Girl on Guy with Aisha Tyler - girl on guy 201: jay larson

Episode Date: October 28, 2015

join comedian jay larson of best bars in america and the crab feast podcast and aisha as they discuss life, death, comedy, lost childhood, missed parenthood, lifelong secrets, old mistakes and new discoveries. plus jay has an audition go wrong. very wrong. girl on guy says it's nothing a drink won't fix.

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This is Girl on Guy. Hey everybody, this is Girl on Guy. 201. That's 201. Welcome to the show. Excited to be here with you. Excited to bring the show to you. It's a great episode with a great guy and a great story that I know you're going to enjoy. Before we do that, very quickly, you know I'm doing lots and lots of stuff.

And if you want to find out what, you can just follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram. There's something else. There's always something else. Twitter. Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, MySpace, Google Plus. There's more. I'm sure there's more. I can't think of all this stuff. There's too many things. But come and say hi to me online. Come and go to Growling Guy. Not Net and click on the little

envelope to send me a letter. Lots of television shows on right now. And no plans to tour until after Curtin Stone has launched. So hopefully I'll get back to stand up late in the year next year. But no immediate plans to perform live. But you can see me lots of places on TV. And we are about to make a poor season of Whose Line Is It Anyway and a seven season of Archer. and you can see me every Wednesday night on criminal minds and every single day on the talk. And I think that's plenty.

You know what I'm saying, guys? I think no matter how you get down, there's probably a version of me floating around out there in the ether that will hate your sweet spot. So check all those things out. Let's get through the business so we can get to the good stuff. This episode of Girl on Guy is brought to you in part by Trunk Club Oxford. And you can avail yourself of a very special offer just for Girl and Guy listeners. by going to trunk club.com slash girl on guy. That's T-R-U-N-K-C-L-U-B dot com slash girl-on-guy. Here's the deal with the trunk club, Oxford. You hate to shop, but you need

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Once again, that's trunk club.com slash girl on guy and have these people send you a trunk filled with gorgeous clothes that you will love wearing and will make you look badass. Check them out. All right, this episode of Girl on Guy is with a, comedian Jay Larson. Now, you may know Jay Larson from a variety of things. I was actually guest on his podcast with his good friend Ryan Sickler,

who's also been a guest on this podcast, and you can find that episode of our show by going to Girl and Guy. Dot Net and clicking on Archive, very, very funny guy, Ray Sickler. He was, I think, my live episode from LA Podfest two seasons ago. And then I went on Jay's show. Jay's got a TV show called Best Bars in America, which I really enjoyed being on. We got to drink and talk about drinking and think about drinking and then drink. And it was so fun. And I finally was able to have Jay on my show. Now, Jay's a comedian. He's done a lot of stuff. He's done stuff on Comedy Central. He's done stuff all over the place for Carson Daly and for Fox. And he's a busy, busy guy. And obviously, Best Barres takes up a lot of time and is both challenging and delightful. But he comes on this show and we talk about a very specific experience in his life where he lost his father and then posthumously discovered a lot of things about his dad that he did.

know. This is a great conversation and a great story for anybody who is struggling to understand somebody that they love, but maybe haven't been that close to. And I was so grateful and honored, really honored that Jay chose to tell this story on my show. So I really hope you enjoy it. I really enjoyed having this conversation with him, and I'm so grateful that he brought it to me and that he was so forthcoming and truthful and present. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Girl on Guy 201 with a comedian and television professional drinker slash imbibor slash spirits enthusiast. Mr. Jay Larson, coming at you straight out of the new and improved Girl on Guy Bunker and right into your face. Jay Larson, welcome to my show.

Thank you. So many things to talk about. The first thing we're going to start with right now is the fact that last time I saw you, I didn't feel drunk at the time, but in retrospect, I think I was pretty buzzed. Yeah, well, I think that's a trend of yours. No, it's not. Don't do that to me. I think it is.

You drink for a living. I think the two times ago you walked in and you were drunk. And then the second time... When I came to see you the first time, when we did the show? Yeah, you showed up and you... First of all, that was the first thing you said. And then you started talking trash about a producer on my show. I did do that.

I did talk shit about the producer on your show. Yeah. I might have been buzzed. I'd gotten had a drink. I was like waiting for you. Like, I think you guys were delayed. I think you've been tasting bourbon all day. And then you had a drink.

All these things might be. be true. I might have been tasting bourbon all day. And then I went, you guys were running late from your pre-use location and there was a bar out by where we were shooting by the blind barber that had a nice... I'm talking about when we did L.A. Podfest. Do you remember that day? Oh, yeah, I was drunk. I was drunk. I'm not. I'm not. What's happening? You're painting picture for me that I'm not interested in looking at fully. What was it? L.A. Podfest when I came to do your show? Oh, yeah, I came in and I was drunk. I was drunk. But why was I was I drunk that day? Because you were testing bourbons all day.

Ah, it's all, it's blurring together into one big, very long bourbon tasting. But I did, that's why I had to have other people around to, like, remind you of what you did. I need someone to come with me all the time and go, remember the last time you were here, you were an asshole, so you might want to, like, not pull a three-peat. But I saw you at Republic and you were with some friends. You were through, like, your wife and another couple. I just done Conan. Listen, it's not a, I didn't come here to even talk about it. It's not a big deal.

I've never done Conan, but it's nice to hear that you've done it. It's a good place to start the show. It's good. It was my first time doing couch, like just doing panel. That's exciting. Oh, my God, it was the best. I was like, oh, I'm not prepped. I don't need to be prepped. I show up, I do whatever.

And then I'm like standing behind the curtain. I was just like, oh, hey, hey, what do I do? What do you mean? I'm like, well, you know, like when you do stand up, you rehearse it and you like, yeah, you walk out. I'm like, oh, what do I do? You just, you know, just walk over. Conan will be waiting for you.

I'm like, all right, I go, relax, making it sound like I shouldn't be nervous right now. Because I wasn't up until that moment. And then I was like, oh, cana corn. Cana corn. What's up, man? Cana con. Did it go great? Yeah, it was great.

That's awesome. That's super exciting. It was fun. Let's discuss that we went to school in the same state, and then we're going to go back into your beginnings. But we both went to school in New Hampshire. Yes. Very similar schools. Very similar.

One's an Ivy League school. The other one's a liberal at school. It only takes 1,800 kids. Yeah, I was telling you, I played baseball at St. Anselm and you went to Dartmouth. And we played against Dartmouth. And I remember, like, rolling into Dartmouth and the bus looking around, be like, what? This is amazing. Really?

Yeah, it's gorgeous. It's like an old school. It was like a postcard. Yeah. And so I'm a freshman. I'm playing against Dartmouth. I'm like, this is insane. And, like, my sister dated some dude in high school that went to Dartmouth. And I remember he went to Russia for like four months.

And he came back to our house. And, like, it was his first time back. And he's like, I just need gray pie. See you? I haven't had great Piscy, and I'm like, fuck this loser. And he had, like, a Dartmouth hat, and I had a Dartmouth hat and shirt, like, I was all about Dartmouth. So when we went to play there, I was, like, the game started. I'm playing right field.

First at bat, single, next at bat, single. Next at bat, triple. I'm, like, in the zone. Yeah, you're on fire. Now, it's, like, seventh inning, they're, like, pulling out our starting pitcher, and they bring me in for relief from right field. So I come in, I get loose. Now I'm taking over. They switch out to someone else goes in the right field.

There's two outs. is a man on. I get the guy to pop up to write, but the kid in Wright's, like, dancing in circles, and it drops in for a base hit. So I'm like, all right, whatever. Next kid, boom, off the hockey arena.

Home, like, a bomb, like, off the hockey arena. Like, that's far. You guys, they have no way of putting this together, but it's very far away. It was like, Ken Griffey Jr., this dude was so smooth. I'm like, what the fuck. Then I hit the next kid. Then I walked the kid.

Then I hit the next kid. You just got rattled, though. You got rattled. Oh, man. It went from, like, my best college game to worst game. In a matter of seconds Fucking Dartmouth Fucking Dartmouth

I mean I blame not just Dartmouth but the entire Every league for that experience We were a horrible baseball team It didn't really matter In liberal arts school What are you gonna do

You just look back You're like what the hell was I even doing I'm playing it? Why was they even doing that? You can't do something with your spare time Can't be smoking pot all day long I mean we smoked a lot of pot You know how could you not You're into liberal arts college in New Hampshire

There's nothing else to do Thank you We did literally going to McDonald's was like An expedition for us We're like and then we're going to drive To the McDonald's It was like an hour away. You guys were probably building rockets and stuff.

In between building our nuclear fusion cores, may have like soup cans and paper clubs. So we'd go to McDonald's. Were you doing like theater and stuff? No, I wasn't. No, I was going to be a lawyer. I was a government major. I was going to be an attorney.

All this like stuff was clownery. You know, it was like shit to fill up. You know, like, and I don't know when you kind of discovered comedy, but I, even though I loved it, like I actually like saw my first real stand-up show live at Dartmouth. Oh, really? Who wasn't? We know some touring college, dude. But I remember being so dazzled by live comedy.

I was like, do people know about this? Amazing. Well, I saw it when I was 10. I saw Bill Cosby. And then I didn't think any of that. I started Chris Rock when I was 21. And then when I was at college, it was just like, finally it was like my senior year.

I was like a five-year guy. Rock and roll. One of those dudes. So it's my 50. I go to my friends. I'm like, I think I'm going to move to L.A. when I graduate. And they're like, what?

For what? I'm like, I don't know, I think I want to like, try and make movies or TV or something. Like, you're out of your mind. I'm like, yeah, I think I'm going to audition for the musical. And they're like, what am I like, yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'll do the musical. Right. Fiddler on the roof. Yes.

Played the grandfather. There you go. Right. First time out. Look at you. First time out. It's like the universe wanted you to do that shit. No big deal.

Play a doubleheada and then I go right to like get change and go in and do Fiddler on the roof. When I look at you, Jay Larson, and I think musical theater. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Lithe, delicate treads, like a cat when you move. Yeah. Yeah, getting up there. Very smooth.

I don't know how I feel about that. I am actually pretty smooth. You are smooth. You got a very specific kind of masculine, a rugged smoothness. What is this accent? Where are you from? Massachusetts. Yeah.

I don't want to assume you had a Boston accent. Massachusetts, then went to school in New Hampshire, then moved to L.A. right after that. When you were coming up, were you... What kind of kid were you? you. You're like, we seem like you're a little athletic kid. I was. Were you in Boston or were you outside of Boston?

We were outside, like 15 minutes north, Stonham. So here's the rundown. Youngest of four, had an older brother, then two old sisters, and it was raised by a single mom. So my mom worked for the Boston Ballet, and my mom was just, was a music major in college, who was all about the arts. So we'd go to museums, my brother would take art lessons in the museum, my brother's an artist. We would go to the ballet. Yeah, we would go to museums nonstop.

We didn't have cable. We didn't have call. waiting. We didn't have a microwave. It was all like... Hippy. Well, but she was like an art lady, but also a little bit of a hippie. Yeah. She plays the organ. We all had to play an instrument. We all had to play sports. We all had to do boy scouts or Scouts. It was like... She just wanted you the fuck out of the house. She's like, how many things can I do to get these motherfuckers? Four kids and a single mom. That's hardcore. I mean, and she was like, on the Stone of Mart's Council, on the Cambridge Arts Council, sat on this

board that like gave daycare to families. She was insane. I think she was just so had so much going on left her very little time for parenting. You know what I'm saying? She's like, say what? No, I'm not sure. Sorry, I'm sorry, what, no? A curfew, nah, nah, nah, whatever you feel like it. Your face is a little sticky.

No one's going to notice. You're good. Were you aware of that when you were a kid that your mom was like, was she not around? Well, like, we would come home and it would either be my nana would be there, her mom, or one of her aunts, my great aunts, auntie, Ronantigert. They all live forever. Oh, okay. Like 88, 98, 1002.

Wow. And then my Uncle Ray was 99. So there was longevity. So one of them would always be around. But like I was like the youngest. I didn't really know. My dad lived the town over. And by the time I was 12, we just didn't see him anymore.

So it was like maybe we'd see him once a week when I was four. And then it was less and then less. And then like we really didn't have any. Like I could count my memories with him. You know what I mean? So it was kind of like that. But I always had this weird thing like because I loved my grandparents. Grandfathers, even though one passed when I was five and one when I was like 11, I think.

But like I would always go in their workshops when I was at my Nana's house. And so like if like things would break at my house, I'd try to fix them. And like I just took this like a roll on. Like it was my house. You know what I mean? Right. Like fifth grade, I remember going to my mother one day. I went down to Caldores.

You remember Caldores? It was like a Kmart or an AIMS or something like that. And I bought like a 16 piece set of glassware for the house, like new glasses. like juice glasses. Right, the whole little set Glee the high ball. And she goes, what are you doing? I'm like, we need new glasses.

