that even meant oh so we got over there and that mrs. Marcus would like you to sing one little packet of cigarettes and it's a store it's the stupidest song it is the stupidest song. It is the stupidest, most ridiculous song. And it's about a guy who writes a girl's address on a packet of cigarettes.

Whoever did something so stupid? A phone number, a phone number, an email address. Excuse me, I'm attracted to you. Could you give me your address? No, never happened. But that's the song. And I've looked here and I've looked there. On the table, on the chair.

I've looked up, I've looked down. And one little packet cannot be found. What a stupid idea for a song. I regret quite a few things in the songs but that is one so we had to do we had to go in the dressing room and learn the song and we only played it once ever and I did it last night because somebody requested it somebody from the Philippines request Wow Wow second time in my life was yet last night and love bad And a lot of bad things have been written on bits of tissue paper. You know, I've had a drink in them already.

But some wonderful things. Yeah, they're mostly what they'd like to do with your little winky wanky woo. Tell us about, let's get to the plugs. You're still doing the serious show? Yeah, it's on every Saturday. Every Saturday. Yeah, Saturday afternoon, 60s on 6, Sirius XM. Yes, and it's called, ironically, after that duet.

It's called Something Good. Well, that was kind of good if you like that kind of stuff. And your dates, people can go to your website and find out where you're going to be. You're here at the Iridium in New York this week. Yeah, and I'm always somewhere. Everywhere. Yeah, I do about 150 a year. You'll know what that's like.

The road is pretty good fun, really. 150 a year. Yeah. Wow. It's crazy. I do three a week. I told my agent, I've only got 10 more years. I keep saying 10 more years.

But at least 10 years, I've been saying 10 more years. It just started again today, the 10 more years. And been yet but like at least 10 years i've been saying 10 more years it just started again today the 10 more years and i say i want to work every saturday book all the saturdays and when you've booked all the saturdays get me the fridays and then when you booked all the fridays get me a pick on pick up date on either end because then you know last night um my friend told me i should call my show the peter noon solo no ban per diem show so because you want to get you i want to keep my my men on the road um making money you know so you don't want to go out and get stuck in you know i see these all these bands out there stuck on the road that'll kill you getting stuck in you know some town in the middle of nowhere for three days off so we don't take days off we

go home I leave on Thursday and I get home on Monday every week I admire you my friend you're still out there doing it I still make people happy people think that there's something wrong with me for enjoying my job but I really do enjoy my I'm lucky, see, because it's always been about the songs. My dad used to say, it's all about the songs. You see, you know, why don't you get someone good opening for you, like the Stones instead of that bloody Freddie and the Dreamers, that's setting yourself up. I said, it doesn't work like that, Dad.

He says, no, you're right. It's all about the songs. It's all about, and I've got all those great songs. Of course. I sing them and I'm so proud of them. You know, I go, who got the luck? You know, once I was hanging, this is like, Roy Orbison said to me, you know,

I said, I've got to sing Henry VIII. He says, listen, there's only about, at the time, there's only 20 acts in the world who can go on the stage for 45 minutes and only sing their own material and the people will know all the songs yes that's and i stupidly said have you got 45 minutes but it was and then the bgs came along and the eagles and then but for a while it was like the stone it was about 10 people it was was really very few people. So I'm lucky. I'm so grateful that I was there to make those records

because other people made a load of them. We've made versions of songs like, like I said, Bust Up For Your Love. We should have had the singles of those. We just weren't good at picking songs. You've made a lot of people happy for a long time. And we thank you. And we've wanted you here for a long time.

And we're glad you're finally here. Well, I was looking forward to it. I knew that he'd be a load of fun. I wasn't so sure about you because we've wanted you here for a long time and we're glad you're finally here. I was looking forward to it. I knew that he'd be a load of fun. I wasn't so sure about you because I've heard the show. I knew you're the serious one but I knew he'd be

a load of fun. I wasn't quite expecting... Am I too serious for you, Peter? No, no, no. But on the show when I listen to the podcast you're kind of very sort of... Should I say mature comparatively?

I'll take the compliment. We want to thank Jackie Martling, our friend, for his role in finally nailing you down. We want to thank Carice, who's here, who's been very patient. Thanks, Carice. You should ask Jackie Martling to teach him the songs instead of just the words.

You've joined an exclusive club, we told you. Ron Dante, Tom James, Tommy James, Peter Asher, he sang with. Billy J. Kramer was here. Oh, good.

You're not the only one that suffered. Billy's a nice guy. They're all nice guys. All those guys. I think probably one of the reasons they stayed in the business so long is probably because

people like them. Yeah, good people. They is probably because people liked them. Yeah, good people. They're likable people, yeah. Good people. Come back and play with us another time. Not tomorrow. I want to go home. Well, let me just do the wrap-up.

So this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And we've been talking to a man who really should learn the lyrics to the Herman's Song because it's pathetic. If I'm here, I'm a professional and I want to work

with someone who fucking knows the music and the lyrics. Peter Tilly. I got stuck with that second verse same as the first. I just keep singing the same words over and over and over. Go to Peter's website.

Find out where he's going to be. He's a great entertainer. The show is wonderful. And this was a treat. See what I mean? Much more mature. Somebody's got to be a pro. Exactly.

Thank you, Peter Peter Thanks a lot guys Thanks There's a kind of hush All over the world Tonight All over the world You can hear the sounds Of lovers in love

You know what I mean Just the two of us And nobody else, inside, there's nobody else, and I'm feeling good, just holding you tight. Let me closer now and you will see what I mean It isn't a dream The only sound that you will hear Is when I whisper in your ear I love you Forever and ever.

There's a kind of hush all over the world tonight, all over the world. You can hear the sound of lovers in love. La la la la la la la So listen very carefully Closer now and you will see what I mean It isn't a dream The only sound that you will hear Is when I whisper in your ear I love you Forever and ever

There's a kind of all over the world tonight all over the world people just like us are falling in love yeah they're falling in love

they're falling in love They're falling in love