Like Nana keeps breaking them with those nubby fingers of hers. We need new glasses. It was like paper root money. You know what I mean? I was just like, this is my house. We can't be having people over no glasses. I love it.

I love it. Yeah, I had that awareness, you know. Did your, so it's not, I mean, you had all these other adults that were kind of like available to you. And I have two questions. The first one is older people, like I spend summers at my grandmothers,

they're parenting super different than like your active parent. They're just kind of like there a little bit that give you a butterscotch. Yeah. Like how were they? That's a joke I did in my first special was that I'm like,

it's talking about seeing my nan and she's like, have a bottoscoch because my nana always had bottle scotch and ginger ale. If they don't, they don't love you. And butterscotch. My grandmother, before she passed away would buy a bag of worthless buttersters and lay in bed. She could eat like an entire bag in one dish.

She was like a hummingbird. She could eat literally 300. She shouldn't have been. She should have been. She had the shits for like the last 10 years of her life. And they're a worthless wrapper. everywhere. But it's specifically old people in butterscotch. I don't get that deal. I don't know. She was obsessed.

So yeah, so they're just kind of around, right? But like, yeah. There's no discipline coming out of your 90-year-old grandma. My Aunt Rue was trying to, but we were like, what-evs, you know, we're not. We always thought Auntie Rue was, you know, like, I'm not in Auntie Rue at all. Which, by the way, I had a video of her when she was like 96, digging into a box of chocolates. Same thing. So she had one, and I got like the laptop set up. Then she has two, then she has a third. I go, how many chocolates you had?

She's like, just two. I'm like, I got three by my count. She's like, no, two. I'm like, you've had three. She's like, well, I'm going to have one more. It has another one. Then she's like, I'm done. Then she went back for a fifth.

I go, that's five now. She's like, oh, no, that's three. I'm telling you, you're at five. And I just keep razzing her. I just haven't done anything with it. And then she went up to six. And she's like, I go, you don't even care what you're eating. I go, do you even know what you have?

She's like, no, it's like, she goes, this is orange cream. It's got that chart, it's on the top of the box. I'm like, look what you got over here. But that was a good thing when they got older, and I was older, is like I could just,

I just talk to them like, this is how I talked to everyone in the world. I had no dad, and I talked to old people and little people and anyone the same exact way. My wife is like, that's the best thing. Like when I met her folks, I met her dad the first time,

I was at a wedding with them. I'm like, whatever's bro, I'm getting her drink. You want something? And he's like, who is this guy? this person. Because I'm like, this is how I do, bro. Doubles? Roady. You take him off the road, bro? He's like,

but it's interesting also. Wait, where are you and your family? Do you have brothers and sisters? Just two of us? One younger sister. Okay. And similar but different, it was just the two of us, but my parents divorced and then each of us went with a parent. So, yeah, my dad took me and my mom took my sister. That's crazy. It's crazy, right? It didn't seem weird this time. Were you in the same town? Yeah, like a town over. I lived in San Francisco and

My mom lived in Oakland. All right, listen, I'm taking the microwave. I'm taking that dining room couch. I'm taking Aisha. That's fine. Do I get the mess? That's crazy. The joke I always do is my father was like, which one can care for itself?

Yeah. I was older, so he took me because I could, like, feed myself and, like, get my own shit together. But there's something also about, oh, I know what I was going to say. I was going to say if I was 90 and there was a box of chocolate, I'd eat that whole fucking thing. Because what am I waiting for? What am I waiting for? Nothing. I'd just be drunk at 1 o'clock in the afternoon.

which I already do, by the way, so that's coming. I won't feel guilty about it anymore. I say I've been doing a bit lately where I'm like, I can't wait for my wife to die because then I'm just going to be crushing it. You know what I mean? Until now, I've got to wait. There's so much stuff I can't get away with.

But when I'm 90 and I'm solo, Mitch. Dude, forget it. Living on chips. Just living on it. Just get up in the morning, hand in a bag of chips. That's it. Right? And underpants. That's it.

Do something about it. Masturbating at will. I doubt that. 90? Nah, I bet you. I bet you. You just got a built-in, got a built-in palsy. Half of it's already done for you. I'm going to be living above my son's garage.

You know what I mean? Paring out the window like Boo Radley. So, like your great aunts and uncles who kind of are the equivalent of a grandparent. I mean, they're kind of that age. They're all around. Your mom is not around. The other thing I was going to say about that when that happens is that if you have a bunch of siblings, it's typically you end up parenting each other.

It looks like you kind of self-parents it a little bit too. Yeah, that didn't happen in our house. It was so weird. I remember like, you know what's funny, is I kept thinking that. Like one time my sister Kristen cut my hair And it's like one of my fondest memories I remember like She's trying to blow the hair out of my face

And she spit her gum out by mistake And she was like She had her records out And she had like the police And all these different albums We were listening to in her room And I'm like I remember being like Oh I'm in Kristen's room

She's cut my hair No, that was one time shot It was just weird Like everyone kind of just had to take care of themselves Because Kristen was like The oldest when they split And she kind of had to like Figure out what was going on with her

And then there was my sister Underneath her Who was kind of like left on her own then my brother was doing his thing. How far were you all apart in age? I mean, I have no idea. I love it. Even now?

Still no idea. No idea. I think they're in their 40s. My brother's 14 months older than me. And then my sister's got to be, she was, I think she was two years ahead of him in school. And then my other sister was like a year and a half. Put it this way. My parents got married when they were 19 and divorced at 27.

I had four kids that were, and the youngest was two. So by 25, 19 to 25, four kids, six years. Yeah, so they were just like pounding it. Right. Just so hard. Knocking that out, like maybe we can heal this marriage. Maybe we can heal this marriage. Do something about this.

Fucking idiots. So, so young, though. So stupid. Wake up. People just, people are perpetually stupid at any age, but just, I don't know. There's, I think, maybe people have a different sense about marriage now than they had when your parents forgot married and when my parents got married. But I feel like, and are your parents, are your family Catholic?

Yeah, when you were raised Catholic. Oh, of course. There you go. So, um, specifically. Specifically the Catholics more than any other. You better watch. Here it comes. Here it comes.

Remember what people used to take it serious if you defame, you know, Catholicism? Now it's like, that's so low down in the totem pole. This is real bad shit happens. So say whatever the fuck you want. My husband's Catholic. That there's specifically, and not like a lot of people don't believe this, but specifically in Catholicism, there's this idea that like marriage and kids are going to, like, fix what ails you.

You know what I mean? Oh, then you'll get married and then, you know, whatever was wrong with your life will just magically go away. You'll pray it away. Yeah, no shit. And then you just have this kid and then, you know what, a baby will work. Yeah, at least a couple years. A human. Let's bring another human being into this bullshit and see how that goes. Let's mess up

his brain a little bit. Yeah, how he works out. Yeah, no, nobody was parenting in my family. Everyone kind of handled their own. That's why I'm saying, like, I remember like, that's why I was so young. I was just doing my own thing, and everyone was just doing their own thing. Like, nobody was like, there was no, like, take you...

I was the first one of my driver's license in my family. Really? It was no like, hey, oldest sister, get your drives license, you need to help drive these kids? Nope. Take your brother to school or whatever. I think my sister didn't get her driver's license so she wouldn't have to help out. Oh, wow. Yeah, I believe it. She's like, I don't want to, I know exactly where this is going. I got that noise, right? Dating guys from Dottmouth and John Dardy. Yeah, she, it was just, it was a, it was a weird, it was like a, we had like, not a big house. It was a four-bedroom house. So my brother and I shared a room. And I remember, like, every night when I was a kid, even up to like, I don't know what grade, I would

just bounce around the house because everyone was in a different room doing a different thing. You know, everyone's old than me. Right. Cicill's listening to records working on what else. She's doing something. Everyone's doing something. But did you have any of the kind of, not that I think these are necessarily critical, but did you have any moments in your life that were like traditionally, like, I don't know,

did you guys all have dinner together or did everybody just make their own food? I mean, because some family's kids are just like go and get like a pop tart and go to their room. You know what I mean? No, it wasn't that bad. Yeah. It was like, you know, my nana would have food ready when we got home or my aunt Rue. And then we'd sit down and my mother would be like,

all right, let's go around the table. Everyone say one good thing and one bad thing. She's art-y. So there's always an activity. Yeah, always one good thing and one bad thing. About your day? Yep. Which is good because they learned, you taught you to be like, oh, bad things are going to happen, I guess.

I have no idea. I don't even know to this day. Yeah, we would do that. We always have family dinners. Like on Sundays, we go to my nannas a lot. And then when we were real young, like I would, we would go stay at my nana. So my nana and her two sisters, my aunt Rue and my aunt Gert, they live next door. to each other and auntie and auntie grew up

together and never married either of them. They always lived together for 90 years. Wow. So my nana would live next door. So, I mean, this was like the, I mean, Norman Rockwell couldn't paint that. We would go stay at my nannas or my aunts and we'd have dinner.

And my grandfather, my mom's dad was like, he wanted to be an inventor. Like he made a lot of stuff. And so he had put in a direct line from one house to the other house. So you just picked up the phone and it rang next door. And they'd be like, hello. I'm like, ready for dinner? like, all right, coming on with the mashed potatoes, and Auntie Gert would come over.

I mean, it was, it was baller. It was like Thanksgiving would be like, you'd crush a meal at my nannas, and then everyone would fall asleep in different parts of the house, and then you'd wake up, like, three hours later, and the adults would be sitting at the dining table, and all the meats would be set out again, and then they'd be roll set out, and then you'd make sandwiches. You know what I mean? And you just be there all day. You didn't care about being anywhere else.

Right. You just, you know, with the fam. Right. Which is pretty cool, which we haven't done in so long, so I'm going home in two. weeks, I rented a house back east away from my family's house. But I'm throwing like a bash on Saturday. Like I rented a house on the water and I'm venting, inviting all my friends, all my family, and everyone's going to come up and we're going to do a thing. Because you're now, you're like a grown-ass man. You can do these kids. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's the first time. And so, you know, I can't wait to do that.

It's going to be fun. How much of your family is still around on that, at that age? Well, everyone was there. Well, we have such a small family. So my mom was a single, only child. she had no brothers and sisters and then my dad had two sisters one that in the divorce we lost one and then the other one we don't see that much lost her she was like fuck it she was just out

she was like 18 when they divorced you know what I mean and then you know some family bullshit I literally just my dad passed two months ago and I went home just because I kind of wanted the story and I saw her and I hadn't seen her in like 23 years like I rolled

I had been in contact with her I said I'm coming home I was in New York up fronts and then I was like like going to go right home or we were up there for something and I go and I get home and I get to the town and I call her and I'm like, hey, I'm here. I know I was going to come over tomorrow. Can I just come by now? And she's like, yeah, come over and I get there and she's with a friend. She's like, you want something to drink? And I'm like, nah, I'm good. I'm just like, I don't need any booze. And she goes, we're drinking jack on the rocks. And I'm like, yeah, I'll have a jack on the rocks.

I had like four jack on the rocks. So there was no like, there was no like real big extended family. You know what I mean? It was kind of like us and my mother was an only child. She had no idea what, like, families were all about. Right, right. She was just like, whatever. We'd have her side of the family, which is all Italian, the Spinelli's. We're all musicians and, like, all doing, I mean, who knows what was going on. You'd hear, like, these crazy little side stories.

Like, my Uncle Ray would be like, well, you know, my father, he had a bar. And then the prohibition came, and he turned into a barbershop. And we're just like, what? That was the story. And we're like, that's not true. There's probably a bar in the back, you shady cat. And then another time, there was like this strip club in Revia called the Squire, but it used to just be like a gentleman's club without dancers.

And he goes, well, I used to manage the, and this is like coming from like an 87-year-old man at the time. I would manage the squire. And my friends and I, we sit in the back room and we play cards. Well, everybody was out hanging out. And if someone caused trouble, some of the guys would go out and talk to them and they'd leave. And we're like, that's what happened. Are you sure? Something else happened.

Yeah, exactly. Talk to them with their fists. Yeah, exactly. They would depart. Exactly. Was it like that? These kind of old Italian guys, did it feel? I mean, did it feel a little shady, a little mobstreet?

No, I loved it. I love being around those dudes. They weren't mobstreet, but they were like, there's like family law, my mom was like, you know, one time the mafia came to your uncle Patrick and asked him if he'd do all the printing for the mafia, and he said, I kindly have to decline, and they said, that's okay.

If you ever need anything, you let us know. So, you know, it goes to show you if you're a good person. I'm like, whatever. You know those stories in your family? Like, I'm pretty sure this isn't true. Right, exactly how could it be? What does the mafia ever been like, well, it was a pleasure talking with you? Anytime you reconsider.

We'd love to work with you again sometime. Yeah, send us an email. You seem like a great guy. No, fuck that. So who knows? But, no, I love that Italian side of my family. They were like, you go over there big Italian meals. They'd have my uncle who was like a great musician.

It had a piano and an organ in the basement. And my grandfather would play on the organ. He played on the piano. And they'd all be going. and my grandma's house, my grandfather redid the whole basement. I told you he was like an inventor. So he put a reel-to-reel in his workshop. And he would show movies through like a peephole.

And he'd be back there smoking cigarettes where we're watching movies and lights are on. Adorable. Supposedly, my brother has the paperwork. He applied for the patent to put sound to film. Really? That's like one of the stories in our family. My mother's like, the only day I saw your grandfather cried was the day he found that his patent wasn't accepted.

So, like, that was like, who knows? Wow. Who knows? But he was, he had cool, cool things. Like, we had a, he had a box over the basement door in my nana's house with a yellow light and a green light. And he'd rigged the yellow light to the mailbox. So when the mail came and you opened it, the yellow light would go on. So my nanny would be like, oh, look, the mail's here.

And then the green light was hooked up to the dryer in the basement. So when the dryer was done, anyway. I love it. Yeah, he was bad. I love it. He was all over. Yeah. So when you were coming up, you,

you, from what I understand from you just said, you kind of were already radicalized like you wanted to get into comedy. You wanted to do that from like a young age? I mean, put it this way. I never knew I wanted to be a stand-up, but like I would come downstairs in the middle of night because I was like a night owl always and my mother would watch Johnny

Carson, so I would sneak downstairs and hide behind this blue chair and watch Johnny Caron and be like oh my God. And P.S. for you and anyone listening, if you go back and watch old Johnny Carson, I mean, it's progressive today. Wow. Wow. Today. He was hitting on stuff that people don't you talk about. I think you could also

talk about way more stuff back then than you can now actually. I think it's gone back. Right, well, like, gone a little bit more PC, yeah, a little bit less like shocking. Yeah, I was watching old Seinfelds. I mean, and old Seinfelds, they're making jokes about Bell palsy. They're talking about killing a dog. They're talking about killing someone's girlfriend. Right. You can't get away with that now.

No way. Yeah, so my mother introduced us to Bill Cosby when I was young and then seeing those and then, so my mother worked in dance, and I used to have to go away to dance camp with her, and we would just like hang out at Endicott College, like run around skateboards. But there was like these kids from the San Francisco Boys Choir, very tough kids. Oh yes. You don't run kids.

Muscular. And they had Eddie Murphy's first album on cassette. So when they'd be in class, I would just sit in their dorms and just listen to Eddie Murphy over and over and over. So that was like my introduction with comedy was Bill Cosby Live at 10, Eddie Murphy off of cassette at 12, and then Chris Rock at 21. And then the next time I saw stand-up was the time I did it, you know. But when you went to San Anselm, were you thinking I'm going to be a theater guy? No, I was like, I thought I would go to college, get a degree, get married, 24, and buy a house and have a white picket fence with two kids, and I'd be a lawyer or something. Right, right, right, right.

I had no idea. And then I just started smoking weed. And then I was like, what? No, but I always wanted to write. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then I started writing in college, you know?

Writing like comedy or? No. I would like, I would get a paper assignment. everyone would write a paper and I would write a play and I'd be like oh how about this like I took these two characters and I just made a play and another time I was like yeah I took this one character from the book and I just like wrote what I thought his journal would be you know what I mean sometimes it would go really well and all the times it'd be like nah bro that's not the assignment this is like way off and it's like they could still smell it because

I would hand it in like I'd run up late and like oh here it is like dude the ink still wet yeah exactly exactly so I had no idea I just knew I wanted to get the hell out and go and tell stories. When you said I'm going to go to LA after college or, you know, and you were saying your friends were like, what the fuck? How was your family? Like, how did your mom? No one believe me. No one believed that I would do it. And they're like, well, what are you going to do? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm just going to like, go there. And they're like, and do what? And I'm like, I'm going to try and write and act. And they go, and I don't know, dude. Right. I think you go to like casting calls where you just show up. That's what happens. And like, how do you think they're going to pick you? And I'm like, I don't know,

but I'm going. And like, no one believe me. And then I just started like working two jobs. I would like work for a move during the day and then like stock shelves at night and I would sleep like six hours a day and then I saved and then moved and how old were you when you did it?

24. Just saved up enough money to move across country. My goal was save five grand. I'm like save five grand and then I was like one day I was like working this temp job and it was all women and they were like

so when are you move in LA? Like they didn't believe that I was I'm like I don't know I'm like you know when I get enough money like well how much money do you want? And I go like five grand and they're like, oh. And I was like, oh, and everyone kind of like walked away from the room, like, all weird, you know?

And I was like, walked back to my cubicle and I'm all pissed. I'm like, who the fuck are they to tell me when to go? And I'm like, and then I sat there. I'm like, five grand. And then I just said himself, I'm like, what if you don't get five grand? You should have wait until you get five grand? What if five grand never comes because you never allow it to come? Right, right.

You're somehow maybe subconsciously, like, avoiding this moment. And I opened up the calendar and I was like January 17th. And I went online right then and there and bought a. plane ticket and I come back to the middle room and I go January 17th that's when I'm moving and they go to nobody in particular exactly no one everyone's out to lunch I'm like uh and that was it for the record and I was like whatever I got at January 17th that's what I got 3 200 bucks there you go boom when you got and you just came straight to L.A. Did you know where you were going to live? Did you know anybody?

My buddy Chris had moved like four months before me and my cousin Christine was out here but I had never really met her. I met her one time. But her husband was like a big time actor and she'd been an actress. And so I like knew them. So I called her like two weeks before I moved and she gave me like a ton of advice of like, you need to have a car. You need to do this. You need to do this. You need to do this. I'm like, okay, I got all that. And then I flew out to San Diego, stayed with my buddy for two weeks in San Diego, drove up, found a place, bought a car in San Diego, died a week later in L.A. bought another one. You know what I mean? It was just like, well, whatever. And that's it. And that's 15 years ago now.

But you didn't necessarily want to be a stand-up, so... I say that, but, like, I went back and I found, like, an old, like, word file, and it was, like, comedy jokes. Comedy jokes. Versus the other kinds. I didn't know what else of us.

I love it. And I wrote a screenplay, and then I wrote a second screenplay, and then I started taking groundlings. I was taking groundlings, writing my second screenplay, and started stand-up all in the same, like, chunk of time.

Yeah. And I kept doing stand-up, and I got past the groundlings, and I finished the screenplay, and I was like, we should really pick one thing. I don't think you can do all three. And so I was like, stand-up is like instantaneous. They give it right back to you. And I'd done really well, and so I was like, all right. And that was it. That was it. And you just started doing it, like, full-time, like, just around here. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't doing it full-time. I was still waiting tables and bartending, but I was doing as much as I could. And then I stopped after like 11 months for like three months, and then I went back.

And then I was like, all right, I'm in it. I just talked. Because I don't know. I'm not going to, I'm retiring. Do I tell you? Do you know I'm retiring? No, you retired from stand-up? And I've been telling sick. Farms. Sikl's been making, but that's who I am. That's been saying this for years. But, like, I don't think I'm a stand-up at heart. I think I'm really like, I think I'm just a storyteller that wants to write and, like, write TV and stuff. Do you not enjoy it? I do, but I don't want to be away from, I think, like, you pick the life you want to fit the life you want. Right. Right. Right. And the life I want to be the little league coach. You know what I mean? I want to be home after school. I want to be doing all this stuff.

And if I'm on the road, yeah, I got a 15-month-old and I got another one coming. That's right. When I saw you, it just had a baby. I know, yeah. Oh, wow, yeah. You want to be around. Yeah.

And that's what you wanted, that's all you want to do. That's what I want. In fifth grade in my notebook, I had names written down the back. For kids. In fifth grade. So, like, that's all I ever wanted.

I know. If I was single, I'd be crushing with that. You would. Oh, my God. Pussy falling out of the sky. Yeah. Yeah, so I was just like, I keep looking at it.

looking at this for like seven years now like how am i going to do this because stand up you know you've got to be on the road until you get to like a living what you're doing right yeah and it's like you're going to keep doing that and i'm like i just don't so i've been like trying for like work on my writing for years just to get to a point where i can finally be like okay i'm going to be home you know i'm going to do this full time for a living yeah so do you have a day i'm going to be like the ladies at your company when are you going to retire i don't that that's i said it was going to be the end of this year but like i kid around like sickle makes fun of me all the time And I'm like, yeah, man, I'm like done in 15.

I do have one gig booked in January of 16. But then after that, that's it. That's it. That's the last. But no, I just recorded a second album. I'm like, I got all these other things. I'm just, I just want to get to a point where I can. I have to keep doing it. You know how we do.

We have to keep doing it until you get something where you don't have to keep doing it. And I want to like, I feel like the people that have supported me over the last 15 years. Like, we have fans now that I want to be able to keep producing content for them. And someone like with like crappy smile. like that. It's like you have this built-in tool with which to push your shows. You feel like you're not taking advantage of it, but if you stop going out or people want to come see you live. Yeah.

So I started making more shorts and putting things online so that it's my way of saying like I might not be able to get to your town but like this is what I'm doing. So I'm like, well, as long as I can keep producing content for people to see, then that'll be my way to connect, you know. Right, right.

That's a way to do it. So shorts, hopefully a show, stuff like that. Yeah. Well, you have a show. Yeah. And that show. as well, but I want a storytelling show. I want to tell stories. You just have a pause in the middle where you just like tell a story. Let's, for this moment, this is sponsored by. I just, I know that you're telling me about this spirit and who, uh, distilled it,

but I'm going to stop and tell you what the journal of that guy would sound like. Yeah, exactly. The man who invented agricultural rum. Um, that's so interesting. Well, let's talk about best bars, but then I want to take about some other stuff about your life. Um, how did that come about? I have a good friend in L.A. who owns like five restaurants and bars and a hotel now. Have you been to Hotel Covel? No, I haven't, although I read about it on Urban Daddy. Yeah, it's dope. Anyway, my buddy Dustin owns all those places. And he basically, Esquire goes into all his places and they love him.

And they were like, you know, we're going to do this show? Would you want to, like, submit for it? And he's like, yeah. And like, do any comedians. So he and I put together tape together. And they were like, oh, we really like Jay. and they love Dustin too, but they wanted two comedians. Right. And so then they were like, started asking me about like other comedians I knew, and then I got paired up with Sean and that's just like that. And so then I got Covel on the show. Yeah, I remember.

Not like they couldn't get on themselves, but I was like, we got to get them off. I mean, I wouldn't be here without Dustin. Right. Yeah. And so that was that. And now we just go around the country drinking. How difficult is that show to do? It's tough.

Mm-hmm. Probably harder than it seems. I'm serious. I know, but I felt so ridiculous. It does sound really. And here's what I'll say. Like, just because I only saw you guys at the one bar, right? But I did an episode of The Getaway, which is like the B. Anthony Bourdain show, right?

Where you get to do a city like and be Tony for that, whatever, four days. And I- Did Paris? I did Paris. And I remember pitching it and thinking, fuck, free trip to Paris. Free food and drink all. Just, you know, just instantaneous orgasm. And then I just, when I did it, I was like, I slept four hours last night. I've been drunk since lunch.

Yeah. I'm so tired. I can't think of anything else clever to say. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Yeah. I brought my computer. Like, I had like a show in development when I went out the first year, so I would be writing. And then I was just like, I can't even write.

Like, this is stupid. Because we'll do three bars a night. Yeah. Do you guys finish all your drinks? It seems relatively apparent, at least when I was with you, that you actually drink your drink. We drink a ton of drinks. In the second season, we slowed down a little. But you don't understand.

Even if you're not finishing that last drink, You're still going through, like, we're doing like 12 bars per city. Right. And you do two to three drinks on average. So 36 drinks over the course of three days. Right, right. Or four days. It's ridiculous for seven weeks.

Yeah. That's a ton of booze. It's brutal. And then you've got to eat. First of all, a lot of places have food. Yeah. But if they don't, you've got to lay a base. You can't go in with an stomach.

No. Let me get a salad and then I'll slug back whiskey shots and Miller High Lives. Right. or craft IPAs. It's stupid. You can't do it. Yeah,

so it takes a toll on you, but like, you know, you find your holes and you try to, like, and then trying to get up to go to the gym?

No. No. You want to get up and you want a coffee and you want like a sausage egg and cheese sandwich. I was going to want a steak. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, it's tough on you, but I love restaurants and bars. I always have. I worked in for a long time. I would love to own them one day.

So, like, I love it because I love seeing what people are doing. And I just love, I just love creative people. I love them. And people forget, like, you're like, oh, it's a restaurant, you know, but you forget, like, there's such an art form that goes into it.

And these people, like, who goes through the design in the restaurant, the food they're laying out, the drinks that go with it. And then hopefully they're cool people that are doing it. And then you're just meeting cool people. I, you know, I love a story behind a person, you know? Right. I mean, like you said, you said, oh, people do think it's just a restaurant. But there's something about a really well-done place or even a really great dive

that's about creating an entire experience. Yeah, of course. Here's a join, then we made some chicken fingers and enjoy. It's like, we're trying to create an experience for you. And that came out of someone's idea, someone's vision for that place. Yeah. And it's also really fun to discover something that feels super new or unique. Yes.

I mean, I love that. But back to the dive issue, I golf this one with my buddy. And we went to this like divey course that's got a divey little like cafe in it, you know. And the waitress comes up where I sit at the bar and she comes and she goes, how you doing? We're like, good. How are you? She's like, good. I'm sorry.

It took me a minute. I'm looking for my manager. I don't know where he is. I just say that I'm the manager. when I do my tax returns, I say I'm the manager. Because, you know, legally I have to claim tips, but if on the manager I don't get tips, so I don't claim my tips, so I just put on my tax returns and I'm the manager, but I'm not really the manager.

You guys eating today? You're just having a drink, and I'm just like, now I'm in love with this place because of you. You know what I mean? It has nothing to do with, I don't care if you're going to serve me like a cheese sandwich. Yeah. I'll eat it because you're around. Have you ever been to the Tamo Shanter on Las Phila? No, but it sounds.

The shittiest Irish bar. I don't know. I mean, I'm going to give them a shout. on and call them a shit in the same breath, but it's just a dive, right? And I went in there with some friends at like 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and there was a guy across the, first of all, it's just, there's something really interesting going to a shitty dive bar in the daytime. Oh, I mean, that's when you want to go to dive. That's when you want to go. It's like just to see, like, who is getting drunk on well booze, like at 3 o'clock on Tuesday? Well, booze. So there's a bunch of

people in there in various states of disarray. There's a guy across the barred. There's a guy across the bar who's like maybe 60s. He looks like a kind of a poorly preserved member of the Zizi Top. And then he gets his bill. And it's three in the afternoon. And he's already had like $90 worth of booze. Well booze. $90 worth of well booze.

Not five craft cocktails. You know what I mean? And I didn't know how I felt, but I generally felt like whatever he was, whatever game he was playing, he was winning it. Might not be the game. We all want to play at 3 o'clock on a Tuesday,

but he was winning his particular game. Yeah. And he'll lose it eventually. Oh, he'll lose it. away. Yeah. It's like pulling, you know, pulling the slots in Reno. You're going home with empty pockets, but you're going to have a good time while you're doing it.

Yeah, he's riding it all the way. I went to, this one time I was back east with my wife and her family, and we went out to her folks house and I'm like, I'm bringing my golf clubs. I'm going to get up at 7 the morning. It was like, they're having like a family party at noon. I'm like, I'm going to go at 7. I'm going to golfing. They're like, oh, yeah, this is nine hole by us.

I'm like, all right. They're like, it's called Dogwood. I'm like, okay. So I pull into it. and as I'm pulling up, there's a guy driving a cart down the fairway at me going, like waving, like, hey, hey, and I'm like, hey, he goes, you golfing? And I go, yeah. And he goes, all right, I'm each inside.

I'm like, who is this guy? Right. So I go inside. See the course official? Yeah, like, he's running the joint. And I go into the bar, and it's attached to a house. And there's a guy at the bar with his shirt unbuttoned, big dude, smoking butts, drinking vodka crayons. And there are still drinks out from, like, the night.

7 a.m. and I was like, this is one of the greatest places I've ever been in my life. Wow. Well, Fodka Cranberry seems like a good breakfast drink. That's a great drink to get going in the morning. You know? A couple butts. A couple butts. I was like digging through, digging through to see what was left over. Oh, there's still a half a cigarette here. Exactly. Wasting money.

Exactly. That was me when I smoked butts. I used to do that like crazy. Really? I knew I was bad when I like, I bought this like from the shabby she placed this chest and I loved it. And I used to know the lady Mary that ran it and stuff. She'd take old furniture paint it white. And it's like, I'm shabby chic.

So I get home and I had no cigarettes and I'm like, oh, let me clean this thing out and I open it up. And one of her like, Paul Malls is half smoked inside with her lipstick on the end. And I lit it and smoked it. Oh, God. And I was like, God. That's not your best moment.

Bottom of the barrel. But I loved every second of it. How long did you smoke? Like six years, I think. 25, yeah, maybe 20, yeah, five years, 25 to 30. That's not kind of late in life to start. I know. My buddy was like, one day I'm like, let me bum a smoke.

And it's like, you take a smoke from me? I'll let you have it. But if you ever buy a pack, I get to punch you in the face. And I was like, done, bro. I'm never going to buy a pack. Boom, pack a day for like five years. And then what made you, well, I mean, obviously I know why you'd want to quit, but was there something specific that?

I was just like, yeah, it's time. I moved. You know what happened? I gone through like hell with this chick. Hell. And I was just like, I had to move from Venice. I had to move out of Venice. And I moved.

Because of this breakup? You're like, I just can't even stay out of this way. Oh, tell us. Come on. It's not exciting. No name. but just... I just think she was supposed to be on something and she wasn't.

You know what I mean? And she was like one of the most amazing chicks I ever met. Like played an instrument. She used to be a model. She could dance. She could sing. She could play music. She was funny.

She could cook. She could decorate. But like she didn't have a job. You're like, where are you getting this money? Like didn't have a job. And then she like snapped on me a couple times. And she'd be very aggressive.

And then it just got worse and worse. The sad story is she tried to kill herself. Oh, gosh. That's sad. And then I had to help her and like I was trying to help her and she still couldn't see. Were you the round when she made this attempt? Well, she's kind of put it on me. You know what I mean?

It's your fault because you don't love me, you know? Yeah. So she said she like, Don't do that people. Don't be doing that. Don't put some fucked up shit to do that. I mean, you might be going through some pain and shit, but don't be bringing another motherfucker into it.

Yeah. She dragged me. I remember because then she like, like, she went and like checked herself into a motel and had like all these pills and like a wine. So I called 911 one. I found, found out where she was. I called her mother. and her mother was like oh this again

oh no shut the fuck off and I was so deep I was like how can you not like answer this and I get all the way out there and like as I'm pulling into the motel like the fire

firemen and ambulance are pulling out and I go whoa whoa whoa where you going yeah pump the brakes they're like nah man she's like she seems fine to us and she's under her own accord and I go in there and she's all like like look like she'd been taking a ton of sleeping pills and they just were like she seems okay

I guess. Maybe she's a great actress. Who knows? And I said, so I called Sickler and I was like, hey, I'm here, bubble blah, what's going on? And Sickle's been through so much stuff. He goes, fuck her, leave her. And I was like, you know what? Fine. And I did. And I'm like, I'm out. I can't do this. I can't do it. I left. Also, also because now, like, that may seem on some level to be relatively heartless, but interestingly enough, you had all the clues, right? You had the mom saying this again, right? You had her telling you she's going to kill yourself, but then interacting with the fireman, she's fucking fine. She's fine. She's fine. So this is all about like manipulating a reaction, right? And at some point, someone's a grown-ass person, and it is so, again, I may sound a little cruel here, but it is so mean to fuck with somebody else's head by using your own peril. Like, if you don't do this, I'm going to kill myself. Don't that's, that's fucking bullshit.

Like, that's no fucking way. So you eventually, you said I'm gone. Yeah, I'm out. And not only were you out of the relationship, but you moved out of the whole. Well, no. So then the next day, then she can't. came to my house that night, then the next day she took it to the next level and tried

something else. Tried to shoot you? No. She hurt herself. And then I'm like, all right, I'm checking you. And I got her checked into a hospital. And I was like, thank God. She's going to get some help.

She needs to get squared away. But I still loved her at this point. Yeah. And then next day I get a call. She's like, you got to come get me. They gave me in a padded room. And I want to be like, yeah, well, what do you think? And she got out.

And I was like, holy shit. And then it was just like, and finally I'm like, all right. And I moved. Yeah. I took the STD. She gave me and I just moved. You don't know what I'm saying? Aisha, come on, girl.

Don't say I never gave you nothing. Pardon gift. Oh, no. The thing about crazy people is they can make you feel a little crazy yourself. Oh, my God. I was bartangint at the time, you know? And I remember, like, I was like so in the thick of it. And like, I was like, hey, bro.

And I'm like, hey, what do you fucking want? What do you fucking want? And he's like, I just want to drink. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. And the other bartender was like, you got to go home. Yeah. Like you, what is going on? I was just like, yeah, I was crumbling.

Right, right. You never want to be around that stuff. No, it pulled you in. Yeah, and you want to help, you know, and you can't. And you feel like you're not being compassionate if you don't. You love the person, so you want to be kind. And you're like, if I can just, and just reason with this person and try to get them. But that you're not listening to reason.

Yeah. No, reason is not exciting to them. No. What's exciting is threatening to kill themselves and then, you know, calling you a fucking prick and then fucking you really hard so that you just hang on the hook a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I know. That's always, there's always.

See, that's the unspoken component of this recipe. People always forget. Rejection and insane fucking sex. Well, you know what? Every dude I know that's ever been through something that's, like, close to what I did. I'm like, how's the sex? I'm like, best I've ever had, dude. My sister.

The other day, who's a lesbian, by the way? She's like, crazy bitches, good sex. Totally. Across the board. When I met my wife, I met her like, I met her like a month or two months after that. And I was like, she had a job. She had her own. paid rent. She was mature.

I'm like, this is, this is the dream. Right. This is the dream right here. She's a real person. Real human. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I want to ask you about something. Well, let's talk about the crab feast. How do you know, how do I know Ryan Sickler? Just through stand-up. Really? Yeah. So me and Sickler have the podcast, you know, storytelling. Yeah. And we both did stand-up together. Excuse me. And like, Rye and I always told stories. And I used to host a show at the improv, like, in 2005, called Storytime with Jay Larson.

and then I would have four comedians come on stage, and then I would do conversational. I would bring up a thing like, it was the first car you ever had. And I asked one guy, and then we'd go down, and then I would, like, wait to see where it would take us, and then I would keep, like, prodding to, like, get at places, you know?

And so I did that for, like, six months, and then I stopped, and I was doing other stuff. And then so when Rye had his podcast, he was like, hey, I'm thinking I want to do, like, more storytelling you want to do it with me, and I was like, I would love to do that. And now, we've told every story we've ever told. Right, ever all of them. Yeah.

Scraving the bottom. So we bring people on and they tell their stories and we just, you know, jab and tag and ask questions. And then, like, we help find jokes that aren't there. And it's a blast. It's a really fun show to do. And it's nice because it's got a focus. It's got a certain focus to it. It kind of, like, frames, gives the show framework.

Yeah, and Ryan, you know, Rye's mom didn't really, wasn't really around for him. My dad wasn't around for me. So it's kind of like we both have, you know. Yeah. And we both have that kind of single parent that was both kind of there and not there. Yeah, exactly. So we can always go back to that. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you just lost your father a couple of months ago. And from what I understand from a third source, you didn't really know him very well growing up at all. And I wanted to ask you about that because you said like you saw him a little bit when you were a little kid. And then at some point he just vanished. Yeah, well, like, I think it just got too much for him, I think. This is my guess. I know my mom. I love my mom. But I imagine 27 divorced with four kids and still trying to like, you know, he wanted to be an antique dealer and his dad wanted him to be the baker to take over. bakery and he went up doing antiques and I'm sure he, I remember him one time telling me, he's like, I had two root canals that I couldn't even pay for because I'm paying for your braces and, you know, blah, blah, blah. She's not particularly prepared to be a parent. Yeah, because by the way, it's okay to feel that way, but it's not okay to tell your kid that essentially you're carrying around a bunch of resentment.

Well, he didn't tell me that until I was like an adult? 27. Oh, okay, good. I was like, you're like seven. You're like, man, I got no money on me, but. Right, right. I'm saving up for a glass set, dad. I need to get some glass with them.

man we're light on juice glasses bro i'm just trying to yeah so it was weird so like then like all i remember is like when my grandmother died his mom like he called my mom and i've only seen my parents in a room once together and they fought and this is the only time i've seen them talk the second i remember coming home she's on the phone my dad and my mom and i used to be like crazy close like ridiculous close and i just like sit in the den watch my mother talk and i'm like who is that and she's like it's your father and she got the phone she's like yeah your dad doesn't want me to come to the funeral and I was like well and I ain't going right and then my brother and my other sister said they weren't going and my other sister did go and that was like the I remember going to

like fifth grade going to his antique store with him and working for a day and him paying me with a baseball card like that was my pay for the day I got a Hank Aaron baseball card and uh which was a miscut by the way which is ironic so I am so then I just think like I think it just like everyone was just like worn out of the welcome you know it wasn't like it wasn't like my mom mother was saying, hey, it's your dad's birthday, you need to call him today, or it's father's day, you need to get your dad something. And it wasn't like my dad was making an effort. You know, it was kind of like all falling on us. And I'm like, you know, I'm 11. You and a kid, no, how could it? Yeah. Yeah. And unless you're going to like flip the fuck out,

like, where's my dad? But if you'd never had that relationship with him, really. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, I think when you lose a parent a little older and you have an established relationship with them, then you want to continue it. But if you never really had it, you probably kind of ambivalent about it on some level. Yeah, it was, yeah. So then when I moved to L.A., you know, and this was like where I really started to find myself. This is when I started to find myself. I moved to L.A.

I lived in Hollywood for six months. I signed a six-month lease just to like, I wanted to live in Hollywood. And then I was like, I'll figure the place out. Then I was working with these at Cheesecake Factory in Brentwood, and this girl was like, I'm like, I found this house that people looking for a roommate on Craigslist. I'm looking at it. She was, oh, let's see where it is. And it was in Venice on the beach. And I live there.

I'm like, this is it. I was way out of them. I couldn't afford the rent. but I wanted to live in Venice by the beach and this is like when I found Venice and I lived there for four months and then our landlord jacked the rent and we got kicked out

but I didn't even have an I had zero money and no money left and one of my roommates was an architect and he had bought a plot of land in Venice it had a condemned house on it and he was going to rip it down

and build like his project to show the world this is who I am as an architect and he's like but I don't have the money yet to build the house I got to go back to Michigan and raise it so how about if you want you can live there seven months

And so I moved into this condemned house. I ended up living there 14 months. Wow. That's when I wrote my second screenplay. It had electricity and water. It had electricity. It had water. Didn't have hot water.

Didn't have a shower. Didn't have a kitchen. Wow. You couldn't legally rent it. You know what I mean? So I got to live there free. You just kind of squatting and keeping an eye on it. I had a fig tree.

It was like this beautiful black family next door that like looked out for me. They're like my grandparents. It was amazing. I would fucking love that. I would write on the walls. Yeah. You could do anything you wanted. Yeah.

So I became who I wanted to be essentially. you know, like who I'd seen glimpses of my whole life growing up, I was actually able to, like, let it all out of my system. Yeah. And I had like crazy, it was just an amazing time. Anyway, so then I reached out to my dad while I was there and I was like, this is what I'm doing now, blah, blah, blah. And we talked on the phone one time. And I was hoping I'd get like just an apology of something. Like, sorry I wasn't there.

Like, I never, I mean, I talked to him on and off until he passed very sporadically. So we talked one time and then we'd email, right? And then I was like, through his emails, I was like, oh, my God, I'm just like this guy. Like, this is how I write. Right. And I had, like, a really good friend at the time who had lost his mother really young. And we would, like, we'd write poetry, not together, but we would. And then we'd, like, take mushrooms and talk about this, what we'd do, right?

Yeah. And that was our thing. And so I would be, like, reading my poetry and reading his emails and the way he would talk about, like, he lived in this, like, I'm living in this, we have this old 18th century house in Essex. And every day I get up at five, and I walk down the Richdale, and I mail my, out like whatever like things people had bought on eBay from him and he's like it's cold right now like he would just like Norman Rockwell tell stories and that's how I write you know it was just like I was like wow this is amazing and then like I would get annoyed you know and then I'd peter off and then it would talk to him for two years and then I'd send out another email because it was always me you know

you had to drive their relationship completely yeah it had to be me and then so when my wife and I were living in New York we were going home one time and I had been like back in touch with my dad again and he was like well i'm not going to go further with this relationship unless you come see me and i was like all right you fucking can ultimate yeah i know but i did i went and saw him and my wife came up and saw him and he was like really trying to intimidate her you know that's what he does i think he was so insecure that like she could read right through him right and it was fine and stuff and he gave us some stuff and that was like when i was 32 33 maybe and then um and then we just then we'd go back and we'd be emailing again, wouldn't be, and then we just completely fell out, you know? Yeah. Did something happen?

Something precipitate the falling out? No, it was just again, I was like, you know, it's always me. Right. I'm always, you know, he would say like he's so proud of you, what he got going on, keep working towards what you're doing. Like, he always liked what I was doing. He loved that I was doing what I wanted to do. Right. And I think especially from a guy who probably was married at 19 and had two kids at like 23, he was like, man, you are doing what you want to do with your life. and it was so hard for me. You know, so I think he appreciated that, but he was so far gone, I think, at that point, that it wasn't going to matter, you know?

So, yeah, and then I was in New York. You know, my brother and I, we are way close than we've ever been, but we were never close, you know? Right. Like, I used to say to him, like, dude, can we just be best friends? Yeah.

He would be like, no, man, I'm not really like that. I'm like, alright. I'm not really like that. Well, he would be like, I'm not, I just don't work like that, Jay. He's gay. Yeah. So I don't know if it, like, it was always a thing with him between,

you know, we had like stuff that we had to work out on our own, too, you know. He was going through whatever shit he was going through. Did he come out super early or not until later? He came out in college. Yeah. And he told me and he could have just said, hey, you want to grab Burger King? Right. You know what I mean? It didn't matter. It didn't mean it. It didn't change anything about me. You know what I mean? I was just like, dude, I love it. I think it's whatever. Yeah. And like that was the end of it. I didn't even think to talk more about. I'm like, cool. And so anyway, he never called. Like he's not a big phone talker. You know what I mean? I can talk all day long. I'll call him. He'll text me back. So when I was in New York doing the show,

doing up front, my brother called me. And I'm like in the hotel. And I'm like, we were doing the today show the next morning. And I'm like, yo. For best bars? Okay. Yeah. I'm like, what does Adam call me for? I'm like, what's up? And he's like, hey. And I'm like, what's going on? He's like, nothing. I know you have a big day tomorrow, but, you know, I just want to let you know dad died. And I was like, oh, and like, they don't talk to him. They all know I'm the only ones that had any communication with them. And I was like, all right. And I was like, all right. and he's like so I know you got a lot going on what's you know what are you doing today's tomorrow I'm like yeah doing today show blah blah blah he's like all right and I'm like all right

I'll talk to you later he's like what are you going to do I'm like I don't know and I'm like out the phone like I got to just call my wife and I called it I just broke down with her you know because it was like so weird you know like he didn't know I don't think he knew I had a son yet you know what I mean and like I really wanted to as much as like he's a fucking idiot you know what I mean I think I honestly think that he missed out and he didn't didn't want to have missed out. You know what I mean? I think it just built up, got too much,

and he transformed into someone else. You know, I think we all have the composition to go, you know, is man in atly good or is man in atly bad? I think we all have that composition that we can go either way. Either way. And it all depends on how you push and how you're pressed and how much pressure and what you want and what you can have and what you're in, you know what I mean?

All that stuff. And your sense of yourself, whether you feel like you're able or willing or capable of transcending whatever bullshit's gone on in your life. And I imagine that for somebody like this, and I don't know your dad, but I'm just thinking about it, and I'm wondering, you know, some people are just, you know, comprehensively bad, but it doesn't seem like he was because he kind of tried. He did try to close you out completely. But there's probably a lot of shame that went along with just not being there. And shame can make somebody try to make amends or it can make them incredibly defensive. And so to feel better to kind of like to tamp to like tamp down the shame, you start to decide all the reasons why it wasn't your fault. It's not my fault that I wasn't there. where I didn't even do anything wrong, you know, and that can really get, then all of a sudden that person becomes this prickly fucker

who, you know what I mean, who just can't, you know, get past it. Yeah, and I think also, like, and there's more to this that I think will come back. Like, you know, he had told me, like, I think like who my mother thought he was and who he thought she was were just two different things. Right. I think that, you know, my dad's, my grandfather was like, went to Harvard, left after a sophomore year to work on the Adam bomb,

and then dropped out of school and opened a bakery because his grandfather had a bakery. So he had two bakeries and then he owned the building and he was successful. They had pretty good money, you know? It's the first guy I knew to have a computer. It was my grandfather. So I think my mother saw him and was like, she said she would go up to their house and they would like, before dinner they'd have cocktails. Like they have cocktail hour. Right.

And they lived on the water. Excuse me. There was a beautiful home that my grandfather had built and stuff. And so I think she was like, oh, they have money and thought my dad was a certain kind of guy. And my dad had his own boat. And he told me, he's like, you know, I invited your mother on the boat one day. And she showed up in, like, this white dress and, like, I think she thought we had, like, servants. And he's like, I had, like, fish guts in the boat.

It was a little skiff. You know, there was nothing to it. Right. And so they were just like, you know, I think they were two different. And my dad was like, you know, we went to sex therapy where he came home from our honeymoon. Right. You know what I mean? Right.

So who knows what was going on with them. I'll tell you, and you'll find out in a little while what I think was also going on. So I found out he passed. And then I said to my wife, I'm like, I'm going to go home. Like, there's no funeral or wake or anything. I just need to go home. Like, I need to, like, get the end of the story for myself, you know. And she's like, all right.

So I called, I got my aunt, who I hadn't talked to in, like, 22 years. I got her on the phone. And then I got in touch with the guy who worked at the antique store or owned the antique store that my dad will work at. And he was like, sure, come by. I love to see you. And because he was the day that I saw my dad. dad for the first time in 25 years when I was like 32 or whatever, he was there and he took a picture of us and everything. And he was like, you know, you have no idea how good this is for him, blah, blah, blah,

even though I heard my dad hated that guy, but probably hated the guy because the guy actually understood like how much he was hurting. Right. And then I talked to my aunt and my dad was remarried and I said, can I go see Mary? And she was like, yeah, you know, she said you can totally come by and see her, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, all right. So I just drove up there. And like I said, I pulled in, went to town, called my aunt, had like five Jack Daniels with her, left, went to dinner with all my high school buddies who, like, my high school buddies were like brothers for me because everyone was out of the house and was like, my house was the one, like the door was always unlocked and everyone just came in and out of, yeah.

But no one was, my mom was never home, you know. Yeah. So we left, we had dinner that night. I stayed at some little inn in Marblehead because I love inns and it was creepy and I think it was haunted. And I woke up the next day, went to the antique store, saw that. guy and his wife, talked to them for a while about my dad. Everyone said the same thing about my dad. Funniest guy I've ever known, smartest guy I've ever known, most stubborn guy I've ever known.

So then I was like, all right, well, great to seeing you guys. I'm driving up to see his wife. So basically they lived together and then her son was going to move back home and my dad was like, I'm not cool with your son moving back home. He's like 50 years old. Okay, so you were going up to see. Yeah. Mary. Yeah. So like. you know, my dad's wife was like, so basically he was living on his own in an apartment and then she had her house up there. But he had like, my dad was like...

Because someone was going to move in and he's like, I can't do it. So he got his own place. He's like, come on, you know. 50 years old. Yeah, he's like, I want my own place. But, you know, he was like a... He would make sculptures and stuff like that and he was an artist too. You know, I told you he was a musician.

Like, they met in music school, both my parents. And he was always artistic. He was an antique dealer. Like, you know, all this stuff. So he had his own workshop up there and he'd like done all of her. gardens with like he did like tons of granite work and then iron into it and stuff like that. So I get up there. I see her and she's like super sweet and she's like, yeah, go out in his workshop, you know, look around. If there's anything you want, you know, you can have.

I was like, okay, you know. And so I go out there and like, you know, it's his workshop. It's just like one little sitting room that was all decorated. Like Mary does the decorating with all the sculptures he makes and all like his antiques. Like her house look like anthropology. Right. You know what I mean? They're not like loaded or anything, but they have like, he had so many cool pieces because when he found a cool piece, he would keep it. And they would make it tricked out. You know, their house, she just had a cool eye. So I go in there and then I go in his workshop and then there's like stairs up to the top. And I'm like taking pictures and I'm like looking for little things.

I'm like, I'll take that. I'll take that. And it's just like crazy. And like right above his work desk, there was one big sign. It just said tomorrow. And I was like, oh my God, that's just miserable. What a horrible outlook. I mean, I know, like, in AA, tomorrow is like the day you have a drink, which is a positive way of looking at it.

But for him, it was almost like, the way I was looking at it is tomorrow I'll reach out and get in touch with my kids. That's the way I would look at him. Tomorrow I'll fix my shit. Yeah. And there was like a lot of fucked up shit in there. So there's four of us. And then I find, like, he did a lot of stuff with, like, doll heads and stuff. And so then there's like, there's this one sculpture.

And it's a baseball. I played baseball. I had the strongest connection to him. It's a baseball painted silver with four baby heads on top of it all the way up getting smaller till the top all painted silver. Okay, there's one. And there's another one with four baby heads over here. Then there's an old, he had taken an old pipe that was an old man's face, cut the end off of it, put like four pins in it with little tiny skulls coming up at four heads. Everything was in fours, you know what I mean?

Just crazy. All over just tons of these things. And so like I go back inside and she's like, he had it. these are some of his favorite coins. If you want any of them, you can take them, and I'm sitting there, and her son's making sandwiches, and now they're friends over the house,

and her friends, like, I just, and some of his artwork is, like, in the house, you know. And she's like, I just think that, you know, his name was Norman. Normie was just very, his artwork, just very creative. And I think that's just, you know,

he, that's what he did. You know, and I'm just listening to them talk, and then I just go, he was fucking nuts. And they go, they go, you think? And I go, you don't think he's tormented? I go, what the fuck is that?

Like on top of the fridge. I go, look at that. There's four baby heads with four baseballs. You don't think that has anything to do with the fact that he had four kids he had no relationship with? How many four-headed things are in that fucking studio? And how about all the little babies getting things? I go, I'm not even getting into that dick on the wall with a fucking fishing hook through it. That's clearly something.

I mean, and they're looking around at everything kind of like, huh? What? Now what I think of it? Look around. And I'm like, I'm sitting there like, you've got to be out of your fucking mind. And then I'm seeing, like, in the house, there was, like, tons of stuff with dicks. Really? Tons of stuff with dicks.

And then, like, there was one thing where, like, it was, like, like, a Barbie doll fucking something else with a dick. Like, I mean, just tons of stuff. Like a Barbie doll with a dick strapped on kind of. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of dicks. A lot of dicks. A lot of dollheads.

And I'm just, like, looking around just being like, wow, this is just like, I've seen weird stuff. So it wasn't, like, super weird to me. It wasn't like you were creeped out by it. But you're like, like, well, What does this mean? Like, what is this represent? What does this signify? Yeah.

Yeah. It wasn't like silence of lamps where I thought he'd killed anybody. Right, right. But at the same time, I was like, it's just, it's just everything's a little weird. This is just crazy. And I'm standing in the man's shop. Yeah. That is my dad or was my dad.

And he's probably tormented. At least I want to think he was tormented that he didn't, I don't want him to be tormented, but like, you're looking around. I'm like, this is clearly, this force everywhere you look. And there's baby heads and, you know, It's just like so much stuff that, like, looks like it fits to, like, what we were and stuff. And, uh, and so, like, I hung out. I hung out.

I wanted some one-on-one time with her. Right. You know what I mean? You know, like, try and, like, ask for some questions. Right. Like, did he talk about us? You know, like, just find out, you know? Right.

Yeah. But she never did. And then, like, I got her into the other, like, they're living room a little bit. And we talked and I'm like, you know, I go, I was just trying to, like, sympathize with her. She just lost her husband. Yeah. And she's pretty good about it.

stuff and it was like sudden, you know, he had like a heart attack or a stroke. We don't, still, they did not do an autopsy. Oh, he just dropped it. They don't know if he like banged his head and like, had, you know, whatever. So we're sitting there and then like I talked to her and she's like, you know, now that I think about it, I do think he was a little tormented. I do think that he was never really happy. And I'm like, he's clearly tormented.

Like, you know, it's a shame, you know. She's like, yeah, you know, he was always just, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That was that. You know, like I just talked to her. I'm like, all right, I'm not going to get. anything out of her. You know, it's like... She also didn't seem to have a lot of clarity herself.

I mean, she's kind of come in there right then. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, how much? She's, she's always been a little aloof anyway. You know, she was always. And I was just like, all right, well, it's not her duty anyway to give me answers. And so I was like, you have the key to my dad's apartment. And she's like, yeah.

And I'm like, you cool, if I go over there, she's like, yeah. And she's like, you know, her son was going to drive over. I'm like, I just want to go by myself. You know, if you just give me a key, I'll leave it with my aunt. And she was like, all right, so I went over to his place. And this was like squalor. Really? Like squalor.

Like almost like he was punishing himself, like the condition of he was living in. Wow. It was like an old schoolhouse split. Like it was apartment downstairs and one upstairs. And you like walked in the first room. There was like a fish tank in the corner that was like half full. And it was like the only sound you heard. And it was freezing cold.

And windows were like clear trash bag, like taped over him. Like keep the cold. out and it was just like on one table was just like tons of books on silver silver silver like native american silver what coins are worth you know because he was in antiques and he was like always on coins and silver and like my one guy was telling me he's like your dad could pick up a coin he could tell you right away what it was what it was worth if it was 10 car at 14 you know all that stuff I'm like all right whatever and uh they're like one one guy was like the most compassionate man I've ever met like give you the shirt off your back

off his back I'm like yeah I never I never saw that. I'm not really sure where you come with that. And then, like, you'd go into the other room and, like, the kitchen. Like, it looked condemned. It looked worse than condemned. It looked beyond condemned. You go into, like, a living room space.

And you lived in a condemned home. And I lived out. And mine was pretty nice. But this was, like, bad. It was just so bad. And, like, you could see then he had, like, another room that was set up just for, like, packaging, like, his things that he was shipping out, you know. And it was just, it was really sad.

It was sad. Like, every. Could you navigate the space? Was he a hoarder? No, he wasn't a hoarder. Yeah, you could totally navigate. You can get through it, but it was just like, you just felt like it was just so bad. Like I just, like, my aunt had told me, she's like, I don't think you're going to want to go over there.

And I'm like, I'm fine. And I wasn't so much I couldn't bear it. Like, I almost didn't want to leave. I left, I stayed in there as long as I could because I just wanted to like soak it all in and like take mental snapshots. You know, as comedians, we snapshot everything. Right. And so I was like taking it all in. And I found a picture of my sister, which was like,

telling my sister, I'm like, you know, in dad's apartment, I found a picture of you if you want it. You know, it's viewing him at like our aunt's wedding. And she's like, yeah, I'd like to have that. And that was like really tough for me to see because she had the closest relationship with him out of all of us. She's the one who like kept it going. And I felt so bad for her. She went to the funeral. And so like, and she's really, I just was like, oh, man.

So like I was, I wanted to see something of me, you know, like, I wanted to see something of me. You know, like I wanted to see. I saw those baseball things, and he knew how much baseball was to me. He wouldn't care about baseball. So I was like, ah, that must be me and his stuff, you know. And then so I just kept, like, looking around just looking for any clue. Like, I found the commencement folder from his college graduation. Oh, wow.

Which was weird. Yeah. Especially since, like, his whole life, I think, was up at his wife's house. You know what I mean? And this was just, like, whatever he had, you know? Like, his closet had, like, barely any clothes in it. and, you know, his kitchen was gross, like, the cabinets had nothing in it. Like, every, every, then you're looking like you'd find a box, and they'd be, like, two, like,

like, um, not rose medallion. I think there was a rose medallion. I found a rose medallion piece in there, which is a piece of, like, this China that's really nice. And my mother has a ton of that. My dad used to collect and sell. And, like, you know, just a couple things. Like, is that worth something?

I wonder why he would even have that here. Right. You know, it was just, like, so many, like, weird things. And then I, like, then I went into his bed. room, which was just like literally a mattress and a box spring on the ground, freezing cold. Like the walls were gross. Everything was gross. And then like right next to the bed was like all the like stuff the EMTs had like ripped open to like give him CPR and all that stuff. It's just like right there. So I'm like just standing there. I'm like, oh, so I'm literally standing in the

spot he died in, you know, in this man's home who I never knew, who was my dad. And this is how I'm looking around being like, this is how he had to die. And, like, I don't have ill will towards them. I just felt so, like, and I have a son now, you know what I mean? Like, I have a son. I was his son. You know what I mean? And to me, that's, like, the American, I mean, I know, I'm like, put this way.

Not everyone needs to have a son to have a experience what, like, life is supposed to be. But for me, like, every single idol in my life is based off of what a man should be. You know what I mean? Ted Williams, I don't care what kind of man he was. Batting 406 is what. what a man should be the way he would swing. The way Paul Newman would make movies and donate money and set up charities was like what a man should be.

Like these are like things like dances with wolves. The fact that Kevin Costor made it, directed at what the movie stood for, that's a movie you should watch with your dad. Like that's a thing you should do with your dad. You should ride in a pickup truck with your dad, you know? So like to see all those things, like a golden retriever, a train, an iron bed, a quilt. These are all things that are like American things you do with your dad. I remember like my friend in college, my buddy from high school went to BC.

And while he was at BC, he had this roommate and this kid was like loaded. And like I'd seen him after Christmas break. I went up there for a party and I saw this kid and this kid was like nuts. Super, super, super, super nice kid. And I go, what did you do for like Christmas break? And he's like, oh, my dad, he took me to Russia. And we went on like on a freight, like an oil freighter. Like we got a room on an oil freighter and drove or like.

cruise all through like Russia like through the Baltics or what I don't know what's up there yeah the Baltics I mean like the Baltic Sea the Black Sea all right and I'm like Jesus Christ that's what you do with your son you do you take him on little adventures you know like now that's why I like I'm so stoked to have a son because I'm like I told my wife I'm like you don't think I'm going to be pulling him out of school if there's opening day and it's a day game yeah I am you don't think I'm going to like all the little adventures I want to like plan into his life because like if you can't get it for me it was always like if I'm not going to have it let me make my son and I'm we're going to have a daughter now.

They're most magical lives that I can because, like, I didn't have it. So at least let me have the joy of giving it to someone else. And so it was like, you know, you're standing in this room and you're looking around and you're like, I mean, put this way, I've watched family die in, like, rehab centers, which sucks, you know? So wherever you're going to die, it's going to suck. But, like, it just was like so, like, it just kind of like, it didn't overwhelm me. I was hoping, to be honest with you. I wanted to get overwhelmed. I kept looking for it.

Like, where am I going to, like, lose it, collapse the ground, ball my eyes out and get this out of my system? And it just never came. But I remember just sitting there just being like, wow, this is just like, this poor, this is just, I felt so bad for him that like he missed out on me. My brother's an amazing person, both my sisters, you know. And I felt bad for them that they didn't have a chance to experience it.

I don't think my oldest sister knows I even went home for any of this. You know, the fact. that they wrote them off, like, where, why did no one have the foresight to be like, you need a relationship with your father? We need to make this happen. Like, you know, why no one decided, let's be bigger than ourselves and make sure these kids have this, you know? It was just like, everyone was like, write them off, write them off.

And like, which, you know, makes you think, like, well, was there something about? You know what I mean? Like, what was it? You know, it could have been, anyway. So I left there. I stayed for a while. then like, I'm in there and I hear hello, and it's the guy who lives upstairs.

And he's like, oh, you, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm like, hey, I'm Jay. He goes, hey, I go, yeah, no, Norm was my dad. And he goes, oh, my God, such a shame about Norm. Then telling me how great of a guy he is, you know what I mean. It's so hard to hear someone. So impossible to hear someone tell you how great, how loving, so kind, so generous, so sweet. And you're like, yeah, that doesn't represent anything I know about this person at all.

But you want them to have their own grieving. And you want to, like, hear, you want to, hear someone say the positive. It just, it like hits you in a way. You're like, oh, that sucks that I never got a chance to really like experience that. It would have been fun to like know that and do more things. Like that one day I did go spend with him. Like we went to lunch and then we just drove around in this truck for like four hours. He was like, oh, let me take you my favorite place. And you're like, we drive down like on a like a makeout date and go down by the water and park by the water. He's like, I come here a lot when I was a kid. I used to come right over here and start telling me all these

things, you know? And I'm like, I'm like, so I'm 33 and now you're telling me. me like words of wisdom or stories that you could have shared that could have developed me into a human being. Instead, I had to like go my whole life and like, I mean, I like who I am and I'm happy that I mean, I taught myself how to ride a bike. I taught myself how to shave. Those are things that I taught myself because no one was there. I didn't even think of it. You know what I mean? I remember in college. This kid was like, dude, dude, I was like, yeah, why? He goes, dude, you take a shower, then you shave. I'm like, no, I shave and then I shower. And he's like, no, dude, you want moisture. Anyway, so I went to my aunts after so I talked to that guy and then I went to my aunts again to give her the key and then I was

like she goes how was it and I was like a marriage I'm like yes a lot of dicks on the wall you know and she goes oh yeah um your dad was a bisexual and I was like really okay you know what I mean like anything else anybody want right now like can I get anything else yeah not that it's a huge deal but it's like well it's just something that you didn't know about him yeah and it goes back and it kind of like almost like explains like if you're going to sex therapy after your honeymoon and then you break up like my mother's pretty sure i mean what if my mom knew right and what if my mom was like there's something wrong with him he's he's he needs to have sex with men he know who knows you know especially with all that's going on in the world today at that time and you know uh this is the

father of your kids and yeah nothing wrong with it per se but i think so here's something interesting and i wonder and don't forget what you were going to say but i wonder but i wonder about this, I think some people who are very modern can be like, okay, the person's bisexual. Or even I'm in a relationship with someone who's bisexual, it's not problematic. But I think a lot more people would be like,

what's wrong with me? Yeah. That you don't want to fuck me. Or just me. Or just me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, what's wrong with me? Like, you should love me enough. I should be able to fix this for you. If you love me, you would want to... And instead of seeing, like, this is not the best analogy, right? But let's just say, like,

I was a strawberry and you found out your allergic strawberries. Instead of me just realizing, this is how you're built, you're bisexual, that's a component of who you are, and maybe you didn't realize that and you were old enough, or maybe you, you know, maybe you didn't know it or you couldn't see it or you couldn't accept it in yourself and then you realize it was too strong for you to kind of counteract. I'm just going to blame myself, even though I'm realizing I'm a strawberry and you're allergic strawberries. I can't like, there's nothing to be done here.

You know what I mean? There's no, we can't like counsel our way out of this, you know? And all of that, like friends of mine, that have been married and then came out later. You know, their spouse was like, well, you should have told me. Well, or you lied to me. Well, like, that motherfucker was lying to themselves, too. Like, they were going through whatever shit they had going on.

And maybe they couldn't get there. You know what I mean? That, I mean, put it this way. It, like, it kind of, like, drew a picture for me. I'm like, oh, this makes sense. I can't ever imagine my mom being like, yeah, that's cool. Right. But knowing my dad's wife now or his, you know, I look at her.

I'm like, I can totally see her where she'd be like, yeah, that's, you know, every once in a while he'd be. this guy, Freddy hangs out with, you know what I mean? Because he had this, he did have this one, like, super best friend that I tried to get in contact with who didn't call me back. I, like, I called him twice. I asked my aunt. She's like, I don't know if you're going to, I don't know if he's going to reach back

to you. And I was like, well, I'm going to try. And she said, like, you know, your dad would have, like, coffee with him every morning. And he was married. And I was like, I wonder if they were, like, you know, lovers, you know, like, that was his guy. And it's just like, you know, it's just like, it's just too bad, you know? It was just at the end, it was just like a waste.

It was just sad. And I'm just like, you know, I'm looking at like my brother who like, you know, and my sisters and just like looking at all of us. I'm like, ah, it's just a shame that there were four of us. Like, so many things could have been heightened and easier figure it out. And like, you know, when you had problems, even like just being able to be like, I want to go stay at dad's house or just like go to dinner at your dad's house. You don't have to live with them or whatever.

It just seems like there could have been an easier way to go about the whole thing, which is why I'm so glad. that I waited to be older to one get married and two have kids. Because I feel like we have such a stronger grasp on what our relationship is supposed to be and how to handle our kids and how to handle each other, you know. So, you know, because I have friends that are from divorced families and they're like, oh, yeah, well, I stayed with my mom, but my dad lived on the side town. And I would just, like, ride my bike over there.

Sometimes I go over there after school. And I was like, that's unbelievable. How did that even happen? Right, right, yeah. I mean, or, you know, you've got the thing where the parents are sharing custody, but like, yeah, like I said, I want my dad and my sister and my mom. But, like, I talked to my mom all the time on the phone, and if I was fighting with my dad, I went to my mom's house. And yeah, after, well, several years, but, like, I remember right after I, my junior year, between my junior senior year, I, like, went and lived with my mom for the whole summer. Like, I'd never done that.

I'd never lived with her, and so I stayed with her. But she wasn't, like, around every day. I mean, she was available to me. Yeah. You know what I mean? And that's, it is. It's a bummer that he just couldn't be available to you. even a little bit. Yeah, it's just whacked. It's whack. And I just felt, like I said, like,

having a son and then being in the middle of it, I was just like, I felt bad for him. Like, I just felt so bad for him. He was missing out on the other side of that relationship. He was missing out on everything, because he had told me one time, all I ever wanted to do is have my family and antique. He just wanted to be a simple guy. Right. It just wasn't afforded to. I don't really know. When you were having your conversation with your aunt, I mean, you probably didn't get this deep into it. I imagine older people don't always get to this place. But I mean, I wonder if, and I'm not even going to like a sign instead of like I'm he probably was ashamed that he wasn't a better parent but he might have wanted to hide that from you or from himself what the fact that he was bisexual yeah

maybe I mean maybe I mean my aunt he he had like weird things with a lot of people you know I think you know it maybe it was a shameful thing and who knows what he went through or he just didn't think you would understand or his you know I mean a million yeah either way you know either way I just you know it's just like you look at it and it's like um you know you just got to grow from it. You just take those lessons and you grow from it. So it was definitely something. I was definitely glad to get home to L.A., that's for sure.

When you, it was the last conversation that you had about your dad, the one that you had with your aunt when you dropped off the key? Yeah, that was it. I mean, I stayed at a hotel that night. You know, it's kind of whack, too, because, like, my mom didn't ask, like, how you doing? You know, are you okay? Like, it doesn't even, like, register my mother's head to, like, hey, you know, my dad just died.

you know what I mean regardless of how close or how close you think you know so it was just like really weird and I stayed at some hotel out by the airport

and it was like one of those you know those hotel rooms where the room was fucking huge but there's nothing in it but the bed and it's just like

you're so far away from like the TV and a tiny TV it's so scary I just like wanted to get back and like luckily Esquire

was handling all my flights and were like we'll change everything they did everything and like took care of me so like getting home

was like easy and then I was just like I need to be home you know what I mean yeah so uh it was good I actually felt a little bit of relief for him that he was just like he had demons I hope you know so it was good it was good to get back yeah yeah yeah I mean I'm also I mean I don't know what the word is so I'll use this one if I'm happy that you had the opportunity just to learn about him just to learn stuff about him that it seemed like you were never going to get to learn while he was alive yeah you know I used to go through I think a lot of people like little about to depression when I was living that condemned house I would go through I was going through

so much trying to figure out who I was and people I always looked at depression was like I don't think it's a bad thing I was like I just just look at it I'm like well this is who I am right now so learn who I am learn how to exist in it study it yeah absorb it you know and I think that like even in like really bad times

you can like just step back and be like hey it's like it's just one step along the way I mean I get front trust me I'll hit a bad seven iron and I'll get pissed. But like, you know, like look at life a little bit and just be like, well, you know, it's like, what can I learn from it? Where's the humor here? I'll like look around for what's funny and then like just try to like absorb it all and then just take it and just know that like what can you do? So much of life you can't even control. You know, you can't try to. You'll go nuts.

Yeah, you'll lose it. I mean, the fortunate thing is that you have the ability that some people in depression don't have, which is to see, I'm in this state right now, but it's not permanent. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I think that, like, a lot of people who are depressed, either medication helps them or therapy helps them realize that. But a lot of times, I think people fall into those depressions, and they're just like, this is the way it's always going to be.

I'm never going to feel okay again. Yeah. Versus like, okay, I'm, you know, this is just one aspect of human experience. Right now, I feel fucked up. You know what I mean? That's, that's, that's. And I also learned, this is, I think, since I had a kid, is that, is that, I can't, when you have a baby, you can't, like, so normally, if I was depressed, like, I live in the

condemned house, I would, like, buy, like, four packs of cigarettes, buy weed. I'm like, oh, I don't have to work for two days. It's raining. I'm going to smoke weed and cigarettes and chill and write poems and do whatever and just ignore the world. You have a baby. You're, like, you have to move. You know, when you have five jobs, like you do. You have to move. You have to, like, keep moving. And I realize, that's when I realize, I'm like, life is going to go on. Because in that time, like, my dad died. My friend lost his wife, and he had a son who I know. Well, his son's like 21, so I knew the both of them.

So he lost the mom. Then my agent lost the mom. Then my friend lost the brother. And this happened in like three weeks. And I was just like, what the fuck? I looked at my wife. I'm like, life is always going to go on. Right.

It's always going to keep moving. And I never learned. I first learned that when I moved to New York when I was living in New York. And I'm like, man, this city doesn't give a fuck about anybody. No matter what bars are going to be open, people are going to go to work. people don't care about you, get the fuck out of the way. It's Sunday at 3 a.m., no one cares. It's always going to move.

But then you come back to L.A. and out of a place in the world, you can hide out, you can relax, you can hide, and then it wasn't until this. And I was like, I think this is when I really became an adult when I was like seeing all these people passing. I'm like, oh, people are going to pass. Life is going to happen. Bad things are going to happen. Good thing is going to happen.

It's just life. And you just keep moving with it. You can't get cut up on the good or the bad. Enjoy the good. acknowledge the bad and then keep moving you know just nothing you can do were you angry at your father not maybe not when you were a kid because I'm sure

I mean always then yeah did you yeah no I wasn't honestly the thing I felt the most was I felt sad for him like I just felt the whole situation made me sad I'm a very empathetic person I think like I see things and I get welled up you know what I mean

like I'll see I got welled up on the plane because a man I don't know what's happening. I think he's having some diabetic thing. And they're like, is any medical people on the plane? And everyone started helping. No one gives a fuck about anybody.

Nobody. Second a guy, you're trapped on a plane. This guy needs help. This one guy helps him, you know, and then there are nurses coming. And then this older guy who's like a retired doctor, it seemed to me, helped him to the bathroom. And he gets him like, Wolvershould. He's like, which way we go? We go in the back.

We go on the front. Like a friendly guy. And they go, take him the front. And take him the front. and like I'm not in first class. I can see first class. And I hear the, the stewardess say to the guy in 1A or 1B, the aisle seat in the first row, would you mind if we use your seat for this gentleman?

He's like, no, of course, came back and sat in his seat. And I'm like, I was getting welled up. I'm like, why aren't we doing this all the fucking time? You know, like, I see little moments of that in people. And like, I get so connected to people. And I love people so much. And I love telling stories. And I love seeing people.

and I love manipulating people to have feelings, you know what I mean? That, like, I see little things like that. And I just, like, it just makes me feel so good about people. And, like, lately, I'm just like, I say to my wife all the time, like, we're so fucking lucky. Like, nothing's going on. You know, it's been raining a little bit. Yeah. And I have, like, this little office I built my backyard.

And I go out the other day, and it's like, it's like hot and muggy, but the rain's falling on the roof. And I'm like, I'm in love with the world right now. You know, I'm not doing anything. I'm checking emails. But I loved it because it was just, like, like this simple little moment. It was Mark Twainey, and life was just a simple time. And then everything on the news is fucking police brutality, person getting shot.

You know, everything is just so blown crazy town. You just want to run away. So when you see those little moments of people, so then I'm walking to the airport and I see the doctor guy, you know. And I go, hey man, I can say, I go, great work back there. And he goes, I just thank to God he's okay. And I'm like, who the fuck are you? you know and it just makes you like know that if there's a little bit of him and everybody that you know you just hope these moments can move people so that they can you know acknowledge that

stuff so do you forgive him yeah i forgave him a while ago i don't forgive him i mean i just don't think he was a man you know i mean i don't think he had the strength inside to be what he need to be he had his own shit he was dealing with so i don't blame him you know and like part of the blame I shift over to my mom. I'm like, why wasn't she like, hey, you need to spend time with your dad. Like, boys need to be around boys. You know what I mean? As much as you need to be around a woman.

But, like, my mom's solution was put them in big brother groups or church groups, you know. So I don't, I forgive him as much as like, I mean, put this way, in my son's room, I did his entire room. I like to interior design. I get that from my mother. She used to write like interior design magazines and stuff. So I love interior design. So I did his whole room, like, vintage Americana. And all the pictures on the wall are his grandfather's, great-grandfathers,

and then like an old American flag, old, everything's old. And so my dad, when I saw him that one time, it gave me a box of old baseball cards that are, like, beat up, but they're old. They're not worth anything. They might be, but they're like the greats. So I've had them all framed, not all of them, but the best ones. And I have that in my son's room. And, like, I almost wanted my dad's know, like, hey, just so you know what you gave me, I'm giving the him and he'll know someday like yeah those were your grandfathers and then he'll ask who he was and

i'll i'll tell him little bits about you like you know about the good things that like you know you had your own lobster traps when you were 14 and you would go out into the harbor and you get your lobsters and you'd sell them the restaurants in town i'll tell him that stuff and then as he gets older i'd be like yeah you know he just wasn't around this is who he was blah blah blah blah blah blah and let him know you know and find a way to tell him in a way so i'll forgive him as much is that, you know, I just, I feel bad for him more than anything that he just didn't have strength. You know, not everyone

is going to be able to handle that kind of thing. And, you know, it's just the way it's going to be. Yeah. Yeah. Not ever, just because everybody becomes a parent doesn't mean they're qualified to do it. No. Yeah. Hell no. And not just and not because everyone can be a parent, is a parent and they're the one that has you means they're going to be a good

parent. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's nuts. It's time for self-inflicted wounds. Yeah. Well, if there's not enough and that story. Yeah, there's plenty. This one's more comical.

That was heavy, so this is a little light. So this is like, this is how I fucked myself. This is pretty much self-inflicted wounds, right? Okay, yeah. So, and this is like in,

so, I mean, you've had a pretty smooth path, I feel like. No, no. No, okay. I mean, I haven't been stabbed or anything like that, but you mean like career-wise?

Yeah, career-wise. Yeah, no. No, okay, good. Well, this was like a chance where I had a chance to break. This was going to be a chance, and it just fucking backfired. So I was going to,

on this like I was getting set up for this audition where my manager okay all at the management company I was at another manager managed this writing duo that had a TV show and they were getting a pilot made and so they're like oh they really like your stand-up they'd love for you to come in I'm like okay so I go in and I crush just with them and they're being like they're saying she'll like get the fuck out of here get the fuck because they're laughing so hard you know I mean like they love me yeah And I leave the audition. I call my man and she's like, how to go. I'm like, I mean, I go, I crushed.

And she's like, what do you mean? I'm like, I couldn't do any better. And she's like, well, let's wait and see what happens. I was like, all right. So she calls me like later that day. They love you. They like, you're the guy. They want you that you're the guy.

And I was like, I love it. So what's next? They're like, you're going to have to go in and do like the next, the callbacks, okay? Which I didn't know were really a chemistry test and almost like a test. right right so I'm like all right when's that going to be there like Friday I'm like all right cool and they go all right so Thursday night you're going to get on a call with them

and Fred Savage Fred's directing the pilot and they want to have a talk with you ahead of time and prep you for the callback and I like never been anything like through anything like this I'm like all right I'm like getting on the director's getting on and like he gets on he's like dude love what you're doing love your work I love your reads I love your stand up I've watched everything you've done

listen this is what we need to focus on for this audition. I'm like, all right. So we're all on the call. They're telling me. I'm like, okay, I got it, got it, got it. Next day, show up for the audition, right? I get in there.

I go to sign in, and one of the writing duo, one of them comes over to me is like, you don't need to sign in. And I was like, okay. You know, I'm like, all right. So I don't sign in, you know? They're like, you don't need to sign in. I was like, all right.

So I don't sign in. I sit down. See a couple guys. I'm like, hey, what's up, man? What's up? We're talking. they go in come out go in come out they're in there for like 10 minutes each so then i'm waiting there's no one else left and then the casting director comes out and goes all right jay i'll see you

and i go where are you going she's like they don't need me for this and i was like jesus what the fuck is going on here so i go in the e p's there the other eps there the whole production company's there the two writers are there and that's it and i'm like so what's up and they're like all right so let's just Let's just do the scene. Let's have some fun with them. Like, all right, so we do the scene. It's fun. We do it again.

It's fun. They're like, all right, now, just, how about the two just walk around in circles? You two walk around circles. Now, if you were in a fight, what would a fight be like? And we're just doing all these things. Fifty minutes, this audition goes, right?

And I'm like, I don't know what is going on in here. I leave. You know, it was good. But again, I was just like, I didn't really know what was going on. Right. I get back and my manager. So then that was like on a Friday.

And then my manager was like, yeah, we'll probably know by Monday. And I was like, okay, nothing Monday, nothing Tuesday, nothing Wednesday, nothing Thursday, Friday. My manager calls, hey, hey, you didn't get it. And I'm like, oh, really? She's like, yeah, I'm like, it was one of those things. I'm like, that's okay. You know what?

We made good friends at NBC. We made fans there. We made fans of the production company. I got a meeting set up at that production company. Talk about my ideas. I'm like, it's totally cool. and the writing duo had felt really bad about what had gone down, and they wanted to be the ones to break the news.

But my manager was like, let me tell them, and then you guys can call them. And I was like, so she told me that. And I was like, okay, cool. She's like, so I gave me your cell phone number. They're probably going to call you over the weekend. And I was like, okay, no big deal. Never got a call. So on Monday I talked to my manager, and she's like talking to me about something else,

and I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I go, she goes, so did you talk to them? And I go, no, they never called. And she goes, oh, that's weird. I go, yeah, because I changed my outgoing message for them. And she was, what do you mean? And I go, well, I changed my outgoing message that said, hey, this is Jay. I'm not home right now.

Leave a message. If this is X, Y, and Z, the two writers, you don't even bother leaving a message. Thanks for screwing up my life. You can go after yourself or something like that, right? No. My manager's laughing. She's like, that's hilarious. It's funny.

Yeah. She goes, I'm going to call them right now. I'm telling them to call you. So she knows what's going on. Right. So I hang up with her and I see my phone ringing an odd number from another part of the country. And I'm like, oh, that must be them. I let it go to voicemail.

No voicemails left. I got a call back from my manager 10 minutes later. Hey, they just called me. They said they called your voicemail and it was just like a normal voicemail. And I'm like, oh, I guess I just didn't save it or whatever. Right. And I go, oh, I must have not saved them. I'm like, that's so weird.

I thought it was hilarious. And she goes, well, why don't you just call them? And I go, okay. And she's like, yeah, just call them. I go, all right. So I just called back the number. I get one of their voicemails. And I just go, well, well, well, guess who it is?

The guy you didn't give the pilot to. That's right. Jake, don't even bother signing in on the call sheet because you're not going to get this. We're going to send the cast me. I go four minutes. Now, NBC had said the reason that I wasn't going to get is because this writing duo, they were like newer. You know what I mean?

They were established, but they were like to carry a show. We need someone. And they thought, I was too. green, they needed more of a name to take my spot, right? So they said I was a little green. And then I just go, I mean, I go, NBC thinks I'm green, NBC thinks I'm green. I go, you knew who else was green? Kermit the Frog, no one had a problem with him.

I do this whole message, right? I do a whole bit. Go about my day. Two hours later, phone call, executive producer of the show, and this writing duo's manager together. Call back immediately to the manager, get her assistant. She's not available. I'm like, all right.

So I call my manager. Not available. So I'm like, I'll call the EP. Call him up. I get him. And I'm like, hey man,

what's up? It's Jay Larson. He goes, oh, dude, what the fuck is going on? And I go, what do you mean? He goes, what do you mean?

I heard that fucking voicemail you left. Are you out of your fucking mind? And I go, what do you mean? He goes, dude, these two people are freaked out. They're concerned. They're scared.

And they feel threatened by you. Oh, my God. I go, dude, are you serious? And he goes, yeah, I go, dude, I was fucking around. It was a joke. And now I was like, holy shit. Yeah, I'm like, dude, I was just totally kidding. It was a joke.

He's like, didn't sound like a joke to me, dude. Sound fucked up to me. And I go, dude, I was kidding the whole thing. I was a joke. Yeah. And he goes, well, not a joke to them. And I go, well, why don't I call them right now? It's like, don't fucking call them.

They do not want to talk to you. I'm like, what the fuck? Call my manager again. Don't get her. Two hours later. She calls me. She called me. like, what the fuck is going on?

I got emails from so-and-so, voicemails from you, what's going on? And I'm like, I tell the whole situation. She knows that I was already going to- She knows the original voicemail, all of it, right? Thank you. Okay. So, I go, call over the manager, tell them I'd love to call them and clear the air. She's like, all right, she calls me back.

She's like, I know their manager, by the way. She was like, just talk to her. They don't want to talk to you. And I'm like, can't I just call and just tell them? She's like, no. and I go, all right, we'll call over there and see if I can send an email then. Yeah. She calls me back.

She's like, they don't want you to send an email. They don't want to talk to you. Their manager said that they don't want anything to do with you. And I go, here's the deal. I'm going to write an email. Yeah. And then I'm going to send it to you. And you can read it.

Right. If you think it's okay, you can send it to their manager. If she thinks it's okay, maybe she can send it along. Right. And she's like, okay, send the email. She writes me, she's a great email. I'm like, thank you. Send to the manager.

Great email. send it to them. Two weeks later, one of them calls my manager like, oh yeah, tell Jay, we really appreciate the email.

Pilot gets made with a name in my place. Okay? Pilot gets picked up, but the guy who played me was already another show

couldn't do the show. They cast it with an unknown. Wow. I would have had, they would have just been like, oh, why don't we just put this guy in?

Boom, would have been back on a show, would have had money, would have gone on to the next show, then we would have been rolled in. The meeting I had at the production, company. That got canceled.

Oh, hon. I was like, and I told it to like other friends that were like in the business, like I told it to Swartson, who knows them? I told it to Kumel Nangiani, who knows them? And they both were like, well, Kumel was looking to me like, I cannot believe you that happened. That's unbelievable. Swarton just

goes, are you a fucking idiot? And I was like, dude, what do you mean? I thought they knew how much they were telling me in the audition to go fuck myself. Right, right, right. I thought we could go anywhere. We were already there already. Yeah, right? Not so much.

Anyway, it literally set me back. Like, it felt like it set me back like two years. It probably didn't set you back that far, but I could see how it would feel that way because of all the kind of the ancillary relationships around that, the production company, the executives. I fired my manager. Oh, did you? Not long after that. Really?

He felt like she didn't protect you enough? Oh, my, she definitely didn't. You tell me there's two managers at a management company that one can't call the owner and be like, listen. I talked to. Right. He told me it was going to be like X, X, Y, and Z. I knew it was a bit for the beginning. Even if it didn't come off that way, I knew it.

You got to talk to them. Just let them receive the email. Not keep cowering to them and being like at the, you know, at the same, either you're not conveying what I was saying. You know, something was going on somewhere in there. And also, yeah, not just protect you, but like repair. Like, like the, fix it. Yeah, fix it. Fix it.

We lost the meeting. We had a show to pitch. You lost the whole deal. Yeah. Anyway, it was just like, and I've been known, you know, to push things. I push things. Yeah. All the time.

And now it's like, people have been like, just slow it down, bro. Slow it down. You never know. No, I don't think it'd set you back to years, but I can see how that would have been. There also makes you unsure of yourself. All of a sudden, you're like, wait a minute, do I have terrible judgment? Like, did I not? Yeah.

Yeah. You know, it just shows me if you're not dealing with stand-of comedians and people calling them some self-comedians, they're not. No, they're not. You can understand, you know this, but I'm saying to your listeners, I can be with a comedian whose mother just died. And I'd be like, dude, is that your mom over there? What is she doing? I thought she was dead. And it would be fine. You know what I mean? It would be fine. I had my buddy, his brother committed suicide. And we found out while he was moving. We were helping him move. And he got the call. And he had to leave. And he's just like, my brother just died. We're like, holy shit. And we're sitting there moving. So we're still moving him while he's walking it off. And I come back upstairs. And I look at our two friends who are both, one's a comedian, one's not. And I go, more bad news. And they go, what? I go, his sister just died. you know, as a joke.

I was waiting for the tag. The comedian died. I thought it was hilarious. The other one was like, what the fuck? Why would you ever say something like that? But like when you're around comedians, you can say anything. Anything. And a comedian's going to assume you're doing a bit before they assume you're telling the truth.

Like there have people tell me something often. I'm like, you're doing a bit now. This has to be a bit. And then they're like, no, I'm actually pouring my heart on. I'm like, oh, sorry, I'll die. Let me refocus here. Yeah. All right.

This is real. Okay. I'm not such as trying not to tag your tag your story of whoa yeah no God that sucks though it really sucks I feel like they want you to be something

sometimes and then you beat it to the extreme and then like oh no no we don't want that get the fuck out of you yeah yeah that's a good story thanks this is great yeah this is fun thanks for having me thank you that was Jay Larson wasn't that great I know seriously I think the thing we don't remember

about our parents and I'm not saying you shouldn't be pissed at your parents if they fucking failed you in any way that they may have failed you. But the thing that we do not remember, realize, internalize, in a way that we really need to, especially as we become adults, is that your parents are just people, right? They're just these frail, sloppy, confused, incredibly fallible, flawed human beings. And I think that a way to help understand that is to put yourself in their shoes. I'm not saying put yourself in their shoes in terms of how they would raise you, but just think about yourself as a parent, if you're a parent, if you're not a parent,

if you intend to be a parent. Think about how fucked up you are. And think about the fact that you're probably going to conceal a lot of that from your kids because you don't want to fuck them up. But sometimes you just can't help it because people are not perfect. You know what I mean? Human beings are just, we're just a mess and we're trying to hold it all together. We're trying to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

And honestly, I think we fail as much as we succeed, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep on trying to be a better version of ourselves and a better version of ourselves to the people that we love. So, you know, for Jay, he was able to learn a lot about his dad, and I imagine he wished he'd learn more about when he was still alive. But, you know, people don't always get their shit together before they depart the planet. I think that's also an important lesson to internalize if you are, if there's some people in your life that maybe you need to connect with in a different way.

Maybe you shit the bed on them, or maybe they shit the bed on you. And it's time to put your anger down and see if you can fix it. I don't know. Not all relationships can be fixed, right? But there's nothing like contemplating the idea that this person might not be around anymore just to light a fire under our asses to get our shit together. So I'm really grateful to Jay. I hope you enjoy that conversation. I'm stoked, and I hope you're stoked. And you know, you can just come say hi to me in a variety of ways. Just Google my name, visit the website, come say hi. Make sure to get your question in for the all-listener question show. There's not much more time to do so. And I cannot wait to hear from you.

And I cannot wait to bring you another episode of this show. So get out into the street. and kick massive ass, and I will talk to you on the next one. Late. Girl on Guy is a production of Hot Machine, blowing shit up since 2009.